Narcissistic Family: Should You Go NO-CONTACT With Them?
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- Опубліковано 25 лип 2024
- Deciding to go no or low contact with dysfunctional family members can be a difficult decision. Use these 9 questions to gain better clarity and guidance in this Process
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➡️ Video Timestamps:
0:00 intro
0:16 Question 1
3:30 Question 2
4:41 Question 3
5:11 Question 4
6:14 Question 5
8:19 Question 6
12:32 Question 7
14:01 Question 8
14:43 Question 9
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List of recommended books to read: www.jerrywiserelationshipsyst...
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The Right Way To Go No Contact- • Narcissistic Family No...
Breaking Free From Narcissistic Parents & Family- • Breaking Free from Nar...
Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACOA)- • Healing for Adult Chil...
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Jerry Wise, MA, MS, CLC as of this date has over 300+ videos on You Tube. He has 45 years of experience helping people become more self-differentiated, unstuck, and overcome the effects of their family of origin imprinting and emotional functioning. He uses a Bowen Family Systems approach to help coach those who are in recovery, healing from Codependency and other dysfunctional family-of-origin issues.
DISCLAIMER: This video is not intended to substitute for professional counseling help. Be sure to consult a professional in helping you with these integrate and utilize these concepts.
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Please I need to sign up
My counselor said to me: "If you continue to keep your mother around you are teaching your children that putdowns and mistreatment is ok" Haven't talked to my mother ever since. It finally clicked.
After my mother told me last night in front of my daughter I was heartless, selfish, not human and an embarrassment while screaming at me in front of my daughter this rings very true for me.
I pray that things are better for you all now in Jesus' name. AMEN.
It sounds like you found a knowledgeable and honest counselor, that's wonderful🙂👍.I hope you've been enjoying no-contact.
Omg..the very same thing but this time my dad and my brother and sister...my daughter looked like she had dealt with trauma all her life by the time they had finished with me @@carly582
Your point about not being able to be healthy and work on yourself while involved with a toxic family is right on the dot. Unless the contact is extremely superficial and minimal, you just can't grow and be involved with abusive, crazy people. They require WAY too much emotional caretaking.
Words Words words: You are so right. I would be totally exhausted if I just spoke on the phone with any of my siblings! Mostly just listening to them. Never a two way conversation and only about their problems never a solution. Ugh!
If you have to "prepare" yourself and stay guarded when you go to see your family, you most likely are a scapegoat. If you feel at peace and feel you broke the cycles of abuse with your own family and you created a home life for you and your family that is peaceful and is just a cradle of love, if your family devalues your accomplishment and makes you feel small, you need to let them go. You can't fix them, you can't change them and more than likely they actually might hate you. When you have your face in your hands and are full of guilt for your good life, you need to realize you have a unhealthy relationship with yourself and the fantasy of a breakthrough with your family is making you emotionally unavailable for people that actually love you. Walk away now and be confident that you are a good person because you really do wish them the best but understand you can never be the conduit for them to heal without destroying everything you built.
Wow. Just what I needed to read here. I have been in and out seeing my toxic mother for long time. She doesn't get better. I'm 48 and had enough now. Was never good enough. She used triangulation on me and my sister who is also toxic
As is my brother and dad, who passed away. They all live in my mother's farm.
@@franceshaggitt3104
Same here, I always tried to put out the fires but there are too many new ones constantly starting to make a dent. My new attitude is "not my problem". Changed my phone number, delete social media and apologize to my family for standing by while they disrespect them. So much happier now. Really don't even think about them anymore. Hard at first but worth it.
I wish I had gone no contact 30 years ago. I believe it would have saved me years of damage done to my self worth and life outcome. Oh well, at least I can begin to live now
I'm right there with you. Wasted a lot of my life
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@@jerrywise Thank you!
My narc parents lashed out at me and then proceeded to give me the silent treatment for about 8 months. When they got over their tantrums, I decided to keep it going. It's been about 5.5 years now and I would never want to go back. I have achieved significant healing, growth and maturity by going no contact.
