Me Before You... Kill Yourself // Rant Time [CC]
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- Опубліковано 11 вер 2024
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A look at the anger around new film Me Before You and why 'disabled' is not a bad word!
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I hated the ending bc I felt it was a cop out. But I didn't feel like he was killing himself for her. I took it as he was killing himself because of the pain and he didn't want to deal anymore
Still not a good message I think...
definitely
Kati
You're right. He had planned to kill himself before he ever met Lou. He promised to give his mother one more year and Lou was her attempt at getting him to change his mind. That's why she picked a perky colorful girl instead of a health care professional.
I believe books can have good messages and bad messages. Sadly this book may be fiction, but it very realistic and does happen and people do think about these things. I think it gives the readers a opposite message to really let the readers sit and think about the story, rather than them always focus on something good.
I know exactly how it feels to have a stranger berate you for using the handicapped stall in the bathroom because you don't "look disabled". I feel a bit hesitant to tell the story because people tend to say that my health concerns didn't count as a disability or handicap when they were at their worst, especially now that most of those concerns have been resolved.
When I was 16, I had a year of very bad health. I suffered from chronic pain pretty much everywhere, tension headaches, dizziness, numbness in my limbs, and sometimes I couldn't control my limbs for short periods of time. No one knows what was wrong with me, nor why I got better (other than "It was a miracle") and because I couldn't say that I had a specific condition or syndrome, a lot of people thought that I was pretending to be ill for attention. Anyway, one day I went to a restaurant with my family and when I needed to use the bathroom after, I used the handicapped stall because I had no idea if my legs were going to support me when I needed to stand back up. I walk out of the stall and this old lady scowls at me and says, "That stall isn't for you. It's for disabled people and old people. You're fine." I looked her in the eye and said, "Ma'am, I use this stall because my legs often don't respond when I need to stand or walk. I needed to use the stall. Sorry if you had to wait." She didn't believe me, scowled and said some stuff about entitled kids, and went to use the bathroom.
I had really wanted to yell at her, but I didn't, simply saying that I had a valid reason to be using the handicapped stall. It bothers me so much when people assume that the absence of a visible deformity means that the person is completely abled.
"a head trauma unit called "hit you"" *spits out tea*
amber Isabel I
I’m CACKLING
hello!! hearing you talk about the word disabled and why it is beneficial made me finally understand why I feel so insulted when people say "no you're not disabled, don't insult yourself that way!". like you finally found the words for what I'd always been thinking. I have severe epilepsy, and CFS. when people tell me I'm not disabled, it gives me intense anxiety. I believe this is because I then feel held to the standards of a regular healthy body, and consider myself to be "wrong" when I simply can't keep up. something that I struggle with alot is finding ways to tell people I'm too exhausted or mentally fogged to partake in activities, I'm always so afraid of coming off as being whiny or "just faking it". I find this to be especially hard with my boyfriend, who is very understanding, however I'm still afraid of burdening him or having him think I'm overdramatic or a "complainer". do you have any tips for more easily communicating your needs to the people surrounding you?
Oh exactly! Not wanting to be seen as a complainer means we so often ignore our own needs, which just isn't helpful to anyone. Thinking about tips to help communication of needs is really interesting... my gosh, this is going to take some bullet points! Ha ha. Right, I'm going to have a think and get back to you xxx
This comment is pretty old, but here's something that helps when I feel I'm being a burden: If the roles were reversed, would you look down on someone else for having disability-related needs? If not, there's no reason other people should do it to you.
Carolyn Bright. There is no reason, but they do. I have been hit with, "Well, some of us haven't let ourselves go." WTF!? No thought whatsoever about the chronic pain from my multiple injuries, the nerve damage or the progressively worsening degenerative nerve disease. Now add the medications with the weight gain side effects. I have never had many friends, and they mostly disappeared when the money from my well paying job dried up. No more of my paying for the good times. Now I live with my folks outside of town. The folks who promised to come get me "anytime" have never been available. I became too much effort to accommodate because I "look just fine", but I "...ACT like I'm hurting all the time". I'm NOT ACTING, but that is how society sees me. I've been told I don't "try hard enough". Enough rant. It's 4am.😳
^^^ wow that sounds like some awful company....
Sammi Jane Davis I have EUPD, Generalised Anxiety and Major Depressive conditions and psychosomatic joint and muscle problems which include pain, numbness, stiffness, weakness and overall chronic exhaustion but I get called “lazy”, “not disabled” and “melodramatic” people do not understand disability that is not blindness, deafness or paralysis needing a wheelchair or a cane. Only when I use my cane are people a bit more considerate and don’t make stupid accusations as much. I spend most time alone because I’d rather die alone than listen to lies and hurtful toxicity from people. I am a burden to most as has been proven by some of my “friends” and family and it hurts but there’s nothing to do for me but accept it.
The book or the movie says nothing about "him sacrificing himself for her". He was a very active guy, and after he's left paralyzed, he tries to kill himself.
His parents get him a carer to prevent more attempts, but they agree they will givr him a year and if he doesn't change his mind, they will take him to Switzerland to euthanasia.
They both fall in love, the guy and a carer, and when she finds out he wants to die, she tries to do everything to change his mind.
She thinks his love for her would change his mind, but it doesn't. He does it completely for himself and almost comes across as selfish.
In book there is also explained, that she talks to a lot of disabled people and most of them say they like their life and wouldn't even think about euthanasia. The moral of the story is that you can't love someone "back to life" if they don't want to.
The book should have really used a different disability. Quadriplegia is not really considered a “ok time to kill myself” disability there is a lot of ways to live a fulfilling live with this disorder.
Problem is the author assumed suicidality and depression always happen and stay with you after an accident like this. Not always true.
They should have addressed the depression separately. Also the physical pain of this disorder isn’t going to always translate to “time to commit suicide now”. Often it is the mental pain that makes people suicidal.
Really no matter how you look at it, it’s just a really shitty example for those living with paralysis, and it’s extremely unoriginal. Does not properly convey the actual experience of living with it (lots of inaccuracies) and is one of many stories that romanticize suicidality through a quadriplegic character.
People with this condition need hope. People without need to learn about it in a less negative way. Overall this story does more harm than good to the world.
@@MyDuckSaysFucc I agree with you, I was getting a similar feeling reading the original commenter's summary. As an able-bodied person who deals with depression and has dealt with suicide ideation, this view on suicide is rubbing me the wrong way on its own anyway.
Knowing that he doesn't actually "kill himself to free her" like Jessica thought is indeed very reassuring, but it doesn't change that there are already way too many stories that portray a disabled person who doesn't accept their disability, and we don't need any more. It looks to me like this movie has a very weak basis for the otherwise potentially sensible plot it aimed for.
@@MyDuckSaysFucc It's really not. Everyone is different and everyone deserves to live their life how they want to, and also end it if there's no cure for their sickness/disability.
The person in the book is not the first who wanted to end their life after becoming disabled. If you were that active like the character in the movie was and feel your life was stolen by your injury, you simply loose your will to life. You can try to live with it but if your situation sucks for you, it sucks.
And NOWHERE was his suicide romanticized!
