I can relate because this one walks around singing church hymns all day in between being evil as hell!! He will curse you out one minute, and the next minute, he's walking around humming a church hymn. 🤪🙄
The worst ones are the covert ones , so sweet & fragile, wounded birds , lost boys/girls , who never grew up, wearing their past trauma like badge & wielding it like a weapon. Always controlling every conversation to make everything be about them , constantly using their “triggers” to shoot other people down & get them to shut up if the conversation isn’t going to their own agenda, which is basically feed me, feed me, feed me, the milk of human kindness , while I treat you like an enemy, for having any thoughts & feelings contrary to this vampiric agenda.
The absolute worst are the Malignant,they take the control and manipulation to another level,you can literally see and feel the disdain and disgust they feel for you. You're life becomes a constant wheel of gaslighting,verbal abuse,manipulation and isolation. It's fearing to fall asleep because you don't know when they are going to come in and yank you out of bed,or dump a bucket of ice water on you,making you so desperate to make it stop,including taking your own life. It's being held a literal hostaige with no means the of getting help as they have told everyone something is wrong with you,that you have spoken badly of them to drive them away Getting beautiful gifts,only to have them taken and regifted to someone else. The only reason I am here is because I saw a therapist twice a month. And between her and my Mom,were able to get me out of hell.❤
Don't forget that a good loving person can't fake being vengeful, hateful, or rejecting, But a narcissistic can fake being kind, loving, & trustworthy.
They bow to those they perceive as powerful (as a way to try and hide their true selves from, so the powerful can see the covert narc in a good light) the narc screams & rages at those they target and can’t manipulate because they’re uncomfortable around them not knowing how to control strong minded confident people narc is most comfortable around those that just go along to get along
@@mylegacytransformed no. they bow to the powerful cuz thats how the hierarchy works in our world. narcissists dont have much intelligence arent capable of deep thought and make up a personality because they have no sense of self because there really isn't that much to them. people who KNOW that and who are more powerful around them arent gonna let them do all that bs. cuz why would you let a peon overpower you if you know they are a peon? its the people who dont know they are peons who try to sit up there and constantly go back and forth with someone of very little intelligence and keep freaking out about the fact that thing doesn't change that the narcissist has power over. understand? someone who doesn't give a f will look down at a narcissist. a narcissist's inflated ego doesn't work on them. so the narcissist has no choice but to back off. it doesn't mean they're not still gonna be a narcissist and do sneaky lil things behind everyone's backs. its just that they will not engage. its not possible to overpower someone when you have no sense of self. you can only overpower someone else who also has no sense of self lol. thats the game. the narc screams & rages at those they target and can’t manipulate because they’re uncomfortable -- this part is true. it freaks em out to remind them that they're not a real person.
Thank goodness for intelligent Moms! That was concise and very accurate advice. Also, briefly explained in a way that is bite-sized enough for anyone's child to be able to grasp and understand at any age, and for people who are not experienced with a narcissistic mindset. It takes time, even after learning about narcissists, to also learn how to properly deal with them and safely. My narcissistic ex stalked me for over twenty years after our divorce... I've learned a lot. We Moms worry about who and what our kids encounter in the world after they leave the home each day and, I too found myself always trying to find brief ways to educate my kids about some of the evils of the world without putting them into a state of fear. At least I know that even after I'm gone, they'll be armed with knowledge to get them started on... while getting armed with knowledge in their adult education that comes from living and learning about, and from, life by just being observant and willing to learn from the truth, the lies, and the realities of this world - Your Mom's the Bomb! Lol
I've had it the opposite since I have been nueromolecularly integrated, people have been psychologically nasty and if I call it out, they may go up slightly a notch, flip the script express feeling persecuted by men and then act like it wasn't anything and treat me nicely next time, unless of course, I make mention of it, or poiint out it is still "unresolved" ...it is society being misled deeper into precreated white hetero male Borderline Love/Hate, stuck-n-stunted, passive-aggressive consciousness...a stream thousands of years in the making...sad really, psychological bondage is like governance by psychological genocide...what is happening to healthy, rational, antecedent consciousness feel scary sometimes
If you want to make a narcissist uncomfortable, be unpredictable. A Narcissist told me he feared me because i was unpredictable,. Of course he doesn't admit he is a narcissist. The best part is he is the one who caused me to be unpredictable ..lol
@thankyoujesus2836, If you want to be unpredictable, do like they do: be nice one day, then mean another. I guess you would have to be a game player. You’d literally would have to act like them, a narcissist. Be on time one time, late another. When they ask for help with something, agree to it, but then reneg on it at the last minute then get into a big huge fight about it. Writing this stuff down really does show me that the little shits are deliberate. They love that bullying and power play.
Yep. Walk... or RUN!🏃♀️ Just gtfo and stay tfo. Block them as a contact on your device, & thru every individual SM & other communications app you downloaded and currently use Take Care Of You ❤
Yes it’s a hard decision to go no contact, no one wants to throw the baby out with the bath water but if a relationship is causing discomfort & depletion , there will always be a point where the line has to be firmly drawn, no excuses, no explanations , door firmly shut ta ta
My son left his aunts house on Thanksgiving with his wife and 4 kids and never looked back. He put her on notice in a way nobody has ever done. I am so proud of him.
Totally! It's as simple as that! I'm walking out of any situation from now on, if there is just a small bit of disrespect. With all consequences. For my own mental health!
Oh dang. So, when I was full on gray rocking and he said he had to walk on eggshells around me, I had actually succeeded at what I was doing. Not out of manipulation, but out of protecting myself?! Mind blown.
I recognized this method of handling the narc by watching him treat those who could care less about him especially his own family he treated them with “respect”. The more indifferent they were to him the more respect he gave. You really have to stop caring about the narc and your relationship with them. Indifference is so powerful. Not grey rock it’s utter who gives a crap attitude that makes them powerless. That their kryptonite. I’m experiencing this lesson finally. Make them invisible. Screw closure. Shut up,close down around them. Ignore them not rudely just like they don’t matter anymore. You can never go back to discussing and sharing and caring. It has to be finished. Get that emotional wall up and keep it up. It gets easier with time. Remind yourself especially during love bombing you dealing with the devil.
No matter how you do it, to a narcissist, "ignoring them" is being rude----because any form of indifference or silence is injury because it blocks them from attention or supply, whatever you do you can't worry about how it's being preceived or received.
Yes, I do that with my two narc brothers now. But one thing remainds - the heritage of the house. I don't want to sit down with them at a table to discuss those things. They will be against me, I know that already. So, what to do? Walking out of that situation too, ignoring the heritage? Please give me some advice there, thanks!
Remember, you’re dealing with a child ( undeveloped) in an adult body. I simply use this tactic I learned in grade school when they begin projecting their toxicity on me. “ I am rubber, you are glue, whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you!” 😂🎉
I wish I knew this before I allowed him to break me down to nothing. I have never ever had someone say the nasty things that he says to me. He’s made me feel ugly and worthless. Setting up small hidden cameras, silent treatment, I’m sick of it.
And this is exactly why you can not have a healthy marriage with a person like this. When i threatened to leave, my now ex husband told me he treated his ex before me the same way and that he had promised himself that he wouldn’t be the same when we got together. He also said that he didn’t understand why he was like it with either of us and that he couldn’t control it. It was the only time he was honest in 15 years. I stayed a year and a half more after this, thinking ok he’s aware of it so he will change it. He didn’t. Instead he unleashed more rage, manipulation, cruelty, deceit and resentment than he ever had prior to his statement of honesty. He became the most comfortable he’d ever been because Id stayed. No mask at all. Just pure evil.
Same thing happened to me. The love bombing was spectacular. I honestly thought he would change- he even admitted it and swore that he would change! He tried for about 4 months, but, I guess it was too much because when his mask fell off it was like a nuclear explosion! ( From holding his rage inside for so long,,?) By this time, I had become seriously ill and needed a few surgeries to keep me alive. Still healing ( need one more surgery) but plan on leaving asap. Don't be like me- I'm 64 y/o, disabled and too weak to leave. I feel trapped. I've been married for 37 yrs,- most of my adult life, and I regret not leaving sooner SO much! God help us both!
@@user-eo5mc4jx2x it is never to late. I saw a video of a woman who divorced at 70 and was making her video at 104. She said her life had become fulfilled, content and happy since her divorce after the initial devastation the divorce brought her. I was scared to leave, I think that’s why they treat us the way they do, to scare you into staying. They know themselves that you wouldn’t otherwise. But i woke up and realised I get one life to live and that I owe it to myself to live the time I have happy, safe and content at the very least. Wishing you a full recovery body mind and soul.
I am actually living the kind of life you are talking about. I have been married for 20 years to a narc. I am disabled and elderly and I was in the dark for 18 years trying to figure out what the hell was wrong with my marriage. A couple of years ago I found the answer through videos I found on UA-cam about narcissism. It was such a relief to finally know that I wasn't crazy. I moved out of our shared bedroom and into another bedroom on the other end of the house. Most days we just pass each other in the hall.After finding out about narcissism I went totally gray rock on his ass and I refuse to put up with his BS and he knows it. We are only disappointed when our expectations aren't met so I have zero expectations concerning him. Just know that if you are in a relationship with a narc that they do not change no matter how much you love or care about them. Don't be like me and waste years of your life thinking that's it's gonna get better because it's not. The longer you stay the worse it's gonna get.
Yes, there is no cure for narcissism. Therapy doesn’t work at all. Pressure from family, friends, and parents doesn’t work at all. The only way to resolve is to leave. They have no feelings, if they do something bad there is no remorse. My narc ex convinced my mom that I was beating her weekly when I didn’t even know she was talking to my mom. My ex also cut off all my friends and family by causing scenes at family gatherings and at restaurants and parties. She isolated me. Then wouldn’t talk to me for months, not even hello or goodbye. Literally ignoring me for 3 months as I slept next to her. Luckily the friend of the court aka psychologist had sessions with both of us and when our custody trial happened she said my ex was the most narcissistic patient she has ever seen in 7 years of practice. My ex threatened the therapist personally at an unscheduled time at her office. I got full custody and my ex lost her constitutional right to visitation. I’m a survivor.
I feel for you. I know one so bad that he puts women in psych wards. Then they call him and leave 10 min voicemails about how horrible he is, yet run back bc of the trauma bond. He plays the messages and laughs at them. Hes played them to me. We havent hung out in 2 years. Wonder why...
I am in the same situation as you are,, almost exactly except I've been married for 37 years. I'm disabled also and now I've been having serious health issues to where I couldn't even leave even if I wanted to. For now. I'm biding my time and healing. Prayers for us both!
Sometimes you are stuck working with one of these monsters. Minimum contact is great but I like the idea of making them feel unsettled to the point that they avoid you as much as possible.
I wouldn't give a narcissist one second of my time, unless it's a coworker where I have to!! Why would anyone give a narcissist a chance to backstab you! They probably did it once already that's how you know who they are!!!
I said, "uh, nooo" in a sing-songy voice to a narcissistic co-worker's weird question that had nothing to do with work. I also had this look on my face, like a parent lightly scolding a child. She slithered away.
