Ep. 54 | 2 Bears 1 Cave w/ Tom Segura & Tim Dillon
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- Опубліковано 9 лют 2025
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Bert Kreischer is out for this episode of 2 Bears, 1 Cave, but Tim Dillon joins Tom Segura in his place. They discuss plus-sixed clothes, Tim's experience as a mortgage broker, Tom's time selling Cutco knives, the upcoming election, Tim's upbringing, the California fires, and more!
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I have literally spent the last 12 hours watching Tim Dillon videos. How has it taken me this long to find this guy?
The only reason I watch podcasts that aren’t the Tim Dillon show are shows where Tim Dillon is the guest. Which is the only reason I’m here 😂
I am so proud of you my eyes are welling w tears
@@Llyrdriel Wow
Kinda gay. He’s gay too so ….
@@qeansuetell5516 Gay to watch a funny podcast, huh?
Tim Dillion’s polo he’s worn in multiple podcasts is the real hero.
YESSSS!
He probably did those pods on the same day... possibly
HE does.. I thought it's was just me..
He needs to do one of those videos where he shows what's in his closet. The four polo shirts, a couple of Lucky jeans, blonde wig, that maga hat he still needs to bring by the psych ward in new york, and white spandex tights.
@@nicolec9737 😂😂😂 day in the life of Timmy D 😂
Bert: *dies from corona*
Tom: “Finally, I’ll get a word in”
Tim Dillon: *Hold my brain chip*
Bert: dies from corona :)
The difference is Tim’s long stints are insightful and interesting.
@@missalbania9260 No doubt, Tom " I drink beer don't shower and fake laugh at everything I say"
@@missalbania9260
Tim has a surpisingly high IQ for the way he carries himself
@@AgendaInMind this guy is fully tokked
Tim Dillon's in his own lane of comedy, he's just brilliant
They didnt even mention that they finally had their first real bear on the show
you dont think Tim would be an otter?
Gabriel Valles that ship has sailed
@@rgaud8 damn that got me 😂
raaaar
Grrrr baby! Grrrrr!
The balance of hilarity and existential terror that Tim brings as a podcast guest is unmatched. Chip me up, baby!
😂
...
😢
@Dirty Sanchez feel better soon!
Everytime!
@Dirty Sanchez Huh?
His description of post Covid NYC comedy scene is more horrifying than any "dystopian hellscape" I've heard of yet
Tim Dillon is every where I look
And it’s BEAUTIFUL
Exactly put him on literally everything
He has been my highlight of 2020. I don’t know how I had never heard of him before but he may be one of my favorite people that I don’t know on the planet.
That’s right. Now shut your mouth and buy the damn wallet, pig! (promo code: TIM)
he's a professional
Tim Dillon is an intellectual Chris Farley
UPDATE: Ralph Lauren has signed Tim to an exclusive deal to not wear his shirts anymore.
I wish that where true 😂
@@BlueprintsForHeadaches were
UPDATE: -no designer has or will ever care what you do or do not wear.-
However Target and Best buy are now proud sponsors
Reports say it's a two-figure deal lasting 5 years.
“It’s summer school or repeat the year. Bottom line, you’re not going to Harvard.” 🔥🔥🔥🤣😂🤣
Awesome quote! Tim needs a sitcom where he's a high school principal by day and does stand-up at night. Them Hyenas fellas could be reoccurring substitute teachers. I'd binge the heck outta that.
Yes or yes!
Tim does not need a sitcom. He has a podcast and that's great
@@loustarski420 Improv Sitcom Podcast™
@@angelotro Tim should be in “Fat Astronauts” with Bert and Tom.
*There is no way Tim only has that one Polo. He must have a cartoon closet that just has multiple identical outfits.*
I once had an English teacher that wore 5 different Polo shirts to school every week. They were a 5XL and he said they were the only shirts that fit. Looking back on it now he was just a liberal version of Tim.
Uh hundred percent
He filmed a bunch of stuff on the same day - doofus.
@@Wayzor_ Yea that's it. All the podcasts just release the episodes over a 9 month period. It's a joke. Relax.
I've thought that, too....they've all been washed a lot, though.
I love how Tim Dillon just riffs the funniest crap off the top of his head. "She wants the long sleep" oml
I could listen to Tim's stories about sub-prime mortgages all day lol
Same.
