This brought me to tears... I see me and my friendships where I used to accept any behavior just to stay friends, even though I felt like a burden... not really liked. Just used. :-(
( when I originally wrote this I only watched the first part and started the second and was not sure this was an inner child exercise. It seemed like an older sibling or codependent/ avoidant anxious adult talking to a child and I thought the person on the left had some authority) Yes, this is the put others needs first because they are not as aware or astute so you are then supposed to handle it better since you are stronger is the message one gets..sometimes mixed with moral and religious aspects to suggest you have empathy and they ( Beth) are lacking but you can be a good girl/ boy by showing (role modeling fallacy) you arent selfish but flexible etc... This is a false thing because you are just enabling the selfish person Beth who only wants to be around you when you do things her way or what is interesting to her...making the boy here cater to Beth' s comfort zone by saying he should change because she wont and no one will confront or correct or address or anything her behavior/ attitude. This often happens to the oldest child who has the burden of cutting short their childhood to accommodate overwhelmed parents and younger siblings who are inherently more self centered merely due to age...go along to get along mixed with guilt since you are smart and good you should be able to see and help out...if you are not part of the solution then you are the problem...blah blah blah. NO, I matter too is what this kid should say and if you guys cant deal and have this conversation with Beth instead of Me for a change then I will do what I need to emotionally feel heard and feel glad about who I am and my choices.
What an insightful video. I am a 56 yr old man with unresolved childhood trauma. I don't go to therapy and I found this as helpful as going to a session. Thanks vey much
Inner child healing has always been an overwhelming concept to me. But you have highly simplified it through your role-plays. This is much more easier to understand and act on compared to a book. Thank you!
I love this. My 85 year old mother is still coming out with this abusive crap. Any emotion I express is "mindless nonsense". When I call her out on how she constantly invalidates me even now, she says I am mentally ill and need counselling.
This is the way they were all raised, they had 9, 10 and more kids, they physically worked and it was hard labor on farms even young girls. We were secluded on a farm miles away from each other. The only time we were away was long rides on the bus to school and at school and church. Most had 1 pair of shoes, no TV and the food we ate we raised. It’s much telling how we create these senecio’s without thinking about each generation and where each one came from. Nobody likes feeling bad about themselves. I do everyday and I think back to my childhood and know exactly why I’m like I am. Feeling less than, poor, no money to attend college or have privileges that took money. I’ve never believed in myself, yet I went to church at least 3 times a week. Sexually abused. Did what we were told and never questioned it out of fear of punishment. Those years were physical punishments. Without skills and believing I was worthy we did what we could, to many women believing there place was in the home with children. There is a goodness in rearing children, but there’s also a punishment in it once they are grown and believe their childhood was horrible and parents... if you had a husband that worked and didn’t allow you to work because your place was at home with the children. That brings all the blame back on mom her job was everything but monetary provider. And today with grown kids, with only myself as the purpose parent, full blame for their life’s and now their father as perfect. Because he was missing from all the childhood ventures, wanting attention, begging for acknowledgement... they now seem to believe it’s mom’s fault and there’s always blame and they cling and run to the father because he was never there. My father was never there but he was a working presence physically. Yet socially, emotionally, spiritually and mentally gone. We didn’t blame mom that’s how it was. We didn’t find fault we were happy to be alive. We didn’t accuse and say things like “I didn’t ask to be born” it was just what it was and we were grateful thankful and forgiving. All the things I went through were horrific, we were taught and were suppose to be submissive to our husbands. I have so many ideas of what was and I’m living what is. Even with the rejection of my children because their father wasn’t there, it somehow was my fault and he feeds into it. That’s what narcissist do. I do not blame my parents, but I know where I came from. Know what was and I can say I did the very best I could with what I was taught, then knew, and now know.
This is your best video so far IMO, and I haven't seen anything else like it on youtube. Please do more roleplaying videos like this, where part 1 is the role play itself and part 2 is the analysis of the role play. Thanks! I've read Margaret Paul, and I try to have those Adult self/Inner child conversations with myself, and I think you modeling those kinds of conversations would really help me have better conversations with myself.
Wonderful! My son is going through this right now and I realize as a codependent mom I didn’t protect my children from their narcissistic father. I had no idea about Narcissism and I would make excuses for my husband. This will help in how I interact with my children going forward.
I really like how there is an option to validate that even though the child is projecting onto the friend, it’s possible the friend might not be a good friend for inner circle if they don’t own their part. This then doesn’t gaslight ourselves with denying how people treat us in the present.
