Just 3 days ago. I said to a girl, i really like her and want her to be my girl, she gave excuses and wanted just to be friends. I told her than we need to stop talking and im not comfortable in being just friends. This is the first time I said no and walked away.
The way i view it is the "nice guy" syndrome is really co-dependency where you were conditioned to believe that yourself is not good enough. The nice guy act that guys use is a way to manipulate others by avoiding conflict with over compliance with those around them.
Agree with this except I think that for most nice guys it’s definitely not an “act”. They behave like nice guys because of their codependency and because they think it will make them happy.
Man how much i wish this was created somewhere around 2013, and i watched it and i learned it, being the nice guy landed me in jail, this stuff is serious guys, you better learn how to not suppress your emotions all the time, i got to keep learning, and i think every man should
Just suddenly realized that part of my reactive anger and desire for power grows from the fear of being overpowered in a bad way aka turned into a "nice girl". Being weak, losing my integrity and freedom is so frigtening that i overcomapensate with firing anger every time anyone tries to press me into doing something i don't wanna do. Another amazing video. Thanks!
So glad i sat still and listened to this, i've kind of been looking for ways to improve myself for years in regards to being able stand toe to toe with girls but not come off as an ass or fake and you my friend made it not only clear but easy to understand, going to read those 2 books and test it out a bit and get back to you, cheers.
I think that women like more dominant men, because a lot of women do like to be an active part of the relationship, but she also wants to be the feminine. So if the guy is not very dominant, she feels she have to hold back in order not to immasculate him, and she feels more masculine.
I followed this process today and I was blown away by what happened. I felt a boundary being overstepped or I thought it was but I channeled it and released it and converted it into courage and communicated effectively and found out that it was a complete misunderstanding. Had I allowed my emotions to take control of me, I would have overreacted for no reason
Hey Brian , I just wanted to shout out some love for you and the work that you guys (and girls) are doing - it's really mind opening to see myself in literally every point you talk about. Really love that you make such in depth videos for everyone to wach on UA-cam. Thank you, you're awesome.
On behalf of Brian and the team, many thanks! Glad to see you are getting big value from the videos! - Andrew, TFM Staff Fearless Experience Intensive - 2021 Schedule www.thefearlessman.com/Experience2021 Brian’s EBook - The Art of Fearless Seduction www.thefearlessman.com/eBookFearlessSeduction
I've watched several of your videos today, you give very helpful and intuitive advice. My friend struggles with relationships as well, so I'm going to recommend your channel to him. Thanks a lot.
The differences between a "nice guy", a "bad boy", and a "good guy": I think that the nice guy aims to give women "whatever they want". The bad boy "takes" whatever "he" wants. And, the good guy "offers" to give women what they "need". The nice guy is always willing to say yes, but never able to say no; The bad boy is always able to say no, but never willing to say yes; and the.good guy is both willing and able to say either yes or no. One is a passive, people pleaser, and everything's always about "her"; one is an aggressive, self-centered taker, and everything's always about "him"; and, one's a good partner and an assertive leader, and everything's always about "them". One is a good friend, but not a good lover; One is a good lover, but not a good friend; and one is a good friend and a good lover.. One can always give, but can never take nor receive; One can always take, or receive, but never give; and one can never take, but freely gives and recieves. One has love, and thus has love to give, but lacks respect; One has neither love, nor respect, and thus has neither to give; and one has both love and respect, and gives both freely.
I'm not a people pleaser I am so glad I never was the nice guy I am honest with women about what I want and it works sometimes and if they dont' want me I just move on. You have to please your self first. And unless I am dating a woman I dont' do nothing for her if you want boyfriend stuff I have to be her boyfriend.
Just wanted to say this is an awesome video, I read the glover book a while back, though ok, didn't really do much after that, but this video coupled with other resources made me realise that this is part of my current psychology and behaviour.
My favorite part of all this is that I ''AM'' nice by nature, but, now, I follow this bullsheet so as to Not ''Be Myself'' which the most disingenuous behavior possible. Screw Honesty.😆😂🙃🙃🤣
I dont know about that moving example. I try to always help my friends when they ask me for help but all that stops the moment I don't get help when I ask. I have no problem helping a friend paint or move or picking them up at 3am when they're drunk but I'll only do that as long as theyre my friends and if they dont return the favor, theyre nolonger my friend.
Thank you Brian for providing your content for free! I have a question. What about the situation where one speaks his mind but feels just as bad afterwards as if he didn't say it?
There are too many assholes in the world. There's nothing wrong with being nice. The problem comes when nice guys are insecure. Nice guys that are confident do just fine.
