Me too it hurts maybe he didn’t actually do what I read but what I read was so awful emotional affairs with the kinky banter sucked my soul out of my body
I just found out this week that my wife is having an emotional affair. I'm in the middle of chemo treatments for cancer so it adds to the devastating effects ten fold. I am supposed to have a conversation with her tonight and this video I will have her listen to. This is what I'd like to say to her, your words are literally perfect. She has said the "just friends" BS and minimizes it like it was nothing. I appreciate you. Please pray for me and my kids.
I’m praying for you. I too am going through the same situation. Only stupid me… it’s my third time. This time it’s a lot different. Plans were being made for it to become physical. I am a cancer survivor as well as having had a very serious car accident 3 years ago. I feel embarrassed from my scars as to how others if I left him would view me. I now live with chronic pain as well. 32 1/2 years of marriage, finally retired, moved to Florida ,new house! Do I give it all up? We are active with our church which is different than the other two times. He is seeking counseling. I am as well. As far as marriage counseling. I’m the one saying I’m not sure. My world is crushed! My gift to myself currently was to forgive him. I can’t exist in a black hole with that much anger and hurt. I need healing. I’m not sure where I will be when my heart hurts less down the road, but God is holding on to my soul. He will guide me, because I just can’t. Good luck, and for the record. I have three adult married children, (29-34) I did tell them this time! I refused to remain silent after my third rodeo! They are shocked, but I felt the need for them to know my truth. Blessings to you and stay strong. Through him all things are possible.
My wife tried to say the same things, but she texted him all the time eventually started hiding it, naughty pics were sent, and feels developed, just in the last 2 days she admitted she has feelings, but I layed it all out there and even took some steps to make sure it ended on my side with them both… now we are working on trust and healing
@@brucessupercave510 Hey, I need to go get therapy but I also feel like you're going through something really similar. I'm not married, but my partner of about 2 years was emotionally cheating on me from May-about the end of June. We were in a rough spot in April, and we brought up the topic of having a break. Sending his ex pictures and flirting with her - and she like, genuinely thought we were breaking up so I guess he kind of led her on in a way too. I thought I'd actually be able to meet this girl one day and befriend her. I'm actually kind of talking to her on and off, because she does feel guilt and remorse. I don't really know what to think, I guess - he maybe genuinely thought our relationship wasn't going to work so maybe it was a means to move on - but I did not feel that things were THAT BAD. I guess we just did not communicate well enough. He took responsibility with it, cut off his ex, and I do think he feels genuine remorse. And I do think I love him, and he did agree to try therapy - but I think, if anything like this happens again I will have to move on. It hurts, but I am feeling SO MANY different feelings. I think if your partner doesn't help put in the work to fix things, you should try to move on, I feel how you feel, I truly want things to work. I think we can MAKE THINGS WORK. But it's a crazy feeling for sure. I wish you luck.
My husband is pulling this too and plans where being made to meet up and have sex and he still is talking to her 6 months later claiming they are just friends even tho I caught them flirting and talking about sex 3 months ago. He claims he loves me and is glad he got caught yet isn't cutting ties with her and won't open up to me. Idk what to do. I checked his phone and he watches porn which I knew but I suspected he still fantasizes about her and he does, half the stuff is white girls and half of it is Hispanic girls, he watches stuff that looks like her half the time and Me half the time and rarely tells me loves me or holds my hand or anything. Could really use some prayers and advice. Any time I try to talk it goes horribly but I want to try one more time.
Thank you, Samuel for bringing clarity to the betrayed’s nightmare. I’d like to add that in order for the unfaithful spouse to rationalize their behaviors, they have to dehumanize their spouse mentally & probably verbally to their AP just to bypass their guilt. This makes reconnection much more difficult. The lies the unfaithful tells themselves & believes are so insidious, they permeate every aspect of who they’ve become. They become unrecognizable.
emotional affairs are the same...imagine seeing the two people looking at each other like lovers in front of you, forgetting you are even there laughing at a private joke only they know..and you understand you are now on the outside....its like being in a car crash with you in it, yet you are still here....my partner understood once she heard me say that and was devastated...she thought as long as there was no physical it was ok....she now knows its not...same devastation though for me....all things getting better though.
I know this is an old comment, are you still with her now? I’m going through something similar and she seems genuinely remorseful for her actions. I want to make it work but I don’t know what I should do.
I think an emotional affair is worse. It means feelings were involved & for me, that's so much harder to accept. Every relationship I have ever had has ended in the other person cheating. I'm determined to heal the right way this time so that we can reclaim our relationship & hopefully I will never have to deal with this again. My partner will never have to worry about finding out something like that about me. I know all too well how devastating it is & there's no way I could ever inflict that kind of pain & psychological trauma on another human being & live with myself. It's truly the worst . I have to heal the right way this time or just give up completely & never have anything to do with another man for the rest of my life. I really love him though. I'm sending prayers & love to anyone who is currently trying to get through infidelity. I feel your pain & hope & pray you make it through it ok. I'm so sorry that you are experiencing this. You don't deserve it. Nobody does.
My love did this to me, and blamed me for his heart falling in love with someone else. I’m sad, because he put this woman ahead of me, and chose her, instead of working things out with me. I do feel betrayed, but I’m forgiving him, and letting him have his time and space. I’m broken hearted, but I love him. 😢
yes, exactly, I feel you and can sign under every word you wrote 💯💔 that's my stance as well and experience .. one night stand wouldn't hurt as much as an emotional affair .. cultivating and nurturing emotional attachment with zero regard for the SO... building and investing in the emotional bond, pouring into someone who is deemed to be just a friend.. a very special friend apparently 💔
9 months since discovering my spouse was having an emotional affair with our married new neighbor whom I thought was my “friend” as well. I found out by accident by looking back on phone bill…. 9 months of text messages exchanged. He is remorseful, but not remorseful enough for me after 40 years of my faithfulness. I’m so sorry, I Love you and let’s not ever talk about it again. We have cut off all contact with her & her husband. What is really upsetting is they live across the street from us and walk their dogs frequently so can’t help but see them. My once happy home is not the same and never will be. I hate pulling in the neighborhood because I know I am going to be triggered. Thanks so much for all your videos. They are my therapy while driving to & from work. Not sure which direction I want to go from here.
Thank you so much. My husband is crossing boundaries with his coworker. He became so distant and my gut was sounding a 5 alarm fire. I couldn't put my finger on it because it was so subtle. My heart is wrecked and his recognition has not yet come to fruition. Thank you for this. I feel completely unprotected.
Emotional affairs hurt so much more than physical I think. It’s been 2 yrs and it still hurts. I haven’t had closure... haven’t been given answers as to why. All I was told by him was that it was an escape from me and our life. Hearing that hurts so much... how can someone move on after hearing that
I feel you .. I found out my husband had a secretary for over 9 months and he was a manager. So he lied and lied even after I had proof ! Off his phone I’m so incredibly hurt the anger is dark ..
Im dealing with wifes emotional affair with a past lover! Double the pain!! For YEARS!! It has broken me both mentally and physically! Thanks my wife...
Noticed my wife became very protective of her phone. One night I confronted her and found she was Facebook messaging another man she knew from high school. Most devastating is she was deleting their conversations so I have absolutely no clue was talked about. When I asked her to open up her Facebook account she was hesitant and said that she didn't want my feelings hurt. I guess she wasn't sure if anything was mistakenly not deleted. I convinced myself that it wasn't physical and pushed through it but it's constantly on my mind and can't shake the feeling of betrayal. I also at times feel like a fool for not leaving her.
I understand exactly what you’re going through. Currently, after many months of therapy and attempting to forgive, I’ve decided that I want to move on with my life. I had to come to terms with the fact that the feeling of betrayal will never leave me. We have a son which was the main reason for me trying to make it work but I’m still not happy after 6 months so I know that time will not bring me closer to him. Being honest with yourself is the key. Just make sure you can live with your decision.
@@emmalynrae592I'm very sorry to hear about your situation. I know it's a constant struggle. My wife begged and pleaded with me not to leave. Its been a couple of months now and I still have the feeling of betrayal. There's times throughout the day im suspicious if there's any other forms of communication between my wife and her "friend". If not Facebook is it Instagram or many of the othe apps available. Do they have each others phone numbers or does he call her at work. It's very stressful.
They don't delete conversations because they don't want to hurt you. It's because they don't want to be held accountable. You can't hold them responsible for what you can't prove, right?
