As a spouse of an enmeshed man you are validating my truly awful experiences spanning decades with my husband. He has been most resistant, despite my kindest efforts for so many years. t has been the hardest journey of my entire life. Thank you for all you do. 😢
I'm the sister of a deeply enmeshed older brother. Mom has little use for me since I deviated from what she perceives as acceptable conduct for a woman, mostly by not being dependent on her for money or approval but also for having informed opinions that differ from her beliefs, and for not obtaining her consent or approval prior to making important decisions. (I'm in late middle-age, btw) My heavily enmeshed brother has been a confrontational, aggressive bully all his life, enabled, excused and celebrated by Mom. This is not serving him well at all as he ages, but neither of them seems able to see this.
I ended a long-term relationship with a 40+ yr old man who was completely enmeshed with his mother. He would literally morph into a little boy (body language and voice tone), whether in front of her or over the phone. It was a bizarre thing to watch. She enabled his tantrums and his inability to cope with any bad thing that happened in his life. She would call during our dates (early on) and he would talk to her daily, sometimes multiple times a day. We went to couples therapy toward the end and when his mother’s behavior was brought up in a session, he flipped out and refused to say anything negative about their lack of boundaries with each other. When I learned that every woman he dated broke up with him, it all made sense. This man can’t be good for any female but his mother.
This is very solid advice. However you must also keep in mind there’s a lot of narcissism and co-dependency involved when it comes to mother-son enmeshment where these sons and in some cases even daughters are conditioned from the day they’re born since they’re at the mercy of these pathological women at the most vulnerable stages in their lives. It makes breaking free and resolving this sadly that much more complex.
Interesting i was going down stuck in enmeshment. But it was my youth pastor that really questioned what do you want to pray for myself. It use to be about my parents always. It definitely jolted me to look out for my own needs and wants.
I'm a woman but this is very accurate. It's like my whole personality was developed to run away from her, and there's a lot to fix with that. Also couldn't agree more with separateness brings closeness, that's the case with my father, he always encouraged me to have my own life that he wants nothing to do with, and surprise, we talk on the phone every day with zero sense of obligation.
Hi Andreea, enmeshment can happen to women too. We have resources for both men and women on our website, overcomingenmeshment.com. We are working to create a women-centered video or webinar in the coming weeks as well. If you are looking for any additional resources, please don't hesitate to reach out!
Dr. Adams thank you for dedicating your life’s work on enmeshment or emotional incest. I find it interesting that you mention the word DIVORCE because that’s what I feel towards my family of origin (as opposed to my chosen family) sometimes you have to cut them off your life in order to preserve the love you still feel although it’s a different type of love, I call it “tough love” because I’ve decided it’s time to leave me even more. Reading both your books along with watching your channel it’s a tremendous honor, I thank you because you’re helping many more men than you think.
Absolutely great information. Recently discovered your channel and have been educating myself about my own experiences being a parentified daughter in a tightly enmeshed mother/daughter relationship. Looking forward to more content!
Growing up, I felt this need to always make my parents happy. It was all achievement based. My parents were over involved in mine and my sisters adult lives while neglecting their own marriage, which ended when I was about 35. I had a friend ask me what I was going to do when my mom gets old. I’m busy raising my son and now I’m concerned about being on the hook for adult family members for the rest of my life. “When people need you they need you.” I was told. I’m tired of this. I’m nearly 50 and exhausted from adulting and getting my own business off the ground.
Thank you for sharing your story. If you are looking for any additional resources, please visit overcomingenmeshment.com. Our MEM Workshop is a great resource to understand and implement boundaries and emancipate yourself from the trappings of enmeshment!
As a mom of 4 adult sons, i feel great about their choices until they're failing and life is running them down vs thriving. My grief and need to step in is beyond overwhelming whether it helps or not. I'm looking for clarity on boundaries as a thriving adult parent without much resource to save without self-harm... and how if need, to be ok if they fail. I have one son dealing with addiction that puts him in jail... when he goes down, so do I. 😢
Yes, been there too. By God‘s Grace both adult sons are now addiction free coming up on about three years. I’m so very thankful for that. only way I could make it through was to go to AA and Codependency support groups. My highest power brought about the changes that I was not able to bring about In myself and others. It’s a tough row to hoe. Hang in there , you don’t have to be in this alone. The support groups are tremendous.
