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Women must learn social skills more and learn to approach men, propose them or make them feel special. Women must know to get men attached to them by their talks and actions. Women are too uptight and awkward, together with all the risks involved with approaching them and hair splitting job of deciphering what their actions mean. Women are better at social skills so they must step up. They have higher EQ, so they can handle rejection better as well. So women must initiate more
@@ameya7723 respectfully disagree. While some do approach, it's VERY UNLIKELY they will. That's a masculine trait to approach and if women are doing this more often, I don't think that'll be good in tye long run. Women are designed to be feminine and they want to feel desired, so by men approaching, that says something.
@@tommygunn6901 You are a prisoner of your own image, and the kind of image female dating coaches deliberately perpetuate so that the satin /dating game favors them. Women can file false cases, cheat, have multiple partners, demand alimony, and everything, but they cannot approach. Why. Because that is where the trap is set for men to get hold of them, so that it is made to look like it is a man's own doing. It seems you have bought into the idea that men want women more, than women want men. So it is a man's job to do all those stuff of approaching and what not
Hey I love your videos and opinions on most of what you cover. But I just wanted to let you know if you didn’t that you possibly have some scammers on and in your comment section. If I’m wrong then I’m sorry and don’t worry about it but I don’t think I am. Look for my actual comment on this video and see if that person that responded to me is or isn’t real. If not I would probably do a short video on scammers in your comment section! Have a great day!
Here's the summary: 1. To be interesting, be interested 2. Use metaphors and storytelling 3. Say their name 4. Be attentive and listen 5. Find their "Golden Nugget" 6. Give a genuine compliment 7. Be relatable
"Say their name." Sometimes people can feel uncomfortable if they don't know or have forgotten my name. During our conversation, when I'm relating a certain humorous event, I work in a line such as this: "Then I asked myself, 'Tim what are you doing?'" That takes the pressure off of the listener to recall my name.
I have to develop my social skills, I've conquered my social anxiety and finally started talking to girls, if y'all need help with the first step, I have a video to help you make the move talk to girls, but now the next step is I have to improve my social skills so I can have more success, take it all one day at a time, I'll improve
As someone with autism I can relate. Between self-loathing and generally having to be so cognitively aware queues and signals and timing what to shay and when is exhausting. That why I have completely stop drinking while I’m social because it more cognitively demanding to be social for me than to drive a car and driving under the influence is dangerous. So is being social and shutting off being self-conscious.
Thank you Courtney for NOT making women feel bored, like I have heard SO many other female coaches say. They say NOT to JUST listen to what women have to say, but also throw humor or talk about what is around them.
Most important is being genuine. You're not being you if you're trying to be something that other people like. Acting out of integrity is never insincere.
@@marsultortheavenger409 Nah. Looks don't make anything last. I'm guessing you've never been with someone who looks good but has nothing inside. It's terrible.
@@Leondrius Good looking people are nice since everyone treats them nice. They will be especially nice if they are with other good looking person. What you are referring to is a looks mismatched couple that is doomed to break up anyway due to hypergamy or monkey branching
Courtney Ryan thank you thank you thank you thank you you are a trail blazer and we need more women like you that tell the truth I had to go through some soul searching to realize that you are right about far more than you are wrong, caring and quite frankly you are a light in the darkness and I have never felt more at peace with my situation until now and I tell myself friendship is ok and tell myself these other things 1)enjoy being single while you are single and work on your self 2) don't give up and stay positive 3) build yourself and your partner up 4) don't be a basement person Be a rooftop person, that means don't bring people down bring them up 5) teamwork is key Thank you Courtney I do have Asperger's but I am working on myself and it is not where you start but where you finish. Keep it up Courtney and never stop helping people. Keep it 💯.
I love the part when you warn against acting "super, zipped-up" during initial social interactions. Besides the fact that it is good advice, you also put it in a way that sounds funny. Getting people to loosen up through humor is usually a great tactic in facilitating conversation and attractiveness.
This is great information -- it really should be taught in school! I've had to get reasonably good at most of them in the last decade plus, not for dating reasons (I've been happily married for almost 33 years), but because I went into business for myself and the same conversation techniques work wonders when trying to encourage people to become your clients. You just taught me a couple of new things, but also identified a number of things I was already doing in conversation but never knew those things had names. You also cleared up something that had been a mystery to me: I had assumed that the women you've interviewed in your videos were personal friends, and since, as you said, birds of a feather tend to flock together, I had been wondering how it was possible for them to voice so many opinions that run counter to the values you promote on your channel. This makes much more sense to me now that you've stated that you actually didn't know these women prior to interviewing them.
Courtney, you are truly a paragon of excellence when it comes to dissecting behavior between men an woman. You set a shining exemplar for all to aspire towards. Your content recently is truly eye opening, and I hope your name is spoken with reverence and admiration by all who know it. Don’t want to exaggerate but you are truly a veritable hero, a beacon of hope and inspiration in an often dark and troubled world.
These advices here in this video are actually just generally usable for any kind of social interaction with other people whether it is with your kids, mom, friend, strangers, students or whatever. It is plain and simple communication and presence manners.
Normally, I close myself off to the world and not accept most people for who they are and their flaws. But I feel that I have opened up a little after watching this video. Thanks Courtney. Love you.
This is going to be a great video because you'll find me often telling people on this channel and others that looks can open a door but they won't get you in or keep you in, you need to have people skills and mental fortitude AKA game and frame and your people skills are what can make you magnetic, especially if you are a funny guy
Courtney, I wish most people would learn about active listening. Listening is the most important part of communication. Most people listen to respond and not to understand. How I know if somebody is listening to me is paraphrasing, this lets me know that they understand or care to understand. Thank you and keep up the great work 😃
I'm so glad I found this channel. Non biased and straight forward . There're so many channels either bashing the opposite gender or giving some BS advice that doesn't make sense .
This is ABSOLUTE GOLD!!!!👏👏👏 Applicable to all relationships. Spouse, significant other, casual friends and public people. Thank you for the tips and looking forward to applying these and day to day conversations 😀
You are amazing at what you do keep up the good work God bless you this is my first time watching your videos and also subscribing to your channel lol 🙌🏽👸🏾👋🏾👸🏻
Oh, believe me, I *always* give a genuine compliment. I would never lie & gossip and I absolutely hate giving insults. That's not who I am. Also, while I still struggle with people from time to time, I'm still working on my social skills every now and then.