This....my significant other doesn't understand why I don't trust him or feel safe, not realizing that him telling me it's just this or we were just friends, only makes me feel that he is minimizing the truth of things....he went to work out of state when I was expecting our first child, and had an affair for the entire work season. Never had I imagined my first pregnancy would be spent alone or being cheated on. This is the hardest thing I've ever had to go through in my life.
i know....and i'm sorry. i'm so glad you're here. this hurts like hell, but there is somewhere a purpose in it. it's not wasted grief or sorrow and you'll come out of it strong and confident and healed. but it is a process and it does take time to heal. i hope you can find the help you need and i'm so glad you're here. thank you for watching and commenting.
There were many boundaries violation in my relationship with my husband... It has been 5 years and a few times, I heard him saying that his behavior was because of me. He never showed remorse for what he did.... . This was very sad to hear. This video helped me to understand why I feel I can not trust him.
I was betrayed by online affair. He sent a lot of intimate pictures and he complained about me. He sent pictures of me and they made fun of me. I’m older and overweight. I read so much hurtful crap. I was called a cow, and a old hag. My husband is only 3 yrs younger. He also sent money, and tried to meet up with these “women” on at least 2 occasions. He complained we weren’t intimate, it was so much and so hurtful. If I leave I’m on disability I would have to go back to being poor. It scares me to death. He works graveyard and 12 hr nights he sleep during the day. Then he’s off to work again. I find myself clock watching until he goes to work. I’m having trouble sleeping. I don’t trust him. I’m lost.
So true! She claimed she was happy but then after finding out she was holding on to unresolved issues. I would have rather us have parted ways than to have such a betrayal.
Thank you! This video and others from your group helped me put so many of my feelings into words and helped me realize I’m not crazy. I asked my husband to listen to it and although he said at first he was thrown by the label “emotional affair” he agreed that it was spot on. Still much more healing to do, but this has definitely been a useful tool for us.
My wife refuses to admit the emotional affair although it’s obvious and continues to want to engage with this man, as he is a friend of ours. Minimizing has been the theme and I’m just trapped in this nightmare of my marriage being destroyed, traumatizing our four daughters, financial turmoil, losing our friend network, etc. I can’t sleep, missing work, near impossible to focus on studies.. I feel so stuck and in debilitating pain a lot.
How to deal when physical and emotional affair occured? And I think the worst of it is the emotional part. So so so much suffering from this. When I thought it was just physical, I could get through it easier, but when I knew it was so so much more, the pain I felt… 😞
Your point right at the end Sam, you stated the AP gets to see into the relationship but the betrayed doesn't get to see into the affair. You missed a key point that is even more upsetting, the AP gets to see into the relationship but the betrayed doesn't get to see into their own relationship. That something was wrong within the relationship and the Unfaithful took it to somebody else rather than address the problem with the Betrayed. I guess its kind of covered in other points though
I am the emotional cheater and yet I’m here trying to understand why I did it. I am so ashamed of myself and remorseful. The worst break up I e ever had.
I just recently discovered it too. The pain lingers every second. Im totally betrayed. The other guy knows more of my wife than me for the past year. Its a crap excuse to say just friends. I wanted to forward their messages to the other guys spouse so im jot just the one hurting but i did not because i dont want to go down that level. Please pray for me
I’ve been dealing with this kind of thing professionally from a Christian perspective for over 40 years. Samuel’s right. They justify it by the saying that they never had sex with this person. I’m not trying to be a downer, but I have seen many cases where there has been sex and they’re just not admitting it. The bottom line is this: If the relationship was so innocent, why did they have to hide it? The other question is would the affair have stopped before becoming physical had they not been caught?? In 40 years I have not seen one single case where the cheater ends the affair voluntarily without being caught. “Honey, we need to talk. I did something awful......” Not one time have I seen that happen. I wish I could say otherwise.
Thank You Samuel.I appreciate all the time and effort you and your team at Affair Recovery put into each video.The messages, the lessons are extremely helpful.Hope you and your family all stay safe and healthy.
thanks so much robert. it means a ton. we're all healthy and safe. i hope the same for you brother. thanks for watching and sharing such great encouragement.
Emotional affair is much, much more hurtful. My wife did that on me with her co-worker. It would of been much easier if she ran off with her affair partner. The hardest part for me was having to decide weather to stay or move on. It's even harder when there's kids involved.
The physical is easier to let go of mentally. But having emotions means I was shut out of his mind and heart. That the thoughts and emotions of the affair partner were carried with my husband even when he came back home and looked me in the eye. The emotions he felt for her made it easier for him to put me down so devastatingly to justify his actions. So even though we are reconciling and he has admitted his wrongs, and is remorseful, I still ask myself how could he love me again after having shut me out at one point and put me down so badly, loved someone else, claimed God brought them together for a reason and she is his soulmate. It is something I have to let go of knowing I will never understand. It makes me really sad sometimes if I dwell on it. But I have to choose to live in the moment when I think back to those words he said last year. It's tough, but I am working through it.
Emotional affairs hurt really badly, I still have hurt from my husbands that happened 11 years ago. It was from a female friend he had grown to have romantic feelings for. He wanted her but she rejected him . She just wanted to be friends with benefits. It almost destroyed our marriage but I put our son first. We still have problems from it but you can't control those situations.once I realized it out of anyone's control I made peace with it. There are attractive Good people out there who may love your spouse. Sometimes we just put the jealousy aside, and try to love them as well. More love less jealousy has helped me heal. The more I hated them the more I hurt myself.
Sooo…I’m so lost trying to heal …… I discovered 8 months ago that my spouse was having an emotional affair ( so August of 2021) then in October of 2021 my daughter passed away……how do I deal with BOTH of those emotional devastations at the same time? I’m sooooo lost and feeling broken ….. emotionally as well as spiritually…..I’m really lost with this 💔💔😢
My husband claims he never spoke about me to his affair partner. I find it hard to believe. They didn’t chat on weekends but chatted while he was driving to work or from work. Do you think it’s possible for a husband to have an emotional affair and not talk about his spouse at all to the affair partner?
No. Not at all. Because even if he didn’t say much, his AP will have asked certain questions to ascertain the situation and he’d have either lied or told his AP all sorts of things whether.
It’s been a couple of years since our forgiveness day. I saw this video and clicked on it. I just wanted to say I could have never got through any of this without your videos. Forgiving my husband and myself has given us a better life and marriage. After 23 years of marriage, it was the best thing for us. I thank you and I pray god bless you and your family. You have made a difference in my life and heart.
laura, it means so much to read and hear that. thank you for sharing that with me. i wish i could describe how much that means to me and our team. thank you and i'm so glad to hear the great report.
How did you forgive him? How did you regain the ability to feel like he really loves you? How did you get over the betrayal and not feel constantly suspicious?
Does the spark come back? I'm starting to think it will never be the same again and that he will end up doing it again with someone fun and flirty if we don't get the spark back.
If I’m honest I’m in a lot of pain. I want to heal from this but it’s stuck in my head. I want us to move on from this but my trust is broken. I feel like if the rolls were reversed he would have left. What’s stuck in my head is that my Grandpoppy always told me my husband would cheat on me. I don’t even know how I’m supposed to trust it was never physically. My trust is broken. I read a lot of texts on his phone. He was telling her he was gonna leave me. I feel so betrayed. And my anxiety is so so bad. I tried to do my best to be a good girlfriend. And I feel like I’m not good enough. I fear we may never get pass this truly because I don’t know if I’ll ever trust him again. My heart can’t take this anxiety
You described my life right now. My Husband Betrayed Me! I figured it out a few months back. He says he hasn’t spoke to her. I am all what you said! I felt helpless and was about to give up. My Husband wants our marriage of 10yrs to continue. I just don’t know if I have it in me. I do love him so much but I don’t trust a word he says. And that’s sad. Ran across you here today. Hoping you can help! 🤞🏼💔
Oh darling, I am in the exact same boat as you. When I first found out about his affair, it was so painful and took so much of my Will power to choose to stay and work it out. He swore black and blue on his knees that he would try to make it work and no more lies. Come to find out he kept up the affair the past year. I never experienced anything like this.... then pain so strong that’s ok myself down to my knees, and feeling like I a fool fot not listening o Myself every time my gutt told me then how hieytt hurt
My husband is still lying about what he did even when I have proof. He will say “it may seem like that to you“ he has been lying to me about so much and won’t tell me the truth. I have been giving him chance after chance to come clean. All he does is getting mad at me and saying stupid stuff. Last night I found out completely how bad he cheated on me and it broke me. I love him so much I hoped and hope we could fix the relationship. But because how much I have loved him and how bad he hurt me I just broke. I have shut down because I can’t handle the pain anymore and now I’m just lost
Great video Samuel. Wish I would’ve had this about 20 months ago when my emotional affair was discovered. I’ve probably done a lot of minimalizing the past 20 months. Thank you again for this video. I hate that I’m 20 months behind even though I feel like I’ve been putting in a lot of work. But I’m pretty for sure I have been minimizing in the recovery
Thank you so much, i'm there right now . Ive been married for 17years and he has continued having either physical or emotional affair. I just found the latest thar he is in and i'm breaking in pieces right now. The sad part is that we are christians
Yes exactly!I feel like my whole world is turned upside down.you said this perfectly.I don't know what to do three things he said to her is the same way he talks to me,calling her my Love,Babe and i love you!this was lots of women he was texting on Facebook and WhatsApp out makes me feel so stupid..Everything was really GOOD I THOUGHT....???
