I've raised two boys (19 and 17 now) and I firmly believe that good parenting comes from the commitment to see our children as actual *people* from the time they are born. They are not baggage to carry around, or little duplicates of ourselves. From a very young age, they have their own talents and volition. Talk with them, listen to them, help them figure out how to make good decisions, help them figure out who they want to be.
Good or bad decisions it’s there live there problem why they need help with that and why is it only good decisions if it’s bad just don’t bail them out it’s called tough love
I’m expecting in November and I cringe a little when people say “aww, a mini you!” I know they mean no harm but she’s her own person who will have her own experiences. I’m here to help guide and nurture along the way ❤
I’ve been struggling with how to balance technology and faith in our home, and ‘Raising Warriors: Preparing Your Children For a Godly Life’ provided some amazing insights that we’ve already started using
I only learned to be a better parent in my 40's. My youngest 9 year old benefited the most. But my oldest 20yr old was damaged with poor parenting skills. It took understanding myself, my relationship with my wife, and why I operate the way I do that led me to be a better parent.
You are absolutely right. You can't parent a stranger well if you are a stranger to yourself. Parenting is about forming a relationship with a stranger and leading them to know, accept and express themselves. If you don't know yourself, you get into a rough start as a parent.
@@dpok69you know what though, no one expects what’s coming when you have a child. And lately every parent I’ve spoken to in my life feels like they’ve damaged their older child. I have two children and myself feel like I could have done better with my first. However, almost no one gets it right the first time because there’s no manual for this. Especially when there’s no adult/worthy role model in your life. That doesn’t mean you can’t have children because sometimes children forcefully sets you up on the right path unintentionally. The key is to be honest and vulnerable with your child and stop doing the thing that hurt them to begin with. I know you know this by now but for anyone reading this, don’t be discouraged from having children just because you think you’ll ruin your child’s life. The people that are self aware enough and worried about how they’ll be as a parent are actually the ones that will do great if they accepted the challenge. This just means that they are in tune with how their actions affect others and they care about how their children will be raised. Just my opinion 😊
"It's narcissistic to think we can raise another being when we haven't raised ourselves" This right here is at the core of why I don't think I'm ready to be a parent yet.
Most people aren’t ready if they have never had a child. You can try to be physically mentally and even monetarily ready but it’s just a whole new world and even when you’re “ready” it won’t be the way other people raise their children. Most people have nurture in them. Obviously there are a select few who do not use it but for the most part we’re all capable of doing so.
Markus Junnikkala Parenting isn't creating a being, the kids are their own persons, all parents do is guide, and let the child discover. That is all we do anyway, we discover, and seek guidance.
Sometimes it gives me goosebumps the way u introduce guests... I just feel u put 100% sincere efforts to understand the guest's personality....just hats off to ur efforts
I always take notes in my journal whenever I watch these interviews, but never have I been in a situation where I've felt the need to jot down LITERALLY EVERYTHING the interviewee is saying. I'm having so many "a-ha!" moments (as Oprah would say) and so many things are starting to make sense. But most notably, this has shed light on a true, deeply rooted passion I never thought I had. Thank you for this interview.
It feels like a lot of people gets scared of having kids when they listen to this. As a mum who is not done with developing myself, who hasn't heeled from my past and who is in a bad place even if my child is 3, I just want to say that this truly inspires me! I want to be the best me, so I can give that to my child - who is amazing and deserves the best mum i can be! This doesn't scare me, this inspires me! My child wasn't planned, but welcomed. I got pregnant again after that, but felt that I'm not capable to be a mum of two right now. My child that I have is my number one person in my life and I will not have more kids if I can't live up to that. I WANT more kids(!) But I won't if I can't be the best mum they can have. Thank you for this video! It's amazing in so many ways!
This is soooo sooo true! My 1st born son who is 19 now is my heart n soul and we are very close he tells me literally everything more then I ever thought but I appreciate our relationship so much. I am a very overprotective parent and I told him to sign up for local college n study to get a degree for a good job but he told me he doesn’t want to go to school and I was very upset but got over it and one month later he was offered an amazing job opportunity but out of state and I told him no he can’t go and leave me and he can find another job in town but, hours later I looked myself in the mirror n was being very selfish as a parent and told him go out and fly his wings and I’m so proud of him he is 19 years old and making triple amount income then me and I now tell him I’m proud he stood his ground and took a leap of faith and flew his wings
I love how she brings these profound, deep truths to all topics and reasons up from those no matter the circumstance. A lot of cold, hard wisdom here that yet comes from a peaceful place. Great episode.
Wow, this was so good. This brought me to tears because my father was authoritarian, and I believe it caused a lot of pain and dysfunction in our family. He said sorry the day he passed. “Parents rob their children of their wholeness”
My dad was also strict but I'm more disciplined for it now. Sure I did rebel a bit as a teenager but I hold no harsh feelings towards it now. Some of the teens you see at the train stations and shopping centres hanging around and stealing cars could do with a lot of discipline. Be happy that you didn't turn out like those kids. Let's hope they discover their own way and become a positive to society and not a negative.
Loved this episode! So happy to hear Dr. Shefali on! She changed my life forever after going to her Evolve conference 2 years ago! As the mother of an older adopted child who's endured a lot, trust me.... Conscious Parenting WORKS!!!! Thanks for spreading this message.
Gratitude is key ! When you lose a parent at 6 and lose a child to sids , you tend to realize how a child is such a blessing. I was a drug addict and also spent time in prison in my younger years , and I am now a 47 year old mam to two boys. I have been clean for 10 years now and have found my faith and understanding of human conditions. I am in the process of breaking the cycle and find you fascinating. All I can do is help my children not make the same mistakes as I did. They have their own mistakes to make ! 🙏 Awesome !
That is NOT easy to overcome, I congratulate you on your sobriety in a world full of substance & your compassion towards your children! Sounds like you’re a fantastic parent you’re children are also blessed to have. I wish more parents out there were like you. I also struggle with substance & have overcome a lot, but am working to be my most authentic sober self for my children. So happy to read you’ve been through more than me & have been able to crush those giant obstacles to create a wonderful life for yourself & the future generation. Makes me so sad when I see parents treat their kids like annoying minions they have to feed
Man you made me feel so comforting because I just did get out of prison in 2020 and raised my children before and only one after but I am in communication with both
Well done for breaking the cycle and wanting to be the best parent you possibly can be. You have transitioned from darkness into the light. Use your story to inspire others.
Dr. Shefali's words make me want to cry because they touch a part of me (my Truth) that knows. It saddens me how unconscious I was raising the three souls that the Universe gave to me. That being said, I will not regret the past or worry about the future because I only have this moment now. And now that I know better I will do better and I will sit in silence more often to hear the Voice of Wisdom within me that I call my Divinity. All I want is to Love.....everyone. Dr. Shefali and others like her can help me with that and I am very grateful.
A lot of what she said resonates with me. It let me know that I'm pretty much on the right track with my son. I vowed to let my son be his authentic self and encourage it as much as possible. I pray that in a sense he keeps his child like view on life when it's right. I pray that God speaks through me to him so that I raise him the best way possible. I want my son to be him and not my expectations.
I have some emotional while she said " be conscious why you want to be a parent, find out the true answer, and if you really are parent do you love your kids unconditionally? " I cried because I can't even love myself unconditionally how I love my kids unconditionally. Is a journey, to people out there don't give birth if you are attached with your culture, the so called life cycle that we had plant in our mind. Heal the world. ❤️
I don't think anyone can ever be 100 percent ready. It's a whole different ball game that you do not understand until you are on the other side. I've been single and now married with kids and would not change it for the world. It's a huge blessing that does come with a responsibility to step up, do what is best for them, not what is easy for you.
it's hard to comprehend that some parents would walk out or feel uncomfortable at the 12 minute mark. By 12 minutes i was feeling an interconnectedness in my chest with everything Dr. Shefali was saying, relating it to my life with my parents and how unconscious our family was and is. I remember asking my mother as i grew older, "mom why dont i feel happy like i used to?" Such a gigantic mystery, one that couldn't be solved until 15 years later and many intense experiences, choices made, and consequences realized. This video here is extremely impactful for all the right reasons, the content that this video is presenting could literally create a change in ones mind that could completely change the course of their very own life, more importantly ones own childs life. When Dr. Shefali spoke of this cycle of throwing up, overdosing, or having an epiphany in some dangerous lifestyle circumstance she wasn't just making a joke. That was the truth right there, avoid that, and help your kids avoid that at all costs.