Excellent tips, and suggestions Courtney. Your last one is what at times makes some movies, and TV shows seem "unrealistic" as the characters ALWAYS know exactly what to say, since everything is of course scripted. They never struggle to find the right words, or response; they never hesitate or think whether or not they should say this, or that; no matter how uncomfortable they might be in the situation, etc. Very few people always know what to effortlessly say in every situation no matter how confident they might be.
High Value, High Efficiency Compliments must be genuine/honest as Courtney explains (if not, sooner or later they become "wicked boomerangs" when the truth is known) but also: Someone only really likes others COMPLimenting an specific trait (story telling skills for example) of him/her when he/she doesn't have it or he/she thinks he/she doesn't have it because we always want what we don't have or what we think we don't have. This happens because if we finally get what we don't have while keeping what we already have, we end up having more "things", we end up being improved, more COMPLete, better versions of ourselves. That being said if someone has something (money, beauty, wisdom, etc.) or thinks he/she already has it, it doesn't mean he or she will not want it anymore, it never hurts to have more and more money, beauty, wisdom, etc. but when someone already has one particular thing, he or she stops desiring, valuing it (not wanting, not needing to be COMPLimented about it) and will want (and work for) to have a different thing to be a more COMPLete person. If that's not possible that person at least will want (and work for) to be loved by someone who has the thing she or he lacks (a person who COMPLements him or her). If that's not possible that person will at least want someone who tell him or her that he or she has the thing which he or she lacks (will want to be COMPLimented about it). If that's not possible that person will be sad and unhappy and thanks to be so he or she will do something to try to get the thing she or he lacks (or at least get a COMPLiment). If that's not possible maybe someone will do something to give that person the thing she or he lacks or give him/her the means to obtain that thing by him/herself. If that's not possible that person remains sad and unhappy and well, we all know sometimes life just @@@. Another complete different thing it's why the hell we often think we don't have something we already have and why some times we think we already have something which actually we lack. As always, Einstein already knew the answer: Human Stupidity is Infinite. We must work hard to build a better education system which will make us, smarter, wiser and less stupid so we will be more efficent knowing what we really have and what we lack.
I absolutely love metaphors. It's one thing I almost use to reaffirm my own explanation/story to myself as I hold a coversation with someone else. Plus I am a slight bit of a storyteller (as I'm told) because of both my wild and crazy ideas (that belong in a book) and my down to earth theories/thoughts that really should go into practice for a more positive world. So I'm told. However the dice rolls, I love speaking with metaphors more than trying to explain in language dedicated to whatever it is I'm explaining/describing because it's more fun and interesting (I think) as someone who could use something beyond the mundane to retain and truly understand the depth of whatever it is. Great video, by the way!
Be careful when you meet people who seem like they can relate to you when conversing with them. Narcissists use this tactic to win you over. I am not saying you should prevent that person from your life, but tread lightly until you can build some level of trust with that person. It takes about 100 hours of face to face time to build trust with a person. Which I completely agree with.
I do that a lot, whether they have a name tag or I learned their name, if I go into let's say Dunkin' Donuts a couple of times a week and I see the same girl that is always smiling at me touching her hair and asking questions, you can certainly see the impact via blushing when you say the girl's name. I am with you on this aspect 100%
The name point is really a golden ticket. Very applicable. E.g. being waited on, if you say their name, the waiter/waitress is usually more spiffy and friendly with me so its better service (and for them a better tip so win-win).
Courtney, you are Outstanding with your Craft 👏🏾 As a much older man, the Topics,Opinions and Advice you give makes Logical Sense , because it took me a lifetime to learn those things! You don’t Bash Men or Women because of their behavior or Characteristics, of course their are Negative and Positive Traits and Personalities! You have a Keen Sense of Human Nature and I love that you back it up with Scientific Studies and Statistics!! You’re way ahead of your Time 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
Also, what you compliment people on shows what you value! I think people want to know your values but being too forward about it might be turnoff for some and complimenting people is a great way to show people what you value without spelling it out exactly. For example, I was seeing two guys recently. One thing ended and then started talking and seeing another guy and that ended because he was going through a lot of really hard stuff. I know that's a cop out for a lot of people but he was very forward with what he was going through and showed a lot of integrity by being so honest. ANYWAY, the first guy I was talking to, when it ended, he said that I was a gorgeous woman with a great personality but the spark wasn't there. And I felt the same. Or at least, I didn't think we were compatible. The second guy, we were so compatible and it left me feeling pretty bummed and I'm still getting over it. I felt like he was perfect for me. But when it ended he said "you're a great person, so smart and caring." And to me that expressed the difference between what they valued. One guy was just looking for a girl that he had fun with was physically attracted to. No shame but not exactly what I'm looking for. And the other guy essentially told me he valued intelligence and compassion and that is what I want and need in a partner! Great insight on that one, Courtney! I'll try to incorporate that.
I thought you did a great job picking the women you've interviewed. A good variety of ages and viewpoints and also willing to talk on camera about tricky interpersonal issues. Thank you!
I watch and relate in autoplay that I forget to like every post. Courtney thank you for helping me remember who I really am, even with my flaws only to improve in older age now 🤣 I'm a late bloomer.
The day after I experienced a heartbreak, I went out to a karaoke contest and I sat with a girl, who turned out to be a local the entire time I was there (5 hours) and along the way, met friends of hers. And now we follow one another on social media! She even gave me a bit of advice on how to win these contests and go home with a championship belt lol!
@@CourtneyRyan and to the one that hurt me...well I unfollowed her, including UA-cam and moved on. Turned out she wasn't exactly what she says she is. Long story, check the dm lol
I really like the name and the golden nugget ones, I've heard variants of the two before. It's basically a psychological hack for imposing positive reinforcement. You're buttering the person up in an indirect way, I like it better than just showering the person with compliments because the intent comes across as more authentic.
These 7 skills are the reasons I’ve never had an awkward, uncomfortable first date. Not all of my first dates lead to 2nd dates or more, but none of them were cut short or felt awkward. More than anything - be genuinely interested.