I personally need to be low / no contact while I figure out how to become more self-differentiated along my healing path. This is taking more time than I had hoped for but I’m willing to give myself all the time I need. I would like to someday be reconnected with my family but I’m not yet confident in my abilities to stay de-enmeshed. Thank you as always, Jerry.
I totally agree - right now I have to figure out my end of the equation and not be confused by the other end. In time I might be able to change the amount of contact when I am better able to hold my own space.
Im in the same boat. Much respect and best wishes to you🙏🏼
Same here. It feels peaceful although so hard at the same time to admit that I can’t heal while in relationship with my “family”.
After my narcissist husband of 24 years passed away and not long after my narcissist sister passed away it was easy to go no contact with the remaining siblings in my family. They have always been users and after being around them when my sister passed away I knew that I had to get as far away from them as I could. They don't know where I am and they never will.
Amen
I was in denial and I think dissociated for the last 2 years until CPTSD diagnosed and I slowly started to see how my husband and his family are narcissistic and I was ostracized by my MIL. My husband became different, more narcissistic. It’s contagious. Hard to forgive
I am in this awful situation. Your video covered everything I'm going through. I'm shaking with the mental anguish of it all. Your videos are a guiding light in the darkness.
It’s mental torture 😢
Thank you so much, this was so helpful! Cried throughout the video, my both parents are highly abusive and I have decided to go minimal contact while my dear schizophrenic brother has nowhere to go and is stuck with them and constant retraumatisation. It is heart wrenching and can only be understood by experienced professionals and people who went through these situations themselves. This kind of support is so important because cultural and societal pressure is enormous, and so is the pain. I send my support to all the fellow survivors. Please pray for my brother.
Sorry about your brother, I can relate…
I hope he can educate & free himself. 🎄
Praying for your brother ♥️
Yes, I will pray for your brother. This must be very hard to watch. I will pray for you also. BE well.
Found that out the hard way myself, but I would add that if people believe the Narc then they really didn't know me to begin with. Their opinion of me shouldn't matter, but to be honest, it did for a while.
I'm starting to see that I have to go no contact with everyone who talks to the Narc. I have been given a new chapter in my book of life, and I get to write who and what gets to be put in it. This took me a couple of decades to realize it, but it's never too late to do what is right for you.
Returning to this a while later-if you're still interested in navigating no-contact with toxic family, I'm now offering a workshop on this crucial topic. For more details, feel free to inquire here.
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💕💕💕🙏🙏🙏
In my case is the only option ... My both parents gangs up on me and using me as a punching bag for their anger and at some point in my childhood they even hurt me.
when your parents are elderly and you go no contact, family and friends will never understand, they expect YOU to take care of them no matter what. Most people don't even understand what a narcist parent is, even if you tell them about various things that happened, they will not believe you, and their opinion will always be- oh such and such is a good person/ mother/ But how do they know? They have just dismissed what you tried to tell them. Often people will say but they are you mother etc. The mother will always be the good one, and you the child the bad one.
No, no no..when you gotta go..you know it.
😉Well when you gotta go,you gotta go & I'm not talking about the 🚽🤗.And yes you're right, oftentimes we ALREADY know it & just need a bit of validation for the feelings that we ALREADY have😊.
I humbly recommend no contact if you have tried over and over. Your well being and personal walk is more important than spending all of your energy on one person. Narcissists can alter your true behavior and make you shut down good characteristics that will be missed by others. Say no.
Yes, parent alienation is exactly what happens to me. my child started to join them to treat me the way they treat me. It was the most difficult time in my life.
I get the comments of "you never know how long they will be here" etc as in they might die and then you'll regret it etc. I have been no contact for 5 years and counting. I don't have a lot of contact with extended family because of their ignorance and have even distanced myself from some extended family on my husband's side due to ignorance. They expect me to break my boundaries just because they find it comfortable that I have gone no contact from my parents. After being abused my entire life and seeing my children being abused also I think no contact is the best decision I have made. No contact is not on the radar with the people I have known. They are the ones who judge me, don't want to know my story but are quick to believe my mother's story. My mother took over the parenting of my children, undermining my authority as their parent and telling me that grandmothers took precedence. When I explained to my children, I told them I had to make this decision for their safety because hitting children is not how we discipline.