@@justlookalittledeeper9953 I’m married to one, we have children together and she has custody… I have to ride a balance between showing my children the right thing to do, being a good example and keeping my distance at the same time, still learning how to do it, but I’m better at it than I was a year ago. All about being non-reactive.
I agree. All this game playing doesn’t solve anything. It just prolongs the agony they put you through. They love the ups and downs. They love their two faced act in front of others while you’re around knowing it hurts you. Get out!!!! Don’t waste your energy on them. They aren’t worth it!!!
You have to be well in to the healing journey,, if you want to do this. You're past the hurt, you're past the emotional roller coaster, you have to be in complete control of how you act and the way you look. You have to be 100% confident in what you are doing. Playing their game, but on a different level. It can be done.
I'm right there now! Past the hurt and everything. Wanting to be independent and getting ready to take a step THIS WEEK! Have not had the confidence for many years, but I'll find out in the next couple of days how much I have. Been praying through it, too. Thanks for your comment Heather.
I was thinking the same thing. This requires much inner healing to be able to sustain this inner peace while leading the narc through the non-negotiable rules of being a decent human being, after what each of us allowed before.
So true I never knew that a bunch of nobodies will try to make someone feel like they nothing 😂😂This journey been so hilarious and contradictory as they call you a ppl pleaser but yet bash you for not being as they say like us. Which one is it 😂they confuse and full of shit so I sit and observe 😂😂😂smh
This is the key. My husband is very charming, compassionate, and generous. Then, two face, manipulative, gaslighting, and all the other tricks in the book. He got a 10 stars with everything on his end but would sabotage all my efforts and turn my kids and other people against me. So i had to step out of all the confusion, heal the cognitive dissonance, and an emotional distance myself. Doing what this video said, now i get the good part without without getting sucked into the negative. I dont trust anything he says because it's all manipulation. I never ask him his opinion, i dont share my goals or what im thinking, and never share what bothers me because that is where the gold is for his power. But.. i do enjoy all the great aspects of his personality. I publicly acknowledge what he does so he sticks to the narrative of being the wonderful, generous husband he displays to be. I do believe he loves me, and, i can except, it's also fake. In reality, He's two different people.
After 3 yrs of waking up to 30 years of narc abuse, I can spot evil a mile away. I keep these extremely broken things at a distance, and on egg shells. I absolutely love not letting ANY of their tactics work on me... ignoring them is so damn powerful... dangerous but powerful. Ive been teaching my friends all about the tactics of these monsters. yes i know, ive met many male and female narc's. Thanks for another great video... you helped save my life. Truly. Thank you!
Can a narcissist mother be narcissistic to their own children? She carried them for months, she nursed them, they imitate her more. Why and how does a narcissistic mother exist?
@@LJN-jz6jy they absolutely DO exist - very common, in fact. They are the worst. Do you know how a narcissist is created in the first place? From other narcissists - primarily the parents.
My husband was the most sweet bee charmer. Everyone loved him, and loved to be around him. However when he came home our children would scatter and I would have to walk on eggshells. One day my friend called me and said his mask slipped and she saw someone no one ever sees as he reprimanded her husband at work. It was bad and she came over to my house still shaking. I smiled and took her hand, saying welcome to my world. Then taking her hand I reminded her that it was just business with him. I had learned to stand up to him and that Tomorrow the bee charmer would be back…DNA yes, his father was the same. I out lived my husband. I am still detoxing.
They are really very kind to others. My mother is a narcissist. I experienced the worst form of emotional abuse through her hands. It took many years and lots of tears to uncut the umbilical cord. I can honestly say I feel sorry for her. She is a mentally a very sick person. I can just pray for her. I want nothing to do with her. God knows my heart. Whatever good I did for her was purely out of love. I'm at a stage where I know I have to protect my children, grandchildren, and myself. I am praying for her deliverance, but I don't want her near me.
When they speak, they're sitting you down to play a game of chess, moving their piece first and saying, "Your move!" Do exactly what you'd do if this actually happened. Say nothing, realise they started a game you did not show any interest in and insted of thinking of a better move to defeat them, get up and occupy yourself with what you love. No combat, no verbal defense, no hatred. Detach from their karmic BS. And never play games they enjoy. Especially ones that don't consider your feelings.
It is the hardest, when the person is your elderly mother. Because as her daughter, I obviously can not divorce her. The best way is to keep distance, & maintain a minimum contact, period. Especially, if she has turned your siblings against one another, and against you.
Same here, mil. Elderly and needs help. Prayers for us all dealing with this. It's sad to watch their end of life after they've alienated everyone around them. They come undone and it's awful to watch. 😢
@MP-nm9df hi M! Also, R, G, T, B, K, and the rest of your triangulating coven. A word of advice.. give it up. It is only yourself you are destroying. God is love.
@randy_cbc8811 did you enjoy the hot services of the nympho*aniac and get roped into this? Be aware her ex of 10 yrs has herpes, and thank God if you wore protection.. as to ora* s*x, best to get yourself checked out
Mine is kind. I'm the one who gets really pissed. He lies and lies. That's what he does. And it makes me nuts and triggers CPTSD from my young life. And he knows my vulnerability and played on it. For 22 years. And I was glad when he'd throw me a bone here and there. Pathetic.. I'm in the process of getting out. 🙏
I took me a year and a half to plan the escape from an extremely toxic relationship with an alcoholic covert. Boy what a difference it has made to me and my whole life… trust me it gets really great 😊
Can a narcissist mother be narcissistic to their own children? She carried them for months, she nursed them, they imitate her more. Why and how does a narcissistic mother exist? Or is it a misnomer for an abusive person?
Haha hilarious. Mine sure was vile to me & jealous ANY time I was happy. She was delighted when I was sad. I'm actually one of many- sadly. Jez spirit. The evil in the eyes is not just terrifying but very confusing as an ACON (ADULT child of a narcissist). I wish it wasn't the case But we to have t0 not be naieve to escape.
My sister left my life over30 years ago by telling me I was “no fun” and she had to “walk on eggshells” around me. I often wondered what she meant and I even googled for the exact definitions. I even doubted myself so strongly that I considered if I was to blame and perhaps I was the one with the communication problem and narcissistic. Thank you so much for these amazing, unexpected insights and finally bringing me resolution and peace.
you probably are to blame. i mean you sat up here and watched a video talking about how to make a narcissist walk on eggshells and used that as an example for when your sister came to you and told you that youre no fun and she had to walk on eggshells around you? thats......weird. maybe talk to someone you can trust who doesn't have personal interest in you or your sister so you can get yourself some wise counsel. you absolutely have a communication problem and yes that is quite narcissistic of you cuz where is the accountability. you spent 30 years apart and you went to google for definitions after wondering 30 years instead of sitting down and talking to her like a grown up? tf is this? and you doubted yourself so strongly but somehow this video finally gave you peace. if youre not narcissistic youre definitely full of sht cuz none of that even adds up.
I literally watched mine try to trigger me into pain tonight. He wanted me to talk about specific instances of him really betraying me and how it made me feel, in some kind of display of false empathy. He wanted to get me emotional, and expressing how badly he hurt me and he even mentioned specific details from what he knew bothered me, in an attempt to send me down that painful memory hole. I was like "omg he's really trying to trigger me into a meltdown because I have shut him out." I just told him " I've already told you all that, and there's no point in rehashing it. I'll let you know if I need to talk about it. " I almost laughed in his face.
"The moment they get demeaning be prepared to leave!" Say no and walk away! "If love bombing, then say no you do Not mean that, just be kind and resoectful, i wanna hear no lies!"
I absolutely LOVE doing this. My narcissistic coworker is a monster of a person. Over the course of the past year and a half, I've flipped the narrative on its end for her, and now she is VISIBLY terrified of me when we're in the same room. All just by being genuine, humble, and calling out her maladaptive behavior everytime I saw it. Exposure, plain and simple. And I f*cking love it. She's been so incredible cruel to so many people at work. Every single supervisee she's had either quit, changed departments to get away from her, or she found a way to get them fired. But, she's absolutely terrified of me hahahaha. And I love it. What a joke, she is.
I'm just about there. Today he's love bombing, but I see through it now, and I'm not fooled. He senses that, and it makes him uncomfortable. I have already made it clear that I wont tolerate his rages. I just walk away. That really works. Meanwhile, I'm no longer on his roller coaster. And it feels great. Do I miss having the kind of warm, intimate marriage I wanted? Yes, but this is my reality, and I have to make the most of my life in spite of it. I have many great friends, and that helps. It took me many years to get where I am with dealing with his narcissism, but thanks to videos like yours, it's been much easier. Thank you.
@zol1170 I hope your physical health is good. Mine improved a lot when I came to understand what I was dealing with, and a lot of the anxiety of being in a constant state of high alert just disappeared. Knowledge is power, and putting knowledge into effect is even more powerful. I'm sleeping better, and my stomach issues have greatly improved.
@@kathleenstoin671 OMG the stomach issues. 😩 But yes I’m better as well after coming to terms with the situation. I’m glad to hear you are as well. I made my health a priority over the last year. And I’m finally happy looking in the mirror again. We gotta work hard to not to get sucked back into the chaos. Happy healing
Hey Ladies, it might be working for now, but remember this: they get worse as they age. Also, the rage is building inside. Don't be lulled into a false sense of security, you are not safe! They will destroy you. Is it worth it to be damaged emotionally, spiritual, physically etc? You ARE paying a price, you just didn't realize it yet. The best thing to do is to get out. Trust me, I know. I've found out the very hard way. I was just like you at one point. I regret it so much. If I could have warned my younger self, I would have told me exactly what I'm telling you now. Save yourself before it's too late. Yes, there is such a thing as too late- I'm living proof! ( Long, sad story that's too traumatic to tell...) I know I sound overly dramatic,, but I'm telling you,, you WILL regret staying. Of course, if you're just biding your time in order to leave in a sensible way, on your own terms, that's wise. But, please leave because it will destroy you to stay. That is all. God help us. Prayers for all of us.
If you ever listen to anything while reading comments, let it be this - go to borlest and read the book whispers of manifestation, then come back and thank me
When I started holding my husband accountable for the words coming out of his mouth by repeating back to him what he is saying and ensuring you really mean literally this he started getting confused and now he has no clue how to speak and he now says that I am bullying him and he is a victim. I don't miss being made to feel like s*** but now my husband done lost all of the Man cards that he's ever had and is stuck in some feminine ass energy! But he's definitely walking on eggshells and I do feel like I have a lot more power but I also miss the masculinity which I did not expect to loose. I learned through this that in his own way this man truly does care for me in the capacity that he is capable of caring for anybody. And there's nothing I can do to run him off. He was dependent upon me being dependent and submissive. Now he's just lost and stays to himself because he's afraid he's going to say something wrong.
When you want someone to learn how to do something or do something differently, you have to show them what you do want, not just what you don't want. I feel like what you are considering masculine is simply self confidence. He needs to know and understand that he has inherent value as a human outside of masculinity or femininity. He has skills and ideas and emotions to bring to the table for the benefit of the relationship and for his own self. So, in calmer conversations, tell him you want him to say what he means. Not to over exaggerate. Tell him to talk to you the same way he would want to be spoken to.