Just sitting here thinking about how consistently, Impact Theory is bringing some of the highest quality content going. Thank you for having these high standards and sharing such important conversations with the world.
A simple suggestion to help children fall asleep in good time... is to cut down on sugars in their foods after 3 pm or at least 5 (For slightly older children who have to study). Diet plays one very important role in waking states and preparation for physical and mental activities.. so too in preparation for sleep time. So I sincerely feel that its not just a scheduled discipline or wearing down in the evenings... Open to discussion.
Brilliant! I also love and appreciate that she brought up the Buddhist practice of vipassana meditation and impermanence. The hardest lesson I learned (and am still learning) about myself was to be present & that life in-and-of itself is impermanent so why am I holding on to any kind of personal emotional harmful nonsense, as well learning to quiet down the mind-jungle noises, which I recently learned at a silent vipassana meditation retreat. A beautiful practice. So many fabulous take-aways in this Impact Theory video with Dr. Tsabary!!
I get along really well with children now, I can get us out of problems and enjoying our time together. Like she said its all about who you train yourself to be first. When I am with children I feel so lucky because I know we are going to have a great time doing what they want to do, I will be learning and co operating with them at their level having as much fun as a kid has because Im truely curious to find out who they are not impose patterns on them. When they find out I am interested in who they are and respect them like no other person is doing with them, they feel safe and let their ideas out freely. So the time we spend together is enniching because they get the chance to lead, to teach to think and try their ideas out. This makes life so easy with children, yet it has taken me years to teach any adults about this even when they see my success. So please follow good advice and be open to observing yourself and stop being the problem, get out of the child's way, and support their natural creative processes, and they will be so happy to spend time with you
What a brilliant woman. I put off having children for 2 decades so that I could develop spiritually, emotionally, and heal my own childhood traumas. Now I finally feel ready to embark on the deep work of having a child, continuing to learn and working towards non-attachment along the way 😌
Absolutely 100% true! As a parent learning this on my own, it resonates and I feel like I am now doing a far better job now that I'm conscious to my own issues and am fixing myself from within. This is a lesson for everyone, not just parent figures.
My ADD or ADHD or whatever typically prevents me from making it through full videos on UA-cam that’s teaching related however I watched this in its entirety and it definitely gave me much to consider. I am a mother to one son who is almost 16 and I definitely took a way a couple things that I’m going to start implementing with him. Being more present in the moment and not so much trying to control. Thanks for the lovely video.
This is crazy! I grew up being beat and emotionally neglected, molested and raped by the age of 12 and molested by a Sheriff and I never ever wanted kids…however, when I had my first I was hooked..I lived vicariously through each of my children and I have 5 of them from the ages of 2 upward to 26..They brought me life, for once (and 4 other times:) I saw the wonders of the world through their eyes. What has worn me down over the years aren’t the kids is the adults that don’t know how to be joyful and kind like most kids do!
I needed this 4 kids ago!!! They’re grown now but I have grandchildren and can REALLY relate to this!! I realized something changed with my last 3 children because it seemed harder because the first 2 listened to and did whatever I told them and didn’t give me major issues!! Now I’m learning me, my inner child, and working on being better! This is so necessary!
If you dont meditate, you might not get her. These are incredibly painful truths. There is only you. You are a guide to a child. You are a partner to another, there is really only you in your wholeness. Your perspective. Your history, ideas, beliefs. You are completely unique, understanding this allows you to honour other beings (your child/husband/wifes) uniqueness and let go of control. Letting go of control is like holding a delicate flower in your hand, its petals are not being crushed by your desires and views. When you accept this there is great healing.
OMG I had to literally delay my afternoon plans to watch this and Re-watch SO many bits! I was like "what?! wait, what?" So many times... I will never be able to pick just 1 video from Tom's Impact Theory show, but this one will definitely make it to my Keep Forever and Learn List!
This is so true!!! ....I keep telling my parents " we are the way we are mainly because of them" and they dont want to hear it...but me knowing this I defiantly still take on negative traits from them that I'm doing with my child! Its sad but so habitual 😔
Stop blaming your parents. Initiate change. If you truly believe they made you who you are, you won the battle. You have found the self you want to be or not to be. Initiate change. You are not 3 anymore. Move from blame. Initiate change.
Dr. Shefali shed light into what I thought it was me going crazy. I didn't want to "parent" my child and I felt like I was the one who needed to grow. And I found on her words the way into what my heart was already telling me. Thank you!
I've been in the process of deconstructing my parenting views recently and just today as I looked at my 10 year old while he was complaining all I could do was smile and think about how such a wonderful blessing he is to me. So greatful for the sacrifices he made as a beautiful soul to be my son in this lifetime to come here to teach me patience and understanding and to learn how to be in the now and connect with others and to heal. When we connect it flows and makes so much more sense. Let go of what we have been conditioned to beleive and forgive ourselves because we all muck up.
''The most conscious parent is a non-parent.'' So much insight, it's blowing my mind. It's very interesting what she said about love. Very thought provoking.
I’m 58 years old, her talks resonated with me very easy to follow her teachings, I’m so happy I’m on my way to my true self, wish I knew this when my kids were growing up. Thanks for having her on the show🙏🏻🥰
When she said, 'The reason parents cannot except their children, is because they haven't excepted themselves.' Gave me chills. I have always believed this same thought. Well said. Period.
@@wholistics-movebreathefast8120 When we have unhealed trauma and subconscious ideas of standards, whether its from our parents, our culture, or society. When we realize these unconscious ideals we have set for our children AND ourselves, we can raise them to be their own person and live in a way that works best for them
Dr. Sjefali is such an amazing, insightful, beautiful person. I learned so much today. I know that I absolutely must begin a daily meditation practice. Thank you Tom and thank you Dr. Shefali.
I experienced a dramatic elevation in consciousness just from this talk! And halfway through it I got to put Shefali’s wisdom into practice by spending time outside with my children. When it came time to get my son in the car, I was feeling myself sooo tempted to just pick him up and force him in his seat but I insisted I not give in to the need to control or dominate. And it worked out great. Already loving the changes I’m seeing and I’ve only know finished the talk. Thank you!
OMG!! She's got this shit down perfectly man that's dead on what I have struggled my entire life with!! I'm almost 40 years old now but all my life I was constantly struggling with nothing I ever did seemed to be good enough for either of my parents...never being able to do things like the other ppl my age were doing because my parents were control freaks and were soooo strict with me...I became addicted to drugs when I was 20 years old and have just in the last three years been able to maintain my sobriety...I have two daughters of my own now and I am constantly putting myself in their shoes...trying to remember what I was thinking when I was facing things that they deal with and I try to find the balance because I know that all my parents did was push me away because they wouldn't accept me for me...they wanted and still do actually...want me to be what they think I should be and it's always about what I make them look like to the rest of the world and this is still a troubling part of my everyday psyche...it is the reason for a lot of the negative behaviors and feelings that I sometimes still struggle with...mostly emotional/internal struggles and I refuse to do that to the relationship I have with my girls...I do not want them to feel the way I always felt and still do...but I am starting to see that it really wasn't my parents fault because they didn't know what they were doing but then I remember many times that I tried to explain to them or try to get them to see where I was coming from but I always got shot down as I'm just trying to get my way or they would say something like I was just trying to put "the guilt trip" on them and all these different things and they wouldn't even offer to try to see it from my perspective because I was just a kid that thought I knew everything and just stubborn and didn't wanna listen to them. 🙄Everything she says IS EXACTLY CORRECT!!!100%...that is for having her on ur show..she's the absolute BEST SPEAKER YET!!! 🥳💓💗💚
I think committing to improving our own lives is paramount in all relationships, especially as a husband or a wife let alone a parent. When we mess up we have the opportunity to teach compassion and forgiveness. We are all here just to realize we are just love. Her path and her message is inspiring.
