Friends who “forget” about you once they get a boyfriend? Friends who don’t notice your absence when you are pulling away or struggling? Friends who use your affection so long as there is something to gain from it? Friends with main character syndrome looking for supporting characters? B Y E.
Yeah I’ve recently discovered that some of my friends have main character syndrome, I don’t hear from them unless I reach out because I’m not going out spending money exposing myself to airborne diseases they don’t have much use for me. It’s weird especially because spending money out in the world wasn’t how our friendships were formed or our main activities through most of our friendships, But now that I don’t feel there’s some kind of an urgency to go to brunch even though we didn’t go to brunch before, they have no use for me. But it’s fine they are all working on their third Covid infection and I’m not interested in getting an airborne brain damage
I had an “associate” who I felt like would say things like “ I really consider you my best friend and I feel like we are so much alike “ but she did not treat me like a genuine friend… I don’t think she treats any of her “friends” like genuine friends and when she said that to me I couldn’t reciprocate bc it would have felt fake. She absolutely suffers from Main Character syndrome and she is used to having fans… and since I didn’t give fan energy it’s almost like she was trying to court me into being a fan. She has said so much slick sh1t that has made me side eye.. she would do things and then say “well I didn’t want you to think I was copying you “ ON MULTIPLE Occasions when I wasn’t even thinking that except when she named her daughter a name VERY close to my daughters name. finally she has gotten tired of me not being a groupie and has distanced herself and I’m fine with it. I wish her the best. I want genuine honest friends that I can have deep conversations with and trust and know they have my best interest at heart.. and I have her best interest at heart.
Yeah fr, I had a friend like that and she said I was the one who’s changing, lmfao pls bitch I’ve been the same. It just comes to a point in the friendship where you feel left behind and that instinct tells you to go. The amount of struggles of emotions and jealousy I had made it worse cause I then felt like I wasn’t pretty enough, like when am I going to get a boyfriend to be socially respected by her? Nah man ppl need to cut this shit out. The FOMO is real
Wow, I was just talking to someone today, about friends that want to pretend that you are their side-kick. Self-absorbed and highly inconsiderate individuals.
Jealousy creeps up on people. It takes the other person a while sometimes to even realize they resent you. My advice is to never allow passive aggressive behavior. Address it right away.
I used to think I was odd for just liking to be by myself or have a VERY small group of friends, that I don’t hang out with all together. Indeed, these “friendships “ seem very toxic and exhausting. Idk how people do it…continuously.
Introverts can stand up for themselves just fine. It doesn’t come easy, but I learned the hard way that it’s a lot easier than putting up with people who treat you badly.
Years ago I went through a major shift in my life and grew apart with all my friends. In that time I grew closer to myself, I grew my intuition and I haven't been preferring other people's company over my own ever since. I can get along with many people and I have friends I talk to every now and then, but I'm usually on my own. I have no girl drama in my life. I tend to gravitate towards intelligent, secure and interesting women. I'm big on authenticity and honesty too, so we can be ourselves around eachother. Exchange ideas and empower eachother.
I am the same! The last friendship I had that ended had red flags that I ignored. She was a nice person, but not secure within herself and conflict avoidant. I should’ve known that she wasn’t someone I could trust to be authentically herself, but rather a people pleaser that pretended things were fine even though things bothered her that she couldn’t communicate. Those are the worst kinds of people in my opinion. They victimize themselves over issues they never once brought up and make you the villain. Never again! I am now only interested in being friends with people that are confident and secure - bonus points if they also go to therapy. As a grown woman, if you are not actively working on healing yourself and being better, then you most likely have baggage im not interested in dealing with.
-They give you cheap gifts. -Shady comments. -They seem more 'in flow' with their other friends. -They check your body/shape/figure too much. -They never discuss girly stuff with you like makeup,dresses stuff like that. -They never publicly praise you. Nice comments, likes, reactions etc. -They think you'll always go the extra mile for them, even though they never do. -They have more boundaries with you than they do with their other friends. -Their other friends treat them like trash and you're the punching bag for her.
People especially women, don’t observe red flags in platonic relationships, because they haven’t been trained to. Complex relationships lead to complex lives. Let people move you in the right direction.
"Complex relationships lead to complex lives" Ma'am that was a word I needed to hear! Shoot I needed this whole video 😅 I'm just now figuring that out. Thank you for sharing!
I went through a heartbreaking friendship breakup about a year ago. I have learned to only be friends with independent, confident women who are looking for reasonable companionship, not a replacement husband. I can’t give you the same type of emotional intimacy your man would. I can’t be codependent on you like how your partner might be. Im not going to tell you everything in my life like how a partner would. I just want to have good conversations + (reasonable) loyalty and respect. I will also be avoiding conflict avoidant people! Never again. Don’t blame me for your inability to communicate your issues with me. Girl bye!
Yeah I actually try to only deal with single by choice women these days. Single women who still center men refuse to believe that my life is happy, I had people feeling sorry for me because I got to spend thanksgiving day at home in my pajamas doing whatever I want eating whatever I want not having stressful cleanup. It was bizarre, I could have gone to someone’s house for Thanksgiving if I wanted to, I spent the day the way I chose to spend the day and I had people who are supposed to be my friends pitying me? It just shows me they pass judgment on my life and refuse to believe that I’m being honest when I say I had a glorious beautiful day. It felt like I was being mansplained to about my own feelings and wishes, by WOMEN. Because they were projecting, they are unhappy single, or they need constant stimulation by other people to have a good day. That’s not me. I can entertain myself I don’t need to feed off other peoples energy to enjoy my day
Agree with both of the comments in this sub thread wholeheartedly! I will be honest that my I have to improve on addressing things that bother me immediately because of being conflict avoidant. I’ve done it bc I AM conflict-avoidant, and want to give ppl the benefit of the doubt, but then eventually I also did it bc I told promised myself to trust my gut no matter what, and would just avoid anyone iffy. BUT Ive found ways where you can trust your intuition but communicate WITHOUT testing someone. For example, if I sense this person is just a user, I can ask questions in person or text asking them how they empower themselves when they’re low. Or if I sense they are chronic emotional complainer about everything (these are the types I attract), asking them what they plan to do about the issues mentioned, but also just telling them “hey, I know you wanna be heard, but I’m not in place to keep helping you process negative emotions that you find in a lot of things, and I wanted you to be aware that this is the pattern I noticed…” and take it from there. But yeah that aside, everything both of y’all said I am 100% in agreement with and that’s what I seek as well.
Sis with the glasses and braids (cierratati) hit that on the head!!! I was experiencing this same thing. She was a friend of 17 years. Over time she started acting different towards me and I picked up on it immediately. When I mentioned it she gaslit me. Once I saw her interaction with her friends vs the way she was with me I cut that friendship off.
10 yrs for me, i wrote secret letters for her on why i felt we are no longer friends on 2020-22, finally had the courage to talk and end our friendship last Dec. I felt free after that.
When I started showing up for myself, and glowing up for myself, and they get mad over little things, or ignore you. Get your life together and do it in silence, and just watch who cheers and who jeers. I hadn't seen a friend in over 6 months and a lot changed in my life. We met up for dinner, with some other friends. She just stared at me and said very little to me. This was a girl who used to laugh out loud with me and do silly things.
I had the same experience, but later i discovered her 1st bf that she met (after our separation; she went to university) was abusing her. I think new men in a female friend's life can be a reason for a change or distance in them.
i agree, its just that women will always have way more scrutiny for other women than they ever will for men or their boyfriends. a woman will (as she should) cut off another women at the SLIGHTEST inclination something is wrong, but a man they will keep around and give the benefit of the doubt, try to talk it out, have their child, marry them, and continue to entertain them.
As a single black woman with no kids, every friendship I lost seemed to just magically happen as soon as they got married, maintained a longterm relationship, or had kids. I had a friend call me desperate and sad because I wanted to foster a deep friendship with her, but she said I couldn't because she had a huzzzband and kids, and I had nothing so I was desperate. Yeah, I was desperate but not any more. I have to be really intentional about having friends and allowing people into my space and that's what I didn't do in the past. Not everyone who laughs and jokes with you needs to be a friend. Feel free to keep acquaintances. I'm at that point in my life where I need to be sure that that person isn't going to set me back emotionally and mentally.
Why is it so hard for ppl to be nice to each other? Even when Im driving ppl Ive never met before are trying to keep me from turning or cutting me off just rude for no reason. Then I get to the grocery store and ppl are cutting me off when walking creeping up behind me being weird. Ppl really need to get a grip
I notice when you give a caring vibe people will try to @buse Or harass you. That's why I have blank and stoic face all the time, also it's a blessing to have a slightly mean face than a caring one, yes people will be scared and not approach you but in that case you just approach them.
Girl number 1 is right about the subtle digs. They’ll also act one way in private but try to purposely embarrass you around other friends or partners. I noticed they didn’t try that sh,t around my family but my mom and other people close to me at the time STILL saw right through her.
" when other women in platonic friendships use you," I'm so glad im not the only one who notices that . I've experienced this with a few women and a couple of them were married.
