Happy Pi Day! | Will Trump’s VP Pick Be A Democrat? | Elon Musk Cancels Don Lemon’s X Show

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  • Опубліковано 14 бер 2024
  • Stephen kicks off his March 14th monologue with a tribute to Pi Day, then looks into speculation about Donald Trump’s choice of running mate, and the news that Elon Musk fired Don Lemon hours after sitting for an interview with the former CNN anchor.
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    Watch The Late Show with Stephen Colbert weeknights at 11:35 PM ET/10:35 PM CT. Only on CBS.
    ---
    Stephen Colbert brings his signature satire and comedy to THE LATE SHOW with STEPHEN COLBERT, the #1 show in late night, where he talks with an eclectic mix of guests about what is new and relevant in the worlds of politics, entertainment, business, music, technology and more. Featuring bandleader Louis Cato and “THE LATE SHOW band,” the Peabody Award-winning and Emmy Award-nominated show is broadcast from the historic Ed Sullivan Theater. Stephen Colbert took over as host, executive producer and writer of THE LATE SHOW on Sept. 8, 2015.
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КОМЕНТАРІ • 2,9 тис.

  • @paulj8539
    @paulj8539 Місяць тому +1057

    0:42 "I'm a little Despot, tall but stout
    Here is my toupe, here is my pout.
    When I lose my money, then I shout
    Vladdy? Saudi? Help me out!"

  • @geraldswan2476
    @geraldswan2476 Місяць тому +381

    “A thing called an ocean”…. And everyday we in the UK thank the good Lord for that!

    • @froglady7491
      @froglady7491 Місяць тому +22

      An ocean may separate the UK from the USA, but it a very narrow strait that separates Siberia from Alaska.

    • @zesty9815
      @zesty9815 Місяць тому +34

      _"We have a thing called an ocean between us, right? And it's tremendously big and tremendously wet. This is a tough ocean, one of the wettest we’ve ever seen, from the standpoint of water. It certainly is not good, in terms of badly."_

    • @froglady7491
      @froglady7491 Місяць тому +20

      @@zesty9815 The full statement may be ridiculous, but the very first part of it - there is an ocean between us - is misleading. It actuality, the distance between Russia and the USA is 2.5 miles. That is the distance between Big Diomede and Little Diomede. These are two islands in the Bering Strait, one belonging to Russia and the other to the USA. Even if you ignore these islands, it is only 55 miles across the Bering Strait. Russia doesn’t have to go through Europe and then cross an ocean to get to the USA.

    • @Byzantina1204
      @Byzantina1204 Місяць тому

      @gretchenbradfield8950 Russia doesn't even have to cross the Bering Strait, it has its operatives and money already in the US working to elect its puppet: trump.

    • @wendycregan2147
      @wendycregan2147 Місяць тому +3

      I take stuff too serious sometimes but come on guys seriously!! 🤭

  • @kciN1221
    @kciN1221 Місяць тому +125

    Stephen Colbert was on absolute 🔥🔥🔥 Last night 👏👏👏👏👏

  • @lupemora6266
    @lupemora6266 Місяць тому +398

    I love Stephen Colbert. It seems that the survival of our democracy will rest on our army of comedians.

    • @adamlayneandersen
      @adamlayneandersen Місяць тому +12

      It’s so true

    • @Guerrero505
      @Guerrero505 Місяць тому +8

      Agreed. We'd be better off with 1 or 2 of them as President.. like Mr. Colbert Jack the Cheesiest or Jon the Smartest Smartass Stewart, or maybe Carrell, Klepper, Chappelle, Bargatze, Burnham... u get it. 😊🇺🇸

    • @jv-lk7bc
      @jv-lk7bc Місяць тому +8

      always has. court ]estors and satirical theater are a long & storied tradition.

    • @EdwardLindon
      @EdwardLindon Місяць тому +6

      This is not true. Ordinary, non-fascist Americans need to take responsibility for their own destiny rather than looking for heroes who will do it for them.

    • @Broccoli_Highkicks
      @Broccoli_Highkicks Місяць тому +6

      Actually, it rests with people actually doing the work of voting in every election and actively participating in local and federal politics.
      Saving democracy isn't someone else's job, it's yours. And it begins by understanding that keeping Trump from being reelected will NOT magically fix everything, and therefore is NOT an excuse to go back to being apathetic about politics.
      There is no freedom without responsibility.

  • @JLee-rt6ve
    @JLee-rt6ve Місяць тому +298

    In the novel 1984, George Orwell invented "newspeak". Trump has created "dumbspeak", "creepyweirdspeak" and also "slurredspeak".

    • @TheRealSnakePlisken
      @TheRealSnakePlisken Місяць тому +26

      And double-speak, his staple tactic.

    • @cmdraftbrn
      @cmdraftbrn Місяць тому +5

      @@TheRealSnakePlisken and he thought-crimed repeatedly

    • @BD-zn7nr
      @BD-zn7nr Місяць тому +1

      @@TheRealSnakePlisken course repugs have been using double speak for decades.

    • @pattravers5682
      @pattravers5682 Місяць тому +4

      Also " douche speak" 😂

    • @texaswunderkind
      @texaswunderkind Місяць тому +3

      Always with the accordion hands, too. See saw see saw.

  • @XopheAdethri
    @XopheAdethri Місяць тому +480

    I love how Stephen always commits to properly putting away his invisible props.

    • @TheloniousCube
      @TheloniousCube Місяць тому +30

      His object work is impeccable

    • @shaggywannabe
      @shaggywannabe Місяць тому +16

      I still always expect a little Paul Schafer piano flourish.

    • @garfield2439
      @garfield2439 Місяць тому +7

      Lol I do too!

    • @waryaawariiri1812
      @waryaawariiri1812 Місяць тому +12

      Alll thanks to his improvising days in Chicago.

    • @mjn245
      @mjn245 Місяць тому +31

      I miss Jon Batiste’s piano work complementing Stephen’s imaginary object shelf.