Check this episode out:
#168 - The Funniest Guy I Ever Met
ua-cam.com/video/pnbRmhwA5LU/v-deo.html
"I didn't need to be gay OR a cocaine addict, I chose both of those things"
This is the kind of real inspiration we need more of in the world today.
Idk about gay being a choice - and I say that as a bi person - but yeah, as someone who’s also had my share of addiction issues, that’s definitely a choice
Lol Dillon is someone who understands that sniffing coke is a choice and portraying yourself as a "victim" for it is completely self absorbed and selfish
@@frametomasterpieces8898 go away
Confirmed that it is a choice after all
@@mon0theist_tv No one tries a drug and says 'I'm choosing to do this drugs long enough to be addicted and I am dedicated no matter how long it takes.'
Addiction creeps up on you and suddenly you notice you don't feel "right" or have anxiety and a little DAB of the drug will FIX you.
If Tim didn’t talk about how he used to do coke, I’d still be very aware that he used to do coke
as a guy with three holes in my nose I'd say he had a little secret sniff before this episode to get going lol.
The classic "I used to" is a technique used by people in the public eye to talk about shit.
@@RealmDesigner Are you implying Tim still does coke?
@@busfahrer09 septum bois unite
@@kuslerf12 ???
totally r-worded
"If you had a closeted homosexual, somewhat Republican, cocaine addict living in your house. Would you want to get in that kids head?"
-Tim Dillon
This isn't the first time Tim's entered a bear cave.
He is the bear
You know it
Nice !!!
Gang
Comment game strong
Tim Dillon has been the best part of 2020.
and 21 and 22
dude is thriving in this dumpster fire.
"You'll be crushed under the weight of the empire, AND THATS OKAY." Is hilarious and upsetting.
He's the right man for our time. A man who speaks truth and makes it funny.
When did Bert become the Empire?
Have you seen this clip of Tim Dillon making fun of Alex Jones?! Alex gets pissed! 😂 ua-cam.com/video/L5qynOa-mKo/v-deo.html
@Levi Lebo I think Aldous Huxley had it closer to the truth of where we're headed. The same day he died, peacefully tripping on LSD, in Dallas JFK's head was exploded by our brave new national security state. Which way, Western Man?
I get so much joy thinking about the anxiety Brett must get when he sees Tom having a successful episode with someone funnier
brett 🤣
Burt does not experience anxiety, he is an alcoholic. He is also rich. Glad you are joyful, but realize that is mental gymnastics on your part lol
@@tmo42 are you new here? Bert has horrible anxiety 🤣 takes xany bars and everything. Check your facts my dude
@@jdub551 check my facts? What facts? The fact that he takes drugs labeled as anti-anxiety by corporations?
Dude takes drugs because he likes to have fun. That does not translate to him being anxious..
What does 24 hours look like for Bert? 8 hours sleeping, 16 hours doping himself and laughing at shit. That is not anxiety my friend. Check your facts.
@@tmo42 I can't stop giggling that this exchange is actually happening. How do you know how many hours he sleeps? Stalker status...relax Tyler. It's not that serious.
Tim should really be the poster child for the keto diet. It has really put him in the best shape of his life.
The keto kid
For sure. He was lookin good on rogan
He's all the shapes at once
@Kristie C tim not tom
He’s in the shape of a Tim Dillon
That shirt collar gave up sometime around Obama's inauguration
For some reason my body tried to hold back laughter about after the third “ha” was garbled I finally let out a good belly laugh. Thanks
So good!
@@torched80 holy shot
Bahahahaha
Tim simultaneously scares the shit out of me with his social commentary and comforts me with his humor. Its a perfect mixture
I love his back and forth spiral. It's hysterical. You think he's one way and then he dips the other. Just sitting there eating popcorn and watching the world burn.
As a comic, his social commentary is top notch. Good thing he isn't a sociologist, or I would have paid attention.
I wish he didn't have to yell at me.
Same
Does anyone ever notice how much Tim Dillon actually spits facts? I mean I am looking at this guy as a borderline genius
Except how epically wrong their on how calm things will be under Biden lol.
@@crittenb7I'm a conservative, but things have been 100% more chill under Biden.