The thing that really pissed me off reading the book was that he says "the last six months have been the best of my life," explaining that his time with her was so wonderful and authentic, it was better than his flashy life before, all excitement but little substance. I'm sorry, but if you're the happiest you've ever been, suicide is definitely not coming from a rational place! It makes no sense, and sometimes (honestly, usually) suicidal ideation just needs treatment and it can pass. 20 years ago I never thought I'd make it through a day without wanting to die, let alone a week, but it's been years.
And when people defend an individual's right to choose, there is an awful lot I'd accept even if I did not agree, when it comes to another person's life experience and choices. But we're not talking about an unfortunate person who just isn't helped by available resources (although they're never depicted as used at all, which is irresponsible), we're talking about a book that someone chose to write and release to the general public. I've known people who would be well within their rights to choose to die, but none would ever advocate writing a romantic story about it for preteens.
Some books I just don't like. Some books are actively harmful to the world. This is a particularly bad one.
I wish I had seen this when I first saw the movie (although I interpreted the ending as “even true love with a manic pixie dream girls is insufficient to make life worth living if you’re disabled”). More accurately, I was forced to watch the movie because I was on a flight on an airplane old enough to broadcast the entertainment on central screens throughout the cabin.
What pissed me off about the movie? 1) Movies about suicide are considered family-friendly enough for airplanes as long as the suicidal person is disabled. 2) If my kid had been a little older instead of an oblivious toddler, I would have been forced to have both the “Some people think Daddy’s life has no value” AND the “Sometimes Mommy wants to kill herself and it’s not coming from a clear-sighted place” discussion with a child who is a good decade away from being able to handle it. 3) Why did no one in the movie at any point contact a mental health professional? Suicide prevention services are only for the young, healthy, able-bodied? 4) It’s never clear why this guy had nothing to do but be cooped up in his parents’ castle watching foreign films.
Yes I agree. Like, what, his depression was not treatable because he was paralyzed? Those with disabilities often struggle more and need more mental health support.
The movie is about a man who is utterly miserable and meets a girl that distracts and amuses him, giving him one last hoorah. She isn't enough to make him happy so he continues with the euthanasia he'd planned before he met her. Some people can live with his condition and some can't. You need to be immensely mentally strong to cope with being locked in like that and to face a lifetime with it.
Jac ob He should have been helped to deal with it and shown how great life can be etc not left to top himself
Sarah Camley in the film she tries to do that and he tells her he knows but he loved his life before and can’t live the way he’s living now
Moral of the story is; you can't love someone back to life. You can't love someone out of their Depression.
Thank you! If you read the book it clearly states this. He is in pain, he is unhappy, he is Codependent on everyone around him. He didn't kill himself for her, he did it for him. I'm not condoning it but people still need to get it right before they moan
Sarah Camley he was. His care giver did everything in her power to make him feel better and spent a lot of time trying to convince him not to kill himself but he decided that it was too hard to have to keep living and knowing that he will never return to the person he was before his accident
I've seen the film and he kills himself because he doesn't want to deal with the pain anymore. He was very active before his accident and now doesn't enjoy the change in lifestyle. Still not a great message, but i always believe that if you are going to comment on something, you should be well informed. I hope you take this as constructive criticism - i DO love your videos, and just want to help improve. All the love xx
This is exactly what I wanted to say. If you are going to criticise something (especially online) it's usually wise to at least be informed about it :D
But it's definitely meant as constructive!
There are made so many movies with "bad" messages(drugs, unhealthy sex/rape, violence etc), but to me movies are about portraying mankind in any shape and form, giving us a tool to learn out of experiences without having to experience it all first-hand, in your own life. :)
I love watching movies that challenges my world image as they remind me who I really am and where I stand in life at the moment💖
But I really think this movie can also especially speak to those who's lost someone dear whom committed suicide or has gotten euthanasia, reminding the relative that their loved one took a hard but fair decision for themselves, purely out of pain; not because they wanted to inflict pain on the relatives left behind, but it was simply the only way to get rid of his own pain 💔
Hopefully this movie will remind them that their loved one is finally at peace, rather than they keep crying about it and waste their own life 🙏🌟
Exactly! Well, I think what the movie truly was is even worse than what Jess thought it was. Like, ok, I understand the need to talk about Assisted suicide and the right to die with dignity... but turning that story into a MOVIE ROMANCE???? What the hell, Hollywood? I’m a teacher, and I’ve had enough depressed teenagers in my classroom to know that, ok, although there is actually some cases in which suicide is not the worst possible outcome... you simply don’t say that to teenagers or young adults! You just can’t endorse suicide so publicly, romanticizing it so it seems beautiful and acceptable, SPECIALLY when it comes to disabled people! Like, I know there’s movies with bad messages, but that one was by far the worst I could imagine my students watching. I can see that is an important ethical debate, we should talk about people in this situation, I’m not even against making a movie about it, but HELL don’t cast two beautiful young actors and call it ROMANCE! That is wrong in all possible levels, omg
Well done. I don't know what's worse a film with the premise that it is better to be dead than disabled- or the people in the comments that find that acceptable.
dylansoldersister - You are looking at it from the wrong angle. The film isn't suggesting that it's better to be dead than disabled. Its showing one guys battle with being left disabled after spending his childhood and most of his 20's as a "normal, well functioning" (I use those words loosely) human being. In a perfect life... the story would have ended differently. But sadly this isn't a perfect life. And I'm very thankful that the writer displayed this story in such a way. So many people take MENTAL ILLNESS as some kind of joke. So many people have this preconceived idea that if you love someone hard enough that they will fall out of their depression. That is NOT the case. 9 times out of 10 you won't be able to love someone back to life. THAT is the reality. They will have to find it for themselves.
Alex Meyer - It has nothing to do with being able bodied or not. It has to do with being mentally Ill. You people keep making this about one thing when it's not. And also I'm very sure his character tried other forms of help (mental help) they don't always work. So if your message here is to suck it up no matter what then please don't respond. Because your nothing more than a closed minded sheep with no mental space to think about another pain other than your own and you def don't know how it feels to be faced with that situation.
The main premise of the film is that he has a choice, he chose to go to a country and end his life legally because he wanted to, not because the girl wanted to or anyone else. It's not about him being disabled or sucking it up, if someone is in that much pain that is unfixable then they should be given the choice and people should respect that. And so many people missed that point because he died.
