Getting real about my holiday sadness & stress this year...
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- Опубліковано 14 гру 2024
- I wanted to make a video to talk through what's going on in my life right now. As many of you know, there have been many highs and lows this past year, and they're making the holidays more challenging than normal - feeling more sadness and stress than typical holiday seasons. When I was a practicing therapist, I often got asked about depression flare ups or feeling very depressed or overly sad during the holidays or at Christmas time or for New Year's Eve - and I want you to know that this holiday stress, depression and sadness is normal - and it may be especially high. This type of depression and sadness may come at any important times like even your birthday. So if you're asking yourself why am I sad or depressed all of the time or during your birthday or the holidays, I hope you will find that you are not alone by watching this video - and perhaps some depression tips and tricks that may help develop coping techniques during not just during the holidays or January depression, but whenever these things flair up.
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Thanks so much for this video Kati. For the first time in my life I’ll be spending the holidays alone because of a breakup and family estrangement 😢 I’ll do my best to take care of my basic needs. The only thing that helps me is knowing that the holidays will be over soon and then it’ll be a new year.
Well said. It's good to say thank you to Kati, and also good know there are others 'on the same page'.
Good luck👍
Omg I literally have the exact same as you
I’m so sorry to hear this. You are not alone. I have also recently experienced a family rupture and will not be spending the holidays with family. This will pass❤️
Me too. Also I don't think that I'll be spending my birthday which is coming up with my family
I had my little meltdown today in a parking lot just missing loved ones who have passed. No panic or anxiety just sadness. It passed after I allowed myself to feel those feelings. Thanks for all you do.
I did the same thing on Christmas Eve night. I had to pull over into the parking area for our riverside park and just sit there in the silence for almost 45 min while all these happier memories came flooding in from childhood that made me overwhelmingly sad and tearful. I couldn’t pull myself together and was unable to attend my Mom’s traditional Christmas Eve candlelight dinner. I just drove back home and texted her something came up. I worried her so much by not coming that she called police to come and do a wellness check on me. I wasn’t suicidal by any means, just completely bummed out. now I’m feeling even worse by ruining the night and making her worry to that extreme. But yes, it hits you all of the sudden and it’s very painful. Christmas is not at all the happy good feeling time of year it once was. That in itself is very sad to admit too. At any rate,take care 😌
Hugs
@@ladyauslander6489 Have you thought of writing down Your thoughts, sometimes that helps releasing sadness.
Boy I hear you.... love the holidays but so very sad without family. Working on gratitude. Hang in there
I’m 68 and have been single for almost 20 years. Spending the holiday with my daughter, her family and my ex-although generally enjoyable and in some instances only tolerable-reminds me how much I enjoy living alone. It is this reminder that, for me, is the true gift of this holiday.
I’ve stayed home. No alcohol. No parties. Quiet and reflective. Without much cost. And without any chaotic meltdowns or high emotions. I’ve actually had the most stress free Christmas I’ve had in a while. It was down to the choices I made for myself and holding those boundaries.
I never would have thought I would become someone who hates the holidays. My family fell apart in 2019. This time of year will never be the same again. I hate it.
I hear you... thinking of u... very hard time
I hear you too. I try to focus on the birth of Christ. I’m so sorry for what you are going through. Remember light has come into the world and he loves us and wants to save us.❤ With Christ, this painful world is temporary.
❤
I can totally relate. I hate holidays and I'm not shy to say it.
To everyone else in the comments going through a hard time during the holidays, I see you and I'm sending love, support and healing vibes your way. ❤💚
Thank u . U as well
I suffer from winter depression and have since the death of my first daughter in November of 1992 right after thanksgiving then recently the death of my father in December of 2020. I take vitamins like vitamin d and multiple vitamins and get some exercise every day and try to get some healthy food every day, simple things like that. Thankfully spring and summer are only several months away
Thank you! It's going to be a lonely Christmas here, oh how i wish the walls could talk back... Love from the Netherlands 💖
Good vibes received
Thank you because I needed this. I lost my only sister a year ago December 22 and this was her favorite time of the year. Makes it just that much harder dealing with the holidays
This really hits home with me. So much stress in my life for a variety of reasons...grief, political/religious family fractures, caring for an aging parent who I love deeply - but without sibling help, the expense of everything...I get to the point where I just want the holidays over with. Sometimes it feels like I have been run over by a bus but still need to be functioning at full capacity. The guilt (and missing the way things were) can be quite overwhelming this time of year.
@@UnstableYT-u7k I am sorry for your losses. Grief can be such a roller coaster of emotion, especially magnified at this time of year. I wish you healing in this tough journey. Peace to you.
I agree, it is overwhelming. My emotions tend to get blocked and numb. I can only process a little at a time. And I am slowly learning to be ok with that. We all grieve differently. Maybe acceptance of our own process is part of the puzzle.
