the best friendship advice I ever got was to *be a regular* somewhere. with this in mind, I signed up for a community trash pickup group in my neighborhood in jan 2023 - I committed to going once a month for the entire year, and in the middle of it, I felt like I wasn't making any deep connections and felt frustrated. cue the holiday season & I suddenly got invited to several of these people's holiday parties and now I count some of them among my good friends. it took nearly TWELVE MONTHS for the meetups to turn into actual outside-the-group friendships! so be patient, definitely keep at it in the local groups, put in the time, and I truly believe the payoff will come!
Appreciate you putting yourself out there, in this video and in life. I am a midwife who works 99% night shifts and majority of weekends. I struggle to see the few friends I already have in this regard, let alone make new friends and build my community (trying to date is challenging too). I have recently gone to a new country for temporary contract work so feel like I have lost the tiny village I did have, and am starting completely from scratch here while still facing the challenges of shift work, and the added challenge of people like me doing short contracts who are only around for 6 weeks before disappearing again. I think people in your community are so lucky to have you being the instigator of opportunities for connection and appreciate the energy and effort you put into that, even if they maybe don't always say it. Keep keeping on, it's inspiring and comforting
You are the only person I follow who is tackling this topic, and I'm so happy to listen to you talk about it and share your experiences. I'm not a parent, but I'm feeling this type of adult loneliness as well, with most of my hangouts with friends happening at scheduled times. I talk with my friends about how I'd love to just... run errands with them on a regular basis. We all have to grocery shop, right?! And walk our dogs! How is it so hard to make this happen?
I guess what I REALLY want is for my friends and I to all live next door to one another so we can just wander into each others' houses whenever we want company but also have our private spaces to retreat to. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?! Hahaha.
as someone who has stayed in my hometown (not a really big city but still a popular city for young professionals to move to) and still struggles to build & maintain adult friendship communities, I think it's worth sticking it out in London if that's where you want to be. Though I do have the advantage of family nearby, not all of my family have stayed, and even fewer of my childhood friends are still here.
low pressure hangs are the dream and so incredibly important. just being with a friend, not having to do anything specific or spend money is so magical ❤ reminds me of being young when our company was enough to have fun
Thank you for sharing this Hannah, as it’s quite a vulnerable one - and oh boy am I in the same boat! It’s funny because we don’t have similar life circumstances at all - I am 26, don’t have children and leave in a medium-sized UK town - but in terms of friendships our situation is IDENTICAL 😅 After uni, the friends I made at uni plus my home friends nearly all moved away (including me!), meaning they’re all now scattered across the country. Another thing I don’t think you mentioned that I struggle with is the time it takes to form proper friendships. It takes SO long to go from polite acquaintances to a solidified friendship, especially when you only get to see them like 4 times a year (at best sometimes!). It can feel like such a setback when you’re trying so hard with it and making the effort with new people but, ironically, it’s your social life with your other friends that gets in the way! 😅 Community really does feel like the thing that’s missing in my life, and the comment you made about wanting your friends’ children to be friends with your children really hit home as it’s something I think/worry about almost daily. I’ve had multiple debates with my partner about moving to London purely to improve my social life but this video is the reality check I needed. Sadly I think it’s very common for people to move away, including close friends, and for your social group to be scattered. I often feel very insecure about not having one ~core friend group~ but if Hannah Witton is in the same boat as me, it’s a good sign I’ve got nothing to worry about 😊
yes it's so true about how long it takes to foster a deep friendship. my close close friends I've either known my entire life (and for several years I would see them EVERY DAY) or my uni friends who I saw EVERYDAY and lived with for 3 years and have now known more than a decade. and my youtube friends who I've also known around 10 years and we've all basically trauma-bonded from being on the internet 😅 it takes so much time to develop those connections !!
I live in a suburb so it’s different but I’m vert lucky that our municipality has playgroups, story times at the library, swim lessons, skating lessons, music class, for babies and toddlers. I’m so lucky
Ugh I feel this SO MUCH. I generally have hit the conundrum of having a hard time finding people who will put in the same effort as I do sometimes. I'm a recent mom in the US. We moved a flight away from any family member (in 2020 😅). We have slowly made local connections with others. I have ONE friend who is due next month and we generally connect very well, despite our cultural differences. She convinced her family to move here, so I'm nervous to see how our friendship will turn out once her baby is here. We have slowly made friends before kids, but having a baby really shaped how I want parent friends and I keep falling back on my oldest, long-distance friendships because of the connection I crave.
Thank you Hannah for this video! My partner and I fall in the bracket of spending our 20s in London but realising we can’t afford to buy a house so in our 30s have moved to where he is from which happens to be on the other side of the country to where I am from, which brings its own challenges and endless questions of ‘is this the right place to settle?’ so your dichotomy there definitely resonated! On behalf of your friends and friends-to-be, I say thank you for being the instigator, and you truly deserve to find those connections - good luck!
I recently took a contract on the other side of the country in a much much smaller town than where I grew up (Montreal to Yellowknife) and it really made me realize how important having a network of people is!! In the 10 months I was there I really only made like 2-3 friends and only one of them feels like it might last now that I've returned back to mtl. I'm very much an introvert so I really struggled to put myself out there and make new connections so I really commend you Hannah for all these efforts!!
Something my therapist a few years ago pointed out to me was that I'm proberbly very lovely; something I hadn't really considered because I've always had a partner (at that point I'd gotten out of a 7 year relationship and was starting to seriously date another person, that I've now been with for three years). But yeah I wad/am lonely. I live at a dorm, where there's people around me constantly, some I get along with better than others, and over the last year I've become really good and close friends with two people I share a kitchen with. These are people I see almost everyday, we drink coffee together almost every day, we sit and study together, we play boardgames together or just sit and talk for hours, all from the comfort of our shared kitchen. And two things occurred to me half a year ago: 1) These are the first actual friends I've had in 11 years (I'm not good at making friends); 2) I'm so scared of what happens once we're no longer living together like we are now. One of them are moving out this Febuaray, but he also happens to be my partner's best friend and we play D&D together, so I know I'll get to see him, but I don't know if we'll ever get to just hang out together like we do now. Also he might want to move to a different country and work.... The other friend will proberbly be living here longer than I am, since I'll be done with my masters before her, and I think I'll still get to hang out with her even after we no longer live together. depending on where both of us (or all three of us) end up living. (I also have this, maybe irrational??, fear that moving in with my partner (which I think is the plan) will lead to me feeling restrictive in my ability to maintain my friendships)
I have this with family, never mind other external friends. Travel helps, meeting new people with common interests, though I realise this is just not possible for people with important parental responsibilities. It sounds like an uphill battle, tbh, Hannah. I moved to London at 18, and luckily, when I become a parent, I will have my people to rely on. But this is just luck, pure luck of the draw. I used to feel your pain, and I’d like to say that you should just keep going but I don’t know if that is just a trite thing that others would think to say to avoid awkwardness. It really is one of those proper conundrums, and in an attempt to express my fellow solidarity with you, I do truly understand. I really do.
