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How narcissist TRICK you to accept the way they treat you
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- Опубліковано 11 січ 2024
- Narcissistic people tend to be tricksters and great manipulators. They have tactics and methods to convince you that their behaviors are either for your benefit or your fault. In episode 975 of THE NARCISSISTS' CODE I, Lee Hammock a self aware narcissist, go deep into the mind of a narcissist to reveal how they convince you to take blame and how they consistently duck accountability.
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Welcome my channel! If this is your first time seeing my face or hearing my voice, my name is Lee and I am a self aware narcissist. I have narcissistic personality disorder ( NPD ) and I've been in therapy for my personality disorder since 2017 and it has definitely changed my life because without it, I would have lost everything.
The point of these videos is to help bring awareness from the other side of the narcissistic *buse spectrum. All my videos give perspective on why many narcissists do what they do and the possible different reasons behind them. The victims and survivors get validation and the Narcissists (those that are willing) get to see that you can get help and that you are not alone.
Website - www.mentalhealness.net
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Thank you so much
Instead of taking accountability, they get upset that you react to their behaviour
A lot do just that
True
They always do
Yup! And get away with murder once again
THIS! 👆 It's insane! Not only do they not admit it or take accountability, you gotta be careful to not be harmed more for even mentioning it!
The experience of dealing with a narcissistic personality is like exploring a psychological hall of mirrors, where every reflection distorts reality, leaving you questioning the authenticity of your own perceptions.
I was raised by the Cluster Bs' and also dated one. All of them hurt me "in the name of love" (relatives). Or "in the name of common sense" (boyfriend). My boyfriend was the first and only man in my life. He knew I had no previous experience with such type of relationship, so he basically convinced me, that what I want is "not normal in relationships", while what he wanted is perfectly fine, reasonable, mature.
I never saw healthy relationships "in action", so I had no point of reference! My ex bf seemed "normal", simply because his strategies were different then what I was familiar with.
It's heartbreaking how I had no chance to escape his manipulations based on, as you said, hall of mirrors! When I learnt about CLuster Bs, I couldn't believe how distorted was the reality of my childhood and my relationship.
Or, better yet, the way out of it.
They try to make you believe their bad behavior is normal. "All guys do it, or feel that way" When you protest their reality, they say you're insecure, jealous, mentally ill! 😢
🥲
THIS!!!!! Thank you for this comment! Exactly this type of gaslighting was a core strategy in my family, and is was the no.1 weapon of destruction in my former relationship with my NPD boyfriend! I had no healthy point of reference in my life, so I carried tons of shame and guilt for "being immature / being jealous / being difficult / being demanding / being mentally ill", when I was no even close to that!!!
Right!
My soon to be ex husband did a number on me. Cheating constantly abandoning me and our kids no help financially. When I started acting out bc I hot tired of it. He said I'm mentally ill and he regretted marrying me.
I got all of that, "you're jealous, argumentative , or you're crazy" 🙄 as if he wasn't doing anything to make me feel that way.
We get addicted to the calm AFTER the storm .
“I’m sorry that you feel that way! 🙁”
I will die happy if I never hear that as an “apology” ever again 🙄
😞😞
BEEN THERE WITH THAT CRAP🙄
My “favorite “ is when you try to show them the way they treat you doesn’t even benefit them and they hit you with “ you’re always living in the past “ . It just happened a week ago but you finally built up the courage to talk about it and they shut you down w some bs. Or .. I’m sorry you feel that way… I feel this way because of how you neglected me or what you said it was horrible or how you treated me horribly ! Ugh ! Thank goodness we have Lee to keep us un-gaslit !
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That use to burn me up with my ex 😡
This is one of the things I most struggle to understand, who the F thinks that treatin you like shit will make me to appreciate and stay around them? its like...if your goal is this? HOW YOU end up thinking thats the best thing to do to achieve that goal? is almost hilarious
Ok you just triggered me with your statement because that 🤡 would say "stop living in the past" to me to shut me down. This time it worked but permanently. I left him. 😊
He would do something the day before and tell me I was bringing up the past. Most of them are possessed by the same demon. I couldn't deal with him for one more day. Almost 7 months no contact.