What a beautiful message she sends, I am so grateful to have come across this video. My daughter is 4yrs old now and most of her life she has never slept much, I would stay up with her, sometimes up to 4am then she would wake up at 7am, I got the wrath of friends and family..."put her in her room, shut the door, MAKE her go to sleep. guess what? I never did I started up and played, read, enjoyed our time together, she is 4 now and just this last year she started falling asleep between 10 and 12pm. and sleeps until 7-8ish am. I knew this day would come..I let her mind/ body learn on her own when SHE is ready to go to sleep. So many people disagree they say I let her run the show... maybe I did but this is who she is, very high energy takes in so much, I felt this helped her grow.
I was always scared of being homeless and at 18 my mom left me and i became homess for about 2 years.. eye opening. But not the worse thing that had happened
I always knew when i was smaller that i will treat my kid as their own person and be their guide and confidant to help them be their best self because as a child i was never heard and was never allowed to be myself and when i was i was wrong and that just alienated me from my family.
As a participant in helping raise a 12 year old. I see clearly now that I have dropped myself into this role. All offenses and struggles that I suffer are a reflection of my early programming. The deadbeat dad also has left his mark which sticks out and causes pain. What a great lesson in my life, approaching 50 so I believe I needed this to keep the focus upon myself and these words have helped. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Bless you all for having such a diverse group of guests. I love continuously being surprised by how my idea that you can’t possibly have a better interview gets demolished by your next interview! Great job all!
When Tom asked her what her influences are to the world, my eyes are swelled up. Her message is so life-changing. Parenting seems to be the journey of ego-demolishing and the cursor to remind you to live the present moments and accept them as they are.
Awesome show again, Tom! Dr. Shefali is a light beacon, placed in our world to spread rays of higher vibrations. Our world is rising and this is visible from the amount of people who resonate with these new age ideas! It’s so exciting to observe! Thank you, Tom for your light as well!
Wonderful. I don't have biological children but I have a niece and I sometimes treat her the same way I was treated as a child and I hate that. I can't help it. I hate that I m doing what I hate to my child because I can't control myself. How do you manage to do that?
This woman is a fucking genius! I changed my major three years ago from early childhood to psychology and I was amazed at the fact the I didn’t know anything about the brain and I was able to understand my son and myself better. I love this interview!
In 2003 I learned about the "vicious cicle of abuse" something that its passed on from generation to generation...but now I'm learning another extension from another perspective with this lady's knowledge. I'm hooked to her ideas. Very meaningful and accurate.
This is so DEEP! I am the mother to four young boys and it is so hard to enjoy the moment!!! Because EXACTLY WHAT SHE SAID, WE AS PARENTS HAVE FEARS! YES YES YES ! so TRUE.
My goodness, these interviews are like miniworkshops, thank you so much for them. Dr. Shefali is beautiful, highly intellectual, funny and so simply, amazingly insightful. I am going to continue to follow her. I have a 15 y/o and wish I didn't wait so long to start this journey but, here we are!
I loved this episode like so many of tgem before this one. Thank you, Tom and your team to bring these amazing personalities to us. Not only introduce them to us but Tom with your insightful researched interviews you bring out something more profound in each of these interviews. I am a parent of two young kids and me n my wife are going through the 'pain'. This interview means so much to me. Thank you once again!!
I love how Dr. Shefali received "the highest compliment" of taking Tom Bilyeu on a journey! That she certainly does. This interview says it all. I love it!
This video is pretty good until she said that she majored in psychology. My opinión: “Most psychologists have mental issues, as I see it, a very strong ego.” She even admits it! As for myself: I had neglected myself to care for my sick children, I had starved myself and I call that love. I put them first and just because she does not love and is not evolved, that doesn’t mean that there aren’t some evolved humans in this world. As for me, I am not evolved of course but I do my best to continue growing and become the best version of myself. I say that I had loved my children a little each day. I may have to take some time for myself and not love them in that moment but then again what she describes is imposible to unconditionally love on this earth. Because we also have to love ourselves in order to love others and then how do you unconditionally love and also love yourself. It is contradictory! I say we can unconditionally love and then be selfish and love ourselves. To me that makes sense, at least for this world we live in 🙂
Hey Tom! Your interviewing skills are outstanding, you have come such a long way since Inside Quest. I wasn't keen on Dr Shefali just as I wasn't on Gary Vaynerchuk, however both interviews have been life changing. As always You make a difference to my life. Many Thanks!
What a profound talk. This is so hard for most parents to accept. Live in the moment and not in the fantasy that conflicts with reality. Parenting is a pleasure. Such a learning and reforming experience for me.
I totally agree with Dr. Shefali. Here is a testimony proving her point of view and mine. Our family turned to Rita Soman at a desperate point in time…and the results were so very positive. Using a combination of addiction counseling, family counseling, Psych K tools, prayer, written and video recommendations, experience, and patience, Rita was able to help our family begin the healing process. Initially the goal was to help one of our children with an addiction issue…as it turned out it was MY addiction that was creating the dysfunctional behaviors in our children. It took time to overcome my denial, but Rita finally convinced me that working on my own problems would help heal our family…and she was on target with this assessment. I am very thankful for her consistent and loving message. By getting help for my addiction, it not only began the healing process for our children but also freed me to begin a spiritual and personal growth journey that would not have been possible otherwise. Knowing Rita has been a Blessing…if you or your family is faced with similar addiction or relationship issues, I would highly recommend working with Rita! Sincerely, A Grateful Father
I believe everything she has spoken here. I have been living in this form with my son who is 9 now, and I advising people the same. This is my first time even hearing of this woman and here amazing theories. I’m 💯💯💯💯 in support of her belief. Thank u for this episode. I can’t wait to look more into her work ... wow 😃🙏🏽
Being a parent is the hardest thing I have ever done. For the past 17 years through, I fail every day. It makes me do the craziest things, tests me to the unknown areas of myself, and still exposes my deepest darkest weakest spots. Nowhere to hide. Thought about killing myself few times even. So so so hard. Still nothing would push me out of my comfort zone and help me evolve to be a little better person. That’s why I appreciate my kids for giving me the opportunities. So now I think kids help parents born into new beings if they remain and yield. Admire her wisdom and strength. And thanks for sharing the wisdom.
Interesting. I remember when I was pregnant, feeling that my child was a sister soul as well as my child - I have always tried to hold onto that awareness in my parenting.
I love Dr. Shefali, I have all her books, and following her instructions made me a better parent, and a better human being. But one thing she says makes me bolt for the keyboard, pause the video and comment: Dr. Shefalli is WRONG, dead wrong suggesting that people should not have kids, or things long and hard for decades before they perfect themselves to have one. This way no one will ever have kids, because we can NEVER be perfect! Wasn't she the one who said that life is about pain and handling that pain in a conscious manner? I urge you to have kids, have as many as you can! Enjoy watching them grow, watch their beauty because they represent the beauty of life! And definitely follow what Dr. Shefalli says about raising them. But go ahead a have kids, and bring life to this world!