As a new mum who moved 'back home', I love the established community I have here. I love walking down to the library and chatting to old primary school friends, old teachers, family friends etc. I also feel now I have a pram and a baby I've become somehow more approachable to sort of acquaintances too!
Love love love that you're talking about this! I feel so similarly - my closest friends (outside of family) live hours away and if I see them once a year it's a win. We fairly recently moved out of a city back to where we grew up to be closer to our families so in that way we do have a village and it's lovely. But I really want to find my people here! My son has just started school so that's a great opportunity but I'm struggling feeling like everyone is too busy, already has their people, or just with being vulnerable enough to create those connections beyond small talk. It's such a weird and tough thing but you're so right that someone has to be willing to be the instigator, so I'm going to think about how I could do this more. One thing I've already started is not being on my phone at pick up so I can try to strike up conversation. Sometimes a bit awkward, but at least I have my baby to look at :') On the moving back to Manchester thing, it's obviously SO personal but we ummed and ahhed about moving back for about six years and it has been one of the best things we've ever done. There really is no substitute for family imo. Plus we knew we'd want to be close to our parents (luckily both sets live in the same place) when they go older and needed more help so we decided that while our kids were young was better than trying to uproot later in life. Sorry for the essay, really love everything you put out and appreciate the honesty. Makes me feel less alone in this season of life.
I feel like it’s rare to have friends really close by. When I think about it, the friends I hang out with most are about 40mins-1 hr away (combo of suburban to city train + walking). And to me, that’s become close. 🤷♀️ Many of us idolize the uni days because friends were close, everything was walkable (more of a US perspective with car culture), and it was a built-in community. I sure miss it.
London mum of a 9-month-old here, originally non-UK. You almost made me cry a few times with this video because it rings so true - currently trying to decide who to ask to be an emergency contact for nursery, and also aware that a lot of the mum friends I made over the past nine months will move away in the coming year. I have even tried doing the showing up thing for other mums and it failed because of the exact same family reasons. I want to shout, I'm here, let's build a village! But it does take time, and luck, and who knows if it will happen.
Hey Hannah, you’re not alone. You come across as such a social person, so does make me wonder how many others are suffering in silence. I have struggled with this as well. I don’t live in my hometown and I am considering moving back… I miss at least having the family support.
We had the same emergency contact situation when my daughter started nursery, and it made me really sad! If it helps, once she started nursery we developed a really lovely network of local parent friends, which has continued even though our children have gone to different schools. It does happen with time, but I remember these feelings all too well! Thank you for being honest about it.
awesome to hear about the bookshop groups! the most recent way I've found myself making new local friends (as a 27 year old) has been by going to my local pokemon league to play cards! it's mostly a case of chatting to the people there on the night and in group chats, but we also organise to travel to larger tournaments together outside of that and one of the members has become a really close friend of mine! i wish u well on ur journey
I’m in the US suburbs… but the best way I’ve made friends is hosting neighborhood happy hours/potlucks/movie nights. It’s a lot easier to get together with people within a 10 minute walk.
Since I became a mum, I've found it hard to keep in touch with most of my friends cause they live in other cities and/our countries and most of them don't have children. Luckily, I don't feel too lonely since my parents and brother live close to us but I do miss some of the relationships that are just no longer the same. That being said, I got tired of being the one always initiating the hangouts and texting first so last year I stopped reaching out to people who never text/call me unless I do first, just to see what happens. Some of them started to reach out more, others never did so I guess we're not friends anymore. There's only 24 hours in a day and I'm tired of wasting them on someone who doesn't really care. I admire your efforts and sincerely hope that you will achieve what you want, I just personally am done and I'm trying instead to focus on those several core relationships that have stood the test of time. It really is sad that so many adults suck at basic human connection.
I loved this video! As an introvert who rarely proposed going out with friends before having kids, I find myself now to trying more and more to be out and about. Well, there are periods of time that I am tired and I just want to crash on the sofa after my kid goes to bed, but I general feel more motivated to reach out to friends, with or without kids. I even asked a mother in the childminders for her number to arrange a play date, who am I?! I think that what urged me was the loneliness I felt when I had my child and I am still feeling sometimes.
I am someone that lives in London but is not from the UK and I have to say that I haven’t felt lonely as mum in terms of friendships because (thanks to your reel)I made an effort to build a community with the other NCT mums. I’ve however missed the support network of family whenever we’ve been unwell, for example. We’re gonna be moving back to Italy next year so I am curious to see how things change and I am excited to see my child being friends with my friends’ kids and my friends too! My partner and I don’t have siblings so bring on all the chosen aunties and uncles an cousins ❤
I love this video sooo much, I'm in a different boat (no kids) but I understand aspects of it so much and can very much relate! I'm very impressed by how you're taking this on, it's inspiring! Thank you for being so vulnerable!
I am so pleased for you that you're making the connection happen. NICE WORK. I am in a similar situation: in a large city, very few parent friends. The critical difference is that my partner's parents are nearby, so I haven't made enough of an effort to find parent friends because we have the logistical support to not "need" it. You're inspiring me to restart the search again. It really hit me when you mentioned offering to take care of a friend's child and her mom was on it instead. Even though I have this existing relationship, that is the kind of connection I want to cultivate. If I want it, I need to build it!