Thank you for your insights. You mentioned you would release the version for gay [men?] and their enmeshment trauma. I’m looking forward to seeing that!!
I always have enmeshment with friends but not partners … I always have one friend I am in the enmeshment model with … problems always arise when I wake up from the enmeshment and start moving out of the enmeshment all hell breaks lose the other always gets angry controlling and mildly abusive and I get terribly frightened usually the friendship does come to an end I need this pattern to stop 🛑
What you say is just so familar, despite low contact with my mother, i still have many of these problems. I tried changing the contract years ago. It just doesnt work, i have to go no contact soon. I dont want to but im tired of dealing with my mom who i strongly suspect also has bpd. Her fear of abandonment in part i think did this to me. I feel so sick. Attempting to talk about any of this with her causes extreme shifts in her emotions, im so done walking on eggshells.
Omg you described my current partner perfectly and as his partner of 15 years I am so deeply saddened. He’s never going to change his mind over his family/mother (who is deceased). I will NEVER have a husband with him. He would never listen to and accept this. And I am just so heartbroken because I love him so much and I wanted to build am life with him be he chooses to stay so. He blames me for everything and I will always be the villain to him. It kills me inside.
@@jthall143 exactly my situation for 23 years and just tonight. . I am the bad one for putting him in a corner which I never have, too tired to even write about.
Does anyone know if that video for gay men was made and put out? I see all the parallels in my life (male, UK, gay, 40's)except I've never let relationships in/never learned the language of relationships - I wonder how things look for gay men - I suppose I just need look in the mirror really but articulated on a screen would be good to see. I wonder what part it's all played in me determining my sexuality in those early days.
Where have you been? I've been dealing with this for 50 years. 😢I'm about to separate because I can't, no WON'T take being at the END of his priority list... behind his family. I hate him for what he's put me through over those people ALL OF THESE YEARS. I just want out.
I don’t know , i had 3 major periods in my life i was so angry with my mother that i left the house for a while. First i was around 5 then in my teens and not so long ago. Because of toxic behavior. I know they screwed a lot of things up for me but I’m a forgiving individual although I don’t tolerate that behavior anymore and let them know right upfront when they said something I question… the issue is that i was working as a car technician but came in trouble with my back 4 years down that road. I didn’t know what to do so I thought maybe I become a professional musician because i love playing music and I’m on that way still but as a 34 year old men living with his parents studying music feels like a blessing and a curse at the same time… although i have all the room to develop my skills but I probably guess my mother let’s me do because so i stay with her… i don’t know her real motivations maybe she even doesn’t. I do love my parents but the mall functioning back hinders me to take real action to live on my own terms. If It wasn’t for that, i would probably be living alone already but i have to admit that I didn’t got a lot of guidance from my father in life unfortunately 😢
This is me. When I try to set boundaries, I get no positive response at all. I had a two hour talk this spring with my mother and father. It was a total walkover by them. I was told that I did not appreciate all that they have done for me through the years and so on and on. Hopeless situation. When my girlfriend and me are at holidays, my mother sends sms every day. My girlfriend told me that it's almost like having my mother with us on the holidays. I totally see that, so on the last vacation I sent my mother a sms stating that I would not respond to any sms until we got home. That made a lot of trouble when we got back home. It also created a lot of anger in my parents. Not acceptable behaviour from my parents at all. I got a ton of suppressed anger towards this situation. Help!
I'm proud of you for trying to establish the sms boundary. But you may have to toughen up and not care if they liked it or not. Try to stop reacting to their reactions. Sounds like they are trying to manipulate you to feel guilty. They want to forever control your life. You must take back your power. Continue to confront them with boundaries. Tough love. You deserve to feel free from manipulation. I think a good therapist could help you stand your ground. Your wife sounds very helpful too. God bless you.
Is there any possibility for recovery or successfully divorcing the FOO, if the adult son (54 yo) has lived with his parents for the last 10 years? I don't see any desire to move out, which leads me to believe there's nothing to work with here. Naturally, his parents are elderly and he "should" not leave them as they are aging.
Do NOT do as I did….talked myself out of leaving several times because I thought he had put up boundaries and would keep them with his family. Got stuck in the “relationship” for months and at times I have been miserable beyond words. Planning on leaving out this week IF I can obtain a place now since I let several places pass me by due to guilt of leaving him. Don’t marry a Peter Pan man. A boy who never grew up. They are very very good at selling themselves on whatever they need from you.