Intensive cardio helps with my anxiety and mood. Anxiety increases my heart rate so with cardio I feel like my heart can better handle anxiety. Plus my mood has made my RBF go away too, which makes me look friendlier. Something about intensive cardio
Thank you Courtney for this excellent advice. I am actively taking notes on the most important takeaways from this video. I will be incorporating these social skill ideas into my own life soon.
Sometimes I'll repeat something the other person said or summarize what they told me to let them know I am listening to them. It also helps me process what they told me.
One thing that helped me is to talk to many people when your out and about. Small talk with cashiers, etc. This helps get you out of your head and daily typical routine and you get practice. Practicing good eye contact, social cues when to start and end a conversation and so on.
@@andersnielsen6044 I'm more of an introvert so these interactions can be helpful. However, I can also blab and be charismatic. It just helps bc you meet new people, have interesting convos with people you wouldn't expect and your less rusty when you do see a girl you'd like to approach and so on.
I know sometimes people will say being positive is not being realistic, even though I do understand the difference between an optimist and a pessimist as well as the value of being a realist, but being positive can also show the woman that you not only are emotionally intelligent, meaning you understand your emotions and you can control them, but it also can display to a woman that you are a problem solver, you are a solid rock, and she might not have to worry about having to deal with you and she has enough inside of herself to deal with. Just some food for thought
I rarely use figurative language, specifically in the case of the point I’m trying to make, idioms. I usually get the phrase wrong 😂 but I notice it immediately when a person uses it in a conversation and it comes across naturally. So I do appreciate when someone uses phrases in their speech.
Courtney,your voice is music to my ears..it is your golden nugget..but it can flow more if you meditate on your throat chakra and consume more ginger,lemon,green tea and spices like cinnamon and cardamom..then your words will flow like your hair..smooth and curly in motion..
My meetups used to garner about 50 people a night. Now barely 7 people show up lol I think people are just done with it all. One tip I can give you guys is, people don't remember what you said, they WILL remember how you made them feel! I'm not saying people please, just give genuine compliments or feedback on something that's important to them. On that note, this is something you can practice, whether you're out grocery shopping, going to a cafe, practice giving ONE genuine compliment.
So true. Any professional communications or sales person would have learned these tricks as well. It is called the "sweet treat". That is what the customer or any other random person will remember from you.. ;)
An easy way to say their name casually in a conversation is to say it after saying thank you, and with a confident smirk. While sharing stories she's bound to compliment something.
I hate talking about myself (unprompted) and is often a blocker for me in the getting to know each other phase. I feel like when I talk about myself I'm bragging and I don't like it. If someone is genuinely curious and asks me a question about myself then I have no problem talking about myself, but it leads me to my next issue. I hate being the center of attention and that often conflicts with attempts at being a good storyteller. If I'm in the spotlight, I'm often trying to get the key points across with no metaphors or detailed descriptions so I can pass the center of attention onto someone else. It's something I have recognized and slowly taking steps to become better at storytelling.
One big epiphany for me was realizing even the most socially competent people make social mistakes all the time. The difference is they have an internalized understanding that mistakes are normal and most people understand this. Whereas socially anxious or unskilled people see mistakes as totalling to their experience. Socializing is a constant dance of calibrating and recalibrating in collaboration with others. And sometimes we step on a toe.
Especially, if I did NOT recognize your face in a crowded area, Courtney, I would IMMEDIATELY know to address you by name, because of your voice. I am GREAT at recognizing voices. 😊
At around 7:40 you hit on a very important point. Don't be waiting for your chance to jump in to the conversation with what you have to say and keep mulling your point around in your mind, pay attention to what is being said to you. It's so easy to see when people are thinking about what they want to say, and not thinking about what you are saying.
Also it's important to remember to engage the other person in the conversation. No one wants to listen to even the most fascinating story for 15 minutes. They should want to feel part of a conversation. Additionally, it should be relatable to them as best you can make it. You can have a fascinating story about underwater basket weaving but if it's a subject that they couldn't care about it won't help you at all. And the tip about being yourself is important. The person may be attracted to the conversation or they may not be. That's life. But the skills are still important to use. And if the person is really interested in you most of what you say isn't going to matter anyway.
I would like to add that these skills are also used in sales, dating is selling yourself in a way, reading books on salesmanship can help. One thing thats easy to focus on is the WIIFM (whats in it for me) but for the other person. This does take empathy to figure out tho.
Could you hear my applause? My Win rig went down, so I'm on an Ubuntu Live box until the numbers are right. I play Sol on vids that rely on verbal content. The game on this distro ends every win with a quick round of applause. I held my final card 'til the last seconds, then sent you out on an ovation, brief but enthusiastic.
it is a well known fact that using a person's name gives power which can be used for good or bad like when a boss calls you it's much different than if they say hey you or just point at you, when someone uses my name I can feel it right off but if they are just asking me something without using my name I barely feel anything, also tones mild facial expressions when using a name can change everything
A _very_ important aspect is also that you have to be interested in the right things. There are just some things that are popular these days, funny these days, trendy these days - if you're too far off you're gonna get perceived as weird no matter what..
You put in a lot of work to get the other women on the show That makes your interviews with them more impressive These aren't just your friends doing a solid for their buddy These are people from society who have no reason to be answering personal questions unless they want to Good job =)
Hi Courtney! I am feeling gratitude for all that I learn from your videos and I'll admit your presentation helps 🙂 I wonder if you would like to talk any about what internal (emotional intelligence-related) changes a person can do that will bubble up to auto-create the behaviors you mention here? I actually wrote a book on this called Practical Empathy. To be clear: If a person has concrete ways they can increase their awareness, acceptance, courage, confidence, curiosity, etc., then it follows that they will be super comfortable with people that they will automatically be more effective.
I think that great conversation is a ..." two- way" street. If the person you're speaking with has the personality of a rock and needs to go to charm school, then it won't matter!.... Conversation is a dialog and NOT a monolog! Intelligence, charisma & humor help ALOT in exchanging ANYTHING with someone new. Some people are introverted and have very little social skills. Attitude ... being friendly and cordial helps to keep everything going. Remember that some people are standoffish and may take awhile to " warm- up".
I've always looked at the first one like this: I already know what I'm interested in, so why not take an interest in what someone else thinks or how they see the world? I use my introversion to my advantage by letting people talk and just giving them my undivided attention and you usually get people to open up more and as a result they think you're the Dos Equis man all because you let them talk about themselves and asked follow-up questions to help further the conversation.
