My BPD : NPD Relationship pt 4
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- Опубліковано 30 вер 2024
- Part 4. These are the things she would tell me and say to me, again sorry for harsh words but this girl nearly destroyed me, and took no responsibility to make it better.
again if she got help, and wasn't treating me like a piece of dirt, and not using " mental issue" as an excuse to do so, it would be a different outcome.
I'm just out of one of these relationships. You said something that made a lot of the pieces snap together: "The things you fell in love with were never there." Damn... Well said.
thank you, sad but true, the aftermath is tough im involved with someone right now and im just not in it, i still think im hurt i stil think im not healed, its not a good sitaution
It’s all an illusion. What we feel for them is real. The “Love” from them isn’t.. it’s only in the moment.
This is an old video but thanks I relate a lot. I recognize that haggard & drained look. That early “spark” is because they pretend to be into all the things you’re into, they mirror you. That’s always the first red flag. This & the lovebombing is all to hook you in & secure the supply. It’s not long before you become the bad guy who is never there enough, never attentive enough, never enough & those interests you supposedly shared are soon denigrated & the abuse begins. Before you know it your whole life revolves around them & trying to avoid their Hulk-out rages & Imma-kill-myselves. I’ll bet she had a bunch of woe-is-me tales of past relationships too where she was always the victim when the reality was mostly the opposite & she drove some so nuts they dished it back.
They “fear abandonment”, but they’re such black holes that they create a self-fulfilling prophecy where one HAS to abandon them to save their sanity. No contact is the way to go. My BPD ex still tries to contact me YEARS later like I should be glad to hear from her, like she didn’t put me through an 18-month reign of terror. I have to keep blocking her lol. Unbefuckinglievable
Glad to hear you stayed strong and didnt fall back into the chaos.
Relationship with borderline can actually kill you. You look older than your age because what she put you through. With a borderline you would age in six months for what you suppose to age in ten years. It took you a long time to let go, you have seeing red flags in the beginning but you didn’t act on them, because you have a problem of your own to let this predator in your life. You are a codependent you should work hard on yourself so you won’t be attracted to these kind of women in your life again.
Watch my latest VIDEO and you will see they dont change, contacted me after she had another failed relationship, just got out of it and she reached out to me, i know this bc someone told me she was in one, right after me, and it ended just before she messaged me. I'm a nice guy, and forgive, but with this and HER. NO! i have nothing to forgive her for, that is my choice, i can go on, and be happy and not forgive.
Another hurtful thing my bpd ex said that just killed me was you're not a priority in my life but expected me to make her one. It's all about them!
Canceling plans is also a hallmark behavior of someone with Cluster B issues.
Emily Frugalsworth Kiang covert narcs do this a lot..
funny because looks like everyone who ever had the bpd gfs experience kinda looks like we all dated the same person Lol! mine used to flirt with guys in front of me. these people are evil, i blocked her and now she is trying to make contact,
BLOCK BLOCK BLOCK in every form possible. They are the devil and they do play from the same book, it is funny bc i watched a therapist who studies these people and wards against being involved with them, he put it very simple. These people ( life destroyers) all go to the same acting class, and play the same role, they are just given a different script, the different scripts are OUR ( their victims) lives. Mine contacted me again after 5 months, and just after she got out of another failed relationship ( go figure, another failed one) She has NOONE again, and cant hold a relationship she she messages me. BLOCKED her! Dead to me! do not let them back in.
that s soo right man! and she is like she changed and realized the meaning of life CRAZY!! i almost believed that Bs
Taken to heaven, slammed back down to earth, then hit by a fuckin train! That is being in love with a BPD.
Brother I feel you. Trust me you got off easy. Remember always, it's her stuff not yours and she would have tried to destroy whoever she met.
Quest Physics Took me a long time to realize that but once I did everything was clear
See if u can talk to her ex’s. They will have the same story you have.
Your ex had her support system as her supply. There was no way they would have said anything to correct her or make her accountable.
Agree with you! they are adults! no excuse to be pure evil then apologize and continue
Thanks for sharing your story. I've been listening to you while baking and have talked back a few times, a la, "Yeah." and "That's right." Since you're obviously a thoughtful, reflective, patient; wanting to cooperate; possessed of balanced perspective and some good values that are more than just received notions to you; flexible; generous of spirit; easily giving of love, and without keeping score; non-vindictive; smart; open to influence from others . . . all these things indicative of a (at least!) fairly healthy // definitely nice person capable and desirous of mutuality and sharing of burdens and joys and strength and vulnerability in relationship . . . I've found it very comforting to hear what you went through. I can relate to a lot of it.
I'm sorry for whatever your girlfriend went through to make her the way she is. (Her mother's response to you makes me wonder if she too is a borderline.) It must have been really horrible. But you're every bit as important as she is. That includes _your_ pain; _your_ preferences; _your_ rights to emotional and physical safety and freedom from time-wasting, soul-sucking, dominating, revenge-exacting, deceptive, exhausting, neverending bullshit.