The thought that "something is wrong with me" has plagued me for years! Thanks to videos about narcs (I seem to be surrounded by) and healing like this one I'm finally getting it! Thank you so much for caring! 💞
Thank you for making this video. Therapists and Healthcare workers would constantly tell me "you should try inner child work" or "you have to reparent yourself" without even showing or telling me how! It was so annoying and frustrating. Like how would I just know if both parents were entirely neglectful and displayed narcissistic/codependent traits? Your videos are really helping me tune into actually doing the work now instead of being stuck in that dissociation and having flashbacks. It's a lot of work, but at least I have a foundation of what it's supposed to look like. Sending you lots of love and please never stop making videos like this. You are saving lives.
This was moving and very helpful to figure out how to handle the inner child. The roleplaying is key to acknowledging how we should have been parented, how we have been abused. When we have had self absorbed / invalidating parents, we don't even know how healthy parenting is like, and how healthy relationships look like in general. Thank you :)
Wow, thanks Patrick, this really helped. I had to practice this yesterday after I noticed I had been triggered by someone in my family. It was my first time doing it, and it felt so, so healing...I loved listening to my beautiful inner child and having the courage to set a healthy boundary with that person, with profund respect for me and for him. Maybe he won't ever understand my perspective, but I spoke with self-confidende. And I'm proud of that!
This is harder when the person you are with is not an emotionally healthy person. I got stuck in the narcissists trap so every concern the inner child had was validated and then the adult was criticized. So that just reinforced the codependency and made things even worse and made it harder to leave
You are a genius by all means! You have simplified something that is so ambiguous and sometimes even reading a whole book about it might not help someone get it. I envy your clients and those who live in Massachusetts!
Incredible. Totally eye opening. Wow. I’ve never found such helpful videos which cuts straight to what the issues are and also validates the inner child. Thank you
I totally started talking myself through situations like this a couple years ago when I was still having issues with bully bosses. This is such an amazing breakdown of the whole process, bravo! I love thinking "I'm such a great kid" ❤️
Finding your channel has brought me to a place where I'm now seeing a trauma-based therapist. Thank you so much for being here and highlighting this for all of us.
I will be watching this so many times over. These clips bring such clarity to things I’ve been searching hard for in therapy, and in my day to day life. The videos offer the exact tools I need to keep growing in my healing. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Such a beautiful gift to receive.
I gotta say that examples works way better than abstract instruction. Specially given that childhood issues means a lack of (good) modeling. But what i really wanna say is, I like that AT-AT shirt. Man you're good at role playing, you must be cool to play D&D/RPG with.
this needs to be taught in school, cause lord knows, parenting didn't come with a degree, hence, all of us adults having to parent ourselves cluelessly.
PLEASE please put a video of how a healthy conversation with Beth would be like. I myself find it hard to talk about issues that bother me because as I child I didn’t feel heard. So that pain sometimes turns into anger because I couldn’t or knew how to talk about. Worrying it would make the situation worse.
Yes, it's very familiar to me. Holding back and people pleasing was my mom's MO and she taught it to me. Sadly, I've had plenty of therapy sessions that went much like the first part of this video.
Patrick, I’m piling on here, but your insight, warmth, kindness, understanding, emotional and intellectual intelligence is so outstanding. You are truly an outstanding human being. Thank you for sharing that with us.
This is what my therapist and I are in discussion about, learning to be the loving adult for self during an emotional flashback, and getting to the real source of the trigger. thank you.🙂
Thank You.* It was really helpful ! Great work. * I've always felt totally alone with all the burden, in absolute vacuum-like isolation. I knew I had to be my own parent, but it didn't feel just, it didn' t feel right.... Actually it still doesn't but at least I finally allow the blame and shame, the whole burden to go back where it truly belongs. This is the hardest thing to do. Becsuse I never wanted to shame. I wanted responsibility and real solution, but there was none. Deliberately there was none. There was no such thing as vica versa caring, and I kept blaming myself, thinking that I have to try more and more for the solution, endlessly. Something good to be developed takes all the participants to do the work, while for something bad there must be at least one, that does not do the work. I used to think it was safest to consider myself the bad one, because then at least there is hope for improvement, as I am trying so hard to make things better, so maybe one day I can get there. Now I know I cannot do the work in stead of anybody, in fact I never wanted to do it in stead, but wanted to help by being present, by caring. This way I was playing the role of a caring , listening parent, as a small child, somehow, magically thinking that if they see the example, they might one day treat me the same way.... my "parents" and my twelve-years-older " brother" . ... It is sad.
