This over-exaggeration of emotions is also part of the reason why Americans are often being perceived as phony or superficial (also speaking generally).
It's not over exaggeration, it's called actually having emotions.... Italians are similar to Americans that way. Whereas Germans are taught to hide and supress emotions
Brack Et no, if every little thing is always "really great" then something being really great can't be honored any more by saying that. It looses its meaning.
Same, but I don't get why. Like, you get someone's spirits up by praising them only to beat them down again. I think you should end on a positive note.
I am an Americanand have been living in Germany for about 17 years now. In Germany you arent going to get a lot of small talk at the cash-register in the supermarket, your waiter/waitress is probably not going to entertain you, and if you delay for even a second after the stoplight turns green someones gonna start laying on the horn behind you. Many (but most certainly not all) Germans love Americans but I have to agree that they often distrust the way Americans are overly polite, beat around the bush before getting to the point, and sugarcoat bad news. It makes them immediately think you want something from them. Still, they aren't gonna rip a kid apart for a bad book report in school... there is clearly a difference between slamming a kids homework and how adults communicate. They just discard a lot of the bullshit and get to the point. There is a saying here "Saying nothing is compliment enough" - if you have done something wrong they are going to tell it like it is...otherwise, they are going to probably leave your good work uncommented and move on :). I used to work for a German owned company in the States. When the Germans would come visit they were totally frustrated by days filled with meetings where the first 30 minutes of EVERY meeting were filled up with touchy-feely smalltalk before getting down to brass tacks....even if you JUST had a meeting with the exact same people :). Germans come to meetings, dig out their agenda and get it done.
Jeff Thomas The first time I was talked to by a shop assistant in the US I was completely shocked and speechless . As a german I never ever expected to communicate with any employees unless I stare them down while they do stuff or I am so bullying to interrupt them by talking to them.
im german and most of my customers are american. the written communication is just totally annoying and frustating. they fill up pages and never ever get to the point. it started to be ineffective waste of working hours. today i have build me a kind of modular principle where i copy sections together and just whrite the short answer inbetween. it is my way to save me from nervous breakdown by answering american customer mails.
I now live in Texas, but have lived for extended periods of time in 11 of the United States. I've never been to Germany but hope to go very soon. I would welcome the straightforward, to the point attitude that (apparently) the German people have. It would be a relief from all the beating around the bush small talk bullshit made by so many Americans, all over this country. Being a US citizen becomes less and less pleasant with each passing year.
Ich kann mir deine Dates mit Mr. German Man bildlich vorstellen. Du:"Wie geht es dir?" Er:"Muss ja." Du:"Wollen wir ins Restaurant gehen?" Er:"Hab nichts Besseres vor heute." Du: "Schmeckt es dir?" Er:"Kann man essen." Du:"Der Wein ist wirklich hervorragend!" Er:"Ist nicht schlecht." Du:"Und wie wunderschön die Atmosphäre hier ist!" Er:"Kann man aushalten." Du:"Wie findest du mein neues Kleid?" Er:"Es hat an der Stelle dort einen Verarbeitungsfehler." Du:"Gefällt es dir nicht?" Er:"Doch, es ist nicht hässlich." Du:"Der Abend mit dir war außergewöhnlich romantisch." Er:" Ja, ich hab nicht's zu meckern." Du:"Aber es tut mir furchtbar leid, dass ich Rotwein auf deinem weißen Hemd vergossen habe." Er:"Macht nichts, ist versichert." 😂
I dated a German man for a few years while he was living in my town in the US. At one point we spoke about getting married and me moving to Germany, so I took some German classes. After a year or so, I wrote a Christmas card in “German” to his parents. They sent it back with corrections😂. Thankfully I had been with him for a while and understood the cultural differences so I wasn’t offered.
Well, let's try to see it from a positive side / assume the positive, nice case: Maybe it was just a well-intended, friendly attempt to help you improve your German, as they knew that you were currently learning the language and obviously you were practicing your German skills with this Christmas Card... So they might have thought that perhaps you would appreciate some feedback about linguistic elements that showed potential for further improvement in your quest to perfect your German writing skills. (You see, I'm a German, and apparently think - or at least understand - what apparently is considered "typical German" in this context ... Although even I probably wouldn't go that far to send such a card back)
Most important difference: Germans deliver messages efficiently, rather than stretching 3 trivialities out over 7:36 minutes when they can be delivered in a minute or two.
Actually a lot of Americans would agree with you. She was repetitive and overly expressive. Very sweet though. Moreover, women, in general, tend to be less direct in the US and I think in many other countries, even Germany.
@@dieemunk8438 They do that because they want the additional AD revenue, which you only get in a video with a length of >10 Minutes, so they are indeed pretty efficient but 7 Minutes have literaly no advance to 2 minutes, as far as i know
i declined to drive a car several times because the insurrance wouldn't apply to me. simply because if i would trash the car, someone would have to pay for it and it's too akward to deal with that with your friends and family.
Warum unterhalten sich eigentlich Deutsche auf UA-cam immer auf Englisch? 😂 Kein Amerikaner oder so liest doch mit und selbst wenn kann er auch einfach selbst übersetzen.
That is bullshit. You use an "aber" for mentioning two sides. You could put either side befor or after the "aber" and both would be relevant. You can switch it up to make it seem more sincere. For example: "I like people who live vegan but I don't want to live without meat." You would say I don't like vegans at all. "I don't want to live without meat but I likepeople who live vegan." So now I don't like meat?
Sounds like you don't understand the context. To a German praise about a person's performance etc only feels good if he/she doesn't hear a "but" coming. Because a praise out of mere politeness isn't worth much.
+HamuAndXerxl - exactly .. TerrorHamsters examples dont fit the context something more fitting would be: German A: Du hast hier sehr schön aufgeräumt... (you have cleaned up very nicely here....) German B: Aber? *sad face* (but? *sad face*) German A: Aber du hättest es nicht tun sollen ohne mich vorher zu fragen (but you shouldnt have done it without asking me first) conclussion german b draws: everything before the "but" is useless, because the whole point of the answer was that person A is not happy about person B cleaning up...
As an American we are culturally hyperbolic. My Grandparents were German. I know the contrast. My very "direct" Opa threw me off a boat and into a lake while fishing BECAUSE I did not know how to swim. After thrashing and gasping and finding my way back to the boat (essentially a self rescue), he declared in that unenthusiastic direct Germaness, "Good, now you know how to swim." But now that I think about it, he did lose an eye, had a piece of mortar shrapnel in his leg, and lost a few toes escaping from a German POW camp, so maybe he was just cranky. Good times.
Sound like BS to me and more like the movie "Hondo" with John Wayne. I learn swimming with a "Bademeister" in the old fashioned way, he would hold a long stick with a handle appr. one meter away from me so that I could grab it in an emergency. So I swam first meter by meter, than lane by lane ´till I did it without help. That´s how we do it and did it in Germany. May be your "Opa" had a few srews loose, but I´m sure we meant well.
I am German, learned to swim differently yet, but know people who have been taught both ways. So it is a generation difference as well as (as with most things) an issue of individual choice.
Hah, my German Opa told me how they teached him how to swim in exactly this manner - well, it didn't work. He hated water ever since and did not set a foot into a swimming pool or body of water for the rest of his life :D
Yes, that sounds exactly like the generations of our grandfathers and fathers. I loved it too :) Nowadays with all globalisation and media stuff....people are getting so.....terrible soft
And what does you being from AXA (www.ecosia.org/search?q=AXA&addon=firefox&addonversion=4.0.4) have anything to do with that? I would kindly request you keep your negativity to yourself.
My father was born in Germany and moved here at 10, in 1926. He was a,man of few words, but I remember I once asked him if he was proud of me for some school related thing and he said "Yes " that was it. He then said "I'm always proud of you, you will know when I'm not." Lol. Same with work, if you did the job correctly nothing was saud, but goof up and you heard about it. (He owned a jewelry manufacturing business). I have to say though, when I cared for him the last few years of his life, dealing with Alzheimer's disease, he became better at verbalizing things, oddly enough. I received more thank yous in 6 years than the previous 50, lol. Gotta love the Germans!
I also find it funny how Americans keep spamming "I'm loving it!" Just stop and think about that word! Love. No, you don't love that burger, or that app, or that TV-Series. Love means there is some kind of relationship going on. Us Germans therefore reserve such words for occasions that truly warrant it.
In Canada, it is common to say "Love you!" when you say goodbye to someone. And yes, we love burgers, sunrises, puppies, a movie... it's not fake, it's just polite.
My Japanese husband used the word "love" in Japanese only after 4 years of marriage and than he giggled because it was reserved for saying it to the Gods but he is not religious.
As an American, I actually really hate how some people here beat around the bush and try to water down their message. I find that people who have a critique will end up bottling in their message until they feel that they are "allowed" to deliver it, generating genuine negative emotion around it (along with confusing the recipient). If people felt that they could give direct criticism, perhaps it would actually be healthier both for the giver and the receiver.
I lived in Germany for 10 years, married a German, and can't remember having one discussion about insurance, let alone spending the whole evening talking about it. As for the over-excited reactions to everything, I'd say that's a difference not just to Germans, but one of those things where Americans are pretty much different to the rest of the world. You only have to cross the border into Canada to see that.
if you can't take a harmless comment like "the color's off", and need to buffer even that with verbal coushions, you're in need of some bootcamp. life is tough.
I live in Switzerland in and what they taught in school was more like that being criticized can be uncomfortable but that we have to learn to deal with it and see it as a positive thing because it helps us to get better.
It is the German precision. We say it like it is. We don`t overexaggerate or don`t act. If we want to act, we go to a theatre or something. This is just how it is.
Actually, they do try to teach you this "one positive thing first, then the critique" stuff in German schools as well. Pretty much all of us found it ridiculous back in the day, though. :P Also, I'm from North Germany and we don't even say something's "good" when we mean something's great. "Not bad" is pretty much the biggest compliment a North German can pass, haha. We're men of few words. :D
They teach it it's just a waste of Time. If something is good the best thing you get of me is ok. If something is extraordinary then maybe good. And if something like a movie is something quality wise you only discover once or twice every few months then it'd great m
Why the buffer before the 'negative' though? Its still critisism. Beating around the bush isnt going to change that and its only wasting time. No, I'm not German. Just their western neighbour.
Ideally, it's to prevent someone's feelings from being hurt. It's actually considered polite and not offering a buffer would come off as rude or harsh. Neither method is "right" or "wrong," - these are just small cultural differences.
I did read in a German magazine though that a healthy ration would be 3 compliments to 1 criticism and it pointed out to say that Germans tend to swap it. So like cynicaloptimist83 pointed out, neither is right or wrong, the American method more takes care of the ratio (though I feel like the compliments should still be sincere! :))
In the states there was the so called "self esteem movement" (during the 70's and 80's i guess), where people believed that many (or all) ills of a society (crime, agression, personal distress etc) come from low self esteem. There is a quite funny bit by comedian George Carlin on YT about this . So, i guess saying something positive first is an attempt to criticize without making the person feel too bad or to impair their self esteem.
And still even with coverage you have in loads of cases to cover a lot yourself in the US. Some Insurances only cover cost above $5k anything below you have to pay yourself and still you pay $1000+ each month for your insurance. in Germany you are covered completely (and dental care mostly)
No matter how amazed we Germans are about something, we know that there may be something more awesome, so we pretty much never use absolute superlatives. And when you get into the northern parts, something that sounds like "It´s ok" actually means really good. "Kann man essen" for example really is a compliment.
sthenzel I am an American that “exaggerates” my feelings, at least according to Germans. I actually get excited and happy about what a German would consider okay. It may just be a cultural issue? I do not feel like my feelings are superficial or exaggerated. I truly do feel happy and excited. I love life and I have fun doing just about anything. We have a foreign exchange student living with us and he has mentioned how happy we are and that he now realizes our happiness is sincere. So...Maybe we just see the roses instead of the thorns?
downtown German sorry I was born over in Germany I came to United States in 1963 64 and I couldn't understand what they were talking about because I'm having the same problem now as they are then because I didn't understand American language but I understand it now after I took out a dictionary and I learnt out because they're very they don't they don't have an English language I talked to them but they're very boring people
Ungefähr waren das die Worte meines Vaters. Für eine 3 auf dem Zeugnis gab es ein freundliches Nicken, alles darunter wurde kommentiert und hatte Konsequenzen (wie das gefürchtete "Mathematik Hausaufgaben machen wir jetzt erst einmal zusammen"), ab einer 2+ wurde milde gelobt. Eine 1 wurde in Richtung meiner Mutter mit "das ist mein Sohn" und einer Daumen-hoch-Geste bewertet. Ist aber auch etwas aus mir geworden.
I went out with a guy from New Zealand. He was dumbfounded that I invited him to my parents place after knowing him for a couple of days (he even sought advice from his friends). He was completely blown away by how we discussed personal problems at the dinner table. Another thing was that Germans like to be corrected. He only learned to interrupt people with the correct grammar after witnessing it a couple of times and seeing the positive response from Germans. Just, not making a big deal out of it and just saying "had seen" (or whatever) and people just give a thankful "ah!" and continue their story. He was dumbfounded to realise that when a German says "correct me if I'm wrong", they mean "please correct me, so I can get better".
Yeah...that is honestly the reason why many Europeans think Americans are weird af. Like, I'm Italian and I am one of them. We often think you guys are weird because you look not honest and loud to us. Obviously, you guys probably are not actually not-honest, but you look like you hide something when expressing a judgment because it's so obvious you want to point something negative, but just don't know how to say it straight face without going from nice to raging too quick. We point out bad things straight face, but we have levels of pettiness, and you can express your bad feeling about something without hitting the bush and stuff (or what you said before) and not get anyone offended at the same, because people are not scared of getting a bad feedback here. Plus, Americans are really loud about everything, and again, I'M ITALIAN, so I'm used to be considered the loud one, but when it comes to US people, with their big cars, big stores, big bellies (sorry this is offensive I know), it's just a completely different way to be loud.
