Psychology & Self-Improvement courses like these should be a mandatory part of classes taught in high school / secondary level education. If we want to raise skillful adults, we should also educate them to become both financially and emotionally wise.
Dunno if anyone gives a shit but if you are bored like me atm then you can watch all of the latest series on Instaflixxer. Been binge watching with my gf for the last months =)
Well, technically this is the job of the parents and family, not the government. That said, the government - via schooling- is much more interested in producing workers to fuel the economy than it is in producing mentally and emotionally healthy humans. In fact, I daresay it even has a vested interest in preventing people from being healthy...
Physically leaving your family of origin does not change being enmeshed with them. Enmeshment is emotional and if you avoid those emotions they will come back in other ways (depression, acting in , acting out, rage, self-sabotaging behavior) you have to heal emotionally to undo the negative effects of enmeshment. Healing is acknowledging and repairing the inner child.
This is true. I’ve experienced this recently and observed my husband go through the death of his dad, experiencing trauma. It triggered him back strongly to the enmeshment and family of origin. In the process our daughters were abducted and kidnapped by him and his mother and hidden from me, their mother. This is a horrible pathogen.
@@RestorationRanchHealing I'm so sorry to hear that. I hope the girls were returned safely. And everyone involved gets the help and attention they deserve. This is why self awareness is so important. When we meet people we have no idea the iceberg that floats just beneath the surface of who they are.
I was so happy to hear you say around the 6 minute mark that it is not my responsibility to sacrifice my life for my parent. It has gotten so bad that my father actually ruined my engagement and guilt tripped me into staying at home. I am 31 now and single and nowhere I want to be in my life because of it. I finally had it last night and called him out on it and actually used the word "creepy" and "burden" to make him understand my point of view. It is not my fault my mother wasn't a good wife and I'm tired of having to help him pick up the pieces just for him to turn around and keep sabotaging me. I'm starting to think he doesn't want better for himself and misery likes company so he doesn't want me to move forward.
Sadly most of these parents project onto the child that the other parent ( mom or sad) is or was not a good parent. This is how they secure the emotional enmeshment. Please don’t take the word of someone trying to destroy the relationship with your mom. This is a horrible pathogen in dysfunctional family system. I’m so sorry your experiencing this. I know a family where the male treats his mother like his wife and his oldest daughter like his girlfriend. He projects to everyone his now ex-wife is abusive and neglectful even though that isn’t true. This destroys family’s and children.
@@RestorationRanchHealing Thank you for the information unfortunately in my situation my mother is actually a narcissist and very abusive. I have voiced all concerns to my father and he promised to try to do better. I watch carefully so that I'm not controlled anymore and I make sure to call him out if he trys. I think the best thing to do is learn to put our foot down. You do have a point though I'm sure that happens a lot. I have told him that he and her are equally at fault in the equation of bad parenting and I hope to not have children to break the cycle once and for all💕
@@tiffanyguzman4405 I’m so sorry that you are experiencing that. Thankfully you are aware and it sounds like you can still show you love both parents while distancing yourself from their behaviors. This is no easy pathogen for anyone. Thank you for sharing your story- I wish the best for you and your family. And sharing our stories also hopefully will help others.
It is absolutely not any child's responsibility to give up their life for their parent. Quite the opposite, actually. The spiritual role of the parent is to GIVE LIFE to their child, not suck life from their child to meet their emotional needs, voids, and insecurities. Evolution loves forward to the next generation. A child's responsibility is to love and sacrifice for his/her own children, not to turn back around and serve the needs of the parents. Parents choose to have children - their sacrifices are not owed anything other than the same respect we should extend to all human beings. A parent's responsibility is to ensure their child can go out into the wild as their best self and hopefully be a healthy, functioning member of society that contributes in a meaningful way. Part of healthy parental love is learning when to let go when it is in the best interest of the child. A child becoming autonomous and living their own life means a parent successfully did their job. Healthy parental love is not transactional and it is not conditional. Children should not have to perform a role for that love or return the emotional support.
Finally, I have a name for what I'm dealing with. My sibling relies on me way too much. It's one crisis after another. They gaslight me and try to put the blame on me for their problems. I feel smothered by their constant phone calls needing me for something.
My partner is in denial. He feels guilty whenever we travel somewhere and his parents arent there to experience it, he rushes to make his mom feel better whenver she argues with his dad, he makes sure to smile in pictures with her and have PDA with her (but not me), he would choose or look at clothing and ask if I thought his mom would like it, he handles their finances, appointments, medical needs etc. if and whenever he has not done this for them I fear he does so just to keep me quiet and happy but he's dying to do so inside. He has tried but a part of me now feels terrible because for one, I am exhausted of years of getting him to understand that he should not be his mother's main source of happiness or security, her husband should. And second because I feel as if maybe he could find someone who would tolerate this type of relationship between him and his mother/parents. He doesnt notice but his anxiety is high he is constantly concerned for his family and his health is declining (I fear both physically and mentally, most likely emotionally as well). He may concern himself over us but I feel as if his actions are just actions "doing what is right" versus actually desiring to put us first.
Someone needs to talk about single mother enmeshment, it can be much worse than anything you are talkingabout here, where the son takes the place of the father that the mother left, from her point of view, although she does not admit it
That's what I'm in right now. My step son and wife are uncomfortably close. He gets no wins at school or anywhere; so she treats him like a golden child. I'll tell her relevant things and she'll ignore ore me, and her son tells her Minecraft stories (at 16 years old), and she hangs on every word. It's wild to watch. I know she loves me but I also see this devastating the boys life in the long term.
This is the most relatable thing I've ever watched. I've had to walk away from my family of origin, it's 32 years of my life, finally I'm free. I'm lucky my husband has stuck by me through this. I had twelve months of therapy, I love my parents but they're so dysfunctional and toxic to me, they can't see their behavior as a problem. The only way I could become free was to stop contact. One day I hope to have a relationship with them but until they make changes it's not possible. I'm free, I'm finding out who I am, it's a long process but I no longer live in severe guilt, they don't understand me but that's OK. This is my life, I'm raising two children, with healthy love and boundaries, breaking the cycle ♥
In our workshops we talk about the difference between separation ( boundaries), differentiation ( your feelings are not mine), and emancipation ( living my life without guilt and loving my parents on my terms). Good luck!
Wow me too. But Mine is recent. Sticking to the boundary. Hope to feel the same as you soon. But also hope my parents change enjoy the beautiful peaceful life I have built
"Obligatory guilt"...speaks volumes. For a long time my husband came second after my family of origin. The guilt and shame projected when I started to set boundaries was breathtaking. It takes courage and commitment to step outside this dynamic and live your own life.
