@@WorshipperOfKhone Harry cried, as everybody watched his political career melting down to his feet. He dared to interrupt the world saver (sic). There would be rioting at Hogwarts.
Theresa just shows up unannounced at the house of commons and gives a speech about how she doesn't want to give a speech and then is deeply, personally offended when someone asks why she is there LMAO
Theresa: Oh, I'm just a nice humble individual, I'm not here because I want any attention. Random polititian: So why are you here? also Theresa: YOU DARE TALKING TO THERESA, THE LORD AND SAVIOUR OF THE EARTH! FOR INTERRUPTING MY SPEECH YOU'RE DOOMED FOR ETERNITY
The eagerly-watching crowd (which was the BIGGEST CROWD IN HISTORY) all gasped in amazement. They had never in their entire lives witnessed someone so humble and relatable.
@@generalgrievous2202 And named it Theresium. He claimed he did so because its cleavage was almost as charming as hers; everyone knew it was because he hoped the flattery would cause her to relent, though none would ever say it out loud.
headcanon- Theresa was actually in a coma from her huge belly-flop, everything is her imagination/she entered a world where she has god like powers. The final part where Theresa and Steve say they will age again after having 420 (blaze it) kids and 'our work here was done' was her either waking up, or dying (600 years didnt actually pass, just in her mind it did/thats why she didnt age/600 years could be just 600 days perhaps? or 600 hours? idk)
in Norman's world, Patrick's "We should TAKE Bikini Bottom, and PUSH it SOMEWHERE ELSE!!!" would have not only worked but also have earned him a nobel prize
Speaking as an English person, we wouldn't "ooh and aah" at the sight of someone walking around the streets in an American firefighter helmet. As a matter of fact, we'd point and laugh because they'd look like a twat.
In america it would be somewhere between confusion and laughter, confusion because "what the fuck is this person doing" and laughing for about the same reason
As another English person, can I add that there would be no rioting in the home town of the MP who dared interrupt her. In fact, they'd probably laugh and cheer him on.
The fact that OPEC would get this mad at Theresa grounding terrorists for no reason leads me to believe she actually just grounded every muslim person in the world assuming that's what "terrorist" meant and the book just never tells us
This is distressingly plausible. Also, the fridge horror is really trivialized by calling it 'grounding.' Few people live within walking distance of their jobs, so what Theresa's doing is akin to getting them fired, bankrupted, and eventually evicted. If any of these people get sick or injured, an ambulance will not be able to transport them. And if she includes motorized wheelchairs in her definition of "vehicles..."
It is worth noting that many of the OPEC governments do provide direct material support to terrorist groups. Saudi Arabia is responsible for most of it, though aid to Hamas is kind of universally agreed upon within that group. There's even been accusations of several Islamic countries sending soldiers to fight in these terrorist organizations, though it's pretty hard to prove the difference between someone from another country who was radicalized and came of their own initiative, and someone who came on orders from their government. However, it's hardly a new claim. Russian paratroopers in Afghanistan claimed to have engaged Pakistani special forces on several occasions, and I've met Iraq and Afghan war veterans who swear they fought Iranian and Saudi soldiers while they were there. Again, there's no hard evidence, and these people could be wrong. The one consistent thing about combat throughout history is that it's confusing and chaotic, but there is a motive for these nations to do this, and clandestine ideologically motivated operations are hardly a new concept. We already know that MACV-SOG was operational in Vietnam years before the war officially started, and we know the SAS took part in the Rhodesian Bush War, so it is possible that these reports are entirely accurate, and Theresa was grounding serving members of these nations' militaries
@@filmandfirearms That's a very interesting and well thought out comment that made me learn something new. Which to me means that this definitely wasn't going on in Norman's head and he just got it right by accident.
From what it looks like, he actually didn't touch most of the notes on it for his own sanity. And that's a good thing, because just listening to him talking about this crap makes me want to pirate this book, just so I can print it out and burn it at the stake. If someone were to use a continuity weapon on our universe, just to wipe out this book before it existed, I honestly wouldn't mind.
That's actually what happened in my country and it caused a deep rooted hatred between two ethnic groups. It's mostly gone in the younger generations, but those people who actually lived in that time still, to this day, hold a grudge. Even though it wasn't the people's fault, it was (foreign) governments' decisions. But it's still well known that the "sváb"s and the "székely"s hate each other. Just wanted to point it out that what Theresa (/Norman) suggests is not only frowned upon history, but it causes very serious issues that last for a good while.
@@Ellisepha I'm from Hungary. The thing I'm talking about is the treaty of Trianon and the dismemberment of historic Hungary. Look it up if you feel like it, but I don't know what you'll find. There are several versions, and depending on your country you might actually not get to read any of the bad effects of the treaty. Winners write history, after all. I'll write down how it happened, because although I didn't live during that time, I had family members who experienced it first hand, and I have family member who grew up experiencing the aftereffects of it. And they were eager to tell.. But I'lll warn you in advance, it's gonna be long. I'll post it in a separate comment just in case you're interested.
There was a recent game with a tutorial about a guy being corrupted by chaos on a journey to find where his countries missing god went. He gives pretty much the same line about his army when they see his physical corruption and red eyes as a sign he was going mad ... and he later stabs his brother Pretty similar to Theresa's evil except he was a more well rounded character
@@cameronroy2129 Krimson covers 'Book-Whackyness', ok, but what about Films? What about Real-Lifes? If its not too random to ask: Can i give you some watch-suggests? I promise Whackyness!!
Headcanon: This world is Minecraft. Building ice columns, pick axing water and trapping villagers in pens so they can cheer for her. Update: Just got to the exodus part. Head Canon confirmation.
There's an old adage that says an author cannot write a character who is more clever than they are. Norman has demonstrated an element of that which I never considered before: An author cannot write a character that is more moral than they are. This man's moral's are frightening.
@@Mecharnie_Dobbs An author can spend weeks coming to the wrong conclusion; their character would then come to the wrong conclusion instantly. In other words, the characters of a stupid author aren't smarter; they're *stupid faster.*
Sorow Fame Beer is alchohol, meaning that it has to brew and ferment over time. I’m no expert, so I don’t know exactly how long, but the wheat has to be kept in its casket for significantly longer than a single day
@@SorowFame Traditionally, Oktoberfest beer was/is brewed in March, and that isn't a bad thing at all, the storage time is an important part of developing the flavour profile. Nowadays, there are many different variations sold at the Oktoberfest, including lighter brews, but "daily" is a pretty silly claim :)
Irl science calculations would probably put her above star butterfly kill count and that's fucking impressive as star probably killed over half of all life on earth (fusing 2 universes when we see some meter overlapping means lots of sudden bloody explosions+monsters suddenly exists+wtf is with the weather)
Nevermind the population differences, HOW THE HELL are you going to fit nearly 10 million people on goddamn Crete? The island's tiny and is a major reason for its puny population.
That’s 9 million, including the Arab, Bedew and Druzy population. We assume Norman wanted to just “evict” the Jewish population, which is STILL 7 million. IDK what he’s smoking but as his Joan of Arc sex doll once said, “that’s not fitting in there”
KrimsonRogue: Hello, you. Cat: What you reading today, human? Can I join in? KrimsonRogue: (reads Empress Theresa) Cat: Oh god, not that shit again! (leaves)
That's funny, but I don't think it would really work because it's already fiction. "...and then everbody clapped." is basically a cheeky way of calling out people for their ridiculous "totally real" stories that are pretty much either blatant lies or grossly exaggerated.
@@AndrewChumKaser I mean, if Theresa was a real person doing these sort of actions with her powers, you know she'd be in maximum security prison. What I meant was, nobody would react in such a positive way to her antics, like the story portrays.
@@sentretsparkle True, but again the point I was making is that that still isn't applicable to use the phrase "And then everbody clapped". It's a phrase born on a meta level out of criticism of fake stories found in places like reddit or twitter. It's not so general to be used in such a way to demonstrate something that is so obviously unbelievable and tone deaf. I don't think Norman has ever suggested that Teresa and this book are real accounts of something that actually happened. (Though at this point I wouldn't put it past him.) That kind of situation would be a time to use "and then everyone clapped" against him.
It really is unsurprising that a person who compared themselves to Hitler would turn out to be a controlling, wrathful, power hungry person once they gained powers.
Yeah, I'm getting the feeling this Norman fella is a closet Neo-Nazi. Because no sane person would compared themselves to one of the world's worst dictators in history.
That moment when he tries to write a Christian character but ends up writing a character who literally uses the book of Revolations as a checklist of seal breaking
It’d be a blessing to see the four horsemen riding over the horizon in this world because then Theresa wouldn’t find another way to fuck up the planet any further.
@@AO1hasyoutube It's seriously amazing how bad he messed up this character. The fact he thought Theresa was being a good Christian girl when she's been doing literally everything _but_ that reminds me of a Karen who believes their poorly behaved child is an angel
Norman literally writing himself into blasphemy by making Theresa God... but a lot of immoral moment. God forbid if a town of people question Theresa, she will give them Sodom and Gomorrah.
I really like how according to norman, the Only thing between our world and the global blimp anti-terrorist surveillance system is the helium supply and not the stupid cost or the sheer impracticality
theresa was so proud to be on TV for *high-school* *baseball* and hating on trolls but bashes people for 'wanting attention for their achievements' im dead
"We could send up dirigibles to spy on terrorists!" We stopped using airships in warfare back in WW2 because they're ridiculously easy to shoot down, Norman. Holy shit.
Yeah, from what I understand terrorism isn't so much organizations- it's more about using methods that cause people to be afraid of you so badly that they adhere to whatever you tell them to.
@@idongesitusen5764 Theresa's MO appears to be causing people to be so afraid of her that they adhere to whatever she tells them to. If only there were a word for that.
@@dylanbednarz4430 maybe, i have seen a guy who try to justify their "quirky" insane massacre that got the group almost killed twice as for the good inside and outside the game as what his character would do as CG. But im open that this is maybe outlier from the norm.
You forgot the part where everyone obsesses over how perfect her fart is, then it becomes a huge social trend to fart with pride only for it to destroy the ozone which Teresa needs to solve through some deus ex machina.
So this book was about a self-proclaimed "good-girl" slowly turning evil as she gains more and more power. Might make for an interesting villain backstory
Sounds like a book I read in HS called Dorothy Must Die. From what I can remember, it was rather good and had a similar concept, but with bastardized versions of the characters and settings from The Wizard of Oz.
Honestly if Theresa's actions were just seen as stupid 10 year old logic, a bratty one with no boundaries and who doesn't like to learn shit that no one corrects out of fear of being deleted, the exact same story would work Just add the real world consequences of that and badaboom
I have been rewatching this for the last few months, but I only just realised that “Ta- ee- sah” (the chant from the chinese) sounds... a LOT like the chinese phrase for “She killed one” or, possibly “She once killed” So UHH-
Theresa: "You're not allowed to be mean to me. You have to be nice to me. You have to love me. But oh no, I don't want to be on camera, I want privacy. But I have to know that everyone loves me. But I want privacy. But you have to love me" Ad infinitum
i dont like being on camera, but im going to wear a form-fitting and slightly revealing dress when im on world-wide television so everyone can see how attractive my barely-legal body is. I like my privacy. im a good catholic girl. Im happy to have had a photo taken of me and made into a poster. i like the thought of being a pin-up girl.
Also "I freely give interviews on air. I don't want want to be on TV, I want to be left alone. Everyone who's on TV is there because they want it! I don't want to be on TV but I am."
You know, the idea of a religious person basically having god powers would be a great idea. Seeing the character having a struggle of faith as they try to fix everything, make a huge fuck up, and then trying to fix that fuck up. *But this ain't it-*
It's kinda what happened to Castiel in Supernatural when he slurped up everything from Purgatory. Tho he was an angel beforehand, it was still a pretty interesting plotline.
You know, if Theresa realized what she did was horrible, the book could have been significantly better AND give a message to the audience: even good people can become corrupt, or something else.
I think I'm going to turn this into an SCP A reality bending alien attaches itself to a little girl. She proceeds to artificially age herself and alter the world in a AK-Class end of the world scenario and a CK-Class Restructuring Scenario. The foundation operatives (labeled by her as the assassins) are continually thwarted by her mindless legions. Eventually, through the use of SCP-001, Teresa is eliminated. SCP-2000 is activated and humanity is restored. Only one of Teresa's followers, named Norman Bares, managed to avoid the foundation.
Here's my take: Special Containment Procedures: SCP 6969 is housed at a Foundation blacksite in [REDACTED], Great Brittain. SCP 6969 is to be provide a cage with a minimum of five (5) chipmunks, tamed to the point of eating out of a human's hand. Have a minimum of fifty (50) D-class personel praise SCP 6969 in embarassingly blatant displays at least once every twelve (12) hours. One of these D-class should identify himself to SCP 6969 as Prime Minister Blair. Once every three (3) weeks, allow SCP 6969 to travel to the foundation training facility in [REDACTED], and tell her it's Paris. Once every two (2) months, have a D-class personel at the end of his service period and thus particularly expendable ask SCP 6969 a question which could maybe be considered slightly critical. Provide computer generated footage of, and correspondence from, faked adoring crowd. By following these containment procedures, SCP 6969 will remain sufficiently self-absorbed to cause any real damage. Under no circumstance should any personel inform SCP 6969 of any problem of any kind, especially any that SCP 6969 caused. This will prevent incidence such as the 20[REDACTED] incident where an [REDACTED] was created at the [REDACTED] pole, which caused an estimated [REDACTED] billion casualties.
I know I’m late, but personal head cannon is that HAL’s first reflex was to mind control every single being on earth to love her. But he continues to run out of power(letting people get moments of clarity as to why she sucks) due to all the awful, and vain things she does.
That's actually a great headcanon, I didn't think of it like that. It absolutely makes sense, and would make for a very interesting way to read the story imo
You know, in the hands of a better author, Theresa becoming a tyrannical and self-centered despot could make for a fascinating story. It could start out with an innocent girl gaining powers over Earth, and using those powers for good. Unfortunately, power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely. It all goes to her head, and she starts using her powers for selfish and destructive reasons, and because everyone is too scared of her or they're yes-men, they don't challenge or question her authority. Now, you could have a confidant like her husband or that priest from the beginning who tries to reason with her, telling her that she's taking things way too far. She could either: A) Grow angry and paranoid, fearing that the two closest people in her life have suddenly turned against her, and becomes more and more evil. B) Begins to agree with their words, but before she can make amends for ruining everything, she and her loved ones are caught in a terrorist attack. She's injured, and her loved ones are dead. This could be the point where she snaps, and practically destroys the world (or makes it hell for everyone) in her pursuit of revenge. Eventually, though, she grows old and withered, being unable to use her powers after fucking up the planet. All she has left are regrets, living in a world where she is either hated or forgotten about. Maybe in her dying moments, she reflects what she could have done to not go down the path she had taken. And so, "Empress" Theresa Sullivan Hartley dies. Alone. Hated. Forgotten about in the annals of time. It's an idea.