Madison Mims ok i read the book and actually no ones ok with him dying he really wants to die like you know i dont think its right at all i hated him but books dont always have a happy ending and sometimes the point is that there are many storys to be told he wanted to die before her and she could do nothing to change his mind why because sometimes love isnt enought
The thing is he in the book tired to kill himself and was always getting close to deadly ill he was really bad off or so author wrote it and he was a jerk tell the end he wasnt a saint he basicly told her how to live her life better and how she could move on from her tramas in the past but worse is that he preached but never took that to heart he didnt see a life for himself he was horribly selfish and he showed that threw out the book he couldnt cope with not being the person he once was and no one around him wanted him to die they all did their best job to try to stop it but the truth is it was more about his mental illness then his disability because she showed him he could do everything a able bodied person could but he didnt care he didnt care that she showed him that people could still love him even in a chair how they could have a life together a family none of that mattered at all he wanted to die he hated the pain he hated not knowing when he was going to die from illness he wanted to take that choice into his own hands
Also shes not happy at the end of the book shes miserable hates that he was selfish and left her
Tbh i hate the story i gave it 2 stars on my good reads but i would say he was chronically depressed and narcissistic he didnt care how his actions effected people even before he got injured and he stayed that way threw out the book because thats who he was he never really changed but because he didnt head his advice to the girl that you cant let bad moments define you he never got the chance to move on he never really cared to try to get better if he wasnt walking around then it wasnt good enough for him just like how if before the accident he always wanted to be the best
The thing is worse of all is the fact that you read the book and relize even though hes like i dont wabt to love you like this is the fact that he wouldnt have even looked twice at her if he didnt get in the accident he was into tall blond and for a few days he wouldnt have looked at her or cared he only cared because it fit into his tragic frame he placed on his life
He refused to leave the house he refused to talk to other disabled people he refused to talk to friends and family he really was so mentally ill that nothing anyone said to him would change his mind honestly threw out the book it was like even if a miracle happend and he could use his arms or legs again it wouldnt be enough for him because hr was so so obsessed with how he was no even before that he was obsessed before then with proving that he was a god amongst men
dylansoldersister I haven’t seen it, but I doubt that was the intended message. It’s probably not saying it IS better to be dead, but because of how society treats disabled people, sometimes it feels that way? Just a theory. I’d have to see the film to be sure. I might do so though, especially since I am visually disabled. I’m curious about how the plot actually plays out
He didn’t kill himself for Lou, in fact, he says that nothing she says or does will change his mind. He was in physical and mental pain. He spent his entire life traveling and participating in sports, then went paralyzed. He couldn’t take the pain anymore. Sure, it was selfish, but in the end it was his choice. It had nothing to do with her.
Maddi Luna-Deutsch - It wasn't selfish. Selfish is wanting someone to stay knowing their in constant physical pain 24/7. This was mentioned in the movie in the scene that Will was in the Hospital. They said how he is in constant pain (and was probably taking TONS of pain meds.) Sure, in real life, there are probably people who live through the pain but if someone wanted out, then that's okay too. I can't stand how closed minded society is in topics like these. People only view it as this Black and White thing when there's tons of Grey patches.
Igg - But people only use it as a dirty word. So 9 times out of 10, it is. Look, I'll tell you the same thing I told the last person. Selfish is a word you should only use to describe someone who is selfish in more than 2 or more areas of their life. Not just 1.
It teaches that being disabled is the end. He had a life and becoming disabled ended it. That’s a shitty message for people who actually want to get through
Kat
No being desabled is not the end. Soo many people find a way to cope with it. But being a quadriplegic must be very hard. Many years ago I read a book 'bout a women with quadriplegia. She struggled with thoughts to kill herself a few times. Imagine just to be able to move your head. It must be a shock. You have to start a whole new life. And as you can read i the book or see in the movie, he had to deal with a lot of physical pain. For example he had a few pneumonias which can be very dangerous for a weak body. He needed help for most of his daily activities. Etc. I think it's too easy to say: Yes your disabled but life goes on anyway.
Let's also remember that the movie narrates cases that may have happened, that there are people who suffer constant pain like that, let's try to put ourselves in their shoes before throwing a judgement, which is the actual message of the movie. Also not every disability meant quadriplegia
My mom has been feeling pain most of her life but keeps on fighting especially for us
Make her happy
Every time I use the disabled shower at the pool, the one with the bench and temperature control, I get scared that someone will get mad at me. Because visibly I look like a completely abled person but with my brain injury I get dizzy easily especially with high heat. It's so hard being able passing especially when doctors tell you that everything is in your head and if you just tried hard enough the joint pain and migraines would go away. Sometimes I wish that invisible illness would show itself somehow but x-rays, ultrasounds, MRI's, countless blood tests and other tests later I seem to be completely healthy (aside from being anaemic). And it's so frustrating because the guidelines for diagnosing fibro are if it's a widespread pain ✔️lasting more than 3 months ✔️ and has been tested for every possible thing ✔️. I'm pretty sure the docs just want the money they get from my visit at this point.
I hope you managed to find some answers and if not I hope you're still trying and seeing medical professionals. Autoimmune illnesses can be hard to diagnose, anemia can be a symptom. Moreover, anemia in itself can cause many health issues. I wish you all the best.
he didn't kill himself for her. he was in so much pain and hated the way he felt. she even accepted him for who he was but in the end he didn't want to be in so much pain.
The movie is basically a commentary on assisted suicide and a persons reasoning for choosing to end their life. The romance in the movie is an added layer showing that even love isn't enough to change someone's reasoning, or level of physical pain, for wanting to end their life.
Except that's not how things typically work in reality, and the main character outright says he's happier with his newfound love than he was before his disability... so it really doesn't make much sense. And it's arguably pretty irresponsible to invent such an unusual circumstance with such a depressing message about disability and package it for young people.
I didn't see the film, but I did read the book. He was a very active man before his accident and was very depressed and wanted to give up. His parents hired Emilia Clarke as a last ditch effort to get him to change his mind. They did fall in love and she did not want him to kill himself. In fact, she showed him life could still be good and he could still do normal things, like go to the beach and the local castle and come round for birthday dinners. He falls in love with her, but ultimately decides he still wants to be euthanized, would she pretty please come and hold his hand while he dies. She does, very sadly. He leaves her money and she goes on holiday! Very satisfying ending, don't you agree?
Liradu2 I don't remember that, but I could be mistaken.
You're mixing it up. Tetraplegics are prone to infections but with the quality of care he was receiving, he could have lived a very long life.
The doctor just said he wasnt likely to ever improve, and if anything he might worsen. Get sick more often, lose more muscle, etc. I just finished the book and the movie and do think the book was obviously way better at portraying the situation. I cant help but think what would I do in that situation, I certainly ended up loving Will too. All I can think of is maybe I would have pushed therapy for his depression, as my own SO has struggled mentally and therapy did help him (along with medication, like some others suggested in the chat rooms Lou used).
For me disabled and my various diagnoses are how I know I'm not crazy, imagining things, lazy, etc. There are ways that my body and mind work that are different then most people. I'm not less than, but I do need help. And those words help me get help of the right kind.
Thank you so much for this video! I live with autism and several mental illnesses and you just helped me feel better about myself with that note about disability being a positive thing. It's taken a lot of getting used to, but accepting living with disabilities has helped pave the way for getting treatment, you're so right! I hope you're having a good day and I'm so glad to have found your videos!
I'm so happy I helped you feel that way! So much love to you and keep on being proud of who you are x
Same happens to me but mom gaslights me a bit. I'm a minor... Where to to go?
I’m going to have to disagree on this one. Having a disability does not make someone less of a person or less worthy of living. However, I support people who are in constant agonizing pain, whether that be because of quadriplegia or terminal cancer, should have the option to die with dignity if they want. It’s about self determination.
