As a wise wiggler headed man once said "ROLE-PLAYING?!! IN MY ROLE-PLAYING GAME?!! THEY SHOULD HAVE PUT A WARNING IN HERE SOMEWHERE!!" *zooms in to the cover of the PHB where it says role-playing game*
I feel bad for OP in the first story. Not only would they have benefited from a session zero, the couple could have acted like adults and simply state their grievances to try and correct the problem.
@Sara García a session 0 would have opened up the discussion on what players can expect in the game. The couple likely would have left regardless but yeah. Probably would save the time wasted on what they played.
I guess since Couple did everything together they also shared their one braincell. That poor DM in story 2 was like Brody in Jaws, he tried to warn the mayor but he didn't want to shut down the beaches.
Or the lead officer in The Crazies. Officer: Hey, I have evidence that something's up with our water...could you shut it down, so we can investigate? Mayor: This is a farm town. Gtfo, that'll cause a riot. Idgaf what happens, water stays on.
I still run 3.5. Didn't have people to pay with back when it was new and I got the books so now I finally get to run it regularly and I don't want to jump to 5e.
Me: “They’re narcissistic sociopaths, fighting over a girl, and stolen magic cards, and in game items, and still playing at the same table? And it turns to hospitalization? This story can’t be real.” Critcrab: “Btw this story takes place in Florida.” Me: “...ok nevermind.”
Ok, am I the only one who thinks that the ranger didn't really do anything wrong? I mean sure, he probably should have just avoided the fighter instead of antagonizing him, but it sounds like he was well within his right to be pissed.
@@MasterZebulin they have florida man, the equivalent of a demigod. They have free available alligators. They are madmen and you want to fight them OwO
Yeah, or as a DM control the table, if players are causing issues kick them the fudge out before it escalates. Honestly, the store owner should take responsibility also.
@@vaguedreams To be fair, the DM went to the owner before the session started and suggested that they be in different groups, unfortunately the owner decided that if they did it for them, everybody else might want to change their groups and vetoed the suggestion. This was all on the shop owner's fault for not listening to the DM - he realized there was some problems with the players before it even started.
@@TBaker-xu5is That is true, and that is why I said the owner is also responsible. The thing is that the DM let it build up over time and they were both actively derailing the campaign. That's why I am also blaming the DM. Give them the opportunity, but when shit started getting real petty that's when it's time to take them aside and have a heart to heart. Hell bring the owner into it.
I've found that players who roleplay tend to enjoy themselves more often than "I kill the bartender" type players. And if you get two or three eager roleplayers, you're in business. But if you have one roleplayer and no one else wants to, that's probably not going to be a good time for the roleplayer (I speak from experience on the last one)
My current problem is that I was tied between my low charisma fighter and my bard Tulip, who isn't as charming as he thinks he is. I end up playing fighter, but his roleplay capacities aren't as obvious to me at Tulip's charming, weasly flattery
"Florida man stabs nemesis with a penicl for imaginary bow and stolen imaginary sword, after fantasy game"... This isn't even the weirdest thing I've heard about Florida and I'm from Europe xD
That Florida man shit is just an overplayed joke people started oh actually believe to real. I remember the same week some guy from Florida did something weird was the same week “California man sets dog on fire” happened. Guess which one people paid more attention to?
@@samanthacousland870 Just to clarify, I'm not talking about Roll20 online games. I'm talking about the video game by Turbine called "Dungeons and Dragons Online". The reason I brought it up is that those games are designed to be more or less what the core of DnD is, running dungeons and min-maxing your character.
@Naukumaija Mau-mau Correction, he was _being_ an idiotic asshole. As far as we know, the worst he ever did was troll someone who had been spreading nasty rumours about him.
@Captain D Cap Never! Making outrageous, baseless assumptions of the characters of strangers without the risk of repercussion is our God-given gift of the internet! You…self-righteous, grandstanding, One Piece-watching, dandy man of wisdom! Suck it!
OP of the first story here-- I didn't realize I was listening to my own story until a couple paragraphs in, and then I yelled and scared my dog. So very glad that my weird RP experience made the cut!! (and sorry if my wording was confusing in my post, Couple announced that they wanted to play D&D, but they got Pirate to be the DM for it. Maybe it would have made more sense if they were the ones actually running the game and had that much of a problem with it... but they were technically only players, which is even weirder to me.)
I was a bit confused as to who the DM was at first, thinking it was someone random until you clearly stated that it was Pirate running it. All good, didn't make the point of the story or the overall flow of it any more confusing. Also, hope that your relationship to "Ex" was solved better than Couple's ability to voice their grievances over a game, cause yikes. Even without a session zero, if they were that upset and you'd been on pretty good terms before hand, I'd have thought they would at least have spoken up during play or something. It almost sounded as if they had issues with you and "Ex" before hand, and that was just the excuse they were using to not be as friendly to you guys.
A session zero would have really helped with communication, but the couple refused to communicate their dissatisfaction. It's really frustrating when people would rather just drop someone, than even attempt to resolve a problem.
In the case of the Fighter/Ranger thing, I actually blame the shop owner abit. He was made aware (and I can't be sure that they didn't know to begin with) of the problem. Surely if you have a history with another person and they're not going to get along in the same place, don't let em be together
Honestly hard agree. That girlfriend comment crossed the barrier and with how supposedly aggresive the Fighter was the Ranger got what he asked for. It does not excuse the pencil in his shoulder of course.
Every RPG is for role playing; people who say one game is for RP or isn't are one of my pet peeves in the gaming community. The OP in that first story was doing it right.
Totally agree and also to the couple "if you don't like something, just fucking spit it out, instead of not telling anyone and becoming offended for no reason"... I am more than sure that op and ex would have replied "sure, let's do dungeon crawl if you want"
Don't let these people make you believe all players in Florida are like this. As a Florida man myself, I've been playing D&D now for about 5 years and have been having an absolute fun time playing with my friends.