When our needs are denied like this, we tend to stop asking for what we need and are left in that position of hoping we will get it... and hoping by giving it they will understand how to give it back. In a way it's like trying to change someone, isn't it? I think some of the motivation behind this could come from a lack of any other way to get needs met. If you can't ask or say something directly because you're afraid of feeling denied or shamed (because you were as a child), how else can one do it? So a child learns covert tactics. Giving love in hopes to receive love. You're not wrong for feeling this way or doing it. It's what you had to do and it probably felt like there was no other way, and it all may have been happening subconsciously too, but regardless... The good part in this is you (and anyone in a similar boat who may be reading) are fully capable of being this love for yourself; you've already shown it many times to other people but may not have for a long time (if ever) toward yourself. What if you turned your love to aim back to yourself? Does it sound shameful or wrong at first? But I bet it would be a most beautiful thing, even life changing. To be the parent of yourself that you needed and still may need; the compassion, love, and trust you may have never had. If you haven't already started doing that, do so and blossom as the beautiful person you already are; there is absolutely nothing wrong with loving and taking care of yourself in these deep ways, and those who might try to stop you are the ones you don't need in your life.
Thank you so much for this gift. It has been eye-opening, engaging and made me realize more of the work I want to do in therapy to get to my authentic self. Please keep making content like this.
Brilliant. I took notes as these powerful concepts sinked in. My inner child feels validated at last. This is much more effective than with my previous costly and lengthy therapies who never, ever got even close to this. Thank you so much Patrick
Thank you very much! Honestly when i was watching the part 1 unhealthy adult i did not notice anything wrong. That's how my mom talked. Only when i watched this part 2 clinical analysis i saw the difference! I feel hopeful, motivated and encouraged! And still sad. Thank you!
The “loser” comment stung me to hear. I felt bad for young Patrick hearing him say that. I remember one time saying I was worried to try and make friends with some new kids after moving cause I was shy and my dad saying to my mom “Well, if he wants to be a loser let him be a loser.” This clip brought that up again, some good material to reflect on. Thanks for this.
I wish all psychologists and counsellors were as educated as you are, because I paid thousands to a psychologist who only listened and gave me nothing to learn, do or think about and it was all a waste. I had this experience with BetterHelp as well, I got no actual help but spent a lot of money just “explaining myself” Anyway, thank you SO MUCH for these videos and examples on how to parent ourselves. This is so helpful
My Dads main expression was depression and anger leftover from his abusive Mom. He pointed that toxicity at me. I pleased Mom, which angered John/Dad, bc he could not please her. In reality my Moms fear made it impossible to please her. This is such a good video PT. Thank you!
I‘m in awe of how I‘ve been neglecting this inner monologue for such a long time. It‘s good that I realize this now, it‘s time to be curious about my inner child. Thank you!
Just want to say that I am SO GLAD YOU AREN'T PERFECTIONISTIC about your videos! Because, I'd be obsessing about little blips but: of course, they don't take away ANY of the VALUE of the beautiful video you created. Perfectionism is my topic - I know that. I am SO glad you just put the videos out (after I know much work has gone into creating them!). THANK YOU for all the work and value you bring to this world!
A true God send. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I am reading John Bradshaw’s book Home Coming. I now believe something different about myself. I will live a healthy happy life moving forward.
'You are (I am) worth speaking up for' ... I'm saying this again and again (out loud), reprogramming those neural networks. It feels like each iteration puts something in a cup that hasn't had much in it.
I knew I had a problem when I saw nothing wrong with the self talk in the first example. Thank you so much for making these videos, they are changing my life!
Thank you. I will try this out daily and see how far it takes me. I feel hopeful about its benefits, and I have only felt hopeless about ever remedying myself of these type of doubts. Thank you again for all that you do to help folks.
Oh my god… this video helped me realize part of why I have such a fear of bringing up “negative” or “conflict-causing” feelings in relationships - I always had to walk on eggshells when I talked about anything not completely positive around my mom. If I did, she would immediately latch onto it and ask thousands of irrelevant questions, go into anxiety, make it about her and/or her “failures” as a parent. I think that’s where I learned the behavior of only expressing positive feelings and repressing anything negative because I always predict how people will react badly to it/become anxious about it… thank you for this.
This was soooo helpful! I am just starting to do inner child talk and I find it overwhelming because all my inner child can seem to do is sob uncontrollably and get stuck in a circle of negative self talk.
I really appreciate therapists like you for sharing content that can help us start to heal. Mental health resources can be difficult, frustrating, and expensive to access. Thank you!
Sir you are doing god’s work (I don’t believe in god but you know what I mean) and really changing people’s lives forever. Therapy is expensive and inaccessible to the majority of people who are exactly the ones most susceptible to emotional trauma from incompetent parents who suffered the same trauma themselves. Most adults especially in developing countries where I live clearly have unresolved problems and treats people horribly, hence the cycle of causing trauma to others and the next generation keeps going. These informations and their super digestible format are so valuable that they help me understand my own trauma and work on being a better person, and I am treating others around me including my own parents right and shedding light on these thing that is slowly making more people better people. In my opinion (someone coming out of a years long depression), no one can be making a bigger impact on the world of humanity than you sir, thank you sincerely!