Lauren Kahre I would totally support this is society wasn’t so ableist
Chinta K I guess I’m a disabled ableist. (I’m not being sarcastic) I can agree that for certain situations, people should ah e the choice. Me personally though, I would try like hell to persuade them otherwise. Cause oftentimes, that feeling is momentary. Even if the moment lasts years. Oftentimes, things do get better. And it’s not easy and it doesn’t happen over night. I had to go through so much before I started to get better. And when it was happening, it didn’t seem worth it. And I wanted to give up. Now, I MADE IT. I have a much better quality of life because I didn’t have the choice of giving up and dying. I was going to keep on existing no matter what. So why not make my existence better, ya know? And I did. And I’m so glad I did. And when I see others in that dark place, I try so hard to motivate and encourage. But sometimes, the person genuinely has no more fight. And death, would be merciful.
I love your videos Jessica, but I don't think you should have attempted to convey your thoughts on the film without watching it 😕 He had the assisted suicide because he was in pain & it was what *he* wanted, which is understandable when your life is limited & your riddled with an all encompassing pain. It had nothing to do with him being a burden, (in fact everyone was trying to convince him not to go through with it, *especially* his love interest) it was about him having the right to do what *he* felt was the right decision for him 😌
Sarah Camley I disagree & I would hate to judge someone's decision when I haven't experienced their pain & suffering myself.
I have to agree with Georgina. I've had people in my life who battled cancer and were in pain and also had assisted suicide. They were terminally ill, were in pain and going to be in even more pain had they tried to hang in there a bit longer, so I'm glad this was an option. And why should they stay? This might sound harsh but as Georgina said, we cannot understand someone else's suffering, and a lot of the times letting go is harder on those left behind. Also Jessica it's a bit ridiculous of you to compare an illness to loving marmite and therefore wanting someone to kill themselves, regardless of the fact that, that wasn't even the plot of the movie.
Sarah Camley what do mean “right” decision? A decision in always subjective
hw many years have you spent inn bed? how much have you lost? how many life altering diseases and conditions have you gone through- that will never get better at a young age when you used to explore exserize and have big dreams? Dont pretend you know what you would do it that situation because even when i had a few tough illnesses that changed my life it still didn't prepare me for being bedridden....and much worse. Don't pretend you know what you would do... whats the right decision for someone in more agony then you could imagine! even if you wouldn't... doesnt mean tis not the right decision for someone else.
Sarah Camley there's a line between suicide and euthanasia though. It's a fine line, but it's still there.
My auntie was disabled and I know for a fact she felt like a burden because when her illnesses killed her earlier this year, she said on her deathbed to her husband who had been her full-time carer "Go live your life, find someone else, you haven't had a life because of me." It was fucking heartbreaking. He loved her to pieces and he was the whole reason she got help in the first place because the doctors wouldn't believe her when she tried to tell them. I know he would have cared for her for the rest of his life if need be. He didn't see her as a burden at all. And yet, she still felt like one. :( I might have the same condition that started it all for her (endometriosis) and I completely understand feeling like a burden because I do when I'm in pain too. Also feel like a burden because of my anxiety (I'm in the diagnostic process for autism too). My family end up not being able to go places with me because I'll have a panic attack or a meltdown. Family can't stay overnight when they need to because I hate people staying here and it makes me anxious. My mum can't get a lodger for our spare room and so has to pay bedroom tax. And when I'm in pain, sometimes I can't even cook for myself, shower or dress myself. I was in extreme pain yesterday and I felt bad asking my mum to pop down in the night (she was staying over her girlfriend's house) so that she could help me into the bath. It really sucks.
I am so sorry about the extreme pain you suffer from and both your aunt's illnesses and her feeling burdensome. I hope that before she passed she was able to bask in some of the love from your uncle, you and your family. What is the "bedroom tax"?
oh man i work with people with disabilities so i was excited to see this come out. i was horrified at the ending! This just came up as a suggested video today, i guess youtube can sense I'm still fuming about this flick a year later.
I don't really agree. I love the book, and I interpreted it in a completely different way - I think it'd be good if you read the book or watched the film yourself because the blurb kind of misses the point. It wasn't about sacrifice at all. The book was actually about this disabled man who was extremely active before his accident, and who'd displayed suicidal behaviour since. He hated every carer he had, so his family hired an inexperienced carer in the hope that she'd treat him with dignity, like a friend, to convince him that there's more to life than he thinks, and that he can do so so many things even though he was paralysed. In the end, even though they went on many adventures, he couldn't deal with the pain and the mental struggle, and he knew his carer wouldn't be there forever, and without her he reverted to his old mindset, and depression. He went to a euthanasia centre even though she tried to convince him for like 2 years not to. It wasn't about sacrifice or being a burden. It was about his pain. She didn't care about his disability AT ALL. HE cared. Sorry if this sounds harsh but I got annoyed because you hadn't read or watched it and you didn't get one detail right at all, which gives an incredible book a bad name. The film wasn't as respectful as the book, but please watch or read it and do another video. Thank you!
So, this review really intrigued me and I watched the movie. Jessica, you are completely right. The movie is utterly disrespectful. The clear message is that a disabled life is not a life worth living, and this is so so wrong. Thank you for opening the discussion about it.
My husband wasn't disabled as such he was dying of lung cancer I never thought twice about looking after him, now what he died in Feb my heart instantly turned black and shattered into a thousand pieces. I'm so lost a widow at 32. I was with him half my life. He saved me now he's gone, he hated being in a wheel chair and when he couldn't drive anymore it wasn't long after that he took his last breaths
Sorry for your loss. RIP to your husband.
I hope you did watch the film or read the book because its not like you described at all.
terri-louise Ó leathlobhair yep. it's much worse. I hope for her sake that she never watched or read it and never will.
I actually love this video and your point of view, very funny and charismatic, fantastic freaking hair as well! But the film is not quite what you think it is. It still is quite offensive to the disabled community as it's about a paraplegic written by an able bodied person and she likely didn't get much of it right. The main woman in the story actually doesn't think of him as baggage and loves everything about him including his disability. It's the protagonist himself that I think has offended everyone as most paraplegic people are as interesting, complex and happy as an able bodied person however the protagonist seems to suffer with a feeling of inadequacy and is unable to realign him image of self with his disability and ultimately that's why he decides to kill himself. There's some complicated family dynamics and stubbornness thrown in there too but I think it's HIS view of HIMSELF that people take issue with (because it was written by an able bodied person and supports this fear people have of being disabled).
Again, loved the presentation of the video just wanted to clear it up, you probably don't need to watch the film or read the book but it's not quite the story you have in mind. :)
Oh my gosh I was so frustrated with this film! Thank you for this video
He killed himself because he couldn’t deal with the pain. He thought that he was a burden to everyone around him, especially her. Even though continuously tries to convince him of the opposite. The ending is incredibly sad because she tried so hard to show him that being disabled isn’t a bad thing.
Jessica, I think you're brilliant and I love your videos and what you stand for, but this time I just have to disagree with your opinion. I have a physical disability myself and I do understand why this movie/book is criticised by many people with disabilities. However, I'm not one of those people. I read the book a long while ago, then saw the movie and to be honest I always treated it as an individual story, rather than a "collective" depiction of what it means to have a disability. To me, it's a story of how someone can come into your life and change it, a story about love, and about choice. A choice that a man made long before a woman came into his life. So he didn't end his life FOR her, as you are saying. I get that you may not want to see the film or read the book, but I also think that if you want to review it, thats what you should do first.
