Top 5 Ways Narcissists use MONEY to their advantage

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  • Опубліковано 2 тра 2020
  • Today's video is all about the Narcissist and MONEY. Jill gives you her Top 5 ways Narcissists typically use money to manipulate, control and take advantage of other people.
    Jill Wise, otherwise known as The Enlightened Target, is a life long survivor of narcissistic abuse. She was raised by a malignant narcissist and married to a malignant narcissist, she has endured years of parental alienation, has repeatedly been targeted by narcissists throughout her life. She has an intimate understanding of all aspects of narcissistic abuse and Cptsd. She uses her experience and what she has learned to help educate others and bring awareness to narcissistic abuse. She is also a Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Coach and works with clients all over the world heal from the trauma of narcissistic abuse, parental alienation and Complex Ptsd.
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КОМЕНТАРІ • 473

  • @robertl7239
    @robertl7239 3 роки тому +68

    Yep, I have a sibling who LOVES to shower people, especially her new "friends" with gifts and money. And true to the Narcissist she is, there are several strings attached, all of which lead back to her controlling the people she "cares" about.
    NEVER trust a Narcissist.

    • @lesliejohns987
      @lesliejohns987 3 роки тому +2

      We have THE SAME SISTER ! She will offer you money then THROW IT IN YOUR FACE!

    • @laminage
      @laminage 7 місяців тому

      ​@@lesliejohns987Amen.😢 My cousin is like that. Beyond horrible and irresponsible with cash. He will call and plead for help. He is grateful but when you remind him that he owes you, he gets defensive and hollers at you for consistently reminding him of his obligations to you.

  • @Hawelufamily
    @Hawelufamily 4 роки тому +98

    I was dependent financially for 20 years on my ex Narc. Made more difficult by the fact we had a disabled son. I stayed married for 27 years. Then I became financially independent 4 years ago and had the courage to get a divorce.

    • @Hawelufamily
      @Hawelufamily 4 роки тому +7

      Mindy Sinclair , I became a full time paid caregiver for my adult son, who also has autism. He needs constant supervision for his safety and overall well being. My ex quit working and contributing financially, so he made it easier for me to be independent. It was a blessing really.

    • @Hawelufamily
      @Hawelufamily 4 роки тому +3

      Mindy Sinclair the last confrontation I had with him was when I demanded for the neglect and abuse to stop. He was physically threatening me, but I had got to the point that I didn’t care if he actually hit me. So he asked for a divorce, and I obliged. I knew my marriage wasn’t going to be saved let alone get better. It did take courage, but I realized I deserved so much better. I belong to a support group on FB called The Royal We Narcisstic Abuse recovery. It’s awesome. I would also suggest watching Narcology Unscripted with Dave here on you tube. He has a group you can join and it’s not expensive and they seem to be a tight supportive group. Also Richard Grannon, Spartan Life Coach, has you tube videos that teach how to heal after the abuse. And Meredith Miller with Inner Integration is awesome with great supportive videos to help you. Watch every video you can on the subject. It has helped me tremendously.

    • @songbirdforjesus2381
      @songbirdforjesus2381 4 роки тому +2

      @@twilightmooncw.7329 can't you get money in a divorce? Do you have family who can put you on your daughter up for a while until after the divorce? You could at least get food stamps and the government would make him give you child support. Then you could get a part-time job maybe 30 hours a week. I don't know but I'm sure if you are desperate something can be worked out. The only other thing I can think of is to stay until your daughter graduates from high school but just distance yourself mentally and emotionally while you plan a way to get out, not telling your husband anything

    • @twilightmooncw.7329
      @twilightmooncw.7329 4 роки тому +1

      Kathy Haga / was wanting to know if you ever got anxiety attack ’s ( caused by thinking back about how you need and want to do what you did together( we went to church together and had ministries with kids like he had Royal Rangers and I had Missionets or something and he would pray with me too),, ,,

    • @twilightmooncw.7329
      @twilightmooncw.7329 4 роки тому

      Kathy Haga/ If it got to be to that point idk what so to speak ( I do have family but I never told them anything and now after all these years I don't think they would believe me my sister is already made at me because of something ( she doesn't understand the whole story what happened ) and she is not going to listen but maybe her adult kids will help me if it got to that point( getting anxiety here just thinking about it and headache 😑

  • @CYndibabI
    @CYndibabI 4 роки тому +59

    you’re right the narcissist who has the money 💰 loves for us to ask for it! they want to feel needed!

  • @nana820able
    @nana820able 4 роки тому +120

    Absolutely true. I pay the bills but he spends money whenever and however he pleases. He'll spend $500.00 without telling me. This week he spent $1,000.00 to fix his boat and didn't tell me. The house pymt is due, taxes are due etc. I'm stressed all the time trying to pay the bills. I no longer care. House pymt is in his name so if it's late it doesn't affect me. I no longer care as I don't want to live with him anymore. Working on my way out.

    • @time4me2fly26
      @time4me2fly26 4 роки тому +4

      ✌🙏

    • @lourdesgonzalez9468
      @lourdesgonzalez9468 4 роки тому +13

      Leave as fast as you can and don’t look back. And when you do, things for you will get better. I know I went through it too.

    • @kimberlyakakimmiekooaustin9393
      @kimberlyakakimmiekooaustin9393 4 роки тому +14

      I hope you make it out. I really do.

    • @enlightenedsoul7145
      @enlightenedsoul7145 3 роки тому +11

      Same here. Always the same. Year after year. Day after day. Sick 2 death of this crap !! I'm working on making my way out. Just started working again. Blessings To Us All

    • @karenlynch8348
      @karenlynch8348 3 роки тому +2

      Cant u kick his ass out ?