From the pandemic, the constant bitching from Trump, January 6th, failing to control BLM, nepotism in the offices, and just retardation, Trump didn't drain the swamp, didn't stop fentanyl, didn't stop covid. Do Bidens policies suck? Yeah. More chill under Biden? Yeah
@crittenb7 the one thing that sucks about Tom and his Gang (wife, friend) is that they're all moronic liberal bubble dwellers
Tim dillion is your new favorite comedian, yes or yes?
Yaaasssss queen
Yep!
Nah, known about him for awhile now...
He’s #2 to Ghislaine
Yays
Tim Dillon: "I'm uneducated"
5 minutes later..
Tim Dillon: "I am the plus sized prophet."
Have you seen this clip of Tim Dillon making fun of Alex Jones?! Alex gets pissed! 😂 ua-cam.com/video/L5qynOa-mKo/v-deo.html
I can't recall any prophet having a PHD.
You know, this show has been a lot more fun since Bert’s arrest. What he did to those dogs, especially without their consent is unforgivable.
Almost as if Ari was doing the right thing by dosing him
Uh-hunerd percent
Umm... what?
@@MidnightBootySnatchr
The story Tim told about being a tour guide in New York legit had me laughing my ass off 🤣 im still laughing
It’s surreal seeing Bert doing ad reads after his tragic passing. Rip
@What happened To America !! Sorry for your loss.
He is died. Bert did died.
@What happened To America !! no brett is dead
@What happened To America !! you need to just accept it and get through your mourning, Bert died of diabetes from his kool aid diet last week
@Matt lmao
Tim & Tom - Yes or Yes.
YAH
Yaas queen!
Your name oddly fits the format of your comment
#GiveBurntTheBoot
Yes please
This dude is an expert at making Nihilism seem so peachy 🤣 “I’m ready to open my door and hear, “air quality not sufficient.” Oh good! I’ve been here 3 months, but my food is here! Im in the quadrant that’s has food!”
It comes with life weathering at an upswing trajectory
“I have been DENIED”
LMFAOOOO bruh Tim is HILARIOUS
I know Bert is OG homies with Tom... But goddam this is the podcast we all deserve. It's like when the two smart kids get to be partners on the school project and kill it. Meanwhile Brent is eating paste and googling attractive dogs.
sometimes the vibes are just right. nobody better than anybody, but chemistry is chemistry
@@aliciahull 100% agree
such a good call. They’re like West Wing characters for christ’s sake
Evergreen burn
@@aliciahull you're wrong.
Thank god for Tim. After losing Callen and D'elia he has really filled that void. Hope he never changes
Losing who!?...
Tim can fill my void... vigorously
Go buy a life rips shirt for the memories and hopefully he’ll come back. It’s only been 6-7 months
@@Jason808Vance why support a creep? He didn't do anything illegal but he has predatory behavior. If your friend was in his late 30s only hooking up with fresh out of highschool girls, you'd think it's weird as fuck. Because it is.
@@idab6864 nah, as long as they're legal I'd say he's killing it
Imagine getting UA-cam premium just to have add reads every 10 mins in the video lol.
Get youtube vanced, it skips sponsored segment
just get the free adblocker app and play youtube through Safari and you get 0 ads, just like youtube premium. you just gotta skip thru the sponsored segments
@@Derek_Keenan I’m literally only talking about the add reads.
@@hay7501 you literally also mentioned having UA-cam premium so you don't get normal ads
@@Derek_Keenan it’s almost like you’re intentionally not getting what I’m saying. Imagine getting premium, then having to sit through add reads regardless
Tim is literally the best guest/co-host this podcast ever had! No one comes even close!
Literally
Sickle sell is great too
“the girl who tried to fight her mother outside of Dr. Phil is a STAARR!”
Thanks Tim Dillon
He's not wrong. Yes or yes
100....................%
So the audience is a bunch of hoes?
classic
she worth over a million dollars now
Tim Dillon is becoming a legend
As he should be! Dudes a comedic terror!
He is a legend you uncultured swine
Here it is boys your 7 Ad-reads!