He will be looking for a new supply. He will be selling his sob story to any woman who listens, probably online. When one buys it and he has her locked down, he will hit you with it and ditch you in the cruellest way possible. Then tell everyone how terrible you were to him. Expect it.
@@dollymondo thank God he's not The cheatin kind. In 23 years I've never doubted that. Don't get me wrong I'm aware that there is a chance that I could just not know but he doesn't ever do anything outside of his normal routine. He's always home within 30 minutes of getting off of work and the only other place he goes is to the store. The image that he portrays to the world of being this perfect family man is too important to him to mess it up for something like that and sex is something that he cares nothing about unfortunately for me.
This guy is nailing it with the way to handle people with narcissistic tendencies. All with action. Your actions expose the narcissist. When you don't engage (at least in a work setting) they stay right in their 2 faced kindness. I have learned the ultimate lesson in life. Hallelujah. I am happy it came at 28 years old. Disengage always. Ignore their behavior. They are all about behavior. Never give them your energy or time. I've been a in the path of reactive abuse. Never let you gard down and like he says NEVER Intimate with these people. Do not share your personal boundaries or stories or strengths or weaknesses or traumas. They use this as fuel and will get in your head with their motives. They are emotionally immature. Most the time their prefrontal cortex is very developed so they get you with their smiles and knowledge. This must be love bombing. I'm still trying to understand the love bombing within a work place. I am an empath. We are the people who narcissistic people takes advantage of. Watch your self and watch your own motives and thoughts. This video is literally the lesson I just learned with a new co-worker. You rock man. Please keep putting out content. This is gold
Yup. This is it. Not letting them to feel comfortable. Problem is that as empaths, we love to feel comfortable & to cause others to feel comfortable, coz this is how we wanna feel, & our empathy is to care that others feel good 2. U r right, no intimacy. to feel comfortable, but not to cause them to feel like that near us. When not letting them to feel comfortable, then they try to put an empath down, coz they r terminators, & we r the enemy 4 them.
I HEARD IT SAID LIKE THIS, ACTIONS SPEAKS LOUDER THAN WORDS, SPEAK LOUDER!!!!!!! THINK WITH YOUR BRAIN NOT YOUR HEART... YOUR EMOTIONS WILL TAKE YOU ON A ONE WAY TICKET RIGHT TO HELL
I sure wished I hadn't seen this and red Vegas comments before I had to deal with my son's EX who has kept my grandchild away from both of us and everything is our fault and nothing is hers and she goes on rants it's horrible
The narcissist actually said to me that I'm fake. Meaning the narcissist. So they know they fake. This is so sick. Told me we all fake now you be fake. I was like, that's not me. Outside the house I'm the same as behind closed doors. I love people I'm an impath. I thank god everyday he made me a good person.
@@butterflycomb Absolutely,if you listen to them long enough they"ll admidt everything they ever did,without realizing they are doing it. It is in their projections,their half truths and accusations. If they accuse you of anything, it's guaranteed they are doing it. You'll hear some tell you how much they hate a certain person,a thief a cheat,what have you. Then they'll tell you how much they hate themselves ..once again,this is a glaring admission for what they've done. Even though they will never ever admit anything,even their darkened souls can't resist blurting out a ridiculous accusation,because ,in their distorted convoluted way of thinking,they have confessed,but it is up to you to dig the truth out of the twisted,contorted debacle they cling to as truth. They are the masters of cognitive dissonance, as well as object permanence( Out of sight out of mind). And will do anything to preserve that train of belief,even though it's about to derail and cast them into an ever deepening pit self pity and self victimization.
I don’t actually do it on purpose as, they’re not really worth my time. But, I do recognize and enjoy the moment I see, in a narcissists face that indicates they’re thinking, “Wait. I thought I had you pegged for one of those nice people, who’s chains I yank, who I walk on, who I use, who I make decisions for, who’s too stupid to leave. WTF!” I guess it’s just a natural byproduct of being nice, but firm. Knowing what I’m looking at and knowing whether they’re an addition or subtraction from my life. I DO NOT emotionally need them. Like I am, to anyone else, they are optional. So, I can see this dividing line, represented in their eyes. That I am not them. But I am not how they’ve defined the “other”. And, most often, they really don’t how how to deal with it. Sometimes, they hit the gas and ride the brakes, at the same time, while I just kick them over the cliff, rather than to deal with that nonsense.
@@sv-yh3mq most importantly, it provides some real life insight regarding the fact that these narcissistic people are strategically profiling you. They’re not looking for a friend. They just hope you are and that you “think” they may be one. They see you as a “Friend with Benefits” (yeah, new twist on the meaning). They see themselves as a “Friend that will leave you a shell of your former self”.
At my place on my path, this makes sense and is achievable more times than not. But last year, this would have sounded like a pipe dream. I'm grateful for how far I've come❤
Great advice as usual. You are totally correct by keeping the tone in a subdued, so to speak manner. Almost having them suspended in mid air, especially if it's an online friendship. To be able to let them drink the cup of their own poison, by using their own words and actions against them is an incredible way to handle such individuals. I've been given that kind of a ability through some hard core trials and tribulations. What a ride, an emotional roller coaster. I feel the presence of God Almighty assisting me and possibly giving them an interior shake up for them to wake up. I speak with conviction and spew the word of God when needed.
Once you get to know the narc monster you will see an angel outside the house and a devil inside the house...whatever role a narc will play I dont want to be there...just get out and stay out and never look back
If you have grown up with and lived with a narc you will know how terrible these people are and can be. I will call them non human creatures...if you dont have the experience and the knowledge what a narc really is you can just continue with your oh boy oh boy..@@amandaa3713
I’m stuck married to one. Young children involved. Such torture! I’ve just accepted that my life will be misery. Looking forward to finally resting in peace in heaven It will all be worth it 🙏🏼
@@crazycats535I wish it was that easy for me. He has the financial backbone and has even destroyed my credit. And there’s no way I’d split custody. Once my kids are old enough, I’m out!
Put a plan in place. Look at everything that you can do, without them knowing, so you can get away. Don't give up, for thats their darkness that is over you. Shake it off and put that crown back on girl. God did not create quitters. Hawk stuff at the pawn shop. Sell stuff. Put some things away in a lock box somewhere. Don't tell anyone, once you start this process. It's hard to trust anyone, when going through this.
I made this mistake. I knew 3 years in and stayed for 29 years for various excuses and the children. She got so much worse as she aged. It's not worth putting yourself and your children through it.
From personal experience I decided the only way to rid myself of a narcissist in my life who adhered to none of my boundaries was to estrange myself from them completely. It was the best gift to myself to forever be rid of the dramas, relentless emotional demands and erratic behaviours of unpredictable rages and corresponding cruel actions. Changed my life for the better as soon as I made this decision.
I just listened to this again. It’s almost scary how I understand it. It’s like wow this is so true. Thank you for putting this wisdom out into the world.
I learned to seperate the business aspect of a relationship by asking these important personal questions: Does he considers me when he eats or anything else? Did he pay bills without asking? Considerate of the smaller things I did for him? Came to my defense? Would give his life for me? Did he check in on me? Did he show empathy when I was in pain? Did he ever offer help when I needed it? Bruh man, he answered NO to all of those questions, and when he decided to finally call me back after covid n such, I ended the cycle of abuse, and any type of relationship with him moving forward! HAPPY FOR MYSELF, THAT I LEFT HIM ALONE AND Happy that he's moved on with himself and kids! 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉
So called “narcissists” spend their entire lives walking on eggshells, because they cannot escape their harshest critic: themselves. Only a pathologically narcissistic person would want to inflict emotional pain on anyone, regardless of what that person has done to them. If someone is irredeemable in your eyes, you can end the relationship. It’s incredibly sadistic to consciously and intentionally try to hurt anyone.
Well said ! It does take emotional strength and *maturity* to be able to see them through the lens you describe here, as hating on mentally underdeveloped people is easier for most.
You deserve a metal for pinning a target on this one, "two faced!" I have been in a lot of pain from my struggle to put a name to this and explain my hurt with my older siblings. It is amazing how tonight you hit the nail on the head with the reasons for the abuse, the behavior of the abuse and the actions from the abuse. Maybe I will finally get some peace!
I like this one bc it focuses on recognizing who they are & then just plain accepting it! Choose to be above all of the nonsense . Once that's done, the world is yours.
To have to constantly be in a, boundaries up state, for me = you are not worthy of being in my life! No one is worth that! Besides, that literally reflects that one is surrendering their natural, relax, loving,... state to facilitate and enable toxicity! And that, I'm not about! 🗝️💯
This dynamic is EXACTLY where I am at with my family of origin and I like the uncomfortability. Whenever they start up their toxic nonsense, I say that I am done and leave or hang up the phone.
I disagree with the "All of us" behave a certain way when we are vulnerable, comment! That's just simply not true. I don't care how relaxed or vulnerable I am around someone, I'm not purposely cruel, mean rude, and indifferent towards them, I don't need to insult degrade or belittle them around others to seem important. That's not my personality, narcs are adult bullies and need to be handled as such! I dont give attention to bullies, they SUCK! im not that desperate for anyone love or acceptance to allow them to mistreat me. They can kickrocks and keep moving. Once I see the real you, I'm keeping you at a distance or getting away completely. People who can't reciprocate the good that's coming to them don't deserve anything from me except my absence.
Agree 100%!!! Don’t play games. I recently went through this with a coworker. Now she’s on my radar. I covered for her while she was on vacation. I innocently found out I was stabbed in the back. Called her out on it. She couldn’t lie about it. Once I see the real you that’s it. I will never be there for you again. She has hinted that she’ll need me to cover for her again. Lol that’s not gonna happen!!! I’m nobody’s fool!!
True covert Narcs can keep the mask on for years, making it difficult to see how they really are, until it's too late. ( Married, with kids, etc) Also, some narcs are so good at being covert and gaslighting vs bullying. They trick the average person so well, that by the time we figure it out,, it's years later. Then, it takes a bit to escape. It happens all the time. It happened to me. It could happen to anyone. They are highly sneaky. Until recently, most ppl didn't even know what a narcissist even was. I know that I didn't. I just believe that he could change. I had no idea he was a narc, he didn't " "bully" me, in fact, was charming, generous and the perfect Father. It wasn't until later years of our marriage that his narcissism even showed up. There's an expression - "when times are good, the ride with a narcissist is great,, but when times are bad, the mask falls off and their true colors are seen. Then, it's a very, very bad ride." It definitely happens all the time.
A narcissist will not always devalue you with words. They will ice you out without a sound, by not looking at you or speaking to you. It is as if you do not exist. They may do this with or without triangulating you by simultaneously engaging with someone else. This is a painful situation that can only be remedied by removing yourself.
yeah they do the not making eye contact. Then they don't get it when they try to lovebomb you back into a relationship with them and they don't want to take accountability for their recent unkindness. They need to be held accountable for the most recent unkindness that they wouldn't be held accountable before you go back to even having normal conversations with them when they are someone that you can't 100% avoid in the future.