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I went no contact
Only you know what is right for you and your healing
So did I. No regrets, but they're have been times I questioned if I did the right thing. I know I did, though.
My mum took me out of my father's will, like I do not exist. It is very painfull yo realize that for the one that was showing up as an angel, and I trusted her. She is my mum. She was also very scared when I took my life in my own hands. She did not care if I will be happy or not. She wanted only control over me. I have been in hell, but I am out now.
@@irinamladenoska7539 So sorry. I too was taken out of the will as if I didn't exist. I realized that my Mother couldn't love me because she didn't know love and I was a reminder of the person she couldn't be.
@@reneemorgan3144 this is what i suspect with my own mother
I should have stayed low contact with mommy dearest after my fathers (the sweetheart, abused by her as well) passing.
But no, I had this awesome fantasy that she would love me up.
No, she abused me in so many ways, just like in childhood thru 18.
I had put it behind me but it’s very real.
I have things to lose and went no contact. She’d kill me if she could get away with it.
It’s very sad but it’s my reality.
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Those fantasies will ruin you if you're not mindful😅.I 💭 the best thing I ever did was completely abandon all hope that my narc father would ever change.
I literally just opened a word document to write down what Jerry says. To think about it. Again and again!
I need to be able to think about boundaries in relation to myself, not in relation to others. It shouldn't matter whether the person I'm dealing with is a narcissist, a codependent, or anything else. If I am able to decide what I need for myself, then it's just a matter of whether the other person plans to respect my boundaries and then I decide what I'm going to do about that. But the decision as to what to do about the other person has to come after I've figure out what my own needs are... and I'm still working on that... So the self-differentiation piece is critical for me at the moment... and I'm nearly 70, btw... in case anyone thinks this is a piece of cake... 😊
@Jan Simpson this is amazing - at 20, 40 or 70! Recognizing that it is about you and your boundaries and then whether those you are in relation with honor and respect your boundaries or not is so key!!
T y for the example! You're never too old to keep learning and growing. 💕💕💕💯💯💯❤️❤️❤️🙏🙏🙏🙏
Thank you for touching on the potential negative impact on mental health when we know these toxic people.I honestly believe it's genuinely potentially DANGEROUS for folks with mental health conditions like Depression to stay in contact with highly toxic family systems...I fully believe it raises the risk of self-harm & suicide particularly when they're not treated yet & are dealing with the significant stress &/or abuse from a highly toxic family system.
There are very very few therapists that help you with hands on help with dealing with narc patents and toxic family structures. I have had more than a decade of therapy from half a dozen therapists and none have even identified the fact that I am in such a family structure.
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And that is why channels like this are worth their weight in gold...For a lot of us THIS is our therapy & allows us to finally heal😄.
Jerry thank you so much! For me as a daughter of two narcissistic parents, who were both alcoholics and being sister to a ten year older narcissistic sister - this is so much everything I needed! So much content! Lots to listen to! Thx 🙏
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Wow. Every single word in this video made me say- “yes!!!! He gets it!!”
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8:18 if they wont accept that you need to do what you need to do for your wellbeing, then its a traumatizing relationship..... yep they bully you when you say ouch i need to not be around this they call you a wuss so there is no talking to them
"They bully you when you say ouch"...YES! The equivalent of, "How DARE your face hit my fist?!?! (after being punched by them)
And another great point you bring up, you or I are in lose/lose scenario. If we start fighting back verbally, we're supposedly the aggressor and crazy. But if we say nothing, then like you say, we're THE WIMP and we vindicate even further mistreatment from them. (They oddly take that as some sort of proof that they were right in being the TRUE INSTIGATOR in the first place all along)
Returning to this a while later-if you're still interested in navigating no/low-contact with toxic family, I'm now offering a workshop on this crucial topic. For more details, feel free to inquire here.
