"Marriage is work, but it's worth it" had my boyfriend in a lot of bad relationships because he liked the people but they were all so difficult to actually live with. He thought it was supposed to be like that. Maybe marriage IS work, but it shouldn't FEEL like work.
Marriage IS work, but it's work from BOTH sides. That is where his problem was. And yes, sometimes it feels like work too, a lot of work. My dad had a seven year burnout, it was a lot of work for my mom at that time, but it worked out eventually. I happen to have a wife that got a post natal depression, believe me, that's a LOT of work. But yes, it is worth it. You might not see it today, maybe not even in the next few years, but that is what marriage is: you are there for each other, IN SICKNESS and in HEALTH.
The problem is that people who hear this advice and implement, aren't smart enough to expect their significant other to feel the same way. As in, a marriage doesn't work if only one side is putting in the work. That's a doomed marriage no matter what your outlook on it is. If you are willing to put in the work to fix problems in the marriage, but your partner isn't, then you just end the marriage. Because, that work isn't worth it. Because you're the only one who cares to fix it. For perspective: It is useful to also have this advice on standby: 1. Is the juice worth the squeeze? 2. You need to know when to cut your losses.
His problem was not that he was putting in that work. It's that he was falling to acknowledge his partner's lack of participation. If you convince yourself that a relationship should never feel like work you're going to find yourself failing every single relationship you enter when life throws you a curve ball. No human being responds perfectly to every situation. Hence even the healthiest of relationships will inevitably be "work".
Every close relationship may be some work and have some imperfections and conflict, but sometimes people just aren't compatible with each other. And I dont think people should stay in and work on relationships that are outright abusive, then you should just leave. Some may not be fit to be in a relationship at all and may need to find out by experience. There nuance to it. I think the overall feeling you have over time of the relationship really can decide if you should stay or leave.
"It takes two to tango." 🕺🏾💃🏿 •If your dance partner is sittin on the sidelines while you're dancin by yourself: drop them. •If your partner is insisting on samba instead, ask yourself if it's worth the style switch for you, and if not, let them find a samba partner elsewhere. •If your partner is steppin all over your feet, try to help them figure out what's goin on with their dance steps. If they still can't get it together after some time (or don't want to!), they're not ready to tango. Find an new dance partner. •If your partner seems snooty, "too good" to harmonize with your steps, and/or purposefully makes you look/feel bad: DROP 'EM. They're just straight up a bad dance partner. •If you're partner seems "awesome," but is inconsistent with their tango attendence, they are not ready to tango. Distracted dancing is not good. Not good. (Also, peep to make sure it's not because they're doing rhumba with a different partner! Make sure multiple partners are part of the original agreement!) ...Oh, and look! A metaphor! 😮 (😂)
"Compliment people behind their back" I've always heard something more to the effect of "criticize people to their face and compliment them behind their backs."
"The worst you could do is nothing at all." I wanted to be a writer and a painter when I was in elementary school, but was always afraid to do it and have people see my crappy work. My teacher, Mrs. Wutch, caught onto this and had us do a writing assignment along with an illustration. Flummoxed, I couldn't even think to bring pen or pencil to the paper, so she had me stay after class. I thought I was in trouble, but she was very kind and told me, "The worst you could do is nothing at all," and explained that even the best of us don't start be being the best. They simply get started, learn from their mistakes, and get better. This advice has never failed me, as, even when I fail, I learn what I need to work on and am better for it. I've done hundreds of paintings, written poetry, short stories, and books, and these skills even helped create the portfolio I needed to break into the video game industry, which I stayed in for 12 years. It also helped me learn music, mathematics, and push me to always find new things to learn. You never fail until you've given up trying.😊
This gave me goosebumps. Depressed me needs to hear this to remember the incredible work ive done. People see us so differently than we do. No one would imagine I felt like a failure bc they've seen my successes
@amythibodeau3186 We are always our own worst critics. It's important to remember that, hence the old saying, "an artist's work is never finished, only abandoned." But, this applies to everyone. We are ingrained with this odd need to perfect everything we do, but it's all an illusion. If everyone who ever did anything did it perfectly every time, we wouldn't need to innovate or invent anything today. Sometimes good enough is good enough, and your best effort is always good enough.
@reyvynnightveil1706 you know what? This is something I would have said to someone else holding the feelins I was. I dont often get to hear these kinds of things back, and you honestly have me with tears in my eyes. You have a kind heart to talk to someone you don't even know so gently. Thank you so much for this. I took a huge step toward making my life better today, and reading this is the perfect cap to it all.
@reyvynnightveil1706 truly, thank you for being you. You seems like someone I could High five and have a nice tea and create with or something. You had a positive impact here, if nowhere else today.
Whenever I get hit with a random depressive episode, I eventually think "this, too, shall pass", and it helps a lot. I'm able to cry and let it out, sometimes even feeling better the same day. It really does work, and I didn't even know that was advice people give until I watched this video because I always do it. It really works. I'm one of the most depressed people you could ever meet.