0:35 Saatva
1:37 Established Titles
18:18 Squarespace
19:19 Whoop
35:32 Vuori
37:04 Bubs Naturals
53:40 Harrys
This was an epic episode, I keep coming back
"Play bhad babie at the funeral. "
Lmao, bruh I'm dying. Tim Dillon is too funny.
Having Tim instead of Bert is like replacing Mind of Mencia with Chapelle Show reruns. Much better in every way.
Seriously though
Literally any other comic or individual would lol. Bett has one good bit and milked what he could from that. I unfortunately cant watch 2bears vuz Bert's laugh hurts my ears.
@@boricuacut2902 Same. I dont dislike the man but, hes just not my shtyle.
@@boricuacut2902 I cant even watch any of toms podcasts. hes a good guest (i assume) but he just isnt that funny on any of his podcasts.
@@BLAHBLAH-ib3mo hope you enjoyed logging onto this one and running through the comments tho?
The darkness that comes out of tim fills me with joy.
Yasssss
He's always in that split second between filling the straw and his dealer runing out
“Joy” is a strange way of putting it, but yeah
you spelled "truth" wrong.
Tim Dillon sounds like a domesticated house pet describing the endless benefits of being owned by someone/something above you
Longer lifespan being one of them.
I always feel like Tim is super intelligent, his humor is next level!
he's definietly an out of the box thinker
The ads every 10 minutes is getting a little overboard. Do a few at the beginning and end. Ruins the conversation by cutting it off so many times
This is YMH’s decision to collect more money. The advertisers pay more money for mid roll reads. Tom apparently didn’t listen to Joe when he talked about this and why he won’t do it.
If they were on par with either Tim or Billy Blue Balls' ad reads, I'd be content with it!
no shows equals more ads gotta get paid somehow
Just get youtube premium
@@idab6864 They're referring to the hosts reading copy. I paused at the second read, just now around 18:15.
I feel so bad for Bret imagine reading these comments “can he just replace Brent” like every week it’s gotta be hitting Bernt hard lmao
Who?
Oh Barndt..man,screw that guy!.
The man has a show on Netflix. You're delusional
You think this is bad, you should look at the YMH reddit
Bjorn Christendom needs constant ego checks.
Tim is my new favorite comedian. I would love to see their reaction looking back at this episode and see how they feel now . lol
"America needs an uneducated product that uneducated people can sell. That's what the American economy is" - Tim Dillon
So accurate
Its funny how right comedians can be
So then I'm assuming you are the 2 bozos he's mentioning?
@@Yakanhikoerotikkushiti i guess u are assuming that
(Tim:) Everyone wantsta talk about what we need ...we need, right now, is a product that can be sold to uneducated people by uneducated people. Because that's the American economy. That's what it really is. People don't wanna knowwut--THAT's what commerce is!
Commerce is a guy that goes, "I don't really know what this is, but you need it" and somebody who else who goes, "Makes sense!"
And that's what happens.
(Tom:) "And here's lotsa money for it!"
among us stream? 🤔
This podcast is brought to u by EVERYTHING THEYLL LET US SELL
Your right, they should do it for free
😂🤣😂🤣🤣🤣😂🤣😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣😂
I normally don't skip ads...... BUT I mean geez
Have you seen this clip of Tim Dillon making fun of Alex Jones?! Alex gets pissed! 😂 ua-cam.com/video/L5qynOa-mKo/v-deo.html 😂
Thank you! Geez it's not a 3hour JRE ... That guy doesn't even take a pee break 😳 lol OK OK Bert selling a health product did it for me 😂🍺🍔
Tim's resume:
"Tim Dillon: Hyperbolic Metaphorical Philosophic God of sales and comedy."
Experience:
- Selling mortgages to mobsters
-Selling water to speedboats
-Selling dictators to a democracy
Special skills include:
- uplifting like an atomic wedgie
-helping to mediate and keeping up with alex jones
Desired salary:Ralph lauren polos
How to spot: look for plus sized prophet in polo form Long Island
That was a bit much......
Don't forget his multi-billion dollar fake business.
Nicely done
Special skills also include fake business
"Ralph Lauren is the only reputable clothing company that makes clothing for bigger men" *laughs in Carhartt*
Now I can't get the image of LA hipsters rockin Carhartt overalls and sweatshirts out of my head 😂
@@timsickler5125 lmfao.
