Kittens and Kids | Mayim Bialik
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- Опубліковано 29 сер 2024
- Hi friends and grokites! Mayim here from The Big Bang Theory and Blossom! Subscribe to my channel and set it to send you notification when new videos are uploaded!
In today's vlog, I talk about how I ruined my first born son's life 9 years ago. At least that's how it felt when my second son was born. I recently added a new kitten to our home and it made me feel those feelings all over again. Check it out.
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What a beautiful human being
It's not really the message we are meant to take away from this video, but I really like how respectful you are in speaking about your ex-husband. A lot of people can't do that, but you recognise that, regardless of whatever happened in your relationship, he is and always will be the father of your children. It's a really good example of how you can be divorced and maintain a positive environment for children.
The x-husband is a fool, to have let Mayim go.
They are both still really good friends !!
@@georgiaatkins3770 if mayim is ok then we should learn from it(i know i have).
I've read in the comments people saying they're grateful for being the only child and having all of their parents love for them only.
And I am like, I am grateful for having other siblings so that not all of my parents attention is fixed on me, and I can actually breath sometimes. Lol
Finally, a parent who doesn't tell their child how to feel, or prevent them from experiencing negative emotions! The world needs more parents like that. For what it's worth, I'm an only child and I've never enjoyed it. I always begged for a little sister who never came and now, as my parents get older, I'm overwhelmed by fear of how I'm going to manage caring for them on my own, especially since I have a disability myself. Unless I marry into a family willing to help me, it will fall squarely on my shoulders.
sometimes it's like her and her experience only, i can't take her too much more, she didn't invent the world, atoms and her perfect first born, sorry, I'm trying to stay a fan but it's hard
. She can't be perfect
When I had my middle daughter, my son ( 18 months) didn't speak to ANY woman for weeks. He would only speak his needs to the men in his life. I allowed this expression of feeling betrayed to go on, understanding I had "ruined" his perfect life of being the only one. Then one day, as I was feeding her, I looked up to see him stroking her head full of sable brown hair with quiet tears. He had an opposite reaction when I had my third and last child, another baby sister. When my mother brought him with her to the hospital to pick me and the youngest up, I let him hold her and he cried again and said " momma she is so beautiful and tiny, she will need me to protect her" He was five, and protect her he did, and still does. She is still his beautiful baby sister. His relationship with my middle daughter is complicated but strong
why did u have to make me cry? I couldn't have kids, so my husband & I have cats...many cats. we love them all so much. Thank you for reminding us that love is infinite.
Okay Mayim. You're not supposed to make me cry.
In tears here too :-)
Somebody take that onion away!
I believe animals are important to have in a home in so many ways ! 💖
I thought the thumbnail read "kittens, Kittens, KITTENS!" I wasn't emotionally prepared for the actual feels 😭
Thank you so much for all of you that you share. You are truly beautiful inside and out!
This felt like poetry...and it was beautiful ❤️
I love that you give your ex credit for some of your son's best qualities. It's important to never degrade your ex in front of your children.
Had to pause. Just found out I am pregnant with my 2nd. We wanted another but I literally cried when looking at my first after seeing PREGNANT! I am so scared we are going to ruin his life. I basically started crying during the beginning of your video...then felt a little better...then started crying again. I am going to finish watching now...
love doesn't divide, it multiplies.
A mothers love is always infinite! We love and take care of anything that enters are home....last year, I took in a homeless kitty that had lung cancer, a broken back, and needed 4 teeth removed. She needed a hospice home to keep her comfortable till she passed. 2 surgeries, $3,000, and 3 months later we lost her. It was time I would'nt change for anything because that poor kitty had my infinite mothers love ❤️
I have boys AND cats and I love this video. Listening to you is like going to therapy. I always feel so much better after watching.
I can't speak for my brother because he probably didn't love spending nine years as an only child to suddenly, boom! baby sister. But now that we are adults he is my absolute best friend in the whole world. I think it must be easier to be the baby. I don't know a world that doesn't have my brother in it. I just know the world that has the 6'6" adult man who went to Disneyland and Universal last year for my birthday after my friend backed out on me at the last minute. Most of the time I think he's happy to have the world where his little sister visited him almost everyday for the two + months that he was in the hospital when nearly no one else did. My brother is my greatest ally in my life.
