The Dilemma Of Loneliness

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  • Опубліковано 23 лис 2019
  • Solitude has its dark sides. But so has socializing.
    Cuts, voice, footage, script by Einzelgänger. I also used Creative Commons (links below) licensed material from Storyblocks (links available upon request).
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    Music used:
    pATCHES - Those Things Are More Fun With Other People
    pATCHES - Shameless Life Wisdom Sendoff
    The Whole Other - Beyond the Lows
    Creative commons:
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    #loneliness #solitude #socialisolation

КОМЕНТАРІ • 1,1 тис.

  • @cs-hr1mq
    @cs-hr1mq 4 роки тому +815

    “Lonliness doesn't come from having no one around you, but from being unable to communicate the things that are important to you”
    -Carl Jung

    • @dionysiuschiu5995
      @dionysiuschiu5995 4 роки тому +8

      oh wow.

    • @soufiane6873
      @soufiane6873 4 роки тому +16

      Ouch! that's profound, I feel like crying.
      PS: I'm a loner, amixture of "by-choice" and "depressed" loner.

    • @afonsossl1941
      @afonsossl1941 4 роки тому +4

      To talk about and discuss themes, experiences and ideas that really matter to you, yes

    • @Casey35516
      @Casey35516 4 роки тому +2

      @@dionysiuschiu5995 Why the 'oh wow'?

    • @kristine8338
      @kristine8338 3 роки тому +2

      That's good one.

  • @chanjacky7723
    @chanjacky7723 4 роки тому +715

    The Dilemma Of Loneliness.
    *Recommended for you.*

  • @furyreset6611
    @furyreset6611 4 роки тому +938

    "Don't strive to make your presence noticed, just make your absence felted."

    • @MrCanigou
      @MrCanigou 4 роки тому +36

      You made me discover that beautiful quote. Allow me to correct its last verb to just "felt" !

    • @idontknow3108
      @idontknow3108 4 роки тому +2

      Y would anyone wanna feel ur abaence lol

    • @coolpfpbut9505
      @coolpfpbut9505 4 роки тому +5

      Once i die i will

    • @TimMer1981
      @TimMer1981 4 роки тому +19

      @@coolpfpbut9505 It's harsh, but in most cases it's the truth. Most people don't realize what they have until it's truly gone.

    • @lostmeinspace
      @lostmeinspace 4 роки тому +1

      Do you have more quotes like this?

  • @IsaacRizard
    @IsaacRizard 4 роки тому +620

    Being alone is a physical state, loneliness is a state of mind.

    • @alekvillarreal3470
      @alekvillarreal3470 4 роки тому +3

      Well put

    • @jimbeam4140
      @jimbeam4140 4 роки тому +22

      If you're alone long enough, even the greatest state of mind will lead to loneliness.

    • @pb_x
      @pb_x 4 роки тому +2

      Some people are atheist.

    • @alec3979
      @alec3979 4 роки тому +10

      I agree that people can influence their state of mind, but loneliness being just a state of mind? A statement like that I feel undermines and discounts what I'm going through, and what others are going through. Like I'm supposed to just be tougher or somehow repress and deny my want for social interactions and experiences?

    • @IsaacRizard
      @IsaacRizard 4 роки тому

      @@alec3979 I don't think that's the takeaway intended for this statement. The distinction between the two states provide clearer context for you to take proper remedial actions, which may otherwise be lost amidst the foggy and hazy, cortisol-laced monologue in our mind. Your statement indicated criss-crossing between these two states, creating a dangerous feedback loop towards depression.

  • @graydtx
    @graydtx 4 роки тому +412

    It's just like anything in life - you need balance.

  • @venkatemadabathuni7670
    @venkatemadabathuni7670 4 роки тому +431

    To all the lonely people out there watching this video .🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗
    I wish I could hug all of you.
    Love from INDIA.

    • @roehanostornsyn3367
      @roehanostornsyn3367 4 роки тому +9

      Hello from the US

    • @ladyshaya
      @ladyshaya 4 роки тому +20

      Hello from Sweden. I really need a rl-hug, but digital will have to do. Digital hugs all around to anyone who wants and needs! 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗

    • @roehanostornsyn3367
      @roehanostornsyn3367 4 роки тому +4

      @@ladyshaya 🤗🤗

    • @judorican973
      @judorican973 4 роки тому +3

      Hello from Paterson Nj USA 🇺🇸

    • @ourochroma
      @ourochroma 4 роки тому +2

      Heyyy. Thank you. have a nice day :)

  • @matthiasthulman4058
    @matthiasthulman4058 4 роки тому +734

    I just get tired of feeling like I'm only someone's friend as long as I'm useful or beneficial to that person/group of people.
    It makes me distrust everyone and feel inherently jaded.

    • @budblack1766
      @budblack1766 4 роки тому +8

      Matthias Thulman I have the same feelings

    • @teresa8020
      @teresa8020 4 роки тому +59

      Same. It sucks. I feel like I care for people but I'll never get it back.

    • @Tecnetkb
      @Tecnetkb 4 роки тому +5

      It's a natural phenomenon. Like schools, cohesion between people is related to risk perception/needs. When living conditions improve people move away.

    • @matthiasthulman4058
      @matthiasthulman4058 4 роки тому +28

      @@teresa8020 that's the worst part, I think. It makes me callous and cold to people, when all I really want is for someone to say 'Hi'

    • @1stPersonStateConsciousness
      @1stPersonStateConsciousness 4 роки тому +22

      Its painful when you comb through childhood and highschool seeing friends were only fake

  • @lord_of_gingers
    @lord_of_gingers 4 роки тому +59

    It’s a paradox of wanting to belong, but it seems every time I’m around people I feel even more alone than when I’m by myself.

