You Probably Don't "Have Black Friends"
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- Опубліковано 4 вер 2024
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People often say "But I Have Black Friends" to defend against accusations of racism. A lot of us understand that this is a bad look, but why is it a bad look? And how superficial are these friendships with people of color in the first place?
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Is not that I don't any black friends. The thing is that I don't have any friends
then make some online, hi i am willing to be your friend. woof.
@@theneedlessopinion Mom said not to talk to strangers, but hey man what's up
Ditto...
Yes, I thought the same thing!
Same 😭
It remainds me "I can't be sexist, I have a wife".
This part about having honest and awkward conversation is very true. One thing is to have some poc in your life, and completely different thing is to listen to them.
that one cracks me up every time, I swear!
A much closer analogy would be, "I'm not anti-marriage, I have a wife." Sexism has little to do with a disinclination to associate with the opposite sex.
Dumb analogy.
I cant be a sexist, im a feminist would be better one
Actual Brazillian Politician tried to pull this one off
Edit: Wait, wait, I thought of a better one: "I can't be racist, I saved this poor black child from their faith by adopting them"
You've never truly yawned if you haven't felt your soul leave your body
That yawn that goes so hard you get a slight tinnitus followed by body contortions
@@osamabindiesel3389 BEST YAWN!
@@osamabindiesel3389 yes ha ha!
🤣🤣🤣🤣
@Madeleine Swann : That's the funniest thing I've read all week. lols
Why in the world would anyone think it is okay to go up to a stranger and touch their hair? It hurts my brain that this is an actually issue you have to deal with at all, let alone on a frequent enough basis that you note it in such a casual way.
People are weird. I’m in a wheelchair full time and people think it’s okay to push me, or lean on my chair. Seriously, I’ll have strangers lean on my chair when we are in a queue in the supermarket.
One of my friends is an amputee and people seem to want to touch his arm stump.
So it really doesn’t surprise me that people think it’s okay to touch his hair. People are weird.
Then you are thinking like this it is obviously bad idea but... I have done similar things several times and now I have nightmares of shame about this.
One moment we were talking and the second I was toching her skin with Vitiligo. Or kissing in forehead of friend's child. Or toching nose to nose to my classmate. And I genuinely have not even a thought about it. I just did it.
I don't wanna make excuses. Yes, it is bad. And yes, I need more remainders about it. I had got two times then my hand almost toched T1J's hair through the screen. And it is even stupider then to toch it in person.
Exactly. Touching anyone anywhere without their consent is wrong.
Oh. And yes, once I have touched the hair of one black guy. It was involuntary too and very-very awkward. I remember this poor guy was just passing nearby and I...
It's like my brain sees new texture and decides to touch it without my consent.
But refering to topic of the video. This behaviour can tell how many black friends this person actually have. Is this texture something new that she can't resist but touching? Or is this something usual that doesn't need a sight?..
@Jocelyn Perea People used to do that with me when I was maybe four, five years old. That was in the late 80s in Switzerland. I'm not Black but I had rather short curly hair. At least once I ducked and ran to avoid the hands.
Context: I'm white. A white friend was calling me the n-word. And I told him it made me really uncomfortable and he should stop. And he was like "I have black friends and they say it's okay." And it's like dude, your friends don't represent an entire community. Also if someone asks you to stop calling them something, just stop calling them that?
When people say things like "my black friend says it's fine!" I always wonder if they're really 'friends' with that person. Did they never consider that their one black friend was joking or that they misunderstood them? Or maybe they said it was okay to avoid an argument? If you need a person from a minority group to validate your shitty behaviour, then you know you shouldn't do it - just stop
@@TwelvetreeZ Definitely. I have used the n-word in the past when discussing how it's a bad word and when I was told to stop using it, even in the context of explanation, even if it is not aimed at someone, I apologized and stopped right away, because I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable. I don't see the point of insisting when someone asks you to stop saying something they find harmful. I didn't go like: "But I'm just explaining a situation where someone said it and I thought it is wrong and it wasn't aimed at anyone." I just said. "Okay, well, my bad, I didn't mean anything by it and I'll stop now, even if I'm just explaining a situation or explaining why you shouldn't call people that."
A slur is a slur no matter who hears you say it or who you say it to.
@@kimifw58 I realise that now and as soon as I realised it was hurtful, I stopped completely. People make mistakes but the important thing is to be open to apologize and fix those mistakes in the future.
@@JadeDRail did "they" explain why/how you can't say whatever you want? ITS A TERM OF ENDEARMENT!!!
I'm a 5' 5" half-Korean woman and one of my closest friends is a 6' 6" black man. The first time we met we stayed up and talked all night about social justice and the state of the world. He and I believe that curiosity and mutuality are prerequisites to friendship, which means you MUST drop defensiveness at the door.
@William Priestley kind of sounds like it worked out to be the opposite of what you're claiming. maybe if you read the comment my dude...?
@William Priestley Maybe you should reread the last sentence of the OP: Drop your defensiveness at the door.
It seems you're pretty defensive of something there, pal.
Mel Howard mutuality of what
@William Priestley That's a weird and very weak argument that I've been noticing more and more lately. 'Fighting racism will make racism worse'. It's just not true. After slavery was abolished, people didn't become more racist. After the Civil Rights Movement, people didn't become more racist. After Apartheid, people didn't become more racist.
@@Enzaio people who have always been racist love to deflect blame onto the victims of racism by saying "you asserting your humanity is what *made* me racist! It's all your fault!"
Kind of the inverse of the "racism died when Obama became president"-take is that "racism wasn't a problem in the U.S. until Obama started making it a thing". I've heard that one more times than I'd like to recollect.
Racism was increasing before Obama became president and the same group of people Trump issued a new executive order against every couple of months is the same group Obama set records for shoving out of the country
Yes! The Guardian (bloody liberals) newspaper in the UK published an article with a headline '51% of people think Black Lives Matter have increased racial tensions' -.-
depressing tbh
It's like honey. Slavery was a thing.
@@LC-uz3og it’s true at my work in a school district.I’m a white supervisor and I see things a lot of other people don’t. White administrations getting denoted all of a sudden and replaced by non Caucasians.
We even had a white privilege seminar at work telling us to be nice to non caucasians.
It’s insane.
It's similar to when misogynists say they have a mother/daughter/sister. You don't have to know someone to recognise that they're a human and deserve respect. Also, the people who say they don't see colour have the privilege of not being judged by theirs.
That was so deep 🖤
It's dumb to say that you "don't see color" mostly because "color" is obvious. Why deny how much light is bouncing off their skin? What is less obvious is whether that color matters, or says anything about you as a person (which is none because it doesn't. race isn't "real"). Whether you are black, brown, red, white, yellow, or whatever doesn't tell you anything important other than maybe how much suntan lotion they need on average. Unfortunately there are too many people that believe race does matter and that it can tell you something about a person, and some of those people (the ones that care about race the most) are where you find racists, the ones who often deny that any colors exist at all.
Andrew James wait what. "if not" what???
I love how you put this because anyone who claims they are a feminist cannot argue with you one bit! If your feminism isn’t intersectional.....it’s not real.
Or when feminist call men misogynist while being misandist.