Just found out my wife had been having full blown affair with an ex from 24 yrs ago. They were having physical and emotional affair. I feel so absolutely numb this week. She wants to work through this. Admitted she was wrong and claims she knows it was wrong and hates herself. I’m having major issues considering this because they were talking in text about both getting divorced to be together. So how do you know if they’re now just playing cover their butts or is she sincere. Her ex is kissing his wife’s behind but he’s not being totally honest. My wife told me everything that happened. Me and our son are both just numb. Can definitely use prayers for Gods help getting through this.
To me they have equally been as devastating. The sexual affair was hurtful and made me not want to be intimate since he was already getting it at home, but to me the emotional affair messed up my thinking. He shared “I love yous” with 3 women at the same time…which has made it “just words” when they are said now. The secrets of both have destroyed trust. I had no clue. I thought we had gotten over his sexual affair and I was starting to trust him. I was able to quit looking at the phone bills and then BAM, there it was again. Except the first one he reached out to was the one he had a physical affair with.
I just found out that my husband has been having emotional affairs throughout our marriage with numerous women and sharing intimate pictures with them; consoling them when they were having bad days and even telling them that he sort to have a relationship that was serious with them. He even told some of them that he was divorced with children which we are not. The number of women was more than sixty over a period of four years; he relapsed last year and thats when I initially found out about that affair not these others. I was gutted and I've told him I want to separate so that I can take some time to get myself together without the flooding and hurt feelings. He says he had told our counselor and so I should put it behind me as he has it under control. He wants us to go back to living like a normal family while im still spinning from it all. I go through everyday in a haze just trying to get through it and make sense. He acts like nothing is wrong. During the time when we have had our children he has not been as paternal as I would imagine a parent is. Im lost what can I do?
As someone who's experienced the same thing (not to the same degree) I can assure you that forgiving the person helps, even if they don't apologize. Forgiving them will set you free from pain, and also understanding that there's nothing wrong with you but everything wrong with them.
"we the unfaithful become far more protective of the affair partner than we do out spouse, the reason for that is at some level there's resentment and bitterness unresolved anger towards our spouse, but theres also this limerance this infatuated love or concern this desire this overwhelming concern for our affair partner that starts to occupy space and time for more than our spouse because we feel like they're so XYZ I'll just focus on someone that loves me and cares for me and its equally concerned if not more about me it is the deception the self-deception that we've built up inside ourselves" -describes everything I've lived through as the betrayed
I made the mistake of committing an emotional affair and i am praying for forgiveness, and for God to come help my wife in this time. I still love her with all my heart and would do anything help her heal and for us to reconcile, but it's only been 10 days
Can you send a video link on how to confront your spouse when you’ve discovered emotional/physical infidelity? I see videos on how the process is after but I’d like to see one on how to properly confront them about it and how that conversation should go, if you should seek answers, what to express or not express, etc. thank you so very much.
here is one on answers and how much should be shared: www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founder/survive-an-affair-how-much-to-tell i'll see what i can find in terms of confronting them, the unfaithful
Overcoming Infidelity thank you. I just want to make sure I confront them in the right way and not in a way that will just drive them away or back to their affair partner
I would also like to add that rather than minimizing. Make an effort to be as truthful as possible in the beginning. The betrayed may have a hard time accepting your word if you have trickle truths throughout the process.
I just found out yesterday my husband has had a lover online in colmbia, and has funded her for 3 years emotional daily contact in love and I dont know how to stsrt to forgive
Yes my husband telling her and feeling love for her hurt like a knife to my heart , still hurts that I feel like a convince because he wasn’t able to continue relationship with her and he feels sadness not being able to continue their “friendship “. Not sure if he will ever love me completely 😢
This is my story. My husband of 20 years is having an emotional affair with my ex friend of 20 years! Thanks for explaining exactly how I feel. Should my husband hear this? As he belittles my reactions and blames me. Should I send this link to my husband?
It can't hurt right? i would try it and see how he handles it. at the end of the day I don't know how the video will affect him or if he will even watch it but it's worth a shot
So broken 😭. To make it worse his emotional affair was with someone who disliked me, so they mocked me also. And I have only seen some as they have deleted alot. She is from my church and not remorseful!!! I feel like we have to just leave town. Everything is a mess. How does a husband do that? I'm sorry I'm only a week in but I'm struggling. I have 4 children. But I also am a follower of Adonai. 1 day at a time. Although I am lost right now, He is faithful.
What if the emotional unfaithful partner works with this person? This is a career job and definitely job security. Should the unfaithful partner find a new job?
My partner was having an emotional affair with someone and i had to find out myself because I had a weird feeling. I had to go through his messages which I never do. I saw he was hiding a person of the opposite sex from me. He told me he was scared to tell me because he noticed it started to get to point were he felt like he was betraying me but couldn’t cut her off. He said they had a lot of things in common and he would talk about me a lot in good ways but it later got to the point where he started to tell her about our problems and she did the same as well. Keep in mind she also has a partner as well. They used to workout together and eat after and I didn’t know. It was going on for 2-3 months. I feel so hurt and betrayed. He is trying to work our relationship and ask for forgiveness but i just cant believe him. I don’t know what to do but just cry.
I just been liberated from cutting off communication from a former first love whom i had an emotional affair. It is just 10 day affair but the Holy Spirit has convicted. Thanks to the Lord i was liberated and confessed to my husband what i had. He did not judge me and our relationship got better, communicated better as hsband and wife.
Hey I just wanted to ask what you did to free yourself from this. I’m in an emotional affair which abruptly ended and I’m struggling to deal with my feelings,today is literally the first day me and him haven’t spoken and it’s been so hard. And I’m not quite sure how to move on
Sam, you spoke my heart...my husband had a very deep emotional affair...it has been devastating and totally torn apart. What made it worse is that we walked through 4 agonizing years with any acknowledgement, empathy, recovery or healing...my husband just classically picked up this huge rug and swept it all below, and that compounded my pain like a 100 raised to a 1000..and much more. Its been a battle, no closure, he doesn't get it yet ..he lacks empathy or the emotional intelligence to understand, accept and take ownership of what he has done...I feel my heart ripped off. I wish he would listen to this video...I feel like I'm just lingering in this bottomless pit of pain and I just will never get out of it
Thank you for this explanation, I didnt realize the effects my actions were having, I thought I was just being a good friend, until it obviously became something more to the other person. Causing pain and the dnd of a friendship.
Found out two weeks before my 3 year wedding anniversary my husband was having an emotional affair for weeeeeks… it’s been almost a year and I am still in shambles trying to salvage my marriage
Just found out my fiancé who had been with me for over 7 years had a porn addiction and had a fake facebook where he stalked and looked for all of his crushes and his old exes , he kept over 600 pictures of them saved on a separate tablet. He hid everything from me , he would of never came clean if I wouldnt of found that tablet. It's been over 4 months and I still can't get over it. The betrayal is what hurts not sure I will ever trust him again. Broke off the engament , told him to give me a year to think about it.
In my opinion you must have first an emotional affair bevor any intercours can started. Am i wron here? It doesn't matter if you are in a relationship and you're beginning to flirt with a signifikant others. Is the first step to check out your options. Beginning with (innocent) flirts, than going on to have a emotional closeness the rest comes automaticly the physical affair. That's what i would say if my girl or wife would told me like, hey its only innocent flirting nothing else. Somebody must be naive not to realize the start for thend of many relationship. So better be open and go seperate ways.
Hi Sam, I was almost 3 years detached from the emotional affair, when the discovery happened. I admit that I was upset at first, but as the months passed I was starting to understand how emotional affairs are worse than physical affairs. My question to you is how do we deal with a situation where I have moved out and in self preservation mode, because I was starting to break down mentally and wasn’t able to handle the triggers? I don’t want to give up, but I do need help to be able to give her the love and support she deserves.
hi there. thank you for the email. you can do one of our courses, though you are separated. i would look here and either do our couples course or individuals courses, it just depends on time you have to do work and finances: www.affairrecovery.com/programs-and-courses/online-courses you can still do great work though separated....but it will require expert care and intervention.