@@therealscorpion95 it's ok bro lol. I understand the reputation of florida man, and even I myself wasn't shocked that those two were from Florida lol.
As a Florida man of palm beach county i can tell you this is a pittance of a Florida man we are a proud chaotic people who love our gator rides to work
I blame the store owner in that last story. GM knew something hinky was a-brewing and tried to nip it in the bud by getting one of those players reassigned and the owner wouldn't let him.
@ChipTuna Eh…including the DM is reaching too far and spreading the blame too thin. He was on point enough to sense the tension and inform the owner, even suggesting a solution. Expecting even more from him is unfair. 100% on the owner for not listening to wise words. Although, to be fair, I doubt anyone could have predicted a pencil-shanking to come of it…
With the benefit of hindsight I guess. I don’t think anyone thought it would get that extreme, so while the store owner isn’t blameless they’re definitely not in the full blame.
"Vampire the Masquerade is for role playing and elaborate characters..." Ah yes, my apologies. I should have played Evanescence on full blast, wore heavy eyeliner, and explain in great detail as to why my character is an orphan, alone, edgy, and totally super cool while brooding in every dark corner.
VtM is.. too edgy. I've given up on the whole Role Playing aspect. It's just become a drag and difficult. It's no fun anymore because of complaints, fights and stupidity.
@@CozyCabinLife5301 I'm sorry to hear that. Has it completely killed role-playing in general or have you been able to enjoy DnD or Pathfinder or any other ttrpgs?
@@TriTomMaximum Unfortunately it has. I have friends who role play and have begged me to join. I only ask "Do you know any Karen's, Rule Lawyer's and That Guys.". They say yes and I tell them I am uninterested and never will be until people act like adults. When people act like adults at the role play table and shut their mouths about loot?? I will find the passion again.. Until then?? I take that passion to use on restoring old classic cars.
Regarding the last story: Can't help but look at the shop owner and say they were a factor in all of that. They were warned that the two people involved had issues and shouldn't be put together. Why would the shop owner deny the DM's request for them to be separated?
Because rules, or something. And if he makes an exception for GM, he has to do it for everyone. *eyeroll* Sure hope it was worth the cops getting called to his store and an assault happening there, but at least his rules were followed!
Same thought, while the Rangers comments were uncalled for and Fighter shouldn't had resorted to violence over it, the whole case could've been prevented by a simple (silent) table change for these 2.
So if I can make a tiny little confession here where surely no one will see it, w/r/t the first story... I struggled SO MUCH to do ANY roleplaying in VtM when I played it for a couple of years. I found the game unfathomable, for some reason, and often just sat in silence not knowing what to have my character say or do. D&D brought/brings me out of my shell roleplaying-wise. But it's also wild to me to think that anyone thinks that you can't/shouldn't roleplay in some tabletop RPGs but not others...
Yeah a certain portion of the blame needs to go on the shop owner to be honest, that kind of stupid rigidity causes problems like... well exactly like this
As I heard the latter story, about the Warrior spreading rumor about the Ranger, and the Ranger dating Warrior's ex, I thought that was all in-character banter... oh what a naive fool I was until the Magic the Gathering cards were brought into the picture.
Why can I only imagine the DM and store owner conversation going something like DM: "Dude, there's some bad blood here- can we move them around?" Store Owner: "If I do it for you I'd have to do it for everyone, it'll be fine" One ambulance and arrest later *Owner sweating as the DM looks pointedly at them*
You should obviously not attack other people, and the fighter should obviously be charged for it. 12:36 "You cannot have anything, not even a girlfriend"... saying this to the guy whose ex you're dating... don't. This wasn't about loot, it was about a woman. When you're f*****g someone's ex, do not EVER taunt them about it. It obviously doesn't excuse assault, but it is likely to cause it, especially if the person getting taunted in unstable. I repeat: It is obviously not okay that he attacked him, and he should go to court for it, but it is likely to happen when you taunt someone about whose ex you are f*****g, especially if they are unstable. 7:30 how dare you roleplay in a roleplaying game....... WTF? Maybe the couple should say something so the group can have a discussion about their crazy misconceptions about DnD?
Honestly he did it to himself for mentioning the ex. Not saying he should’ve gotten stabbed cuz of it but him mentioning the ex was the dumbest thing he could have said to him
I have some advice for the last story, if you got two players who hate each other that much the shop owner should be doing whatever he can to keep them in separate groups. Also "Whoever loses the bow gets the sword" instead of setting up a situation where a person can lose both rolls
I wanna say I'm mad at the obvious problem players but I'm honestly more mad that the store owner didn't allow for a switch when the DM requested it and advised it to avoid trouble. An event for fun should be fun not a baby sitting session. If the group can already see the smoke there will be a fire its best to douse it out (In this case make an exception to the party swapping) before you have a raging inferno.
To be fair, hindsight is 20/20. I agree to an extent, but I imagine neither the DM nor the store owner thought physical violence would occur. I have games where players don't necessarily get along, but we still function as a group.
@@HipposaurusRex That's fair I guess but if it's an event open to the public. It would make sense to allow at the very least a redraw to avoid problems like this. Asking the two problem players if they'd like to switch tables or if there will be a problem would also help alleviate the situation.
I once had to jump in to prevent two of my players from coming to blows. I had just started a new campaign, and I was running a scenario out of Dungeon Magazine for 2E AD&D, "A Night At The Inn." Basically a storm blows in and traps a bunch of travelers in an inn with a doppleganger, who is murdering his way through the guests. All throughout the session, I kept taking players aside and consulting with them privately. I very deliberately but subtly planted the idea that one of the players was working with me in all of their heads. Well, Daniel became convinced that Damian was the secret agent, which immediately convinced Damian (who knew he wasn't the turncoat) that Daniel was the turncoat and was trying to throw him under the bus to distract from himself. Things were getting really tense and everyone was super engaged in the game, with Daniel and Damian getting more and more agitated with each other as the night went on. Finally, after they had eliminate all other living suspects, it boiled over and they both stood up and start walking around the table with the clear intent of throwing fists. I had to jump between them and reveal the doppleganger was hiding in the form of one of the murdered victims to get them to calm down. One of the best games I've ever run.