Most of the “niceness” isn’t a conscious ,calculating thing. I know this for a fact as I’m one of them, and it’s ruined my life pretty much. I never consciously did what I did. I just thought it was the right thing to do, and it made me happy doing it, BUT it was only temporary. I would continue doing it. Upping the anty everytime. Always having that hope that they would come around. I’d be a millionaire if I had invested everything I had ever given to females. At 57 I’m still alone. I feel like it’s too late now. I’m not even attracted to women my age. I missed out dating in my 20’s 30’s 40’s. That’s where my mind is stuck, so I’m only attracted to younger women.
I’m trying to re-attract someone I used to be intimate with. I’m currently in radio silence and working on myself. Last I heard from her, she gave me her new number. When she does reach out I want to project self-confidence and general indifference, whilst at the same time being inviting, positive & playful. Finding this sweet spot is hard, between making her wonder about me, keeping some mystery, but, also being direct with what I want. Advice on what to say please?
im not that super nice guy. bit have problems not being too nice when she is complaining and shittesting me. i always listen to her feelings too much to the point where she tells me i never care about her feelings. in my life though i know what i want and what not and it also shows in the relationship bc i decide more. but not as soon as we argument. im afraid of arguments and shittests. what can i do?
I'm a bit confused what you're asking but it sounds like you need to develop more grounding. www.thefearlessman.com/8-qualities-confident-masculine-man-grounding/ www.thefearlessman.com/5-steps-to-develop-and-become-a-grounded-man/
Hey! I ask again about different kinds of tensions. For me there is heavy hard uncomfortable tension and for sure there are tendencies to avoid that. There is this kind of ecstatic "tension" it feels like body and being bursting and there is also tendency wanting drop out of that and shut down. And be in this ecstatic "tension" it needs so much awareness, honesty every second and sentitivity to stay there in this high energy state. So there is avoidance of that tension and blissful tension. Doing explorations with these two. I like to hear your experiences about these and possible other kinds of tension.
Hey +Jarko Taivasmaa - Brian answered your question about different kinds of tension, you can hear it here - ua-cam.com/video/7BaD4jCtNdo/v-deo.htmlm34s
Hypnotica is a friend of mine. Hypnotica (Erik Von Sydow) - Confidence, Sex, & Spirituality | Becoming FEARLESS - Ep 5 ua-cam.com/video/X0kN8OH7Yxc/v-deo.html
Swifty Weasel Yeah the argument basically went "Deference to build favor is deception." I'm a nice person because I'm open. I genuinely don't give shit what restaurant we go to. There's good food anywhere, the person you want to hang with us the whole point. Apperantly that makes me a liar.
The main thing is letting go of the fear of displeasing your manager or others. If your manager is actually a jerk, they won't like that at first but they will have the chance to learn to respect you more. - Andrew, TFM Team
Lol buddy let me correct you on a couple of things. Nice guy syndrome is a deceptive condition that hides selfish desires. What this means is, if you look at a "bad boy" how honest he is with himself and his impulses contrast to a nice guy who is timid and shy's away from that honesty, at the end of the day the impulsive selfish desire is still there. And that is NOT sexy. That is NOT how to get women. That is NOT what women are looking for. Your example of a nice girl contrast to a "bad girl" was poor. In your example, the door mat girlfriend seemed more appealing because she actually came off honest trying to please rather than the picky girl who chases and plays the deceptive mind game. Bottom line: Be honest but don't be an impulsive selfish person. Be firm but don't be stubborn. Communicate on an articulate and intelligent level, not some boorish "I want you, I want this. I want, blah blah blah." It's tiresome. It is ironic but realistically that is where the line is drawn. A nice balance between honesty and deception, and assertiveness and timidity.
Just 3 days ago. I said to a girl, i really like her and want her to be my girl, she gave excuses and wanted just to be friends. I told her than we need to stop talking and im not comfortable in being just friends. This is the first time I said no and walked away.
The way i view it is the "nice guy" syndrome is really co-dependency where you were conditioned to believe that yourself is not good enough. The nice guy act that guys use is a way to manipulate others by avoiding conflict with over compliance with those around them.
Agree with this except I think that for most nice guys it’s definitely not an “act”. They behave like nice guys because of their codependency and because they think it will make them happy.
Man how much i wish this was created somewhere around 2013, and i watched it and i learned it, being the nice guy landed me in jail, this stuff is serious guys, you better learn how to not suppress your emotions all the time, i got to keep learning, and i think every man should
Just suddenly realized that part of my reactive anger and desire for power grows from the fear of being overpowered in a bad way aka turned into a "nice girl". Being weak, losing my integrity and freedom is so frigtening that i overcomapensate with firing anger every time anyone tries to press me into doing something i don't wanna do.