It’s so difficult to be a caregiver. My mom had vascular dementia and died 11 years ago, my husband had Lewy body dementia and died a year ago, and now my older sister has Alzheimer’s. I’m exhausted. And lonely. I know what you mean about feeling like you’ve been run over by a bus. I’m so sorry you have to go through that! Try to take care of yourself if you possibly can. I know what you mean about missing the way things were. I would give the rest of my entire life to have one more day with my husband before he got dementia. Seriously I would. 💕
@@UnstableYT-u7k I get what you mean about feeling like you’re floating in an ocean of grief. That pretty much explains the way I feel. I had some experiences before my husband became ill where I was able to meet with my mom who had already passed over and some other relatives and it helped me deal with my husband‘s illness and death because now I know that we do see our loved ones again. I know you don’t know me and have no reason to believe me, but I was terrified of death and now I’m not because I know we go on. That doesn’t make it any easier right now really, because I want my loved ones here and now because I’m so lonely, but at least I can rest assured that I will see them again. This I know. I was lucky to have those experiences. I hope you can find some meaning in your life again. I’m hoping that I will, too, even though I can’t imagine what it would be. But you never know. 💕
@@whitebirchtarot I am sorry for your losses. Thank you for your sweet comments and your wisdom. As caregivers, we do understand each other. It is such a hard position to be in, yet at the same time, an honor. I care for my 88 year old mother, at a bit of a distance right now. She is still pretty independent, but becoming more frail. Thankfully her mind is still sharp. I lost my father 4 years ago on December 28 to a heart attack. Both my father in law and mother in law passed in the last two years, both from Ahlzheimers. It is such an insidious disease...utterly heart breaking. These are hard years. But, I too believe in life after death. I don't think a precious human soul (or even animal souls) is wasted into nothingness after the physical body dies. I see it as a transition. I might not be able to accurately wrap my limited human mind around it all, but I still have faith that there is more. Wishing you peace this holiday season. 😊
I don't have any friends with Kati's kindness and awareness. I feel that she would be the person who would never sugar-coat problems, but always remind me that I am not alone. Thank you for this video.
Mom died at Thanksgiving seven years ago. Dad died of COVID last year, Oct. Mom was the glue holding her five kids’ families together. I only talk to two of my sisters now. Needless to say, the holidays-these fabricated events in time we’ve attached all this meaning to-are no reason to celebrate for me. I appreciate your honesty and vulnerability in keeping it real. Hope yours are cause for celebration.
I’m sorry. I hope you and your other sisters can make up when the time is ready
My condolences man.
So sorry! That’s rough. My husband and my dad both died of Covid last year. Couldn’t believe it. My husband was already sick though. Take care! 💕
So sorry for your loss! My uncle died early Thanksgiving morning unexpectedly 12 years ago (heart attacks sadly run in my fam). It’s was such an odd holiday and we actually did end up having dinner later that day in his memory, but it was silent and so sad. Fortunately my cousin (his daughter) got to tell him she was preg in the ambulance (was planning to announce during dinner). He was able to smile, she named him after her dad. 💕
Holidays have been rough for me since the death of my first daughter of SIDS in November right after thanksgiving in 1992 then losing my father in December of 2020 . Holidays have always been rough because I suffer from winter depression also that makes everything worse.
I think we overestimate how meaningful the "perfect" gift will be, vs a "normal, reasonably thoughtful" gift. Showing up is the most important part.
My mother passed in July..I had lived with and cared for her 24/7 for twelve years as she progressed with dementia. Needless to say this holiday is difficult. Everything provokes a memory and even though that is wonderful it is exhausting. I can relate to now having stepped into the elder role. That in itself is a not so subtle reminder of our own mortality.
So sorry - this just happened to me too and I am stuck being angry. Just practice self care even if it is difficult... get your nails done get a haircut buy a new winter jacket, physically go to the bookstore - just care for YOU.
I'm 63, and have faced every feeling Kati refers to. These days I spend holidays alone, by circumstance and by choice. When I think back on "Family" holidays in my past, truth is they were not that great. Most were exhausting. I did a lot of work and spent a lot of money that few appreciated. If our happiness is dependent upon how others feel about how we "perform" over the holidays, we're doomed. Other people are controlling us. Bad outcome guaranteed. If you are alone, buy yourself some presents, wrap them. On Christmas morning play some music and open them. Make something really special to eat. Buy a lobster. Learn to cook something new. Make a mess that no one gives you grief over! These things help me.
Good luck and best wishes to all!
Great advice, I have similar thoughts as yours. Thank you for being so real.
Thank you for being so real and reminding us that we aren’t alone ❤
Thank you for being here xoxo
We don’t have to be perfect.
We don’t have to people please.
Have yourself a merry little Christmas 🎄
LITTLE is key. And right next: YOURSELF. Not meaning to be selfish and cut everyone out, but cut out everything that you don't really want to do in and of yourself, and then see what emerges. Definitely much less overwhelm, resistance etc., and hopefully some time for recreation and recollection. Some things you may miss, some not at all, and it may be surprising which of them how little. Next year, you can adjust for that.
@@KaoXoni those are some wise words!