"The Fighter just can't have anything, not a bow, not a sword, not even a girlfriend" I didn't realize you could use the Savage Attacker feat with Vicious Mockery
8:53 Did I hear our beloved king crab recieving a notification on his royal phone? Are you being harassed by the overthrowing party of turtles? The plot thickens...
"The Fighter just can't have anything, not a bow, not a sword, not even a girlfriend." *Fighter jumping over the table* Morgan Freeman: "It was at this moment ranger knew, he fucked up"
I spat my drink laughing the moment you said and I quote: "..screaming with a pencil sticking out of his shoulder." I get that random fights can happen in game and out, but the pencil bit was even more random. It's humor comes in leu of the pencil's origins being explained after the initial observation. As for the pencil, I believe he was trying to hurt both the kid and his ranger, since that pencil is Sacred to DND of all editions.
hearing that last story was in florida made me wonder if it was in my own local floridian game shop, which incidentally is where I was imagining the whole scene taking place as it went lmaooo
As someone who is just getting back into D&D after 15 years these stories are always so interesting to hear. But I gotta say the second one in this is unfortunately a common occurrence here in Florida and not just during D&D games, I've witnessed this happen a lot during Magic the Gathering and Yu-Gi-Oh games (even once during a Smash tournament held at a convention). Just another day in Florida!
The 30% off sounded so jarring lol, "to get THIRTY percent off" All jokes aside, I absolutely love your content and am super happy the algorithm showed me your videos!
In the second story - OP says that the GM handled it well, but no the fuck he didn't, LMAO. Obviously, he was not the primary culprit, but he made a lot of mistakes, culminating in him having the players roll to see who gets what. Like, dude, why? To what end? Don't try to solve out of game issues in game, people. It's never a good time.
Yea... at that point the DM should have just said "since you two are making this an out of game issue and I'm the DM I'm making an out of game ruling. Ranger gets the bow, fighter gets the sword. End of story."
Why the fuck did he let the ranger roll for the sword at all??? Rangers aren't even that good with swords, especially since that sword was for the fighter so it was probably a strength weapon. If one of them already got something then you shouldn't have let the other try for more.
@@Lycaon1765 Honestly i can't blame the DM for that one. If the fighter is allowed to roll for the bow the ranger should be allowed to roll for the sword. Just because he wanted to steal away the ranger's bow and failed doesn't mean he suddenly gets protection when it's the other way around. The problem is that the two of them were allowed to roll for the weapon meant for the other player in the first place, when it was clear they were both only doing it to spite the other person.
8:30 what do you mean this is a case of the players needing a session 0? They had a session 0, as a matter of fact that's all they had, exactly as described. What they really needed was for the couple to say they didn't want any roleplaying in their TTRPG, just dungeon crawling and combat. If the others had known they just wanted to play it like a videogame it would have gone way better.
Your videos have shown me that although DnD sounds fun it is anything but DnD just sounds like an absolute nightmare no one communicates and literally anything and everything is a problem
I understand the owner not wanting to mix-up players in the 2nd story, because the randomness is the fun. But if tensions were so high between those 2, I feel like there really should have been an exception just to prevent drama.
If that last one was purely in character and they were good sports about it, i can see the bidding wars and bitter rivalry being a funny highlight to a campaign, and that being a really fun character dynamic between two good friends irl. Emphasis on the good friends irl part.
The 2nd story would have been funnier if they were just roleplaying their characters to be jerks to each other like that, but the ending was just sad, and shame on the shop owner / manager for letting those two in there at all with that crap going on. Props to the DM for trying to defuse it before it even started, sounds like at least he tried.
I have experienced something similar in the first story, in Final Fantasy 14. In me own experience, the one party that has a problem must talk it out with the other. It can wait til after that session but the problem must be communicated between both parties to save the game itself!
I already laughed about the title. Something about two nerds throwing hands over fictional loot in a disposable roleplay campaign is just hilarious to me.
Ranger: i'll one gold for that poison of meld discomfort Fighter: i'll give you two gold! Ranger: i'll give you three! Fighter(now facing ranger): FOUR! Rager(now facing fighter): FIVE!
Me: I love listening to CritCrab stories! I could listen to them all da... My OCD brain: OMG did you hear that buzzing cellphone go off near the nine minute mark?!? Better listen to it eight more times to be sure! Me: ...*sigh*...
In the middle area of America, it’s still pretty difficult. I know three DMs, one of which only DMs when his homework takes less than an hour per week(so never), the other railroads, and the third is too busy to host me as a player, what with me being said DM.
Maybe I'm in the minority here, but, can you make your voice level higher in these videos? Even when I crank the volume all the way up its very hard to hear you a lot of the time. I'd much rather have to turn it down a bit when your vids are on than turn it up all the way and still not be able to heat you.
I second this. Whether I'm wearing headphones or using my speaker, it seems that Crab's newer videos are all really quiet and hard to hear, even in my otherwise silent apartment. I keep finding myself clicking off of them midway out of frustration.
I have a player that doesn't roleplay, so he just let's the group translate whatever he's doing into roleplay form. It doesn't ruin the game for him to have several people in the group that get really into their characters.
I love your content, and the only sad thing is that I’ve already burned through your entire catalogue. Now I’m waiting for more stories like it’s a weekly tv show.
I was the same, Iove VtM, but I know very well how... complicated is to change the perspective with other games, specially D&D... I said it as someone that have this problem at the begining of a D&D campaing... being initiated in ttrpgs thanks to VtM...
I wonder if the shop owner felt the assault, police, and ambulance visit was less of a hassle than simply shuffling some names around to separate those players.