This is very similar to what I was imagining this book could have been. I also thought it might be interesting if HAL was manipulating her and/or the people of the world for his own personal gain, and maybe if Theresa was actually interesting, she might be clever or charismatic enough to overcome HAL despite his god powers. Or she could use her powers hazing a single mother for DARING to take a case against her that's destined to fail anyway. I guess she could do that instead.
Don’t remind me of that city. The only city in this state we hate as much as philly is Allentown. Oh god no don’t the nam flashbacks to the eagles super bowl. Oh god make it stop
She makes everyone fill a container or bucket of cold water from there house and pour that cold water into the ocean. Now let's see what the real answer is.
@@charnel8435 Same. It seemed to fit the way the book has been progressing. Theresa would make another planet suitable for comfortable living, then only transport people who adore her to that planet. Everyone else would be stuck on the world she destroyed while experimenting with her powers. Then, her fanclub would praise her for "saving" humanity from the old, corrupt world and the bad people who had lived there.
When I got to the part where the general asked if Theresa could bring in helium from the sun, I thought, "Okay, that's actually kind of smart. There's a very limited amount of helium on Earth and helium is used in MRI scans and can be used for nuclear fusion experiments." Then I read the next line.
Normally you'd want a villain origin story to give said villain some redeeming qualities, something that can make you question how things went so wrong at least, or make you feel somewhat sorry for them. Theresa has none. She's boorish, stupid and tyrannical, and has nothing good going for her.
She acts more like Palpatine during the "you interrupted me" scene at about 7:00. All that's missing is the scene where the poor bastard is sublimated with force lightning. Hell, GRIFFITH FROM BERSERK is able to carry himself in a less outwardly malicious and egotistical manner than Theresa.
Norman is like the very old joke-stereotype: "American who thinks europeans drive wagons instead of cars even though cars were invented there...." I hail from deep rural Finland where indoor plumbing might miss from few people and I HAVE SEEN that helmet on tv!
I really like the part where Theresa goes to Paris and complains about the Louvre because of the SIZE of the Mona Lisa. She entered a museum, wrongly assume the Mona Lisa was going to be a certain size, the Mona Lisa is too small for her completely arbitrary standards, and somehow she pins that on the Louvre and France being not up to the hype.
@@vraolet wasn't it weird in that section that Norman states "not many people were even looking at the mona lisa"? What day did you possibly pick to go on when there wasn't at least a hundred people taking selfies with the mona lisa? What kind of weird flex is he trying to pull by making his character so blasé about everything in Europe? It's pretty, and historic, and steeped in culture - be impressed dammit!
Why does he even stage most of the story in Europe if he’s just going to demonstrate how backwards he thinks every part of the world is except the United States? You would think he would stay far away from areas he hates, but the book has a trip to Paris just to complain about France.
@@oddluck4180 well the world ending didn't really seemed to affect people. Even if it did, I'm sure there would've been a lot of people who would have the mona lisa on their bucket list.
The first two Theresa reviews were fun; the next two give me genuine anxiety. Imagine living in a world where a crazy tyrant like her exists, fucking up the universe as you know it all around you, constantly barely solving problems she creates to then fuck things up even more with her fixes. People in that book should be in a constant state of panic and despair. She'd be stoned in the streets.
I seriously am of the opinion that she is using HAL to mind control everyone, either consciously or subconsciously, and that's why everyone is happy and loves her despite her destroying the world.
@@thequeenofcringe1585 Either way, it's really fucked up. Although rewriting the story from the perspective of somebody on Earth who's watching everything go on around them would be badass.
I would love to see a story of an actual scientist living in this world and having to deal with Theresa's stupid ass decisions while their voice is drowned out in endless support for Theresa
Ok another lesson for writers never have a character who isn't evil use the line "You interrupted me, nobody interrupts me" because there is no way anyone can say that in any tone of voice short of a mocking impression of how narcissistic another character is acting Edit: Holy crap was the way Teresa is talking now it almost seems like this book was in favor with the government trying to kill her and their only failing was that they decided to kill her in the dumbest way possible. in S.C.P the global occult coalition "G.O.C" talk about reality benders reaching what they call the "Child god stage" where a reality bender will become so consumed with their own power the will start to look at normal people as beneath them and can cause untold amounts of destruction and suffering and not even care Teresa is fucking there
The only way I can see that line working when used by a good character is if the character is someone who is usually put on a pedestal and treated as untouchable despite wanting to be seen as normal. The line could then be said with pleasant surprise because somebody FINALLY saw them as someone normal enough to feel comfortable interrupting them.
Right? At this point I can't help but wonder that Norman wanted to make Theresa a terrible person, but seeing some of the lines and opinions he writes of her it's pretty obvious he's imagining her as a powerful, determined and hard working woman. Too bad he doesn't understand that "poweful and determined" isn't the same thing as "narcissistic tyrant *sshole".
Theresa, even in a story that isn't Trying to portray her that way, is actually a significantly scarier example of a Type Green than anything The Foundation's ever caught. She's basically The Witch Girl if Clef had never noticed and murdered her.
Are you sure? All hail the one and only goddess. Pray she doesn't squash you like a bug as she carelessly walks the earth like a giant. Praise her name so you don't incur her ire and have to face her wrath.
Skeleton War Broke: If a benevolent God exists why would he allow evil to exist in the world? Woke: If a benevolent God exists why would he allow Norman Boutin to exist?
God allows for bad things materially to happen. He doesnt just make everything materially perfect for everyone, as suffering adversity is sometimes beneficial for people and from a cosmic perspective, theres no real reason to be adverse to adversity or be attached to materially good things happening in anyone's life
I think what kills me the most out of everything is Theresa doesn't talk like a 21st century girl. She sounds like a 60 year old man who is obsessed with her. Really think Norman took a page out of Samuel Richardson's book, he was another 60 year old man who wrote moral books for young women and was also weirdly obsessed with his teenage characters. They were always describing themselves as beautiful and clever and everyone loved them and those that didn't were evil...yeah...
She sounds like one of those girls in school who was popular but an absolute backstabbing bully but then went 'uwu im just a sweet girl~!' (kinda like a Regina George)
I find it especially creepy how he drools over canonically-barely-18 Theresa, and then outright describes a woman in her thirties as being as good as dead, essentially. Thinking about this old man going “ew, adult women 🤮 my teenage waifu is so much hotter” is making my skin crawl, mate.
This book is starting to remind me of that Twilight Zone episode "It's a Good Life." The premise of a petty, narcissistic little boy gaining godlike powers and exerting tyrannical control over a town really applies to this book, though the execution is of course different. It's a Good Life is presented as a short horror story, where Anthony Fremont is a monster to be feared. This book sets up Theresa to be a Jesus figure to be admired. Making it so someone can't drive a car is a short step towards banishing people to cornfields.
@Morphing Taxi Seeing his reactions, either he's fuckin' weird for never talking out of character (why the fuck would you make yourself a lolcow intentionally), or he is not a clever boi at all.
Gocker, you just came up with the perfect solution to fixing Theresa’s tyranny. There was a second part to that story from the 80s reboot called “It’s Still a Wonderful Life” where the boy has grown up (played by the same actor, you’re welcome for that trivia. 😜) The boy is grown up and has a daughter who has the same power as him. Her grandmother convinces her to bring everyone back and reconnect their town to the rest of the world, basically undo everything her father did. He and his daughter fight, but she wins in the end and they decide to travel the world. So have one of her 400 kids realize how badly she has messed everything and everyone up, and then they have to undo it. Only in this version, the kid kills her and their siblings because that cow deserves it for messing with a woman just trying to make a living doing her damn job because Theresa doesn’t give a damn about basic economics.
20:40 Did the math for their visit to Germany for anyone interested: Assuming "mugs" refers to those big beer steins you see at Oktoberfest, Steve had at least 32 drinks. That's actually a low estimate if the beer is actually twice the strength of American beer, because that assumes these beers are 10% ABV, twice the strength of your average light beer. Depending on how fast he drank this, his blood alcohol content could be upwards of .6%. Not .06, but .6, and it could be even higher. People can start dying at *.4%*, and Steve is still fucking standing. This book is so casually insane I can't help but be kind of impressed.
Theresa: im in jail for killing someone. The stupid judge and jury! I wouldnt even be here a night before all my supporters broke down the walls of the prison to release me! The jury was full of my haters from high school I'm sure! The judge was intimidated by me-he knew a good girl like me would only kill someone in a serious situation and he did not care! By the end of the week, no- by the end of the DAY he would get barred and stripped of his title. All members of the jury would be sent to Witness protection. But since everyone on the entire planet was watching my court case (it took up every single station on every television in the entire world, even in North Korea!), they would never truly be safe
this actually happened in the real world. mansa musa was the ruler of the great mali empire in the 14th century. he was also known as the richest man who ever lived. no joke. historians have no clue about how damn rich he was, with estimates stating that at one point, he owned about half of the gold reserves of europe. musa was a devote muslim and thus made the Hajj to mecca. he and his massive procession passed through cairo and was literally giving out handfuls of gold dusts to damn near everyone. goods and services marked up their prices, which musa and his crew were EASILY able to pay for. because he flooded the market with so much gold, musa unintentionally crashed the economy of the entire region for a decade. thankfully he was able to fix it when he passed back through on his way home but the point still stands. that's basically what theresa did but on a global scale. IMHO, theresa Sullivan maybe the worst villain in literary history. voldemort wishes he was this damn evil.
It seems like Musa did that with good intentions, having no idea it would crash the economy. And he did fix it when he returned. Teresa, however, is a horrible person who doesn't seem to have any good intentions unless it's for herself.
At the very least Mansa Musa was able to correct his mistake. Theresa not only doesn’t correct it but actively says its the best outcome. Now I understand why Norman kept bringing up Hitler comparisons, Theresa was always meant to be the fucking bad guy.
@@darrelsam419 You are mistaken. He is not bound by a curse. He is bound by a righteous fury and dedication to his duty. Our champion has vowed not to rest until every single one of Normans mistakes are laid bare, until this travesty of a book is torn to shreds both phisycally and metaphoricaly.
As a Bavarian I can tell you not even the most experienced of Oktoberfest visitors will walk in a straight line after 6 mugs... That just ain't happening
Norman kept insisting that Theresa is a "good christian girl" only make her into King Ghidorah from King of The Monsters, they both have the ability to terraform and cause mass extinctions through their actions. The difference being Ghidorah is an intentionally malicious alien that sees other species as inferior where as Theresa is an emotionally stunted ass with the empathy level of a jellyfish.
crypto457 The jellyfish from Spongebob had more empathy than Theresa and they fucking occupied his house against his will to go on an 18 hour rave-party.
No, Theresa quite clearly thinks of herself as _vastly_ superior to everyone else, just wait until Krim gets to the final chapters. If ya want spoilers, here: A skydiver tries to recreate her fall into the ocean to prove its survivability, as a lot of people are beginning to suspect that Theresa planned all of this to make herself look like a hero and take over the world (they're not far off, she very clearly is a megalomaniac). Theresa knows he will die, does nothing to stop him even though she comments on how easily she would be able to do so, _coldly watches him die,_ and calls him "stupid" as she stares at his lifeless corpse using her creepy spy-vision. OUR HERO, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. But wait, it gets even worse! Then Theresa pretty much forces all of North Korea to bow to her every whim, kills off the nation's leaders, installs herself as its de-facto dictator (which she refers to herself as, she actually calls herself the new dictator of NK) and forces them to re-integrate into South Korea, by threat of her powers, basically saying she'll murder the fuck out of anyone who doesn't do exactly as she says. There's so much more, but I've spoiled enough, I'll only give away the ending if you want me to. But needless to say, Theresa is...frankly, a nightmare. I'd like to remind you all that Norman Boutin earnestly believes this book is the best novel ever to exist. He thinks it should be required reading for all high-schoolers, and places it on par with the bible in its cultural importance. He actually is convinced that Theresa, this horrible, selfish, sadistic, narcissistic, manipulative, downright psychopathic girl, is the pinnacle of human morality and virtue. Norm, you are a monster.
I've done some research into Norman (I read his wiki) and apparently before publishing Empress Theresa he went to a Jewish forum and posted the excerpt from the book about his fake Jewish exodus scene so he could get feedback on it from their perspective. Naturally when they pointed out what he was doing was both massively unrealistic and deeply offensive he then proceeded to argue with them.
@@piffba I have seen people like that. I listened to a post on there where some woman was mad her in laws asked the DJ at her wedding to play this song they got married to years ago or w/e, and she was asking Reddit if it was rude of her to be mad. Her update was like, ignoring everyone who said she was TA and claiming they were just misogynistic or w/e,,,i'll have to find that post again
Bruh, Theresa is basically the less likable and less competent version of Light Yagami, living in a world of characters with the personality of a cardboard box
ALSO: didn’t hitler originally plan to move all the Jews to an island, namely Madagascar? Wasn’t his OG plan for the final solution to put all the European Jews on an island??? Theresa is LITERALLY hitler. What
I feel like, based purely on the logic that Madagascar could probably then be renamed 'Isreal,' I'm going to see a Huffington Post article that reads "Donald Trump supports Israel...so did HITLER!" after this Covid-19 situation dies down.
Theresa: I don't talk to reporters because they're not elected officials Also Theresa: if any elected officials dare to ask simple questions, I'll ruin their whole career with a look.
@Babba Yaaga pretty sure the author just has issues with news media. Which...I mean...fair enough, but i'm pretty sure there are better ways to express it than this
Stan Lee(Creator of Spiderman):"With great power, comes great responsibility" Norman Boutin(Author of Empress Theresa):"So! I could do anything I wanted to anybody and nobody would dare do anything about it! I kind of like that." So why dose Norman not see the problem.
The thing is, Stan actually had both skill and effort placed into his work, same with Jack Kirby and the others. Norman on the other hand, was just a dumbass who had no skill, nor did he place any effort into the book besides sucking Theresa's dick.