My husbands sister in law thinks she is ghosting me. I haven't gone around the toxicity for several years. But when we have to be at the same event, she does her very best to disrespect and act like we are invisible. Its very obvious to all what she's doing. But ny husbands family is so afraid of her " wrath" that they go along and allow her no repercussions of her actions. They are all weak individuals! Its sad to know as I have know them since 5 yrs of age. She has ruled them all for the last 24 years. I've been married to my husband for 18 years. She liked me at first, until she found out I am not able to be controlled. So she tries her best to devalue me in the family. I figured out that the only thing I ever did was I threatened her control over the family. 💥
It was such a revelation when you said narcissists act mean when they're comfortable. In my 13 year trauma bond, & 2 year post divorce, no contact recovery, this single piece takes me more into my own truth than ever. There was so much projecting and gaslighting that I have still struggled with self doubt... because for years, they gaslit me that I was the one my ex & inlaws had to walk on eggshells around, but in truth, they were cruel to me, plus I was hiding bruises, and the fact that I was secretly being battered and torn down by my ex. so the insight that when I'm actually COMFORTABLE, I'm at my kindest, most inclusive and loving, vs the opposite with my ex & toxic family, is essential. Thank you! I'm gonna keep watching now. 😊❤
This is unfortunately something I have learned with my parents. Thankfully my husband is really good at seeing through their bs and empowered me to stand up to them. It's why I live a 10 hour drive at the closest. I had to cut a family vacation 3 days short because my dad wanted to pull his narcissistic bs.
He speaks the truth. The one I work with is now “corralled “ with my constant indifference. At first it was hard with awkward tension filled days while doing our jobs working in close quarters. We used to be close “friends”. But after all the drama , arguments and mental chaos that was affecting my career, I just had to shut down and put up some strong boundaries, I quit talking debating explaining and went quiet. To say she was confused and tried everything to get back her power is an understatement, but I stayed firm and distant. To this day it works like a charm.
Dealing right now with a long time friend who is one of the worst narcissists I have ever come across. He is a judgy- self-righteous and spiritual- hypocrite type narcissist. I have gone years without speaking to him but recently reconnected. He is very generous, and EVERYBODY knows it,lol. I do imagine another day in the near future when I'll get bored and walk away again, but it's just so dang interesting and educational. It's like he's a case study for me or something.
This is so helpful for damage limitation with narcissists you have to be around - at least some extent. My mother springs to mind! Perfect for an upcoming family event. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you Kevin. My friend recently passed away. I was trying to figure out how to maneuver myself at the service. I checked my UA-cam feed. I saw this video. I can follow your advice. It will work out. I appreciate you, Kevin.😊
This worked for me with a coworker. I let them know they were not gonna play with me anymore. Now this person knows my boundaries and we can get along{because it is a workplace situation where I do not want the stress anymore}. It keeps the peace.
There's no way you can keep a Narcissist in a space where they are being 'kind' to you by asking. Those snide comments will happen in any interaction and you'll be outta there. They're only kind to you when they want something. Apart from that everything you said is genius. ''The other side of the pendulum''...The ''excessive'' kindness is so true and really explained the fakeness of that for once.
This is really the most important narc video ever! Thank you! I always knew I had to setup such boundaries. I already began by telling my narc brother: "uh uh uh! I'm not falling for your BS anymore. I'm not watching TV with you. I'm not driving in your car anymore. I'm not at your grill parties anymore. I have my own friends to do that." I told him that, and that shut my narc brother down. You should have seen his face! :D And that was before I watched this video here. But now I know the processes behind it! Very simple, but genious. Thanks man! :)
Wowwwwwww!!! I have listened to hours of how-to-handle narcissists....and this is worth gold!!!! My FIL said it is like "walkin on eggshells" around me. I didn't tolerate his nasty comments.. I have always felt a little bit bad but no longer!!!!!!!!! THANK YOU!!!!!
You are the first person who has said exactly how i feel. Ive been in a relationship with a NARC for almost 10 years. It took the first 3-4 years to realize he was a narcissist- and the last 5 years trying to figure out how to get along with him. The more i have distanced myself and my emotions ( no more ‘ I love yous) the easier our relationship is. Thank you.
If you want to be the light in the darkness, you're compelled to continue the love. It's a universal law. Easier said than done of course. Instead of saying I love you, just say I was once fond of you. Then say, can we pray? 🙏 That's when God joins in. The Holy Spirit that is, who is God. Thanks 😊
My mom is a grandiose narcissist. Her mom (my grandma) is vulnerable narcissist. My mom’s dad (my grandpa) was a grandiose narcissist, too… holy shit. No wonder I married a narcissist as well.. now my in laws have narcissism in them too!!! Especially the grandmother. She hates my guts 😂 it was trauma bond, now I see clearly. I’m out of there and healing ❤️🩹🙏🏻
I have reached this stage with the narcs, the impossible happened: they never thought the goat would turn into a lion. But it did. They really do have a lizard brain, I can’t even be angry at them anymore, but just continuously have to remind them who’s boss. (Even I am surprised I turned into a lion, didn’t knew I had it in me but when enough was enough it happened almost in an instant, like lightning ⚡️ I was changed forever….you can guys…loose all emphaty for them, only have some compassion for them since they are so damaged and you do not wish that upon anyone, but unfortunately your role is to keep them in their place forever (if you can not go no contact)
It seems to me that the lifestyle of a narc must be remarkably exhausting and stressful. All of the back and forth of the emotional pendulum, along with trying to keep so many balls in the air at the same time (lies, affairs, etc.) would most certainly take a huge toll on them. My narc (almost ex) started having continual serious health problems about 5 years ago when things got really bad. I don't feel one bit sorry for any of them, but it's surprising to me that they survive as long as they do (unfortunately). Sorry not sorry. Thank you for your wonderfully insightful video. Since I demanded that he leave a year ago, without realizing it, I think that my indifference has sort of kept him in that box. YAY for me!! 😂 ❤
For all of the damage done...I cannot do that with them. Or for them. They might have well handed out knives and told people I loved that done to me. They all helped murder me. I am done. I am content with that decision. It was us horrid. They get to carry the responsibility and fix themselves if they will. But I cannot and will not ever want to be anywhere near them.
Excellent video. This really has helped me. I always fall for the kind charm. It’s just such a relief. But it only leads to the evil again. Thank you for the wisdom. I appreciate you very much. ❤
Raging and demeaning behaviour only exposes their own insecurities, low self-esteem and incompetence. Let them know that’s what it portraits and you will see them trying to not blow up so much…
Have you tried this method with a true narcissist? How did it go? Perhaps they weren't a true narcissist- but have narcissist tendencies. This personality type is called: HCP. ( High conflict/confrontation person/ personality) That method could work for an HCP, but not a true narcissist.
The worst are those who use love and religion as a cloak to hide their darkness!
Hiding behind religion. Church, Bible study and the minute they are home..Bam, I'm a pice of crap..😊
They don’t “use” love. They pretend to love. Big difference, mostly covered up with toxic positivity.
I can relate because this one walks around singing church hymns all day in between being evil as hell!! He will curse you out one minute, and the next minute, he's walking around humming a church hymn. 🤪🙄
There's also those who masquerade as psychologists, councillors, therapists, life coaches etc, those the vulnerable look to for help.
That's called triad personality!
The worst ones are the covert ones , so sweet & fragile, wounded birds , lost boys/girls , who never grew up, wearing their past trauma like badge & wielding it like a weapon. Always controlling every conversation to make everything be about them , constantly using their “triggers” to shoot other people down & get them to shut up if the conversation isn’t going to their own agenda, which is basically feed me, feed me, feed me, the milk of human kindness , while I treat you like an enemy, for having any thoughts & feelings contrary to this vampiric agenda.
The absolute worst are the Malignant,they take the control and manipulation to another level,you can literally see and feel the disdain and disgust they feel for you.
You're life becomes a constant wheel of gaslighting,verbal abuse,manipulation and isolation.
It's fearing to fall asleep because you don't know when they are going to come in and yank you out of bed,or dump a bucket of ice water on you,making you so desperate to make it stop,including taking your own life.
It's being held a literal hostaige with no means the of getting help as they have told everyone something is wrong with you,that you have spoken badly of them to drive them away
Getting beautiful gifts,only to have them taken and regifted to someone else.
The only reason I am here is because I saw a therapist twice a month.
And between her and my Mom,were able to get me out of hell.❤
👏👏 An absolutely SPOT ON encapsulation of how covert narcs operate!
Try a malignant...u might think u had it good w the covert
Just PLAIN.....EVIL Without EXTRA Labels Will TELL IT ALL! Point BLANK PERIOD 💯👌
They really do look at others as enemies! Yeah, don’t you dare disagree with them!
Don't forget that a good loving person can't fake being vengeful, hateful, or rejecting,
But a narcissistic can fake being kind, loving, & trustworthy.
Oh WOW. Yes!
Dear Lord 🙏🏽 with every video I watch I’m blown away 😅
Amen
No doubt about it!
At least not forever.
My mom says this about the two faces of narcissists. They bow to the powerful and scream at the weak.
They bow to those they perceive as powerful (as a way to try and hide their true selves from, so the powerful can see the covert narc in a good light)
the narc screams & rages at those they target and can’t manipulate because they’re uncomfortable around them not knowing how to control strong minded confident people
narc is most comfortable around those that just go along to get along
@@mylegacytransformed no. they bow to the powerful cuz thats how the hierarchy works in our world. narcissists dont have much intelligence arent capable of deep thought and make up a personality because they have no sense of self because there really isn't that much to them.
people who KNOW that and who are more powerful around them arent gonna let them do all that bs. cuz why would you let a peon overpower you if you know they are a peon?
its the people who dont know they are peons who try to sit up there and constantly go back and forth with someone of very little intelligence and keep freaking out about the fact that thing doesn't change that the narcissist has power over. understand?
someone who doesn't give a f will look down at a narcissist. a narcissist's inflated ego doesn't work on them. so the narcissist has no choice but to back off. it doesn't mean they're not still gonna be a narcissist and do sneaky lil things behind everyone's backs. its just that they will not engage. its not possible to overpower someone when you have no sense of self. you can only overpower someone else who also has no sense of self lol. thats the game.
the narc screams & rages at those they target and can’t manipulate because they’re uncomfortable -- this part is true.
it freaks em out to remind them that they're not a real person.
Thank goodness for intelligent Moms! That was concise and very accurate advice. Also, briefly explained in a way that is bite-sized enough for anyone's child to be able to grasp and understand at any age, and for people who are not experienced with a narcissistic mindset. It takes time, even after learning about narcissists, to also learn how to properly deal with them and safely. My narcissistic ex stalked me for over twenty years after our divorce... I've learned a lot. We Moms worry about who and what our kids encounter in the world after they leave the home each day and, I too found myself always trying to find brief ways to educate my kids about some of the evils of the world without putting them into a state of fear. At least I know that even after I'm gone, they'll be armed with knowledge to get them started on... while getting armed with knowledge in their adult education that comes from living and learning about, and from, life by just being observant and willing to learn from the truth, the lies, and the realities of this world - Your Mom's the Bomb! Lol
Wise words from your mom.