  • @Andypandieful
    @Andypandieful 4 роки тому +88

    Any gift comes with TIES. Must listen to my monologues. Must be my arm candy. Must dress to my liking. Must shut up when I give you that special look, must not have your own opinions. Must mirror all my mask/mirrored/false front. Must make me out to be the STAR and or the KNIGHT.

  • @johnr6145
    @johnr6145 3 роки тому +18

    Listen closely to the last minute of this video. They are the biggest takers while pretending to be the providers. They take your money, property, dignity, health, sanity and everything in between.

  • @louniece1650
    @louniece1650 4 роки тому +95

    My narc family screwed me out of my trust fund. It took me to hit rock bottom to realize what I come from. Am having to rebuild my life from scratch at age 52.

    • @lisabocchino1322
      @lisabocchino1322 4 роки тому +10

      Louniece Sanfilippo God Bless you! 🙏

    • @whattheelle9557
      @whattheelle9557 4 роки тому +13

      I'm 47 and starting over too. It's harder than starting out in your 20's because if the debt and emotional baggage. Have you found an effective way to start this process? Have you found any good UA-cam channels or websites that address this predicament? I've looked around, but most of the advice is very superficial and doesn't get into the true problems that exist for people like us.

    • @moniquevandeplas5210
      @moniquevandeplas5210 4 роки тому +9

      Omg. I am so sorry. I have been swinging from tears one minute to relief the next but what did I lose in a year. A thousand dollars. That is it. I have been down cuz I am 42. Stay strong friend

    • @marshamcdonald1475
      @marshamcdonald1475 4 роки тому +7

      Did same to me. Single mom,
      Nurse

    • @WreakingHavoc1
      @WreakingHavoc1 4 роки тому +3

      Study Mike Maloney and Robert Kiyosaki for financial advise

  • @lorderickreyes8461
    @lorderickreyes8461 3 роки тому +25

    In my experience with a covert narc, You can never beat them. Disengaged is the best thing you have to do

    • @karriesaunders8597
      @karriesaunders8597 2 роки тому +5

      They play some weird games to win a game you are not playing. Sickos

  • @jolly7728
    @jolly7728 4 роки тому +66

    Some narcs also like to brag about the wealthy people they know -- their big house in one state and another house in an upscale neighborhood in another part of the country, how savvy they are with their investments, and the frequent extravagant vacations they take. Of course, their children are smart and very good looking. Narcissistic people tell you about these things to show their own grandiosity (by association) in comparison to your mediocrity. It's a way to put you down to lift themselves up.

    • @PMJ4EVERR
      @PMJ4EVERR 4 роки тому

      My mom is like that. I’m just wondering how to get on the good side of the narcissists?
      How do you play their game to rip them off?

    • @jolly7728
      @jolly7728 4 роки тому +3

      @@PMJ4EVERRWhy bother to play the game since you can't win with a narcissist. The more you learn about narcissist abuse, the more you'll understand ways to defend yourself against it.

    • @CarolHuang
      @CarolHuang 4 роки тому

      Quiche Lorraine and if once, you’re out of Ivy League of superior association you can see her face (mine is a her) transition so disgusting quickly.

  • @giseltaver9565
    @giseltaver9565 4 роки тому +49

    Great video! My dad is a narcissist, and one thing he would do to my mom is that if she by any chance had extra money, he would make sure that she spent it. It was as if he wanted her to be broke .

    • @carolineheffernan7368
      @carolineheffernan7368 3 роки тому +11

      So she cant leave!!

    • @ginadean5696
      @ginadean5696 3 роки тому +6

      Been there and never again!

    • @MrChrisgabber
      @MrChrisgabber 2 роки тому +6

      They are also jealous that you have it and they not.

    • @vl1180
      @vl1180 2 роки тому +4

      Ex bf does the same. I have to lie and hide my own money..

    • @karriesaunders8597
      @karriesaunders8597 2 роки тому

      @@vl1180 I hid my valuables when I helped out my child's dad when he was homeless,he still eyed up the TV as a potential item to sell,he's now with the new supply,spread all over social media,' in her family' one week after they screwed

  • @DaveMasters1121
    @DaveMasters1121 4 роки тому +22

    I dated a narcissist for two months. The sense of entitlement, he thought my money was somehow his and that ultimately my savings would become his in time. I played dumb and would quite openly tell him my savings.
    In the end he wanted me to move to his home town for a few months. To trap me I guess. But I'd seen through it and dumped him.

    • @bunnyboo6295
      @bunnyboo6295 2 роки тому +3

      Found a similar one he also played victim got me to pity and buy food. I was aware at the same time I was going through something and wanted the company for dinner he picks low end places so prices reasonable but over time an enough is enough I was ok treating cheap meal out of loneness but then the ask to buy him things started and the tantrums over it i agree to cheap meals for my need to get out. he started yelling how I'm a loser for making less told him Yes, I make less and you're the one that needs to beg Who's the loser. Me on minimum wage had no problem supporting myself I even brought up that he's the one banned from any place decent. If it wasn't for his situation, I would have treated him to nicer places just because I like quality.

  • @diannashuster5594
    @diannashuster5594 4 роки тому +17

    ALWAYS strings are attached.

  • @mysticalfox4546
    @mysticalfox4546 4 роки тому +29

    I never met a narcissist that was very generous w/ their money. They would always try to manipulate, calculate and think your value is worth spending money on you or not. Even if you’re generous w/ them🤣👍🏽

    • @caroleminke6116
      @caroleminke6116 11 місяців тому

      I have several experience with narcs who use $ as bribery but it’s just a way of tricking you into their lair so they can snack on you at leisure 🤦‍♀️

    • @Erica-cf1xb
      @Erica-cf1xb 7 місяців тому

      Same. I only met beggars. The wet and dry kind.

  • @wanderingfree149
    @wanderingfree149 4 роки тому +140

    They are famous for never paying you back.