This is so true, If you leave don't come back because the feelings will not be the same. **** STAY GONE***
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He treated me horrible before I decided to leave. And I would say, what have I done to make you treat me so bad?!? And he would respond, “ I don’t treat you bad”. Now I know in his distorted mind he really believed he did not treat me bad.
Or he knows and just doesn’t want to admit it.
He said, "If we bring others into our bed…it will make us soooo much closer.” I told him that if I want to sleep with others, he’d better be worried. So glad he dumped me in one of his needless narcissistic rages.
I’m really getting to the point that I’m proud of myself for shutting it all down
👏🏽👏🏽 you should be
Same here, No Contact all the way!!
They trick you because you never thought of the possibilty that they want to hurt you. (At least I never did). So it was fatal that I trusted too much. BUT: For me it was a great lesson.
Same. I was unable to entertain the idea that he might actually*want* to hurt me, because that would mean that he was, in fact, a monster
This!!! It constantly blows my mind how much they lack empathy. I can’t imagine treating someone like that unless they wronged you in some way first.
My kids father never used the word narcissist until I told him that I think he was. Now he throws it back at me, all the time. So much so that I don’t even argue with him anymore. I don’t even confront him with issues because he’s so much better at freaking out on me, not letting me speak and ranting. It’s twisted and they really mess up your head and warp your thinking. I’m still struggling. Definitely if you can get away from a bad mental situation leave before they warp your thinking.
Yes! My mother would accuse me of gaslighting and it was her!! I started doubting myself until I played it back in my head.
And she was told by her therapist she had those tendencies.
The gaslighting is the worst. Like we was the narcissist and they was the innocent victim.
!)
Yup, everything was my fault. Divorcing now and wish I did it years ago. They are dangerously insane and that's an understatement
The narcissist greatest trick was convincing the world the narcissist don’t exist
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😂 good one!
Narcissist's train you to accept how they treat you with the bread-crumbing. You learn not to expect much and afraid to ask much more because they might take them crumbs away too 😃😃
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My ex narcissist used to always say I didn’t take accountability and would say that I play victim. I remember one night I was in the hospital, I called him to pick me up, no response. So I walked home from the hospital a 2 hour walk on a cold night in November.When I got in he was on his phone( later I found out it was tinder)Thinking back I wish I left that night but I didn’t. All night long he said that I need to take accountability.
Sorry to hear this Sending you a hug x
Same. I was in hospital and hospital had to uber me home. He lived with me but refused to come home and drooped the kids off. He stated at our home bc I wasn't there and I returned to a wrecked home. He never cleaned up what messes he and the kids made. He never asked how I was or if I was ok. Just drive away.
@@bridgetmenham6686 thank you, the greatest joy is escaping. I still have bad days when I think back on how much I endured but I am so glad I left.
@@athomewithrobin292 I hope he isn’t there anymore. I am so sorry you had to go through this. ❤
Wow same - whenever I would call him out he'd just say I needed to take accountability??? 🤦🏾♀️
This hits me really hard. My birth family is like this. They had me thoroughly gaslit and trapped until I refused to put my life in detriment for them. I put up with too much. I still have almost no sense of self but I'm free.
Sense of self comes with time. In my case it started to appear as a by-product of my process of self-defining, which based of "WHAT I AM NOT" .
I started with "I am not an object". Yupp. at some point of my life I believed I was kinda sorta "human object", living KitchenAid. I believed I should be "functional" and do what others tell me to do. My ex bf even called me "a damaged object" once or twice.
As a child I was told, I am, say "a burden ,weirdo, who won't be liked by anyone". As an adult I know, that I was told so, because my family wanted to keep me isolated from others. Such isolation worked for my relatives benefit in many ways: they didn't have to organize my play dates, and by so spend time, effort and money on me. They didn't have to protect me from bullying - which covered their personal cowardice. They could make me belief, that "others" won't like me, while it were they who didn't.