Ironic since that line dates back to the bible so Good Christian Girl Theresa ✝️ has once again gone against the bible and is why God keeps fucking ignoring her. 😒 "The adage particularly bears a close resemblance to the Christian bible verse of Luke 12:48: "From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked." (Another translation: "To whomever much is given, of him will much be required; and to whom much was entrusted, of him more will be asked.") Usage of the particular wording ("great power" and "great responsibility"), however, dates back to the time of the French Revolution at the very least, as the following sentence is found in the "Plan de travail, de surveillance et de correspondance" ('Work, surveillance and correspondence plan') proposed by the Comité de Salut Public ('Committee of Public Safety') during the 1793 French National Convention" - Wikipedia
The fact that Norman so clearly hates reporters and constantly talks about Theresa being bullied online makes me think he's got a lot of experience in that area. It sounds like he was called out by a lot of people in the past. There are so many elements to his writing that remind me of Onision - the god complex for example, and the rants about atheism, where with Onision it's ranting about religion. They can only feel safe in what they believe if they shit on other belief systems, but ironically they both sound exactly the same. To be honest I don't think either of them fully believes in what they're saying. If they did they would have brought proper arguments from the other side to pit against their own, but instead they just strawman everyone and use it to make themselves feel secure. I'm not at all surprised that their books are crap. Their fear of learning that their writing sucks is so overwhelming that they don't even attempt to try to better it, to do some research about it. They just call every failure an 'artistic choice' and that is it.
The reason why Norman is internet famous isn't just because he wrote a terrible book but he responded to every criticism of the book like it was a personal attack on him. Amazon has a comment limit of 1,000 and Norman was able to reach it just by arguing with everyone who doesn't think he's book is brilliant. Remember according to KR here stuff about Theresa dealing with internet trolls and bullies was added in with later editions.
Narcisim is stemmed from fragile self-esteem typically, so it would make sense that all this hate came from Norman going through some pretty serious crap like a bad break up. Honestly looking at what we do know about the guy through all the lies, it seems like a lot of things in his life has gone wrong and could've caused him to be like he is. Regardless of the reason though, he decided to dig himself a grave so deep that now his name will forever be associated with being unable to take criticism and arrogance. The guy needs a therapist desperately.
Norman strikes me at the kind of guy who willingly remains ignorant because he cannot take even the slightest amount of constructive criticism needed to learn anything
@@thehermit8618 Norman has admitted this except not in those exact words. But during one of the many fights he's had on Amazon reviews for his book when someone asked if he did any research Norman admitted that except for when having to look up specific figures such as the atomic mass of Xenon he did no research for Empress Theresa. He already believed he knew everything.
hey Krim I did the maths on Steve's alcohol consumption I looked up the ABV of some American Beer, and it looks like they're usually between 3-5%. Let's assume that Norman meant that German Beer is about 8%, which is strong but standard, and so Steve had 6 litres of beer with an ABV of 8%. This comes out to about 27 standard drinks, which is nearly 4 bottles of wine, OR a little more than a bottle of Vodka, OR (if it's easier for you to visualise), 27 shots of tequilla. According to the NHS (National Health Service), at more than 12 units in a short space of time, you are "at high risk of developing alcohol poisoning" and the booze will" interfere with the automatic functions of your body, such as your breathing, heart rate, and gag reflex". Steve's alcohol tolerance is fucking Godlike.
I did the maths at 6 litres of beer at 10% in six hours, which works out to roughly 48 shots, had to guess his weight so the maths might be off a bit, but according to a calculator, he'd be at severe risk of going into a coma or dying.
I'm real late, but would like to participate in the "how will everything get worse" pop quiz. I'm gonna say B, use the "coldness from outerspace". Edit: Dang it.
"I could do anything I wanted to anybody and nobody would dare do anything about it! I kind of liked that." How can you possibly write a line like that and somehow convince yourself that's the thought process of a good guy?!
@@celihenry3227 hmm, you know I think I may have been too hasty in using that label on Norman. He's definitely still a narcissist, but I don't think that there's any record of him physically or emotionally abusing anyone else. He doesn't seem to be able to understand other people enough to see any point of view other than his own, and thus cannot manipulate them. ONISION, OTOH, really would be Malignant. He's also smarter, more charismatic, and a better writer while being a far worse human being.
Can someone put Theresa on the villain's wiki? I seriously think she has a place on that website considering all the horrific things she's done and her complete lack of basic human empathy and ridiculously large self serving attitude. In all seriousness, this might be the first time I've genuinely disliked a fictional character. Seriously, it's almost disturbing how horrible of a human Theresa is and I've seen horrific killers and heartless diddlers in my time as a fan of fiction. Even the Joker would take one look at this chick and say "dude, you're kind of fucked up".
@@siriusPuwu Yeah, tbh. I'm willing to go there because Theresa flat-out takes the rules, makes them her bitch, then imposes her own rules that can't be avoided without fates worse than death on everyone else.
Theresa literally killed millions of people by suddenly putting everyone to sleep And THEN eliminating The human race since she put then to SLEEP And The book not declaring that she stopped their ageing
It's offensive to Joker to even compare him to Theresa. At least Joker just wants to metaphorically watch the world burn. Theresa wants to LITERALLY watch the world burn.
“I can’t allow myself to bullied, so therefore I shall bully an innocent person who filed a completely legitimate suit against, effectively going above the law and becoming a tyrant! I’m the good guy!”
Re: Benjamin Scherzer. Norman indeed based him on Benjamin Netanyahu, but he said Netanyahu would be too obvious (as opposed to Blair). He went into a Jewish forum to discuss this part of the book, and they told him "Scherzer" isn't a Jewish name and in fact means "joker" or something in Yiddish. He kept the name regardless. He kept badgering people about leaving Israel *if they had to*, and they kept saying they wouldn't. He countered it with things like "life can be surprising sometimes", he quoted Benjamin Scherzer over and over, as if Scherzer was a real Israeli authority. People kept telling him they would not leave Israel, and calling him anti-Semitic. He posted this incredibly tone-deaf comment about how he likes "the Jews" and in fact chose to work with a Jewish fellow in dental school, and also thinks Jewish people will be saved. Finally, he threw a tantrum and yelled at the people for being more "rude and crude" than anyone he'd encountered before, and he used to work in a factory. The thread isn't up anymore, but it was pretty epic.
Oh my god... Also Scherzer means jokester in German. A "Scherz" is a Joke and a "Scherzer" can be translated to someone who jokes... Should've been norman's pen name. This is so racist and stupid the most baffling thing of this is the fact, that norman apparently talked to real human beings. His book is written like an alien trying to write humans after spending like a year on earth in a Christian Trump supporter family. Big YIKES!
@@badcookie5755 guess thats what happens when an old sheltered boomer tries to act as if he has this great world-view and cultural knowledge when its clear to anyone with even a passing interest in foreign cultures that he barely knows anything about even his own. He's the Dunning-Krueger effect given flesh
Holy shit... I mean, "Scherzer" as a German word would literally mean "someone who's joking"... Although no one would use that word, as there are plenty of other, more common one... And somehow, as a German, this makes me want to bring back a single certain waterless shower one last time for a certain someone and his omnipotent, bratty, imaginary friend... I can't believe that someone would actually behave that insensitive... Also sounds like he just pulled all the cards, ranging from "You can't say that, because you've never been in exactly that situation I just made up" to "I can't be racist/sexist/xenophobic/anti-semitic, because I used to know a [insert minority] once..."
@@midnight8341 Yeah, it was like the worst kind of "My best friends are black". He went to the dental school in the 70's I think, has he really had no Jewish friends since then? That's pretty bad. Also I doubt Jewish ppl want Catholics to think they're saved, it might have seemed to him like a grand thing to say but I doubt it was received that way.
"The largest gathering ever with 25 million people" Yeah only about 2% of China was there cheering. the other 98% i guess didnt care. Also the largest gathering in the world was actually 30 million for the Kumbh Mela pilgrimage in India (2013...looked it up because the claim seemed fishy).
This book... It's fractal of stupidity overlayed on top of fractal of factual incorrectness. Every page is as stupid and incorrect as the accursed whole.
@@TheZutter Yes it is. Except for the really really old generation, Chinese people speak English very well, as it is a mandatory subject in school. To assume that they couldn't read her damn name right just because they're Chinese is insulting on many levels. He literally judged an entire country based on their origin, which I deemed racist.
@@scipio764 To be fair, Germans also have mandatory English in school, yet most of them (like easily more than half) speak it with the stereotypical, super thicc ass accent that you'd usually expect joke characters in movies to have. Source: Am German.
Hai Le Hoang me being Chinese can guarantee even with someone with zero English knowledge, they'll just say her name the way it would be transliterated (teh-lei-sha or teh-ree-sa something) and not this made-up shit. Yeah why bother to find out that unlike Japanese for example, Mandarin does indeed have a soft "r" sound? Any sane person wouldn't even include this bit because it served nothing other than racism. Yet this is Norman so what do we know.
@pansztuki There was this stereotype in my country that Chinese education system didn't teach any foreign language because of some patriotism bs. So when I was working with six Chinese associations who spoke fluently, it actually blew my mind. Thus I asked the whether that stereotype was true, everyone gave me a more or less similar answer, which I used in my comment. Anyway, for 25 millions people to gather at one place, my guess is it must occur in a major city that should provide decent education for its cotizen; therefore they're likely to get her name right.
I was a volunteer fireman in California for about a year. Those traditional American fire helmets have the wide brim to protect your back. The idea is, if a board full of nails or some other debris were to fall on top of you while fighting a structure fire, the wide brim would protect you from spinal injury by sort of guiding the debris away from your body. One thing to note though is the public would never wear them day to day because they are SUPER HEAVY!!
Can I just say, I really didn't think anything could beat Onisions "Reapers Creek" in stupidity. This is worse. And I don't know how to feel about that. Both are just incomprehensibly terrible, in pretty much every way.
At first I thought Reaper's Creek might have been worse because the first 3 parts of this review weren't nearly as much of a clusterfuck as the climax of Onision's crock of shit, but now I find myself thinking that "At least Onision's crock of shit started out at least somewhat normally"
@@blackknightjack3850 Reaper Creek has one writing technique that I actually agree on: simple hierarchy/build up of storyline-- from Daniel personal story, to his alien encounter, to his family (pedo-shit here), his meeting of girlfriend etc., his alien massacre, then his crazy justice on murderers, then his final showdown to death, god and kull, revival of daughter god, then the rushed end. But ET... because it has too much stories within stories, it just become a long and painful fake climax/plateau of God doing things(even bible has better writing damnit). But we will hear the next chapters, perhaps the plateau can fall fast, it is too painful.
@@chongjunxiang3002 Pretty much. Onision's book is shit but at leas it has a normal structure, dramatic tension, build-up, etc. Whereas Empress Theresa is just a formless cascade of sewage.
This book is about as terrible as Reaper's Creek because I morally cannot say that onion man writing child pornography is better than this book. But it comes very close.
Krimson Calrissian: This book keeps getting worse and worse. Darth Norman: I am not altering the book; pray I don't not alter it any further. Krimson Calrissian: ...that sentence doesn't make any sense! Empress Theresa: Good, good. Let the hate flow through you.
53:30 Theresa's plan to defeat OPEC is to revert everyone back to coal (carbon) power instead of just magically inventing a scalable, stable fusion plant, which is well within her powers.
I mean hell, she doesn’t even have to do that, she clearly has the ability to manipulate the fuck out of water, so all she would have to do is make a few infinite water spouts that turn a few massive turbines and boom, infinite energy. Or just get uranium from space. But no, just make a big pile of coal and burn it the old fashion way.
Personally, the story would have been Infinity times better if Theresa was purposely written as a villian and the story revolved around her side of whatever evil plan she put into action and how she fights against the people who are trying to stop her.
I can agree to this. Theresa and her powers, and the various ways she uses them, keeps reminding me of Lelouch from Code Geass. More so in the way of how Theresa basically became the ruler of the world thanks to her powers, kinda like Lelouch did. so if Norman was a lot smarter with his writing, he could had given us something that basically was his version on Code Geass' story.
Would've been amazing if there was a plot twist at the climax that revealed the alien had secretly altered her thoughts and warped her perception of the world, thinking she was doing good, but secretly the alien was using her to destroy the worlds economy and political system from the inside in preporation for their takeover
Even just not changing the events of the story and just show how deluded she is, convincing herself she's doing everything for the good of the world while her miscalculations bring ruin and suffering instead. Instead reality and physics themselves bend over 90 degrees lest the queen of all Mary Sues have her accomplishments marred by even the tiniest hint of a setback.
I'm a bartender so I couldn't help myself. 1 pint (the standard beer measure in pubs) is just over half a litre. If the Oktoberfest beer really is 2x the % of american beer (which isn't *that* strange - american beers tend to be ~3.5-4% and it's not unusual to find craft beer pushing 6-8%) that means our boy Steve had the equivalent of nearly 24 pints. For reference, 4 is usually a good place to stop.
That sounds about right. Oktoberfest doesn't use pints, it uses Maßkrüge, which hold 1l of beer and the average alcoholic content of Oktoberfest beer is 6-6.5%, with the average drinking speed being roughly 1l per 30 minutes. That said, 6 Maß isn't exactly a preposterous claim, especially young guys between 16 and 20 do often drink 5-6 Maß in as little as 3 hours there; it's hot in the pavilions, they have a good basis of hearty Bavarian foods, and the festive atmosphere makes them a bit coltish. I mean, you'll be close to a blood alcohol content of 0.40 or above and definitely NOT as unaffected as Steve supposedly is and instead more close to...well, dying of alcohol poisoning, but it IS something that happens semi-frequently.
It's more than possible to drink around that much. It's a pretty poor choice as you'll definitely fall down and will probably piss yourself, but you can do it.
vizthex - just for fun, I did some back of the envelope calculations with an online BAC calculator. Assuming a consumption period of 8 hours, Norman being truthful on the double strength, and a Steve weight of 180 pounds (first hit for “average weight for...” was for a height of 6’1” , with 180 corresponding to the middle of the range listed), his BAC would be .85%. I should point out the LD50 of alcohol is .4%. Some people have been found alive at 1%+, but they are not common.
20:42 "despite being a good catholic boy, Steve drank six mugs of beer" Catholicism and beer basically go hand in hand in Bavaria, it was even brewed in monasterys (Paulaner and Franziskaner come to mind as beer brands coming from monasterys), and a certain type of beer (Bockbier) is even allowed during lent (the legend says that a monastery sent a barrel of beer to the Pope so he could decide if it was allowed during lent, but it went bad on the way due to temperature differences so when he tried it, it tasted horrible. So he thought "drinking this beer feels like chastisement, why shouldn't they be allowed to drink that?"). Sooo Steve didn't drink so much _despite_ being a good catholic boy, he drank so much _because_ he was a good catholic boy :D
Also, Christian monks brewing beer (and making other things like cheese) is just a long medieval tradition in general, from back when there wasn't really any denominations. So Steven is just returning to tradition in general lmao
I feel a lot of this books problems would are made worse by it being first person narration. A lot of things Theresa thinks about herself "I'm a pin-up girl", "I've done so much good for the world", "I deserved an reward for everything I've done", "That person must be so grateful to have met me" Sound arrogant and cringey coming from her thoughts. But if a narrator or other person in the story thought "Theresa's beautifu", ""It's amazing how Theresa's helping us", "Theresa deserves a reward for all the good she'd done" It would have the same effect but not make Theresa sound as arrogant.