That love you thought you had with her? I hope you've given it a proper funeral. Have mourned that loss. Have been kind to yourself (as you deserve.) Have thought all about what it meant, and -- with as much kindness for yourself as you obviously know how to extend to others, and with respect for whatever you've had to do to survive back when you were truly dependent (if any coping or survival strategies were necessary), and with an openness of mind and curiosity -- have looked into what in your past experience may have conditioned you to accept the unacceptable.
The disillusionment of realizing you were the only one really connecting to the beloved is terribly painful; that there was no love or empathy or understanding or any effort not entirely self-serving ever coming back. It really is. I'm going through the alienating horror and sorrow of that kind of reckoning myself.
Mostly I take comfort in the vast amount of moral support and education and wisdom available out here on UA-cam coming from people who've been through the kind of stuff we have, and have healed from it, and take comfort in the loving company of a few dear friends who really 'get it' where narcissistic abuse is concerned. Thank you again for your videos.
Another little thing that lifts me up is to think of a glimmer on the flipside of that horrible realization that I was the only one really connecting in that crap "relationship": All the positive that I reverse-projected onto the other; all the things I thought were so great about our relationship during the idealization//'lovebombing' phase . . . those tell me a lot about what I really want and really value -- as well what *I'm* capable of. This knowledge will serve me when I'm ready to have a relationship again.
And all that I gave and wanted to give to the other? I can know that that love and kindness and nourishment and heed of what I like and value and enjoy and want is what I should give to _myself_ as I heal.
Though extremely painful, this was a very valuable experience. I believe those wiser and further along the recovery path than me who say, "You'll be better for this in the long run."
You seem like a lovely person. I wish you all the courage and love and good fortune you could have as you travel your own.
I feel you bro. Thanks for including the last thought. Except I call them demons.
yes. BPD ( Big Powerfull Demons....)- I think is something in that...
Yes definitely bpd/npd case here. I lived through one although thankfully it was short lived. Still recovering and I'm a walking shell of what I once was because of that whole experience. I got the dreaded silent treatment for weeks on end. I could go on and on. Then everyone was turned against me (flying monkeys) and I was the one with the problem. She probably would have murdered me no joke. I would block block forever and don't look back my friend. The damage is done. I truly feel your pain. I must have gone through 20 bottles of JD in the first weeks afterwards and lost 30 lbs.
Yep love fraud, they feel nothing. Give it time.
Mom - BPD : 44 years of emotional torture.
Wife 1: 16 years of emotional, psychological torture.
Wife 2: 14 years of erratic bliss, til BPD won and I get devalued and discarded.
Finally realizing I keep picking women like my mother - beautiful, insecure, emotionally unstable and completely emotionally unavailable.
I'm codependent... I'm taking a break from relationships to figure out why I keep barking up the wrong tree.
At least you figured some things out while you're young.
Take some time, go to therapy and heal. The complex PTSD I have is deeper than I thought.
This abuse is brutal.
Marc Alan they’re no joke and will drain the life from you unless you stay away and keep away and take care of your own self
This video made me laugh so hard cause I went through the same crazyness!!! WTF!!!!
Gabe Hernandez ironic right ? But that’s very common. Same script just a different setting
@@Guidice00 you have that deep stare that we survivors now have. Like our brains still can't believe what happened. Your videos were helpful and I thank you.
I think the hardest, most devastating part of it all, is that you'll never fully forget them. You'll miss the "good" parts of them, the good memories, the person that they were when you met them. It sticks to you, always haunting you cause you'll never know why they did what they did, the fact that you can never get closure. It's something you'll always carry with you, even into future relationships.
no support from her family, i was deemed the bad guy bc i was trying to FIX this issue and she could not control herself or her emotions so obvious the problem was me, not that she needs serious help. OR that her mother stayed with her step father after the alleged abuse of her daughter. if this girl was nice, kind and the girl i met and would listen and take my feelings into consideration and she still had emotional issues within her but did not destroy the so called person she loved, things would be different, i would help in anyway i can ( i did this anyway) though she pushed, pulled me for 4 months, treated me like shit and broke me down which led me at the doctors office in tears not knowing what was going on with me. She didn't care about me, only about what she needed.
I just went through exactly what you’ve said and worse. My bpd ex put my gun to his head and threatened to shoot himself if I left. He said he’d do it so I’d have to live with the guilt for leaving him for the rest of my life. He was jealous if my dog as well, and my child. He looked at me with such vile hatred in his eyes and told me how much he hated me yet turned right around and begged me to stay. He called me a whore, a succubus, every mean thing in the book. This is coming from someone who had just hours before got done telling me that I was the kindest sweetest woman in the world. I completely feel your pain.
Jessica Edwards oh wow I’m so sorry. Ik how hard that can be and the gun is just so insane for someone to deal with. One minute they’re ok next they’re flipping out. So you’re out of that relationship now ?
She was gas lighting you big time, that's what they do...they love it. Sounds like my ex. These people are soulless black holes. Your definitely not alone.