Honestly i think the second story is mislabeled. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt and in this case i definitely don't think that the fighter started the fight because of the in game loot and much likelier because the ranger said he couldn't get a girlfriend, let's remember that ranger is dating fighter's ex and i feel that's the real reason for the fighter spontaneously making a new personalized pencil holder. Obviously not condoning the stab or anything, just saying that mislabeling such a situation can make intentions and reasons seem much worse than they are. that being said...i wonder who the 2 dislikes are from? *big HMMMMMMM*
Check out World Anvil! www.worldanvil.com/critcrab
Just tell people to learn jujitsu
what happens if I don't?
@@urielseptim910 crab police make you disappear
Time to play DND with CritCrab and roll to make him into a tasty crab soup/stew...
Sorry Critcrab, Overly Sarcastic got me on WA first
"The Fighter just can't have anything, not a bow, not a sword, not even a girlfriend."
That Ranger dumped all his points in shit-talking.
Ranger used Vicious Mockery
@@theblackantonio And that disadvantage on attack rolls was cancelled out by the fighter going aggressive, clearly.
@@nathanrailsback9667 reckless attack, did the fighter multiclass?
@@theblackantonio fighter counters with pencil shank
The ranger must have multiclassed into a bard or something
As a wise wiggler headed man once said
"ROLE-PLAYING?!! IN MY ROLE-PLAYING GAME?!! THEY SHOULD HAVE PUT A WARNING IN HERE SOMEWHERE!!" *zooms in to the cover of the PHB where it says role-playing game*
all hail the wiggler headed man
All hail the sword and shield.
Roleplaying?! EW
(all hail the fireball wiggler man)
Whats this from?
@@Blood-Lord JoCat's "crap guide to D&D"
I feel bad for OP in the first story. Not only would they have benefited from a session zero, the couple could have acted like adults and simply state their grievances to try and correct the problem.
They know is their fault, lack of imagination to actually RP in a RolePlay Game, so they stay silent and go the childish way.
@@EliosMoonElios it's just weird because they're perfectly capable of roleplay since they play Masquerade.
@Sara García a session 0 would have opened up the discussion on what players can expect in the game. The couple likely would have left regardless but yeah. Probably would save the time wasted on what they played.
It sounds like the couple wanted to play Hackmaster instead of D&D
As the OP of the first story, I appreciate the sympathy. I wouldn't have minded a hack-and-slash-only game at all if I would have just... known...
I guess since Couple did everything together they also shared their one braincell.
That poor DM in story 2 was like Brody in Jaws, he tried to warn the mayor but he didn't want to shut down the beaches.
Or the lead officer in The Crazies.
Officer: Hey, I have evidence that something's up with our water...could you shut it down, so we can investigate?
Mayor: This is a farm town. Gtfo, that'll cause a riot. Idgaf what happens, water stays on.
"You're gonna need a bigger abode." - The DM to the Store Manager
The fact that that couple stayed mad even after the Session tells me that they're not the kind of People that are worth being friends with
It seems like they already had issues with OP and X and used the moment as an excuse to break ties.
Poster: "I've been playing since 3rd edition was the standard."
Me: Oh, that's not too long.
Poster: "Roughly 20 years"
Me: *rapid aging.gif*
Oh, I feel this. XD
*sigh* Advanced D&D for me. 35 years.
GET OFF MY LAWN, YOU DANGED KIDS!
@@rylian21 I was about to make that comment too. *feels so old*
I still run 3.5. Didn't have people to pay with back when it was new and I got the books so now I finally get to run it regularly and I don't want to jump to 5e.
*snickers* Basic and 1e before 2e was brought to the table. :)
"they play DnD like VtM"
Me: they wear lots of goth clothing and drink red wine while playing?
look at me crawling through the woods in full lestat cosplay...acctually it sounds fun
WHQT IS A MAN, BUT A MISRABLE PILE OF SECRETS
That line threw me off, especially when they go on to explain that VtM is for deep roleplay but D&D isnt? You dont play them anything like each other.
I mean, I didn't before, but I sure as Hell will now.
The classic edgelord story of two childhood best friends from a small village eager to go out on an adventure.
Cliche VtM.
Me: “They’re narcissistic sociopaths, fighting over a girl, and stolen magic cards, and in game items, and still playing at the same table? And it turns to hospitalization? This story can’t be real.”
Critcrab: “Btw this story takes place in Florida.”
Me: “...ok nevermind.”
"In russia the players are the table pieces *dm pulls out gun* roll for iniciative"
Ok, am I the only one who thinks that the ranger didn't really do anything wrong? I mean sure, he probably should have just avoided the fighter instead of antagonizing him, but it sounds like he was well within his right to be pissed.
Motion to wipe Florida off the face of the Earth?
@@MasterZebulin they have florida man, the equivalent of a demigod. They have free available alligators. They are madmen and you want to fight them OwO
@@jackbelmont4389 "Takes out tank" Natural 20
No one:
Absolutely no one:
Every Barbarian PC: “I got an axe that axe’d better then my other axe!”
THE BEST KIND OF AXE
What more could one *AXE* for?
In my game, the Goliath barbarian was asking my blacksmith/retired soldier fighter to make him an axe that was better than his current axe
"I guess, don't go around stabbing people?" - CritCrab, 2021.
Yeah, or as a DM control the table, if players are causing issues kick them the fudge out before it escalates. Honestly, the store owner should take responsibility also.
@@vaguedreams To be fair, the DM went to the owner before the session started and suggested that they be in different groups, unfortunately the owner decided that if they did it for them, everybody else might want to change their groups and vetoed the suggestion.
This was all on the shop owner's fault for not listening to the DM - he realized there was some problems with the players before it even started.
@@TBaker-xu5is That is true, and that is why I said the owner is also responsible. The thing is that the DM let it build up over time and they were both actively derailing the campaign. That's why I am also blaming the DM.