Give manipulators the silent death stare and don't engage them verbally. Their objective is to evoke an emotional response so stay rational. Try to visualize yourself shift shaping into a massive monolith with a confident smirk. They`'ll realize you're onto them and it's game over......confidence is silent and insecurities are loud. You don't owe your family jack shit so jettison your indoctrinated and brainwashed mindset.
I’m 33 and it’s really interesting to see how many people in the comments section are pretty much the same age as me ...it seems it is a style of parenting very common to the Baby Boomer generation 🤔 I experience an enormous amount of anxiety and guilt over dating and what my mother thinks of romantic partners(as a result I’ve been celibate and single for 5.5 years) I can see it’s coming from a place of wanting the best for me and trying to protect, but I feel she is excessively critical, wants to know every last detail about them, and assumes responsibility for things that aren’t her business to deal with. (Trying to micromanage our decisions as a couple) As a result, when I’ve brought partners home in the past, I’ve felt continuously on edge and like I have to play the mediator, and also get the partner to censor themselves, as I feel she’s actively looking to find something to be offended by. I feel guilt for resenting her because she clearly cares about me a lot, but it does feel stifling at times. I’m an only child and my mother is very caring, but she is addicted to feeling needed. I recognise the extreme guilt and anxiety I feel about meeting up with someone/dating is disproportionate, and really inappropriate for a 33 year old. I’m a private person and would love to get to know a guy gradually before I’m comfortable introducing him to my family. Yet it’s so hard to have any degree of privacy or secrecy. A sexual relationship with anyone is out of the question since I live at home. Thank you for posting this video, it is very relatable. I will do what i can on my part to improve and heal the relationship with my mother 💓
Hi Louise! We're glad this video was helpful for you. If you are looking for additional resources on enmeshment including podcasts, videos, and books, please visit our website: overcomingenmeshment.com
Dr. Ken, many years I've been trying to figure out this anger that I feel toward my mother and a feeling of lack of identity. then just this years after feeling extremely confused and breaking up a 3 years relationship bc my mother interfered a lot and I couldn't feel fully commited to my ex gf, I found your books and could totally identify with this enmeshed scenario that you described. Thank you!
I only just came across this video and Dr. Adams work. Thank you! I was both parentified and enmeshed in my family after my father died when I was 12 and a year later my mother was diagnosed with cancer. I basically become a surrogate spouse. She survived, but I was left with a lifelong pattern of behaviour - putting her and family first above my own needs. When my youngest brother was in a car crash and left with a brain injury - our family only further fell in on itself. I cannot tell you the long term damage this did to my own emotional, romantic and psychological development. I am now, finally, working it through.
Enmeshment seems to be it's own form of trauma. I can only imagine the inner conflict this causes growing up. I think there are a number of people that have grown up in enmeshed households but never feel that conflict, they seem to be perfectly happy to continue the enmeshment and behave perpetually as a dependent child. This video would be a lot better without the music.
Living inside any given system without a counterpoint makes you believe everything's right, or maybe not totally fine but "not that bad". Another thing to consider is that grown children don't always play the dependent role. In my culture, enmeshment is very common, but loyalties are set to assure the parents will be under the child's care when they're older (financially, physically and emotionally).
I remember a friend of mine telling me “would you rather be part of a family that loves you unconditionally? or will only love you when it benefits them?” ..and that explained everything I experienced after only living with them for 3 months. I’m really hurt and upset that after all of my life of not being with them and not growing up with my brother that they raised, thinking I was their long lost kid, I was only with them for 3 months and I couldn’t take it anymore
Thank You!! You just popped up on my YT and I'm so glad you did. I've been enmeshed with my mother my whole life(only child/single mom) however, its been recently I had to cut her off completely because of her abuse and my personal survival.
I have loved your videos--they are so validating to me as someone who was the partner to one of these men, and a man who was not willing or able to look at it. It was so heartbreaking to leave but he was, and is, essentially married to his mother and there was no room for me, or for him and I, to create anything of our own. I feels like leaving someone in an abusive relationship that he doesn't know he's in. It's a quiet, subtle abuse, disguised as love and disguised as closeness, but there is an unspoken contract that he isn't able to acknowledge is there. It's so sad and heart breaking 💔
I see it in my in law family. The mother treats her son as a husband. Her husbands family tried an intervention with her and the son. It went wrong. My question? Why didn't they confront the husband and made him take his rightful place?. I sense anger in the son. He is 32 never dated yet still living at home.
My ex fiancee's relationship with his mother (God rest her soul) was like this.. It was hard to blame the mom because she suffered from so much emotionally, mentally and physically 😔😔😢😢😢 she was also a very sweet and giving woman, I doubt she knew she was doing harm and it would have crushed her to know that she was...😔😔😭😭😭 So it was very complicated to say the least.. She had aid from the state to take care of her but she still always needed him. She was like that w all her kids but him especially w him being the eldest. Before I ramble too much lol my piece on ur inlaw situation; personally I feel the intervention... imo.. wasn't exactly the right approach..😳😳 It probably felt very invasive and overwhelming to him, especially if he was put on the spot, which most interventions r..🤷🤷 emeshment can feel very shameful in some ways to the individual because they know the relationship is, in a sense, backwards.. I think it probably would have bn better to have a plan in place where the wife and maybe one other person, (preferably a professional) confront him in a logical and sensitive way. Last resort; go to plan B and declare an ultimatum. Professional help, no if ands or buts!!! Bn there..😒😒😒
@@aramisy.cajigas744 forgiveness unfortunately is not a 'flip of the switch' type of deal brah... Its dif for everyone via relationship and situation. Its a process with lots of work involved and not everyone can get there depending....
I hope there becomes more awareness about this. Sadly enmeshment lead to a very early untimely death of my spouse with his mother. It needs to be talked about.
I could move to a different country and cut off contact but it will never feel like enough. Real freedom is giving yourself permission to be who you actually are.
Needed to hear this. Thank you Doctor Adams. My mom's a covert narcissist. (99% sure) I've been neurotic sense finding out she's moving into the same town as me. but boundaries and independence start internally I won't forget this.
Thank you so much for this video. I come from a narcissistic family dynamic mixed with a culture that keeps children indebted to parents and other family members. In short, I want to cut them off but the phrase "obligatory guilt" is eating me off. Anything I have done so far is out of obligation which after I perform makes me feel angry because it is not a choice as I am not able to say no to doing it. Likewise, not doing their expected tasks makes me feel by conditioning that I am ungrateful for the sacrifices that they have made as I am not in turn sacrificing myself to make their lives better. I did not ask to be born and I certainly am trying to figure out my life as an adult. I have to take care of my physical, mental, emotional and psychological health first and if that makes me selfish, ungrateful, mean etc, I am okay wearing those labels.