This video will help a lot of people, I can feel it. I think many of us deal with the emotions you're describing, but either aren't self aware enough, or don't have the skills of self-reflection to pinpoint it. OR they just don't really actually have time for making connections. I also feel as though the pandemic dealt us a huge blow to intimate relationships that even slightly inconvenience us. Before COVID, I worked an office job as well as waitressing on the side. I also had hobbies and things I did outside of work constantly. I knew a tonne of people. Prior to that, I did a masters degree, which also gave me loads of social time. Come the pandemic, and I am WFH, only seeing my family and maybe one friend socially distanced every few weeks. The truth is? I kind of got used to it and started to enjoy my own time at home with my family. My extended family lives in my home country, and so while we have a thriving long distance relationship, the face-to-face time with them never changed throughout COVID. It was really just my friends. We're now about 3 years removed from the positive effects of the vaccine and the world opening up more and more. And I still carry a lot of those bad habits with me. I met my wife during the pandemic as well and we lived a very enclosed life during the infancy of our relationship, which further isolated me from anyone outside of family. Even though we both have the time for it, we genuinely struggle to socialise. We have people around us, but the grind of the day-to-day, life stresses, family commitments, work etc means that we're lucky if we feel like being social with a friend once a WEEK. We have no kids yet, we just always choose a cozy night in cuddling and watching TV over social plans, and anything that starts after 20:00 is an immediate blacklist for me. And while it's not really a problem to enjoy life at home and spending time with family, like you've said, when it comes time to forge more diverse connections, which IS important, it feels like an uphill battle, because those habits are just. not. there. anymore. I also wanted to say, I sympathise with your situation of being isolated in a big city with no family or close friends nearby. I am lucky that my parents and sibling live very close and we see each other all the time. But my wife is American and her family don't live here. I lived separated from my grandparents my entire life, as well as all my cousins and other family members. For my entire life it was just me, my brother and my parents, where most of my non-immigrant peers would have extended nearby. It's sort of what you describe with your closest friends like Mel, where you HAVE them, but you don't... have them close. It's a special kind of sucking that breeds a very very particular kind of loneliness that never really goes away unless you close that physical gap. I am genuinely curious if life will eventually take you guys back to Manchester or if you'll choose to stick it out in London.
Loved this video!! It's funny, midway through I found myself thinking, "wow, so great of Hannah to have a macro perspective on why making friends is objectively hard, she doesn't seem vulnerable at all!" 😂 As for suggestions, I don't really have any, except maybe leading with the community aspect? Like, instead of, "Hey, do you wanna be friends?", being like, "Hey, are you craving more community around you?" That might make it easier to attract people who are looking for the same kind of give-and-take dynamic that you're looking for. And then, like, shove them all into a group chat for people local to your area and make it a hub where it's super normal to post things like "I'm going for a walk with my toddler rn, anyone wanna join?", "Anyone else going to this local event, wanna meet up?", or "Bored out of my mind right now, could really use some adult company if anyone wants to come over." That way you know that everyone seeing the message actually *wants* to be seeing those kinds of messages, and it's just a matter of schedules and needs lining up, not a rejection of you putting yourself out there. (This is sort of how if you're looking to find someone to marry and have a family with, you wanna limit your dating pool to people who *also* want those things, instead of hoping that whatever specific person you've built a connection with will turn out to magically be super compatible or, yikes, trying to change their mind about it.) (Shoutout to Allison Raskin for that perspective btw, she's always advocating "dating with intent," regardless of what that intent is.) So yeah, if it's a smaller group (10-20 people), you'd probably build a network of solid acquaintances that way, and even if you don't know each other super well, over the years there would probably develop enough trust within the group as a whole that it might still function as a village when needed? Or if it becomes larger, it could be a hub for smaller friendship groups to emerge. (Also, I don't know if this is a bonkers idea, but you could maybe even put up flyers in your physical area? Maybe not out in the actual street, but like, within building lobbies or parent-activity-center pinboards or something. Just so it doesn't all have to be personal connections and one-to-one interactions, but spreading the word out to other people who you may never directly cross paths with but who may be craving the exact thing that you are.)
My close friend and also my sister in law who both live in London have found making friends easy since having children…so many activities and things to do etc but they are both stay at home parents to…it must be very challenging to navigate social needs around parenting and working schedules… fingers crossed that the start of preschool will be a social opportunity for both of you!
I have felt SO similar to you in this. I moved back to london from thailand when my baby was 2 months old, so I missed all contact making stages of nct. We lived very close to a park with a playground and would go there multiple times a week at rpughly the same time but it would take months sometimes to run into the same parent again - every body has such a full schedule that they never just go down to the playground as a default activity. We went to lots of great council playgroups, but they were overwhealmigly used by people who were similar to me - mostly immigrants who's english was usually not that good, so made it hard for a deep friendship to develop. I noticed that people would often make friends with people who happened to share a native language. Native brits on the other hand would usually go to more expesive playgroups and in my experience seemed to not be that interested in making friends as they've already made them either with nct of just had old friends. Later on I slowly made friends with a few people, but then I left London during the pandemic, so had to start from zero. People we made friends with here for some reason also ended up being mostly foreiners and 3 of he 4 good friends i made have since then moved (Internationally at that), even though they all have British partners. It is such a struggle I have sort of stopped trying in many mays and am mostly trying to focus on getting back to work
Recently, two houses in my row of 5 houses went on the market.* I dreamed so much that I could have a friend move in and we could just pop over to eachother's houses, but I don't know people who can/want to move to my area. I'm an immigrant (American in the UK) and developed a chronic illness before I had a chance to make good friends. Anyways, in the spirit of putting oneself out there, if anyone is consciously trying to build community, has a budget of £300k or so for a little 3 bedroom house, wants to share a wall with a couple of 30 something year old Americans (one dual citizen) who are a bit on the nerdy side, love casual hangouts, and who love children but don't have any (yet? We'll see how health stuff works out), wants to live in Southampton, UK, and loves trees, let me know? Maybe we'll be friends and build community. One house is no longer for sale because the owner decided she liked the neighbourhood too much. *Nothing is wrong with the houses or the neighbourhood as far as I know, both families had major life changes
We don't have kids yet, but the whole reason we are trying to change country and be close to family is for this exact reason. Have emergency contacts, have family nearby, have our future kids spend more time around extended family. Building community is really difficult if you move to a new city/new country. It almost feels like you are late to the party. Sometimes this is also the case when you go back but having family and some old contacts, those roots, take that huge pressure off. It's not exactly the same situation but I definitely relate to that. It's quite refreshing to hear these aspects of parenthood. It's quite like an unspoken reality that everyone ignores. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
I FEEL this video 100% O_O I'm the only one in my 'core' friendship group to have had children (one is 2 and I'm expecting) and literally ALL of my friends have moved away from my hometown mainly for work opportunities. I live in Italy now, but I lived in London for 7 years and then came back to my hometown, while my friends did sort of the opposite journey and went to uni in Italy to then move abroad. So now I have international friends all over Europe and this was a huge cause for depression a couple years back when they all moved away. I have since made 'mum' friends from the prenatal course and since my child goes to daycare, I have parent friends we sometimes hang out with after school because they live near the daycare (we don't). As an added 'problem', I am a freelance artist so I have 0% in common with most of the other parents, which doesn't make it easy to make lasting friendships both because of scheduling and actual shared interests. I have so far made 2 close-ish friends since my child was born, but they aren't that level of closeness that I would expect from my 'abroad' friends. I do so long for casual hangouts. For people I know implicitly, with whom I can hang out without having a specific reason to do so! This said, I think things will improve for you when your son starts preschool, you'll probably develop more regular hangouts with schoolmates and such. One thing that helped was to create a chat group with some of the more similarly minded mums from my daughter's class to share info about local activities and then we actually use it almost every day to say 'Hey, I'll pick x up at x time today, are you free to hang out in the park?'. The winter months suck, though, because we can't really go to the park as much so someone has to offer their house - and it can never be us because we're the ones who live farther away.