This video is amazing! Every word, every line helped to see the old feelings and situations in a new light, feels like another world. When I tried to recreate the second conversation with myself, I felt new stuff and it would force me to stop and loose attention, I had reply almost every line twice or three times. Still the wholesome consistent conversation didn't occur, it's difficult to do on your own and not to start saying the stuff that the first adult did in the unhealthy adult interplay. It's been an hour since I replay bits of this video it's a new and positive experience for me. Thank you, Patrick! You did absolutely amazing in all regards video!
Wow i just found this channel a couple days ago and this video is so relevant to something i'm dealing with. I have a really close friend who has always been bad about keeping in touch. I told her that i really need to talk about something i'm going through, but she hasnt been responding. My inner child is freaking out about "She forgot about you. She doesnt care about you anymore. She never cared about you". I will try the method in this video to see if i can calm my inner child and see the situation more rationally
I use journaling for these kinds of conversations, and it's amazingly helpful. These videos are an interesting way to show our self-talk and how we can change it.
that was so cool I'm gonna do that with my inner child as much as I can but it's really hard to access him seeing you doing the thing really helps. thanks!
This is really good role play/exploration of issues. I do wish there was more pause between the parts and time to read the awesome captions….I can’t read and listen at the same time, otherwise really helpful!!
This was very helpful. Please produce more videos like this with conversations between inner child and adult. Are there any books or resources that you can recommend where such dialogues (preferably real ones) are analysed? In your video, the 'adult' is very mature and understanding; almost like a therapist.
This is incredible. Wow. It’s really helpful to see you model this dialogue between adult self and inner child. My therapist has tried to get me to do this kind of role playing but I find it difficult because my inner child voice feels like the only voice, and it’s so hard even to hear the adult perspective within. I appreciate your content and learn so much, thank you for sharing your work
This is so helpful. I need a few viewings too. I particularly struggle to come up with the things the parent should say, bc how would I know the healthy alternative to what happened IRL? It can be hard to comfort or redirect my inner child when those beliefs still feel true, or the experiences still feel like my fault...
Thanks so much for this video. It's really a powerful practice. And the attention to the details on the dialog is so deep. It shows that youre really experienced with these things. Thanks !
This brought me to tears... I see me and my friendships where I used to accept any behavior just to stay friends, even though I felt like a burden... not really liked. Just used. :-(
Same
( when I originally wrote this I only watched the first part and started the second and was not sure this was an inner child exercise. It seemed like an older sibling or codependent/ avoidant anxious adult talking to a child and I thought the person on the left had some authority) Yes, this is the put others needs first because they are not as aware or astute so you are then supposed to handle it better since you are stronger is the message one gets..sometimes mixed with moral and religious aspects to suggest you have empathy and they ( Beth) are lacking but you can be a good girl/ boy by showing (role modeling fallacy) you arent selfish but flexible etc... This is a false thing because you are just enabling the selfish person Beth who only wants to be around you when you do things her way or what is interesting to her...making the boy here cater to Beth' s comfort zone by saying he should change because she wont and no one will confront or correct or address or anything her behavior/ attitude. This often happens to the oldest child who has the burden of cutting short their childhood to accommodate overwhelmed parents and younger siblings who are inherently more self centered merely due to age...go along to get along mixed with guilt since you are smart and good you should be able to see and help out...if you are not part of the solution then you are the problem...blah blah blah. NO, I matter too is what this kid should say and if you guys cant deal and have this conversation with Beth instead of Me for a change then I will do what I need to emotionally feel heard and feel glad about who I am and my choices.
I lost it when he said “you were and are a great kid” and started crying.
What an insightful video. I am a 56 yr old man with unresolved childhood trauma. I don't go to therapy and I found this as helpful as going to a session. Thanks vey much
Im 61 my friend and just beginning to understand the work that needs to be done.
Inner child healing has always been an overwhelming concept to me. But you have highly simplified it through your role-plays. This is much more easier to understand and act on compared to a book. Thank you!
I love this. My 85 year old mother is still coming out with this abusive crap. Any emotion I express is "mindless nonsense". When I call her out on how she constantly invalidates me even now, she says I am mentally ill and need counselling.
omg my mom and your mom would be friends. You can't tell them your feelings.
Narcissistic projection. She's scared of her own personality disorder, NPD. "Crazy" was my mother's favorite word!