    • @marshamcdonald1475
      @marshamcdonald1475 4 роки тому +4

      Exactly! My ex has Washington
      Position. Never ever appreciated anything I did
      For him. When separated
      He threatened to harm me
      If I did not give him $$$.
      A grown man acting like
      A crawling snake in the
      Grass.

    • @funlovinbloke6266
      @funlovinbloke6266 4 роки тому +3

      I was lucky on this topic and have no financial issues with my covert narcissist ex partner anymore.

    • @ChiraqMac187
      @ChiraqMac187 4 роки тому +3

      You ain't lying there! 💯✌🏼

    • @tamiboelter2833
      @tamiboelter2833 4 роки тому +5

      Wandering Free I was able to get my 5 grand back by reporting fraud. I won the investigation.

    • @ellavan6317
      @ellavan6317 4 роки тому +2

      Ha, my female friend and former coworker has borrowed $20 a couple times. She bought me a lunch as payback, but only offered to buy it when the bill came. My total was only $13. The second time a similar situation with a coffee. It's never paid back in cash and the full amount.

  • @jsmith5866
    @jsmith5866 3 роки тому +9

    You are spot on! Left after 30 years of marriage! Left with nothing!

  • @TheBlubunni
    @TheBlubunni 3 роки тому +14

    He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds.
    Psalms 147:3 KJV

  • @evelinehaanstra9069
    @evelinehaanstra9069 4 роки тому +42

    It makes me almost relive the situation I was in. Trained by a narcissistic mother and elder brother I thought I was nothing and no one... I didn't know I could set bounderies, I did not know. Now, at over 60 I'm starting to recover..., a bit...

    • @time4me2fly26
      @time4me2fly26 3 роки тому +5

      ✌💜🙏

    • @phillippuckett5552
      @phillippuckett5552 2 роки тому +2

      Me too! I’m 60 as well and recovering…. bit by bit.

    • @anndillard8681
      @anndillard8681 Рік тому

      Books to read DADDY THROWS ME IN THE AIR - FEAST OF MEN & REFLECTIONS OF THE CURSE..

  • @nelodypond9282
    @nelodypond9282 4 роки тому +25

    My dad did all of these. Made me believe I won’t survive on my own, blah blah...I finally got courage to break free and move out at age 25. And I feel so much happier and in control! I have 2 degrees and 2 jobs. I will be just fine! He truly made me believe his lies just so he could keep me around to abuse me even more. I’m done with that 😃😎independence is the best way out!

    • @caroleminke6116
      @caroleminke6116 11 місяців тому +2

      So glad you did 👍 good for you! Mind didn’t believe in education for women since we’re just here for marriage & family but I got two degrees by 25 without his attendance at graduation 😉 never married & no kids but always owned my own home & enjoy my life in Florida now after going no contact 🐬🏝️🌈✨

    • @nelodypond9282
      @nelodypond9282 11 місяців тому

      @@caroleminke6116 wow that’s impressive!! Sounds like an amazing life 💚

  • @MinaMina-mb7ev
    @MinaMina-mb7ev 4 роки тому +90

    Excellent video and very true. They are deceitful about their money, will lead you to believe they have minimal to none. In the eyes of the narcissist it's best to use someone else's money. They create deceitful situations to obtain money or have you to pay for items with your own money, something as simple as a can soda. After awhile this gets old real old. Narcs can be cheap to. They can be generous, but wait for it. They will collect later with interest.

  • @alonzomosley7
    @alonzomosley7 4 роки тому +28

    Money the root of all evil .I have seen it all brings out the worst in everybody victims and narcs.My experience is they are completely obsessed with money

  • @candyapple5924
    @candyapple5924 4 роки тому +22

    Wish I had seen this before I lost my life savings 😔 he is exactly the person you are describing here 😢

  • @tamioconnell8976
    @tamioconnell8976 4 роки тому +18

    My narc insisted on taking control of the finances in order to prove that he could despite past gambling issues. I couldn’t even wash my car because I never knew what was in the account. Then he’d get mad that I didn’t wash the car. I’m so glad he’s gone. I actually have a savings account again and my credit scores are going up too as bills are being paid on time.

    • @kylej741
      @kylej741 2 роки тому +1

      Gambling. Red flag. Ding ding ding.

  • @karlkuzmin4921
    @karlkuzmin4921 4 роки тому +22

    They exploit with their manipulative bs. Gaslighting over and over with them playing the victim. Totally ruined their kids with a smirk

    • @belindaalderson7209
      @belindaalderson7209 4 роки тому +2

      Don't you just hate that smirk, it's so evil and it is the hardest memory to shift and it's the one that makes you feel sickest inside but it is also the one that makes sure you will never go back.

  • @Teddyclaws
    @Teddyclaws Рік тому +3

    Their generosity comes with strings attached that they don't tell you about at the time.

  • @deeevansnola8178
    @deeevansnola8178 3 роки тому +9

    Mine would withhold money when he was angry. He would not buy basic home supplies and we would have to suffer until he decided we have suffered enough. I hated him for this. I,m so glad I went NC.

    • @Erica-cf1xb
      @Erica-cf1xb 7 місяців тому

      It's their way of teaching a lesson and humbling you. Hoe behavior

  • @michelec5098
    @michelec5098 4 роки тому +22

    Jaw just hit the floor: pity tactic. Triangulation. So. Damned. True.

    • @andersb5007
      @andersb5007 4 роки тому +1

      Same here! Jill must have met my mother. Yikes! How could I be such a fool.

    • @Real2k25
      @Real2k25 3 роки тому +1

      Smh

  • @denaradeen4825
    @denaradeen4825 4 роки тому +9

    how did I never realize????? I've been abused by my narcissistic family but i never knew financial abuse was the main problem.

  • @babsb5943
    @babsb5943 4 роки тому +52

    This one gave me chills Jill. Brent literally did every one of these to the letter. Many times over.

