My 94 year old mother asked me how old my daughter’s baby was. I hesitated for a minute before I said she’s 31. My mother was surprised, so I said time goes very fast. That satisfied her.
My mom and I currently living with my 91 yr old grandfather who has dementia. Man sometimes comes home from nickel bingo thinking hes won $600. Mom tries to argue to him that he didn't. I feel like saying just let him have this one.
When my loved one asks where is mom, when is she coming home. I say " she went to work. Her boss called and asked her to work overtime. She had to be there before we got up and she said not to wait up for her .. she'll be getting home after we've gone to sleep. She said she needed the money so she wants to work the overtime, when her boss asks." That response has worked well for me. But I only say that when I'm asked. My loved one used to like visiting the cemetery and putting flowers out. But that causes more distress than necessary. So we stopped going 2 years ago. My biggest problem for the past 4 nights, is trying to change lo, into fresh depends and put p.j.s on to go to bed. My lo has had the same dirty depends on for a day and a half. I'm beside myself trying to think of something to say, to get the dirty jeans and tee off, so my lo is clean and dry. Last night, this morning and again Tonight it turned into a fight. So here, at 11pm, I sit in the easy chair down stairs and my lo up in the bedroom.( Might be sleeping down here tonight too. ) I've been taking our bedtime que from my lo and we headed up to bed around 5:30pm. Maybe not early enough?? ( It starts to get dark around 4pm, here in the north east.) Also, we've been back home for 2 weeks. For 5 days prior, lo was in the hosp with a case of COPD with mild pneumonia. Also have noticed that lo no longer goes for 3 nightly bathroom runs, since the doct. added quitapine, half tab 3x a day. So I "was only" using depends for bedtime. But since the hosp visit... It's morphed into an all day thing. :-/ How the heck do I get my lo changed ? Must be sore and in pain, right now. I can't find any of your videos that address this situation. Thanks have a good night.
That is a good question. I would say think about some routines that had before dementia where they would get changed or shower to say you’re about to do that would make sense to them. Another thing to try is to align what they want to do with a shower and getting changed. Another thing to consider is they might have pain in changing, moving or having water get on them. Saying, let’s do a super quick bird bath and showing them the wipes may help as well. Lastly, getting cnas or aides to help with just showers may be something needed so they can stay clean
My mother-in-law has passed, but she had dementia. My wife died about 3 years ago, and my mother-in-law kept asking her other daughter if my wife had died. I think she kind of remembered, but wanted confirmation. Unfortunately, that triggered a grieving occurrence every day, which was difficult for my sister-in-law who was also grieving her sister, and was the one to tell her. She eventually did stop asking.
Thank you for the video. It confirmed my intuition about this and gives me a framework for this issue as we move forward. My father died in 1995 and more and more she is waiting for him to come home at night. She gets sad and feels rejected when he does not come. We have been using distraction but perhaps there is another tool we could use.
I’m so glad! It hard to know what to do when you’re first experience with someone with dementia is your loved one. I learned this from working with thousands of folks with dementia
This video was absolutely amazing thank you so much. Ive just discovered and subscribed to your channel, and already am learning so many awesome things!
My wife keeps asking to go to the "other place" so the "other people" could move in "this place" tomorrow. The later in the day, the more insistent she gets. At first I confronted her with the truth... there is no other house and there's no one else. She would get very angry and insist that I take her to the other house. This led to a series of events that led to ultimately taking her to the police station for help. They called an ambulance and she ended up going to the ER. She wanted nothing to do with me. I just went to dark corner of the police station and cried. The woman I loved was rejecting me after all the care I had given her. I went home and tried to sleep. The ER called me at 1:30 a.m. to come and get her as she was being discharged. She had calmed down and forgot all about what just happened. The next night she didn't ask to go to the other house, but the night after that she did again... so I lied. I told her that we were going to sleep here (in our home) tonight and I would take her there tomorrow. This worked. I was calm. She wanted to pack up to leave, but I told her we could do that in the morning, also. She has gotten worse every night since then. Last night she wanted me to call the people that were moving in tomorrow and to tell them our plans. This went on for hours until she fell asleep. At first I tried telling her there are no other people. The truth didn't help, so I switched to lying and told her I would take care of it and if there were any problems I would handle it. I assured her that I would talk to them. It is now the next morning and her reality is becoming more real every day. I'm at a loss on how to handle it if it gets to the point where she wants to get packing and go right now and it 9:00 pm because I feel that is where this is headed. I hope this helps someone. Putting off until tomorrow what a loved one wants now might work for others.
I'm very interested to know if this ever was resolved or calmed down, you could try to go to a hotel or another family members house for one night and see what happens, then say the other people changed there mind? I'm not sure but I wouldn't know what else to do in your situation
My 94 year old mother asked me how old my daughter’s baby was. I hesitated for a minute before I said she’s 31. My mother was surprised, so I said time goes very fast. That satisfied her.
thanks so much for the video. this topic has always challenged me as a caregiver. Your framework will be very helpful to me going forward.
