I'm so happy you talked about this. As a disabled actor, I keep bringing this movie up to my peers on how damaging this is. And all I'm met with is "you should be happy disability is in movies because that means you can continue acting". Like what? It's honestly the most frustrating and hurtful thing for me to hear. This movie/book is so damaging and I'm still not sure how to get that across to others who aren't disabled.
Sometimes I consider getting back into acting for political reasons, haha! Just to fight for that visibility. I haven't acted in a long time, but most of my life was trained in the performing arts and after college I was discouraged from acting in the "real world" because of the lack of roles for plus sized PoC, and I distanced myself from it and eventually took actor off my business card, haha! When I started becoming disabled I was like "and I thought casting was tough THEN?" Media representation is so important and more often than not shapes how our society thinks and it is TOXIC to create and consume content like Me Before You.
Why is it damaging? I actually feel closer to disabled people after watching the movie. The movie is about Lou, and Lou wants Will to live. She believes he could have an amazing life if only he gived himself a chance. And this is what the audience thinks while watching the movie, and that's why everyone cries at his ultimate decision. The movie is on Lou's side, not Will's.
6OceanSoul9 Have you, my dear, watched this vid? Maybe you should re-watch it again, pause after each point and think how toxic this movie can be to people who are just facing a life changing injury or illness that is leaving them disabled. What kind of thoughts it can trigger. Believe me, if going through that much, dark thoughts cross your mind. This movie is gradually based on pity, self-pity & self-hatred, from a very wicked perspective. And the audience soo prerend to get the main characters reasons. You have no idea how many times ppl say "oh, you are so inspiring, I dont know how you are doing it, I would rather kill myself". Thats quite telling what majority of people actually think of disabled people. Its like disabled peoples only purpose in continuing to live is to make others to feel better about themselves, remind them how lucky they are. You dont understand how dangerous this perception is, because thats exactly what makes it even harder to overcome the adjusting period -the stares, the pity in able bodied peoples eyes instead of acceptance. If only people could treat disabled people as anyone else, it would make things much easier.
It's hard hearing that this movie is spreading this kind of message. I am slowly becoming disabled thanks to my terminal cancer. After 2 years of treatment I just bought a walker/chair and soon will get a scooter. As the cancer spreads and more meds are added, I grow weaker BUT I'm still here. Still living and loving life. Going to concerts and fixing to go on a second honeymoon. So yes, life is worth living even if it harder. Great video as usual!!
if the person is cis white and straight I always think "well how could you understand you're represented ALL the time. you don't need to wory about it." I bet if more representations came in for other communities they would start arguing about how their losing their representation.
I agree with this so much. There was a buzzfeed article that I commented on saying that this film is problematic and the amount of comments I got telling me I 'shouldn't be offended' astounded me and also the amount of people who commented saying 'i work with disabled people/i have a disabled relative so i understand disability' and then proceeded to be super ableist frustrated me . Apparently since it's fiction people shouldn't have negative opinions on things -_- I love that you've talked about it though
[tw: suicide] When I started to loose abilities on my hands when I was 14, I got really suicidal. But I wroked really hard to love myself with my disabilities, with my pain. Now I'm loosing other abilities or at least, in a whole lot of films. I have been up and down. This type of movies just make me so sad because i feel like they are telling me hey, you know the thoughts you had when you were 14? you were right. Thank you for the message, thank you for always talking. One day we will talk about disability in other light, and no one will say our lifes aren't worth living.
I haven't read the book or done any research on it, so I didn't realize how harmful the stereotypes perpetuated in this movie are. I think the thing that bothers me is that it's in the same vein as inspiration porn; "if this disabled person can find love then SO CAN YOU!" And that's just disgusting. But I will say, I've had similar thoughts at certain points in my life: "is this really the life I want? Is it worth it? Am I doing anything to better the lives of others or am I holding them back?" So I don't think it's totally crazy to touch on how disability CAN affect one's life, but it IS crazy that the only solution to Will feeling this way is the presence and love of an able bodied person. Because the focus isn't on the disabled person, it's on the able bodied person who "saw past" the disability, how she's *so inspiring* for falling in love with a broken person. That's not okay.
Yeah, exactly, as the protagonist we are to look to her and travel through the story from her point of view, how SHE is inspired to #LiveBoldly by the disabled character, how SHE will benefit from his death (economically), so SHE can live a full able bodied life, something Will did not feel like could do because of his disability. Those questions about self worth as a disabled person happen absolutely, but they happen because of ableism, they happen because we are fed the message that if we don't contribute the same as other people or even at all, then we are unworthy of the space we take up, so if we address that type of internalized ableism in mainstream media, it shouldn't be seen as the norm, it shouldn't be seen correct, that thought process should be dismantled instead of perpetuating that ideology :(
Will gets no psychological input during the story. If you removed the disability and it was an otherwise non-disabled person saying they want to or are planning to or attempting to die people would call the lack of psychological care negligence, people would read it and say that it's just not realistic; but because he's disabled it's perfectly logical he wants to die. Also what makes it even more stark that a massive chunk of the problem is ableism when adjusting to life with a disability is that Will is wealthy enough to afford every accommodation. He has hoists (not shown in the film because apparently hoists are distressing...), he has the best medical care, he has a very fancy wheelchair, he has carers and he also has a suicide watch PA/companion, he's not coming from a physical career, he can afford not to work if he can't. His impairment is having the least impact on him that it possibly could - the reason he wants to die is because of internalised ableist messages about what it means to be a real man, what it means to have a worthwhile life, who romance is for and how burdensome disability is.
I did a post about this film on my Facebook page and was faced with backlash. Like "you haven't seen it, stop taking offence" or "Pay to see this before you talk shit about it" but when I explained what was wrong with the film and how damaging it was, I was met with rolls of eyes and 'how would you know'. I've been chronically ill for nearly 17 years now. I've nearly died. I couldn't finish my education because of not enough resources. I've lost friends who think that I'm lazy when I fell like I'm dying every day. But I'm still alive, I want to fall in love and I want to have a life. My life is hard because we live in an ablest society. I cut ties with one friend who took me on over my criticism of this film and my family was like "why would you loose a friendship over something so silly". But it's not silly . This is damaging. I constantly feel like I'm a burden and this just heightens it.
I actually went to a restaurant once, where the ramp was so horribly positioned that cars were able to park right in front of the f**king ramp. Was a total d**k move
GGGGGIIIIIIRRRRRRRRLLLLLLL!!!!!!!! I'm so glad you did this video. I have been meaning to watch the film but haven't had the chance to. But now that I've seen this I'm very upset at this storyline. But that is a fucking shame that that is the message. This is why we have to keep our UA-cam channels going for people in the disabled community and people unaware of disabled lifestyle to know that LIFE IS STILL GREAT WITH A DISABILITY! It's difficult, but like you said not because of the disability, but because of the lack of access and able body people and their slick comments. Thank you for encouraging others girl! You are amazing!!!
Sitting Pretty Lolo Absolutely! That Will is a selfish prick surrounded by LOVE, people who are good and kind and he just doesn't even consider them. I'm disgusted the book ever got published and it's beyond gross that they turned it into a movie! 😠😠😠
I've been disabled my whole life with Autism and Learning Disabilities, but I was still able body in the sense that I can still run around, sleep well rested, not have to worry about my health etc. And now I am, in the last 2 years I have been ill with mental illness and now Fibromyalga. I've had my whole life being told I'd rather be dead that Autistic, and being told I'm an inspiration when doing normal things like attending school and making friends. My life despite the struggles isn't a tragic life, it's hard and challenging. I am suicidal because the pain is often too much to deal with, but I'm still here because I have found worth in my life to continue.