    • @aidahiser5965
      @aidahiser5965 4 роки тому +3

      My ex narc did it for 36 years

    • @jerrychambers3817
      @jerrychambers3817 4 роки тому +1

      Two and one half years too long

    • @funlovinbloke6266
      @funlovinbloke6266 4 роки тому +1

      I have been lucky that this was no issue during and after my relationship with a covert narcissist person. She paid the costs back I paid for in advance.

    • @salonsavy6476
      @salonsavy6476 3 роки тому

      Yup !,..same exactly!!

  • @kaystephens2672
    @kaystephens2672 2 роки тому +3

    My lovely mother hid money from me my whole life. Money my dad left me when he died when I was 7. She made a game out of it. Had no food in the house but hidden from me in her room. And a mink coat on her back door. Crumbs. These people are so cruel. Glad she's gone.

  • @recoveryrider6183
    @recoveryrider6183 4 роки тому +22

    This was always a sore subject in my relationship. From the start, when I would bring up money or what was spent I was always countered with well you don't log onto the account enough to see what goes on. When I would look at the bills and question purchases it would lead to an argument and I would get frustrated with trying to explain my objections, it was easier to let things go then having a miserable atmosphere all the time.

  • @wizmanballin8498
    @wizmanballin8498 4 роки тому +3

    This reminds me so much of my ex. She was absolutely horrible with money and spent way too much of it on absolutely nothing. But tell her what you owned was yours? She'd have a fit.
    "Why does it have to be YOUR car?" "Are you paying the loan, the insurance? Thought so."
    "Why does it have to be YOUR place?" "Because my name is on the lease."
    "Why does it have to be YOUR_______?" "Because I paid for it with my money."
    "Why does it have to be YOUR_______?" "Because I bought that before you came here."
    And these were all things that carried a hefty financial responsibility. And I knew exactly why she was doing it which is why she would get so upset. She wanted power I was not going to give up. I'm a free man, much happier and financially in a great spot! Sometimes you have to trek life alone for a while after situations like that...lol

  • @themeekwillinherittheearth1600
    @themeekwillinherittheearth1600 4 роки тому +15

    My ex narc bought me a few gifts. After he made my life unbearable and we broke up, he wanted all his gifts back.

    • @alonzomosley7
      @alonzomosley7 3 роки тому

      Two narcs just fed off me and supplied cheap gifts cheapest aftershave, sheets , clothes and then said I was ungrateful. She took back a pot unused never saw it again

  • @RedDragonProtection
    @RedDragonProtection 2 роки тому +4

    It's amazing that I have to work 3 jobs to make enough money to make ends meet, but my Narc just can't work because she takes care of the kids. It's not her responsibility to work and it's amazing how me working 60-70 or more hours a week, But yet, I don't support the family and I'm a dead beat because I don't make enough for her.
    This video is so true. If I have a Dollar in my wallet, she drills me about why In am hiding money???
    And she was looking for another, another job for me stating "what makes you too good to work at McDonald's." Then I get a job that pays $23 per hour and she gets mad that they didn't give me $25 per hour. She dogs on me because I don't want a low paying job, then gets mad because they don't pay more when I get another good paying part time job.
    I can't ever win.

  • @tomrauser4720
    @tomrauser4720 3 роки тому +3

    the use of money for narcs come in so many forms, basically if the money is coming to you from them, weather a gift, or help, cash . or material , it will come at a great unexpected cost, even if interest, and repayment is discussed, there will be more hidden charges than your phone bill , and if it is going the other way (to them) it is devalued after the fact, repayment is forgotten until you bring it up, then you are portrayed and being selfish and being "all about the money" sound familiar ? thank you for this video Jill it really hits home

  • @jbsmith3556
    @jbsmith3556 3 роки тому +5

    the ole carrot trick. I fell for that one a couple times. Lesson learned. never again

  • @samantha5600
    @samantha5600 4 роки тому +9

    They are just absolutely awful, get the hell out. My ex would lift me up and turn around and knock me down, my career and staying home with our kids was never enough. I was told over and over I never accomplish anything. He would tell me to go back to school, but when I would look into it he would complain about money and paying for it. They will double bind you to death.

    • @curli-lettey4319
      @curli-lettey4319 4 роки тому +5

      That was my mother.
      Told me I have to get out the house, I applied for section 8 housing, got it and she held my mail from them letting me know I am accepted and to come to the office to get the voucher.
      One time (my boyfriend a while back) sent me flight tickets to come see him on my vacation from work, she took those tickets when it came in the mail and he had to purchase a second set for me. She was jealous of the fact my boyfriend sent for me to see him.
      She also was mad when I purchased my own TV. I realized she wanted me to struggle and have nothing but when i get it on my own she was throw tantrums and be mad of having those things.
      She rambled thru my stuff and held on to my class ring (I have one from elementary, and Jr High, I didnt buy one for high school)
      I'm finally realizing that person was jealous of me.

  • @donaldschranz9341
    @donaldschranz9341 3 роки тому +3

    I am married to a covert narcissist wife. She brought money into the marriage. However, she spends my money!! Just like a politician, she enjoys spending other people's money.
    She tries guilt bombing me with the phrase: " if momma ain't happy, nobody's happy". What a user and manipulator. As an empathic person, this tactic use to work on me. NO MORE!!
    All I ever wanted after my first wife of 33 years passed, was to get remarried and live out the rest of my life being happily married.
    It's been a nightmare.
    I've had to get my "PhD " in narcissism. Thank goodness I am a quick learner and am willing to do the hard work.
    Thanks to great people like you.
    Blessings and prayers.