This^ but also I personally like to think about the Dune pain litany that goes something like this “I will let the pain pass through me and the only thing that remains is me” exhale and the calm it creates is magical
The advice in story 10 also helps with rage issues (to an extent). Obviously you need to have figured out a way to express your anger non-destructively (that means non-violently but also in a way that won't blow up your life if you allow yourself to let it ride in the moment, so screaming obscenities can be very helpful, but not if you're screaming them at your boss). I've had a lot of people try to tell me that by venting out the anger by screaming obscenities is bad irrespective of the situation, that it's somehow letting the anger win. But I've found that when I'm feeling the urge to throw or smash things (actions that are only acceptable under *very* controlled circumstances), or to lash out physically at another person (an action that I cannot allow myself to take under *any* circumstances because I found if I leave that door open at all, the rage will find a way to convince me to do it when it isn't acceptable, so it can't *ever* be acceptable, but that's me, different people are different and I know plenty of others with rage issues who don't share my problem with drawing a line between good violence and bad violence), venting that urge through extremely loud swears and obscenities relieves that pressure and allows the urge to subside unfulfilled. Similarly, if you are in a situation where letting even a bit of that anger out will be bad, I've found focusing on removing myself so I can get somewhere that I can let the rage run it's course makes it easier to maintain composure, since you have a task or goal to occupy your focus other than the problem that's causing the anger in the first place. Sometimes removing myself *at all* is enough to calm me down and I don't need to go vent it out or lose myself in a distraction to let it go, but usually I do. It's also important to note that distracting yourself from the stimulus pissing you off is *not* the same as bottling the anger up or holding it in. When I'm enjoying a song or a tv show or a book or a game, that isn't masking an under-layer of rage and fury over whatever the last thing to piss me off was, I'm genuinely having a good time. And then if and when I later get reminded of the stimulus that pissed me off, I do get pissed again, but it's not because I'm *still* angry, it's because I'm angry *again*. The things that piss me off are pretty consistent and predictable, so if something pissed me off once, odds are good it will do so again if I encounter it again, but that isn't holding onto my anger, that's just having consistent buttons to push. Talking about something that pissed me off doesn't solve anything, it doesn't make me magically okay with whatever the shitty thing was, and the longer I dwell on it the more pissed off I become, so talking about it is completely counter-productive. The exception to this is when talking about it can actually lead to a resolution to solve the problem in the first place, in which case, by all means, let's talk about it so we can solve the problem and it can stop pissing me off every time it comes up. But if I got mad at something at work or school or whatever, venting about it to my mom or my girlfriend after I've already calmed down will only make me blow up again at them, when they had nothing to do with what's pissing me off at all and thus can't possibly *do* anything about it. Venting to a willing ear *can* help in some situations, as sometimes it's easier to articulate what I need to in order to vent properly, and having someone express sympathy and validation toward my reaction absolutely helps, but once I've gotten it out (which rarely takes more than a couple minutes), any continuation is only pointlessly feeding the rage and making it build, not relieving pressure or providing release. Again, not speaking for anybody else, since different techniques help different people, but if any of you are dealing with rage issues or have someone in your life that is dealing with rage issues, and the standard anger management advice from so-called experts isn't helping, or actively counter-productive, like was the case with me growing up, maybe this perspective can help you find what works for you, if nothing else, it's worth a try when the usual crap about breathing and talking through the issues to let them go does nothing (seriously, I went through over a dozen so-called "experts" as a kid, and every single last one of them insisted I "try again" when they pulled out the same tired nonsense that I'd already tried before, and then when it once again doesn't work, they insist it's because I "wasn't trying", like I *wanted* to be a terrifying rage monster or something, maybe that stuff helps some people, but it did jack shit for me and the fact that "experts" seem to think cookie-cutter one-size-fits-all exercises and techniques will definitely help absolutely everybody who gives a sincere and honest effort at trying them like a magical panacea for rage is frankly extremely disheartening). The rage is a part of you, and it needs to go somewhere, and if screaming obscenities at the tool not turning the bolt in the furniture stops me from throwing the tool through the brand new windowpane and smashing the shelves with my bare hands, then I'm gonna fucking scream at the tool until the fucking bot fucking turns, I don't care if it stress you out MOM, if you want my help moving the furniture so you can paint the walls on a whim, let me process my shit the way *I* feel is most productive!!! Just to take the most recent example.
"Never take I-90 through Chicago" Likewise, never take I-80 through Wyoming. You WILL break down, you WILL be in the middle of nowhere, and you WILL have weird stuff happen to you all the while you're trying to get the car fixed. It happened EVERY, SINGLE, TIME.
For the “this too shall pass”, I find that the extended version some folks say helps more. “This too shall pass, like a kidney stone, but it will pass”
As someone who has an absolute shit show amount of chronic illnesses (pain, degenerative neurological type, endocrine and autoimmune along with being on the Autism spectrum with all of the fun shit that comes with being on the spectrum and so many secondary diagnoses), the things that have been helping me the most is to follow the theory of if I'm tired, then sleep and if I'm hungry, then eat and do either action irrespective of the time of day. While my sleep-wake cycle is garbage, I'm able to better cope with my body that is generally falling apart. Another thing that I have had to quickly come to terms with is accepting that I'm going to have to use mobility aids that people may not believe I should use because the mobility aids are going to help with extending the amount of limited energy I have. The other thing that I have come to terms with is that feeling alone is perfectly normal and to accept the company that my positive thoughts give me and ignore the negative thoughts.
My 2 cents: I used to have a really hard time falling asleep and then feeling motivated in the morning to get out of bed, and my therapist told me Your bed is ONLY for sleeping, don't just lie there for fun, or do homework on it, or watch TV/be in your phone. It is only for sleep. Also having a routine before you sleep is good; go to bathroom, brush teeth, ect. This for me rewired my brain eventually to make me tired when I lay down on my bed. And to feel motivated and get up my therapist also said, change intonyour day clothes. Don't just hang out in your pajamas, your pajamas are only for sleeping not for anything else. This also re wires your brain eventually. It's actually gotten to a point for me that if I wear my pajamas throughout the day I get uncomfortable and feel like I need to go put on some jeans
I had a real problem with needles. And then, I hit a financial rough patch and donated (sold) blood plasma. A couple of hours with a needle in my arm twice a week, and I got over my fear of needles pretty quickly.
I still do. Luckily nasal sprays exist so easy alternative. Just took convincing doctors who have known me my entire life who have seen me have panic attacks at the mere mention at my parent's appointment and known I hated them as a child. Still waiting for the one for this decade's problem but it's on its way. Better late than never. Always a way.
"You can't out run (exercise) a bad diet." I always thought well ya. If you eat too many calories you can't burn enough, but I recently realized that was not what this meant at all. I used to feel sick whenever I exercised, and I thought that's just how burning fat felt, but my health was not improving. Recently however I started a low carb diet that focused not so much on just the grams of carbs but also on the quality of them (whole grains, fruits nuts and vegetables good, processed flour and sugars bad). Not only do I have more energy but when I exercise I actually feel great instead of sick. Quality does matter.
Start small with goals and build up. Let's say you have a space to clean. If doing it in one goal seems too daunting and time consuming. Pick a corner. That day going to clean the heck out of that corner. Next day do the next and so one. Everything is hard when you first start or get out of practice. If it's something you need to do or want to do keep at it. Embrace the initial suck and it'll be less sucky to do eventually. Eventually you'll get good.
Yep that is a sure fire way to improve mental health, it proves to yourself you can do something and take care of yourself. I made a chore list which I follow religiously, it’s so nice because it prevents stuff from piling up which could make it hard to start cleaning.
when walking through the rain, stand up straignt, don't hunch over. You'll get just as wet either way, but you'll feel misserable if you hunch over, and happy if you stand up. I tried it coming home from school many years ago and wow boy does it work.