If you ever feel like you are being "penciled in" around your partner's family, and especially if they also have a time-consuming career, trust your gut and call it a day. I tried to gain a healthier amount of time together but I was fighting a windmill and ended up just wasting a lot of time. Family came first and always would.
Thank you Sir for enlightening me on this condition that I suffer from. Keeping a pet dog on a leash is bad, keeping it all the time tied to a leash is worse. I am like that dog, who even at 34 years of age am tied continuously to the leash by my bloody parents. (I can't help but abuse them everytime I think about them)
You did such a great job explaining this in this video. My husband has the same issues within his family, that just isn’t normal. And I am so glad there’s finally a name for it, I had him watch this video and now he gets it
I'm glad this information is helpful! For more information including webinars, workshops, and therapists trained in enmeshment, please visit our website: overcomingenmeshment.com
That was me, I went away to be on my own to study my graduate studies the whole time my mother was emotionally abusive towards me the whole time for wanting to study and be away because she was having turmoil with my grandmother she gave me a guilt trip the whole time and was mentally abusive towards me it affected my whole well being and affected everything in my life. I am healing from this whole scenario. Now I know I should have not fell for the guilt trips back them and set boundaries with her.
Dr. Kenneth Adams, I truly in the depth of my heart feel like this knowledge is critical and can be as much as life-saving! As we say knowledge is power and may we extend that to the otherwise powerless! Thank you so much for sharing this information. I grew up in toxic and even fatal extremes of these conditions and always knew there was something wrong. I have two very young children now and will do every un-learning imaginable to give them the absolute safe and loving life they deserve.
Just left my fiancé because his mystery illness (severe anxiety) only seems to resolve when he’s with mommy & sister. He’s on disability from work, & his mom cuts up watermelon chunks into tiny pieces + watches movies with him every night she stays over (he’s 33). I work 40+ hours weekly & unfortunately do not have the time or energy to slice his watermelon chunks & cook every night. But somehow he’s always the victim and I’m the villain, AND GOD FORBID you tell anyone in his family they’re wrong. Oh & no one has asked me how I feel or has spoken about our scheduled wedding 🙃i refused to let him track my location anymore so I guess I don’t really love him. BYE.
This is yet again so depressing, I am yet again completely ignored and left out. Another video going under the false assumption that everyone has already been able to at least move away from this toxic enmeshment. I'm freaking 39, feeling enmeshed, trapped and stuck still living with the main source of my past traumas and still currently ongoing traumas, the toxic person that's supposed to be my "mother". It's like she's done everything in her power all my life to severely cripple, sabotage and limit my independence from her. I've finally seriously been trying to find actual in person therapy to help me untangle myself from her for months with no luck. I seriously need to move away from this person for my own wellbeing, I have no major financial experience except for basic things...I really don't know how to go about it, I wish I would be killed in a fatal car crash or something...am I the only one still dealing with a situation like this??
No I'm 23 and I feel this way too. It's so strange how scary and sci-fi it feels when you look back and realize how much your parents have been secretly holding you back from many life experiences. "Oh I can't get time off work to get you to driving lessons" you just don't want me to drive away. "Oh I can't take you to that job interview so far away" you don't want me to work far away, huh? It's...unsettling. And having several mental illnesses and an autoimmune disease, it's hard enough to make it on my own. But being stuck at home is also so damaging. Suicide feels so tempting, I understand you. I hope and pray we will find our own paths in time.
Hi Stefan, Glad to be a resource. Enmeshment recovery is complex and intensive! If you are looking for any additional resources, please visit our website: overcomingenmeshment.com
Thank you.. I needed to hear all of this.. for so long I have wondered what was happening to me and why did I feel certain ways about my family. I now can dive deeper into how I can fix this part of my life
Sound production advice: the music that you have at the beginning and end of the video are fine, i.e. to fade out of in the beginning and to fade up to towards the end. However, the ongoing looped music track throughout the bulk of the video is both mentally distracting and unnecessary. It also makes it difficult to hear you speak in certain parts of the video because of competing audio levels. It’s best just to do away with any music soundtrack during your videos, except for the beginning and end sections as an intro and outro audio track.
blarg, parents divorced and both tried to turn me into a surrogate partner, both constantly telling me how lonely they were. If I tried to not be enmeshed I would be neglected physically and emotionally. Now I just run around like a chicken with my head cut off trying to predict needs and please everyone around me...
Thank you for this. Although I've had boundaries in place with my dad for years, this year he was diagnosed with terminal cancer and my boundaries have gone out the window. This is having a detrimental effect on my own health and family. He expects so much of me and I'm afraid of the hurt I might cause by telling him "no more". I'm starting therapy next week so hopefully I find some answers.
I hope the best for all involved thats a very tough situation to be in. In my experience Thearpy was amazing but it took a few months before things connected. Hang in there
@@usernane3652 thank you for kindness. My dad is still with us though he's nearing the end and unfortunately he's still being quite toxic. Therapy has helped me feel empowered to put boundaries in place and let go of the guilt. I wish he would get better for his own sake but that's not likely at this stage. For once I am living for myself and taking care of my own needs first which has improved my life exponentially.
My youth psychologist negotiated me to go abroad to live in Britain for 6 months. Things failed to go as planned , n I had to return back home. The receiving/host family didn't meet the expectations that I'd have needed. Money incentive . I was a perfect adult beauty. Now male. My country is not a guardian country. Ppl here break free from family burdens .
Im 33 still trying tp feel ok about going no contact wrestle with myself and can never seem to make a good decision on what to do or where to go. I cant believe this stuff i got a long list of issues to deal with here. 😑
I just ended a relationship where my ex whom I believe carries so much guilt about loosing her daughter to death she is smothering her adult son and enabling poor behavior. He broke rules under our roof and got himself evicted from my home. She follwed. I said good bye. I love and miss her but it was not a healthy situation.
Spirituality helped me Maybe it's the Aries in me that never let me bend completely to them as i got older lol still more work to be done within but I'm clearly more of my own person. They don't like it but its better than it used to be. Granted i don't know alot of society ways cuz they kept me under a rock pretty much. Only child inbetween two infant deaths so that was part of the problem not wanting to let me go i think but at same time still see me as the black sheep and tried to narcissisticly emotionally abuse it out of me so they don't look bad. I haven't made it out the house yet and I have my own daughter now but on the inside ive grown so much and we know it's just a matter of time before I leave. No car and im rebuilding from my past outside experiences outside of home but living conditions are better. You can literally do anything with Spirit or God whichever you prefer. Spirituality works as long as you are willing to face every aspect of yourself good and bad. Self healing is possible. I did try therapy for my parents cuz they agreed to go with me but lied just so id go. But i got told things i already knew for 75 bucks a visit and talked to a nice lady 3 times b4 sent to procedure medical eval. Just to have me and my story and my traumas be judged like I'm the problem. Never went back.
every person must watch videos on family and parenting sothat their behavior is good .such lessons should b taught in schools because not all r good and responsible parents
Is this concept only applicable to children and parents or is it also applicable toward close friends and or other family relationships like sisters? Thanks.