It been a year since I found out and still hurts. I thought I was ok but they are still friends and every time he says her name reopens the wound. He just does not get it.
But what if you catch it when it's an emotional affair and the unfaithful spouse refuses to end it? He wants to stay married but also "see where things go" with his affair partner. I don't see how we can repair our relationship when the affair that's harming it won't end.
I'm kind of in this same grey area you are speaking of. I'm not sure what to do either as there is no acknowledgement of the inappropriate nature of this so called friendship. He also wants to stay married and has agreed to counseling. He has come back emotionally for the time being as this person was fired from the company they both work at. He doesn't seem to have the emotional maturity to understand that this is inappropriate work behavior/conversation and that it leads to a very slippery slope the majority of the time. 🤷🏽♀️
Thank you for this video, it explained exactly how I feel and how I continued to get it minimized by my wife. Can you elaborate more on this type of affair?
He has guy friends and girl friends. But i never expected it to be her. He said he had a crush on her years ago and she’s rejected him so they stayed friends. We’ve been fighting and i surprised him by bringing her from Connecticut because they had never met. He said to me “ i think i may have feelings for her but I don’t know.” I only found out that night he told me that he had emotional history with her. I don’t know what to do
Emotional affairs are 100% devastating. In the last 4 years, I've found out about both kinds. First was sexual, the past one (5 months since d day)emotional and im humiliated, and broken hearted. Did the unfaithful ever love you after doing something so awful? Can they ever find that love for you again? Why can't they admit it was an affair? Was i as betrayed that terrible of a spouse? Ughh
lots of tough questions there but so glad you reached out. yes, i do believe they can love you but still act in an unloving way and cheat. yes, they can find love again and in many cases with the right help and right process, find deeper more meaningful love. many times it's their shame and denial that prevents them from owning the affair. it's vital you get expert help. look at our programs and see what you think may be a good fit, but you can't fix this or heal this on your own: www.affairrecovery.com/programs-and-courses
The worst thing is never truly knowing how far it went. Did he get pictures and send them? Did he tell her he loved her? Did he meet up with her? I can’t stop thinking these things and it’s been almost 3 years It still hurts. You can’t just have an emotional affair for over a year and it just be “innocent”
I definitely understand. It’s been two years since I caught my spouse having an emotional affair and she has reopened those wounds I thought were healed by reengaging with this man.. it hurts in a way I’ve never experienced.
My husband was having an emotional affair with his ex who they have kids together ,and who cheated on him the kids live with us .But fact she will never be gone .I’m devastated because she hates me and I’m not a fan of hers either and my husband acts like it was just talk . But it’s sharing his now she knows all our business that hurts so deep .My trust is at zero at this point .
My boyfriend of 7 years "loved" a lady almost his mother's age. The hardest part to accept is he loved someone he's never even met. It was all on the phone. We are working on it. it's so difficult. I'm trying to step back and hold my emotions in and help him threw his feelings. I know it's a little bit easier for me. I just need to work on the sudden anger sometimes. I catch myself two second into saying something but that's enough to make him shut down. I have to learn to mask the anger too but I'm not having much luck figuring out how to.
My husband has had several emotional affairs in our 6 years of marriage. We did have a great year last year and I started to feel safe. This weekend I found texts on my phone bill (not the messages just to/from #) with a coworker of his that has flirted with him and him her last December. He has also been more protective with his phone. I confronted him because he has been deleting the messages daily for a month now. He said it was only work related but he didn't want to get in trouble. These messages were after work hours so it's concerning. Anyway he said it's not cheating but how do I believe him? He thinks I'm being controlling. Should I just let it go? Am I just being dramatic? How can I get him to understand? I want to stay married but I don't know how much more I can take. Please help. Thank you!
it's vital you do what you need to do to feel safe. maybe ask him to see a professional with you? perhaps a lie detector would be a good idea? maybe letting him know that there will be no deal breakers if he tells you the honest truth and then you can start to do some work to heal? i would ask him to consider getting expert help as well from a third party resource like us or someone like us. he can't do this on his own. maybe you're stepping in right before things get worse? we just don't know but it's time to act and get help for both of you.
Overcoming Infidelity I would love to talk to someone if possible. I know every story and situation is unique, I want to save my marriage, I want to rebuild it, right now to know my wife emotionally attached herself to someone within my family hurts more then just me... and to hear her say she can’t stop talking to him as of now because he is helping, along with the fact that he is ending his relationship I feel like is more dangerous then anything.... what I have been listening too is that this starts from the lack of “ courage” to be able to talk, she spoke, spoke many times to me about her concerns, I always listened, I am saddened to say though I didn’t make the changes: more intimacy, more stepping up to the plate, speaking up for her and now my daughter to my parents, and other things. I am passive and do things to stay away from confrontation, I was told through therapy that I was not wired to be as assertive as she may want me to be, but that’s not saying I don’t want to be... to be honest I have gotten comfortable with our marriage, and I guess didn’t take her concerns and fears for us serious enough, because we have always had more better days then good.. we have gone though A LOT together and have always been there for each other, but a lot has gone on since Dec of 2019 that has just brought this all to a head and now this ...... I want my wife back, I want to be a better husband to her and better partner for us.......
What if they keep saying it didn’t really mean anything? Almost a year and the hurt is so deep. I know it meant more and wasn’t just texting and pictures
I said he was my best friend but this woman wanted him to be his ‘friends’. She convinced my husband that it’s for ex to be friends, that is ok among her friends there in Texas’ so my husband thought ok since they’re just and he kept replying to her messages and even showed so much concern
It hurts they will never say anything negative about the affair partner 😢 it sucks when they defend them yet they think of their spouse as a piece of poop
Why couldn’t my husband just have been faithful in the first place. It hurts too much.
It does hurt. I feel so broken and don’t know what to do anymore…
I hear you
Me too it hurts maybe he didn’t actually do what I read but what I read was so awful emotional affairs with the kinky banter sucked my soul out of my body
It does. I’m so sorry. I’m with you. You aren’t alone ❤️
I have wondered that same thing for 20 years!!
I just found out this week that my wife is having an emotional affair. I'm in the middle of chemo treatments for cancer so it adds to the devastating effects ten fold. I am supposed to have a conversation with her tonight and this video I will have her listen to. This is what I'd like to say to her, your words are literally perfect. She has said the "just friends" BS and minimizes it like it was nothing. I appreciate you. Please pray for me and my kids.
I’m praying for you. I too am going through the same situation. Only stupid me… it’s my third time. This time it’s a lot different. Plans were being made for it to become physical. I am a cancer survivor as well as having had a very serious car accident 3 years ago. I feel embarrassed from my scars as to how others if I left him would view me. I now live with chronic pain as well.
32 1/2 years of marriage, finally retired, moved to Florida ,new house! Do I give it all up? We are active with our church which is different than the other two times. He is seeking counseling. I am as well. As far as marriage counseling. I’m the one saying I’m not sure.
My world is crushed! My gift to myself currently was to forgive him. I can’t exist in a black hole with that much anger and hurt. I need healing. I’m not sure where I will be when my heart hurts less down the road, but God is holding on to my soul. He will guide me, because I just can’t.
Good luck, and for the record. I have three adult married children, (29-34) I did tell them this time! I refused to remain silent after my third rodeo! They are shocked, but I felt the need for them to know my truth. Blessings to you and stay strong. Through him all things are possible.
My wife tried to say the same things, but she texted him all the time eventually started hiding it, naughty pics were sent, and feels developed, just in the last 2 days she admitted she has feelings, but I layed it all out there and even took some steps to make sure it ended on my side with them both… now we are working on trust and healing
@@brucessupercave510 Hey, I need to go get therapy but I also feel like you're going through something really similar. I'm not married, but my partner of about 2 years was emotionally cheating on me from May-about the end of June. We were in a rough spot in April, and we brought up the topic of having a break. Sending his ex pictures and flirting with her - and she like, genuinely thought we were breaking up so I guess he kind of led her on in a way too. I thought I'd actually be able to meet this girl one day and befriend her. I'm actually kind of talking to her on and off, because she does feel guilt and remorse. I don't really know what to think, I guess - he maybe genuinely thought our relationship wasn't going to work so maybe it was a means to move on - but I did not feel that things were THAT BAD. I guess we just did not communicate well enough. He took responsibility with it, cut off his ex, and I do think he feels genuine remorse. And I do think I love him, and he did agree to try therapy - but I think, if anything like this happens again I will have to move on. It hurts, but I am feeling SO MANY different feelings. I think if your partner doesn't help put in the work to fix things, you should try to move on, I feel how you feel, I truly want things to work. I think we can MAKE THINGS WORK. But it's a crazy feeling for sure. I wish you luck.