My mom whe pregnant with my older brother had bad heartburn. It only got better while drinking regular Sprite. When i was pregnant I had bad beartburn too, and one day it was so bad y was in my bed all curled up. I tried everything, baking soda, milk, meeicine and nothing did the job. So as a last resort I took a sip of regular Sprite and it worked. I was amazed and in shock, i had to call mom. 😂😂😂
"How you spend your days is how you spend your life" So short and simple but so damn true for me. I've been sleep deprived for almost 10 years because every night i make the exact same choice to do what is fun "for just an hour" instead of following the tired feeling and going to sleep. The fun thing changes, the daily bad choice is apparently just how i live now...
Stretching for plantar fasciitis. Nearly crippled, I couldn’t see anything short of surgery fixing pain like this. Stretching was instant relief, which motivated me to do it all the time, every day. It went away within a week.
My brother had such a needle phobia he couldn't even watch someone else get a shot. Now that he's diabetic and needs to give himself the needle he's gotten over it. It's surprising what you can manage to put up with to save your own life.
Never hold on to your anger. I was an angry kid and didn’t even think about it until middle school where my old bullies had moved on where as I was still holding on to grudges. It was then I realized I was becoming a bitter angry individual and finally let my anger go.
One thing that helped me to not feel bad or misunderstood is saying how you feel out loud. Like you so do something kinda embarrassing just say “wow I feel embarrassed now” you will get few laughs from people and it helps you to move on
I relate to the story about future pain. I've never not had a cat in my life and I've learned alot from them too, each if them have a unique personality that's easy to love. I have a certain few that really grew onto me though, when my first kitty died I was devastated and couldn't stop crying. For many times after that the same thing happened until I started preparing for it while in holding them but kinda suppressing the thought and now I don't cry as much, but I do feel an incredible amount of sadness when i think about it, but having then there while those thoughts are there is where comfort comes from. On the other hand I have this friend who I've had a crush on for a while since not too long after I met him and at some point he figured it out.. I didn't really want to know whether he feels the same or not because I wasn't prepared for rejection from him and I dint want our friendship to become awkward, but at a later stage I found out that he feels the same. We're not together. He's told me about all his heartbreaks and he was still recovering from a recent ex when I met him about 3 - 4 years ago.. girls have hurt him quiet traumatically and I've done everything I could to show him that women in general are cruel altogether because even though it frustrates me when he talks about how women are all the same or comments on something low and says that's how women are, I can understand hoe the anger comes from the hurt and it's just unfortunate that he's had consecutive events of bad situations with women. Since I had found out about his feelings for me, I've brought up the conversation because I thought why not.. but there were alot of things happening in between with his family and mine that just made that uncomfortable.. overtime I started realising that he's doing the same thing I do with my cats, except he's detaching himself from me. Its honestly a very confusing situation and I'm not really sure what to do because giving him space is not an option because he gets lonely and has anxiety. I haven't addressed it directly but I've found out that he expects me to just walk out on him at any point and assuring him doesn't work. But the point is that he does that too, but to the point where I wonder if I really would walk away even though I've made peace with what I have to deal with and already been through alot with him and still feel like his smile is my favourite and that I want to make him happy.
Write up a budget, and keep track of every penny you spend and earn. I mean, I used to think that because I did so well in math I could keep track in my head, then I sat down and parceled out what I spent my money on from month to month on a spreadsheet. It won't make poor people rich, and it won't solve all your financial woes, but having a handle on exactly where all your money is going and seeing little ways you can make your dollar stretch further can really help when income is tight. If nothing else it provides peace of mind knowing that you can afford next month's rent because you accounted for every dollar.
The forest app is sooo good! Now you can have it so certain apps are disabled while your trees are growing so I can be doing work stuff but all games and social media are disabled so I can focus on my work. It’s also toggles off their notifications so I’m not tempered.
@2:33 - I've heard that looking away from the needle and focusing on something else in the room can also lessen the pain, since "out of sight, out of mind" ( _which doesn't always work since oftentimes, the room is pretty barren_ ). It's likely because in both cases, you're focused on something other than the area that's about to get stabbed and aren't tensing up as much, which would make the pain greater. Likewise, you shouldn't close your eyes, because with one less sense to focus on, you're going to be more aware of other senses, such as touch.
Lived there. It's a mixture of jadedness and callousness. Can find some good folks there but the vast majority would balk at a 30 cent tax increase to fix the roads. Very a much a don't rock the boat don't stand out type of place.
You know, I heard the shoulders back one and that one actually has a lot of merit. That’s why you will see soldiers in attention. Shoulders, back chin up chest out it literally boost confidence that is why soldiers do it especially in tough situations. Doesn’t matter how tough you are a boat flying at you is not to scare any man which is why they do thatto build your confidence it’s also why they have you speak loud and clear when talking to your superiors it gives you a sense of dignity and it literally makes you stand tall
How about advice that felt useless until I UNDERSTOOD it? "Kill them with kindness"... everyone who has ever dealt with a bully knows that condescending crock of shit, right? As it turns out, you don't show kindness to the bully, but to everyone else. Every day just pick a different person at random and give them an appropriate compliment. Just a simple word of encouragement is significant enough to most people that they will remember it for a long time. Before you know it, lots of people have your back, and you're untouchable. Your tormentors want the approval and validation of those others, but if they target the wrong person, they are denied that validation and face considerable backlash. If the enemy of your enemy is your friend, and your enemy is an all-around asshole, then you already have more friends than you know. Just make sure they remember that by giving them some acknowledgement every once in a while. It's that simple.
I agree - many people cannot live on just 50% of their take-home pay. For most of my working life it took way more than 50% just to pay the bills. Many times it was more like 120% just to survive. Thankfully I am finally at the point where the mortgage is paid off, I have no debts. I got so used to living as frugally as possible, I am able to actually save 50% of my salary and still treat myself. With hard work, frugal living & a bit of luck, it's actually gotten to 20-30-50.
Story 15: Take notes, ladies! This is a much better way to ensure your man is helping to meet your needs than just tossing off “I’m fine,” when he asks if there’s a problem and expecting him to be a mind reader
Nah. Take the mirror and your L. It's far harder to get an honest answer out of a man because of how y'all are raised, especially if it's directly pertaining to the relationship or how you're feeling. It can also be really hard to get y'all to listen when we try to talk about those sorts of things ourselves. Further, often a woman who's 'trying to make you read her mind' just doesn't expect you to actually be willing to listen and has closed off. Or it can mean she's a turbotwat, but that's up to 'her man' to figure that drek out.