Thankfully I have learned to have a healthy balance with my kids (teen and young adult) but I don't know how to do it with my elderly mom and sister. Dad left when I was little, I was baby, mom looked to me to be the emotional satisfier and my sister took on role of provider/fixer. I'm 50 sister, is 55 mom is 77. I want to break out of this but how do I do it without them feeling betrayed and abandoned and acting out with hostility and punishment and me feeling hard cold and guilty????
My youth psychologist compared breaking out from difficult family dysfunction as something as painful as death. She prepped me. If PREFERENCE MAKES ME A RACIST,then I must be ONE.? I prefer to STICK TO MY BR / Anglophone / American values for safety n security reasons. I am wanted dead, where I am right now. I fear persecution . No more, no less! Do you know pain by your own experience ? Not read from the pages of A Book.
If the problems have been tackled with , at least once,like I have done the problem no longer exists . Mum has been down under for the past 7 years , by now. I go no contact with my f.As much as possible. No good digging deep to open sores. I got drawn in narc abuse by my ex relationship . I got illegally coercively sterilised against my consent. My ex is a Brit , living in my country. In Scandinavia . He should leave.
This literally has destroyed my relationship with the mother of birth and my partner. I've been blessed by life I found that special person that is capable of unconditionally love and appreciation for others. We have been together going on 5 years longest type of relationship I've had a lot healthier than ever had before. I wish I should have just ran away from the "family " so funny that the blood and water is only thing they've been able to weaponize 🤣
Hi Brent-I'm glad our content is helpful for you! If you are looking for any additional resources (therapists trained in enmeshment, webinars, workshops), please check out our website: overcomingenmeshment.com
So I believe in some cases, enmeshment on the part of family of Origin is Not so much that they (the family) don't want to detach , or give room for their adult child's innate/entitled freedom respectfully, But, in many case they are weary and fearful of the character that they see their adult child wanting to align themselves with! The intimately involved adult child may not be able to see clearly, the negative, potentially harmful character traits that the non- intimately involved family member(s) can see! And quite often , when the mess hits the fan or the inevitable blows up in the adult child's face, it's the family of origin, especially the mother, who is there to help pick up the painful pieces of torture, hurt and abuse! whether( psychological, emotional or even physical), of her adult Child! Example, look at Prince William (prince of Wales) who took almost nine years, to study, learn, feel out and glean from parental advice as well as close trusted friends advice whether Kate Middleton would be the (not perfect person choice), but at least the Right /appropriate choice for his life! Turns out he picked a winner. Then he tried to advise his brother prince Harry to do the same, take time, listen to a trusted family member's advice like himself who dearly love and care for him (especially after the death of their mother Dianna), to study , observe and do thorough Back ground check on Meghan before allowing Only intimate feeling to get in the way of or cloud common since judgement/ discernment etc. But instead Harry interpreted this as too much intrusiveness in his personal relationship, jealousy on the part of his brother prince William and eventually turned his back on his entire family because of this one woman! But unfortunately, the price he's had to pay was: 1: Loss of public purse money since he opted to step away from public work. 2. Loss of his status from the Army as well as his Royal H. R. H. title 3. Lost of membership from various charities including Invictus which he himself founded 4. Most importantly, Lost of trust and respect from his once trusted family members. Every one now guards what they say around him wherever he's in London town. 5.Lost of character and Integrity selling his soul, telling private nasty details of himself for money 🤑, while simultaneously lambasting and popping Down his origin family's reputation. And ofcourse his partner puppet master Meghan Markle has a nasty manipulative influence in this whole tragedy! I believe, it's only a matter of time before he Soon come to knot and will desperately need his family again!
The holy torah and holy commandments teach us the truth! GOD knows what us best for each of us! As we grow and family grows ! Boundaries and loyalty to family and friends! The truth is given to us from God! As God tells us he is the one and only true God! We should all trust in God! The first and most important relationship a person should have ? " the relationship with God!" Read Jeremiah 1:5... from birth to death , God knows us! So worship and praise God and see how love and loyalty truly is from God! ( God called the holy prophet Abraham friend, no greater friend then God himself!) Read about the life of the holy prophet Abraham! Also read about the life of holy king David! A man who lived after the same heart as God! So how God promised king David and covenant! And God will fulfill that prophecy! The jewish Messiah will be from the holy bloodline of king David and he will rule forever! ... learn the truth through worship and praise! Research and study!
Psychology & Self-Improvement courses like these should be a mandatory part of classes taught in high school / secondary level education. If we want to raise skillful adults, we should also educate them to become both financially and emotionally wise.
Dunno if anyone gives a shit but if you are bored like me atm then you can watch all of the latest series on Instaflixxer. Been binge watching with my gf for the last months =)
@Isaac Christian definitely, I've been using InstaFlixxer for months myself :)
Well that would mean the school systems as a whole would need to change. You can't have aware individuals AND ignorant authority together.
Well, technically this is the job of the parents and family, not the government. That said, the government - via schooling- is much more interested in producing workers to fuel the economy than it is in producing mentally and emotionally healthy humans. In fact, I daresay it even has a vested interest in preventing people from being healthy...
I agree one hundred 💯!!!
Physically leaving your family of origin does not change being enmeshed with them. Enmeshment is emotional and if you avoid those emotions they will come back in other ways (depression, acting in , acting out, rage, self-sabotaging behavior) you have to heal emotionally to undo the negative effects of enmeshment. Healing is acknowledging and repairing the inner child.
This is true. I’ve experienced this recently and observed my husband go through the death of his dad, experiencing trauma. It triggered him back strongly to the enmeshment and family of origin. In the process our daughters were abducted and kidnapped by him and his mother and hidden from me, their mother. This is a horrible pathogen.
@@RestorationRanchHealing I'm so sorry to hear that. I hope the girls were returned safely. And everyone involved gets the help and attention they deserve. This is why self awareness is so important. When we meet people we have no idea the iceberg that floats just beneath the surface of who they are.
I was so happy to hear you say around the 6 minute mark that it is not my responsibility to sacrifice my life for my parent. It has gotten so bad that my father actually ruined my engagement and guilt tripped me into staying at home. I am 31 now and single and nowhere I want to be in my life because of it. I finally had it last night and called him out on it and actually used the word "creepy" and "burden" to make him understand my point of view. It is not my fault my mother wasn't a good wife and I'm tired of having to help him pick up the pieces just for him to turn around and keep sabotaging me. I'm starting to think he doesn't want better for himself and misery likes company so he doesn't want me to move forward.