  • @tf9419
    @tf9419 Місяць тому +190

    "picture in a cursed locket that will steal your soul." the writing this week is on point.

    • @jv-lk7bc
      @jv-lk7bc Місяць тому +8

      I've been trying to pin down that unsettled feeling every time i see that .. now i know! thank you, Stephen Colbert

    • @lacountess
      @lacountess Місяць тому +7

      “Airbnb host who lingers far too long after you arrive,” was good too.

  • @MajICReiki
    @MajICReiki Місяць тому +110

    YAY Fani Willis! 🎉 🙌👏👏👏 Now Get To it Georgia, and that perfectly fine phone call!

    • @jv-lk7bc
      @jv-lk7bc Місяць тому +3

      get that yankee!

    • @johnramirez5032
      @johnramirez5032 Місяць тому

      I cant believe they took so much stupid intrest in a work fling. Captain Chaos will stall on flimsy points he can to drag this to the election.

    • @anthon33
      @anthon33 Місяць тому

      Rump will tell us he takes PERFECT SCHITTS. 👾🚽

    • @MajICReiki
      @MajICReiki Місяць тому

      @@jv-lk7bc okay doodle. Stick a feather 🪶 in your cap!

  • @donnaarsenoff8399
    @donnaarsenoff8399 Місяць тому +272

    A thing called brain damage. 😂🤣😂🤣

    • @0RiKola0
      @0RiKola0 Місяць тому +7

      Should have been "A thing called abrain damage."

    • @TimBear-px9gj
      @TimBear-px9gj Місяць тому +9

      Bigly.

    • @michellejester9734
      @michellejester9734 Місяць тому +7

      Thank God for Stephen, bc without him this insanity is SCARY. Stephen can always make us laugh out loud-he's the best medicine for this most contagious, vile maga virus!

    • @alwood9148
      @alwood9148 Місяць тому +3

      isnt that a movie lol

    • @johnsmithe4656
      @johnsmithe4656 Місяць тому +6

      That definitely required the "bing bing, bing bang bong" at the end.

  • @michaelmccullough7309
    @michaelmccullough7309 Місяць тому +202

    A thing called treason .

    • @TheArgiShow
      @TheArgiShow Місяць тому +3

      Sounds like an album of the J6 choir with Trump talk-singing over them!😂

    • @dfadden62
      @dfadden62 Місяць тому

      Yes! Thank you! And he also led a terrorist attack against us. JUST like Osama Bin Laden.

  • @irenecapozzoli860
    @irenecapozzoli860 Місяць тому +84

    Stephen Colbert has the best political comedy writers & his delivery of said jokes is always a pee your pants kind of laughter. Thank you for the healing humor.

    • @microbe_rz31
      @microbe_rz31 Місяць тому +1

      The Japanese ads that - thankfully - kept interrupting were more entertaining actually.

  • @Janootz
    @Janootz Місяць тому +51

    "No one's ever taken classified documents like Trump, in terms of legally"

  • @ChainReactionsProductions
    @ChainReactionsProductions Місяць тому +758

    To use his parlance, where do I hope Trump is gonna be by this time next year? A thing called “prison”

    • @noreenconstantine4612
      @noreenconstantine4612 Місяць тому +23

      Very good!!!

    • @ShawnHartmann-ul2qk
      @ShawnHartmann-ul2qk Місяць тому +31

      The bigly house.

    • @80s-el9vc
      @80s-el9vc Місяць тому

      When Shaq was in the NBA, the Refs didn't know how to call fouls on him, because of his size. The U.S. Law Enforcement doesn't know how to hold trump accountable, because NO ONE has EVER COMMITTED MORE CRIMES and at such a HIGH RATE.

    • @ctg4818
      @ctg4818 Місяць тому +14

      Hell

    • @Bitdog4U
      @Bitdog4U Місяць тому +1

      This is a hate group.

  • @taylanac1
    @taylanac1 Місяць тому +251

    At this point, his brain is completely fried in terms of delusionally.

    • @terrierqueen4091
      @terrierqueen4091 Місяць тому +2

      He had to cross THAT line before you declared him fried?! I called it nine years ago!

    • @pattyayers
      @pattyayers Місяць тому +1

      @@terrierqueen4091No, he was making a joke about the “in terms of” phrase

    • @taylanac1
      @taylanac1 Місяць тому

      He was never very smart, he is American after all. The smart is like 1 in 1000000. But he was never so disoriented. He should be under NFL concussion protocol all the time. Plus my friend @pattyayers is right. I was making a joke.@@pattyayers

    • @awaredeshmukh3202
      @awaredeshmukh3202 Місяць тому +1

      ​@@taylanac1 look we may on average be criminally underinformed about the rest of the world, but we're not actually stupid. Pretty sure our collective IQ isn't statistically lower than everyone else's.

    • @taylanac1
      @taylanac1 Місяць тому +1

      @@awaredeshmukh3202 ​ I know, I spent 8 years in the US. Enjoyed every minute of it.

  • @terrychancellor4593
    @terrychancellor4593 Місяць тому +26

    LOL!!! I've had just the most stressful, crappy week but Stephen always manages to crack me up and pull me out of that pit!! If I ever get the chance to meet him, I'm giving him a big hug!!! LOL!!

    • @richardknapp8322
      @richardknapp8322 Місяць тому

      Yes, but perhaps you should seek out a better job!.

  • @bobbytookalook
    @bobbytookalook Місяць тому +250

    There's only one thing I want to hear about Trump, and that's a *thing* called GONE!

    • @samuellopez1957
      @samuellopez1957 Місяць тому +11

      ALSO. GONE. FOREVER😊

    • @corbeau-_-
      @corbeau-_- Місяць тому +6

      I'd like a meme with Biden pointing 'You're fired!'
      but I fear the worst

    • @Zorg1776
      @Zorg1776 Місяць тому +4

      Maybe the Dems could get a better candidate? Sorry you guys are so scared.