Wow! 😂 This soooo my topic! I was done with men. Not because I hate them or think they're the cause of all the problems. They just trigger all the alarm bells. The irony of my life is that all the abuse I avoid from men I got from my family and PLATONIC female friends. I remember thinking about one particular 'friend' doing the push/pull. Is she playing hard to get? Is she bread crumbing me?! Is she acting like a man?! I was shocked and disgusted at the same time. The arrogance! Thank you for discussing all toxicity male, female, black, white. We can't grow without introspect
Ahhhh the dreaded push/pull, bread crumbing dynamic. Such a ball of fun. Even more fun when family does it. 😫What I’ve noticed over the years is when you have a certain level of inner peace it irritates those who have none to their very core. They will try every trick in the book to knock you off your square. Good for you for recognizing the games people play to gain leverage. Bravo! 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
I cut a friend off because she didn't invite me to her wedding. Mind you, we had been friends for at least 8 or 9 years. I was invited to her graduation, birthday parties, holidays, etc, everything EXCEPT her wedding. Didn't even know about her wedding until she posted on FB. Mind you, I was originally in her first wedding to her first fiance as a bridesmaid, but they never got married. Fast forward two years later, and she's married to another guy. I was going to chalk up not being invited to the wedding to it being a close family invite only, but NOPE!! She had white women in her wedding as bridesmaids. She's fully black, and she married an African man. WE NEVER HAD A FALLING OUT, not even an argument, so I don't understand why I wasn't invited. I never received an apology. I cut her off as soon as I found out.
@kalimistakidou9103 nope. I'm not that type of friend. There was absolutely NOTHING I did or said wrong. If I explained our friendship, then you'd understand. Unfortunately, I don't have the time or space to explain everything. But even if I did, she would definitely have let me know. I wish this was the case, but it's not.
@@IAMGROOT4EVAI’ve had ‘former’ friends who hid whole boyfriends and fiancés from me. You know why? I have a sharp sense of discernment and they loved using it to their advantage, except when it came to seeing thru their significant others. All I have to say is good riddance to bad rubbish.
This happened to me.. my friend reached out for my, my mom, and sisters address to send the invitations and never sent them. I saw the wedding pics online so when I reached out to her and asked why she said “it wasn’t malicious we just wanted friends there who were a part of our love journey.. you and I haven’t been in each others lives lately” I was completely confused bc she was invited and came to MY wedding and she wasn’t part of my husband and my “love journey” what even is that? My love between my husband and I are between us. We had been in eachother lives.. we just weren’t clubbing and partying and traveling bc I got married and had kids and she went to medical school in ANOTHER COUNTRY but we stayed in touch and talked. She is the one after having a few really bad breakups was giving up on love and decided to date this guy some of her med school friend hooked her up with in private for 6-7 months and then get married. She called me and told me she had met a guy and they had been dating about 8 months and were getting married.. he was older.. and kind of private. I said ok, I supported her and was happy for her. If we weren’t in each others lives why would she call me to tell me about him at all? Why would she call me to get the addresses for invites. It doesn’t add up. She was lying. Honestly the text response sounded NOTHING like her.. I’m not exactly putting go off the idea that she didn’t even write it. I think he didn’t let her invite some of her friends and she wanted to get married so bad she didn’t want to make static. I was SO HURT. After she sent that text I never responded. I deleted her number and I blocked her on the phone and SM. I loved that girl and she hurt me. If he didn’t want her friends there I’d rather her just tell me but don’t lie and make it seem like we weren’t close. I’ve let it go.. I don’t hate her but I don’t want friends like that. I want my friends to love me as much as I love them.
To the lady at 7:53, I completely agree. I grew up in a predominantly white school and while white people showed me more love than the traumatized black students (in the Deep South), the power dynamic has been obvious all my life. For instance, a month ago, I went out for drinks with a hiking buddy who happened to be a white woman. While I was hoping we could talk about hiking, steampunk cosplay, relationships, etc., she ended up talking my ear off about how I need to start investing bc her parents started a trust fund investment account when she was a kid, and that’s the reason why she was able to pay for university and a retirement plan. Additionally, she was grateful for her [white] bf, who - up until recently - payed all the bills so she could find a job in line with her recently acquired diploma. And I just…I just sat there silently sipping my cider while internally screaming in poverty trauma and parental financial abuse that ruined my credit well before I turned 18 🙃
Yes, I (and many other young black adults) have been a victim of parental financial abuse. I recall being 24 and my mother getting a credit card in my name without my consent and then out of nowhere I saw a debt of $1500 on my credit report. I was so heated and it's sad that alot of black parents just don't care about their children/children's future, unlike many non-black parents. I've also gotten more love and support from non-black people throughout my life as opposed to black people. Some of the best life advice I've ever received has strangely come from older Mexican people. Smh
A TRUST FUND AND a boyfriend who supported her?? I’m glad you have a hiking buddy, but for real some people talk like they’ve never been punched in the face before.
Noticing when others are not being kind or digging is valuable. The women are all thoughtful and I love this channel. The only drawback to this video is that there is a lot of reacting and being “triggered” as a judgment on whether the friend is genuine or not. Making a decision based on whether you feel triggered is not a good decision. Your thoughts make your feelings and your feelings should not make your thoughts. It’s part of cognitive behavioral therapy and has validity. Be careful that your feelings are not making your thoughts. Female friendship is very tenuous if we keep going back and forth based on our “feelings.” Look at the person’s behavior and be rational about what that person says.
I see what you’re saying but I disagree. If I’m spending time with someone who is constantly making me feel icky, I don’t need to continue to spend time with them. If it’s a problem in me that I have to work through, OK I will do that, but I still don’t have to continue spending time with people who make me feel like crap
@@MeowNow494I read something very interesting today about mind vs feeling and how the mind tricks us , I will link the Facebook account when I find it for you if interested at all
I had so many fair weather friends based on my job. I knew that, so when I quit that job, they disappeared, right on schedule. Even though I wasn’t surprised, it was still sad to see so many people be so two-faced.
Family members too. People use to tell me certain family members I grew up with and thought as friends were jealous of me. So I learned to let that go. I don’t like being around people who are always negative or talking down on other people.
Are you talking about Shanquella (sp?) Robinson? Those people totally got away with it, I’m so disgusted by that story. I’m hoping she has some friends or family who will take care of some street justice for her because she’s not getting it from law enforcement
I grew up in a small town full of toxic sht talkers, I moved away as soon as I started my adult years but then I came back, and I’ve ditched three long-term friends because I’ve discovered they don’t actually like me. I only discovered this because they would hear the most outlandish ridiculous rumors about me, and instead of even questioning it or questioning me they were just automatically believe it. Then two years later they would tell me about this weird assumption they’ve been carrying around with them that was completely ridiculous simply because they heard it from someone I’m not friends With No sis, if you’re going to automatically believe the worst in me because you hear it from someone who wouldn’t even know one way or the other, Nope. Bye. Also, they would come to me and tell me things other people said about me, it took me a while to get smart enough to say “OK well well then what did you say?” Usually they said nothing. Trash behavior
Past best friends - One I defended after she was surrounded by 3 girls and was about to get beat up, while she left me hanging after two girls randomly started picking a fight with me at a Halloween party. Another best friend - left me after I told her that he boyfriend hit on me. Another best friend told my boyfriend that she would sleep w him if he left me. Most recent friend found out that I am doing YT videos, crickets. Nothing. I mentioned it maybe 4 times and still silence. Later, YT, huh? You never said anything. Basically ignoring my ambitions. I had to say bye. No support. I can support myself just fine, bye. I no longer have any friends. No thanks. Just really surprised why women don't know how to be good friends.
It’s funny how easy it is to spot the smallest perceived spite from friends but the men in your lives have been dragging you for years and you still think it is love and he’s just going through some things. Be a good friend and you will attract like minded people. Sometimes we have friends and we think they should be there for all our ish and the moment they are not available - that’s it! Give your friends grace. They are humans too.
Very true! U have to be careful with that too. Men (who they're screwing )are usually forgiven. But a friend makes a mistake ...they're cut off immediately!
I agree with not ignoring the feeling, BUT I do think that friends talk about their friends because they care about their friends. It’s the most interesting topic. Think of it like a parent with their kid. Most parents love their kids but we can get frustrated with their actions. Thats usually what girlfriends talk about. You can tell if it’s coming from a mean, jealous place or a concerned place. So, definitely don’t ignore the feeling, but be logical too.
I was literally thinking the same thing. I would hate when I had friends that would do stupid stuff that was genuinely dangerous for themselves and I WILL and always will talk to them about how I feel about it first, but if I do feel uncomfortable talking to that friend about her own actions to herself, my first instinct is “something is wrong here”. I would keep ALL thoughts to myself and think deeply about why I feel so uncomfortable about talking to her and question EVERYTHING! I’ll start looking at my friendship from start to finish and see if I felt something was off at anytime (sometimes it works but sometimes it don’t because I know I gaslight myself into thinking to give others multiple chances) but sometimes I’ll ask advice from folks who I know, take their advice with a grain of salt and make my own decision in the end. I really believe that criticism that you have for your friends are important regardless because I personally have criticism for even my own loved and personal relationships with my family members just as well. We are all human and positive criticism is helpful for everybody. BUT I also know how important it is to speak properly to whoever you speak to regardless! Some folks don’t know how to tell someone about themselves because it can easily come off as rude and offensive. Some people also don’t accept criticism from others at all unless they’re getting criticized from super close friends or family. Also people need to realize that sometimes acceptable to just shut up about it and just keep your eye to yourself. Sometimes moments will arise for you to speak, but sometimes they never do.
