#8. "You lack empathy for others". Many adult children of emotionally immature parents tend to have the opposite actually and have more empathy for others because they're Empaths. I'm an Empath and put other people's needs before mine because that's how I was programmed to get my needs met. I have subscribed to your channel a year ago and I find your videos to be very informative and insightful. Thank you.
Yeah, I feel this, as a son of an emotionally immature mother, I've been a people pleaser my whole life, whether it's been in romantic or platonic friendships, doing every I can to make sure my partners or freind is happy, not wanting to let them down or say no, even when I don't want to do something, avoiding confrontation or sticking up for myself , because whenever I said no or did my own thing as a kid I was met with guilt trip, anger, or dismissed
In my experience, empathy and people-pleasing behavior or fawning are two separate things. They might very well be present and connected in the same person, which they seem to be in your case, but they do not have to. In my case, people pleasing and fawn responses were (and still are) fairly common behaviors that probably helped me fulfill my needs for acceptance and (conditional) love. At the same time, I wasn't really able to recognise my own needs and emotions, and i was not really capable of empathy. Only when I started showing compassion to myself, I finally became able to truly empathize with others as well.
Not always. My sister is very blind for everyone else besides herself. No surprise: since this is a generational curse you don't t heal from the family virus unless you get treatment. She just got the bug and replicates the emotional immature ways
We have many of our parents habits, qualities, not because we are inherently bad, but because they failed to show us how to live as our best selves. Mine did not have good people skills. Where was I supposed to learn them? I am sick inside for not giving more to other people. My mom did not having any attachments to her family. So I never learned about how to establish and maintain connections. She didn't have any friends. No model for how to be one of the girls.
I have some emotionally immature ways because I had parents who were there but didn’t want me as I was a hindrance to both of there lives. Can you do something on how someone like me can try to stop these destructive behaviors from continuing. As I am still knee deep in my struggles. I have to heal and parent at the same time.
Mark, do you plan to write a parenting book? That would be such a helpful resource as we are raising a 10, 5, 3 and 7 month old. All of your work has been so helpful and transformational. Thank you so so much.
Thank you for helping me a bit…..I live with my parents because of some unfortunate circumstances… I’m 55 and am just realizing how toxic they have been and are…. Jesus pls help me thru this
#10 Spence of confusion I felt like I was drowning in cognitive dissonance between what I knew to be true and all the gaslighting and bs from parents, authority figures and fellow Christians. One way or another I was scapegoated, blamed or just not good enough.
Mark thank you for this video - as always spot on! I resonated with every single thing you said and all 10 struggles, but that's what overcoming is all about - by God's grace. 🙏❤
Gesundheit! Thanks for not blasting out our eardrums. 😂 Lol. I’m really glad you touched on feeling lost because that’s how I’ve been feeling in my healing journey, despite knowing what themes God is working on. (There are so many facets to a single subject!) Do you have any resources on this topic? I’ve searched on your website and watched your videos on overwhelm and process vs. pressure (awesome!!), but I would appreciate more guidance. I’ll spare you from receiving another email, lol. Thank you so much for all you do for your brothers and sisters, Mark!!!
Still learning to observe, acknowledge emotions and accept rather than condemn or dismiss - the other day I said to myself "You feel frustrated" when planning on going on a healthy hike with my dog, because of road closures and detours - and had to settle for a short stroll in the local park, and accepted that it was okay to feel this way and to process it rather than "Oh my goodness you felt frustrated, that's almost anger - what's wrong with you? You're supposed to be a Christian! lol yada yada" lol - How much is our own self-condemnation and how much the enemy also? Yes - a sign of trauma - please Mark could you do some videos on surviving and healing/thriving from childhood sexual abuse and secondary invalidation/scapegoating. I feel like I'm quite emotionally mature because I have done a lot of healing and have great empathy for others etc - but sometimes lack empathy for myself lol
Do you become an emotional immature parent if you struggle with most of these due to your parents being emotionally immature? And if you don't realize it until your kids are grown up, then they become emotionally immature? If only I'd realized these struggles and got healing before I became a parent. Because now my grown kids are having these struggles too. I am working on healing finally....can the cycle ever be truly broken?