Could you possibly make this into a mini-series? I love parenting advice and you handle your children's needs with such wisdom and it inspires me to raise my children better. To not copy my parent's parenting skills but to develope my own kinder and more efficient ways. Thanks! :)
Infinite love for those whom bring us joy simply because they exist is one of the best feelings in the world. My older sister passed away 7 years ago because she believed she was unloved by our mother and my youngest sister has stage four brain cancer. Thank you for sharing your story.
Sending you lots of loving, healing thoughts! Will had you to my prayers Barbara! I will pray for many things, but mostly for a peaceful heart! Take care and hugs from Valerie in Colorado
That's how I felt when we had my second child and my first child got diagnosed with Autism (almost at the same time). It still feels horrible having to split myself between them, knowing he needs me most of the time and hurting my second... but at the end of the day they love each other and I have hope they will have that until the end
Sometimes, when you feel guilty about your neurotypical child you're ignoring what you should feel guilty about your autistic child, many times. I have heard horror-stories of anti-stimming, behavioural therapy-noise torture and basic child abuse of autistic children who were then on top of all the child abuse, told they they should feel guilty for taking up so much of their parents time- even though respecting and embracing their autism would give them much more free-time. Not saying that's you, just remember- do not treat your autistic kid like a guilt-box. If you spend less time with his sibling that's on YOU- not him. Your autistic kid does not have it easier that your neurotypical kid. He will be raised in a world that tells him he's wrong, a burden, useless, worthless and that it would be better if he died and a stranger moved in behind his face(paraphrasing).
this is just what i need.. our youngest son's wife is bringing the ninth grandchild, and #7 (the upcoming baby's brother) will soon have this same situation, my emotions are all over the place, but JOY is at the top of the list.. feels like this is timed just for me.. thanks so much.. press on..
A couple weeks ago I saw a post on instagram from a woman who just had a pair of twins and she described the time when she was able to tell her two other daughters that they were going to have two little siblings, she said that her two girls were so happy because they had asked for more siblings and that wish was about to become real. That got me thinking, I never asked for a sibling, that thought never crossed my mind, even when I was crying as a kid because I felt so lonely; then I realised that it was never meant to be and that even as a young kid I knew that my family was way too unstable for another kid.
I do have two older siblings, needless to say we don't have a good relationship with eachother, I have learned to accept it but sometimes I wish we were more close.
I kinda got emotional during this, I could feel her love for her 1st born and worry. She is a beautiful human being .
Katie Henderson I am right there with you...struggling to hold in my tears. For her words sparked all the feelings I have for my first, second and third child. My love is infinite. ❤
As the older sibling I can 100% verify feeling responsible for my little brother's actions. He passed away in March, and there's definitely no other love on the planet that exists like that of a love siblings share. I miss him dearly. Hold your brothers and sisters close folks.
The love u 2 had is a gift to all, my siblings abused me and it damaged me to the point I'm always falling for manipulative people.
I cried. This is a very deep subject to me. Thank you for making a video talking about this.
I love watching this channel. Not only for the comments but for a complete different perspective on life.
As a first born i understand the feelings your eldest has. Overtime i began to love all three of my little sisters. Thank you mayim for your honest and tender heart.
you are such a loving caring person, I wish the world was more like that...
It's not always easy, but being a parent is a rewarding experience, especially when your children want to simply cuddle with you. Keep up the good work, Mayim.
I raised 4 kids. Growing up they would fight at times and tell each other they hated the other. I did used to say to them, "You may feel that way now, but someday he will be your best friend. You will be in his wedding, and you will love and care for each others kids". I think it made them understand that their dislike for each other at times was temporary, normal and a now thing. They are all adults now, and closer with each other than with me, which sometimes makes me sad. But i'm glad I gave them siblings. Someday I won't be here any more, but i'm glad they will always have each other.
"Your voice becomes their inner voice" I just kept repeating to my eldest things like "oh your baby brother is looking at you, he loves seeing you and hearing your voice!" "you love your brother" "you share so well together" "we love our family" "you both love each other so much". This was whenever I caught them doing something even mildly loving. Now these are phrases that my son says all the time, coming from his heart.