Dropped the friend the second she revealed she was talking s*** about me to other people (I didn't even know) behind my back, ended up writing her a letter detailing all the ways she's failed as a friend over the last decade and shoved it through her letterbox after another failed attempt to get my point across to her. Honestly, at this point I just wish I hadn't wasted so much time and energy on her.
love that this popped up for me, i recently cut off a friend of almost 11 yrs. she was boy crazy and treated me like a psychologist/therapist, would drop me like bag of trash on pickup day when a guy gave her the time of day, she would only want to go to places she wanted, we only did things she liked. (i hate alcohol and she always wanted to drink and get drunk) realized i was really the only one who spent real time and effort with her, and i got like nothing back. she would lie to her family and bf about being with me. i couldn’t take being lied to or about anymore. i should add she a lot more shit this is just a summary.
Experienced the exact same. Every Person that I THOUGHT was a Friend back then used me as a damn Therapist until I stopped caring about them. They're Energy Vampires. As long as shit in their Lives is going great, they're silent or ghosting but when it's lonely time for them...let me call Bria. I don't think so. Been Friendless for Years now & the way the World is now...I am fine with it.
What about the narc who isn't your actual friends and you both have never been friends, or even chatted together (they never asked you "how is your day?" or "what are your hobbies?"), and then one day they ask you a request and you say no because you are busy and tbh also because you don't know them, at all. And then they say loudly to everyone around "WOW, you are a fake friend! I can't believe we were ever friends! Wow! Just wow!" And so then everyone gives you looks, and you are confused, because you weren't ever friends in the first place; like, you never even talked or went for coffee or even had friendly chatter about a fav tv show... They basically treated you like a nobody/stranger until one day they asked you for a favor, which you said "no", and then they called you a fake friend. Like, "but we were never friends... I'm confused."
I Had A Fake Friend Pop Up On Me Recently 😅 Ain't NOBODY Playing In My Face In 2024! I'll Bet My Last $20 On It! 🥂🤟🏾🎉 I RELATE TO MISS GREEN GLASSES A THOUSAND PERCENT 🎯🙌🏾
Such great advice, particularly in church situations. People can be so fake in The Church... and this is often how some women in Church behave. Just low key competing, whilst pretending something else.
I have co-workers like this. Always “joking” yet amongst each-other they don’t “joke” like that. I always get a weird feeling about them. I just distance my self.
4:55 agreed!! Being around people I don’t like is so mentally and emotionally draining I’d rather… not be around them. I’m never going to be shady or malicious but I don’t fw you and that’s okay.
It’s the lady at 3:20 for me.They are ignoring your texts for a reason. They see them. Everyone is going through things. People will treat u bad and hope u are stupid enough to not notice. Don’t let people play in your face. U know when they don’t like u ladies. They will continue to talk to you instead of figuring out a way to let you go. I WILL let go QUICK. I’m not giving up on women though because one thing I’ve learned from Princella is WE ARE NOT DEALING WITH ORGANIC WOMEN
Oohhh weee. This was deep. I have someone who I’ve been questioning myself about for years as to whether or not she’s my friend. Deep down, I already know the answer.
I think it helps alot if you hang with women that have the same "goals/vision " as you. If you want no kids or marriage why would you be friends with women that have both. You are literally setting yourself up with misery. They will meddle in your life, judge you harshly and make you feel like crap for not fitting in. Theyll make a joke out of you instead of supporting you. They want to use you to babysit. Come to all parties etc..A great friend loves and supports you decisions. You FEEL loved. Ive seen friendships torn apart over men, marriage and kids.
Ong I had a friend that use to make fun of how I speak because I don’t have a country/ghetto tone and she decided to do this at a BBQ but it backfired no one thought it was funny and no one participated and thought it was dumb to make fun of the way a person sounds and speaks it was all night to the point we started arguing girl that was her last time seeing me than I found out she stole some of my clothes out of my bag when I spent the night at her house it was insane
I just had to dump a friend who turned out to be petty, jealous and psychotic. I saw a few signs (posting photos without me in them, never saying good morning, only texting me when she needs advice or someone to sit at the bar with her) but didn’t think anything of it because we weren’t close. A guy who she’s following on instagram made me uncomfortable and I told her. She brushed me off and said “I’m not going to block him” so I said fine. I blocked this girl and about an hour later she starts calling and texting me from fake numbers calling me every name in the book and berating my boyfriend too. He spoils me and I also have a sugar daddy on the side but I didn’t realize she hated that. She’s never met him either of them before because of my gut feeling. A couple days ago she called me again from a blocked number and I just laughed 😂
I understand that male to male friendships are not perfect, but Ive noticed that males' friendships with males seem more durable and have greater longevity than female to female friendships. My older brother is 40 yrs old, and his circle of 5 male friends are from grade school. Most grown women I know, do not have a circle of friends that lasted from childhood. Anyways, I say all that to say, I believe that female friendships have a shaky foundation because of INTERNALIZED MISOGYNY. We live in a sexist patriarchy so women are walking around with a passive (or active) disdain for other women- sometimes conscious, sometimes subconscious. But consider this: how many times have you heard a woman say "i dont mess with females, i only have male friends." I have never heard a male utter those words about his fellow males. Males tend to prefer the company of males. BUT women dont like women lol, and I think its because we live in a sexist society... I had a female "friend" recently who took digs at me just like this video described and when I confronted her about it, literally asking her "do u actually like me, because when we hang you seem agitated"; she responded "I feel joy when we hang out"... But she constantly made comments like "oh, i didnt know xyz because i didnt go to private school (like you)". She would constantly point out the difference in our level of background privilege, but then accuse me of being judgmental, but give NO examples of me actually being judgmental. I realized her accusing me of being judgmental was her PROJECTING her judgmental tendencies onto me, because she resented me for not coming from the same struggles as herself.. Funny thing is, women resent women who are better off than them, and belittle women who are not. So u cant win. Women dont like women
I’m glad that that woman in the pink said that about friendship between black women and white women. I have felt the power dynamic between myself and my white friend
8:14 from my personal experience, as a black woman I had to stop trying to be friends with other black women. I’m not saying I don’t want to be friends with black women, I’m just saying the black women around me wasn’t really being my alley. When I was younger I use to literally look for other black girls to be friends with. The last black woman I had around me wasn’t my friend but was dating my male best friend (who’s a black man) and she lied so bad about me and he allowed it. I mean the lies were crazy to the point I couldn’t even continue my 6 year friendship with the guy. She tried to ruin my relationship, my reputation, my character, etc. I have this new rule of friendships, if you don’t have anything to lose then we can’t be friends. I can only be friends with people with goals and ambitions because those other people are lost and want bring you down with them.
I disagree with the first one. If you have anxiety or mental issues that causes you to overthink, just dropping an entire friendship is impulsive especially if that friend has no ill intent. Or if there's a communication issue and you'd rather end the whole thing than try talking to them about it, that's kinda immature. Intuition can be useful and you can end a friendship for any reason if you want, but if you cut people off for no reason, you might just be ruining good relationships for nothing.
For me, its when we're in a group. If Im talking, doesnt matter what about, and I catch 2 of them give that quick subtle look to each as im talking, I already how ppl feel. Also, if I tell someone something, regardless of what it is and it comes back to me from a person I didnt tell, Im not interested in being friends. Why am I being brought up to begin with?
Watch your back when they won't say anything detrimental about you, but they won't praise you for your accomplishments either. Watch your back babe!🗣️👣
I so do not agree with the I love you but commenter. How else are we meant to process the questionable actions of a friend. I love her but she is selfish and rarely acknowledges my feelings; is that talking bad about someone? Especially if you have said it to them directly? We need to be able to differentiate between critique and offensiveness.
If someone is picking their friends based on anything other than their personality and who they are, that's bigotry. If you got a 'quiet' friend? Y'all ain't friends. Like that. Said by someone who'd rather be alone than deal with fake. Much love everyone.
I disagree with the notion of cutting people off just over an “inkling” of doubt that they may not really be your friends. first of all, “intuition” can be wrong and may not even be intuition in the first place. just because someone’s behaviors trigger you it has less to do with the behavior itself and why it triggers you, at which point it’s on you to reflect on why that is. of course if someone has shown you consistent disrespect and after bringing up these concerns they either ignore or don’t change, then that would be the time to end the friendship. but just over a feeling they may not be on your wavelength? that sounds like insecurity imo.
definitely agree with this. especially because as someone with ADHD, bad social anxiety, and severe RSD, i will get an "inkling" that someone hates me or secretly thinks i'm super annoying just because they didn't immediately react to some meme i messaged them. i absolutely should *not* trust that feeling blindly because it's almost always completely irrational. it's a lot more complicated than that and takes a lot more critical examination to determine if it's something i should actually listen to. it's one thing if it's a repeated pattern of behavior (i.e. repeatedly ignoring you, consistently prioritizing other things instead, not giving the same energy back, consistent lack of respect for you, your emotions, or your time, etc.) that can indicate an underlying problem, but for me at least it's so often just my own insecurity and sensitivity to any imagined rejection. i think it's something that should be more nuanced because that's just not universally good advice and there are so many people who may not have reliable intuition or gut feelings about people to begin with on the flip side, i've also had really bad fake "friends" who i didn't get _any_ inkling of doubt for until they'd already dropped *me* or someone else pointed out how awful they were. it's very, VERY possible to not realize when you're being abused or taken advantage of too for a whole variety of reasons. "intuition" isn't nearly reliable enough to be the sole arbiter of if a friendship is healthy or not. it can be useful to put you on the path to figure out for yourself if the relationship is harmful and to examine it for yourself, but it shouldn't be the be all end all
Years ago I had a friend who bf like the same movies, music and every time he would see me. We would start talking and she start hugging, kissing and rubbing his back. Me and him would laugh at it because she wouldn't pay him any extra attention until she would see us talking. When he told me you lose weight and have curves like a old country road. We laughed and she started taking digs at me around him, co-workers and strangers. I'm just kidding. He broke up with her and she started acted like she was my friend again. But every time some one showed me attention or just talking the green eye demon would come out. Bye girl.