I always like to say the persons name. Usually to catch their attention, this tells me they are listening to me. If you'd walked into a room full of people and go over to a person you want to have a conversation with, it is best to say their name first, then wait for them to respond. Other wise you will most likely get a stupid response after you ask your question without addressing the person first. Yes, I do this when it is just the other person and I in the room. Now if I am in a conversation with said person already, I usually don't say their name again during that entire time I am conversing with them.
If someone uses my name often it creeps me out. Also I have to say I am not very interested in other people. Don't really want to ask them out or even listen to them. Makes it really hard to be social.
I don't have too much social anxiety but I just don't have topics to talk about. I know game, web, app development, art and coding which isn't a topic I can talk with some girl.
Strange there some ambience distortion attracting another in the path of life that REALLY dims our individual lamp affect when there is such a misconstrued projection of limitations of what we can or can not do - as we block, detach, and detain the mind body and spirit sometimes in even self indulgences or sad greedily attacks wounding freedom of choice and speech to evolve instead centering oppression whether physical mental social anything of the bracket that values individuals in its totalitarian side. We don't look within our inner light enough; these content displays are really good!
What about humour? Especially the self deprecating kind. I've connected with tons of people this way. Ofcoarse I have to prioritize listening and not just making jokes. Courtney thanks for all your helpful advice.
@5:27 RE: Say their name-- my advice is to be careful with this one. This is an old sales and personal development cliche that a lot of people are aware of already. If the person is skeptical, this can actually be a red flag to them that you're trying to manipulate them and be a turnoff. I'm definitely in that boat. When people I don't know well use my name more than once in a conversation, it immediately occurs to me as a bad attempt at trying to create rapport with me and I'm turned off. To that last point, another issue with using people's names is that implies more distance between you. Typically with people we are actually close to, we rarely use their names. Instead we directly address the person, or say "you" instead of their name. In fact, saying "Hey you!" is often perceived as more friendly and close than "Hey (name)!". The stronger move than using someones name is to assume you already have a connection with them, and speak from that assumption.
I too thought the girls in your videos were your friends. But I didn't see that as a negative thing or a knock on you. I enjoy those videos and getting different perspectives.
Let's also remember some old school skills: (1) Be on time, prepared, and do not waste somebody's time (2) When present in person with somebody, put that damn phone away on silent unless you are urgently on call (and only then answer after excusing yourself to the person in front of you, and (3) Do NOT have your phone on during a lecture, presentation, or in a movie theater during the film presentation (You mother and the Dalai Lama can wait till the movie is over....I despise each and every inconsiderate phone addict).
Courtney, not being pessimistic in any sense, but people aren't so interested tbh to even ask a simple thing as "How are you?" Leave alone continuing with other social skills u just mentioned. If everyone starts caring so much the world would be a different place right now. Times have changed and everyone is only interested about me mine and myself. It's not worth the effort to continue applying these skills if the reciprocation isn't at par.I hope u don't get me wrong. ✌️
To quote an often-heard and read remark 'People never forget how you made them feel.' There is so much power in making someone feel good. They will remember you for that - and more often than not, you will be perceived as being more attractive. 1:37 - did you swallow all but two of the capsules in the bottle before showing it to us? :D
I have to work on my social skills, there’s a girl I like but I struggle badly to get a conversation going and to keep it interesting, she’s a sweetheart and talks to me but sometimes it looks like she wants to hear me and I run out of things to say
Ask her if she is single. If she is ask her to give you her number or ask her if she is looking for a boyfriend. I know that's not easy but that's the only way you are gonna know. You have make yourself do it.
Head to ritual.com/COURTNEYR30 to get 30% off your first month of any Ritual products. Definitely checkout their Essential for Men 18+ and 50+!. Thanks Ritual for sponsoring! #ritualpartner
Women must learn social skills more and learn to approach men, propose them or make them feel special. Women must know to get men attached to them by their talks and actions. Women are too uptight and awkward, together with all the risks involved with approaching them and hair splitting job of deciphering what their actions mean. Women are better at social skills so they must step up. They have higher EQ, so they can handle rejection better as well. So women must initiate more
@@ameya7723 respectfully disagree. While some do approach, it's VERY UNLIKELY they will. That's a masculine trait to approach and if women are doing this more often, I don't think that'll be good in tye long run. Women are designed to be feminine and they want to feel desired, so by men approaching, that says something.
@@tommygunn6901 You are a prisoner of your own image, and the kind of image female dating coaches deliberately perpetuate so that the satin /dating game favors them. Women can file false cases, cheat, have multiple partners, demand alimony, and everything, but they cannot approach. Why. Because that is where the trap is set for men to get hold of them, so that it is made to look like it is a man's own doing. It seems you have bought into the idea that men want women more, than women want men. So it is a man's job to do all those stuff of approaching and what not
Hey I love your videos and opinions on most of what you cover. But I just wanted to let you know if you didn’t that you possibly have some scammers on and in your comment section. If I’m wrong then I’m sorry and don’t worry about it but I don’t think I am. Look for my actual comment on this video and see if that person that responded to me is or isn’t real. If not I would probably do a short video on scammers in your comment section! Have a great day!
Here's the summary:
1. To be interesting, be interested
2. Use metaphors and storytelling
3. Say their name
4. Be attentive and listen
5. Find their "Golden Nugget"
6. Give a genuine compliment
7. Be relatable
W
Yes, all of these are great ways to carry oneself.
Copied from "How to win friends and influence people"
@@debanikgoswami4834 That is an excellent book which is still valid to this day.
@@debanikgoswami4834 Also known as common sense for people who aren't socially awkward.
"Say their name." Sometimes people can feel uncomfortable if they don't know or have forgotten my name. During our conversation, when I'm relating a certain humorous event, I work in a line such as this: "Then I asked myself, 'Tim what are you doing?'" That takes the pressure off of the listener to recall my name.
Genius
I have to develop my social skills, I've conquered my social anxiety and finally started talking to girls, if y'all need help with the first step, I have a video to help you make the move talk to girls, but now the next step is I have to improve my social skills so I can have more success, take it all one day at a time, I'll improve
No disrespect but i have the oposite and realy have trouble wrapping my head around why people have such low selfesteem.
Big hugg bro 🤗
Good on you dude. Keep up the build up.