That ending had me laughing. It’s not you Hannah, it’s hard and tiring to find new friends, especially local that are on your time schedule. It seems like people already have their group and are not accepting applications.
Deffo feeling the most people have moved out of London and my friends who are here, especially the ones who live nearby are all from London so they have all their roots nearby. I am single and have no kids so don’t even have my own family unit. I’ve decided to buy just outside of London but still on a tube line rather than move circles are becoming a lot smaller. Would be good for me to find more roots!
Just wondering what the pull of London is for you currently? Is there anything? As you work remotely, you could move anywhere, whether that be 'back home' (or closer to it) or somewhere different. I feel that London is such a busy city but too spread out, there's no greater loneliness then being surrounded by people but knowing no one. I'd say you'd probably get a lot of out moving north - cheaper housing, more networks, fresh start and lovely family for Rowan to hang with. Oh and babysitters! :)
I personally don’t have kids (yet), but I very much relate to this video😭 Basically all of my close proximity friends are my husband’s friends (read: mostly guys), which is nice, but it does feel like they are not “my” friends. The very few people who still live in the area that I know have their own lives with dogs, partners, kids, so planning gets hard!
I definitely feel the friendship struggle and trying to build roots as an American who moved to the UK almost seven years ago. I get on well with my colleagues but I wouldn't want to hang with them outside work. And actually, the biggest local community I've found support in is a group of other American women who live in the same city (and some of them have their British citizenship so I am making British friends XD)! I still struggle with not have like one true 'bestie' near me locally, but at the same time I still have my ride-or-dies from back home too and I made time to visit them when I was in the USA for Christmas. And I have my partner and online fandoms. Friendship looks a lot different for me now but that's okay.
Hi, i have a lot to say about this. While im not a parent (yet) i am a human, and a Londoner. I have always struggled with loneliness, and i think living in london has a lot to do with that unfortunately. It is treated as a liminal space, a place to make money and move on. I recently moved to a new city (berlin) and the differences between how people approach community is really interesting. It is a more international place, especially after brexit, and the cost of living is a lot lower, which sets people up for a much more gentle lifestyle then london. Honestly, i would argue that looking into moving to manchester might be a really wonderful idea. I would also really like to have more honest, frank conversations about the cost of living, brexit and the impact that has had on london. Also, your vulnerability is really courageous and helpful to see expressed. One more thing, i was inspired by your coffee mornings and have been making a point of hosting every Sunday evening. It’s been wonderful, we have had two dinner parties and one film night, and it has been a wonderful way to cement new friendships in this new city.
It's tough. As a childless person I would feel really out of place at a coffee morning with parents and children, no matter how much I was told I was welcome. Maybe in the same way I feel like people shouldn't bring children to adult events like book clubs, although I know that sounds harsh too. Good on you for working on it because it is tough. My only minor gripe is these are not just London issues. I live in Edinburgh and we have similar issues of distance, many moved here as young adults and don't have family and are now debating moving.....it's hard
funny you say that because I did have to bring Rowan to a book club one evening because Dan was busy with work but actually it was fine! Luckily the bookshop have toys and Ro was very chill and just played for an hour while everyone chatted.
@@morehannah That's great! Equally I think there's a difference between one kid who can play alone and everyone having one and them needing attention. Or, like situations I've been in, not parenting their kids and me feeling awkward because I can see their kid needs attention but it's not appropriate for me to get involved :/
I am currently in a weird spot where I’ve moved to the town that my partner grew up in and so my “friend deficits” when we had our little one was friends who are just my friends and mum friends (he has lots of friends and sometimes we hang out with his friends and their partners). The only success I’ve found with friendships are hobby-based events (I go to a craft night once a month) and people I’ve met through childcare settings. I find the hobbies one has created the most superficial friendships in that I only really speak to my craft night friends at craft night, we wouldn’t go for coffee or whatever. But childcare settings are where it’s at for friends. I’m super socially awkward but “hey, my kid talks about your kid all the time, shall we do a play date?” Is a great ready made starter question and it doesn’t feel desperate because I can play it like it’s for my kid 😂 if we don’t gel, we have less play dates but I’ve really hit it off with one mum and we’re planning to go out kid free soon. The childcare setting option also has the obvious benefit that your kids already like each other so they keep each other entertained. I’ve literally given our nursery a note that just says “Hi, I’m Jodie (X’s mum) if you’d like to arrange a play date for *your kid and my kid* please text me” with my number and asked nursery to give it to the other kids mum at pick up, so you don’t even have to wait to bump into people 😊
Yes I think there’s a general feeling that all the “normal” people already have perfect friends and friendships and/or are too busy with their equally perfect partners/kids/jobs to actively seek friends. It’s a very “don’t you have anything else going on to care about that?” moment. Which is sad.
I think so many people are in the same boat even if their circumstances are very different. I live in a rural area that is largely very conservative as a very liberal childfree person who doesn't drink. There aren't really activities in my area to meet people and I'm always weary of trying to make new friends because most people near me didn't share my values.
I can relate a bit, I'm not a mother, but I am disabled and trying so hard to creaye commynity in London. I tried many things, groups with similar interests, dancing, health situation.. I'm NW, so going further than central is hard. I think I'll have a bit of brake in this, I feel drained from trying👍 About the toothbrush, how noisy is it?
I feel like I remember thinking it was quieter than my old one when I first got it but it's been a while so I'm not 100% sure anymore and have nothing to compare it to now!
Videos like this make me so grateful for my church community. All local, lots of parents and non parents, people of all ages and life stages and an enforced group hang every Sunday morning lol. Being a parent can still be very lonely for me but I know I have a circle of pals I'll see on Friday at the toddler group who will totally understand
the best friendship advice I ever got was to *be a regular* somewhere. with this in mind, I signed up for a community trash pickup group in my neighborhood in jan 2023 - I committed to going once a month for the entire year, and in the middle of it, I felt like I wasn't making any deep connections and felt frustrated. cue the holiday season & I suddenly got invited to several of these people's holiday parties and now I count some of them among my good friends. it took nearly TWELVE MONTHS for the meetups to turn into actual outside-the-group friendships! so be patient, definitely keep at it in the local groups, put in the time, and I truly believe the payoff will come!