That helps thank you
This soothed my soul
Yep this struck a nerve with me. I always feel like issues really come to the surface this time of year. Learning to not let it all get to me is challenging but I’m getting better every year and you are a part of it . 🤗 thank you!
I love what you said about boundaries. Two days ago my mother was yelling at me over the phone, that it was my fault she was not happy. I don’t call her enough, so she says that’s why she’s not happy. I don’t call to set boundaries since every time I speak to them it’s bad news. They crap on me being happy. As if I don’t deserve to be happy if they’re not. I’m done with it. I have to cut them off for my mental health. I’m not buying into their manipulation. I have nothing to do with their enjoyment in life. I can go on for hours, so I’ll stop now and say if you’re reading this, you’re all kinds of awesome and beautiful. Happy Holidays!
This is real talk, right here. My dad passed away summer of '21 and it's hardest around this time of year. And that changing of the guard is a powerful statement regarding the circle of life is powerful. Thank you for all you do, Katie
Thanks for sharing and being vulnerable.
I cried yesterday as I haven't cried for a long time. I realized that for me, these specific holidays are a reminder of all the moments of grief I have had ok my life. Grief for childhood, youth, and innocence. Grief for the security that gave my parents as a child, grief for the ones that are gone, and grief for expectations not met.
Such a hard time.
right there with you, I cried Xmas Day many times, havent cried in such a long time.
Thank you for posting this. I thought I was the only one stressing about how prices have increased on everything the past year. I was also pregnant this time last year and a few months later I lost the baby, so I have been reflecting on that the past week and it has brought me down. I really needed this.
aww I had this 10 years ago, be kind to you xxxxx
This year includes family members who have passed, no significant other, and the fact that my mom is now in assisted living (due to dementia) and I’ll soon be selling the home I grew up in. 😢 And also a fractured sibling relationship. I keep thinking “how is this my life??” I have never felt so alone. It’s terrifying.
🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🕯💜
❤️
This is my life in a nutshell. My siblings can't/won't help with Mom so it all falls on me. I feel like the younger generations (I'm a boomer) want the holidays to happen but don't want to lift a finger. Everyone looks to me to make everything happen and I don't even have space to host everyone anymore. This is a VERY stressful time of year for me and I can end up very sick in January and February if I don't manage it. Sleep is elusive at best for me in December . Sometimes it seems a holiday like Christmas couldn't happen at a worse time of year when all we seem to want to do is hibernate and slow down like the animals do. Gotta wonder who has it right?
I feel you. ❤
You get used to it,or drink yourself to death
This really touched me. Days are always going to pass. We have to look on the bright side. Think. Money is just a part of our life. Health is the most important. Although for various reasons, my life is very stressful and can be overwhelming. Everything will be fine. Be happy. Everyone must cheer up oh.
I was thinking about this recently. Used to LOVE Christmas, especially as a child. I can now look back and hold onto that memory with nostalgia instead of sadness. After my burnout a few years ago, I stopped decorating for Christmas. Anyways, over the years my friends and I stopped buying gifts for each other, we spend it on getting together for food/drinks/whatever and spend time together stress free. My parents, sister and I started doing secret Santa and only have to buy one big gift for one person! My husband and I also don’t bother to buy gifts. I’m still recovering from that burnout and not having to worry about gifts or decorating was a load off my shoulders. I’ve been very focused on mindfulness and meditation to help me as well. Maybe one day, my energy will be back to normal, whatever that is, and I’ll want to decorate again but for now the holidays are about rest, recuperation and spending time with family and friends. I’m so grateful to have such an agreeable entourage! I’ll admit, I worry about what the neighbours think. No tree, no Christmas lights, but I don’t feel Grinchy haha but I probably look Grinchy!
Thanks Kati. my year is quite different. My wife and i had covid this year. in october. i was 1st, she followed 2 weeks later. we live alone. she is 77, i am 66. she has severe copd and is on o2 24/7. i got her to the hospital and they gave her the anti body infusion. her symptoms were milder than mine. 3 weeks later she lost her memory and i had her admitted to the hospital. she was in a state of delirium. after a week they moved her to an inpatient facility. i have had to take over all the responsibilities she used to handle, like paying bills, trying to get her affairs in order and round the clock phone calls from her telling me to come and take her home, thinking i am her father, not remembering we are married for the last 34 years etc. then my sister in law (big sister i never had) had a return of colon cancer. overwhelming to say the least. thanks for sharing and allow space for me to vent.
😟
Yes, this Christmas has been especially hard for me also. So many expectations, the gift giving, old family dynamics, old traumas resurfacing.. My therapist says its because I was pushing it all down for so long and its now coming out since I'm in therapy, but also, who's to say this isn't a collective thing we are also going through as well. Thanks for the video, Kati. Wishing you the best this holiday season!
I’m so sorry, I can tell how much you miss your grandparents. I’m the same. Things haven’t been the same since I lost my grandma, and somehow it’s been almost 25 years. I like calm too.