Im so sorry, i will pray for you
My husband is pulling this too and plans where being made to meet up and have sex and he still is talking to her 6 months later claiming they are just friends even tho I caught them flirting and talking about sex 3 months ago. He claims he loves me and is glad he got caught yet isn't cutting ties with her and won't open up to me. Idk what to do. I checked his phone and he watches porn which I knew but I suspected he still fantasizes about her and he does, half the stuff is white girls and half of it is Hispanic girls, he watches stuff that looks like her half the time and Me half the time and rarely tells me loves me or holds my hand or anything. Could really use some prayers and advice. Any time I try to talk it goes horribly but I want to try one more time.
They are the worst. Seeing your wife make time for another man hurts
Emotional affair hurt worse. The heart is what matters.
Thank you, Samuel for bringing clarity to the betrayed’s nightmare. I’d like to add that in order for the unfaithful spouse to rationalize their behaviors, they have to dehumanize their spouse mentally & probably verbally to their AP just to bypass their guilt. This makes reconnection much more difficult. The lies the unfaithful tells themselves & believes are so insidious, they permeate every aspect of who they’ve become. They become unrecognizable.
You are 100% correct
emotional affairs are the same...imagine seeing the two people looking at each other like lovers in front of you, forgetting you are even there laughing at a private joke only they know..and you understand you are now on the outside....its like being in a car crash with you in it, yet you are still here....my partner understood once she heard me say that and was devastated...she thought as long as there was no physical it was ok....she now knows its not...same devastation though for me....all things getting better though.
I know this is an old comment, are you still with her now? I’m going through something similar and she seems genuinely remorseful for her actions. I want to make it work but I don’t know what I should do.
@@supreme_wzI'm going through the same. Day 1.It's a co-worker, he had an emotional affair with.
OMG THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!! I am one of those women that felt emotional hurt me worse! Thank you for validating me!!
I think an emotional affair is worse. It means feelings were involved & for me, that's so much harder to accept. Every relationship I have ever had has ended in the other person cheating. I'm determined to heal the right way this time so that we can reclaim our relationship & hopefully I will never have to deal with this again. My partner will never have to worry about finding out something like that about me. I know all too well how devastating it is & there's no way I could ever inflict that kind of pain & psychological trauma on another human being & live with myself. It's truly the worst . I have to heal the right way this time or just give up completely & never have anything to do with another man for the rest of my life. I really love him though. I'm sending prayers & love to anyone who is currently trying to get through infidelity. I feel your pain & hope & pray you make it through it ok. I'm so sorry that you are experiencing this. You don't deserve it. Nobody does.
My love did this to me, and blamed me for his heart falling in love with someone else. I’m sad, because he put this woman ahead of me, and chose her, instead of working things out with me. I do feel betrayed, but I’m forgiving him, and letting him have his time and space. I’m broken hearted, but I love him. 😢
yes, exactly, I feel you and can sign under every word you wrote 💯💔 that's my stance as well and experience .. one night stand wouldn't hurt as much as an emotional affair .. cultivating and nurturing emotional attachment with zero regard for the SO... building and investing in the emotional bond, pouring into someone who is deemed to be just a friend.. a very special friend apparently 💔
9 months since discovering my spouse was having an emotional affair with our married new neighbor whom I thought was my “friend” as well. I found out by accident by looking back on phone bill…. 9 months of text messages exchanged.
He is remorseful, but not remorseful enough for me after 40 years of my faithfulness. I’m so sorry, I Love you and let’s not ever talk about it again. We have cut off all contact with her & her husband. What is really upsetting is they live across the street from us and walk their dogs frequently so can’t help but see them. My once happy home is not the same and never will be. I hate pulling in the neighborhood because I know I am going to be triggered. Thanks so much for all your videos. They are my therapy while driving to & from work. Not sure which direction I want to go from here.
Thank you so much. My husband is crossing boundaries with his coworker. He became so distant and my gut was sounding a 5 alarm fire. I couldn't put my finger on it because it was so subtle. My heart is wrecked and his recognition has not yet come to fruition. Thank you for this. I feel completely unprotected.
I'm in exactly the same spot. Just wanted to let you know that you're not alone
I stand behind you all and wish you happy healing and great energy.
Trust your institution. I let mine slide under the rug, and it bit me hard.
5 years later and is still so true and painful
So many marriages could be saved if they’d watched this video early in their marriage and absorbed the truth.
Emotional affairs hurt so much more than physical I think. It’s been 2 yrs and it still hurts. I haven’t had closure... haven’t been given answers as to why. All I was told by him was that it was an escape from me and our life. Hearing that hurts so much... how can someone move on after hearing that
Hope your feeling better now ❤️
This breaks my heart, my husband is the same way. Praying for our husbands to finally be open and honest so we can heal.
I feel you .. I found out my husband had a secretary for over 9 months and he was a manager. So he lied and lied even after I had proof ! Off his phone
I’m so incredibly hurt the anger is dark ..
💛 hugs, sis .. we are all in the same boat here, more or less. boat of the 💔
Im dealing with wifes emotional affair with a past lover! Double the pain!! For YEARS!! It has broken me both mentally and physically! Thanks my wife...
Noticed my wife became very protective of her phone. One night I confronted her and found she was Facebook messaging another man she knew from high school. Most devastating is she was deleting their conversations so I have absolutely no clue was talked about. When I asked her to open up her Facebook account she was hesitant and said that she didn't want my feelings hurt. I guess she wasn't sure if anything was mistakenly not deleted. I convinced myself that it wasn't physical and pushed through it but it's constantly on my mind and can't shake the feeling of betrayal. I also at times feel like a fool for not leaving her.
I understand exactly what you’re going through. Currently, after many months of therapy and attempting to forgive, I’ve decided that I want to move on with my life. I had to come to terms with the fact that the feeling of betrayal will never leave me. We have a son which was the main reason for me trying to make it work but I’m still not happy after 6 months so I know that time will not bring me closer to him. Being honest with yourself is the key. Just make sure you can live with your decision.
@@emmalynrae592I'm very sorry to hear about your situation. I know it's a constant struggle. My wife begged and pleaded with me not to leave. Its been a couple of months now and I still have the feeling of betrayal. There's times throughout the day im suspicious if there's any other forms of communication between my wife and her "friend". If not Facebook is it Instagram or many of the othe apps available. Do they have each others phone numbers or does he call her at work. It's very stressful.
They don't delete conversations because they don't want to hurt you. It's because they don't want to be held accountable. You can't hold them responsible for what you can't prove, right?
My husband did the same thing to me, I feel so betrayed and don’t know what to do. He deleted all their conversations from his phone. 😞
This....my significant other doesn't understand why I don't trust him or feel safe, not realizing that him telling me it's just this or we were just friends, only makes me feel that he is minimizing the truth of things....he went to work out of state when I was expecting our first child, and had an affair for the entire work season. Never had I imagined my first pregnancy would be spent alone or being cheated on. This is the hardest thing I've ever had to go through in my life.
i know....and i'm sorry. i'm so glad you're here. this hurts like hell, but there is somewhere a purpose in it. it's not wasted grief or sorrow and you'll come out of it strong and confident and healed. but it is a process and it does take time to heal. i hope you can find the help you need and i'm so glad you're here. thank you for watching and commenting.
I’m sorry that happened to you I hope you’ve found someone that love you and your child to the moon and back
There were many boundaries violation in my relationship with my husband... It has been 5 years and a few times, I heard him saying that his behavior was because of me. He never showed remorse for what he did.... . This was very sad to hear. This video helped me to understand why I feel I can not trust him.
Had a cry listening to rhis bc its nothing but truth. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you for doing one on emotional affairs. These are hard to find. I loved the end of your message how the AP got to see into my relationship.
NOT SURE what’s worse
Emotional affair OR sexual affair
In any case STAY STRONG
THE ENEMY SHALL NOT PREVAIL!
I was betrayed by online affair. He sent a lot of intimate pictures and he complained about me. He sent pictures of me and they made fun of me. I’m older and overweight. I read so much hurtful crap. I was called a cow, and a old hag. My husband is only 3 yrs younger. He also sent money, and tried to meet up with these “women” on at least 2 occasions. He complained we weren’t intimate, it was so much and so hurtful. If I leave I’m on disability I would have to go back to being poor. It scares me to death. He works graveyard and 12 hr nights he sleep during the day. Then he’s off to work again. I find myself clock watching until he goes to work. I’m having trouble sleeping. I don’t trust him. I’m lost.