@Dr Sandip powerful and weak are soooo opposite.
Narcissists love-bomb me when they are uncomfortable, and treat me poorly when they are comfortable.
I've had it the opposite since I have been nueromolecularly integrated, people have been psychologically nasty and if I call it out, they may go up slightly a notch, flip the script express feeling persecuted by men and then act like it wasn't anything and treat me nicely next time, unless of course, I make mention of it, or poiint out it is still "unresolved" ...it is society being misled deeper into precreated white hetero male Borderline Love/Hate, stuck-n-stunted, passive-aggressive consciousness...a stream thousands of years in the making...sad really, psychological bondage is like governance by psychological genocide...what is happening to healthy, rational, antecedent consciousness feel scary sometimes
If you want to make a narcissist uncomfortable, be unpredictable. A Narcissist told me he feared me because i was unpredictable,. Of course he doesn't admit he is a narcissist. The best part is he is the one who caused me to be unpredictable ..lol
Amen seniorita GONE LOCO here lol
yes be nice nutty.
How are you unpredictable? Like what are you doing?
Thank you!🎉
@thankyoujesus2836,
If you want to be unpredictable, do like they do: be nice one day, then mean another. I guess you would have to be a game player. You’d literally would have to act like them, a narcissist. Be on time one time, late another. When they ask for help with something, agree to it, but then reneg on it at the last minute then get into a big huge fight about it. Writing this stuff down really does show me that the little shits are deliberate. They love that bullying and power play.
They are always nicer to strangers.
@@megpi72 They are nice to anyone they view as potential supply. They are predators.
OMG YES!!!! This
100%
Unless the stranger is the waiter
The waiter could be a potential supply. Depends what kind of service the waiter provided.
Covertly jealous and envious of EVERYTHING and EVERYBODY!! Full of hate and darkness. 😈☠️🤡
Yeah unreal
Yep,darkness.
As light,the first moment we sat and had a coffe,I started feel nervous.Should've listen to that.
Jealous of everything yes!
ABSOLUTELY! In my experiences I found this to be 1000% TRUE!👍🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯
Yess some family have parents jealous daughter/ son ,it crazy
walking away doesnt work, they dont care. it only gives them more fuel for the next time. if your going to walk away , stay away. dont waste your time
Yep. Walk... or RUN!🏃♀️
Just gtfo and stay tfo.
Block them as a contact on your device, & thru every individual SM & other communications app you downloaded and currently use
Take Care Of You ❤
@@kimlorraine369 Very well said! Thank you! ❤
True, it won't work. I've gone "No Contact" with my daughter in law and her parents. It's the only way.
Yes it’s a hard decision to go no contact, no one wants to throw the baby out with the bath water but if a relationship is causing discomfort & depletion , there will always be a point where the line has to be firmly drawn, no excuses, no explanations , door firmly shut ta ta
"Access Denied ⛔️"
My son left his aunts house on Thanksgiving with his wife and 4 kids and never looked back. He put her on notice in a way nobody has ever done. I am so proud of him.
Setting boundaries and being strong. Demanding respect
Totally you can't let your guard diwn for a second.
Totally! It's as simple as that! I'm walking out of any situation from now on, if there is just a small bit of disrespect. With all consequences. For my own mental health!
Yeah that dont work that just pulls you into an argument. I'm learning it not easy this narcissist is merciless...
So play games with them? I have a great game bye loser lol
Stopped doing his laundry stopped cleaning his bathroom, stopped cooking for him haha ❤
Me too.... 😂
Stop sleeping with them
Did he ditch you already ?
I lost everything in what I believed in, I own a farm grow my own vegetables.. was reduced to just cooking for him 😂
@@ssahasrara6832don't stop piz get back to you !
Oh dang. So, when I was full on gray rocking and he said he had to walk on eggshells around me, I had actually succeeded at what I was doing. Not out of manipulation, but out of protecting myself?!
Mind blown.
I recognized this method of handling the narc by watching him treat those who could care less about him especially his own family he treated them with “respect”. The more indifferent they were to him the more respect he gave. You really have to stop caring about the narc and your relationship with them. Indifference is so powerful. Not grey rock it’s utter who gives a crap attitude that makes them powerless. That their kryptonite. I’m experiencing this lesson finally. Make them invisible. Screw closure. Shut up,close down around them. Ignore them not rudely just like they don’t matter anymore. You can never go back to discussing and sharing and caring. It has to be finished. Get that emotional wall up and keep it up. It gets easier with time. Remind yourself especially during love bombing you dealing with the devil.
No matter how you do it, to a narcissist, "ignoring them" is being rude----because any form of indifference or silence is injury because it blocks them from attention or supply, whatever you do you can't worry about how it's being preceived or received.
Yes, I do that with my two narc brothers now. But one thing remainds - the heritage of the house. I don't want to sit down with them at a table to discuss those things. They will be against me, I know that already. So, what to do? Walking out of that situation too, ignoring the heritage? Please give me some advice there, thanks!
A great strategy is to be totally boring around any narcs you encounter. They thrive on drama
@@LindaGrey-wm9uc They do. Just ignore them altogether. It will drive them crazy.
@shairaptor1865 it's actually fun, isn't it? I tossed them away a long time ago, divorced the narc in 1979. It is just my observation
Remember, you’re dealing with a child ( undeveloped) in an adult body. I simply use this tactic I learned in grade school when they begin projecting their toxicity on me. “ I am rubber, you are glue, whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you!” 😂🎉
😅
😂😂😂❤
It’s often comorbid with ASPD or BPD. So not just a child but a dangerous person
Yeah but water wears down a rock
I wish I knew this before I allowed him to break me down to nothing. I have never ever had someone say the nasty things that he says to me. He’s made me feel ugly and worthless. Setting up small hidden cameras, silent treatment, I’m sick of it.
And this is exactly why you can not have a healthy marriage with a person like this. When i threatened to leave, my now ex husband told me he treated his ex before me the same way and that he had promised himself that he wouldn’t be the same when we got together. He also said that he didn’t understand why he was like it with either of us and that he couldn’t control it. It was the only time he was honest in 15 years. I stayed a year and a half more after this, thinking ok he’s aware of it so he will change it. He didn’t. Instead he unleashed more rage, manipulation, cruelty, deceit and resentment than he ever had prior to his statement of honesty. He became the most comfortable he’d ever been because Id stayed. No mask at all. Just pure evil.
Same thing happened to me. The love bombing was spectacular. I honestly thought he would change- he even admitted it and swore that he would change! He tried for about 4 months, but, I guess it was too much because when his mask fell off it was like a nuclear explosion! ( From holding his rage inside for so long,,?) By this time, I had become seriously ill and needed a few surgeries to keep me alive. Still healing ( need one more surgery) but plan on leaving asap. Don't be like me- I'm 64 y/o, disabled and too weak to leave. I feel trapped. I've been married for 37 yrs,- most of my adult life, and I regret not leaving sooner SO much! God help us both!
@@user-eo5mc4jx2x it is never to late. I saw a video of a woman who divorced at 70 and was making her video at 104. She said her life had become fulfilled, content and happy since her divorce after the initial devastation the divorce brought her. I was scared to leave, I think that’s why they treat us the way they do, to scare you into staying. They know themselves that you wouldn’t otherwise. But i woke up and realised I get one life to live and that I owe it to myself to live the time I have happy, safe and content at the very least. Wishing you a full recovery body mind and soul.
🙏
I am actually living the kind of life you are talking about. I have been married for 20 years to a narc. I am disabled and elderly and I was in the dark for 18 years trying to figure out what the hell was wrong with my marriage. A couple of years ago I found the answer through videos I found on UA-cam about narcissism. It was such a relief to finally know that I wasn't crazy. I moved out of our shared bedroom and into another bedroom on the other end of the house. Most days we just pass each other in the hall.After finding out about narcissism I went totally gray rock on his ass and I refuse to put up with his BS and he knows it. We are only disappointed when our expectations aren't met so I have zero expectations concerning him. Just know that if you are in a relationship with a narc that they do not change no matter how much you love or care about them. Don't be like me and waste years of your life thinking that's it's gonna get better because it's not. The longer you stay the worse it's gonna get.
Sad but true 🖤🏴🇬🇧
Yes, there is no cure for narcissism. Therapy doesn’t work at all. Pressure from family, friends, and parents doesn’t work at all. The only way to resolve is to leave. They have no feelings, if they do something bad there is no remorse. My narc ex convinced my mom that I was beating her weekly when I didn’t even know she was talking to my mom. My ex also cut off all my friends and family by causing scenes at family gatherings and at restaurants and parties. She isolated me. Then wouldn’t talk to me for months, not even hello or goodbye. Literally ignoring me for 3 months as I slept next to her. Luckily the friend of the court aka psychologist had sessions with both of us and when our custody trial happened she said my ex was the most narcissistic patient she has ever seen in 7 years of practice. My ex threatened the therapist personally at an unscheduled time at her office. I got full custody and my ex lost her constitutional right to visitation. I’m a survivor.
Your video is all facts ❤ thank you 😅
I feel for you. I know one so bad that he puts women in psych wards. Then they call him and leave 10 min voicemails about how horrible he is, yet run back bc of the trauma bond. He plays the messages and laughs at them. Hes played them to me. We havent hung out in 2 years. Wonder why...
I am in the same situation as you are,, almost exactly except I've been married for 37 years. I'm disabled also and now I've been having serious health issues to where I couldn't even leave even if I wanted to. For now. I'm biding my time and healing. Prayers for us both!
No, you walk away and ignore them as much as you can, if you have to talk to them.. pretend they’re a child..
Sometimes you are stuck working with one of these monsters. Minimum contact is great but I like the idea of making them feel unsettled to the point that they avoid you as much as possible.
I wouldn't give a narcissist one second of my time, unless it's a coworker where I have to!! Why would anyone give a narcissist a chance to backstab you! They probably did it once already that's how you know who they are!!!
I said, "uh, nooo" in a sing-songy voice to a narcissistic co-worker's weird question that had nothing to do with work. I also had this look on my face, like a parent lightly scolding a child. She slithered away.
@@justlookalittledeeper9953 I’m married to one, we have children together and she has custody… I have to ride a balance between showing my children the right thing to do, being a good example and keeping my distance at the same time, still learning how to do it, but I’m better at it than I was a year ago. All about being non-reactive.
@@Desmondbrown73 Being non-reactive - so true. God bless.
I don't deal with it at all. I walk the minute I identify them.
My best advice with a narcissist ,leave and go no contact.
I agree, if you are able. We've already wasted so much time!
I agree. All this game playing doesn’t solve anything. It just prolongs the agony they put you through. They love the ups and downs. They love their two faced act in front of others while you’re around knowing it hurts you. Get out!!!! Don’t waste your energy on them. They aren’t worth it!!!
I've always found it best to just be mysterious, don't divulge too much, don't react and be unpredictable. Drives them nuts.