This is me - only it's both my parents doing this!
Sadly most of these parents project onto the child that the other parent ( mom or sad) is or was not a good parent. This is how they secure the emotional enmeshment. Please don’t take the word of someone trying to destroy the relationship with your mom. This is a horrible pathogen in dysfunctional family system. I’m so sorry your experiencing this. I know a family where the male treats his mother like his wife and his oldest daughter like his girlfriend. He projects to everyone his now ex-wife is abusive and neglectful even though that isn’t true. This destroys family’s and children.
@@RestorationRanchHealing Thank you for the information unfortunately in my situation my mother is actually a narcissist and very abusive. I have voiced all concerns to my father and he promised to try to do better. I watch carefully so that I'm not controlled anymore and I make sure to call him out if he trys. I think the best thing to do is learn to put our foot down. You do have a point though I'm sure that happens a lot. I have told him that he and her are equally at fault in the equation of bad parenting and I hope to not have children to break the cycle once and for all💕
@@tiffanyguzman4405 I’m so sorry that you are experiencing that. Thankfully you are aware and it sounds like you can still show you love both parents while distancing yourself from their behaviors. This is no easy pathogen for anyone. Thank you for sharing your story- I wish the best for you and your family. And sharing our stories also hopefully will help others.
It is absolutely not any child's responsibility to give up their life for their parent. Quite the opposite, actually. The spiritual role of the parent is to GIVE LIFE to their child, not suck life from their child to meet their emotional needs, voids, and insecurities. Evolution loves forward to the next generation. A child's responsibility is to love and sacrifice for his/her own children, not to turn back around and serve the needs of the parents.
Parents choose to have children - their sacrifices are not owed anything other than the same respect we should extend to all human beings. A parent's responsibility is to ensure their child can go out into the wild as their best self and hopefully be a healthy, functioning member of society that contributes in a meaningful way. Part of healthy parental love is learning when to let go when it is in the best interest of the child.
A child becoming autonomous and living their own life means a parent successfully did their job. Healthy parental love is not transactional and it is not conditional. Children should not have to perform a role for that love or return the emotional support.
With my family, it was be enmeshed or begone. So I left.
Finally, I have a name for what I'm dealing with. My sibling relies on me way too much. It's one crisis after another. They gaslight me and try to put the blame on me for their problems. I feel smothered by their constant phone calls needing me for something.
My partner is in denial. He feels guilty whenever we travel somewhere and his parents arent there to experience it, he rushes to make his mom feel better whenver she argues with his dad, he makes sure to smile in pictures with her and have PDA with her (but not me), he would choose or look at clothing and ask if I thought his mom would like it, he handles their finances, appointments, medical needs etc.
if and whenever he has not done this for them I fear he does so just to keep me quiet and happy but he's dying to do so inside.
He has tried but a part of me now feels terrible because for one, I am exhausted of years of getting him to understand that he should not be his mother's main source of happiness or security, her husband should. And second because I feel as if maybe he could find someone who would tolerate this type of relationship between him and his mother/parents.
He doesnt notice but his anxiety is high he is constantly concerned for his family and his health is declining (I fear both physically and mentally, most likely emotionally as well). He may concern himself over us but I feel as if his actions are just actions "doing what is right" versus actually desiring to put us first.
Please head over to our website: overcomingenmeshment.com for more information and resources regarding enmeshment.
I'm on the same, 22 years with a husband enmeshed with his mum and two sisters, he can't see it, it's crushed my spirit.
Someone needs to talk about single mother enmeshment, it can be much worse than anything you are talkingabout here, where the son takes the place of the father that the mother left, from her point of view, although she does not admit it
That's what I'm in right now. My step son and wife are uncomfortably close. He gets no wins at school or anywhere; so she treats him like a golden child. I'll tell her relevant things and she'll ignore ore me, and her son tells her Minecraft stories (at 16 years old), and she hangs on every word. It's wild to watch. I know she loves me but I also see this devastating the boys life in the long term.
This is the most relatable thing I've ever watched. I've had to walk away from my family of origin, it's 32 years of my life, finally I'm free. I'm lucky my husband has stuck by me through this.
I had twelve months of therapy, I love my parents but they're so dysfunctional and toxic to me, they can't see their behavior as a problem. The only way I could become free was to stop contact.
One day I hope to have a relationship with them but until they make changes it's not possible.
I'm free, I'm finding out who I am, it's a long process but I no longer live in severe guilt, they don't understand me but that's OK. This is my life, I'm raising two children, with healthy love and boundaries, breaking the cycle ♥
We all hope to be like you to be able to break free of one's enmeshment to their parent.
In our workshops we talk about the difference between separation ( boundaries), differentiation ( your feelings are not mine), and emancipation ( living my life without guilt and loving my parents on my terms). Good luck!
Raising two little ones here with healthy love and boundaries too! Cycle breakers! Blessings upon first-generation parents and our precious children!
Wow me too. But Mine is recent. Sticking to the boundary. Hope to feel the same as you soon. But also hope my parents change enjoy the beautiful peaceful life I have built
That's just great. Which therapy did you take?
"Obligatory guilt"...speaks volumes. For a long time my husband came second after my family of origin. The guilt and shame projected when I started to set boundaries was breathtaking. It takes courage and commitment to step outside this dynamic and live your own life.
Give manipulators the silent death stare and don't engage them verbally. Their objective is to evoke an emotional response so stay rational. Try to visualize yourself shift shaping into a massive monolith with a confident smirk. They`'ll realize you're onto them and it's game over......confidence is silent and insecurities are loud. You don't owe your family jack shit so jettison your indoctrinated and brainwashed mindset.
Yes... The primary loyalty is the biggest problem for partners!!! It is in the wrong place!
Yes, the misplaced loyalty is very problematic and requires separation, differentiation, and emancipation.
I’m 33 and it’s really interesting to see how many people in the comments section are pretty much the same age as me ...it seems it is a style of parenting very common to the Baby Boomer generation 🤔
I experience an enormous amount of anxiety and guilt over dating and what my mother thinks of romantic partners(as a result I’ve been celibate and single for 5.5 years)
I can see it’s coming from a place of wanting the best for me and trying to protect, but I feel she is excessively critical, wants to know every last detail about them, and assumes responsibility for things that aren’t her business to deal with. (Trying to micromanage our decisions as a couple)
As a result, when I’ve brought partners home in the past, I’ve felt continuously on edge and like I have to play the mediator, and also get the partner to censor themselves, as I feel she’s actively looking to find something to be offended by.