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I think you must have known I needed this video 🙏🏼
I’m glad the timing of publishing this video was right for you! Thank you for watching
I was the scapegoat growing up. The golden child moved away and wants nothing to do with our aging mother who is a hoarder but in denial about being a hoarder and has extreme health issues. Even though I’m always here to literally clean up her mess, my mom talks so poorly of me to anyone with ears. I am slowly getting rid of the shame for going low to no contact. And healing myself . It’s not my fault my mother is in this condition and she is no longer my responsibility. It’s getting easier as time goes .
Returning to this a while later-if you're still interested in navigating no/low-contact with toxic family, I'm now offering a workshop on this crucial topic. For more details, feel free to inquire here.
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I ran away at 14 yrs old from my narcissist family I'm now 37 NEVER REACHED OUT I'm married living a healthy beautiful life they can go to HELL don't care if they are DEAD
OMG, how is that possible? Good for you!!
As always, I needed this badly! Thank you very much indeed! I am watching from Scandinavia.
Glad it was helpful! Greetings to Scandinavia, I wish to visit there
@@jerrywise Thank you! If you love snow this is the best time to visit. Merry Christmas to you!🎄
.
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Absolutely go NO CONTACT with narcissistic and abusive parents! If they willfully attacked their own offspring in any way - physical, mental, emotional, or sexual, then maintaining contact with such subhuman things perpetuates the abuse.
What if the evil narcissist has gaslit you shamed you, threatened you, 🤔 stolen all relationships AND got the family to go no contact with you, thus even taking that decision away from you ?
that's i. fact, your Lucky
Ikr. My mother has convinced my brothers to go no contact with me. Only contact when she is around and oks it lol it's pathetic and yet still hurtful.
Then she will report to my brothers how terrible i am bc i didn't send a birthday card or something. So sick
Well they actually did you a favor because they were all toxic in their own ways.....Just stay away to protect yourself even if they try to hoover you at some point.
Such an important topic, Jerry!!!
How does a (or several)cut off (s) affect the family system?
When a family member is scapegoated to the point of cutting him or her off, how does the scapegoated member heal from such abuse?
Thank you so much!!!
Merry Christmas 🎄🎄🎄🎄🤗🤗🤗
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Thanks Jerry! I'm no contact with foo. Best and hardest thing I've ever done but so worth it. The path is up and down. Constant work.
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Thank you very much Jerry. It’s immensely helpful to me. I am low contact with my siblings after the death of our narcissistic father and our alcoholic, schizophrenic mother (who we were taken away from). I was the scapegoat, working on being the “escaped goat”!
That s great ! And very funny....1 time i heard this one. Take care all you fellow escaped goats out there. Bye from France
Keep up the good work❤️
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@@jerrywise I actually got your email this morning and have signed up for the workshop next weekend. Thank you!
That is great, see you at the workshop!@@dnk4559
I like to give when I can to support your channel, Jerry. You offer such valuable information in addition to my own therapy that I can turn to again and again. Thank you so much!
Thank you so much for your support, it means a lot to me. I’m grateful I can be part of your journey. Thank you!
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I’ve gone no contact mostly with extended family members. I’m still struggling with them inside of me but they’re toxicity is no longer a threat to me and my marriage. It becomes difficult during the holidays. I’m not sure if I’ll ever contact them again but I’m unsure how I’m going to handle seeing them especially at funerals which are inevitable.
I'm not here to tell you what to do obviously but as a gentle reminder......You're not obligated to go to funerals, weddings,or any other events if you don't feel comfortable with doing it.Best wishes👍🏻.
Missed you on Wednesday, Jerry, so this was a pleasant relief! Best holiday wishes :)
As the Scapegoat in an abusive, neglectful, alcoholic family, all I crave is peace and calm.
My Golden Child older sister craves drama, control and arguments.
How do you continue a relationship with a sibling when you are searching for mutually exclusive needs?
3:00 I'm glad you've vindicated my "detachment" and "I don't care mentality" mode after years of being pushed away on this or flat out left out for that. It's like I'm at stage 3 of the cancer. When it gets to stage 4 I'm removing that proverbial part of my body to save my own life/mind
This was so helpful. Thank you!