Thank you for this video! I care for a large group of elderly people with disabilities. My friend recently asked me if MY life would be easier if HE killed himself. As if my life was more valuable than his. This kind of book/movie is promoted and romanticised and yet again, disabled people are made to feel less valued/needed. We talk about the right to die - well how about the right to live? And the fact that publications like this have a real, impactful and harmful effects on those society deems as 'less valuable'. Able-bodied people already make life incredibly difficult for those who are differently-abled, and now we want to start bombarding them with messages about how noble it would be for them to kill themselves? No. I'm sorry, but I cannot support this movie nor the message it promotes. Now please excuse me while I go explain to my friend why his life has value (something he has never questioned before hearing about this movie). Thanks again for this video and sharing your thoughts! Wishing you all the best :)
As somebody who pretty much got a ton of luck in the lottery of life I'm very glad that video's like these exist. I know that I'm about as privilaged as they get but I don't want to be just another person unaware and stuck up just because I have no problems. Thank you for sharing this and helping people get aware of things like this. You're inspirational to me most of all by helping me to become more aware of the things I do. To think outside of the box I grew up to think in. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you so much for talking about this movie, and this subject. I can't stand people saying 'I'd rather be dead than disabled" because it makes it seem like they view my life as useless. I was recently diagnosed with fibromyalgia, an have been struggling with chronic pain for 10-15 years (it took years to get doctors to listen to me and believe I was in pain). I also am Autistic, have PTSD, severe anxiety with OCD features, and depression. My pain has gotten much worse lately as I've gotten older, to the point where I'm constantly fatigued and in pain, and I need a lot of help doing things that people take for granted, and I've had a really hard time adjusting to this new higher level of disability and I've been struggling with feeling like I'm a burden on my boyfriend because I can't work and I'm in the middle of applying for disability, so all the financial burden falls on himand then when he gets home he's got to help me get in the tub and get on the toilet get out of bed in the morning sometimes he has to help me get dressed... I just feel like I'm such a burden on everybody, and it really sucks. So when people say things about how they'd rather be dead than disabled and makes me think about the fact that maybe people would be happier if I were dead. I really wish people wouldn't say things like that
oh my god the ending of this video made me tear up seriously, thank you annie for that message!! i find so many times able bodied people preaching about what a disabled person is or, what we as disabled people should or shouldn't be doing with our lives. for them to say that being dead is the only answer than being disabled in this world is truly heartbreaking to hear and i was saddened to hear people praising this movie. let us speak for ourselves, let us make our own movies about our lives!!
I know this video is from last year, but I just came across your channel today. I am 18 with Cerebral Palsy and there has been many times throughout my life (especially my earlier teenage years) that I would think of myself as a burden to other people and I sometimes still do now here and there. Having said that, I want to thank you for the reminder that I'm not a burden and that my life has value. I hope you see this comment.
People NEED to see this video of yours NOW! Why? "Me Before You" recently hit Amazon Prime, and is now free--so there will be a TON of people who watch the film this month (like me) who missed it in the theater. I watched it this weekend, and I was DISGUSTED and shocked at the ending, as I had no idea that the film had such an agenda of attempting to normalize both ableism as well as assisted suicide. ANY CHANCE you can change the title of your video to be more easily searchable by people who are wanting to hear some sanity about the end of the film? I believe people will watch it, and feel confused and conflicted, but they won't know why, and they will come to UA-cam to hear what others have to say. They should hear YOUR voice on this, because you are eloquent and well-spoken. Great video!
Actually, the quote on your thumbnail is already perfect! I would have found your video much sooner, if your title had simply been "Me Before You: Better DEAD than Disabled?" No matter what, I hope people can find their way to your message! It's been a week, and I'm still disturbed that the movie gained the widespread approval that it did.....
you are the most amazing youtuber ever. I don't have any disability, but I have some friends who have. I would be so happy to share this video with them.
I am really glad you've brought this up. I have been sitting on the sidelines with this not really sure how to respond and wondering if I was being oversensitive or something because I didn't see anyone speaking about it. You are so articulate when speaking!
Thank you so much for this. I suffer from a chronic genetic heart condition, and cycle through feelings of worthlessness and feel like I hold my boyfriend and my friends back, but have increasingly become aware that these feelings are rooted more in ableist culture rather than my own condition. People saying they feel pity for me is the worst - my life is just as rich and meaningful as anyone else's, and I often argue that by being confronted with death, I appreciate life so much more. I went through a period where I was very ill, and have very dark times when I thought it would have been better if I had died, which is something that able-bodied people can't even contemplate. Stop hijacking our experiences in the name of 'empowerment' and pity porn, and let our voices be heard instead.
this video was so great. when i read this book a while ago, i had massive problems with it, not even limited to ableism, though that was by far the worst. now, seeing the book getting renewed attention from the film, and VERY few people criticizing it or even defending it is heartbreaking.
Thank you so much. It's been months since the film came out and so many people have "moved on". I remember my sister inviting me to see a film and immediately fearing she meant this one. She did. I told her absolutely not. I told her why. She went to see it with friends anyway. Picking her up after the film, she talked to my father and I about how "beautiful" it was. I reminded her what it was about. I reminded her that it was not even a month since my last attempt at the same with her sitting by me watching me to make sure I did not try again. With her doing her best to comfort me and assure me of our family's love for me. She told me she didn't want to hear me arguing about this. Again. That this sort of arguing was why she never talked to me or asked me to watch movies anymore. That sticks with me. I came out of another debilitating dip in my health last week. It is exhausting returning to being "functioning". I keep myself too tired to feel raw and vulnerable because I am terrified that as soon as I do I will slip away again. It doesn't take much to feel like my every action, every breath is at the expense of those around me. I try to remember that I would never let anyone else go uncorrected were they to say the same of themselves but it feels hollow to treat myself as I would others. Your ready confidence and precision in word are sorely needed in this world. Your content is important and invaluable to our community and those communities we exist in that seem and act separate from us. Thank you for existing.
You know what being disabled does for you? It actually gives you the ability to have empathy for others and compassion. In this highly narcissistic Society the majority of people lack that ability. Even someone saying to you "I rather be dead..." is being narcissist and insensitive. The fact you were able bodied and then not...should give you a significant perspective on life. Use it to get a thick skin and don't sweat the small stuff.
As I continued on, I am sorry about your health. I am not in a wheelchair. I walk with a cane and chronic pain. So, I understand how hard it is...and people not "getting it" I find lack of access a pain in the butt. Not enough parking spaces and/or a ramp being on the other side of the building. (I have a hard time using stairs), not adequate enough bathroom stalls/or like 1 handicapped stall out of 20.
this movie is so frustrating. it centers around the idea that being disabled is less than a full life and its so damaging because so many people will be watching this.
Thank you for saying all of those things at the end, I have thought each and every single one of those statements about myself (sometimes more than once) at one time or another and for the media to be perpetuating these harmful views and opinions it honestly hurts my heart. Love and Spoons
Thanks for bringing my awareness to this! I've been too sick and busy with the kids to pay attention to things like movies. This is an important conversation. My heart broke a bit hearing about this... Enough already ableism!
+Annie Elainey I have to live with someone who's constantly telling me I'd be better off dead it like shut up and go away lol I know for me I never say I could never be blind or could never be paralysed as find that offensive I mean yes I'd need to adjust but amazing how you cope with disability it isn't end of world
There's so much negative energy out there. I feel bad for people who feel they have to tell others they're better off dead, as well as those who feel they're better off dead. Both are obviously hurting in some way or just ignorant. It can be tough to stay positive. I know it is for me, but I use hypnosis (need to use it more now), art therapy, and writing. I seriously have so much art in a storage container under my bed right now!
I love this video! I totally agree as being a disabled person. Sometimes it can be so hard to explain this point and you did it perfectly. Now I have something to show my friend who wants to see the movie with me.
First off, may I just say how ON POINT you look, your amazing gorgeous hair, the outfit the glasses, just, sublime. Absolutely beautiful. Secondly, I cried, because I've had so many abled people try to 'help' me see the brighter side and keep going in an extremely ableist fashion... But hearing it from you, I believe that I have worth, that I'm not a burden because of my disability. I'm not as up on these issues as I could be, I'm not much of an activist... So you inspire me in a lot of ways, and I'm just trying to say that I appreciate you. Thank you.
You make very good points and i shudder to think of the effect that movie could have on someone (me for example) dealing with chronic illness induced depression. People make life hard to live when we dont look sick, then theres the disability itself. Do we really need media wispering on our ear that our lives are worthless because we are disabled? no, screw them. if anything, its the constant pain or the burden on loved ones that can make us think dark thoughts at times. but even then it doesnt mean our lives arent worth living because we are disabled, just that at times, life is too hard on us and we need reminders that life is full of possibilities, surprises, beauty, wonder, love and is utterly inconceivable in its ridiculousness (just watch Princess Bride or a Mel Brooks movie and you'll be smiling in no time)
Also for those who are interested, there is #MeBeforeAbleism which was created in response. the week (or so) has been a bit of a mindfuck in ways because so many non-disabled people just don't get it and it's like you don't know how else to explain it to them... so where do things go from here? "It's just a movie" or "It's just one character" and it's like agggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.... That being said though the story has been covered by a lot of pretty big media sites (salon, huffington post, time, teen vogue, buzzfeed, self magazine, among others ) so I do think it has started a bigger conversation which is excellent.
It's so hard to see where the confusing part is for them, they must just be so affirmed in their stance that THEY would rather be dead than disabled as well, it seems like a logical and selfless choice to them, and that is truly terrifying to face as a community, that benevolent ableism is SO strong and so widespread.
Annie Elainey I think part of the problem is that most people don't even know the word ableism. Hell, I just typed it and spellcheck said it's not an actual word. And we are so rarely represented in media and we are it's either this shit or the jerry lewis telethon. the fact that when I go out in my wheelchair, so many people feel it's totally normal and okay to just gawk at me (often in disgust or pity) it's one reason why I think Disabled UA-cam and Disabled Twitter (aka: the disability communties on these sites) because then it's representation by us and for us (as well as others). We can control how what is put out.