This is the way they were all raised, they had 9, 10 and more kids, they physically worked and it was hard labor on farms even young girls. We were secluded on a farm miles away from each other. The only time we were away was long rides on the bus to school and at school and church. Most had 1 pair of shoes, no TV and the food we ate we raised. It’s much telling how we create these senecio’s without thinking about each generation and where each one came from. Nobody likes feeling bad about themselves. I do everyday and I think back to my childhood and know exactly why I’m like I am. Feeling less than, poor, no money to attend college or have privileges that took money. I’ve never believed in myself, yet I went to church at least 3 times a week. Sexually abused. Did what we were told and never questioned it out of fear of punishment. Those years were physical punishments. Without skills and believing I was worthy we did what we could, to many women believing there place was in the home with children. There is a goodness in rearing children, but there’s also a punishment in it once they are grown and believe their childhood was horrible and parents... if you had a husband that worked and didn’t allow you to work because your place was at home with the children. That brings all the blame back on mom her job was everything but monetary provider. And today with grown kids, with only myself as the purpose parent, full blame for their life’s and now their father as perfect. Because he was missing from all the childhood ventures, wanting attention, begging for acknowledgement... they now seem to believe it’s mom’s fault and there’s always blame and they cling and run to the father because he was never there. My father was never there but he was a working presence physically. Yet socially, emotionally, spiritually and mentally gone. We didn’t blame mom that’s how it was. We didn’t find fault we were happy to be alive. We didn’t accuse and say things like “I didn’t ask to be born” it was just what it was and we were grateful thankful and forgiving. All the things I went through were horrific, we were taught and were suppose to be submissive to our husbands. I have so many ideas of what was and I’m living what is. Even with the rejection of my children because their father wasn’t there, it somehow was my fault and he feeds into it. That’s what narcissist do. I do not blame my parents, but I know where I came from. Know what was and I can say I did the very best I could with what I was taught, then knew, and now know.
Listen to Dr. Romani on youtube....she has a great video about handling the narcissistic parent.
@@kathrynkastner6064 Dr Ramani it is. Yes, her and Patricks channels are good to get behind all the bpd and narcissistic parent stuff
Oh wow. The tool of self affirmation and self correction. What a powerful tool.
The power lies within our beliefs.
This is your best video so far IMO, and I haven't seen anything else like it on youtube. Please do more roleplaying videos like this, where part 1 is the role play itself and part 2 is the analysis of the role play. Thanks! I've read Margaret Paul, and I try to have those Adult self/Inner child conversations with myself, and I think you modeling those kinds of conversations would really help me have better conversations with myself.
+1
Agreed 👍
Yes!
Wonderful! My son is going through this right now and I realize as a codependent mom I didn’t protect my children from their narcissistic father. I had no idea about Narcissism and I would make excuses for my husband. This will help in how I interact with my children going forward.
I really like how there is an option to validate that even though the child is projecting onto the friend, it’s possible the friend might not be a good friend for inner circle if they don’t own their part. This then doesn’t gaslight ourselves with denying how people treat us in the present.
WOW. I was reparenting myself with the first way and I had no idea how to do it correctly. Thank you for making this. It helps me to see examples.
The role play is sooooooo helpful! Please do more! Growing up there was very limited points of view and it's hard to know what healthy looks like.
Having the text explaining what was going on was so helpful. Thanks! Great video.
Absolutely agree ..this is a really accessible way to bring about understanding of the inner dialogue
The thought that "something is wrong with me" has plagued me for years! Thanks to videos about narcs (I seem to be surrounded by) and healing like this one I'm finally getting it! Thank you so much for caring! 💞
Thank you for making this video. Therapists and Healthcare workers would constantly tell me "you should try inner child work" or "you have to reparent yourself" without even showing or telling me how! It was so annoying and frustrating. Like how would I just know if both parents were entirely neglectful and displayed narcissistic/codependent traits? Your videos are really helping me tune into actually doing the work now instead of being stuck in that dissociation and having flashbacks. It's a lot of work, but at least I have a foundation of what it's supposed to look like. Sending you lots of love and please never stop making videos like this. You are saving lives.
This was moving and very helpful to figure out how to handle the inner child. The roleplaying is key to acknowledging how we should have been parented, how we have been abused. When we have had self absorbed / invalidating parents, we don't even know how healthy parenting is like, and how healthy relationships look like in general. Thank you :)
Wow, thanks Patrick, this really helped.
I had to practice this yesterday after I noticed I had been triggered by someone in my family. It was my first time doing it, and it felt so, so healing...I loved listening to my beautiful inner child and having the courage to set a healthy boundary with that person, with profund respect for me and for him. Maybe he won't ever understand my perspective, but I spoke with self-confidende. And I'm proud of that!