I’m so sorry Kelly. I know that stuck feeling. I’m praying for you.
So true! She claimed she was happy but then after finding out she was holding on to unresolved issues. I would have rather us have parted ways than to have such a betrayal.
Thank you! This video and others from your group helped me put so many of my feelings into words and helped me realize I’m not crazy. I asked my husband to listen to it and although he said at first he was thrown by the label “emotional affair” he agreed that it was spot on. Still much more healing to do, but this has definitely been a useful tool for us.
My wife refuses to admit the emotional affair although it’s obvious and continues to want to engage with this man, as he is a friend of ours. Minimizing has been the theme and I’m just trapped in this nightmare of my marriage being destroyed, traumatizing our four daughters, financial turmoil, losing our friend network, etc. I can’t sleep, missing work, near impossible to focus on studies..
I feel so stuck and in debilitating pain a lot.
How to deal when physical and emotional affair occured? And I think the worst of it is the emotional part. So so so much suffering from this. When I thought it was just physical, I could get through it easier, but when I knew it was so so much more, the pain I felt… 😞
Your point right at the end Sam, you stated the AP gets to see into the relationship but the betrayed doesn't get to see into the affair. You missed a key point that is even more upsetting, the AP gets to see into the relationship but the betrayed doesn't get to see into their own relationship. That something was wrong within the relationship and the Unfaithful took it to somebody else rather than address the problem with the Betrayed. I guess its kind of covered in other points though
A thousand times...yes! I hear you & I unfortunately understand completely. Not fair at all, is it?
Exactly! Kudos to you Samuel ! You nailed it !!! Pray for our marriage, it is still healing !
I am the emotional cheater and yet I’m here trying to understand why I did it. I am so ashamed of myself and remorseful. The worst break up I e ever had.
Thank you for your brave share. It helps to have your perspective.
I have also experienced emotional betrayal, so much so that I am still afraid to face the next relationship, the wound is too heavy.
I just recently discovered it too. The pain lingers every second. Im totally betrayed. The other guy knows more of my wife than me for the past year. Its a crap excuse to say just friends. I wanted to forward their messages to the other guys spouse so im jot just the one hurting but i did not because i dont want to go down that level. Please pray for me
I know what you mean, I will pray for you.
Praying for you. I'm so sorry you are going through this. It breaks my heart for anyone that is. It's truly the worst .
I’ve been dealing with this kind of thing professionally from a Christian perspective for over 40 years. Samuel’s right. They justify it by the saying that they never had sex with this person. I’m not trying to be a downer, but I have seen many cases where there has been sex and they’re just not admitting it. The bottom line is this: If the relationship was so innocent, why did they have to hide it? The other question is would the affair have stopped before becoming physical had they not been caught?? In 40 years I have not seen one single case where the cheater ends the affair voluntarily without being caught. “Honey, we need to talk. I did something awful......”
Not one time have I seen that happen. I wish I could say otherwise.
Thank You Samuel.I appreciate all the time and effort you and your team at Affair Recovery put into each video.The messages, the lessons are extremely helpful.Hope you and your family all stay safe and healthy.
thanks so much robert. it means a ton. we're all healthy and safe. i hope the same for you brother. thanks for watching and sharing such great encouragement.
This is one of the best blogs I’ve heard from you yet Samuel! Thank you
means so much. thank you for that.
Emotional affair is much, much more hurtful. My wife did that on me with her co-worker. It would of been much easier if she ran off with her affair partner. The hardest part for me was having to decide weather to stay or move on. It's even harder when there's kids involved.
What did you end up doing ? Having the same situation
Same place here!
Update plz
Please tell us what you did
What did you do? Same situation 😭 how can they ever be trusted ?
I wish I could like this video a thousand times…. Everything is sosososososoooooo right! He minimized it SO much I can’t stand it!!!!
The physical is easier to let go of mentally. But having emotions means I was shut out of his mind and heart. That the thoughts and emotions of the affair partner were carried with my husband even when he came back home and looked me in the eye. The emotions he felt for her made it easier for him to put me down so devastatingly to justify his actions. So even though we are reconciling and he has admitted his wrongs, and is remorseful, I still ask myself how could he love me again after having shut me out at one point and put me down so badly, loved someone else, claimed God brought them together for a reason and she is his soulmate. It is something I have to let go of knowing I will never understand. It makes me really sad sometimes if I dwell on it. But I have to choose to live in the moment when I think back to those words he said last year. It's tough, but I am working through it.
Nicole Weeks-Boyers I know exactly how you feel.
So sorry for your pain.
You don’t see me but we’re in the same boat. 😐
I’m dealing with it as well!
Good Luck thru this part.
Prayers and Love to you!
I am in this situation now… He didn’t say God brought her in his life but he said so many other things that I cannot forget and they hurt so much.
Everything you said completely echoes what I’m going through and trying to do.
Thank you for your love and wisdom in these videos. You are literally keeping me going day by day right now. You're doing incredible work.
Emotional affairs hurt really badly, I still have hurt from my husbands that happened 11 years ago. It was from a female friend he had grown to have romantic feelings for. He wanted her but she rejected him . She just wanted to be friends with benefits. It almost destroyed our marriage but I put our son first. We still have problems from it but you can't control those situations.once I realized it out of anyone's control I made peace with it. There are attractive Good people out there who may love your spouse. Sometimes we just put the jealousy aside, and try to love them as well. More love less jealousy has helped me heal. The more I hated them the more I hurt myself.
This guy is the best. He helps me a lot.
you're kind my friend. thanks for the encouragement.
" it was just texting." Denial. A punch in the gut . If I had done that to her, she would lose her mind
Sooo…I’m so lost trying to heal …… I discovered 8 months ago that my spouse was having an emotional affair ( so August of 2021) then in October of 2021 my daughter passed away……how do I deal with BOTH of those emotional devastations at the same time? I’m sooooo lost and feeling broken ….. emotionally as well as spiritually…..I’m really lost with this 💔💔😢
My husband claims he never spoke about me to his affair partner. I find it hard to believe. They didn’t chat on weekends but chatted while he was driving to work or from work. Do you think it’s possible for a husband to have an emotional affair and not talk about his spouse at all to the affair partner?
No. Not at all. Because even if he didn’t say much, his AP will have asked certain questions to ascertain the situation and he’d have either lied or told his AP all sorts of things whether.
It’s been a couple of years since our forgiveness day. I saw this video and clicked on it.
I just wanted to say I could have never got through any of this without your videos. Forgiving my husband and myself has given us a better life and marriage. After 23 years of marriage, it was the best thing for us. I thank you and I pray god bless you and your family. You have made a difference in my life and heart.
laura, it means so much to read and hear that. thank you for sharing that with me. i wish i could describe how much that means to me and our team. thank you and i'm so glad to hear the great report.
How did you forgive him? How did you regain the ability to feel like he really loves you? How did you get over the betrayal and not feel constantly suspicious?
Thank you for sharing that & giving the rest of us a glimmer of hope & comfort & I'm so happy you & yours made it through together
Does the spark come back? I'm starting to think it will never be the same again and that he will end up doing it again with someone fun and flirty if we don't get the spark back.
You are on point with everything you say! Best video to watch in order to grasp the impact and understanding both sides!
I think it's too late for us, but you laid out the last 18 months or so of my 5 year relationship perfectly.
If I’m honest I’m in a lot of pain. I want to heal from this but it’s stuck in my head. I want us to move on from this but my trust is broken. I feel like if the rolls were reversed he would have left. What’s stuck in my head is that my Grandpoppy always told me my husband would cheat on me. I don’t even know how I’m supposed to trust it was never physically. My trust is broken. I read a lot of texts on his phone. He was telling her he was gonna leave me. I feel so betrayed. And my anxiety is so so bad. I tried to do my best to be a good girlfriend. And I feel like I’m not good enough. I fear we may never get pass this truly because I don’t know if I’ll ever trust him again. My heart can’t take this anxiety
Wow, I was nodding my head the entire time. You hit the nail on the head!
You described my life right now. My Husband Betrayed Me!
I figured it out a few months back. He says he hasn’t spoke to her. I am all what you said! I felt helpless and was about to give up. My Husband wants our marriage of 10yrs to continue. I just don’t know if I have it in me. I do love him so much but I don’t trust a word he says. And that’s sad.