I know there can definitely be mother/daughter enmeshment but it affects the child differently. I think it's so much worse with mother/son enmeshment. If you date a man whose mother is enmeshed, you feel like his mother is the "other woman" in your relationship. And she will make him feel like she needs to be his first priority. Not his girlfriend/wife or children but her and her feelings and emotions. It does profound damage to a man and will hurt any future relationship he tries to get into. This runs rampant with single mothers. They will be the ones who say "I don't need a man" and yet they make their son their man. The mothers need to get a hobby and allow their sons to grow up and become men. The utter selfishness of these mothers is unbelievable. I was reading about how enmeshment became a much bigger problem with baby boomers and their sons and even worse with Gen X women. It existed before, but not in the numbers that it does now. I wonder why that is? Maybe in the past men were married so much younger that his teen years were spent prepping him for being a husband and father? Now that marriage is pushed for later if pushed at all, men can spend their 20s in a prolonged childhood becoming more enmeshed with their mothers? I don't know but I definitely saw it a lot when I was in my 20s in the 1990s.
I was a Gen X single mum. I always recognised my child as a completely separate unique person, to myself. I taught my kid to trust themselves, to develop critical thinking skills, interests, hobbies. They were more extroverted than myself! If you don't help them grow into their own person, then it will hold them back later. Gotta let them fly..without conditions.
Michael Tsarion says it's common for men to have sexual problems if the ways their mothers raised them was extremely unhealthy in his Kindle book "Dragon Mother."
Do daughters get enmeshed with their mother? ( As Deborah Winger's character did in "Terms of Endearment") A son with his father? Is it a sign of gender confusion?
Yes, but usually not gender confusion. The mother uses the daughter to meet her emotional needs because she has a sense of ownership and it starts very young. It's selfish but it can incredibly subtle. The mother sets herself up as the daughter's best friend and makes her believe it's her job to take care of the mother - always. The daughter never even realizes she's been shamed, bound and manipulated into thinking her mother is a God. Unfortunately if the daughter never heals, she will end up giving her life over to her mother and never have a relationship of her own. I've seen it in extended family - a 63 year old that has never had a sexual long-term relationship because she was married emotionally to her mother and yet, she has zero clue that it was not healthy. She can't understand why she eats and drinks too much.
A person who is heavily wounded by his mother, who bears 4 sons and not having enough time for each son, usually ignoring the younger sons , the boy grows up feeling ignored, unloved and unworthy, and if the scars are heavy, this boy grows up being a player, and a lot of wealthy men becomes Christian Gray, 50 shade of Gray.....it's a mental power , emotional fight against his Demon 👿 mother.
I know, why don’t they pass a new law. Psychos who cannot put anyone or anything before their mothers should be allowed legally to marry them. Sickening but at least women wouldn’t fall victim to a shitty marriage
My ex recently experienced the death of his momma. I was prepared for him to be devastated but he was just the opposite. He was relieved and free after all those years. She was 96 when she passed. We were divorced three years prior to her death. Our relationship was a 35 year long painful experience. I’m still recovering. I found the strength to divorce him when I read 1 Corinthians 5:1b.
Every person around this woman she’s killed by wearing all her sons relationships out and her brothers relationships n her own husband and she still keeps being needy and guilt n pouting n child behaviour tantrums victim even though she’s the enabler
As a spouse of an enmeshed man you are validating my truly awful experiences spanning decades with my husband. He has been most resistant, despite my kindest efforts for so many years. t has been the hardest journey of my entire life. Thank you for all you do. 😢
I'm the sister of a deeply enmeshed older brother. Mom has little use for me since I deviated from what she perceives as acceptable conduct for a woman, mostly by not being dependent on her for money or approval but also for having informed opinions that differ from her beliefs, and for not obtaining her consent or approval prior to making important decisions. (I'm in late middle-age, btw)
My heavily enmeshed brother has been a confrontational, aggressive bully all his life, enabled, excused and celebrated by Mom. This is not serving him well at all as he ages, but neither of them seems able to see this.