Another amazing video. Thanks!
+Jill Snow White - Brian had a response on your comment from last week, here is a link to that segment - ua-cam.com/video/7BaD4jCtNdo/v-deo.htmlm53s
Being vulnerable is not weakness, it takes courage. Check out The power of vulnerability by Brené Brown
So glad i sat still and listened to this, i've kind of been looking for ways to improve myself for years in regards to being able stand toe to toe with girls but not come off as an ass or fake and you my friend made it not only clear but easy to understand, going to read those 2 books and test it out a bit and get back to you, cheers.
How'd it go?
I think that women like more dominant men, because a lot of women do like to be an active part of the relationship, but she also wants to be the feminine. So if the guy is not very dominant, she feels she have to hold back in order not to immasculate him, and she feels more masculine.
I followed this process today and I was blown away by what happened. I felt a boundary being overstepped or I thought it was but I channeled it and released it and converted it into courage and communicated effectively and found out that it was a complete misunderstanding. Had I allowed my emotions to take control of me, I would have overreacted for no reason
Awesome awareness man. - Andrew, TFM
Hey Brian ,
I just wanted to shout out some love for you and the work that you guys (and girls) are doing - it's really mind opening to see myself in literally every point you talk about.
Really love that you make such in depth videos for everyone to wach on UA-cam.
Thank you, you're awesome.
On behalf of Brian and the team, many thanks! Glad to see you are getting big value from the videos! - Andrew, TFM Staff
Fearless Experience Intensive - 2021 Schedule
www.thefearlessman.com/Experience2021
Brian’s EBook - The Art of Fearless Seduction
www.thefearlessman.com/eBookFearlessSeduction
great video.. really gave strong answers to questions which have been jumbling around in my head, thank you!
Nice guy = vanilla ice cream. Nothing about vanilla ice cream is objectionable, but there’s nothing inherently desirable about vanilla ice cream.
I've watched several of your videos today, you give very helpful and intuitive advice. My friend struggles with relationships as well, so I'm going to recommend your channel to him. Thanks a lot.
The differences between a "nice guy", a "bad boy", and a "good guy":
I think that the nice guy aims to give women "whatever they want". The bad boy "takes" whatever "he" wants.
And, the good guy "offers" to give women what they "need".
The nice guy is always willing to say yes, but never able to say no; The bad boy is always able to say no, but never willing to say yes; and the.good guy is both willing and able to say either yes or no.
One is a passive, people pleaser, and everything's always about "her"; one is an aggressive, self-centered taker, and everything's always about "him"; and, one's a good partner and an assertive leader, and everything's always about "them".
One is a good friend, but not a good lover; One is a good lover, but not a good friend; and one is a good friend and a good lover..
One can always give, but can never take nor receive; One can always take, or receive, but never give; and one can never take, but freely gives and recieves.
One has love, and thus has love to give, but lacks respect; One has neither love, nor respect, and thus has neither to give; and one has both love and respect, and gives both freely.
Pretty well said
I am so guilty of this! This video is quite the life saver! Thanks man!
I'm not a people pleaser I am so glad I never was the nice guy I am honest with women about what I want and it works sometimes and if they dont' want me I just move on. You have to please your self first. And unless I am dating a woman I dont' do nothing for her if you want boyfriend stuff I have to be her boyfriend.
Just wanted to say this is an awesome video, I read the glover book a while back, though ok, didn't really do much after that, but this video coupled with other resources made me realise that this is part of my current psychology and behaviour.
As in Ricky Nelson sang "You can't please everyone, so you got to please yourself. Lotinda and da
My favorite part of all this is that I ''AM'' nice by nature, but, now, I follow this bullsheet so as to Not ''Be Myself'' which the most disingenuous behavior possible. Screw Honesty.😆😂🙃🙃🤣
I dont know about that moving example. I try to always help my friends when they ask me for help but all that stops the moment I don't get help when I ask. I have no problem helping a friend paint or move or picking them up at 3am when they're drunk but I'll only do that as long as theyre my friends and if they dont return the favor, theyre nolonger my friend.
Thank you Brian for providing your content for free!
I have a question. What about the situation where one speaks his mind but feels just as bad afterwards as if he didn't say it?
I have a problem with playing with the tension,I'm sceared of it,do you have any video that discuss that topic,how to get comfterble in it.
There are too many assholes in the world. There's nothing wrong with being nice. The problem comes when nice guys are insecure. Nice guys that are confident do just fine.