  • @ruscle619
    @ruscle619 Рік тому +2

    Good video. After decades of giving & pleasing... when I flipped the script...she orchestrated the final discard... I used her, like she used me, and watched as she groomed her older brother for free rent. "Final" discard because now I'm educated, and healing. I'm six months post discard... rollercoaster of revelations, and emotions. You'll know when your over it... a feeling of relief, and renewed sense of you will wash through your spirit... hard to describe. 🙏

  • @CYndibabI
    @CYndibabI 4 роки тому +12

    you’re right narcissist want us to feel we can’t make it without them that we have no talent or we this and that I could go on and on it’s just awful when I look back of years in this TOXIC relationship! I’m watching this video again because everything you said is exactly right and so spot on you couldn’t explain any better than that!

  • @desiree2773
    @desiree2773 4 роки тому +7

    He was always broke and said he had no value for money. The “I forgot my wallet” when the restaurant bill came was said often. Anything he bought for me was always the cheapest thing he could find.

  • @joannthornton8584
    @joannthornton8584 4 роки тому +6

    This video is so true its amazing it like some one secretly video tapped my narc husband and our 36 years of a waste of time marriage!!! I'll use. This masterpiece to explain to my family and friends how he. handle money . thank God i am getting a hold of it. Pay Attention young ladies !!! She is telling the truth!!!

  • @desertangelfish140
    @desertangelfish140 2 роки тому +3

    My ex Narc blew through $115k in less than a year with nothing to really show for it. He on occasion would randomly give me money, and at other times be extremely stingy. But, he has also cost me a lot of money. He also spent money on the neighbors to gain the perception he "had money". He lives on a $1,500. a month disability income.

  • @andersb5007
    @andersb5007 4 роки тому +7

    Boy, wish I had seen this episode 25 years ago. When my narc parents sold me the farm. Literally. With a huge debt attached. Long story short, parents walked away debt free. Leaving me high and dry to pay off the debt. Never saw the victim ploy until it was too late, facing potential financial ruin myself.

  • @ushapetersen5117
    @ushapetersen5117 3 роки тому +5

    Mine had money. He had a great paying job. He was so generous but only on his terms. We usually always went and stayed at places he wanted unless I fought him, he bought me stupid shot I didn’t need but didn’t want to actually help me in the way I needed. I finally got him to help me out financially but then he started saying he was paying for sex and I am shitty with my money(which never was the truth). He owed tons of money had major credit card debt and yet he always said I was bad with money. I save him money, and I told him to save. Or when he wanted to buy something or upgrade I’d always say we dont need it. I had to fight for him to help me, but he gave over a grand to someone he hardly knew to look good and generous. He was so hypocritical. But saying he was paying for sex when he got mad or we got in a fight was hitting me below the belt. Because that wasn’t what happened.

  • @andir8119
    @andir8119 4 роки тому +5

    My narc parents always provided me with lots of gifts and money. But they never gave me their love. This made me feel guilty, because "i had nothing to be sad about". And they even say to me "what are you complaining about, we gave you everything". I wish they wouldn't have given me so much stuff, so that i could actually have had the motivation to earn something on myself.

    • @francinesmith8109
      @francinesmith8109 4 роки тому +3

      You're an adult now, there's your motivation.

    • @andir8119
      @andir8119 4 роки тому +1

      francine smith
      I don't feel like one. x)

  • @coraluru3091
    @coraluru3091 4 роки тому +6

    Yes omg. I paid 80 per cent of bills in the house and he still kept trying to claw back his share. Unreal.

  • @jenniferdanilowicz8785
    @jenniferdanilowicz8785 3 роки тому +4

    This is spot on.
    My MIL was very generous with her money in the beginning. Now any help we received from her 18 years ago is used to shame and guilt is. I constantly hear, “remember when I…”. I haven’t had any financial help from her in over 15 years.
    When my H and I separated a few years ago and she saw how much I was earning she yelled at me, “I know how much you make and we are going to take everything from you!”
    I’m an educator. She was encouraging my H to take all he could so I’d lose the house our kids were growing up in. It was nasty and disgusting.

  • @caryn9561
    @caryn9561 4 роки тому +7

    This is so true they will even use the money on your kid.

  • @karenlenk1724
    @karenlenk1724 3 роки тому +7

    Excellent explanation of their pathological lying.

  • @teapot1991
    @teapot1991 3 роки тому +5

    Wow so true..This was my ex he held money over me for years as we had children and he used it to his advantage. I eventually broke free and it was the best thing I ever did. No surprise he didn't pay a penny in maintenance and played the victim to anyone who would listen. All I will say there is life after being with a narc and I have never been happier. I look back at my former life and it feels like I was in a horror movie that would never end. Thank goodness it did and we have all moved on. Well apart from him..I feel sorry for whoever his latest supply is.

  • @mexicanbeautyqueen7988
    @mexicanbeautyqueen7988 3 роки тому +4

    That is so true my ex narc used to always tell me that his ex girlfriend bought him all of these gifts and watches and this and that. But for some reason I knew his plan so I was like OK well good for you I’m glad you got all of those gifts. That means you don’t need anything I used to think!! I never really gave him much I gave him a couple of gifts on birthdays maybe because I feel like he didn’t deserve anything he was in ahole to me so!

  • @bonniebester606
    @bonniebester606 3 роки тому +5

    I've never really experienced that love bombing gift giving...it sounds wonderful! Lol

    • @bonniebester606
      @bonniebester606 3 роки тому +2

      @happyhappyjoyful good point...l never thought of that!

    • @Erica-cf1xb
      @Erica-cf1xb 7 місяців тому

      Most fall for the dangling carrot. It's bait. Leverage. If you don't take It then they will invade and dispatch their whores to steal and take everything.

  • @joyswenson7941
    @joyswenson7941 11 місяців тому +3

    My father used money as power and control. If you needed money, it was like a green light for him to make demands on how you had to act toward him. Since I was 16, I determined NEVER to ask him to buy me anything- not even something small. Unfortunately, we had to ask him to help with college my first year, but I didn't treat him the way he believed he deserved (I wasn't rude, but neither was I falsely loving like we were suddenly on good terms, which is what he wanted). When my sister got married, he hemmed and hawed over financially contributing until I mentioned that certain "people were talking", then all of a sudden, there was a deposit in my sister's bank account the next day- no questions asked. When I got married, my mom and I paid for everything. I will not touch that man's money for anything and I've no interest in anything he might leave to me when he dies (I'm not expecting or wanting anything).