I met a friend online, we love each other like sisters. We live in different countries, but we are really close to each other. We know each other very well, and we are friends for good and for bad. It was tested and proven! I asked her one day, why she likes me. She said: "Well, because who you are makes you really likeable and you're the most lovable person I met, and it's an honour to be your friend!". So I asked her about my flaws, and she responded: "Everyone has some flaws and yours are super tiny according to my standards". There! "According to my standards...."
Narcissist have SICK standards. If you don't match their sick standards, you're to be punished. Precisely for that one reason - you are NOT sick / mad/ cunning / insane!
So, you see, once you start to meet mentally healthy people, it will help you to define yourself. You will think : "I was told I am X, but this situation proves I am Y. So I am Y without a doubt!"
They will never acknowledge what exactly in details are they sorry for.
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Theyre sorry you feel that way
Not sorry that they made you feel that way 😅
@@qamilselmani7003 If even that.
I was blamed and told I was no good at cleaning, cooking, or finances. He took over money and if I needed clothes or bras, etc, I never got them unless he chose what I could have and he bought what he thought I needed.
😮🤯
If a narcissist says they are sorry they mean they are sorry they got caught or called out on their nonsense.💯
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Great comment!
Right!
In my experience with Nparents, they play the hot-and-cold game. One minute they'll yell, hurl insults and act like you're not a part of the family, and the next minute, they are all cuddly, pleasant, or at least tolerable. This goes on for various lengths, sprinkled with veiled threats and insinuations in-between those periods. For a bunch of people who consider themselves mature, they sure act terribly immature, often "getting back" for real or perceived slights.
It's not a game for them unless they got a lot of Machiavellian or psychopathic traits. They feel threatened by something, they react. Then the cathartic reaction allows them to calm down. Then it's good. But unless it's something you really are contributing to, you are kind of in the dark just being thrown into the impacts of a largely internal storm. A lot of people are like that in some form or fashion. It's something you can grow beyond or if not, you probably pass it on.
All we can do is watch ourselves and notice when we are avoiding shame or unpleasant feelings about our true reality. Books on splitting maybe help any negative feelings this draws up because in my experience empathy helps me relax by understanding and not having to just excuse or sweep away the reality I'm in.
That whole."cheating/yelling benefits us", teally hit home. He had me convinced that his yelling at me was for my benefit. 😢
😑😫
My sister passed away he had no empathy. Yet said I will be good for 4 months if you ask your cousin for Steelers tickets. I told him my cousin said well where was he when our sis passed. ? Then he went on a yelling spree I never asked you for tickets your cousin offered, that was 2 years ago. My cousin said “ I had tickets but didn’t know you were coming in town or I would of have them to you”. He took that as my cousin will get tickets just because . I let him know that the block list is his friend because I’m no longer communicating with someone who doesn’t know how to.. that part..
After a hour long rage, verbal humilating, tantrum for no reason: „I was only yelling and hollering because I‘m so passionate and emotional about you. Nobody else before and after will show you so much love as I do. If you want to be deeply loved like nobody else, you have to trust me. I would never harm you in any way, I was just very emotional, I love you!“ 🤮
Yep! After all of the gaslighting insults and emotional abuse and disrespect it was " I never fell so hard for someone like this" "I'm falling for you" " I'm falling in love with you and I care about you"
🤮🤮
Or...I'm bringing the drama when holding him accountable!!!
Stay safe
@@MentalHealness my family and I are grieving the death of my cousin who was unalived by her boyfriend in Indianapolis, Indiana. Her name is Britney Long and she leaves four children ages 7 and under. This life taker was just released on a $2000 bond with only an aggravated assault charge because he told them that it was an "accident" in spite of the fact that he told her that he would unalive her if she ever left him. That he loved her too much to unalive her...and that's exactly what he did.