Most of the “niceness” isn’t a conscious ,calculating thing. I know this for a fact as I’m one of them, and it’s ruined my life pretty much. I never consciously did what I did. I just thought it was the right thing to do, and it made me happy doing it, BUT it was only temporary. I would continue doing it. Upping the anty everytime. Always having that hope that they would come around. I’d be a millionaire if I had invested everything I had ever given to females. At 57 I’m still alone. I feel like it’s too late now. I’m not even attracted to women my age. I missed out dating in my 20’s 30’s 40’s. That’s where my mind is stuck, so I’m only attracted to younger women.
What you're describing is apathy. You're Brian's age. This video addresses apathy ua-cam.com/video/vGmkEBEUVUM/v-deo.html. - Andrew, TFM Team
Let All be Ted Bundy Act Alikes!🙃🙃🤣😆😆
I like this channel but you guys need to get your production together.
I’m trying to re-attract someone I used to be intimate with. I’m currently in radio silence and working on myself. Last I heard from her, she gave me her new number. When she does reach out I want to project self-confidence and general indifference, whilst at the same time being inviting, positive & playful. Finding this sweet spot is hard, between making her wonder about me, keeping some mystery, but, also being direct with what I want.
Advice on what to say please?
Start Nofap journey
im not that super nice guy. bit have problems not being too nice when she is complaining and shittesting me. i always listen to her feelings too much to the point where she tells me i never care about her feelings. in my life though i know what i want and what not and it also shows in the relationship bc i decide more. but not as soon as we argument. im afraid of arguments and shittests. what can i do?
I'm a bit confused what you're asking but it sounds like you need to develop more grounding. www.thefearlessman.com/8-qualities-confident-masculine-man-grounding/ www.thefearlessman.com/5-steps-to-develop-and-become-a-grounded-man/
That one preventer video would be a amazing!
Sorry man, can you clarify? I can add that to the view suggestion list. - Andrew, TFM
Hey! I ask again about different kinds of tensions. For me there is heavy hard uncomfortable tension and for sure there are tendencies to avoid that. There is this kind of ecstatic "tension" it feels like body and being bursting and there is also tendency wanting drop out of that and shut down. And be in this ecstatic "tension" it needs so much awareness, honesty every second and sentitivity to stay there in this high energy state. So there is avoidance of that tension and blissful tension. Doing explorations with these two. I like to hear your experiences about these and possible other kinds of tension.
Hey +Jarko Taivasmaa - Brian answered your question about different kinds of tension, you can hear it here - ua-cam.com/video/7BaD4jCtNdo/v-deo.htmlm34s
Great video
How do I join these video calls in the future?
Every Tuesday at 5 PST we have a live UA-cam video. If you subscribe, you should be able to see it at the top of your list on Tuesday.
Landon, TFM
good work. deep stuff here.were u a student of hypnotica or steve p.?
Hypnotica is a friend of mine. Hypnotica (Erik Von Sydow) - Confidence, Sex, & Spirituality | Becoming FEARLESS - Ep 5 ua-cam.com/video/X0kN8OH7Yxc/v-deo.html
this world is twisted 'nice is bad now'
Did you watch the video?
Swifty Weasel Yeah the argument basically went "Deference to build favor is deception." I'm a nice person because I'm open. I genuinely don't give shit what restaurant we go to. There's good food anywhere, the person you want to hang with us the whole point. Apperantly that makes me a liar.
@@SomeBlackDude26 you guys so not understand what this is about whatsoever.
I am too nice to my manager
The main thing is letting go of the fear of displeasing your manager or others. If your manager is actually a jerk, they won't like that at first but they will have the chance to learn to respect you more. - Andrew, TFM Team
No more Mr nice guy I want to be an asshole now but how.
www.thefearlessman.com/how-to-be-more-attractive-to-women-by-developing-your-indifference-to-outcome/
remarkable
Lol buddy let me correct you on a couple of things.
Nice guy syndrome is a deceptive condition that hides selfish desires. What this means is, if you look at a "bad boy" how honest he is with himself and his impulses contrast to a nice guy who is timid and shy's away from that honesty, at the end of the day the impulsive selfish desire is still there.
And that is NOT sexy. That is NOT how to get women. That is NOT what women are looking for. Your example of a nice girl contrast to a "bad girl" was poor. In your example, the door mat girlfriend seemed more appealing because she actually came off honest trying to please rather than the picky girl who chases and plays the deceptive mind game.
Bottom line: Be honest but don't be an impulsive selfish person. Be firm but don't be stubborn. Communicate on an articulate and intelligent level, not some boorish "I want you, I want this. I want, blah blah blah." It's tiresome.
It is ironic but realistically that is where the line is drawn. A nice balance between honesty and deception, and assertiveness and timidity.