    • @caroleminke6116
      @caroleminke6116 11 місяців тому

      He will use his will as payback anyway to hurt you both… my father cut us out of his & I cut him out of my life years earlier so it wasn’t worth getting upset about… my sister fought in probate court but that only enriched her lawyer for another year. She just never believed he would do it

  • @catgrl76
    @catgrl76 4 роки тому +5

    Spot on! I work for a small family business (not my family) and see this played out on a daily basis. My boss holds the purse strings for his adult family members and that is how he keeps them under his thumb. I observe it from the sidelines but can see just how toxic the dynamic is. His youngest son is the heir apparent and is 100% owned and operated by his dad. The others are enabled in their own ways but, in every version of the story, my boss is the hero.

  • @sassandsavvy007
    @sassandsavvy007 4 роки тому +16

    Wish I'd known this 18 months earlier. I'll never see my money again but I sure as hell will not fall for a narcissist again either.
    Thank you for your videos. They are making a difference in many ways. Most of all, there's no hate mongering or revenge plotting but clear explanation and good advice to get out of it and stay clear. Concentrate on ourself, our healing and gaining cinfidence.
    I'm looking forward to your nect video, greetings from Bavaria, Germany.

    • @caroleminke6116
      @caroleminke6116 11 місяців тому

      Time is on your side & $ is not worth what we lost but at least we got a lot of knowledge as well as wisdom applied

  • @k86_
    @k86_ 4 роки тому +11

    This is my mother.. last time i spoke w her in months she texted asking if i needed money. I told her no i was fine but ty. I then told her my son would like to spend time w her.. i had no response.

    • @lisabocchino1322
      @lisabocchino1322 4 роки тому

      kayleigh eikel unbelievably

    • @levimahaffey2608
      @levimahaffey2608 4 роки тому +2

      Not narcs would rather buy people's affection rather then put effort building a real relationship. You have two types of narcs the ones you see only when they want something. Or the ones in your family that don't have anything to do with you or your kids but will shower them with gifts every once in awhile. But that's a lot of people anymore. Social media is breeding narcissistic behavior imo. People just are not as close as they use to be.

    • @reesedaniel5835
      @reesedaniel5835 4 роки тому +7

      A narc mother will turn your child or children against you. I would keep my son AWAY from her at all costs!!

    • @AC-ew2xr
      @AC-ew2xr 3 роки тому +1

      YES, MINE EXPOED HERSELF AFTER DECADES OF ME KNOWING SOMETHING WAS OFF, AND MY CONSTANT ABILITY TO ATTRACT THESE FREAKS. MINE EXPOSED HERSELF WHEN I INHERITED MONEY FROM MY FATHER AND SHE KNEW SHE HAD NO MODE OF CONTROL AND NOW I THINK SHE'S GOING TO SCREW ME OUT OF MY PROMISED INHERITANCE FORM HER SINCE I SEE HOW COMMON THIS IS. WHAT THEY DO TO THEIR CHILDREN IS BEYOND EVIL ADN CRIMINAL..EITHE RWAY THEY INSTILL THE FEAR AND ANXIETY ON PURPOSE. SHE'S WORKING TO EXPLOIT ME NOW AT HER DEATH ANYWAY AS I WAS INFORMED THAT THE ONE LETTER I EVER SEN THER EXPRESSING MY FEELINGS AFTER HER MASK SLIPPED - SHE WANTS BURIED WITH HER WHEN SHE DIES IN WHICH CASE I WILL NOT BE AT THE SERVICE. IF SHE THINKS IM GOING TO BE EXPLOTED THAT WAY SHE'S SADLY MISTAKEN AND IT IS SICK.

  • @Sugarboo222
    @Sugarboo222 4 роки тому +28

    If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck and quacks like a duck.....probably a duck 🦆

  • @HighlanderGeoff
    @HighlanderGeoff 3 роки тому +2

    My ex-wife's counsellor told her that I am a narcissist (without knowing me directly). Consequently, I have been viewing channels such as yours and many, including you, seem to regard narcissists as being deliberately scheming and calculating people to be avoided at all costs. But from watching this episode, I now think that I am probably not a narcissist. My wife had been, for the 19 years that we had been living together, had total and absolute control of our finances. For the past 10 years where she was unemployed by her choice, I had been allowed a strict weekly spending allowance and I even needed her approval to purchase necessary items for my small business otherwise her budget might be disrupted. When I had suggested (before our separation) that we should hedge our finances into precious metals in response to this current financial instability, (the first time that I have been suggestive on matters financial ) she became very upset accusing me of not trusting her financial management.
    Thank you for your enlightening episode, I now am starting to think that I am, perhaps, not as bad as I thought I might have been. Or is that what a narcissist would say? The more I listen to you people, the more that I am confused.

  • @peggigross7540
    @peggigross7540 2 роки тому +1

    I actually got physically ill listening to what you were saying. First my jaw was dropped and I started feeling stomach cramps-its as if you have the exact same father I did -I didn’t think anyone else in the world experienced what ai did -your words is my father hundred percent -most of my life was I totally confused I thought he was unique but he must not be because you are describing my father to a T. Bless you for talking as I know now someone else in the world besides me had a father like this - it makes your life a nightmare being raised by a father like ours - I feel blessed to hear your words as I now know I am not the only person with a father like this - my dad is 100% everything you have said here and on another video I watched of yours - you are a beautiful human being - thank you for sharing ❤️❤️❤️

  • @susanmuita5054
    @susanmuita5054 4 роки тому +11

    It’s so real to me. Thank you. Financial freedom one of the best way out.