Thank you....thank you so much..❤
Thank you!!
What a great Video! I went No contact with my mother and what a difference it made for my mental health and Emotional Fuel.
Sometimes we are taking pills 💊 for a sickness that really needs surgical intervention!
@@michellemonet4358 I don’t regret it!
@@michellemonet4358 About 4 Months now…
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I can't tell you how many folks have said that even their Depression, Anxiety,etc became noticeably more easy to manage after going no-contact for a little while🙂.It takes a huge toll on anyone's mental health & even overall general physical health.
@@malwads1836If i think about it, every of my depressive episodes occured after having trouble with my really toxic parents. I got suicidal after moving back into my parents' house due to financial issues. It felt like being back in the prison of my childhood when i was 30. They controlled me, took my money...
I am 38 now and will have to go no contact with them and the extended family too. I will miss some of them, but i only can do all or nothing. I tried so many other options and nothing worked for me.
Thanks Jerry. Great video.
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Thank you Sir, nice to hear from you again !
Your are very welcome
This is the information I need right now thank you very much. Is it possible to go through the whole greiving process multiple times over the same loss/relationship? I think it must be :(
I really appreciate your videos ❤
Glad you like them!
Thank you for the video. The timing is perfect. ❤️
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Such wise advice!
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Golden advices and saving my life, Thank you..
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I appreciate you. Thank you.
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Thank you Jerry, this really help me with my contact with my mother 🙏
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Thanks, my situation is even more clear now. Thanks uncle Jerry 🏆 God bless you
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0:47 never doubt that you are helpful Jerry!❤
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Thanks jerry that was really helpful😊
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Jerry, you are simply the BEST!❤ Thank you for this message, for reaching out through this platform, and for your commitment in helping others heal. May God bless you always and Happy Holidays from Canada!!🇨🇦🎄🙏🏽
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I always come across a person that tells me they hope I reconnect with family and to see it from what they are dealing with. The conversation gets me angry because they don't get it. Family isn't going to change.
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Consider it a litmus test of sorts to 👀 who's healthy & who's toxic... You'll be surprised at how many toxic types are out there but at least they're quickly showing you by saying this krud🙂👍🏻.
@jerrywise no contact. My mental health comes first. They really broke down my self esteem growing up. I'm a stronger person with them out of the picture
Thank you. Very difficult for children caught between warring adults.
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14:50 Number 9! Preach!
Great list
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My husband of 32 years is limiting contact with mother (for me) because of his mother enmeshment and addiction. He doesn't seem to want to distance from his mom. Recently, he sent a private birthday card from him without including me. I wasn't asked if I wanted to sign the card or be included as a couple. I found this really hurtful and the one who is really cut out. I'm questioning my own feelings now.
That’s your gut telling you what you have trouble seeing. It’s unbelievable how cruel they are so we question reality. My husband is the same. We are in counseling and she told him that his family and he are narcissistic and abusive. He’s practicing confronting them as after 14 years he’s never stood up for me. Idk good luck. Trust your gut. Maybe get marriage counseling where they’ll tell him he’s wrong. Hearing it from a
professional is what it took for my husband to see it. Idk if he gets it though
I would feel the classic isolation bit that narcs are known for in that situation. Not to get off topic here, but I recently had a former male friend say how he doesn't speak to neighbors so he has not to deal with any complications. Yet I found out that was not so quite true. This person without a dating life but also spoke badly of women I dated in a constructive criticism form that was really just destructive criticism. (I recently ended this friendship for other reasons.. caught him screaming out a lie about something that could be verified on Wikipedia about some movie we saw.. the 10th time I've seen some sort of bizarre lie like that.. the older friend I would occasionally even look up to was not such a good person after all!)
At some point I realized this person just wanted to trick their younger friend than to being as lonely as they were in life without giving the total truth.
I find it bizarre that hubby did not offer you the option of signing the card. I'd like to think it's the best case scenario where he's trying to take you out of an enmeshment situation he had with his mom for your case too. On the other hand, the worst case scenario does not look good!