Hello Mayim!!! I'm an only child and I loved it still do. As I had my first born 13 years ago it was so hard to let her know that I was pregnant. We had a daughter and mom day and when I finally told her she was devastated and we cried together, but I let her know that no matter what her dad and I would have a special place in our hearts for her. My girls are 10 and 13 and they have a beautiful bond that I can't believe. I love them both and would do anything for them, my older daughter and I have an amazing relationship, and I can't believe she calls me mom. I just wanted to share my two cents since your story hit home for me. Wonderful video!!!! See you on the Big Bang, Amy.
I am the second child and my older sister is exactly 2 years and 10 months older than me. I was born into a house where my sister was and couldn't think of not being an only child. Twelve years later I can't imagine my life without my constant best friend; my sister is.
You are an amazing mum for trying to understand and helping your children understand their feelings. I do not get on with my younger sister (the second born) but do get on with my youngest sister. I was constantly guilted into looking after my younger sister and told that I love her. She used me and didn't treat me nicely for years. Once I had my own child, I realised that I put myself through hell for nothing. We see each other once a year. It's better.
In each video, at some point, I'm moved to tears. Thank you.
it was so touching and tender I almost cried. you're truly amazing
I was "trained" to have the appropriate response when my mom was pregnant with my sister. And on the day she was born, my whole world shifted. I was only 4 yrs 9 months old, I looked at her and she was the most beautiful thing I ever saw and she was *mine* And I may not be a perfect sister, but we have a strong bond that was built on that foundational closeness that I was taught before she was even born. Yes, sometimes she's my parents daughter, but she's always my sister. And when they go, I'll be here, God willing, and that is so important and longer lasting
I also get overwhelmed sometimes, even by my sibling. I still really appreciate and care for her. It takes time to learn that, just like it takes time to grow. You are a beautiful parent😊
i hope to remember this when i have children. i want them to feel loved, not just told that they are/forced to think that way.
I came across this while I am awake with my hypermesis gravidarum while pregnant with my second child. I was the oldest & my parents were the oldest siblings in their families so they knew what it was to hate having to share Mom & Dad's time with a new squishy ball of seemingly endless needs. My husband & I are also the oldest siblings in our families & we recently discussed how we wanted Mom & Dad to put "it" back when our respective siblings came home. I am mourning the day my son will no longer be an only child. I love him completely & want to give him everything. I really needed to see this & I'm not sure why the UA-cam algorithm knew that but I'm glad I clicked it & watched it. Even though I'm a slobbering, crying ball at 5:30am. Thanks!
I'm a mother of two toddler boys and I can relate to your situation greatly, and you just made me tear up.
The great British child psychologist (could not love her more!) asks parents to consider how they'd feel if someone told you your spouse was going to be bringing home a new wife/husband as a way to understand how unsettling a new sibling can be. That was so profound for me. But I think we have to see these challenges that we support our kids through as gifts. Yes, of course siblings are gifts - but the challenges and the fights and the bickering are gifts, too. Kids need safe places to have conflict so that they can learn the skills for coping with it. Big talk coming from someone who struggles BIG TIME with kids who fight and bicker a lot! And I wish I had more love and patience in response! Thanks for this honest talk about a complicated family truth.
Sweet Potato Chronicles air know it's not the point, but you inspire me to adopt another cat :) Maybe I do have enough love to go around!
She’s American
I'm an only child, never married, no kids. I do, however have two cats. One large, old, and grumpy. The other VERY young and into causing trouble. Both are loving, sweet creatures. I too share my bed with them. Gray crawls between my legs or gets as close to me as he can, without me rolling on top of him. I love them both, equally, and infinitely.
I have 2 sons (now 32 and 34) whose personalities are quite different. They were always like oil and water. I told them that some day their parents would not exist and that they would have each other, so they should learn to get along. They are still different from each other, but understand each other's differences and do get along quite well. They are 1 year and 51 weeks apart..so the older son thought that the younger one was a birthday present. (snicker). I still love them more than anything and would gladly sacrifice my life for them...still.
I'm the first born, my brother is 8 years younger, and I was very excited. I fed him his bottles now and then, even changed a diaper or two, dressed him up, put him to sleep. My parents let me be involved in raising him from day one. We get along great and I can't picture my life without him. We help each other, give advice to each other and yes, sometimes we fight for a few hours, but that happens with everyone and we know it's temporary. Siblings that get along have a relationship like no other.
