Understanding the Effects of Controlling Parents (And how to heal from them)
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- Опубліковано 4 жов 2022
- Understanding the Effects of Controlling Parents and how to heal from them. As well some different types of negative controlling patterns parents use on their child and how that can affect them in adulthood.
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Amy Lambert is not a licensed medical professional or a therapist. She is a certified life coach.
This video is not intended to provide medical advice. Amy does not recommend the self-
management of any health problems, including mental health problems. The information
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My parents can’t watch me do something without telling me how I should do it.
Yep, my mom often does this exact thing when I clean windows, clean bathrooms, vacuum the floors, etc.
My way is not her way. Therefore, my way is incorrect. That's her logic right there.
I'm almost 30, but my mom still gives me a list of tasks to do and makes me feel bad if I can't do them right away. I'm exhausted, but I can't say anything because then she says I don't appreciate all she did for me when I was young.
Gain financial and emotional independence... you'll be thankful to yourself if you do so
Narcissistic mother. Research it. Nothing you do will ever please mothers like this.
My mother is a terrible creature . she just exhausted me mentally like hell
You described my parents all they care about is obedience, rules & power . Sadly they’re suffering no empathy. & ironically I went through what you explained . Amazingly
I built my relationship with GOD & he keeps me together 🫶🏽 stay in love be in love love all 🩷🖤
Man this hit home…sounds exactly like my mother.
Glad I moved 8 hours away 🙌🏽
don’t know where I’d be right now..
For real 💎
Imagine parents who still do this shit when you are freaking 28 years old....
My parents do...
I'm almost 40, live on my own, and my parents still want to control my life.
My parents think long hair is unmanly, when all I want is an afro.
@Gerisk They don't live in reality then. It's impossible for them to never see a long haired man in today's life unless they literally live in a village of 20 people with no electricity.
@@Jake38nine of course they see other men with long hair. They just don't agree with it. I am a girl and I remember when I was a kid I wanted to wear nailpolish and my mother started screaming "No. Only whores care about their appearence. You are tempted by the devil to be proud". Of course she knew other women and girls wore nailpolish. She just thought those were whores possesed by the devil.
i feel so sad that my mom can't accept who truly i am and she always try to control my decisions for i being her "perfect" daughter, but im just a human and we cant be 100% perfect, she dont let me build my own identify and it breaks me down inside bc i love so much my mom and i want to have a good relationship with her but it looks like she doesnt have a little empathy for it to see how i feel and find a way for us get well along
I feel the same way and am in the same situation as you. I have a control freak dad and he is so annoying. He pays attention to everything I do and calls me out for everything, even the littlest things. I gave up and feel beat down as its impossible to reason with him. I also feel like I can't build my own identity and confidence in my self because I have to keep conforming to his commands 24/7. Can't wait for the day i get to leave the house.
I always felt like my father never really loved me. He was always yelling at me, I was his scapegoat when the golden kids (my brothers and sisters) messed things up. And he didn't hide the fact that he was deeply ashamed of me. I wasn't a problematic kid. Apart from mediocre grades, never caused a problem. Thanks dad. I have my fair share of guilt on the mess I am, but you screwed me up big time when I was more vulnerable.
Thank you for sharing, sending you love and healing light💜
Nothing you felt and went through was your fault and any guilt you were gaslighted into always taking on is just that , insidious manipulation
I feel this so much my grades weren't even mediocre, I'm doing a degree in biomedical science, yet I will never be enough.
I can definitely relate
I wanted to study law but my father forced me to study engineering like he always does,and now I’m a failure academically. And guess what, yeah he blames me for everything wrong that happens. I grow tired from the lies of the parents, and one day I will snap
I'm sorry you're going through that. Just know that ur not alone and u r worthy of all good things.
Oh, I’m so sorry! Sending you love and healing light💜
My father still try’s to control me and I’m 30…
This is my parents 🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️
Thanks for the upload my father doesn't want me becoming independent or learning how to live my life healthy . He just wants to use mind control and gaslighting techniques on me . He loves making everything about him it's like I'm constantly walking on eggshells around him . Can't even have a disagreement with him . He treats me less than so does his flying monkeys & enablers .
Parents Who behave like that ends up like behaving like bullies.
Parents Who behave like that, who needs enemies!?
Well yeah I have emotional problems constant lashing out controlling even
Does it include not giving you the liberty of your time? They force you to choose one. They constantly disrupt your plans for the day.