    • @eugene2876
      @eugene2876 Місяць тому +4

      Can Joe still point 🤣

    • @joealsojoe6238
      @joealsojoe6238 Місяць тому +6

      I don’t get it, you’ve seen both worlds. A world of Trump and a world of Biden. How do you still want Biden over him? All it takes is going to the grocery store.

  • @JeromeBellon
    @JeromeBellon Місяць тому +189

    "Water is wet from the standpoint of water."
    So yes, he does speak like that all the time.

    • @EdwardLindon
      @EdwardLindon Місяць тому +3

      Also illogical. Water clearly cannot be wet from the standpoint of water.

  • @NewMessage
    @NewMessage Місяць тому +962

    Upon hearing Bernie's rousing speech, Marjorie Taylor Greene immediately picked up her phone and demanded to speak to the Gazpacho Police.

    • @williamteuthorn7413
      @williamteuthorn7413 Місяць тому +35

      MTG was a understudy for the part of Joy in My Name is Earl.

    • @edmundkockenlocker4672
      @edmundkockenlocker4672 Місяць тому +8

      😆

    • @tamkid70
      @tamkid70 Місяць тому +42

      Watch out for the space lazers

    • @johnsmithe4656
      @johnsmithe4656 Місяць тому +19

      @@williamteuthorn7413 MTG was never meant to be more than an understudy. That was supposed to be her whole career. WTH happened? Director got drunk?

    • @zibbielanham
      @zibbielanham Місяць тому +9

      😂🎉👏👏 Either way, in these times I can see her actually doing this 😮...

  • @tamarabeinlich7353
    @tamarabeinlich7353 Місяць тому +39

    No better way to start the day than laughing with Stephen Colbert 🙂

  • @robertbailey4652
    @robertbailey4652 Місяць тому +41

    Louis Cato. Thank you for existing. You rock.

  • @FoCoPuffs
    @FoCoPuffs Місяць тому +341

    All of my elder relatives have said that during nearly every election cycle in their lives, people have said 'This is the most important election in history'. This is the first one where they feel that that is truly the case.

    • @justinasherr3
      @justinasherr3 Місяць тому +16

      So true!

    • @dennismukoyatv
      @dennismukoyatv Місяць тому +22

      The battle to save democracy & stump out demagoguery.

    • @jannetteberends8730
      @jannetteberends8730 Місяць тому +24

      Because it might be the last one.

    • @dawnoceanside7300
      @dawnoceanside7300 Місяць тому

      Why are Dem constituents sitting on the COMFY COUCH for 8 long YEARS?

    • @theduder2617
      @theduder2617 Місяць тому +11

      They are correct. EVERY election is the most important one in history. This election is more vital, more critical than any other election in our nation's history thus far. But all of them are equally most important, even if nobody mentions it.
      This is the election where we once again show Earth that our nation as a whole will never bow to nor accept any dictator. That is why relatives feel a bit stronger about this election cycle as compared to others.

  • @markstevenson6635
    @markstevenson6635 Місяць тому +1868

    Proof that 🤡 is treated unfairly is that he isn't behind bars. VERY unfair.

    • @ArksCovenant
      @ArksCovenant Місяць тому +42

      Exactly.

    • @Bitdog4U
      @Bitdog4U Місяць тому

      You are not interested in fairness. You want Trump harmed because you have been brain washed, fool.

    • @paulweston8408
      @paulweston8408 Місяць тому

      He should honestly be in Gitmo as a domestic terrorist! He tried to overthrow the government for God's sake!!! Is it going to take him launching a nuke at an American city before we stop acting like this is just politics?

    • @bardsamok9221
      @bardsamok9221 Місяць тому

      In unfair he biased SCOTUS with corrupt MAGA puppets

    • @viclizardi6152
      @viclizardi6152 Місяць тому +30

      Damn right!

  • @JuleWeidenfeld
    @JuleWeidenfeld Місяць тому +17

    One of the best monologues ever! 😂

  • @pattid7998
    @pattid7998 Місяць тому +12

    OMG..one of his best monologues. Wow..did I laugh!♥

  • @kingofmexico6290
    @kingofmexico6290 Місяць тому +222

    It's funny how Trump feels like he's being treated unfairly when all that's happened is he's being held accountable for his action

    • @Kaotiqua
      @Kaotiqua Місяць тому +29

      Except he's NOT. He keeps NOT going to jail. Any normal citizen who behaved as he has in court would have been in jail for contempt, at the VERY least.

    • @curtismay2076
      @curtismay2076 Місяць тому +8

      He imagine it's unfair becaues he is projecting and give himself liscense but the thought "why me? Everbody does it". Its how people come to accept their immorality as norma.

    • @brandonstrong2048
      @brandonstrong2048 Місяць тому +3

      You probably don’t even know what he got charged with or understand the circumstances of the situation lol

    • @TC-fx5zu
      @TC-fx5zu Місяць тому

      Don the Con has pretty much gotten away with everything he’s ever done prior to this. He has been committing bank fraud and tax fraud his whole life . He scammed students out of $50 million with his fake Trump University, spent the money donated to his fake charity and his only punishment was he had to repay $25 million to the students he scammed and he had to pay a $2 million fine for the charity fraud. Now that he has finally been charged criminally and he can’t just buy his way out he thinks that is very unfair. The con man has actually been given special treatment because anybody else that made threats against court staff and tried to intimidate witnesses would have been thrown in jail until trial.

    • @erichancock6815
      @erichancock6815 Місяць тому +5

      Remind you of like every elementary school kid, ever?

  • @commonsense571
    @commonsense571 Місяць тому +786

    “If you think of the right things nobody’s been treated like this in terms of badly.”
    Can we all agree to PLEASE VOTE BLUE??? 🙏🗽💙

    • @misslanapaulford
      @misslanapaulford Місяць тому +47

      Riding with Biden
      BIDEN/HARRIS 2024 🇺🇸 🇺🇸 🇺🇸 🇺🇸 USA. 🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊
      YOU GO JOE. #teamjoebiden2024
      #JoeBiden​ #BidenHarris2024​

    • @katescarratt4267
      @katescarratt4267 Місяць тому +5

      Whaaaat?