I feel guilt for resenting her because she clearly cares about me a lot, but it does feel stifling at times. I’m an only child and my mother is very caring, but she is addicted to feeling needed.
I recognise the extreme guilt and anxiety I feel about meeting up with someone/dating is disproportionate, and really inappropriate for a 33 year old. I’m a private person and would love to get to know a guy gradually before I’m comfortable introducing him to my family. Yet it’s so hard to have any degree of privacy or secrecy. A sexual relationship with anyone is out of the question since I live at home.
Thank you for posting this video, it is very relatable. I will do what i can on my part to improve and heal the relationship with my mother 💓
Hi Louise! We're glad this video was helpful for you. If you are looking for additional resources on enmeshment including podcasts, videos, and books, please visit our website: overcomingenmeshment.com
@@drkenadams Thank you, Dr Ken ~ appreciate the link to additional resources !
Dr. Ken, many years I've been trying to figure out this anger that I feel toward my mother and a feeling of lack of identity. then just this years after feeling extremely confused and breaking up a 3 years relationship bc my mother interfered a lot and I couldn't feel fully commited to my ex gf, I found your books and could totally identify with this enmeshed scenario that you described. Thank you!
Obligatory guilt. Eye-opening
I only just came across this video and Dr. Adams work. Thank you! I was both parentified and enmeshed in my family after my father died when I was 12 and a year later my mother was diagnosed with cancer. I basically become a surrogate spouse. She survived, but I was left with a lifelong pattern of behaviour - putting her and family first above my own needs. When my youngest brother was in a car crash and left with a brain injury - our family only further fell in on itself. I cannot tell you the long term damage this did to my own emotional, romantic and psychological development. I am now, finally, working it through.
Enmeshment seems to be it's own form of trauma. I can only imagine the inner conflict this causes growing up. I think there are a number of people that have grown up in enmeshed households but never feel that conflict, they seem to be perfectly happy to continue the enmeshment and behave perpetually as a dependent child.
This video would be a lot better without the music.
Living inside any given system without a counterpoint makes you believe everything's right, or maybe not totally fine but "not that bad". Another thing to consider is that grown children don't always play the dependent role. In my culture, enmeshment is very common, but loyalties are set to assure the parents will be under the child's care when they're older (financially, physically and emotionally).
I remember a friend of mine telling me “would you rather be part of a family that loves you unconditionally? or will only love you when it benefits them?” ..and that explained everything I experienced after only living with them for 3 months. I’m really hurt and upset that after all of my life of not being with them and not growing up with my brother that they raised, thinking I was their long lost kid, I was only with them for 3 months and I couldn’t take it anymore
Thank You!! You just popped up on my YT and I'm so glad you did. I've been enmeshed with my mother my whole life(only child/single mom) however, its been recently I had to cut her off completely because of her abuse and my personal survival.
I experience this and yet I never knew this was ever a thing. Thank you so much for explaining this with so much detail
Me too... this video is a gift 😪 I am enmeshed.
I have loved your videos--they are so validating to me as someone who was the partner to one of these men, and a man who was not willing or able to look at it. It was so heartbreaking to leave but he was, and is, essentially married to his mother and there was no room for me, or for him and I, to create anything of our own. I feels like leaving someone in an abusive relationship that he doesn't know he's in. It's a quiet, subtle abuse, disguised as love and disguised as closeness, but there is an unspoken contract that he isn't able to acknowledge is there. It's so sad and heart breaking 💔
I see it in my in law family. The mother treats her son as a husband. Her husbands family tried an intervention with her and the son. It went wrong. My question? Why didn't they confront the husband and made him take his rightful place?. I sense anger in the son. He is 32 never dated yet still living at home.
My ex fiancee's relationship with his mother (God rest her soul) was like this.. It was hard to blame the mom because she suffered from so much emotionally, mentally and physically 😔😔😢😢😢 she was also a very sweet and giving woman, I doubt she knew she was doing harm and it would have crushed her to know that she was...😔😔😭😭😭 So it was very complicated to say the least.. She had aid from the state to take care of her but she still always needed him. She was like that w all her kids but him especially w him being the eldest.
Before I ramble too much lol my piece on ur inlaw situation; personally I feel the intervention... imo.. wasn't exactly the right approach..😳😳 It probably felt very invasive and overwhelming to him, especially if he was put on the spot, which most interventions r..🤷🤷 emeshment can feel very shameful in some ways to the individual because they know the relationship is, in a sense, backwards.. I think it probably would have bn better to have a plan in place where the wife and maybe one other person, (preferably a professional) confront him in a logical and sensitive way.
Last resort; go to plan B and declare an ultimatum. Professional help, no if ands or buts!!! Bn there..😒😒😒
Forgive yo momma.
@@aramisy.cajigas744 forgiveness unfortunately is not a 'flip of the switch' type of deal brah... Its dif for everyone via relationship and situation. Its a process with lots of work involved and not everyone can get there depending....
Thank you because I don’t know what to do. I need help. I’m 27, and I’m drowning
I hope there becomes more awareness about this. Sadly enmeshment lead to a very early untimely death of my spouse with his mother. It needs to be talked about.
I could move to a different country and cut off contact but it will never feel like enough. Real freedom is giving yourself permission to be who you actually are.
Needed to hear this. Thank you Doctor Adams. My mom's a covert narcissist. (99% sure) I've been neurotic sense finding out she's moving into the same town as me. but boundaries and independence start internally I won't forget this.
Thank you so much for this video. I come from a narcissistic family dynamic mixed with a culture that keeps children indebted to parents and other family members. In short, I want to cut them off but the phrase "obligatory guilt" is eating me off. Anything I have done so far is out of obligation which after I perform makes me feel angry because it is not a choice as I am not able to say no to doing it. Likewise, not doing their expected tasks makes me feel by conditioning that I am ungrateful for the sacrifices that they have made as I am not in turn sacrificing myself to make their lives better. I did not ask to be born and I certainly am trying to figure out my life as an adult. I have to take care of my physical, mental, emotional and psychological health first and if that makes me selfish, ungrateful, mean etc, I am okay wearing those labels.
And as an adoptee of a single parent, sometimes it feels like an arranged marriage slightly
If you ever feel like you are being "penciled in" around your partner's family, and especially if they also have a time-consuming career, trust your gut and call it a day. I tried to gain a healthier amount of time together but I was fighting a windmill and ended up just wasting a lot of time. Family came first and always would.
Thank you Sir for enlightening me on this condition that I suffer from. Keeping a pet dog on a leash is bad, keeping it all the time tied to a leash is worse. I am like that dog, who even at 34 years of age am tied continuously to the leash by my bloody parents. (I can't help but abuse them everytime I think about them)
This is the most comprehensive and practical explanation I’ve ever heard.