Maybe she thinks both at the same time. I agree with you though, I used to think I was not ready or good enough to be a mom I believe a human being deserves but then I got pregnant and gave birth at the age of 30. Now I realise that you learn as you go, as long as you keep an open mind and heart, educate yourself, meditate and see that you too are a work in progress.
don't have kids if you don't know how to raise them... so many American kids are in depression, obesity..because their parents just keep divorcing. Indian kids are struggling super bad having to keep up to their parents' expectation. parents are not even aware what they are doing wrong. so yeah, don't have kids. its not about you. or how you feel fulfilled by having them... and you enjoying them grow... NO! you are ready when you at least have learnt to acknowledge your own baggages and flaws. if not then dont have kids...
And I disagree with your "I urge you to have kids, have as many as you can!" No! We are poor because my parents and many other parents fuck as much as they want without fucking thinking of what they can provide. That their children will have their own dreams and that would need support. Have kids, but within your means. Financially, spiritually, physically, emotionally, and timely. It's not about the quantity, but the quality. 1 kid that received enough time, love, guidance, and support from parents is so much better than 6 kids hating you and hating life and hating themselves and not receiving enough support to utilize their potential and passions.
The way I interpret what she meant is that you shouldn’t have kids until you are confident that you can be a responsible human being, willing to put aside your ego to acknowledge that you are imperfect and therefore search for answers on how to be better, like reading her book and learning about being conscious. Having children at 18 is vastly different from having children at 30. Just because you’re 30 doesn’t mean you’re now perfect, but you will be at the age where you are fit to raise the next generation because you accept there are bigger things in life than yourself.
Hey Tom, Thanks for doing your show, I really appreciate it. All I can say is that in my experience between getting married and becoming a father of 2, my ego melted like ice cream on the hottest summer day in the middle of the desert. I consciously accepted my responsibility as a parent 14 years ago and it's been quite a wonderful ride full of every single emotion you can imagine including the ones you can not imagine. My daughter was born with down syndrome and she is awesome now in high school and she taught me about real love and living always present. And my 7-year-old son taught me about how angry I was and my body's inability to move and perform at the time. Thanks to my kids now I live my life always aware of the moment I'm experiencing, became an authentic human being, enjoy every day and develop a wonderful addiction for physical exercise that makes me feel alive and stronger than my teenage years. Love you Tom and your team, thanks for all you do.
I am grateful for this class in this conversation. I realize that my parents messed me up at his parents and so I've always strive to do everything in the opposite way that they have done it. I'm on the verge of being a conscious parent I am conscious of my child needs I do my best not to shave her I do my best to allow her to explore life and learning and what she wants to do. The one thing I feel like I'm messing up in is sending her to public school because she desires to be homeschooled. But listening to this has made me realize I'm not crazy like everybody around me makes you feel because of how I give my daughter a great deal of allowances and expressions and freedoms to explore her environment and who she is as a person/spirit being
I love this lady, And her remarks, at 37:20 "Then I love her less." 39:50 "Let's really take a pause, a couple decades." Great humor. One of your best podcasts.
I was looking for an interview or discussion on better parenting and for myself as the parent...this hit home!!! She makes sense. The topics are a bit controversial, but make so much sense. Thank you, Tom, for your show, this interview with Dr. Shefali and the transparency of it all.
I completely agree about the going to sleep when the child is refusing. This just happened with my son (by the time they are refusing and fussing and crying, it is past their sleep time, aka they would have fallen asleep earlier without a problem but we as parents were out with them longer than expected or something else delayed the natural time when they wanted to fall asleep. The crying is saying it is past the sleep time and now im really tired.) So the way i got him to sleep is brought him home (we were at a restaurant and had to leave cuz he was getting physical, too frustrated,) and it was not by force, not saying, you have to go to sleep NOW! I was quiet, not saying much, but beckoning with my arms for him to come to me for a hug. It took about 15 minutes to create a connection, he came close enough to lean on me, then he leaned on my back, and i had the idea of giving him a piggy back ride. That worked like a charm cuz it opened him with humor and lightheartedness. He stopped crying and felt easier, so i felt that he was ready to lay down next to me, and it took another like 5 mins for him to fall asleep on me. Its totally different than locking him in his room and saying go to bed in your own bed. It was a tough slow beautiful connected dance
How can I express my gratitude for this all you do? Extremely emotionally moved by this interview as it particularly hits home for me in my past and present experience. impact theory is and will always be the pinnacle of growth for this era of my life and hopefully onward, so please don't ever quit on us tom and Lisa !!! . 🙏🏻
My biggest takeaway from this is... Any epiphany in life is always linked to guilt, if you are scared of being vulnerable and feeling guilty for not knowing something earlier, wasting your time in life, not being smart enough, kind enough... you will miss the opportunity to learn and grow and ultimately won't be able to pass this skill to your family, kids, friends. It is an eye-opener, thank you Tom for inviting somebody that creates the value in your life without even talking to you directly. Mind-blowing.
Kids are smarter and realize way more than we give them credit for. My daughter knows I'm a better parent now because I wasn't before. And she is happy that I am around.
I've raised two boys (19 and 17 now) and I firmly believe that good parenting comes from the commitment to see our children as actual *people* from the time they are born. They are not baggage to carry around, or little duplicates of ourselves. From a very young age, they have their own talents and volition. Talk with them, listen to them, help them figure out how to make good decisions, help them figure out who they want to be.
Good or bad decisions it’s there live there problem why they need help with that and why is it only good decisions if it’s bad just don’t bail them out it’s called tough love
I don't have a bond with my son
@@ChristinaHay-p7h how old is ur son
😢😢sk❤s❤😮😅😅😅😅😅lo❤❤❤
I’m expecting in November and I cringe a little when people say “aww, a mini you!” I know they mean no harm but she’s her own person who will have her own experiences. I’m here to help guide and nurture along the way ❤
I’ve been struggling with how to balance technology and faith in our home, and ‘Raising Warriors: Preparing Your Children For a Godly Life’ provided some amazing insights that we’ve already started using
This is why self awareness prior to parenting and taking parenting seriously prior to being a parent is so vital. I hope more people do the same.
I only learned to be a better parent in my 40's. My youngest 9 year old benefited the most. But my oldest 20yr old was damaged with poor parenting skills.
It took understanding myself, my relationship with my wife, and why I operate the way I do that led me to be a better parent.
You’re so right I love this
You are absolutely right. You can't parent a stranger well if you are a stranger to yourself. Parenting is about forming a relationship with a stranger and leading them to know, accept and express themselves. If you don't know yourself, you get into a rough start as a parent.
I know I am. I want to learn everything and I am not a mother yet. I don't want to be unprepared and hurt my child(ren) with clumsy parenting.
@@dpok69you know what though, no one expects what’s coming when you have a child. And lately every parent I’ve spoken to in my life feels like they’ve damaged their older child. I have two children and myself feel like I could have done better with my first. However, almost no one gets it right the first time because there’s no manual for this. Especially when there’s no adult/worthy role model in your life. That doesn’t mean you can’t have children because sometimes children forcefully sets you up on the right path unintentionally. The key is to be honest and vulnerable with your child and stop doing the thing that hurt them to begin with. I know you know this by now but for anyone reading this, don’t be discouraged from having children just because you think you’ll ruin your child’s life. The people that are self aware enough and worried about how they’ll be as a parent are actually the ones that will do great if they accepted the challenge. This just means that they are in tune with how their actions affect others and they care about how their children will be raised. Just my opinion 😊
"It's narcissistic to think we can raise another being when we haven't raised ourselves"
This right here is at the core of why I don't think I'm ready to be a parent yet.
Markus Junnikkala Ditto!
Wow! Really insightful!
Markus Junnikkala most people become parents to mature themselves
Most people aren’t ready if they have never had a child. You can try to be physically mentally and even monetarily ready but it’s just a whole new world and even when you’re “ready” it won’t be the way other people raise their children. Most people have nurture in them. Obviously there are a select few who do not use it but for the most part we’re all capable of doing so.
Markus Junnikkala Parenting isn't creating a being, the kids are their own persons, all parents do is guide, and let the child discover. That is all we do anyway, we discover, and seek guidance.