I recently started bing watching your videos and I just started bawling at the ends. its one thing to tell yourself that its ok for you to take up space and another thing to hear it.
Just shared this on my Facebook and this is what I said: "My life is not worthless because I have a disability" I've been asked a few times what I think about the 'me before you' issue and I have given my honest opinion to all those that have asked. I think it's an INCREDIBLY dangerous and damaging book/film. This video explains the issues that are raised by the film and I would really recommend giving it a watch. In the nature of transparency I have not read the book or watched the film the main reason for this is that I do not want to give my money to the people that made it. Saying that if you have me a copy for free I still wouldn't watch/read if I want to read something that negatively portrays disability and the barriers put in place by society that makes the lives of people who are disabled harder all I have to do is pick up a newspaper... Oh wait I mean look online!
Until this morning, I thought the book was about a disabled man who falls in love with the girl that takes care of him and finds meaning in his life. I didn't know it ended with him committing suicide. That's sad... I'm not watching it anymore. No matter who you are or what you're going through, life is worth it and you are worth it. Suicide is not something that should be encouraged in any way shape or form...
I'm tearing up here because of what you say at the end. I've finally got my eds diagnosis but I've been losing abilities for the past two years. And I'm currently looking into a folding walking stick at the moment. I've been considering ending things with my partner of 8 years because I don't want him to have to push me around in a wheelchair when we go to a museum or somewhere like that on a date. I don't want him to have go call for an ambulance when I'm passing out in the bathroom. I don't want to hold him or anyone else back because I've got a disability. This film really made me feel awful and made shitty thoughts go through my head.
he was obviously depressed because of his recent disability and the fact that they chose to let the character commit suicide is also telling depressed people that suicide is away out, when there is always a way to solve mental illness
I can't speak for Annie but I know that I don't like being called an ainpspiration for doing things that pretty much every single person in this world does (eat, drink, breath) but not everyone chooses to make an impact in this world like Annie is doing or for seeing a probably and creating a solution like my channel does that would be something I would gladly be called inspirational for.
+Living Able Well that's the point I'm making. I'm not calling her inspirational for just eating or drinking. But flourishing with who she is and embracing her gifts despite her struggles. I struggle daily with my pain and depression and her videos are uplifting. So I am thankful to her for that.
I admire her for the way she expresses herself and is so articulate with the things that I also think and feel. For me "inspiration" has been thrown around so much and used in gross ways so much that I don't even know what it means anymore, but it gives me a deflated and pissed off feeling. I just like to say a disabled person like Annie that I admire is awesome, I just stay away from "inspiration" cause it doesn't in any way feel like a compliment anymore to me, so I don't want to put that on her or anyone else. Its kind of too bad that word has been ruined, but its ok, I have other words. :)
Thank you! There was something that was "off" about this movie to me. Something was really bugging me about this movie, but I couldn't put it into words!
During the whole movie, we are on Lou's side. NO ONE supports Will's decision. We want him to live, we believe he could have a great life with her. We aren't on Will's side. We don't want him to die. That's why the movie is so sad. "Better dead than disabled" is NOT the message of this movie.
I'm on the gradual path of becoming physically disabled. Chronic pain, loss of balance, peripheral nerve damage and muscle spasms, along with other things. It's been a tough year. But I didn't let it stop me from taking my first film classes (going into film after liberal arts didn't work). Got a 3.75! It was tough because there were/are days where all I can do is sleep, and then I'm awake at night. Doctors have done so many tests. I've got an MRI on Tuesday so I hope this gives me answers. I've been waiting for answers for roughly 3 years now. So, for anyone who sees this and is also in limbo, so to speak, you're not alone at all. And, Annie, I just adore your hair, tattoo and outfit. I have a new style inspiration. ;)
Aww, thanks!! It's actually a temporary tattoo to cover up blood draw bruises! Haha! I feel ya! We're on a similar journey, finally found a doc who believes my symptoms match with EDS and Polyarteritis Nodosa, so I'll be spending the rest of the year probably getting tested for those! Keep rockin!
Yeah when a doc finally believed me, I had to stop myself from jumping up and hugging him. I think we'd be great friends. I'm working on a book. Do you write, too? I can see you doing creative non-fiction and awesome essays.
Thanks 4 inspiring my new article on medium. medium.com/@dramaturgchick/me-before-me-my-body-changes-and-journey-to-living-a-full-life-is-not-your-inspiration-1af9e9463b1#.msakvdy2n
I love your videos I have cerebral palsy and I'm told on multiple occasions that I'm in the way sometimes left out of social activities and told I'd be an inconvenience to take on trips or anywhere for that matter some days so thank you for reminding me that I'm not
Very well done. Nice springboard for discussion with my friends who don't get it. Smart and moving. BTW, most people I know don't know the word Ableism. I think you could do a short video on it for us. Thank you.
Thank you for your message that we are valuable and valid and our lives are worth living! I haven't seen the movie or read the book you're talking about, but that might be because I have been warned about the message it carries...
I believe it’s a falsehood to suggest anyone who is disabled cannot live a full and enjoyable life but I also think it’s a falsehood to suggest that disability is pleasant or enjoyable.
As a disabled person, I think that it’s up to each of us to choose if we want to continue living or not. I personally do not want to continue living for much longer.
I'm so glad I found this video., I felt so alone with my opinion. No one seems to understand how complicated and wrong the storyline is. Maybe you need to have experiences yourself to see it.. I have a chronic illness myself and I am mostly bound to a wheelchair or my bed but I always tried to make the best of it and I would never say my life if worthless. I don't know everyone who wouldn't at least try to make the best of it. Life is precious
I just watched this movie. I have no diagnosis, but my symptoms of chronic illness are debilitating. This movie makes me so angry. In reality having my illness is like, "oh I can't go out as much anymore, it sucks, but I keep doing what I can and I live a full life with my new limits." The movie is portraying stupid ideas, it's so frustrating.
I'm so happy you agree. I have read the book, found it disgusting that he was so determined to die even though he had soooooooo much support. I'm living alone and my family are all overseas, I hate that more than anything about my disability! I think Will was a spoilt shit with a huge ego who couldn't see that he was surrounded by LOVE. People need people who care, whether you're disabled or not. Basically I'm saying I miss my beloved family more than I miss my previously strong, able legs! xx
I think if a person wants to end their life, they should have that choice and nobody should give them guff about it. I am totally for QUALITY of life, than quantity. Even Stephen Hawking said he'd want to die, when he can no longer be a contributing member of society. I am a very independent person. Relying on other people for help would drive me absolutely bonkers. Even if they don't think I'm being a burden and inconvenience, it would be an inconvenience to ME. I had a friend who's husband was in a nursing home, and he had to go to the bathroom...of course since it was a state paid place, it was horrible. He had waited 2 hours by the time I had to leave from visiting...so he may have waited even longer than that. Just to get help for a 5 minute task. I have already decided that if I get to a point that I can't take care of myself (toileting, dressing, eating), I don't want to live anymore. There is a difference between being alive, and LIVING. I don't want to be a human paperweight.
I'm 100% pro assisted suicide when someone genuinely wants to die, but this movies seems horrid. If they wanted to make a movie about that they could have done it in so many different ways.
John Aggett Or just anything that doesn't make a minority feel like shit. I mean cancer!? Why couldn't it just have been cancer, it's not like it would have affected people even near the same way as this, concidering there are soo many movies about cancer.
well yes actually, particularly if it was a rare and aggressive type of cancer that the main person was definatly going to die from anyway. By the way I am also pro assissted suicide but I do think that if a film is made about it then have at least two different characters with different attitudes to their situation
Could you do a review of the movie Margherita with a straw next? I don't know how I feel about the movie, as it has its ups and downs, but I'd love to hear what you think of it.
I actually felt so connected to the character of will. It’s not that I feel like I have to die because I’m disabled but because I actually feel like dying. I have lived as an able person and am now in a wheelchair. The pain is not doable for me. The fact it will never end is too much. I can’t deal. So I actually got him so much. It didn’t feel like my life anymore. It’s not necessarily because of my disability but the pain that comes with my Eds is not doable and I often feel like I’d rather be dead. I get how this movie can be harmful because the gp will think everybody feels that way but I personally as a disabled person connected with will and the frustration he might have felt in not being taken seriously. I would however preferred it if they had chosen a disabled actor to play the role.
I understand someone with a really, really bad and painful disability might consider ending it. It is sad, but if one feels really bad it's understandable to think about death. BUT it is in no way okay to portray disabilities in general as a reason to die by suicide. That is so inconsiderate and rude. Most disabilities are manageable with treatment and support, and people have surprising tenacity and flexibility. Disabled people have just as much worth and just as much reason to live as anyone else.