I ended a long-term relationship with a 40+ yr old man who was completely enmeshed with his mother. He would literally morph into a little boy (body language and voice tone), whether in front of her or over the phone. It was a bizarre thing to watch. She enabled his tantrums and his inability to cope with any bad thing that happened in his life. She would call during our dates (early on) and he would talk to her daily, sometimes multiple times a day. We went to couples therapy toward the end and when his mother’s behavior was brought up in a session, he flipped out and refused to say anything negative about their lack of boundaries with each other. When I learned that every woman he dated broke up with him, it all made sense. This man can’t be good for any female but his mother.
Sis, I think we’re dating the same guy 😢😔
“Moving from guilt and ambivalence to passion and purpose..” beautifully said
This is very solid advice. However you must also keep in mind there’s a lot of narcissism and co-dependency involved when it comes to mother-son enmeshment where these sons and in some cases even daughters are conditioned from the day they’re born since they’re at the mercy of these pathological women at the most vulnerable stages in their lives. It makes breaking free and resolving this sadly that much more complex.
Interesting i was going down stuck in enmeshment. But it was my youth pastor that really questioned what do you want to pray for myself. It use to be about my parents always. It definitely jolted me to look out for my own needs and wants.
I'm a woman but this is very accurate. It's like my whole personality was developed to run away from her, and there's a lot to fix with that. Also couldn't agree more with separateness brings closeness, that's the case with my father, he always encouraged me to have my own life that he wants nothing to do with, and surprise, we talk on the phone every day with zero sense of obligation.
"If you love someone/something let them/it go"
It's facts.
Hi Andreea, enmeshment can happen to women too. We have resources for both men and women on our website, overcomingenmeshment.com. We are working to create a women-centered video or webinar in the coming weeks as well.
If you are looking for any additional resources, please don't hesitate to reach out!
Dr. Adams thank you for dedicating your life’s work on enmeshment or emotional incest. I find it interesting that you mention the word DIVORCE because that’s what I feel towards my family of origin (as opposed to my chosen family) sometimes you have to cut them off your life in order to preserve the love you still feel although it’s a different type of love, I call it “tough love” because I’ve decided it’s time to leave me even more. Reading both your books along with watching your channel it’s a tremendous honor, I thank you because you’re helping many more men than you think.
Absolutely great information. Recently discovered your channel and have been educating myself about my own experiences being a parentified daughter in a tightly enmeshed mother/daughter relationship. Looking forward to more content!
How am I just seeing this, what amazing content. Totally and completely explains my situation oh my goodness.
Growing up, I felt this need to always make my parents happy. It was all achievement based.
My parents were over involved in mine and my sisters adult lives while neglecting their own marriage, which ended when I was about 35.
I had a friend ask me what I was going to do when my mom gets old.
I’m busy raising my son and now I’m concerned about being on the hook for adult family members for the rest of my life. “When people need you they need you.” I was told.
I’m tired of this. I’m nearly 50 and exhausted from adulting and getting my own business off the ground.
Thank you for sharing your story. If you are looking for any additional resources, please visit overcomingenmeshment.com. Our MEM Workshop is a great resource to understand and implement boundaries and emancipate yourself from the trappings of enmeshment!
As a mom of 4 adult sons, i feel great about their choices until they're failing and life is running them down vs thriving. My grief and need to step in is beyond overwhelming whether it helps or not. I'm looking for clarity on boundaries as a thriving adult parent without much resource to save without self-harm... and how if need, to be ok if they fail. I have one son dealing with addiction that puts him in jail... when he goes down, so do I. 😢
Yes, been there too. By God‘s Grace both adult sons are now addiction free coming up on about three years. I’m so very thankful for that. only way I could make it through was to go to AA and Codependency support groups. My highest power brought about the changes that I was not able to bring about In myself and others. It’s a tough row to hoe. Hang in there , you don’t have to be in this alone. The support groups are tremendous.
Thank you for the work you have done and continue to do.
Tysm for no ads
Thank you for your insights. You mentioned you would release the version for gay [men?] and their enmeshment trauma. I’m looking forward to seeing that!!
Thank you. Can you talk about trauma bond type of enmeshing with siblings and or adult child trauma bond enmeshment?
I always have enmeshment with friends but not partners … I always have one friend I am in the enmeshment model with … problems always arise when I wake up from the enmeshment and start moving out of the enmeshment all hell breaks lose the other always gets angry controlling and mildly abusive and I get terribly frightened usually the friendship does come to an end I need this pattern to stop 🛑
What about emeshment with hyper critical mothers?