I'm a white Boomer and I appreciate this kind of video. It gives me the opportunity to do introspection that I might not have done otherwise, always believing I don't have racist or bigoted attitudes because I am always cheering on and sticking up for the underdog. But maybe that's a racist and bigoted attitude also. I don't take offense to the claim I am racist or bigoted because I realize these things can be subconscious from being drilled into you from an early age. It bothers me that other white Boomers take offense instead of taking the cue to that it's an opportunity to be self-introspective and possibly improve your character.
We all have implicit biases and prejudices; this stuff is learned behavior that we aren't even necessarily aware of as it gets pass through the generations of society. All we can do is really reflect on ourselves an much as possible, and try to learn more than we knew yesterday. I'm not a boomer, but I've definitely held positions in the passed that might be called racist today, either out of ignorance your youthful rebellion against my surroundings (mostly liberal NYC), but as I grew older I reflected on myself and what I believed, and, hopefully at least, have learned to be a better person than I was at 16.
I get it. If someone had called me homophobic a decade ago I would have lost my shit. It's a lot of self work. What made me come to my senses was realizing that POC, queer folks, women, all have to deal with internalized bigotry. I am a woman and the level of misogyny I had to unlearn could fill a dumpster. Again years ago I would have scoffed at the thought that I, a self proclaimed SJW, was a miosgynist. So to think anyone who of an out group doesn't also harbor some bigotry is delusional.
Have you ever thought other white ppl take offence to it. Because their intentions where actually pure. And not bigoted like yours. Why should i apologise for something you misinterpreted or assumed.
@@tybooskie But to what degree though? For instance most people have all sorts of thoughts about their own. For instance as a black man, I notice somethings within black culture and male culture.
@@bibaolaitan5189 tell me you didn't watch the video and don't understand the conversation without telling me
The idea that having black friends makes your racism less bad somehow is so strange to me. Surely it's the opposite?
This assumes they acknowledge the racism exists.
You have described all of my experiences. I am the only black friend and none of my friends "see colour". When I started a new job in the early 2000s I replied yes when asked if I was married. "Is your husband black or white?" Was the follow up question. I wouldn't dream of asking someone that and aside from that, what if he's neither?
sorry ... that's tough that they're so far behind 😞
+
...That sounds SUUUUUPER illegal to even ask you. Wtf.
Why did they need to know that?? Such a weird question. I would’ve left it blank.
Wow
imagine hitler saying im not anti-Semitic I have jewish friends
He would say he doesn't have hatred because it's not hatred it's normal response or something. It's not the same thing tho, because Hitler was an "aryan" supremacist so he knows his followers are antisemites anyway, but tries to legitimise himself even more in their eyes. The people who AREN'T racist supremacists but do have biases are the one telling "I'm not racist I have black friends"
That's a really stupid comparison. Hitler was pretty sure about his views, and sure as fuck had no Jewish friends...
@@wendigolycan Actually he did have a Jewish friend. It was the doctor who saved his life when he was a kid. Eduard Bloch was his name
@@jwg1 He also had a Jewish girl as a pen friend after he met her at a restaurant because they shared birth days.
So yeah, Hitler did have a few Jewish friends.
"Every German has his decent Jew" - Goebells. While I totally misspelled his name, the point is that antisemitism and having a Jewish friend are not incompatible.
But T1J, I don't need to watch this video. I have black friends.
I didn't need to watch it because one of my cousins is black
I am Black so I don't have to anything but hang out and observe.
I saw a black guy once, so I’m good.
My sister's cousin's boyfriend has a brother who's girlfriend is black.
When I grew up I had some racism things did subconsciously. This was most likely due to the environment I grew up in and my parents. When I took US history I had an Amazing teacher who showed me how fucked up I was and how I didn’t know it. It’s been years and I’ve put in a lot of work to just be more respectful and eliminate these behavior. I still keep in touch with my us history. I plan on passing this lesson to my children who they don’t have to learn it the hard way. It’s hard to change habits but if we wish to see an end of racism truly we all have to put in some work. At least I know I did and am still trying.
That's awesome! As a fellow Earthling, I hope it's not disrespectful of me to say I'm really proud of you. Introspection is the greatest quality any human can have. That will take you very far in that and many other aspects of your life as well. ^-^
Environment is insidious. Growing up white, racial intolerance is basically invisible. You learn privilege not through any active influence necessarily, but through absence of adversity. The broader strokes of racial atrocities are taught in the past tense, and the more nuanced forms of racial inequality aren't taught at all. A white person can have a hundred "black friends" and never once realize what they're dealing with in day-to-day life unless the topic comes up.
martuna uh ok
I've definitely caught myself having racist thoughts. Or at least animosity towards people of other races.
I've realized that it's not ok have those thoughts, but it's ok to acknowledge them. You can have prejudice, acknowledge it and better yourself, and still be an ally to social justice.
You're great for willing to change 😊💕
What you mentioned about roleplaying white people as a person of color rang so true in my childhood, except it was with respect to my artwork. I only became conscious of the fact that I, as a black girl, would mainly draw white people without even thinking about it because images of whiteness had permeated my mind through the media I watched and the neighborhood I lived in. It was only when a black art teacher pointed it out to me in eighth grade that I slowly began to notice the extent of how conditioned I was. After living in sub-saharan west Africa for a while, I notice that the default I now draw is black people. I am glad to say that at 19 I now see more familiarity and beauty in blackness than I did before. Wish I could say the same for my childhood.
I feel like TiJ's unofficial job on youtube is making "for dummies" videos except "for whites" haha. He really makes these relatively complex issues digestible and sensible at least to me
...oh for fuck's sake William.
@@kevinomalley1090 😂😂😂
William Priestley For the most part, yeah
William Priestley My turn for what? And you mean to say that the privileged, blissfully ignorant environment in which most white people grow up isn’t a massive cause of the racism people of color face today? You’re a fool.
The most intolerant people I know are black Cubans, though. Even old Russians got nothing on them.
To quote Jerry Seinfeld:
_"Prejudice is dumb. After all, there are so many good reasons to hate people on an individual basis!"_
More seriously, I have to work to not be a racist. I don't have any black friends, but I just hardly have any friends.
You have to work on your biases, but you won't be a "racist" anyway, because you don't have hatred towards a certain race.
@@gamermapper
Well, just to make it clear...
Racism =/= race hatred. Racism can be just thinking your race is better than other races, or that other races are lazy, and so on. A lot of that is victim blaming.
Some people need to believe in a just world. The world is unjust. So they pretend victims did something to deserve their misfortune.
O.k.
news.berkeley.edu/2020/10/05/stark-racial-bias-revealed-in-police-killings-of-older-mentally-ill-unarmed-black-men/
_"While young men still bear the brunt of police killings, the study found that police are five times more likely to shoot and kill unarmed Black men over age 54 than unarmed white men the same age."_
So...it's not that the cops necessarily hate black people, *but they perceive them as more of a threat.*
That's racism too.
@@grmpEqweer That's not racism. Racism is like the kkk.
@@grmpEqweer Nice definition to include all white people are racist.
@@grmpEqweer Nice! Black people can't be racist, but all white people are racist even if they don't know that! Don't you think this is already racist against white people? SJW
With the hair issue, seriously, I’ve had so many people just come up and touch my hair. It’s so annoying, and they never seem to get the memo that I don’t like it.
Or when they'll ask you lengthy questions about how you take care of it, to be "polite," while visibly itching for you to let them touch it.
Ugh that is so awful! That is so rude and not something that you should even need to explain.