@@Cemi_Mhikku probably because the men who actually DO try to listen and be emotionally available are labeled “nice guys” and seen as the consolation prize. Meanwhile the “desirable” men are the one who ultimately end up treating women like crap because their ego is stroke way too high by being “in demand” for their looks. Not every man is raised to be an unfeeling meathead, but arguing any further is probably just going to be wasting my breath Also, bold of you to assume I’m a man
Better advise than don't take I-90 through Chicago... avoid major cities when driving cross country. You're begging for traffic if you drive through a major city during work hours. And no... there is no where they got off of I-90 in Chicago and saw road signs only in Spanish. I've lived in Northern Illinois all my life and commuted into Chicago for over a decade. I can tell you... that part is entirely made up.
About story #2: (*NEEDLE TW*) I started getting over my phobias of needles too! Albeit in a different way. Everyone always tells you not to look at the needle, but it turns out I have to know when the needle goes in or the anxiety and panic gets WAY worse. It worked for a while... That is, until I had a doctor start _digging for a vein_ for the first time. (Unfuckingfortunately it was *far* from the last.🙄) Then my phobia got WAY worse. :( I started telling the doctor that if they need to dig for a vein, to "please just take the needle out and stick me again." Only one EVER listened. I avoid the doctor's like the plague now. Not exactly proud to say that, I know that's bad.
I can't blame u there! To avoid being restabbed or jabbed both arms I've been letting all nurses know I've got thin veins so a butterfly "kids" size please 😅 helps !
I absolutely hated needles as a kid, and I was preemie so I had tons of surgeries I will never remember. One thing I learned early was I HAVE to see where that needle is going or I freak out. I even remember mom just telling the nurse to let me contort myself to see that shot go into my butt or she would not get it. Now it also happens I am a hard stick for getting my blood drawn. So dad came up with a rule also when I was a kid. You get 3 tries, no digging, and then I get to bite. That got them to get someone who could do it wham bam after 2 tries. I no longer need that, and I am okay with a small amount of digging as I know they told me I have rolling veins. It's there, until they go to put a needle in it. Even had EMTs doing IVs all day have to try 3 times to get an IV in on me. So far everyone has been accommodating when I say I get extremely nervous around getting poked if I can't see it. Even during a spinal tap they moved the monitors so I could still see where that needle was going. So might try the "I get to bite" trick. Might be able to get them to get an experienced person in there for you. Also, the doctor's rarely do IVs and blood draws. Ask for the experienced nurses.
Chicagoan here. The city has four sides like any other but ours REALLY matter. The southside is either black ghetto or white ghetto, the very sourh aide is white cops and firefighters, city workers ect that can afford 500,000$ 1500sq ft homes. The north side is either inner city ghetto, ethnic ghetto or wealthy, gl figuring out which is which. East and west side and pretty much no gotos if ur white, its where projects typically are and neighborhoods with one way in one way out streets which they will blocl off to rob you. Basically being white is a bad idea here.
If you get the hiccups, think or say "I am not a fish", hiccups will stop. Clearly complete crap. Maybe the second time I heard it (I think a video similar to this one), I happened to get hiccups the next day and remembered, I figured perfect time to prove this doesn't do anything. Then it worked. ??? Got hiccups a few more times in the next weeks (more often than I was used to, but perhaps coincidence?), worked every time, until I went back to my usual frequency of rarely getting hiccups. Just, the last two times it didn't work, but thus far I've had a majority success rate.
Heres one from me dont believe anyone that says you cant do something we are humans we got a habit of being able to do what everyone says we cant do. Also dont hurt your fellow man or any animal unless you must karma is a thing dont screw with her.And you cant beat the classics if a solar flare happens anything maybe early 90s and before should beable to run still newer crap will just stop working so truly you can not beat the classics they look good last longer and just are all around better......unless its a V8 gas prices be stupid.And if your scared of death or losing someone remember these words from dave mustaine of the band megadeth the words are ''so as you read this know my friends i'd love to stay with you all please smile when you think of me my body's gone thats all a tout le monde a tous mes amis je vous amie je dois partir these are the last words i'll ever speak and they'll set me free''
@@youdontneedtoknow106 I can't help me??? What do you suggest, you with no life experience of being deaf? You can't give them working ears, the brain won't know what to do with them. Hearing-aid does naff all. Writing subtitles for them doesn't cure anything.
@@Roadent1241 I mean help your fellow man as in be kind help eachother instead of fighting eachother like people have been doing yk like BLM the fat acceptance stuff anything that causes more pain for no good reason like blm is fighting a fight that has been over for years racists are getting to be lesser and lesser same with sexests and any kinda biggot we shouldnt be fighting our fellow man instead the corruption that is making a cancer that is slowly killing us
![[UA] NAVI vs MOUZ | BO5 | IEM Rio 2024](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/CMBYk0cbGoA/mqdefault.jpg)
"Marriage is work, but it's worth it" had my boyfriend in a lot of bad relationships because he liked the people but they were all so difficult to actually live with. He thought it was supposed to be like that. Maybe marriage IS work, but it shouldn't FEEL like work.
Marriage IS work, but it's work from BOTH sides. That is where his problem was. And yes, sometimes it feels like work too, a lot of work. My dad had a seven year burnout, it was a lot of work for my mom at that time, but it worked out eventually.
I happen to have a wife that got a post natal depression, believe me, that's a LOT of work. But yes, it is worth it. You might not see it today, maybe not even in the next few years, but that is what marriage is: you are there for each other, IN SICKNESS and in HEALTH.
The problem is that people who hear this advice and implement, aren't smart enough to expect their significant other to feel the same way. As in, a marriage doesn't work if only one side is putting in the work. That's a doomed marriage no matter what your outlook on it is. If you are willing to put in the work to fix problems in the marriage, but your partner isn't, then you just end the marriage. Because, that work isn't worth it. Because you're the only one who cares to fix it.
For perspective: It is useful to also have this advice on standby:
1. Is the juice worth the squeeze?
2. You need to know when to cut your losses.
His problem was not that he was putting in that work. It's that he was falling to acknowledge his partner's lack of participation.