You did such a great job explaining this in this video. My husband has the same issues within his family, that just isn’t normal. And I am so glad there’s finally a name for it, I had him watch this video and now he gets it
I'm glad this information is helpful! For more information including webinars, workshops, and therapists trained in enmeshment, please visit our website: overcomingenmeshment.com
This is so informative but it could have been better if there's no music cause it's disturbing.
That was me, I went away to be on my own to study my graduate studies the whole time my mother was emotionally abusive towards me the whole time for wanting to study and be away because she was having turmoil with my grandmother she gave me a guilt trip the whole time and was mentally abusive towards me it affected my whole well being and affected everything in my life. I am healing from this whole scenario. Now I know I should have not fell for the guilt trips back them and set boundaries with her.
Dr. Kenneth Adams, I truly in the depth of my heart feel like this knowledge is critical and can be as much as life-saving! As we say knowledge is power and may we extend that to the otherwise powerless! Thank you so much for sharing this information. I grew up in toxic and even fatal extremes of these conditions and always knew there was something wrong. I have two very young children now and will do every un-learning imaginable to give them the absolute safe and loving life they deserve.
Just left my fiancé because his mystery illness (severe anxiety) only seems to resolve when he’s with mommy & sister. He’s on disability from work, & his mom cuts up watermelon chunks into tiny pieces + watches movies with him every night she stays over (he’s 33). I work 40+ hours weekly & unfortunately do not have the time or energy to slice his watermelon chunks & cook every night. But somehow he’s always the victim and I’m the villain, AND GOD FORBID you tell anyone in his family they’re wrong. Oh & no one has asked me how I feel or has spoken about our scheduled wedding 🙃i refused to let him track my location anymore so I guess I don’t really love him. BYE.
Sounds like you dodged a massive bullet there, well done for leaving that hellscape 🤝🏼 I hope life is treating you more kindly now ☺
This is yet again so depressing, I am yet again completely ignored and left out. Another video going under the false assumption that everyone has already been able to at least move away from this toxic enmeshment.
I'm freaking 39, feeling enmeshed, trapped and stuck still living with the main source of my past traumas and still currently ongoing traumas, the toxic person that's supposed to be my "mother".
It's like she's done everything in her power all my life to severely cripple, sabotage and limit my independence from her. I've finally seriously been trying to find actual in person therapy to help me untangle myself from her for months with no luck.
I seriously need to move away from this person for my own wellbeing, I have no major financial experience except for basic things...I really don't know how to go about it, I wish I would be killed in a fatal car crash or something...am I the only one still dealing with a situation like this??
No I'm 23 and I feel this way too. It's so strange how scary and sci-fi it feels when you look back and realize how much your parents have been secretly holding you back from many life experiences. "Oh I can't get time off work to get you to driving lessons" you just don't want me to drive away. "Oh I can't take you to that job interview so far away" you don't want me to work far away, huh? It's...unsettling. And having several mental illnesses and an autoimmune disease, it's hard enough to make it on my own. But being stuck at home is also so damaging. Suicide feels so tempting, I understand you. I hope and pray we will find our own paths in time.
Thanks. This is sensible.
A lot hasn't been for a while. Peace and blessings.
Thank you for this break through, I needed to hear this today. Grateful for this freedom
Hi Stefan,
Glad to be a resource. Enmeshment recovery is complex and intensive! If you are looking for any additional resources, please visit our website: overcomingenmeshment.com
Thank you.. I needed to hear all of this.. for so long I have wondered what was happening to me and why did I feel certain ways about my family. I now can dive deeper into how I can fix this part of my life
Sound production advice: the music that you have at the beginning and end of the video are fine, i.e. to fade out of in the beginning and to fade up to towards the end. However, the ongoing looped music track throughout the bulk of the video is both mentally distracting and unnecessary. It also makes it difficult to hear you speak in certain parts of the video because of competing audio levels. It’s best just to do away with any music soundtrack during your videos, except for the beginning and end sections as an intro and outro audio track.
blarg, parents divorced and both tried to turn me into a surrogate partner, both constantly telling me how lonely they were. If I tried to not be enmeshed I would be neglected physically and emotionally. Now I just run around like a chicken with my head cut off trying to predict needs and please everyone around me...
This is the problem that the child is facing. They can't escape from their parents,..
Enmeshment is a difficult obstacle to face. For more information and resources, please look at my website overcomingenmeshment.com
I relate a ton.
I hope you make more videos
Thank you for this. Although I've had boundaries in place with my dad for years, this year he was diagnosed with terminal cancer and my boundaries have gone out the window. This is having a detrimental effect on my own health and family. He expects so much of me and I'm afraid of the hurt I might cause by telling him "no more". I'm starting therapy next week so hopefully I find some answers.
I hope the best for all involved thats a very tough situation to be in. In my experience Thearpy was amazing but it took a few months before things connected. Hang in there
I really hope things are better now
@@usernane3652 thank you for kindness. My dad is still with us though he's nearing the end and unfortunately he's still being quite toxic. Therapy has helped me feel empowered to put boundaries in place and let go of the guilt. I wish he would get better for his own sake but that's not likely at this stage. For once I am living for myself and taking care of my own needs first which has improved my life exponentially.
My youth psychologist negotiated me to go abroad to live in Britain for 6 months. Things failed to go as planned , n I had to return back home. The receiving/host family didn't meet the expectations that I'd have needed. Money incentive . I was a perfect adult beauty. Now male. My country is not a guardian country. Ppl here break free from family burdens .
Im 33 still trying tp feel ok about going no contact wrestle with myself and can never seem to make a good decision on what to do or where to go. I cant believe this stuff i got a long list of issues to deal with here. 😑
Thank you, Dr. Ken!!
Any plans to publish the audiobook version of your book when he's married to mom?
That is the publishers decision and I am not aware of any current plans.
this explains a lot.
My god... first time I've heard of this.... this is me too a T. This is so helpful, thank you.
Yes I did. My parents have died now
I cant do healthy opposite sex love commitment marriage
This appears to extend to other areas of your life, such as work
I needed to hear this. ❤
Oufff thank you so much for this video!
I needed this.
I'm trapped with no way out.
I am so fearful of sexuality.that I am celibate to avoid being hated by the one I love ad being rejected by him and others in my family
So good, I wish I could have had this video years ago.
beautiful!
Very helpful. Thank you 🙏
I just ended a relationship where my ex whom I believe carries so much guilt about loosing her daughter to death she is smothering her adult son and enabling poor behavior. He broke rules under our roof and got himself evicted from my home. She follwed. I said good bye. I love and miss her but it was not a healthy situation.
Finally some truth!!