Appreciate you putting yourself out there, in this video and in life. I am a midwife who works 99% night shifts and majority of weekends. I struggle to see the few friends I already have in this regard, let alone make new friends and build my community (trying to date is challenging too). I have recently gone to a new country for temporary contract work so feel like I have lost the tiny village I did have, and am starting completely from scratch here while still facing the challenges of shift work, and the added challenge of people like me doing short contracts who are only around for 6 weeks before disappearing again. I think people in your community are so lucky to have you being the instigator of opportunities for connection and appreciate the energy and effort you put into that, even if they maybe don't always say it. Keep keeping on, it's inspiring and comforting
I can't imagine! must be so hard for you and other folks who work "unsociable" hours
You are the only person I follow who is tackling this topic, and I'm so happy to listen to you talk about it and share your experiences. I'm not a parent, but I'm feeling this type of adult loneliness as well, with most of my hangouts with friends happening at scheduled times. I talk with my friends about how I'd love to just... run errands with them on a regular basis. We all have to grocery shop, right?! And walk our dogs! How is it so hard to make this happen?
I guess what I REALLY want is for my friends and I to all live next door to one another so we can just wander into each others' houses whenever we want company but also have our private spaces to retreat to. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?! Hahaha.
I feel this so much!! we're all doing similar things but just completely out of sync with each other!
check caroline winkler! she has a few videos from a non-parent perspective
as someone who has stayed in my hometown (not a really big city but still a popular city for young professionals to move to) and still struggles to build & maintain adult friendship communities, I think it's worth sticking it out in London if that's where you want to be. Though I do have the advantage of family nearby, not all of my family have stayed, and even fewer of my childhood friends are still here.
low pressure hangs are the dream and so incredibly important. just being with a friend, not having to do anything specific or spend money is so magical ❤ reminds me of being young when our company was enough to have fun
Thank you for sharing this Hannah, as it’s quite a vulnerable one - and oh boy am I in the same boat! It’s funny because we don’t have similar life circumstances at all - I am 26, don’t have children and leave in a medium-sized UK town - but in terms of friendships our situation is IDENTICAL 😅 After uni, the friends I made at uni plus my home friends nearly all moved away (including me!), meaning they’re all now scattered across the country.
Another thing I don’t think you mentioned that I struggle with is the time it takes to form proper friendships. It takes SO long to go from polite acquaintances to a solidified friendship, especially when you only get to see them like 4 times a year (at best sometimes!). It can feel like such a setback when you’re trying so hard with it and making the effort with new people but, ironically, it’s your social life with your other friends that gets in the way! 😅 Community really does feel like the thing that’s missing in my life, and the comment you made about wanting your friends’ children to be friends with your children really hit home as it’s something I think/worry about almost daily.
I’ve had multiple debates with my partner about moving to London purely to improve my social life but this video is the reality check I needed. Sadly I think it’s very common for people to move away, including close friends, and for your social group to be scattered. I often feel very insecure about not having one ~core friend group~ but if Hannah Witton is in the same boat as me, it’s a good sign I’ve got nothing to worry about 😊
yes it's so true about how long it takes to foster a deep friendship. my close close friends I've either known my entire life (and for several years I would see them EVERY DAY) or my uni friends who I saw EVERYDAY and lived with for 3 years and have now known more than a decade. and my youtube friends who I've also known around 10 years and we've all basically trauma-bonded from being on the internet 😅 it takes so much time to develop those connections !!
I live in a suburb so it’s different but I’m vert lucky that our municipality has playgroups, story times at the library, swim lessons, skating lessons, music class, for babies and toddlers. I’m so lucky
The way I completely understood your wins and got so excited for you being local gossip!! I love that for you! You are doing the thing!
hahaha thanks!!
Ugh I feel this SO MUCH. I generally have hit the conundrum of having a hard time finding people who will put in the same effort as I do sometimes.
I'm a recent mom in the US. We moved a flight away from any family member (in 2020 😅). We have slowly made local connections with others. I have ONE friend who is due next month and we generally connect very well, despite our cultural differences. She convinced her family to move here, so I'm nervous to see how our friendship will turn out once her baby is here.
We have slowly made friends before kids, but having a baby really shaped how I want parent friends and I keep falling back on my oldest, long-distance friendships because of the connection I crave.
Thank you Hannah for this video! My partner and I fall in the bracket of spending our 20s in London but realising we can’t afford to buy a house so in our 30s have moved to where he is from which happens to be on the other side of the country to where I am from, which brings its own challenges and endless questions of ‘is this the right place to settle?’ so your dichotomy there definitely resonated! On behalf of your friends and friends-to-be, I say thank you for being the instigator, and you truly deserve to find those connections - good luck!
I recently took a contract on the other side of the country in a much much smaller town than where I grew up (Montreal to Yellowknife) and it really made me realize how important having a network of people is!! In the 10 months I was there I really only made like 2-3 friends and only one of them feels like it might last now that I've returned back to mtl. I'm very much an introvert so I really struggled to put myself out there and make new connections so I really commend you Hannah for all these efforts!!
Parental friendships get a lot easier when children go to school. Hang on in there!
finding community is SO hard and I'm really impressed with what you and Dan are doing!
thank you we're trying!
Something my therapist a few years ago pointed out to me was that I'm proberbly very lovely; something I hadn't really considered because I've always had a partner (at that point I'd gotten out of a 7 year relationship and was starting to seriously date another person, that I've now been with for three years). But yeah I wad/am lonely.
I live at a dorm, where there's people around me constantly, some I get along with better than others, and over the last year I've become really good and close friends with two people I share a kitchen with. These are people I see almost everyday, we drink coffee together almost every day, we sit and study together, we play boardgames together or just sit and talk for hours, all from the comfort of our shared kitchen. And two things occurred to me half a year ago: 1) These are the first actual friends I've had in 11 years (I'm not good at making friends); 2) I'm so scared of what happens once we're no longer living together like we are now.
One of them are moving out this Febuaray, but he also happens to be my partner's best friend and we play D&D together, so I know I'll get to see him, but I don't know if we'll ever get to just hang out together like we do now. Also he might want to move to a different country and work.... The other friend will proberbly be living here longer than I am, since I'll be done with my masters before her, and I think I'll still get to hang out with her even after we no longer live together. depending on where both of us (or all three of us) end up living.
(I also have this, maybe irrational??, fear that moving in with my partner (which I think is the plan) will lead to me feeling restrictive in my ability to maintain my friendships)
I have this with family, never mind other external friends. Travel helps, meeting new people with common interests, though I realise this is just not possible for people with important parental responsibilities. It sounds like an uphill battle, tbh, Hannah. I moved to London at 18, and luckily, when I become a parent, I will have my people to rely on. But this is just luck, pure luck of the draw. I used to feel your pain, and I’d like to say that you should just keep going but I don’t know if that is just a trite thing that others would think to say to avoid awkwardness. It really is one of those proper conundrums, and in an attempt to express my fellow solidarity with you, I do truly understand. I really do.