Ex childhood friend was out there sabotaging my life into my thirties. I had it in my brain out of all the people in the world she'd never do me dirty. Stole my first bf, stole my friends, gaslit me constantly. Took my mind, body and almost soul till I woke up. There are good friends out there, we just now have trust issues after getting burned. Sometimes real bad.
I literally watch these videos about dusty men to understand women because men don't do to me what I hear in these videos, women do. They faaaaaaaar out weigh men doing bad stuff to me.
As a person who is neurodivergent I’m not good at playing like I like you so if I am your friend then it’s genuine and if I’m not I’m not wasting your time or mine pretending
Very true. Growing up in an emotionally tensed home, i was able to hone an acute sense of intuition. I've always been very reluctant in having female friends, PRETENSE is much. With men, you know what they want and how to avoid. I had a female "friend" that my spirit never agreed with. Then i started watching her actions and let her show herself. I and my boyfriend where planning a movie date once and she got upset when i told her not to come with us that i wanted it to be the two of us. I told her straight up to stay away from me and my boyfriend. Blocked and deleted her number from my phone and my boyfriend's.
I can feel it most of the time when i first meet someone but ill be like oh maybe im trippen because i just met them and i dont take well to strangers but nah ive always been right and find out after i give someone the benefit of the doubt. And its usually always the people who really compliment me
All of this energy for your "friends" but are ride or dies for men. Lol These conversations often feel anti-woman and the one complaining is actually not a good friend.
I just don’t like when we’re labeled as crazy and etc when we’re really choosing to end shhhh! Like there’s really just a lot of us who want to be at peace! There’s sooo many of us that really just want to be at peace! Idk where why and when do shhhh go left in friendships and etc but I know I want peace soooo fx whatever and whoever’s getting in the way of that! If you’re not deep down inside genuine and brought up on love, stay away from me! If you don’t wanna show REAL love in life at all, stay away from me!
This is so true. I’ve experienced this and as soon as I do I cut them off. If I don’t like u, I can’t be ur friend nor do I want u as mine. I also LOVE how at 8:00 she spoke about being friends with white women. I CANT do it. I agree that there will always an imbalance and she will always feel like she’s better than u. I can’t have white women as friends. I don’t trust them.
I just thought about something... Most animals known to man, have shown signs of evolution directly out of the womb for thousands of years. But it seems as though we don't, and never have... seeing as how we have been debating and conversing on the same topics for over 3000 years with very little signs of evolution... Are we truly the smartest beings on the planet???🤔
The things is the Second Lady part they will st8 out try to blend in like a box of cookies and I understand you have different friends for different purposes but like she said that link of guts feeling and you questioning her or he’s actions drop them off where stand and cut them off the cord and mostly as you get older you don’t care about having friends (they worthy)and they be jealousy and narcissistic just like she aside third lady oh watch out ones who don’t really talk abt what you or how you and want to listen to them all the time or the ones whose want too know too much in your Business
Why is Haley reaching out? I think you guys should have talked it’s odd that she made the post and pretended it didn’t exist? Did you comment on it? That’s crazy! I have questions! 😂
I am just going to say this to the lady in pink's point, as I only have one best friend of 22 years, and she is white (half Mexican), and their are interactions (racial/cultural misunderstanding & ignorance), but I usually check her when those used to happen early on, however, there is not a power dynamic, I don't view white people as superior, as black African decended women are the first women, and we birthed them all, I am not inferior to a thing we birthed. With my black girlfriends growing up (cut them off in my 20'), it was always conflict for no reason. It was back biting, competition (sexual & lifestyle), jealousy, messy, and pure happiness when I was doing bad, even though I had helped them, big time in the past when they were doing bad. It was crabs in the bucket...and I never again went back to having black female friends. I just stick to my aunts, cousins & neices.
My ex friend sucked her teeth every time I received a compliment from people.She was jealous but would never admit it. We were on vacation and she was acting very funky, nasty, barely talking to me, even in photos she looked mad at me. She doesn’t answer her phone so I stopped calling. The vacation revealed her narcissistic personality. She was late for many events and we almost missed our plane. She was just funky the whole trip. I don’t want to deal with her anymore! She’s just rude, mean and hateful! Then she manipulates people acting like she’s the victim! She doesn’t communicate with me. When I try talking to her, she act like she doesn’t want to talk. My male friend is a sweetheart and she got jealous of our relationship. I lost respect for her. I’m done! She can fly to planet Pluto and stay there!
To hashtag nianotnice, I only call people twin when we are in sync with one thing or another naturally, because I wish I had been born a twin. 💔 But I get the message Nia is sharing. Just not all twin proclaimers are the same.
I have a very simple list of things i want in a friend and yet, i have not been able to find her. I had a ghey man friend who i speak to every now and then but he moved to Europe so I see him maybe once every 2 years. He was everything! My daughter unfortunately didn't make the cut of her year long friendship with a girl she met while working. They were close, then cool, then ok and eventually her time ended at 11:59 pm 12/31/23. My daughter isn't upset about it, just confused but she's not hurt because she sensed something was amiss. Plus the woman was 6 years older than my daughter (20 and 26)and apparently was still a virgin.
The last video for some reason struck me in an odd way. So it took you reconnecting with the same girl Hailey to realize she wasn’t your friend. And to think the current friends won’t betray you seems a bit naive. Everyone in the beginning of a relationship thinks this person is going to be a good friend partner, lover, etc. Is it safe to say that all relationships ultimately are risky and involve investing and hoping for some type of return?
Friends who “forget” about you once they get a boyfriend? Friends who don’t notice your absence when you are pulling away or struggling? Friends who use your affection so long as there is something to gain from it? Friends with main character syndrome looking for supporting characters? B Y E.
Yeah I’ve recently discovered that some of my friends have main character syndrome, I don’t hear from them unless I reach out because I’m not going out spending money exposing myself to airborne diseases they don’t have much use for me. It’s weird especially because spending money out in the world wasn’t how our friendships were formed or our main activities through most of our friendships, But now that I don’t feel there’s some kind of an urgency to go to brunch even though we didn’t go to brunch before, they have no use for me. But it’s fine they are all working on their third Covid infection and I’m not interested in getting an airborne brain damage
When I became too disabled to be a human coatrack and free taxi ride home on nights out, my ‘friends’ pretty much dropped me 🙃
I had an “associate” who I felt like would say things like “ I really consider you my best friend and I feel like we are so much alike “ but she did not treat me like a genuine friend… I don’t think she treats any of her “friends” like genuine friends and when she said that to me I couldn’t reciprocate bc it would have felt fake. She absolutely suffers from Main Character syndrome and she is used to having fans… and since I didn’t give fan energy it’s almost like she was trying to court me into being a fan. She has said so much slick sh1t that has made me side eye.. she would do things and then say “well I didn’t want you to think I was copying you “ ON MULTIPLE Occasions when I wasn’t even thinking that except when she named her daughter a name VERY close to my daughters name. finally she has gotten tired of me not being a groupie and has distanced herself and I’m fine with it. I wish her the best. I want genuine honest friends that I can have deep conversations with and trust and know they have my best interest at heart.. and I have her best interest at heart.
Yeah fr, I had a friend like that and she said I was the one who’s changing, lmfao pls bitch I’ve been the same. It just comes to a point in the friendship where you feel left behind and that instinct tells you to go. The amount of struggles of emotions and jealousy I had made it worse cause I then felt like I wasn’t pretty enough, like when am I going to get a boyfriend to be socially respected by her? Nah man ppl need to cut this shit out. The FOMO is real
Wow, I was just talking to someone today, about friends that want to pretend that you are their side-kick. Self-absorbed and highly inconsiderate individuals.
Jealousy creeps up on people. It takes the other person a while sometimes to even realize they resent you. My advice is to never allow passive aggressive behavior. Address it right away.
Yep
💯💯
As an introvert, dealing with most people seems like a headache I'd rather avoid. This video just confirms it.
I used to think I was odd for just liking to be by myself or have a VERY small group of friends, that I don’t hang out with all together. Indeed, these “friendships “ seem very toxic and exhausting. Idk how people do it…continuously.
Same!!
Introverts can stand up for themselves just fine. It doesn’t come easy, but I learned the hard way that it’s a lot easier than putting up with people who treat you badly.
Omg even having a boyfriend or husband seems exhausting
As an extrovert, it's a game of roulette every time. 🥲 On the bright side, you get really good at letting people go with no resentment.