I've never understood how anyone could consider that to be ok. That's just some obvious personal boundaries shit.
TLDNR: I have been an RPG player since 1980’s and my characters were black because I was and it OFTEN caused issues and blow back.
I was raised to be me (a black guy) and it never occurred to me that I had to ever pretend to be white and so that caused issues as most did not hold this view and I usually had to get the DM to agree so I could play (I would not be white or a female as I knew little about being those so.. limitations) as a rule DMs gave me little flak but I learned to ask first after this incident.
It was I n the D&D game, the DM described what the villain saw and how he did not know who were because we were all just “faces in the crowd”. As he had described the village as being unmistakably white (‘blonde and red heads like a Norse village’) I asked if he had saw me and DM said he had but I did not stick out. I said like a stupid moron “I am the black guy in a small crowd of white red heads and blonds so how could he miss me? ” Dm and PCs were all incredulous and they said it couldn’t be. Then I showed the DM again that is was on my sheet.
Everyone at the table assumed I was a white hero and then they spent the next hour telling me how I couldn’t be black as it was a European fantasy game. To which, I replied “let me get this straight. We have Dwarfs, elves and giant flying fire-breathing reptiles in this world but you draw the line at a black skinned Human Ranger - tell me how that makes sense”.
They (the party) then told me how it made sense to them and demanded I change it. - my description did not change. That ended that session and next session (to his credit) the DM had the bad guy see me and I shot him as combat began.
This is so fucked. I hear these "black people dont exist in history (even fantasy history)" guys online but dont know any irl thankfully and the idea of sitting at a table with that is infuriating. I hope the conflict forces them to grow some new neural connections.
If its fantasy then why does it have to be"accurate"
This was a very good story for explaining racism.
Made me think "racism is like an onion, it has layers."
I always hate that, it's such an instant self own. As if poc just didn't exist in the middle ages, not to mention because it's based on European fantasy does not mean the world itself is European. The type is surely the kind that would nowadays revolt if you reminded them 90% of anime characters are Japanese
This is so upsetting because a good DM could have easily come up with a creative answer that makes sense.
People touch your hair without permission? Who? That's so creepy and weird! 😆
Pregnant woman also have people walking up to them to touch their belly, without even asking. Some people are so oblivious, it's astounding. Who just goes around petting people? 🙄
@R B Yep - I still feel like I'm crossing a boundary, even when they're totally cool with it and are offering. I can't imagine what possesses people who just run up to others and just start messing with them, like they're in a toy store 😂
@@mahe.with.a.circumflex.e I would ask your friend if it bothers her, at all. If she's totally fine with it, I guess there's no harm. I just think the general consensus is that it's strange to play with another person's body, like it's a toy that's yours to use; it can be anywhere from annoying to insulting.
@@mahe.with.a.circumflex.e It's rude because strangers touch black hair out of curiosity without considering the black person's feelings at all. You can double check with your friend but it's probably fine. It's also like white people want to touch black hair because they think it's "wierd"... at this point you probably just like her hair. It's probably similar to people touching your buzzed hair but it's a bit more tense since white people use to view black people as property, and are still more prone to be inconsiderate towards them.
People have always touched my hair without asking or ask if it's real. I'm not a person of color so a lot of people have told me my hair can't be curly... or they do the opposite and just joke about my "Jew curls"... People assume a lot, and disregard personal space if there's anything "different" than them. I really don't understand why people think things like that are ever ok to do and not rude af.
When you mentioned how not discussing racism with your black friends makes a relationship a bit superficial because it *is* a part of their lives, it makes me think of I think of my relationships with men as a woman when I don't talk about sexism that I've faced my entire life. You're totally right, it does make them defensive and/or uncomfortable, and it's likely because at the root of those stories, *men* are the primary perpetrators and they don't want to be reminded of that. Even when they're friends of mine, I still tend to avoid bringing up all of the instances of abuse I've faced as a woman, or that time I was sexually assaulted, or why I keep my hair short, etc. because of the exact reason you mentioned here, and it is that I don't want to start an argument. I know that it's likely going to become a defensive argument of, "I would *never* do that!" as if I accused them, rather than tried to establish a meaningful dialogue about a serious problem in our society, so I just accept the relationship I have with them as relatively superficial and don't push it further than that. That natural defensiveness that people have when faced with something that someone who looks like them did is very embedded in our culture and it's very difficult to navigate, so it's easier to just ignore it and not bring it up.
Many years ago as a student, I was walking home from a night-club in a city-centre, to where I lived.
Dark, completely deserted streets, foot-steps echoing off the tall georgian buildings on each side of the wide street - generally a bit creepy.
Noticed a woman ahead walking slowly (everybody about at this time was likely was drunk, but I wasn't on heels), and when she heard my foot-steps, she started looking over her shoulder nervously.
Even in my state, I realized footsteps progressively becoming closer/louder behind her, was why she was nervous - so I crossed the 4-lane street.
Couple of minutes later, not realizing I'd already crossed the street, she did the same.
Minute later she turns round and sees me behind her, seemingly following her, and screams (politely) "I'm being attacked by this man, somebody call the police".
I just stayed still for 20 minutes as she vanished over the horizon.
I can completely recall the utter fear and paralysis I felt for those minutes.
I think I did the right thing. I still can't think of what I could have done to improve the situation.
And somewhere in the world, some woman is probably retelling her story of a close "escape from an attacker/man/me in Glasgow"
I've told this story a few times and responses have been strange. Some women seem to take it as me trying to undermine them and their experiences. Some men seem to think I should just shrug it off. Nobody has ever told me what I should have done - which is what I want to hear.
@@goldcd I think you did the best thing. What else could you have done? Chase her down to explain? Bad look imo. Just "letting her go" was all you could "do" since it was all in her mind anyway. People are going to prejudge. Can't really do much about it other than step back and let their judgements fall flat. Good job.
@@goldcd Whether it looks like you're trying to undermine women's experiences depends on the circumstances when you decide to tell this story. For instance you decided to tell this story right after a woman just commented on her experience and how hard it is to communicate with men about these because they always get defensive.
You ask what you should have done but what other result did you wish for? If the goal was for her to stop being scared then you did exactly what you should have done. You failed once and succeeded the second time. She probably figured out that no one was after her in the end and felt better. If the goal was to clear your name then you could've tried to "chase her down to explain" like Kinetic said but it would have interfered with the first goal (making her fell safe) and would probably not have achieved the second goal. You could've tried to shout something from afar like "Hey, I wasn't following you!" but you have to realize that this is exactly what real creeps do all the time. They try to make women feel like they're crazy or overreacting even when their behavior is undoubtedly creepy.
In the end, you want things to have happened differently because your feelings were hurt. It's never a good feeling when people assume you're doing something wrong when you aren't but how many times has something like that ever happened to you? Compare that to the number of times women get harassed, sexually assaulted or even raped and the consequences that range from discomfort (and repeated discomfort can make you quit weary of the places that make you feel that way, like public places), to physical and mental trauma, PTSD or even death and you'll understand why we get tired or even angry that every time we try to talk about these issues some guy would rather talk about that one time he got wrongly accused/suspected of wanting to hurt a woman. Or sometimes, it didn't even happen to them but they would still rather talk about the fact that it could. The truth is real harassment, assault or rape happens far more than false accusations or misplaced suspicions. And we've all been told at some point not to overreact. I think women often don't react even though they should because of this which puts them in danger. If this woman is ever in a similar situation don't you think she should keep being suspicious of men (although shouting for help might not be the most effective reaction because of the bystander effect, but it's hard to know in those circumstances)? Can you vouch for other guys that might be walking behind her? Was being on her guard and ready for the worst a mistake on her part?