You have to be well in to the healing journey,, if you want to do this. You're past the hurt, you're past the emotional roller coaster, you have to be in complete control of how you act and the way you look. You have to be 100% confident in what you are doing. Playing their game, but on a different level. It can be done.
I'm right there now! Past the hurt and everything. Wanting to be independent and getting ready to take a step THIS WEEK! Have not had the confidence for many years, but I'll find out in the next couple of days how much I have. Been praying through it, too. Thanks for your comment Heather.
I was thinking the same thing. This requires much inner healing to be able to sustain this inner peace while leading the narc through the non-negotiable rules of being a decent human being, after what each of us allowed before.
This is a very wise statement-yes we have to be secure in our own-otherwise there is no winning with them-must PROTECT YOUR OWN PEACE AT ALL COSTS
So true I never knew that a bunch of nobodies will try to make someone feel like they nothing 😂😂This journey been so hilarious and contradictory as they call you a ppl pleaser but yet bash you for not being as they say like us. Which one is it 😂they confuse and full of shit so I sit and observe 😂😂😂smh
This is the key. My husband is very charming, compassionate, and generous. Then, two face, manipulative, gaslighting, and all the other tricks in the book. He got a 10 stars with everything on his end but would sabotage all my efforts and turn my kids and other people against me. So i had to step out of all the confusion, heal the cognitive dissonance, and an emotional distance myself. Doing what this video said, now i get the good part without without getting sucked into the negative. I dont trust anything he says because it's all manipulation. I never ask him his opinion, i dont share my goals or what im thinking, and never share what bothers me because that is where the gold is for his power. But.. i do enjoy all the great aspects of his personality. I publicly acknowledge what he does so he sticks to the narrative of being the wonderful, generous husband he displays to be. I do believe he loves me, and, i can except, it's also fake. In reality, He's two different people.
After 3 yrs of waking up to 30 years of narc abuse, I can spot evil a mile away. I keep these extremely broken things at a distance, and on egg shells. I absolutely love not letting ANY of their tactics work on me... ignoring them is so damn powerful... dangerous but powerful. Ive been teaching my friends all about the tactics of these monsters. yes i know, ive met many male and female narc's.
Thanks for another great video... you helped save my life. Truly. Thank you!
Can a narcissist mother be narcissistic to their own children? She carried them for months, she nursed them, they imitate her more. Why and how does a narcissistic mother exist?
@@LJN-jz6jy they absolutely DO exist - very common, in fact. They are the worst. Do you know how a narcissist is created in the first place? From other narcissists - primarily the parents.
That’s a lot of work. You cannot have familiarity or closeness with that person.
My husband was the most sweet bee charmer. Everyone loved him, and loved to be around him. However when he came home our children would scatter and I would have to walk on eggshells. One day my friend called me and said his mask slipped and she saw someone no one ever sees as he reprimanded her husband at work. It was bad and she came over to my house still shaking. I smiled and took her hand, saying welcome to my world. Then taking her hand I reminded her that it was just business with him. I had learned to stand up to him and that Tomorrow the bee charmer would be back…DNA yes, his father was the same. I out lived my husband. I am still detoxing.
They are really very kind to others. My mother is a narcissist. I experienced the worst form of emotional abuse through her hands. It took many years and lots of tears to uncut the umbilical cord. I can honestly say I feel sorry for her. She is a mentally a very sick person. I can just pray for her. I want nothing to do with her. God knows my heart. Whatever good I did for her was purely out of love. I'm at a stage where I know I have to protect my children, grandchildren, and myself. I am praying for her deliverance, but I don't want her near me.
When they speak, they're sitting you down to play a game of chess, moving their piece first and saying, "Your move!"
Do exactly what you'd do if this actually happened.
Say nothing, realise they started a game you did not show any interest in and insted of thinking of a better move to defeat them, get up and occupy yourself with what you love.
No combat, no verbal defense, no hatred. Detach from their karmic BS. And never play games they enjoy. Especially ones that don't consider your feelings.
It is the hardest, when the person is your elderly mother. Because as her daughter, I obviously can not divorce her. The best way is to keep distance, & maintain a minimum contact, period.
Especially, if she has turned your siblings against one another, and against you.
Divorced my mom . It's like wearing a gas mask 24/7 around them.
I know. Me too.
Same here, mil. Elderly and needs help. Prayers for us all dealing with this. It's sad to watch their end of life after they've alienated everyone around them. They come undone and it's awful to watch. 😢
Narcissists always prefer to be with people who dont love them, rather than the people who do love them.
Avoidants
@@MP-nm9df agree ..
@MP-nm9df hi M! Also, R, G, T, B, K, and the rest of your triangulating coven. A word of advice.. give it up. It is only yourself you are destroying. God is love.
@@LindaGrey-wm9uc What ??
@randy_cbc8811 did you enjoy the hot services of the nympho*aniac and get roped into this? Be aware her ex of 10 yrs has herpes, and thank God if you wore protection.. as to ora* s*x, best to get yourself checked out
Mine is kind. I'm the one who gets really pissed. He lies and lies. That's what he does. And it makes me nuts and triggers CPTSD from my young life. And he knows my vulnerability and played on it. For 22 years. And I was glad when he'd throw me a bone here and there. Pathetic.. I'm in the process of getting out. 🙏
Observe don’t absorb
I took me a year and a half to plan the escape from an extremely toxic relationship with an alcoholic covert. Boy what a difference it has made to me and my whole life… trust me it gets really great 😊
They are Jeckyl and Hydes.Thats how my mother was all the years.
I think mothers are more abusive but, I am not sure if they truly will be narcissistic with their child. Because, Isn’t it their own child?
Can a narcissist mother be narcissistic to their own children? She carried them for months, she nursed them, they imitate her more. Why and how does a narcissistic mother exist? Or is it a misnomer for an abusive person?
@@LJN-jz6jy apparently they can, I've read so many testimonies in UA-cam viewer-comments that they can.
Haha hilarious.
Mine sure was vile to me & jealous ANY time I was happy. She was delighted when I was sad.
I'm actually one of many- sadly.
Jez spirit. The evil in the eyes is not just terrifying but very confusing as an ACON (ADULT child of a narcissist).
I wish it wasn't the case
But we to have t0 not be naieve to escape.
Not haha to your original comment
But t0 the comments; doubting a parent could be one
My sister left my life over30 years ago by telling me I was “no fun” and she had to “walk on eggshells” around me. I often wondered what she meant and I even googled for the exact definitions. I even doubted myself so strongly that I considered if I was to blame and perhaps I was the one with the communication problem and narcissistic. Thank you so much for these amazing, unexpected insights and finally bringing me resolution and peace.
you probably are to blame. i mean you sat up here and watched a video talking about how to make a narcissist walk on eggshells and used that as an example for when your sister came to you and told you that youre no fun and she had to walk on eggshells around you?
thats......weird.
maybe talk to someone you can trust who doesn't have personal interest in you or your sister so you can get yourself some wise counsel. you absolutely have a communication problem and yes that is quite narcissistic of you cuz where is the accountability. you spent 30 years apart and you went to google for definitions after wondering 30 years instead of sitting down and talking to her like a grown up? tf is this?
and you doubted yourself so strongly but somehow this video finally gave you peace. if youre not narcissistic youre definitely full of sht cuz none of that even adds up.
I literally watched mine try to trigger me into pain tonight. He wanted me to talk about specific instances of him really betraying me and how it made me feel, in some kind of display of false empathy. He wanted to get me emotional, and expressing how badly he hurt me and he even mentioned specific details from what he knew bothered me, in an attempt to send me down that painful memory hole. I was like "omg he's really trying to trigger me into a meltdown because I have shut him out." I just told him " I've already told you all that, and there's no point in rehashing it. I'll let you know if I need to talk about it. " I almost laughed in his face.
It’s like being a wise emotional police officer. Keeping the peace.
Like sean connery's character in that mafia movie with kevin costner. For the life of me cannot remember the movie's name
@@boxelder9147The Untouchables. Great character. Excellent movie. I'll keep him in mind. Thank you.
"The moment they get demeaning be prepared to leave!" Say no and walk away!
"If love bombing, then say no you do Not mean that, just be kind and resoectful, i wanna hear no lies!"
I absolutely LOVE doing this. My narcissistic coworker is a monster of a person. Over the course of the past year and a half, I've flipped the narrative on its end for her, and now she is VISIBLY terrified of me when we're in the same room. All just by being genuine, humble, and calling out her maladaptive behavior everytime I saw it. Exposure, plain and simple. And I f*cking love it. She's been so incredible cruel to so many people at work. Every single supervisee she's had either quit, changed departments to get away from her, or she found a way to get them fired. But, she's absolutely terrified of me hahahaha. And I love it. What a joke, she is.
Brilliant. I found myself doing that unwittingly at times. It makes total sense. It's like keeping a toddler in their play pen 😀
I have people in my life i can't remove, this is gold.
Letting go of the illusion of connection is key for me. Accepting the kindness is fake.
I'm just about there. Today he's love bombing, but I see through it now, and I'm not fooled. He senses that, and it makes him uncomfortable. I have already made it clear that I wont tolerate his rages. I just walk away. That really works.
Meanwhile, I'm no longer on his roller coaster. And it feels great. Do I miss having the kind of warm, intimate marriage I wanted? Yes, but this is my reality, and I have to make the most of my life in spite of it. I have many great friends, and that helps. It took me many years to get where I am with dealing with his narcissism, but thanks to videos like yours, it's been much easier.
Thank you.
I’m here as well. Far from the fantasy but happy to be off the roller coaster.
@zol1170 I hope your physical health is good. Mine improved a lot when I came to understand what I was dealing with, and a lot of the anxiety of being in a constant state of high alert just disappeared. Knowledge is power, and putting knowledge into effect is even more powerful. I'm sleeping better, and my stomach issues have greatly improved.
@@kathleenstoin671 OMG the stomach issues. 😩 But yes I’m better as well after coming to terms with the situation. I’m glad to hear you are as well. I made my health a priority over the last year. And I’m finally happy looking in the mirror again. We gotta work hard to not to get sucked back into the chaos. Happy healing
@@zol1170 You, too! 💕
Hey Ladies, it might be working for now, but remember this: they get worse as they age. Also, the rage is building inside. Don't be lulled into a false sense of security, you are not safe! They will destroy you. Is it worth it to be damaged emotionally, spiritual, physically etc? You ARE paying a price, you just didn't realize it yet. The best thing to do is to get out. Trust me, I know. I've found out the very hard way. I was just like you at one point. I regret it so much. If I could have warned my younger self, I would have told me exactly what I'm telling you now. Save yourself before it's too late. Yes, there is such a thing as too late- I'm living proof! ( Long, sad story that's too traumatic to tell...) I know I sound overly dramatic,, but I'm telling you,, you WILL regret staying. Of course, if you're just biding your time in order to leave in a sensible way, on your own terms, that's wise. But, please leave because it will destroy you to stay. That is all. God help us. Prayers for all of us.
If you ever listen to anything while reading comments, let it be this - go to borlest and read the book whispers of manifestation, then come back and thank me
No comments but 700 likes...must be a bot?