Sometimes it gives me goosebumps the way u introduce guests... I just feel u put 100% sincere efforts to understand the guest's personality....just hats off to ur efforts
Tom is just other-worldly
I always take notes in my journal whenever I watch these interviews, but never have I been in a situation where I've felt the need to jot down LITERALLY EVERYTHING the interviewee is saying. I'm having so many "a-ha!" moments (as Oprah would say) and so many things are starting to make sense. But most notably, this has shed light on a true, deeply rooted passion I never thought I had. Thank you for this interview.
What’s your passion? How’s it going 3 years on?
It feels like a lot of people gets scared of having kids when they listen to this. As a mum who is not done with developing myself, who hasn't heeled from my past and who is in a bad place even if my child is 3, I just want to say that this truly inspires me! I want to be the best me, so I can give that to my child - who is amazing and deserves the best mum i can be! This doesn't scare me, this inspires me!
My child wasn't planned, but welcomed. I got pregnant again after that, but felt that I'm not capable to be a mum of two right now. My child that I have is my number one person in my life and I will not have more kids if I can't live up to that. I WANT more kids(!) But I won't if I can't be the best mum they can have.
Thank you for this video! It's amazing in so many ways!
The more we love the more we get suffering!
This is soooo sooo true! My 1st born son who is 19 now is my heart n soul and we are very close he tells me literally everything more then I ever thought but I appreciate our relationship so much. I am a very overprotective parent and I told him to sign up for local college n study to get a degree for a good job but he told me he doesn’t want to go to school and I was very upset but got over it and one month later he was offered an amazing job opportunity but out of state and I told him no he can’t go and leave me and he can find another job in town but, hours later I looked myself in the mirror n was being very selfish as a parent and told him go out and fly his wings and I’m so proud of him he is 19 years old and making triple amount income then me and I now tell him I’m proud he stood his ground and took a leap of faith and flew his wings
I had to ask myself “Do I want to feel like a good parent or do I want to be a good parent!” I can’t believe how much this resonates with me!
I love how she brings these profound, deep truths to all topics and reasons up from those no matter the circumstance. A lot of cold, hard wisdom here that yet comes from a peaceful place. Great episode.
You've described her very well! Glad you liked the episode!
Wow, this was so good. This brought me to tears because my father was authoritarian, and I believe it caused a lot of pain and dysfunction in our family. He said sorry the day he passed.
“Parents rob their children of their wholeness”
My dad was also strict but I'm more disciplined for it now. Sure I did rebel a bit as a teenager but I hold no harsh feelings towards it now.
Some of the teens you see at the train stations and shopping centres hanging around and stealing cars could do with a lot of discipline. Be happy that you didn't turn out like those kids. Let's hope they discover their own way and become a positive to society and not a negative.
it's early childhood trauma it begins when a child can't control their enviroment
Loved this episode! So happy to hear Dr. Shefali on! She changed my life forever after going to her Evolve conference 2 years ago! As the mother of an older adopted child who's endured a lot, trust me.... Conscious Parenting WORKS!!!! Thanks for spreading this message.
Yes Tammy Ramsay
Way to go!!!
Fantastic to see somebody who has applied her principles under difficult circumstances and saying it works! Love that. :O)
Gratitude is key ! When you lose a parent at 6 and lose a child to sids , you tend to realize how a child is such a blessing. I was a drug addict and also spent time in prison in my younger years , and I am now a 47 year old mam to two boys. I have been clean for 10 years now and have found my faith and understanding of human conditions. I am in the process of breaking the cycle and find you fascinating. All I can do is help my children not make the same mistakes as I did. They have their own mistakes to make ! 🙏 Awesome !
That is NOT easy to overcome, I congratulate you on your sobriety in a world full of substance & your compassion towards your children! Sounds like you’re a fantastic parent you’re children are also blessed to have. I wish more parents out there were like you. I also struggle with substance & have overcome a lot, but am working to be my most authentic sober self for my children. So happy to read you’ve been through more than me & have been able to crush those giant obstacles to create a wonderful life for yourself & the future generation. Makes me so sad when I see parents treat their kids like annoying minions they have to feed
Congratulations on getting clean. 👏 Sometimes our bad experiences make us the best teachers.
Wow many blessings to you and to your kids ..❤❤❤
Man you made me feel so comforting because I just did get out of prison in 2020 and raised my children before and only one after but I am in communication with both
Well done for breaking the cycle and wanting to be the best parent you possibly can be. You have transitioned from darkness into the light. Use your story to inspire others.
Dr. Shefali's words make me want to cry because they touch a part of me (my Truth) that knows. It saddens me how unconscious I was raising the three souls that the Universe gave to me. That being said, I will not regret the past or worry about the future because I only have this moment now. And now that I know better I will do better and I will sit in silence more often to hear the Voice of Wisdom within me that I call my Divinity. All I want is to Love.....everyone. Dr. Shefali and others like her can help me with that and I am very grateful.
Parenting is the most important work in your life.
A lot of what she said resonates with me. It let me know that I'm pretty much on the right track with my son. I vowed to let my son be his authentic self and encourage it as much as possible. I pray that in a sense he keeps his child like view on life when it's right. I pray that God speaks through me to him so that I raise him the best way possible. I want my son to be him and not my expectations.
Powerful
🙌
How is it going sis, can you give us an update?
She is awesome. She is honest. I'm soooo happy that she is so bold and does not BS around.
I have some emotional while she said " be conscious why you want to be a parent, find out the true answer, and if you really are parent do you love your kids unconditionally? "
I cried because I can't even love myself unconditionally how I love my kids unconditionally. Is a journey, to people out there don't give birth if you are attached with your culture, the so called life cycle that we had plant in our mind.
Heal the world. ❤️
I don't think anyone can ever be 100 percent ready. It's a whole different ball game that you do not understand until you are on the other side. I've been single and now married with kids and would not change it for the world. It's a huge blessing that does come with a responsibility to step up, do what is best for them, not what is easy for you.
it's hard to comprehend that some parents would walk out or feel uncomfortable at the 12 minute mark. By 12 minutes i was feeling an interconnectedness in my chest with everything Dr. Shefali was saying, relating it to my life with my parents and how unconscious our family was and is. I remember asking my mother as i grew older, "mom why dont i feel happy like i used to?" Such a gigantic mystery, one that couldn't be solved until 15 years later and many intense experiences, choices made, and consequences realized. This video here is extremely impactful for all the right reasons, the content that this video is presenting could literally create a change in ones mind that could completely change the course of their very own life, more importantly ones own childs life. When Dr. Shefali spoke of this cycle of throwing up, overdosing, or having an epiphany in some dangerous lifestyle circumstance she wasn't just making a joke. That was the truth right there, avoid that, and help your kids avoid that at all costs.
I'd love Tom to be the person to introduce me everywhere I go 😂
But I'd have to work on myself a lot more... His introduction are GOLD!
😅😅
Know your boundaries as a parent! Such a powerful statement.
"People walk out of the room"! HAHA love it! Power to you Dr. Shefali
Just sitting here thinking about how consistently, Impact Theory is bringing some of the highest quality content going. Thank you for having these high standards and sharing such important conversations with the world.
Amazing! This is how I raise my kids and I get so much push back! But my kids are very happy and confident !
U sure bout that
@ja9970 this is also how I have raised mine
A simple suggestion to help children fall asleep in good time... is to cut down on sugars in their foods after 3 pm or at least 5 (For slightly older children who have to study). Diet plays one very important role in waking states and preparation for physical and mental activities.. so too in preparation for sleep time. So I sincerely feel that its not just a scheduled discipline or wearing down in the evenings...
Open to discussion.
Love this lady! She's totally made me check myself on my own behavior as a parent.
Yes absolutely. Wow
Another phenomenal interview, Dr. Shefali! The world is in dire need of conscious parenting. Thank you!
Brilliant!