  • @babatundeswana9361
    @babatundeswana9361 4 роки тому +274

    I have had the social life I'm much happier being a loner I love the complete freedom of solitude I'm a introvert

    • @lovepeaceisneverguaranteed7385
      @lovepeaceisneverguaranteed7385 4 роки тому +7

      Same

    • @coolpfpbut9505
      @coolpfpbut9505 4 роки тому +4

      Yea thats what an introvert does

    • @reflecttheinside
      @reflecttheinside 4 роки тому +3

      Nasty run-on sentence there, chief; otherwise I respect your opinion!

    • @MaxDamage1984
      @MaxDamage1984 4 роки тому +41

      I'm an introvert too and I like to do things on my own, but even introverts need to have a minimum of real life social interactions. If an introvert goes too long without ANY social connection, he too will start to feel lonely rather then feeling alone...

    • @Savvynomad225
      @Savvynomad225 4 роки тому +6

      Yep, social life creates such a high pressure, unsettling life. I prefer a quiet, intentional life with a few good friends over constant parties and navigating people.

  • @lostmeinspace
    @lostmeinspace 4 роки тому +476

    I predict 90% viewers of this channel are alone including the creator.

  • @andreapelayo781
    @andreapelayo781 4 роки тому +91

    My choosing to isolate myself has helped me become much more aware of the toxic relationships I participated in which in turn has allowed me to be clear in who I am and establish healthy boundaries. No man is an island, however. I do yern for more meaningful relationships now.

    • @kveldulf3605
      @kveldulf3605 4 роки тому

      I think maybe I'm to far gone now to know if it's what's needed.

    • @FranzMOesig
      @FranzMOesig 4 роки тому +3

      Its the quality of relationship that counts. There are many toxic people out there.

    • @CitySky_
      @CitySky_ 4 роки тому +1

      @Destroyer I'm invading your personal space and sending you a virtual hug anyway! :) If all men went monk mode I'd be so sad!

    • @iliveinsideyourhouse3943
      @iliveinsideyourhouse3943 4 роки тому

      I never been in any relationships.

    • @hugmc
      @hugmc 4 роки тому

      Andrea Pelayo Good luck on your journey 🙏

  • @user-ec8ed8ht9k
    @user-ec8ed8ht9k 4 роки тому +81

    When I am alone, nobody is judging me. When nobody is judging me, I feel content with myself and am therefore happy. I lie in bed and tell myself that the happiness is false, that true happiness only comes by belonging in a society and achieving things. But I think every person should have the right to choose the kind of happiness he wants. I am a recluse because I was born with qualities that make me a recluse. These are the cards I've been dealt, and I will live accordingly. Society leads me to believe that being a recluse equals being a loser, but I choose not to be mislead and will instead find my own happiness alone.

    • @kalisundari
      @kalisundari 4 роки тому +1

      Your own happiness and the kind of happiness you choose -is- true happiness!☺️👌🏽

    • @dennismclaurin1487
      @dennismclaurin1487 Рік тому

      I'm alone, and judged.
      BELIEVE ME; I'M ALONE AND JUDGED!!

  • @abebber2008
    @abebber2008 4 роки тому +250

    Loneliness isn't the real problem. The problem is how poorly some people are treated on a consistent basis and it causes them to withdraw and not as easily express themselves in society. It's mainly due to the media's psychological programming and most people are hardwired to only value other people only if they are good looking, successful, charismatic, etc.. No one is ever able to value and see someone correctly from a truly objective perspective, the subjective nature of how we experience life does not allow us to be able to see tbe complete truth or beauty within anything, our subjective perspective is always changing, almost like an illusion.
    The amount of uproar over the Joker movie and the discussions it has caused shows me that while human life has evolved for thousands of years, we as a society have a serious issue with how we treat and value human life at out current time. Most humans would rather create new words like 'incel' to further reinforce a social hierarchy within society and label you as some word that is beneath them. That's all the world wants to do with you. To label you as inaccurately as possible until you mentally accept that negative stereotype/idea of yourself

    • @ashleywhispers4331
      @ashleywhispers4331 4 роки тому +20

      I agree, if you’re like me and less than a 5 it’s hard, people inherently treat ugly people different and with disgust. It’s even beeen proven that ppl find attractive ppl more trustworthy which is ridiculous to base that quality on looks!

    • @iliveinsideyourhouse3943
      @iliveinsideyourhouse3943 4 роки тому +3

      WE LIVE IN SOCIETY
      Nah jk, I agreed. But having a good social skill help a lots even if you're ugly.

    • @DoGmAnGuY1758
      @DoGmAnGuY1758 4 роки тому +6

      I remember learning about Labeling Theory in sociology. Not that the whole field is correct all the time (none are except things like Math) but I always felt intuitively that it made sense. And now I see it happening all around me, and to myself. It's sad really.

    • @dumbguitarist2334
      @dumbguitarist2334 4 роки тому +9

      People see me as a joke

    • @abebber2008
      @abebber2008 4 роки тому +4

      @@dumbguitarist2334 It is a huge problem. I appreciate your honesty.

  • @mirrorm00n
    @mirrorm00n 4 роки тому +12

    Loneliness stems from the creeping frustration and despair that our human need to connect is slowly disappearing. Especially when we want to share something but have no one to share it with.

  • @tertiuscarstens7084
    @tertiuscarstens7084 4 роки тому +75

    I’m an introvert and have no problem with being alone. But being around my family (who are extroverts) can become painfully lonely.

    • @keithfleming3221
      @keithfleming3221 4 роки тому +3

      This exactly

    • @MetaPhysical369
      @MetaPhysical369 4 роки тому +2

      I can relate! 😔

    • @luisdireito
      @luisdireito 3 роки тому +2

      Say hello to family gatherings on the holidays -.- I just can't cope. I can't even do small talk anymore. I mean, literally, I no longer know how to do small talk with relatives. The result: you talk even less than you already used to and, consequently, you feel even more lonely around them.