    • @asmith8692
      @asmith8692 Місяць тому +22

      I was listening to Randy Rainbow's I Won't Vote Trump earlier tonight.

    • @ctg4818
      @ctg4818 Місяць тому +16

      Love when rich people cry about life not being fair lol

    • @hughjorg4008
      @hughjorg4008 Місяць тому +12

      The sad part is that Trump supporters in red states (e.g. Iowa) speak like that and say things like: "in terms of badly."

  • @christinestensland4902
    @christinestensland4902 Місяць тому +19

    This one had me laughing so hard....great job Colbert!! 😂😂

  • @johnneat3381
    @johnneat3381 Місяць тому +17

    I have no words to express how grateful I am you guys properly call it Twitter ❤

  • @Newgenerationkid17
    @Newgenerationkid17 Місяць тому +135

    Stephen had zinger after zinger tonight, what a show.

    • @winesap2
      @winesap2 Місяць тому +2

      Mocking trump really brings out the best. I really wish trump would go away forever, but this is one of the only upshots.

  • @Alvs01
    @Alvs01 Місяць тому +178

    A thing called WHALE!

    • @Taricus
      @Taricus Місяць тому +6

      I said that same thing after that joke LOL!

    • @Tony8418
      @Tony8418 Місяць тому +4

      Venez-whale…uh?

    • @BD-zn7nr
      @BD-zn7nr Місяць тому

      @@Tony8418 😂

    • @BigenZrays
      @BigenZrays Місяць тому

      Nah a thing called nikki Haley at January 6th:)

  • @MsDanyelleM
    @MsDanyelleM Місяць тому +14

    "My Lord may I motorboard you?"... 🤢I may never sleep again! 🤢

    • @jv-lk7bc
      @jv-lk7bc Місяць тому

      "From even the greatest of horrors, irony is seldom absent." - H P Lovecraft

  • @sharitorrance2656
    @sharitorrance2656 Місяць тому +10

    Stephen Colbert rocks! I love going to bed after watching Colbert. Great way to end the day.

  • @brianhill5009
    @brianhill5009 Місяць тому +154

    Trump's third person references is another component of his narcissism.

    • @leagarner3675
      @leagarner3675 Місяць тому +8

      I think you're right. And can only explain how a former President can give away national intelligence that others have given their lives to protect.

    • @ellenbruckermarshall4179
      @ellenbruckermarshall4179 Місяць тому +2

      A “tell”.

    • @JediMobius
      @JediMobius Місяць тому +2

      How are you so sure about that?
      For one, this third-person thing is a more recent development in his rhetoric (edit: at least it wasn't so often before), and more likely an intentional tactic rather than a personality tic. For another, there are much more sure signs of his narcissism.
      At the very least, people should not too closely correlate eccentricity with toxic behaviors or maladaptive personality. Psychology is complex. People can be weird without being narcissistic, and people can be narcissistic without being weird (edit: I'm just saying it's too easy to take that assumption and run with it to the detrimental judgement of those who are not narcissists even though they may refer to themselves in the third person).
      It's not how Trump refers to himself rhetorically in an odd way (especially lately) that's telling, it's how he frames himself as uniquely superior and above reproach, very often at the expense of others. He has typically touted his grandiose superiority in the first person. His usual pattern has always been "Nobody is better at [XYZ] than me." or "I'm the best/greatest at [insert subject] ever." (I.e., we should look at the substance of how he talks about himself and others, how he treats people, and his egotistical behavior, not the stylistic aberrations.)
      But don't take my word for it.
      "Contrary to what you might read in political blogs, it isn’t a sure sign of narcissism when people talk about themselves in the third person. The truth is that much clearer clues about someone’s narcissism can be found in how they regard you and the other people in their lives."
      counsellingresource.com/features/2016/02/01/illeism-and-narcissism/

    • @pattyayers
      @pattyayers Місяць тому +1

      *are another component

    • @leagarner3675
      @leagarner3675 Місяць тому +1

      @@JediMobius Are you seriously arguing about narcissistic traits??
      I don't find it quirky or a mannerism when he refers to the "royal" Trump. I recognize it as demogoguery, and if you don't get that from context, while I do, okay.
      It's cute when a little puppet says "puppet scared" or "puppet happy", but when a grown man in the office of the Presidency says "Trump is innocent" it has a whole 'nother aspect.

  • @BlackCatAlley23
    @BlackCatAlley23 Місяць тому +2210

    Trump is being treated the way he deserves. He has actually been treated better than he should be.

    • @garfield2439
      @garfield2439 Місяць тому +61

      💯

    • @tyronevaldez-kruger5313
      @tyronevaldez-kruger5313 Місяць тому

      If he's been treated as every ordinary citizen he would be in prison like his incarcerated supporters from Jan 6. They had no privileges whatsoever

    • @annenelson5656
      @annenelson5656 Місяць тому +52

      Exactly! 👍🏻

    • @jewelpeters294
      @jewelpeters294 Місяць тому

      LOW LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • @edmundkockenlocker4672
      @edmundkockenlocker4672 Місяць тому +125

      Wayyyyy better. Nobody else would have been given as much leeway as he has. He's as guilty as charged and I have very little confidence he will be punished at all.

  • @bazzer124
    @bazzer124 Місяць тому +4

    Treated badly? Not nearly as badly as you deserve, defendant. Cheers....

  • @rebeccahenderson7761
    @rebeccahenderson7761 Місяць тому +83

    I feel the BERN!! When Kamala takes over it should be Kamala & Bernie!!! // OMG, Colbert is the most brilliant comedian I have ever seen. We all need you Colbert.

