My Ex Was More Avoidant Than Me
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- Опубліковано 9 вер 2024
- My Ex Was More Avoidant Than Me. If you got broken up with, you may have been with an avoidant partner who was feeling smothered and trapped and ended the relationship. Many people only discover their/ their partners attachment style after the breakup and can often feel shocked. You really need to understand the polarity and dynamics of attachment styles and relationships.
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Who do you think was more avoidant in your relationship? Leave a comment and let us know!
Hi craig,this is munna😊,Definitely opposite gender ,females are more avoidant always maximum cent .,maximum girls do behave according to the situation ..
This combo is usually a FA & DA, because two DAs often repel each other, since no one makes the first move. The one who is less avoidant is the FA. The DA causes the FA to go over to their anxious side. I’m FA & my ex is DA, so I’ve experienced this firsthand period.
It's so good to hear you both address how attachment styles can change depending who you're with. Too many times I read comments, with much hate towards one or the other and fixing a permanent label to their ex. In my younger years I was definitely anxious (giant heart to give), but after time I've become more cautious with my heart, time and money (avoidant? Idk). Been hurt whether I was cautious or not, continually trying to mold myself into the needs and expectations of the other person. So if I'd have to put a "love style" on myself I'd say I'm realistic now. If all I give isn't enough then I'll see that, and begin to pull away and reassess. It's to honor both our heart, time and resources. It's easier to deal with that early on, than it is to deal with massive debt from attorneys, kids caught in the drama, angry hurtful words and actions, loss of health and...."fill in the blank". Many are hurting because of a dream or expectation of the other person. I did that and regret how much pressure I put on someone else to fill a need or void. Only to later criticize, dislike or shame them because I didn't get "what I expected". After reflection, some were great, some were okay, one deserves nothing but bread and water for the rest of his days. I suppose what my comment has been, is to say focus on those who do get YOU and care about you. You're free to forget those that don't.
I got an indirect direct from my avoidant ex and I could tell immediately he hadn't done much work, if any. He wasn't ready and may never be. It makes me very sad to think about.
After how long did he reached out to you
@@hellomybaby7486 about 4 months after the breakup. He still goes to my old gym that I introduced him to. I went there one day and he showed up after me. He saw me right away and walked up to me starting small talk as if nothing had happened. I could tell he wasn't ready to talk to me though. After an awkward silence I walked away. That was almost 3 months again. One of my best friends still goes to that gym and she sees him there. Last week he "caught her up" on his life which at first I thought was strange, but from watching these videos I truly think he is lonely, misses me, and is pretending not to care anymore when that couldnt be far from the truth. People that move on do just that and clearly he has not.
They reach out and know exactly what to say to try to get you hooked again only to never pursue any formal relationship.
You need to do more videos on NARCISSISTS + AVOIDANT + EMOTIONAL ABUSE... this combo is an EPIDEMIC.
My ex left me and now 4 months later messaged me on a random Saturday that we can salvage our relationship. We talked for two days and planned to meet up, now nothing! He hasn’t said anything to me. Why did he mess with me?
I have an idea for a video topic and title: why do avoidants date at all
They want relationships too until their attachment trauma is triggered
Dated him for awhile got along ok until he started wanting his mother to go almost ever where we went .i left a walk away cause of this .thanks
Omg finally! Yes it’s me FA and my ex DA. His avoidance triggered my anxious side at some point and I had to bring up the topic of breakup. He dismissed me at the time but months later he dumped me 😂
Just after a week of starting mistakenly broke no contact with my ex ,she said shes moved on and not affected by the breakup,,it was just a four month relationship,she is kind of emotional and not looking gir a relationship,what should i do now
It’s oddly satisfying to imagine the sociopath avoidants getting a taste of their own medicine. Who could have imagined going around and destroying innocent people’s lives in a continuous cycle because your mommy was mean to you could hurt people?
lol. I was scapegoated beaten everyday since I was born. Called bitch from my own mother as my regular name. They didn’t give me more than one pair of paints and one shirt for high school. Then they tried to kill me. I developed split personality where I have dissociative amnesia. I didn’t know about this until I quit drinking and trying to kill my self and found God and undid my shit behaviour. But I’m still quite avoidant but now aware of it. I have zero interest in pursuing anyone especially people like you. Thank you for understanding how extreme the trauma and abuse is and the level of mental capacity we’ve been operating in. In a capacity where we can’t see abuse because we’re so split. Majority of avoidant are like this and don’t know or realize. And all this is coming out so people can heal both sides of the relationship. I don’t care if you’re butthurt I just know what you have to go through to become this way. Go find someone like you.
My ex i think she posted that she want to see me but that she couldnt ask because i need to want to see her i dont know if i must reach out or not
Getting a taste of their own medicine? Ha ha! I have little sympathy. Can dish out the behaviour but can’t take it.
We are(me and my GF) were apart from each other 2yr ago, from then we have been in no-contact situation and I have been/am waiting for her...
And from last 4-5 months, I started chatting with others girl for marriage...
So what should I do now.? Now what I'm doing,is that right or I have to wait more..
Please advise
Hi coach craigh ❤big fan of u ,,my ex unblocked me after 3 months ,but no msg from her ,but she was knowing my status from my friends side ,wt shall I do ,shall I break the no contact rule ..
no, no contact means to respect their decision, to allow them to sit with it and to allow them the space and time to reach out.. merely unblocking you is not a form of reaching out. they must actually contact you, or actually reach out to you.. Even if you are passing them physically.. they must reach out.. if they don't decide to reach out, it is their decision.
Don't ignore them and do be polite but also don't tolerate abuse or mistreatment
@@carlfreiermuth5424 she was playing mind games,she was keeping separate pvcy status in wtsup , to let me know that she was opening the windows to reach me me to her by contacting and be a needy ,but she won't come in direct way,,even I approach her,after week or later again she will avoid me ,this was the game happening many times ,unblocking and blocking ,contacting and avoidi ng .,,huf this kills my valuable time ,but she was good ,I dnt wanna to loose her anyway.😢
Craig has said to go NC indefinitely until they start reaching out, however,Thais at the personal development school has pointed out that dismissive avoidants often won’t reach out during NC, so you may need to be the one to reach out first, but personally I would wait till you see some sort of signs of an indirect reach out if they aren’t reaching out directly. If you do decide to reach out prior to them not having reached out in any way shape or form, just keep it brief and only do it once to see if they respond. You could say something like “ Hey, I just heard that song we always used to sing in the car, and it made me think of you. Hope you are well.”