If you convince yourself that a relationship should never feel like work you're going to find yourself failing every single relationship you enter when life throws you a curve ball.
No human being responds perfectly to every situation. Hence even the healthiest of relationships will inevitably be "work".
Every close relationship may be some work and have some imperfections and conflict, but sometimes people just aren't compatible with each other. And I dont think people should stay in and work on relationships that are outright abusive, then you should just leave. Some may not be fit to be in a relationship at all and may need to find out by experience. There nuance to it. I think the overall feeling you have over time of the relationship really can decide if you should stay or leave.
"It takes two to tango." 🕺🏾💃🏿
•If your dance partner is sittin on the sidelines while you're dancin by yourself: drop them.
•If your partner is insisting on samba instead, ask yourself if it's worth the style switch for you, and if not, let them find a samba partner elsewhere.
•If your partner is steppin all over your feet, try to help them figure out what's goin on with their dance steps. If they still can't get it together after some time (or don't want to!), they're not ready to tango. Find an new dance partner.
•If your partner seems snooty, "too good" to harmonize with your steps, and/or purposefully makes you look/feel bad: DROP 'EM. They're just straight up a bad dance partner.
•If you're partner seems "awesome," but is inconsistent with their tango attendence, they are not ready to tango. Distracted dancing is not good. Not good. (Also, peep to make sure it's not because they're doing rhumba with a different partner! Make sure multiple partners are part of the original agreement!)
...Oh, and look! A metaphor! 😮 (😂)
"Compliment people behind their back" I've always heard something more to the effect of "criticize people to their face and compliment them behind their backs."
"The worst you could do is nothing at all."
I wanted to be a writer and a painter when I was in elementary school, but was always afraid to do it and have people see my crappy work. My teacher, Mrs. Wutch, caught onto this and had us do a writing assignment along with an illustration.
Flummoxed, I couldn't even think to bring pen or pencil to the paper, so she had me stay after class. I thought I was in trouble, but she was very kind and told me, "The worst you could do is nothing at all," and explained that even the best of us don't start be being the best. They simply get started, learn from their mistakes, and get better.
This advice has never failed me, as, even when I fail, I learn what I need to work on and am better for it.
I've done hundreds of paintings, written poetry, short stories, and books, and these skills even helped create the portfolio I needed to break into the video game industry, which I stayed in for 12 years. It also helped me learn music, mathematics, and push me to always find new things to learn.
You never fail until you've given up trying.😊
@UnitTrace means bewildered or perplexed. In this case, due to overwhelming stress.
This gave me goosebumps. Depressed me needs to hear this to remember the incredible work ive done. People see us so differently than we do. No one would imagine I felt like a failure bc they've seen my successes
@amythibodeau3186 We are always our own worst critics. It's important to remember that, hence the old saying, "an artist's work is never finished, only abandoned."
But, this applies to everyone. We are ingrained with this odd need to perfect everything we do, but it's all an illusion. If everyone who ever did anything did it perfectly every time, we wouldn't need to innovate or invent anything today.
Sometimes good enough is good enough, and your best effort is always good enough.
@reyvynnightveil1706 you know what? This is something I would have said to someone else holding the feelins I was. I dont often get to hear these kinds of things back, and you honestly have me with tears in my eyes.
You have a kind heart to talk to someone you don't even know so gently.
Thank you so much for this. I took a huge step toward making my life better today, and reading this is the perfect cap to it all.
@reyvynnightveil1706 truly, thank you for being you. You seems like someone I could High five and have a nice tea and create with or something.
You had a positive impact here, if nowhere else today.
Whenever I get hit with a random depressive episode, I eventually think "this, too, shall pass", and it helps a lot. I'm able to cry and let it out, sometimes even feeling better the same day. It really does work, and I didn't even know that was advice people give until I watched this video because I always do it. It really works. I'm one of the most depressed people you could ever meet.
This^ but also I personally like to think about the Dune pain litany that goes something like this “I will let the pain pass through me and the only thing that remains is me” exhale and the calm it creates is magical
The advice in story 10 also helps with rage issues (to an extent). Obviously you need to have figured out a way to express your anger non-destructively (that means non-violently but also in a way that won't blow up your life if you allow yourself to let it ride in the moment, so screaming obscenities can be very helpful, but not if you're screaming them at your boss). I've had a lot of people try to tell me that by venting out the anger by screaming obscenities is bad irrespective of the situation, that it's somehow letting the anger win. But I've found that when I'm feeling the urge to throw or smash things (actions that are only acceptable under *very* controlled circumstances), or to lash out physically at another person (an action that I cannot allow myself to take under *any* circumstances because I found if I leave that door open at all, the rage will find a way to convince me to do it when it isn't acceptable, so it can't *ever* be acceptable, but that's me, different people are different and I know plenty of others with rage issues who don't share my problem with drawing a line between good violence and bad violence), venting that urge through extremely loud swears and obscenities relieves that pressure and allows the urge to subside unfulfilled. Similarly, if you are in a situation where letting even a bit of that anger out will be bad, I've found focusing on removing myself so I can get somewhere that I can let the rage run it's course makes it easier to maintain composure, since you have a task or goal to occupy your focus other than the problem that's causing the anger in the first place. Sometimes removing myself *at all* is enough to calm me down and I don't need to go vent it out or lose myself in a distraction to let it go, but usually I do.
It's also important to note that distracting yourself from the stimulus pissing you off is *not* the same as bottling the anger up or holding it in. When I'm enjoying a song or a tv show or a book or a game, that isn't masking an under-layer of rage and fury over whatever the last thing to piss me off was, I'm genuinely having a good time. And then if and when I later get reminded of the stimulus that pissed me off, I do get pissed again, but it's not because I'm *still* angry, it's because I'm angry *again*. The things that piss me off are pretty consistent and predictable, so if something pissed me off once, odds are good it will do so again if I encounter it again, but that isn't holding onto my anger, that's just having consistent buttons to push. Talking about something that pissed me off doesn't solve anything, it doesn't make me magically okay with whatever the shitty thing was, and the longer I dwell on it the more pissed off I become, so talking about it is completely counter-productive. The exception to this is when talking about it can actually lead to a resolution to solve the problem in the first place, in which case, by all means, let's talk about it so we can solve the problem and it can stop pissing me off every time it comes up. But if I got mad at something at work or school or whatever, venting about it to my mom or my girlfriend after I've already calmed down will only make me blow up again at them, when they had nothing to do with what's pissing me off at all and thus can't possibly *do* anything about it. Venting to a willing ear *can* help in some situations, as sometimes it's easier to articulate what I need to in order to vent properly, and having someone express sympathy and validation toward my reaction absolutely helps, but once I've gotten it out (which rarely takes more than a couple minutes), any continuation is only pointlessly feeding the rage and making it build, not relieving pressure or providing release.