I've never commented before but I feel I need to now. Thank you for this video and the honesty in it. I feel like you were talking not to me but about me. This is the first Christmas without my parents and brothers. I have 3 sisters but we're not that close. And being single there is no other family to gather with. I struggle extra with depression this time of year anyway but it does feel extra heavy this year. Thank you for sharing your struggles because it does help knowing that you are not immune and that I'm not alone in the things I feel.
Last Christmas was with family. Some members have agreed to never speak or visit again. The letdown from that is a cloud over me. I live in senior living and our party has been cancelled due to COVID cases in the compound. Thank you for helping me focus on this so I can work on it.
❤️
I'm So Sorry. Jesus Loves you & will Never Fail you! I've been feeling this too w my Toxic family.....It's Truly the Last days... "Lots of hearts will Grow Cold, people will be Selfish...", can you Believe? Even during in a Pandemic...
I know that feeling about lost loved ones. It is very hard at Christmas especially when traditions change or end. God bless.
Thank you for opening up and being vulnerable with us. I personally think that it's fantastic when therapists eo these things, as it reminds me that they are still human beings (weirdly, I still tend to see you as all-knowing beings haha). I hope that you find comfort in this community that you had created, just like I find comfort in this safe space where I am being virtually surrounded by alike souls. I've also noticed that growing up, the roles and dynamics change within our families so it's normal that holidays can start taking a bit more on the sad and melancholic side. That is part of the life. I wish you and everyone who reads this happy holidays!
Being a startup entrepreneur I can totally relate to all this especially since the last years were absolutely crazy and uncertainty is still high.
Regarding your sleep issues I recommend trying a weighted blanket. These really help me.
Adult Career:
Seasonal Festivals
1. One week 'Christmas'
2. Two weeks Governce Leave
3. Two weeks Paid Leave
4. Two weeks Sick Leave
5. Two weeks Smackster
6. Two weeks Monday Hel^
Sum total 2 months 3 weeks of for free competitive Capital Vacation. Plus - one week for your birthday if you ask your Employer.
P.S. Align many of these weeks into different seasonal holidays for your own sense of convinience and family - look after your children and look after inner dreams as well. x
Love you Kati. Thank you for all you do.
❤️❤️
I lost my father during the 1970's and my mother during the 1980's. I wish they were still here today 20+ years later to celebrate Christmas with my daughter (their grandchild) - but we must stay strong, positive and keep treking on. Human will to survive is strong. Happy Holiday's, Stay Positive & Be Well!
While the holidays are typically hard for me, I agree, this year seems to be especially stressful. I can relate to a lot of same reasons that you listed. Thank you for shedding light on this and being a positive place of encouragement today, and every day. Brighter days are ahead for all of us ❤
Brighter days ahead ? Lol, that's a pipe dream. 95% of our population is mentally ill & our culture is finished. Shalom
The holidays are typically a tough time of year for me, and I recently received an eviction notice on top of everything else I was working through. So yes, I’m with you 100%. I’m glad you mentioned the part about being single over the holidays, as that’s a major source of difficulty for me as well.
The universe wants you do a lateral move - a new place is in store for you and a new start. I hope next year is better.
I hope this doesn't sound trite...If you want a friend, be a friend. I have tried to step out of my comfort zone to do that when I didn't feel like it...and it always turned out to be a blessing. Just a thought...as an introvert, that took a lot of effort when I wanted to stay home and lick my wounds and binge on Hallmark movies. God please provide a place for Greg to go and direct His paths to your clear provision.
Thanks for sharing with us Kati. I find this time of year so hard. Even as a child Christmas was difficult as my Mum was often depressed and we always had serious money problems so she was stressed out all the time. so I don't have happy memories of it. I lost her to cancer 9 years ago and I'm now completely on my own - single again and no kids - and December just brings into focus everything that I've lost or missed out on with regards family. Everything around Christmas screams family and I just have to shut myself away from it and remember to keep taking my meds and go outside occasionally. I have invitations from well meaning friends for Christmas Day but I've learned that being with other peoples' family makes it worse. Wishing everyone peace this holiday season x
Thanks for sharing, it's refreshing to know that I'm not the only one that struggles with being happy around this time of year. There's something different about this year though, I definitely agree that things seem more stressful/anxiety inducing. Maybe it's because things are more back to "normal" in relation to the pandemic... But I think what's going on socially has a lot to do with it as well.
The Best Gifts come from the heart so it is not about the commercialism... think about what they need... do they need help with washing their car, walking their dog, cleaning up something at home, or giving them gift certificates for manicures, massages, or haircuts. Baking is another wonderful think (my son does that) or making up special pictures and creatively decorating the frame... old pictures that can be revamped... those types of things can help with cost and also help with taking the emphasis off the commercialism of the whole thing. It is not about the price tag. It is about the thought. ❤❤❤
Stop trying so hard!! You are amazing! You have helped me so much, from over the pond in England. Much love. :) xxx
i've been cleaning a lot before the new year. not in a 'i gotta get this done' way but in a 'i'm starting off fresh' way. remembering how awful 2020 was is something i want to let go of. thank you for being vulnerable. christmas has always been hard since my mom passed but i know she's with me in my heart. your passed loved ones i'm sure are watching over too
Yes, my eye twitches during extreme stress also.