Someone needed to say it and you did!!! 🙌 People feel like they empower disabled people who want to end their lives. The whole attitude of "No one should have to suffer" is a nice try, but here we are, suffering, and that's ok. Life is harder for disabled people but it doesn't make us any less worthy of living it. I'm so glad you took the time to reach out to the ones who need that reminder-You still matter!
I have cerebral palsy. Haven't seen the movie. And it's true the media has made people with disabilities look like we're dumb or the r word. We're not. The fact is we are just like anybody else
Is this comment about "you do not hold your loved ones back"? If so, then it is a problem between you and that person, and NOT with you and your disability. Many things can make people feel like you're holding them back. Being an introvert could, having more of a need for control and structure could, depression could, being unemployed could.... When someone is supposed to be family, a friend or a lover, it is not only your responsibility to make it work, you do so together. I feel like some people think that when it comes to disabilities it is not their responsibility and that they should not have to adapt themselves, but that is just not how a healthy relationship between two people work.
How do you deal with people who say "you shouldn't need braces/walker/wheelchair because your muscle will get weaker. You just need to push through the pain. You don't want people to see you differently do you?"
Thank You so much for your video! I'm currently reading the book, but I already know how it is going to end. Even though the book is well written and keeps me interested, I strongly disagree with its message. Every life is worth living. I hope this is not going to create damage. Thanks again for your input.
Seeing how people are romanticizing & feeling "inspired" by this film sickens me! To have them discredit and tell disabled people their being to 'sensitive' angers me! Many people wouldn't watch/support/defend a movie/books about blatant racism or homophobia so why are they allowing and doing it to disabled people? This entire book & movie make me feel sick and frustrated with society.
TW: murder, filicide I know very little about this movie, but from what I can read and watch from you and others, I worry that this film could not only trigger disabled people but also potentially paint filicide as a reasonable option because of the "better dead than disabled" vein. Parents still regularly murder their disabled children and it's somehow seen as less wrong. What will the messages this film brings to the table do for that issue as well?
Not only was this book so poorly written with the poorest excuse for plot buildup and character development (like what agent agreed to its pitch???) it definitely perpetuated ableism. It was quite clear in the brief pathetic excuse of description where the author explains for a mere few paragraphs the interaction online he has with other people who are disabled. But from those paragraphs its clear that suicide "must" be a thought prevalent and never leaving in the community which just proves the authors stance and quite ignorant on her part. Also, ever since the movie the fact that claflin agreed to the part has prevented me from looking at the same way and i'm always wondering wait why? and then i'm like oh yeah, remember that... Anyways, tysm for your videos you're amazing- your fellow spoonie ♥️♥️♥️
The only reason you shouldn't allow a disabled actor is their physical disability would turn the story from "A rebellion" to a "a rebel adjusting to being disabled". Writing stories with disabled characters is good, but some stories can't be written with that (combat).
I finally read the book because I needed to have my own opinion. I have to admit, I didn’t particularly like it, but i still struggle to see it in the ways you’ve put it forward. NOBODY wanted Will to die. Everybody wanted him to believe his life was worth living. The very tricky part is no matter how much everyone else believed it, the only reason Will was even still alive was because he wasn’t physically able to take his own life. Otherwise he would have. He was loved. He was valued. People wanted to keep him around. He himself was struggling. While I agree that the viewpoints of some of the characters in the book were really problematic, like Patrick’s and Treena’s, I think that was the point. Their way of thinking was a plot in itself. I also agree that it’s harmful not having disabled characters played by disabled actors, and that none of the story was from his viewpoint. All I could do throughout reading this book was put myself in the shoes of one of his loved ones, like Lou or his mother. Desperately trying to make him see that he was valued, worthy of love. But if he was in so much danger that he couldn’t be left alone without risk of suicide, it was pretty clear HE and only he had decided what he wanted. So, as a disabled person, I am trying to understand what you and everyone else in the comments is saying. But it was Will’s autonomy. And yes, it’s a sensitive story and requires many many warnings. But it would be the same for any other illness where someone had made the decision to end their own life. I hate suicide, so much. But he was so so clear about what he wanted.
I saw this movie today, Nov, 12/ 2019, it was beautiful, I really enjoy it , but I never thought about it from your perspective, you words make sence to me.
Just because someone once upon a time was not disabled and they now have joined the club doesn't mean that they don't like doing the things they use to do. Lets say you love to travel you should be able to travel as long as the forms of transportation are accessible? If you were the one that didn't notice or care about forms of accessible places and access you will wish you had if you would of been willing to support PWD People With Disabilities when you weren't in the club. If you are someone without a disability it is very important that you think about these things because whether you want to admit it or not one day you will join our club and if you want to have a better life than think ahead or you will know what we feel and it will not be easy.
thank you for this vid. it expresses so many of my own thoughts on the subject. i would like to actually have pwd represented in media, and represented well - as diverse and unique people capable of so many amazing things. so, some pwd might decide that they want to die. i think that should be everyone's right. the problem is that THIS is the story being shown to the public, and not the MAJORITY of pwd who want to live.
This is not a movie about someone that it's disable and wants to comits suicide becouse of that. It's about someone that it's severusly depressed and wants comits suicide because of that. He just happens to be in a wheelchair and that it's the cause of his depression. It doesn't mean that it has to be like that for everyone in a similar situation but it is for him. The problem with this movie is that people only see the wheelchair, forget about the wheelchair and maybe you will understand.
from what I have heard about this film from you and others I can't bring myself to watch it. If I was going to do a film involving assisted suicide and disability/illness then I would have a number of different disabled characters with various views on the issue
The poor representation of disabilities in movies has been something that has bothered me for years. I myself have had people feel sorry for me because i’m in a wheelchair, i’ve also had people tell me that they think it would be awesome to be in a wheelchair. On both ends of those statements it is quite insulting to me to hear because people that aren’t disabled or in a wheelchair don’t get it. People will often assume because of my disability I’m miserable all the time, i’m not. I love my life, i live it to the fullest, others with disabilities inspire me to be an even better version of myself. People need to realise that we are not useless or worthless and we are not made to feel like we are a burden, disabled lives matter.
If it weren't for a former boyfriend, I would be ignorant to the disabled people that I would see as a wasted lot. He has CP and took me to Albany numerous times for conferences for people with disabilities. In another vein if my two sisters who took their own lives had lived, they would've been disabled and I would've understood more so. As well as Block Institute.
why are you guys being so offended? it's a situation that anyone of us would be put into,i mean you would rather living disabled rather than dying..it's your choice and your life it just depends on how people view it..it's just none of your business if i choosed not to live..some people wouldn't manage to find happiness again unlike you..that's it
Josie Alyvia But it's not about love, it's about selfish heartbreak! The spoilt bastard leaves her. I am horrified that this book even got published and it's gross to have turned it into a film 😠
This movie is so bad it basically says take yourself out because you are disabled. I have cerebral palsy since birth. But this trope is so bad. They needed to do their homework.
![Gender Expression and Disability ft. Jessica Kellgren-Fozard [CC]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/Au1svE1bE8A/mqdefault.jpg)
![Gender Expression and Disability ft. Jessica Kellgren-Fozard [CC]](/img/tr.png)
![Me Before You... Kill Yourself // Rant Time [CC]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/nE8CESB0NeI/mqdefault.jpg)
I'm so happy you talked about this. As a disabled actor, I keep bringing this movie up to my peers on how damaging this is. And all I'm met with is "you should be happy disability is in movies because that means you can continue acting". Like what? It's honestly the most frustrating and hurtful thing for me to hear. This movie/book is so damaging and I'm still not sure how to get that across to others who aren't disabled.
That's crazy!! People just don't think before they speak. Hope you get a big break soon!
Sometimes I consider getting back into acting for political reasons, haha! Just to fight for that visibility. I haven't acted in a long time, but most of my life was trained in the performing arts and after college I was discouraged from acting in the "real world" because of the lack of roles for plus sized PoC, and I distanced myself from it and eventually took actor off my business card, haha! When I started becoming disabled I was like "and I thought casting was tough THEN?" Media representation is so important and more often than not shapes how our society thinks and it is TOXIC to create and consume content like Me Before You.
Why is it damaging? I actually feel closer to disabled people after watching the movie. The movie is about Lou, and Lou wants Will to live. She believes he could have an amazing life if only he gived himself a chance. And this is what the audience thinks while watching the movie, and that's why everyone cries at his ultimate decision. The movie is on Lou's side, not Will's.