@@lainepelote680 Thanks for the reply (and from others) - never thought I'd be engaging in therapy in UA-cam comments :)
But, it's helped.
I'm a straight, white, western-European man etc etc - so I'm sitting right in a great big majority area of Venn diagram of my immediate society.
From the area I'm in, a whole "lot of shit" has been inflicted on other smaller portions of the interlocking circles that form my society - i.e. many of my peers are complete arseholes (and I'm open to any suggestion that it includes me, I hope not, but I'm not deluded).
My problem is, that there's no way for me differentiate and exclude myself from this cohort.
Personal stories of an "*ism" have skewed cardinality. To take a pertinent example "I was beaten by the Police" - the fact it happened to you is irrefutable, "the police" is a bit more vague. One officer, a few officers, all of them in the station, the city etc.
I like to think there are many fine people who join the police to try to make things better - they're not getting rich from it - and the moment you say "you were beaten by the police", 99.9% of them rightfully say "That wasn't me"
Problem with that is once they're tarred with the brush, they seek protection from their group (as nobody else is offering it).
Anyway, back to the original topic.
"I have a black friend" is simply a way the average/normal white person can signal that they're not a signed up member of the kkk.
It's clumsy (much better to have invited your black friend to sit beside you whilst you say this) - but we're often limited in our options.
If you're black, you're not racist. If you're gay, you're not homophobic, if you're muslim, you're not Islamophobic. If you're a man, you're not a rapist
If this could just be rolled into some certification scheme open to all, it would solve so many problems.
Men also suffer gender inequality. They're expected to use violence and to not be emotional. So if you want to talk them about the sexism you've lived with talk about them first.
The Virginia governor was actually the couch in the background
What? I don't get it
@@alisa8869 At 4:15 there is a discussion about the Virginia governor appearing in a picture: there's one guy in blackface and another one in a KKK robe. Both look racist. And it's not clear which one is the governor exactly. So... he must be the couch in the background, since he claimed he wasn't racist at all 😀
@@octavianpopescu4776 hm ok that was detailed
@@alisa8869 I thought the discussion was that he was in blackface, although he was rather vague about admitting it in that photo. He did admit to "dressing up" that way another time or two, to his best recollection.
Absolutely right about racist being better used as an adjective than a noun. Most people aren't mask off rasict but anyone can do a racism.
I've been corrected on some implicit biases before and im a better person for it.
"Do a racism" is still using "racism" as a noun. "Any person can act in a racist manner" I think would be a better phrasing.
@@SRosenberg203 The idea is that using the term _racist_ as an adjective rather than a noun is preferable. That way we’re talking about actions instead of using it as a moniker to label an essential characteristic of a person. The idea isn’t to stop using racism as a noun, otherwise we’d shy away from saying racism exists.
Your insight covering his ever so PRESENT ISSUE was delivered with great decorum... THANKS!!!!!!!
This is a great video.
As a white tabletop gamer, I'd like to add something. I generally don't play POC because I don't want to accidentally make a stereotype.
This in no way invalidates the "white people are the default" idea, I'm just relating my own experience.
@@dukeguineapig1617 great post, and than you for your honesty. As a fellow table top player I try different group of races and high fantasy Races to explore what is possible. And as as a GM I try to insert the Biggot to my melanin-less players to exibit the fact that racism is not only about what you look like but more about what that other person thinks like.
T1J's comment sections always have 2 types of comments: thoughtful responses to the video, and the obvious joke ( "I don't have a black friend, I have no friends!")
But is it really an obvious joke if it's true? 🤔
There’s also the third kind: the people who say racist or misogynistic things in response to the thoughtful comments
@@jequirity1 Many obvious jokes are only funny specifically because the *ARE* true.
@@benjaminlillis7807 I'm a bit stunned at how many people are still doing that, apparently completely obliviously!
When they say "I have a black friend", I have to think they're talking about a neighbor or a coworker or whatnot, that is nice to them. Or maybe they generally have a friend who is African American.
I said something optically racist once as a kid and just made up a bunch of people on the spot to excuse myself.
yeah people say "black friend" and reference the kid they played with in kindergarten & haven't seen in decades. or lie 🙄
I think the "I don't see color" attitude stems from a lot of people, especially in the south, being taught from a young age that it's rude to even notice someone's race. That's what I was taught anyway. So now that racial issues have sprung back up in the mainstream again (not that they ever went away) and white people as a whole are being asked to actually acknowledge the differences in how black people in America live and acknowledge their racial prejudices, they're caught off guard because this one request goes completely against what they were taught as kids: that it's rude to notice someone's skin color or race.
I don't know if that made any sense, but that's my theory. I remember being in school interacting with black classmates or acquaintances and I would be so afraid to even say anything that would imply that I notice that they're "different" from me. For the longest time, I thought it was considered offensive to even describe someone as black.
This is why white people don't seem to get why saying "I don't see color" is offensive and invalidating. They were taught that not seeing color was a good thing and what we should strive towards.
I understand this to some degree.
It is very much possible though to be taught one thing and learn another. Its just easier to say you see no difference rather than acknowledge those differences and how and why those differences are perceived the way they are. Like "yeah kids we are all the same, but if you see a black person hang on to your wallet." Or "black girls can't grow their hair so they wear fake hair. Its okay!!!"
There is nothing wrong with seeing/ noticing and acknowledging our differences. If someone says "hey look there's a black kid!" Not racist. (Unnecessary, yes, though not in and of itself "racist." )But if someone says " hey look theirs a black kid! I bet he's got no dad and his mom is on welfare" RACIST.
I've noticed that there is just such a lack of understanding for different types of people. And instead of teaching people about someone who doesn't look like them, or talk like them or eat like them etc. We tell them to never acknowledge it. WE ARE ALL EQUAL!!! WE ARE ALL CHILDREN OF GOD! WE ARE THE SAME! And in that same breath they are shown something completely different through any and all aspects of media, through their sheltered experiences through their peers sheltered experiences.
Its crazy really.
Part of racial equality is reinforcing that there are no "differences" between us. I think sometimes when people "don't see color" they're probably genuinely ambivalent about race relations in general and are trying to reinforce that racial equality. To say "Hey EVERYONE! I don't see color AND NEITHER SHOULD YOU."
If we never invented "race" we'd just call it something else because a lot of people can't get past the tribalism of it. They see a different color so they assume a different tribe (none of the people in MY tribe are that color, SO THEY MUST BE "THE OTHER"). The "differences" are in our minds and the tribalism reinforces it. Consider race no more important than hair or eye color and the tribalism will fade away. When is the last time you saw someone getting killed for having red hair or hazel eyes? Yeah.
Yep, and even the idea of color blindness is rooted in racism because it shouldn’t be an insult to recognize that someone is black. That implies that being black is a negative thing
@@Kineticboy2K1 Framing racial equality as "no difference" is part of the problem, because it is a bad reduction, racial equality should be recognizing difference but prioritizing the recognition of our common humanity and act accordingly to this.