Oh gosh she literally has a UA-cam channel. I love u Mayim Bialik. Keep the great work up.
That's right, love is infinite. I'm from a family with 6 children and our mom loved us all equally. That's how I've always felt. Dad as well, even he came into the family when there already was our mother with 3 children (and "our new dad" grew up that number with 3 more kids). We have our fights when we were kids, of course, but now as an adult I can say there's nothing better in a world that you have so many siblings (and their children too) who to love and who loves you. You can be alone, but never lonely. That's a blessing!
Thank you for speaking to the child in me that didn't feel loved as a child. Validating feelings of worth and encouraging healing language when working with my students. Validating their feelings does more than just keep classroom harmony 💜
Thank you for sharing your kindness.
I have 3 sons aged 25, 22 and 20. I still clearly remember sitting in my bedroom nursing newborn #2 and listening to son #1 playing outside. I sat, with tears streaming down my face, thinking "I've ruined my relationship with my firstborn". I have always wondered how this affects firstborns....do they carry this pain of displacement for life? It seems as though the benefits of a sibling must heal or cover up any negatives or we'd have a bunch of "messed up" firstborns in the world (and that would include me!). Thanks Mayim for another thought provoking post.
I watched this. Twice. Both times it almost made me cry. I don't have any kids, yet, but I'm understanding more and more the importance of letting kids feel what they have to feel instead of trying to guide those feelings. Hope to be such an active, present mom as you seem to be. I am SO happy you make these videos, please never stop making them!
I'm a firstborn and I was told when I was younger that "you have to take the blame because you're older." And though I know she thinks her love is equal between my sister and I, her actions show otherwise. I'm 27 now so I'm over it. But I think a lot of what I went through when I was a teenager was partly because of that.
This channel. I don't know what I was doing when I stumbled on it. I saw the check mark and there wasn't a question what needed to happen next. There are just people on this planet whose spirits I adore infinitely.
This video. This message. It's as if I was meant to find this; as if you made this video only for me. I'm 35. We had our first son during my final years as a postdoc. He is now 2.5 and we are just pregnant with our second child. I worry every day that this new child will ruin the incredible family we have built; that we have nurtured and fought for. The 3 of us (and our 2 huge dogs) have a beautiful life and I worry that this new baby may change all of that and we should have just been thankful for the gorgeous boy we already have. You didn't make my fears go away, but you did validate them and that, somehow, is so much better. Thank you.
I could listen to you talk all day! Your voice is so soothing and comforting. Thank you for the videos you put out. They are always so interesting and I learn something every time. Thanks!
Mayim, you're so sweet with how you credit Mike with many good things. But you're a treasure too!
I love this. My son has aspergers and when I gave birth to his baby sister, he took it very hard. He was 1 and didn't quite understand what was going on. It used to be the three of us but now it's four. He didn't take any interest in her and just coexisted for a few years. You can't tell them they are lucky to have each other because they may not like each other. All you can do is reassure your children that you love them with everything you are and nothing in the world can change that. I think that's what you were saying and I totally agree. A mother's love cannot be contained and fills every heart it can reach.
This made me cry. You are great, Mayim
We are parents to two boys, and botj my wif and I are only children. We wished for soblings when we were young. Watching our two boys develop has been an interesting road. Our boys seem close, yet very different. Seeing that relationship florish has been a great joy to both of us. Great talk. Love your insights.
My Mom always said, You're lucky to have a brother! He actually convinced her that I couldn't have a Sweet 16 party because it in his opinion was a waste of money! That killed me since I went to everyone's party and looked forward to finally having mine! The gifts, music, games, fun...denied. To this day the relationship I thought we had after my Mom passed was never there. The moment I realized he never liked me still hurts me badly. He hated me.
Colleen Woods Big hugs from someone else with an a-hole brother. Not enough that sisters resented me, his was an outright denial of anything remotely 'family'.
You are a strong person on your own; make peace with that AND thrive.
