Thank you for this kind and positive depiction of fours! Reading Enneagram books, I sometimes get the impression that the authors don't much like us fours.
Important to add this is a description of a healthy 4. An unhealthy 4 tries to be inauthentic and people please because they fear being rejected for who they are. Authenticity is not something anyone is born into. It’s a journey. Otherwise why would we need to introspect or explore if we already know who we are? We can’t express authenticity without exploration. Which means trial and error. Speaking from experience
Do you guys think these are a 4w5 thing: 1.Too much guilt for talking about or sharing my feelings or thought. 2. I feel like an impostor or an intruder when i am with my friends. 3.When i am in social events i feel that i am being judged,for being there,by other attendants of the events.
I love your admiration for 4s even though you aren’t one! (Most of the 4s content out there is created by other 4s, and errs on the side of being self-deprecating, and as a result can be discouraging.) I love your outside perspective. Your appreciation is so genuine, and it’s made me appreciate my own type, just seeing it though your eyes. This was so insightful and SO relatable. Thank you for your work!
Yep, I’m a 4. All of these make sense for me. I almost laughed when you mentioned having to feel inspired to do certain things, because that is so true for me. If I had a quarter for every time I put off a mundane task because I didn’t feel “inspired” to do it, I’d be rich 😂
I had so much fun in school trying to turn every assignment into something I was actually interested in doing. Loved the papers I wrote - and yes waited for inspiration before getting started on them. Culminated in my getting an Individualized Masters of Arts (so made for a 4) in the topic I care about. Thesis was 200 pages and it felt pretty effortless to do because it was so inspired/inspiring and individualized. I keep trying to tell my children they can work this way and enjoy their assignments more - meh - is the response. They mostly want to get their work done and please their teacher 🤯 cannot imagine why that would be at all attractive.
ohh how I feel this vid in my bones! Literally every sign here is spot.on. There's some lyrics from a Michelle Branch song that I feel became my anthem ever since I heard them on the radio: "I'm riding the hiding, digging the lows, 'cuz at least I feel alive." still love them. When I first discovered Enneagram tests, then being type 4, it all eventually lead to an autism diagnosis lol. *And noo, I am not saying or suggesting this is every type 4, because even so I believe we're all wonderfully different. This has solely been my experience.* It was just so validating to finally understand why I'm..,me. I've yet to ever meet another Type 4, unfortunately. Outside forces and circumstances have already made things lonely, so the hard relatable truth of always wondering if I'll meet someone who understands hurts and is frustrating, tbh ._.
11: - With everything in your life - You either love or hate it! Because we have those strong feelings😅 I often catch myself switch between feelings of hatred and love, but i’m also a sx subtype - It’s hard but I’m trying to be more gentle and patient with people in my life❤️
As a type 4w5, I don’t feel or think I’m a black or white type or a hate it or love it type. So I’m not an either or type but a both and type. I think if you are truly a healthy type 4 you can set with the paradox and be okay with it, but I’m an older wiser type 4 in the last quarter of my life.
I do love showing off my unique style and hearing people complimenting it. It sounds shallow. Growing up poor, I didn't have the funds to look decent and dress up how I wanted to (restricted religion dressing rules), and I was bullied for wearing hand me downs that didn't fit.
I sometimes get memories about the past, but it is like I recoil from it. I have always been different from everyone else but I also want to belong while being myself. I do love deep long conversations for sure. I do want to feel feelings but I feel uncomfortable with my anger. I can express myself through my clothing if I so desire. I also dislike fake, superficial people but I realize sometimes you have to kind of put of a happy face. I like impressing people with my art. People do open up to me sometimes. Yes I used to romanticize in high school, but not so much anymore. I do need to feel inspired that is true.
This just confirmed that I am a 4... but I do struggle with the loneliness that can occur. The cost, if you will, of being an "individualist" is that it is hard to feel part of a community, and it's even MORE challenging finding people or community in which I can feel a part of in some way... But, thank you for this!
This is where I have to drop the all-mighty and powerful 5 and just be honest: Having a predominant 4 wing so gets me in trouble. Often. It is the core of my INFJ fuel as well (or the S in my CS profile on DiSC). The problem is that it feeds into my 5's Avarice of knowledge. Psychology and seeing how people function is the ultimate knowledge and it is my "precious," especially when I started getting real with myself and started working on my own personal traumas. The 4 is certainly me as the black metal kid in high school who knew everyone on campus and fluttered around like a demonic butterfly, but also kept people away from me as much as I could because of my own pain. Still, it is good to be the one who can sit in all of that emotional baggage and get the awkward stares and comments on how painful it must be. We are emotional creatures who feel first and think afterward, there is no change in that. It is a power to be able to notice it and accept the feeling without having to rationalize the feeling with all the cold and calculating thoughts. One day I'll--- _(microphone screeeches, a struggle can be heard followed by someone crying out in shock)_ No, no! Bad Wing 4. Bad! No one told you that you could tell anyone about the emotions and passions we must bury deep inside. _(smacking wing 4 with a rolled up newspaper)_ You go back to your hole and think about what you've done to embarrass me... Embarrass us. _(a deep, defeated sigh)_ Man. I just cleaned up all these emotions out of this rational facility just a few days ago. Fine, I'll go get a mop and the fragrence spray.