😊🤗
Good job on sticking up for yourself!
I'm so in love with your role plays! How so on point they are! 🌞
The role play and text really helped me understand how to practice self talk. “Beth will think we are a spaz”. 😂🤣😅
This was GOLD. Very helpful!! You're the first therapist I've found that focuses on healing from Narc parents. Just what I need. 🤩🤩🤩 THANK YOU!!!
This is harder when the person you are with is not an emotionally healthy person. I got stuck in the narcissists trap so every concern the inner child had was validated and then the adult was criticized. So that just reinforced the codependency and made things even worse and made it harder to leave
You are a genius by all means! You have simplified something that is so ambiguous and sometimes even reading a whole book about it might not help someone get it.
I envy your clients and those who live in Massachusetts!
Is there a part 3 where we can hear how the adult talks to Beth?
Incredible. Totally eye opening. Wow. I’ve never found such helpful videos which cuts straight to what the issues are and also validates the inner child. Thank you
I totally started talking myself through situations like this a couple years ago when I was still having issues with bully bosses. This is such an amazing breakdown of the whole process, bravo! I love thinking "I'm such a great kid" ❤️
Finding your channel has brought me to a place where I'm now seeing a trauma-based therapist. Thank you so much for being here and highlighting this for all of us.
I will be watching this so many times over. These clips bring such clarity to things I’ve been searching hard for in therapy, and in my day to day life. The videos offer the exact tools I need to keep growing in my healing. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Such a beautiful gift to receive.
That was a lot to process. Wow. I will watch this a few times. Thank you Patrick❤️
This is amazing. I feel like a blindfold has been lifted away when I see your role play work.
I gotta say that examples works way better than abstract instruction. Specially given that childhood issues means a lack of (good) modeling.
But what i really wanna say is,
I like that AT-AT shirt.
Man you're good at role playing, you must be cool to play D&D/RPG with.
I've been sitting here with the video paused for almost 20 min cause my mind was so blown from the first video! You are amazing,
This was so AMAZING! I feel like I'm so much more clear on my childhood
26 seconds in, & thinking “I’m screwed” lol 😂
this needs to be taught in school, cause lord knows, parenting didn't come with a degree, hence, all of us adults having to parent ourselves cluelessly.
PLEASE please put a video of how a healthy conversation with Beth would be like. I myself find it hard to talk about issues that bother me because as I child I didn’t feel heard. So that pain sometimes turns into anger because I couldn’t or knew how to talk about. Worrying it would make the situation worse.
you are the
KING.
This is gold!
may these reach all who need them
oh brother, this was heartbreaking. thanks Patrick.
This is incredibly helpful. Now I can see how I was treated in my childhood.
Yes, it's very familiar to me. Holding back and people pleasing was my mom's MO and she taught it to me.
Sadly, I've had plenty of therapy sessions that went much like the first part of this video.
Patrick, I’m piling on here, but your insight, warmth, kindness, understanding, emotional and intellectual intelligence is so outstanding. You are truly an outstanding human being. Thank you for sharing that with us.
This is what my therapist and I are in discussion about, learning to be the loving adult for self during an emotional flashback, and getting to the real source of the trigger. thank you.🙂
Thank You.* It was really helpful ! Great work. * I've always felt totally alone with all the burden, in absolute vacuum-like isolation. I knew I had to be my own parent, but it didn't feel just, it didn' t feel right.... Actually it still doesn't but at least I finally allow the blame and shame, the whole burden to go back where it truly belongs. This is the hardest thing to do. Becsuse I never wanted to shame. I wanted responsibility and real solution, but there was none. Deliberately there was none. There was no such thing as vica versa caring, and I kept blaming myself, thinking that I have to try more and more for the solution, endlessly. Something good to be developed takes all the participants to do the work, while for something bad there must be at least one, that does not do the work. I used to think it was safest to consider myself the bad one, because then at least there is hope for improvement, as I am trying so hard to make things better, so maybe one day I can get there. Now I know I cannot do the work in stead of anybody, in fact I never wanted to do it in stead, but wanted to help by being present, by caring. This way I was playing the role of a caring , listening parent, as a small child, somehow, magically thinking that if they see the example, they might one day treat me the same way.... my "parents" and my twelve-years-older " brother" . ... It is sad.