Groundbreaking
What you say is just so familar, despite low contact with my mother, i still have many of these problems. I tried changing the contract years ago. It just doesnt work, i have to go no contact soon. I dont want to but im tired of dealing with my mom who i strongly suspect also has bpd. Her fear of abandonment in part i think did this to me. I feel so sick. Attempting to talk about any of this with her causes extreme shifts in her emotions, im so done walking on eggshells.
Hi this is fantastic! I would love to hear any insights on father son enmeshment and what that looks like.
Omg you described my current partner perfectly and as his partner of 15 years I am so deeply saddened.
He’s never going to change his mind over his family/mother (who is deceased).
I will NEVER have a husband with him. He would never listen to and accept this.
And I am just so heartbroken because I love him so much and I wanted to build am life with him be he chooses to stay so.
He blames me for everything and I will always be the villain to him. It kills me inside.
I'm in the same 24 yrs, she has been so evil towards me and if I get cross or put boundaries, he attacks me verbally.
I'm at a cross road now.
@@jthall143 exactly my situation for 23 years and just tonight. . I am the bad one for putting him in a corner which I never have, too tired to even write about.
Very helpful. Thank you.
Can you talk about brother - sister enmeshment?
Does anyone know if that video for gay men was made and put out? I see all the parallels in my life (male, UK, gay, 40's)except I've never let relationships in/never learned the language of relationships - I wonder how things look for gay men - I suppose I just need look in the mirror really but articulated on a screen would be good to see. I wonder what part it's all played in me determining my sexuality in those early days.
Where have you been? I've been dealing with this for 50 years. 😢I'm about to separate because I can't, no WON'T take being at the END of his priority list... behind his family. I hate him for what he's put me through over those people ALL OF THESE YEARS. I just want out.
Great video. Will there be more video content on women who experienced enmeshment with their fathers/mothers?
I don’t know , i had 3 major periods in my life i was so angry with my mother that i left the house for a while. First i was around 5 then in my teens and not so long ago. Because of toxic behavior. I know they screwed a lot of things up for me but I’m a forgiving individual although I don’t tolerate that behavior anymore and let them know right upfront when they said something I question… the issue is that i was working as a car technician but came in trouble with my back 4 years down that road. I didn’t know what to do so I thought maybe I become a professional musician because i love playing music and I’m on that way still but as a 34 year old men living with his parents studying music feels like a blessing and a curse at the same time… although i have all the room to develop my skills but I probably guess my mother let’s me do because so i stay with her… i don’t know her real motivations maybe she even doesn’t. I do love my parents but the mall functioning back hinders me to take real action to live on my own terms. If
It wasn’t for that, i would probably be living alone already but i have to admit that I didn’t got a lot of guidance from my father in life unfortunately 😢
Did you ever do the ambivalent attachment video??? Please share
I am looking for Joey Tribbiani, is he here?
This is my current partner (female). Sadly, I feel she is so enmeshed, unable to see it, it will end our relationship.
This is me. When I try to set boundaries, I get no positive response at all. I had a two hour talk this spring with my mother and father. It was a total walkover by them. I was told that I did not appreciate all that they have done for me through the years and so on and on. Hopeless situation. When my girlfriend and me are at holidays, my mother sends sms every day. My girlfriend told me that it's almost like having my mother with us on the holidays. I totally see that, so on the last vacation I sent my mother a sms stating that I would not respond to any sms until we got home. That made a lot of trouble when we got back home. It also created a lot of anger in my parents. Not acceptable behaviour from my parents at all. I got a ton of suppressed anger towards this situation. Help!
I'm proud of you for trying to establish the sms boundary. But you may have to toughen up and not care if they liked it or not. Try to stop reacting to their reactions. Sounds like they are trying to manipulate you to feel guilty. They want to forever control your life. You must take back your power.
Continue to confront them with boundaries. Tough love. You deserve to feel free from manipulation. I think a good therapist could help you stand your ground. Your wife sounds very helpful too. God bless you.
I am in this situation w my partner and his sister not his mother
Is there any possibility for recovery or successfully divorcing the FOO, if the adult son (54 yo) has lived with his parents for the last 10 years? I don't see any desire to move out, which leads me to believe there's nothing to work with here. Naturally, his parents are elderly and he "should" not leave them as they are aging.