The Minute they know what you really want they do the opposite. I told my husband I’m very lonely in our marriage. So he went & his in hotel rooms. Would not answer my text or call. Then I left a message saying, “wow the guy up the street I just met us so kind don’t worry about calling me back I’m not that lonely”. Guess what? The phone rang like crazy - & no I didn’t pick it up. He was jealous nothing more.
man i really emphatize with you man, I was in love with an ''undiagnosed'BPD aswell, first love. Totally crushed me, no apology nothing. Hope you're doing well now.
I feel your pain man. Thanks for sharing. I'm in the same thing exactly now and have been for over 3 years. Unlike you though I was too foolish to pull the plug as soon as I started to see it. I did but I failed to stay away. She would go back to being a version of her over the top good self, be apologetic and beg me to return. And I always did. I didn't really understand what i was dealing with at that point. She had captured me hook line and sinker with the incredible love bombing. And it was the best! I thought I hit the jackpot. Seriously it was so good it was almost embarrassing to tell anyone about. Hot sexy loving smart supportive uplifting just over the top and I could not have been happier. At that point she had a man in me who would have walked through fire for her. But then within about 3 months the cycle of idealization to devaluation began. It was harsh and has only gotten worse and more frequent. I do not as often or as long see the good version of her now. The good version is not as good as it was in the beginning but it does reappear. I've never had anyone say the things to me or about me the way she had the capability to do when she is in this raging place. Not even close. After all I'm something of a people pleaser so those kind of put downs I never get. I'm very happy go lucky. I am known by all who have known me for awhile as being kind, loving, patient and thoughtful. But to her when she is in this space I am truly the scum of the earth. And it can be debilitating. What ever she can think to say to me that would hurt me most she does say and with vigor. Her very messed up disregulated extreme emotions were often based on a premise that was false or I later learned fabricated by her. And anything can trigger her rage and wrath. None of it made sense. Yet I hung in there. I even married her in the foolish hope that doing so would help her with the insecurities she so often expressed and blamed on me. And as you would guess that didn't make it better. Well maybe for two weeks. Cause it's actually gotten worse since then and we are now teetering on divorce. I spent my first birthday married to her without her, my first Thanksgiving with out her, my first Christmas without her and now my second birthday is approaching and once again I'll spend it without her. And those inexperienced with this personality disorder might wonder why. The answer is that these people can go off into a ragefull rant filled with put downs and accusations then be as cold to you as anyone could be and yet they are supposed to be our love partner. There is no way to talk to them or reason with them or comfort them or even be around them. You can't stay around it for long because it tears your heart out to be demeaned and belittle the way they are capable of doing. And when they are in this place it's not like they are happy either. My wife falls into a mutiday depression. One that no matter what I do I can't I pull her out. It's rough and sad. I know I'll be just fine if we do end up going our separate ways. In fact better off because I won't have this massive stresser in my life. I still at this point worry about what will happen to her however because I know this pattern isn't isolated to me. I've seen her dump on others in an over the top rageful way as well. Even her ex's. She'll carry it with her, repeat the cycle and it will eventually be her undoing.
im sorry for your experience, what you just explained is in essence what i went through for a short duration. You have been at it longer and seem to be stronger than me. I broke down and she broke me down to the point of sickness, losing weight, not eating. The thing about these people is, they will NEVER get better not with marriage, not with love, not with understanding. Bc if you say you understand, they will create another havoc topic and you will fight with that. its a cycle. She got worse when you married her bc she can, shes got you married, ( although you can leave and you should) in her mind shes got you so she can act how she wants. They can say the meanest nastiness things ever and it does not faze them. It will tear you down like you said, she doens't love you, she can't love. she uses your love for her to fill the emptiness in her soul, and that is only temporary. I read a quote once and it said, giving love to these people is like filling a well of water with a massive hole in it. it never gets filled. save yourself, no matter how hot and loving she can be, that is their tool, they use that to hook us, bc THEY KNOW they can. they are not stupid, they play stupid when they rage to get attention and sympathy but make no mistake! they know what they do, and most do not want help.
Tim, you have to remember that she survived just fine before she met you and will do so after.
Take care of yourself.
That’s most important
It is so crazy how similar your story is to what I experienced. The similarities are unreal. Thank you for sharing this.
absolutely that is why i made these, bc i knew this shit happens to others and i felt like i was crazy and i was not, you are not. THEY ARE.
BPD/NPD gfexperience I'm in a similar situation with a girl right now. I was with her for 5 years and everything was great. Then back in November is when she started acting crazy. She broke up with me and said all kinds of crazy shit to me. I had to move out of our apartment back in January and then April came when I started getting little texts here and there. Then in June she really started contacting me again telling me she was sorry for everything and that she still loves me and that she realized I was her soul mate then at the end of June she went cold again and I sent her a text after text but all she told me is she would talk to me on her own time. She's not diagnosed with bpd but there are so many similarities between your story and others who have had it or had to deal with someone who did. It's hard because I do lover her a lot....
you are her soulmate until you are not again lol it is a never ending circle with these types of people, they will destroy you all along while saying they love you. if they are not in hard therapy then there is no way it gets better and even in therapy unless you are there i wouldnt beleive shit they say. you do LOVE her. she deosn't love you. she can't, that is the tough part. read read read, google articles on this, that is what saved me. i would just re read over and over, and get therapy which also saved me.