Please! Please! Talk about this story and tell them to please save themselves, if not for themselves for the children, especially if they're in a domestic violent situation, which she was in. The boyfriend's own Mother said that about her own son!!! Please, help us to save the lives of others!!! 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
God bless you for your truth and your honesty!!! You helped me to get out of this situation that I'm walking away from with your videos. So I know that you're able to help someone else. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! ❣️❣️❣️
I watch these videos and constantly shaking my head in agreement. It’s so on point
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Never will apologize.
This man KNOWS how you can survive, get out and thrive
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I love how you laugh at the narc perspective, it's like you've found a way to make peace with the kind of person you used to be and are able to see it without taking yourself so seriously anymore.
that helps me out
My dad said it was going to hurt him more than it was going to hurt me. I was 3 yrs old. He was 30 yrs old. Keep helping people. Thank you.
He said it because that’s what was said to him as a child. Both my parents were narcissistic but my mother took the cake. She used to say the exact same thing. This is what’s referred to as generational demons. The behavior perpetuates the behavior in the next generation because that’s the behavior that was “normal” to the person as a child. It’s why some empaths have narcissistic tendencies. It’s “normal” until we realize it isn’t. Some people never realize it. I thank God that I never had kids because what I thought was normal in my early twenties was narcissistic. I might have ruined the lives of my children with what I thought was normal for a parent to do. I forgive my parents because I realize that narcissism is developed in childhood as a defense against being hurt. BTW I was sexually abused at three years old by my grandfather. I know how long the hurt lasts. It never fully goes away but I don’t dwell on it. I redirect my thoughts when it rears it’s ugly head. I’m in control of my life, not him. He’s long dead and it’s a waste of time to be mad at a dead man.
you’re welcome
OMG. I've heard that, "Did you ever think that if maybe you flirted with me more, acted sexier all the time I wouldn't have to pay attention to these women who are doing that?" "But I am here with you now aren't I? What does that tell you? I'm here that is what is most important and you don't seem to appreciate that." Accountability: So many times I would tell him how his behavior hurt me and he would reply "I understand. I didn't mean for that to hurt you, I don't want to hurt you." But then of course he would keep doing it. Maybe wait a few weeks or a month, but would keep doing the behavior. I started to realize he never said I won't do it again. Finally I asked him, "You say you understand you are hurting me but are you going to stop doing it?" and his reply, "Um yeah, no."
They can excuse anything.
I finally walked away after he dragged me on the road busting my knee, sabotaging my plans for the week & unable to work etc.. he said sorry but blamed me for losing my footing!! I haven't seen him since that night. Trying to get people to contact me in the 3 months I blocked & ghost him. Yesterday, he post a note thru my door begging me to call him & saying "he dont know what he did wrong that made me leave him alone". 😂 Im done with him. Hebwont be getting no response from me. A hole.
And now for my trick - BYE !!
They are sorry they got caught. It will all come together. Keep learning. Lee, continue to school us.
Exactly. And this reminds me of a lot of police officers who have narcissistic traits. Internal affairs and supervisiors trying to justify the cops bad behaviors, like how pointing a gun at someone for a minor crime or something like that was for ''safety purposes'' or that shooting a family beloved dog is somehow ''right'' because they would tell you, ''If you'd had control your dog, this wouldn't have happened.'' You can see the narcissism and toxicity going on in our police departments nowadays. The only reason why they kept getting away with it is because there are not enough accountability, and we all know narcissists HATE being held accountable.
Thank you for defining the word 'accountability', Lee. That's kind of a big word and some people may not be sure about what it means. Yes, it's important that narcissists (or anybody, for that matter) take accountability for their actions if they've done something wrong.
🙌🏾🙌🏾 appreciate it
Dang bro! I freaking admire Ur honesty and rest assured real recognize real. This man is smashing taboos like a superhero!
🙏 I appreciate it
6:42 I always related their thinking that you don't know what they are doing (Though they repeat patterns) is like watching magician do a magic trick, the same trick over and over and they still want you to oh and ah...