My interpretation was that he actually killed himself *despite* her. She believed he could live a happy life but he refused to live as a disabled person for any longer because coming up with new hobbies that weren't skydiving and base-jumping was out if the question for him.
And, given the main lead's propensity to put other's needs above her own, the message I got from the movie was the importance of being selfish.
Which.... granted, she people do need to allow themselves to treat their own needs as a priority. But... yeah. I think the intended message was, "don't live your life for someone else. Do what feels best for you regardless of the people around you."
But the BIG takeaway message is that assisted suicide should be more readily legal in more countries and that living life as a disabled person is just not worth it and death is the superior alternative.
I have watched it (not once when it first came out) I didn't think it was like that at all. The guy seemed depressed and set on dying then fell inlove and the women lead tries to convince him to live. Yeah he was disabled but I felt it showed that despite ANY disability people can enjoy life and enjoy it along with non disabled people rather than people with disability are a burden because everyone begged him to live regardless
I saw this movie while i was in treatment for a year in hospital for anorexia and I had a few hours on pass to spend with my mum who had driven up to visit me and we were not prepared for this movie. I hated it because I was jealous that he was "allowed" to die (I was not in a great mental state at the time), and alternatively, my mother had a very difficult time with the movie as well from the parents perspective of not being able to prevent their son from killing himself. Bad timing for us to see the movie. It was beautiful, but we were both sobbing when we left the theatre and it was very upsetting.
I've read the book and watched the film he doesn't kill himself cause he thinks he's a burden he does it because he's sick of his life and doesn't want to live constricted anymore considering the things he used to do before him accident. This assumption really pisses me off
i saw me before you with my mother, left the cinema started hyperventilating and crying and my mother undermined me and yeah....not something to show a chronically ill person with long term mental health stuff... fuck that film tbh
I don't really recommend watching the film because i also feel like half of the movie he just spent depressed and staring outside windows like that's what everyone who is disabled does. All together i feel like it was a bad representation of disabled people.
It’s so sad that they had to end the movie so badly, I absolutely adored the beginning story plot it was so beautiful and then the end just destroyed everything
JFC at all the people in these comments telling a disabled person to watch a movie that's ultimate conclusion is that life as a disabled person isn't worth living. It doesn't matter if the reason for that is because the character feels he is a burden or because he's lost parts of his life he'll never get back; the conclusion is that his life isn't worth living anymore BECAUSE he is disabled. Oh the guy's depressed? Because when depressed people confess to thoughts of suicide, we always tell them that following through with suicide is a good way to proceed. When we lose our abilities, we all grieve. Part of that grief is depression, but we move forward; it's hard, but we do it. Telling me to give a chance to a book written by an able bodied person wallowing in this stage and ultimately telling me that the author couldn't imagine wanting to live on post-disability is fucking insulting.
Okay, so I read the book and saw the film- the main reason why the character decided to take his life wasn’t because he thought he was “being a burden” but because he didn’t want to live this life that he now had to live because of his disabilities. It was driving him crazy because he had this life that he was living before the accident- he was a party boy, loved the outdoors, skiing, adventures. Super active. And then the accident took that away from him and as he decided to see that was that “his life was taken away”, and that he was merely just thinking and breathing. Absolutely heartbreaking to watch- the book and movie led you to believe that this girl would “save” him from himself- but he was stubborn and very upset. I personally loved both the book and movie :)
I love you but watch the movie before you review it pls 😂
I don’t think he wanted to unburden her, he was miserable and wanted to end his life long before he met her like able and disabled ppl do sometimes
She gave him a few last happy moments, she helped him smile and saw him for the amazing person he was even tho he was super rude and grumpy all the time.
Yes it would be nice to see movies about disabled ppl who are empowering and inspiring rather than miserable that’s for sure. I just want to hear your opinion after you watch at least a little bit of it because your opinion is always on point and I am now wondering if I just didn’t realize it was offensive 😬
Thank you! You are so strong and wonderful!
I think people look at this movie the wrong way, of course, life is worth living for disabled people, Will's life was worth living, however, Will did not think so. This isn't a story about all disabled people, it's a story about Will and his outlook on life. People think that this story is about all disabled people and that is far from correct.
Hold up. The movie clearly shows he wanted to die before his carer was in his life. He couldnt cope with going from an extremely athletic, free spirited, able bodied guy to someone who couldnt do anything himself. It was his personal experience, i guess he wasnt as strong as other people who have become a quadriplegic and live a happy life.
Ok but pretty much all characters from storys including a quadriplegic person portrays them as miserable and suicidal. There is a serious issue with stigma going on here if you look at the big picture.
Also I have a friend who is quadriplegic after a car accident. He was adventurous, physically active, etc... so... you saying these personality traits are going to prevent him from mentally healing and living with his condition?
Suicide is something people do usually due to mental pain. A paralyzed person likely has manageable pain (my friend for example) what kills is the misery caused by things like feeling like a burden to others.
So yeah this was just a really hurtful and inaccurate portrayal of this specific condition. If you want to write a tragic love story, use a different more suitable condition.
Would be really interesting for you to expand on this! I completely agree but for me the premise of the film was more about disabled life being ‘not worth living’ rather than being a burden (in my opinion completely wrong but would love to know your arguments on that)
I am loving your channel. As for this film, it's complicated. The movie presents the case that the man is seeking assisted suicide because of his depression and chronic pain due to his injuries. He was already planning this before this new carer entered his life, who was hired by his parents to inspire him to live. That was their attempt to dissuade him from his choice to die. So depending on where you fall on the right to end your life spectrum, you can see what the parents did as either caring or manipulative.
In any case, the young woman has no qualifications as a carer, and in fact he has a proper caregiver, while she is just there to be cute and lift his spirits. It's not ideal. However, I was sucked in because the two actors develop chemistry, and I had no idea about the suicide plot when I rented it. That element creeps out near the last third. Sigh.
It was very difficult to see him fall in love and still choose to die, mostly because he was still in constant pain, but also a bit because he didn't want to be a burden. That part frustrated me. And at the end the abled woman is living it up the way he told her to (after she has mourned him).
When I watched this film as a Right to Die story, I appreciated that he chose the death that he wanted. When I view it as a Disability Makes Life Too Hard To Live film, it makes me so frustrated. I have bipolar disorder, and have had those thoughts, so this film was an emotional experience that recalled dark times. My mother has multiple physical disabilities, and has expressed a wish to not be alive to be free of the pain. When confronted with that, I don't know what to do or say except to try to remind her of how loved she is, how good life can be, etc. But what if someday she really meant it?
So if you're looking for a film that at first makes you happy (it's a sweet romance with a bit of the gruff sexy rich man made happy by the quirky girl style) and then plunges you into existential crisis, give it a try and decide what kind of film you think it is. I also understand if you never want to go near it for those same reasons.
I don't think anything that glorifies or glamorizes suicide, regardless of the motivation is a good thing. Lost too many friends that way. They survived the war but couldn't live with the peace. Ugh, sorry for the tirade.
J.R. Handley - I just hope you are consistent. If you don't support anything that glorifies suicide, then I hope you don't support anything that glorifies murder in anyway.