    • @True38
      @True38 2 роки тому

      @@luisdireito No point in making small talk. Only open your mouth if you're gonna say something meaningful. Otherwise, just shut up. Most people just gossip and talk about other people. Only small minds do. Great minds discuss ideas.

  • @victor-zi7bu
    @victor-zi7bu 4 роки тому +23

    I feel like in every friendship I’ve ever been in, I either have to over extend myself or am smothered

  • @stablestoic1491
    @stablestoic1491 4 роки тому +112

    As an introvert & empath, I generally prefer only to be around other empathetic people. People that lack empathy generally repel me.
    I might even go so far as to suggest the main reason I'm introverted is the general lack of genuine empathy in the world and 98% of the people in my immediate circles. I do try to not let it get me down though. I always try to set an example to others of what ( in my mind ) a human being with empathy is. Stoicism with a squeeze of Buddhism seems to help me stay sane.

    • @internetcivilian1354
      @internetcivilian1354 4 роки тому +9

      Me too, hanging around people with empathy is like a relief that'll stop my loud thoughts.

    • @BienAimee868
      @BienAimee868 4 роки тому +6

      People who lack empathy are like vampires

    • @crypticchaos9715
      @crypticchaos9715 4 роки тому +5

      I can relate to you a lot.

    • @stablestoic1491
      @stablestoic1491 4 роки тому +2

      @@crypticchaos9715 One of us, one of us, one of us. McKenna did say "Find the Others"

    • @crypticchaos9715
      @crypticchaos9715 4 роки тому

      @@stablestoic1491 Well hello fellow.

  • @voisart
    @voisart 4 роки тому +216

    As a loner living in a Southeast Asian culture, Western Individualism as you explained in this video sounds like heaven to me.
    I can't believe there's a world where you can mind your own business without feeling guilty about it!
    I often feel lonely not when I'm alone, but when I'm out and about with people I know. There is always a pressure of having to fit it in the group and that just makes me feel more lonely. When a culture expects everyone to conform, it isolates the ones who don't. This is something I have to experience daily at school and it feels really bad.
    Again, I would love to visit a Western country someday. Individualism sounds like a utopian paradise for us loners!

    • @mythoughts2649
      @mythoughts2649 4 роки тому +22

      Too HAVE to be part of a group is stressful. You’re not allowed to be yourself.

    • @arjunbatra2072
      @arjunbatra2072 4 роки тому +1

      Bhai india se hai?

    • @ivanhelmut1043
      @ivanhelmut1043 4 роки тому +15

      I think it's really about living in a place where people understand the need for the healthy balance between being connected and respecting individual power and freedom. Not all people living in the West (or developed countriy) understand or have the capacity to understand this 'need for balance'. Too much individualism in the West -- with their excessive focus on being competitive, being better than your neighbor, by focusing on yourself and "working harder" -- can be taxing on the soul too. The author of this video is right about this dilemma of loneliness, and the need for balance, but unfortunately wherever we may be, whether in the West, developed country, or the East or collective societies, we have to deal with people who either do not want to understand or do not have the capacity to understand both the dilemma and the need for a healthy balance because these people in my opinion are kept stuck in a low frequency. It's all about fear (of mortality) keeping them from understanding the dilemma and the need for balance. Whether it's in the West/developed country or in the East or developing country, people's fear of their mortality are driving them to remain like animals always hunting or wary of being hunted, and so they treat fellow human beings as a threat. The focus is to survive, to win. This is the low frequency that I am talking about.

    • @julg3498
      @julg3498 4 роки тому

      SAME!

    • @gabrielnormanpalana4622
      @gabrielnormanpalana4622 4 роки тому +7

      Im from Asia living in the U.S. half my life. You’ll be dealing with racial discrimination more here that leads to “individualism” what you thought would be a utopian paradise.

  • @powerbeard5653
    @powerbeard5653 4 роки тому +30

    loneliness is just a survival instinct
    i never asked for this

  • @davidvavra9113
    @davidvavra9113 4 роки тому +87

    Many of us are about to be hit with a ton of holiday, especially Christmas, forced social interactions.
    It might be worth a video.

    • @ladyshaya
      @ladyshaya 4 роки тому +9

      Should include the perspective of those forced for various reasons to spend Christmas alone, who would've liked to have one or two people to celebrate with at least.

    • @coolpfpbut9505
      @coolpfpbut9505 4 роки тому

      My family doesnt celebrate holidays so no forced interactions here

    • @iboremytherapist
      @iboremytherapist 4 роки тому +5

      holidays are the worst. it feels so mandatory to be social and happy and society crams this down my throat

    • @coolpfpbut9505
      @coolpfpbut9505 4 роки тому

      @@iboremytherapist more of a cultural issue than it is societal but i know what you mean

    • @iliveinsideyourhouse3943
      @iliveinsideyourhouse3943 4 роки тому +1

      During holiday, while everyone goes out with friends and family, I just do my things alone at home.

  • @vontepaige7284
    @vontepaige7284 4 роки тому +20

    I feel like when people talk about loneliness and social isolation, it comes off as if it’s the persons fault who is lonely, depressed, and isolated. Lots of people who are lonely don’t mind being sociable and connecting with other people. We just know who to trust and who not to trust. Unfortunately, there’s a lot of negativity and negative people in this world and you have to be careful with who you share your personality with because people can and will try to take advantage of it; which can lead to being lonely and isolated because there isn’t a lot people you can trust. You have to protect yourself. And by making people feel guilty of being lonely and depressed doesn’t make things any better. And you also don’t know the persons back story on why he or she is lonely. There’s a reason for everything and people need to be more sensitive other to people’s feelings because every one of us has been and still are going through certain circumstances in our lives.