Good idea, but I'm not sure that'd actually help this garbage heap. Every other character in the book *already* gushes over her and it's obnoxious still 😂
I recall something saying Norman originally wrote it in 3rd person and changed it to 1st person because he liked the Hunger Games, but didn't make proper adjustments. Bearing that in mind a lot more of the book makes sense, primarily the sections here with Jan and Steve and the recap in Part 2.
@@skyblade7438 That actually would explain quite a lot, one question is had reading the was "does Norman not understand that Theresa thing that to herself is different from someone else saying that about her"?
I listen to these reviews a _lot_ as background noise, and I'm still not over how the cats come to keep Krim company and then leave the MOMENT he says the name "Theresa". Genuinely. Watch them. They'll be happily settled until Krim says her name, then they're gone.
You know, this series is inspiring me to write a fic about this story from the viewpoint of various bystanders in the story (ie a schoolmate, a guard at Fort Knox, one of the government agents assigned to kill her) that paints Theresa as the monster she is.
20:15 It's pronounced 'Noi-shvan-shtein'. The name means something like 'New swan stone'. That whole thing about Ludwig II of Bavaria, otherwise known as 'The Mad King' is pretty accurate. Ludwig was basically a fairytale-obsessed manchild who squandered much of his money on building extravagant castles for himself, inspired by the legends and folktales he grew up reading. He was also the man who financed the first productions of many of Richard Wagner's operas.
Actually, despite his building projects, Ludwig was a pretty ok King. I mean he was no Charlemagne or Ashoka, but he wasn’t terrible. The primary reason why he was discredited as a madman because his family wanted him to abdicate. Why did they want that? Because Ludwig II was very open about his disinterest in marriage and his big interest in other men.
As an actual astrophysics major, this book has made me die a little inside. (Fun fact: *It would literally be impossible for a star to ever produce an element as heavy as Xenon* stars the size of our sun are actually only composed of hydrogen, helium and carbon. Once the helium fuel runs out, the core expands and cools into a white dwarf and then eventually into a black dwarf. Even heavier stars can only produce up to iron before they collapse in on themselves and become neutron stars or black holes.)
Hmm... but let’s play pretend for two seconds, and say that Norman didn’t mess up on that one; I’m curious about what would happen to a star if you were able to drain elements from it. Would it be a risk of said star imploding? I kept thinking about it throughout the video, and hoping to find someone in the comments who would know. I myself study literature, and the only sorta factual thing I can say about this book is yikes... this guy just threw every single rule into the abyss... out of a window would be nice... but this guy obliterated them. So yeah... hoping that you have some idea about this hypothetical scenario I would otherwise like to wish you a good day 😊 Hoping that you’re safe and healthy
@@Ingemaja The answer to this question is a bit like asking what temperature Ice would melt at if you could rearrange the molecules of water into any shape you wanted by hand in real time, which is to say that it doesn't really have an answer because the thing you have to presuppose for it to even be a question changes Everything so much that it's not really possible to guess how things would work in that universe, at least, not without some expensive mathematical modeling. The reason stars don't produce anything after Iron is because that's the point at which is becomes impossible to actually generate energy from nuclear fusion - fusing anything heavier takes more energy than it generates, so it only actually happens as a byproduct of stars / neutron stars imploding. If you just change that, you're either changing some fundamental laws of physics in a way that makes it very difficult to predict anything (I couldn't tell you for sure if planets would exist in a universe where stars could fuse uranium) or fundamentally changing how stars work too much to easily make meaningful predictions about them. If I had to guess, though, or we just presupposed we were stealing hydrogen or helium from the sun or whatever, I can't see any reason why that would put it at any increased risk of imploding. It's not like we ever Could steal an amount of anything from the sun that would be significant in comparison to the mass of the sun itself; you could take an amount of anything weighing ten times as much as the earth out of the sun without making a dent in it. Stars implode because the constant generation of energy that causes them to 'expand' (or rather, for there to be a force of expansion that counteracts the gravitational force of the star itself) dries up and the whole thing's incredibly huge mass starts to collapse in on itself. There's no reason why removing any of that mass would cause an implosion.
Theresa takes with a high diff Daniel(greg) has better feats but needed outside help to deal with the three god parts Hals reflexs seem to take place after one interaction That or daniel gets a hard on cause theresa acts like a child and instantly swoons over her
“Hi, My name is Theresa Hartley and I’m here to violate the terms of the Geneva Convention.”
“It’s time to ruin the planet and chew bubblegum. And I’m all out of gum.”
She's turning the Geneva Convention into a Geneva Suggestion
@@QueerAndHunger Juuust gonna steal *that* golden line
I think you mean Tah-Eee-Sah!
I’m Theresa and this is jackass.
Theresa is:
Boring
Repetitive
Reckless
A monster
What's next? Theresa is Onision?
why does this only have 8 likes
God forbid if Theresa and Daniel ever married. The whole universe would be fucked.
Theresa is schizophrenic
New Death Battle: Onision's protagonist in his last book verses Theresa.
A boring reckless monster truly an oxymoron, yet it explains this megalomaniac Theresa bitch so we’ll.
"YOU INTERUPTED ME! NOBODY INTERUPTS ME!" Theresa stated calmly
*"HARRY?! DID YOU THREW YOUR NAME IN THE GOBLET OF FIRE?!!!!!!!"* Empress Theresa said calmly
@@WorshipperOfKhone Harry cried, as everybody watched his political career melting down to his feet. He dared to interrupt the world saver (sic). There would be rioting at Hogwarts.
This meme will never get old 🤣
Theresa just shows up unannounced at the house of commons and gives a speech about how she doesn't want to give a speech and then is deeply, personally offended when someone asks why she is there LMAO
Part of adhd that started a project meets part of adhd that was asked to start project:
@@Lucifersfursona the truth cuts so deep 😂😭
You either die a villain, or live long enough to mistake yourself for a hero.
Love this! Made me laugh
That got dark fast 😂
Dude that was kinda raw af .
*handsome jack intensives*
beautiful
Theresa: Oh, I'm just a nice humble individual, I'm not here because I want any attention.
Random polititian: So why are you here?
also Theresa: YOU DARE TALKING TO THERESA, THE LORD AND SAVIOUR OF THE EARTH! FOR INTERRUPTING MY SPEECH YOU'RE DOOMED FOR ETERNITY
The eagerly-watching crowd (which was the BIGGEST CROWD IN HISTORY) all gasped in amazement. They had never in their entire lives witnessed someone so humble and relatable.
@@HeyitsTom999 And then they all clapped.
@@gokuxsephiroth4505 That politician's name? Albert Einstein
@@AnIridescentWolf then he discovered a new element on the spot!
@@generalgrievous2202 And named it Theresium. He claimed he did so because its cleavage was almost as charming as hers; everyone knew it was because he hoped the flattery would cause her to relent, though none would ever say it out loud.
this is all just a hallucination theresa's having while she dies of rabies from that poor fox
...and then everyone clapped.
But damn, this is literally the funniest shit I’ve read in this comment section, well done
@@blueshell292 why thank u
@DarkErminia at least she's enjoying herself!
headcanon- Theresa was actually in a coma from her huge belly-flop, everything is her imagination/she entered a world where she has god like powers. The final part where Theresa and Steve say they will age again after having 420 (blaze it) kids and 'our work here was done' was her either waking up, or dying (600 years didnt actually pass, just in her mind it did/thats why she didnt age/600 years could be just 600 days perhaps? or 600 hours? idk)
@@blueshell292 the fox’s name? Albert Einstein.
in Norman's world, Patrick's "We should TAKE Bikini Bottom, and PUSH it SOMEWHERE ELSE!!!" would have not only worked but also have earned him a nobel prize
That's DOCTOR PROFESSOR BOUTIN to you!
It worked for Homer Simpson.
PFFFFFFFFFFFF LOL
"The sun was 0.2% carbon. The sun was a dirty place." Just wait until you find out what percent of carbon humans are, Norman...
Theresa was 0% carbon. Theresa was a good girl.
Theresa was a good girl doing human things, such as going to the school or ingesting the coca-cola
Which you'd think Norman would know given how he claims to have a bachelor's of science in chemistry.
*Theresa tearing apart human beings*
"Filthy! All of you, FILTHY!"
Theresa fucking goes full metal alchemist on humans and tries to make a humans into energy like a knock off dwarf in the jar/Father
Speaking as an English person, we wouldn't "ooh and aah" at the sight of someone walking around the streets in an American firefighter helmet. As a matter of fact, we'd point and laugh because they'd look like a twat.
In america it would be somewhere between confusion and laughter, confusion because "what the fuck is this person doing" and laughing for about the same reason
As another English person, can I add that there would be no rioting in the home town of the MP who dared interrupt her. In fact, they'd probably laugh and cheer him on.
I can absolutely imagine that, Theresa being baffled as the crowd threw eggs at her and laughed at her as she whined about being interrupted.
Also, small nitpick: in Britain there are no Air Force Generals.
He'd probably look just as stupid in America.
If he's sitting on a chair of fiction books is he sitting on a throne of lies?
Krimson Rogue, Lie Lord, Darkest of the Pantheon.
Or a seat of fakes?
*slow claps*
It's true if you try hard enough
One might say he is the real Pagemaster.
The fact that OPEC would get this mad at Theresa grounding terrorists for no reason leads me to believe she actually just grounded every muslim person in the world assuming that's what "terrorist" meant and the book just never tells us
This is distressingly plausible. Also, the fridge horror is really trivialized by calling it 'grounding.' Few people live within walking distance of their jobs, so what Theresa's doing is akin to getting them fired, bankrupted, and eventually evicted. If any of these people get sick or injured, an ambulance will not be able to transport them. And if she includes motorized wheelchairs in her definition of "vehicles..."
Especially with the whole Israel thing. You just KNOW he's... Yeah, he hates Islam.
Especially with the exodus sequel thing in the book.
It is worth noting that many of the OPEC governments do provide direct material support to terrorist groups. Saudi Arabia is responsible for most of it, though aid to Hamas is kind of universally agreed upon within that group. There's even been accusations of several Islamic countries sending soldiers to fight in these terrorist organizations, though it's pretty hard to prove the difference between someone from another country who was radicalized and came of their own initiative, and someone who came on orders from their government. However, it's hardly a new claim. Russian paratroopers in Afghanistan claimed to have engaged Pakistani special forces on several occasions, and I've met Iraq and Afghan war veterans who swear they fought Iranian and Saudi soldiers while they were there. Again, there's no hard evidence, and these people could be wrong. The one consistent thing about combat throughout history is that it's confusing and chaotic, but there is a motive for these nations to do this, and clandestine ideologically motivated operations are hardly a new concept. We already know that MACV-SOG was operational in Vietnam years before the war officially started, and we know the SAS took part in the Rhodesian Bush War, so it is possible that these reports are entirely accurate, and Theresa was grounding serving members of these nations' militaries
@@filmandfirearms That's a very interesting and well thought out comment that made me learn something new.
Which to me means that this definitely wasn't going on in Norman's head and he just got it right by accident.
Bro it's been almost 6 full hours jesus christ.
How bad is this book that one man can criticize it continuously for SIX HOURS and still not be done.
From what it looks like, he actually didn't touch most of the notes on it for his own sanity. And that's a good thing, because just listening to him talking about this crap makes me want to pirate this book, just so I can print it out and burn it at the stake.
If someone were to use a continuity weapon on our universe, just to wipe out this book before it existed, I honestly wouldn't mind.
I give him props for getting through this book!
Hes halfways through.... Keanu reads is a longman indeed
Like... The notes he took could kill a man if he printed them and smashed them against somebody's head.
He didn't do it all in 1 go. He's taken long breaks in between parts. It's why this review's taken so long to come out in its parts.
"We're gonna pick up all the ______ people, and move them somewhere else!"
That's usually a sentiment that's.... frowned upon in history.
Bringin' a tear to ol' Andy Jackson's eye.
Perhaps even a Trail of Tears.
No wonder she compared herself with Hitler
That's actually what happened in my country and it caused a deep rooted hatred between two ethnic groups. It's mostly gone in the younger generations, but those people who actually lived in that time still, to this day, hold a grudge. Even though it wasn't the people's fault, it was (foreign) governments' decisions. But it's still well known that the "sváb"s and the "székely"s hate each other.
Just wanted to point it out that what Theresa (/Norman) suggests is not only frowned upon history, but it causes very serious issues that last for a good while.
@@vikkisims6364 May I ask what country you're from? I'd like to know more about stuff like that.
@@Ellisepha I'm from Hungary. The thing I'm talking about is the treaty of Trianon and the dismemberment of historic Hungary.
Look it up if you feel like it, but I don't know what you'll find. There are several versions, and depending on your country you might actually not get to read any of the bad effects of the treaty. Winners write history, after all.
I'll write down how it happened, because although I didn't live during that time, I had family members who experienced it first hand, and I have family member who grew up experiencing the aftereffects of it. And they were eager to tell.. But I'lll warn you in advance, it's gonna be long.
I'll post it in a separate comment just in case you're interested.
" *The fact the she does not build a castle out of her enemies' skulls disappoints me.* "
BEST. QUOTE. EVER
Well. It's a shame. the sheer meme potental....
"How quickly people forgot my benevolence when fear took control of them!"
Damn, that line sounds like it came straight from Thanos.
There was a recent game with a tutorial about a guy being corrupted by chaos on a journey to find where his countries missing god went.
He gives pretty much the same line about his army when they see his physical corruption and red eyes as a sign he was going mad ... and he later stabs his brother
Pretty similar to Theresa's evil except he was a more well rounded character
@@cameronroy2129 That sounds cool. What's the game called?
@@tellmewill Total War Warhammer 3. Games got issues with its launch state though.
@@cameronroy2129 Krimson covers 'Book-Whackyness', ok,
but what about Films? What about Real-Lifes?
If its not too random to ask: Can i give you some watch-suggests?
I promise Whackyness!!
that's actually a good villain quote tbh
God won't answer Theresa because Onion boy killed him.
Daniel's at it again.
She is now a Kull girl
I was about to mention this.
oh my fucking god
He didn’t kill him. He made him rapidly cease to exist.
Headcanon: This world is Minecraft. Building ice columns, pick axing water and trapping villagers in pens so they can cheer for her.
Update: Just got to the exodus part. Head Canon confirmation.
Hrrrm...
You might be on to something
I'd be down for an Empress Theresa server
“Welcome to the Emperess Theresa Survival Challenge Episode 6”
Can we summon the Ender Dragon to fight her, please?
Politician: *asks Theresa a question*
Theresa: I'm about to end this man's whole career
Finally a good use for that meme.