BPD - Big Powerfull Demons - I think is something in that. In polish language is that same -BPD- Bardzo Poważne Demony... :)
Excellent explanation 👍 buddy
So glad that you woke up before you were completely destroyed. Focus your time on building your life. Working out, traveling etc. Learn from this experience and take the red flags seriously in future relationships. This situation did not kill you, it made you stronger. I went through it with my ex NARC. It has been a year and a couple of months and I am finally getting strong and confident again. I decided not to date anyone until I healed. Getting stronger everyday with the help of God.
I just started to listen to your videos...please, don't stop making them, you never know who you are helping....thank you
Bettinna Bolger thank you so much! I'm glad my videos help!
BPD/NPD gfexperience, it masked me
So happy to know that you were able to get out before it was too late and before you were invested beyond hope in this mindfuckering type of sickness, late I mean after 20 + years of marriage, kids, etc, the devastation could have been a total devastation to not just you but too so many other innocent humans and even innocent "things" like jobs, institutions, opportunities, dreams and even pets. Consider yourself part of the lucky 🍀 ones, be grateful to God and your parents for giving you the opportunities to not become a caretaker and part of an impossible relationship. Keep healing, keep resisting the temptation to rescue others, there are many other people out there who are ok, not perfect but mentally stable, the reason why you were picked by her it's because "people with good heart ❤️ and people who are of good nature" will be the only ones who give the benefit of the doubt, the ones who take chances in life, the ones who give second chances, the ones who believe, the ones with hope and the only ones who can bend their own lives to cater someone who is incapable to be satisfied. Empathy is the core of compassion and the pendulum of emotions but it's also the magnet that makes us attractive to people who are empty and damaged inside. Lastly, keep sharing your videos of recovery and progress so you can inspired other who could be in your shows to cut off or/and to have hope. Blessings
thank you so much for your response and message, resisting the temptation is key and hard, she contacted me recently i did not respond, i blocked her, but thank you so much for comments!
im grateful i was able to get out, i did not see it, but i needed to get it and glad i did! when you're in the fog, you can't see straight.
BPD/NPD gfexperience, you are probably familiar with all the resources in the next (specially on UA-cam) but in case you aren't, allow me to share some info/videos that are extremely helpful to understand not just the fog that one feels but also the reality. There are plenty of books and websites, and you name it, sometimes I take breaks because it's too much overload, here is a playlist by Ross Rosenberg, who wrote the book "The human magnet", the last thing I wish for you is to become obsess, that it's draining too...but it's ok to once an a while, go back to the resources that will give you the reality check. Good people tend to forget quickly and it's probably why they become easy prey. Take care and live fully! I will keep checking your channel for your updates and let me know if you would like me to share some of the books, videos and tools that have helped me in my recovery (super s l o w www) :-)
man my ex bpd girlfriend tried to kill me with a knife, she told me that i want to have sex with my brothers wife. She threatened me to text my director that i am a drug addict.She punched me, spit on me. She burnt my childhood photos. She broke all of my items in my house And many things that i don't remember... It really takes time to heal after this kind of relationship. Cool thing is now i know what kind of relationship i want. Be optimistic. Cheers!
Pretty intensive. I was with bordeline for 3,5y but she's quiet bordeline. I know about her problems (not about bordeline at start) so I helped her to stop cut herself and showed borders. But it was exhausting. Mostly for my free time and work. I tried to breakup with her 1,5y ago but she said: I'll commit suicide by stabing myself by knife in belly. 4 months ago she breakup with me and now there is a brand new victim (I'm not religious but praying for him). I avoided the bullet (or few) when I danced with a sweet, beautiful and wonderful devil. Will be betetter. Always is.
They are predators.
Absolutely
I said the same thing; "What happened to that great woman at breakfast in Wichita?" To which she (the Covert Narcissist dissociation) snapped; "she doesn't exist."
The typical BPD has five dissociative identities. Her dominant one was sadistic Covert NPD.
Sometimes we don't realize that we answer our own questions with these Cluster Bs.
There are actually some great videos on this. Unfortunately I can't remember the link (but search BPD Dissociations). Dissociations are often mistaken for DID (multiple personalities); and indeed the "compartmentalization" can make it appear that way. They are actually the "unmerged self". Mine had 5 who I defined as 1) Covert Sadistic Narcissist, 2) The functional working woman, 3) The real self, 4) The fragile woman, and 5) The broken child. While my definitions are NOT clinical, they represent what you will commonly see.