    • @MsBerries25
      @MsBerries25 Місяць тому

      Or Harris/Newsom 2028

    • @covidiotseverywhere2179
      @covidiotseverywhere2179 Місяць тому +4

      It's shows a slight lack of policy awareness if you think Bernie, Kamala and Newsom have the same agenda. Bernie is far more active on progressive issues. Newsom/Kamala are more of nothing will change

    • @Theprincess420
      @Theprincess420 Місяць тому

      Bot

  • @andrewnau433
    @andrewnau433 Місяць тому +387

    "A thing called brain damage."
    -Trump '24
    Best yard sign yet!
    Vote blue for democracy 💙

    • @helios7212
      @helios7212 Місяць тому +15

      "A thing called aspiring fascist dictator, being treated so unfairly by the courts, that still haven't locked him up for trying to undermine our government and faith in our elections" 👈🎃👉 -Trump2024
      #voteblue #savedemocracy 🗳💙
      🇺🇸⚖️🗽

    • @jimvelde6041
      @jimvelde6041 Місяць тому +6

      in terms of badly...at least

    • @Shawn-jd5dd
      @Shawn-jd5dd Місяць тому

      Trump 2024 lets go brandon

    • @henrymccoy7171
      @henrymccoy7171 Місяць тому

      @@Shawn-jd5dd- *

    • @xarzu
      @xarzu Місяць тому

      The USA is not a democracy. People are fleeing democracies to cross the border into our country.

  • @zesty9815
    @zesty9815 Місяць тому +81

    2:18 _"We have a thing called an ocean between us, right? And it's tremendously big and tremendously wet. This is a tough ocean, one of the wettest we’ve ever seen, from the standpoint of water. It certainly is not good, in terms of badly."_

  • @whiskyjames4200
    @whiskyjames4200 Місяць тому +6

    "A thing called "TRAITOR."
    Athing Mu.... 😆

  • @mbreitor
    @mbreitor Місяць тому +2

    Just as funny the second time around. Thanks Stephen & co.

  • @AJeziorski1967
    @AJeziorski1967 Місяць тому +71

    Don Lemon's gone up in my estimation because of that Musk interview (never really liked Lemon before, but Musk creeps me right out). If you're that focused on doing your job that you'll publicly humiliate your new boss on your first day at work, that shows some integrity.

    • @seanstravelsandvlogs6233
      @seanstravelsandvlogs6233 Місяць тому +4

      Now Don Lemon can do what Megan Kelly did: become a UA-cam Podcaster.

    • @elenachristian9860
      @elenachristian9860 Місяць тому

      I strongly suspect this was Lemon's plan all along. He's a little too gleeful about being fired...again.

  • @lise1255
    @lise1255 Місяць тому +137

    Trump don't know what lonely means. He has all "his people" inside his head constantly telling him "stuff" that nobody's ever heard of before ! 😊

    • @ArksCovenant
      @ArksCovenant Місяць тому +3

      LOL!

    • @Kaotiqua
      @Kaotiqua Місяць тому +8

      Big strong people- so strong! With tears in their eyes!

    • @ArksCovenant
      @ArksCovenant Місяць тому +5

      @@Kaotiqua Bigly people, who are kind of a bigly deal.

    • @patricialopez-wd1xe
      @patricialopez-wd1xe Місяць тому +8

      I know right. Everyday he comes up with something ridiculous and yes he could be listening to voices in his damaged brain. 😂

    • @osedseam
      @osedseam Місяць тому +3

      "a lot of people are saying it" 😂

  • @charlestidwell4970
    @charlestidwell4970 Місяць тому +7

    great opening monologue, best in a while, though they are always good, this one is exceptional

  • @c2757
    @c2757 Місяць тому +72

    If I get charged with a criminal offence, please may I appoint the judge like Trump did. I'm sure my mate who lives round the corner would make a great judge. If he doesn't want to do it, one of my sons isn't working at the moment.

    • @katescarratt4267
      @katescarratt4267 Місяць тому

      Wasn't it Fate who appointed her? A lottery that threw her up.

    • @Kaotiqua
      @Kaotiqua Місяць тому +5

      @@katescarratt4267 No, she was chosen by lottery for the trial, but Trump appointed her to the seat. You don't get "appointed" to a trial.

    • @katescarratt4267
      @katescarratt4267 Місяць тому +2

      @@Kaotiqua True.

  • @robertalkemade989
    @robertalkemade989 Місяць тому +49

    a thing called dementia

  • @SourDoughBill
    @SourDoughBill Місяць тому +10

    Stephen has the best writers on late night TV.

  • @nancylambert8024
    @nancylambert8024 Місяць тому +6

    Hilarious I actually laughed out loud thanks Stephen 😂

  • @tubruton
    @tubruton Місяць тому +300

    Trump's chance to win the general election hinges on picking the right VP. There's only one valid choice - former Olympian and the only person to win the Nobel prize for Vice-Presidenting - George Santos.

    • @sheryamiraslani6596
      @sheryamiraslani6596 Місяць тому +17

      😂😂

    • @sheryamiraslani6596
      @sheryamiraslani6596 Місяць тому +16

      I was wondering who u had in ur mind. Good one.

    • @marilynkhuu8007
      @marilynkhuu8007 Місяць тому +9

      😂😂🤣🤣

    • @Terra_Lopez
      @Terra_Lopez Місяць тому +11

      Ha ha, yeah, GS would be perfect! 😊

    • @heinleinreader
      @heinleinreader Місяць тому +23

      Isn't Santos also the only person to scale Mt Everest while doing a handstand the whole way?

  • @demial4
    @demial4 Місяць тому +110

    The writers really nailed this one

    • @theduder2617
      @theduder2617 Місяць тому +2

      Highly under-rated, absolutely factual comment!!

    • @heatherblume6615
      @heatherblume6615 Місяць тому +1

      So true GREAT comedy, the BEST!!!😅

    • @catherinegrace7999
      @catherinegrace7999 Місяць тому

      😎Thinking the same...... They were in top form🔥 Wouldn't it have been a blast to be in on that writing session 😄🤣

  • @A_A_K_123
    @A_A_K_123 Місяць тому +5

    That was next level writing, writers. (chef's kiss!)