Years ago I went through a major shift in my life and grew apart with all my friends. In that time I grew closer to myself, I grew my intuition and I haven't been preferring other people's company over my own ever since.
I can get along with many people and I have friends I talk to every now and then, but I'm usually on my own. I have no girl drama in my life.
I tend to gravitate towards intelligent, secure and interesting women. I'm big on authenticity and honesty too, so we can be ourselves around eachother. Exchange ideas and empower eachother.
I am the same! The last friendship I had that ended had red flags that I ignored. She was a nice person, but not secure within herself and conflict avoidant. I should’ve known that she wasn’t someone I could trust to be authentically herself, but rather a people pleaser that pretended things were fine even though things bothered her that she couldn’t communicate. Those are the worst kinds of people in my opinion. They victimize themselves over issues they never once brought up and make you the villain. Never again! I am now only interested in being friends with people that are confident and secure - bonus points if they also go to therapy. As a grown woman, if you are not actively working on healing yourself and being better, then you most likely have baggage im not interested in dealing with.
@@SS-cu8se Same here 💯
Currently! Same. ❤
Same!
Love this. All the best to you.
As an autistic woman, this video gave my social anxiety anxiety 😬
-They give you cheap gifts.
-Shady comments.
-They seem more 'in flow' with their other friends.
-They check your body/shape/figure too much.
-They never discuss girly stuff with you like makeup,dresses stuff like that.
-They never publicly praise you. Nice comments, likes, reactions etc.
-They think you'll always go the extra mile for them, even though they never do.
-They have more boundaries with you than they do with their other friends.
-Their other friends treat them like trash and you're the punching bag for her.
Gurl how?! Its like we had the same "friend" !!
People especially women, don’t observe red flags in platonic relationships, because they haven’t been trained to. Complex relationships lead to complex lives. Let people move you in the right direction.
"Complex relationships lead to complex lives" Ma'am that was a word I needed to hear! Shoot I needed this whole video 😅
I'm just now figuring that out. Thank you for sharing!
@@audaciouslyaq I'm glad sweetie, because I've been in too many of them to know the pitfalls and understand friendships need to be intentional
Amen! The myth of sisterhood
I went through a heartbreaking friendship breakup about a year ago. I have learned to only be friends with independent, confident women who are looking for reasonable companionship, not a replacement husband. I can’t give you the same type of emotional intimacy your man would. I can’t be codependent on you like how your partner might be. Im not going to tell you everything in my life like how a partner would. I just want to have good conversations + (reasonable) loyalty and respect. I will also be avoiding conflict avoidant people! Never again. Don’t blame me for your inability to communicate your issues with me. Girl bye!
Yeah I actually try to only deal with single by choice women these days. Single women who still center men refuse to believe that my life is happy, I had people feeling sorry for me because I got to spend thanksgiving day at home in my pajamas doing whatever I want eating whatever I want not having stressful cleanup. It was bizarre, I could have gone to someone’s house for Thanksgiving if I wanted to, I spent the day the way I chose to spend the day and I had people who are supposed to be my friends pitying me? It just shows me they pass judgment on my life and refuse to believe that I’m being honest when I say I had a glorious beautiful day.
It felt like I was being mansplained to about my own feelings and wishes, by WOMEN. Because they were projecting, they are unhappy single, or they need constant stimulation by other people to have a good day. That’s not me. I can entertain myself I don’t need to feed off other peoples energy to enjoy my day
@@MeowNow494this
Agree with both of the comments in this sub thread wholeheartedly! I will be honest that my I have to improve on addressing things that bother me immediately because of being conflict avoidant. I’ve done it bc I AM conflict-avoidant, and want to give ppl the benefit of the doubt, but then eventually I also did it bc I told promised myself to trust my gut no matter what, and would just avoid anyone iffy. BUT Ive found ways where you can trust your intuition but communicate WITHOUT testing someone. For example, if I sense this person is just a user, I can ask questions in person or text asking them how they empower themselves when they’re low. Or if I sense they are chronic emotional complainer about everything (these are the types I attract), asking them what they plan to do about the issues mentioned, but also just telling them “hey, I know you wanna be heard, but I’m not in place to keep helping you process negative emotions that you find in a lot of things, and I wanted you to be aware that this is the pattern I noticed…” and take it from there. But yeah that aside, everything both of y’all said I am 100% in agreement with and that’s what I seek as well.
Sis with the glasses and braids (cierratati) hit that on the head!!! I was experiencing this same thing. She was a friend of 17 years. Over time she started acting different towards me and I picked up on it immediately. When I mentioned it she gaslit me. Once I saw her interaction with her friends vs the way she was with me I cut that friendship off.
Yep, when it gets down to energy for energy and you realize they aren’t doing ANY heavy lifting, it’s time to BOUNCE!
Yes!!! 30 year friend!!! Byyyeeeeee
10 yrs for me, i wrote secret letters for her on why i felt we are no longer friends on 2020-22, finally had the courage to talk and end our friendship last Dec. I felt free after that.
This is why i like to stick around like minded people who share the same beliefs and interest like me a lot of people are fake nowadays
True
Nowadays?
Girlie, this has always been a thing. We are just now realising it.
@@I.am.hooked True but conferring to these days
When I started showing up for myself, and glowing up for myself, and they get mad over little things, or ignore you. Get your life together and do it in silence, and just watch who cheers and who jeers. I hadn't seen a friend in over 6 months and a lot changed in my life. We met up for dinner, with some other friends. She just stared at me and said very little to me. This was a girl who used to laugh out loud with me and do silly things.
I had the same experience, but later i discovered her 1st bf that she met (after our separation; she went to university) was abusing her. I think new men in a female friend's life can be a reason for a change or distance in them.
Mama always told me “ You don’t have friends”.
Same then realised she wasn’t my friend either and hated my guts😢
@@Misssweetladyxxxsame
my mom says the exact same thing! unfortunately i realized she has a lot of trauma and seems pretty miserable ngl
i agree, its just that women will always have way more scrutiny for other women than they ever will for men or their boyfriends. a woman will (as she should) cut off another women at the SLIGHTEST inclination something is wrong, but a man they will keep around and give the benefit of the doubt, try to talk it out, have their child, marry them, and continue to entertain them.
As she should?? Not really... you shouldn't let the slightest inclination ruin a good friendship that's actually kinda nuts imo
As a single black woman with no kids, every friendship I lost seemed to just magically happen as soon as they got married, maintained a longterm relationship, or had kids. I had a friend call me desperate and sad because I wanted to foster a deep friendship with her, but she said I couldn't because she had a huzzzband and kids, and I had nothing so I was desperate. Yeah, I was desperate but not any more. I have to be really intentional about having friends and allowing people into my space and that's what I didn't do in the past. Not everyone who laughs and jokes with you needs to be a friend. Feel free to keep acquaintances. I'm at that point in my life where I need to be sure that that person isn't going to set me back emotionally and mentally.
Friendship trauma is real. Ive been dealing with it for a few years. 😢
Why is it so hard for ppl to be nice to each other? Even when Im driving ppl Ive never met before are trying to keep me from turning or cutting me off just rude for no reason. Then I get to the grocery store and ppl are cutting me off when walking creeping up behind me being weird. Ppl really need to get a grip
People are freaky most of the time
I notice when you give a caring vibe people will try to @buse Or harass you. That's why I have blank and stoic face all the time, also it's a blessing to have a slightly mean face than a caring one, yes people will be scared and not approach you but in that case you just approach them.
@@thesevenkingswelove9554 ppl are definitely scared to approach me that's why they're so passive aggressive.
People are insecure within themselves.
Girl number 1 is right about the subtle digs. They’ll also act one way in private but try to purposely embarrass you around other friends or partners. I noticed they didn’t try that sh,t around my family but my mom and other people close to me at the time STILL saw right through her.
" when other women in platonic friendships use you," I'm so glad im not the only one who notices that . I've experienced this with a few women and a couple of them were married.
Wow! 😂
This soooo my topic!
I was done with men. Not because I hate them or think they're the cause of all the problems. They just trigger all the alarm bells.
The irony of my life is that all the abuse I avoid from men I got from my family and PLATONIC female friends.
I remember thinking about one particular 'friend' doing the push/pull. Is she playing hard to get? Is she bread crumbing me?! Is she acting like a man?!
I was shocked and disgusted at the same time. The arrogance!
Thank you for discussing all toxicity male, female, black, white.
We can't grow without introspect
Ahhhh the dreaded push/pull, bread crumbing dynamic. Such a ball of fun. Even more fun when family does it. 😫What I’ve noticed over the years is when you have a certain level of inner peace it irritates those who have none to their very core. They will try every trick in the book to knock you off your square. Good for you for recognizing the games people play to gain leverage. Bravo! 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
Same girl same!! I have the exact same experience as you. The irony of it all!! 😩
I cut a friend off because she didn't invite me to her wedding. Mind you, we had been friends for at least 8 or 9 years. I was invited to her graduation, birthday parties, holidays, etc, everything EXCEPT her wedding. Didn't even know about her wedding until she posted on FB.
Mind you, I was originally in her first wedding to her first fiance as a bridesmaid, but they never got married. Fast forward two years later, and she's married to another guy. I was going to chalk up not being invited to the wedding to it being a close family invite only, but NOPE!! She had white women in her wedding as bridesmaids. She's fully black, and she married an African man. WE NEVER HAD A FALLING OUT, not even an argument, so I don't understand why I wasn't invited. I never received an apology. I cut her off as soon as I found out.