@@grandsome1 That's the thing though. Race doesn't have an identity or a culture, it's a grouping mechanism to put people into "color and shape" boxes and nothing more. Cultural traditions among different ethnicities are definitely different and deserve their due respect, but race is an invention based on loose logic and prejudice. I don't see differences in race because there are none that matter.
Compare a blue-eyed person to a brown-eyed person. Aside from the obvious eye-color difference, which (like race) isn't a meaningful enough "difference" to matter, they are both humans with their own lives and struggles. No one's opinions make them any less human.
"Racism is more useful as an adjective than a noun." That's a really good way of putting that. Calling someone a racist is taken as ad hominem. Calling a behavior racist is constructive criticism.
Bit of a tangent here, but back in college, where there was a large, diverse, student body, I flat out just met more black people on a day by day basis, and had more black friends as a result of that. Now living in a suburb and working in the tech industry, I meet significantly fewer black people and only have one black friend. It feels like the problem is in part caused by the environment, and as we all know, the environment's had racism built into it through redlining and other means :(
A family friend of ours has two black adopted children. They aren't the usual case of "adopting a black kid because its less expensive," both of them have a lot of prior knowledge caring for children with disabilities and these kids are disabled from families that weren't understanding of their conditions. They keep in contact with the birth parents as much as possible. So everything looked really great, but then george floyd happened. And the dad thought out loud "when my kid is seeing all these things happen, how do i let him know that he can still go to the cops for help?" and my heart just dropped right into my stomach. He doesn't understand that his child's fear should be validated because cops ARE a threat to his wellbeing. Now i'm wondering what else he won't understand, and if that will end up putting these kids in danger.
In this internet age, it's possible to become good friends with someone without knowing what he looks like. In my Discord server, I've actually had to take notes on my friends' genders and nationalities because those are often not reflected in their typing or profile pics. We've all posted selfies at least once, though, so I have a general idea of their races.
The definition of a true friend is someone who has your back, no matter what. They watch out for you and ensure you are not in danger. They will never purposely lead you into making decisions that aren't good for you. A true friend will always have your best interest at heart. But yeah sure internet friends are real ones 😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣
@@xavierrenegadeangel2955 Feelings aren't real when conveyed through typing. Okay. Guess that invalidates whatever you're saying here.
That's why I do to learn about the cultures of people of other countries
@@kimifw58 Those emojis are LIEEEEES!!!!
@@gamermapper how?
It's always "I have a black friend, so I can say the n word", never "I have a black friend, so I fight for equality because I care about them"
I do both
“I actually prefer racism as an adjective not a noun” could be a video of its own I really love that concept
I actually have a really old video on that ua-cam.com/video/b0Ti-gkJiXc/v-deo.html.
I'd love to see an updated version cause I feel like there really should be a bit more nuance to it
In the U.K. we have had an advert from a supermarket called Sainsburys about a black family enjoying Christmas. I’ve just heard today that loads of people are complaining about it, because it’s a black family. The complainers are upset because they say the advert doesn’t represent them. I can’t understand them saying that. I think it’s about time tv became more representative. I just can’t believe people are still so racist.
That's the thing. The ad DOESN'T represent them, and they're upset about it. However the problem is that they are failing to take the 5 seconds to consider what it must feel like to be a person of color, to see that 99% of society doesn't represent you or present itself as "for" you. It's almost amusing, because the people complaining as you describe are getting the tiniest taste of what it is to be a person of color, and they're absolutely freaking out about how horrible it is with no thought about the irony of their complaints.
I work in a school where I am one of probably 8 white people in the entire building. I often don't feel particularly represented or included in a lot of the programs that deal with diversity or black history; I don't understand references sometimes, or feel like like my opinion would be unwelcome if I tried to share it, and it does kinda feel bad to be left out like that. But I can recognize that my mild discomfort in these situations is only scratching the surface of what my colleagues and students of color have to deal with every day of their lives, living in a society that has been designed for people who look like me rather than people who look like them.
All we can really do is try to learn from each other, and to reflect on ourselves so that we can be better today than we were yesterday.
@@SRosenberg203 either is wrong. Your opinion can be valued because you are a person with knowledge and experience. I still believe in listening to people of color but if people excluded you for your race,no matter who they are I believe it to be immoral. You may not suffer any of the same things that black people go through on a daily basis, but that is no excuse to ignore our similarities. Racism does not stem from race, it stems from our reaction to it. Everyone therefore deserves to be part of that conversation
Ive noticed as I age very few of us have any friends we can really talk to.
I once made an official complaint to HR about one of our receptionists after she assumed that, as a fellow white person, I'd be chill with her complaining about "brown people" to me (where I live, the most populous racialized population is punjabi-canadians, not black americans), and I was ultimately told that they wouldn't be doing anything with the complaint because the receptionist couldn't be racist, since she had punjabi-canadian friends.
Haha, I cover my mouth when yawning because I assume it would be kind of unpleasant to look deep into a person's gaping mouth! At least that's why I do it.
I've literally had insects fly in a few times as a kid. I always cover up now :D
Another excellent and important video. Love it. Nodding the whole time.
Don't forget the "mh" when the point hits home, lol : p
😱 Dr. Kirk Honda spotted in the wild
My best friends are black and brothers, and that feels like that's selling it short. They're only two safe places are my house or their own, because they have to fight their own extended family half the time. We see each other all the time (despite all of us being rather introverted). My girlfriend and I have already decided they would be the godfathers of our children because they aren't just my friends, they're family. After a decade things haven't changed, and I trust them with everything. Now I say this because I have NEVER used my relationship with them as a way to pretend like it's okay to make racist remarks or act a certain way. Because there is no justification for that.
Also, I've been on the other end of this. Despite being Japanese, and reminding people that no, I am not Chinese, it never seems to dawn on them that I don't particularly like being called Chinese because I am, well, not.
I'm white, and I inwardly cringe at some of the things I've said to friends of color in the past. I'm glad that they were gracious enough to forgive me for my missteps and continue being friends with me, and I hope I can continue to improve.
One argument I've heard that's kind of related to this is kind of like "Well, race isn't a real thing, so if we want to make a better society we need to all act like race doesn't exist and make our policies reflect this." While it's true race is a social construct, it has had and is still having an impact on people's everyday lives, just like other social constructs like money or gender. In order to fix the problems created by those who created the concept of race and used it for oppession of specific groups, and those today who use race or "culture" as a way to create this us/them narrative, we have to recognize that race, even as a construct, exists. It exists in the way that money does, as opposed to the way the sun or the amazon rainforest exists. If we ignore the impact that race theory has had on our world historically, geographically, politcally, culturally as Americans, we will never make our society equitable. We can never even have equality as an ideal if we don't recognize and attempt to mend the effects from our past.
Why can't we just laugh at the concept for how stupid it is? I mean, how would skin tone determine anything other than likelihood of skin cancer?
Absolutely right. I'm a radical feminist, and believe that gender is a social construct. So we need to dismantle the construct, but at the same time we have to proactively dismantle the societal barriers preventing men and women achieving their full humanity - full social, economic and political justice. This is a long term project. Same with inequalities entrenched on the basis of "race". Smash the patriarchy, smash the albiarchy! Thanks to T1J for his acute content.