@@TheNarrowPath40 I believe it can be broken. I admire your courage to be responsible and be accountable for your actions and healing so your family can heal. My pop did as you did and broke our family dysfunction. God bless
How should you look at a 60 year old child parent? With borderline personality, narcism, bipolar and addiction to all drugs? Unwilling to change or accept God's love and continues to feed off adrenaline and spew emotionally at the family.over anything and EVERYTHING. I'm struggling for my life with horrendous health issues, disabled trapped in a home with the person. Trapped with a low income with no way out of the house. How do you deal with being spewed on and neglected all the time? On edge waiting for the next spew. No matter how much I try to prevent him from affecting me, it still does and leaves me exhausted. Even when I feel detached from him, it's as if the natural biological responses of being around him affect me.
I’m so very sorry. What a horrible situation to be in. My heart goes out to you, brother. I’m also currently disabled. Mark, I’d be very curious to how you would answer Brandon’s question.
It's true, that, at the end-of-the-day, as we all will individually stand before GOD and give account for our own lives without being able to point the blame to another for our sins/choices/mistakes, etc. But, that does not mean that poor parenting did not influence how (poorly) one turns out. And, although that may seem contradictory, it is not. Parents should be way more responsible for raising children than has happened. We're not animals. GOD did not instill us with "animal instincts". True love and true Godly sexuality, for example, must be both spoken about and modeled.
@@gdg1963 Sure, the working mum and institutionalisation of children has a lot to do with that. The thing is, even in an ideal world your parents still wouldn’t be perfect and the only mature thing to do is take accountability for yourself and show gratitude towards your parents anyway. You don’t have to agree with them, but you don’t have to fight or disrespect them either. If they’re wrong then acknowledge that yourself and do something differently. Wasting your energy on self loathing temper tantrums isn’t going to achieve anything.
@@domhamai , Rebellion, pride, disrespect of parents, sexual whoredom, adultery, the anger that results from these sinful attitudes and actions play more into the poor raising of children than just the simple "working mum and the "institutionalization of children". GOD designed the family to where the children need, actually need, both a loving mommy and daddy. In order to raise children properly Parents need to be parents. Period.
I think it is important to acknowledge the dysfunctional mechanisms one develops during childhood as a result of imperfect parenting. Only by accepting these mechanisms as products of one's childhood can one begin the process of replacing them with functional, healthy mechanisms. In a way, it is important to blame one's parents (instead of oneself) for the creation of these mechanisms before one can move on and take accountability for one's life.
@@kk-fo3zx depends on how you play that out. If you are identifying something for your own self betterment then that is positive. If you are just going to hate on your parents as an excuse for your own failings then it is negative. And don’t forget that even the worse parents made some level of sacrifice for their children and those children still owe them gratitude at the end of the day, for their own benefit if for nothing else.
#8. "You lack empathy for others". Many adult children of emotionally immature parents tend to have the opposite actually and have more empathy for others because they're Empaths. I'm an Empath and put other people's needs before mine because that's how I was programmed to get my needs met.
I have subscribed to your channel a year ago and I find your videos to be very informative and insightful. Thank you.
Yeah, I feel this, as a son of an emotionally immature mother, I've been a people pleaser my whole life, whether it's been in romantic or platonic friendships, doing every I can to make sure my partners or freind is happy, not wanting to let them down or say no, even when I don't want to do something, avoiding confrontation or sticking up for myself , because whenever I said no or did my own thing as a kid I was met with guilt trip, anger, or dismissed
In my experience, empathy and people-pleasing behavior or fawning are two separate things. They might very well be present and connected in the same person, which they seem to be in your case, but they do not have to.
In my case, people pleasing and fawn responses were (and still are) fairly common behaviors that probably helped me fulfill my needs for acceptance and (conditional) love. At the same time, I wasn't really able to recognise my own needs and emotions, and i was not really capable of empathy. Only when I started showing compassion to myself, I finally became able to truly empathize with others as well.