I get my jollies in the knowledge that he is a feeble old wretch, well over 77, and I am just turned 60 and rockin' it.
bwahaha
Colleen Woods Sorry, but your mom, obviously, liked and valued boys better than girls. That's why she allowed your brother to make decisions about you; I'm guessing the money saved went to him or his needs/wants instead. My mom was the same way...I was public enemy #1, a waste of time and energy (unless it somehow benefited her), a distraction for her husband (my father) from her and my job in life, as far as she was concerned, was to serve her. She even told me to grow up to become a hair dresser so I could do her hair for free in her home whenever she wanted (of course). Thank God my dad stepped in and protected me from my mom, but even toward my teenage years, he ended up doing stuff to me she suggested otherwise he would get b--ched at by her . My dad actually now told me, as an adult, that he purposely treats me worst when my mom is around and he is not "allowed" to talk to me (I can't call him), because she doesn't like him being nice to me. I'm her only daughter, BTW. I've spent a lifetime protecting myself from her, and we haven't talked in years. My 2 older brothers were taught the same, and sometimes believed her - I work on a relationship with my closest brother; the other one is too far gone to do anything with.
I, now, have 2 daughters in their teens/20's and I raised them completely different from how I was raised. I tell and show them that I love them and I got their back, always, as well as their dad does. They feel free to confide in me, and I help them out as much as I can. It's sad that our moms decided to act the way they did, but they did, and this is the result (alienation). They should have made a different decision, but it's on them, not us. God bless.
Colleen I am so sorry for your pain. I have a similar situation and it is very frustrating and hurtful. Your brother has "ISSUES" don't let his issues become your responsibility. Live your best life. :)
I'm so sorry. My sister and I hate the ever loving god out of eachother. I miss her sometimes though and what we had. I can't even see her kids or know her. It hurts so badly because I love her and I know she hates me and I didnt do anything for except be myself. I didn't get married and have kids....so I can't relate and so she excludes me from her life. I feel your pain!
My brother and I only speak 3 times a years, once on my birthday (him wishing me a happy birthday), once on his (me wishing him one) and on Christmas when we get together with our parents. That's it. It's hard because I wish we were closer, but at the same time I've come to terms with what we have and at least we speak to each other, even if it's rarely.
Mayim.... your doing just fine. I'm an only child and have wished my whole life for that wonderful inner circle.
This is beautiful. I have 3 sons and 4 cats and I can relate so much. Ive said the same words. The guilt is real and the love is so, so real!
I just realized how much I love just listening to you speak. I'm so happy your voice is back 💜 I don't have any children, but I hope that if I ever have any I will be able to be as great a mom as you are.
Oh, Mayim, I so needed to hear this. My kids are older now but there are 4 of them and they were all pretty close in age (17,14,13,11). Between the chaos of a large household and learning along the way how to be a good parent, I always worry that I wasn't able to convey individually to each child, how much I love them. This was such a great message.
Aww this video was so melancholy. I'm not a parent, I'm only 15 but I still resonate with your inner struggle about the possibility of you ruining your child's life. You are such an amazing parent Mayim, and I respect you so much. I aspire to be a parent like you
When our second daughter died a few months before daughter #3 was born, daughter #1 was concerned. How would daughter 3 be loved? would daughter 2 be replaced? we talked about using cookie cutters. I explained that mom and dads and even her heart was like cookie dough. There was a cookie cutter shape daughter #1, a cookie cutter shape daughter #2, and more than enough cookie dough to make a daughter #3 shape. All had theirs own shape, their own big space in mom and dads heart. No one could replace or change the other shapes and, yes, there was always more than enough room to make more shapes. She got it. The loss of her sister no longer held the burden of her sister being forgotten and the new sister had her own spot..... as did all 5 of our kids.
When I'm alone with my oldest, I remind him that he's the one that made me a mother. He gets so emotional
Well that video made me tear up, it made me think of my daughter when she was first born and my decision to not have any more children. Thank you for sharing your truest heart and your struggles with being a concerned and loving parent.
I appreciated hearing your thoughts. You sound just like my sister years after she had her second child. She had the same concerns. We are fortunate to be able to plan our families. I come from a family of nine children, and I decided not to have any. I found out at a young age how much work it is just taking care of children, let alone raising them. Having eight siblings made for some difficulties growing up, but we learned to share. We learned we weren't the most important person on earth. We learned though there are many of us, each of us is an individual. Not special, just individual. We learned how to teach each other. We played all sorts of games together and did chores together. We don't always get along, and we know it will always be that way. But we love each other and we are grateful for each other.