Bot?
Not again!!!??? Goofy book
What in the world is a Borlest?
scam
When I started holding my husband accountable for the words coming out of his mouth by repeating back to him what he is saying and ensuring you really mean literally this he started getting confused and now he has no clue how to speak and he now says that I am bullying him and he is a victim. I don't miss being made to feel like s*** but now my husband done lost all of the Man cards that he's ever had and is stuck in some feminine ass energy! But he's definitely walking on eggshells and I do feel like I have a lot more power but I also miss the masculinity which I did not expect to loose. I learned through this that in his own way this man truly does care for me in the capacity that he is capable of caring for anybody. And there's nothing I can do to run him off. He was dependent upon me being dependent and submissive. Now he's just lost and stays to himself because he's afraid he's going to say something wrong.
You think he cares? I
Higly narcissistic ppl see others as supply so I don't think you should think he cares.
When you want someone to learn how to do something or do something differently, you have to show them what you do want, not just what you don't want. I feel like what you are considering masculine is simply self confidence. He needs to know and understand that he has inherent value as a human outside of masculinity or femininity. He has skills and ideas and emotions to bring to the table for the benefit of the relationship and for his own self.
So, in calmer conversations, tell him you want him to say what he means. Not to over exaggerate. Tell him to talk to you the same way he would want to be spoken to.
@@malibu-malik Well, it appears that he's lost his supply, and without it he's lost...
He will be looking for a new supply. He will be selling his sob story to any woman who listens, probably online. When one buys it and he has her locked down, he will hit you with it and ditch you in the cruellest way possible. Then tell everyone how terrible you were to him. Expect it.
@@dollymondo thank God he's not The cheatin kind. In 23 years I've never doubted that. Don't get me wrong I'm aware that there is a chance that I could just not know but he doesn't ever do anything outside of his normal routine. He's always home within 30 minutes of getting off of work and the only other place he goes is to the store. The image that he portrays to the world of being this perfect family man is too important to him to mess it up for something like that and sex is something that he cares nothing about unfortunately for me.
This guy is nailing it with the way to handle people with narcissistic tendencies. All with action. Your actions expose the narcissist. When you don't engage (at least in a work setting) they stay right in their 2 faced kindness. I have learned the ultimate lesson in life. Hallelujah. I am happy it came at 28 years old. Disengage always. Ignore their behavior. They are all about behavior. Never give them your energy or time. I've been a in the path of reactive abuse. Never let you gard down and like he says NEVER Intimate with these people. Do not share your personal boundaries or stories or strengths or weaknesses or traumas. They use this as fuel and will get in your head with their motives. They are emotionally immature. Most the time their prefrontal cortex is very developed so they get you with their smiles and knowledge. This must be love bombing. I'm still trying to understand the love bombing within a work place. I am an empath. We are the people who narcissistic people takes advantage of. Watch your self and watch your own motives and thoughts. This video is literally the lesson I just learned with a new co-worker. You rock man. Please keep putting out content. This is gold
Yup. This is it. Not letting them to feel comfortable.
Problem is that as empaths, we love to feel comfortable & to cause others to feel comfortable, coz this is how we wanna feel, & our empathy is to care that others feel good 2.
U r right, no intimacy. to feel comfortable, but not to cause them to feel like that near us.
When not letting them to feel comfortable, then they try to put an empath down, coz they r terminators, & we r the enemy 4 them.
I HEARD IT SAID LIKE THIS, ACTIONS SPEAKS LOUDER THAN WORDS, SPEAK LOUDER!!!!!!! THINK WITH YOUR BRAIN NOT YOUR HEART... YOUR EMOTIONS WILL TAKE YOU ON A ONE WAY TICKET RIGHT TO HELL
I sure wished I hadn't seen this and red Vegas comments before I had to deal with my son's EX who has kept my grandchild away from both of us and everything is our fault and nothing is hers and she goes on rants it's horrible
Read the comments*
The narcissist actually said to me that I'm fake. Meaning the narcissist. So they know they fake. This is so sick. Told me we all fake now you be fake. I was like, that's not me. Outside the house I'm the same as behind closed doors. I love people I'm an impath. I thank god everyday he made me a good person.
@@butterflycomb Absolutely,if you listen to them long enough they"ll admidt everything they ever did,without realizing they are doing it.
It is in their projections,their half truths and accusations.
If they accuse you of anything, it's guaranteed they are doing it.
You'll hear some tell you how much they hate a certain person,a thief a cheat,what have you.
Then they'll tell you how much they hate themselves ..once again,this is a glaring admission for what they've done.
Even though they will never ever admit anything,even their darkened souls can't resist blurting out a ridiculous accusation,because ,in their distorted convoluted way of thinking,they have confessed,but it is up to you to dig the truth out of the twisted,contorted debacle they cling to as truth.
They are the masters of cognitive dissonance, as well as object permanence( Out of sight out of mind).
And will do anything to preserve that train of belief,even though it's about to derail and cast them into an ever deepening pit self pity and self victimization.
That is gaslighting. You know the truth.
They always accuse the empath of exactly what they ARE doing themselves. They take all credit and deflect all blame.
I don’t actually do it on purpose as, they’re not really worth my time. But, I do recognize and enjoy the moment I see, in a narcissists face that indicates they’re thinking, “Wait. I thought I had you pegged for one of those nice people, who’s chains I yank, who I walk on, who I use, who I make decisions for, who’s too stupid to leave. WTF!” I guess it’s just a natural byproduct of being nice, but firm. Knowing what I’m looking at and knowing whether they’re an addition or subtraction from my life. I DO NOT emotionally need them. Like I am, to anyone else, they are optional. So, I can see this dividing line, represented in their eyes. That I am not them. But I am not how they’ve defined the “other”. And, most often, they really don’t how how to deal with it. Sometimes, they hit the gas and ride the brakes, at the same time, while I just kick them over the cliff, rather than to deal with that nonsense.
@privateprivate8366- I like what you wrote here. So good.
@@sv-yh3mq most importantly, it provides some real life insight regarding the fact that these narcissistic people are strategically profiling you. They’re not looking for a friend. They just hope you are and that you “think” they may be one. They see you as a “Friend with Benefits” (yeah, new twist on the meaning). They see themselves as a “Friend that will leave you a shell of your former self”.
The Power of Ignore!
At my place on my path, this makes sense and is achievable more times than not. But last year, this would have sounded like a pipe dream. I'm grateful for how far I've come❤
Great advice as usual. You are totally correct by keeping the tone in a subdued, so to speak manner. Almost having them suspended in mid air, especially if it's an online friendship. To be able to let them drink the cup of their own poison, by using their own words and actions against them is an incredible way to handle such individuals. I've been given that kind of a ability through some hard core trials and tribulations. What a ride, an emotional roller coaster. I feel the presence of God Almighty assisting me and possibly giving them an interior shake up for them to wake up. I speak with conviction and spew the word of God when needed.
Yaaaaaasssss ❤❤❤😂😂😂
The truth of God's Word attacks their weak defences of their lies and exposes them.
😮@@jamesh8648
Once you get to know the narc monster you will see an angel outside the house and a devil inside the house...whatever role a narc will play I dont want to be there...just get out and stay out and never look back
@larshestha
Oh boy..oh boy. How come you guys are.so precise in descrbing the narc monster ?
If you have grown up with and lived with a narc you will know how terrible these people are and can be. I will call them non human creatures...if you dont have the experience and the knowledge what a narc really is you can just continue with your oh boy oh boy..@@amandaa3713
I’m stuck married to one. Young children involved. Such torture!
I’ve just accepted that my life will be misery.
Looking forward to finally resting in peace in heaven
It will all be worth it 🙏🏼
Sending positivity your way 🩵
Get a divorce...it's not worth it. Just my advice.
@@crazycats535I wish it was that easy for me. He has the financial backbone and has even destroyed my credit.
And there’s no way I’d split custody.
Once my kids are old enough, I’m out!
Put a plan in place. Look at everything that you can do, without them knowing, so you can get away. Don't give up, for thats their darkness that is over you. Shake it off and put that crown back on girl. God did not create quitters. Hawk stuff at the pawn shop. Sell stuff. Put some things away in a lock box somewhere. Don't tell anyone, once you start this process. It's hard to trust anyone, when going through this.
I made this mistake. I knew 3 years in and stayed for 29 years for various excuses and the children. She got so much worse as she aged. It's not worth putting yourself and your children through it.
From personal experience I decided the only way to rid myself of a narcissist in my life who adhered to none of my boundaries was to estrange myself from them completely. It was the best gift to myself to forever be rid of the dramas, relentless emotional demands and erratic behaviours of unpredictable rages and corresponding cruel actions. Changed my life for the better as soon as I made this decision.
I just listened to this again. It’s almost scary how I understand it. It’s like wow this is so true. Thank you for putting this wisdom out into the world.
I learned to seperate the business aspect of a relationship by asking these important personal questions: Does he considers me when he eats or anything else? Did he pay bills without asking? Considerate of the smaller things I did for him? Came to my defense? Would give his life for me? Did he check in on me? Did he show empathy when I was in pain? Did he ever offer help when I needed it? Bruh man, he answered NO to all of those questions, and when he decided to finally call me back after covid n such, I ended the cycle of abuse, and any type of relationship with him moving forward! HAPPY FOR MYSELF, THAT I LEFT HIM ALONE AND Happy that he's moved on with himself and kids! 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉
So called “narcissists” spend their entire lives walking on eggshells, because they cannot escape their harshest critic: themselves. Only a pathologically narcissistic person would want to inflict emotional pain on anyone, regardless of what that person has done to them. If someone is irredeemable in your eyes, you can end the relationship. It’s incredibly sadistic to consciously and intentionally try to hurt anyone.
Well said ! It does take emotional strength and *maturity* to be able to see them through the lens you describe here, as hating on mentally underdeveloped people is easier for most.
I've been doing this for years and it absolutely works! You're doing Gods work my bro. 😃
Why do you want to play their game. Nothing is working. They’re still winning.
Sure don’t get this at church! They don’t know!
You deserve a metal for pinning a target on this one, "two faced!" I have been in a lot of pain from my struggle to put a name to this and explain
my hurt with my older siblings. It is amazing how tonight you hit the nail on the head with the reasons for the abuse, the behavior of the abuse and the actions from the abuse. Maybe I will finally get some peace!
They like to use you as a scapgoat but your still good enougth to serve them if needed RUN.
This is the best advice I've ever heard on how to cope with a narcissist.
I like this one bc it focuses on recognizing who they are & then just plain accepting it! Choose to be above all of the nonsense . Once that's done, the world is yours.
To have to constantly be in a, boundaries up state, for me = you are not worthy of being in my life!
No one is worth that! Besides, that literally reflects that one is surrendering their natural, relax, loving,... state to facilitate and enable toxicity!
And that, I'm not about! 🗝️💯
This dynamic is EXACTLY where I am at with my family of origin and I like the uncomfortability. Whenever they start up their toxic nonsense, I say that I am done and leave or hang up the phone.