Your videos have really helped me with my breakup with a girl with BPD. The similarities are unreal.
im happy to hear its helped you! im glad i could reach out in this way bc this shit is not easy to deal with, with these types of people
Good video Bro. I had almost the exact same experience with my ex GF. Centered around a trip to Vegas for my Brothers birthday. She threatened to not go the day before, even though she had the airfare portion of the trip where I'd paid for the Hotel. That sent me into a panic wondering if she was even coming now and what exactly I was going to do. Then she comes reluctantly, guilt tripping me the whole way. This is a trip we've had planned for about a month. Then she isolates me from the group for the bulk of the weekend and we're doing our own thing. Finally the big birthday dinner and she gets up from the table to use the restroom and I get a text saying "Didn't feel well. Went to the room. Have a good night." So then I'm freaking out because I know she feels just fine but this is one of her stunts. My brother says go calm her tits down and meet us in the lobby we're all going to this one bar. When I get to the room, she is bags packed/gone. Like gone, gone. This induces another round of adrenaline and stress hormones flying around my already ravaged brain. She turns up hours later with no explanation but that somehow she's the victim in all of this. I miss the whole night with family and friends while the two of us fly home the next day in awkward silence. She threw a grenade into the whole thing. Why? Cause she's six ways from Sunday. Fit for a straight jacket. In my whole life I've never experienced a relationship like this so like you, I kept trying to understand and rationalize it all. I dated her for about a year all told. When the lightbulb went off for me and I understood what she was, I confronted her and she discarded me for good. Too hard to hear I guess. Easier to go through life being a fuck head. I feel your pain Bro. Stay strong on the no contact. Fuck that chick for real.
Man you're such a nice guy I really want to have a beer with. I am in a similar boat, emotionally.
Thanks for Sharing man...
The only thing I can tell you that is never chase BPD or NPD because that makes things only worse... Just tell her you're moving on and that's it... I had relationship with this type too they are never happy... Good luck...
Over 6 Mos no contact after about 7 years with my BPD/NPD/ASPD friend and I still feel all the things you feel on random days...not most days though. It gets a little better the more time away BUT when you think about it a little too much it is just so UNBELIEVABLE that you wonder if you dreamt this nightmare. It would be nice if they had identifiers on them. But by you being a young man maybe it is great you learnt about these vampires early on. Should you run into one of these parasites again I guarantee you have set up boundaries and as soon as any other girl cross them AND exhibit ANY of the red flags, you will cut and leave them immediately.
haha my ex was just the same and we had the same argument about a wedding and her putting in effort. I used to say to her 'me, me, me, me'.
Selfish manipulative and kept blaming me. Would never take responsibility.
I was the same as you, wish things would go back to the first few months. It was an illusion and when she did something wrong in the first few months, she would say sorry, this isnt me. A year and half later I realised that it was actually her and the good times werent her. It was all a fake. Rot in hell.
I left like that its best you left earlier then i did four years of it i miss the sex but no more walking on egg shells life will be better in a sec be strong
I'm in tears watching this... Everything your describing is exactly what I've been living for the past 3 years.... The things they say... And the constant anxiety you feel is just.... Indescribable... I won't go into detail obviously... But I'm STILL going through this... Drop me a msg if you want to.... I don't think ANYONE can grasp this until they actually live it..
its hard for someone to grasp for anyone unless they are or have gone through it. Feel free to message me. guidice00@yahoo.com
Msg sent.
Tammy Brunelle I didn’t get anything. sure you have the right address ?
BPD/NPD gfexperience postive it is... Literally cut and pasted it... My email must be acting up... Wierd.. Thats brutal because I typed alot. Regardless ty for these videos.. It makes it easier in a sense knowing others have gone through this as well. I'll try again later :)
*copied and pasted
Stop! This wedding episode literally happened to me this summer. I was a bridesmaid and my ex made the comment of me not having time for him. It was my first time being in a wedding and I knew I had a heavy agenda which would leave me away from him. I These were friends I hadnt seen for almost 6 years and I was concerned because I wanted to make sure he had fun while I was doing my bridesmaid duties. Unfortunately I decided to attend myself and as soon as the day before, he complained I wasnt taking him. Contacted me nonstop fighting while I was traveling 450 miles away for the wedding. So much similarity its insane. I tried to explain to his mother his ways since I was close to her since the begining of our relationship when I lived close to her. She always seemed to make excuses for him and I believe she was in denial as well and didnt want me to leave him.
same script just differnet settings with these types. that is what they will do because it puts them as the victims which is exactly what they want! you can never make them happy. ever
WOW, what you said really resonated with me, if they were raised by aholes, that's how they turn into aholes. That seems like a valid way to look at them.
Thanks for sharing your story here, it was helpful to hear about another persons experiences this way. Hope you're doing better now : ) Take care.
rb919 thank you! Glad it shredded some light bc that’s the thing you aren’t the only one even tho we think we are
God damn she getting jealous of a pet dog!!! “Have a nice life with your four legged lover” 🤣😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Jessica Rowland lol that is what I’m currently doing 😂😂
also dated one ....sorry for u
We were with the same girl I think
what's taking some people to see and understand in 7/10years or a lifetime relationship's it took you 4months. kudos to you.. . you started off great with pt1 but this one is not so great this are people with a mental disorder that takes a lot of care and put off with to make it happen
My best wishes to you, these types of Personality disordered creatures the borderline woman won't quit in some cases they'll file false accusations on you to try to put you in jail in order to try to destroy you be blessed that you're free go through the pain but never go back
R L thank you very much! Much appreciated. Some won't quit yes they're dangerous ppl
Thanks for the uploads man. I'm dealing with this crap right now and it is really tough. Just starting to let go of those powerful first couple months and accept that I can't do anything to go back there. I'm at fault for ALL of her problems now and will always be. Crazy hurts. Much respect to you.