Narcs are also known for sabotaging friendships and family situations for their targets. Under the guise of just trying to help.
I'm not saying that's what he's doing here, but what's good for the goose is not good for the gander with your mother. I don't want to say it's a red or an orange flag... But it opens up perhaps a new can of worms. Just saying
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This is one of the first videos I have seen on family relationships in a natcissistix family. I went no contact with my narcissistic siblings more than 10 years ago (parents are dead) after they took me to court after my father made me executor of his will, which had been done years before. They always said I had engineered this, as though I ever had any influence over him and even though my brother had counter-signed his will agreeing to this. But I have lost in the bargain. So Jerry Wise's questions are well worth considering before you cut yourself off.
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You're better off without these unhealthy people even if it means you get no inheritance in my own opinion.....There's a extremely high price to be paid for any inheritance & 💰 just isn't everything...it isn't worth your peace, general well-being,& happiness.
Before I even listen to this I want to say that I need my Jerry Wise Pep Talk;)
even before listening to this video i know that i have to go no contact but after listening to this video i feel validated.. thanks again Jerry..
YES
Yes, Jerry, it takes time to overcome the hurt, the drama. Our mother was alcoholic, oppositional, competitive, envious, gaslighting and backbiting.
Anyone and everyone was subject to scapegoating, even her golden children. Everything I said to her, everything I did for her, was prone to being misconstrued and used against me. For 46 years, I submitted to her drama, looked the other way, even pretended it wasn't happening. Otherwise, she had never called, never visited, never wrote over the 28 years since I'd left home. Finally, the lies and distortions became too much, so I walked away and left our relationship up to her. At the time I'd never heard of narcissism but felt I was simply out of options. Sadly, the problems were obvious to my children, and my siblings' children.
She continued on her toxic road, and eventually all six of her children and step-children at least temporarily walked away. Aside from once admitting, "I know I wasn't _the best_ mother", but otherwise blamed everyone else for her issues to her last day.
Just do it.
We are changed thanks to you tube.i demand respect .no more putting down .
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Thank you Jerry, very informative. I do wish more mental health professionals like yourself could speak to the prevalence of the number of health professionals that do not practice having the best interests of all the parties affected by going no contact. The strategy of the popular boundaries approach seldom takes into consideration how alienation and the total mental impact of detachment has on the target. As a father of adult children running to their therapist for advice- I often hear stories that the notion of some limited contact baked into the intention of the boundaries strategy almost never produces the desired outcome of keeping some frequencies open as a means of redirecting the bad behavior instead of it having a primary punishing impact. IMO, this is reckless advice and it needs to be called out. Doesn’t it make sense to advise the adult children to model the behavior that has compassion built into it instead of more narcissisty? All therapy is not created equal. I hope this makes sense!
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Going no-contact can absolutely be part of having boundaries particularly with longstanding abuse/neglect...It isn't healthy to keep going back to people that have been harming your life for years with no significant progress toward healthy change.Having compassion for others is important...But it's also very important to have compassion for ourselves by staying away from people/things that harm us.There's a reason why therapists will recommend considering no-contact in cases of long-term abuse/neglect....In my opinion it's the 💩 ones that don't tell folks that no-contact is always a option to consider,the 💩 ones won't get it & will just tell you to try talking to them to work things out and this will put you in harm's way.No-contact isn't done lightly & also ISN'T a "punishment"... It's just self-preservation so we're able to live healthy lives👍🏻.This is why I always tell folks that it's nothing to feel guilty about when they decide no-contact is necessary for their health/well-being &/or safety🙂.
When I went low contact and doing more my own thing all of a sudden my parents had the idea to sort out how to inherit their stuff to my siblings and me. There was no more talk about everybody getting equal shares.
I was basically to be disinherited. I was offered a “ deal” where, amongst other things, I would be “freed” from taking care of my parents in their old age. I read the signs: they wanted to buy themselves out of having to do with me in the future.
This whole stunt was a punishment to my disconnection from the enmeshment and that was when I rejected the deal and went no contact.