Im Irish and we find Americans too insincere,everything is "Awesome" "amazing" "fantastic",you see them taking 1 hour to drink a glass of guinness with a face like it is horrible and then claim "oh i love guinness its awesome".I have much more respect them if they say "i didnt like it", they do that with everything,
@@rainyday4970 well ....its just that many europeans find that wasting our time with trivial nonsense isnt nice... its wasting our time, and in some cases, disrespectfull.
@@Gos1234567 True. Excessive positive thinking drives me really nuts. Because you can feel clearly that these people are not being entirely honest. That is annoying. And hard to understand.
I've worked in some companies with employees from all around the world and noticed different mentalities depending on the nationality, in average of cause. I had no trouble to express criticism to a dutch, scandinavian, russian or ukrainian. They all, of cause in english, were direct to the point without all the dressing. I had no trouble to understand their opinion or was in any danger to upset them. I had to be a bit more careful with spanish, italian or french collegues, they expected a tiny bit more glamour and beating around the bush and they were talking a bit more than necessary. They also liked bit more chit-chat and small talk before discussing important topics. British and Irish were only being trumped by Americans, it was hardly possible to talk about business problems in a business meeting. Main reason: Everybody else was translating into his/her own language and tried to make sense about all the great, phantastic and awesome things expressed. The "but" part was totally toned down and almost everybody was quizzled why this business meeting required somebody flying from the US to Europe, having the whole department coming together to hear this high praise and nothing else. When we European employees started to express the problems and our suggestion how to fix it we really could see the astonishment and strangeness of our British or American collegue. It was not only the language difference, at the same time it was the complete different work culture. In school we learned constructive criticism. The difference is: Name the problem clear and precisely and offer a better solution or your point of view. An assessment includes constructive criticism and all positive aspects should be named. Here the German mentality is a bit exceptional: If nothing is said it's Ok, if it's good but not perfect for us it's Ok. Only if it's perfect we would say its good/perfect. Everything else is exaggerated. By the years I started using some small talk with my British or American collegues before talking about the reason of my call, or in emails I asked about last weekend, whether or family before reaching to the topic. Anyway, the label "rude" sticks on me until we'll met in person. There are of cause tips to express yourself in business talks or conversations, but that's really tough stuff. It's like cats and dogs: If raised together they understand each other, otherwise they recon the signals total different and here there goes your living room decoration. About insurances: There are 3 types: 1st the mandatory ones, 2nd the useful ones and 3rd the expensive ones. You can discuss the cost for the 1st, the usefulness for the 2nd and your faith into the 3rd. For the 2nd and 3rd there is plenty room to have controversial opinions. You know Germans tend to plan ahead. Insurances is a means to limit the worry about what if...? Same with clothing: Boots, Jeans and GoreTex-Jacket with reflectors, protectors, removeable lining and pockets for a torch, compass, survival knife and GPS tracker is simply a safeguard against a possible blizzard catching you on your way to the bakery on a summer morning. The sky is blue, but who knows how long?
So Stefan isn't as excited (outwardly) as you expect? Count your lucky stars you're not married to someone from the coast in the north. :D Good news would probably elicit a "Jo." ;-)
Haha, that could be me.. the ice cream is actually the best thing on earth but I say "Its nice". Or like my dad: "Da wird einem nicht gleich schlecht von" (= I don't have to throw up)
Ja gut, Eis in Deutschland schmeckt immer besser als das in den USA. Die fahren ja jetzt ja alle total auf Gelato ab. Vanille-Eis ist ja sooo amaaaaaaaaazing 🤦🏻♀️😂😂
Celmaen ich war dort ein Jahr an einer HighSchool und kann heute noch drüber lachen, was sie alles amazing fanden :D Unter anderem: du sprichst wirklich deutsch? Ihr habt in Deutschland Milch? Usw 😂
So true. Us Germans are pretty direct and Americans can perceive it as if we are bringing them down, but actually we just want to give helpful feedback. Also the excitement thing is so true. Americans (generally speaking) hype up everything and my “really good” is their “omgosh it’s so amazing!!!11”
fakecubed Weirdly enough European feminists are also direct (European woman in general). I don't think its about women in the USA ...I think Americans in general got more touchy the last couple of years. Everyone's a snowflake about something. In Europe we do say it like it is but we know that you sometimes hear things you don't want to hear....and still we continue to debate in a friendly way....without blowing smoke up their asses and wasting their time.
And hurt their feelings and make them feel inferior and useless. Germans seem very efficient at rudeness in American eyes. Efficiency in language comes at a social cost. Americans can be direct with friends and family, but with acquaintances and strangers-not so much. You learn to read between the lines from tone and context. Within the US and Canada there are regional differences, in the US southerners find northerners rude and abrupt and most Americans think Canadians are overly polite. It seems an adaptation to having so many different cultures with different social styles in one country.
omg! with my german boyfriend its that same, i'll be so excited to tell him something or for his reaction and then he'll be like "good" and especially as a latina (we are even more dramatic) it would make me cry when he was so direct or calm but ive slowly learned that thats just the way he is and he's learned to be a little softer on me
The "buffering" is always annoying me, you can tell in advance that the blow is coming, but you have to listen through those insincere compliments before. You can really tell the difference, ...
In Germany social workers, psychologists and teachers have somehow adopted that Bigmaccriticism. It is annoying. You listen to them and think: aha mhm yeah - would you please, finally tell me what your point is! We both know that you´re just pretending and that is quiet odd for two adult persons. It is insulting my ratio.
Well, first of all it should never be insincere...if you are going to give a compliment it should be 100% genuine, that's why it is called CONSTRUCTIVE, and the negative things you point out should be backed up by why it is a negative and what would change it to be better.
sugar coating leads to more trouble... I'm from the Philippines and I'm extremely straight forward (and Filipinos beat around the bush a lot as well), and my friend just flat out tells me "your attitude is not Filipino at all!"
Straight to the point is also my favored behavior in chatting with colleagues or when I´m talking with friends. Though, according to some friends I´m a bit too direct, if I can put it this way.
leciel lol mom along with a ton of people such as friends or family members are from the Philippines...maybe it depends what part you come from and what dialect you speak because they are *very* direct. Sometimes they don’t even know what they are saying is rude lol such as “she/he is (insert comment generally seen as rude)😂
Being an ukrainian girl, living now in Germany, having a lot of russian, french, german friends, I can say the following. It's all correct, but it's not a specific of german people (ukrainians, russian, french, means slavs and europeans, are the same in this perspective). It's an opposite specific of americans: too much of emotions, or expressing emotions, smiles, ceremonies etc. And some people concider it to be "pretending"... But as you said, it's just another way to express yourself, different mentality and we just need to "read" each other correctly.
america: "MOM?! IM SO HAPPY, I GOT THAT JOB" "Woow amaziing, i'm so glad for you." "Thanks, they asked me sooo many questions...." germany: "MOM?!............MOM?!" "WHAT?!?" "I got that job!" (artificial)"Heeey good." *artificial smiling to each other* "I'm going to my friend, bye"
I'm only 21 and even I spent evenings with my friends solely talking about waste separation and online banking... I guess germans are born with this :D
Funny that you mention the "name a good thing before the critic" thing, because we also learn this in school here in Germany. I'm in my last year and everytime we're giving feedback to someone our teachers mention that we have to name the good things first
SimonHellinger am meisten hab ich gehasst, wenn die echt nichts gut gemacht haben und man sich was ausdenken musst.. „du hast echt deutlich/offen gesprochen, aber der Rest war echt scheiße.“ :D
But that's a rather recent thing. - Between my brother and me are four years; he did not learn the whole kid-gloving (though he himself often does it anyway cause he's a nice guy ^^) and the older teachers always got pretty much straight to the point. It was not so much about "giving positive or negative feedback" but more about "an honest assessment"; so if it was a decent presentation/test/whatever that's what they said - but they also told you what you could still (or actually hadto) improve in no uncertain terms. - The younger/new teachers on the other hand do a lot of kid-gloving, to the point where I find it doing more harm than good. Sure, you can always highlight the positive things (/the things someone got right) but not in a way that glosses over the negative things (/the things that need improvment for a better grade). Personally, I struggle with this kid-gloving: If there is so much positive stuff, how come I didn't get a better grade? What do I have to do to get better? Do tell me - or else I'll just assume everything's good and you're just too stingy with grades. That's fatal.
As a German living in the US it took me a decade or more to learn how to interact with Americans without shocking them with my directness. Sometimes it feels like one is surrounded by fragile children, but we press on.
I think it's funny how different the perspectives on directness are. For me as a German it feels somewhat fake to add all these complements before a critic. You don't mean it and you must know when someone critics you, that all the complements before we're just an excuse. I would feel horrible and wonder if the other things were bad, too, but you were too polite to point it out. It also takes away the value of an honest complement when you throw around thousends of fake complements all the time.
I don't think that they're fake compliments, but rather a way to give a more balanced critique of someone's work. If you only gave criticism without any compliments, the producer may get the impression that their work was bad as a whole. Humans are naturally inclined towards pointing out flaws and mistakes, and there will always be some room for improvement, so I don't think that it's bad to have to take a moment to acknowledge the positives as well. Also, some Germans might say that this is for sensitive babies that need coddling, but many people thrive more with encouragement than criticisms. They can prefer to outperform their own previous standards than try to match someone else's.
R10P16 I think it depends on if you're coming from the American expectation of critique or the German. As an American, I've learned to expect polite critiques like Dana said, which soften the blow of the critique and help me open up to the criticism. When someone gives compliments before kindly critiquing my work or something I've done, it lets me know that they see that I've worked hard on what I've done and they care about my work in general. More direct critiques that germans give, if I wasn't expecting such a critique, would leave me feeling a little upset and thus have me more focused on the fact that I'm being critiqued than on the actual critique itself. Say what you will about that reflection on American culture, but it's how I instinctively would feel in that situation, because it's not what I've come to expect of polite critiques.
Julia K I just think it depends on how you express the critic! If it's expressed in a objective manner then, I think, there's no need for a preparation of any "blow".
If all you ever hear are criticisms for what you've done wrong, but never praise for what you've done right, an American would consider that to mean that their bosses think they aren't doing their job well at all. What is wrong with pointing out positives, whether it comes at the beginning of a conversation or the end? Why just say "Your report was too long." What's wrong with "Your report was very informative, but you should edit it down to a single page." Sounds less mean. It doesn't convey only the negatives. If a husband only tells his wife what he doesn't like - "those shoes are ugly, you're stupid, that hair style is hideous, you left the house a mess" - his wife is likely to believe he doesn't value her. With good reason. It may certainly be "honest" and "direct," but it certainly isn't kind. What's wrong with saying "I think that outfit would look better with your other shoes, I think you're wrong but you're entitled to your opinion, I like your hair better the way it was before, how about I help you clean up the house (yeah, like that would ever happen!)?" What Germans call phony in Americans, Americans call common courtesy or kindness. What Germans call directness or honesty, Americans call brutal honesty or even rudeness. My mom always said, "It's not what you say but how you say it."
Thanks a lot for your post. I very often find that there is a huge confusion between "honesty" and "brutality" in Germany, not only when it comes to criticism.
Carolina Calheta I want to know this so badly because as an American woman dating a German man I’m unsure of thing he finds different other than most of the things listed in this video and a few similar. Except that I was really really really slow to fall in love compared to German standards but to American standard it was fairly quick...?
Had to deal with a couple of Americans for a few Years and did not understand why they became angry at me when I said : "That's good !" Well for a German it means exactly that - it is good, the opposite of bad - for an American it means something like "not so great, just good". Also the american System of Expressions is too work intense, life-time-consuming and not efficient enough ;) I guess I will stick with the german System here :) Being excited about Insurances is definitely not normal btw lol.
Oh yeah! And when Americans say "that´s interesting" i thought on my first trip to the states they actually meant "that this is interesting" and not a polite yawn ;-)
Ezekielepharcelis I always say that and it's like it really is good to know but sometimes if I don't talk to that person or see them often it's like it's good but I'm trying to keep the convo going so it seems like oh alright but my expression is intrigued happy
Well observed Dana. What Americans call emotional we would call hysterical. It's very unusual to use a range of superlatives to describe something ordinary. 😀
American Expresso I think the super latifs are in contact with the American Dream because most of the US citizens still think they are the greatest in the world in allen Bereichen wobei mir immer nur einer einfällt in making and starting War crossword I have a war the economy goes up and this is really bad nearly every president of the United States has started a war and when they did so the economy has a better life more jobs more production but that is just an air bubble weil das ist kein echter Umsatz Umsatz kommt aus dem Volk und nicht durch die Regierung wenn die Regierung Geld ausgibt und keines mehr hat dann drucken Sie in Amerika einfach neues Geld mir scheint da gibt es kein Gegenwert in Form von Produkten und Materialien also ist die Wirtschaft in Amerika schon sehr angefressen wenn sie immer nur durch Kriege wieder auf die Beine kommt
Not everything is because the US "thinks it's the greatest country in the world." Our culture is a hodge podge of many customs from across the world, so some oddities are bound to happen.
Putting some small positive thing first and then criticizing away can often be seen as cynical by Germans - at least that's how I would see it if someone told me basically "I love how much effort you've put into it, but this and that and this also is wrong/insufficient", or whatever. On the other hand, I must be like an American when it comes to insurance. I don't even have an insurance that isn't required by law (like health insurance and vehicle liability, but that's basically it).
I also don’t have an insurance which isn’t required by law. But I’m a student and can’t afford more haha ..there is nothing to get an insurance for lol
Charlene Schön - You don't have to be a student in order to not be able to afford an insurance either, lol. Also, I very much support the notion of "there is nothing to get an insurance for", because what is gone will be gone anyways (in addition to the fact that insurances themselves see their main reason for existing in the aviodance of paying for claims, so it's basically all one big scam anyways - they just prey on peoples fears).
Seegal Galguntijak I share your opinion to the point, where we discuss the Haftpflichtversicherung. This Insurance and the Healthinsurance seems to be the insurances one need. Because there are many situations, you do not have controll over, like a broken hose at you laundrymachine - and suddenly the water runs down to your neighbor and his ceiling has to be reconsructed. This would cost you a tremendous amount of money out of your own pocket - or you have a Haftpflichversicherung.