This is true for disabled ppl too. So many people would rather see us as side characters than actually get to know someone in their life with a disability, especially a mental one
I’m so worried about offending someone that, ironically, I always tense up when a person of color enters the room. I’m a social person. If I interacted like normal, chances are I’d be fine. But it’s a similar feeling to when someone asks you what you want for dinner and you suddenly forget every meal you’ve ever eaten. Or when a teen boy tries to have a conversation with a girl. “I didn’t know there’d be a quiz!”
Thank you for breaking down these concepts without guilting the audience. We can always be better, and self awareness is always a good thing. We as a society need to be better through understanding, not blindly following rules, as you said.
you need to remind yourself that people of color...... are people... and the issue is that you see poc as others compared to white people.
"I cant be a sociopath, i have friends"
“Its ok, I have black friends” isn’t to far from saying “I typically don’t like people but you’re ok.”
When I was a psychologist in the prison system, I would always have a discussion about race with my minority patients within the first few sessions (I’m white). I never got any pushback and many were pleasantly surprised that I could engage. I found it very helpful for me as it forced me to check a lot of my assumptions at the door. The pay-off for treatment was we were able to have deeper conversations in future sessions and they generally had a deeper level of trust in me as a person.
Not exactly the same, but I'm a trans woman and I've had an insane amount of "I'm not transphobic, but-" occurrences. I've had my friends tell me that they don't have any hatred or prejudice against me and then say that they aren't comfortable around trans people, don't want to be in the same public restroom as them, immediately assume trans representation as being some kind of agenda to make people trans. The worst is when people have called me "one of the good ones" because I didn't say anything when they literally said multiple transphobic slurs, oftentimes in direct response to my presence. It really fucking hurts because I've known some of these people for years and here they are telling me that they care about me, but I don't deserve to have a normal life the way they do.
I know this comment is years old, but I know exactly what you mean; as someone who’s both half black & trans, a LOT of the same attitudes from cis people and white people carry over in the form of microaggressions like the ones you pointed out. “I’m not racist/transphobic, but-“ for when people don’t want to be labeled a bigot. Or the sentiment that “You’re not like the others” for black people who don’t “act black” or are lighter skinned, and for trans women who pass and are perceived as attractive-it’s the same attitude in that it’s just “you don’t fit the caricature in my head of a trans person/black person, so you’re okay but the rest of them are still icky.”
The power dynamics, and the tools of oppression and marginalization are pretty similar, even if the perpetrators and victims change. it’s why I get so frustrated with white trans/queer people who still manage to be racist & exclusionary towards poc, and with black folks who’re shitty towards LGBTQ+ people. Idk how the cognitive dissonance doesn’t eat them alive because they’re hypocritically enforcing the same hierarchy that keeps them down too 🙃
Treat people right, if a person becomes a friend, that's great. People are individuals first.
Lmao “I don’t see color” as you max out the saturation 😂
That would be "I don't see brightness." "Color" has nothing to do with it. Maxing out the saturation makes everyone bright orange.
You're a goddamn wizard with your words man. Seriously made me assess myself and some of my interactions, and some of the biases I feel like I might hold sub-consciously. Thank you man, actually made me reflect on myself, and recognize some subconscious biases I think I hold that I never noticed or faced before.
Americans be like "that's my friend" when they've actually just...met that person and don't hate them.
Someone should tell some of these people that Candace Owens isn’t their “friend” just because they watched a few of her videos.
The whole "I have a black friend" excuse makes me cringe every time... one of my previous best friends was black & he passed away about a year & a half after I met him from organ failure.. it was terrible & to reduce him down to "my black friend" makes me want to punch someone in the face
My best friend in highschool was a black man and he was super popular, one of the reasons was because he was hilarious but the other was because he didn’t get mad when people said certain things around him. I’d say 50% of his white friends would say the n-word and he wouldn’t react, sometimes he’d even laugh at the jokes (I didn’t say it around anyone but would occasionally say it in private). Some time later, he told me that he didn’t care that others would say the n-word but is happy that I didn’t say it and since that day I became much more open to discussing race and taking responsibility for my actions. We haven’t talked for over two years now but I still consider him one of my best friends.
Imagine having friends....
I am a black woman who has tensed up when walking past a group of young black men in hoodies/sweats. I have felt so guilty about it. It's so hard to grapple with internalized racism against your own people/self.
It really is true, inside your minds is a white person observing/influencing your blackness
"I don't see color" really meaning "I don't WANT to see color" hit me pretty hard. Thanks for the great video!
Thanks for this video - you're always so informative. I feel like a lot of white people seek out people of colour to befriend just so they can feel better about themselves, instead of letting friendships form organically.
That's happened to me before and it always very dehumanizing, like this person has spoken to me twice and doesn't know anything about me, but all of a sudden they're asking me about my hair
I am not ageist, a lot of my relatives are old.
I, too am afraid Shang Tsung will do a fatality on me if I don't cover my mouth.
A lot of people are saying they don’t have any friends in these comments. I am worried many of them weren’t joking.
Thinking about your D&D comment, I had a friend join a D&D campaign I was in. She loved fantasy and wanted to play an elf, but she wanted the elf to be dark-skinned. The DM scoffed at her because elves were light-skinned and thought it was not a big deal to play as the "correct" skin pigment. It's a freaking fantasy world played in the DM's living room. Elves are not real. What does it matter if she played an elf with dark-skin?
This unspoken issue has left me feeling so isolated when I'm among white, or even just non-black friends, many times. I just wanna thank you for articulating it so well, it lets me feel like I vicariously vented about it through your video lol.
As a teenager, I was told by friends that you had to put your hand in front of your mouth when yawning, because if you don't, ghost would put their wiener in it. It is quite disturbing, now that I think about it.
This reminds me of the conversation I tried to have with my parents. They claimed they were friends with a black man (the first POC outside of work they'd interacted with), and I said "no, he works at the clubhouse for your gated community, there will always be a disparity between you and he could never be as open and honest with you as he could with an actual friend or he might get fired." They couldn't understand the difference and thought their "friendship" with him was the same as with their neighbours or other friends.
Very widespread problem that... I think it's similar to societies attitude towards sexual harrassment in the workplace ('you could just have said no'): Saying no slash educating a bunch of white hypocrites about their racisem isn't excactly easy if there's a power-imbalance and you want to keep your job...
Not considering myself a racist isn’t enough. I need to be an anti-racist. I’m working on it.
repent sinner!
My problem with that mindset is that it plays into our confirmation bias. If you are always looking for something I promise you will find it whether or not it is there. It might also become a habit to judge without listening to voices of the supposedly offended community. I think it is better to just focus on being a good person who is not afraid to speak up when they do encounter it and support others. Otherwise you risk doing more harm than good.
Here is an example. People made a fuss over sports teams using Native American symbols and names. I couldn't care less about sports and branding is up to the company. I can see how people had legitimate concerns though. We gotta talk about it. It sparked surveys to be taken amongst Native American tribes. A strong majority were neutral on the subject or even proud to have representation in mainstream culture in that form. I don't know what the right answer is to this situation. However, whose voices should be at the forefront of this conversation? I think a lot of white people had good intentions, but overstepped in a zealous effort to end racism. This could have been a good conversation between Native Americans of different views and white Americans. I am not saying white people need to shut up and not have an opinion. I am saying we need to share them respectfully and not talk over the impacted group. We have to stop looking to be offended on behalf of other people. It's not healthy.
Just some food for thought. HAKO
@@sarahtaylor4264 - when racism becomes rare enough to “look for”, I may change my mindset. But right Now it’s kicking in the door.