Yeah for men it's an option or choice or voluntary, not the other way around
@@axelhens7831 it must be nice to have supportive parents and a good environment to grow up in.
As someone with autism I can relate. Between self-loathing and generally having to be so cognitively aware queues and signals and timing what to shay and when is exhausting. That why I have completely stop drinking while I’m social because it more cognitively demanding to be social for me than to drive a car and driving under the influence is dangerous. So is being social and shutting off being self-conscious.
Thank you Courtney for NOT making women feel bored, like I have heard SO many other female coaches say. They say NOT to JUST listen to what women have to say, but also throw humor or talk about what is around them.
Most important is being genuine. You're not being you if you're trying to be something that other people like. Acting out of integrity is never insincere.
Always be sincere. Even if you don't mean it.
@@moleahy6880 Haha
No its not, most important thing is to be good looking, then your traits will be perceived as positive.
@@marsultortheavenger409 Nah. Looks don't make anything last. I'm guessing you've never been with someone who looks good but has nothing inside. It's terrible.
@@Leondrius Good looking people are nice since everyone treats them nice. They will be especially nice if they are with other good looking person. What you are referring to is a looks mismatched couple that is doomed to break up anyway due to hypergamy or monkey branching
You’re so close to half a million! Thanks Courtney for the videos, your info really helps.
This is the first I've heard of 'complimenting others in front of people.' I'm going to give this a go.
Courtney Ryan thank you thank you thank you thank you you are a trail blazer and we need more women like you that tell the truth I had to go through some soul searching to realize that you are right about far more than you are wrong, caring and quite frankly you are a light in the darkness and I have never felt more at peace with my situation until now and I tell myself friendship is ok and tell myself these other things
1)enjoy being single while you are single and work on your self
2) don't give up and stay positive
3) build yourself and your partner up
4) don't be a basement person
Be a rooftop person, that means don't bring people down bring them up
5) teamwork is key
Thank you Courtney I do have Asperger's but I am working on myself and it is not where you start but where you finish.
Keep it up Courtney and never stop helping people.
Keep it 💯.
I love the part when you warn against acting "super, zipped-up" during initial social interactions. Besides the fact that it is good advice, you also put it in a way that sounds funny. Getting people to loosen up through humor is usually a great tactic in facilitating conversation and attractiveness.
absolutely awful advice. courtney is a grifter $$$
What is super zipped up
@@luisagudelo677 the 16-bit sequel to the original 8 bit Zipped Up!
This is great information -- it really should be taught in school! I've had to get reasonably good at most of them in the last decade plus, not for dating reasons (I've been happily married for almost 33 years), but because I went into business for myself and the same conversation techniques work wonders when trying to encourage people to become your clients. You just taught me a couple of new things, but also identified a number of things I was already doing in conversation but never knew those things had names.
You also cleared up something that had been a mystery to me: I had assumed that the women you've interviewed in your videos were personal friends, and since, as you said, birds of a feather tend to flock together, I had been wondering how it was possible for them to voice so many opinions that run counter to the values you promote on your channel. This makes much more sense to me now that you've stated that you actually didn't know these women prior to interviewing them.
Thanks Courtney! My wife and I enjoy listening to you.
Courtney, you are truly a paragon of excellence when it comes to dissecting behavior between men an woman. You set a shining exemplar for all to aspire towards. Your content recently is truly eye opening, and I hope your name is spoken with reverence and admiration by all who know it. Don’t want to exaggerate but you are truly a veritable hero, a beacon of hope and inspiration in an often dark and troubled world.
🥹 you made my day. Thank you so much for your kind comment.
These advices here in this video are actually just generally usable for any kind of social interaction with other people whether it is with your kids, mom, friend, strangers, students or whatever. It is plain and simple communication and presence manners.
here's some advice for guys: never EVER take advice from a ♀
especially not ♀grifters
@@Blox117 We hear you, Taliban!
Normally, I close myself off to the world and not accept most people for who they are and their flaws. But I feel that I have opened up a little after watching this video. Thanks Courtney. Love you.
This is going to be a great video because you'll find me often telling people on this channel and others that looks can open a door but they won't get you in or keep you in, you need to have people skills and mental fortitude AKA game and frame and your people skills are what can make you magnetic, especially if you are a funny guy
Absolutely!!
Keeping it 💯
Courtney, I wish most people would learn about active listening. Listening is the most important part of communication. Most people listen to respond and not to understand. How I know if somebody is listening to me is paraphrasing, this lets me know that they understand or care to understand. Thank you and keep up the great work 😃
I'm so glad I found this channel. Non biased and straight forward . There're so many channels either bashing the opposite gender or giving some BS advice that doesn't make sense .
This is ABSOLUTE GOLD!!!!👏👏👏 Applicable to all relationships. Spouse, significant other, casual friends and public people. Thank you for the tips and looking forward to applying these and day to day conversations 😀
Thank you Courtney Ryan For Posting this video about Social Media Secret that will make you more Attractive
It’s my pleasure! Thanks for being here!
You are amazing at what you do keep up the good work God bless you this is my first time watching your videos and also subscribing to your channel lol 🙌🏽👸🏾👋🏾👸🏻
Oh, believe me, I *always* give a genuine compliment. I would never lie & gossip and I absolutely hate giving insults. That's not who I am.
Also, while I still struggle with people from time to time, I'm still working on my social skills every now and then.
Excellent tips, and suggestions Courtney. Your last one is what at times makes some movies, and TV shows seem "unrealistic" as the characters ALWAYS know exactly what to say, since everything is of course scripted. They never struggle to find the right words, or response; they never hesitate or think whether or not they should say this, or that; no matter how uncomfortable they might be in the situation, etc. Very few people always know what to effortlessly say in every situation no matter how confident they might be.
Thank you Courtney, sometimes you are so right on that it brings tears to my eyes. Thanks for being you.
Another great insightful and educational video. Thanks, Courtney! 🏆🏆🏆
High Value, High Efficiency Compliments must be genuine/honest as Courtney explains (if not, sooner or later they become "wicked boomerangs" when the truth is known) but also:
Someone only really likes others COMPLimenting an specific trait (story telling skills for example) of him/her when he/she doesn't have it or he/she thinks he/she doesn't have it because we always want what we don't have or what we think we don't have. This happens because if we finally get what we don't have while keeping what we already have, we end up having more "things", we end up being improved, more COMPLete, better versions of ourselves.