As a new mum who moved 'back home', I love the established community I have here. I love walking down to the library and chatting to old primary school friends, old teachers, family friends etc.
I also feel now I have a pram and a baby I've become somehow more approachable to sort of acquaintances too!
Love love love that you're talking about this! I feel so similarly - my closest friends (outside of family) live hours away and if I see them once a year it's a win. We fairly recently moved out of a city back to where we grew up to be closer to our families so in that way we do have a village and it's lovely. But I really want to find my people here! My son has just started school so that's a great opportunity but I'm struggling feeling like everyone is too busy, already has their people, or just with being vulnerable enough to create those connections beyond small talk. It's such a weird and tough thing but you're so right that someone has to be willing to be the instigator, so I'm going to think about how I could do this more. One thing I've already started is not being on my phone at pick up so I can try to strike up conversation. Sometimes a bit awkward, but at least I have my baby to look at :')
On the moving back to Manchester thing, it's obviously SO personal but we ummed and ahhed about moving back for about six years and it has been one of the best things we've ever done. There really is no substitute for family imo. Plus we knew we'd want to be close to our parents (luckily both sets live in the same place) when they go older and needed more help so we decided that while our kids were young was better than trying to uproot later in life. Sorry for the essay, really love everything you put out and appreciate the honesty. Makes me feel less alone in this season of life.
I feel like it’s rare to have friends really close by. When I think about it, the friends I hang out with most are about 40mins-1 hr away (combo of suburban to city train + walking). And to me, that’s become close. 🤷♀️ Many of us idolize the uni days because friends were close, everything was walkable (more of a US perspective with car culture), and it was a built-in community. I sure miss it.
London mum of a 9-month-old here, originally non-UK. You almost made me cry a few times with this video because it rings so true - currently trying to decide who to ask to be an emergency contact for nursery, and also aware that a lot of the mum friends I made over the past nine months will move away in the coming year. I have even tried doing the showing up thing for other mums and it failed because of the exact same family reasons.
I want to shout, I'm here, let's build a village! But it does take time, and luck, and who knows if it will happen.
I feel you I feel you 💛
Hey Hannah, you’re not alone. You come across as such a social person, so does make me wonder how many others are suffering in silence. I have struggled with this as well. I don’t live in my hometown and I am considering moving back… I miss at least having the family support.
We had the same emergency contact situation when my daughter started nursery, and it made me really sad! If it helps, once she started nursery we developed a really lovely network of local parent friends, which has continued even though our children have gone to different schools. It does happen with time, but I remember these feelings all too well! Thank you for being honest about it.
awesome to hear about the bookshop groups! the most recent way I've found myself making new local friends (as a 27 year old) has been by going to my local pokemon league to play cards! it's mostly a case of chatting to the people there on the night and in group chats, but we also organise to travel to larger tournaments together outside of that and one of the members has become a really close friend of mine! i wish u well on ur journey
I’m in the US suburbs… but the best way I’ve made friends is hosting neighborhood happy hours/potlucks/movie nights. It’s a lot easier to get together with people within a 10 minute walk.
Since I became a mum, I've found it hard to keep in touch with most of my friends cause they live in other cities and/our countries and most of them don't have children. Luckily, I don't feel too lonely since my parents and brother live close to us but I do miss some of the relationships that are just no longer the same. That being said, I got tired of being the one always initiating the hangouts and texting first so last year I stopped reaching out to people who never text/call me unless I do first, just to see what happens. Some of them started to reach out more, others never did so I guess we're not friends anymore. There's only 24 hours in a day and I'm tired of wasting them on someone who doesn't really care. I admire your efforts and sincerely hope that you will achieve what you want, I just personally am done and I'm trying instead to focus on those several core relationships that have stood the test of time. It really is sad that so many adults suck at basic human connection.
I loved this video! As an introvert who rarely proposed going out with friends before having kids, I find myself now to trying more and more to be out and about. Well, there are periods of time that I am tired and I just want to crash on the sofa after my kid goes to bed, but I general feel more motivated to reach out to friends, with or without kids. I even asked a mother in the childminders for her number to arrange a play date, who am I?! I think that what urged me was the loneliness I felt when I had my child and I am still feeling sometimes.
I am someone that lives in London but is not from the UK and I have to say that I haven’t felt lonely as mum in terms of friendships because (thanks to your reel)I made an effort to build a community with the other NCT mums. I’ve however missed the support network of family whenever we’ve been unwell, for example.
We’re gonna be moving back to Italy next year so I am curious to see how things change and I am excited to see my child being friends with my friends’ kids and my friends too! My partner and I don’t have siblings so bring on all the chosen aunties and uncles an cousins ❤
I love this video sooo much, I'm in a different boat (no kids) but I understand aspects of it so much and can very much relate! I'm very impressed by how you're taking this on, it's inspiring! Thank you for being so vulnerable!
I am so pleased for you that you're making the connection happen. NICE WORK. I am in a similar situation: in a large city, very few parent friends. The critical difference is that my partner's parents are nearby, so I haven't made enough of an effort to find parent friends because we have the logistical support to not "need" it. You're inspiring me to restart the search again. It really hit me when you mentioned offering to take care of a friend's child and her mom was on it instead. Even though I have this existing relationship, that is the kind of connection I want to cultivate. If I want it, I need to build it!
it really does take so much intentional effort! friendships in my 20s were always so easy and now I'm like WAIT WHAT I HAVE TO WORK AT THIS?! 😅
This video will help a lot of people, I can feel it. I think many of us deal with the emotions you're describing, but either aren't self aware enough, or don't have the skills of self-reflection to pinpoint it. OR they just don't really actually have time for making connections. I also feel as though the pandemic dealt us a huge blow to intimate relationships that even slightly inconvenience us.
Before COVID, I worked an office job as well as waitressing on the side. I also had hobbies and things I did outside of work constantly. I knew a tonne of people. Prior to that, I did a masters degree, which also gave me loads of social time.
Come the pandemic, and I am WFH, only seeing my family and maybe one friend socially distanced every few weeks. The truth is? I kind of got used to it and started to enjoy my own time at home with my family. My extended family lives in my home country, and so while we have a thriving long distance relationship, the face-to-face time with them never changed throughout COVID. It was really just my friends.