I focus on celebrating Solstice/Yule over the extreme-decor-sweets version that I associate with Christmas now. Focusing on a nature-based and friend-centric holiday takes alot of stress out of it.
Sending you hugs, Kati
Thank you for being so honest. Most people create aspirational videos that put more stress on us, yet yours is more beautiful and gives more to the soul. What a difference! Thanks, Kati. It's always helped me to continue a tradition or a celebration honoring my loved ones that have passed. Smiling and toasting to them, thanking them for what they passed on (even if I do it with tears), gives me a sense of "changing of the guards." It's like, now is my turn to honor them by keeping alive what I learned from them and passing it on to the next generation. Hopefully, every generation after us will benefit from the accumulated knowledge of our family tree. I hope that makes sense. I miss my loved ones SO much, but remembering them while celebrating keeps making their lives matter until we see them again - which I believe :) Merry Christmas, Kati.
THIS
Kati , thank you for being so real and honest with us ur viewers it helps people realize they are not alone and help is out there and they will get thur what they are going Thur
When it comes to relationships, the big thing for me is to remember I'm not responsible for the happiness (or unhappiness) of others. And no one else is responsible for mine.
I think in relationships there’s a shared responsibility to each other and each others feelings. Surely?
My husband died this year. We have a 2 year old son and I was pregnant with our daughter at the time who is now four months old. So yeah, this is our first Christmas without our husband/daddy and our daughters first Christmas at all. So yeah, it does feel like the worst Christmas like you said. Just trying to focus on the meaning of Christmas in the first place and that this pain is only temporary ❤️
I just wanted to say that I am so sorry for your loss. What a hard time, to be grieving your husband but have two babies that depend on you that you have to show up for. Not sure what else to say but I am so sorry.
So sorry for your loss!
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Sending you hope and prayers for your strength...your eventual peace of mind...and finding as much joy as possible in your kids, even with all their needs.
❤ sorry for your huge loss. It’s a difficult time for me too. ❤i hope you feel less alone and 2023 can take your family forward❤ i know it’s so incredibly hard. But know that many are doing this with you. ❤
pour moi, it's the maintaining of diplomatic ties with my abusive family that ruins the month. Facing the childhood trauma again, overcoming it again and again. Also, not being entirely sure why I keep doing it. Endless doubt, knowing I've been gaslit by them, but also knowing that I AM, like they said, sometimes resentful. Wanting to find out if when I am healed apart from them, we're actually able to have respectful relationships as adults. Wondering if I can actually heal if I keep seeing them, even though I haven't seen them in a while. This year I'm also going on a thought spiral about whether I'm doing this because I still feel dependent on them, or if I do it because I need to remind myself what I will never want to become.
I sympatize, and you're stronger than you realize. Longing for human connection is something we all have in common. (and sometimes we settle for the people we were used to be around, even when they're bad news to our mental health). Keep cultivating new relationships and someday you might find people you won't dread spending time with and will look forward to seeing.😊
I can relate!
I'm so sorry that you're grieving your grandparents so heavily Kati. I lost my grandma this year and I didn't realize how heavily it was weighing on me that my family traditions are evolving until I saw you break down on here. I also then bursted into tears myself. We'll find joy in new ways, and our grandparents will always live with us in our hearts 🤍
Thank you for sharing this, Kati. It's always a tough time of year, but this year feels really extra. I wish you the best in being skillful and effective through the season. And as always, thank you so much for all you've contributed to this community you've fostered. It's an invaluable part of my life. Your friend and patron, Russ
Merry Christmas Kati, you are valued by us your viewers.
Thank you for making this video Kati, I'm crying with you, as this will be the first holidays without my granddad who was the life of the party. What's also on my mind are my two friends who ended their life on the same day last year, right before Christmas. On top of that my depression gets 10 times worse at winter, and I've not been able to sleep during the night in weeks.. the pressure about meaningful presents is huge, and honestly I can't wait until the holidays are over. Sending strength to you Kati, and everyone in the comments who needs it! 💝
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Thank you for being so open and human with us. You're just an amazing therapist. You inspire me with every video. I'm so sorry that you're being reminded of the loss that you've suffered. This time can be so heavy. Thank you for reminding us that we're not alone. Keep up the great work...but never forget to take a break😊😊❤️
Kati, happy holiday to you and your family. Changing holiday traditions after losing loved ones is very hard. It took time, years actually, but I slowly started to create new traditions that brought positivity or inspiration to find space to be thankful and grateful for this very moment in time.
Cheers to celebrating the holidays the best way we can!
Man... Difficult anniversaries are coming up for me, plus so much stuff is going wack in my head that I am slipping right back into my intrusive thoughts and the shame that comes with them. Therapy is getting really hard and scary. So I can only take things one day at a time and try to focus on the temporary nature of all of the things that are bothering me. Overall, I feel you Kati, and I just want to say more power to you for being vulnerable with us.