I also love and appreciate that she brought up the Buddhist practice of vipassana meditation and impermanence. The hardest lesson I learned (and am still learning) about myself was to be present & that life in-and-of itself is impermanent so why am I holding on to any kind of personal emotional harmful nonsense, as well learning to quiet down the mind-jungle noises, which I recently learned at a silent vipassana meditation retreat. A beautiful practice.
So many fabulous take-aways in this Impact Theory video with Dr. Tsabary!!
I get along really well with children now, I can get us out of problems and enjoying our time together. Like she said its all about who you train yourself to be first. When I am with children I feel so lucky because I know we are going to have a great time doing what they want to do, I will be learning and co operating with them at their level having as much fun as a kid has because Im truely curious to find out who they are not impose patterns on them. When they find out I am interested in who they are and respect them like no other person is doing with them, they feel safe and let their ideas out freely. So the time we spend together is enniching because they get the chance to lead, to teach to think and try their ideas out. This makes life so easy with children, yet it has taken me years to teach any adults about this even when they see my success. So please follow good advice and be open to observing yourself and stop being the problem, get out of the child's way, and support their natural creative processes, and they will be so happy to spend time with you
What a brilliant woman. I put off having children for 2 decades so that I could develop spiritually, emotionally, and heal my own childhood traumas. Now I finally feel ready to embark on the deep work of having a child, continuing to learn and working towards non-attachment along the way 😌
Wow...That was an awesome choice and decision.
How old are you now?
That’s an amazing thing. Although I didn’t do it this way, I highly recommend doing it this way lol
I think its great how you introduce your guests the way you do.
Thank you!
Agreed! Dynamic and really gets your audience hyped!
I absolutely agree! You do such a great job of honoring and respecting their work when you present your guest. Two thumbs up!!
Indeed!
Very true.. also I feel it's amazing how he summarises the show and sent off the guest with so much respect. His words and descriptions are right on!
Absolutely 100% true! As a parent learning this on my own, it resonates and I feel like I am now doing a far better job now that I'm conscious to my own issues and am fixing myself from within. This is a lesson for everyone, not just parent figures.
Amen 🙏
Great another 🦆 that has no children
MY GOD I WAS LITERALLY HYPNOTIZED BY THIS! I LOVE IT, I FELT LIKE HEY THIS IS MY PARENTS AND MY CHILDHOOD AND INTO ADULTHOOD
My ADD or ADHD or whatever typically prevents me from making it through full videos on UA-cam that’s teaching related however I watched this in its entirety and it definitely gave me much to consider. I am a mother to one son who is almost 16 and I definitely took a way a couple things that I’m going to start implementing with him. Being more present in the moment and not so much trying to control. Thanks for the lovely video.
This is crazy! I grew up being beat and emotionally neglected, molested and raped by the age of 12 and molested by a Sheriff and I never ever wanted kids…however, when I had my first I was hooked..I lived vicariously through each of my children and I have 5 of them from the ages of 2 upward to 26..They brought me life, for once (and 4 other times:) I saw the wonders of the world through their eyes. What has worn me down over the years aren’t the kids is the adults that don’t know how to be joyful and kind like most kids do!
This is one of my favorite Impact Theory episodes...and I’m not even a parent! Must share!
I needed this 4 kids ago!!! They’re grown now but I have grandchildren and can REALLY relate to this!! I realized something changed with my last 3 children because it seemed harder because the first 2 listened to and did whatever I told them and didn’t give me major issues!! Now I’m learning me, my inner child, and working on being better! This is so necessary!
If you dont meditate, you might not get her.
These are incredibly painful truths.
There is only you. You are a guide to a child. You are a partner to another, there is really only you in your wholeness. Your perspective. Your history, ideas, beliefs. You are completely unique, understanding this allows you to honour other beings (your child/husband/wifes) uniqueness and let go of control. Letting go of control is like holding a delicate flower in your hand, its petals are not being crushed by your desires and views. When you accept this there is great healing.
Kaia Suki qeqe
@Kaia Suki
I agree.
Your comment is brilliant.
Thank you 🙏🏽🌸🍀
Kaia Suki 💪🏻💕☘️
Thankyou, lovely analogy
OMG I had to literally delay my afternoon plans to watch this and Re-watch SO many bits! I was like "what?! wait, what?" So many times...
I will never be able to pick just 1 video from Tom's Impact Theory show, but this one will definitely make it to my Keep Forever and Learn List!
This is so true!!! ....I keep telling my parents " we are the way we are mainly because of them" and they dont want to hear it...but me knowing this I defiantly still take on negative traits from them that I'm doing with my child! Its sad but so habitual 😔
You take on negative and positive, sounds like you’re choosing to focus on the negative Thor’s
Stop blaming your parents. Initiate change. If you truly believe they made you who you are, you won the battle. You have found the self you want to be or not to be. Initiate change. You are not 3 anymore. Move from blame. Initiate change.
This woman is a kindred soul...I align with all of what is being presented.
Mind blowing. I have 4 kids and am transformed by this interview. Thanks Tom.
What did you learn?
Everything this lady says is everything. This gives me so much hope for the world.
Dr. Shefali shed light into what I thought it was me going crazy. I didn't want to "parent" my child and I felt like I was the one who needed to grow. And I found on her words the way into what my heart was already telling me. Thank you!
I've been in the process of deconstructing my parenting views recently and just today as I looked at my 10 year old while he was complaining all I could do was smile and think about how such a wonderful blessing he is to me. So greatful for the sacrifices he made as a beautiful soul to be my son in this lifetime to come here to teach me patience and understanding and to learn how to be in the now and connect with others and to heal. When we connect it flows and makes so much more sense. Let go of what we have been conditioned to beleive and forgive ourselves because we all muck up.
And to now find other like minded people is confirmation and it is exciting... how did I not find this video earlier... evolutionary!!
''The most conscious parent is a non-parent.'' So much insight, it's blowing my mind. It's very interesting what she said about love. Very thought provoking.
This interview has been so mind-blowing it took me two hours to deconstruct it.
Every Journey here has been ABSOLUTELY wonderful...
But I'm so touched by this one... All I can say is THANK YOU TOM BILYEU 🙌💫
She's not only smart, talented and absolutely revolutionary but she's also beautiful. She's got it all and still doesn't walk around with arrogance.
I’m 58 years old, her talks resonated with me very easy to follow her teachings, I’m so happy I’m on my way to my true self, wish I knew this when my kids were growing up. Thanks for having her on the show🙏🏻🥰
When she said, 'The reason parents cannot except their children, is because they haven't excepted themselves.' Gave me chills. I have always believed this same thought. Well said. Period.
I don’t get this statement? Someone help me Understand
@@wholistics-movebreathefast8120 When we have unhealed trauma and subconscious ideas of standards, whether its from our parents, our culture, or society. When we realize these unconscious ideals we have set for our children AND ourselves, we can raise them to be their own person and live in a way that works best for them
@@wholistics-movebreathefast8120 Accept is the word. (Not except)
Yes,I feel you!
Accept
Dr. Sjefali is such an amazing, insightful, beautiful person. I learned so much today. I know that I absolutely must begin a daily meditation practice. Thank you Tom and thank you Dr. Shefali.
I experienced a dramatic elevation in consciousness just from this talk! And halfway through it I got to put Shefali’s wisdom into practice by spending time outside with my children. When it came time to get my son in the car, I was feeling myself sooo tempted to just pick him up and force him in his seat but I insisted I not give in to the need to control or dominate. And it worked out great.
Already loving the changes I’m seeing and I’ve only know finished the talk. Thank you!