6OceanSoul9 Have you, my dear, watched this vid? Maybe you should re-watch it again, pause after each point and think how toxic this movie can be to people who are just facing a life changing injury or illness that is leaving them disabled. What kind of thoughts it can trigger. Believe me, if going through that much, dark thoughts cross your mind. This movie is gradually based on pity, self-pity & self-hatred, from a very wicked perspective. And the audience soo prerend to get the main characters reasons. You have no idea how many times ppl say "oh, you are so inspiring, I dont know how you are doing it, I would rather kill myself". Thats quite telling what majority of people actually think of disabled people. Its like disabled peoples only purpose in continuing to live is to make others to feel better about themselves, remind them how lucky they are. You dont understand how dangerous this perception is, because thats exactly what makes it even harder to overcome the adjusting period -the stares, the pity in able bodied peoples eyes instead of acceptance. If only people could treat disabled people as anyone else, it would make things much easier.
Andrea Lausell seriously. Not only that but they didn't even use a disabled actor to play the disabled person in that movie
It's hard hearing that this movie is spreading this kind of message. I am slowly becoming disabled thanks to my terminal cancer. After 2 years of treatment I just bought a walker/chair and soon will get a scooter. As the cancer spreads and more meds are added, I grow weaker BUT I'm still here. Still living and loving life. Going to concerts and fixing to go on a second honeymoon. So yes, life is worth living even if it harder. Great video as usual!!
Absolutely!! Thank you so much!!
I hate that people are negating our voices and us calling out ableism by saying it's "just a movie"...
if the person is cis white and straight I always think "well how could you understand you're represented ALL the time. you don't need to wory about it." I bet if more representations came in for other communities they would start arguing about how their losing their representation.
I agree with this so much. There was a buzzfeed article that I commented on saying that this film is problematic and the amount of comments I got telling me I 'shouldn't be offended' astounded me and also the amount of people who commented saying 'i work with disabled people/i have a disabled relative so i understand disability' and then proceeded to be super ableist frustrated me . Apparently since it's fiction people shouldn't have negative opinions on things -_- I love that you've talked about it though
[tw: suicide] When I started to loose abilities on my hands when I was 14, I got really suicidal. But I wroked really hard to love myself with my disabilities, with my pain. Now I'm loosing other abilities or at least, in a whole lot of films. I have been up and down. This type of movies just make me so sad because i feel like they are telling me hey, you know the thoughts you had when you were 14? you were right.
Thank you for the message, thank you for always talking. One day we will talk about disability in other light, and no one will say our lifes aren't worth living.
I haven't read the book or done any research on it, so I didn't realize how harmful the stereotypes perpetuated in this movie are. I think the thing that bothers me is that it's in the same vein as inspiration porn; "if this disabled person can find love then SO CAN YOU!" And that's just disgusting. But I will say, I've had similar thoughts at certain points in my life: "is this really the life I want? Is it worth it? Am I doing anything to better the lives of others or am I holding them back?" So I don't think it's totally crazy to touch on how disability CAN affect one's life, but it IS crazy that the only solution to Will feeling this way is the presence and love of an able bodied person. Because the focus isn't on the disabled person, it's on the able bodied person who "saw past" the disability, how she's *so inspiring* for falling in love with a broken person. That's not okay.
Yeah, exactly, as the protagonist we are to look to her and travel through the story from her point of view, how SHE is inspired to #LiveBoldly by the disabled character, how SHE will benefit from his death (economically), so SHE can live a full able bodied life, something Will did not feel like could do because of his disability. Those questions about self worth as a disabled person happen absolutely, but they happen because of ableism, they happen because we are fed the message that if we don't contribute the same as other people or even at all, then we are unworthy of the space we take up, so if we address that type of internalized ableism in mainstream media, it shouldn't be seen as the norm, it shouldn't be seen correct, that thought process should be dismantled instead of perpetuating that ideology :(
Will gets no psychological input during the story. If you removed the disability and it was an otherwise non-disabled person saying they want to or are planning to or attempting to die people would call the lack of psychological care negligence, people would read it and say that it's just not realistic; but because he's disabled it's perfectly logical he wants to die.
Also what makes it even more stark that a massive chunk of the problem is ableism when adjusting to life with a disability is that Will is wealthy enough to afford every accommodation. He has hoists (not shown in the film because apparently hoists are distressing...), he has the best medical care, he has a very fancy wheelchair, he has carers and he also has a suicide watch PA/companion, he's not coming from a physical career, he can afford not to work if he can't. His impairment is having the least impact on him that it possibly could - the reason he wants to die is because of internalised ableist messages about what it means to be a real man, what it means to have a worthwhile life, who romance is for and how burdensome disability is.
I did a post about this film on my Facebook page and was faced with backlash. Like "you haven't seen it, stop taking offence" or "Pay to see this before you talk shit about it" but when I explained what was wrong with the film and how damaging it was, I was met with rolls of eyes and 'how would you know'. I've been chronically ill for nearly 17 years now. I've nearly died. I couldn't finish my education because of not enough resources. I've lost friends who think that I'm lazy when I fell like I'm dying every day. But I'm still alive, I want to fall in love and I want to have a life. My life is hard because we live in an ablest society. I cut ties with one friend who took me on over my criticism of this film and my family was like "why would you loose a friendship over something so silly". But it's not silly . This is damaging. I constantly feel like I'm a burden and this just heightens it.
100% hardest thing is people's attitudes. No ramps. Takes ages to get adjustments. Takes ages to get financial assistance.
I actually went to a restaurant once, where the ramp was so horribly positioned that cars were able to park right in front of the f**king ramp. Was a total d**k move
GGGGGIIIIIIRRRRRRRRLLLLLLL!!!!!!!! I'm so glad you did this video. I have been meaning to watch the film but haven't had the chance to. But now that I've seen this I'm very upset at this storyline. But that is a fucking shame that that is the message. This is why we have to keep our UA-cam channels going for people in the disabled community and people unaware of disabled lifestyle to know that LIFE IS STILL GREAT WITH A DISABILITY! It's difficult, but like you said not because of the disability, but because of the lack of access and able body people and their slick comments. Thank you for encouraging others girl! You are amazing!!!
Sitting Pretty Lolo Absolutely! That Will is a selfish prick surrounded by LOVE, people who are good and kind and he just doesn't even consider them. I'm disgusted the book ever got published and it's beyond gross that they turned it into a movie! 😠😠😠
Lol I saw my old comment about it's time to have a book burning, from over a year ago. I like to watch your vieos too.
I've been disabled my whole life with Autism and Learning Disabilities, but I was still able body in the sense that I can still run around, sleep well rested, not have to worry about my health etc.
And now I am, in the last 2 years I have been ill with mental illness and now Fibromyalga.
I've had my whole life being told I'd rather be dead that Autistic, and being told I'm an inspiration when doing normal things like attending school and making friends. My life despite the struggles isn't a tragic life, it's hard and challenging. I am suicidal because the pain is often too much to deal with, but I'm still here because I have found worth in my life to continue.
this is an older video but thank you for making this video!
Thank you for this video! I care for a large group of elderly people with disabilities. My friend recently asked me if MY life would be easier if HE killed himself. As if my life was more valuable than his. This kind of book/movie is promoted and romanticised and yet again, disabled people are made to feel less valued/needed. We talk about the right to die - well how about the right to live? And the fact that publications like this have a real, impactful and harmful effects on those society deems as 'less valuable'. Able-bodied people already make life incredibly difficult for those who are differently-abled, and now we want to start bombarding them with messages about how noble it would be for them to kill themselves? No. I'm sorry, but I cannot support this movie nor the message it promotes. Now please excuse me while I go explain to my friend why his life has value (something he has never questioned before hearing about this movie). Thanks again for this video and sharing your thoughts! Wishing you all the best :)
As somebody who pretty much got a ton of luck in the lottery of life I'm very glad that video's like these exist. I know that I'm about as privilaged as they get but I don't want to be just another person unaware and stuck up just because I have no problems. Thank you for sharing this and helping people get aware of things like this. You're inspirational to me most of all by helping me to become more aware of the things I do. To think outside of the box I grew up to think in. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you so much for talking about this movie, and this subject. I can't stand people saying 'I'd rather be dead than disabled" because it makes it seem like they view my life as useless. I was recently diagnosed with fibromyalgia, an have been struggling with chronic pain for 10-15 years (it took years to get doctors to listen to me and believe I was in pain). I also am Autistic, have PTSD, severe anxiety with OCD features, and depression. My pain has gotten much worse lately as I've gotten older, to the point where I'm constantly fatigued and in pain, and I need a lot of help doing things that people take for granted, and I've had a really hard time adjusting to this new higher level of disability and I've been struggling with feeling like I'm a burden on my boyfriend because I can't work and I'm in the middle of applying for disability, so all the financial burden falls on himand then when he gets home he's got to help me get in the tub and get on the toilet get out of bed in the morning sometimes he has to help me get dressed... I just feel like I'm such a burden on everybody, and it really sucks. So when people say things about how they'd rather be dead than disabled and makes me think about the fact that maybe people would be happier if I were dead. I really wish people wouldn't say things like that
oh my god the ending of this video made me tear up seriously, thank you annie for that message!! i find so many times able bodied people preaching about what a disabled person is or, what we as disabled people should or shouldn't be doing with our lives. for them to say that being dead is the only answer than being disabled in this world is truly heartbreaking to hear and i was saddened to hear people praising this movie. let us speak for ourselves, let us make our own movies about our lives!!