There's an old adage that says an author cannot write a character who is more clever than they are. Norman has demonstrated an element of that which I never considered before: An author cannot write a character that is more moral than they are. This man's moral's are frightening.
An author can write a character encountering a situation and instantly thinking something that the author took weeks to think of.
An author can write about a character inventing something that the author is not capable of inventing.
@@Mecharnie_Dobbs but like clever as in how they think and how they come to conclusions and what choices they make, not how fast they make them
@@Mecharnie_Dobbs An author can spend weeks coming to the wrong conclusion; their character would then come to the wrong conclusion instantly.
In other words, the characters of a stupid author aren't smarter; they're *stupid faster.*
I'd say Ender Wiggin is more moral than Orson Scott Card tbh.
"The Beer was brewed fresh DAILY"
DAILY
*screams in german anguish*
Looks like beer is yet another thing Norman knows nothing about
Excuse my ignorance but I don't quite understand, what's wrong with it being brewed daily?
Sorow Fame Beer is alchohol, meaning that it has to brew and ferment over time. I’m no expert, so I don’t know exactly how long, but the wheat has to be kept in its casket for significantly longer than a single day
@@SorowFame while it can be brewed daily, you will get beer that's older than a day.
@@SorowFame Traditionally, Oktoberfest beer was/is brewed in March, and that isn't a bad thing at all, the storage time is an important part of developing the flavour profile. Nowadays, there are many different variations sold at the Oktoberfest, including lighter brews, but "daily" is a pretty silly claim :)
"I'm gonna make Hitler look like a joke" - Theresa
Irl science calculations would probably put her above star butterfly kill count and that's fucking impressive as star probably killed over half of all life on earth (fusing 2 universes when we see some meter overlapping means lots of sudden bloody explosions+monsters suddenly exists+wtf is with the weather)
You know with how badly Theresa has fucked up the Earth she has probably killed way more people than Hitler at this point.
And she did exactly just that, she didn’t lie, she’s just as truthful as every other Catholics.
Stalin, mao and hitler combined are basically jesus compared to theresa
Flo Vi
Yes, she’s just really good at being bad
"Don't even talk to me if your firemen's hat isn't GUCCI!"
Population of Crete: 600 thousand.
Population of Israel: 9 million.
I really hope Crete is ready to accommodate 16x its normal population.
Sounds like a con, guess you can call the country *concrete* now huh?
Nevermind the population differences, HOW THE HELL are you going to fit nearly 10 million people on goddamn Crete? The island's tiny and is a major reason for its puny population.
That’s 9 million, including the Arab, Bedew and Druzy population. We assume Norman wanted to just “evict” the Jewish population, which is STILL 7 million.
IDK what he’s smoking but as his Joan of Arc sex doll once said, “that’s not fitting in there”
@@lorddrayvon1426 no shit
@@blastortoise Das Con Crete baby
KrimsonRogue: Hello, you.
Cat: What you reading today, human? Can I join in?
KrimsonRogue: (reads Empress Theresa)
Cat: Oh god, not that shit again! (leaves)
The interactions between Krimson and his cats are the only thing that make these videos bearable. Besides the man himself of course
This book should just be titled "And Then Everybody Clapped"
sounds like every DPRK speech minus the "...or else" part at the end
or everybody got clapped
That's funny, but I don't think it would really work because it's already fiction. "...and then everbody clapped." is basically a cheeky way of calling out people for their ridiculous "totally real" stories that are pretty much either blatant lies or grossly exaggerated.
@@AndrewChumKaser I mean, if Theresa was a real person doing these sort of actions with her powers, you know she'd be in maximum security prison. What I meant was, nobody would react in such a positive way to her antics, like the story portrays.
@@sentretsparkle True, but again the point I was making is that that still isn't applicable to use the phrase "And then everbody clapped". It's a phrase born on a meta level out of criticism of fake stories found in places like reddit or twitter. It's not so general to be used in such a way to demonstrate something that is so obviously unbelievable and tone deaf. I don't think Norman has ever suggested that Teresa and this book are real accounts of something that actually happened. (Though at this point I wouldn't put it past him.) That kind of situation would be a time to use "and then everyone clapped" against him.
It really is unsurprising that a person who compared themselves to Hitler would turn out to be a controlling, wrathful, power hungry person once they gained powers.
Oh yeah, I forgot she did that
Yeah, I'm getting the feeling this Norman fella is a closet Neo-Nazi. Because no sane person would compared themselves to one of the world's worst dictators in history.
RedWolf777SG or maybe he’s just a really dedicated troll.
@@SorowFame I wish that was the case. But given how this book is written. I highly doubt that.
My teacher in high school told me Hitler was a Catholic school girl and my teacher was a smart man. So it must be true.
That moment when he tries to write a Christian character but ends up writing a character who literally uses the book of Revolations as a checklist of seal breaking
Theresa is kinda the antichrist
Anata is great?
@@wingedhussar8552 There is stuff later in the book that almost makes it seem intentional. Sadly, I very greatly doubt that to be the case.
@@emiledlund9559 "You are amazing"
It’d be a blessing to see the four horsemen riding over the horizon in this world because then Theresa wouldn’t find another way to fuck up the planet any further.
I love how the author seemed to genuinely want to create a good Christian girl protagonist and instead makes her have no redeeming qualities
-vain -cruel -selfish -completely morally bankrupt....
@@AO1hasyoutube It's seriously amazing how bad he messed up this character. The fact he thought Theresa was being a good Christian girl when she's been doing literally everything _but_ that reminds me of a Karen who believes their poorly behaved child is an angel
I don't know. I'd say after a slight rewrite you have a good story about how absolute power corrupts absoluteley.
Not to mention that she's pretty much as bland as original flavor oatmeal.
Norman literally writing himself into blasphemy by making Theresa God... but a lot of immoral moment.
God forbid if a town of people question Theresa, she will give them Sodom and Gomorrah.
"If I took all the tabs out of this book, I could make a set of wings and fly away from this bullshit" - Crimson Rogue on book logic
My first thought when he said that was about Icarus
"What good is helium?"
Steve, science man
Well he has like half a semester of college under his belt and that's it, so don't expect too much.
@@sleepysera That's an insult to college dropouts. 12 year olds know what Helium is and what it does
I really like how according to norman, the Only thing between our world and the global blimp anti-terrorist surveillance system is the helium supply and not the stupid cost or the sheer impracticality
It’s only the second most common element ever, so might as well throw it in the garbage.
That's as brilliant as asking what winter could be for. No wait, it wasn't a question, she blatantly said winter was useless.
theresa was so proud to be on TV for *high-school* *baseball* and hating on trolls but bashes people for 'wanting attention for their achievements' im dead
Also her flaunting her body to a worldwide audience lmaoo
@@zawrator4457"good christian girl", amirite
Theresa playing with the chipmonks is basically like those propaganda videos showing the Leader be friendly to a random family.
I mean at one point the Parker's film her feeding the chipmunks and its said to be shown daily on kids programs.
"We could send up dirigibles to spy on terrorists!"
We stopped using airships in warfare back in WW2 because they're ridiculously easy to shoot down, Norman. Holy shit.
Just the thought of some fucken blimp with jungle colors yeeting through the sky is the funniest shit I can imagine
Why couldn't she just send the water to the Moon or Mars to potentially terraform them?
@@marcosvalenzuela1724 that would mean Therese would have to care about other people
@@marcosvalenzuela1724 that would make to much sense
Norman's going to FREAK once he finds out terrorism has been a thing long before cars were invented
Yeah…he doesn’t take into account horses as a legitimate mobility option
Yeah, from what I understand terrorism isn't so much organizations- it's more about using methods that cause people to be afraid of you so badly that they adhere to whatever you tell them to.
@@johnwax9606 don’t worry. In Teresa’s regime, all horses simultaneously had heart attacks, now the terrorists will have to just walk.
@@idongesitusen5764 Theresa's MO appears to be causing people to be so afraid of her that they adhere to whatever she tells them to. If only there were a word for that.
As an Arab, I was going to be a car terrorist but I'm to scared of Theresa.
Player: "I'm chaotic neutral!"
GM: "No. No. No. You're evil. This was a decidedly EVIL act."
Didn't you know? Im chaotic good aka chaotic stupid.
@@Nitosa chaotic stupid are more often cn or ce
@@dylanbednarz4430 maybe, i have seen a guy who try to justify their "quirky" insane massacre that got the group almost killed twice as for the good inside and outside the game as what his character would do as CG.
But im open that this is maybe outlier from the norm.
This comment is underrated
No, this is a person playing a chaotic evil paladin but living under the delusion that they're lawful good.
HEY. FRUIT BATS ARE COOL. DON'T YOU DARE COMPARE THE AUTHOR TO A FRUIT BAT.
Norman is a mosquito.
@@NapaCat HEY. MOSQUITOES ARE CO-
Actually, yeah, they suck
@@RailwayPenguin
Ba dum tss
Who is more likable Norman or American Politicians?
Norman is a dingus.
Theresa: /farts
The book: We can use this to solve terrorism.
Isn't chemical Warfare forbidden?
You forgot the part where everyone obsesses over how perfect her fart is, then it becomes a huge social trend to fart with pride only for it to destroy the ozone which Teresa needs to solve through some deus ex machina.
@@RichterTheRat now that would've been more interesting than whatever this is
You mean..."we can put them out of business for good!"
@@DerVasto Look up the South Park episode about spontaneous combustion.
So this book was about a self-proclaimed "good-girl" slowly turning evil as she gains more and more power. Might make for an interesting villain backstory
If that were the intent and/or if it was written remotely good
That would be a good world background
Sounds like a book I read in HS called Dorothy Must Die. From what I can remember, it was rather good and had a similar concept, but with bastardized versions of the characters and settings from The Wizard of Oz.
It would be...if that was Norman’s intentions
Honestly if Theresa's actions were just seen as stupid 10 year old logic, a bratty one with no boundaries and who doesn't like to learn shit that no one corrects out of fear of being deleted, the exact same story would work
Just add the real world consequences of that and badaboom
I have been rewatching this for the last few months, but I only just realised that “Ta- ee- sah” (the chant from the chinese) sounds... a LOT like the chinese phrase for “She killed one” or, possibly “She once killed”
So UHH-
“And she’ll kill again...”
That is HILARIOUS
empress teresa is actually a very elaborate ARG but people just shat on its quality so much that nobody even noticed
empress theresa creepypasta inbound
Hey the way she messed up the world you won’t be surprised if a few people ended up dying from all the things that went down
Theresa: "You're not allowed to be mean to me. You have to be nice to me. You have to love me. But oh no, I don't want to be on camera, I want privacy. But I have to know that everyone loves me. But I want privacy. But you have to love me"
Ad infinitum
i dont like being on camera, but im going to wear a form-fitting and slightly revealing dress when im on world-wide television so everyone can see how attractive my barely-legal body is. I like my privacy. im a good catholic girl. Im happy to have had a photo taken of me and made into a poster. i like the thought of being a pin-up girl.
I think I got a stroke trying to process that.
@@alexjewett7455 Trust me, we all get you
The Megan markle handbook
Also "I freely give interviews on air. I don't want want to be on TV, I want to be left alone. Everyone who's on TV is there because they want it! I don't want to be on TV but I am."
You know, the idea of a religious person basically having god powers would be a great idea. Seeing the character having a struggle of faith as they try to fix everything, make a huge fuck up, and then trying to fix that fuck up.
*But this ain't it-*
An exploration of faith in the face of tangible godlike powers. Interesting concept.
But yeah, this ain't it
It's kinda what happened to Castiel in Supernatural when he slurped up everything from Purgatory. Tho he was an angel beforehand, it was still a pretty interesting plotline.
Bruce Almighty already exists.
You know, if Theresa realized what she did was horrible, the book could have been significantly better AND give a message to the audience: even good people can become corrupt, or something else.
Futurama Godfella's. Not exactly what you describe but it's damn good.
I think I'm going to turn this into an SCP
A reality bending alien attaches itself to a little girl. She proceeds to artificially age herself and alter the world in a AK-Class end of the world scenario and a CK-Class Restructuring Scenario. The foundation operatives (labeled by her as the assassins) are continually thwarted by her mindless legions. Eventually, through the use of SCP-001, Teresa is eliminated. SCP-2000 is activated and humanity is restored. Only one of Teresa's followers, named Norman Bares, managed to avoid the foundation.
Yeah I think they won't like it, the scp guys don't like it when you want to reference something
This makes a lot of sense
Here's my take:
Special Containment Procedures: SCP 6969 is housed at a Foundation blacksite in [REDACTED], Great Brittain. SCP 6969 is to be provide a cage with a minimum of five (5) chipmunks, tamed to the point of eating out of a human's hand. Have a minimum of fifty (50) D-class personel praise SCP 6969 in embarassingly blatant displays at least once every twelve (12) hours. One of these D-class should identify himself to SCP 6969 as Prime Minister Blair. Once every three (3) weeks, allow SCP 6969 to travel to the foundation training facility in [REDACTED], and tell her it's Paris. Once every two (2) months, have a D-class personel at the end of his service period and thus particularly expendable ask SCP 6969 a question which could maybe be considered slightly critical. Provide computer generated footage of, and correspondence from, faked adoring crowd. By following these containment procedures, SCP 6969 will remain sufficiently self-absorbed to cause any real damage. Under no circumstance should any personel inform SCP 6969 of any problem of any kind, especially any that SCP 6969 caused. This will prevent incidence such as the 20[REDACTED] incident where an [REDACTED] was created at the [REDACTED] pole, which caused an estimated [REDACTED] billion casualties.
Yeah scp? It’s me again. Yeah. That bitch, Teresa is at it again
they unleash SCP-682 on her.
I know I’m late, but personal head cannon is that HAL’s first reflex was to mind control every single being on earth to love her. But he continues to run out of power(letting people get moments of clarity as to why she sucks) due to all the awful, and vain things she does.
That's actually a great headcanon, I didn't think of it like that. It absolutely makes sense, and would make for a very interesting way to read the story imo
@@tinyteacupzzI daresay it makes the story infinitely more enjoyable.
You know, in the hands of a better author, Theresa becoming a tyrannical and self-centered despot could make for a fascinating story.
It could start out with an innocent girl gaining powers over Earth, and using those powers for good. Unfortunately, power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely. It all goes to her head, and she starts using her powers for selfish and destructive reasons, and because everyone is too scared of her or they're yes-men, they don't challenge or question her authority.
Now, you could have a confidant like her husband or that priest from the beginning who tries to reason with her, telling her that she's taking things way too far. She could either:
A) Grow angry and paranoid, fearing that the two closest people in her life have suddenly turned against her, and becomes more and more evil.
B) Begins to agree with their words, but before she can make amends for ruining everything, she and her loved ones are caught in a terrorist attack. She's injured, and her loved ones are dead. This could be the point where she snaps, and practically destroys the world (or makes it hell for everyone) in her pursuit of revenge.