    • @davidlopez-rl4sh
      @davidlopez-rl4sh 4 роки тому +1

      True I feel like I like to be alone but that doesn't mean I choose to be lonely but imagine trying to strike up a conversation on the bus or train or the elevator it seems like peaple are way more comfortable talking when they are drunk. I see it all the time when I am working with my food truck after midnight strangers talk to each other about different things and yo can see how easily it is to connect with drunk guys. They even come over to me all the time and half the time they are not even eating they are just coming to see how I am doing or how my business works and that's good cause I love to talk but get peaple in a sober situation and the conversation sucks. Sometimes peaple need to open up a little more but like you said cannot trust everyone.

  • @Twopointslow
    @Twopointslow 4 роки тому +10

    It’s so hard to make real friends these days 😞 friends, a gf, someone to talk to. Ppl always come and go.

  • @K1RTB
    @K1RTB 4 роки тому +85

    I felt lonely until I started being there for myself.

    • @gail9566
      @gail9566 4 роки тому +4

      What did you do to achieve that?

    • @K1RTB
      @K1RTB 4 роки тому +20

      @@gail9566 For me the first realization was that my loneliness was not caused by external factors. I could be on a week long vacation with friends, come home and be overwhelmed by a deep feeliing of loneliness. Which to me felt absurd.
      It boils down to a single sentence that I say to myself when I feel loneliness creeping up: "I am there for you." The "you" being myself.
      This may seem stupidly simple but for me it caused me to be more kind and more forgiving towards myself and it also meant that I started doing things for myself like eating better or working out.

    • @riseset244
      @riseset244 3 роки тому +2

      thank you for this. It helped me

    • @True38
      @True38 2 роки тому

      @@K1RTB I feel more alone when I'm out with other people than when I'm completely home alone. It's kind of depressing, to be honest, but at least I enjoy my own company as an introvert.

  • @robotnielsen5434
    @robotnielsen5434 4 роки тому +23

    His comment about connecting with people on the internet just struck a cord with me. That’s exactly what we are ALL doing right now. I wish you ALL the best!❤️

    • @vicsaul5459
      @vicsaul5459 4 роки тому

      concur c; . distancing is the new normal

  • @cc-fl2eg
    @cc-fl2eg 4 роки тому +11

    When you get so lonely, you don’t really feel lonely anymore. Shadows and the eerie sounds of your cage are your only visitors now.

  • @killer4kash
    @killer4kash 4 роки тому +24

    I mean I kinda feel that as an adult with a job I am forced into social interactions everyday just to make a living. When I come home and can be alone, that is when I'm actually at peace.

  • @karlinguk
    @karlinguk 4 роки тому +11

    The fallout from this exponentially increasing technological age has been a breakdown in real community, real neighbourhoods, real bonding, prioritising time for togetherness....its all become fragmented and virtual and egocentric.
    Life has become too complicated and distorted.. We've been brainwashed and lost what it is to be a friend, a neighbour a part of the community..

    • @itismeanttobe
      @itismeanttobe 3 роки тому

      While these technologies came to aid this exact reason it became its enemy

  • @ronin3635
    @ronin3635 4 роки тому +133

    Most people just aren't worth being around them. It's the quality of the people, not the quantity. And to know quality people, you need to spend time alone, if not, your just a person who wants quantity of people, no matter how they are and because of this you become like them. But in the end the best company is always gonna be with yourself, that is when you find yourself, and you have to spend time alone for that

    • @robg8784
      @robg8784 4 роки тому +3

      Peace and Love to You For Sharing Your Thoughts...Thank you

    • @nealrigger
      @nealrigger 4 роки тому +1

      i often wonder if i am that someone worth having around. it admittedly makes me feel inadequate at times

    • @leonbelmont4028
      @leonbelmont4028 4 роки тому +1

      but whose to say that your judgment of people is correct ? maybe other people are fine and the problem lies within you ? this can very tricky sometimes. but i hope you find the "quality people" that you are looking for since social interaction is pretty important for us humans.

    • @buildinpsylence
      @buildinpsylence 4 роки тому

      Gotta spend a lot of time alone for sure

    • @hata6290
      @hata6290 4 роки тому

      not for all people

  • @zerofrank
    @zerofrank 4 роки тому +9

    You are one of the few UA-cam Content Creators with whom I can connect my feelings with on a personal level. I really admire your work and your content a lot. You have helped many people like to me to generate clean ideas of the 'Self' and way of living. I look forward to seeing more of such topics from you cause these are just a delight to watch and understand. Cheers!

  • @boyboy1808
    @boyboy1808 4 роки тому +13

    Loneliness is beautiful when you enjoy the company of who you’re left with

  • @rondecker2488
    @rondecker2488 4 роки тому +4

    After my wife passed away almost 3 years ago, I've slowly been consumed with isolation, although I've attained my p/t job. I'm particular about the people I enjoy being with.
    I've been hurt way too many times over my life, therefore I protect myself from the pain of rejection, etc.

    • @davidlopez-rl4sh
      @davidlopez-rl4sh 4 роки тому +1

      Sorry for your loss hopefully you can make as least one friend. I don't have alot I had two friends that I could call at anytime but one passed away a few months ago. Its always good to have someone to reach out to who can relate

  • @mr.goldfish1530
    @mr.goldfish1530 4 роки тому +6

    I don't choose to be alone. I just don't know where to go or what to do.

  • @Digetter
    @Digetter 4 роки тому +7

    This video has perfect timing. I was just struggling with my brother trying to explain why I didn’t want to come to a family gathering. Now I can just show him this. Thanks

    • @Haruzak1
      @Haruzak1 4 роки тому +2

      Digetter Even though you like being alone, family is still part of important thing in your life. You grew up with them and they’re always be there first whenever you’re at worst situation.