  • @francescabento1705
    @francescabento1705 4 роки тому +40

    My husband is a narcissist but I only discovered this to late he has taken everything from me.

    • @user-cs5to9cp3t
      @user-cs5to9cp3t 4 роки тому +3

      Me too...

    • @francescabento1705
      @francescabento1705 4 роки тому +2

      All I can say is be careful.

    • @joannthornton8584
      @joannthornton8584 4 роки тому +5

      Don't feel alone francesca brento ; i found out at 61 my cheating narc monster wasted all our money on whorers . i really hate his guts . if anyone can get away. From them Run run run as far as you can

    • @Michelle-jp3nz
      @Michelle-jp3nz 4 роки тому +1

      My ex-husband literally forged my name on my IRA that I received from my previous employer and took all of it. I didn't realize it until the court showed I had $1700.00 in assets in my name, plus he insisted we would get better tax breaks on our rental properties if I was on the notes as the sole proprietor of the business. Then, when he quit paying the bills and took the money out of the account, I was stuck with the debt in my name.... over a million dollars. I had to file bankruptcy and am just now waiting for it to be removed from my record after 10 years. He had a checking account that I didn't know anything about and he would take money out of our joint account in cash and deposit it into his own. I had no idea. He traveled a lot and I thought he took out cash for taxis, etc.

    • @francescabento1705
      @francescabento1705 4 роки тому +3

      @@Michelle-jp3nz
      Your not alone l have been through more a less the same.

  • @CynthiaSchoenbauer
    @CynthiaSchoenbauer 4 роки тому +16

    Excellent. Thank you. I have needed someone to spell this out because I keep going into denial. I have such a hard time making money of my own now because of all the issues my narc parents gave me about money.

  • @jackrobertson1240
    @jackrobertson1240 4 роки тому +4

    I was married to one for 15 yrs., she cheated, I divorced, so much happier now that I’ve broken the trauma bond.

  • @jerrychambers3817
    @jerrychambers3817 4 роки тому +8

    She told me that I tricked her into the relationship because I pretended to have money and she never dated poor guys. All she had was the result of other people - her godfather, her ex husband. She portrayed herself as a victim of abusive exes and the most recent had caused her company to go bankrupt. She left me bankrupt and with almost nothing in the end.

  • @dawncrawford9159
    @dawncrawford9159 4 роки тому +6

    Jill, you're amazing!
    Yup Dad was a criminal narcissist.
    I need to learn to LOVE money. I was raised super wealthy
    & been living under $14 k/year for 40 years.
    So Happy to find you.
    Love, Detroit Dawn

  • @survivormom8894
    @survivormom8894 4 роки тому +7

    During our divorce process I had to ask my narc for money every month and he would tell me to let how much I needed. Then several days went by and I’d have ask again. Then he asked for a detailed list of every bill or other spending. Then I would wait a couple more of days and tell him I really need to pay my bills. He’d wait a good 24 hours and always have an excuse why it didn’t get transferred until then. After months of this, I finally told him I will have my attorney get a temporary court order to make him pay on time. He finally got the message I WAS NOT playing his financial abuse game any longer.

  • @yaicherabah2652
    @yaicherabah2652 4 роки тому +18

    My ex wife was like that : she turns abusive and bully whenever I run out of money and no sex of course

    • @leannebishop7880
      @leannebishop7880 4 роки тому +1

      Narcissist

    • @alexbaird2670
      @alexbaird2670 3 роки тому +2

      My mother did this repeatedly to my father when the money ran out. Next thing, the focus turned on me and my brother to "come up with the goods".

  • @Anna81WA
    @Anna81WA 3 роки тому +7

    The only way my mother shows “love” is money. It is feast or famine she will randomly give large amounts of money but emotionally she is empty and incapable of true affection or intimacy. She will then complain about being “broke” and make passive aggressive comments about running out of money as she gets older despite having reliable income and an inheritance.

  • @melodymatema7822
    @melodymatema7822 4 роки тому +8

    Thank you Jill. You are an Enlightenment Target for real

  • @scribebing2043
    @scribebing2043 4 роки тому +3

    Ive turned the tables, all u say is TRUE! I started working make my own money and because of his big ego, im a family man bs i threw that back at him thanking him for taking such a fab job!!

  • @cynthiamiller1983
    @cynthiamiller1983 3 роки тому +2

    you just described three narcissists that I have encountered to where their money is concerned and triangulation everything is on point I don't mean to sound crass but I am sitting here laughing because this is so true.

  • @naveedrehman2987
    @naveedrehman2987 3 роки тому +4

    I have come to a stage in life that I am tired of other “peoples” sob stories. I used to feel sorry for others and their circumstances but after being betrayed by a con job I don’t feel sorry for anyone.

  • @junebaldwin6784
    @junebaldwin6784 4 роки тому +6

    The enlightened target i wondered why a man i knew made such a fuse and put his 2nd wife chidren on a pedestal above his own children thankyou for this imformation

  • @davidsommerville2213
    @davidsommerville2213 4 роки тому +3

    The malignant narcissist in my life is my father. Number four describes him and what he does to us perfectly.

  • @petronilobuan4648
    @petronilobuan4648 Рік тому +2

    Yah the Narcissist will portray themselves the Hero the Victim and the Martyr! Never the Villains they truly are! K

  • @ilovelearning7463
    @ilovelearning7463 4 роки тому +2

    This is so true. Great work Queen❤⚘

  • @pearlgirl5643
    @pearlgirl5643 3 роки тому +2

    Thank you! I needed this today❤️

  • @luizamoura9193
    @luizamoura9193 2 роки тому +1

    Thank you Jill for this video! 🙏

  • @michaelarrington6
    @michaelarrington6 3 роки тому +1

    I really love what you do your videos got me through so much, really appreciate it 🙌

  • @Lunchladydoyle
    @Lunchladydoyle 4 роки тому +11

    You’re the best :) Thanks for making and sharing this videos. I was raised by a borderline mom and attracted a ton of narcs in my adult life. My boundaries are excellent now and I am keeping the last narc friend at bay !! Thank you for these reminders 💟🙏🏽

    • @moniquevandeplas5210
      @moniquevandeplas5210 4 роки тому +1

      Hey if you were raised by a borderline mom, can I ask you some questions? Only because I think the person who is no longer replying to me might be a borderline.