Give them the opportunity, but when shit started getting real petty that's when it's time to take them aside and have a heart to heart. Hell bring the owner into it.
Well if it’s not definite...
Critcrab can't tell me what to do! (Holds up pencil).
I've found that players who roleplay tend to enjoy themselves more often than "I kill the bartender" type players. And if you get two or three eager roleplayers, you're in business. But if you have one roleplayer and no one else wants to, that's probably not going to be a good time for the roleplayer (I speak from experience on the last one)
My current problem is that I was tied between my low charisma fighter and my bard Tulip, who isn't as charming as he thinks he is. I end up playing fighter, but his roleplay capacities aren't as obvious to me at Tulip's charming, weasly flattery
"Florida man stabs nemesis with a penicl for imaginary bow and stolen imaginary sword, after fantasy game"... This isn't even the weirdest thing I've heard about Florida and I'm from Europe xD
Florida Man gets around.
That Florida man shit is just an overplayed joke people started oh actually believe to real. I remember the same week some guy from Florida did something weird was the same week “California man sets dog on fire” happened. Guess which one people paid more attention to?
Penicl
Hey I live in Florida, and shit like that happens here quite a bit. It's the heat... and the drugs
In that first story it sounds like that couple just wanted to play a video game but couldn't afford a console
"...but otherwise Ex and I would get the cold shoulder from them."
And nothing of value was lost.
that couple needs to just play DnD Online.
Or, Neverwinter.
Or any of the other dozens of DnD games that involve "nothing but dungeon crawling".
Not in my online game. They'd hate it
@@samanthacousland870 Just to clarify, I'm not talking about Roll20 online games.
I'm talking about the video game by Turbine called "Dungeons and Dragons Online".
The reason I brought it up is that those games are designed to be more or less what the core of DnD is, running dungeons and min-maxing your character.
or just play Diablo 3, or Bards Tale, or any of the dozens of hack and slash dungeon crawlers out there no?
Descent: Journeys in the Dark is exactly what they were looking for. Spectacular game to boot.
Neverwinter has a huge RPer player base, so that's out.
I would argue the brawl was gonna happen not because of loot, but because of that girlfriend comment.
@Naukumaija Mau-mau wholeheartedly agree with you it was just bound to blow like a volcano with all of those things happen.
@Naukumaija Mau-mau Correction, he was _being_ an idiotic asshole. As far as we know, the worst he ever did was troll someone who had been spreading nasty rumours about him.
@@Pyranders At least someone here understands you need to have been there to make outrageous conclusions like that.
@@CaptainDCap But we can all agree that if you talk shit you have to be prepared to get some thrown at you, better be worth it.
@Captain D Cap Never! Making outrageous, baseless assumptions of the characters of strangers without the risk of repercussion is our God-given gift of the internet! You…self-righteous, grandstanding, One Piece-watching, dandy man of wisdom! Suck it!
OP of the first story here-- I didn't realize I was listening to my own story until a couple paragraphs in, and then I yelled and scared my dog. So very glad that my weird RP experience made the cut!! (and sorry if my wording was confusing in my post, Couple announced that they wanted to play D&D, but they got Pirate to be the DM for it. Maybe it would have made more sense if they were the ones actually running the game and had that much of a problem with it... but they were technically only players, which is even weirder to me.)
I was a bit confused as to who the DM was at first, thinking it was someone random until you clearly stated that it was Pirate running it. All good, didn't make the point of the story or the overall flow of it any more confusing. Also, hope that your relationship to "Ex" was solved better than Couple's ability to voice their grievances over a game, cause yikes. Even without a session zero, if they were that upset and you'd been on pretty good terms before hand, I'd have thought they would at least have spoken up during play or something. It almost sounded as if they had issues with you and "Ex" before hand, and that was just the excuse they were using to not be as friendly to you guys.
A session zero would have really helped with communication, but the couple refused to communicate their dissatisfaction. It's really frustrating when people would rather just drop someone, than even attempt to resolve a problem.
Ah yes, the Florida Man. The one who forgot their knife in an alligator's skull.
I guess I should create a Florida Man DnD build.
lol at that last punchline. The Florida men, indeed :D
I got a vision of two Florida Man neckbeards attacking each other. It wasn't a pretty sight.
@@philippschmitz1787 I don't think there's a douchebaggery skill.
Florida man is just built different
That second story was wild. Pencils as improvised weapons are scary as hell.
That’s the only improvised weapon with a d6 damage die
Can confirm, had to get one of my players to drop a pencil when they attempted to stab another player
John wick has entered the chat.
But seriously yes they can do damage if the wielder wants to
@@DarthAxolotl Or Jason Bourne. I'm pretty sure he used a pen once, at least
@@NathanHydra Lego pieces instead of caltrops would be another.
In the case of the Fighter/Ranger thing, I actually blame the shop owner abit. He was made aware (and I can't be sure that they didn't know to begin with) of the problem. Surely if you have a history with another person and they're not going to get along in the same place, don't let em be together
Ok, Obviously Fighter should NOT have stabbed the Ranger.
That being said, The Ranger talked Too much shit, and it was time to get hit
Honestly hard agree. That girlfriend comment crossed the barrier and with how supposedly aggresive the Fighter was the Ranger got what he asked for. It does not excuse the pencil in his shoulder of course.
Every RPG is for role playing; people who say one game is for RP or isn't are one of my pet peeves in the gaming community. The OP in that first story was doing it right.
I know right? I always think that if you don't want the RP you should just play a board game, then you'll just get the story and the combat.
RolePlay Game
Totally agree and also to the couple "if you don't like something, just fucking spit it out, instead of not telling anyone and becoming offended for no reason"... I am more than sure that op and ex would have replied "sure, let's do dungeon crawl if you want"
When Florida man starts playing D&D. Also nice Thumbnail for the video that’s really funny with the Michael Myers mask
Don't let these people make you believe all players in Florida are like this. As a Florida man myself, I've been playing D&D now for about 5 years and have been having an absolute fun time playing with my friends.