Nervous system healing/regulation is so important. also inner child healing with soothing affirmations. I also use the self-havening technique when its difficult to get calm again after crying. 💜
I wanna anonymously send this to my partners mum because the whole passive control thing just reminded me so much of how she treats him
With family members who behaves like that.
I prefer to be an orphan.
With family members like that, we're better off without them
My mother blames me for things I didn't do. My mother knows who did it, but instead of getting angry at the person that did wrong, she will get mad at me. Makes no damn sense!
My mother used to be angry at me always she used to favour my elder sister in everything . It's makes me feel weak like unlucky child.
Parents Who let's your sibling
(s) have a social life with friends, but not you, expecially if you have special needs.
Your homes are NOT homes They're prisons, & your family members are NOT family members , they're jailors.
Get yourselves out of there ASAP.
You don't belong there, you need a life too. So go & get it, & have a happy full fulling life, Safety, & happiness, with loving supportive people.
Some parents doesn't do their job properly or not at all.
Discovered My wife’s mother is overbearing parent (Asian).
I feel a lot
Of these controlling points check off with what’s going on.
People
Suck.
My mom would compare us to other kids. Like “why can’t you be like ____”… or “why are my kids so___”. I know that did something to me.
My mom tells me i “owe her” things all the time. I cant even do anything bcs i need to afford med school n shes the only one that can pay
I have a mother who is exactly as per your descriptions and attributes. I have turned out to be a very angry person and I take it out on my wife and everyone else. I am afraid I will end up taking this out one day on my child.
Anger leads to murder. Please get help. Your wife and child do not deserve this.
I do agree on this iam 40 now but yea my father was very controlling was not aloud too have friends it was home too school at first we lived in town then I started too venture out and my dad said nope and moved us in the middle of no we're he control every thing very strick but when I turned 18 I left made very bad choices and chose wrong freands but still today I am not social at all but I do not do this too my child I do not want him too end up like me but I still suffer from my child hood it's hard too be social
I’m so sorry you went through that type of upbringing, it sounds very lonely. I was told by a wise man, our parents raise us for 18 years, then we spend the rest of our lives recovering. I hope you are finding peace and healing. So happy for you that you are breaking that cycle, for your son💜
Sadly, unfortunately, parents doesn't always do their job properly
My mother taught me to fear everything and was very overprotective of me and controling over my father and her house. She had OCD real bad too. Is there a specific kind of therapist i should look for to help me with this?
This hits home for me
I'm in my 30's and living with my parents, but I'm just exhausted. They try to control my life, what I do, who I see, etc.
A few years ago I agreed to buy a CCTV system with my father for security, and now it's more like a spying system. 😑
I know, I need to move out, rent a place, and so on. The only thing I'm missing from making my own life is having a girlfriend so as to share my life with and what comes with it.
They're not very self-aware and when I'm upset or not in the mood to talk they don't understand (it's because of their own actions). Inheritance? I'm not even counting on that. I'm tired.
I can feel your pain totally even iam 27 and so badly controlled
The problem is your opening line. Why are you still at home? Move out!!
Remaining at home places you in their radar and control. Display some backbone and initiative and show them you can be an adult, and make a go of life free from them. Otherwise, they'll never leave you alone.
I understand your comment completely. I am tired and growing jealous of orphans and people whose parents have passed away. It's a very sad and embarrassing situation to be raised by such selfish and toxic people. I am also currently saving money to move out of my parents' home permanently. I am sorry that you are experiencing so much abuse and pain. I am in the same situation, but I have hope that we will both get out of this situation soon!
@@noelgibson5956Yup, this 30 year old needs to move out. His parents probably manipulated him so bad to point that moving out is not so easy. Some parents are just toxic.
@@noelgibson5956 Easier said than done if a person has been moulded to have no self belief from an early age, and a strong feeling of reliance on their parents, and guilt tripping. One can get rather a cloudy head and a lack of get up and go in such situations. I feel like the most beautiful gift a parent can give a child is a sense of self belief and upon adulthood a little nudge towards the door of independence on the odd occasion.
My parents wants to know everything…always calling and even threatening not to give me certain things,like a license and I realise that I don’t have the confidence that I use to have, I can’t make a decision on my own,in my family there is no room for mistakes
Perfect affirmations-my reaction when I am in those situations. ❤
I would argue that they do not use discipline but punishment as they are not trying to teach the child except to use punitive measures to control hence punish.