I needed to hear it all, you give me hope! Thank you
All my love!!
I know this video is from last year, but I just came across your channel today. I am 18 with Cerebral Palsy and there has been many times throughout my life (especially my earlier teenage years) that I would think of myself as a burden to other people and I sometimes still do now here and there. Having said that, I want to thank you for the reminder that I'm not a burden and that my life has value. I hope you see this comment.
People NEED to see this video of yours NOW! Why? "Me Before You" recently hit Amazon Prime, and is now free--so there will be a TON of people who watch the film this month (like me) who missed it in the theater. I watched it this weekend, and I was DISGUSTED and shocked at the ending, as I had no idea that the film had such an agenda of attempting to normalize both ableism as well as assisted suicide. ANY CHANCE you can change the title of your video to be more easily searchable by people who are wanting to hear some sanity about the end of the film? I believe people will watch it, and feel confused and conflicted, but they won't know why, and they will come to UA-cam to hear what others have to say. They should hear YOUR voice on this, because you are eloquent and well-spoken. Great video!
Thanks so much! I'm unsure as to what to change the title to at the moment! Do you have any suggestions? What would you have searched for?
Actually, the quote on your thumbnail is already perfect! I would have found your video much sooner, if your title had simply been "Me Before You: Better DEAD than Disabled?" No matter what, I hope people can find their way to your message! It's been a week, and I'm still disturbed that the movie gained the widespread approval that it did.....
you are the most amazing youtuber ever. I don't have any disability, but I have some friends who have. I would be so happy to share this video with them.
I am really glad you've brought this up. I have been sitting on the sidelines with this not really sure how to respond and wondering if I was being oversensitive or something because I didn't see anyone speaking about it. You are so articulate when speaking!
Thank you so much for this. I suffer from a chronic genetic heart condition, and cycle through feelings of worthlessness and feel like I hold my boyfriend and my friends back, but have increasingly become aware that these feelings are rooted more in ableist culture rather than my own condition. People saying they feel pity for me is the worst - my life is just as rich and meaningful as anyone else's, and I often argue that by being confronted with death, I appreciate life so much more. I went through a period where I was very ill, and have very dark times when I thought it would have been better if I had died, which is something that able-bodied people can't even contemplate. Stop hijacking our experiences in the name of 'empowerment' and pity porn, and let our voices be heard instead.
this video was so great. when i read this book a while ago, i had massive problems with it, not even limited to ableism, though that was by far the worst. now, seeing the book getting renewed attention from the film, and VERY few people criticizing it or even defending it is heartbreaking.
Watching this video has me seriously reconsidering re-writing a story i just did. ty for posting this vid
Those words you said at the end are absolutely fantastic and I want to thank you for them. They were extremely heartfelt and so great. ^^
Thank you so much. It's been months since the film came out and so many people have "moved on". I remember my sister inviting me to see a film and immediately fearing she meant this one.
She did. I told her absolutely not. I told her why. She went to see it with friends anyway. Picking her up after the film, she talked to my father and I about how "beautiful" it was.
I reminded her what it was about. I reminded her that it was not even a month since my last attempt at the same with her sitting by me watching me to make sure I did not try again. With her doing her best to comfort me and assure me of our family's love for me.
She told me she didn't want to hear me arguing about this. Again. That this sort of arguing was why she never talked to me or asked me to watch movies anymore. That sticks with me.
I came out of another debilitating dip in my health last week. It is exhausting returning to being "functioning". I keep myself too tired to feel raw and vulnerable because I am terrified that as soon as I do I will slip away again. It doesn't take much to feel like my every action, every breath is at the expense of those around me. I try to remember that I would never let anyone else go uncorrected were they to say the same of themselves but it feels hollow to treat myself as I would others.
Your ready confidence and precision in word are sorely needed in this world. Your content is important and invaluable to our community and those communities we exist in that seem and act separate from us. Thank you for existing.
You know what being disabled does for you? It actually gives you the ability to have empathy for others and compassion. In this highly narcissistic Society the majority of people lack that ability. Even someone saying to you "I rather be dead..." is being narcissist and insensitive. The fact you were able bodied and then not...should give you a significant perspective on life.
Use it to get a thick skin and don't sweat the small stuff.
As I continued on, I am sorry about your health. I am not in a wheelchair. I walk with a cane and chronic pain. So, I understand how hard it is...and people not "getting it"
I find lack of access a pain in the butt. Not enough parking spaces and/or a ramp being on the other side of the building. (I have a hard time using stairs), not adequate enough bathroom stalls/or like 1 handicapped stall out of 20.
this movie is so frustrating. it centers around the idea that being disabled is less than a full life and its so damaging because so many people will be watching this.
Thank you for saying all of those things at the end, I have thought each and every single one of those statements about myself (sometimes more than once) at one time or another and for the media to be perpetuating these harmful views and opinions it honestly hurts my heart. Love and Spoons
Thanks for bringing my awareness to this! I've been too sick and busy with the kids to pay attention to things like movies. This is an important conversation. My heart broke a bit hearing about this... Enough already ableism!
I have ME, mostly housebound, and I enjoy my life even with all that. I may not be able to work or study anymore but I can appreciate my bed lol
Haha!! That's me most of the time too! Grateful for my bed, grateful to share space online with people like you!
+Annie Elainey I have to live with someone who's constantly telling me I'd be better off dead it like shut up and go away lol I know for me I never say I could never be blind or could never be paralysed as find that offensive I mean yes I'd need to adjust but amazing how you cope with disability it isn't end of world
There's so much negative energy out there. I feel bad for people who feel they have to tell others they're better off dead, as well as those who feel they're better off dead. Both are obviously hurting in some way or just ignorant.
It can be tough to stay positive. I know it is for me, but I use hypnosis (need to use it more now), art therapy, and writing. I seriously have so much art in a storage container under my bed right now!
I love this video! I totally agree as being a disabled person. Sometimes it can be so hard to explain this point and you did it perfectly. Now I have something to show my friend who wants to see the movie with me.
First off, may I just say how ON POINT you look, your amazing gorgeous hair, the outfit the glasses, just, sublime. Absolutely beautiful. Secondly, I cried, because I've had so many abled people try to 'help' me see the brighter side and keep going in an extremely ableist fashion... But hearing it from you, I believe that I have worth, that I'm not a burden because of my disability. I'm not as up on these issues as I could be, I'm not much of an activist... So you inspire me in a lot of ways, and I'm just trying to say that I appreciate you. Thank you.
Cheering you on!!! All my love!!
good to see the conversation going far deeper than surface level on this film and into the real problems that the film misses!
You make very good points and i shudder to think of the effect that movie could have on someone (me for example) dealing with chronic illness induced depression. People make life hard to live when we dont look sick, then theres the disability itself. Do we really need media wispering on our ear that our lives are worthless because we are disabled? no, screw them. if anything, its the constant pain or the burden on loved ones that can make us think dark thoughts at times. but even then it doesnt mean our lives arent worth living because we are disabled, just that at times, life is too hard on us and we need reminders that life is full of possibilities, surprises, beauty, wonder, love and is utterly inconceivable in its ridiculousness (just watch Princess Bride or a Mel Brooks movie and you'll be smiling in no time)
Thank you, I needed to hear the bit at the end.
Needed to hear this today! Thank you!
Also for those who are interested, there is #MeBeforeAbleism which was created in response.
the week (or so) has been a bit of a mindfuck in ways because so many non-disabled people just don't get it and it's like you don't know how else to explain it to them... so where do things go from here? "It's just a movie" or "It's just one character" and it's like agggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....
That being said though the story has been covered by a lot of pretty big media sites (salon, huffington post, time, teen vogue, buzzfeed, self magazine, among others ) so I do think it has started a bigger conversation which is excellent.
It's so hard to see where the confusing part is for them, they must just be so affirmed in their stance that THEY would rather be dead than disabled as well, it seems like a logical and selfless choice to them, and that is truly terrifying to face as a community, that benevolent ableism is SO strong and so widespread.
Annie Elainey
I think part of the problem is that most people don't even know the word ableism. Hell, I just typed it and spellcheck said it's not an actual word. And we are so rarely represented in media and we are it's either this shit or the jerry lewis telethon.
the fact that when I go out in my wheelchair, so many people feel it's totally normal and okay to just gawk at me (often in disgust or pity)
it's one reason why I think Disabled UA-cam and Disabled Twitter (aka: the disability communties on these sites) because then it's representation by us and for us (as well as others). We can control how what is put out.