And fall for it over and over...
That part 🎯🎯🎯🎯 Patterns always repeat but only become obvious to those around long enough to peep game. Which is why the narcissist can’t keep friends around. That’s a red 🚩 in dating.
"I am not a magician. I'm a narcissist" 😂😂took me out
Whatever they want to do to have their needs/control needs met the victim needs to be understanding and supportive. How dare you try to shame them!
I went no contact with my ex narcissist in March and he showed up at my door a few weeks ago trying to hoover me with "I owe you a sincere apology". Nothing about his "apologies" were ever sincere. I refused to open the door or entertain the conversation, and thankfully he left. Still no contact. The hoovering didn't work this time.
I didn't even get an apology and he wasn't remorseful for betraying me and hurting me. I got blamed for thinking our relationship was more than it was even tho he knew because he'd throw "the future of us" in my face whenever I held him accountable for any of his actions of wrongdoing. I also got tons of excuses and him saying he can do what he wanted. But then him trying to make sure I'd stay. I walked away. He never respected me and he never would. He never saw my walking away coming. I remind myself EVERY day of how ashamed he made me feel by his betrayal and how he didn't care I'd be hurt even tho he knew. Do I care he never gets to see or talk to me again, HELL NO. 💛💪🏾😍
Yes. Lee, Im divorcing, and my husband is blaming his actions (catalyst for divorce) on me. Says we didn’t have enough intimacy, I didn’t care for him the way he needed, for the reason he cheated. Introduced me to hi mistress then says he doesn’t have one. At the same time he’s fighting to stay together. I am so lost!
Don’t be lost. Be free ASAP! You can only be lost by hoping it’ll get better. Crazy making doesn’t get better, it gets worse! There’s no hope for a narcissist. RUN AWAY FAST !
It is the BIGGEST MIND F*CK EVER! You are getting off of that crazy ride and walking into clarity! Stay strong !
Nineties kid here, those times were crazy from beatings from adults. It was so normalized 🤯.
I remember once when she got her car stuck and she couldn't even say that she got it stuck. She said it was the weather not her fault even though it didn't matter either way. She would never ever take responsibility, not spelling a word right, it's her phones fault.
The whole universe is at fault but never them.
Actually a lot of people do that. When it’s said in the heat of the moment it can sometimes be hyperbole or a sign they’ve not had time to process the event and calm down and be more rational. Narcissists will still be blaming the external powers 5 or 10 years after the event. Victims of narcissists can get into the habit of not taking accountability in almost the same way as the narc. This happens because throughout their lives they’ve been made to feel defective and wrong and forced to accept responsibility for almost everything. The shame they feel is equally toxic and becomes associated with accountability and they behave in defensive mood a lot in order to avoid the shame.
@@roberttruman8444 i would really love it if the reason she behaves like a narcissist was because she was abused by one,if that's possible then that means she could be saved maybe. She does everything else a narcissist does also,lie, cheat and steal. She's also sadistic, so i don't know, but if it walks like a duck etc.
@@manbearpig7950 She almost certainly was raised by a narcissist and abused. That's usually how narcissists start out life. They want to protect themselves and ensure they never feel like they did back then, and so they gradually turn into narcissists while still children.
The sadism is a hallmark of the narcissist, but it is often expressed subtly or they try to disguise it as something else and even defend it using stock mindfulness phrases to actually make it sound positive and justified while further asserting the narcissist's so-called supremacy.
The chances of an adult narcissist getting cureed are desperately slim. No one ever convinces a narcissist to enter therapy (or at least listen to any of it). They have to want to change in order to do it. The only power that anyone they're dating ever has is the power to walk away. They either walk way or accept the inevitable. If you walk away from her then I guarantee you'll heal a lot fast than if it were the other way around.
Good luck to you.