Hi Matthew! As always I look forward to your comments! Thanks for sharing something so deep and personal. And making me laugh! You truly are a gifted writer. I appreciate you!
I love talkin about the weather.. on other planets 😄 Say, did you hear about the swarm of fire tornadoes that hit albex fives northern city last night?
I’ve read 2 comments about a 4 guy asking a girl out but the only 4 guy I personally know wants to be asked out by girls ,he tells girls his problems as if he’s just another girl but still crushes on girls like any other guy ,I can’t tell which is more common?
Great video! As a 4w5 I appreciate the positivity of 4s. I don’t think I could’ve been born to worse parents…they were good people but totally closed off. I’m beginning to think I’ll always be alive which sucks but I’ll be okay.
My daughter is a 4, one thing always confuses me though. She definitely wants to be unique but she wants the approval of others too. Is there a subtype or something that would explain this?
@@enneagramandcoaching Thanks for your reply! I relate to the part where type 4 seeks to find themselves, express themselves and pursue an authentic self image, aswell as their fixation on melancholy. I also constantly compare myself to others, though the envy doesn't seem to be too apparent. I was thinking that my upringing played a role in why I didn't express envy. However, I also relate to the type 6's skepticism, doubt and need for reassurance. I also internalize my fears and am very cautious, I mostly relate to the anxiety and fear of the 6. (Also the need to make alliances with people and "fit in") I'm pretty confused about how I relate to the integration-disintegration points of both but have done research and can notice these qualities in others 😅
Can you make a detailed video about the differences of 5 and 9? It's easy to differentiate these two when you met both in real life but it's very hard to decide which one is your own type.
I'm baffled to find my type, perhaps due to my lack of self insights....I focused on core desires thus fears. I related to a 8w7 but on occasions see myself as 1w9, how could I make an determination between the two? latest test I've gotten 5w6, I researched which enneagrams disentegrate towards 5w6 then 8w9 came along however I dont see myself as of it at all, i could guarantee I fell into the head triad and are any gut triads capable of heading towards it with ovethtinking, anxiety?
Thank you for this kind and positive depiction of fours! Reading Enneagram books, I sometimes get the impression that the authors don't much like us fours.
Thank you. 8-5 jobs have always made me feel trapped and prone to resisting authority. Well, I hate being told what to do by anyone lol
Important to add this is a description of a healthy 4. An unhealthy 4 tries to be inauthentic and people please because they fear being rejected for who they are. Authenticity is not something anyone is born into. It’s a journey. Otherwise why would we need to introspect or explore if we already know who we are? We can’t express authenticity without exploration. Which means trial and error. Speaking from experience
Do you guys think these are a 4w5 thing:
1.Too much guilt for talking about or sharing my feelings or thought.
2. I feel like an impostor or an intruder when i am with my friends.
3.When i am in social events i feel that i am being judged,for being there,by other attendants of the events.
I love your admiration for 4s even though you aren’t one! (Most of the 4s content out there is created by other 4s, and errs on the side of being self-deprecating, and as a result can be discouraging.) I love your outside perspective. Your appreciation is so genuine, and it’s made me appreciate my own type, just seeing it though your eyes. This was so insightful and SO relatable. Thank you for your work!
Thank you for sharing this with me. I absolutely love that you can appreciate your own type now ❤️❤️❤️ the best compliment. Thank you!
I love that about Hillary too, because I am a 4 who admires 9’s.
Yep, I’m a 4. All of these make sense for me. I almost laughed when you mentioned having to feel inspired to do certain things, because that is so true for me. If I had a quarter for every time I put off a mundane task because I didn’t feel “inspired” to do it, I’d be rich 😂
🤣🤣🤣 that’s awesome!
I had so much fun in school trying to turn every assignment into something I was actually interested in doing. Loved the papers I wrote - and yes waited for inspiration before getting started on them. Culminated in my getting an Individualized Masters of Arts (so made for a 4) in the topic I care about. Thesis was 200 pages and it felt pretty effortless to do because it was so inspired/inspiring and individualized. I keep trying to tell my children they can work this way and enjoy their assignments more - meh - is the response. They mostly want to get their work done and please their teacher 🤯 cannot imagine why that would be at all attractive.