  • @Goatfellas780
    @Goatfellas780 4 роки тому +3

    thank you for your video. i have gone through this dilemma unresolved for sometime and just recently accepted being lonely for being productive in other matters of my life and recognize we arent truely alone

  • @robotnielsen5434
    @robotnielsen5434 4 роки тому +2

    Thanks, you honestly make the best videos. Thank you for everything you do!

  • @sussekind9717
    @sussekind9717 4 роки тому +19

    I certainly get your point. Having spent my formative years (13 to 24) in Germany, amongst people who detest small talk, and sometimes seem rather stand offish and cold.
    However, when you make friends, they are rather warm and embracing.
    The last 35 years I've spent living in Florida, and because of my job I travel all through the eastern and central United States.
    In the South, people are very outgoing and in many situations small talk is expected and considered rude if you do not engage. In the northern United States it seemed to be somewhere in the middle. They are not quite as outgoing, but will quickly warm up to somebody they recently met.
    Isn't it strange how to be alone, is a different prospect, depending on where you reside?
    As well as the amount of times one seems obligated to converse, or obligated to be withholding.
    Humans have some strange customs, amongst their many tribes.

    • @Lotusblume.8
      @Lotusblume.8 4 роки тому

      Susse Kind I agree with you. Do you still live in Florida? I lived in Germany for almost 20 years and now live in south Florida. It’s very different here and all my friends are in Germany. I have my family here at least so that’s pretty good. Lol.

    • @sussekind9717
      @sussekind9717 4 роки тому +1

      @@Lotusblume.8
      Yes, I still live in Florida. And it's the same with me with my family. My mother is the only one on my maternal side that lives here, but my aunt and cousins from my father's side, also reside here in the Tampa Bay area.
      There seems to be quite a few German transplants here in Florida.
      There is a large and vibrant German-american society here as well.
      We just got done having a huge 3 day Octoberfest celebration last month.
      Lots of schnitzel, bratwurst, cured hams and of course beer (real beer, kristal weizen and warsteiner on tap).
      It's one of those rare times, than I come out of my shell.

    • @Lotusblume.8
      @Lotusblume.8 4 роки тому

      Susse Kind Shame we don’t live closer! Yes I also need to go to the German meetups. I will do it eventually! Lol.

    • @charleselikana9039
      @charleselikana9039 4 роки тому

      @@Lotusblume.8 wow amazing

  • @vibesandvitality6294
    @vibesandvitality6294 4 роки тому +7

    I work alone so much more than I used to - in 2017 I encountered a medical problem that hospitalized me for the month and gave me my first taste of true true isolation in my life, this was good because I was able to develop skills and soul search easily. Like you said, it came with the sacrifice of others because I found a form on comfort in operating this way. It’s a double edged sword though, I find it hard to make friends nowadays and when we link up all I want to do is sneak away and keep skill building. This has introduced issues into my love life as well as destroyed my bonds with others. I recommend take the social route but have the strength and wisdom to set guidelines with friends so they know when you want to be alone to work. ❤️

  • @MrAdityashankar
    @MrAdityashankar 4 роки тому +8

    How can UA-cam understand what dilemmas go in my head and recommend the same video for me? 😲
    Anyway I'm glad that I came across this excellent video.

  • @craftycub
    @craftycub 4 роки тому +2

    What a wonderful video! Great job going through the pros and cons of our social interaction or lack thereof in a non judgmental way.

  • @thoomm
    @thoomm 3 роки тому

    Thank you Soooo much for all the content in your channel! I feel understood like i rarely do. Wish you all guys the very best alonetime but not so much lonely-time

  • @bunsenn5064
    @bunsenn5064 2 роки тому +4

    I can really tell I have a problem when loneliness becomes so physically painful that thoughts of suicide are soothing and relieving to me. I just want to stop feeling the constant pain I’ve felt for longer than I can remember.

  • @natashamudford4011
    @natashamudford4011 4 роки тому +23

    I find that if I am going to hang out with people, they MUST have some depth to them. Shallow people talk about other people. Moderately deep people talk about events. Deep people talk about concepts and philosophies, etc...

    • @valianttruth3745
      @valianttruth3745 4 роки тому

      Exactly!

    • @natashamudford4011
      @natashamudford4011 4 роки тому

      @Pulling the Strings
      Are you that boring?

    • @simons.6029
      @simons.6029 4 роки тому +1

      @Pulling the Strings xD xD xD you made me laugh so hard, thank you!

    • @hardikkarelia3783
      @hardikkarelia3783 3 роки тому

      Couldn't agree more with you.

    • @escrivaodegalarran1098
      @escrivaodegalarran1098 2 роки тому

      Isn't that just a different depth? You're looking down on someone who's so empty inside they have to surround themselves with whatever isn't about them but others.
      You aren't after something deep, you're just after same tastes, in this case, the taste being a group of subjects.

  • @barbaras.a.4438
    @barbaras.a.4438 Рік тому +1

    Thank you !! Dit had ik echt even nodig - zo duidelijk en begrijpelijk. Dank dank dank

  • @firemanpalisades
    @firemanpalisades 4 роки тому +1

    Sunday morning church, thank you, love your videos 🙏

  • @yogeshadhikari1035
    @yogeshadhikari1035 4 роки тому +4

    The way you explain is great

  • @stevesayewich8594
    @stevesayewich8594 4 роки тому +36

    So much wisdom in today's, "church," service. From the movie, "Heat," -I am alone but I am not lonely.- Or, from the movie, "Barfly,"
    -I don't mind people. I just feel better when they are not around.-
    It is all about that delicate balance. As I approach the end game of my life, solitude has become that much more important to me. Keep up the good work and thank you.

