Thank you for sharing your story. I think so many doctors just stick it out and end being miserable for the rest of their career. Kudos to you for being so brave and putting your health and happiness first.
I'm a doctor and I have a visceral sick reaction to the word "efficiency." The problem isn't that you lacked it, it's that we work in a system that fetishizes it because "efficiency" really means profit. Glad you are taking care of yourself and I wish things were different overall.
Hi Jessica- thank you for sharing your story. Your vulnerability takes courage. Mental health is so important. My mommy always told me that if you do not care for yourself no one will; glad you were mature enough to take a stand for yourself ♥️
You just worded out my entire situation verbatim. Its like listening to a parallel universe situation. Trigger warning: Paeds resident, felt stuck to the point of suicidal ideation, saw no future staying in the field. But now I'm being forced to join back by everyone around me. I'm scared I will hit that low point of my mental health again and this time I won't be able to stop.
Please do what you need to for your own mental health. It can be terrifying going against what those around you recommend, but there is nothing more personally freeing than getting to a place where you are significantly happier...whatever that may mean for you...inside medicine with different circumstances or out.
Thanks for sharing your perspective. I work in a 600 bed hospital, and I am applying to medical school and having some doubts. All of the physicians seem to be robotic and don't seem very charismatic about their job. Majority of them have no personality, and just seem to be on autopilot. Kind of disappointed in experiencing what medicine really is. Alot of them just enter a room for 1-2 minutes and walk out. Not what I imagined at all.
I’m in the same situation now , I didn’t take loan but my father paid for my ophthalmology residency, it’s only 15 days now and I’ve cried literally everyday. My parents won’t let me leave. I feel such heaviness in my heart every morning to go to hospital. I literally get flashes of me slitting my wrist and being done with it.
Hi. How are you doing now? I am also in the same situation as you. I am also in ophthalmology residency and also feeling sad almost everyday going to the hospital and going home. My parents does not want me to leave the training program too.
I am constantly getting negative reviews that I'm not good. Even though I do my best. I don’t see my performance as lower than others. I'm literally mentally breaking down. I don’t know what to do. Please help me!
@@zackwarshaw6893 Dang, I'm sorry for whatever thought process led you to a private college. I'm by no means boasting but I'm paying 6K for an ADN RN and then getting my RN to BSN paid for by a hospital. May I ask why you decided to go the route you did? Was it familial pressure?
@@porcelaindolli3 Thankfully I didn't. I went to a four year university for free as my dad is faculty there, so as his kid, I had tuition remission. Most of my classmates were paying between 35 and 50k/yr for the same education though. Many people want the mainstream college experience, and aren't just doing nursing school as a means to an end. Additionally, especially in the northeast, it's getting harder and harder to get hired as an ADN... So there are reasons to go that route. I don't think it's fair to say the decision to leave your career is any easier or harder just based on money. When you've built your whole identity as a nurse/doctor/lawyer/astrophysicist/dog walker/whatever, walking away is a big deal. Money is fake, and if you want or don't want something bad enough, there's always a way to make it work.
@@porcelaindolli3 I agree with Zack " I don't think it's fair to say the decision to leave your career is any easier or harder just based on money. When you've built your whole identity as a nurse/doctor/lawyer/astrophysicist/dog walker/whatever, walking away is a big deal. " Beyond the money being an issue for some, the identity piece is what I hear come up most often "I don't know who I am outside of xyz"
Hi Jessica. Thank you for sharing. I’m a peds intern now. 4 months in and not feeling it at all. Been pretty depressed and trying to figure out if I should stick it through or not. Can I ask, what other career paths have you considered? Have you found it difficult to use your MD degree elsewhere? Again, thank you for sharing!
Yup. When my mom had lung cancer & i seen how little interactions are, i saw that there is little to no education, discussion, coaching, “counseling”, getting to know them etc. I was so happy not to not go. I could never be the physician i wanted to be. Glad i learned it early Although not early enough bc of all the premed money spent
I think no matter what point you decide or gain the insight that it's not for you...you have still saved yourself a lot of time and potential heartache. Sometimes it's a hard pill to swallow...the sunk cost fallacy idea of I've already invested this much, might as well continue, but I don't agree with subscribing to that, particularly if you are deeply unhappy.
@@jacqueline8566 I never disputed that you are. Living an “abundant life” whatever that means to you. The fact is that you can be the physician you want to be. You can work part time. You can work academics you can work for yourself and see fewer patients and make low salary etc etc etc. the fallacy is that because you see only one way in residency that is the only way. I want residents to know that residency is a bubble. There are so many rich and varied opportunities out there once you graduate.
it is okay. residency is not for everyone. it is not right or wrong. it is very hard and takes a lot of courage to know and decide that residency is not a right fit.
I left 7 months into my intern year. I voiced wanting to leave 2-3 mo in, talking to PD 5 months in when it got worse and then it took some time with scheduling etc to cover shifts and them trying to set me up with some people to mentor me etc.