Maybe you did something, said something that bothered her but she never brought it up.
@kalimistakidou9103 nope. I'm not that type of friend. There was absolutely NOTHING I did or said wrong. If I explained our friendship, then you'd understand. Unfortunately, I don't have the time or space to explain everything. But even if I did, she would definitely have let me know. I wish this was the case, but it's not.
@@IAMGROOT4EVAI’ve had ‘former’ friends who hid whole boyfriends and fiancés from me. You know why? I have a sharp sense of discernment and they loved using it to their advantage, except when it came to seeing thru their significant others. All I have to say is good riddance to bad rubbish.
@@IAMGROOT4EVAyeah, if u have combed over it and u really can't find anything, don't even sweat it! The confirmation is in the disregard. Just go on
This happened to me.. my friend reached out for my, my mom, and sisters address to send the invitations and never sent them. I saw the wedding pics online so when I reached out to her and asked why she said “it wasn’t malicious we just wanted friends there who were a part of our love journey.. you and I haven’t been in each others lives lately” I was completely confused bc she was invited and came to MY wedding and she wasn’t part of my husband and my “love journey” what even is that? My love between my husband and I are between us. We had been in eachother lives.. we just weren’t clubbing and partying and traveling bc I got married and had kids and she went to medical school in ANOTHER COUNTRY but we stayed in touch and talked. She is the one after having a few really bad breakups was giving up on love and decided to date this guy some of her med school friend hooked her up with in private for 6-7 months and then get married. She called me and told me she had met a guy and they had been dating about 8 months and were getting married.. he was older.. and kind of private. I said ok, I supported her and was happy for her. If we weren’t in each others lives why would she call me to tell me about him at all? Why would she call me to get the addresses for invites. It doesn’t add up. She was lying. Honestly the text response sounded NOTHING like her.. I’m not exactly putting go off the idea that she didn’t even write it. I think he didn’t let her invite some of her friends and she wanted to get married so bad she didn’t want to make static. I was SO HURT. After she sent that text I never responded. I deleted her number and I blocked her on the phone and SM. I loved that girl and she hurt me. If he didn’t want her friends there I’d rather her just tell me but don’t lie and make it seem like we weren’t close. I’ve let it go.. I don’t hate her but I don’t want friends like that. I want my friends to love me as much as I love them.
To the lady at 7:53, I completely agree. I grew up in a predominantly white school and while white people showed me more love than the traumatized black students (in the Deep South), the power dynamic has been obvious all my life. For instance, a month ago, I went out for drinks with a hiking buddy who happened to be a white woman. While I was hoping we could talk about hiking, steampunk cosplay, relationships, etc., she ended up talking my ear off about how I need to start investing bc her parents started a trust fund investment account when she was a kid, and that’s the reason why she was able to pay for university and a retirement plan. Additionally, she was grateful for her [white] bf, who - up until recently - payed all the bills so she could find a job in line with her recently acquired diploma. And I just…I just sat there silently sipping my cider while internally screaming in poverty trauma and parental financial abuse that ruined my credit well before I turned 18 🙃
Yes, I (and many other young black adults) have been a victim of parental financial abuse. I recall being 24 and my mother getting a credit card in my name without my consent and then out of nowhere I saw a debt of $1500 on my credit report. I was so heated and it's sad that alot of black parents just don't care about their children/children's future, unlike many non-black parents. I've also gotten more love and support from non-black people throughout my life as opposed to black people. Some of the best life advice I've ever received has strangely come from older Mexican people. Smh
A TRUST FUND AND a boyfriend who supported her?? I’m glad you have a hiking buddy, but for real some people talk like they’ve never been punched in the face before.
How is this a power dynamic? Your friend was trying to give you advice on how to be more financially stable?
@@ashleygonzales8254she is honest for saying that her friend obviously had knowledge power over her
@@ashleygonzales8254On matters that were out of her control. It’s not like she was telling her how to invest in real estate from scratch.
Noticing when others are not being kind or digging is valuable. The women are all thoughtful and I love this channel. The only drawback to this video is that there is a lot of reacting and being “triggered” as a judgment on whether the friend is genuine or not. Making a decision based on whether you feel triggered is not a good decision. Your thoughts make your feelings and your feelings should not make your thoughts. It’s part of cognitive behavioral therapy and has validity. Be careful that your feelings are not making your thoughts. Female friendship is very tenuous if we keep going back and forth based on our “feelings.” Look at the person’s behavior and be rational about what that person says.
I see what you’re saying but I disagree. If I’m spending time with someone who is constantly making me feel icky, I don’t need to continue to spend time with them. If it’s a problem in me that I have to work through, OK I will do that, but I still don’t have to continue spending time with people who make me feel like crap
@@MeowNow494I read something very interesting today about mind vs feeling and how the mind tricks us , I will link the Facebook account when I find it for you if interested at all
Feels,not deals
No rigidity here
Very "be as water" energy
Thanks ladies for your comments. I appreciate your positions. I agree we have to feel comfortable with those we bring close to us.
I had so many fair weather friends based on my job. I knew that, so when I quit that job, they disappeared, right on schedule. Even though I wasn’t surprised, it was still sad to see so many people be so two-faced.
I try to be friends and helpful with everyone and they play on my top so I am just focusing on myself no relationships just focusing on me
Family members too. People use to tell me certain family members I grew up with and thought as friends were jealous of me. So I learned to let that go. I don’t like being around people who are always negative or talking down on other people.
Remember the pretty woman who got killed in a room with her "friends"?
Are you talking about Shanquella (sp?) Robinson? Those people totally got away with it, I’m so disgusted by that story. I’m hoping she has some friends or family who will take care of some street justice for her because she’s not getting it from law enforcement
🌹
I grew up in a small town full of toxic sht talkers, I moved away as soon as I started my adult years but then I came back, and I’ve ditched three long-term friends because I’ve discovered they don’t actually like me. I only discovered this because they would hear the most outlandish ridiculous rumors about me, and instead of even questioning it or questioning me they were just automatically believe it. Then two years later they would tell me about this weird assumption they’ve been carrying around with them that was completely ridiculous simply because they heard it from someone I’m not friends With
No sis, if you’re going to automatically believe the worst in me because you hear it from someone who wouldn’t even know one way or the other, Nope. Bye.
Also, they would come to me and tell me things other people said about me, it took me a while to get smart enough to say “OK well well then what did you say?” Usually they said nothing. Trash behavior
Past best friends -
One I defended after she was surrounded by 3 girls and was about to get beat up, while she left me hanging after two girls randomly started picking a fight with me at a Halloween party.
Another best friend - left me after I told her that he boyfriend hit on me.
Another best friend told my boyfriend that she would sleep w him if he left me.
Most recent friend found out that I am doing YT videos, crickets. Nothing. I mentioned it maybe 4 times and still silence. Later, YT, huh? You never said anything. Basically ignoring my ambitions. I had to say bye. No support. I can support myself just fine, bye.
I no longer have any friends. No thanks.
Just really surprised why women don't know how to be good friends.
It’s funny how easy it is to spot the smallest perceived spite from friends but the men in your lives have been dragging you for years and you still think it is love and he’s just going through some things. Be a good friend and you will attract like minded people. Sometimes we have friends and we think they should be there for all our ish and the moment they are not available - that’s it! Give your friends grace. They are humans too.
Very true! U have to be careful with that too. Men (who they're screwing )are usually forgiven. But a friend makes a mistake ...they're cut off immediately!
@@come_on_barbie_123it’s CRAZY
I agree with not ignoring the feeling, BUT I do think that friends talk about their friends because they care about their friends. It’s the most interesting topic. Think of it like a parent with their kid. Most parents love their kids but we can get frustrated with their actions. Thats usually what girlfriends talk about. You can tell if it’s coming from a mean, jealous place or a concerned place. So, definitely don’t ignore the feeling, but be logical too.
I was literally thinking the same thing. I would hate when I had friends that would do stupid stuff that was genuinely dangerous for themselves and I WILL and always will talk to them about how I feel about it first, but if I do feel uncomfortable talking to that friend about her own actions to herself, my first instinct is “something is wrong here”. I would keep ALL thoughts to myself and think deeply about why I feel so uncomfortable about talking to her and question EVERYTHING! I’ll start looking at my friendship from start to finish and see if I felt something was off at anytime (sometimes it works but sometimes it don’t because I know I gaslight myself into thinking to give others multiple chances) but sometimes I’ll ask advice from folks who I know, take their advice with a grain of salt and make my own decision in the end. I really believe that criticism that you have for your friends are important regardless because I personally have criticism for even my own loved and personal relationships with my family members just as well. We are all human and positive criticism is helpful for everybody. BUT I also know how important it is to speak properly to whoever you speak to regardless! Some folks don’t know how to tell someone about themselves because it can easily come off as rude and offensive. Some people also don’t accept criticism from others at all unless they’re getting criticized from super close friends or family. Also people need to realize that sometimes acceptable to just shut up about it and just keep your eye to yourself. Sometimes moments will arise for you to speak, but sometimes they never do.