Ran across you here today. Hoping you can help! 🤞🏼💔
Oh darling, I am in the exact same boat as you. When I first found out about his affair, it was so painful and took so much of my Will power to choose to stay and work it out. He swore black and blue on his knees that he would try to make it work and no more lies. Come to find out he kept up the affair the past year. I never experienced anything like this.... then pain so strong that’s ok myself down to my knees, and feeling like I a fool fot not listening o Myself every time my gutt told me then how hieytt hurt
Thank you so much for this video. Everything you have said resonate with me. I left my husband because he hurt my heart too much.
My husband is still lying about what he did even when I have proof. He will say “it may seem like that to you“ he has been lying to me about so much and won’t tell me the truth. I have been giving him chance after chance to come clean. All he does is getting mad at me and saying stupid stuff. Last night I found out completely how bad he cheated on me and it broke me. I love him so much I hoped and hope we could fix the relationship. But because how much I have loved him and how bad he hurt me I just broke. I have shut down because I can’t handle the pain anymore and now I’m just lost
Great video Samuel. Wish I would’ve had this about 20 months ago when my emotional affair was discovered. I’ve probably done a lot of minimalizing the past 20 months. Thank you again for this video. I hate that I’m 20 months behind even though I feel like I’ve been putting in a lot of work. But I’m pretty for sure I have been minimizing in the recovery
Thank you so much, i'm there right now . Ive been married for 17years and he has continued having either physical or emotional affair. I just found the latest thar he is in and i'm breaking in pieces right now. The sad part is that we are christians
THIS IS SO INSIGHTFUL AND ON POINT!!! BLESS YOU!!!
I feel devistated my life was definitely rocked! I agree with everything you said.
so glad you are here my friend. this is a safe place for you to heal.
It just hurts so much. But thank you for putting into words the way i feel when im not able to.
Yes exactly!I feel like my whole world is turned upside down.you said this perfectly.I don't know what to do three things he said to her is the same way he talks to me,calling her my Love,Babe and i love you!this was lots of women he was texting on Facebook and WhatsApp out makes me feel so stupid..Everything was really GOOD I THOUGHT....???
Just found out my wife had been having full blown affair with an ex from 24 yrs ago. They were having physical and emotional affair. I feel so absolutely numb this week. She wants to work through this. Admitted she was wrong and claims she knows it was wrong and hates herself. I’m having major issues considering this because they were talking in text about both getting divorced to be together. So how do you know if they’re now just playing cover their butts or is she sincere. Her ex is kissing his wife’s behind but he’s not being totally honest. My wife told me everything that happened. Me and our son are both just numb. Can definitely use prayers for Gods help getting through this.
To me they have equally been as devastating. The sexual affair was hurtful and made me not want to be intimate since he was already getting it at home, but to me the emotional affair messed up my thinking. He shared “I love yous” with 3 women at the same time…which has made it “just words” when they are said now. The secrets of both have destroyed trust. I had no clue. I thought we had gotten over his sexual affair and I was starting to trust him. I was able to quit looking at the phone bills and then BAM, there it was again. Except the first one he reached out to was the one he had a physical affair with.
It hurts when they don’t wanna realize how it hurt me and it happen more than once
I just found out that my husband has been having emotional affairs throughout our marriage with numerous women and sharing intimate pictures with them; consoling them when they were having bad days and even telling them that he sort to have a relationship that was serious with them. He even told some of them that he was divorced with children which we are not. The number of women was more than sixty over a period of four years; he relapsed last year and thats when I initially found out about that affair not these others. I was gutted and I've told him I want to separate so that I can take some time to get myself together without the flooding and hurt feelings. He says he had told our counselor and so I should put it behind me as he has it under control. He wants us to go back to living like a normal family while im still spinning from it all. I go through everyday in a haze just trying to get through it and make sense. He acts like nothing is wrong. During the time when we have had our children he has not been as paternal as I would imagine a parent is. Im lost what can I do?
As someone who's experienced the same thing (not to the same degree) I can assure you that forgiving the person helps, even if they don't apologize. Forgiving them will set you free from pain, and also understanding that there's nothing wrong with you but everything wrong with them.
"we the unfaithful become far more protective of the affair partner than we do out spouse, the reason for that is at some level there's resentment and bitterness unresolved anger towards our spouse, but theres also this limerance this infatuated love or concern this desire this overwhelming concern for our affair partner that starts to occupy space and time for more than our spouse because we feel like they're so XYZ I'll just focus on someone that loves me and cares for me and its equally concerned if not more about me it is the deception the self-deception that we've built up inside ourselves" -describes everything I've lived through as the betrayed
I’m so thankful! Thank you for validating me. 😭
I made the mistake of committing an emotional affair and i am praying for forgiveness, and for God to come help my wife in this time.
I still love her with all my heart and would do anything help her heal and for us to reconcile, but it's only been 10 days
Can you send a video link on how to confront your spouse when you’ve discovered emotional/physical infidelity? I see videos on how the process is after but I’d like to see one on how to properly confront them about it and how that conversation should go, if you should seek answers, what to express or not express, etc. thank you so very much.
here is one on answers and how much should be shared: www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founder/survive-an-affair-how-much-to-tell i'll see what i can find in terms of confronting them, the unfaithful
Overcoming Infidelity thank you. I just want to make sure I confront them in the right way and not in a way that will just drive them away or back to their affair partner
I would also like to add that rather than minimizing. Make an effort to be as truthful as possible in the beginning. The betrayed may have a hard time accepting your word if you have trickle truths throughout the process.
I just found out yesterday my husband has had a lover online in colmbia, and has funded her for 3 years emotional daily contact in love and I dont know how to stsrt to forgive
Yes my husband telling her and feeling love for her hurt like a knife to my heart , still hurts that I feel like a convince because he wasn’t able to continue relationship with her and he feels sadness not being able to continue their “friendship “. Not sure if he will ever love me completely 😢
I am going through this right now.
I feel ya pain
This is my story. My husband of 20 years is having an emotional affair with my ex friend of 20 years! Thanks for explaining exactly how I feel. Should my husband hear this? As he belittles my reactions and blames me. Should I send this link to my husband?
It can't hurt right? i would try it and see how he handles it. at the end of the day I don't know how the video will affect him or if he will even watch it but it's worth a shot
So broken 😭. To make it worse his emotional affair was with someone who disliked me, so they mocked me also. And I have only seen some as they have deleted alot. She is from my church and not remorseful!!! I feel like we have to just leave town. Everything is a mess. How does a husband do that? I'm sorry I'm only a week in but I'm struggling. I have 4 children. But I also am a follower of Adonai. 1 day at a time. Although I am lost right now, He is faithful.
It's been a little under a year now, how are you doing at this time?
What if the emotional unfaithful partner works with this person? This is a career job and definitely job security. Should the unfaithful partner find a new job?
Heal from them? Not really. Unless you have a stroke and that part of your memory dies off how could heal from that?
My partner was having an emotional affair with someone and i had to find out myself because I had a weird feeling. I had to go through his messages which I never do. I saw he was hiding a person of the opposite sex from me. He told me he was scared to tell me because he noticed it started to get to point were he felt like he was betraying me but couldn’t cut her off. He said they had a lot of things in common and he would talk about me a lot in good ways but it later got to the point where he started to tell her about our problems and she did the same as well. Keep in mind she also has a partner as well. They used to workout together and eat after and I didn’t know. It was going on for 2-3 months. I feel so hurt and betrayed. He is trying to work our relationship and ask for forgiveness but i just cant believe him. I don’t know what to do but just cry.
Me too. I'm just crying. My fiancee is talking with another man she met through work and I don't know what to do
I just been liberated from cutting off communication from a former first love whom i had an emotional affair. It is just 10 day affair but the Holy Spirit has convicted. Thanks to the Lord i was liberated and confessed to my husband what i had. He did not judge me and our relationship got better, communicated better as hsband and wife.
Hey I just wanted to ask what you did to free yourself from this. I’m in an emotional affair which abruptly ended and I’m struggling to deal with my feelings,today is literally the first day me and him haven’t spoken and it’s been so hard. And I’m not quite sure how to move on
Sam, you spoke my heart...my husband had a very deep emotional affair...it has been devastating and totally torn apart. What made it worse is that we walked through 4 agonizing years with any acknowledgement, empathy, recovery or healing...my husband just classically picked up this huge rug and swept it all below, and that compounded my pain like a 100 raised to a 1000..and much more. Its been a battle, no closure, he doesn't get it yet ..he lacks empathy or the emotional intelligence to understand, accept and take ownership of what he has done...I feel my heart ripped off. I wish he would listen to this video...I feel like I'm just lingering in this bottomless pit of pain and I just will never get out of it
Thank you for this explanation, I didnt realize the effects my actions were having, I thought I was just being a good friend, until it obviously became something more to the other person. Causing pain and the dnd of a friendship.