Wow. 11.5 minutes flew by like a flash. I thought I was unique lol
Do NOT do as I did….talked myself out of leaving several times because I thought he had put up boundaries and would keep them with his family.
Got stuck in the “relationship” for months and at times I have been miserable beyond words. Planning on leaving out this week IF I can obtain a place now since I let several places pass me by due to guilt of leaving him.
Don’t marry a Peter Pan man. A boy who never grew up. They are very very good at selling themselves on whatever they need from you.
I know there can definitely be mother/daughter enmeshment but it affects the child differently. I think it's so much worse with mother/son enmeshment. If you date a man whose mother is enmeshed, you feel like his mother is the "other woman" in your relationship. And she will make him feel like she needs to be his first priority. Not his girlfriend/wife or children but her and her feelings and emotions. It does profound damage to a man and will hurt any future relationship he tries to get into. This runs rampant with single mothers. They will be the ones who say "I don't need a man" and yet they make their son their man. The mothers need to get a hobby and allow their sons to grow up and become men. The utter selfishness of these mothers is unbelievable.
I was reading about how enmeshment became a much bigger problem with baby boomers and their sons and even worse with Gen X women. It existed before, but not in the numbers that it does now. I wonder why that is? Maybe in the past men were married so much younger that his teen years were spent prepping him for being a husband and father? Now that marriage is pushed for later if pushed at all, men can spend their 20s in a prolonged childhood becoming more enmeshed with their mothers? I don't know but I definitely saw it a lot when I was in my 20s in the 1990s.
I was a Gen X single mum.
I always recognised my child as a completely separate unique person, to myself.
I taught my kid to trust themselves, to develop critical thinking skills, interests, hobbies.
They were more extroverted than myself! If you don't help them grow into their own person, then it will hold them back later. Gotta let them fly..without conditions.
Spot on @zsuzsuspetals
I am almost 50 years btw. Treated like I am ten by my parents, especially my mother 😂🥵
Is ED a common problem for these men?
Michael Tsarion says it's common for men to have sexual problems if the ways their mothers raised them was extremely unhealthy in his Kindle book "Dragon Mother."
Yes.
Do daughters get enmeshed with their mother? ( As Deborah Winger's character did in "Terms of Endearment") A son with his father? Is it a sign of gender confusion?
Yes, but usually not gender confusion. The mother uses the daughter to meet her emotional needs because she has a sense of ownership and it starts very young. It's selfish but it can incredibly subtle. The mother sets herself up as the daughter's best friend and makes her believe it's her job to take care of the mother - always. The daughter never even realizes she's been shamed, bound and manipulated into thinking her mother is a God. Unfortunately if the daughter never heals, she will end up giving her life over to her mother and never have a relationship of her own. I've seen it in extended family - a 63 year old that has never had a sexual long-term relationship because she was married emotionally to her mother and yet, she has zero clue that it was not healthy. She can't understand why she eats and drinks too much.
What happens when the narcissistic mother and son become so enmeshed they are a dangerous duo n live together as husband and wife
A person who is heavily wounded by his mother, who bears 4 sons and not having enough time for each son, usually ignoring the younger sons , the boy grows up feeling ignored, unloved and unworthy, and if the scars are heavy, this boy grows up being a player, and a lot of wealthy men becomes Christian Gray, 50 shade of Gray.....it's a mental power , emotional fight against his Demon 👿 mother.
Food and masterbation! They are two things that I cannot get control over.
I know, why don’t they pass a new law. Psychos who cannot put anyone or anything before their mothers should be allowed legally to marry them. Sickening but at least women wouldn’t fall victim to a shitty marriage
My ex recently experienced the death of his momma. I was prepared for him to be devastated but he was just the opposite. He was relieved and free after all those years. She was 96 when she passed. We were divorced three years prior to her death. Our relationship was a 35 year long painful experience. I’m still recovering. I found the strength to divorce him when I read 1 Corinthians 5:1b.
I think woman can be enmeshed with her family or parents or one parent.
M
Every person around this woman she’s killed by wearing all her sons relationships out and her brothers relationships n her own husband and she still keeps being needy and guilt n pouting n child behaviour tantrums victim even though she’s the enabler
Pushing mum a off the train and his mum n three 50 yr old brothers live on the tracks how convenient