Dropped the friend the second she revealed she was talking s*** about me to other people (I didn't even know) behind my back, ended up writing her a letter detailing all the ways she's failed as a friend over the last decade and shoved it through her letterbox after another failed attempt to get my point across to her.
Honestly, at this point I just wish I hadn't wasted so much time and energy on her.
love that this popped up for me, i recently cut off a friend of almost 11 yrs. she was boy crazy and treated me like a psychologist/therapist, would drop me like bag of trash on pickup day when a guy gave her the time of day, she would only want to go to places she wanted, we only did things she liked. (i hate alcohol and she always wanted to drink and get drunk) realized i was really the only one who spent real time and effort with her, and i got like nothing back. she would lie to her family and bf about being with me. i couldn’t take being lied to or about anymore. i should add she a lot more shit this is just a summary.
Experienced the exact same. Every Person that I THOUGHT was a Friend back then used me as a damn Therapist until I stopped caring about them. They're Energy Vampires. As long as shit in their Lives is going great, they're silent or ghosting but when it's lonely time for them...let me call Bria. I don't think so. Been Friendless for Years now & the way the World is now...I am fine with it.
Friends who only have negative little comments disguised as jokes..
THE ONE EVERY WOMEN SHOULD REALIZE IS " I HAVE JUST BEEN BUSY"" BUT MAKING TIME FOR OTHER FRIENDS!!!
I agree. Esp when that friend is the type that is glued to her phone 24/7, but could not find the time to give a decent reply.
What about the narc who isn't your actual friends and you both have never been friends, or even chatted together (they never asked you "how is your day?" or "what are your hobbies?"), and then one day they ask you a request and you say no because you are busy and tbh also because you don't know them, at all.
And then they say loudly to everyone around "WOW, you are a fake friend! I can't believe we were ever friends! Wow! Just wow!"
And so then everyone gives you looks, and you are confused, because you weren't ever friends in the first place; like, you never even talked or went for coffee or even had friendly chatter about a fav tv show...
They basically treated you like a nobody/stranger until one day they asked you for a favor, which you said "no", and then they called you a fake friend.
Like, "but we were never friends... I'm confused."
To me compatibility is so key and authenticity and communication.
People express true feelings through jokes.💯
I Had A Fake Friend Pop Up On Me Recently 😅 Ain't NOBODY Playing In My Face In 2024! I'll Bet My Last $20 On It! 🥂🤟🏾🎉
I RELATE TO MISS GREEN GLASSES A THOUSAND PERCENT 🎯🙌🏾
Yep!!!
Such great advice, particularly in church situations. People can be so fake in The Church... and this is often how some women in Church behave. Just low key competing, whilst pretending something else.
You know the saddest part of this, it’s mostly BW I get this energy from.
Years of hurt, abuse, imposter is triggering for so many. So unfortunate.
I have co-workers like this. Always “joking” yet amongst each-other they don’t “joke” like that. I always get a weird feeling about them. I just distance my self.
4:55 agreed!! Being around people I don’t like is so mentally and emotionally draining I’d rather… not be around them. I’m never going to be shady or malicious but I don’t fw you and that’s okay.
But the question is, why be a fake friend and come around me at all? It's definitely giving jealousy and a bit weird.
Wow, I've never had friends 😅
Same as I'm an introverted person
You’re lucky 😂😂
@@kalimistakidou9103 no I meant I've never had any real friends that didn't end up hurting or using me in some way
@@HauntedCadaveryep, dodging bullets can feel like a full time job with so many fake folks running around looking for a punching bag.
I had to cut this girl off because she had no self awareness and she was just plain weird !
"I don't like anybody who doesn't like me"!
I heard a kid on tv say this and immediately thought that was profound!😊
It’s the lady at 3:20 for me.They are ignoring your texts for a reason. They see them. Everyone is going through things. People will treat u bad and hope u are stupid enough to not notice. Don’t let people play in your face. U know when they don’t like u ladies. They will continue to talk to you instead of figuring out a way to let you go. I WILL let go QUICK. I’m not giving up on women though because one thing I’ve learned from Princella is WE ARE NOT DEALING WITH ORGANIC WOMEN
I’ve never lived with friends.. that’s something I’ve learned from previous’ friends’
Oohhh weee. This was deep. I have someone who I’ve been questioning myself about for years as to whether or not she’s my friend. Deep down, I already know the answer.
I think it helps alot if you hang with women that have the same "goals/vision " as you. If you want no kids or marriage why would you be friends with women that have both. You are literally setting yourself up with misery. They will meddle in your life, judge you harshly and make you feel like crap for not fitting in. Theyll make a joke out of you instead of supporting you. They want to use you to babysit. Come to all parties etc..A great friend loves and supports you decisions. You FEEL loved. Ive seen friendships torn apart over men, marriage and kids.
Ong I had a friend that use to make fun of how I speak because I don’t have a country/ghetto tone and she decided to do this at a BBQ but it backfired no one thought it was funny and no one participated and thought it was dumb to make fun of the way a person sounds and speaks it was all night to the point we started arguing girl that was her last time seeing me than I found out she stole some of my clothes out of my bag when I spent the night at her house it was insane
I just had to dump a friend who turned out to be petty, jealous and psychotic. I saw a few signs (posting photos without me in them, never saying good morning, only texting me when she needs advice or someone to sit at the bar with her) but didn’t think anything of it because we weren’t close. A guy who she’s following on instagram made me uncomfortable and I told her. She brushed me off and said “I’m not going to block him” so I said fine. I blocked this girl and about an hour later she starts calling and texting me from fake numbers calling me every name in the book and berating my boyfriend too. He spoils me and I also have a sugar daddy on the side but I didn’t realize she hated that. She’s never met him either of them before because of my gut feeling.
A couple days ago she called me again from a blocked number and I just laughed 😂
I was with you until you admitted that you're a Cheater.
I understand that male to male friendships are not perfect, but Ive noticed that males' friendships with males seem more durable and have greater longevity than female to female friendships. My older brother is 40 yrs old, and his circle of 5 male friends are from grade school. Most grown women I know, do not have a circle of friends that lasted from childhood. Anyways, I say all that to say, I believe that female friendships have a shaky foundation because of INTERNALIZED MISOGYNY. We live in a sexist patriarchy so women are walking around with a passive (or active) disdain for other women- sometimes conscious, sometimes subconscious. But consider this: how many times have you heard a woman say "i dont mess with females, i only have male friends." I have never heard a male utter those words about his fellow males. Males tend to prefer the company of males. BUT women dont like women lol, and I think its because we live in a sexist society... I had a female "friend" recently who took digs at me just like this video described and when I confronted her about it, literally asking her "do u actually like me, because when we hang you seem agitated"; she responded "I feel joy when we hang out"... But she constantly made comments like "oh, i didnt know xyz because i didnt go to private school (like you)". She would constantly point out the difference in our level of background privilege, but then accuse me of being judgmental, but give NO examples of me actually being judgmental. I realized her accusing me of being judgmental was her PROJECTING her judgmental tendencies onto me, because she resented me for not coming from the same struggles as herself.. Funny thing is, women resent women who are better off than them, and belittle women who are not. So u cant win. Women dont like women
I’m glad that that woman in the pink said that about friendship between black women and white women. I have felt the power dynamic between myself and my white friend
8:14 from my personal experience, as a black woman I had to stop trying to be friends with other black women. I’m not saying I don’t want to be friends with black women, I’m just saying the black women around me wasn’t really being my alley. When I was younger I use to literally look for other black girls to be friends with. The last black woman I had around me wasn’t my friend but was dating my male best friend (who’s a black man) and she lied so bad about me and he allowed it. I mean the lies were crazy to the point I couldn’t even continue my 6 year friendship with the guy. She tried to ruin my relationship, my reputation, my character, etc. I have this new rule of friendships, if you don’t have anything to lose then we can’t be friends. I can only be friends with people with goals and ambitions because those other people are lost and want bring you down with them.
So over fake friends and then they act stupid when you bring up what they did.
I disagree with the first one. If you have anxiety or mental issues that causes you to overthink, just dropping an entire friendship is impulsive especially if that friend has no ill intent. Or if there's a communication issue and you'd rather end the whole thing than try talking to them about it, that's kinda immature. Intuition can be useful and you can end a friendship for any reason if you want, but if you cut people off for no reason, you might just be ruining good relationships for nothing.
For nothing. It's true
Most ppl deep down inside aren’t ur friends I’m a medium once I feel that I jet I don’t THat 😮🙏💜around me!!
For me, its when we're in a group. If Im talking, doesnt matter what about, and I catch 2 of them give that quick subtle look to each as im talking, I already how ppl feel.
Also, if I tell someone something, regardless of what it is and it comes back to me from a person I didnt tell, Im not interested in being friends. Why am I being brought up to begin with?
Watch your back when they won't say anything detrimental about you, but they won't praise you for your accomplishments either. Watch your back babe!🗣️👣
Pissedofftization
Lol
😂😂😂😂😂
I so do not agree with the I love you but commenter. How else are we meant to process the questionable actions of a friend. I love her but she is selfish and rarely acknowledges my feelings; is that talking bad about someone? Especially if you have said it to them directly? We need to be able to differentiate between critique and offensiveness.
If someone is picking their friends based on anything other than their personality and who they are, that's bigotry.
If you got a 'quiet' friend? Y'all ain't friends. Like that. Said by someone who'd rather be alone than deal with fake. Much love everyone.