Eventually, though, she grows old and withered, being unable to use her powers after fucking up the planet. All she has left are regrets, living in a world where she is either hated or forgotten about. Maybe in her dying moments, she reflects what she could have done to not go down the path she had taken.
And so, "Empress" Theresa Sullivan Hartley dies. Alone. Hated. Forgotten about in the annals of time.
It's an idea.
I'd definitely read this
Let's be honest, this is WAY more readable than the garbage Norman thought was the next literary classic
This is very similar to what I was imagining this book could have been. I also thought it might be interesting if HAL was manipulating her and/or the people of the world for his own personal gain, and maybe if Theresa was actually interesting, she might be clever or charismatic enough to overcome HAL despite his god powers.
Or she could use her powers hazing a single mother for DARING to take a case against her that's destined to fail anyway. I guess she could do that instead.
Kinda reminds me of Queen Vanessa in A Hat in Time.
I'd read that
You're kinda describing Dany from GoT here. I mean, that wasn't exactly written well in the end but it's essentially the story you're describing
"Theresa decides to ruin the global economy"
♫It's always sunny theme music♫
Don’t remind me of that city. The only city in this state we hate as much as philly is Allentown. Oh god no don’t the nam flashbacks to the eagles super bowl. Oh god make it stop
She makes everyone fill a container or bucket of cold water from there house and pour that cold water into the ocean. Now let's see what the real answer is.
Now I feel stupid for not waiting and listening to the whole sentence. I'm going to say A just out of the sheer stupidity of that answer.
Tbh, it's a very realistic idea in this story. I'm kind of amazed, yet scared of how well you understand this book.
@@lapmaf8318 all it really does is make me guess my own intelligence, and it terrifying.😄
I went with D because it seemed the most outlandish but also fit with her becoming the god empress of new Eden or where ever this story is going
@@charnel8435 Same. It seemed to fit the way the book has been progressing. Theresa would make another planet suitable for comfortable living, then only transport people who adore her to that planet. Everyone else would be stuck on the world she destroyed while experimenting with her powers. Then, her fanclub would praise her for "saving" humanity from the old, corrupt world and the bad people who had lived there.
When I got to the part where the general asked if Theresa could bring in helium from the sun, I thought, "Okay, that's actually kind of smart. There's a very limited amount of helium on Earth and helium is used in MRI scans and can be used for nuclear fusion experiments."
Then I read the next line.
“And then I read the next line.” should be a subtitle for this book.
This actually wouldn't be that bad if this was a villain origin story.
... Oh, who are we kidding? It'd still be bad.
Yes, but it would be a lot LESS bad and more mediocre.
@Axtwyt Starkiller The irony that the man that flies is more down to earth than her XD
Arent you the one from onisons book? I'm terribly sorry for mentioning that by the way, i just finished watching his reviews on them
Normally you'd want a villain origin story to give said villain some redeeming qualities, something that can make you question how things went so wrong at least, or make you feel somewhat sorry for them. Theresa has none. She's boorish, stupid and tyrannical, and has nothing good going for her.
Yes but it would at least be less bad
She acts more like Palpatine during the "you interrupted me" scene at about 7:00. All that's missing is the scene where the poor bastard is sublimated with force lightning.
Hell, GRIFFITH FROM BERSERK is able to carry himself in a less outwardly malicious and egotistical manner than Theresa.
I wish she was in the hands of a good writer. She would make an amazing villain.
Did you ever hear the story about Darth Theresa the Unwise?
Oriana Mengucci it’s a badly written tale, not a story a writer of any quality would tell you.
cloudftw113
To be fair, berserk is an actual work of art
Dio acts less evil than her and that's saying a lot.
Norman is like the very old joke-stereotype: "American who thinks europeans drive wagons instead of cars even though cars were invented there...." I hail from deep rural Finland where indoor plumbing might miss from few people and I HAVE SEEN that helmet on tv!
I really like the part where Theresa goes to Paris and complains about the Louvre because of the SIZE of the Mona Lisa.
She entered a museum, wrongly assume the Mona Lisa was going to be a certain size, the Mona Lisa is too small for her completely arbitrary standards, and somehow she pins that on the Louvre and France being not up to the hype.
@@vraolet wasn't it weird in that section that Norman states "not many people were even looking at the mona lisa"? What day did you possibly pick to go on when there wasn't at least a hundred people taking selfies with the mona lisa? What kind of weird flex is he trying to pull by making his character so blasé about everything in Europe? It's pretty, and historic, and steeped in culture - be impressed dammit!
Why does he even stage most of the story in Europe if he’s just going to demonstrate how backwards he thinks every part of the world is except the United States? You would think he would stay far away from areas he hates, but the book has a trip to Paris just to complain about France.
@@Roserae16 Well, in Norman's defense. I feel like the world ending might reduce the amount of visitors the Mona Lisa receives.
@@oddluck4180 well the world ending didn't really seemed to affect people. Even if it did, I'm sure there would've been a lot of people who would have the mona lisa on their bucket list.
The first two Theresa reviews were fun; the next two give me genuine anxiety. Imagine living in a world where a crazy tyrant like her exists, fucking up the universe as you know it all around you, constantly barely solving problems she creates to then fuck things up even more with her fixes. People in that book should be in a constant state of panic and despair. She'd be stoned in the streets.
I seriously am of the opinion that she is using HAL to mind control everyone, either consciously or subconsciously, and that's why everyone is happy and loves her despite her destroying the world.
@@raptoid2518 HAL is either making everyone love her, or making her think that everyone loves her.
@@thequeenofcringe1585 Either way, it's really fucked up. Although rewriting the story from the perspective of somebody on Earth who's watching everything go on around them would be badass.
@@raptoid2518 That sounds like something that would actually be interesting and fun to read
I would love to see a story of an actual scientist living in this world and having to deal with Theresa's stupid ass decisions while their voice is drowned out in endless support for Theresa
Maybe there is one, you just have to look for it in the Tragedy category.
That'd be a interesting story.
Ok another lesson for writers never have a character who isn't evil use the line "You interrupted me, nobody interrupts me" because there is no way anyone can say that in any tone of voice short of a mocking impression of how narcissistic another character is acting
Edit: Holy crap was the way Teresa is talking now it almost seems like this book was in favor with the government trying to kill her and their only failing was that they decided to kill her in the dumbest way possible. in S.C.P the global occult coalition "G.O.C" talk about reality benders reaching what they call the "Child god stage" where a reality bender will become so consumed with their own power the will start to look at normal people as beneath them and can cause untold amounts of destruction and suffering and not even care Teresa is fucking there
The only way I can see that line working when used by a good character is if the character is someone who is usually put on a pedestal and treated as untouchable despite wanting to be seen as normal. The line could then be said with pleasant surprise because somebody FINALLY saw them as someone normal enough to feel comfortable interrupting them.
Right? At this point I can't help but wonder that Norman wanted to make Theresa a terrible person, but seeing some of the lines and opinions he writes of her it's pretty obvious he's imagining her as a powerful, determined and hard working woman. Too bad he doesn't understand that "poweful and determined" isn't the same thing as "narcissistic tyrant *sshole".
Speaking of Wonder Woman...!
Theresa, even in a story that isn't Trying to portray her that way, is actually a significantly scarier example of a Type Green than anything The Foundation's ever caught. She's basically The Witch Girl if Clef had never noticed and murdered her.
@@nobledamask I can imagine the trope, good idea
Sadly Theresa's next sentence was, "I don't need you"
Norman's book actually supports Atheism.
Because if God was real, his plan would *for sure* not contain this mistake of a book.
Are you sure?
All hail the one and only goddess. Pray she doesn't squash you like a bug as she carelessly walks the earth like a giant. Praise her name so you don't incur her ire and have to face her wrath.
Skeleton War
Broke: If a benevolent God exists why would he allow evil to exist in the world?
Woke: If a benevolent God exists why would he allow Norman Boutin to exist?
@@grayscribe1342 Theresa is Chuthulu confirmed!
God allows for bad things materially to happen. He doesnt just make everything materially perfect for everyone, as suffering adversity is sometimes beneficial for people and from a cosmic perspective, theres no real reason to be adverse to adversity or be attached to materially good things happening in anyone's life
@@Xvladin well this isn't materially bad
it's just bad
Norman: Theresa is the best character ever created! She's a hero!
Theresa: *literally destroys the entire planet*
Mansa Musa: I have so much gold I destroyed several economies on pilgrimage.
Theresa: Hold my husband’s 6 beers.
That beer part has me dying XD.
They were freshly brewed today!
@@jesusofsuburbia3675 no I think Steve is the one dying after 6 litres of beer Lmao
I think what kills me the most out of everything is Theresa doesn't talk like a 21st century girl. She sounds like a 60 year old man who is obsessed with her. Really think Norman took a page out of Samuel Richardson's book, he was another 60 year old man who wrote moral books for young women and was also weirdly obsessed with his teenage characters. They were always describing themselves as beautiful and clever and everyone loved them and those that didn't were evil...yeah...
And, don’t forget: She’s a nice girl. A good girl. Good girl, Theresa!
She sounds like one of those girls in school who was popular but an absolute backstabbing bully but then went 'uwu im just a sweet girl~!' (kinda like a Regina George)
What's worse is that Norman isn't 60. He's 73 and soon to be 74. *OOOF*
I find it especially creepy how he drools over canonically-barely-18 Theresa, and then outright describes a woman in her thirties as being as good as dead, essentially. Thinking about this old man going “ew, adult women 🤮 my teenage waifu is so much hotter” is making my skin crawl, mate.
@@lorddrayvon1426 That explains the demented vibe this book has. Gramps already losing it.
This book is starting to remind me of that Twilight Zone episode "It's a Good Life." The premise of a petty, narcissistic little boy gaining godlike powers and exerting tyrannical control over a town really applies to this book, though the execution is of course different. It's a Good Life is presented as a short horror story, where Anthony Fremont is a monster to be feared. This book sets up Theresa to be a Jesus figure to be admired. Making it so someone can't drive a car is a short step towards banishing people to cornfields.
Morphing Taxi please, don’t try to give him any credit. He does not deserve it.
@Morphing Taxi Seeing his reactions, either he's fuckin' weird for never talking out of character (why the fuck would you make yourself a lolcow intentionally), or he is not a clever boi at all.
Gocker, you just came up with the perfect solution to fixing Theresa’s tyranny. There was a second part to that story from the 80s reboot called “It’s Still a Wonderful Life” where the boy has grown up (played by the same actor, you’re welcome for that trivia. 😜) The boy is grown up and has a daughter who has the same power as him. Her grandmother convinces her to bring everyone back and reconnect their town to the rest of the world, basically undo everything her father did. He and his daughter fight, but she wins in the end and they decide to travel the world.
So have one of her 400 kids realize how badly she has messed everything and everyone up, and then they have to undo it. Only in this version, the kid kills her and their siblings because that cow deserves it for messing with a woman just trying to make a living doing her damn job because Theresa doesn’t give a damn about basic economics.
Or worse:
*THE RICEFIELDS.*
If you see THIS thing, *RUN.*
ua-cam.com/video/i8a3gjt_Ar0/v-deo.html
This books seems like Propaganda from a universe Theresa exists.
20:40 Did the math for their visit to Germany for anyone interested:
Assuming "mugs" refers to those big beer steins you see at Oktoberfest, Steve had at least 32 drinks. That's actually a low estimate if the beer is actually twice the strength of American beer, because that assumes these beers are 10% ABV, twice the strength of your average light beer.
Depending on how fast he drank this, his blood alcohol content could be upwards of .6%. Not .06, but .6, and it could be even higher. People can start dying at *.4%*, and Steve is still fucking standing. This book is so casually insane I can't help but be kind of impressed.
If I lived with Theresa, I would ensure I was never sober enough to understand what she does to the planet as well.
"Casually insane" is probably one of the best descriptions of this book I've ever seen.
So basically Teresa is like: I'm in prison because I killed someone. Why did God let this happen?
WTF?
Theresa: How could this happen to meeeee?!
@@lovaszaron3138 I make a lot mistaaaakes
Theresa: im in jail for killing someone. The stupid judge and jury! I wouldnt even be here a night before all my supporters broke down the walls of the prison to release me! The jury was full of my haters from high school I'm sure! The judge was intimidated by me-he knew a good girl like me would only kill someone in a serious situation and he did not care! By the end of the week, no- by the end of the DAY he would get barred and stripped of his title. All members of the jury would be sent to Witness protection. But since everyone on the entire planet was watching my court case (it took up every single station on every television in the entire world, even in North Korea!), they would never truly be safe
@@ruyekahatori3073 You just wrote a better villain here than Norman in the entire book.
@@lovaszaron3138 I was just basing it on how Theresa seems to act
this actually happened in the real world.
mansa musa was the ruler of the great mali empire in the 14th century. he was also known as the richest man who ever lived. no joke. historians have no clue about how damn rich he was, with estimates stating that at one point, he owned about half of the gold reserves of europe. musa was a devote muslim and thus made the Hajj to mecca. he and his massive procession passed through cairo and was literally giving out handfuls of gold dusts to damn near everyone. goods and services marked up their prices, which musa and his crew were EASILY able to pay for. because he flooded the market with so much gold, musa unintentionally crashed the economy of the entire region for a decade. thankfully he was able to fix it when he passed back through on his way home but the point still stands. that's basically what theresa did but on a global scale.
IMHO, theresa Sullivan maybe the worst villain in literary history. voldemort wishes he was this damn evil.
maxacorn
Now thats FU money right there
It seems like Musa did that with good intentions, having no idea it would crash the economy. And he did fix it when he returned. Teresa, however, is a horrible person who doesn't seem to have any good intentions unless it's for herself.
There'd better be movies about that guy, he sounds great
At the very least Mansa Musa was able to correct his mistake. Theresa not only doesn’t correct it but actively says its the best outcome. Now I understand why Norman kept bringing up Hitler comparisons, Theresa was always meant to be the fucking bad guy.
Hydra S I think there a few documentaries about Mansa but movie wise there isnt really a lot to say.
Headcanon says KrimsonRogue haven't been able to leave his throne of books until he finish this travesty for weeks now.
He is bound to the throne by the curse of Theresa.
foretelling says he will convert into the follower of Theresa by the end of the series.
@@darrelsam419 You are mistaken. He is not bound by a curse. He is bound by a righteous fury and dedication to his duty. Our champion has vowed not to rest until every single one of Normans mistakes are laid bare, until this travesty of a book is torn to shreds both phisycally and metaphoricaly.