J.R. Handley it doesn't glamorize it. It presents it as a very serious and grim decision with repercussions as well as benefits. He doesn't just wake up and poison his morning oats, he does assisted suicide because of the pain he's in. Despite his love interest telling him not to. Despite his parents help. He chooses to end his life peacefully because he knows he's going to suffer to death painfully if he doesn't. That's not the same thing as someone with depression committing suicide. Terminal illness and mental illness are unique situations. I understand your concern, but this movie isn't glorifying suicide. It's just telling a story.
@Angelisa Hassan I do not believe that is what she is saying. Me before you is just one specific story about one specific person. It is not instructing people how to feel in general about suicide. And I don't think it is even the author's opinion on suicide. It was a look into 1 complex situation.
I do not intend to speak for a community I am not part of but I watched this movie twice and I would argue this is not what the movie is about. The disabled man had decided to kill himself before he met his carer and never decided to do so to let her free. It is a conscious choice because he feels miserable and cannot bring himself to like his new life compared to the thrilling adventurous one he had before his accident. I don't think he feels like a burden for his loved ones but one for himself. And he says so himself, nobody can make him change his mind and he intends to take decisions for himself rather than people deciding what they think is best for him. However I fully agree with your message, all the way.
True testament of a lover, friend, and family is if they stick around to support one in their weak moments, with compassion and not resent. What is it about some people who ostrasize a person when they becomes ill? Lost a lot of contacts when things got bad for me for a good while. It's cruel! I appreciate how well you articulated your feelings on the matter and your twist into positive perspective. You're quite lovely!
Ok, so I'm not disabled and am all up for people educating me, but my interpretation of the film was completely different to what you were describing. Maybe I'm projecting my own experience onto it, but for me it was very much a film about mental health as opposed to physical disability. The male protagonist has tried to commit suicide before the beginning of the film, so is clearly suffering from some mental health issues. Over the course of the film, he falls in love with the female protagonist and yeah, she does make his life a lot better. But ultimately I think the message was that when someone is suffering internally that much, superficial things like love or happiness cannot solve it, and that is not the fault of the people they love or who love them, but is their decision alone to make.
The thing about that guy is not him killing himself not to be a burden, he is a giant douche along the lines of the 50 shades guy, but without the kinky sex. He is terribly bossy to the girl and bullies her into things "for her own sake". Ultimately, he is rich and handsome and can do anything he wants including taking his own life despite love being offered to him.
I like the word disabled as it's giving me a temporary pass for my car when I can hardly walk/with a cane. I'll rarely use it but it'll be great for the winter (less injuries while shopping).
When I was younger, the term for disabled people was 'handicapped'. Unfortunately as time went on, it was found unacceptable. I think this is a shame, because a handicap is not intrinsic to the person, but is something that makes life more difficult for them. They have to work harder to overcome the difficulties that their handicap causes them. I think it is a perfect descriptive term, and I think it's a shame that people took exception to it.
True love also means trusting your partner when he chooses you with all your "burdens" and imperfections, same as you do with him/her.
I don’t have a disability but I’ve been binge watching your videos recently since I discovered you. I work at the Counseling & Disability Services on my campus part time and you’re so right!! Once students register with us we have SO MANY RESOURCES for them (both physical and mental disabilities) and it makes me feel so good that we’re helping them. Even though my job is a simple computerized note taker
I'm not disabled, and no one I love is disabled, and this movie still enraged me beyond belief. It was a complete insult to disabled people every where.
I want to the cinema not knowing what to expect and I loved it so much and then the ending came and BY GOD I WAS READY TO SCREAM. And so many people around me were like all about how good it was and subverting expectations and ugh, no. You know, it's actually good to see hey, no, your instincts were right and people who have more right to speak up on this do agree that this was a shitty ending.
I just watched the film, and I was really enjoying it until he told her that she couldn't change his mind. Broke my heart honestly, before watching it I didn't realise he was actually going to go through with it and I honestly though I was going to get a happy ending where they have babies and live happily ever after. What also pissed me off is that he was actually in a fortunate enough decision to have the best help, the best medical team and he money to not have to work again and live a life that very few able bodied people could only dream of. It definitely angered me that he fell in love and was happy to put her through the hurt of watching him die. And then expected her to just move on. Could have been a lovely film and he didn't die
all I know is the poster is awfully over-Photoshop'd
When the film was due to come out, I remember all the discourse surrounding it and I follow quite a few disabled people on tumblr who were adamant about getting the word out that the ending of the book it's based on is highly offending to them. Due to this I strongly refused to have anything to do with it and tried my best to explain the issues to my mother who really enjoys dramatic romance type films. Eventually though, the film was added to Netflix and one afternoon I kind of caved in and thought "well, if mum is watching it on her account, that doesn't mean I'm supporting the film if I sit and watch it with her"
After having watched the film, I get the feeling that they changed the tone of the ending for the film. I myself am not disabled but the impression that I got made me feel a little better. I feel like the end of the film made it so that the male lead was choosing to end his life not because he felt he was a terrible burden, but because he could no longer live with the pain that wreaked havoc through his body. Forgive me if I am wrong but, this is just my opinion and I am more than ready to change it if I need to.
I've seen the movie, it's basically about assisted suicide and he decides he does not want to continue the life he has because of the constant pain that he has. In his situation he was an able bodied person who was in an accident and he was wheelchair bound afterward. I understand what your saying about the film and the use of the word disabled. I also understand what you mean about a hollywood portrayal of a disabled person needing to die to allow the female lead to have a better life without him. I think it's more about his wanting to end his life (which she was opposed to) because he saw no end to the situation he was in and he wanted the pain to end. Obviously she benefits from his death because he leaves her financially in a better place afterward. Basically it's just a sad story that shows a disabled person who loves someone and eventually dies at his own hand.
Sadly, this type of "romantic disabled drama" also think of Fault in Our Stars that has a mostly disabled cast where one falls in love and eventually one of the characters dies. This type of stuff being made by Hollywood these days. Apparently someone has to die to have it be "good entertainment". I can't say I agree with the portrayal but it is what it is, I guess.
Not agreeing with you on this one, I think that to start you should have watched the movie, or read the book, before stating that was the premise of the movie and book, of course, you’re totally in your right to think that was the premise after watching it. I think that every person has the right to decide their life path, and even if someone’s doesn’t find being disabled worth living anymore after being in that situation is fine, if someone thinks that being disabled is worth living, that’s fine too, people should be supported with their decisions. Sorry if this bothers anyone, I’m always open p to dialogue and to learn something form other people points of views. Pd. Sorry for any mistakes made in the comment, English is not my first language, I will happily receive any corrections.
Sorry Jessica but not watching the film means you don’t really understand. Will the quadriplegic in the film had tried to commit shocked before because he couldn’t cope with his life now, compared to his extreme life before the accident. He had his parents shared to help him via euthanasia in Sweden, he gave them 6 months before he was going to die. His career Lou was his mothers attempt to get him to change his mind, but he still went through with it because he couldn’t be who he wanted to be regardless of her love
Switzerland and he left her everything in his will and felt she was better off.