Ive got bpd I've had CBT which has helped me a lot I've been watching your videos & I honestly feel for u, no matter how much u help someone if they are not ready which they may never be then its never going to work out you have a big heart good one at that hence why u stuck around u gave it your all for nothing I understand your pain time is a healer & u'll move on & find some who truly deserves u don't let this carry on destroying u let go & start living your life, positive mind brings positive vibes positive life!!!
thank you claire, i wish you the best and glad you have gotten some help that is good for you personally.
thank you for sharing. been through a similar experience. really helps a lot to hear somebody else talk about it. hope you are doing better, and that you have found peace and happiness within yourself again. all the best
I’m so young, I fell in love with a bpd girl, so beautiful, I helped her better her life, I got her into college, I got her to stop cutting, I got her to get a tattooo cover up, I took all of her emotional blackmail, I took all of her anger and verbal abuse and ignored it and I ignored her lies because I loved her, she was my first love, it’s literally been 4 weeks since she broke up with me because she’s “mentally not stable for a relationship “ what bulkshit, I was there for her through everything I fucked up my life for her I missed my Exams for her because she was in the hospital , I done everything for her, I spoilt her , I Made her life so much better and she break up with me, and can’t meet me for closure, I’m so lost and confused , I can’t eat , I can’t do anything , I can’t even sleep, my heads so fucked , how can someone do this , and the worse thing is 4 weeks ago she lied about something and I was angry and she got a tattoo of my name on her lip to show she loved me and then she breaks up with me, what the fuck, like what the actual fuck, her parents are supportive towards me but she does as she pleases because if she doesn’t get her way she gets angry and emotional, what did I do wrong, we pictured our future , we were together for 1.5 years, what did I do wrong , honestly , it’s a massive head fuck
Zee run or you will fuck your life....
Ofr ff that’s the thing, she dumped me and moved on to another guy, but why the fuck am I feeling so heart broken, considering how toxic it all was
Samuel thank you, that actually helped reading your comment, as bad as this sounds I’m happy that i’m not the only one who has experienced this and I know for sure I’ll get better quicker and much sooner than I anticipated , so thank you🙏
Samuel that comment hit me hard when you said the “ I thought we were done” the amount of times she said that to me, it’s actually so crazy how everyone across the World can experience the same exact bullshit with these people
Samuel hi, is there anyway I can contact you and speak to you?...I’m finding everything very hard right now
Oh wow reading some of the comments really makes me to understand this situation who’ve been driving me crazy that I wasn’t alone like the caysey story is exactly similar situation oh my goodness I am so happy2 days ago he ended up the relationship and after year off roller coaster emotional I’m really happy that he end it thanks again for sharing as this video it will help a lot of peoples who’re going Through this situation and don’t know WTF to do about their situation thanks again good luck 👍🏾🍀
I asked my ex BPD girlfriend the same question after she broke up with me "What happened to the girl I first met?" She replied that you strangled her and killed her. Even though 99% of our issues was due the her fuking selfish controlling manipulative ways. It so fuking scary that for the first 2 months of the relationship she was so perfect. Was it all a fuking act? am I in love with a person that doesn't exist!? Do all BPD's put on this act in the beginning to reel you in...?
You strangled her and killed her lol typical BPD response. They can’t accept blame so put it on you! Sadly. Yes you fell in love with something that wasn’t real, it was an act to draw you in, they mimick what you want and portray that. That’s why it seems so Perfect and they do this bc they have no idea who they are, or how to love. I can’t speak for all but from what I’ve watched and seen and read. This is the course of action for BPD they can’t help it. It’s what they are
@Wingnut @BPD/NPD gfexperience
Yeah they are compulsive liars, I have no clue what mine lied about, she does it so naturally it's hard to tell. It's only when she contradicts herself that I relalise she lied. For example during the love bombing she said she left her ex because the was abusive and put her into depression. A few months after we were talking and she said that her ex left her.
I understand the love bombing stage is an act, but are they doing it on purpose? Because if borderlines lack any identity, then maybe they truly believe they are this person when the love bombing is happening? In the first 2 months she was perfect and was doing everything she knew I loved. In the 3rd month she started testing my boundaries, so I left her as I wasn't that close to her at this stage. She then started cutting herself and threatening to kill herself if I left her. So I thought wow she must really love me and I got back together with her. After a while again she started all her BPD crap again. But I was hooked by then and it was hard to let her go. She had this obsession where she wanted me to dress and cut my hair a specific way. I refused this cause I was not comfortable with it. She kept trying to force me to do it for the next few months and threatened to leave me if I didn't listen. After months of arguing about it. She broke up with me cause I didn't dress and cut my hair the way she wanted. It's unbelievable and so shallow of her. But it was like a life and death thing to her. She even said its her way or the high way. My feelings meant nothing to her. It was all about her. Like the guy in the video if I even mentioned something I disliked, she could careless. It's like she lacks the ability to sense other people feelings. She basically broke up with me because she couldn't control me. It sucks and hurts cause I genuinely loved her a lot.