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Smart!Also they did you a favor because they showed you that you needed to go full-pickle with doing full-blown no-contact😉.
I need to do this with my daughter. She's driving me crazy. Prob is she's living in and trashed a house i own, young children 12,15. She used the kids against me for so long. I'm so lost as to what I should do.
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Thank you so much Jerry. I went no contact with my mother 5 yrs ago. Unfortunately, but fortunately almost every one turned on me including own daughters. (I got to see exactly how everyone felt about me). My issue now is dealing with my grandchildren. Their parents are overt narcissists among other issues and I can hardly stand to be in the same room with them. I hate the idea of going no contact with them due to not being able to see the children. They so need some love and positive attention that they aren't getting.
I'm praying that I can keep up dealing with the kids only, but it does get tricky around holidays. Any suggestions???
I just wanted to let you know that I can relate to what you’re going through. My kids turned against me and teamed up with my toxic parents and now I am also missing out on my first and only grandchild. My heart goes out to you and everyone else facing these issues.
I'm right there with you Gal's. Same story here.
I relate to you all. My sister cut me off from my niece out of nowhere, AFTER I helped raise her and she said she wanted me to be part of the kids lives. Thus is part of the consequences of not taking part in toxic family system anymore- you lose everyone
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Your lifelong insomnia/sleep troubles will also be miraculously cured.
Tried VLC for 2-3 years and they started acting out… and it escalated…. I spoke with my SO about it and said “going NC has too much meaning…. It isn’t that big in my life.”
And yet they escalated in chaos, I couldn’t explain to my child nor ask my SO to abide. NC in 2021- and reparenting took on new layers.
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@jerrywise: How do you distinguish between *autistic* traits and behaviors, and *narcissistic* traits and behaviors? I've seen some videos by therapists who speak very clinically: "this is autism; this is narcissism", based on a cut-and-dried DSM-V definition, which is NOT the true definition of autism -- I know, because I'm autistic as well. It's well known in the autistic community just how inaccurate the DSM-V is when it comes to defining autism (book definition vs. actual experience). By-the-book therapists love to put things in neat little boxes, but in reality, it's not so simple, and often the lines between autistic behavior and narcissistic behavior can become blurred. (Finding a therapist who truly understands both is nearly impossible.)
Hi Jerry, are you related to Jill Wise?
I don't believe so, what state? Thanks for watching...
@@jerrywise I don't know Jerry, she is on UA-cam and called The Enlightened Target. Many thanks for all your videos, i really enjoy them.
I am a survivor of being scapegoated all my life. I am now 65 and my narcissistic mother has been deceased since 2012 and I am still scapegoated by remaining family members and friends & anyone who believes the lies.
I now look at my past through the following lens...."There's a beauty in being rejected, misunderstood, unseen and unsupported by family and people in general. It teaches you to rely on God for everything. Apostle Paul speaking - "For I delivered unto you first of all that which I also received, how that Christ died for our sins according to the scriptures; And that He was buried, and that He rose again the third day according to the scriptures:" 1st Corinthians 15:3-4 KJB Gospel of Christ, the Church, the Body of Christ in the dispensation of Grace.
My mother got the last word, (I am her 1st born daughter - the scapegoat and her only other child, my younger sister - the golden child). Six months before her death, she cut me out of her Last Will and Testament. I never contested anything, I never cared about stuff or money or material things. All I ever wanted was to have a mutually loving, respectful, healthy relationship with my mother, I never got that.
My family is God's family who are other members in the Body of Christ and my true inheritance comes through the finished work of Christ on the Cross. I am "a new creature" in Christ and that can never be denied me, because God is faithful.
2 Corinthians 5:17-21 Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.
18 And all things are of God, who hath reconciled us to himself by Jesus Christ, and hath given to us the ministry of reconciliation;
19 To wit, that God was in Christ, reconciling the world unto himself, not imputing their trespasses unto them; and hath committed unto us the word of reconciliation.
20 Now then we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God did beseech you by us: we pray you in Christ's stead, be ye reconciled to God.