Found out two weeks before my 3 year wedding anniversary my husband was having an emotional affair for weeeeeks… it’s been almost a year and I am still in shambles trying to salvage my marriage
So is it possible for the emotional affair partner to be a sibling?
Just found out my fiancé who had been with me for over 7 years had a porn addiction and had a fake facebook where he stalked and looked for all of his crushes and his old exes , he kept over 600 pictures of them saved on a separate tablet. He hid everything from me , he would of never came clean if I wouldnt of found that tablet. It's been over 4 months and I still can't get over it. The betrayal is what hurts not sure I will ever trust him again. Broke off the engament , told him to give me a year to think about it.
In my opinion you must have first an emotional affair bevor any intercours can started. Am i wron here? It doesn't matter if you are in a relationship and you're beginning to flirt with a signifikant others. Is the first step to check out your options. Beginning with (innocent) flirts, than going on to have a emotional closeness the rest comes automaticly the physical affair. That's what i would say if my girl or wife would told me like, hey its only innocent flirting nothing else. Somebody must be naive not to realize the start for thend of many relationship. So better be open and go seperate ways.
Hi Sam, I was almost 3 years detached from the emotional affair, when the discovery happened. I admit that I was upset at first, but as the months passed I was starting to understand how emotional affairs are worse than physical affairs. My question to you is how do we deal with a situation where I have moved out and in self preservation mode, because I was starting to break down mentally and wasn’t able to handle the triggers? I don’t want to give up, but I do need help to be able to give her the love and support she deserves.
hi there. thank you for the email. you can do one of our courses, though you are separated. i would look here and either do our couples course or individuals courses, it just depends on time you have to do work and finances: www.affairrecovery.com/programs-and-courses/online-courses you can still do great work though separated....but it will require expert care and intervention.
14 years ago. Still hurts.
You are awesome. Thank you for these videos. .
It been a year since I found out and still hurts. I thought I was ok but they are still friends and every time he says her name reopens the wound. He just does not get it.
Just found out my husband emotional cheated on me for a year...watching this hoping to recover...
But what if you catch it when it's an emotional affair and the unfaithful spouse refuses to end it? He wants to stay married but also "see where things go" with his affair partner. I don't see how we can repair our relationship when the affair that's harming it won't end.
I'm kind of in this same grey area you are speaking of. I'm not sure what to do either as there is no acknowledgement of the inappropriate nature of this so called friendship. He also wants to stay married and has agreed to counseling. He has come back emotionally for the time being as this person was fired from the company they both work at. He doesn't seem to have the emotional maturity to understand that this is inappropriate work behavior/conversation and that it leads to a very slippery slope the majority of the time. 🤷🏽♀️
Thank you for this video, it explained exactly how I feel and how I continued to get it minimized by my wife. Can you elaborate more on this type of affair?
My husband admitted to an emotional affair only because he accidentally sent me pictures of her. He was going to take that to the grave.
Oh no!
What if it's 3 years later and I'm just listening now?
i'm not sure i follow the piece of you just listening now? if you can explain a bit more I'll see what suggestions I can make for you.
He has guy friends and girl friends. But i never expected it to be her. He said he had a crush on her years ago and she’s rejected him so they stayed friends. We’ve been fighting and i surprised him by bringing her from Connecticut because they had never met. He said to me “ i think i may have feelings for her but I don’t know.” I only found out that night he told me that he had emotional history with her. I don’t know what to do
I emotionally cheated on my husband. I am so devastated at what I did to him. I don’t know what to do.
Stay strong and fight for what you want.
Hoping all is well right now. Hope to hear any progress soon.
Emotional affairs are 100% devastating. In the last 4 years, I've found out about both kinds. First was sexual, the past one (5 months since d day)emotional and im humiliated, and broken hearted.
Did the unfaithful ever love you after doing something so awful? Can they ever find that love for you again? Why can't they admit it was an affair? Was i as betrayed that terrible of a spouse? Ughh
lots of tough questions there but so glad you reached out. yes, i do believe they can love you but still act in an unloving way and cheat. yes, they can find love again and in many cases with the right help and right process, find deeper more meaningful love. many times it's their shame and denial that prevents them from owning the affair. it's vital you get expert help. look at our programs and see what you think may be a good fit, but you can't fix this or heal this on your own: www.affairrecovery.com/programs-and-courses
I’m so sorry for your pain. Experiencing it too, I wish she could admit the affair.
The worst thing is never truly knowing how far it went. Did he get pictures and send them? Did he tell her he loved her? Did he meet up with her?
I can’t stop thinking these things and it’s been almost 3 years
It still hurts. You can’t just have an emotional affair for over a year and it just be “innocent”
I definitely understand. It’s been two years since I caught my spouse having an emotional affair and she has reopened those wounds I thought were healed by reengaging with this man.. it hurts in a way I’ve never experienced.
My husband was having an emotional affair with his ex who they have kids together ,and who cheated on him the kids live with us .But fact she will never be gone .I’m devastated because she hates me and I’m not a fan of hers either and my husband acts like it was just talk . But it’s sharing his now she knows all our business that hurts so deep .My trust is at zero at this point .
My boyfriend of 7 years "loved" a lady almost his mother's age. The hardest part to accept is he loved someone he's never even met. It was all on the phone. We are working on it. it's so difficult. I'm trying to step back and hold my emotions in and help him threw his feelings. I know it's a little bit easier for me. I just need to work on the sudden anger sometimes. I catch myself two second into saying something but that's enough to make him shut down. I have to learn to mask the anger too but I'm not having much luck figuring out how to.
My husband has had several emotional affairs in our 6 years of marriage. We did have a great year last year and I started to feel safe. This weekend I found texts on my phone bill (not the messages just to/from #) with a coworker of his that has flirted with him and him her last December. He has also been more protective with his phone. I confronted him because he has been deleting the messages daily for a month now. He said it was only work related but he didn't want to get in trouble. These messages were after work hours so it's concerning. Anyway he said it's not cheating but how do I believe him? He thinks I'm being controlling. Should I just let it go? Am I just being dramatic? How can I get him to understand? I want to stay married but I don't know how much more I can take. Please help. Thank you!
it's vital you do what you need to do to feel safe. maybe ask him to see a professional with you? perhaps a lie detector would be a good idea? maybe letting him know that there will be no deal breakers if he tells you the honest truth and then you can start to do some work to heal? i would ask him to consider getting expert help as well from a third party resource like us or someone like us. he can't do this on his own. maybe you're stepping in right before things get worse? we just don't know but it's time to act and get help for both of you.
Overcoming Infidelity I would love to talk to someone if possible. I know every story and situation is unique, I want to save my marriage, I want to rebuild it, right now to know my wife emotionally attached herself to someone within my family hurts more then just me... and to hear her say she can’t stop talking to him as of now because he is helping, along with the fact that he is ending his relationship I feel like is more dangerous then anything.... what I have been listening too is that this starts from the lack of “ courage” to be able to talk, she spoke, spoke many times to me about her concerns, I always listened, I am saddened to say though I didn’t make the changes: more intimacy, more stepping up to the plate, speaking up for her and now my daughter to my parents, and other things. I am passive and do things to stay away from confrontation, I was told through therapy that I was not wired to be as assertive as she may want me to be, but that’s not saying I don’t want to be... to be honest I have gotten comfortable with our marriage, and I guess didn’t take her concerns and fears for us serious enough, because we have always had more better days then good.. we have gone though A LOT together and have always been there for each other, but a lot has gone on since Dec of 2019 that has just brought this all to a head and now this ...... I want my wife back, I want to be a better husband to her and better partner for us.......
What if they keep saying it didn’t really mean anything? Almost a year and the hurt is so deep. I know it meant more and wasn’t just texting and pictures
YOU can't move on if the berated spouse doesn't want to fix marriage
I said he was my best friend but this woman wanted him to be his ‘friends’. She convinced my husband that it’s for ex to be friends, that is ok among her friends there in Texas’ so my husband thought ok since they’re just and he kept replying to her messages and even showed so much concern
Emotional, then physical. Seems like my whole life was stolen, all the intimate, dreams, everything, he got it all. Nothing unscathed.
It's now sept.2021...I've been married for 15yrs..first 5 were fairy tale...next 2 were good .last 8 yrs have been the worst in my
It hurts they will never say anything negative about the affair partner 😢 it sucks when they defend them yet they think of their spouse as a piece of poop