Privathaftpflicht is very, very important! It is selfish to don't have one. Imagine you broke something very, very expensive and you can't afford to replace it. Like you were incautiously with your cigarette and burn down the house of somebody. You have no Haftpflichtversicherung and you will never be able to replace it. The other person has now no home anymore, perhaps a huge amount of debt and all he/she has worked for his/her whole life is vanished and gone. Of course you have now debt, too, but that doesn't replace the home when you can't pay it back. After 7 years you are out of debt (Privatinsolvenz) and the other person still has no house anymore.
When I was in the US, I laughed about all the people totally freaking out because of things, that I would've said "Oh, nice. Could you reach me the milk, please?" for at least two months...
German living in the US and after a long-term relationship with an (East) Indian, of course I've been aware of these differences. But listening to you point them out like this, I can't help but realize just how much I prefer the German way in these cases.
I'm male. The Indian girl was great - super smart, geeky, cute, warm, quite "westernized" as she put it, but in the end her family got in the way anyway. Tradition prevails. Too complicated and long a story to put in one small comment.
SensationalFailure I understand. That basically explains why Indians are among the least inclined to marry outside of their extremely narrow tribal group/culture (especially here in the U.S.). Most of them get married through arranged marriages because their controlling parents insist on them just that. Did you notice any difference in personal hygiene and organization skills between her and her family and what you have seen with Germans and people elsewhere in Europe?
@MasterDeluXXXe richtiger held bist du! such mal einen richtigen gelernten versicherungskaufmann OHNE schulbildung. wenn du in 90 minuten die kompletten rechtlichen hintergründe des VVG, VAG und BGB gelernt hast, dann möchte ich gerne, dass du meinen job in der risikoprüfung übernimmst. ich könnte wetten, dass du nichtmal in 10 minuten die kalkulativen hintergründe einer alterungsrückstellung erklären kannst ohne zu googlen. oder erklär mal schnell den sinn einer RfB in der PKV. oder vielleicht erklärst du mir mal die vor- und nachteile sowie die unterschiede in der rechtlichen betrachtung einer AG und eines V.a.G. im hinblick auf die bilanziellen auswirkungen von gewinnen für die versichertengemeinschaft. keine ahnung haben, aber schnell mal das tankwartwissen ausgepackt und am stammtisch ausgebreitet.
About critique: Basically what gets teached in Germany (or at least at the school I went to) is that if you criticize something you shouldn't just say "yeah it's bad" but you should try to come up with a suggestion for improvement. For example instead of "The colors are off" you could say something like "Maybe you could make the colors a bit more bluish because they look a bit off".
German here. In school, we too were told to first point out 1-3 positive things about someone's essay, power point or whatever, before adressing whatever we found negative. Well, it is more of an "do it because your teacher wants you to" thing, but outside of the class room, no one carried on with that approach. I mean, why would you do that? Will it make a mistake less significant just because there may be some positive bits around it? No. If there is anything wrong, it is best for everyone to adress it directly and sort out how to fix it. Is that thinking so unique to us germans? :o
Well, somehow it is. Every culture handles things differently. The thinking may be common among more than just a few cultures, aber die Ausführung, gerade sprachlich, sieht doch sehr unterschiedlich aus.
What I've noticed in this comment section is that many people associate directness with negativity, but that's not necessarily what it is. You can be direct and straight to the point and very polite at the same time. Being direct doesn't always mean to only mention negative things. When giving criticism it's always important to stay neutral and bring your point across. It's also a lot about the tone. We don't wanna bring down the other person. We simply state what's wrong so they can fix it. We also don't always just say the negative thing. I guess most Germans are just very honest and don't claim to like something when they didn't. But. That doesn't mean they didn't like it when they forgot to say that. I guess I'm very German on this one and sometimes I do forget to say some extra positive stuff when asked for my opinion, simply because I think they'll know it's good. If I only have one negative remark to make, it doesn't mean everything was bad. It just means that one thing was bad. Otherwise I'd list all the other things that I thought were bad as well. It's always great to get complimented and it gives you more motivation and the feeling of doing something right. I try to do that too. But only when I mean it and sometimes I simply forget it. Most of the time, I do say it and that's still a way of being direct. Directness goes both ways. On the other hand I'd rather have this direct and straight to the point criticism and I like to get it this way because I think it's more effective.
I am a pretty direct American. When I comment on social media, like UA-cam, I am frequently told I am being negative and I'm such a downer. Example: Someone says they are experimenting with a new format for their UA-cam video and asks what the users think. I tell them that the new format is not good and they should go back to their old format. Then I am the bad guy. SMH
Writer Maya Angelou said people may not remember what you've said but they will always remember how you made them feel. And that is so true . In real life. In this non world we're in here
We actually do learn how to "nicely criticize" someone/something in school. I just think we don't take that to the workplace or to personal relationships. If I had to criticize someone I don't know that well, I'd probably mention a few positive things first too. But at my workplace or in a relationship I opt for the most efficient way. We are more direct than Americans, that's for sure, but we do learn how to give critique. We just don't apply it as often after school :D
Yes, on the job it's ok. And in private, it depends on how good you know the other person. To my close friends I wouldn't be that polite to some close friend
Yeah but even in the workplace the workers hate it. Don´t call me into the office to tell me 2 good things and then beat me to death with the thing I did wrong. Just tell me what I did wrong, so that I can be out in 2 minutes and can fix the mistake
TheTerrorHamster, you only use it at work? Maybe that is why people of Europe don't look at Germans as very romantic. Suggestion: You might want to do that for your spouse!
James Hoover I don't agree with you. Over the top politeness is more a US/British thing. If you look to Poland, BeNeLux, Switzerland, it's not that much different from Germany
Not sure, but here are some insurances with long names: Arbeitsunfähigkeitsversicherung, Betriebsunterbrechungsversicherung, Reiserücktransportversicherung, Kraftfahrzeughaftpflichtversicherung, Rechtsschutzversicherung, Vermögensschadenhaftpflichtversicherung
Rahul Sharma American Football is not soccer American Football Is War because every team try to make their territory bigger with every tactic move they tried to take a small bit of the others team territory this is what I think about American football and I have to say I have no idea how baseball works i only have seen the movie Cleveland Indians Icing the real title in the US US Major League was a good movie but I have no clue how the baseball rules are and how it works with the different endings the base and when you have to reach it before the ball from thepitcher flew Away Elvis too complicated vor Sport that's just should bring fun and chill
I think this lovely enthusiasm for things which is very much like Latinos' (i.e. from the Americas) and southern Italians' is somewhat recent among North Americans, cause, as child and a teen (which was in the 60's and 70's)I remember we would often get shocked at how reserved wasp Americans sounded to us, much like the older generations of Europeans. I think this lack of emotional response sounds a lot like the British understatement, but even the British changed their behavior a lot through the centuries - from historical and literary sources, we know they used to be the social 'kissers' of Europe, and then, heavens know why, changed into the cold, formal folks of the upper class stereotypes we often hear about. Fortunately, not all Britons are like that anymore. Germans themselves would go so crazy with Goethe's Werther ( Die Leiden des jungen Werthers ,1774) that many even committed suicide, which was a dreadful thing of course, the other side of the extreme. Let´s not forget that, a bit later on, their Romanticism, Die Sturm und Drang, was so important that it gave the world Schaelling and Schiller, with such wealth of emotional substance it's really baffling how it all then turned into the pent-up, sullen version of role models we know of the later centuries. Congratulations for your light-hearted, most charming style and crystal clear diction, your Standard American English is a delight to the ears and a blessing in communication:-)!
1.The critique style you just mentioned we actually do learn in school as well!!! We do learn manners and how to be polite, some Germans just chose not to be. I feel you, my german bf is the same. Communication is not his thing. I study communication at university, so we argue a lot about this topic. :D 2. we are not easily impressed by little things. If you or something fulfills are expectations it’s ok. Bc it’s nothing special to us.. like: ice cream tastes like ice cream. There nothing special about it. Also, I’ve stayed in the us for a year and noticed Americans find everything SO AMAZING!! OMG I CANT BELIEVE ICE CREAM TASTES LIKE FREAKING ICE CREAM YAAAY! I like seeing people enjoy things at its best but I can understand your boyfriend not being overexcited over common things.😅 if it’s not 100% the best you’ve ever had, it will be ok or good or nice but nothing to special. 😄 3. Is your boyfriend into insurances?😅 Germans can talk a lot about many serious things. We just like to discuss and have meaningful conversations. Also we like to exchange our opinions and learn about new things.
I had a meal in a restaurant in sweden some month ago and it was probably the best meal I ever had in my life. It was outstanding good but my words on it when the waiter asked if I like it and when I complimented it again were "Oh yeah I like it, it's good, it's realy, realy good, it was perfect". An american would have probably started a parade or something :'D
You have to realize, it's sort of a slang term. What was "cool" became "awesome" became "amazing" from one generation to the next. What someone under 35 or so says is "Amazing!" is what someone over 45 would say is "cool." You can go back in US (or probably even German) history and see what the popular term for "nice" or "good." Swell! The bees knees! Gnarly! Bad!................................Amazing!
i learned for myself to evaluate opinions or descriptions by what is not said. "its amazing" is an empty phrase and means you either have no opinion or cant name anything in particular. if "the color is off" is the only comment about your video it means everything meets the expectations except the colors.
necrionos yes that's true! It's like saying something is interesting.. That just means you have no opinion at all and whatever it was, it wasn't interesting because then you would have said something more creative and descriptive..
In my school there was a girl whose "how-good-things-are-scale" started with very very good. Also, whenever anyone held a presentation she would just say everything was very very very (add a few more if it was a friend of hers) good without any kind of actually useful feedback. That was so annoying! Personally, I never use more than one very. It just seems to make it sound less credible.
Dana, your videos are awesome! You captivate the audience with your expressiveness and you bring up some interesting points to reflect about our culture.
Nice BUT completely disagree about the insurance, never spoke nor cared about it with other germans. Conclusion: your boyfriend has an insurance fetish.
We do it the other way round. For example: “This video was unsubstantial, but I really liked how you constantly kept smiling for 7 minutes and 38 seconds“
When a german says that something is amazing, that means their mind is actually blown. Most germans actually find the American's general way of acting extremely excited about things somewhat strange.
Thank you SO MUCH for this video, Dana! It has been such an eye-opener for me. Throughout the entire video, I could completely identify with you, whereas everything you said about "Germans" was 100% true for my Swabian ex-boyfriend. I'm from the very north of Germany and there really seems to be a big difference in mentality between northern Germans and southern, i.e. Swabian and Bavarian, Germans. I could never get used to the lack of enthusiasm of my ex let alone his fascination with insurances. Only now I realise, thanks to your video, that all these things are apparently typical in South Germany. This is really mind-blowing. I already knew the "net gmeckert isch gnug lobt" saying, but apart from that, your video has been a real eye-opener. For your American audience I would really like to add: no, this is not typically German, but it's typically South German. At school, I also learned to start my feedback with positive aspects and I and many of my friends get equally excited about delicious ice cream as you do. Oh, and I couldn't care less about insurances. 😄
I've been at a German school and I can assure you that we learn the same things you just described when it comes to writing essays, it's just that we don't bother with these techniques in day by day life, for it would seem a bit artificial and pretentious.
What just use his name or say my husband if you always say German all my German it is not akindfull subscription... no respect LessFeelings or only a little för him
This insurance thing might be an exclusive pleasure topic to Mr. German Man and his buddies. None of my friends and me neither ever had a Friday evening talk about such a boring issue.
Sorry, but .. BULLSHIT. Also, on the paper it might look as if you are earning "more" in Munich and Upper Bavaria, but IRL its just so that you are able to affort the horrible high rents and absurdly increased living costs. Most of my friends are struggling to keep up, no matter how "well" they earn. To find affordable rentals, you have to move waaay out of the city - which also got the side effect of arriving early at work, because the folks living IN Munich have to fight the work day traffic (which is essentially the same for going by public transport). Which leads to such absurd extremes like that one may be able to afford to rent a whole house in a big city (eg. Bochum or Aachen) in Northrhine-Westphalia, for the same money you'd have to pay for a halfway usable 2-room-flat in Munich!
Some of my family members are from Huston and everytime they're visiting it seems to me as if the are over dramatic. Always these happy faces and compliments. After a while I'm getting uncomfortable 😅 but I never thought about how they 're feeling about us as Germans. So thanks for sharing your impressions 🖒💜
I'm an american, but, I don't get all spassed out when I'm happy about something, I think that it is a personality thing sometimes. I rarely smile and laugh about things, it has to be really funny or I will react quite mildly, so it is a personal thing also on how people react to things. The insurance thing, I don't know what insurance they would have in germany, but, not in the US.
In some of my classes in my normal german school we learned to give a positive comment first. But I never really took it out of that context and even in that context it was hard because if people tell me I have to give feedback om something I'm automatically scanning for mistakes. Also if you hide the negative points in all of the positive points the negative points get overlooked easily. And when I'm looking for feredback I don't need positive feed back, I need to know what I have to improve on and positive feedback is just polishing your ego.
The Anna, Really? The negative gets overlooked you come at me with ony negative comments and I know I know more about the work than you do I'm not listening to your comments I've just shut you out! but a little praise and I listen to your suggestion.
okay, maybe it depends on who I'm asking. If I was in class and classmates had to give feedback it might be beneficial to start with a positive comment but when I'm asking a friend or mentor 1 I know that they don't hate me and just wanna put me down and 2 I look for feedback on certain parts of the thing. So let's say I did a presentation and I showed it to my friend who know a lot about design for him to give me feedback on it. I only want his feedback on the design (maybe a few obvious errors like spelling mistakes or wrong formatting) and that friend usually knows that too and just gives me feedback on the design.