I absolutely agree about the word disabled! I was on a night out with a group of friends the other month and i mentioned being disabled and one of my friends was like 'nooooo! don't say that about yourself!' and I was just so shocked and confused, I said 'no no no, there's nothing wrong with being disabled, I'm not saying it negatively, I just... am disabled' but she kept just saying 'aw no that makes me so sad to hear that!'. We were pretty drunk, but I just could not convince her that it wasn't sad, or bad, to be disabled....
I spent years with the words: "I don't know what you should say either. Just as long as you don't say *nothing*." on the tip of my tongue but no one ever asked. Thank you for making me feel seen
You are hilarious...love the way you make something negative and change it to positive
The whole movie is about her finding out that he has been planning on ending his life before they even met. The main story is her trying to convince him to live. She doesn't think he's a burden and she wants him in her life but she also doesn't want him to live in suffering. He is paralyzed everywhere except his hands and above the chest.
I loved that you established Disabled status as a baseline that helps you appreciate good days, instead of constantly holding yourself to 'normal' ability standards.
But omg, "The Burden Centre" and the "HITU" 😆😅
I am in a wheelchair and I do need the wheelchair staul in the bathroom and soo many times I have seen people who don't need it during it and sometimes it leaves me waiting to use it when its the only one
What's odd about the trailer is it suggests the main character wants to take his own life simply because he thinks the Lou character needs to live a better life, and supposedly she will not do that if he's around? I can understand a quadriplegic making suicide choices for their OWN sake but I'm not crazy about this movie's message.
Also continue to take care of that arm and don't worry if you have to wear the sling at your wedding, better to let it heal totally! Hopefully you've had it scanned and a doctor checked it out!
victoria grant The trailer suggests it but the movie does not. He planned it before Lou. She tried to show him life was great and he told her there was nothing she can do or say to change her mind. Even his parents tried to save him and were always hiring people to care for him. It was his decision to die because he was tried of living in pain.
victoria grant it is for his own sake. He tells her through the whole movie that she will never change his mind. She tries too, but in the end her love for him doesn't swoop in to save the day. He still does it. Because love can't fix everything. And he chose not to live in pain anymore, despite being in love not because of it.
So I know I'm like over a year too late for this, but I feel like I should type up a recommendation. First of all, I would recommend you read the book rather than watch the movie just because it goes into the depth of the concept much better. And second of all, from the way I interpreted the story, it was about an extremely depressed man who would have benefitted from a psychiatrist and therapist rather than a quirky love interest, but that's the point. He was depressed, and he lost his will to live, and as many people said, you can't love someone out of a depression which is the point of the story. And as much as I believe that you can enjoy life and be happy regardless of your abilities or disabilities, not everyone feels like they can enjoy life for whatever reason. It's really sad and heartbreaking, and of course, the story is not without its problems and I do understand why people may take issue with it, but I think that if you are to watch it, you have to watch it with the mentality that this is Will's story not the story of everyone who has gone through a tragic experience through which they lost an ability. If that makes sense. I feel like I'm rambling. But yes. Definitely does not paint disability asa burden (in my eyes). And the book is better :)
You need to watch it because it's nothing the way you think it is. He didn't kill himself for her. She loved him with the way he was disabilities and all but he still choose to die. Your judging before you really know. It's a sad movie because love didn't "fix" everything.
I found that Emilia Clarke's character NEVER treated him like he was a burden or holding her back, and that was good. I don't think that that was the message of the film in the end, but I haven't seen it in a while. The message that really stuck with me at the end was that he was in a LOT of pain and on top of that felt very "trapped" in his body compared to the life of extreme sports and such he lived before. Whether or not that itself is problematic for disabled people with paralysis or limited mobility is not really up to me to decide, since my disabilities are learning/mental illness/debilitating sleep disorder related, but that's the message the movie gave to me personally as to why he made that decision.
I first got the confidence of refering to myself as disabled when my friend called me disabled this year, he really helped me ou with accepting it
I love your videos! You clearly have a very challenging set of circumstances, but nevertheless you’ve made the best of it, which is insanely inspiring. Your (somewhat xD) amused approach to your stories and life never fail to make me smile. Thanks for sharing!
I mean if you watched the film he is just a depressed person because of his disability (that came of him after an accident later in life after being a very active man) not so much killing himself for her. In the film he explains he has had the plan since way before he knew her. Just clearing it up
To be honest, I would probably do the same. I am 23, I lived most of my life being able to do most things, I love walking outside, in the woods, on my own, or running in the sand while the waves rush towards my feet and THAT sensation... If I could not do it anymore, being paralyzed from the neck down, not even being able to write my thoughts, I rather not live. Maybe if it's half the body, then wouldn't stop me from doing certain things, but... yeah, honestly, I get why he chose it. To look at your loved one and not even being able to touch their face, to hug them... That would be torture for me. Not saying it makes it right, but I get it.
i hated how the guy gave himself the right to define what a life worth living (for the girl)is like. fine, you love traveling and running and being border line super-natural but that doesn't mean everybody wants to live the same way! i mean he even admitted that the girl was all happy and bubbly for no reason all the time and she got so happy when he bought her those simple socks! some people spend their entire life in one small town and they feel so happy and blessed even if the highlight of their day was their dog learnig a new trick... he shouldn't feel like he has a monopaly on the definition of happiness.
You're awesome Jessica but you missed the premise of the film by a long shot!
Agreed
But, she is probably reacting to the fact :: where are the normal stories, with someone disabled, but it just happens and not the main crux of the story. Inclusion.
I agree that both of you that he doesn't kill himself for her she actively try to get him out of the house and to do things that he enjoy doing he kills himself because he's running away from his problems now because he feels like a burden to her
I had a similar experience of being bullied in a bathroom while using the disabled stall while I was on crutches. Two large girls decided that I wasn’t disabled enough and wouldn’t let me leave the bathroom. So strange to me that anyone wants to “police” bathroom stalls in the first place. Weird. Anyway, I absolutely adore you, please don’t stop making videos. ❤️
Hey I really think you should watch the movie, I can see where you're coming from but that's not why he wanted euthanasia. His illness gave him constant pain, he was completly paralysed and he didn't wanted to go on like that; he committed euthanasia for himself
I'm loving this Rita Hayworth Gilda look! You are stunning! ♡
So it's kind of gross to tell a disabled person with a lust for life that they can't be angered by a film about a disabled person who commits suicide.
The movie is also mainly about mental health something you would have got from the book/ movie . The fact that he is disabled is because the author wanted to show that he was able to choose himself and that he was disabled had nothing to do with him not being able or being able it was that he was allowed this choice as he was unhappy
I seen it and I cried three times but you're right true love is not giving up and killing yourself but have courage to love
I read the book and despite the fact that I do not think he killed himself because he thought he, a disabled man, was a burden to Louisa. He had tried to kill himself before he met her, that is why they hired her, it was a bit macabre, she was basically on suicide watch. (which she didn't know until much much later) It was because he was miserable because he couldn't adapt to his new lifestyle. even so it left me conflicted because he suffered from depression, and this might be just as ableistic as the story you described. People with mental health issues need help, not assisted suicide, they need therapy, stuff like that. It just felt wrong that they basically let him kill himself because he was depressed. would they do that to an able bodied person?