I lost count years ago of how many men I nudged to buy AND read Silently Seduced !
Spirituality helped me
Maybe it's the Aries in me that never let me bend completely to them as i got older lol still more work to be done within but I'm clearly more of my own person. They don't like it but its better than it used to be. Granted i don't know alot of society ways cuz they kept me under a rock pretty much. Only child inbetween two infant deaths so that was part of the problem not wanting to let me go i think but at same time still see me as the black sheep and tried to narcissisticly emotionally abuse it out of me so they don't look bad. I haven't made it out the house yet and I have my own daughter now but on the inside ive grown so much and we know it's just a matter of time before I leave. No car and im rebuilding from my past outside experiences outside of home but living conditions are better. You can literally do anything with Spirit or God whichever you prefer. Spirituality works as long as you are willing to face every aspect of yourself good and bad. Self healing is possible. I did try therapy for my parents cuz they agreed to go with me but lied just so id go. But i got told things i already knew for 75 bucks a visit and talked to a nice lady 3 times b4 sent to procedure medical eval. Just to have me and my story and my traumas be judged like I'm the problem. Never went back.
Read Toxic Parents - Susan Forward
Enjoying your video. Do you have any books you recommend on how to end enmeshment as a mother and a daughter and with others?
every person must watch videos on family and parenting sothat their behavior is good .such lessons should b taught in schools because not all r good and responsible parents
Is this concept only applicable to children and parents or is it also applicable toward close friends and or other family relationships like sisters? Thanks.
Thankfully I have learned to have a healthy balance with my kids (teen and young adult) but I don't know how to do it with my elderly mom and sister. Dad left when I was little, I was baby, mom looked to me to be the emotional satisfier and my sister took on role of provider/fixer. I'm 50 sister, is 55 mom is 77. I want to break out of this but how do I do it without them feeling betrayed and abandoned and acting out with hostility and punishment and me feeling hard cold and guilty????
Oof the music
Wow thank you.
Thank you, thank you! I wish I had found this video long ago before i allowed enmeshment to rule my life and end my 38 year marriage.
I was really engaged for the first minute, but unfortunately, the music became overestimulating at that point.
When a partner is said as your more like a married couple to his mother is this sounding like emeshment? Thanks in advance xx
How does this align with the 10 commandments, honor your parents
I would turn down the volume of the music. Almost sounds like a rap song.
How do you know if your were the parent? and if you are How do you apologize to your children so they can heal?
You can't . They won't. Just stop doing it.
yes, that would be me
My youth psychologist compared breaking out from difficult family dysfunction as something as painful as death. She prepped me. If PREFERENCE MAKES ME A RACIST,then I must be ONE.? I prefer to STICK TO MY BR / Anglophone / American values for safety n security reasons. I am wanted dead, where I am right now. I fear persecution . No more, no less! Do you know pain by your own experience ? Not read from the pages of A Book.
This happens in matriarchal families. Forgive yo momma.
Biblical
If the problems have been tackled with , at least once,like I have done the problem no longer exists . Mum has been down under for the past 7 years , by now. I go no contact with my f.As much as possible. No good digging deep to open sores. I got drawn in narc abuse by my ex relationship . I got illegally coercively sterilised against my consent. My ex is a Brit , living in my country. In Scandinavia . He should leave.
Joey?!!!!!!!
This literally has destroyed my relationship with the mother of birth and my partner. I've been blessed by life I found that special person that is capable of unconditionally love and appreciation for others. We have been together going on 5 years longest type of relationship I've had a lot healthier than ever had before. I wish I should have just ran away from the "family " so funny that the blood and water is only thing they've been able to weaponize 🤣
Hi Brent-I'm glad our content is helpful for you! If you are looking for any additional resources (therapists trained in enmeshment, webinars, workshops), please check out our website: overcomingenmeshment.com
Take the music off
I didn’t even notice till I saw ur comment 😭 now it’s all I hear
So I believe in some cases, enmeshment on the part of family of Origin is Not so much that they (the family) don't want to detach , or give room for their adult child's innate/entitled freedom respectfully, But, in many case they are weary and fearful of the character that they see their adult child wanting to align themselves with! The intimately involved adult child may not be able to see clearly, the negative, potentially harmful character traits that the non- intimately involved family member(s) can see! And quite often , when the mess hits the fan or the inevitable blows up in the adult child's face, it's the family of origin, especially the mother, who is there to help pick up the painful pieces of torture, hurt and abuse! whether( psychological, emotional or even physical), of her adult Child!
Example, look at Prince William (prince of Wales) who took almost nine years, to study, learn, feel out and glean from parental advice as well as close trusted friends advice whether Kate Middleton would be the (not perfect person choice), but at least the Right /appropriate choice for his life! Turns out he picked a winner.
Then he tried to advise his brother prince Harry to do the same, take time, listen to a trusted family member's advice like himself who dearly love and care for him (especially after the death of their mother Dianna), to study , observe and do thorough Back ground check on Meghan before allowing Only intimate feeling to get in the way of or cloud common since judgement/ discernment etc.
But instead Harry interpreted this as too much intrusiveness in his personal relationship, jealousy on the part of his brother prince William and eventually turned his back on his entire family because of this one woman!
But unfortunately, the price he's had to pay was:
1: Loss of public purse money since he opted to step away from public work.
2. Loss of his status from the Army as well as his Royal H. R. H. title
3. Lost of membership from various charities including Invictus which he himself founded
4. Most importantly, Lost of trust and respect from his once trusted family members. Every one now guards what they say around him wherever he's in London town.
5.Lost of character and Integrity selling his soul, telling private nasty details of himself for money 🤑, while simultaneously lambasting and popping Down his origin family's reputation. And ofcourse his partner puppet master Meghan Markle has a nasty manipulative influence in this whole tragedy!
I believe, it's only a matter of time before he Soon come to knot and will desperately need his family again!
Sorry but the background misic is so annoying & actually distracts from the important message & points in this video.
Hell no im not but go talk to my ex husband and his wife mommy
The holy torah and holy commandments teach us the truth! GOD knows what us best for each of us! As we grow and family grows ! Boundaries and loyalty to family and friends! The truth is given to us from God! As God tells us he is the one and only true God! We should all trust in God! The first and most important relationship a person should have ? " the relationship with God!" Read Jeremiah 1:5... from birth to death , God knows us! So worship and praise God and see how love and loyalty truly is from God! ( God called the holy prophet Abraham friend, no greater friend then God himself!) Read about the life of the holy prophet Abraham! Also read about the life of holy king David! A man who lived after the same heart as God! So how God promised king David and covenant! And God will fulfill that prophecy! The jewish Messiah will be from the holy bloodline of king David and he will rule forever! ... learn the truth through worship and praise! Research and study!