Again, not speaking for anybody else, since different techniques help different people, but if any of you are dealing with rage issues or have someone in your life that is dealing with rage issues, and the standard anger management advice from so-called experts isn't helping, or actively counter-productive, like was the case with me growing up, maybe this perspective can help you find what works for you, if nothing else, it's worth a try when the usual crap about breathing and talking through the issues to let them go does nothing (seriously, I went through over a dozen so-called "experts" as a kid, and every single last one of them insisted I "try again" when they pulled out the same tired nonsense that I'd already tried before, and then when it once again doesn't work, they insist it's because I "wasn't trying", like I *wanted* to be a terrifying rage monster or something, maybe that stuff helps some people, but it did jack shit for me and the fact that "experts" seem to think cookie-cutter one-size-fits-all exercises and techniques will definitely help absolutely everybody who gives a sincere and honest effort at trying them like a magical panacea for rage is frankly extremely disheartening).
The rage is a part of you, and it needs to go somewhere, and if screaming obscenities at the tool not turning the bolt in the furniture stops me from throwing the tool through the brand new windowpane and smashing the shelves with my bare hands, then I'm gonna fucking scream at the tool until the fucking bot fucking turns, I don't care if it stress you out MOM, if you want my help moving the furniture so you can paint the walls on a whim, let me process my shit the way *I* feel is most productive!!! Just to take the most recent example.
That Days Gone gameplay in the background is smooth
"Never take I-90 through Chicago"
Likewise, never take I-80 through Wyoming. You WILL break down, you WILL be in the middle of nowhere, and you WILL have weird stuff happen to you all the while you're trying to get the car fixed. It happened EVERY, SINGLE, TIME.
Weird stuff?
...what other road can you even take through Wyoming?
For the “this too shall pass”, I find that the extended version some folks say helps more. “This too shall pass, like a kidney stone, but it will pass”
As someone who has an absolute shit show amount of chronic illnesses (pain, degenerative neurological type, endocrine and autoimmune along with being on the Autism spectrum with all of the fun shit that comes with being on the spectrum and so many secondary diagnoses), the things that have been helping me the most is to follow the theory of if I'm tired, then sleep and if I'm hungry, then eat and do either action irrespective of the time of day. While my sleep-wake cycle is garbage, I'm able to better cope with my body that is generally falling apart.
Another thing that I have had to quickly come to terms with is accepting that I'm going to have to use mobility aids that people may not believe I should use because the mobility aids are going to help with extending the amount of limited energy I have. The other thing that I have come to terms with is that feeling alone is perfectly normal and to accept the company that my positive thoughts give me and ignore the negative thoughts.
My 2 cents:
I used to have a really hard time falling asleep and then feeling motivated in the morning to get out of bed, and my therapist told me
Your bed is ONLY for sleeping, don't just lie there for fun, or do homework on it, or watch TV/be in your phone. It is only for sleep. Also having a routine before you sleep is good; go to bathroom, brush teeth, ect.
This for me rewired my brain eventually to make me tired when I lay down on my bed.
And to feel motivated and get up my therapist also said, change intonyour day clothes. Don't just hang out in your pajamas, your pajamas are only for sleeping not for anything else. This also re wires your brain eventually. It's actually gotten to a point for me that if I wear my pajamas throughout the day I get uncomfortable and feel like I need to go put on some jeans
I had a real problem with needles. And then, I hit a financial rough patch and donated (sold) blood plasma. A couple of hours with a needle in my arm twice a week, and I got over my fear of needles pretty quickly.
I've never had any problem with getting blood drawn or vaccinations.
I still do. Luckily nasal sprays exist so easy alternative. Just took convincing doctors who have known me my entire life who have seen me have panic attacks at the mere mention at my parent's appointment and known I hated them as a child.
Still waiting for the one for this decade's problem but it's on its way. Better late than never.
Always a way.
"You can't out run (exercise) a bad diet." I always thought well ya. If you eat too many calories you can't burn enough, but I recently realized that was not what this meant at all. I used to feel sick whenever I exercised, and I thought that's just how burning fat felt, but my health was not improving. Recently however I started a low carb diet that focused not so much on just the grams of carbs but also on the quality of them (whole grains, fruits nuts and vegetables good, processed flour and sugars bad). Not only do I have more energy but when I exercise I actually feel great instead of sick. Quality does matter.
Start small with goals and build up. Let's say you have a space to clean. If doing it in one goal seems too daunting and time consuming. Pick a corner. That day going to clean the heck out of that corner. Next day do the next and so one. Everything is hard when you first start or get out of practice. If it's something you need to do or want to do keep at it. Embrace the initial suck and it'll be less sucky to do eventually. Eventually you'll get good.
Yep that is a sure fire way to improve mental health, it proves to yourself you can do something and take care of yourself. I made a chore list which I follow religiously, it’s so nice because it prevents stuff from piling up which could make it hard to start cleaning.
when walking through the rain, stand up straignt, don't hunch over. You'll get just as wet either way, but you'll feel misserable if you hunch over, and happy if you stand up. I tried it coming home from school many years ago and wow boy does it work.
The bribing thing doesn’t really work for people with ADHD, just in case anyone with it feels like a failure or gets frustrated.
My mom whe pregnant with my older brother had bad heartburn. It only got better while drinking regular Sprite.
When i was pregnant I had bad beartburn too, and one day it was so bad y was in my bed all curled up. I tried everything, baking soda, milk, meeicine and nothing did the job. So as a last resort I took a sip of regular Sprite and it worked. I was amazed and in shock, i had to call mom. 😂😂😂
"How you spend your days is how you spend your life"
So short and simple but so damn true for me. I've been sleep deprived for almost 10 years because every night i make the exact same choice to do what is fun "for just an hour" instead of following the tired feeling and going to sleep. The fun thing changes, the daily bad choice is apparently just how i live now...
Stretching for plantar fasciitis. Nearly crippled, I couldn’t see anything short of surgery fixing pain like this.