This is something I have battled with and been shamed by various people for. Ultimately I am a doctor, I earned the degree and should be able to go by it if I choose. Do I have people call me Dr. Phillips, no. I never really did working in peds...I was extremely informal. I still am and mostly prefer Jess. Now, do I use that to intentionally deceive people. No. I am very clear that I don't practice clinical medicine anymore. But I think we need to normalize "doctors" working in areas outside of clinical medicine (whether that be education, advocacy, business or whatever they please quite honestly and using the title if they wish). To me, it has always felt a little stiff and formal, but for the purposes of reaching more fellow physicians, it helps for immediate recognition before they come to learn my story so yes I do use it on some social media, etc but almost never are called or addressed by it. I think it's a personal decision. Each person should do what feels right to them.
@@jessicaphillips5589 i agree, it's personal decision. i understand both sides. on the one hand, if someone gets their phd, they can go by dr by virtue of the degree, no matter if they do or do not study in the field. so it should be the same with physicians. on the other hand, no one really cares if a phd is still doing research in their field, it almost seems like something you can neglect for a long period or study sporadically, etc, but dr in the medical world sort of implies the person actively sees patients, is up on research, fully licensed and fully board certified, or did for a significant amount of time or retired. a resident physician who didn't get the salary and still has an attending, seems like they have to acknowledge levels. when people ask, "what kind of doctor are you," and the answer is like, "i was a plastic surgery resident for a few months, but never completed my training" then i can understand the other side. i think using it for business purposes or networking, etc, also has to be considered as a legit reason to still use it
Thanks for sharing- I am in a similar situation so it's nice to hear that I'm not alone. Let me know if you're ever available to talk, I would love to get in touch.
Hey Jessica, I am a final year med student who has also been contemplating whether clinical medicine is really for me ? I really need to contact you if that's okay ?
You will do great! Just make sure to utilize knowledge gained from that medical school spot you took from another to do good for the world- otherwise you have broken the implicit contract we all make with society when graciously being accepted by the medical school selection process, which obviously failed you
Thank you for sharing your story. I think so many doctors just stick it out and end being miserable for the rest of their career. Kudos to you for being so brave and putting your health and happiness first.
I'm a doctor and I have a visceral sick reaction to the word "efficiency." The problem isn't that you lacked it, it's that we work in a system that fetishizes it because "efficiency" really means profit. Glad you are taking care of yourself and I wish things were different overall.
Hi Jessica- thank you for sharing your story. Your vulnerability takes courage. Mental health is so important. My mommy always told me that if you do not care for yourself no one will; glad you were mature enough to take a stand for yourself ♥️
You just worded out my entire situation verbatim. Its like listening to a parallel universe situation.
Trigger warning: Paeds resident, felt stuck to the point of suicidal ideation, saw no future staying in the field. But now I'm being forced to join back by everyone around me. I'm scared I will hit that low point of my mental health again and this time I won't be able to stop.
Please do what you need to for your own mental health. It can be terrifying going against what those around you recommend, but there is nothing more personally freeing than getting to a place where you are significantly happier...whatever that may mean for you...inside medicine with different circumstances or out.
Thanks for sharing your perspective. I work in a 600 bed hospital, and I am applying to medical school and having some doubts. All of the physicians seem to be robotic and don't seem very charismatic about their job. Majority of them have no personality, and just seem to be on autopilot. Kind of disappointed in experiencing what medicine really is. Alot of them just enter a room for 1-2 minutes and walk out. Not what I imagined at all.
I’m in the same situation now , I didn’t take loan but my father paid for my ophthalmology residency, it’s only 15 days now and I’ve cried literally everyday. My parents won’t let me leave. I feel such heaviness in my heart every morning to go to hospital. I literally get flashes of me slitting my wrist and being done with it.
Hi. How are you doing now?
I am also in the same situation as you. I am also in ophthalmology residency and also feeling sad almost everyday going to the hospital and going home. My parents does not want me to leave the training program too.
I am constantly getting negative reviews that I'm not good. Even though I do my best. I don’t see my performance as lower than others. I'm literally mentally breaking down. I don’t know what to do. Please help me!
I had a verrrryyyyy similar experience in nursing. I survived less than two years before leaving healthcare all together.
As a nursing student it's alot easier to pay off 40K than 300K when you bow out and decide its not for you.
@@porcelaindolli3 Try paying 58k/yr at a private college/university for four years. It may not be 400k, but it's certainly more than 40k.
@@zackwarshaw6893 Dang, I'm sorry for whatever thought process led you to a private college. I'm by no means boasting but I'm paying 6K for an ADN RN and then getting my RN to BSN paid for by a hospital. May I ask why you decided to go the route you did? Was it familial pressure?
@@porcelaindolli3 Thankfully I didn't. I went to a four year university for free as my dad is faculty there, so as his kid, I had tuition remission. Most of my classmates were paying between 35 and 50k/yr for the same education though. Many people want the mainstream college experience, and aren't just doing nursing school as a means to an end. Additionally, especially in the northeast, it's getting harder and harder to get hired as an ADN... So there are reasons to go that route. I don't think it's fair to say the decision to leave your career is any easier or harder just based on money. When you've built your whole identity as a nurse/doctor/lawyer/astrophysicist/dog walker/whatever, walking away is a big deal. Money is fake, and if you want or don't want something bad enough, there's always a way to make it work.