I have three younger siblings, and while thinking about your video, I realize I never felt this way, like I was sharing my parents. BUT my younger brother is ten years younger than me, and I clearly remember crying and saying that I didn't want ANOTHER brother! I already had a brother and a sister, I didn't need another brother (or that's what 10 years old me thought). My mother convinced me saying that I would be his godmother, an turns out he is the most loving and sensible of my siblings. I love them all with all my heart, and I'm really sorry for those who don't have this kind of relationship with their siblings!
I needed this. The pressure is on from family and friends to have a baby, but juggling 4 dogs, a healthy marital relationship, and nursing school is far too consuming. One day, but not today.
What a sad sad sad world we live in that to hear you speak is like a breath of fresh air and to know there is intelligent life out there beyond the ghetto in which I live..... well it just sucks!!!
Rebecca Corwin I live in a crappy area but financially no other option. I just close my door and it's our wee haven 😄
Wowsers! I thought ghettos only existed in people's mind's.
Damn, I feel a sisterhood with you! I actually ache to not be able to share a hug - I'm a big hugger. I share your values, and it helps to have them validated.
I recently subscribed to your feed, and I have to tell you that you continue to amaze me. I have been a "fan" since my teenage years watching you on Blossom and to see the woman you have grown up to be has been truly wonderful. You have a great spirit, a VERY smart paradigm for the world, and I absolutely adore your straight-forward, no nonsense approach to life.
You are just SO refreshing!!
I love your take on kids and kittens. Real, honest, and from the heart! I love the vids you've shared about divorce and religion, and others!
I look forward to watching more of your videos!
It's so amazing that you don't tell your son that he's lucky. We really don't have the right to tell anyone they're lucky. Hats off to you.
I'm study English and see your videos because you speak very clear and strong and I understand you thanks !
Thank you for this. I have one child and am only just now starting to think about expanding my family and I worry so much about how she will react when the time comes. I love your outlook and approach to parenting. It's so heartwarming and reassuring.
Your explanation on how love is endless its the most real one i've heard, it really made a difference in how i relate to this feeling. Thanks for the cats too!
"It will always be us, even when it's more than us" ❤️
What you said is so true! I am glad someone made a video about this, while I watched so many mommy videos where they are forcing the first child to be so happy about birth. It is so complicated, and needs to be worked on. I am the first child and I wasn't prepared, I remember how I felt I wasn't loved enough. It usually heals with time, but things we experience in early childhood still influence us unconsciously. I love your videos!!!!
The kitties were so good together! My older one hated the new kitty at first but now they are buddies.
For those of you who want a transcript of this poetic masterpiece, here you go. Enjoy :) Painstakingly transcribed by me.
Kittens and Kids
What did we do?
I whispered this to Mike frantically the day our second son was born
As we watched our firstborn son standing at the door, crying
He was two years and ten months old at the time.
People always ask toddlers who are about to get a new sibling:
Are you excited about the baby?
But I never prepared my son to answer that question
The way people want toddlers to answer that question
Because the fact is, no toddler is excited about that.
You may think that they are, but it’s just because you’ve told them to be
No toddler votes to share their parents with a small, shrivelled, whiny need-machine
Who poops and pees around the clock
And holds the prized position at Mom’s breast.
We prepared our firstborn for the arrival of his new sibling practically
Because I was having a home birth
And we wanted him to be prepared in case he witnessed it.
And witness it he did
From his highchair while eating granola.
True story.
But we didn’t really place any emphasis on him preparing to adore a seven-pound ball of need
Because honestly, it’s hard to prepare for that as an adult, much less a toddler.
When the baby came
Labour was very swift
And he was pretty content as new-borns go
As long as I nursed him every two hours round the clock.
Firstborn was recently weaned
So it was not like he was jealous of not having time at the breast
In general, he didn’t seem to want anything to do with the baby
And that was fine
He didn’t act out, he didn’t tantrum
He was a very even-tempered child.
(He gets that from his father)
But what he did do
Was that he waited by the front door
For what seemed like a span of weeks
Waiting for someone who wasn’t us
To come play with him.
He clearly did not want to play with us
And we assumed it was because we had brought an intruder into his home
He wanted someone who had not betrayed him to play with him
At least, that’s how I saw it.
What did we do?
Was not really a question for Mike
It was a guilty declaration masquerading as a question.