When our needs are denied like this, we tend to stop asking for what we need and are left in that position of hoping we will get it... and hoping by giving it they will understand how to give it back. In a way it's like trying to change someone, isn't it? I think some of the motivation behind this could come from a lack of any other way to get needs met. If you can't ask or say something directly because you're afraid of feeling denied or shamed (because you were as a child), how else can one do it? So a child learns covert tactics. Giving love in hopes to receive love. You're not wrong for feeling this way or doing it. It's what you had to do and it probably felt like there was no other way, and it all may have been happening subconsciously too, but regardless...
The good part in this is you (and anyone in a similar boat who may be reading) are fully capable of being this love for yourself; you've already shown it many times to other people but may not have for a long time (if ever) toward yourself. What if you turned your love to aim back to yourself? Does it sound shameful or wrong at first? But I bet it would be a most beautiful thing, even life changing. To be the parent of yourself that you needed and still may need; the compassion, love, and trust you may have never had. If you haven't already started doing that, do so and blossom as the beautiful person you already are; there is absolutely nothing wrong with loving and taking care of yourself in these deep ways, and those who might try to stop you are the ones you don't need in your life.
Thank you so much for this gift. It has been eye-opening, engaging and made me realize more of the work I want to do in therapy to get to my authentic self. Please keep making content like this.
Brilliant. I took notes as these powerful concepts sinked in. My inner child feels validated at last. This is much more effective than with my previous costly and lengthy therapies who never, ever got even close to this. Thank you so much Patrick
Thank you very much! Honestly when i was watching the part 1 unhealthy adult i did not notice anything wrong. That's how my mom talked. Only when i watched this part 2 clinical analysis i saw the difference! I feel hopeful, motivated and encouraged! And still sad. Thank you!
I can't afford therapy and this is so helpful.
The “loser” comment stung me to hear. I felt bad for young Patrick hearing him say that. I remember one time saying I was worried to try and make friends with some new kids after moving cause I was shy and my dad saying to my mom “Well, if he wants to be a loser let him be a loser.” This clip brought that up again, some good material to reflect on. Thanks for this.
First example looks like the parent doesnt deal with ANYTHING this child is saying. Annoying, famliar!
Wow/ I’ve really gotten so much from your teaching style and especially these little skits ! OMG!! So on 🎯!
I just found your channel and it's already helped me so much your videos are so educational, Great content keep them coming!!
Your roleplays are very educational and it is much easier to learn and understand what is going on. Thank you so much for the insights!
I wish all psychologists and counsellors were as educated as you are, because I paid thousands to a psychologist who only listened and gave me nothing to learn, do or think about and it was all a waste. I had this experience with BetterHelp as well, I got no actual help but spent a lot of money just “explaining myself” Anyway, thank you SO MUCH for these videos and examples on how to parent ourselves. This is so helpful
My Dads main expression was depression and anger leftover from his abusive Mom. He pointed that toxicity at me. I pleased Mom, which angered John/Dad, bc he could not please her. In reality my Moms fear made it impossible to please her. This is such a good video PT. Thank you!
I‘m in awe of how I‘ve been neglecting this inner monologue for such a long time. It‘s good that I realize this now, it‘s time to be curious about my inner child. Thank you!
Just want to say that I am SO GLAD YOU AREN'T PERFECTIONISTIC about your videos! Because, I'd be obsessing about little blips but: of course, they don't take away ANY of the VALUE of the beautiful video you created. Perfectionism is my topic - I know that. I am SO glad you just put the videos out (after I know much work has gone into creating them!). THANK YOU for all the work and value you bring to this world!
A true God send. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I am reading John Bradshaw’s book Home Coming. I now believe something different about myself. I will live a healthy happy life moving forward.
wow... this is incredibly helpful. my entire life I sincerely thought I was the only one with this inner dialogue
'You are (I am) worth speaking up for' ... I'm saying this again and again (out loud), reprogramming those neural networks. It feels like each iteration puts something in a cup that hasn't had much in it.
I knew I had a problem when I saw nothing wrong with the self talk in the first example. Thank you so much for making these videos, they are changing my life!
Thank you. I will try this out daily and see how far it takes me. I feel hopeful about its benefits, and I have only felt hopeless about ever remedying myself of these type of doubts. Thank you again for all that you do to help folks.
Oh my god… this video helped me realize part of why I have such a fear of bringing up “negative” or “conflict-causing” feelings in relationships - I always had to walk on eggshells when I talked about anything not completely positive around my mom. If I did, she would immediately latch onto it and ask thousands of irrelevant questions, go into anxiety, make it about her and/or her “failures” as a parent. I think that’s where I learned the behavior of only expressing positive feelings and repressing anything negative because I always predict how people will react badly to it/become anxious about it… thank you for this.
I am another that has been brought to tears from this video and exercise. Thank you, Patrick.
I was totally mystified by part 1 So glad to see part 2 - It unpacks Part 1 in very good insightful way. Great work Patrick!!