Are you 4w3 or 4w5?
This is so insanely accurate that I am legitimately in shock…
#Subscribed
You are now my enneagram Bible.
❤️❤️❤️
Reinforcing all the reasons I resonate with being a 4w5 🙃
Love it!
I love the darker background in this video. Fits four well and I really like it.
Haha! Thanks!
Oh my gosh, that last fact about needing to be inspired! So true for me. It makes doing laundry and so many other things really hard 😅😂
Hey the last point is very accurate 🙂 and I'm an intp 4w5.... previously mistyped as a 5w4
ohh how I feel this vid in my bones! Literally every sign here is spot.on. There's some lyrics from a Michelle Branch song that I feel became my anthem ever since I heard them on the radio: "I'm riding the hiding, digging the lows, 'cuz at least I feel alive." still love them. When I first discovered Enneagram tests, then being type 4, it all eventually lead to an autism diagnosis lol.
*And noo, I am not saying or suggesting this is every type 4, because even so I believe we're all wonderfully different. This has solely been my experience.*
It was just so validating to finally understand why I'm..,me. I've yet to ever meet another Type 4, unfortunately. Outside forces and circumstances have already made things lonely, so the hard relatable truth of always wondering if I'll meet someone who understands hurts and is frustrating, tbh ._.
Thanks for sharing! Type fours are truly amazing human beings :)
11: - With everything in your life - You either love or hate it! Because we have those strong feelings😅 I often catch myself switch between feelings of hatred and love, but i’m also a sx subtype - It’s hard but I’m trying to be more gentle and patient with people in my life❤️
This is great. Thanks for sharing. We now have a #11! ❤️
As a type 4w5, I don’t feel or think I’m a black or white
type or a hate it or love it type.
So I’m not an either or type but a both and type.
I think if you are truly a healthy type 4 you can set with the paradox and be okay with it, but I’m an older wiser type 4 in the last quarter of my life.
I thought I was a 7 but I am now very sure I am a 4. This was an amazing video thank you!
Yay! You’re welcome!❤️
Me too. Tests kept saying I was a 7 but it didn’t feel right. I’m definitely a four.
Do you know your subtype? If you tested as a 7, I bet you’re a self preservation 4. Just being nosy because I’m an SP myself 🙂
@@amelian9677i think I might be a self-preservation 4 tbh. I also test as a 7.😊
Your voice is so calming, you're like my purring cat. I relax so much. 9s are so cute
Haha! Love this!
I do love showing off my unique style and hearing people complimenting it. It sounds shallow. Growing up poor, I didn't have the funds to look decent and dress up how I wanted to (restricted religion dressing rules), and I was bullied for wearing hand me downs that didn't fit.
Awww I’m sorry you went through this. Just keep being YOU! Love that you love showing off your unique style! ❤️❤️❤️
@@enneagramandcoaching ♡♡♡ Thank you 😊
I'm a four
i think about the past all the time. sometimes i romanticize, sometimes i hate the past.
After two years of confusion about my type now I can say I'm 100% type 4 thanks to you😍😍
That's great! Love this! ❤️
Just curious what type did you think you were?
1) yes
2) yes
3) yes
4) yes
5) yes
6) YES!!!
7) YES!!!
8) yes
9) YES!!!
10) YES!!!!
4W5
❤❤❤
This sounds similar to an empath. I find this interesting. I need to find out more about this topic, as I am an empath.
This is great information. Thank you for sharing!
You are so welcome!
I'm definitely an INFJ 4w3 with an INTP 4 crush 😂. 3:25 That’s so true tbh, lol.
I sometimes get memories about the past, but it is like I recoil from it. I have always been different from everyone else but I also want to belong while being myself. I do love deep long conversations for sure. I do want to feel feelings but I feel uncomfortable with my anger. I can express myself through my clothing if I so desire. I also dislike fake, superficial people but I realize sometimes you have to kind of put of a happy face. I like impressing people with my art. People do open up to me sometimes. Yes I used to romanticize in high school, but not so much anymore. I do need to feel inspired that is true.
Wow! That was a great video! 💙
Thanks!!! 💕💕💕
This just confirmed that I am a 4... but I do struggle with the loneliness that can occur. The cost, if you will, of being an "individualist" is that it is hard to feel part of a community, and it's even MORE challenging finding people or community in which I can feel a part of in some way...
But, thank you for this!
I need to feel inspired right now.. that's why I'm on youtube...
This is where I have to drop the all-mighty and powerful 5 and just be honest: Having a predominant 4 wing so gets me in trouble. Often.