Crap quality
RL is great til you wash and dry it and It becomes a belly tee
I love how Tom let Tim rant during this episode. They seem to both enjoy each others' company, and Tim was hilarious.
Tim was absolutely crushing this entire podcast. That man is hilarious 😂
Wow a functional conversation with no interruptions.
That's crazy it's like both bears have situational awareness.
"Do you think LA is on the upswing?"
This aged like a fine pepper jack cheese
Tim Dillion’s brain operates on another level
I laughed more at this podcast than any in a long while.
Tim's the best thing in comedy right now. The Bill Hicks of his generation, a quasi inheritor of that George Carlin energy.
It's interesting watching this a year+after the fact. It's almost quaint how they thought things were going to be in the months to come.
no kidding. foot off the gas? 😂😂😂
Yeah, their cuck fantasies really turned out well.
I feel like Tim and chris distefino could be family
They are very good friends. I hope Chris can go on two bears one day. He would be fucking great in a one on one with tom and he's gained so much weight that he's actually a bear now.
New York family, we live in a hellscape here
Chrissy d and Tim are the funniest dudes around right now
100% agree @@thejamboy3556
it's a character peice
Tommy must be loving the shows recently, where he has a comedian sitting across from him
^that's probably bert on his burner account
@facciabella85 the only reason I can watch is for Tom and then I never get through a whole show. But I love when Tom has guests. And I REALLY love Tim!
@@ClosedEyeVisualisations mraw me like fat hairy man! He no wear shirt! HILARIOUS!
You probably think schaub is funny too.
Closed Eyes Visuals: How ironic that you chose that name, when you can't see the truth
“Walk into a room with a dirty carpet and an ash tray overflowing with cigarettes sit on a couch wrap yourself in a ratty blanket and say I’m not gonna be judged today” I felt that
Poetic truth
How I feel at my sister's house. Great feeliing.
33:26
"Why is everyone so fat!?!?!?"
"Mcgriddle?"
🤣🤣
The guy in the background always laughing hysterically should have his own Instagram for his laugh
That is NADAV a red headed Israeli with a gambling problem.
Nadav aka BlueBan
His background laugh is a similar concept to the canned laughter in sitcoms.
But realer.
I love it
It’s the “Wilhelm Scream” of laughter.
easily one of the funniest people on the planet right now
Wow so Bernt is reduced to doing ad reads now?
He's on tour
@@iceman6310omg really??
Tom says he died
I’m not mad at it
He has Corona. The “tour” is a smokescreen.
Dillon is the GOAT. Being blunt about reality is a new industry.
Andrew Tate did that too on YMH recently as well
Tim Dillon sounds like Joe Rogan early 2010 podcasts but more knowledgeable in finance rather then martial art
Hopefully he doesn’t ever reach the same level of fame n success as him though, Rogan made a 180 shift on most of his beliefs
@@aleksdraws1520 what do you mean hes pulled a 180 on his beliefs?
Tim is the kind of cool guy I’d take home to my parents, if I was gay....and knew where my parents had moved to.
Tim and Tom need a show together tbh, Tim’s got the stories like bert not as many but he articulates much much better, I didn’t have anxiety the entire time like I do sometimes with Bert
Burnt isn't even fit to be the local dog catcher.
Yeah, I mean, anyone would be a better co-host than Bert at this point. But Tim rules for sure
Part of why he doesn't have as many is because he doesn't make up most of his stories.
I question everything Bert says and most of it I don’t believe.
When Tim says, “It ain’t great” 😂
Jesus christ I never notice how wide Tim Dillon shoulders are. He makes Tom look like he has a toddler body.
completely agree; truly what peak male performance looks like
he is the best swimmer on long island, what do you expect?
Have you seen this clip of Tim Dillon making fun of Alex Jones?! Alex gets pissed! 😂 ua-cam.com/video/L5qynOa-mKo/v-deo.html 🔥
He just has a disproportionately small head. Little baby dino head
@@mdf198122 nice try
Nike, Just Do It.
Ralph Lauren, I'm Not Doing It.
I think Tim Dillion will go down as one of the great comedy philosophers in the vein of George Carlin and Bill Hicks.
yes or yes?