    • @dannyboythelastman1944
      @dannyboythelastman1944 4 роки тому

      or from the thin red line: I am alone only around people

    • @stevesayewich8594
      @stevesayewich8594 4 роки тому

      @@dannyboythelastman1944 Thank you , Danny boy. Being a vet as a Captain during the war in SEA, I love Terrance Malick's, "The Thin Red Line."

    • @internetcivilian1354
      @internetcivilian1354 4 роки тому

      You are right, being around people feels like you are socially and emotionally isolated

  • @rodrigocarvalho6426
    @rodrigocarvalho6426 4 роки тому

    These questions have been around my head for some time. Great video!

  • @rottenradish5459
    @rottenradish5459 2 роки тому

    This video is such a blessing, and I lived in Jakarta (it is nice to see pieces of this city in this video) thanks for making this. Subscribed!

  • @jermfanaccount
    @jermfanaccount 4 роки тому +10

    even with my friends right beside me, i feel incredibly lonely and incomplete, like theres something missing and i just dont know what. i feel lonely no matter how many people im hanging out with and it sucks.

    • @davidlopez-rl4sh
      @davidlopez-rl4sh 4 роки тому

      They don't like to discuss your interests I find alot of times when I am lonely start of asking questions about whatever it is they like and then peaple vibe with you alot better

  • @tbrew222
    @tbrew222 4 роки тому +21

    We feel unsafe without a tribe. It's evolution

    • @True38
      @True38 2 роки тому

      You are much stronger without one. There's no replacement for independence and self-reliance.

  • @aval6601
    @aval6601 2 роки тому

    I adore all your videos. Thank you for your hard work.

  • @justinehailey3870
    @justinehailey3870 4 роки тому

    thank you. this has perfectly encapsulated what I have felt throughout the years, from being born into the philippines, and moving into new zealand. I feel more compelled to balance things now instead of resisting one or the other. your videos have helped me develop so much in many ways I could not have thought of before.

  • @m7_rd574
    @m7_rd574 4 роки тому +5

    Loneliness leads to further loneliness and that make it even hard for you to be social..

  • @user-gy7bg1rv6o
    @user-gy7bg1rv6o 4 роки тому +7

    It needs a strong personality to keep strict boundaries.
    Being able to state them and keep them.
    It is exhausting when we are around the wrong people.

  • @I_Am_McZee
    @I_Am_McZee 4 роки тому

    This video is so powerful, so so so powerful. I love the depth in this.

  • @manelcastro4260
    @manelcastro4260 4 роки тому

    Interesting insight, you've summarized an internal dilemma I've been battling with for about 10 years now or so. It's not yet fully resolved but I decided to limit my social circle. This helps me maintain deep connections, and eliminate sacrificing my solitude. Keeping a journal really helps a lot.

  • @1stPersonStateConsciousness
    @1stPersonStateConsciousness 4 роки тому +7

    I cant even remember the last time I had a conversation and Im not talking about small talk

    • @provokingtruth7117
      @provokingtruth7117 4 роки тому +1

      It's overrated. Smoke some weed and play the Witcher

  • @ti3domi
    @ti3domi 4 роки тому +10

    Moved to a big city and never felt lonelier. I feel alone everyday, even when I'm right next to my partner. So depressing.

  • @AJ-pc2gl
    @AJ-pc2gl Рік тому

    Striking a balance. Love your content. So relatable

  • @BriKinsella
    @BriKinsella 2 роки тому +1

    Excellent video, I've watched yours many times since losing my wife two years ago and striving (after 46 years) to embrace a life alone. Thank you, you produce enlightening videos!

  • @vlogmall1131
    @vlogmall1131 4 роки тому +37

    Loneliness is eating my life slowly slowly

    • @FaveORitt
      @FaveORitt 4 роки тому +5

      Vlog Mall me too

    • @vlogmall1131
      @vlogmall1131 4 роки тому +1

      I pray from God don't give me death of loneliness. Give me death between crowds and while working

    • @Haruzak1
      @Haruzak1 4 роки тому +2

      yeah, die in loneliness is the worst

    • @vlogmall1131
      @vlogmall1131 4 роки тому +4

      I am just alive not living.

    • @hugmc
      @hugmc 4 роки тому +1

      Vlog Mall learning self love and do any and everything that helps. Don’t be alone please I have been there and I am so happy now 🙏🇮🇪

  • @The_One_Eyed_Rouge
    @The_One_Eyed_Rouge 4 роки тому +29

    It really hurts, like really. Im dealing/ accepting loneliness though, i just feel that people dont really understand me anymore...

    • @davidlopez-rl4sh
      @davidlopez-rl4sh 4 роки тому +1

      My identity changed so much that my family and friends don't care to keep in touch. There was not alot of peaple around in the first place so it's all good

    • @BlakeSD
      @BlakeSD 4 роки тому

      Feel free to check out my UA-cam surfing videos. I think, you might enjoy it ;)

  • @ivanhelmut1043
    @ivanhelmut1043 4 роки тому +1

    I have been watching videos from this channel for sometime now and I want to thank you for yet another sound and soul-enriching video. As a Filipino (which is a 'hybrid' of the East and the West due to colonization), as someone who has lived both in Asia and the West, this video confirms most of the pros and cons of being in a collectivist and in an individualistic culture. I have struggled with the pressure of conforming to "collective pressures and expectations" and losing my own identity, freedom and agency but I've also experienced the downside of "too much individualism". And yes, nothing beats physical human real-time interaction compared to a cyber one. We are all energy beings and unfortunately there are still low frequencies that hinder or disrupt many of us from having meaningful connections that still respect and uphold our own individual power and identity. I think only folks who watch channels like this understand what I am talking about, but it's a real challenge because many in the world, I believe, are being kept in a state of mind so that these lower disruptive frequencies are propagated. Yes, propagated; I think it's deliberate. Wishing you all here a Happy Monday from my corner of the world. Take care. Cheers!