Really enjoyed your video and thank you so much for making the effort to try and understand the weirdnesses of German culture! As a German I have to say the adjectives of approval thing is very tricky for us, too. In the UK I quickly relized that saying good or nice did not have the intended effect. At first I was genuinely nervous about such words as brilliant or amazing, knowing that in German this could be seen as either insincere or ironic in a really mean way. As a teacher trainee in the UK I actually had to practise doing praise properly and with a smile - again from a German man this might be misunderstood by other Germans as irony. Have you ever tried, how happy you can make Germans when you say with sincerity in your voice: This is really good? They do take it as high praise. Not softening critique is a sign of respect in a strange sort of way. Simply saying the colour is off, has a subtext that might be translated as: You are an intelligent and strong woman, therefore I trust you can handle an honest opinion. In German being considerate and polite while giving criticism implies that the other person's emotions and self-esteem need protecting very, very badly. Buffering criticism is mostly for speaking to toddlers with learning difficulties and adults suffering from the more severe forms of depression. As a German you carefully avoid treating anybody as if they belonged in those categories when they don't. Especially with people who we are close to, who mean a lot to us, we tend to do more outspoken criticism, the assumption being that our loved ones would want us to be honest and they have a right to know what we really think. So, weird and counterintuitive as it may be, it's an expression of affection.
Entire friday evening conversations about insurances are not a typical thing all Germans do. I also have several insurances, but only "Spießer" talk about insurances all the time. :D
among the germans there are differences though. Im from "Ostwestfalen" and we are probably the least expressive people in the world. We have good and not good. Thats it. I moved because of work a couple months ago and in the beginning everyone thought i dont care about anything, while im just excited on the inside and not used to people showing it at all :D
Ja mei, ihr seids ja auch schon halbe Niedersachsen .. :D Im Pott sind die Leute wesentlich zugänglicher, aber auch nicht so dermaßen "vorne nett, hintenrum Arschloch", wie in Bayern und Teilen von Ba-Wü.
Ionatic Das ist echt witzig, das scheint wirklich am Wohnort zu liegen. Mein Opa kam auch aus Westfalen und wie du dich beschrieben hast könnte auch, 1 zu 1, er sein 😊 Aber ganz ehrlich, dass ist mir immer noch lieber als dieser überdramatische gehabe. Also bis thumb up 🖒
5:44 That's just sick. And that's coming from a German. You get the insurance and that's it. I had a ten minute conversation about insurances with a friend once and then we just complained how frickin expensive it is.
7 років тому+2
Yeah, never had a discussion about insurance myself, and never witnessed one either. I do think that's more of a Germanman-thing than a German thing. :D
More than once I came into a discussion about a glasses insurance from Fielman and the question always was, "does it make sense and does it safe money to have it". But of course, one needs to be severely visually impaired to think about it. If a person is out of commission without their glasses and can't even walk the street, it becomes vitally important to know how to be covered without going bankrupt when needing a replacement.
I'm french, and I was with a German like a boyfriend. And before our relationship, he said '' ich hab dich lieb '' ( I love you like a friend ) and during our relationship he said '' ich liebe dich '' ( I love you because you're my girlfriend ). So, I think that it's very important for Germans to say this or another thing which isn't the same thing for being more honest ( I don't know if you understood )...
Studying German here, we were taught “Freund” as “friend”, without any mention of the difference between “friend” and “boyfriend”. Which apparently caused a bit of awkwardness when my mother was on a student exchange in Munich, staying with her (platonic!) pen friend... Oddly, novia/novio and amiga/amigo came up pretty early when I started learning Spanish. Not sure if that’s German v Spanish or just different teaching styles...
James Sutherland, I think that this difference is interessant. Because the Germans make the difference between love as a friend and boyfriend in the sentence '' I love you ''. For example, in France, we say just '' je t'aime '' for friend and boyfriend ( or girlfriend too ) it's the same thing in English, but not in German... And yes, when I was studying German, my teach didn't make the difference between '' ich hab dich lieb '', und '' ich liebe dich '' und '' Freund '' too...
I am French too and I migrated to Germany as a child. I and my german girlfriend mostly use "ich hab dich lieb" because it is much closer to the French feeling of "je t'aime" which is cosy and nice and usable in a lot of different relationships - and as a result, at least to us, feels more encompassing than "Ich liebe dich" which is very adult, very "my partner/spouse opposed to everyone else in the world", very "I want to make sure that the person understands how serious I am and to make sure they understand I need to change they way I speak about love".
Dan Dironotequado thanks you very much for this explain :) my ex boyfriend said that '' ich hab dich lieb '' is more for friends, but it's different for you... I think it's very hard to explain the difference, and everyone has a different explain...
Anna from my point of view the expression "ich hab dich Lieb" means the same as in spanish "te quiero". You say it to your friends, family, pets, whatever. But "te amo" or the german "ich liebe dich" is more intense and meaningful. You say it to someone you're like really in love with. At leat that's is how I, as a spanish speaker, have learned the difference between ich hab dich lieb and ich liebe dich. But there might be some nuances inbetween that i'm not aware of
Can only guess but first and foremost that would probably be universal health insurance. It is part of the social insurnces everyone has and that furthermore include: unemployment insurance, occupational accident insurance, pension insurance and nursing care insurance. (They are obligatory insurances and covered by taxes, which is also why there is so much to discuss; when discussing insurances it is really more of a political discussion than anything else). - And then you also have other insurances like life insurance, legal protection/expenses insurance, household (contents) insurance, (private) accident insurance, (private) health care insurance, car insurance (or any other vehicle you may have), something called "Vermögensversicherung" (= lit. wealth insurance) and liability insurance. I think those are the insurances most people here have.
You can get insurance to cover just about anything. For example we have a sort or renter's insurance that also extends to my husband's work. So if he lost his key to his office building the insurance would pay for the re-keying and replacement of all the locks which would cost thousands of Euros. I was looking into being a nanny here in Germany and I would have to get my own special insurance to cover me at the family's home. So say I broke the stove or if the child had an accident while I was taking care of them the insurance would cover the expenses. Another interesting thing you can get through some companies is vacation insurance. If for some reason you can't go on the trip due to provable unfortunate circumstances (like a death in the family, a natural disaster, etc.) the company will refund your money with its coverage.
Jakob Polhammer Imagine living with her 24/7: "OhmyGooood I LIKE haad the most SUPERRRR amazing glass of waterrrr of my entire life, like literally amazingggg,it was like,wet and in an actual glass, like OhmyGawwwd, soo superrr exciteddd!" 😅😝
Yep. I'm Czech, which basically means the significantly more emotional and friendly version of Germans, and even I find that girl's chirpiness and all those completely exaggerated smiles absolutely unbearable.
I'm Irish and my boyfriend is German, so our humour is slightly different. For example, he says something that makes me laugh and my crazy-ass sounding laugh makes him laugh!
![Lp. Сердце Вселенной #60 РОЖДЕНИЕ ЛОЛОЛОШКИ [Финал] • Майнкрафт](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/YoR0pAV9FVQ/mqdefault.jpg)
As a german, i guess it would take your boyfriend 2 minutes max to say everything you said here in 7:30 minutes :D
probably more like 30 seconds with zero facial expression too....:-DDD
IKR?! I had to fast forward thru it! And I'm an amerikkkan woman...
Aronzo exactly
We're also smartasses. So. Husband. But yeah, i guess it would be a lot shorter.
Unless he is a teacher, then it would take him 90 minutes.
German awe scale: "amazing"-"good"-"meh"-"bad"-"terrible"
American awe scale: "amaaaaazing"-"amaaazing"-"amazing"-"great"-"great but..."
Zogg from Betelgeuse Wow you are still here! I loved your video series introducing alien visitors!
Yep
Yeah, great to see you are still around Zogg
Your videos are truly amaaaaazing. ;)
Zogg from Betelgeuse Here's another fan begging for advise for adapting to this strange planet!
Some more of your guides would really help me out!
It has to be emphasized that the northerners awe scale is even lower. It decreases linear from south to north.
This over-exaggeration of emotions is also part of the reason why Americans are often being perceived as phony or superficial (also speaking generally).
That´s true!
It's not over exaggeration, it's called actually having emotions.... Italians are similar to Americans that way. Whereas Germans are taught to hide and supress emotions
"Whereas Germans are taught to hide and supress emotions" Thats Bullshit :D
Brack Et: No, but Germans are taught to don't be so awfully loud.
Brack Et no, if every little thing is always "really great" then something being really great can't be honored any more by saying that. It looses its meaning.
I'm German and I actually learned in school to give positive criticism first before giving negative :D
You did not learn that in school if you are a German. Where should you have learned that? In your math class? Or at science?
@@oskargarden4559 When a student has presented something and you have to give feedback.
We were thought that too. In german lesson for example.
o
Same, but I don't get why. Like, you get someone's spirits up by praising them only to beat them down again. I think you should end on a positive note.
I'm german and
the biggest compliment i can get from my brother is
Not bad
.-.
Bestimmt ein Franke.
Das ist dein Bruder..Soll er sagen geil? Nö..
oder: is ok ... viel kürzer
😂😂😂😂😂
@Graustreif Elvanien Die Westfalen sind ähnlich ;-)
I am an Americanand have been living in Germany for about 17 years now. In Germany you arent going to get a lot of small talk at the cash-register in the supermarket, your waiter/waitress is probably not going to entertain you, and if you delay for even a second after the stoplight turns green someones gonna start laying on the horn behind you.
Many (but most certainly not all) Germans love Americans but I have to agree that they often distrust the way Americans are overly polite, beat around the bush before getting to the point, and sugarcoat bad news. It makes them immediately think you want something from them.
Still, they aren't gonna rip a kid apart for a bad book report in school... there is clearly a difference between slamming a kids homework and how adults communicate. They just discard a lot of the bullshit and get to the point. There is a saying here "Saying nothing is compliment enough" - if you have done something wrong they are going to tell it like it is...otherwise, they are going to probably leave your good work uncommented and move on :).
I used to work for a German owned company in the States. When the Germans would come visit they were totally frustrated by days filled with meetings where the first 30 minutes of EVERY meeting were filled up with touchy-feely smalltalk before getting down to brass tacks....even if you JUST had a meeting with the exact same people :). Germans come to meetings, dig out their agenda and get it done.
Jeff Thomas The first time I was talked to by a shop assistant in the US I was completely shocked and speechless . As a german I never ever expected to communicate with any employees unless I stare them down while they do stuff or I am so bullying to interrupt them by talking to them.
im german and most of my customers are american.
the written communication is just totally annoying and frustating. they fill up pages and never ever get to the point. it started to be ineffective waste of working hours.
today i have build me a kind of modular principle where i copy sections together and just whrite the short answer inbetween.
it is my way to save me from nervous breakdown by answering american customer mails.
So I'm guessing they aren't very romantic then.
romantic business...? or wasting time that could be used better for romantic times..?!
- i just need three words for it ;p
I now live in Texas, but have lived for extended periods of time in 11 of the United States. I've never been to Germany but hope to go very soon. I would welcome the straightforward, to the point attitude that (apparently) the German people have. It would be a relief from all the beating around the bush small talk bullshit made by so many Americans, all over this country. Being a US citizen becomes less and less pleasant with each passing year.
How many Germans do you need to change a light bulb? Right, only one. We are efficient and have no humour!
Laurens xD
Nah, we ask the japanese to build a robot for that already.
light bulbs in 2018? lmao
0, they flood the country with fake refugees and hope they will change the bulb for them.
MrTruth111
Whatever you say Mr... "Truth".
Ich kann mir deine Dates mit Mr. German Man bildlich vorstellen. Du:"Wie geht es dir?" Er:"Muss ja." Du:"Wollen wir ins Restaurant gehen?" Er:"Hab nichts Besseres vor heute." Du: "Schmeckt es dir?" Er:"Kann man essen." Du:"Der Wein ist wirklich hervorragend!" Er:"Ist nicht schlecht." Du:"Und wie wunderschön die Atmosphäre hier ist!" Er:"Kann man aushalten." Du:"Wie findest du mein neues Kleid?" Er:"Es hat an der Stelle dort einen Verarbeitungsfehler." Du:"Gefällt es dir nicht?" Er:"Doch, es ist nicht hässlich." Du:"Der Abend mit dir war außergewöhnlich romantisch." Er:" Ja, ich hab nicht's zu meckern." Du:"Aber es tut mir furchtbar leid, dass ich Rotwein auf deinem weißen Hemd vergossen habe." Er:"Macht nichts, ist versichert." 😂
Zanele Faultiervamp LOOOOOOL hahahasha
Omg hahaha das ist zu gut😂😂
😂😂😂😂😂
Zanele Faultiervamp haha ja 😂
Zanele Faultiervamp hahahahahahaahahahahah geil
I dated a German man for a few years while he was living in my town in the US. At one point we spoke about getting married and me moving to Germany, so I took some German classes. After a year or so, I wrote a Christmas card in “German” to his parents. They sent it back with corrections😂. Thankfully I had been with him for a while and understood the cultural differences so I wasn’t offered.
Well, let's try to see it from a positive side / assume the positive, nice case: Maybe it was just a well-intended, friendly attempt to help you improve your German, as they knew that you were currently learning the language and obviously you were practicing your German skills with this Christmas Card... So they might have thought that perhaps you would appreciate some feedback about linguistic elements that showed potential for further improvement in your quest to perfect your German writing skills.
(You see, I'm a German, and apparently think - or at least understand - what apparently is considered "typical German" in this context ... Although even I probably wouldn't go that far to send such a card back)
Uh sorry 😅. We got this Christmas card from America addressed to: the (myName)-family. My wife went: nein nein! It should say: Familie (myName)
Hehehehe that was wunderba
Most important difference: Germans deliver messages efficiently, rather than stretching 3 trivialities out over 7:36 minutes when they can be delivered in a minute or two.
But then you edited your comment. I guess not so efficient in the first place. Calm down. I am only joking.
You DO realize that a youtube video has to have some length to it, right?
Actually a lot of Americans would agree with you. She was repetitive and overly expressive. Very sweet though. Moreover, women, in general, tend to be less direct in the US and I think in many other countries, even Germany.
Yes because there are no German UA-camrs who stretch their videos in ten minutes..
@@dieemunk8438 They do that because they want the additional AD revenue, which you only get in a video with a length of >10 Minutes, so they are indeed pretty efficient
but 7 Minutes have literaly no advance to 2 minutes, as far as i know
first thing a German does before driving someone else's car: ask if insurance also applies to them
Not an unimportant matter, btw...