Stretching was instant relief, which motivated me to do it all the time, every day. It went away within a week.
As someone who hates needles too, especially blood drawns, think I'll try the alcohol method
My brother had such a needle phobia he couldn't even watch someone else get a shot. Now that he's diabetic and needs to give himself the needle he's gotten over it. It's surprising what you can manage to put up with to save your own life.
Or just ask for a nasal spray? Lazy alternative XD
this video is actually really helpful. I used some of this during senior high
Never hold on to your anger. I was an angry kid and didn’t even think about it until middle school where my old bullies had moved on where as I was still holding on to grudges. It was then I realized I was becoming a bitter angry individual and finally let my anger go.
One thing that helped me to not feel bad or misunderstood is saying how you feel out loud. Like you so do something kinda embarrassing just say “wow I feel embarrassed now” you will get few laughs from people and it helps you to move on
I relate to the story about future pain. I've never not had a cat in my life and I've learned alot from them too, each if them have a unique personality that's easy to love. I have a certain few that really grew onto me though, when my first kitty died I was devastated and couldn't stop crying. For many times after that the same thing happened until I started preparing for it while in holding them but kinda suppressing the thought and now I don't cry as much, but I do feel an incredible amount of sadness when i think about it, but having then there while those thoughts are there is where comfort comes from. On the other hand I have this friend who I've had a crush on for a while since not too long after I met him and at some point he figured it out.. I didn't really want to know whether he feels the same or not because I wasn't prepared for rejection from him and I dint want our friendship to become awkward, but at a later stage I found out that he feels the same. We're not together. He's told me about all his heartbreaks and he was still recovering from a recent ex when I met him about 3 - 4 years ago.. girls have hurt him quiet traumatically and I've done everything I could to show him that women in general are cruel altogether because even though it frustrates me when he talks about how women are all the same or comments on something low and says that's how women are, I can understand hoe the anger comes from the hurt and it's just unfortunate that he's had consecutive events of bad situations with women. Since I had found out about his feelings for me, I've brought up the conversation because I thought why not.. but there were alot of things happening in between with his family and mine that just made that uncomfortable.. overtime I started realising that he's doing the same thing I do with my cats, except he's detaching himself from me. Its honestly a very confusing situation and I'm not really sure what to do because giving him space is not an option because he gets lonely and has anxiety. I haven't addressed it directly but I've found out that he expects me to just walk out on him at any point and assuring him doesn't work. But the point is that he does that too, but to the point where I wonder if I really would walk away even though I've made peace with what I have to deal with and already been through alot with him and still feel like his smile is my favourite and that I want to make him happy.
Write up a budget, and keep track of every penny you spend and earn.
I mean, I used to think that because I did so well in math I could keep track in my head, then I sat down and parceled out what I spent my money on from month to month on a spreadsheet. It won't make poor people rich, and it won't solve all your financial woes, but having a handle on exactly where all your money is going and seeing little ways you can make your dollar stretch further can really help when income is tight. If nothing else it provides peace of mind knowing that you can afford next month's rent because you accounted for every dollar.
The forest app is sooo good! Now you can have it so certain apps are disabled while your trees are growing so I can be doing work stuff but all games and social media are disabled so I can focus on my work. It’s also toggles off their notifications so I’m not tempered.
i find most of these can boil down to "to gain control, let go of the idea of controlling it"
For the anxiety advice, I tell people "if your willing to have it you wont, and if your not willing to have it you will"
"This, too, shall pass" is tattooed on my arm so that others may read it. I've been told multiple times it's just what they needed to hear.
@2:33 - I've heard that looking away from the needle and focusing on something else in the room can also lessen the pain, since "out of sight, out of mind" ( _which doesn't always work since oftentimes, the room is pretty barren_ ). It's likely because in both cases, you're focused on something other than the area that's about to get stabbed and aren't tensing up as much, which would make the pain greater. Likewise, you shouldn't close your eyes, because with one less sense to focus on, you're going to be more aware of other senses, such as touch.
From my dad: "You never have enough tools"
Especially true in his case as he never put things away....
Drove through Indiana, broken people.
Lived there. It's a mixture of jadedness and callousness. Can find some good folks there but the vast majority would balk at a 30 cent tax increase to fix the roads. Very a much a don't rock the boat don't stand out type of place.
You know, I heard the shoulders back one and that one actually has a lot of merit. That’s why you will see soldiers in attention. Shoulders, back chin up chest out it literally boost confidence that is why soldiers do it especially in tough situations. Doesn’t matter how tough you are a boat flying at you is not to scare any man which is why they do thatto build your confidence it’s also why they have you speak loud and clear when talking to your superiors it gives you a sense of dignity and it literally makes you stand tall
How about advice that felt useless until I UNDERSTOOD it?
"Kill them with kindness"... everyone who has ever dealt with a bully knows that condescending crock of shit, right?
As it turns out, you don't show kindness to the bully, but to everyone else. Every day just pick a different person at random and give them an appropriate compliment. Just a simple word of encouragement is significant enough to most people that they will remember it for a long time. Before you know it, lots of people have your back, and you're untouchable. Your tormentors want the approval and validation of those others, but if they target the wrong person, they are denied that validation and face considerable backlash.
If the enemy of your enemy is your friend, and your enemy is an all-around asshole, then you already have more friends than you know. Just make sure they remember that by giving them some acknowledgement every once in a while. It's that simple.
The 50-30 20 doesn't quite work in my case, it's closer to a 70 25 5 or 75 25 depending on the month...
I agree - many people cannot live on just 50% of their take-home pay. For most of my working life it took way more than 50% just to pay the bills. Many times it was more like 120% just to survive. Thankfully I am finally at the point where the mortgage is paid off, I have no debts. I got so used to living as frugally as possible, I am able to actually save 50% of my salary and still treat myself. With hard work, frugal living & a bit of luck, it's actually gotten to 20-30-50.
More like 200% 0 0
What is the game you are showing footage of?
Keep your head down and muddle through. It's basically all of the other advices combined but less specific. xD
Story 15: Take notes, ladies! This is a much better way to ensure your man is helping to meet your needs than just tossing off “I’m fine,” when he asks if there’s a problem and expecting him to be a mind reader
Nah. Take the mirror and your L. It's far harder to get an honest answer out of a man because of how y'all are raised, especially if it's directly pertaining to the relationship or how you're feeling. It can also be really hard to get y'all to listen when we try to talk about those sorts of things ourselves. Further, often a woman who's 'trying to make you read her mind' just doesn't expect you to actually be willing to listen and has closed off. Or it can mean she's a turbotwat, but that's up to 'her man' to figure that drek out.