We're now about 3 years removed from the positive effects of the vaccine and the world opening up more and more. And I still carry a lot of those bad habits with me. I met my wife during the pandemic as well and we lived a very enclosed life during the infancy of our relationship, which further isolated me from anyone outside of family. Even though we both have the time for it, we genuinely struggle to socialise.
We have people around us, but the grind of the day-to-day, life stresses, family commitments, work etc means that we're lucky if we feel like being social with a friend once a WEEK. We have no kids yet, we just always choose a cozy night in cuddling and watching TV over social plans, and anything that starts after 20:00 is an immediate blacklist for me.
And while it's not really a problem to enjoy life at home and spending time with family, like you've said, when it comes time to forge more diverse connections, which IS important, it feels like an uphill battle, because those habits are just. not. there. anymore.
I also wanted to say, I sympathise with your situation of being isolated in a big city with no family or close friends nearby. I am lucky that my parents and sibling live very close and we see each other all the time. But my wife is American and her family don't live here. I lived separated from my grandparents my entire life, as well as all my cousins and other family members. For my entire life it was just me, my brother and my parents, where most of my non-immigrant peers would have extended nearby. It's sort of what you describe with your closest friends like Mel, where you HAVE them, but you don't... have them close. It's a special kind of sucking that breeds a very very particular kind of loneliness that never really goes away unless you close that physical gap. I am genuinely curious if life will eventually take you guys back to Manchester or if you'll choose to stick it out in London.
Loved this video!! It's funny, midway through I found myself thinking, "wow, so great of Hannah to have a macro perspective on why making friends is objectively hard, she doesn't seem vulnerable at all!" 😂
As for suggestions, I don't really have any, except maybe leading with the community aspect? Like, instead of, "Hey, do you wanna be friends?", being like, "Hey, are you craving more community around you?" That might make it easier to attract people who are looking for the same kind of give-and-take dynamic that you're looking for. And then, like, shove them all into a group chat for people local to your area and make it a hub where it's super normal to post things like "I'm going for a walk with my toddler rn, anyone wanna join?", "Anyone else going to this local event, wanna meet up?", or "Bored out of my mind right now, could really use some adult company if anyone wants to come over." That way you know that everyone seeing the message actually *wants* to be seeing those kinds of messages, and it's just a matter of schedules and needs lining up, not a rejection of you putting yourself out there.
(This is sort of how if you're looking to find someone to marry and have a family with, you wanna limit your dating pool to people who *also* want those things, instead of hoping that whatever specific person you've built a connection with will turn out to magically be super compatible or, yikes, trying to change their mind about it.) (Shoutout to Allison Raskin for that perspective btw, she's always advocating "dating with intent," regardless of what that intent is.)
So yeah, if it's a smaller group (10-20 people), you'd probably build a network of solid acquaintances that way, and even if you don't know each other super well, over the years there would probably develop enough trust within the group as a whole that it might still function as a village when needed? Or if it becomes larger, it could be a hub for smaller friendship groups to emerge.
(Also, I don't know if this is a bonkers idea, but you could maybe even put up flyers in your physical area? Maybe not out in the actual street, but like, within building lobbies or parent-activity-center pinboards or something. Just so it doesn't all have to be personal connections and one-to-one interactions, but spreading the word out to other people who you may never directly cross paths with but who may be craving the exact thing that you are.)
I am rubbish at making friends, I don’t prioritise it at all! But nursery/school local community does make it 1000x easier so you are almost there! 😊
My close friend and also my sister in law who both live in London have found making friends easy since having children…so many activities and things to do etc but they are both stay at home parents to…it must be very challenging to navigate social needs around parenting and working schedules… fingers crossed that the start of preschool will be a social opportunity for both of you!
I have felt SO similar to you in this. I moved back to london from thailand when my baby was 2 months old, so I missed all contact making stages of nct. We lived very close to a park with a playground and would go there multiple times a week at rpughly the same time but it would take months sometimes to run into the same parent again - every body has such a full schedule that they never just go down to the playground as a default activity. We went to lots of great council playgroups, but they were overwhealmigly used by people who were similar to me - mostly immigrants who's english was usually not that good, so made it hard for a deep friendship to develop. I noticed that people would often make friends with people who happened to share a native language. Native brits on the other hand would usually go to more expesive playgroups and in my experience seemed to not be that interested in making friends as they've already made them either with nct of just had old friends. Later on I slowly made friends with a few people, but then I left London during the pandemic, so had to start from zero. People we made friends with here for some reason also ended up being mostly foreiners and 3 of he 4 good friends i made have since then moved (Internationally at that), even though they all have British partners. It is such a struggle I have sort of stopped trying in many mays and am mostly trying to focus on getting back to work
Recently, two houses in my row of 5 houses went on the market.* I dreamed so much that I could have a friend move in and we could just pop over to eachother's houses, but I don't know people who can/want to move to my area. I'm an immigrant (American in the UK) and developed a chronic illness before I had a chance to make good friends.
Anyways, in the spirit of putting oneself out there, if anyone is consciously trying to build community, has a budget of £300k or so for a little 3 bedroom house, wants to share a wall with a couple of 30 something year old Americans (one dual citizen) who are a bit on the nerdy side, love casual hangouts, and who love children but don't have any (yet? We'll see how health stuff works out), wants to live in Southampton, UK, and loves trees, let me know? Maybe we'll be friends and build community.
One house is no longer for sale because the owner decided she liked the neighbourhood too much.
*Nothing is wrong with the houses or the neighbourhood as far as I know, both families had major life changes
Thank you for this video! I can relate to a lot of what you said, although I’m in Toronto and not London.
We don't have kids yet, but the whole reason we are trying to change country and be close to family is for this exact reason. Have emergency contacts, have family nearby, have our future kids spend more time around extended family. Building community is really difficult if you move to a new city/new country. It almost feels like you are late to the party. Sometimes this is also the case when you go back but having family and some old contacts, those roots, take that huge pressure off. It's not exactly the same situation but I definitely relate to that. It's quite refreshing to hear these aspects of parenthood. It's quite like an unspoken reality that everyone ignores. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
I FEEL this video 100% O_O I'm the only one in my 'core' friendship group to have had children (one is 2 and I'm expecting) and literally ALL of my friends have moved away from my hometown mainly for work opportunities. I live in Italy now, but I lived in London for 7 years and then came back to my hometown, while my friends did sort of the opposite journey and went to uni in Italy to then move abroad. So now I have international friends all over Europe and this was a huge cause for depression a couple years back when they all moved away. I have since made 'mum' friends from the prenatal course and since my child goes to daycare, I have parent friends we sometimes hang out with after school because they live near the daycare (we don't). As an added 'problem', I am a freelance artist so I have 0% in common with most of the other parents, which doesn't make it easy to make lasting friendships both because of scheduling and actual shared interests. I have so far made 2 close-ish friends since my child was born, but they aren't that level of closeness that I would expect from my 'abroad' friends. I do so long for casual hangouts. For people I know implicitly, with whom I can hang out without having a specific reason to do so! This said, I think things will improve for you when your son starts preschool, you'll probably develop more regular hangouts with schoolmates and such. One thing that helped was to create a chat group with some of the more similarly minded mums from my daughter's class to share info about local activities and then we actually use it almost every day to say 'Hey, I'll pick x up at x time today, are you free to hang out in the park?'. The winter months suck, though, because we can't really go to the park as much so someone has to offer their house - and it can never be us because we're the ones who live farther away.