21 For he hath made him to be sin for us, who knew no sin; that we might be made the righteousness of God in him.
Gen. 50:20, "But as for you, ye thought evil against me; but God meant it unto good..." Here we are living in the last days and you are probably better equipped spiritually and emotionally to handle what is coming down the pike. We are in a spiritual battle that is ramping up day by day. I would be willing to bet that your faith is unwavering...steadfast...and stablished. That you do not bend which ever way the wind blows. Growing up in a narcistic family dynamic as the scapegoat can actually allow one to develop thicker skin, not following the crowd - independent thinker, and being so used to rejection and dismissal from others that it becomes more of an inconvenience than a hurt. And many of those people will continue to reject Truth, and that will include rejecting you. Bottom line, some people (including family) will never like you because your spirit irritates their demons. Thank you for your comment, it really resonated with me. God Bless!
BTW, I too am a Mid-Acts Right Divider. Truly, the road less traveled.
Thank you so much for your comment. I so very much relate. I am the oldest scapegoated adult child and it’s gotten worse since parents have passed. Just finished the book “Rejected Shamed and Blamed” by Rebecca Mandeville. It helped explain and validate so much of what I have experienced with my family of origin. I’m so thankful to God for making a way out of this and into His loving arms where I am seen, heard and loved.
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Wow! Yes, me too! My true identity in Christ, keeps me hopeful for my heavenly inheritance! And even more so, suffering persecutions for the gospel's sake (Paul's gospel) . Romans 8:18 For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us. Romans 8: 33 Who shall lay any thing to the charge of God's elect? It is God that justifieth. @@walkingrace1233
👏👏👏👏
❤️❤️
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👍
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My relationship with my mom has been replaced by God, my Father
Please talk about adult children abusing and mistreating their parents.
You might find these videos helpful:
1. Parents who have children who are narcissists ua-cam.com/video/19k2nfUE2g0/v-deo.html
2. Dealing with adult children who are narcissists ua-cam.com/video/GoZgSlFPpR4/v-deo.html
@@jerrywise Thank you very much!!!
#5 for sure went no contact
No kids in a loving environment grow up to abuse their parents.. the lack of accountability from parents is crazy to me .
@@the_mattescat8497The only exception I can 💭 of to this is when the parents unknowingly exposed the kids to abusive/narcissistic GRANDPARENTS on a regular basis & the kids followed the unhealthy influence🤔.
all this no contact stuff is so sad
the early, the better
@@sll110 i'm sorry for your loss
I don't know if this will help anyone or not, but I looked at going no contact as a way to preserve myself, to improve my other relationships and to just plain old be happy. I had to change my thinking from, "oh how sad," to "I am so excited to be happy." I give myself full permission to live the best life I can and because of that, I don't see going no contact as a sad thing anymore. I am believer in Jesus Christ and I fully surrender to the fact that He is the one that is capable of healing my mother, if she chooses to let Him in her life. I don't need to worry about her, because Jesus sees her and is fully capable of helping her. I am grateful to have that load off of me.
@@bestill365 Good input! As A fellow Christ follower, I had to reconcile with the truth out of the word of God that our true family are really other followers of Christ Jesus just like the example that Jesus gave in Matthew when the disciples were calling him to respond to his relatives. Jesus response was, "Who is my family but those that do the will of my father? " Family is not merely blood connection to someone.
@@bestill365 Let it go, Let God
THE PROBLEM IS THE PERSON THATS DECIDES TO GO NO CONTACT... JUST DISAPPEARS . COMMUNICATION IS THE KEY..THE PAIN THE ONE TAT JUST LEAVES IS UNBEARABLE BECAUSE THEY HAVE NO IDEA AND IF THEY KEEP TAKE GRANDKIDS AWAY AFTER YRS OF BONDING THAT HURTS THE CHILDREN HAS WELL..MI THINK PEOPLE SHOULD DISCUSS THEN IF NEEDED LOW CONTACT THEN IF THINGS DONG IMPROVE RE EVALUATE THE SITUATION BUT THE DISAPPEARING ACT IS EMOTIONAL ABUSE