OMG!! She's got this shit down perfectly man that's dead on what I have struggled my entire life with!! I'm almost 40 years old now but all my life I was constantly struggling with nothing I ever did seemed to be good enough for either of my parents...never being able to do things like the other ppl my age were doing because my parents were control freaks and were soooo strict with me...I became addicted to drugs when I was 20 years old and have just in the last three years been able to maintain my sobriety...I have two daughters of my own now and I am constantly putting myself in their shoes...trying to remember what I was thinking when I was facing things that they deal with and I try to find the balance because I know that all my parents did was push me away because they wouldn't accept me for me...they wanted and still do actually...want me to be what they think I should be and it's always about what I make them look like to the rest of the world and this is still a troubling part of my everyday psyche...it is the reason for a lot of the negative behaviors and feelings that I sometimes still struggle with...mostly emotional/internal struggles and I refuse to do that to the relationship I have with my girls...I do not want them to feel the way I always felt and still do...but I am starting to see that it really wasn't my parents fault because they didn't know what they were doing but then I remember many times that I tried to explain to them or try to get them to see where I was coming from but I always got shot down as I'm just trying to get my way or they would say something like I was just trying to put "the guilt trip" on them and all these different things and they wouldn't even offer to try to see it from my perspective because I was just a kid that thought I knew everything and just stubborn and didn't wanna listen to them. 🙄Everything she says IS EXACTLY CORRECT!!!100%...that is for having her on ur show..she's the absolute BEST SPEAKER YET!!! 🥳💓💗💚
Yes, yes, she is Amazing and just listening to her is calming and meditation. Thank you Dr. Shefali🙏❤️
I think committing to improving our own lives is paramount in all relationships, especially as a husband or a wife let alone a parent. When we mess up we have the opportunity to teach compassion and forgiveness. We are all here just to realize we are just love. Her path and her message is inspiring.
What a beautiful message she sends, I am so grateful to have come across this video. My daughter is 4yrs old now and most of her life she has never slept much, I would stay up with her, sometimes up to 4am then she would wake up at 7am, I got the wrath of friends and family..."put her in her room, shut the door, MAKE her go to sleep. guess what? I never did I started up and played, read, enjoyed our time together, she is 4 now and just this last year she started falling asleep between 10 and 12pm. and sleeps until 7-8ish am. I knew this day would come..I let her mind/ body learn on her own when SHE is ready to go to sleep. So many people disagree they say I let her run the show... maybe I did but this is who she is, very high energy takes in so much, I felt this helped her grow.
I was always scared of being homeless and at 18 my mom left me and i became homess for about 2 years.. eye opening. But not the worse thing that had happened
She is so beautiful in every way
Her face, the way she talks, her intelligence, her confidence
So inspirational !
I always knew when i was smaller that i will treat my kid as their own person and be their guide and confidant to help them be their best self because as a child i was never heard and was never allowed to be myself and when i was i was wrong and that just alienated me from my family.
I applaud you, but look at how many times you used “I”. That’s exactly what she is talking about. I, I, I.. that’s your fantasy.
@@ariannasofias damn, you said something NICE right there ! Its nice to also learn from the comments :)
Sounds like a typical asian family, speaking as an asian myself.
As a participant in helping raise a 12 year old. I see clearly now that I have dropped myself into this role. All offenses and struggles that I suffer are a reflection of my early programming. The deadbeat dad also has left his mark which sticks out and causes pain. What a great lesson in my life, approaching 50 so I believe I needed this to keep the focus upon myself and these words have helped. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Becoming a parent was a spiritual experience for me.
Bless you all for having such a diverse group of guests. I love continuously being surprised by how my idea that you can’t possibly have a better interview gets demolished by your next interview! Great job all!
When Tom asked her what her influences are to the world, my eyes are swelled up. Her message is so life-changing. Parenting seems to be the journey of ego-demolishing and the cursor to remind you to live the present moments and accept them as they are.
Awesome show again, Tom! Dr. Shefali is a light beacon, placed in our world to spread rays of higher vibrations. Our world is rising and this is visible from the amount of people who resonate with these new age ideas! It’s so exciting to observe! Thank you, Tom for your light as well!
Love this, I totally agree. As a mother of four I literally had to create a new paradigm to be able to even understand myself. Fantastic information!
Wonderful. I don't have biological children but I have a niece and I sometimes treat her the same way I was treated as a child and I hate that. I can't help it. I hate that I m doing what I hate to my child because I can't control myself. How do you manage to do that?
This woman is a fucking genius! I changed my major three years ago from early childhood to psychology and I was amazed at the fact the I didn’t know anything about the brain and I was able to understand my son and myself better. I love this interview!
In 2003 I learned about the "vicious cicle of abuse" something that its passed on from generation to generation...but now I'm learning another extension from another perspective with this lady's knowledge. I'm hooked to her ideas. Very meaningful and accurate.
This is so DEEP!
I am the mother to four young boys and it is so hard to enjoy the moment!!!
Because EXACTLY WHAT SHE SAID, WE AS PARENTS HAVE FEARS!
YES YES YES ! so TRUE.
Thank you, Tom and Dr. Shefali for educating even more parents about conscious parenting. This is soooo needed in our world!
My goodness, these interviews are like miniworkshops, thank you so much for them. Dr. Shefali is beautiful, highly intellectual, funny and so simply, amazingly insightful. I am going to continue to follow her. I have a 15 y/o and wish I didn't wait so long to start this journey but, here we are!
I loved this episode like so many of tgem before this one. Thank you, Tom and your team to bring these amazing personalities to us. Not only introduce them to us but Tom with your insightful researched interviews you bring out something more profound in each of these interviews. I am a parent of two young kids and me n my wife are going through the 'pain'. This interview means so much to me. Thank you once again!!
This is the most beautiful and authentic advice I have received about parenting. The truth in this hurts. We need to change how we view parenting
I love this! Finally see so much answers to things I feel and go through
I love how Dr. Shefali received "the highest compliment" of taking Tom Bilyeu on a journey! That she certainly does. This interview says it all. I love it!
As Oprah said in her interview with her on Super Soul Sunday she's "Revolutionary!" I've learned so much from her and I'm only 19
Oprah doesn't have kids. Her opinion is irrelevant.
This video is pretty good until she said that she majored in psychology. My opinión: “Most psychologists have mental issues, as I see it, a very strong ego.” She even admits it! As for myself: I had neglected myself to care for my sick children, I had starved myself and I call that love. I put them first and just because she does not love and is not evolved, that doesn’t mean that there aren’t some evolved humans in this world. As for me, I am not evolved of course but I do my best to continue growing and become the best version of myself. I say that I had loved my children a little each day. I may have to take some time for myself and not love them in that moment but then again what she describes is imposible to unconditionally love on this earth. Because we also have to love ourselves in order to love others and then how do you unconditionally love and also love yourself. It is contradictory! I say we can unconditionally love and then be selfish and love ourselves. To me that makes sense, at least for this world we live in 🙂
Me too
@@ALCRAN2010 what an ignorant comment 🙄
Am I the only one who is mesmerised when she talks? Beautiful
OMG .. that hit me .. in the 16th minute, with obediance u'll have silence, but with creativity & heart u'll have chaos. I love it.
Hey Tom! Your interviewing skills are outstanding, you have come such a long way since Inside Quest. I wasn't keen on Dr Shefali just as I wasn't on Gary Vaynerchuk, however both interviews have been life changing. As always You make a difference to my life. Many Thanks!
Fazana Khatri thank you so much for the kind words!!!
Fazana Khatri sl
They are all great people!
What a profound talk. This is so hard for most parents to accept. Live in the moment and not in the fantasy that conflicts with reality.
Parenting is a pleasure. Such a learning and reforming experience for me.
What a gift to humanity. I love this woman and appreciate her message to parents so much and hope everyone can implement her wisdom into our lives
I totally agree with Dr. Shefali. Here is a testimony proving her point of view and mine.
Our family turned to Rita Soman at a desperate point in time…and the results were so very positive. Using a combination of addiction counseling, family counseling, Psych K tools, prayer, written and video recommendations, experience, and patience, Rita was able to help our family begin the healing process.