Very good video as it gives language to some of the beliefs that I didn't even know I had! Keep them coming, please :)
It hurt my heart to hear this. This is so true.
This was soooo helpful! I am just starting to do inner child talk and I find it overwhelming because all my inner child can seem to do is sob uncontrollably and get stuck in a circle of negative self talk.
I really appreciate therapists like you for sharing content that can help us start to heal. Mental health resources can be difficult, frustrating, and expensive to access. Thank you!
Beautiful. Thank you.. You made this kid feel so much better.
Thank you for your thoughtful material. You've been instrumental in taking my recovery to the next level. Sending you lots of love from Florida.
Sir you are doing god’s work (I don’t believe in god but you know what I mean) and really changing people’s lives forever. Therapy is expensive and inaccessible to the majority of people who are exactly the ones most susceptible to emotional trauma from incompetent parents who suffered the same trauma themselves. Most adults especially in developing countries where I live clearly have unresolved problems and treats people horribly, hence the cycle of causing trauma to others and the next generation keeps going. These informations and their super digestible format are so valuable that they help me understand my own trauma and work on being a better person, and I am treating others around me including my own parents right and shedding light on these thing that is slowly making more people better people. In my opinion (someone coming out of a years long depression), no one can be making a bigger impact on the world of humanity than you sir, thank you sincerely!
This video is amazing! Every word, every line helped to see the old feelings and situations in a new light, feels like another world. When I tried to recreate the second conversation with myself, I felt new stuff and it would force me to stop and loose attention, I had reply almost every line twice or three times. Still the wholesome consistent conversation didn't occur, it's difficult to do on your own and not to start saying the stuff that the first adult did in the unhealthy adult interplay. It's been an hour since I replay bits of this video it's a new and positive experience for me. Thank you, Patrick! You did absolutely amazing in all regards video!
Thanks. This is excellent.
Thank you for this video
very accurate. it's complex tho! every thought/expression is loaded and needs to be untangled!
Wow i just found this channel a couple days ago and this video is so relevant to something i'm dealing with. I have a really close friend who has always been bad about keeping in touch. I told her that i really need to talk about something i'm going through, but she hasnt been responding. My inner child is freaking out about "She forgot about you. She doesnt care about you anymore. She never cared about you". I will try the method in this video to see if i can calm my inner child and see the situation more rationally
Wow, thank you again for this!
I use journaling for these kinds of conversations, and it's amazingly helpful. These videos are an interesting way to show our self-talk and how we can change it.
These are phenomenal!!! I need to make flash cards for myself and practice with situations my boys disclose to me. Thank you!!!
Thanks so much for everything that you share with us, it's so informative and so helpful! 💜
This type of content requires to much effort ... thanks for providing it.....it's is really helpful
thank you
that was so cool I'm gonna do that with my inner child as much as I can but it's really hard to access him seeing you doing the thing really helps. thanks!
Love this enactment. Gave me a lot of insight into how to communicate & support my IC! Can’t wait to read the book ❤️
This was spot on. I wish I could see the role play with Beth
More of this type of videos please!!!!
I really feel connected with these presentations.
Very useful. So grateful to you!
This is really good role play/exploration of issues. I do wish there was more pause between the parts and time to read the awesome captions….I can’t read and listen at the same time, otherwise really helpful!!
This was very helpful. Please produce more videos like this with conversations between inner child and adult. Are there any books or resources that you can recommend where such dialogues (preferably real ones) are analysed? In your video, the 'adult' is very mature and understanding; almost like a therapist.
Love your videos. It gives so much insight and healing although triggering, but triggers tell us there is a wound you need to work on
this was a great sentence: I think you are worth to ...
This is incredible. Wow. It’s really helpful to see you model this dialogue between adult self and inner child. My therapist has tried to get me to do this kind of role playing but I find it difficult because my inner child voice feels like the only voice, and it’s so hard even to hear the adult perspective within. I appreciate your content and learn so much, thank you for sharing your work
These role plays are so helpful!
I had to have a similar conversation, talking myself down from feeling personally attacked in this video! 😅😢 Good stuff here!
Omg Patrick this is so good. Ty ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
This is so helpful. I need a few viewings too. I particularly struggle to come up with the things the parent should say, bc how would I know the healthy alternative to what happened IRL? It can be hard to comfort or redirect my inner child when those beliefs still feel true, or the experiences still feel like my fault...
This is mind blowing! Thank you
Thanks so much for this video.
It's really a powerful practice. And the attention to the details on the dialog is so deep.
It shows that youre really experienced with these things.
Thanks !
Omg this videos are a treasure!!!