God someone bring the man a sandwich
It'll fall apart if he stands up or moves around too much
As a Bavarian I can tell you not even the most experienced of Oktoberfest visitors will walk in a straight line after 6 mugs... That just ain't happening
Silly mortal, our lord and savior just yeets the alcohol into orbit so it's fiiine
@@LinxSphinx Even the thought of that is offensive to me... It's a Sin a sin I tell you.. The good beer.. The poor poor beer.!
@@nonotthatwon2897 Dude... I feel you on so many levels 😓 (I'm german too)
@@nonotthatwon2897 oof. I'm irish and that causes physical pain to think about
Norman kept insisting that Theresa is a "good christian girl" only make her into King Ghidorah from King of The Monsters, they both have the ability to terraform and cause mass extinctions through their actions. The difference being Ghidorah is an intentionally malicious alien that sees other species as inferior where as Theresa is an emotionally stunted ass with the empathy level of a jellyfish.
Hey! Jellyfish might actually have empathy, we don't know.
@@Cadapech Yeah, I'm rooting for the jellyfish.
crypto457 The jellyfish from Spongebob had more empathy than Theresa and they fucking occupied his house against his will to go on an 18 hour rave-party.
No, Theresa quite clearly thinks of herself as _vastly_ superior to everyone else, just wait until Krim gets to the final chapters. If ya want spoilers, here:
A skydiver tries to recreate her fall into the ocean to prove its survivability, as a lot of people are beginning to suspect that Theresa planned all of this to make herself look like a hero and take over the world (they're not far off, she very clearly is a megalomaniac). Theresa knows he will die, does nothing to stop him even though she comments on how easily she would be able to do so, _coldly watches him die,_ and calls him "stupid" as she stares at his lifeless corpse using her creepy spy-vision. OUR HERO, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
But wait, it gets even worse!
Then Theresa pretty much forces all of North Korea to bow to her every whim, kills off the nation's leaders, installs herself as its de-facto dictator (which she refers to herself as, she actually calls herself the new dictator of NK) and forces them to re-integrate into South Korea, by threat of her powers, basically saying she'll murder the fuck out of anyone who doesn't do exactly as she says.
There's so much more, but I've spoiled enough, I'll only give away the ending if you want me to. But needless to say, Theresa is...frankly, a nightmare.
I'd like to remind you all that Norman Boutin earnestly believes this book is the best novel ever to exist. He thinks it should be required reading for all high-schoolers, and places it on par with the bible in its cultural importance. He actually is convinced that Theresa, this horrible, selfish, sadistic, narcissistic, manipulative, downright psychopathic girl, is the pinnacle of human morality and virtue.
Norm, you are a monster.
@@WobblesandBean Sounds like it's going to be a great video.
I've done some research into Norman (I read his wiki) and apparently before publishing Empress Theresa he went to a Jewish forum and posted the excerpt from the book about his fake Jewish exodus scene so he could get feedback on it from their perspective. Naturally when they pointed out what he was doing was both massively unrealistic and deeply offensive he then proceeded to argue with them.
It’s weird that Theresa is able to compare herself simultaneously to Moses and fucking Hitler in this book.
I thought he claimed like, he gave the two options and nobody gave a third one so he just went with the second choice.
He’s like one of those who post on r/AITA and then proceed to argue with the people who confirm he is, in fact, an a-hole
@@piffba I have seen people like that. I listened to a post on there where some woman was mad her in laws asked the DJ at her wedding to play this song they got married to years ago or w/e, and she was asking Reddit if it was rude of her to be mad. Her update was like, ignoring everyone who said she was TA and claiming they were just misogynistic or w/e,,,i'll have to find that post again
@@shipper-of-heart8898 I think I’ve seen that post. There’s so many of them though that I can’t be sure
"Shut up about the sun!!
SHUT UP ABOUT THE SUN!!!!!"
Gabe from the office
Bruh, Theresa is basically the less likable and less competent version of Light Yagami, living in a world of characters with the personality of a cardboard box
"If there was justice, what would my reward be?"
Cleansing fire, and plenty of it.
*Hellfire starts playing*
ALSO: didn’t hitler originally plan to move all the Jews to an island, namely Madagascar? Wasn’t his OG plan for the final solution to put all the European Jews on an island??? Theresa is LITERALLY hitler. What
That would explain why she compares herself to him so often.
Faye Taylor Fuck, you‘re right.
Also Norman apparently
I feel like, based purely on the logic that Madagascar could probably then be renamed 'Isreal,' I'm going to see a Huffington Post article that reads "Donald Trump supports Israel...so did HITLER!" after this Covid-19 situation dies down.
only german jews, he thought it would be horrible for palestinians if he forced UK to allow them to move there.
Norman attempting to write Britain when he has clearly NEVER EVEN SEEN AN ACTUAL BRITISH PERSON is both hilarious and soul destroying
Theresa: I don't talk to reporters because they're not elected officials
Also Theresa: if any elected officials dare to ask simple questions, I'll ruin their whole career with a look.
@Babba Yaaga pretty sure the author just has issues with news media. Which...I mean...fair enough, but i'm pretty sure there are better ways to express it than this
Stan Lee(Creator of Spiderman):"With great power, comes great responsibility"
Norman Boutin(Author of Empress Theresa):"So! I could do anything I wanted to anybody and nobody would dare do anything about it! I kind of like that."
So why dose Norman not see the problem.
The thing is, Stan actually had both skill and effort placed into his work, same with Jack Kirby and the others. Norman on the other hand, was just a dumbass who had no skill, nor did he place any effort into the book besides sucking Theresa's dick.
@@loliconnoisseur5739 you can say that again
Ironic since that line dates back to the bible so Good Christian Girl Theresa ✝️ has once again gone against the bible and is why God keeps fucking ignoring her. 😒
"The adage particularly bears a close resemblance to the Christian bible verse of Luke 12:48: "From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked." (Another translation: "To whomever much is given, of him will much be required; and to whom much was entrusted, of him more will be asked.")
Usage of the particular wording ("great power" and "great responsibility"), however, dates back to the time of the French Revolution at the very least, as the following sentence is found in the "Plan de travail, de surveillance et de correspondance" ('Work, surveillance and correspondence plan') proposed by the Comité de Salut Public ('Committee of Public Safety') during the 1793 French National Convention" - Wikipedia
@@loliconnoisseur5739 I can't believe it, someone giving credit to Jack without claiming Stan Lee is the devil
@@TupocalypseShakur what?
The fact that Norman so clearly hates reporters and constantly talks about Theresa being bullied online makes me think he's got a lot of experience in that area. It sounds like he was called out by a lot of people in the past.
There are so many elements to his writing that remind me of Onision - the god complex for example, and the rants about atheism, where with Onision it's ranting about religion. They can only feel safe in what they believe if they shit on other belief systems, but ironically they both sound exactly the same.
To be honest I don't think either of them fully believes in what they're saying. If they did they would have brought proper arguments from the other side to pit against their own, but instead they just strawman everyone and use it to make themselves feel secure.
I'm not at all surprised that their books are crap. Their fear of learning that their writing sucks is so overwhelming that they don't even attempt to try to better it, to do some research about it. They just call every failure an 'artistic choice' and that is it.
The reason why Norman is internet famous isn't just because he wrote a terrible book but he responded to every criticism of the book like it was a personal attack on him. Amazon has a comment limit of 1,000 and Norman was able to reach it just by arguing with everyone who doesn't think he's book is brilliant. Remember according to KR here stuff about Theresa dealing with internet trolls and bullies was added in with later editions.
Narcisim is stemmed from fragile self-esteem typically, so it would make sense that all this hate came from Norman going through some pretty serious crap like a bad break up. Honestly looking at what we do know about the guy through all the lies, it seems like a lot of things in his life has gone wrong and could've caused him to be like he is. Regardless of the reason though, he decided to dig himself a grave so deep that now his name will forever be associated with being unable to take criticism and arrogance.
The guy needs a therapist desperately.
I want to get both of them to read each others books and then put them in a room together to talk about each others work.
Norman strikes me at the kind of guy who willingly remains ignorant because he cannot take even the slightest amount of constructive criticism needed to learn anything
@@thehermit8618 Norman has admitted this except not in those exact words. But during one of the many fights he's had on Amazon reviews for his book when someone asked if he did any research Norman admitted that except for when having to look up specific figures such as the atomic mass of Xenon he did no research for Empress Theresa. He already believed he knew everything.
hey Krim I did the maths on Steve's alcohol consumption
I looked up the ABV of some American Beer, and it looks like they're usually between 3-5%. Let's assume that Norman meant that German Beer is about 8%, which is strong but standard, and so Steve had 6 litres of beer with an ABV of 8%. This comes out to about 27 standard drinks, which is nearly 4 bottles of wine, OR a little more than a bottle of Vodka, OR (if it's easier for you to visualise), 27 shots of tequilla.
According to the NHS (National Health Service), at more than 12 units in a short space of time, you are "at high risk of developing alcohol poisoning" and the booze will" interfere with the automatic functions of your body, such as your breathing, heart rate, and gag reflex".
Steve's alcohol tolerance is fucking Godlike.
Damn
I did the maths at 6 litres of beer at 10% in six hours, which works out to roughly 48 shots, had to guess his weight so the maths might be off a bit, but according to a calculator, he'd be at severe risk of going into a coma or dying.
@@whiskeyhound In the end the alcohol would be worried there's Steve in it.
Why aren't we talking about how he's consuming lethal amount of water in that 6l
@@wiolettaziokowska1912 Because he was drinking all afternoon, it's not actually a lethal amount of water, it's the alcohol that'd get him.
I'm real late, but would like to participate in the "how will everything get worse" pop quiz. I'm gonna say B, use the "coldness from outerspace".
Edit: Dang it.
Nice try mate. Hope you had fun with this little patch of hell
Also that is not a thing. You don't 'bring in the coldness'. Coldness is not a thing you move around. Its *heat* that you move around.
I picked A but actually thought B. I assumed she’d do whatever caused MORE lives.
@@craigh5236 we know that but do you really think Norman knows that?
@@viralknight4602 has
The farther into this book we go, the more I feel like we’re descending into Dante’s inferno
AvianInkKit I wish. Dante’s Inferno is way more interesting.
I think we're almost to Judecca at this point
"I could do anything I wanted to anybody and nobody would dare do anything about it! I kind of liked that."
How can you possibly write a line like that and somehow convince yourself that's the thought process of a good guy?!
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Malignant_narcissism
@Axtwyt Starkiller isn't onision also a malignant narcissist?
@@celihenry3227 hmm, you know I think I may have been too hasty in using that label on Norman. He's definitely still a narcissist, but I don't think that there's any record of him physically or emotionally abusing anyone else. He doesn't seem to be able to understand other people enough to see any point of view other than his own, and thus cannot manipulate them. ONISION, OTOH, really would be Malignant. He's also smarter, more charismatic, and a better writer while being a far worse human being.
Can someone put Theresa on the villain's wiki? I seriously think she has a place on that website considering all the horrific things she's done and her complete lack of basic human empathy and ridiculously large self serving attitude.
In all seriousness, this might be the first time I've genuinely disliked a fictional character. Seriously, it's almost disturbing how horrible of a human Theresa is and I've seen horrific killers and heartless diddlers in my time as a fan of fiction. Even the Joker would take one look at this chick and say "dude, you're kind of fucked up".
Even Dolores Umbridge?
@@siriusPuwu Yeah, tbh. I'm willing to go there because Theresa flat-out takes the rules, makes them her bitch, then imposes her own rules that can't be avoided without fates worse than death on everyone else.
Yep, my thoughts exactly
Even fucking Mephistopheles himself has more redeeming traits than Theresa
Theresa literally killed millions of people by suddenly putting everyone to sleep And THEN eliminating The human race since she put then to SLEEP And The book not declaring that she stopped their ageing
It's offensive to Joker to even compare him to Theresa. At least Joker just wants to metaphorically watch the world burn. Theresa wants to LITERALLY watch the world burn.
“I can’t allow myself to bullied, so therefore I shall bully an innocent person who filed a completely legitimate suit against, effectively going above the law and becoming a tyrant! I’m the good guy!”
Re: Benjamin Scherzer. Norman indeed based him on Benjamin Netanyahu, but he said Netanyahu would be too obvious (as opposed to Blair). He went into a Jewish forum to discuss this part of the book, and they told him "Scherzer" isn't a Jewish name and in fact means "joker" or something in Yiddish. He kept the name regardless. He kept badgering people about leaving Israel *if they had to*, and they kept saying they wouldn't. He countered it with things like "life can be surprising sometimes", he quoted Benjamin Scherzer over and over, as if Scherzer was a real Israeli authority. People kept telling him they would not leave Israel, and calling him anti-Semitic. He posted this incredibly tone-deaf comment about how he likes "the Jews" and in fact chose to work with a Jewish fellow in dental school, and also thinks Jewish people will be saved. Finally, he threw a tantrum and yelled at the people for being more "rude and crude" than anyone he'd encountered before, and he used to work in a factory. The thread isn't up anymore, but it was pretty epic.
Oh my god... Also Scherzer means jokester in German. A "Scherz" is a Joke and a "Scherzer" can be translated to someone who jokes... Should've been norman's pen name. This is so racist and stupid the most baffling thing of this is the fact, that norman apparently talked to real human beings. His book is written like an alien trying to write humans after spending like a year on earth in a Christian Trump supporter family. Big YIKES!
@@badcookie5755 guess thats what happens when an old sheltered boomer tries to act as if he has this great world-view and cultural knowledge when its clear to anyone with even a passing interest in foreign cultures that he barely knows anything about even his own. He's the Dunning-Krueger effect given flesh
@@thehermit8618 Oh, exactly! Thank you for putting it into words!
Holy shit... I mean, "Scherzer" as a German word would literally mean "someone who's joking"... Although no one would use that word, as there are plenty of other, more common one...
And somehow, as a German, this makes me want to bring back a single certain waterless shower one last time for a certain someone and his omnipotent, bratty, imaginary friend...
I can't believe that someone would actually behave that insensitive... Also sounds like he just pulled all the cards, ranging from "You can't say that, because you've never been in exactly that situation I just made up" to "I can't be racist/sexist/xenophobic/anti-semitic, because I used to know a [insert minority] once..."
@@midnight8341 Yeah, it was like the worst kind of "My best friends are black". He went to the dental school in the 70's I think, has he really had no Jewish friends since then? That's pretty bad. Also I doubt Jewish ppl want Catholics to think they're saved, it might have seemed to him like a grand thing to say but I doubt it was received that way.
"The largest gathering ever with 25 million people"
Yeah only about 2% of China was there cheering. the other 98% i guess didnt care. Also the largest gathering in the world was actually 30 million for the Kumbh Mela pilgrimage in India (2013...looked it up because the claim seemed fishy).
30 million people sounds crazy though... I can't even imagine it.
This book... It's fractal of stupidity overlayed on top of fractal of factual incorrectness. Every page is as stupid and incorrect as the accursed whole.