Sounds like my grandmother. She got custody of my sister and I when we were young and that was when the worst possible thing to ever happen to us began. We weren't allowed to make our own decisions, think for ourselves, go anywhere or even have friends, she screamed at us, hit us, called us every dirty in the book all while we were children. I wasn't allowed to participate in school activities, had religion shoved down our throats and I had to be in the fucking Boy Scouts. No questions asked. When it was discovered that my Scoutmaster was a pedophile (he never touched or harmed me) I was just put in another Troop. The damage that she did was unreal. Our relationship is okay, but I can honestly say one of my proudest moments was looking that woman in the eye and calling her a hateful cunt. When the reality of her bullshit finally hit her I thought she was gonna have a heart attack from guilt. We don't really talk about the past, but holy shit, she was a nightmare. It was so bad that parents of other kids would tell their children to not be friends with me because they HATED my grandmother. I will say this much I absolutely enjoy telling people the truth about her and exposing her for the hateful little creature that she is.
My father all my childhood haunted me for mistakes. I could not sit in a way he did not like, and he always presented his thoughts in a very controlling manner manipulating reality. I was forced to believe everything my parents said. Fast forward today my mom has become someone i cant talk to either because she starts to play a victim card. Im 21 and i grew up with constant anxiety which has changed my lifestyle. It did something to me. Im scared of little things going wrong and someone instantly invalidating everything. It hurts
Thank you for the informative video! I needed to understand this to better observe my situation
I’m 23 years old and my mom is controlling telling my father not to do a certain task to help me cuz I’m refusing a therapist smh for her to guide me to get my life in order smh she stopped him from getting me a car because I wouldn’t seek therapy 💔
Thank you for youre work. 💕
Hi Amy 😊 Love your videos ! Very informative , educational & interesting to say the least . Your voice is so soft , gentle & soothing and really helps me to calm down ESPECIALLY after dealing with my controlling father . He is in his 80s and I'm almost 60 . He still comes into my home for dinner and to visit but gets angry & threatens to leave if I don't put on a TV show or music he wants to listen to . He is so controlling he even tells my 80+ year old mother what time she needs to go to bed . I am starting to put serious boundaries in place because he seems to have none . Am i doing the right thing ?
Thank you
Thank you Amy
💜💜💜
I just liked and subscribed thank you so much
Thanks
You are so welcome 💜
How do I handle the situation if my mother keeps accusing me of always supporting my father, no matter what I say, if an idea is similar to what he suggests she always gets really bitter and says I never support her.... I don't know what I should do.
You help me heal whit all video,s
💜💜💜
Wow.
Why does this whole video sound like my story?😩
Then..,
You wonder why these people dates toxic people when they grow up, cause they don't know what love is all about, they think that love is being controlled .
How can we love ourselves if we are subjected to such toxic family dynamics & environment is damaging to us. So , do yourself a huge favour, & Get out of that toxic environment & stay out, for the sake of your own sanity & wellbeing.
my mother is bi polar she doesn't respect my privacy she's always up in my business and she think she can be rude and talk to me like a dog and get away with it cause "she's grown and she can be disrespectful to me all she want to" every time I tell on her she gets mad and be all like "I can be mean and nosey all I want cause I hate being a housewife and I hate working here" me and my dad have to deal wit her mental behaviour every day and year she never gets help I always knew my mom didn't love me since birth she only pretended that she did my mom is not perfect and another thing she does is she tries to make people think and be like her her ignorant bi polar self is very stressful and she is hell (excuse me for cursing) but my bi polar mother is crazy that she makes me want to be mean to her
she also think she's better than me because I'm not mentally ill like her or wishy washy like if I'm doing something good she don't like it when I do something funny or goofy she calls it stupid and ignorant I am scared of her cause she might end up killing me and my father only cause of how mental she is
my bi polar mother is also violent she will try to choke me or try to stab me with a knife in a min
I’m 40 with a curfew. I live at home because I’m not married. That’s our culture
I am South Asian I totally understand the culture is the same. But you should ignore the culture and move out if you live in America. Immigrant cultures love to control and oppress women
Escape while you can, even if it’s getting your own place and leave those narcissistic egotistical freaks
i’m adopted and i get controlled and they use intimidation and they say i can’t do anything and they say they love me they manipulate everyone around them to turn against me it’s always a battle against us all i wanted was parents who were nice i am a senior they take away my screens every night still i have to get great grades help out with chores 24/7 and be happy all the time and every that that you explained i am feel insane everyday and i can’t even say anything because i’m a child.
Excellent Content, Amy!!! 🌟