The mental gymnastics are something 😂
takes a lot of energy but at some point it clicks - upside down person living in lalaland and GMO love, bad for you, not nutrients, but looks great
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Cheated because I didn't go for a walk one day 😂 the stupidest thing I've ever heard..my friends died laughing when I told them that
I made a mistake and asked mine to go for a walk with me one day. We ended up in a forest at night and he did everything he could to scare me, he's going to leave me there alone. He started to run (he's a fast runner!) and I followed him, running through some really unsafe places ( I almost got stuck in swamps). When the whole madness ended and we were back home he told me : "It's for the wrong shoes you chose for that trip. Take it as a lesson". How sick it was to say something like that?!
Specificity is the key. I did not know it then but thanks for letting me know why my gut wld not accept their words. Thank you, Lee!
The old turn table trick. It's hard not to bite, but once I got it, I called him on it everytime. That and changing the subject.
Reminds me of the movie Shrek when Lord Far-quad said: “Some of you may die… but that’s the sacrifice I am willing to make.”
😆 yep
My ex girlfriend would never apologise, except for "I'm sorry that you feel that way".
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Glad she's an ex
It was fire 🔥2024 WE REQUIRE MORE
The only energy ❤
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3:26 I like that unlocked a memory...
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2024 the year we require more! Thank you for making this video today. Really needed a refreshment to my mind on my healing journey! Happy new year, and God bless you! 🙏🏼✌️💕
My son pushed a kitchen chair over during an argument and left. After he left his gf called police and told the police that he threw the chair and that it almost hit one of their children. The officer called CPS and turned it over to the prosecutors office. The prosecutor has initiated criminal charges against my son for child endangerment. I have witnessed her chasing him in the past and him running from her. He is 118 lbs and she is 160. I have told him before that her aggressive behavior and constant yelling and cussing at him and the kids really bothers me. He has always defended her behavior. But now he is facing criminal charges because she is fabricating what she told the police. It's heartbreaking to watch my son and grandkids go through her screaming rages. When they lived with me for 5 years I broke out in hives several times a week. I have only broke out twice since they moved out last year. I Need Advice
Yes, my ex narc said to me “ I had to start talking to the other girl and cheating on you because you keep fighting with me so much” I said “yeah I argue with you because you are lying to me” he basically was saying it was my fault that he had to cheat 😒
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Your very much appreciated!
🙌🏾 Thank you
Greatest knowledge ever heard on narcessist in a practical way ❤❤
Lee, I think you should do more videos on narcissistic tricks. Because most of the time we are just confused. If we know the game you can save somebody before it's too late. Even narcissists are more likely to get help because nothing will work anymore. You will have tons of content.
You are absolutely right. I learned the hard way, but I did. Thanks for your wonderful message.
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I dealt with financial abuse too had me come off my job to become a house wife.. then everything switched up.. he blamed me for everything. He fake apologized to me and kept apologizing he kept saying sorry but nothing changed he understood what he did wrong but kept doing wrong it was empty promises to the point where I started not to care and he started acting out more because nothing change we saw 4 different therapist and nothing changed. Now we are in divorce court. He got upset with me because I caught him and blamed me and told me that I'm a idiot a patient and that I have a victim's mentality. Now he's seeing how stupid I am. He's mad because he got caught.
yep, mad they got caught
2024 The year we require more! Yes! I’m up for it! Thank you Lee!!!
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This right HERE.. 🤌🏽🤌🏽🤌🏽🤌🏽 I was CONSTANTLY In the Dog 🐕 House as a FIRST LADY In A Church ⛪️ #ItWasMyFAULTAlways #ThankGODForDeliverance
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I’m 3 weeks no contact and struggling 😔🥺 I needed this video, thank you
You’re welcome 😊
You are doing great. One day at a time. I'm at one week and the fog has already lifted. Some days or better than others but always be moving forward!
@@sagenosnibor9173 🥺☺️❤️
They despise taking accountability.