Ruyeka Hatori that’s everyone that died in WWI (by a conservative estimate)...... twice. That’s nuts
30 million! That's more than the entire population of my country!
Now thats hilarious
“Sees part 4 posted”
Oh good it must be the end of the book
Krimson: ...about halfway through the book.
Oh god no
Also, that was definitely racist
Brett Dallman you could debate its kinda that so many people screaming distorted it?
No no, it’s just racist, not sure why I’m trying to justify that
@@TheZutter Yes it is. Except for the really really old generation, Chinese people speak English very well, as it is a mandatory subject in school.
To assume that they couldn't read her damn name right just because they're Chinese is insulting on many levels.
He literally judged an entire country based on their origin, which I deemed racist.
@@scipio764 To be fair, Germans also have mandatory English in school, yet most of them (like easily more than half) speak it with the stereotypical, super thicc ass accent that you'd usually expect joke characters in movies to have.
Source: Am German.
Hai Le Hoang me being Chinese can guarantee even with someone with zero English knowledge, they'll just say her name the way it would be transliterated (teh-lei-sha or teh-ree-sa something) and not this made-up shit. Yeah why bother to find out that unlike Japanese for example, Mandarin does indeed have a soft "r" sound? Any sane person wouldn't even include this bit because it served nothing other than racism. Yet this is Norman so what do we know.
@pansztuki There was this stereotype in my country that Chinese education system didn't teach any foreign language because of some patriotism bs.
So when I was working with six Chinese associations who spoke fluently, it actually blew my mind. Thus I asked the whether that stereotype was true, everyone gave me a more or less similar answer, which I used in my comment.
Anyway, for 25 millions people to gather at one place, my guess is it must occur in a major city that should provide decent education for its cotizen; therefore they're likely to get her name right.
I was a volunteer fireman in California for about a year. Those traditional American fire helmets have the wide brim to protect your back. The idea is, if a board full of nails or some other debris were to fall on top of you while fighting a structure fire, the wide brim would protect you from spinal injury by sort of guiding the debris away from your body. One thing to note though is the public would never wear them day to day because they are SUPER HEAVY!!
Can I just say, I really didn't think anything could beat Onisions "Reapers Creek" in stupidity. This is worse. And I don't know how to feel about that. Both are just incomprehensibly terrible, in pretty much every way.
At first I thought Reaper's Creek might have been worse because the first 3 parts of this review weren't nearly as much of a clusterfuck as the climax of Onision's crock of shit, but now I find myself thinking that "At least Onision's crock of shit started out at least somewhat normally"
@@blackknightjack3850 Reaper Creek has one writing technique that I actually agree on: simple hierarchy/build up of storyline-- from Daniel personal story, to his alien encounter, to his family (pedo-shit here), his meeting of girlfriend etc., his alien massacre, then his crazy justice on murderers, then his final showdown to death, god and kull, revival of daughter god, then the rushed end.
But ET... because it has too much stories within stories, it just become a long and painful fake climax/plateau of God doing things(even bible has better writing damnit).
But we will hear the next chapters, perhaps the plateau can fall fast, it is too painful.
@@chongjunxiang3002 Pretty much. Onision's book is shit but at leas it has a normal structure, dramatic tension, build-up, etc. Whereas Empress Theresa is just a formless cascade of sewage.
This book is about as terrible as Reaper's Creek because I morally cannot say that onion man writing child pornography is better than this book. But it comes very close.
@@Arlothed1no Morally no, structurally yes
Krimson Calrissian: This book keeps getting worse and worse.
Darth Norman: I am not altering the book; pray I don't not alter it any further.
Krimson Calrissian: ...that sentence doesn't make any sense!
Empress Theresa: Good, good. Let the hate flow through you.
Dew it!!!
I love this. Please do more of such.
May your heart be your guiding key.
Us: Onision is the worst author covered on this channel!!
Norman: I’m about to end this man’s whole career
They should write a manuscript together as an unintentional course on how to not write books
Flo Vi you should go to Harvard because that is GENIUS
Chris Hansen is already ending Onision's career.
@@skyblade7438 and thank god for that
Onision: "Not if I end it first."
53:30 Theresa's plan to defeat OPEC is to revert everyone back to coal (carbon) power instead of just magically inventing a scalable, stable fusion plant, which is well within her powers.
OK but imagine if theresa gave up ha for an unlimited energy source
I mean hell, she doesn’t even have to do that, she clearly has the ability to manipulate the fuck out of water, so all she would have to do is make a few infinite water spouts that turn a few massive turbines and boom, infinite energy. Or just get uranium from space. But no, just make a big pile of coal and burn it the old fashion way.
Personally, the story would have been Infinity times better if Theresa was purposely written as a villian and the story revolved around her side of whatever evil plan she put into action and how she fights against the people who are trying to stop her.
I can agree to this. Theresa and her powers, and the various ways she uses them, keeps reminding me of Lelouch from Code Geass. More so in the way of how Theresa basically became the ruler of the world thanks to her powers, kinda like Lelouch did. so if Norman was a lot smarter with his writing, he could had given us something that basically was his version on Code Geass' story.
Would've been amazing if there was a plot twist at the climax that revealed the alien had secretly altered her thoughts and warped her perception of the world, thinking she was doing good, but secretly the alien was using her to destroy the worlds economy and political system from the inside in preporation for their takeover
@@あなたがすごいだよ i thought the same
Even just not changing the events of the story and just show how deluded she is, convincing herself she's doing everything for the good of the world while her miscalculations bring ruin and suffering instead.
Instead reality and physics themselves bend over 90 degrees lest the queen of all Mary Sues have her accomplishments marred by even the tiniest hint of a setback.
I'm a bartender so I couldn't help myself. 1 pint (the standard beer measure in pubs) is just over half a litre. If the Oktoberfest beer really is 2x the % of american beer (which isn't *that* strange - american beers tend to be ~3.5-4% and it's not unusual to find craft beer pushing 6-8%) that means our boy Steve had the equivalent of nearly 24 pints. For reference, 4 is usually a good place to stop.
That sounds about right. Oktoberfest doesn't use pints, it uses Maßkrüge, which hold 1l of beer and the average alcoholic content of Oktoberfest beer is 6-6.5%, with the average drinking speed being roughly 1l per 30 minutes.
That said, 6 Maß isn't exactly a preposterous claim, especially young guys between 16 and 20 do often drink 5-6 Maß in as little as 3 hours there; it's hot in the pavilions, they have a good basis of hearty Bavarian foods, and the festive atmosphere makes them a bit coltish.
I mean, you'll be close to a blood alcohol content of 0.40 or above and definitely NOT as unaffected as Steve supposedly is and instead more close to...well, dying of alcohol poisoning, but it IS something that happens semi-frequently.
It's more than possible to drink around that much. It's a pretty poor choice as you'll definitely fall down and will probably piss yourself, but you can do it.
@@iusethisnameformygoogleacc1013 I'd also account for this being apparently the first time he's had alcohol
so basically, he's dead or has Rick's liver?
vizthex - just for fun, I did some back of the envelope calculations with an online BAC calculator. Assuming a consumption period of 8 hours, Norman being truthful on the double strength, and a Steve weight of 180 pounds (first hit for “average weight for...” was for a height of 6’1” , with 180 corresponding to the middle of the range listed), his BAC would be .85%.
I should point out the LD50 of alcohol is .4%. Some people have been found alive at 1%+, but they are not common.
The greatest obstacle our "heroes" faced in this story so far, was appearantly german beer.
That is a large obstacle to getting anything done.
German Beer is the best in da world!!!
@@ChrisKunix as well as german science
I dearly hope that that joke lands or im going to look real bad
@@righteouself9928 is that a Jojo reference?
20:42 "despite being a good catholic boy, Steve drank six mugs of beer"
Catholicism and beer basically go hand in hand in Bavaria, it was even brewed in monasterys (Paulaner and Franziskaner come to mind as beer brands coming from monasterys), and a certain type of beer (Bockbier) is even allowed during lent (the legend says that a monastery sent a barrel of beer to the Pope so he could decide if it was allowed during lent, but it went bad on the way due to temperature differences so when he tried it, it tasted horrible. So he thought "drinking this beer feels like chastisement, why shouldn't they be allowed to drink that?").
Sooo Steve didn't drink so much _despite_ being a good catholic boy, he drank so much _because_ he was a good catholic boy :D
Also, Christian monks brewing beer (and making other things like cheese) is just a long medieval tradition in general, from back when there wasn't really any denominations. So Steven is just returning to tradition in general lmao
LUL 😂 That was good. :)
You can tell Norman didn't know that, or else Theresa would've straight up drank like three barrels because she's the BEST GOOD GIRL CATHOLIC EVER
I feel a lot of this books problems would are made worse by it being first person narration.
A lot of things Theresa thinks about herself "I'm a pin-up girl", "I've done so much good for the world", "I deserved an reward for everything I've done", "That person must be so grateful to have met me" Sound arrogant and cringey coming from her thoughts.
But if a narrator or other person in the story thought "Theresa's beautifu", ""It's amazing how Theresa's helping us", "Theresa deserves a reward for all the good she'd done" It would have the same effect but not make Theresa sound as arrogant.
Good idea, but I'm not sure that'd actually help this garbage heap. Every other character in the book *already* gushes over her and it's obnoxious still 😂
Now we just have a stupid and unreliable narrator- wait a minute I have an idea
If the book was self-aware and portrayed Theresa as an unreliable narrator, then first person narration would be perfect.
I recall something saying Norman originally wrote it in 3rd person and changed it to 1st person because he liked the Hunger Games, but didn't make proper adjustments. Bearing that in mind a lot more of the book makes sense, primarily the sections here with Jan and Steve and the recap in Part 2.
@@skyblade7438 That actually would explain quite a lot, one question is had reading the was "does Norman not understand that Theresa thing that to herself is different from someone else saying that about her"?
When Steve pulled out the map, I'm surprised that the book didnt call it "jewland" or something.
Sounds like something Cartman would make.
I’m just surprised he was sensitive enough not to call us Kikes
8:40 kitty comforter comes, recognizes the peril of the situation, and tactically retreats.
I listen to these reviews a _lot_ as background noise, and I'm still not over how the cats come to keep Krim company and then leave the MOMENT he says the name "Theresa". Genuinely. Watch them. They'll be happily settled until Krim says her name, then they're gone.
You know, this series is inspiring me to write a fic about this story from the viewpoint of various bystanders in the story (ie a schoolmate, a guard at Fort Knox, one of the government agents assigned to kill her) that paints Theresa as the monster she is.
Just rewrite everything
do it, it would be better written then the OG
Do it
Can it be read somewhere?
Please do, and then send me the link. 😭
20:15 It's pronounced 'Noi-shvan-shtein'. The name means something like 'New swan stone'. That whole thing about Ludwig II of Bavaria, otherwise known as 'The Mad King' is pretty accurate. Ludwig was basically a fairytale-obsessed manchild who squandered much of his money on building extravagant castles for himself, inspired by the legends and folktales he grew up reading. He was also the man who financed the first productions of many of Richard Wagner's operas.
@Brina Owens is always pronounced [ʃtaɪ̯n] wherever it occurs. and are Englishified versions.
@Brina Owens yes. Like shh+time. Only you put an n where the m is
@Brina Owens When it comes to German names, it's never steen.
Actually, despite his building projects, Ludwig was a pretty ok King. I mean he was no Charlemagne or Ashoka, but he wasn’t terrible. The primary reason why he was discredited as a madman because his family wanted him to abdicate. Why did they want that? Because Ludwig II was very open about his disinterest in marriage and his big interest in other men.
@@skeletonwar4445 when it comes to German words and the combinations ie and ei, "the latter does the talking". I learned this in a school in Wales :D
As an actual astrophysics major, this book has made me die a little inside.
(Fun fact: *It would literally be impossible for a star to ever produce an element as heavy as Xenon*
stars the size of our sun are actually only composed of hydrogen, helium and carbon. Once the helium fuel runs out, the core expands and cools into a white dwarf and then eventually into a black dwarf. Even heavier stars can only produce up to iron before they collapse in on themselves and become neutron stars or black holes.)
Hmm... but let’s play pretend for two seconds, and say that Norman didn’t mess up on that one; I’m curious about what would happen to a star if you were able to drain elements from it. Would it be a risk of said star imploding? I kept thinking about it throughout the video, and hoping to find someone in the comments who would know. I myself study literature, and the only sorta factual thing I can say about this book is yikes... this guy just threw every single rule into the abyss... out of a window would be nice... but this guy obliterated them. So yeah... hoping that you have some idea about this hypothetical scenario
I would otherwise like to wish you a good day 😊 Hoping that you’re safe and healthy
Found the nerds :D
@@GrifoStelle The nerds are everywhere in these comments, don't you worry. We're trying pointlessly to salvage this poor excuse for a book.
@@Ingemaja With the amounts she took... maybe not.
@@Ingemaja The answer to this question is a bit like asking what temperature Ice would melt at if you could rearrange the molecules of water into any shape you wanted by hand in real time, which is to say that it doesn't really have an answer because the thing you have to presuppose for it to even be a question changes Everything so much that it's not really possible to guess how things would work in that universe, at least, not without some expensive mathematical modeling. The reason stars don't produce anything after Iron is because that's the point at which is becomes impossible to actually generate energy from nuclear fusion - fusing anything heavier takes more energy than it generates, so it only actually happens as a byproduct of stars / neutron stars imploding. If you just change that, you're either changing some fundamental laws of physics in a way that makes it very difficult to predict anything (I couldn't tell you for sure if planets would exist in a universe where stars could fuse uranium) or fundamentally changing how stars work too much to easily make meaningful predictions about them. If I had to guess, though, or we just presupposed we were stealing hydrogen or helium from the sun or whatever, I can't see any reason why that would put it at any increased risk of imploding. It's not like we ever Could steal an amount of anything from the sun that would be significant in comparison to the mass of the sun itself; you could take an amount of anything weighing ten times as much as the earth out of the sun without making a dent in it. Stars implode because the constant generation of energy that causes them to 'expand' (or rather, for there to be a force of expansion that counteracts the gravitational force of the star itself) dries up and the whole thing's incredibly huge mass starts to collapse in on itself. There's no reason why removing any of that mass would cause an implosion.
I’d love to see Theresa go up against Onision’s God thing from Reaper’s Creek, since both of there powers are basically “God but stupid”
I mean, the Christian god is pretty fucking stupid with his own abilities too, so they're really just god.
The fanfiction would actually be better written than both books combined.
@@coffinmyface4237 lol try harder
Theresa takes with a high diff
Daniel(greg) has better feats but needed outside help to deal with the three god parts
Hals reflexs seem to take place after one interaction
That or daniel gets a hard on cause theresa acts like a child and instantly swoons over her