  • @ODDin17
    @ODDin17 Місяць тому +5

    "Getting up from bed in the morning is a war" - damn, that's the first relatable thing I have ever heard Trump say.

  • @robingrogan7937
    @robingrogan7937 Місяць тому +512

    Serious....if he gets back in he will stand and swear on oath to protect the constitution! WHAT A JOKE AND A INSULT!

    • @tuyenle8107
      @tuyenle8107 Місяць тому +1

      trump 4ever 🤣🤣🤣

    • @davedave2109
      @davedave2109 Місяць тому

      Do you mean like Biden / Harris has? They both should be charged with high Treason. The country is in shambles. You can't blame Trump for that

    • @emilyfeagin2673
      @emilyfeagin2673 Місяць тому +33

      It’s an insult to all the veterans who fought and died for this country

    • @robingrogan7937
      @robingrogan7937 Місяць тому +24

      Yes indeed and those police in the riot do you know he has never recognised any of them.

    • @anneteefah4857
      @anneteefah4857 Місяць тому

      Cadet Bonespurs and his followers are all traitors.

  • @NewMessage
    @NewMessage Місяць тому +117

    In terms of badly, it was bigly. Bigly badly.

  • @CelesteKnowles
    @CelesteKnowles Місяць тому +3

    I'm looking forward to him never getting out of bed again. Ever.

  • @shannonwylie9419
    @shannonwylie9419 Місяць тому +3

    I really laughed on "a thing called fish."

  • @terryt.1643
    @terryt.1643 Місяць тому +77

    I think Trump’s VP should be Trump, “a guy named me”.

  • @glennwelsh9784
    @glennwelsh9784 Місяць тому +78

    When Donnie uses phrases like "A thing called _______" and "Nobody knows about this but me" when he's referring to things that are common knowledge, it's another sign of his narcissism. He always wants to appear smarter and more informed than everyone else. So he likes to talk about things as if no one else has known or heard about them but him and he's the first to break the news to everyone else. In his mind, he's the smartest person in the room at all times and everyone else are idiots. He feels like he has to educate others about basic knowledge to make himself seem superior, even if it's in his own mind.

    • @leagarner3675
      @leagarner3675 Місяць тому +14

      It's also an aspect of entitlement. His world has always been about being able to break the law and not be held accountable. He settles without a conviction in every civil case... until E. Jean.

    • @firstlast-gn5bo
      @firstlast-gn5bo Місяць тому +6

      @@leagarner3675That was when he had money and could buy his way out. Then he took on the country…whole different story.

    • @simoneschwarz5076
      @simoneschwarz5076 Місяць тому +1

      Well put glennwelsh !

    • @HylianFox3
      @HylianFox3 Місяць тому +6

      "A thing called the ocean. No-one has ever heard of it before."

    • @meh2510
      @meh2510 Місяць тому +3

      The only time he would be the smartest person in the room is when no one else is in it, and even that is up for debate.

  • @SpeedFreak0122
    @SpeedFreak0122 Місяць тому +3

    The counting sheep joke was amazing

  • @jameshisself9324
    @jameshisself9324 Місяць тому +2

    I love how he says all of those 'It's a thing called'... things as if the folks he is speaking to have never heard of them. Bless his heart.

  • @yurielcundangan9090
    @yurielcundangan9090 Місяць тому +876

    Former president should be truly held accountable

    • @TheKrispyfort
      @TheKrispyfort Місяць тому +15

      He's already in trouble for not being able to do accounts properly

    • @jackhaus5238
      @jackhaus5238 Місяць тому

      Its a thing called the supremely corrupt Court

    • @Albe3331
      @Albe3331 Місяць тому

      ⁠@@TheKrispyfortI think he is able to do accounts properly. He just can make any money when he does. That’s why it’s called fraud.

    • @bardsamok9221
      @bardsamok9221 Місяць тому +7

      'Properly' set up tax frauds and other frauds, not to mention racketeering and worse.
      Properly going to jail

    • @TheRfGuy
      @TheRfGuy Місяць тому +7

      In terms of fairly.

  • @LogicAndReason2025
    @LogicAndReason2025 Місяць тому +346

    Everyone now in prison, should run for POTUS and demand immediate release because of "election interference."

    • @baxtronx5972
      @baxtronx5972 Місяць тому +37

      Some people are saying this is already happening. Big strong men came up to me, tears in their eyes....

    • @Brian-uy2tj
      @Brian-uy2tj Місяць тому +24

      Yes, just by registering to run for POTUS I would be immune for my entire lifetime, ever, all time, crisscross applesauce and no backsies,

    • @SuzanneG1961
      @SuzanneG1961 Місяць тому +3

      ​@@baxtronx5972😂

    • @SuzanneG1961
      @SuzanneG1961 Місяць тому +1

      trump stole nuclear codes.

    • @Shorty_Lickens
      @Shorty_Lickens Місяць тому +16

      the reason they're in prison is they dont have billions of dollars and millions of sheep fighting for them.

  • @pjf2675
    @pjf2675 Місяць тому +2

    the marco polo sheep reference along with counting sheep was brilliant

    • @cultureal9544
      @cultureal9544 Місяць тому +1

      Sheep so threatening to hunters ... good one, Colbert

  • @michaelcase8574
    @michaelcase8574 Місяць тому +1

    A thing called treason. LOL

  • @sbespn3820
    @sbespn3820 Місяць тому +66

    "Trump allegedly discussed potentially sensitive information about U.S. nuclear submarines with a member of his Mar-a-Lago Club -- an Australian billionaire who then allegedly shared the information with scores of others, including more than a dozen foreign officials, several of his own employees, and a handful of journalists, according to sources familiar with the matter."

    • @shawnyoung8752
      @shawnyoung8752 Місяць тому

      The aussie guy was helping fatty unpack. The line he said that it was clothes and other thing that documents were in? First off I am sure that fatty moved into White House with nothing in cardboard filing boxes.I never saw the tubby guy in jeans and a casual shirt. Only his tan khakis and polo shirt that had to be at least 3x. I would guess the guy never had to have clothes packed when going to Florida, Jersey course. Scottie courses. He has clothes there. Blue suit with white shirts,occasional blue or pink. Red and blue ties. It has to be the lamest excuse he has ever quipped. Like your wife used to pack the house. Here honey mark these boxes china and golf apparel. Then these are documents and spices boxes. That way the spices keep the bugs away.