  • @mohamedkannou6142
    @mohamedkannou6142 3 роки тому

    Amazing video. This is a subject I've been thinking about since I left my home country for the USA. The way you analyzed it definitely help put things into perspective. Thanks!

  • @tdoublejr
    @tdoublejr 3 роки тому +4

    This is so timely. I literally don’t want to go to lunch with my co-workers EVEN ONCE because they go to lunch together every day, and I only want to go when I want to go. I get so irritated with people that don’t comprehend the value of solitude. Every day, I don’t want to have the same exact interaction about food mid day, every day. It’s a choice to interact.

  • @bristoluk3836
    @bristoluk3836 4 роки тому +12

    I hate being lonely, I got no friends and love

    • @erakkovaatainen148
      @erakkovaatainen148 4 роки тому +5

      If you think that love or friends will make you happy, you are wrong. It's your job. You can have friends and still be miserable and lonely. Work on yourself.

    • @Knightgil
      @Knightgil 4 роки тому +3

      We are social creatures. This idea that we just need to work on ourselves and that love and friendship has nothing to do with happiness is misguided, fruit of this culture of extreme individualism.
      I feel your pain, Bristol. I hope you can find a way out of it, somehow. Know that you are worthy of love, friendship and happiness.

    •  3 роки тому

      In this vast world of endless kinds of experiences, lonliness is a choice. If that's your choice, be happy with it. If it's not your choice, get out there are start living amongst us.

  • @karltiboleng7326
    @karltiboleng7326 4 роки тому

    This could not have come at a better time. Thank you! 😁

  • @effingtheineffable6827
    @effingtheineffable6827 3 роки тому

    Thank you for creating these. They are helping me to improve my own content.

  • @ssswrv1090
    @ssswrv1090 4 роки тому +3

    I just wish I could have a couple friends and find love one day :/ but you’re right. Being social has a price, and when you are insecure and have trouble socializing it makes it so much harder.

  • @fryorker1306
    @fryorker1306 3 роки тому +5

    As a French guy living in NYC I have never felt so lonely in my entire life. The American way of socializing is very strange to me.

  • @vickisanders7368
    @vickisanders7368 9 місяців тому +1

    Having felt completely alone in my own home full of people, and the overwhelming peace of being alone in my garden, your words help me feel complete.

  • @Hugo-lm7ed
    @Hugo-lm7ed 4 роки тому

    This is what i'm struggling right now. Glad im subscribed to your channel

  • @rtuumm
    @rtuumm 4 роки тому +17

    I havent had friends in 7 years.
    I havent been able to establish any real meaningful consistent friendships.
    I meet people, things are cool the first 2-3 weeks, and then.... Nothing.
    I've simply given up.

    • @emil373b
      @emil373b 4 роки тому

      Sad to hear so. Happens to me, mostly, also.

    • @ianjansen341
      @ianjansen341 4 роки тому

      How is it possible to live without friends during the corona crisis?

    • @emil373b
      @emil373b 4 роки тому

      @@ianjansen341 Yes, but it's not nice to live like that.

    • @rtuumm
      @rtuumm 4 роки тому +1

      @@ianjansen341 I mean people have lived through worse... its not unimaginable.

    • @ooooooop_6067
      @ooooooop_6067 4 роки тому

      me to everything feels like it's going to hell

  • @imgrimbur
    @imgrimbur 4 роки тому +5

    i was always a bit odd, and i feel more lonely in a group then alone, as melancholic introvert i prefere 1 or maybe 2 companions, all my close friends married and moved away, so i started drinking and made new friends, that didnt go well.... now im about 2 years without a friend or love interest, i feel lonely but i find happiness in actions - i work out, i read and write beletry, i study psychology books although i dont need or have to, and i play PC games when i get the time all of this makes me happy and i would not give up any of it even if i had a GF, there were parties where all i wanted is to go home and read just another chapter of some book, cant tell you i found real happiness or such, im contented at least, it could be improved but there are far worse fates in the world than mine, and if i die alone one day.. the last thing i want to do is finish a good book drink a cup of earl gray and pass looking at nature

  • @mgrycz
    @mgrycz 4 роки тому +1

    Love your content.

  • @Rgdonaire_07
    @Rgdonaire_07 4 роки тому

    This channel is a gem

  • @d.bowenz
    @d.bowenz 4 роки тому +7

    Loneliness is a state of mind. Been a "loner" all my life. Yes, I AM happy. No, I am not "fooling myself". Alone= All One.

  • @paulofurtado4925
    @paulofurtado4925 4 роки тому +8

    I work with hundreds and for thousands every day, and am i disappointed with people in general.

    • @provokingtruth7117
      @provokingtruth7117 4 роки тому +2

      Same. Some many seem petty and angry. Always putting others down. I know it's there problem, but I feel the negativity.

  • @maxnieves4641
    @maxnieves4641 4 роки тому +2

    Damn bro, your thumbnails always look so minimalistic its beautiful!

  • @darealmullins1310
    @darealmullins1310 4 роки тому

    Thank you for this video

  • @sanmicol
    @sanmicol 4 роки тому +6

    There are no thing like Friends there are only users this is my experience I am know on my own it is lonely but nobody really understands and that goes for family members as well

  • @bobclift444
    @bobclift444 4 роки тому +37

    "It is better to be alone than to be in bad company."
    - George Washington

    • @abdulmuqusit4747
      @abdulmuqusit4747 2 роки тому +2

      Oh oh sometimes when the loneliness really breaks your bone .. this sentence starts to feel wrong

  • @bluefernlove
    @bluefernlove 4 роки тому

    I truly enjoy your videos, thank you! ❤

  • @KC-50
    @KC-50 4 роки тому +2

    My problem is finding that balance. I'm often misunderstood and then hurt which leads me back to isolation by choice but then wanting socialization once again. The see saw effect. Ugh!