Totally agree. Could be on par with Chappelle but appeals much less to the masses. 😂
I've got Andrew Schulz....ahead as far as philosopher..... But whole package TIM the MFing scientist-vaccine promoting- dress wearing- beating corona with chest pumps Dillon
He got the AlexJones energy in a gogurt fun way
Tim is the best thing happening to the podcast world right now
Bro alternating between embedded ads and youtube ads and then putting a youtube ad in the middle of an embedded ad was ridiculous
You know Tom just bought a 7 mill dollar house in January right?
Imagine not having youtube vanced
"Outside is over, it's done, it's on fire its annoying and fucking up the wifi"
“ I am outraged/ this is fine” is the best analogy for America
“None of it is graceful” is so underrated
God I love Tim Dillon, hes like the gay white Patrice
Thats actually a pretty good analogy lol
He’s not on Patrice’s level. But I respect his honesty a lot. He’s not afraid to say what he thinks which unfortunately is rare these days. Now imagine if Patrice was still alive and he had to interact w/ Tim 😂
Tim is terrible, annoying and isnt CLOSE to Patrice status,shame on anyone who thinks soo
@@1DonnnieAkin u mad?
Except he’s funnier.
Cue the angry responses
Finally, Tom needs to hear about life in the big city.
Tuesday is gonna be crazy.... stay safe everyone. Keep em high and tight
All the mommies vote for DJT right?
I'm Canadian I'll be cheering for you guys on the side lines don't come here though please
@@dsauce8780 personally I’m voting for Biden but everyone should vote for whoever they want. Just vote.
@@dsauce8780 You better believe I'm comin up in May 🇺🇲
Tim murders within the first five minutes of a podcast.
"I studied the boomer like people studied the centuries"
This is the greatest choice you’ve made on this show so far
Bobby Lee was a lot of fun too
Bobby Lee is horrible. I admit he’s a love or hate guy. I’ve never found him funny or entertaining and I’m not alone.
35 years old. TOM DILLION is only 35. I legit thought he was closer to 50.
He’s 35
Cocaine ages people
Cocaine n stress ages you more than time itself sadly
yea, he has the mentality of a 60 year old boring libertarian.
You've never seen an Irishman before?
I always love when you can hear the crew dying of laughter in the background
Tom is a fantastic host and interviewer. He knows what he has with Tim and feeds him just enough to keep him going. The major difference between Tim and Bert is that Tim's brain doesn't have holes in it and he knows when he's being lead in a direction.
If you ever watch The Tim Dillon Show podcast, you'd know that it doesn't take anything to keep him going. He rants hilariously for an hour on that show, and even makes the ads fucking epic.
More like "2 Bears 100 Ads".
24 hours before the election frendo
Literally getting ads inside of other ads 😂
Yep. Welcome to the ymh channel, more ads than content.
2 ads 1 joke
Theres like 4 ads lol wym
Tim had officially worn this shirt on every podcast.
Oh Ralph
It does exude American Royalty. The egg salad stains just add character.
Kamala Harris just gonna "Yas queen" herself into office 😂😂 truer now than ever
Tim Dillon looks like what happens if Kirby eats Chris DeStefano... Tom just looks happy Bretts gone
Tim Dillon is what you get when Alex jones accidentally drinks gay frog water
whose burt?
@Bird Dawg whose bird?
Tim and Tom podcast right now please, rewatching this I noticed how well their conversations flow. Tim's sporadic ranting accompanied by Tom's quick plug of humor at the end of sentences, made this a wonderful listening experience.
Never insulate the show from the backround sound of the tech guys laughing. Adds to the show a lot.
It makes the show unwatchable.
I so enjoy!!!
I vote we demote Bret to ads only when he returns. The look on his face would be priceless.
Cool i dont have to hear Bert talk about himself the whole episode.
A HUN DRED percent!!!!!!
Tim doesn't soak his wings in sauce, his strong 6'3 frame, hails from James Brown County.
Tim Dillion is my favorite comedian right now. His bit on Ralph Lauren was killing me lol
“I spent a little bit of time in a crack house.” - Tim Dillon. “A LITTLE Bit of Time?” -Tom Segura
Have you seen this clip of Tim Dillon making fun of Alex Jones?! Alex gets pissed! 😂 ua-cam.com/video/L5qynOa-mKo/v-deo.html 😆