    • @leagarner3675
      @leagarner3675 Місяць тому +3

      It's so hard to comprehend.....

    • @bwenluck9812
      @bwenluck9812 Місяць тому +5

      Anyone remember, "loose lips sink ships!".... Look it up, MAGAs....

  • @donnadelahanty9903
    @donnadelahanty9903 Місяць тому +39

    😡😡😡 make him stop put him in jail ♾️

  • @fluidarts1061
    @fluidarts1061 5 днів тому

    I’ve probably watched about 40+ Stephen Colbert videos lately and although I do find him rather humorous, I don’t usually laugh out loud while watching. However, when he did the motorboat sound, I, for the first time, was laughing so hard that I almost fell off the couch. Thank you, Stephen! I needed that! 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

  • @pambrooks9312
    @pambrooks9312 Місяць тому +2

    Laughing out loud AGAIN. Love you Steve!

  • @1SaG
    @1SaG Місяць тому +80

    "you met Trump in Florida... what did you guys discuss?"
    "errmm..err... hmmm...errrrrmmmm..."
    Nothing there in terms of alarmingly.

    • @leagarner3675
      @leagarner3675 Місяць тому

      It's obvious Donald offered Musk the VP position for a Billion dollars.

    • @bwenluck9812
      @bwenluck9812 Місяць тому +2

      I was born in the dark, but not last night. You need to learn to "read between the lines"....
      Unwillingness to even discuss the bare minimum is alarming enough.

    • @leagarner3675
      @leagarner3675 Місяць тому +1

      @@bwenluck9812 OP sarcasm

  • @jarcata1
    @jarcata1 Місяць тому +29

    He's gone full insane.

  • @cheriwakelin4340
    @cheriwakelin4340 Місяць тому

    Stephen you crack me up!!! Thank you

  • @RebeccaMooreFrey
    @RebeccaMooreFrey Місяць тому +2

    Wow, Master Colbert! You are on fire!

  • @Jivolt
    @Jivolt Місяць тому +151

    Way to go, Republicans. That’s your guy. Good job. Just wonderful.

    • @talltrini10
      @talltrini10 Місяць тому +13

      Imagine listening to him and thinking "yep. He's the one"

    • @smiller2044
      @smiller2044 Місяць тому +6

      ​@@talltrini10 *only in a cult*

    • @SuperLeica1
      @SuperLeica1 Місяць тому +1

      Do you mean Bigfoot, or the orange copy?

    • @14LP2
      @14LP2 Місяць тому

      And baby Trump is awaiting in the wings in Tallahassee Florida

  • @TimBear-px9gj
    @TimBear-px9gj Місяць тому +84

    Naturally, a known liar goes to Newmax to spew his nonsense.

    • @tommyt1971
      @tommyt1971 Місяць тому

      And the “reporter” who interviews him is going to invoke god in reference to T***p being treated “badly”. Bigly.

  • @cathrynmccay6820
    @cathrynmccay6820 Місяць тому +2

    I laughed hysterically! Stephen you are the GOAT!

  • @annsanse2935
    @annsanse2935 Місяць тому +59

    take the circumference of a pumpkin and divide it by the diameter and that's how you get pumpkin pi.

    • @robertacomstock3655
      @robertacomstock3655 Місяць тому +5

      Pretty sure it's a _Rational_ number!

    • @corneliusdinkmeyer2190
      @corneliusdinkmeyer2190 Місяць тому +1

      👏👏👏👏👏👏🤣

    • @bwenluck9812
      @bwenluck9812 Місяць тому +1

      @ann Boo!

    • @5400bowen
      @5400bowen Місяць тому +1

      That was almost as bad as my brothers joke in 1963…”ever hear about the constipated mathematician? He worked it out on his slide rule!!!”

  • @goodshipkaraboudjan
    @goodshipkaraboudjan Місяць тому +176

    As an Aussie I'm still waiting for Trump to nominate Putin or Kim to be his picks. Trump would be VP of course.

    • @marvigli993
      @marvigli993 Місяць тому

      Lucky you, you live down under, I'm in EU & if Putin's ass-licker get elected he's going to sell us to his best mate, just for spite

    • @wendycregan2147
      @wendycregan2147 Місяць тому +8

      🦘🦘As an Aussie also, you make me so freaking proud 😎 Go my son, spread our Australian Dark humour to all corners of the Earth.. 😏 they won't know what hit them... 😅

    • @terri6854
      @terri6854 Місяць тому +5

      As an Aussie it's so corny to see so many Australians begin their UA-cam comments by first announcing that they're an Aussie.

    • @jazminrl
      @jazminrl Місяць тому +5

      ​@@terri6854party pooper

    • @sue27june04
      @sue27june04 Місяць тому +4

      ​@terri6854 I truly appreciate knowing where folks live, especially Australia. As the number 1 place that I always wanted to visit. Peace and Love to all from Las Vegas, NV. USA.

  • @blahco4tt
    @blahco4tt Місяць тому +1

    Colbert's impressions are spot on! Especially if you close your eyes and listen (it gets really eerie w/how close his vocals are to Trump's), although he does good with both vocal and physical impressions of Biden and Bernie. A pleasant surprise!

  • @MJWPub
    @MJWPub Місяць тому +107

    Does Trump know where a place called Alaska is? It only 55 miles from Russia, and Putin wants it back. It 1,500 miles between Moscow to London...

    • @thomasgunther
      @thomasgunther Місяць тому +7

      Don't worry, he will make a deal. Probably involves building a bridge so that his buddy can come over easier.

    • @jeanpierreviergever1417
      @jeanpierreviergever1417 Місяць тому

      Trump will hand over Alaska willingly to his secret love Putin..