  • @antoinettegorman8833
    @antoinettegorman8833 4 роки тому +3

    Love it the 3 “e”s thank you great advice

  • @milcahsamoei6696
    @milcahsamoei6696 4 роки тому +3

    You are soo Clear in your explanation thanks

  • @dr.jackdempsey8712
    @dr.jackdempsey8712 4 роки тому +9

    Excellent work! Spot on.

    • @dr.jackdempsey8712
      @dr.jackdempsey8712 4 роки тому +3

      Please keep your insights coming. The abuse of a malignant sociopath has show me the true meaning of suffering in life. Sometimes I wish my heart would just stop beating. But I go on for when the kids are old enough. I was, as-they-say, floundered into marriage. The abuse, for me, did not even-start until after, I divorced her for cruel and inhuman punishment! Thank you. : ) Again.

  • @rosebeard2866
    @rosebeard2866 4 роки тому +6

    Yes my parents left money to me when they passed and ALOT of the furniture in our house got bought with that the narc's only spend their money on what they want and yes they feel entitled to everything i have always worked and have my money ....so I had bought just about everht thing we own in house with an exception of his personal items, what's in his office, and what's in his garage ..I am divorcing him and he is only going to take what he paid for and if he wants any furniture that i bought and paid off ...well bring on the cash

  • @marciaheadley9933
    @marciaheadley9933 3 роки тому +2

    Thank you very much for this video. It's speaks directly to my dynamic. Bless you ❤👌

  • @marshaburke8115
    @marshaburke8115 4 роки тому +4

    Hi Jill Excellent and Awesome Video
    You hit the nail on the head Thank You for your easy explanations on this subject !!!!!!!!

  • @trishafrye53
    @trishafrye53 4 роки тому +1

    Thank you!!!!!! He was everything that you describe!!!

  • @unravelingsoul9705
    @unravelingsoul9705 10 місяців тому

    I can't tell how informative and helpful this video was! Thank you so much ❤ God bless you

  • @tabithatierney6512
    @tabithatierney6512 3 роки тому +2

    Mine had helped me with money and holds it above my head

  • @garyfebbi7333
    @garyfebbi7333 2 роки тому

    So on point Jill ..this was exactly my narc..so true

  • @upmetric7617
    @upmetric7617 4 роки тому +2

    My Female Narc gave me a very expensive gift. She was just a fresh graduate at that time and we are not that close but I was surprised she gave me that gift.

  • @mjblue84
    @mjblue84 3 роки тому +1

    This is an excellent video...!!! Thank you so much!!!!

  • @bailofhay978
    @bailofhay978 3 роки тому +2

    This was a great video and very informative for me

  • @peachypeach6411
    @peachypeach6411 4 роки тому

    Thank you for this video. This video explains alot!!!🥰🥰

  • @im1who84u
    @im1who84u 4 роки тому +3

    Thank you so o o o o..... much for doing these videos.
    They are and have been so helpful in my life to explain to me why things have happened in the past, why things are the way they are today, and to recognize a train wreck when it's coming at me and to get out of the way before I get tangled up in it.
    Your videos have helped me to make sense out of past relationships, avoid future toxic and unhealthy relationships, and to get a good nights sleep. When I say relationships, I don't just mean romantic relationships. I just mean relationships in general. I keep toxic people out of my life and am very selective about who I invite in.
    Watching your videos and others have lifted a burden off of me and have allowed me to see much more clearly now. Up until now, I feel like I've been walking around through life with a pair of blurry glasses on and continuously and randomly walking into toxic environments and not being able to recognize where I am or how to find my way out.
    You are an Angel sent from God.

  • @DD-lv4tb
    @DD-lv4tb 3 роки тому +2

    You are very clear and easy to understand. 😀.

  • @SilentFigure1
    @SilentFigure1 4 роки тому +1

    Great content. Your hair looks nice.
    Thanks for your time.

  • @truthinaction0000
    @truthinaction0000 4 роки тому +6

    I see Sam V. broadcast that he has got help for his narcissism. I'm not comfortable realizing that I have done the all or nothing type view of almost all my ex girlfriends. I use to say it was all them as to why the relationship failed. Being the only constant factor, I did hurt some including my ex wife. I think maybe the last two women did a number on me because what goes around comes around. What has never felt strange or fake was holding my offspring. I helped make something better than me three times and the world became less scary. If I am, so be it but I will sacrifice my life for my children. This stuff is getting deep and all I want is inner peace and healthy children.

    • @moniquevandeplas5210
      @moniquevandeplas5210 4 роки тому

      Hey so are you saying you think you are a narcissist maybe? I am asking cuz I felt such a deep connection with boy I talk of...story is crazy. Anyway, I dont know if he is a narc or a pyscho or a socio. I have noticed that he is passive aggressive and once when he came to meet me he said he had to go soon but my mom came and asked if I wanted to go with her and he suddenly wanted to hang out. He also seems to want to communicate more when I let go of the needing to know. He has such a deep unworth of himself.

  • @enlightenedsoul7145
    @enlightenedsoul7145 4 роки тому +2

    I'm so happy to have found you and all y ourwisdom. I need to get ALL this.

  • @nayanaramesh1252
    @nayanaramesh1252 4 роки тому

    Absolutely right. Thanks