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Financial abuse would make me wanna fight. I watched my father provide for my mother and this is my love language. I can’t tolerate a selfish man
Watching you really wakes me up! Sometimes one starts to forget how it was... But watching you really brings one back to reality! Thank you! ❤😊
I'm so glad!
My narcissist brother always said he’s super with money/finances/real estate. He also always said our dad is terrible with money/finances/real estate (not true) and therefore my brother needs full authority over our dad’s bank account, his real estate and his wealth. My brother then told the whole family that our dad must give our brother full authority over his bank accounts and that our dad must sign over all his real estate to our narcissist brother. My dad was intelligent enough to not give my narcissist brother any kind of authority over his wealth. Now since a few years my narcissist brother is brainwashing our mother and her husband, telling them that I am really bad with money/finances/real estate (not true) and that they should take me out of their will. My brother even tells lies about me saying that I’m a drug and alcohol addict (both not true) and that I would loose all the inheritance, should they give me something from the inheritance. And therefore they should dive all of their inheritance to my brother.
"I'm sorry it was not my intention. I will not do it again" sounds great but not if it's about something that's very obviously wrong... (violent behavior). And you feel that the sorry is meant to silence you, so no space for further discussion. That's the annoying part and most hurtful to me, they know right from wrong, still do it anyway. And will keep doing it until you step away 😢
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At least once a week or so, you put out a video that is so on point it is triggering. This is one of them. But this is a good thing. I am saving this to "Watch Later" because I know 100% he will attempt to hoover despite being blocked everywhere, and I will need to remind myself why I went no contact. Thank you for all that you do.
Sorry for my additional comment, but I wanted to mention the worst part of it all - if your Nparents did this to you, then you'll almost certainly get conditioned to these behaviours in ALL of your relationships. I've been bellittled, used and abused across jobs and interpersonal relationships, allowing people to yell, insult and cross my boundaries, all because I allowed my folks to do it for years to no end. Don't ever do this to your kids!
I can relate! I grew up with an unbelievably high tolerance for arse holes and so often I’d not realise when an offence had even been caused
In the 1960s, they paddled with a board in Kentucky. In 1970, the lawsuits started and all that shit stopped, lol.
I'm glad you spoke on detailed apologies
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I got beaten up by my parent when I was about 18 and I have been needing so much to hear I'm sorry especially since I went through continuing mental abuse. It took me time to voice my feelings around this and I always felt guilty cause I was a teenager and thought I deserved it or was told so. Now my parent sometimes throws a insisting I'm sorry when we argue. The tone, the attitude, the moment all is odd yet on point to make feel miserable. Because they know I was craving for I'm sorry before and use this. This video is so useful to understand what we go through I wish I had that awareness when I needed it most thanks Lee
Thank God, You are out of under the control now! 🎉 legally they cannot say anything about Your decisions, and can even lock them out of Your place.
And go no contact...until showing any different behaviour.
My Friend just changing the lock on His apartment...Parents to criticise it and shout and make hysteria with shaming, will not be even able to enter! ;)
Drawing boundaries!
Only let close trustable, always available, truthful, honest friends.
Never have to really let close people,. whoever they are,if abusive physically , hurting and no apologies and behaviour change is present...
I wish, You didn't lose trust in Trustable ones to exist, and will reach out and strengthen Each others with Your bestest proven Friends!
Amen.
@@anettszabo108Thank you for this. I am currently working on extracting a horrible toxic "friend" at the moment and I needed to read this.
My husband absolutely refuses to use the word sorry even after trashing some of the house. Him and his mother said I deserved it and because he had put up with me for years. I absolutely did nothing to deserve it and my sons also agree. I can’t leave as there’s no money.
@@sw6454 Pick up contact with other family members, move together with someone.
There must be a Family, to be supportive -or a house of a Family with one extra room at least, till can afford a flat to rent from 1 income.
And make a court case to divorce and share money 50-50...He will also pay after the child/children per month.
Have to take steps...cannot stay forever. It's also harm for children, no, no one likes to see miserable Man, dysfunctional, useless in Family, instead a single,good Mother!