Hope it gets better I'm waiting on therapy it always makes me more Deadpool than anything else but you said whack I just went thru 2 withdrawals 2 meds gone and on 2 more guess what ?More nasty withdrawals so if therapy doesn't work at least I'll have tools cuz meds don't always work they are just as addictive if not more so than some harder drugs out there ...the more you know ...late 80s cartoons sat morning was rare but remembered that .cheers .
Just the video I needed to watch this morning, thank you.
Thank you so much for this. I’m surrounded by family who are very (toxically) positive, and don’t understand why I get so down during the holidays. This is important to remember especially with the recent death of Ellen’s DJ and dancer Twitch. Thank you!
I was just berrating myself for not being in the spirit this year and this video pops up! For me, it's the collective heaviness of the world plus the stress of being around some people I haven't been for a few years...toxic people who will now be at the dinner table again...gaslighting. Life was easier when we couldn't get together. Thanks so much for doing this video while dealing with your own struggles...I'm more compassionate with myself now. I hope you get some rest over the holidays ❤️
Our family hasn't had the changing of the guard yet, but we do have a new generation that's old enough to understand the holiday. I think my patience is extra thin this year because now that there are literal children in the mix, can we all just grow up please? We've been doing the same routine for 15 years (since my parents divorce), but this year my mom wants to throw out a guilt trip that she's always on Christmas Eve... did she start the conversation to move it to Christmas Day? No? Thennnn how do you expect things to change???
My Christmas spirit died YEARS ago. I'm convinced that anyone that enjoys the season has no responsibilities to make the season actually happen lol.
The stress leading up to the holidays is always taking its toll on me. But just a year or two ago I made a stand, that we reduce the stress in preparation. And no, it will never be the same as in my childhood.
And after my mom died, just three weeks before Christmas, we started new traditions in our extended family. Like we don't give gifts anymore (except small ones), we collect money for a good cause at our family gathering. And we take turns in deciding which cause it is.
And over all: yes I am also very grateful for the wonderful communities you created, be it with the other patreons, be it in your Facebook group. They make a great impact on my life, no matter if I need to share some pain or if I can hopefully be helpful for others. Thank you Kati and Sean (and of course Roxy!). Have a wonderful Christmas!
Thank you Kati for this post. It has been so hard for our family ever since our 31 yr old son commited suicide but this year marks five years and for some reason it has been the hardest year except for that first year. Why is that? I just can't get into christmas decorating this year because Nathanael was always such a big part of that. We miss him so much but I'm trying to remember the true meaning of Christmas and the greatest gift ever!
OMG, yes! This is the worst holiday season I've had in years. I feel like I was easier on myself during the pandemic. We were all stuck in a way. We weren't really expected to find connections or to be with loved ones. This year I'm terribly hard on myself because I wanted to have some things going right now that just aren't happening. It's very disappointing and I've been merciless with myself as a result.
My mum and dad passed away quite a few years ago but I still feel sad. I also lost my cat Harvey a year tomorrow. So im finding it emotional. Ok one min then sad the next and yes im single so comforting to hear you say how difficult it is. Dont think anyone really realises how isolating it is.... Its all families and couples. Sometimes its not a solution you need to hear but the fact others like yourself actually understand. Thank you Katie for all that you do. Hope you have an amazing holiday x
Thank you so much for this video! This year has been extra stressful for many reasons: including medical issues/trauma, my wife filing for divorce and taking of our kids away, and stress/anxiety over a number of large bills that have come up. I have certainly tried to keep my head up, focusing on moving forward, keeping an eye on reaching my end goal; your statement about being in some kind of purgatory of uncertainty (uncomfortable transition) between how things were and what is to come, pretty accurately describes a lot of my life. This holiday season is not typical by any means, and it sure has been a struggle to get this far into it. Definitely not a season of only looking forward to the good but spent a lot of time dealing with stress & anxiety. Thank you for another reminder that I'm not alone. P.S. - My mom is a former elementary school teacher and I bet I've made hundreds of feet of those red & green Christmas chains.
It seems to me that for the Christmas present anxiety, you may be trying to be perfect...and perfect is unattainable. You're valuable without getting the best present in the world. I'm sure if they got nothing and just had *you* especially a less stressed you they'd be more than content. Hopefully you see this and it makes the stress a little less. The holidays are definitely difficult when it comes to missing loved ones. Linkin Park says it best "the reminders pull the floor from your feet." Remember your own words to us...be gentle on yourself.
I was excluded from a family Christmas in 2016 unexpectedly which hurt and I was on my own. I'd just separated from my partner too so wasn't in a good place emotionally. I spent the holiday alone feeling very low and confused. My family has become increasingly disconnected since then and now I spend each Christmas day with my Mum only and I'm very grateful for her presence and unconditional love. I've learnt that even your own family can let you down and be unconcerned about your feelings and it is important to be resilient and care for yourself first. Although we may feel alone at these times there are many people having an extremely difficult time during the holiday season. Merry Christmas to all. Joe. UK.