I disagree with the notion of cutting people off just over an “inkling” of doubt that they may not really be your friends. first of all, “intuition” can be wrong and may not even be intuition in the first place. just because someone’s behaviors trigger you it has less to do with the behavior itself and why it triggers you, at which point it’s on you to reflect on why that is. of course if someone has shown you consistent disrespect and after bringing up these concerns they either ignore or don’t change, then that would be the time to end the friendship. but just over a feeling they may not be on your wavelength? that sounds like insecurity imo.
definitely agree with this. especially because as someone with ADHD, bad social anxiety, and severe RSD, i will get an "inkling" that someone hates me or secretly thinks i'm super annoying just because they didn't immediately react to some meme i messaged them. i absolutely should *not* trust that feeling blindly because it's almost always completely irrational. it's a lot more complicated than that and takes a lot more critical examination to determine if it's something i should actually listen to. it's one thing if it's a repeated pattern of behavior (i.e. repeatedly ignoring you, consistently prioritizing other things instead, not giving the same energy back, consistent lack of respect for you, your emotions, or your time, etc.) that can indicate an underlying problem, but for me at least it's so often just my own insecurity and sensitivity to any imagined rejection. i think it's something that should be more nuanced because that's just not universally good advice and there are so many people who may not have reliable intuition or gut feelings about people to begin with
on the flip side, i've also had really bad fake "friends" who i didn't get _any_ inkling of doubt for until they'd already dropped *me* or someone else pointed out how awful they were. it's very, VERY possible to not realize when you're being abused or taken advantage of too for a whole variety of reasons. "intuition" isn't nearly reliable enough to be the sole arbiter of if a friendship is healthy or not. it can be useful to put you on the path to figure out for yourself if the relationship is harmful and to examine it for yourself, but it shouldn't be the be all end all
Years ago I had a friend who bf like the same movies, music and every time he would see me. We would start talking and she start hugging, kissing and rubbing his back. Me and him would laugh at it because she wouldn't pay him any extra attention until she would see us talking. When he told me you lose weight and have curves like a old country road. We laughed and she started taking digs at me around him, co-workers and strangers. I'm just kidding. He broke up with her and she started acted like she was my friend again. But every time some one showed me attention or just talking the green eye demon would come out. Bye girl.
So u were over interacting with her bf and she is strange for picking up on that and trying to assert her presence in front of her man?
There is also something called the spirit of suspicion…That’s usually a personal problem…but you know..Do what makes you happy…🤷🏾♀️
Friends that use you for your resources…. Always my experience. They all love how successful I am, but hate it at the same time.
4:50 yessssss I just said almost everything you said verbatim about a “friend”.
OMG Girl, I looooove your channel! I have literally been binge-watching your content! Keep it up and tysm! ❤
Almost early as always sistah ❤ It seems as every year goes by, every friend also tends to go haha
So true!
Ex childhood friend was out there sabotaging my life into my thirties. I had it in my brain out of all the people in the world she'd never do me dirty. Stole my first bf, stole my friends, gaslit me constantly. Took my mind, body and almost soul till I woke up. There are good friends out there, we just now have trust issues after getting burned. Sometimes real bad.
I literally watch these videos about dusty men to understand women because men don't do to me what I hear in these videos, women do. They faaaaaaaar out weigh men doing bad stuff to me.
6:13 I want to be friends with the girl with the green glasses! We’re on the same page!!
As a person who is neurodivergent I’m not good at playing like I like you so if I am your friend then it’s genuine and if I’m not I’m not wasting your time or mine pretending
Very true. Growing up in an emotionally tensed home, i was able to hone an acute sense of intuition. I've always been very reluctant in having female friends, PRETENSE is much. With men, you know what they want and how to avoid. I had a female "friend" that my spirit never agreed with. Then i started watching her actions and let her show herself. I and my boyfriend where planning a movie date once and she got upset when i told her not to come with us that i wanted it to be the two of us. I told her straight up to stay away from me and my boyfriend. Blocked and deleted her number from my phone and my boyfriend's.
I can feel it most of the time when i first meet someone but ill be like oh maybe im trippen because i just met them and i dont take well to strangers but nah ive always been right and find out after i give someone the benefit of the doubt. And its usually always the people who really compliment me
Pissofftization!! 😂😂😂
All of this energy for your "friends" but are ride or dies for men. Lol
These conversations often feel anti-woman and the one complaining is actually not a good friend.
I just don’t like when we’re labeled as crazy and etc when we’re really choosing to end shhhh! Like there’s really just a lot of us who want to be at peace! There’s sooo many of us that really just want to be at peace! Idk where why and when do shhhh go left in friendships and etc but I know I want peace soooo fx whatever and whoever’s getting in the way of that! If you’re not deep down inside genuine and brought up on love, stay away from me! If you don’t wanna show REAL love in life at all, stay away from me!
This sounds like my own mother for real fr! MY MOTHER?! my god😮
This is so true. I’ve experienced this and as soon as I do I cut them off. If I don’t like u, I can’t be ur friend nor do I want u as mine. I also LOVE how at 8:00 she spoke about being friends with white women. I CANT do it. I agree that there will always an imbalance and she will always feel like she’s better than u. I can’t have white women as friends. I don’t trust them.
Love this! ❤
What is the music playing at the intro of your videos? Its beautiful
It’s in the UA-cam music library
Facts upon facts upon motherfudging facts with strawberries on top! Wrap It up! 💯✨
4 people in an apartment?? 😒
Just no
I just thought about something...
Most animals known to man, have shown signs of evolution directly out of the womb for thousands of years. But it seems as though we don't, and never have... seeing as how we have been debating and conversing on the same topics for over 3000 years with very little signs of evolution...
Are we truly the smartest beings on the planet???🤔
Good question because everything seems the same with no change in sight! 🤓
The things is the Second Lady part they will st8 out try to blend in like a box of cookies and I understand you have different friends for different purposes but like she said that link of guts feeling and you questioning her or he’s actions drop them off where stand and cut them off the cord and mostly as you get older you don’t care about having friends (they worthy)and they be jealousy and narcissistic just like she aside third lady oh watch out ones who don’t really talk abt what you or how you and want to listen to them all the time or the ones whose want too know too much in your Business
Why is Haley reaching out? I think you guys should have talked it’s odd that she made the post and pretended it didn’t exist? Did you comment on it? That’s crazy! I have questions! 😂
I am just going to say this to the lady in pink's point, as I only have one best friend of 22 years, and she is white (half Mexican), and their are interactions (racial/cultural misunderstanding & ignorance), but I usually check her when those used to happen early on, however, there is not a power dynamic, I don't view white people as superior, as black African decended women are the first women, and we birthed them all, I am not inferior to a thing we birthed.
With my black girlfriends growing up (cut them off in my 20'), it was always conflict for no reason. It was back biting, competition (sexual & lifestyle), jealousy, messy, and pure happiness when I was doing bad, even though I had helped them, big time in the past when they were doing bad. It was crabs in the bucket...and I never again went back to having black female friends. I just stick to my aunts, cousins & neices.
My ex friend sucked her teeth every time I received a compliment from people.She was jealous but would never admit it. We were on vacation and she was acting very funky, nasty, barely talking to me, even in photos she looked mad at me. She doesn’t answer her phone so I stopped calling. The vacation revealed her narcissistic personality. She was late for many events and we almost missed our plane. She was just funky the whole trip. I don’t want to deal with her anymore! She’s just rude, mean and hateful! Then she manipulates people acting like she’s the victim! She doesn’t communicate with me. When I try talking to her, she act like she doesn’t want to talk. My male friend is a sweetheart and she got jealous of our relationship. I lost respect for her. I’m done! She can fly to planet Pluto and stay there!
To hashtag nianotnice, I only call people twin when we are in sync with one thing or another naturally, because I wish I had been born a twin. 💔 But I get the message Nia is sharing. Just not all twin proclaimers are the same.
I have a very simple list of things i want in a friend and yet, i have not been able to find her. I had a ghey man friend who i speak to every now and then but he moved to Europe so I see him maybe once every 2 years. He was everything! My daughter unfortunately didn't make the cut of her year long friendship with a girl she met while working. They were close, then cool, then ok and eventually her time ended at 11:59 pm 12/31/23. My daughter isn't upset about it, just confused but she's not hurt because she sensed something was amiss. Plus the woman was 6 years older than my daughter (20 and 26)and apparently was still a virgin.
Very weird
Is this a thing that happens to extroverts? I count myself lucky to not have struck this type of thing... Is it "showy" friends?
Can you please tell what is the name of the type of braids you are wearing?
Friends? I've never had those...EVER!
THE ONLY ONE I CAN TRUST IS THE PERSON IN THE MIRROR😊
Reminds me of the Kdrama “Marry my husband” It’s so good-watch it girls**
Lol I read the webtoon
The last video for some reason struck me in an odd way. So it took you reconnecting with the same girl Hailey to realize she wasn’t your friend. And to think the current friends won’t betray you seems a bit naive. Everyone in the beginning of a relationship thinks this person is going to be a good friend partner, lover, etc.
Is it safe to say that all relationships ultimately are risky and involve investing and hoping for some type of return?
Yall not going to address the bedbugs? They don't go away by themselves and dont quarantine to one room.
Friend need to be defined
Rules needs to be listed down!