Initially the goal was to help one of our children with an addiction issue…as it turned out it was MY addiction that was creating the dysfunctional behaviors in our children. It took time to overcome my denial, but Rita finally convinced me that working on my own problems would help heal our family…and she was on target with this assessment. I am very thankful for her consistent and loving message.
By getting help for my addiction, it not only began the healing process for our children but also freed me to begin a spiritual and personal growth journey that would not have been possible otherwise.
Knowing Rita has been a Blessing…if you or your family is faced with similar addiction or relationship issues, I would highly recommend working with Rita!
Sincerely,
A Grateful Father
I believe everything she has spoken here. I have been living in this form with my son who is 9 now, and I advising people the same. This is my first time even hearing of this woman and here amazing theories. I’m 💯💯💯💯 in support of her belief. Thank u for this episode. I can’t wait to look more into her work ... wow 😃🙏🏽
parents and non-parents, we all need to raise ourselves up first. this is magical. thank you dr. Shefali and Tom. wooohoooooo!!!
crying... "elevate parental consciousness"... ********* YES
Absolutely!!
Being a parent is the hardest thing I have ever done. For the past 17 years through, I fail every day. It makes me do the craziest things, tests me to the unknown areas of myself, and still exposes my deepest darkest weakest spots. Nowhere to hide. Thought about killing myself few times even. So so so hard. Still nothing would push me out of my comfort zone and help me evolve to be a little better person. That’s why I appreciate my kids for giving me the opportunities. So now I think kids help parents born into new beings if they remain and yield. Admire her wisdom and strength. And thanks for sharing the wisdom.
Interesting. I remember when I was pregnant, feeling that my child was a sister soul as well as my child - I have always tried to hold onto that awareness in my parenting.
This is absolutely incredible. Can’t get enough of what she has to say!
I love Dr. Shefali, I have all her books, and following her instructions made me a better parent, and a better human being. But one thing she says makes me bolt for the keyboard, pause the video and comment: Dr. Shefalli is WRONG, dead wrong suggesting that people should not have kids, or things long and hard for decades before they perfect themselves to have one. This way no one will ever have kids, because we can NEVER be perfect! Wasn't she the one who said that life is about pain and handling that pain in a conscious manner? I urge you to have kids, have as many as you can! Enjoy watching them grow, watch their beauty because they represent the beauty of life! And definitely follow what Dr. Shefalli says about raising them. But go ahead a have kids, and bring life to this world!
Maybe she thinks both at the same time. I agree with you though, I used to think I was not ready or good enough to be a mom I believe a human being deserves but then I got pregnant and gave birth at the age of 30. Now I realise that you learn as you go, as long as you keep an open mind and heart, educate yourself, meditate and see that you too are a work in progress.
don't have kids if you don't know how to raise them... so many American kids are in depression, obesity..because their parents just keep divorcing. Indian kids are struggling super bad having to keep up to their parents' expectation. parents are not even aware what they are doing wrong. so yeah, don't have kids. its not about you. or how you feel fulfilled by having them... and you enjoying them grow... NO! you are ready when you at least have learnt to acknowledge your own baggages and flaws. if not then dont have kids...
And I disagree with your "I urge you to have kids, have as many as you can!"
No! We are poor because my parents and many other parents fuck as much as they want without fucking thinking of what they can provide. That their children will have their own dreams and that would need support.
Have kids, but within your means. Financially, spiritually, physically, emotionally, and timely. It's not about the quantity, but the quality. 1 kid that received enough time, love, guidance, and support from parents is so much better than 6 kids hating you and hating life and hating themselves and not receiving enough support to utilize their potential and passions.
The way I interpret what she meant is that you shouldn’t have kids until you are confident that you can be a responsible human being, willing to put aside your ego to acknowledge that you are imperfect and therefore search for answers on how to be better, like reading her book and learning about being conscious. Having children at 18 is vastly different from having children at 30. Just because you’re 30 doesn’t mean you’re now perfect, but you will be at the age where you are fit to raise the next generation because you accept there are bigger things in life than yourself.
Carmit Clausen in your opinion...
Hey Tom, Thanks for doing your show, I really appreciate it.
All I can say is that in my experience between getting married and becoming a father of 2, my ego melted like ice cream on the hottest summer day in the middle of the desert. I consciously accepted my responsibility as a parent 14 years ago and it's been quite a wonderful ride full of every single emotion you can imagine including the ones you can not imagine. My daughter was born with down syndrome and she is awesome now in high school and she taught me about real love and living always present. And my 7-year-old son taught me about how angry I was and my body's inability to move and perform at the time. Thanks to my kids now I live my life always aware of the moment I'm experiencing, became an authentic human being, enjoy every day and develop a wonderful addiction for physical exercise that makes me feel alive and stronger than my teenage years. Love you Tom and your team, thanks for all you do.
I am grateful for this class in this conversation. I realize that my parents messed me up at his parents and so I've always strive to do everything in the opposite way that they have done it. I'm on the verge of being a conscious parent I am conscious of my child needs I do my best not to shave her I do my best to allow her to explore life and learning and what she wants to do. The one thing I feel like I'm messing up in is sending her to public school because she desires to be homeschooled. But listening to this has made me realize I'm not crazy like everybody around me makes you feel because of how I give my daughter a great deal of allowances and expressions and freedoms to explore her environment and who she is as a person/spirit being
Only 6 minutes in and I LOVE her already. She is right on the money with this.
I love this lady, And her remarks, at 37:20 "Then I love her less." 39:50 "Let's really take a pause, a couple decades." Great humor. One of your best podcasts.
I was looking for an interview or discussion on better parenting and for myself as the parent...this hit home!!! She makes sense. The topics are a bit controversial, but make so much sense. Thank you, Tom, for your show, this interview with Dr. Shefali and the transparency of it all.
I completely agree about the going to sleep when the child is refusing. This just happened with my son (by the time they are refusing and fussing and crying, it is past their sleep time, aka they would have fallen asleep earlier without a problem but we as parents were out with them longer than expected or something else delayed the natural time when they wanted to fall asleep. The crying is saying it is past the sleep time and now im really tired.) So the way i got him to sleep is brought him home (we were at a restaurant and had to leave cuz he was getting physical, too frustrated,) and it was not by force, not saying, you have to go to sleep NOW! I was quiet, not saying much, but beckoning with my arms for him to come to me for a hug. It took about 15 minutes to create a connection, he came close enough to lean on me, then he leaned on my back, and i had the idea of giving him a piggy back ride. That worked like a charm cuz it opened him with humor and lightheartedness. He stopped crying and felt easier, so i felt that he was ready to lay down next to me, and it took another like 5 mins for him to fall asleep on me. Its totally different than locking him in his room and saying go to bed in your own bed. It was a tough slow beautiful connected dance
Serena Abdi thank you so much! And I’m lucky to have him to teach me how to beat interact with him ❤️
What these guys are doing are absolutely amazing! Guys who is grateful to have this knowledge in your pocket????
How can I express my gratitude for this all you do? Extremely emotionally moved by this interview as it particularly hits home for me in my past and present experience. impact theory is and will always be the pinnacle of growth for this era of my life and hopefully onward, so please don't ever quit on us tom and Lisa !!! . 🙏🏻
Wow..
She's AMAZING! I LOVE THIS. Her interview was has been one of the best I have watched. Thanks for the amazing guest you always have.
This is so powerful and really confirms a part of my journey as a parent.
My biggest takeaway from this is...
Any epiphany in life is always linked to guilt, if you are scared of being vulnerable and feeling guilty for not knowing something earlier, wasting your time in life, not being smart enough, kind enough... you will miss the opportunity to learn and grow and ultimately won't be able to pass this skill to your family, kids, friends. It is an eye-opener, thank you Tom for inviting somebody that creates the value in your life without even talking to you directly. Mind-blowing.
Kids are smarter and realize way more than we give them credit for. My daughter knows I'm a better parent now because I wasn't before. And she is happy that I am around.