That being said if someone has something (money, beauty, wisdom, etc.) or thinks he/she already has it, it doesn't mean he or she will not want it anymore, it never hurts to have more and more money, beauty, wisdom, etc. but when someone already has one particular thing, he or she stops desiring, valuing it (not wanting, not needing to be COMPLimented about it) and will want (and work for) to have a different thing to be a more COMPLete person. If that's not possible that person at least will want (and work for) to be loved by someone who has the thing she or he lacks (a person who COMPLements him or her). If that's not possible that person will at least want someone who tell him or her that he or she has the thing which he or she lacks (will want to be COMPLimented about it). If that's not possible that person will be sad and unhappy and thanks to be so he or she will do something to try to get the thing she or he lacks (or at least get a COMPLiment). If that's not possible maybe someone will do something to give that person the thing she or he lacks or give him/her the means to obtain that thing by him/herself. If that's not possible that person remains sad and unhappy and well, we all know sometimes life just @@@.
Another complete different thing it's why the hell we often think we don't have something we already have and why some times we think we already have something which actually we lack. As always, Einstein already knew the answer: Human Stupidity is Infinite. We must work hard to build a better education system which will make us, smarter, wiser and less stupid so we will be more efficent knowing what we really have and what we lack.
I'm quite an introvert, and socialising, while anxiety inducing, also drains my energy and makes me feel quite depressed.
I absolutely love metaphors. It's one thing I almost use to reaffirm my own explanation/story to myself as I hold a coversation with someone else. Plus I am a slight bit of a storyteller (as I'm told) because of both my wild and crazy ideas (that belong in a book) and my down to earth theories/thoughts that really should go into practice for a more positive world. So I'm told. However the dice rolls, I love speaking with metaphors more than trying to explain in language dedicated to whatever it is I'm explaining/describing because it's more fun and interesting (I think) as someone who could use something beyond the mundane to retain and truly understand the depth of whatever it is. Great video, by the way!
Be careful when you meet people who seem like they can relate to you when conversing with them. Narcissists use this tactic to win you over. I am not saying you should prevent that person from your life, but tread lightly until you can build some level of trust with that person. It takes about 100 hours of face to face time to build trust with a person. Which I completely agree with.
I do that a lot, whether they have a name tag or I learned their name, if I go into let's say Dunkin' Donuts a couple of times a week and I see the same girl that is always smiling at me touching her hair and asking questions, you can certainly see the impact via blushing when you say the girl's name. I am with you on this aspect 100%
Wasn't it Destiny's Child that sang say my name say my name
Just had Dunkin' Donuts. 😁
The name point is really a golden ticket. Very applicable. E.g. being waited on, if you say their name, the waiter/waitress is usually more spiffy and friendly with me so its better service (and for them a better tip so win-win).
Courtney, you are Outstanding with your Craft 👏🏾 As a much older man, the Topics,Opinions and Advice you give makes Logical Sense , because it took me a lifetime to learn those things! You don’t Bash Men or Women because of their behavior or Characteristics, of course their are Negative and Positive Traits and Personalities! You have a Keen Sense of Human Nature and I love that you back it up with Scientific Studies and Statistics!! You’re way ahead of your Time 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
The relatable one was fire as hell. I've never heard of that study before.
Also, what you compliment people on shows what you value! I think people want to know your values but being too forward about it might be turnoff for some and complimenting people is a great way to show people what you value without spelling it out exactly. For example, I was seeing two guys recently. One thing ended and then started talking and seeing another guy and that ended because he was going through a lot of really hard stuff. I know that's a cop out for a lot of people but he was very forward with what he was going through and showed a lot of integrity by being so honest.
ANYWAY, the first guy I was talking to, when it ended, he said that I was a gorgeous woman with a great personality but the spark wasn't there. And I felt the same. Or at least, I didn't think we were compatible. The second guy, we were so compatible and it left me feeling pretty bummed and I'm still getting over it. I felt like he was perfect for me. But when it ended he said "you're a great person, so smart and caring." And to me that expressed the difference between what they valued. One guy was just looking for a girl that he had fun with was physically attracted to. No shame but not exactly what I'm looking for. And the other guy essentially told me he valued intelligence and compassion and that is what I want and need in a partner!
Great insight on that one, Courtney! I'll try to incorporate that.
Oooh I love this! Such a great example. Thank you for sharing! ❤️
I thought you did a great job picking the women you've interviewed. A good variety of ages and viewpoints and also willing to talk on camera about tricky interpersonal issues. Thank you!
I watch and relate in autoplay that I forget to like every post. Courtney thank you for helping me remember who I really am, even with my flaws only to improve in older age now 🤣 I'm a late bloomer.
The day after I experienced a heartbreak, I went out to a karaoke contest and I sat with a girl, who turned out to be a local the entire time I was there (5 hours) and along the way, met friends of hers. And now we follow one another on social media! She even gave me a bit of advice on how to win these contests and go home with a championship belt lol!
Love that!
@@CourtneyRyan and to the one that hurt me...well I unfollowed her, including UA-cam and moved on. Turned out she wasn't exactly what she says she is. Long story, check the dm lol
If nothing else works you always have the infamous left hook! just kidding bro but had to say that lol)
@@nikhilgoyal007 lmfao glorious answer
To make a long explanation short, as long as you don’t pull a Beavis and Butt-head when approaching women, you’re golden!
I really like the name and the golden nugget ones, I've heard variants of the two before. It's basically a psychological hack for imposing positive reinforcement. You're buttering the person up in an indirect way, I like it better than just showering the person with compliments because the intent comes across as more authentic.
These 7 skills are the reasons I’ve never had an awkward, uncomfortable first date. Not all of my first dates lead to 2nd dates or more, but none of them were cut short or felt awkward. More than anything - be genuinely interested.
You are downplaying importance of looks.
Intensive cardio helps with my anxiety and mood. Anxiety increases my heart rate so with cardio I feel like my heart can better handle anxiety. Plus my mood has made my RBF go away too, which makes me look friendlier. Something about intensive cardio
Hey Courtney, you are creating so many good videos and i just want to thank you for making me better person!
Thank you Courtney for this excellent advice. I am actively taking notes on the most important takeaways from this video. I will be incorporating these social skill ideas into my own life soon.