@@TheSuzberry Please help me understand your point of view. I acknowledge that we still have a problem with racism and I want to help make this country better for all people too. I disagree about the best way to do it.
If racism is such a common, obvious occurrence why do you need to think about finding it so hard? You should have plenty of examples by going about your daily life not thinking about racism 24/7 to illustrate the point that it is a pressing issue. If you are secure in your own rejection of racist ideology, ability to become a better person, and role as a good advocate and allay why do you need constant affirmation? This is the kind of obsessiveness that lead to people believing that math is racist.
@@sarahtaylor4264 you're incredibly nice in the way you ask that... how much you wanna bet you're not going to get any real respons adressing anything you said?
I am mixed race and I play RPGs with my friends and one time I made a black character and they went nuts.... They would talk about how I made them too black
I would have told them, “your racism is showing” and kept playing my black characters lol but I’m just out spoken. they would have had to deal with my “too black” character 😊
Some of these games don’t even have enough of a brown shade range to pick want to want either. You can pick what you want 🤷🏾♀️
@@chanmarr8118 what's worse is that this happened both on tabletop and online rpgs... so apparently we can't even use our imaginations to think of black people either
So green elfs is fine but not a black guy?
I'm white and I try to be antiracist but I've also said racially insensitive things. It's hard not to because I was raised in the United States which loves stereotypes. Fortunately I really do "have black friends" that let me know when I screw up so I can (un)learn.
susanne , you are giving your "black friends" a lot of wrk. they must be expecting random racial shit from you. because you are educating other caucasians.
@@PHlophe i hope not, and not recently. I'm 54 and we are looking at a 35 year window.
Based
That push-in at 0:39. *chef’s kiss*
It's always super weird when I find one youtuber who I follow watches videos from another person I follow who are entirely different parts of youtubes. Both of you make excellent content
Oof it hurts when you describe problematic behaviors and I see myself in them. Thank you for making me uncomfortable and forcing me to examine my relationships and what I bring to them 💖
It doesn't have to hurt, I've been there too. That's part of learning and growing; the fact that you're able to recognize some of the things you do as problematic and attempt to grow beyond them is, I suspect, the entire point of videos like this. The world would be a lot better off if more people did what you're doing right now; honestly considering the relationship of this video to the nature of your own behavior. Keep up the good work.
I like how you talked about the "friendship" part of this topic. It's always a shame if a friendship can't be more if people are uncomfortable about race.
Damn John Ivory made the music AND the edit? Man's killing it.
as a white person, I also find it extremely difficult to have conversations about race with other white people. growing up in a very ethnically diverse city exposed me to a lot of peoples. even when I was one of those white people sometimes, it was always easier to discuss race and ethnicity with poc. having those conversations did a lot for me to initiate my own education into the experiences of other people.
OMG same! I feel like there's this elephant in the room when I talk to my relatives. Whenever a conversation is heading in that direction they're quick to change topics. Like, what are you afraid of????
Having conversation about race, gender and ethnic groups is extremely difficult because you can easily offend someone's identity and he'll think you're a bigot
@@gamermapper If your biggest fear is being perceived as a bigot, then you probably already are one.
I don’t have black friends. I don’t have any friends. I watch UA-cam videos.
Same here. Let's be friends.
I’m white and I have long and curly hair, but people somehow find it okay to touch it, even if I don’t know them. And let me tell you, it’s mostly been white people touching my hair, never has a black person laid a hand on my hair 🙃
My POC friends have been so patient with me and I've been able to learn so much from them about their own experience. I, in turn share about my experience as a mom with a disability. We all get to learn all together ♡
I have friends that happen to be black - they’re not my black friends. And your friends are never an excuse for any behaviour
This what I say to when I talk about my friends who are non-white and their race is relevant to a conversation. Lol. Cause saying it like "white friend" or "Asian friend" has the connotations T1J talked about.
Good video! Enjoyed it even as a white guy with a black friend.
But seriously, the part about "if you haven't talked about race" is so true. One of my closest friends was a huge black guy people generally treated as frightening even though he's one of the kindest people alive. We were roommates for years, and we often talked about race and racism. One day, he declared me "honorary black" - a title that would live on in infamy.
Literally the next day, on my way home from work, I see my roommate walking home from somewhere or other, so I park at the next street, get out of my car, and walk towards him to pick him up and give him a ride. A cop behind me sees me do this (I'm a short skinny white guy), and immediately stops in front of me and gets out of his car to stop me. He thought I was going to attack my roommate. I was stunned; nothing like this had ever happened to me. We both assured the cop that we lived together and I wasn't trying to jump him. The cop, obviously unconvinced, follows us all the way back home. After he's completely sure my roommate lives there with me, he leaves. Afterwards, I look at him and say, "I don't want to be honorary black anymore." This has lived on as the story of the day that I was "honorary black".
So that's the story, and why you should talk to your friends about politics, religion, philosophy, sex, and anything else that might be considered taboo where you're from. You'll connect with people, and you get might end up with some good stories too.
It is late here and English is not my native language, but I have to say again how awesome your channel is. I know a lot of your topics are well covered ground amongst the wokes, but the way you break things down makes your videos perfect for explaining ideas to people who are not very familiar with them. That is so valuable. I'm certain you have changed and opened many minds through your work.
It hit me a while ago why people who make excuses for their racism rather than examine and work toward fixing it are the same people who dismiss understandable complaints and criticisms from marginalized groups as "just being too sensitive". When you've never experienced what microaggressions are and how they feel, your only frame of reference is having your feelings hurt on a personal level (for example, someone pointing out that something you do is racist) and they project that on everyone else. Heaven forbid you point out their lack of insight though because that, too, gives them fodder to insist that they "understand what it feels like".
Fantastic commentary as always, thanks for sharing your thoughts on this one.
On hair. My roommate decided to comment on the braids of a black woman and was upset that the woman didn't just smile and say thank you. Roommate said, "if I was from your culture I would wear my hair like that." The woman said, "what culture is that?" Roommate goes on to describe the shape of her face and suggest which African country the woman could be from. Roommate couldn't understand why the woman was being "difficult". I wanted the ground to swallow me. I know this isn't the same, but I tried explaining to the roommate that as a redhead I hated people commenting on my hair as a kid. People don't want to be treated as a novelty and be singled out. Especially when the thing you're drawing attention may be something we've been bullied for. It was the only way I could try and explain. Roommate didn't get it. Anyone have any ideas what else I could have said?
maybe you could point out to roomie how it's really a back-handed compliment. They didn't tell the woman her hair looked beautiful, they said the hair style would look good on themself - plus objectification, like the woman was a mannequin head in a store window or an ethnographic illustration - the "your culture" is rough too - roomie's implying that the woman doesn't belong there- maybe that woman has lived in your state or whatever her whole life.
OMG I felt that xD. I have a friend who once argued *in a bus full of people, a few of them being black* VERY LOUDLY that it's 'unfair' that you get called racist 'in todays crazy times' when you say the n-word, which she then called a 'fine word that shouldn't be banned from her speech.' I wanted the ground to swallow me so badly.