Marcus Boeth true story😁
i have to admit i also do that every time, so thats quite a german thing :D
i declined to drive a car several times because the insurrance wouldn't apply to me. simply because if i would trash the car, someone would have to pay for it and it's too akward to deal with that with your friends and family.
Warum unterhalten sich eigentlich Deutsche auf UA-cam immer auf Englisch? 😂 Kein Amerikaner oder so liest doch mit und selbst wenn kann er auch einfach selbst übersetzen.
Ja für uns Deutsche ist „Da kann man nicht meckern” schon das größtmögliche Kompliment. 😅
Das ist anders formuliert "Es gibt nichts schlechtes" also "perfekt"
Das größte Kompliment der schwäbischen Küche ist ja auch: Mo kos essa. (Man kann es essen.)
Was ein Unsinn!
B T erinnert mich an das Friesische: dat koe minder (das konnte schlimmer/schlechter).
Soo ähnlich
Und meckern tun wir alle gern..
I've been taught that everything anyone says before 'aber / but' can not be taken seriously.
Jenova exactly. Because you can alway hear the "aber" comming, I'd rather hear what you really think.
That is bullshit. You use an "aber" for mentioning two sides. You could put either side befor or after the "aber" and both would be relevant. You can switch it up to make it seem more sincere. For example:
"I like people who live vegan but I don't want to live without meat." You would say I don't like vegans at all.
"I don't want to live without meat but I likepeople who live vegan." So now I don't like meat?
Sounds like you don't understand the context. To a German praise about a person's performance etc only feels good if he/she doesn't hear a "but" coming. Because a praise out of mere politeness isn't worth much.
Jenova an das was man als letztes hört erinnert man sich besser. Deswegen hinterlässt 'gutes, aber schlechtes' ein schlechtes Gefühl
+HamuAndXerxl - exactly .. TerrorHamsters examples dont fit the context
something more fitting would be:
German A: Du hast hier sehr schön aufgeräumt... (you have cleaned up very nicely here....)
German B: Aber? *sad face* (but? *sad face*)
German A: Aber du hättest es nicht tun sollen ohne mich vorher zu fragen (but you shouldnt have done it without asking me first)
conclussion german b draws: everything before the "but" is useless, because the whole point of the answer was that person A is not happy about person B cleaning up...
As an American we are culturally hyperbolic. My Grandparents were German. I know the contrast. My very "direct" Opa threw me off a boat and into a lake while fishing BECAUSE I did not know how to swim. After thrashing and gasping and finding my way back to the boat (essentially a self rescue), he declared in that unenthusiastic direct Germaness, "Good, now you know how to swim." But now that I think about it, he did lose an eye, had a piece of mortar shrapnel in his leg, and lost a few toes escaping from a German POW camp, so maybe he was just cranky. Good times.
Sound like BS to me and more like the movie "Hondo" with John Wayne. I learn swimming with a "Bademeister" in the old fashioned way, he would hold a long stick with a handle appr. one meter away from me so that I could grab it in an emergency. So I swam first meter by meter, than lane by lane ´till I did it without help. That´s how we do it and did it in Germany. May be your "Opa" had a few srews loose, but I´m sure we meant well.
I am German, learned to swim differently yet, but know people who have been taught both ways. So it is a generation difference as well as (as with most things) an issue of individual choice.
Hah, my German Opa told me how they teached him how to swim in exactly this manner - well, it didn't work. He hated water ever since and did not set a foot into a swimming pool or body of water for the rest of his life :D
Yes, that sounds exactly like the generations of our grandfathers and fathers. I loved it too :)
Nowadays with all globalisation and media stuff....people are getting so.....terrible soft
@@agems56 in the 40s? that's how my dad tought me. There's nothing bad about it he was always around do no danger
Iam from Germany O.o I don't know anybody who talks hours about insurance
They where probably talking about health insurance.
But I bet you don't as well know anyone who has no insurance :D
Well maybe her Boyfriend works at an insurance office or something like that.
Of course, because you're the typical spoiled girl who doesn't know anything about insurances.
And what does you being from AXA (www.ecosia.org/search?q=AXA&addon=firefox&addonversion=4.0.4) have anything to do with that?
I would kindly request you keep your negativity to yourself.
you forgot to mention the german reaction to a broken glass, car incident and the world burning: tja
*TJA*
Tja XD
*Jasmin Scheiber-Jakob* , i lold
tjoa
Passiert halt.
Die Welt ist kein Wunschkonzert.
Naja.
Tja.
My father was born in Germany and moved here at 10, in 1926. He was a,man of few words, but I remember I once asked him if he was proud of me for some school related thing and he said "Yes " that was it. He then said "I'm always proud of you, you will know when I'm not." Lol. Same with work, if you did the job correctly nothing was saud, but goof up and you heard about it. (He owned a jewelry manufacturing business). I have to say though, when I cared for him the last few years of his life, dealing with Alzheimer's disease, he became better at verbalizing things, oddly enough. I received more thank yous in 6 years than the previous 50, lol. Gotta love the Germans!
Being proud of you was his default state of mind ;)
There is a saying in southern germany which goes along the lines of "nothing said is praise enough". That about says it.
Yeah, a friend of mine from Schwaben said that.
My Dad was American and he was the same way Lisa. His parents were like that too. Some people are like that.
"Nichts { gesagt | gemeckert } ist gelobt genug" (hochdeutsch), oder "Nix g'mault isch g'lobt g'nug" (schwäbisch).
I also find it funny how Americans keep spamming "I'm loving it!" Just stop and think about that word! Love. No, you don't love that burger, or that app, or that TV-Series. Love means there is some kind of relationship going on. Us Germans therefore reserve such words for occasions that truly warrant it.
so you do find some things funny?
Also, that sentence is copyrighted by mcdonalds.
In Canada, it is common to say "Love you!" when you say goodbye to someone. And yes, we love burgers, sunrises, puppies, a movie... it's not fake, it's just polite.
Ich sage trotzdem "Ich liebe Essen" oder "ich liebe diese Serie" deswegen verstehe ich das nicht..
My Japanese husband used the word "love" in Japanese only after 4 years of marriage and than he giggled because it was reserved for saying it to the Gods but he is not religious.
As an American, I actually really hate how some people here beat around the bush and try to water down their message. I find that people who have a critique will end up bottling in their message until they feel that they are "allowed" to deliver it, generating genuine negative emotion around it (along with confusing the recipient). If people felt that they could give direct criticism, perhaps it would actually be healthier both for the giver and the receiver.
Or perhaps succinct is a better word for it
I lived in Germany for 10 years, married a German, and can't remember having one discussion about insurance, let alone spending the whole evening talking about it.
As for the over-excited reactions to everything, I'd say that's a difference not just to Germans, but one of those things where Americans are pretty much different to the rest of the world. You only have to cross the border into Canada to see that.
if you can't take a harmless comment like "the color's off", and need to buffer even that with verbal coushions, you're in need of some bootcamp. life is tough.
I live in Switzerland in and what they taught in school was more like that being criticized can be uncomfortable but that we have to learn to deal with it and see it as a positive thing because it helps us to get better.
Das ist der Geist 😉
We don't need help to get better - we ARE best :D:D :D
It is the German precision. We say it like it is. We don`t overexaggerate or don`t act. If we want to act, we go to a theatre or something. This is just how it is.
Philipp U. that,s why I love Germans!! is there anything more honorable than being honest??
Yeah, nice, well said.
Most the world loves Americans more than German celebrities, there's reasons for that.
Actually, they do try to teach you this "one positive thing first, then the critique" stuff in German schools as well. Pretty much all of us found it ridiculous back in the day, though. :P
Also, I'm from North Germany and we don't even say something's "good" when we mean something's great. "Not bad" is pretty much the biggest compliment a North German can pass, haha. We're men of few words. :D
They teach it it's just a waste of Time. If something is good the best thing you get of me is ok. If something is extraordinary then maybe good. And if something like a movie is something quality wise you only discover once or twice every few months then it'd great m
In Bavaria we just say "Passt scho" for everything from see you trying to poison me to fantastic
Hans Franz this sounds like Australia. ‘Not bad’, especially from a parent is a huge compliment lol
Why the buffer before the 'negative' though? Its still critisism. Beating around the bush isnt going to change that and its only wasting time.
No, I'm not German. Just their western neighbour.
Ideally, it's to prevent someone's feelings from being hurt. It's actually considered polite and not offering a buffer would come off as rude or harsh. Neither method is "right" or "wrong," - these are just small cultural differences.
I did read in a German magazine though that a healthy ration would be 3 compliments to 1 criticism and it pointed out to say that Germans tend to swap it.
So like cynicaloptimist83 pointed out, neither is right or wrong, the American method more takes care of the ratio (though I feel like the compliments should still be sincere! :))
In the states there was the so called "self esteem movement" (during the 70's and 80's i guess), where people believed that many (or all) ills of a society (crime, agression, personal distress etc) come from low self esteem. There is a quite funny bit by comedian George Carlin on YT about this .
So, i guess saying something positive first is an attempt to criticize without making the person feel too bad or to impair their self esteem.
Insurance is one of the most important issues that keep me from ever moving to the us
If you work you have insurance
And gun law.
ThomasG for everything?
And still even with coverage you have in loads of cases to cover a lot yourself in the US. Some Insurances only cover cost above $5k anything below you have to pay yourself and still you pay $1000+ each month for your insurance. in Germany you are covered completely (and dental care mostly)
Yes, you just have to pay for it. In Europe you usually pay by Tax
No matter how amazed we Germans are about something, we know that there may be something more awesome, so we pretty much never use absolute superlatives.
And when you get into the northern parts, something that sounds like "It´s ok" actually means really good.
"Kann man essen" for example really is a compliment.
Yep thats true and im proud of it. I think its helpful, cause u think how it could be better done. :)
sthenzel I am an American that “exaggerates” my feelings, at least according to Germans. I actually get excited and happy about what a German would consider okay. It may just be a cultural issue? I do not feel like my feelings are superficial or exaggerated. I truly do feel happy and excited. I love life and I have fun doing just about anything. We have a foreign exchange student living with us and he has mentioned how happy we are and that he now realizes our happiness is sincere. So...Maybe we just see the roses instead of the thorns?
sthenzel
Also ich sag
kann man essen
wenn ich was nicht mag aber nicht unhöflich sein möchte und es dann fertig esse
Neee man sagt eunfach wenn's gut ist " kann man essen " ist eher es ist oke, muss nich sein.
Du redest vom Norden, komm in den Süden und das beste Kompliment welches du bekommen wirst ist "Basst scho".
Nix gesagt ist gelobt genug xD
downtown German sorry I was born over in Germany I came to United States in 1963 64 and I couldn't understand what they were talking about because I'm having the same problem now as they are then because I didn't understand American language but I understand it now after I took out a dictionary and I learnt out because they're very they don't they don't have an English language I talked to them but they're very boring people
Ungefähr waren das die Worte meines Vaters. Für eine 3 auf dem Zeugnis gab es ein freundliches Nicken, alles darunter wurde kommentiert und hatte Konsequenzen (wie das gefürchtete "Mathematik Hausaufgaben machen wir jetzt erst einmal zusammen"), ab einer 2+ wurde milde gelobt. Eine 1 wurde in Richtung meiner Mutter mit "das ist mein Sohn" und einer Daumen-hoch-Geste bewertet. Ist aber auch etwas aus mir geworden.
Ich finde es doof, man kann ruhig auch Mal was positives sagen sonst denkt man es ist völlig egal was man macht.
I went out with a guy from New Zealand. He was dumbfounded that I invited him to my parents place after knowing him for a couple of days (he even sought advice from his friends).
He was completely blown away by how we discussed personal problems at the dinner table.
Another thing was that Germans like to be corrected. He only learned to interrupt people with the correct grammar after witnessing it a couple of times and seeing the positive response from Germans. Just, not making a big deal out of it and just saying "had seen" (or whatever) and people just give a thankful "ah!" and continue their story. He was dumbfounded to realise that when a German says "correct me if I'm wrong", they mean "please correct me, so I can get better".
Did his kiwi personality bother you? Kiwis are usually laid back, odd sense of humour, etc
Yeah...that is honestly the reason why many Europeans think Americans are weird af. Like, I'm Italian and I am one of them. We often think you guys are weird because you look not honest and loud to us. Obviously, you guys probably are not actually not-honest, but you look like you hide something when expressing a judgment because it's so obvious you want to point something negative, but just don't know how to say it straight face without going from nice to raging too quick. We point out bad things straight face, but we have levels of pettiness, and you can express your bad feeling about something without hitting the bush and stuff (or what you said before) and not get anyone offended at the same, because people are not scared of getting a bad feedback here. Plus, Americans are really loud about everything, and again, I'M ITALIAN, so I'm used to be considered the loud one, but when it comes to US people, with their big cars, big stores, big bellies (sorry this is offensive I know), it's just a completely different way to be loud.
Im Irish and we find Americans too insincere,everything is "Awesome" "amazing" "fantastic",you see them taking 1 hour to drink a glass of guinness with a face like it is horrible and then claim "oh i love guinness its awesome".I have much more respect them if they say "i didnt like it", they do that with everything,
You're right about one thing: we are not "not-honest". We can be nice AND honest at the same time.
David Roche thank you David. You are a gentleman and a scholar -a quiet American
@@rainyday4970 well ....its just that many europeans find that wasting our time with trivial nonsense isnt nice... its wasting our time, and in some cases, disrespectfull.
@@Gos1234567 True. Excessive positive thinking drives me really nuts. Because you can feel clearly that these people are not being entirely honest. That is annoying. And hard to understand.