We ruined our firstborn’s life
We messed it up
We took something that was perfect
And made it imperfect.
I just adopted a special-needs kitten
She was born without a chest muscle
And she had to have surgery to separate her sternum from her ribcage.
I already have an eight-year-old cat at home
As well as two eight-month-old kittens
They love me so much
They love our life
Everything is perfect
The eight-year-old isn’t so crazy
About having two rambunctious eight-month-olds running in circles around her
But we’ve all figured it out
Everything’s great.
I know that by adopting this special-needs kitten
I am saving her life
And giving her a safe, loving place to live
And I’m sure that the eight-month-old kittens will be fine with her eventually
And I’m sure the eight-year-old cat will just look at her and kind of avoid her
But that will be fine eventually too.
But I worry that I won’t be
I have carried the weight of having a second child
Into my life as a cat mom
This must have been stuck inside of me
Waiting to be confronted.
What if your love isn’t infinite?
What if you ruin someone’s life because of your need for more?
What if you were wrong?
And now the universe has given me the opportunity to understand this much more completely.
What are my sons like now?
Exceptionally close.
Firstborn guards his brother with a tenderness
I’ve literally never seen in my life
Second-born lives to stroke his older brother’s arm to fall asleep
They don’t fight
They don’t really do much more than bicker a little bit here and there.
They’re both unbelievably reasonable and loving with each other
And a lot of that has to do with genetics
Mostly their father’s.
But there are times when my firstborn gets overwhelmed, or annoyed
Or feels responsible for the actions of his little brother
And he gets frustrated
And he sometimes half-jokes that maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to be an only child.
And this hurts me so much
And I cry inside
But I don’t let him see it
Because it’s not his job to take care of those feelings for me.
I don’t need him to know how hard my relationship was with my brother
Or how much his father and I want him to value this and treasure it
Because God only knows how much time we have together
Your brother is everything
We want him to know that
And when our firstborn wanted someone to play with him
That day his brother was born
It would have been so easy to just say
We’re right here, we’re playing with you, cut it out, stop crying!
Instead, we let him cry
And we held him through it
And we return to him again and again
With love and with patience
And with the ability to hold his hard feelings
As well as his easier ones.
I don’t tell him that he’s lucky to have a brother
Because he may not always feel like that
And I don’t tell him to be grateful
Because he may not be ready for that.
I tell him that we love him
And that our love is infinite
And that it grows to fill the hearts of both of our sons
Because it cannot be contained.
And when it’s dark
And that little guy is snoring
And my firstborn and I can’t sleep
And we share a giggle because we’re glad we don’t snore like dada and like the little brother
I hold my firstborn close
And I remind him
That it will always be us
Even when it’s more than us.
And at the nights when my boys sleep at their dad’s
And I’m alone
I share my bed with cats
With feline creatures who cannot complain or speak or giggle
But they feel
And they need me.
And they give me the opportunity to show that
Indeed, my love is infinite
And without end.
It fills the hearts of any who are open to receiving it
Without end.
- Mayim Bialik, 2017
Thanks :D That is really helpful ^^
Well done, my friend. :)
Thanks a million :-)
My kids are spaced pretty far apart, 5 yr and then another 7 before the youngest. They all get along really beautifully ♡ I was worried, but was not necessary. The hardest thing, is not having a break in my parenting career, for over 17 years lol. Parents who have infants, and young toddlers simatenously, are my heros! :) Love your message, Mayim. Much love!
Thank you. From the bottom of my heart. Thank you for sharing some of your most intimate thoughts. Today I needed to hear this.
This made me cry. I just love your parenting so much. 😢
I'm 18 now and my brother 16. I spent a large portion of the years between 9 and 13 (or maybe 15) being incredibly angry at my parents and brother for the prefforential treatment he recieved as he needed more help with school work etc. I've always been loyal and protected him sometimes at my own cost but there were times (many but not now) when I thought they'd had him just to spite me since he got the best of both parents. I got time with mum but he got time with both separately and together. This sorted itself out when I began talking to my dad more as I found that for this portion of my life I'd not often expressed myself verbally if not during raging arguments. I love my brother and had no problems to begin with but I think as he became a toddler/started school I needed preparation for how things would be different especially as I was at school and then getting less attention from mum after collection. Mayim I wouldn't worry about it as your boys seem to get on well and they will eventually approach you as I did with my parents. Thanks for this video.