Of all the scores of videos I’ve watched … this one feels the most useful and applicable. Thanks.
I disagree with the "All of us" behave a certain way when we are vulnerable, comment! That's just simply not true. I don't care how relaxed or vulnerable I am around someone, I'm not purposely cruel, mean rude, and indifferent towards them, I don't need to insult degrade or belittle them around others to seem important. That's not my personality, narcs are adult bullies and need to be handled as such! I dont give attention to bullies, they SUCK! im not that desperate for anyone love or acceptance to allow them to mistreat me. They can kickrocks and keep moving. Once I see the real you, I'm keeping you at a distance or getting away completely. People who can't reciprocate the good that's coming to them don't deserve anything from me except my absence.
Agree 100%!!! Don’t play games. I recently went through this with a coworker. Now she’s on my radar. I covered for her while she was on vacation. I innocently found out I was stabbed in the back. Called her out on it. She couldn’t lie about it. Once I see the real you that’s it. I will never be there for you again. She has hinted that she’ll need me to cover for her again. Lol that’s not gonna happen!!! I’m nobody’s fool!!
True covert Narcs can keep the mask on for years, making it difficult to see how they really are, until it's too late. ( Married, with kids, etc) Also, some narcs are so good at being covert and gaslighting vs bullying. They trick the average person so well, that by the time we figure it out,, it's years later. Then, it takes a bit to escape. It happens all the time. It happened to me. It could happen to anyone. They are highly sneaky. Until recently, most ppl didn't even know what a narcissist even was. I know that I didn't. I just believe that he could change. I had no idea he was a narc, he didn't " "bully" me, in fact, was charming, generous and the perfect Father. It wasn't until later years of our marriage that his narcissism even showed up. There's an expression - "when times are good, the ride with a narcissist is great,, but when times are bad, the mask falls off and their true colors are seen. Then, it's a very, very bad ride." It definitely happens all the time.
This is the best video
So meny of us have to deal with these characters at work and at home so need the tactics
True 👍
A narcissist will not always devalue you with words. They will ice you out without a sound, by not looking at you or speaking to you. It is as if you do not exist. They may do this with or without triangulating you by simultaneously engaging with someone else. This is a painful situation that can only be remedied by removing yourself.
Those actions could be due to Mirroring.
yeah they do the not making eye contact. Then they don't get it when they try to lovebomb you back into a relationship with them and they don't want to take accountability for their recent unkindness. They need to be held accountable for the most recent unkindness that they wouldn't be held accountable before you go back to even having normal conversations with them when they are someone that you can't 100% avoid in the future.
The either look up to people or down on people never the same
My husbands sister in law thinks she is ghosting me. I haven't gone around the toxicity for several years. But when we have to be at the same event, she does her very best to disrespect and act like we are invisible. Its very obvious to all what she's doing. But ny husbands family is so afraid of her " wrath" that they go along and allow her no repercussions of her actions. They are all weak individuals! Its sad to know as I have know them since 5 yrs of age. She has ruled them all for the last 24 years. I've been married to my husband for 18 years. She liked me at first, until she found out I am not able to be controlled. So she tries her best to devalue me in the family. I figured out that the only thing I ever did was I threatened her control over the family. 💥
OMG this is the way I have been dealing with a person with NPD for years. I didn't think anyone else did this. It really works.
I love listening to Kevin.
I set a boundary and was then accused of "making them walk on eggshells" like I was some kind of abuser.
It was such a revelation when you said narcissists act mean when they're comfortable. In my 13 year trauma bond, & 2 year post divorce, no contact recovery, this single piece takes me more into my own truth than ever. There was so much projecting and gaslighting that I have still struggled with self doubt... because for years, they gaslit me that I was the one my ex & inlaws had to walk on eggshells around, but in truth, they were cruel to me, plus I was hiding bruises, and the fact that I was secretly being battered and torn down by my ex. so the insight that when I'm actually COMFORTABLE, I'm at my kindest, most inclusive and loving, vs the opposite with my ex & toxic family, is essential. Thank you! I'm gonna keep watching now. 😊❤
This is my boss. Very interesting and exhausting to deal with.
This is unfortunately something I have learned with my parents. Thankfully my husband is really good at seeing through their bs and empowered me to stand up to them. It's why I live a 10 hour drive at the closest. I had to cut a family vacation 3 days short because my dad wanted to pull his narcissistic bs.
He speaks the truth. The one I work with is now “corralled “ with my constant indifference. At first it was hard with awkward tension filled days while doing our jobs working in close quarters. We used to be close “friends”. But after all the drama , arguments and mental chaos that was affecting my career, I just had to shut down and put up some strong boundaries, I quit talking debating explaining and went quiet. To say she was confused and tried everything to get back her power is an understatement, but I stayed firm and distant. To this day it works like a charm.
11:10 you have got To BE prepared To leave. My children i Do NOT wanna leave them.
Dealing right now with a long time friend who is one of the worst narcissists I have ever come across. He is a judgy- self-righteous and spiritual- hypocrite type narcissist. I have gone years without speaking to him but recently reconnected. He is very generous, and EVERYBODY knows it,lol. I do imagine another day in the near future when I'll get bored and walk away again, but it's just so dang interesting and educational. It's like he's a case study for me or something.
This is so helpful for damage limitation with narcissists you have to be around - at least some extent. My mother springs to mind! Perfect for an upcoming family event. Thanks for sharing.
My boundary is crying, if they make me do it, its over for them
Thank you Kevin. My friend recently passed away. I was trying to figure out how to maneuver myself at the service. I checked my UA-cam feed. I saw this video. I can follow your advice. It will work out.
I appreciate you, Kevin.😊
This worked for me with a coworker. I let them know they were not gonna play with me anymore. Now this person knows my boundaries and we can get along{because it is a workplace situation where I do not want the stress anymore}. It keeps the peace.
I don't like to refer to them as inlaws, but this is THEM
Family too
There's no way you can keep a Narcissist in a space where they are being 'kind' to you by asking. Those snide comments will happen in any interaction and you'll be outta there. They're only kind to you when they want something. Apart from that everything you said is genius. ''The other side of the pendulum''...The ''excessive'' kindness is so true and really explained the fakeness of that for once.
STAY POSITIVE KEVIN YOU ARE DOING GREAT 💝‼️ 4:22
This is really the most important narc video ever! Thank you! I always knew I had to setup such boundaries. I already began by telling my narc brother: "uh uh uh! I'm not falling for your BS anymore. I'm not watching TV with you. I'm not driving in your car anymore. I'm not at your grill parties anymore. I have my own friends to do that." I told him that, and that shut my narc brother down. You should have seen his face! :D And that was before I watched this video here. But now I know the processes behind it! Very simple, but genious. Thanks man! :)
Is this how Jesus would do it? I know he got pissed off at the money chnagers and turned over their tables.
@@quantumpotential7639 How would Jesus solve it? I'm tired of "turn the other cheek" as the narcs would just hit my cheeks no matter which one. ;)
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Wowwwwwww!!! I have listened to hours of how-to-handle narcissists....and this is worth gold!!!! My FIL said it is like "walkin on eggshells" around me. I didn't tolerate his nasty comments.. I have always felt a little bit bad but no longer!!!!!!!!! THANK YOU!!!!!
You are the first person who has said exactly how i feel. Ive been in a relationship with a NARC for almost 10 years. It took the first 3-4 years to realize he was a narcissist- and the last 5 years trying to figure out how to get along with him. The more i have distanced myself and my emotions ( no more ‘ I love yous) the easier our relationship is. Thank you.
If you want to be the light in the darkness, you're compelled to continue the love. It's a universal law. Easier said than done of course. Instead of saying I love you, just say I was once fond of you. Then say, can we pray? 🙏 That's when God joins in. The Holy Spirit that is, who is God. Thanks 😊
@@quantumpotential7639 Gross.
My mom is a grandiose narcissist. Her mom (my grandma) is vulnerable narcissist. My mom’s dad (my grandpa) was a grandiose narcissist, too… holy shit. No wonder I married a narcissist as well.. now my in laws have narcissism in them too!!! Especially the grandmother. She hates my guts 😂 it was trauma bond, now I see clearly. I’m out of there and healing ❤️🩹🙏🏻
Everything you said was true. I can't help but think back to my evil, mother-in-law. Ex mother-in-law. Enough said 😂
She was never your mother. Only a stranger who passed through your life. The problem is it became personal. Why do people do this? Hmmm
@@quantumpotential7639 That's why I said "think back to"... I haven't seen or heard from her in 23 yrs. My daughter is the narcissist.
Thank you finally something that made me feel safe.
This is an AMAZING VIDEO-Yes the Pendulum Swing! ….that’s on them I don’t get involved with it anymore I STAND IN MY OWN POWER AND MY OWN TRUTH
I have reached this stage with the narcs, the impossible happened: they never thought the goat would turn into a lion. But it did. They really do have a lizard brain, I can’t even be angry at them anymore, but just continuously have to remind them who’s boss. (Even I am surprised I turned into a lion, didn’t knew I had it in me but when enough was enough it happened almost in an instant, like lightning ⚡️ I was changed forever….you can guys…loose all emphaty for them, only have some compassion for them since they are so damaged and you do not wish that upon anyone, but unfortunately your role is to keep them in their place forever (if you can not go no contact)
It seems to me that the lifestyle of a narc must be remarkably exhausting and stressful. All of the back and forth of the emotional pendulum, along with trying to keep so many balls in the air at the same time (lies, affairs, etc.) would most certainly take a huge toll on them. My narc (almost ex) started having continual serious health problems about 5 years ago when things got really bad. I don't feel one bit sorry for any of them, but it's surprising to me that they survive as long as they do (unfortunately). Sorry not sorry. Thank you for your wonderfully insightful video. Since I demanded that he leave a year ago, without realizing it, I think that my indifference has sort of kept him in that box. YAY for me!! 😂 ❤
All of us reveal our true selves when we are comfortable… wow that hit home! Explains so much
For all of the damage done...I cannot do that with them. Or for them. They might have well handed out knives and told people I loved that done to me. They all helped murder me. I am done. I am content with that decision. It was us horrid. They get to carry the responsibility and fix themselves if they will. But I cannot and will not ever want to be anywhere near them.
I watched this 20 times!!! Absolutely it works 🎉
Excellent video. This really has helped me. I always fall for the kind charm. It’s just such a relief. But it only leads to the evil again. Thank you for the wisdom. I appreciate you very much. ❤
Raging and demeaning behaviour only exposes their own insecurities, low self-esteem and incompetence. Let them know that’s what it portraits and you will see them trying to not blow up so much…
Have you tried this method with a true narcissist? How did it go? Perhaps they weren't a true narcissist- but have narcissist tendencies. This personality type is called: HCP. ( High conflict/confrontation person/ personality) That method could work for an HCP, but not a true narcissist.
This narcissist even fakes with pets. Pretend to love animals then verbally abusive to the pet behind closed doors. Makes me sick.
This is why it's so difficult to be believed about the abuse, because people are like, that person? But they're so nice!
That's so sad to always play games, just run!
@sheraalanaRev310- I agree