I've worked in some companies with employees from all around the world and noticed different mentalities depending on the nationality, in average of cause. I had no trouble to express criticism to a dutch, scandinavian, russian or ukrainian. They all, of cause in english, were direct to the point without all the dressing. I had no trouble to understand their opinion or was in any danger to upset them. I had to be a bit more careful with spanish, italian or french collegues, they expected a tiny bit more glamour and beating around the bush and they were talking a bit more than necessary. They also liked bit more chit-chat and small talk before discussing important topics. British and Irish were only being trumped by Americans, it was hardly possible to talk about business problems in a business meeting. Main reason: Everybody else was translating into his/her own language and tried to make sense about all the great, phantastic and awesome things expressed. The "but" part was totally toned down and almost everybody was quizzled why this business meeting required somebody flying from the US to Europe, having the whole department coming together to hear this high praise and nothing else. When we European employees started to express the problems and our suggestion how to fix it we really could see the astonishment and strangeness of our British or American collegue. It was not only the language difference, at the same time it was the complete different work culture. In school we learned constructive criticism. The difference is: Name the problem clear and precisely and offer a better solution or your point of view. An assessment includes constructive criticism and all positive aspects should be named. Here the German mentality is a bit exceptional: If nothing is said it's Ok, if it's good but not perfect for us it's Ok. Only if it's perfect we would say its good/perfect. Everything else is exaggerated. By the years I started using some small talk with my British or American collegues before talking about the reason of my call, or in emails I asked about last weekend, whether or family before reaching to the topic. Anyway, the label "rude" sticks on me until we'll met in person. There are of cause tips to express yourself in business talks or conversations, but that's really tough stuff. It's like cats and dogs: If raised together they understand each other, otherwise they recon the signals total different and here there goes your living room decoration. About insurances: There are 3 types: 1st the mandatory ones, 2nd the useful ones and 3rd the expensive ones. You can discuss the cost for the 1st, the usefulness for the 2nd and your faith into the 3rd. For the 2nd and 3rd there is plenty room to have controversial opinions. You know Germans tend to plan ahead. Insurances is a means to limit the worry about what if...? Same with clothing: Boots, Jeans and GoreTex-Jacket with reflectors, protectors, removeable lining and pockets for a torch, compass, survival knife and GPS tracker is simply a safeguard against a possible blizzard catching you on your way to the bakery on a summer morning. The sky is blue, but who knows how long?
this
Dude. TL;DR
TL;DR Germans don´t talk that much.^^
No they actually talk more when you take away the fluff.
- much more efficient.
Almost too good for a UA-cam comment! How was it with Asians? I heard the work culture at Amazon is similar to German constructive criticism ...
In Germany, we have this saying that goes like this: "Kein Anschiss ist Lob genug" which pretty much sums up your fist to points in the video :D
Das habe ich auch gehört! I've heard this before! Meine Frau ist deutsch.
Das gleicht sich ja mit "Schweigen gleich Zustimmung" und "Wenn nichts gesagt wird, ist es gelungen"
Never heard that saying.......
Meine Geigenlehrerin lebt nach dem Motto😂
Konstantin S Bei den schwaben: Nicht gemotzt, ist genug gelobt.
In Swabia there is an expression: "Ned gschompfa isch globt gnuag!" When I don´t say a negativ word, that is praise enough!
So much for positive reinforcement!
Basst scho
zefux, hob i ned glesn, sondern scho des selbe auf boarisch gschrim 😉
My German father, lol
A.J. G. My ex is Swabian with the hardest shoulders on the planet.
has anyone else experienced that they are pretty reserved about their feelings too even if they’ve told you they like you?
Yes haha it's hard to read their mind also 😅 they are really reserve
"Der Hunger treibts nei" is bei mir des höchste der Gefühle
XD
D'r Honger treibt's nei, d'r Ek'l treibts 'nonder ond d'r Geiz b'hält's dronda......schwäbisch gesagt.....😜
Kann man essen.. --> Norddeutscher isst das beste essen seines Lebens
Clubberer 2001 s'goht...
oder: net schlecht...
"basst scho"
So Stefan isn't as excited (outwardly) as you expect? Count your lucky stars you're not married to someone from the coast in the north. :D Good news would probably elicit a "Jo." ;-)
True! If it's not just a barely noticeable nod...
I feel that accurately describes me
Jürgen Erhard as someone with a bf from Sylt I'm gonna have to agree with this comment. 😂
Jürgen Erhard jo
Jup
Haha, that could be me.. the ice cream is actually the best thing on earth but I say "Its nice". Or like my dad: "Da wird einem nicht gleich schlecht von" (= I don't have to throw up)
Bei mir ist es eher: "Joa, geht."
Kann man essen (It's edible)
Ja gut, Eis in Deutschland schmeckt immer besser als das in den USA. Die fahren ja jetzt ja alle total auf Gelato ab. Vanille-Eis ist ja sooo amaaaaaaaaazing 🤦🏻♀️😂😂
Charlene Schön Wenn die das schon amazing finden....
Celmaen ich war dort ein Jahr an einer HighSchool und kann heute noch drüber lachen, was sie alles amazing fanden :D
Unter anderem: du sprichst wirklich deutsch? Ihr habt in Deutschland Milch? Usw 😂
So true. Us Germans are pretty direct and Americans can perceive it as if we are bringing them down, but actually we just want to give helpful feedback. Also the excitement thing is so true. Americans (generally speaking) hype up everything and my “really good” is their “omgosh it’s so amazing!!!11”
If Americans gave Germans "helpful feedback" there'd be a flood of snowflakes crying like babies
Padding out my critiques with compliments first?
What an efficient way to patronize someone *_AND_* waste their time!
snakesocks spoken like a true German speaker.
Why don't you give a damn about how other people feel?
Man, have American schools gotten so bad that this is now taught in school? It wasn't in my day. The feminists have destroyed America.
fakecubed Weirdly enough European feminists are also direct (European woman in general). I don't think its about women in the USA ...I think Americans in general got more touchy the last couple of years. Everyone's a snowflake about something. In Europe we do say it like it is but we know that you sometimes hear things you don't want to hear....and still we continue to debate in a friendly way....without blowing smoke up their asses and wasting their time.
And hurt their feelings and make them feel inferior and useless. Germans seem very efficient at rudeness in American eyes. Efficiency in language comes at a social cost. Americans can be direct with friends and family, but with acquaintances and strangers-not so much. You learn to read between the lines from tone and context. Within the US and Canada there are regional differences, in the US southerners find northerners rude and abrupt and most Americans think Canadians are overly polite. It seems an adaptation to having so many different cultures with different social styles in one country.
omg! with my german boyfriend its that same, i'll be so excited to tell him something or for his reaction and then he'll be like "good" and especially as a latina (we are even more dramatic) it would make me cry when he was so direct or calm but ive slowly learned that thats just the way he is and he's learned to be a little softer on me
The "buffering" is always annoying me, you can tell in advance that the blow is coming, but you have to listen through those insincere compliments before. You can really tell the difference, ...
hahaha true!! :)
It's not insincere. It's called etiquette and it trains empathy....a quality not highly valued by Teutonics.
In Germany social workers, psychologists and teachers have somehow adopted that Bigmaccriticism. It is annoying. You listen to them and think: aha mhm yeah - would you please, finally tell me what your point is! We both know that you´re just pretending and that is quiet odd for two adult persons. It is insulting my ratio.
its fake. its just fake. if you do it, you are fake. you are fake. i dont wanna deal with you or your blood. bye.
Well, first of all it should never be insincere...if you are going to give a compliment it should be 100% genuine, that's why it is called CONSTRUCTIVE, and the negative things you point out should be backed up by why it is a negative and what would change it to be better.
I learned "say something good before the critic" too but I moytly just say "I think your presentation was really good, but..." :D
im from austria and i dont get it why everyting should be sugar coated , just say what you think , gosh xD
deutscher Kulturkreis halt...
sugar coating leads to more trouble... I'm from the Philippines and I'm extremely straight forward (and Filipinos beat around the bush a lot as well), and my friend just flat out tells me "your attitude is not Filipino at all!"
Straight to the point is also my favored behavior in chatting with colleagues or when I´m talking with friends. Though, according to some friends I´m a bit too direct, if I can put it this way.
leciel lol mom along with a ton of people such as friends or family members are from the Philippines...maybe it depends what part you come from and what dialect you speak because they are *very* direct. Sometimes they don’t even know what they are saying is rude lol such as “she/he is (insert comment generally seen as rude)😂
Ton Ak I agree with you.
Being an ukrainian girl, living now in Germany, having a lot of russian, french, german friends, I can say the following. It's all correct, but it's not a specific of german people (ukrainians, russian, french, means slavs and europeans, are the same in this perspective). It's an opposite specific of americans: too much of emotions, or expressing emotions, smiles, ceremonies etc. And some people concider it to be "pretending"...
But as you said, it's just another way to express yourself, different mentality and we just need to "read" each other correctly.
U r looking beautiful
Well not true ,in South Europe people are not depressed like Germanics
america:
"MOM?! IM SO HAPPY, I GOT THAT JOB"
"Woow amaziing, i'm so glad for you."
"Thanks, they asked me sooo many questions...."
germany:
"MOM?!............MOM?!"
"WHAT?!?"
"I got that job!"
(artificial)"Heeey good."
*artificial smiling to each other*
"I'm going to my friend, bye"
I'm only 21 and even I spent evenings with my friends solely talking about waste separation and online banking... I guess germans are born with this :D
Germans love to discuss and share their stories and opinions with each other.
Also we want to show that we’re smart :D
We love to have an exchange of opinions - especially if in the end the other one exchanges their opinion into ours :)
Kristina Ma ohh gott, ich hab Angst vor der Zeit wenn meine Freunde und ich auch schon damit anfangen🙈🙈 aber ich hab ja noch Zeit:D💁🏻
Charlene Schön they don't,t have to show it. it,s obvious that they are smarter than others ,at least to my mind!!
There is a song by Ina Müller about Homebanking and relationships here on youtube. Google it!
Funny that you mention the "name a good thing before the critic" thing, because we also learn this in school here in Germany. I'm in my last year and everytime we're giving feedback to someone our teachers mention that we have to name the good things first
Laura Die typische Beurteilung bei Vorträgen: "Joa, du hast Bilder verwendet ... Es war leserlich..." 😂😂 jup, haha!
Exactly.
Also euer Referat war ganz gut, aber...
SimonHellinger am meisten hab ich gehasst, wenn die echt nichts gut gemacht haben und man sich was ausdenken musst.. „du hast echt deutlich/offen gesprochen, aber der Rest war echt scheiße.“ :D
But that's a rather recent thing. - Between my brother and me are four years; he did not learn the whole kid-gloving (though he himself often does it anyway cause he's a nice guy ^^) and the older teachers always got pretty much straight to the point. It was not so much about "giving positive or negative feedback" but more about "an honest assessment"; so if it was a decent presentation/test/whatever that's what they said - but they also told you what you could still (or actually hadto) improve in no uncertain terms. - The younger/new teachers on the other hand do a lot of kid-gloving, to the point where I find it doing more harm than good. Sure, you can always highlight the positive things (/the things someone got right) but not in a way that glosses over the negative things (/the things that need improvment for a better grade). Personally, I struggle with this kid-gloving: If there is so much positive stuff, how come I didn't get a better grade? What do I have to do to get better? Do tell me - or else I'll just assume everything's good and you're just too stingy with grades. That's fatal.
Never ask us "How was your day?"
Cause, we're going to tell you ;-)
As a German living in the US it took me a decade or more to learn how to interact with Americans without shocking them with my directness.
Sometimes it feels like one is surrounded by fragile children, but we press on.
😂😂😂
insurance ? you have it , yes.
insurance are important , yes.
but to talk about insurance for houres ? thats crazy
I think it's funny how different the perspectives on directness are. For me as a German it feels somewhat fake to add all these complements before a critic. You don't mean it and you must know when someone critics you, that all the complements before we're just an excuse. I would feel horrible and wonder if the other things were bad, too, but you were too polite to point it out. It also takes away the value of an honest complement when you throw around thousends of fake complements all the time.
I don't think that they're fake compliments, but rather a way to give a more balanced critique of someone's work. If you only gave criticism without any compliments, the producer may get the impression that their work was bad as a whole. Humans are naturally inclined towards pointing out flaws and mistakes, and there will always be some room for improvement, so I don't think that it's bad to have to take a moment to acknowledge the positives as well.
Also, some Germans might say that this is for sensitive babies that need coddling, but many people thrive more with encouragement than criticisms. They can prefer to outperform their own previous standards than try to match someone else's.
R10P16 I think it depends on if you're coming from the American expectation of critique or the German. As an American, I've learned to expect polite critiques like Dana said, which soften the blow of the critique and help me open up to the criticism. When someone gives compliments before kindly critiquing my work or something I've done, it lets me know that they see that I've worked hard on what I've done and they care about my work in general. More direct critiques that germans give, if I wasn't expecting such a critique, would leave me feeling a little upset and thus have me more focused on the fact that I'm being critiqued than on the actual critique itself. Say what you will about that reflection on American culture, but it's how I instinctively would feel in that situation, because it's not what I've come to expect of polite critiques.
Julia K I just think it depends on how you express the critic! If it's expressed in a objective manner then, I think, there's no need for a preparation of any "blow".
If all you ever hear are criticisms for what you've done wrong, but never praise for what you've done right, an American would consider that to mean that their bosses think they aren't doing their job well at all. What is wrong with pointing out positives, whether it comes at the beginning of a conversation or the end? Why just say "Your report was too long." What's wrong with "Your report was very informative, but you should edit it down to a single page." Sounds less mean. It doesn't convey only the negatives.
If a husband only tells his wife what he doesn't like - "those shoes are ugly, you're stupid, that hair style is hideous, you left the house a mess" - his wife is likely to believe he doesn't value her. With good reason.
It may certainly be "honest" and "direct," but it certainly isn't kind. What's wrong with saying "I think that outfit would look better with your other shoes, I think you're wrong but you're entitled to your opinion, I like your hair better the way it was before, how about I help you clean up the house (yeah, like that would ever happen!)?" What Germans call phony in Americans, Americans call common courtesy or kindness. What Germans call directness or honesty, Americans call brutal honesty or even rudeness. My mom always said, "It's not what you say but how you say it."
Thanks a lot for your post. I very often find that there is a huge confusion between "honesty" and "brutality" in Germany, not only when it comes to criticism.