A group of us are also trying to take back #liveboldly because they are using that for the movie, which is obviously a lie. Feel free to join in!
*****
yes, the co-opting of #AskSam and #LiveBoldly has been awesome
I've been commenting and retweeting all over it!!
I recently started bing watching your videos and I just started bawling at the ends. its one thing to tell yourself that its ok for you to take up space and another thing to hear it.
Thank you! I needed to hear this today!
Just shared this on my Facebook and this is what I said:
"My life is not worthless because I have a disability"
I've been asked a few times what I think about the 'me before you' issue and I have given my honest opinion to all those that have asked.
I think it's an INCREDIBLY dangerous and damaging book/film. This video explains the issues that are raised by the film and I would really recommend giving it a watch.
In the nature of transparency I have not read the book or watched the film the main reason for this is that I do not want to give my money to the people that made it.
Saying that if you have me a copy for free I still wouldn't watch/read if I want to read something that negatively portrays disability and the barriers put in place by society that makes the lives of people who are disabled harder all I have to do is pick up a newspaper... Oh wait I mean look online!
Wow, yeah. You've made so many amazing points here and your ending message was so important.
4:08 is everything. Thank you ❤️
Accessibility is key! Thank you for this thorough explanation Annie!
Until this morning, I thought the book was about a disabled man who falls in love with the girl that takes care of him and finds meaning in his life. I didn't know it ended with him committing suicide. That's sad... I'm not watching it anymore. No matter who you are or what you're going through, life is worth it and you are worth it. Suicide is not something that should be encouraged in any way shape or form...
such a good explanation. thank you for all your videos!!
I'm tearing up here because of what you say at the end. I've finally got my eds diagnosis but I've been losing abilities for the past two years. And I'm currently looking into a folding walking stick at the moment. I've been considering ending things with my partner of 8 years because I don't want him to have to push me around in a wheelchair when we go to a museum or somewhere like that on a date. I don't want him to have go call for an ambulance when I'm passing out in the bathroom. I don't want to hold him or anyone else back because I've got a disability. This film really made me feel awful and made shitty thoughts go through my head.
he was obviously depressed because of his recent disability and the fact that they chose to let the character commit suicide is also telling depressed people that suicide is away out, when there is always a way to solve mental illness
You mention you don't like being called an inspiration. But as a very disabled person I feel you are. I hope you don't take that in a bad way.
I can't speak for Annie but I know that I don't like being called an ainpspiration for doing things that pretty much every single person in this world does (eat, drink, breath) but not everyone chooses to make an impact in this world like Annie is doing or for seeing a probably and creating a solution like my channel does that would be something I would gladly be called inspirational for.
+Living Able Well that's the point I'm making. I'm not calling her inspirational for just eating or drinking. But flourishing with who she is and embracing her gifts despite her struggles. I struggle daily with my pain and depression and her videos are uplifting. So I am thankful to her for that.
Steamonic Rae Great, I hope she responds. I am sure she likes that encouragement.
I admire her for the way she expresses herself and is so articulate with the things that I also think and feel. For me "inspiration" has been thrown around so much and used in gross ways so much that I don't even know what it means anymore, but it gives me a deflated and pissed off feeling. I just like to say a disabled person like Annie that I admire is awesome, I just stay away from "inspiration" cause it doesn't in any way feel like a compliment anymore to me, so I don't want to put that on her or anyone else. Its kind of too bad that word has been ruined, but its ok, I have other words. :)
Lisa M Agreed!
Thank you! There was something that was "off" about this movie to me. Something was really bugging me about this movie, but I couldn't put it into words!
During the whole movie, we are on Lou's side. NO ONE supports Will's decision. We want him to live, we believe he could have a great life with her. We aren't on Will's side. We don't want him to die. That's why the movie is so sad. "Better dead than disabled" is NOT the message of this movie.
Thank your for posting.
I'm on the gradual path of becoming physically disabled. Chronic pain, loss of balance, peripheral nerve damage and muscle spasms, along with other things. It's been a tough year. But I didn't let it stop me from taking my first film classes (going into film after liberal arts didn't work). Got a 3.75! It was tough because there were/are days where all I can do is sleep, and then I'm awake at night. Doctors have done so many tests. I've got an MRI on Tuesday so I hope this gives me answers. I've been waiting for answers for roughly 3 years now. So, for anyone who sees this and is also in limbo, so to speak, you're not alone at all.
And, Annie, I just adore your hair, tattoo and outfit. I have a new style inspiration. ;)
Aww, thanks!! It's actually a temporary tattoo to cover up blood draw bruises! Haha! I feel ya! We're on a similar journey, finally found a doc who believes my symptoms match with EDS and Polyarteritis Nodosa, so I'll be spending the rest of the year probably getting tested for those! Keep rockin!
Yeah when a doc finally believed me, I had to stop myself from jumping up and hugging him. I think we'd be great friends. I'm working on a book. Do you write, too? I can see you doing creative non-fiction and awesome essays.
Thanks 4 inspiring my new article on medium. medium.com/@dramaturgchick/me-before-me-my-body-changes-and-journey-to-living-a-full-life-is-not-your-inspiration-1af9e9463b1#.msakvdy2n
I love your videos I have cerebral palsy and I'm told on multiple occasions that I'm in the way sometimes left out of social activities and told I'd be an inconvenience to take on trips or anywhere for that matter some days so thank you for reminding me that I'm not
Very well done. Nice springboard for discussion with my friends who don't get it. Smart and moving. BTW, most people I know don't know the word Ableism. I think you could do a short video on it for us. Thank you.
Thank you for your message that we are valuable and valid and our lives are worth living!
I haven't seen the movie or read the book you're talking about, but that might be because I have been warned about the message it carries...
I believe it’s a falsehood to suggest anyone who is disabled cannot live a full and enjoyable life but I also think it’s a falsehood to suggest that disability is pleasant or enjoyable.
As a disabled person, I think that it’s up to each of us to choose if we want to continue living or not. I personally do not want to continue living for much longer.
I'm so glad I found this video., I felt so alone with my opinion. No one seems to understand how complicated and wrong the storyline is. Maybe you need to have experiences yourself to see it.. I have a chronic illness myself and I am mostly bound to a wheelchair or my bed but I always tried to make the best of it and I would never say my life if worthless. I don't know everyone who wouldn't at least try to make the best of it. Life is precious
Wow... I have never even heard of this before (and I definitely would have been offended by it). Thank you so much for making this video!
I just watched this movie. I have no diagnosis, but my symptoms of chronic illness are debilitating. This movie makes me so angry. In reality having my illness is like, "oh I can't go out as much anymore, it sucks, but I keep doing what I can and I live a full life with my new limits." The movie is portraying stupid ideas, it's so frustrating.
I'm so happy you agree. I have read the book, found it disgusting that he was so determined to die even though he had soooooooo much support. I'm living alone and my family are all overseas, I hate that more than anything about my disability! I think Will was a spoilt shit with a huge ego who couldn't see that he was surrounded by LOVE. People need people who care, whether you're disabled or not. Basically I'm saying I miss my beloved family more than I miss my previously strong, able legs! xx
I think if a person wants to end their life, they should have that choice and nobody should give them guff about it. I am totally for QUALITY of life, than quantity. Even Stephen Hawking said he'd want to die, when he can no longer be a contributing member of society.
I am a very independent person. Relying on other people for help would drive me absolutely bonkers. Even if they don't think I'm being a burden and inconvenience, it would be an inconvenience to ME. I had a friend who's husband was in a nursing home, and he had to go to the bathroom...of course since it was a state paid place, it was horrible. He had waited 2 hours by the time I had to leave from visiting...so he may have waited even longer than that. Just to get help for a 5 minute task.
I have already decided that if I get to a point that I can't take care of myself (toileting, dressing, eating), I don't want to live anymore. There is a difference between being alive, and LIVING. I don't want to be a human paperweight.
I'm 100% pro assisted suicide when someone genuinely wants to die, but this movies seems horrid. If they wanted to make a movie about that they could have done it in so many different ways.
for example two different characters with opposite viewpoints on the issue
John Aggett
Or just anything that doesn't make a minority feel like shit. I mean cancer!? Why couldn't it just have been cancer, it's not like it would have affected people even near the same way as this, concidering there are soo many movies about cancer.
well yes actually, particularly if it was a rare and aggressive type of cancer that the main person was definatly going to die from anyway. By the way I am also pro assissted suicide but I do think that if a film is made about it then have at least two different characters with different attitudes to their situation
Could you do a review of the movie Margherita with a straw next? I don't know how I feel about the movie, as it has its ups and downs, but I'd love to hear what you think of it.