It depends. I doubt your friend kept it as a simple “I like your hair!” If I got a compliment on my natural hair state from a non black person I would say thank you. Unless it’s some extra detailed, possibly back handed, compliment, then no. I would just explain to your friend to keep things simple or just keep their mouth shut. And your example to your friend was a great one. That’s how I feel at times just walking around in my skin. I wish it didn’t define me but it does. People are surprised I have an associates degree (now a bachelors), that I don’t have any kids, and that I read books. Like, too surprised and impressed 🙄 It’s the life I have to deal w unfortunately.
So when I find something cute I should never comment?
What's stopping people from wearing braids regardless of culture?
Lovely insight. I really appreciate it. I'm a middle aged white woman raised in a white neighborhood. I don't think I met a single black person until I was in high school. My family all come from southern MO. I never thought of myself as racist but then my grandmother regularly used the N word as a casual non-violent way of referring to blacks. When I complained to my mother she explained to me that Grandmother isn't racist she is just a product of her time. Fast forward many decades and I do have some black friends. But they all have something in their personality that causes them to choose to live and create families in the white community. Most of them are gay and Pagan.
I just recently was invited to a zoom election party with a co-worker I had grown close to who is imbedded in her community. I was the only white person on the call. I was determined to behave myself because I really felt the honor of having been invited. I had a wonderful evening and learned so much. And they were asking me questions as well. I've learned many things about race relations over the last few years by listening to the black community. One of them is that I am indeed racist. EVERY SINGLE WHITE PERSON is racist. We were so deeply socialized that way that we cannot get away from it. But we can learn to recognize it, set our little white fragility up on a shelf, and open our eyes.
I've noticed a lot of my fellow white people will go to great lengths to ignore difference in race.
My girlfriend is black and I appreciate our differences.
The perspective of when you actually ARE the black "friend" is that often times (not all) it really is just surface niceties that you are instead of true friends . I've often experienced (still do) when attempt to bring up matters of my experience as a black person....the room changes, people get uncomfortable, my perception is minimized or worse glazed over with more niceties and the subject changes...or radio silence.... the connection usually stays surface and we don't really get to any depth. ..again this has been most of my experiences but not all. I'm truly grateful for the true friendships I've been able to sustain with people that really want to keep it REAL and get down to sharing the true human experience.
Thanks for drawing attention to this topic. I was brought up by racists in N England, and am on the schizophrenic spectrum. In my late teens/early twenties I 'had poc friends' and engaged with anti-racist ideas, campaigns and learned some history. I thought I was 'not racist' until my first big psychotic break, let me tell you. It just spilled out of my subconscious in the most obvious and awful way tbh, microagressions and stereotypes fed into really dramatic, allconsuming hallucinations.
Now I'm well, I've got no idea how to even start unconditioning all this subconscious stuff, or if its even possible. It doesn't help being in lockdown and living in a really white area. Does anyone have any resources or experience with this?
I seem to get worried often when I see your titles, they are openly challenging. From videos like this, to your video entitled "I'm Kinda Over This Whole 'LeftTube' Thing". I'm immediately worried that I'm doing something wrong and accidently hurting people I care about; and then I watch and find that your nuanced opinions are often close to my own. It feels like someone articulate (you) has dived into my brain and examined everything in minute detail, just to make sure it's all running properly. Thanks again for making me question and think deeper about my beliefs and actions.
If someone did have "Black Friends", wouldn't that mean that they should be MORE careful with what they say? That they are MORE responsible for their words and actions when it comes to the subject of race? As someone with autism, I'd want my friends to avoid doing or saying anything that I'd consider disablist. So, if I had "Black Friends", I'd certainly show that same concern.
I made a video about how I as an Asian American alawys used to create white people as my avatar in video games I make myself white with blue eyes and blonde hair. I think that stems from internalized racism that I've been combatting for a while. Thanks for bringing this topic up and about housing discrimination and how that affects who we go to school with etc. love your videos! keep it up :D
Man I used to be so unintentionally racist. I didnt realize how racist my family was and I've been making a lot of progress to get away from that. These videos are helpful, thank you.
The hair touching thing was an issue for me as a black youth by other black youths. Apparently, through no fault of my own, I was born with “good hair”, whatever that’s suppose to mean. And some black kids, apparently with bad hair (?), would touch or feel my hair and become envious of me. It was confusing to me back then but I soon learned the reasoning behind it.
Yep, us black folks have our internal issues.
You're right when you use the word 'default', and showing clips from video games was smart. When I load up Dragon Age, or Dark Souls, and the starting character options have white skin tones, I don't notice it.
I want to ask about asking people from other racial groups about their perspectives, though. It's a given that there's hesitation because of the nasty things I'm gonna hear about myself and/or my ancestors, but I can push through that. What stops me is this feeling that even ASKING is somehow racist.
Like the response might be (if not necessarily spoken) "Oh, you're asking ME about that because I'M black/asian/latin. Is that the first way your brain categorizes me?" Total paranoia on my part?
Does FRAMING this feeling help anyone who's reading this?
I totally get the feeling and think if I had the conversation I might be honest that I like to learn other perspectives because I know my own is limited. I would ask all people about complex situations out of pure anthropological curiosity as I know I grew up in a quirky subculture-military brat (as a kid I didn't even know different races lived in different communities or that most people lived in one city all their lives).
“75% of white people in America have no non white friends.” That is frightening, I did a diversity unit in school and learnt that one of the most important things to do is make an effort to learn about different people and their cultures.
Wonderful video. All you say makes a lot of sense. I'd just add that for white people of my generation (Gen X), we grew up with a very strong message that it was rude and racist to "see" race. I suspect we all saw it, but we had to pretend not to in order to treat everyone "equally" and not "be racist." That meant we largely *couldn't* discuss race without doing something "wrong," and I think most of us are still trying to unlearn that.
There's no such thing as race. Humans are 99% genetically identical.
@@uphilliceskater There’s no such thing as separate human races biologically. That doesn’t have anything to do with the real, widespread, visceral racism we’ve created in our societies.
from one good boi to anotha, woof is this a great video or what! keep up the good work :)
It's always surreal seeing instances where masses of people just accept white as the default skin tone without even realizing it.
I wonder if these same people would agree that they can't be against fascism when they have fascist friends.
I have tennis friends who hate Serena Williams or don't think she is a woman, but just throw in the insurance phrase "but I like Venus Williams". It's just pathetic to watch their desperation to not be construed as racist, in spite of putting in zero effort to look at their biases.
I know this is off topic but thank you for making it clear in videos that you speak from an American perspective. I know that doesn’t seem like a big deal but a lot of think pieces online don’t do this and people (at least in the UK where I live) conflate them as universal facts.
It’s a little thing but it keeps things grounded and it’s appreciated.
Much love.
I remember one of my teachers interupted me when I saw talking about my experiences growing up in an African church, I was refering to someone I knew as my friend and my teacher diverted my conversation because of the connotation of term friend in this case. In retrospect would have changed the wording, but I also realized something that allistic (non-autistic) people tend to take for granted relationships and use things like friend more loosely than I might.
I am a white guy I have absolutely no issues with talking race racism and other issues with my black fam and we don't always agree. One of the people I hung out with and talked to more was my exes grandpa who was a racist and didn't approve of our relationship he never stood in our way but he was never scared to voice his disapproval. We spent long days talking about race and racism. Told me his life story his disapproval I believe was more out of fear because of what he has experienced when he was a child. When he passed away he didn't have his same convictions of our relationship as he did when me and her got together. Before he passed away he told me if we decided to give it ago again we should and told me to never let others get in between us again. I love and miss that man