It would be great if Mr. German Man did an Things to Know When Dating a American Woman!
Carolina Calheta I want to know this so badly because as an American woman dating a German man I’m unsure of thing he finds different other than most of the things listed in this video and a few similar. Except that I was really really really slow to fall in love compared to German standards but to American standard it was fairly quick...?
@@simonides3167 Hahaha..priceless!
Had to deal with a couple of Americans for a few Years and did not understand why they became angry at me when I said : "That's good !" Well for a German it means exactly that - it is good, the opposite of bad - for an American it means something like "not so great, just good". Also the american System of Expressions is too work intense, life-time-consuming and not efficient enough ;) I guess I will stick with the german System here :) Being excited about Insurances is definitely not normal btw lol.
Oh yeah! And when Americans say "that´s interesting" i thought on my first trip to the states they actually meant "that this is interesting" and not a polite yawn ;-)
Not all Americans are as animated as the sweet girl in the video.
but many
Ezekielepharcelis I always say that and it's like it really is good to know but sometimes if I don't talk to that person or see them often it's like it's good but I'm trying to keep the convo going so it seems like oh alright but my expression is intrigued happy
Uhm... Since you just said that. I am gonna say, it is a shame you didn't get into one of these "cattle cars".
Put the speed at x1.5 before you watch the video.
Thank me later
Yeahhhh, good...😂
Haahhahaha amazing!
1:36 sounds like "I'm so amazed that you got the name right on your class test, but unfortunately you got 0 points!"
Well observed Dana. What Americans call emotional we would call hysterical. It's very unusual to use a range of superlatives to describe something ordinary. 😀
American Expresso I think the super latifs are in contact with the American Dream because most of the US citizens still think they are the greatest in the world in allen Bereichen wobei mir immer nur einer einfällt in making and starting War crossword I have a war the economy goes up and this is really bad nearly every president of the United States has started a war and when they did so the economy has a better life more jobs more production but that is just an air bubble weil das ist kein echter Umsatz Umsatz kommt aus dem Volk und nicht durch die Regierung wenn die Regierung Geld ausgibt und keines mehr hat dann drucken Sie in Amerika einfach neues Geld mir scheint da gibt es kein Gegenwert in Form von Produkten und Materialien also ist die Wirtschaft in Amerika schon sehr angefressen wenn sie immer nur durch Kriege wieder auf die Beine kommt
Not everything is because the US "thinks it's the greatest country in the world." Our culture is a hodge podge of many customs from across the world, so some oddities are bound to happen.
Putting some small positive thing first and then criticizing away can often be seen as cynical by Germans - at least that's how I would see it if someone told me basically "I love how much effort you've put into it, but this and that and this also is wrong/insufficient", or whatever.
On the other hand, I must be like an American when it comes to insurance. I don't even have an insurance that isn't required by law (like health insurance and vehicle liability, but that's basically it).
I also don’t have an insurance which isn’t required by law. But I’m a student and can’t afford more haha ..there is nothing to get an insurance for lol
Charlene Schön - You don't have to be a student in order to not be able to afford an insurance either, lol.
Also, I very much support the notion of "there is nothing to get an insurance for", because what is gone will be gone anyways (in addition to the fact that insurances themselves see their main reason for existing in the aviodance of paying for claims, so it's basically all one big scam anyways - they just prey on peoples fears).
Seegal Galguntijak I share your opinion to the point, where we discuss the Haftpflichtversicherung. This Insurance and the Healthinsurance seems to be the insurances one need. Because there are many situations, you do not have controll over, like a broken hose at you laundrymachine - and suddenly the water runs down to your neighbor and his ceiling has to be reconsructed. This would cost you a tremendous amount of money out of your own pocket - or you have a Haftpflichversicherung.
Yes, I heard someone say "everything before the but is bullshit" here in Germany.
Privathaftpflicht is very, very important! It is selfish to don't have one. Imagine you broke something very, very expensive and you can't afford to replace it. Like you were incautiously with your cigarette and burn down the house of somebody. You have no Haftpflichtversicherung and you will never be able to replace it. The other person has now no home anymore, perhaps a huge amount of debt and all he/she has worked for his/her whole life is vanished and gone. Of course you have now debt, too, but that doesn't replace the home when you can't pay it back. After 7 years you are out of debt (Privatinsolvenz) and the other person still has no house anymore.
What your "amazing" is is my "ganz ok" 😂
Sehr männlich, Mann. Ich stimme zu. Ganz okayer Kommentar.
Höchstes schwäbisches Kompliment: "ned schlecht" (nein, bin kein Schwabe, aber als "Badenser" nahe genug dran :D)
Und das größte Kompliment wenn man zum Essen eingeladen ist: "Joah, kann man essen"
Oder wenns überragend ist einfach ein kurzes "gut". Muss reichen :D Ich bin aus dem Raum Eifel/Mosel
Oder "passt!" ; )
When I was in the US, I laughed about all the people totally freaking out because of things, that I would've said "Oh, nice. Could you reach me the milk, please?" for at least two months...
You forgot to add: German men pee sitting down 😉
And when something is fun, they say it’s “funny” hehe
Really??? Haha
German living in the US and after a long-term relationship with an (East) Indian, of course I've been aware of these differences. But listening to you point them out like this, I can't help but realize just how much I prefer the German way in these cases.
Are you a man or a woman? What was your experience with the Indian person like?
I'm male. The Indian girl was great - super smart, geeky, cute, warm, quite "westernized" as she put it, but in the end her family got in the way anyway. Tradition prevails. Too complicated and long a story to put in one small comment.
SensationalFailure
I understand. That basically explains why Indians are among the least inclined to marry outside of their extremely narrow tribal group/culture (especially here in the U.S.). Most of them get married through arranged marriages because their controlling parents insist on them just that.
Did you notice any difference in personal hygiene and organization skills between her and her family and what you have seen with Germans and people elsewhere in Europe?
Ich weiss nicht wie es euch geht aber Versicherungen sind kein abendfüllendes Thema und ich arbeite sogar in einer.
Vielleicht gerade deshalb ;)
Mein Beileid.
Dito. Ich glaube, ich kann an einer Hand abzählen, wie oft ich mich im Leben über Versicherungen unterhalten habe. Und ich werde bald 60.
@MasterDeluXXXe
richtiger held bist du! such mal einen richtigen gelernten versicherungskaufmann OHNE schulbildung. wenn du in 90 minuten die kompletten rechtlichen hintergründe des VVG, VAG und BGB gelernt hast, dann möchte ich gerne, dass du meinen job in der risikoprüfung übernimmst. ich könnte wetten, dass du nichtmal in 10 minuten die kalkulativen hintergründe einer alterungsrückstellung erklären kannst ohne zu googlen. oder erklär mal schnell den sinn einer RfB in der PKV. oder vielleicht erklärst du mir mal die vor- und nachteile sowie die unterschiede in der rechtlichen betrachtung einer AG und eines V.a.G. im hinblick auf die bilanziellen auswirkungen von gewinnen für die versichertengemeinschaft. keine ahnung haben, aber schnell mal das tankwartwissen ausgepackt und am stammtisch ausgebreitet.
Bevor ich mich über Versicherungen unterhalte, blase ich das Date lieber ab, ganz ehrlich. Kann ja dann nicht so interessant sein.
About critique: Basically what gets teached in Germany (or at least at the school I went to) is that if you criticize something you shouldn't just say "yeah it's bad" but you should try to come up with a suggestion for improvement.
For example instead of "The colors are off" you could say something like "Maybe you could make the colors a bit more bluish because they look a bit off".
DerNivel same at my Gymnasium
German here. In school, we too were told to first point out 1-3 positive things about someone's essay, power point or whatever, before adressing whatever we found negative. Well, it is more of an "do it because your teacher wants you to" thing, but outside of the class room, no one carried on with that approach. I mean, why would you do that? Will it make a mistake less significant just because there may be some positive bits around it? No. If there is anything wrong, it is best for everyone to adress it directly and sort out how to fix it. Is that thinking so unique to us germans? :o
Well, somehow it is.
Every culture handles things differently. The thinking may be common among more than just a few cultures, aber die Ausführung, gerade sprachlich, sieht doch sehr unterschiedlich aus.
What I've noticed in this comment section is that many people associate directness with negativity, but that's not necessarily what it is.
You can be direct and straight to the point and very polite at the same time.
Being direct doesn't always mean to only mention negative things. When giving criticism it's always important to stay neutral and bring your point across. It's also a lot about the tone. We don't wanna bring down the other person. We simply state what's wrong so they can fix it. We also don't always just say the negative thing. I guess most Germans are just very honest and don't claim to like something when they didn't. But. That doesn't mean they didn't like it when they forgot to say that.
I guess I'm very German on this one and sometimes I do forget to say some extra positive stuff when asked for my opinion, simply because I think they'll know it's good. If I only have one negative remark to make, it doesn't mean everything was bad. It just means that one thing was bad. Otherwise I'd list all the other things that I thought were bad as well.
It's always great to get complimented and it gives you more motivation and the feeling of doing something right. I try to do that too. But only when I mean it and sometimes I simply forget it. Most of the time, I do say it and that's still a way of being direct. Directness goes both ways.
On the other hand I'd rather have this direct and straight to the point criticism and I like to get it this way because I think it's more effective.
I am a pretty direct American. When I comment on social media, like UA-cam, I am frequently told I am being negative and I'm such a downer. Example: Someone says they are experimenting with a new format for their UA-cam video and asks what the users think. I tell them that the new format is not good and they should go back to their old format. Then I am the bad guy. SMH
You just demonstrated that you arent as direct or how do you explain the comments length?
Direct like this: I don't care what you think.
Writer Maya Angelou said people may not remember what you've said but they will always remember how you made them feel. And that is so true . In real life. In this non world we're in here
We actually do learn how to "nicely criticize" someone/something in school. I just think we don't take that to the workplace or to personal relationships. If I had to criticize someone I don't know that well, I'd probably mention a few positive things first too. But at my workplace or in a relationship I opt for the most efficient way. We are more direct than Americans, that's for sure, but we do learn how to give critique. We just don't apply it as often after school :D
I would say it is taken to the workplace especialy for supervisors and people like that. But we don't do it personaly.
Yes, on the job it's ok. And in private, it depends on how good you know the other person. To my close friends I wouldn't be that polite to some close friend
Yeah but even in the workplace the workers hate it.
Don´t call me into the office to tell me 2 good things and then beat me to death with the thing I did wrong.
Just tell me what I did wrong, so that I can be out in 2 minutes and can fix the mistake
TheTerrorHamster, you only use it at work? Maybe that is why people of Europe don't look at Germans as very romantic. Suggestion: You might want to do that for your spouse!
James Hoover I don't agree with you. Over the top politeness is more a US/British thing. If you look to Poland, BeNeLux, Switzerland, it's not that much different from Germany
So my question for you is... What kind of insurance did you purchase? 😂
floigi YES! What type of insurance is there that doesn't exist in the states?
Not sure, but here are some insurances with long names: Arbeitsunfähigkeitsversicherung, Betriebsunterbrechungsversicherung, Reiserücktransportversicherung, Kraftfahrzeughaftpflichtversicherung, Rechtsschutzversicherung, Vermögensschadenhaftpflichtversicherung
I guess the insurance topic could be a video of its own. :-D
RamBoZamBo123 du hast auch versucht, die mit den längsten Namen zu nennen oder? :D
I would love a whole video on German insurance that is not available in the US. Maybe its because i'm of German descent lol
Germany is all about Football.
PS : It doesn't mean American football
Rahul Sharma American Football is not soccer American Football Is War because every team try to make their territory bigger with every tactic move they tried to take a small bit of the others team territory this is what I think about American football and I have to say I have no idea how baseball works i only have seen the movie Cleveland Indians Icing the real title in the US US Major League was a good movie but I have no clue how the baseball rules are and how it works with the different endings the base and when you have to reach it before the ball from thepitcher flew Away Elvis too complicated vor Sport that's just should bring fun and chill
I think this lovely enthusiasm for things which is very much like Latinos' (i.e. from the Americas) and southern Italians' is somewhat recent among North Americans, cause, as child and a teen (which was in the 60's and 70's)I remember we would often get shocked at how reserved wasp Americans sounded to us, much like the older generations of Europeans.
I think this lack of emotional response sounds a lot like the British understatement, but even the British changed their behavior a lot through the centuries - from historical and literary sources, we know they used to be the social 'kissers' of Europe, and then, heavens know why, changed into the cold, formal folks of the upper class stereotypes we often hear about. Fortunately, not all Britons are like that anymore. Germans themselves would go so crazy with Goethe's Werther ( Die Leiden des jungen Werthers ,1774) that many even committed suicide, which was a dreadful thing of course, the other side of the extreme.
Let´s not forget that, a bit later on, their Romanticism, Die Sturm und Drang, was so important that it gave the world Schaelling and Schiller, with such wealth of emotional substance it's really baffling how it all then turned into the pent-up, sullen version of role models we know of the later centuries.
Congratulations for your light-hearted, most charming style and crystal clear diction, your Standard American English is a delight to the ears and a blessing in communication:-)!
Being direct and not acting overly "exciting" I find more honest than putting on an act just to please others.
1.The critique style you just mentioned we actually do learn in school as well!!!
We do learn manners and how to be polite, some Germans just chose not to be.
I feel you, my german bf is the same. Communication is not his thing.
I study communication at university, so we argue a lot about this topic. :D
2. we are not easily impressed by little things. If you or something fulfills are expectations it’s ok. Bc it’s nothing special to us.. like: ice cream tastes like ice cream. There nothing special about it.
Also, I’ve stayed in the us for a year and noticed Americans find everything SO AMAZING!! OMG I CANT BELIEVE ICE CREAM TASTES LIKE FREAKING ICE CREAM YAAAY!
I like seeing people enjoy things at its best but I can understand your boyfriend not being overexcited over common things.😅 if it’s not 100% the best you’ve ever had, it will be ok or good or nice but nothing to special. 😄
3. Is your boyfriend into insurances?😅
Germans can talk a lot about many serious things. We just like to discuss and have meaningful conversations. Also we like to exchange our opinions and learn about new things.