It is the core of my INFJ fuel as well (or the S in my CS profile on DiSC). The problem is that it feeds into my 5's Avarice of knowledge. Psychology and seeing how people function is the ultimate knowledge and it is my "precious," especially when I started getting real with myself and started working on my own personal traumas. The 4 is certainly me as the black metal kid in high school who knew everyone on campus and fluttered around like a demonic butterfly, but also kept people away from me as much as I could because of my own pain.
Still, it is good to be the one who can sit in all of that emotional baggage and get the awkward stares and comments on how painful it must be. We are emotional creatures who feel first and think afterward, there is no change in that. It is a power to be able to notice it and accept the feeling without having to rationalize the feeling with all the cold and calculating thoughts.
One day I'll---
_(microphone screeeches, a struggle can be heard followed by someone crying out in shock)_
No, no! Bad Wing 4. Bad! No one told you that you could tell anyone about the emotions and passions we must bury deep inside.
_(smacking wing 4 with a rolled up newspaper)_
You go back to your hole and think about what you've done to embarrass me... Embarrass us.
_(a deep, defeated sigh)_
Man. I just cleaned up all these emotions out of this rational facility just a few days ago. Fine, I'll go get a mop and the fragrence spray.
Hi Matthew! As always I look forward to your comments! Thanks for sharing something so deep and personal. And making me laugh! You truly are a gifted writer. I appreciate you!
This was a joy to read.
I love talkin about the weather.. on other planets 😄
Say, did you hear about the swarm of fire tornadoes that hit albex fives northern city last night?
Yaaayy new video 😍😍
❤️❤️
I’ve read 2 comments about a 4 guy asking a girl out but the only 4 guy I personally know wants to be asked out by girls ,he tells girls his problems as if he’s just another girl but still crushes on girls like any other guy ,I can’t tell which is more common?
So helpful. This is totally me!
BTW Hillary, you look really pretty in this vid.
Awww 🥰 thank you!
Thank you ❤
Great video! As a 4w5 I appreciate the positivity of 4s. I don’t think I could’ve been born to worse parents…they were good people but totally closed off. I’m beginning to think I’ll always be alive which sucks but I’ll be okay.
Good video, thanks
‘Fake fitting in’ - YUP!!!
yessss
Im an Enneagram tritype 594. 5w4 INTP. This, is true, very true.
I think I’m a four but I do care about impressing people.. I care what people think about me
Needs to be inspired!
❤️
I think she is mixing some of these with six. 4 and 6 can sometimes be mistaken for each other.
Fours and sixes do have behaviors in common. You’ll have to let me know what you think of the Type 6 video when It comes out 😃
I don’t think anyone would confuse a 4 for a 6.
This is mine 4w5. Now let’s go through all the other ones.
My daughter is a 4, one thing always confuses me though. She definitely wants to be unique but she wants the approval of others too. Is there a subtype or something that would explain this?
just pray for your daughter and constantly affirm her that she’s good enough and great the way they are
She is a 4w3
She probably is a Social 4.
I'm still stuck between type 6 and type 4 😓
What do you relate with-with each of those types?
@@enneagramandcoaching Thanks for your reply!
I relate to the part where type 4 seeks to find themselves, express themselves and pursue an authentic self image, aswell as their fixation on melancholy. I also constantly compare myself to others, though the envy doesn't seem to be too apparent. I was thinking that my upringing played a role in why I didn't express envy.
However, I also relate to the type 6's skepticism, doubt and need for reassurance. I also internalize my fears and am very cautious, I mostly relate to the anxiety and fear of the 6. (Also the need to make alliances with people and "fit in")
I'm pretty confused about how I relate to the integration-disintegration points of both but have done research and can notice these qualities in others 😅
Awesome 😊
Can you make a detailed video about the differences of 5 and 9? It's easy to differentiate these two when you met both in real life but it's very hard to decide which one is your own type.
This is about me too 😭 so who am I? 4 and 7 are fully about me
It’s almost like you’ve met me
I'm baffled to find my type, perhaps due to my lack of self insights....I focused on core desires thus fears. I related to a 8w7 but on occasions see myself as 1w9, how could I make an determination between the two? latest test I've gotten 5w6, I researched which enneagrams disentegrate towards 5w6 then 8w9 came along however I dont see myself as of it at all, i could guarantee I fell into the head triad and are any gut triads capable of heading towards it with ovethtinking, anxiety?
So cool! Hugs, Hillary! 🤗❤️
❤️❤️❤️
described me in 7 minutes lol
I’ve taken a couple tests and got a 4 as a result. Any advice? Haha
Dear 4s: I love you all ❤️ - 9w1 🤗
Lol I'm definitely a 4
Man I never enjoyed an enneagram video like this the way you talk makes me really comfortable I could watch it all day in repeat😔💟🤍
Awwww love this!! ❤️❤️❤️
I'm a four