same script always. be careful i gave mine second chance and she did the same they are soo cold don't fall for when they hoovering its hard but don't unless you use her for sex only but you have feelings thats dangerous
juliani calvari yup! Second chances are like heroine for them
@ juliani calvari
When my ex broke up with me I didn't know about any of this and sort of begged for her back like an idiot for around a week or so. Now I know better and want nothing to do with her and she seems to hate my guts anyway. How often do they try to hoover you back in and how long do they take to contact you usually? I want mine to hoover me so I can reject her and gain some self respect back.
4:55 😂😂😂😂😂 I’m sorry but that was hilarious cuz of my own experiences lmfao “you failed at parenting” I’m deadddddd
This was insane, i think I'll do this in fact. My ex literally put me through the same shit for years and at this point I'm talking to someone else. Regardless of her and her bf's petty games I'm just wondering "who could i have met I the years i wasted trying to help her? What could i have accomplished?
Sending hugs and prayers your way for peace and healing. Still recovering from an experience with an BPD/NPD myself. What ever you do, don't let this experience dampen your Spirit and taint future relationships, take as much time as necessary to heal yourself (easier said than done, I know). Blessings.
I went through nearly the exact same thing you did, including strange things with my dog, Frank. When I broke up with her and came to her house to pick up my things, she called the cops on me, then sent my best friend a Facebook message saying she was worried I was going to hurt her or myself. Long story short, she has big issues with family. Sometime happened to her when she young, I can only imagine. The pain will subside and you'll meet someone new. Cough it up as a learning experience. Don't take it out the next girl. Peace!
Wow it's crazy that she can't even try to hang out with you at a wedding. If you would have stayed with her you would have probably ended up friendless.
The asshole😂 so true.
Just recovering also. Been in it for 5 years.
What you miss is the lie she portrayed. It's not your fault.
Thank you! For the kind words! All the best as well
I just went thru the same thing bruh....4months of it
Kevin Ford and let me guess, if the relationship in total was that long 4 months, it musta felt like an eternity
BPD/NPD gfexperience yea man. Pretty much the same experience as you've had. First month was beautiful. Maybe a small lil spat but beautiful. Month 2 was where I should've recognized the red flags. I was 10years older than her so I felt I was wiser. I was trying to guide her. Her parents liked me and wanted me to guide her. No job. No car. I paid for everything. One night at the lake...I told her time heals all wounds in regards to her ex. She blew up and had a tantrum. 2nd incident. I was eating some popcorn in bed watching TV. I guess she wanted attention. She jumps out the bed and has a fit. For about an her. Throwing shit. Cursing etc. 3rd incident...I told her at the Laundromat that I understand why she would get herself into so much trouble. She flipped out, when I got her home...I said im done. She ran after me outside and started punching me saying "I hate u...I hate u....I hope u die on the way home."
........do u know I went back a month later. Things were good for about 2 weeks and the same behaviors continued. Im still hurt because I fell for someone who was fake. I can get over someone easily if they really cared but we just couldn't see eye to eye. But this cluster b type really hurt me. My first....and I swear my last
Kevin Ford ya man, that’s exactly what I went through. Few good weeks and you say something that triggers them which can be ANYTHING and bam. That’s how it is and always is with them. They’re never ok or satisfied. When it’s good it’s real good but when it’s bad it’s disastrous! I’ve had my share of breakups and gotten over em normally but these people, it’s different it’s honestly like you are possessed and not in control of you, they have you in their spell. I was the same way tried to guide her not fix, but guide and be there for her so you’re not alone. But you never ever ever again I’ve learned that people with insecurities that is their issue we can never ever ever solve that.
Thanks for sharing your story, bro! I literally just got out of a similar relationship and this is helping. I hope you're in a much better place now with someone that actually loves you and your dog!
im glad it is helping that is why i did these! , im getting there she ruined me, but im gaining myself back slowly, im much more aware of shit now than i was before. NO CONTACT, is the key! i hope youre in a good place too, knowledge of these people is also key to have
hahahaha I'm happy that your no longer with her and yes they are ass holes and that dad knows full well how she is but doesn't want to deal with it
haha thanks man, assholes to the highest degree!! and yup the father knows damn well!
Love is a fix, just like heroin. An illusion of happiness that won’t keep its mask on long enough that we could walk away from it. Love is the deadly tango of all parasites.
To me now, any women who persists in pursuing my attention is nothing but a mine field to keep away from. I heur you kiddo, but you’ve seen nothing yet. You just can’t make them happy. With them, there is always something better, elsewhere.
Thanks my man. Went through 6 months of a mindfuck.