I actually felt so connected to the character of will. It’s not that I feel like I have to die because I’m disabled but because I actually feel like dying. I have lived as an able person and am now in a wheelchair. The pain is not doable for me. The fact it will never end is too much. I can’t deal. So I actually got him so much. It didn’t feel like my life anymore. It’s not necessarily because of my disability but the pain that comes with my Eds is not doable and I often feel like I’d rather be dead. I get how this movie can be harmful because the gp will think everybody feels that way but I personally as a disabled person connected with will and the frustration he might have felt in not being taken seriously. I would however preferred it if they had chosen a disabled actor to play the role.
Good for you Annie!
I'm so sorry I ever thought this movie was romantic. I can't believe I spent money seeing it knowing how many disabled people it hurt.
I understand someone with a really, really bad and painful disability might consider ending it. It is sad, but if one feels really bad it's understandable to think about death. BUT it is in no way okay to portray disabilities in general as a reason to die by suicide. That is so inconsiderate and rude. Most disabilities are manageable with treatment and support, and people have surprising tenacity and flexibility. Disabled people have just as much worth and just as much reason to live as anyone else.
Someone needed to say it and you did!!! 🙌 People feel like they empower disabled people who want to end their lives. The whole attitude of "No one should have to suffer" is a nice try, but here we are, suffering, and that's ok. Life is harder for disabled people but it doesn't make us any less worthy of living it. I'm so glad you took the time to reach out to the ones who need that reminder-You still matter!
I have cerebral palsy. Haven't seen the movie. And it's true the media has made people with disabilities look like we're dumb or the r word. We're not. The fact is we are just like anybody else
The thing you said at the end, What if they tell you that you do? x
Is this comment about "you do not hold your loved ones back"? If so, then it is a problem between you and that person, and NOT with you and your disability. Many things can make people feel like you're holding them back. Being an introvert could, having more of a need for control and structure could, depression could, being unemployed could.... When someone is supposed to be family, a friend or a lover, it is not only your responsibility to make it work, you do so together. I feel like some people think that when it comes to disabilities it is not their responsibility and that they should not have to adapt themselves, but that is just not how a healthy relationship between two people work.
How do you deal with people who say "you shouldn't need braces/walker/wheelchair because your muscle will get weaker. You just need to push through the pain. You don't want people to see you differently do you?"
Fables 456 (if you can manage) ram the wheelchair into them. Fuck them.
My twin sister is someone who always comes with a solution, though never talking about the problem of chronic illness
I love your video. I have a video coming out about this movie on Friday.
Thank You so much for your video! I'm currently reading the book, but I already know how it is going to end. Even though the book is well written and keeps me interested, I strongly disagree with its message. Every life is worth living. I hope this is not going to create damage. Thanks again for your input.
Seeing how people are romanticizing & feeling "inspired" by this film sickens me!
To have them discredit and tell disabled people their being to 'sensitive' angers me!
Many people wouldn't watch/support/defend a movie/books about blatant racism or homophobia so why are they allowing and doing it to disabled people?
This entire book & movie make me feel sick and frustrated with society.
I have not seeen the movie, but I have read the book, and I'm wondering if you've read the book, seen the movie, or both?
TW: murder, filicide
I know very little about this movie, but from what I can read and watch from you and others, I worry that this film could not only trigger disabled people but also potentially paint filicide as a reasonable option because of the "better dead than disabled" vein. Parents still regularly murder their disabled children and it's somehow seen as less wrong. What will the messages this film brings to the table do for that issue as well?
Not only was this book so poorly written with the poorest excuse for plot buildup and character development (like what agent agreed to its pitch???) it definitely perpetuated ableism. It was quite clear in the brief pathetic excuse of description where the author explains for a mere few paragraphs the interaction online he has with other people who are disabled. But from those paragraphs its clear that suicide "must" be a thought prevalent and never leaving in the community which just proves the authors stance and quite ignorant on her part. Also, ever since the movie the fact that claflin agreed to the part has prevented me from looking at the same way and i'm always wondering wait why? and then i'm like oh yeah, remember that... Anyways, tysm for your videos you're amazing- your fellow spoonie ♥️♥️♥️
The only reason you shouldn't allow a disabled actor is their physical disability would turn the story from "A rebellion" to a "a rebel adjusting to being disabled". Writing stories with disabled characters is good, but some stories can't be written with that (combat).
I finally read the book because I needed to have my own opinion. I have to admit, I didn’t particularly like it, but i still struggle to see it in the ways you’ve put it forward.
NOBODY wanted Will to die. Everybody wanted him to believe his life was worth living. The very tricky part is no matter how much everyone else believed it, the only reason Will was even still alive was because he wasn’t physically able to take his own life. Otherwise he would have. He was loved. He was valued. People wanted to keep him around. He himself was struggling.
While I agree that the viewpoints of some of the characters in the book were really problematic, like Patrick’s and Treena’s, I think that was the point. Their way of thinking was a plot in itself. I also agree that it’s harmful not having disabled characters played by disabled actors, and that none of the story was from his viewpoint.
All I could do throughout reading this book was put myself in the shoes of one of his loved ones, like Lou or his mother. Desperately trying to make him see that he was valued, worthy of love. But if he was in so much danger that he couldn’t be left alone without risk of suicide, it was pretty clear HE and only he had decided what he wanted.
So, as a disabled person, I am trying to understand what you and everyone else in the comments is saying. But it was Will’s autonomy. And yes, it’s a sensitive story and requires many many warnings. But it would be the same for any other illness where someone had made the decision to end their own life. I hate suicide, so much. But he was so so clear about what he wanted.
I saw this movie today, Nov, 12/ 2019, it was beautiful, I really enjoy it , but I never thought about it from your perspective, you words make sence to me.
Just because someone once upon a time was not disabled and they now have joined the club doesn't mean that they don't like doing the things they use to do. Lets say you love to travel you should be able to travel as long as the forms of transportation are accessible? If you were the one that didn't notice or care about forms of accessible places and access you will wish you had if you would of been willing to support PWD People With Disabilities when you weren't in the club. If you are someone without a disability it is very important that you think about these things because whether you want to admit it or not one day you will join our club and if you want to have a better life than think ahead or you will know what we feel and it will not be easy.
Thank You
better dead than disabled, yes.
thank you for this vid. it expresses so many of my own thoughts on the subject. i would like to actually have pwd represented in media, and represented well - as diverse and unique people capable of so many amazing things. so, some pwd might decide that they want to die. i think that should be everyone's right. the problem is that THIS is the story being shown to the public, and not the MAJORITY of pwd who want to live.
This is not a movie about someone that it's disable and wants to comits suicide becouse of that. It's about someone that it's severusly depressed and wants comits suicide because of that. He just happens to be in a wheelchair and that it's the cause of his depression. It doesn't mean that it has to be like that for everyone in a similar situation but it is for him. The problem with this movie is that people only see the wheelchair, forget about the wheelchair and maybe you will understand.
from what I have heard about this film from you and others I can't bring myself to watch it. If I was going to do a film involving assisted suicide and disability/illness then I would have a number of different disabled characters with various views on the issue
The poor representation of disabilities in movies has been something that has bothered me for years. I myself have had people feel sorry for me because i’m in a wheelchair, i’ve also had people tell me that they think it would be awesome to be in a wheelchair. On both ends of those statements it is quite insulting to me to hear because people that aren’t disabled or in a wheelchair don’t get it. People will often assume because of my disability I’m miserable all the time, i’m not. I love my life, i live it to the fullest, others with disabilities inspire me to be an even better version of myself. People need to realise that we are not useless or worthless and we are not made to feel like we are a burden, disabled lives matter.
Only abled people seem to be defending this movie, and disabled people seem to be the ones criticizing it. I wonder why. /s
@Annie Elainey Please talk about the ableism following Stephen Hawking's death!
If it weren't for a former boyfriend, I would be ignorant to the disabled people that I would see as a wasted lot. He has CP and took me to Albany numerous times for conferences for people with disabilities. In another vein if my two sisters who took their own lives had lived, they would've been disabled and I would've understood more so. As well as Block Institute.
why are you guys being so offended? it's a situation that anyone of us would be put into,i mean you would rather living disabled rather than dying..it's your choice and your life it just depends on how people view it..it's just none of your business if i choosed not to live..some people wouldn't manage to find happiness again unlike you..that's it
I would like to know why 20 people disliked this video.
TheProxy066 cause there assholes
As an often wheelchair user, I was happy that there was finally a wheelchair user in a love story. I just want wheelchair love!
Josie Alyvia But it's not about love, it's about selfish heartbreak! The spoilt bastard leaves her. I am horrified that this book even got published and it's gross to have turned it into a film 😠
I love the film. but I don't agree with youth Anastasia in any circumstances.
I HATED the ending it was horrible it kinda like you don't deserve a healthy relationship even if you found someone who loves you
This movie is so bad it basically says take yourself out because you are disabled. I have cerebral palsy since birth. But this trope is so bad. They needed to do their homework.
preach