You inspire me to be a better person! Thank You!!
I'm new to your videos and so far have been enjoying them..until I came across this one. I personally don't like the film because I find it much too distressing and upsetting and just not for me. I do, however think hat if you are to comment on it then you need to watch it yourself. It is not as you described and it is a lot deeper than what you say. He had already made his mind up before he even met her that he was going to kill himself. In fact his parents hired her because they knew he wanted to end his life and they thought she'd be able to prevent him by making him happy. She did make him happy, but she did not cure him. At the end of the day he was still massively disabled and very unhappy with his life because of how little he could do. He couldn't even move his neck.
Despite how much he loved her by the end of the film, he simply couldn't cope with his condition.
I'll respect anyone's opinion on anything, but not when it is based on an entirely false premise.
I think you should watch the film, because him killing himself has really been taken out of context in this video . He kills himself because he is depressed and he used to be really active, and now he feels like he can't do anything and that he is a burden to the people around him as he is paralyzed from the neck down.
He has been thinking of suicide for a while and it's the girl taking care of him who tries to convince that there is still something to live for, not convincing him to kill himself. He was in an extreme amount of mental and physical pain and he decided that assisted suicide was his best option
I absolute adore your videos but I think you could've done a bit more research before making this video
I worked at a movie theater when this came out and I was so annoyed at having to hear all the able bodied people talk about how amazing the ending was. When I know full well how stupid it was and had to agree with them.
Hidden Flower It has a lot to do with a movie that's supposed to be portraying a "disabled" person. Able-bodied people like us have a different perspective on non-able-bodied people because of particular societal views, and this movie continues the trope that those people will die to effectively create a satisfying ending. This extends beyond the non-abled community though, it happens just as often with the portrayal of queer people and people of color in popular media. It's fine if you like this movie and the book I guess, but I really wouldn't recommend trying to silence the voices of those who would be most hurt by the way it talks about non-abled people. You don't have really have the experience or expertise to criticise how a non-abled person might feel about an abled-person's portrayal of them.
The amount of bigoted ableds in the comment section is disgusting. The book and film are both grossly ableist and she shouldn't have to subject herself to it to know so. No matter which way you try to spin the plot, it's awful. Stop trying to defend it.
Love is a feeling, true love is a commitment; a way to live and love in harmony.
I don't usually sub to anyone but I have to you Jessica. I am anxiously watching for your channel to reach 200,000 subs!
I’m sure a few people already explained it but I wanted too.
He did not kill himself for her to be free, he decided it long before her. He was in terrible pain and basically that’s not a life when you feel huge-huge pain and take a lot of painkillers, that don’t even help. No other options. I don’t say it is good to leave life and your loved ones behind, it is selfish in a way. But isn’t it selfish to keep him in pain because you love him? It is not a perfect ending and solution, but is there perfect solution for this situation?
As a fellow reviewer, I say give it a try. Maybe there will be facets that will surprise you or maybe even come out as unexpected. Once you see it, maybe you can make a full on review about it. :)
Good point. I'll watch it soon and give a full review x
Jessica Kellgren-Fozard did you end up watching it? It definitely is not what you think it's about from this video.
If the disabled person still ends up dead at the end of the movie, its not a movie we need lmao
I saw the full movie. I can say with certainty that a movie whose message is “not even fantastic wealth and true love with a manic-pixie dream girl is enough to make life worth living if you have a serious disability” is not a movie we need. And while I understand that society wants to think about under which circumstances we should let people choose death, the fact is that this movie comes after a long history of able-bodied people murdering disabled people “for their own good.”
I absolutely love this. I haven't seen it either, and won't, but this is great.
Exactly!
Well... technically the guy wanted to kill himself before he even met the girl, and his parents only hired her as a carer in hopes of her bringing him out of his suicidal state (he gave them 6 months to get used to the idea of him being gone). in the end the girl didn't change anything... that's the story
I don't care what people in the comments are saying about why he chose to commit suicide. Putting it about that disability is something that's not liveable with and that it's somehow a burden is not cool. I mean so many disabled people I know have a hard enough time feeling loved and lovable and finding love as it is, without being made to feel that way and having able bodied people thing we should just go kill ourselves. For so long I thought that because I'm disabled I am 'unlovable' which thankfully has changed. But that's just not a cool message to put out there, whatever little nuances people will bring up to bolster their argument that this is a good film.
well that's how it seemed to me and I'm entitled to my opinion just as you are.
I've wanted to see that movie for a while, but I didn't entirely know the plot. I had no idea the guy killed himself at the end...I cry every time someone dies in a movie - and when I say tears I mean The Notebook tears, like actual sobs. I didn't want to cry again...I find it so irritating.
44 seconds in and you're wrong lol
He didn't kill himself for her. He did it for himself.
My father had a similar situation. Was a able man one day and disabled the next. Had to be fed. Had to be changed. Nothing was on his own terms. While you have been fed and dressed...you got better.
This man in the movie would NEVER be better again. I see it from his side. I saw it as a child. He wanted to have control over his life. So he ended it.
Do i agree? No. But he didn't do it for her.
is it just me or is Jess the most mesmerizing woman on earth? I'm straight but i can't take my eyes of this woman.
I have to admit the way it was portrayed in the movie was a bit risky, but in the book it is about a depressed man who found happiness in the cheerful personality of his carer, she gave him one last hoorah in life, but because of the life he lost after his accident, he didn’t want to live anymore. Lou (the carer) - was trying to convince him that living life with his quadriplegia - and with her - was better than death. But she didn’t magically change his and make him decide that he wanted to live, because in reality that doesn’t happen that often. Oh and it is based on truth.
So, I have multiple disabilities. And I hate being seen as a burden. And I used to see myself that way. But since I’ve learned to adapt, I don’t feel that way anymore.
I saw this movie. She sees him in a beautiful light. And he sees himself in an ok light (everything other than his disability) I believe the disability was due to an accident. So he didn’t grow up disabled. It’s different when it’s a traumatic experience that causes it. So much extra emotional baggage in my opinion. (My mobility issues are from an accident. My other issues are genetic.) my compromised immune system, allergies, and asthma are frustrating! But they just are part of my body. I lost the ability to walk due to an accident. That hurt much worse (emotionally) because it was a sudden change. It was a traumatic change. And I was a completely different person before. I was a dancer, a figure skater, a cheerleader, a swimmer. And all of a sudden, I was stuck in the shittiest wheelchair because I didn’t have insurance that would cover a wheelchair that would allow me to be mobile outside.
So this man has to adjust to his new reality and he’s angry. And then suddenly, he gets worse. MUCH WORSE! Much less mobility and much more pain. And to him, it’s just not worth it anymore. He’s tired. He doesn’t have anymore fight left. And he just doesn’t want to do it any longer. Which is a sad cop out of a death. But I think anyone who has been in an accident that resulted in a disability has been there. I was just in that headspace three days ago. It’s a human emotion. The movie harped in that too much. And let that be the terrible ending. I believe if it were realistic, he would have felt defeated, but eventually, learned to be happy again.
@@ME.S.E yes. And 7 years ago, that was me. I literally had nothing and no one. It gets better.