So glad you decided to make these videos, I'm in a situation that I think might be similar to yours, but we're nearing the 2 year mark, I had it pinned on anxiety and depression like my ex before but this is different. It just took me this whole time to realise it. She drunkenly broke up with me recently (accusing me of cheating) and I've not heard from her since but, yeah I dunno, no idea what to do about any of this, it's so alien to me. But videos like this are helping, knowing that it's not just me and her, this is an actual thing that other people have been through. Thanks again.
Hey man, just watched this and totally identify with everything you were going through. I see the time line so I hope you’re doing better. I’ve been away from my BPD/NPD for about a year and am finally starting to feel a little better. Best advice: Work on yourself and your boundaries/standards and a good one will come along. God bless.
My wife wants a divorce after 5 yrs and two beautiful kids. She is the only one in the house unhappy and at the snap of a finger she has decided she is done. But I can't give up on my kids. They will need me to love them for who they are. Not who they "should" be.
Your a good person. ignore the negative comments on your videos. Keep working on recovery. theres a whole community to support you. Its not easy but you can do it. it will get easier. thank you for your bravery in sharing your story. its good to let this out and you are helping others. never look back. It doesnt change. I was hoovered 7 times in 6 years. this person isnt your responsibility. you come first now. i would say to stay single for a while. Get things back on track. Sending love and prayers to you.
going no contact was the hardest thing to hate love hate love and she told people i gave her a nervous breakdown.i have my baby gigi my Boston terrier. i got it all my ex blamed everybody else playes the victim card and all her ex where crazy and she never did anything wrong
Look up "I wont take that talk" by Adam Ant..great song very fitting
10:15 I needed to hear that... thank you. Watching u is therapeutic for me.
Good to see us guys open up more. Very informative video.
Thank you for sharing your story. It helps me to get information about people who have BPD. I respect your opinion. Your EX had BPD and NPD. From her BPD side she has a huge fear of being abandoned. And for her NPD she cares about herself. I want to be a psychologist for the government. You are a very strong person to go through this. I like to give you feedback maybe next time if you ever go to that same type of person again. I’d advice you to take DPT. It’s a type of therapy session for people who have BPD and someone in a relationship. Not all people with BPD can be like your ex because she had BPD AND NPD. I am not an expert but, I love learning about psychology. I just like to give you feedback. Thank you for your story it helps me learn more. Thank you👍
Black moon star I’m glad it helps! Education on this stuff really opens the eyes
Leave her pleaaasseeeee
you just told everything that happened to me.. thank you for sharing .. this needs strenght to tell and somehow you helped me uderstand what is going on ..
thank you, glad this helps.
Why did she have a breakdown
Why didn't you box for the dog to sleep in still after how ever many months it was?
Steve Myers oh I did, and during this time she didn’t really stay over bc of it, bc I said he’s on The bed. Bc i knew it wasn’t a dog issue. I continued to make suggestion after suggestion just to see if she’d agree or keep moving goalposts
Damn right!
Take things slow in your next relationship. I've been with my boyfriend for 8 months and in the beginning I wanted to marry him but plan on not getting married partly because my brother is getting a divorce. Also, I honestly think that the real reason why she didn't want to go to that wedding is because she may have been jealous of whoever was getting married. I to hate feeling ignored and in the past when I binged drink I really disliked my ex boyfriends (boyfriend at the time) friends and hated hanging out with them. Now that I don't drink I'm not as crazy. I can hang out with my boyfriend's friends. Their was even a time when I had acid reflex and me and my boyfriend were hanging out with his friend's I was distant and not talking to anyone. I let my boyfriend know how I felt and I felt ignored but I still didn't lash out at him for ignoring me and hanging out with his buddies. Nor did I get pissed off at him for not leaving. I don't have that narcissism side of me. Codependency for sure though and it sucks. Try a coda group on Facebook if you can it's a life saver. If you want me to let you know of a good one let me know.
thank you! i am def going to take it slow, im still recovering emotionally and its tough at times, and you're right about the wedding, and i did EVERYTHING I could to assure her she would not be ignored, i would not bring her if i were to ignore her, but ALSO made it known she had to put effort into this too bc this whole saga was her doing and has to be patient with me and work with me and show me she wants this to work. well she did not like that, and of course made it alllll about her. Yes the facebook group is actually a HUGE part in what helped me start healing! i met a lot of friends through there, so thnakfulfor that.
In her head she probably really thought that you were going to ignore her the mind is very very powerful. She needs to retrain her mind. SHe said she was a hard drinker right? If so she wouldn't have listened anyways. I used to binge drink and I wouldn't listen to the guy I was with at the time. I choose to no longer drink anymore because my mental health and well being are way more important to me. Even then she would have had to retrain her brain. Put down the alcohol that's the first step I don't give a shit if it helps for a brief moment because in the end it doesn't not for someone who is mentally ill. In the list of things I wanted in a guy I put not an alcoholic and my boyfriend isn't one. I can't deal with them.
5 years on, how are you doing? 🫂
Really great. More in control over my relationships now. I have no ill will toward my ex. I haven’t spoken to her since the breakup but I’m doing good. Thank you for asking.
@@Guidice00 that's great news mate, you come across as a really lovely person and you deserve that.