@@IMXLegedaryBard My apologies I didn’t mean to come off mean I was just going off of the Florida man meme
@@therealscorpion95 it's ok bro lol. I understand the reputation of florida man, and even I myself wasn't shocked that those two were from Florida lol.
As a Florida man of palm beach county i can tell you this is a pittance of a Florida man we are a proud chaotic people who love our gator rides to work
No, no, I am Florida Man in Jax and I could totally see this happening lmao
I blame the store owner in that last story. GM knew something hinky was a-brewing and tried to nip it in the bud by getting one of those players reassigned and the owner wouldn't let him.
Eh, it's still mostly on the players for being so aggressive.
It's the store owner's fault, 100%.
@ChipTuna Eh…including the DM is reaching too far and spreading the blame too thin. He was on point enough to sense the tension and inform the owner, even suggesting a solution. Expecting even more from him is unfair. 100% on the owner for not listening to wise words. Although, to be fair, I doubt anyone could have predicted a pencil-shanking to come of it…
With the benefit of hindsight I guess. I don’t think anyone thought it would get that extreme, so while the store owner isn’t blameless they’re definitely not in the full blame.
"Vampire the Masquerade is for role playing and elaborate characters..."
Ah yes, my apologies. I should have played Evanescence on full blast, wore heavy eyeliner, and explain in great detail as to why my character is an orphan, alone, edgy, and totally super cool while brooding in every dark corner.
ty raven for help & editing luv u grrl xxoo
🎶WAKE ME UP INSIDE🎶
Roll to regain consciousness.
VtM is.. too edgy. I've given up on the whole Role Playing aspect. It's just become a drag and difficult. It's no fun anymore because of complaints, fights and stupidity.
@@CozyCabinLife5301 I'm sorry to hear that. Has it completely killed role-playing in general or have you been able to enjoy DnD or Pathfinder or any other ttrpgs?
@@TriTomMaximum Unfortunately it has. I have friends who role play and have begged me to join. I only ask "Do you know any Karen's, Rule Lawyer's and That Guys.". They say yes and I tell them I am uninterested and never will be until people act like adults. When people act like adults at the role play table and shut their mouths about loot?? I will find the passion again.. Until then?? I take that passion to use on restoring old classic cars.
It's surprising how the first story took place in college. Based on the couple's actions, it sounds like they were children.
college is a glorified children's playground anyway
As someone who works in a college, they are children
Regarding the last story: Can't help but look at the shop owner and say they were a factor in all of that. They were warned that the two people involved had issues and shouldn't be put together. Why would the shop owner deny the DM's request for them to be separated?
Because rules, or something. And if he makes an exception for GM, he has to do it for everyone. *eyeroll* Sure hope it was worth the cops getting called to his store and an assault happening there, but at least his rules were followed!
@@rainfeather2997 lawful evil owner
@@VoidplayLP I dunno, I think Lawful Stupid would be more appropriate in this instance
@@VoidplayLP Pretty much the definition of Lawful Neutral, "The law is the law and it bends for no one" types
Same thought, while the Rangers comments were uncalled for and Fighter shouldn't had resorted to violence over it, the whole case could've been prevented by a simple (silent) table change for these 2.
When I clicked, I wasn't expecting this to be a "Florida Man" meme in the end... Now that's a plot twist.
Dm: "the loot goes to the ranger"
fighter: "i demand a trial by combat"
So if I can make a tiny little confession here where surely no one will see it, w/r/t the first story... I struggled SO MUCH to do ANY roleplaying in VtM when I played it for a couple of years. I found the game unfathomable, for some reason, and often just sat in silence not knowing what to have my character say or do. D&D brought/brings me out of my shell roleplaying-wise. But it's also wild to me to think that anyone thinks that you can't/shouldn't roleplay in some tabletop RPGs but not others...
Seems like the fighter went rogue.
I see what you did there and I don't like it......
I love it.
You have to give the DM credit for recognizing there would be an issue and try to prevent something from happening
Really hope he gave the owner a "told ya so" glance as the cops arrived.
Yeah a certain portion of the blame needs to go on the shop owner to be honest, that kind of stupid rigidity causes problems like... well exactly like this
As I heard the latter story, about the Warrior spreading rumor about the Ranger, and the Ranger dating Warrior's ex, I thought that was all in-character banter... oh what a naive fool I was until the Magic the Gathering cards were brought into the picture.
Honestly, warrior kind of sounds like a psycho, and definitely deserved the job at him, even if it was an unwise thing to do for personal safety.
Why can I only imagine the DM and store owner conversation going something like
DM: "Dude, there's some bad blood here- can we move them around?"
Store Owner: "If I do it for you I'd have to do it for everyone, it'll be fine"
One ambulance and arrest later
*Owner sweating as the DM looks pointedly at them*
Someone else: who’s gonna be awake at 9:30pm just for critcrab to upload a video?
Me: oh boy 9:30pm!
You should obviously not attack other people, and the fighter should obviously be charged for it.
12:36 "You cannot have anything, not even a girlfriend"... saying this to the guy whose ex you're dating... don't. This wasn't about loot, it was about a woman. When you're f*****g someone's ex, do not EVER taunt them about it. It obviously doesn't excuse assault, but it is likely to cause it, especially if the person getting taunted in unstable.
I repeat: It is obviously not okay that he attacked him, and he should go to court for it, but it is likely to happen when you taunt someone about whose ex you are f*****g, especially if they are unstable.
7:30 how dare you roleplay in a roleplaying game....... WTF? Maybe the couple should say something so the group can have a discussion about their crazy misconceptions about DnD?