Happy Holidays, Kati! Sending you a big dose of love and endurance!
sending you the biggest hug ever! (within your healthy boundaries of course) lol
the changing of the guards. wow. i love that. but i also hate it because it is such a heartache. this is my first christmas without my closest family member and it’s brutal. for me, getting outside is the most helpful. even just for 3 minutes of cold air on my face. a minute to calm and quiet everything. brings me back.
perfectionism is a b*tch, i get it, but the only one expecting it from you is you. your gifts will be awesome and your family will be so happy to see you. take it slow and steady. we’re all here for you ❤
It’s getting hard to remember things as I age. But I used to invite people at work over for thanksgiving dinner when I heard they are alone for the holiday. We had a full table for dinner so what’s a few more. Read a lot of the comments, Kati you are loved and respected. Hope you’re safe and warm this winter.
I really wish I could hug you one big hug! Coz don't know what to say... Christmas was wayyy better as a kid. I don't feel like celebrating Christmas any more. Don't feel like decorating the house nothing I just wanna run away to a retreat house and relax.
Thank you for being so relatable❤️ this Christmas is very hard for me as well, after a recent family rupture. I’m so glad I’m not alone
heres what i keep in mind. there are 12 official days to celebrate Christmas. we can spread it out. many people open gifts on jan 6. holidays are sacred time for grief as well as joy. we can make our own cultural norms. thanks for these more personal videos.
What country do you live in ?
Thank you Kati. I saw a good advice - focus on making it an enjoyable season, not a perfect one. I’m focusing on how fast it goes by listening to Christmas music and watching Christmas movies - letting the rest fall as it may! ❤️❤️❤️❤️
My aunt passed away six years ago yesterday. Christmas was often done at her house so I get the grief aspect. There’s a been a changing of the guard in my family, too. I related to that all too well.
Of course we are thankful that you are part of our lives.
This is so relatable!! Thank you for articulating those feelings and making sense of it all!! I’m feeling these. For me, my peace comes from prayer and knowing that this life is temporary and heaven is so close. We are living in the end days and I’m excited to be reunited with loved ones and God!!
Christmas is a very triggering event for us. Make the best of it!
I experienced trauma on December 29, 2020…smack dab between Christmas and New Year’s, so the holidays are really tough for me. My body has been on high alert in anticipation of my trauma anniversary. My therapist has given me coping mechanisms, but that doesn’t take away the pain I feel in my body. Having to face it feels impossible while I navigate my other responsibilities (job, family, etc.) I just want it to be over. 😞
Thank you for the vulnerability 💜
This is the first Christmas without my mom. She died 3 mo ago. 202O/2021 could see her because of Covid. April 2022 we finally got to visit flew 3000 miles and at the end of my visit got Covid and couldn’t hug her goodbye then her and hubby got Covid from me. Sept 2022 I flew there to say goodbye when she was on hospice. Dec26 she would have been 80. Sorry for your losses Katy! I appreciate your videos.. Thank you.
I am grateful for you and your honest, vulnerable self! I too have been struggling this year with missing those who are gone or live far away. I keep telling myself this will pass. Be kind and gentle to myself. All your advice is spot on. Love to you.
For many years been living far from my family I’m very close with. A huge help for us recently in many ways including stress is to celebrate our holiday together about a month early. Gives us an excuse to decorate early, relief planning everything at the same time, travel etc etc. It’s not perfect but for us it’s really helped a lot.
Thank you Katie for all the self caring advices.
From the very first Christmas, being together with love in our "community" wasn't possible for Josheph, Mary and Jesus. They teach us acceptance, being meek, humble and patient. In the future we understand the full meaning of this. You have a loving heart so that is more than enough.
I was literally just wrapping gifts and I started thinking about my grandparents and it brought tears to my eyes. My grandparents also used to host Xmas at their place and those are some of my favorite memories with family. Grandpa stoking the fireplace and grandma sharing her warm smile and cookies. I loved them dearly and miss them. I'm single but my greatest joy in life is my moms french bulldog. My parents live with me and she also has a chihuahua. The Frenchie sleeps with me and gets all the hugs and kisses. He's like my son. God bless you and have a merry Christmas.
So true with Getting excited is hard when grieving the loss of people and uncertainty of life .
I hope the stress is bearable for you and you and your family have a beautiful holiday. This has been by far the worst holiday season for our family.. our daughter and grandchild were almost killed by an abusive boyfriend, my husband lost his job and I have been diagnosed with a chronic health issue. We can’t even exchange gifts or help out daughter financially because my husband has lost his job. I did get a new job in caregiving which is something I haven’t done in a few years because of my health. Now I’m working while sick just to try and avoid becoming homeless. I’m tired, I’m so so tired and I truly hope things get better for us and anyone else that’s struggling out there.
My mom died in March and it’s just so hard. And my parents’ anniversary was yesterday. My dad put red roses on her grave in the snow. 💔 I have five kids and I just don’t have it in me to make Christmas super special. Our son was deployed last year and he’s coming home, so I should feel excited. At the same time, another son won’t be home for Christmas for the next two years. So many emotions.