Sometimes I'll repeat something the other person said or summarize what they told me to let them know I am listening to them. It also helps me process what they told me.
That sweater really looks great on you Courtney. Perfectly suits your complexion, hair color, and figure.
One thing that helped me is to talk to many people when your out and about. Small talk with cashiers, etc. This helps get you out of your head and daily typical routine and you get practice.
Practicing good eye contact, social cues when to start and end a conversation and so on.
This is actually a very great advice for anyone who struggles. ;)
@@andersnielsen6044 I'm more of an introvert so these interactions can be helpful. However, I can also blab and be charismatic. It just helps bc you meet new people, have interesting convos with people you wouldn't expect and your less rusty when you do see a girl you'd like to approach and so on.
I know sometimes people will say being positive is not being realistic, even though I do understand the difference between an optimist and a pessimist as well as the value of being a realist, but being positive can also show the woman that you not only are emotionally intelligent, meaning you understand your emotions and you can control them, but it also can display to a woman that you are a problem solver, you are a solid rock, and she might not have to worry about having to deal with you and she has enough inside of herself to deal with. Just some food for thought
I rarely use figurative language, specifically in the case of the point I’m trying to make, idioms. I usually get the phrase wrong 😂 but I notice it immediately when a person uses it in a conversation and it comes across naturally. So I do appreciate when someone uses phrases in their speech.
You are getting really close to 500k subs which in my opinion is about 1/4th of where this channel belongs
Courtney,your voice is music to my ears..it is your golden nugget..but it can flow more if you meditate on your throat chakra and consume more ginger,lemon,green tea and spices like cinnamon and cardamom..then your words will flow like your hair..smooth and curly in motion..
My meetups used to garner about 50 people a night. Now barely 7 people show up lol I think people are just done with it all. One tip I can give you guys is, people don't remember what you said, they WILL remember how you made them feel!
I'm not saying people please, just give genuine compliments or feedback on something that's important to them. On that note, this is something you can practice, whether you're out grocery shopping, going to a cafe, practice giving ONE genuine compliment.
How about no
I would only do that if someone asked for my opinion. I'm not going to go around and give people compliments I don't know.
So true. Any professional communications or sales person would have learned these tricks as well. It is called the "sweet treat". That is what the customer or any other random person will remember from you.. ;)
An easy way to say their name casually in a conversation is to say it after saying thank you, and with a confident smirk. While sharing stories she's bound to compliment something.
I hate talking about myself (unprompted) and is often a blocker for me in the getting to know each other phase. I feel like when I talk about myself I'm bragging and I don't like it. If someone is genuinely curious and asks me a question about myself then I have no problem talking about myself, but it leads me to my next issue. I hate being the center of attention and that often conflicts with attempts at being a good storyteller. If I'm in the spotlight, I'm often trying to get the key points across with no metaphors or detailed descriptions so I can pass the center of attention onto someone else. It's something I have recognized and slowly taking steps to become better at storytelling.
One big epiphany for me was realizing even the most socially competent people make social mistakes all the time. The difference is they have an internalized understanding that mistakes are normal and most people understand this. Whereas socially anxious or unskilled people see mistakes as totalling to their experience.
Socializing is a constant dance of calibrating and recalibrating in collaboration with others. And sometimes we step on a toe.
People forgive mistake good looking people do, they dont do that to unattractive people so you are wrong. Its all about looks.
Thank you, Courtney. As usual, very well done and very helpful advice. I think everyone needs to watch this video.
Especially, if I did NOT recognize your face in a crowded area, Courtney, I would IMMEDIATELY know to address you by name, because of your voice. I am GREAT at recognizing voices. 😊
That was wonderful and Courtney: you are wonderful! Keep up the good work👍🏻!
At around 7:40 you hit on a very important point. Don't be waiting for your chance to jump in to the conversation with what you have to say and keep mulling your point around in your mind, pay attention to what is being said to you. It's so easy to see when people are thinking about what they want to say, and not thinking about what you are saying.
thanks for producing quality content. I love the elegance and applicability of your information. Go buckeyes!
Courtney, you're such a boss! I love it.
Awesome episode girl🤙🏽
Watched a ton of your videos. Finally subscribed. Keep up the great work
Courtney Ryan's content to the world
Greetings from SOMALIA
Great video, my biggest takeaway is "active listening "you said it right.
Also it's important to remember to engage the other person in the conversation. No one wants to listen to even the most fascinating story for 15 minutes. They should want to feel part of a conversation. Additionally, it should be relatable to them as best you can make it. You can have a fascinating story about underwater basket weaving but if it's a subject that they couldn't care about it won't help you at all.
And the tip about being yourself is important. The person may be attracted to the conversation or they may not be. That's life. But the skills are still important to use.
And if the person is really interested in you most of what you say isn't going to matter anyway.
Learning a skill definitely helps in social situations (like me learning piano)
I would like to add that these skills are also used in sales, dating is selling yourself in a way, reading books on salesmanship can help.
One thing thats easy to focus on is the WIIFM (whats in it for me) but for the other person. This does take empathy to figure out tho.
Could you hear my applause?
My Win rig went down, so I'm on an Ubuntu Live box until the numbers are right. I play Sol on vids that rely on verbal content. The game on this distro ends every win with a quick round of applause. I held my final card 'til the last seconds, then sent you out on an ovation, brief but enthusiastic.
it is a well known fact that using a person's name gives power which can be used for good or bad like when a boss calls you it's much different than if they say hey you or just point at you, when someone uses my name I can feel it right off but if they are just asking me something without using my name I barely feel anything, also tones mild facial expressions when using a name can change everything
A _very_ important aspect is also that you have to be interested in the right things. There are just some things that are popular these days, funny these days, trendy these days - if you're too far off you're gonna get perceived as weird no matter what..
BS!
Hating my algo, but can't stop watching these vids
Forgot about the "Golden nugget" Lol Glad u reminded us 💯
In the sales lingo it is also called "the sweet treat". :D
In sales lingo the "Golden nugget" is also called the "sweet treat", and is used in almost all personal sales relations. ;)
Which is why everyone despises sales people.