Honestly he did it to himself for mentioning the ex. Not saying he should’ve gotten stabbed cuz of it but him mentioning the ex was the dumbest thing he could have said to him
I have some advice for the last story, if you got two players who hate each other that much the shop owner should be doing whatever he can to keep them in separate groups. Also "Whoever loses the bow gets the sword" instead of setting up a situation where a person can lose both rolls
Why imagine two guys in armor having a bagel bidding war when you can imagine the two sweaty neckbeards having a pretend bidding war over a bagel
People like couple obviously never read even the cover a dnd guide seeing that they have roleplaying game on the cover
I wanna say I'm mad at the obvious problem players but I'm honestly more mad that the store owner didn't allow for a switch when the DM requested it and advised it to avoid trouble. An event for fun should be fun not a baby sitting session. If the group can already see the smoke there will be a fire its best to douse it out (In this case make an exception to the party swapping) before you have a raging inferno.
To be fair, hindsight is 20/20. I agree to an extent, but I imagine neither the DM nor the store owner thought physical violence would occur. I have games where players don't necessarily get along, but we still function as a group.
@@HipposaurusRex That's fair I guess but if it's an event open to the public. It would make sense to allow at the very least a redraw to avoid problems like this. Asking the two problem players if they'd like to switch tables or if there will be a problem would also help alleviate the situation.
Crab: "The fighter legitimately stabbed the ranger"
Me: "bro what?"
Crab: "it took place in Florida"
Me: "it checks out"
Despite playing dnd for five years, I’ve never actually had a session zero. The idea was foreign to me until I started watching this channel.
I can’t imagine going into a roleplaying game and trying to make it into a typical boring computer game
"not stabbing people" seems to be pretty solid advice.
The two would fight for anything, the store owners should have been wiser to the situation, or maybe they didn't really know/the DM didn't tell them
I believe the story said the DM asked the store owner to relocate the problematic players, but he refused.
@@Torchflare yes indeed, but it's not clear if there was lack of information or foresight
I once had to jump in to prevent two of my players from coming to blows. I had just started a new campaign, and I was running a scenario out of Dungeon Magazine for 2E AD&D, "A Night At The Inn." Basically a storm blows in and traps a bunch of travelers in an inn with a doppleganger, who is murdering his way through the guests. All throughout the session, I kept taking players aside and consulting with them privately. I very deliberately but subtly planted the idea that one of the players was working with me in all of their heads. Well, Daniel became convinced that Damian was the secret agent, which immediately convinced Damian (who knew he wasn't the turncoat) that Daniel was the turncoat and was trying to throw him under the bus to distract from himself. Things were getting really tense and everyone was super engaged in the game, with Daniel and Damian getting more and more agitated with each other as the night went on. Finally, after they had eliminate all other living suspects, it boiled over and they both stood up and start walking around the table with the clear intent of throwing fists. I had to jump between them and reveal the doppleganger was hiding in the form of one of the murdered victims to get them to calm down. One of the best games I've ever run.
"The Fighter just can't have anything, not a bow, not a sword, not even a girlfriend"
I didn't realize you could use the Savage Attacker feat with Vicious Mockery
I hope the actual end of that story was the DM looking the owner in the eye and just being like, "I told you so."
8:53 Did I hear our beloved king crab recieving a notification on his royal phone? Are you being harassed by the overthrowing party of turtles? The plot thickens...
"The Fighter just can't have anything, not a bow, not a sword, not even a girlfriend."
*Fighter jumping over the table*
Morgan Freeman: "It was at this moment ranger knew, he fucked up"
Everytime I start too crave a tabletop game I watch Critcrab, clears that right up. Another layer of dust coats my books. Good vid.
You can always tell it is a quality session when the words "pencil-shanking" are used.
It hurts my brain to think of these people ruin the RP part of RPG
I spat my drink laughing the moment you said and I quote: "..screaming with a pencil sticking out of his shoulder." I get that random fights can happen in game and out, but the pencil bit was even more random. It's humor comes in leu of the pencil's origins being explained after the initial observation.
As for the pencil, I believe he was trying to hurt both the kid and his ranger, since that pencil is Sacred to DND of all editions.
hearing that last story was in florida made me wonder if it was in my own local floridian game shop, which incidentally is where I was imagining the whole scene taking place as it went lmaooo
Gonna show my age here for that second story...but...to quote YYH Kurama: "Nerd violence."
As someone who is just getting back into D&D after 15 years these stories are always so interesting to hear. But I gotta say the second one in this is unfortunately a common occurrence here in Florida and not just during D&D games, I've witnessed this happen a lot during Magic the Gathering and Yu-Gi-Oh games (even once during a Smash tournament held at a convention). Just another day in Florida!
The 30% off sounded so jarring lol, "to get THIRTY percent off"
All jokes aside, I absolutely love your content and am super happy the algorithm showed me your videos!
Can’t wait to see “Florida man shanks friend over Dungeons and Dragons campaign” in the news headline
In the second story - OP says that the GM handled it well, but no the fuck he didn't, LMAO. Obviously, he was not the primary culprit, but he made a lot of mistakes, culminating in him having the players roll to see who gets what.
Like, dude, why? To what end? Don't try to solve out of game issues in game, people. It's never a good time.
Yea... at that point the DM should have just said "since you two are making this an out of game issue and I'm the DM I'm making an out of game ruling. Ranger gets the bow, fighter gets the sword. End of story."
Why the fuck did he let the ranger roll for the sword at all??? Rangers aren't even that good with swords, especially since that sword was for the fighter so it was probably a strength weapon. If one of them already got something then you shouldn't have let the other try for more.
@@Lycaon1765 Honestly i can't blame the DM for that one. If the fighter is allowed to roll for the bow the ranger should be allowed to roll for the sword. Just because he wanted to steal away the ranger's bow and failed doesn't mean he suddenly gets protection when it's the other way around.
The problem is that the two of them were allowed to roll for the weapon meant for the other player in the first place, when it was clear they were both only doing it to spite the other person.
8:54 Was that your phone, CritCrab? This isn’t the content I’ve subscribed for, but that got a chuckle out of me.