Thank you so much for being humble enough to share this. I have much more respect for you and this channel. That takes an honorable, wise and strong person to do that.
I needed this today! I am feeling a weird sadness and anxious feelings on top of it. For me, I think a lot of my sadness is related to COVID and missing out on some of the biggest moments of my college experience. I also had many health issues in February 2021 that resulted in me having to move out of my dorm and live with my parents full-time again. I think the holidays bring back the feeling of looking forward to going back to campus and having a normal schedule again after break, but now I don't have that anymore since I graduated. I am going to get my master's degree in social work starting in January, so I am hoping that it helps me move forward and reach my goals personally and professionally! I also just realized that I don't feel comfortable around my family. I'm trying to become an authentic version of myself, but unfortunately, that is also tied to my sadness of not being a college student at my Alma mater anymore. I was very good friends with the Dean of students and work. He was very supportive of me and I never felt like I had to hide who I was around him. Being an INFJ and an enneagram 9, I am used to taking on other people's emotions and I can never be myself. I understand the tension of holidays like you are describing, Kati. I need to have better boundaries this year, but it is so difficult. If I take myself out of the situation, then my family just thinks I am being ridiculous.
I totally understand where you’re coming from as my son was at Uni throughout the pandemic and since graduating last year, he hasn’t been the same. He appears to have hit a big low in his life, possibly depression, hasn’t come out of his bedroom, socialised, exercised and his sleep pattern is back to front, so he is not eating regularly and suffers a lot of headaches and neck pain, probably stress and posture. It’s heart breaking to see him like this when he worked so hard at uni studying a very difficult and challenging course on a laptop in his bedroom 😢 He missed out on Uni life, social and teaching side which he was so looking forward to. Since being home he seems to have lost his way in life, like his brain has switched off. It’s a scary thought going out into the big wide world having lost the security of being at school, college then Uni 😔
You're not alone. This year has been strangely rough for many people. I hope you can have a wonderful time with your loved ones. When an old family member passed away some years ago, one thing that we did was having our Christmas dinner like every other year and dedicating some of the Christmas customs to them, as a little festive farewell.
Talking to others who are sharing grief for a loved one helps a lot.
At least it well did for us.
Thank you so much for your video Kati. I loved the concept of "changing of the guards" from you and your uncle.
I also see the changing of the guards concept as not having to conform to our script - allowing ourselves to protect our own needs rather than having to follow what other people need.
I love your ideas about creating these boundaries, so we as individuals can be replenished.
Love being part of your community. Have a wonderful Christmas.
This is very recognizable for me. The holidays for some reason make me sad every year. I will be spending Christmas alone this year. Luckily my son is with me with new years eve. Take care of yourself and your loved ones Kati, and I hope you will have happy holidays in spite of all the stress.
I’m healthy and doing ok being alone every Christmas -but for my church family. Recently my only son estranged and disconnected himself from me and his sister. This is the week we remember my Moms passing a few years ago. And my dear cousin, an awesome person just died suddenly from Covid, 😢
I have no one here to visit on Christmas or any holiday; relatives live fairly far apart. There are no rituals except candle lighting, songs and spiritual practices.
Grief and loneliness are very palpable.
Katie, you remind me of my daughter. Determined and overwhelmed by expecting so much from herself. You have alot of things on your mind it seems. Please go easy on yourself. You probably don't want to hear that. But be well. Happy Holidays. 😊
I cried through this with you, Kati. Thank you for being honest and open to telling the truth about how the holidays can effect us. You have helped me with so much through the years, thank you.
You are so welcome!
Thank you for this video Kati- you and this community are never alone and I am here for you all!😀
Just the video I needed that said everything I couldn't say, so, thank you! Broken families, financial lows, house still dirty and messy on Christmas eve,missing my dead grandparents who made Christmas such a lively time and I always looked forward to it but this year, all I want is to sleep this Christmas away. I just want the new year so that I don't keep feeling this, whatever this is.
Thank you, Kati! Your messages are always helpful. This year, I find it is good to keep things in perspective.
My father has been missing since his release from jail in October. No one in the family has heard from him and thats not normal. It's been making this Christmas season unbearable. My biggest wish is to know he's okay and hug him. Not having a support system or family around the holidays is very hard. I'm sorry you are going through a hard time as well. Thanks for sharing your story and the work you do. It truly helps.
Absolutely get it.
Lots of losses this year, among many other issues making the holidays icky. I only recently found you, but I so appreciate you for making sense of many things I've got going on in my head,along with my amazing therapist.
Thank you for all you do,we love you. 💜
Thank you for being vulnerable whole also sharing advice. And for the reminder of how and what others could be going through during the holidays.
Thank you so much for sharing. Been feeling the same way. Your video was posted before the blizzard. That added a whole extra bomb of stress but kind of let me let go of a lot of crazy expectations and more. Your video made me feel a lot better and understood.