Mayim you are adorable! I love how compassionate you are and what a great mother you are. Nothing better than a few cats in one's house to make it a home.
me and my brother never had a close relationship. He is 8 years older than me. But now as an adult we have at great friendship. i always felt like a only child but now i love having a brother.
Yeah I always remember that when my sister was born (I was 5 at the time) I ran under the table and cried. I guess I felt so overwhelmed that someone else was coming into my life, but then I realised that a sister was actually good and I could look after her. Love your videos mayim :))
Hello, I've just discovered your videos (last night) & I've binge watched all your parenting ones. I love love love them. This one made me feel all the feels and the tears, I too have son's that are 2yrs and 10m apart & even though my youngest is now 15m, I'm still struggling with my eldest & both of our feelings... Thanks for posting this video xo
My youngest and only daughter was a home birth too. :)
Thank you for this, I agree wholeheartedly with you!
Love, acceptance, and patience.
My upbringing wasn't ideal, but through my experiences it shaped me into a more aware and present parent. For that I am truly grateful.
I know it's selfish for me to say that but I feel grateful that I'm the only child in the family and my parents share all their love with me.
Shamyart ZZS I'm an only so is my kid. no particular reason other than I can't handle a 2nd lol . All I see is people not liking their siblings . I know that's not a widespread thing but it is horrible when that happens
Shamyart ZZS plus I doubt my mum and dad would of handled a 2nd aswell they divorced when I was 8 my life has been a bit if a mess in the past because of it all now my dad has disowned me 😯
Lucky you!!!
I was an an only child when my sister went to college for about a year from when I was 11-12. Then my mom had my brother!!!!! And highschool sucked twice as hard coming home to a screaming baby every day. If you are already to adulthood with no siblings count your Lucy stars. If you haven't made it....good luck!
Nicola Louise Most only children i know say this. And it's totally fine since they don't know how it's like to have a sibling. And I was jealous of my little sister for so so long. But now that I'm an adult, I value her so much and I don't think there is anything comparable to the relationship between sisters. You learn that sharing your stuff for a few years is not that bad when in exchange you have an unconditionally loving sibling for the rest of your life.
I'm an only child. Sometimes I feel so lonely. The thought of someday being alone makes me feel terribly terrified about my future. My dad passed away when I was a little and I only have my mom. And only God know how much afraid I am that I don't have someone in my life that can be with me at difficult times when they come.
Mayim ,I enjoyed this heartfelt video. You are beautiful inside and outside with a very sucsseful career. Very brave and true to yourself. Good luck
Wow. So much wisdom in this episode. I love cats because I can. I have moved my six cats away from the only home they have ever known, a home with masses of land and trees to an inner city suburb. I feel huge guilt but it was the best move for me. Worse still I have taken them to a home where two dogs regularly visit. Again I feel huge guilt but I know we will get through this because I will do the best I can for them, as I always have. That is all we can do. As I write I have the two dogs on the bed beside me on one side and my elderly ex stray cat on the other side of me. Deep breaths.
Thank you for your love. You videos share love and whether you know it or not, it affects others. I wish that more people were like you. Our comments and actions always affects others. You are a bright light of love.
Thank you for being so necessary! Thank you for being so honest and so you! You are very precious, I love you and I have you as a maternal figure!❤
I loved this one, since I'm thinking about having a second child after almost ten years and it's a very hard decision to make. But I have been seeing here and there some (many) people talking about how rewarding it is, and telling me something very similar to this idea of infinite love. I'm starting to believe it.
Oh, and the cats are so cute.
Very enjoyable. Thank you, Mayim! I had 4 kids within 3 years, so they were never only children. They always had fun together.
Maybe I’m the only kid in the world who was (at 3 and a half) positively THRILLED that I was getting a little brother. It was like, they’re bringing home a real live doll!! I held him and entertained him, and loved on him all the time. He’ll always be my little bro, and I’m his sis.
I haven't even watched this to the end, but I already feel an urge to tell you:
You are a wonderful person and mother!
Thank You, for this video, for showing me and the world, that there is still good out there.
To me, the meaning of life is kindness and You just proofed that this is true.
Love, Nadine