Oh man get your popcorn. This is gonna be great.
What're they gonna do? Slap eachother rapidly while staying a safe distance apart
Will Korn pops work? It's too early in the morning for popcorn right now.
Ngl as someone who used to live in Florida, that Florida Man meme at the end had me cackling
I face palmed when the couple complained about the role-play
8:30 what do you mean this is a case of the players needing a session 0? They had a session 0, as a matter of fact that's all they had, exactly as described.
What they really needed was for the couple to say they didn't want any roleplaying in their TTRPG, just dungeon crawling and combat. If the others had known they just wanted to play it like a videogame it would have gone way better.
Loving this channel. It makes me aware of things I do in game and what habits I should stop
Your videos have shown me that although DnD sounds fun it is anything but DnD just sounds like an absolute nightmare no one communicates and literally anything and everything is a problem
Just woke up after falling asleep to vids from years ago from you, new upload hype
Florida Man was the final boss of a short, silly one-shot I ran for April Fools day.
AHHH you read my story! So cool!
i love starting my mornings with a new d&d crab video
I understand the owner not wanting to mix-up players in the 2nd story, because the randomness is the fun. But if tensions were so high between those 2, I feel like there really should have been an exception just to prevent drama.
If that last one was purely in character and they were good sports about it, i can see the bidding wars and bitter rivalry being a funny highlight to a campaign, and that being a really fun character dynamic between two good friends irl. Emphasis on the good friends irl part.
The 2nd story would have been funnier if they were just roleplaying their characters to be jerks to each other like that, but the ending was just sad, and shame on the shop owner / manager for letting those two in there at all with that crap going on. Props to the DM for trying to defuse it before it even started, sounds like at least he tried.
I have experienced something similar in the first story, in Final Fantasy 14. In me own experience, the one party that has a problem must talk it out with the other. It can wait til after that session but the problem must be communicated between both parties to save the game itself!
That was a rotten move! Says the ranger. The fighter shrugs. "It's what my player would do!"
You made me spit out my drink with that one. Bravo.
I already laughed about the title.
Something about two nerds throwing hands over fictional loot in a disposable roleplay campaign is just hilarious to me.
This is the most immersive PvP I’ve ever seen!
CritCrab, you did it again! Rockin' story for sure!
Peace and love from Texas!!
✌❤🤘😁
Ranger: i'll one gold for that poison of meld discomfort
Fighter: i'll give you two gold!
Ranger: i'll give you three!
Fighter(now facing ranger): FOUR!
Rager(now facing fighter): FIVE!
Critcrab with session zeros is exactly like Dani with unity's particle system.
I love that Critcrab articulated my thoughts exactly.
"Now, is a 'Session Zero' ALWAYS needed?"
" . . . . . . . ...Well . . . . . .yeah."
LMAO!
Me: I love listening to CritCrab stories! I could listen to them all da...
My OCD brain: OMG did you hear that buzzing cellphone go off near the nine minute mark?!? Better listen to it eight more times to be sure!
Me: ...*sigh*...
In the middle area of America, it’s still pretty difficult. I know three DMs, one of which only DMs when his homework takes less than an hour per week(so never), the other railroads, and the third is too busy to host me as a player, what with me being said DM.
Maybe I'm in the minority here, but, can you make your voice level higher in these videos? Even when I crank the volume all the way up its very hard to hear you a lot of the time. I'd much rather have to turn it down a bit when your vids are on than turn it up all the way and still not be able to heat you.
I second this. Whether I'm wearing headphones or using my speaker, it seems that Crab's newer videos are all really quiet and hard to hear, even in my otherwise silent apartment. I keep finding myself clicking off of them midway out of frustration.
Agreed. All his videos have different volumes so I'm constantly adjusting my speakers as I watch them.
I have a player that doesn't roleplay, so he just let's the group translate whatever he's doing into roleplay form. It doesn't ruin the game for him to have several people in the group that get really into their characters.
I love your content, and the only sad thing is that I’ve already burned through your entire catalogue. Now I’m waiting for more stories like it’s a weekly tv show.
I love WoD but when I hear "We play almost only games from the World of Darkness" I'm like.... oh oh.
I was the same, Iove VtM, but I know very well how... complicated is to change the perspective with other games, specially D&D... I said it as someone that have this problem at the begining of a D&D campaing... being initiated in ttrpgs thanks to VtM...
The fighter Vs ranger thing reminds me so much of Fandel Vs Sven for Camilla
Obviously the assault is not acceptable. But also if you gonna try and talk smack don't be surprised if you smacked.
The "Bullying a Dragon" trope exists for a reason
*Ranger:* "The Fighter just can't have anything, not a bow, not a sword, not even a girlfriend."
*Florida Fighter:* ...and I took that personally.
As someone from Iowa, what OP said about finding groups in the Midwest is true.
I guess the real Florida Man was the friends we made along the way...
I wonder if the shop owner felt the assault, police, and ambulance visit was less of a hassle than simply shuffling some names around to separate those players.
Not surprised the fighter had a higher CMB for his grapple check. I guess shit talking provokes attacks of opportunity.
I swear Floridian D&D sessions aren't always this.
Honestly i think the second story is mislabeled. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt and in this case i definitely don't think that the fighter started the fight because of the in game loot and much likelier because the ranger said he couldn't get a girlfriend, let's remember that ranger is dating fighter's ex and i feel that's the real reason for the fighter spontaneously making a new personalized pencil holder.
Obviously not condoning the stab or anything, just saying that mislabeling such a situation can make intentions and reasons seem much worse than they are.
that being said...i wonder who the 2 dislikes are from? *big HMMMMMMM*
Exactly, for fighter the loot was only a excuse to bully Ranger.
@Alfonso The Lie Weaver Read the coments, there is a lot of moron who believe the dispute was for loot.
That DM in the last story must have said "Ah if only this could have been avoided if we switch the players. If only someone has brought it up"