  • @DoGmAnGuY1758
    @DoGmAnGuY1758 4 роки тому +7

    I'm oddly distasteful of humans for how much I love people. If that makes any sense, I have no idea but that's how I feel.

    • @DoGmAnGuY1758
      @DoGmAnGuY1758 4 роки тому

      @Pulling the Strings I can't say that resonates with me. If a club of people want me in it for the right reasons then I'd join. I hate shallowness, even when it benefits me so if they were being shallow, I know they wouldn't truly like me when I got there so I wouldn't join.

    • @DoGmAnGuY1758
      @DoGmAnGuY1758 4 роки тому

      @Pulling the Strings But to assume we're a plague on a cosmological scale would also be assuming that the universe exists for a reason and we've gone astray from that reason. I don't think our universe came into existence for any reason, so I'm not going to speak for it absolutely as to whether we've gone astray from it's ultimate goal. I come from strictly a personal perspective when I say I dislike humans but like people, I'm not speaking for the whole universe. I don't not see how you'd reach your path though, I think I have the same view just less intense and universal as you have taken it. We're definitely a plague relative to all other earthly life though that's not arguable at all.

  • @runar500
    @runar500 4 роки тому +4

    I went down the rabbit hole, learned all about the "dark sides of society", and now I take NO pleassure in engageing in "small-talk" with previous friends and family.
    -if I can not talk to people about "the occult" (read into that what you will), then I don't spend time with them.
    I am a "loner" 90% of the time, and spend 10% with other "fucked up outcasts". And this has come at a very steep price, I even avoid my wife (ex to be) and my family. But it is the only way I manage to cope with the world.
    -dammed, I sometimes I wish I never took that Red Pill... :-)

    • @runar500
      @runar500 4 роки тому +1

      @@AngelofGodsMercy
      I am Runar Hollerud on Facebook

  • @christinalemieux9653
    @christinalemieux9653 4 роки тому

    Thank you, great vid

  • @seanwood5550
    @seanwood5550 4 роки тому

    This came out on my birthday... Thanks bud.

  • @bettyboossister3918
    @bettyboossister3918 4 роки тому +63

    Being alone is NOT the same as LONELY....id rather connect with animals then humans....final

    • @davidlopez-rl4sh
      @davidlopez-rl4sh 4 роки тому

      No I disagree you are making a comparison that is negative

    • @GuuMonster
      @GuuMonster 4 роки тому

      Connecting with animals is still connecting, you're not being truly alone, you're just not interacting with humans.

  • @divinepiccolo9469
    @divinepiccolo9469 3 роки тому +3

    loneliness - you never quite get used to it

  • @nightwizard4168
    @nightwizard4168 4 роки тому

    Great video. Thank you.

  • @schwanetta
    @schwanetta 2 роки тому

    Wat leuk dat je uit NL komt, dat wist ik niet tot dit filmpje. Super nice kanaal👍

  • @davidofglenbrook4487
    @davidofglenbrook4487 4 роки тому +9

    Sociopaths scare me. I treasure the way I’ve set up my life and the thought of one of those kinds of people coming along and wrecking it and hurting me and those I love troubles me. And there are lots of those types of people out there.

  • @maddiehall5317
    @maddiehall5317 4 роки тому +5

    I saw a quote on twitter saying “I like being alone, I just don’t like being lonely” and I relate to it so much

    • @Saveg36
      @Saveg36 4 роки тому

      maddie hall i think your missing your daily or weekly quota of social interactions? Idk you but from experience, when I felt lonely was when I chose being alone a little too much. Atm I force myself a lil bit to step out more often even if I don’t want to. I’m alone most of the time so why not try it, that’s when the spontaneous things happen, and that is how I met my SO.
      Good luck w life

  • @angelsad4394
    @angelsad4394 4 роки тому

    Thats a great video and it helped me understand something about myself and my personality thank you !! Great work

  • @coldpizzasoda8641
    @coldpizzasoda8641 4 роки тому

    This is very enlightening.

  • @whycity2057
    @whycity2057 4 роки тому +4

    We the most people here in comments are highly like minded,it would be a great opportunity to help each other and create a group where we can interact and socialize, because that's what we starve for, we don't want quantity,we want quality, we want the deep bonds that's aren't superficial, we all had the same problem living in this sick society ,which doesn't care for our feelings, our feelings of deep love and care for others as well as ourselves , which is beyond the propoganda, brainwashing ,herd mentality prevalent in society. We are just beyond this society's imagination, they couldn't understand us, but my dear friends i predict we people here are somewhat same ,if we get united we will unite in the real sense after we come to know that ,we found what we starve for... Internet is amazing thing ,why don't we use it... If you're reading this tell me what's the best solution, do you agree or not...

    • @davidlopez-rl4sh
      @davidlopez-rl4sh 4 роки тому

      I like to talk about dreaming big but most peaple are stuck in a rut or or just refuse to make a simple change here and there. My sister cannot relate to me anymore so we just don't speak because our conversations are not good enough to relate to. I love to have my own quiet time but I would love to start a youtube channel cause I like to talk to people who are the same just not sure how to start.

  • @rd341
    @rd341 4 роки тому +11

    I have to make sure the neighbor isn’t outside before taking the dogs outside. Fear of being trapped into a 20 minute chat.

  • @ThatCircusShow
    @ThatCircusShow 4 роки тому

    “The misery of social isolation, or the misery of being connected with people”... that’s my problem. Right there! Less than a minute in and you’ve nailed it for me. Thank you.

  • @Seebob86
    @Seebob86 4 роки тому

    Awesome content! So valuable