@@porcelaindolli3 I agree with Zack " I don't think it's fair to say the decision to leave your career is any easier or harder just based on money. When you've built your whole identity as a nurse/doctor/lawyer/astrophysicist/dog walker/whatever, walking away is a big deal. " Beyond the money being an issue for some, the identity piece is what I hear come up most often "I don't know who I am outside of xyz"
Hi Jessica. Thank you for sharing. I’m a peds intern now. 4 months in and not feeling it at all. Been pretty depressed and trying to figure out if I should stick it through or not. Can I ask, what other career paths have you considered? Have you found it difficult to use your MD degree elsewhere? Again, thank you for sharing!
Thank you so much for this.
Yup. When my mom had lung cancer & i seen how little interactions are, i saw that there is little to no education, discussion, coaching, “counseling”, getting to know them etc. I was so happy not to not go.
I could never be the physician i wanted to be. Glad i learned it early
Although not early enough bc of all the premed money spent
I think no matter what point you decide or gain the insight that it's not for you...you have still saved yourself a lot of time and potential heartache. Sometimes it's a hard pill to swallow...the sunk cost fallacy idea of I've already invested this much, might as well continue, but I don't agree with subscribing to that, particularly if you are deeply unhappy.
That’s a cop out. You can be the type of physician you want to be.
@@kellanhills1972 i’m living an abundant life. No thank you
@@jacqueline8566 I never disputed that you are. Living an “abundant life” whatever that means to you. The fact is that you can be the physician you want to be. You can work part time. You can work academics you can work for yourself and see fewer patients and make low salary etc etc etc. the fallacy is that because you see only one way in residency that is the only way. I want residents to know that residency is a bubble. There are so many rich and varied opportunities out there once you graduate.
Hi, if you don’t mind me asking, what career path did you take after residency? Thank you
it is okay. residency is not for everyone. it is not right or wrong. it is very hard and takes a lot of courage to know and decide that residency is not a right fit.
At what month into Residency did you leave?
I left 7 months into my intern year. I voiced wanting to leave 2-3 mo in, talking to PD 5 months in when it got worse and then it took some time with scheduling etc to cover shifts and them trying to set me up with some people to mentor me etc.
On-call and watching this 😞
which residency?
@@idarmistorres3156 I’m a neurology resident.
do you still consider yourself a doctor ? how long do you think it's legit to go by dr phillips ?
This is something I have battled with and been shamed by various people for. Ultimately I am a doctor, I earned the degree and should be able to go by it if I choose. Do I have people call me Dr. Phillips, no. I never really did working in peds...I was extremely informal. I still am and mostly prefer Jess. Now, do I use that to intentionally deceive people. No. I am very clear that I don't practice clinical medicine anymore. But I think we need to normalize "doctors" working in areas outside of clinical medicine (whether that be education, advocacy, business or whatever they please quite honestly and using the title if they wish). To me, it has always felt a little stiff and formal, but for the purposes of reaching more fellow physicians, it helps for immediate recognition before they come to learn my story so yes I do use it on some social media, etc but almost never are called or addressed by it.
I think it's a personal decision. Each person should do what feels right to them.
@@jessicaphillips5589 i agree, it's personal decision. i understand both sides. on the one hand, if someone gets their phd, they can go by dr by virtue of the degree, no matter if they do or do not study in the field. so it should be the same with physicians. on the other hand, no one really cares if a phd is still doing research in their field, it almost seems like something you can neglect for a long period or study sporadically, etc, but dr in the medical world sort of implies the person actively sees patients, is up on research, fully licensed and fully board certified, or did for a significant amount of time or retired. a resident physician who didn't get the salary and still has an attending, seems like they have to acknowledge levels. when people ask, "what kind of doctor are you," and the answer is like, "i was a plastic surgery resident for a few months, but never completed my training" then i can understand the other side. i think using it for business purposes or networking, etc, also has to be considered as a legit reason to still use it
Thanks for sharing- I am in a similar situation so it's nice to hear that I'm not alone. Let me know if you're ever available to talk, I would love to get in touch.
Always happy to chat. Feel free to email me: Jessica@drjessicaphillips.com and we can get in touch
@@jessicaphillips5589 how you going to pay all that debt off? average debt is 250k plus interest
Hey Jessica, I am a final year med student who has also been contemplating whether clinical medicine is really for me ? I really need to contact you if that's okay ?
Sure, feel free to send me an email explaining your situation, jessica@drjessicaphillips.com
You will do great! Just make sure to utilize knowledge gained from that medical school spot you took from another to do good for the world- otherwise you have broken the implicit contract we all make with society when graciously being accepted by the medical school selection process, which obviously failed you
its all extremely political. its not you its the system.