Love all of your videos Courtney! ❤️ Just wondered, is it twice a week you upload? 👍
3 unless there’s a holiday! There were a few times I only posted twice in December 😊
You put in a lot of work to get the other women on the show
That makes your interviews with them more impressive
These aren't just your friends doing a solid for their buddy
These are people from society who have no reason to be answering personal questions unless they want to
Good job
=)
Hi Courtney! I am feeling gratitude for all that I learn from your videos and I'll admit your presentation helps 🙂 I wonder if you would like to talk any about what internal (emotional intelligence-related) changes a person can do that will bubble up to auto-create the behaviors you mention here? I actually wrote a book on this called Practical Empathy. To be clear: If a person has concrete ways they can increase their awareness, acceptance, courage, confidence, curiosity, etc., then it follows that they will be super comfortable with people that they will automatically be more effective.
You need social skills to make it in life. Also I recommend a book by Dale Carnegie, How to win friends and influence people.
I think that great conversation is a ..." two- way" street. If the person you're speaking with has the personality of a rock and needs to go to charm school, then it won't matter!.... Conversation is a dialog and NOT a monolog! Intelligence, charisma & humor help ALOT in exchanging ANYTHING with someone new. Some people are introverted and have very little social skills. Attitude ... being friendly and cordial helps to keep everything going. Remember that some people are standoffish and may take awhile to " warm- up".
I've always looked at the first one like this: I already know what I'm interested in, so why not take an interest in what someone else thinks or how they see the world? I use my introversion to my advantage by letting people talk and just giving them my undivided attention and you usually get people to open up more and as a result they think you're the Dos Equis man all because you let them talk about themselves and asked follow-up questions to help further the conversation.
Absolutely! Love this.
Make sure you end the conversation with "Stay thirsty my friends" lol
I always like to say the persons name. Usually to catch their attention, this tells me they are listening to me. If you'd walked into a room full of people and go over to a person you want to have a conversation with, it is best to say their name first, then wait for them to respond. Other wise you will most likely get a stupid response after you ask your question without addressing the person first. Yes, I do this when it is just the other person and I in the room. Now if I am in a conversation with said person already, I usually don't say their name again during that entire time I am conversing with them.
HEY COURTNEY!, CHEARS FROM VENEZUELA!
THANKS FOR MAKE THIS VIDEOS,
I MAY SAY THE ARE REALY USEFUL
First tip is in a really good book I recommend for anyone. It's called "How to win friends and influence people" by Dale Carnegie
If someone uses my name often it creeps me out. Also I have to say I am not very interested in other people. Don't really want to ask them out or even listen to them. Makes it really hard to be social.
I don't have too much social anxiety but I just don't have topics to talk about.
I know game, web, app development, art and coding which isn't a topic I can talk with some girl.
Strange there some ambience distortion attracting another in the path of life that REALLY dims our individual lamp affect when there is such a misconstrued projection of limitations of what we can or can not do - as we block, detach, and detain the mind body and spirit sometimes in even self indulgences or sad greedily attacks wounding freedom of choice and speech to evolve instead centering oppression whether physical mental social anything of the bracket that values individuals in its totalitarian side. We don't look within our inner light enough; these content displays are really good!
More than good, these are actually wise teachings from a wise person.
Good job!
Very well done!
What about humour? Especially the self deprecating kind. I've connected with tons of people this way. Ofcoarse I have to prioritize listening and not just making jokes. Courtney thanks for all your helpful advice.
11:12 “I match with [these girls] on tinder”
teaser for Court’s premium content?
(kidding!)
@5:27 RE: Say their name-- my advice is to be careful with this one. This is an old sales and personal development cliche that a lot of people are aware of already. If the person is skeptical, this can actually be a red flag to them that you're trying to manipulate them and be a turnoff. I'm definitely in that boat. When people I don't know well use my name more than once in a conversation, it immediately occurs to me as a bad attempt at trying to create rapport with me and I'm turned off.
To that last point, another issue with using people's names is that implies more distance between you. Typically with people we are actually close to, we rarely use their names. Instead we directly address the person, or say "you" instead of their name. In fact, saying "Hey you!" is often perceived as more friendly and close than "Hey (name)!". The stronger move than using someones name is to assume you already have a connection with them, and speak from that assumption.
Read "How to win Friends and influence people" from Carnegie. Great book
As Dale Carnegie used to say, "the sweetest sound a person can hear is the sound of their own name."
A good resource that covers many of the points you listed here is Dr Mark Goulston’s book Just Listen
I too thought the girls in your videos were your friends. But I didn't see that as a negative thing or a knock on you. I enjoy those videos and getting different perspectives.
Let's also remember some old school skills: (1) Be on time, prepared, and do not waste somebody's time (2) When present in person with somebody, put that damn phone away on silent unless you are urgently on call (and only then answer after excusing yourself to the person in front of you, and (3) Do NOT have your phone on during a lecture, presentation, or in a movie theater during the film presentation (You mother and the Dalai Lama can wait till the movie is over....I despise each and every inconsiderate phone addict).
God damit!!! I had to watch this video 4 times😁 Thats how good it was😀
Hey Courtney. Is the message below legit? I sendt an message to it asking if it was really you and it was emidetly delited.
V.Helpful & Beautiful video's.
Thx, Courtney - Excellent.
Courtney, not being pessimistic in any sense, but people aren't so interested tbh to even ask a simple thing as "How are you?" Leave alone continuing with other social skills u just mentioned. If everyone starts caring so much the world would be a different place right now. Times have changed and everyone is only interested about me mine and myself. It's not worth the effort to continue applying these skills if the reciprocation isn't at par.I hope u don't get me wrong. ✌️
MUCH NEEDED!
To quote an often-heard and read remark 'People never forget how you made them feel.' There is so much power in making someone feel good. They will remember you for that - and more often than not, you will be perceived as being more attractive.
1:37 - did you swallow all but two of the capsules in the bottle before showing it to us? :D
So true! Love that quote.
And LOL! My fiancé has been taking them and there’s only a few left. I need to get another bottle asap 😂
@@CourtneyRyan Hahaha! Better get him that refill then!
I have to work on my social skills, there’s a girl I like but I struggle badly to get a conversation going and to keep it interesting, she’s a sweetheart and talks to me but sometimes it looks like she wants to hear me and I run out of things to say
Ask her if she is single. If she is ask her to give you her number or ask her if she is looking for a boyfriend.
I know that's not easy but that's the only way you are gonna know. You have make yourself do it.