That ending had me laughing. It’s not you Hannah, it’s hard and tiring to find new friends, especially local that are on your time schedule. It seems like people already have their group and are not accepting applications.
‘Long distance’ 😂
My best friends live across multiple seas and continents
Deffo feeling the most people have moved out of London and my friends who are here, especially the ones who live nearby are all from London so they have all their roots nearby. I am single and have no kids so don’t even have my own family unit. I’ve decided to buy just outside of London but still on a tube line rather than move circles are becoming a lot smaller. Would be good for me to find more roots!
Just wondering what the pull of London is for you currently? Is there anything? As you work remotely, you could move anywhere, whether that be 'back home' (or closer to it) or somewhere different. I feel that London is such a busy city but too spread out, there's no greater loneliness then being surrounded by people but knowing no one. I'd say you'd probably get a lot of out moving north - cheaper housing, more networks, fresh start and lovely family for Rowan to hang with. Oh and babysitters! :)
I have a lot of friends here, have started to put down some roots and my partner's job is very much in London atm
I personally don’t have kids (yet), but I very much relate to this video😭 Basically all of my close proximity friends are my husband’s friends (read: mostly guys), which is nice, but it does feel like they are not “my” friends. The very few people who still live in the area that I know have their own lives with dogs, partners, kids, so planning gets hard!
I definitely feel the friendship struggle and trying to build roots as an American who moved to the UK almost seven years ago. I get on well with my colleagues but I wouldn't want to hang with them outside work. And actually, the biggest local community I've found support in is a group of other American women who live in the same city (and some of them have their British citizenship so I am making British friends XD)! I still struggle with not have like one true 'bestie' near me locally, but at the same time I still have my ride-or-dies from back home too and I made time to visit them when I was in the USA for Christmas. And I have my partner and online fandoms. Friendship looks a lot different for me now but that's okay.
Hi, i have a lot to say about this. While im not a parent (yet) i am a human, and a Londoner. I have always struggled with loneliness, and i think living in london has a lot to do with that unfortunately. It is treated as a liminal space, a place to make money and move on. I recently moved to a new city (berlin) and the differences between how people approach community is really interesting. It is a more international place, especially after brexit, and the cost of living is a lot lower, which sets people up for a much more gentle lifestyle then london. Honestly, i would argue that looking into moving to manchester might be a really wonderful idea. I would also really like to have more honest, frank conversations about the cost of living, brexit and the impact that has had on london. Also, your vulnerability is really courageous and helpful to see expressed. One more thing, i was inspired by your coffee mornings and have been making a point of hosting every Sunday evening. It’s been wonderful, we have had two dinner parties and one film night, and it has been a wonderful way to cement new friendships in this new city.
It's tough. As a childless person I would feel really out of place at a coffee morning with parents and children, no matter how much I was told I was welcome. Maybe in the same way I feel like people shouldn't bring children to adult events like book clubs, although I know that sounds harsh too. Good on you for working on it because it is tough.
My only minor gripe is these are not just London issues. I live in Edinburgh and we have similar issues of distance, many moved here as young adults and don't have family and are now debating moving.....it's hard
funny you say that because I did have to bring Rowan to a book club one evening because Dan was busy with work but actually it was fine! Luckily the bookshop have toys and Ro was very chill and just played for an hour while everyone chatted.
@@morehannah That's great! Equally I think there's a difference between one kid who can play alone and everyone having one and them needing attention. Or, like situations I've been in, not parenting their kids and me feeling awkward because I can see their kid needs attention but it's not appropriate for me to get involved :/
I am currently in a weird spot where I’ve moved to the town that my partner grew up in and so my “friend deficits” when we had our little one was friends who are just my friends and mum friends (he has lots of friends and sometimes we hang out with his friends and their partners). The only success I’ve found with friendships are hobby-based events (I go to a craft night once a month) and people I’ve met through childcare settings. I find the hobbies one has created the most superficial friendships in that I only really speak to my craft night friends at craft night, we wouldn’t go for coffee or whatever. But childcare settings are where it’s at for friends. I’m super socially awkward but “hey, my kid talks about your kid all the time, shall we do a play date?” Is a great ready made starter question and it doesn’t feel desperate because I can play it like it’s for my kid 😂 if we don’t gel, we have less play dates but I’ve really hit it off with one mum and we’re planning to go out kid free soon. The childcare setting option also has the obvious benefit that your kids already like each other so they keep each other entertained. I’ve literally given our nursery a note that just says “Hi, I’m Jodie (X’s mum) if you’d like to arrange a play date for *your kid and my kid* please text me” with my number and asked nursery to give it to the other kids mum at pick up, so you don’t even have to wait to bump into people 😊
Yes I think there’s a general feeling that all the “normal” people already have perfect friends and friendships and/or are too busy with their equally perfect partners/kids/jobs to actively seek friends. It’s a very “don’t you have anything else going on to care about that?” moment. Which is sad.
Would you also tackle the topic of losing your village when you become a mum? 😢
I think so many people are in the same boat even if their circumstances are very different. I live in a rural area that is largely very conservative as a very liberal childfree person who doesn't drink. There aren't really activities in my area to meet people and I'm always weary of trying to make new friends because most people near me didn't share my values.
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I can relate a bit, I'm not a mother, but I am disabled and trying so hard to creaye commynity in London. I tried many things, groups with similar interests, dancing, health situation.. I'm NW, so going further than central is hard. I think I'll have a bit of brake in this, I feel drained from trying👍 About the toothbrush, how noisy is it?
I feel like I remember thinking it was quieter than my old one when I first got it but it's been a while so I'm not 100% sure anymore and have nothing to compare it to now!
@@morehannah thanks! also loved the video!
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Videos like this make me so grateful for my church community. All local, lots of parents and non parents, people of all ages and life stages and an enforced group hang every Sunday morning lol. Being a parent can still be very lonely for me but I know I have a circle of pals I'll see on Friday at the toddler group who will totally understand