I'm so glad!
My mom and I currently living with my 91 yr old grandfather who has dementia. Man sometimes comes home from nickel bingo thinking hes won $600. Mom tries to argue to him that he didn't. I feel like saying just let him have this one.
When my loved one asks where is mom, when is she coming home.
I say " she went to work. Her boss called and asked her to work overtime. She had to be there before we got up and she said not to wait up for her .. she'll be getting home after we've gone to sleep. She said she needed the money so she wants to work the overtime, when her boss asks."
That response has worked well for me. But I only say that when I'm asked. My loved one used to like visiting the cemetery and putting flowers out. But that causes more distress than necessary. So we stopped going 2 years ago.
My biggest problem for the past 4 nights, is trying to change lo, into fresh depends and put p.j.s on to go to bed.
My lo has had the same dirty depends on for a day and a half.
I'm beside myself trying to think of something to say, to get the dirty jeans and tee off, so my lo is clean and dry.
Last night, this morning and again Tonight it turned into a fight.
So here, at 11pm, I sit in the easy chair down stairs and my lo up in the bedroom.( Might be sleeping down here tonight too. ) I've been taking our bedtime que from my lo and we headed up to bed around 5:30pm.
Maybe not early enough??
( It starts to get dark around 4pm, here in the north east.)
Also, we've been back home for 2 weeks. For 5 days prior, lo was in the hosp with a case of COPD with mild pneumonia.
Also have noticed that lo no longer goes for 3 nightly bathroom runs, since the doct. added quitapine, half tab 3x a day. So I "was only" using depends for bedtime. But since the hosp visit... It's morphed into an all day thing. :-/
How the heck do I get my lo changed ? Must be sore and in pain, right now.
I can't find any of your videos that address this situation.
Thanks have a good night.
That is a good question. I would say think about some routines that had before dementia where they would get changed or shower to say you’re about to do that would make sense to them. Another thing to try is to align what they want to do with a shower and getting changed. Another thing to consider is they might have pain in changing, moving or having water get on them. Saying, let’s do a super quick bird bath and showing them the wipes may help as well. Lastly, getting cnas or aides to help with just showers may be something needed so they can stay clean
My mother-in-law has passed, but she had dementia. My wife died about 3 years ago, and my mother-in-law kept asking her other daughter if my wife had died. I think she kind of remembered, but wanted confirmation. Unfortunately, that triggered a grieving occurrence every day, which was difficult for my sister-in-law who was also grieving her sister, and was the one to tell her. She eventually did stop asking.
Thank you for the video. It confirmed my intuition about this and gives me a framework for this issue as we move forward.
My father died in 1995 and more and more she is waiting for him to come home at night. She gets sad and feels rejected when he does not come. We have been using distraction but perhaps there is another tool we could use.
I’m so glad! It hard to know what to do when you’re first experience with someone with dementia is your loved one. I learned this from working with thousands of folks with dementia
This video was absolutely amazing thank you so much. Ive just discovered and subscribed to your channel, and already am learning so many awesome things!
My wife keeps asking to go to the "other place" so the "other people" could move in "this place" tomorrow. The later in the day, the more insistent she gets. At first I confronted her with the truth... there is no other house and there's no one else. She would get very angry and insist that I take her to the other house. This led to a series of events that led to ultimately taking her to the police station for help. They called an ambulance and she ended up going to the ER. She wanted nothing to do with me. I just went to dark corner of the police station and cried. The woman I loved was rejecting me after all the care I had given her. I went home and tried to sleep. The ER called me at 1:30 a.m. to come and get her as she was being discharged. She had calmed down and forgot all about what just happened. The next night she didn't ask to go to the other house, but the night after that she did again... so I lied. I told her that we were going to sleep here (in our home) tonight and I would take her there tomorrow. This worked. I was calm. She wanted to pack up to leave, but I told her we could do that in the morning, also. She has gotten worse every night since then. Last night she wanted me to call the people that were moving in tomorrow and to tell them our plans. This went on for hours until she fell asleep. At first I tried telling her there are no other people. The truth didn't help, so I switched to lying and told her I would take care of it and if there were any problems I would handle it. I assured her that I would talk to them. It is now the next morning and her reality is becoming more real every day. I'm at a loss on how to handle it if it gets to the point where she wants to get packing and go right now and it 9:00 pm because I feel that is where this is headed.
I hope this helps someone. Putting off until tomorrow what a loved one wants now might work for others.
I'm very interested to know if this ever was resolved or calmed down, you could try to go to a hotel or another family members house for one night and see what happens, then say the other people changed there mind? I'm not sure but I wouldn't know what else to do in your situation