Lee, I love your dedication to this channel. Your videos have helped me better understand what I went through for 2 years. I'm out of it now and doing much better! I just wanted to let you know that I appreciate you and all that you do. Keep spreading that awareness! Thank you 🙏♥️
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My Aunt was so crazy when we went no contact. She went and befriended our enemy neighbour to get information.
wow wth
I relate to this entirely, but off topic 😅:
In middle school in the early 90s in FL, I was selected as a front office "runner". That meant if kids had to get checked out of school or report to the office, I was assigned during that period to provide the notices to the classrooms in person.
I remember many times having to summon children in for their paddle discipline. It was a thick wooden paddle with holes drilled in it, and the kids (usually PoC boys) would have sagging jeans with LAYERS of boxers underneath to cushion the blows.
I hang with many adults much younger than me because we've met thru the EDM scene in Charlotte, NC, and I'llBeDayumed if they aren't completely thrown off by this public school practice whenever it comes to mind! Like you, it was a memory unlocked and it was only recently I even remembered!
He’s very manipulative. I realize it for what it is now.
3:15 you are so right that is crazy and unacceptable
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Man, this may have been the most honest video you ever made.
This might be our most honest lie... That any sweet something is better than any truth
It's not, but we really mean it when we stay. We really believe it, then.
“2024 the year we require more” 🙌🏻👏🏻🤘🏻
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Lee you and the little Shaman are the best❤
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Thanks for the narrative. Very interesting points to ponder. Peace
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Thank you Lee!😀
Do they know they aren't taking accountability and dodging it or do they just think they are right and it's all your fault? Like do they realize when they blame shift and gaslight. It's not clear how much self awareness they have
Yup ex-wife told me leaving me when i needed a knee replacement was a good thing because i wouldn't of got the surgery when tried to hoover i couldn't believe wtf she said leave when I needed her wow. Good luck to her next victim.
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A narcissist ratting out narcissists is quite a trick 😊
Thank you ❤❤
You're welcome 😊
Sitting for this!! 🔥🔥🔥
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lol kinda crazy you just told me my childhood story. Surprised the crap out of me. my mom broke a lot of clothes hangers on me and always told me it was for my betterment, because she cared so much, etc... its sad because i believed her for so long. even now, i kinda feel like she just couldn't help herself at that time, and maybe she even believed it herself.
Thank you, Lee excellent video.
you’re welcome
Love it! ❤
He used to say I’m reacting emotionally and confusing it bc of his verbal tone. Or it’s just words.
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My ex used to claim that she was studying psychology. And with that she would randomly put me down with her insulting statements randomly from time to time. And she would claim that she is helping me to realize my issues. and that she wasnt trying to make me feel bad. The sad thing was some of her statements were correct. But the off-hand comments were too often and totally uncalled for and I would get angry and hurt afterwards.
(I'm Sorry I got Caught) is how they think and nothing more.
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You really dropped some knowledge on this one
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Im glad you mentioned siblings xx
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I didn't EVEN get an allowance! 😢
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I had a difficult childhood experience my father is a malignant narcissist not getting along with his older blood brother and younger sister not getting along with his step brothers and sisters not getting along with my mother and also me😂🙆my father and I had a bad relationship and my mother being a covert narcissist I was brainwashed by my mother when I was in primary school where my mom told me that my father is a bad person and my father is also doing the same thing too it's like both of them want me to give them their attention. I was naive at that time. I didn't know whom to trust between the two. But I can remember when I was a little boy my uncle ie my dad's brother used to come to our house and play with me and he really loved me so much😅 unfortunately he died long time ago😢Be blessed Mr Lee 👋
Thank you Lee for helping victims of narcissistic abuse. I just watched a video of a man who committed suicide by cop in Fresno to get back at his woman. It was so sad to watch his victim as he said “this is your fault” as he forced the officers to kill him. If you save one life by putting your opinion out there you’ve done more than most. You have my respect.
appreciate it