I had a meal in a restaurant in sweden some month ago and it was probably the best meal I ever had in my life. It was outstanding good but my words on it when the waiter asked if I like it and when I complimented it again were "Oh yeah I like it, it's good, it's realy, realy good, it was perfect". An american would have probably started a parade or something :'D
Oh and I learned to end with something positiv when making a critique, to give a better "aftertaste"
You have to realize, it's sort of a slang term. What was "cool" became "awesome" became "amazing" from one generation to the next. What someone under 35 or so says is "Amazing!" is what someone over 45 would say is "cool." You can go back in US (or probably even German) history and see what the popular term for "nice" or "good." Swell! The bees knees! Gnarly! Bad!................................Amazing!
i learned for myself to evaluate opinions or descriptions by what is not said.
"its amazing" is an empty phrase and means you either have no opinion or cant name anything in particular.
if "the color is off" is the only comment about your video it means everything meets the expectations except the colors.
necrionos yes that's true! It's like saying something is interesting.. That just means you have no opinion at all and whatever it was, it wasn't interesting because then you would have said something more creative and descriptive..
In my school there was a girl whose "how-good-things-are-scale" started with very very good. Also, whenever anyone held a presentation she would just say everything was very very very (add a few more if it was a friend of hers) good without any kind of actually useful feedback. That was so annoying!
Personally, I never use more than one very. It just seems to make it sound less credible.
hahaha hilarious!! :D
Nicht geschimpft ist Lob genug (not getting yelled at is compliment enough)
Korrekt
Dana, your videos are awesome!
You captivate the audience with your expressiveness and you bring up some interesting points to reflect about our culture.
Nice BUT completely disagree about the insurance, never spoke nor cared about it with other germans. Conclusion: your boyfriend has an insurance fetish.
We do it the other way round. For example: “This video was unsubstantial, but I really liked how you constantly kept smiling for 7 minutes and 38 seconds“
I'd be intresting to see Mr. German man's view on this if he had anything he would have liked to know before dating a person from the states
When a german says that something is amazing, that means their mind is actually blown.
Most germans actually find the American's general way of acting extremely excited about things somewhat strange.
Thank you SO MUCH for this video, Dana! It has been such an eye-opener for me. Throughout the entire video, I could completely identify with you, whereas everything you said about "Germans" was 100% true for my Swabian ex-boyfriend.
I'm from the very north of Germany and there really seems to be a big difference in mentality between northern Germans and southern, i.e. Swabian and Bavarian, Germans.
I could never get used to the lack of enthusiasm of my ex let alone his fascination with insurances. Only now I realise, thanks to your video, that all these things are apparently typical in South Germany. This is really mind-blowing. I already knew the "net gmeckert isch gnug lobt" saying, but apart from that, your video has been a real eye-opener. For your American audience I would really like to add: no, this is not typically German, but it's typically South German. At school, I also learned to start my feedback with positive aspects and I and many of my friends get equally excited about delicious ice cream as you do. Oh, and I couldn't care less about insurances. 😄
I've been at a German school and I can assure you that we learn the same things you just described when it comes to writing essays, it's just that we don't bother with these techniques in day by day life, for it would seem a bit artificial and pretentious.
Why do you Call him german man? Just call him gerMan
What just use his name or say my husband if you always say German all my German it is not akindfull subscription... no respect
LessFeelings or only a little för him
Lmaoooooo you
This insurance thing might be an exclusive pleasure topic to Mr. German Man and his buddies. None of my friends and me neither ever had a Friday evening talk about such a boring issue.
Perhaps he works for an insurance company?
Maybe it's more an bavarian/Munich thing, because the people there are earning much more money and like to hold their higher life standard.
Queron81 In München gibt es aber dafür auch extrem hohe Mietkosten . Eigentumswohnung oder Haus kann man vergessen.
Sorry, but .. BULLSHIT. Also, on the paper it might look as if you are earning "more" in Munich and Upper Bavaria, but IRL its just so that you are able to affort the horrible high rents and absurdly increased living costs. Most of my friends are struggling to keep up, no matter how "well" they earn. To find affordable rentals, you have to move waaay out of the city - which also got the side effect of arriving early at work, because the folks living IN Munich have to fight the work day traffic (which is essentially the same for going by public transport). Which leads to such absurd extremes like that one may be able to afford to rent a whole house in a big city (eg. Bochum or Aachen) in Northrhine-Westphalia, for the same money you'd have to pay for a halfway usable 2-room-flat in Munich!
Nein, nur Trolle wie du :P
Some of my family members are from Huston and everytime they're visiting it seems to me as if the are over dramatic. Always these happy faces and compliments. After a while I'm getting uncomfortable 😅 but I never thought about how they 're feeling about us as Germans. So thanks for sharing your impressions 🖒💜
I'm an american, but, I don't get all spassed out when I'm happy about something, I think that it is a personality thing sometimes. I rarely smile and laugh about things, it has to be really funny or I will react quite mildly, so it is a personal thing also on how people react to things.
The insurance thing, I don't know what insurance they would have in germany, but, not in the US.
In some of my classes in my normal german school we learned to give a positive comment first. But I never really took it out of that context and even in that context it was hard because if people tell me I have to give feedback om something I'm automatically scanning for mistakes. Also if you hide the negative points in all of the positive points the negative points get overlooked easily. And when I'm looking for feredback I don't need positive feed back, I need to know what I have to improve on and positive feedback is just polishing your ego.
The Anna, Really? The negative gets overlooked you come at me with ony negative comments and I know I know more about the work than you do I'm not listening to your comments I've just shut you out! but a little praise and I listen to your suggestion.
okay, maybe it depends on who I'm asking. If I was in class and classmates had to give feedback it might be beneficial to start with a positive comment but when I'm asking a friend or mentor 1 I know that they don't hate me and just wanna put me down and 2 I look for feedback on certain parts of the thing. So let's say I did a presentation and I showed it to my friend who know a lot about design for him to give me feedback on it. I only want his feedback on the design (maybe a few obvious errors like spelling mistakes or wrong formatting) and that friend usually knows that too and just gives me feedback on the design.
Dana you're acting for the mind-blown Germans was just superb, thanks for that laugh.
+betaich hahaha 😃 Nice, glad to hear it gave you a laugh!
You mean "right", right?
You mean "don't you", don't you?
+ Mike Oyler, Yndostrui you must be german :-)))
Hm... I'm german too, but I dom't know anyone around me that wants to talk about insurance. To me it's a kinda boring subject to talk about.
You need to be kind of boring and braindead if you are married or in a relationship to an American.
Really enjoyed your video and thank you so much for making the effort to try and understand the weirdnesses of German culture! As a German I have to say the adjectives of approval thing is very tricky for us, too. In the UK I quickly relized that saying good or nice did not have the intended effect. At first I was genuinely nervous about such words as brilliant or amazing, knowing that in German this could be seen as either insincere or ironic in a really mean way. As a teacher trainee in the UK I actually had to practise doing praise properly and with a smile - again from a German man this might be misunderstood by other Germans as irony.
Have you ever tried, how happy you can make Germans when you say with sincerity in your voice: This is really good? They do take it as high praise.
Not softening critique is a sign of respect in a strange sort of way. Simply saying the colour is off, has a subtext that might be translated as: You are an intelligent and strong woman, therefore I trust you can handle an honest opinion. In German being considerate and polite while giving criticism implies that the other person's emotions and self-esteem need protecting very, very badly. Buffering criticism is mostly for speaking to toddlers with learning difficulties and adults suffering from the more severe forms of depression. As a German you carefully avoid treating anybody as if they belonged in those categories when they don't. Especially with people who we are close to, who mean a lot to us, we tend to do more outspoken criticism, the assumption being that our loved ones would want us to be honest and they have a right to know what we really think. So, weird and counterintuitive as it may be, it's an expression of affection.
Entire friday evening conversations about insurances are not a typical thing all Germans do. I also have several insurances, but only "Spießer" talk about insurances all the time. :D
among the germans there are differences though. Im from "Ostwestfalen" and we are probably the least expressive people in the world. We have good and not good. Thats it. I moved because of work a couple months ago and in the beginning everyone thought i dont care about anything, while im just excited on the inside and not used to people showing it at all :D
Wo kommse wech?
Ja, wo kommste wech? 😅
Ja mei, ihr seids ja auch schon halbe Niedersachsen .. :D
Im Pott sind die Leute wesentlich zugänglicher, aber auch nicht so dermaßen "vorne nett, hintenrum Arschloch", wie in Bayern und Teilen von Ba-Wü.
Ionatic Das ist echt witzig, das scheint wirklich am Wohnort zu liegen. Mein Opa kam auch aus Westfalen und wie du dich beschrieben hast könnte auch, 1 zu 1, er sein 😊 Aber ganz ehrlich, dass ist mir immer noch lieber als dieser überdramatische gehabe. Also bis thumb up 🖒
Autokorrektur....Gehabe groß...bis soll big sein 🤗
5:44 That's just sick. And that's coming from a German. You get the insurance and that's it. I had a ten minute conversation about insurances with a friend once and then we just complained how frickin expensive it is.
Yeah, never had a discussion about insurance myself, and never witnessed one either. I do think that's more of a Germanman-thing than a German thing. :D
More than once I came into a discussion about a glasses insurance from Fielman and the question always was, "does it make sense and does it safe money to have it". But of course, one needs to be severely visually impaired to think about it. If a person is out of commission without their glasses and can't even walk the street, it becomes vitally important to know how to be covered without going bankrupt when needing a replacement.
I'm french, and I was with a German like a boyfriend. And before our relationship, he said '' ich hab dich lieb '' ( I love you like a friend ) and during our relationship he said '' ich liebe dich '' ( I love you because you're my girlfriend ). So, I think that it's very important for Germans to say this or another thing which isn't the same thing for being more honest ( I don't know if you understood )...
Studying German here, we were taught “Freund” as “friend”, without any mention of the difference between “friend” and “boyfriend”. Which apparently caused a bit of awkwardness when my mother was on a student exchange in Munich, staying with her (platonic!) pen friend...
Oddly, novia/novio and amiga/amigo came up pretty early when I started learning Spanish. Not sure if that’s German v Spanish or just different teaching styles...
James Sutherland, I think that this difference is interessant. Because the Germans make the difference between love as a friend and boyfriend in the sentence '' I love you ''. For example, in France, we say just '' je t'aime '' for friend and boyfriend ( or girlfriend too ) it's the same thing in English, but not in German... And yes, when I was studying German, my teach didn't make the difference between '' ich hab dich lieb '', und '' ich liebe dich '' und '' Freund '' too...
I am French too and I migrated to Germany as a child. I and my german girlfriend mostly use "ich hab dich lieb" because it is much closer to the French feeling of "je t'aime" which is cosy and nice and usable in a lot of different relationships - and as a result, at least to us, feels more encompassing than "Ich liebe dich" which is very adult, very "my partner/spouse opposed to everyone else in the world", very "I want to make sure that the person understands how serious I am and to make sure they understand I need to change they way I speak about love".
Dan Dironotequado thanks you very much for this explain :) my ex boyfriend said that '' ich hab dich lieb '' is more for friends, but it's different for you... I think it's very hard to explain the difference, and everyone has a different explain...
Anna from my point of view the expression "ich hab dich Lieb" means the same as in spanish "te quiero". You say it to your friends, family, pets, whatever. But "te amo" or the german "ich liebe dich" is more intense and meaningful. You say it to someone you're like really in love with. At leat that's is how I, as a spanish speaker, have learned the difference between ich hab dich lieb and ich liebe dich. But there might be some nuances inbetween that i'm not aware of
I swear "Mr. German Man" is the funniest name for a spouse I have ever heard 🤣
I am german, I work for the statitual social health insurence, but I never never never discuss insurences with friends in my free time.
I'm gonna need a follow up on the insurance: what insurances exist in Germany that don't in the US?
Emily Hartman I want to know too
health insurance :D
Can only guess but first and foremost that would probably be universal health insurance. It is part of the social insurnces everyone has and that furthermore include: unemployment insurance, occupational accident insurance, pension insurance and nursing care insurance. (They are obligatory insurances and covered by taxes, which is also why there is so much to discuss; when discussing insurances it is really more of a political discussion than anything else). - And then you also have other insurances like life insurance, legal protection/expenses insurance, household (contents) insurance, (private) accident insurance, (private) health care insurance, car insurance (or any other vehicle you may have), something called "Vermögensversicherung" (= lit. wealth insurance) and liability insurance. I think those are the insurances most people here have.
You can get insurance to cover just about anything. For example we have a sort or renter's insurance that also extends to my husband's work. So if he lost his key to his office building the insurance would pay for the re-keying and replacement of all the locks which would cost thousands of Euros.
I was looking into being a nanny here in Germany and I would have to get my own special insurance to cover me at the family's home. So say I broke the stove or if the child had an accident while I was taking care of them the insurance would cover the expenses.
Another interesting thing you can get through some companies is vacation insurance. If for some reason you can't go on the trip due to provable unfortunate circumstances (like a death in the family, a natural disaster, etc.) the company will refund your money with its coverage.
I wanna know this, too!
I felt annoyed by the expressed level of excitement and joy that you had just by talking about those things. Yep, I'm pretty german I guess :D.
Jakob Polhammer Imagine living with her 24/7: "OhmyGooood I LIKE haad the most SUPERRRR amazing glass of waterrrr of my entire life, like literally amazingggg,it was like,wet and in an actual glass, like OhmyGawwwd, soo superrr exciteddd!"
😅😝
Yep. I'm Czech, which basically means the significantly more emotional and friendly version of Germans, and even I find that girl's chirpiness and all those completely exaggerated smiles absolutely unbearable.
Ich wollte ja nichts sagen, aber ich kann diese Aufgeregtheit auch nicht ertragen. Wie'n Zuckerschock.
If talking about this video, we the Dutch and the German people look a lot alike! ;)
Ainiewainy swamp germans
I'm Irish and my boyfriend is German, so our humour is slightly different. For example, he says something that makes me laugh and my crazy-ass sounding laugh makes him laugh!