@@Cemi_Mhikku probably because the men who actually DO try to listen and be emotionally available are labeled “nice guys” and seen as the consolation prize. Meanwhile the “desirable” men are the one who ultimately end up treating women like crap because their ego is stroke way too high by being “in demand” for their looks.
Not every man is raised to be an unfeeling meathead, but arguing any further is probably just going to be wasting my breath
Also, bold of you to assume I’m a man
Actually, when you think about it, all advice is useless until put to use.
If you're stuck in a boot loop on Windows, and you're seeing codes for Kernel issues - unplug your USB devices and reboot.
Better advise than don't take I-90 through Chicago... avoid major cities when driving cross country. You're begging for traffic if you drive through a major city during work hours. And no... there is no where they got off of I-90 in Chicago and saw road signs only in Spanish. I've lived in Northern Illinois all my life and commuted into Chicago for over a decade. I can tell you... that part is entirely made up.
Right!? No way it takes almost 12 hours to get through Chicago on I-90
About story #2: (*NEEDLE TW*) I started getting over my phobias of needles too! Albeit in a different way. Everyone always tells you not to look at the needle, but it turns out I have to know when the needle goes in or the anxiety and panic gets WAY worse. It worked for a while... That is, until I had a doctor start _digging for a vein_ for the first time. (Unfuckingfortunately it was *far* from the last.🙄) Then my phobia got WAY worse. :(
I started telling the doctor that if they need to dig for a vein, to "please just take the needle out and stick me again." Only one EVER listened. I avoid the doctor's like the plague now. Not exactly proud to say that, I know that's bad.
I can't blame u there! To avoid being restabbed or jabbed both arms I've been letting all nurses know I've got thin veins so a butterfly "kids" size please 😅 helps !
I absolutely hated needles as a kid, and I was preemie so I had tons of surgeries I will never remember. One thing I learned early was I HAVE to see where that needle is going or I freak out. I even remember mom just telling the nurse to let me contort myself to see that shot go into my butt or she would not get it. Now it also happens I am a hard stick for getting my blood drawn. So dad came up with a rule also when I was a kid. You get 3 tries, no digging, and then I get to bite. That got them to get someone who could do it wham bam after 2 tries. I no longer need that, and I am okay with a small amount of digging as I know they told me I have rolling veins. It's there, until they go to put a needle in it. Even had EMTs doing IVs all day have to try 3 times to get an IV in on me. So far everyone has been accommodating when I say I get extremely nervous around getting poked if I can't see it. Even during a spinal tap they moved the monitors so I could still see where that needle was going. So might try the "I get to bite" trick. Might be able to get them to get an experienced person in there for you. Also, the doctor's rarely do IVs and blood draws. Ask for the experienced nurses.
@@zamirathezenathazami5200 Honestly, I _wish_ my parents had been that supportive. My mom just acted like I was overreacting. >.
Would it really be too much effort to put the title of the game the gameplay background video is from, in the description?
Dayz gone
Ps4 you're welcome. Great game, sadly no sequel.
Your mother. 😂
Oh I have the perfect example: git gud
Don't touch a hot stove top. I never knew why not to until I gave into the desire when I was 30. Stove tops are so pretty.
A wise man once told me you should have 500 rounds min for every pew pew you have
What is this game? It is absolutely gorgeous and looks a lot like the wilderness where I live
Days Gone
What is that forest tree app?
Chicagoan here. The city has four sides like any other but ours REALLY matter. The southside is either black ghetto or white ghetto, the very sourh aide is white cops and firefighters, city workers ect that can afford 500,000$ 1500sq ft homes.
The north side is either inner city ghetto, ethnic ghetto or wealthy, gl figuring out which is which.
East and west side and pretty much no gotos if ur white, its where projects typically are and neighborhoods with one way in one way out streets which they will blocl off to rob you. Basically being white is a bad idea here.
Leaving america to dodge a warrant
What is the game?
Days Gone
Ive never had a problem with needles. I can sit there and watch when they insert the needle.
As a Hilo driver I was told slow down to speed up
He was right
This too shall pass my dead girlfriend would always tell me that 😊😊😊 and now it passed I’m about getting married love you Christine n miss you too
If you get the hiccups, think or say "I am not a fish", hiccups will stop. Clearly complete crap. Maybe the second time I heard it (I think a video similar to this one), I happened to get hiccups the next day and remembered, I figured perfect time to prove this doesn't do anything. Then it worked. ??? Got hiccups a few more times in the next weeks (more often than I was used to, but perhaps coincidence?), worked every time, until I went back to my usual frequency of rarely getting hiccups. Just, the last two times it didn't work, but thus far I've had a majority success rate.
I miss the original narrator
Heres one from me dont believe anyone that says you cant do something we are humans we got a habit of being able to do what everyone says we cant do. Also dont hurt your fellow man or any animal unless you must karma is a thing dont screw with her.And you cant beat the classics if a solar flare happens anything maybe early 90s and before should beable to run still newer crap will just stop working so truly you can not beat the classics they look good last longer and just are all around better......unless its a V8 gas prices be stupid.And if your scared of death or losing someone remember these words from dave mustaine of the band megadeth the words are ''so as you read this know my friends i'd love to stay with you all please smile when you think of me my body's gone thats all a tout le monde a tous mes amis je vous amie je dois partir these are the last words i'll ever speak and they'll set me free''
But what if you're physically unable to do the thing? Telling a deaf person to listen harder...!
@@Roadent1241 Then help them
@@youdontneedtoknow106 I can't help me??? What do you suggest, you with no life experience of being deaf? You can't give them working ears, the brain won't know what to do with them.
Hearing-aid does naff all. Writing subtitles for them doesn't cure anything.
@@Roadent1241 I mean help your fellow man as in be kind help eachother instead of fighting eachother like people have been doing yk like BLM the fat acceptance stuff anything that causes more pain for no good reason like blm is fighting a fight that has been over for years racists are getting to be lesser and lesser same with sexests and any kinda biggot we shouldnt be fighting our fellow man instead the corruption that is making a cancer that is slowly killing us
Why are some videos AI voiced and some not?
13 kids??????
First