    • @00SmileTime00
      @00SmileTime00 Місяць тому +3

      Has Putin ever said he wants Alaska back? Even for him that seems nuts...

    • @Jajajajaja...1
      @Jajajajaja...1 Місяць тому +2

      ​@00SmileTime00 yes. That and California

    • @texaswunderkind
      @texaswunderkind Місяць тому

      Trump didn't know that Puerto Ricans were American citizens. He only understands things with his name on them. Until he's put on the stand under oath, of course.

  • @mr.joshua6818
    @mr.joshua6818 Місяць тому +76

    That SV-Ewe joke was platinum.

    • @douglasdavis8395
      @douglasdavis8395 Місяць тому +2

      If that doesn't work, he can always rent a Ewe-Haul.

    • @azuthal
      @azuthal Місяць тому

      how did they miss a dick wolfe joke though.

    • @pattyayers
      @pattyayers Місяць тому

      That was a PUN, the least-funny type of joke ever invented

  • @Beingmeasme
    @Beingmeasme Місяць тому +1

    Stephen has the best monologues

  • @michaeld4861
    @michaeld4861 Місяць тому +2

    Anybody else remember being a teenager downloading music from Livewire or those other filesharing programs and you'd constantly be getting that audio clip of Bill Clinton saying "I did not have sexual relations..." instead of the song you wanted? It was like the 2000's version of getting Rick rolled.

  • @kcbowman4042
    @kcbowman4042 Місяць тому +46

    Clinton's cat was called Socks. I can never hear the socks thing without going "meowwwww"

    • @victoriabaker4400
      @victoriabaker4400 Місяць тому

      Yup. And for those who don't remember, Clinton kept the notes he had made for his memoirs in his socks drawer, according to legend, and it was ruled PERSONAL because he wrote the notes and they were for his own memoirs. Very different from taking (stealing) classified documents, some of which have still not been recovered (empty cover folders that trump said he took as "souvenirs").

  • @bryjoe8025
    @bryjoe8025 Місяць тому +22

    A thing called $450 million dollars 😂

  • @svpl88
    @svpl88 Місяць тому

    "My Lord, may I motor boat you" 😂😅😂 I had to pause the video to complete my burst 😂

  • @annestewart5741
    @annestewart5741 Місяць тому +1

    A propoopily... 💩 👏😆👏🤣👏😂 Perfectly a propos, Stephen, thank you! 🤩🏆😍

  • @itwasagoodideaatthetime7980
    @itwasagoodideaatthetime7980 Місяць тому +191

    G'day from Australia Everyone. 🇦🇺

  • @rachelrobinson3746
    @rachelrobinson3746 Місяць тому +2

    "A thing called brain damage." Yes!😂🤣😅

  • @yurielcundangan9090
    @yurielcundangan9090 Місяць тому +626

    Trump should be truly held accountable

    • @fantaguyreal
      @fantaguyreal Місяць тому +1

      Don't translate...
      भवतः हृदयस्य धड़कनं कतिपयेषु घण्टेषु स्थगयिष्यति, अस्य शापस्य मुक्तिं प्राप्तुं एकमात्रं मार्गं मम चैनलस्य सदस्यतां कुर्वन्तु……………

    • @rickdagrexican7351
      @rickdagrexican7351 Місяць тому +2

      ​@fantaguyreal 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

    • @lesliezammit3456
      @lesliezammit3456 Місяць тому +10

      But don't hold your breath, except in the presence of Trump, of course.

    • @disastermaster1413
      @disastermaster1413 Місяць тому +13

      All politicians should be held accountable

    • @ttacking_you
      @ttacking_you Місяць тому

      ​@@rickdagrexican7351He tricked us both with the warning not to. Well, I better get those final expenses in order [sigh.] 😞

  • @teacherericka
    @teacherericka Місяць тому

    OMG! Yes, you found the line. OMG 😆 👏👏👏

  • @DianeRiffee
    @DianeRiffee Місяць тому +2

    He sounds like he’s been reading too many Dr. Seuss books 😂 A thing called *rump 😂

  •  Місяць тому +45

    The only workout tRUMP does is Big Mac curls to his mouth lol

  • @katescarratt4267
    @katescarratt4267 Місяць тому +35

    A thing called fish!!! 😂😂😂

    • @segoviaone
      @segoviaone Місяць тому

      I knew someone heard it.

    • @bwenluck9812
      @bwenluck9812 Місяць тому +1

      @kate And was that fish called Wanda?

    • @segoviaone
      @segoviaone Місяць тому

      @@bwenluck9812 great observations. Thank you

  • @rondarb1
    @rondarb1 Місяць тому +2

    This guy absolutely destroys Kimmel and Fallon

  • @WildflowersCreations
    @WildflowersCreations Місяць тому

    4:19 The motorboating was a visual I never needed and so wish I could get ride of.

  • @tychodragon
    @tychodragon Місяць тому +63

    Cobert is just on fire,
    ive been watching him all along but recently and after his appendix scare he feels just 1000% prime
    fuck yeah!

  • @mikegiammaria
    @mikegiammaria Місяць тому +36

    We need to vote

  • @yobets5225
    @yobets5225 Місяць тому

    The motor-boating… 😂🤣😂🤣🤣😂🤣😂

  • @tammywilks8782
    @tammywilks8782 Місяць тому +1

    Stephen's on FIRE TONIGHT 🔥

  • @jasonjimerson7046
    @jasonjimerson7046 Місяць тому +51

    "A thing called BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP!"

    • @Kaotiqua
      @Kaotiqua Місяць тому +1

      Beep bop Boop boop boop ZING!

  • @mikeobrien6704
    @mikeobrien6704 Місяць тому +39

    "Everytime they would count the sheep, they would fall asleep"😂

    • @yudithcaron8053
      @yudithcaron8053 Місяць тому

      Good thing the farmer who cloned sheeps didn't decide to clone Amur leopards instead. Do you imagine not being able to hunt those very rare beasts when they eat your chickens?