Not always. My sister is very blind for everyone else besides herself. No surprise: since this is a generational curse you don't t heal from the family virus unless you get treatment. She just got the bug and replicates the emotional immature ways
We have many of our parents habits, qualities, not because we are inherently bad, but because they failed to show us how to live as our best selves. Mine did not have good people skills. Where was I supposed to learn them? I am sick inside for not giving more to other people. My mom did not having any attachments to her family. So I never learned about how to establish and maintain connections. She didn't have any friends. No model for how to be one of the girls.
Can relate much. My childhood was toxic & emotionally damaging too. Thank God He's healing me through many ways including this channel.
I have some emotionally immature ways because I had parents who were there but didn’t want me as I was a hindrance to both of there lives. Can you do something on how someone like me can try to stop these destructive behaviors from continuing. As I am still knee deep in my struggles. I have to heal and parent at the same time.
Mark, do you plan to write a parenting book? That would be such a helpful resource as we are raising a 10, 5, 3 and 7 month old. All of your work has been so helpful and transformational. Thank you so so much.
Thank you! Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus! 🙌🏻 Do everything in love! 🙏🏻
Thank you for helping me a bit…..I live with my parents because of some unfortunate circumstances… I’m 55 and am just realizing how toxic they have been and are…. Jesus pls help me thru this
#10 Spence of confusion
I felt like I was drowning in cognitive dissonance between what I knew to be true and all the gaslighting and bs from parents, authority figures and fellow Christians. One way or another I was scapegoated, blamed or just not good enough.
Mark thank you for this video - as always spot on! I resonated with every single thing you said and all 10 struggles, but that's what overcoming is all about - by God's grace. 🙏❤
Love your content, thx for the ❤ you put out into the world
Gesundheit! Thanks for not blasting out our eardrums. 😂 Lol. I’m really glad you touched on feeling lost because that’s how I’ve been feeling in my healing journey, despite knowing what themes God is working on. (There are so many facets to a single subject!) Do you have any resources on this topic? I’ve searched on your website and watched your videos on overwhelm and process vs. pressure (awesome!!), but I would appreciate more guidance. I’ll spare you from receiving another email, lol. Thank you so much for all you do for your brothers and sisters, Mark!!!
Wish I could send this to my sister. But she is knee deep inside of this, meaning she shuts down everything just like our EIP.
Still learning to observe, acknowledge emotions and accept rather than condemn or dismiss - the other day I said to myself "You feel frustrated" when planning on going on a healthy hike with my dog, because of road closures and detours - and had to settle for a short stroll in the local park, and accepted that it was okay to feel this way and to process it rather than "Oh my goodness you felt frustrated, that's almost anger - what's wrong with you? You're supposed to be a Christian! lol yada yada" lol - How much is our own self-condemnation and how much the enemy also? Yes - a sign of trauma - please Mark could you do some videos on surviving and healing/thriving from childhood sexual abuse and secondary invalidation/scapegoating. I feel like I'm quite emotionally mature because I have done a lot of healing and have great empathy for others etc - but sometimes lack empathy for myself lol
@3:22 at low volume i
thought he said "HAWK TUAH".
My bad
Very very good!
Well done and Well said ... ✔️
I think finding your channel has been the second best thing in my life. The first is believing in Jesus Christ as Lord.
Andrew, I relate to your statement so much!!! 🎉
I feel the same.
Do you become an emotional immature parent if you struggle with most of these due to your parents being emotionally immature? And if you don't realize it until your kids are grown up, then they become emotionally immature? If only I'd realized these struggles and got healing before I became a parent. Because now my grown kids are having these struggles too. I am working on healing finally....can the cycle ever be truly broken?
@@TheNarrowPath40 I believe it can be broken. I admire your courage to be responsible and be accountable for your actions and healing so your family can heal. My pop did as you did and broke our family dysfunction. God bless
I was raised by wolves
How should you look at a 60 year old child parent? With borderline personality, narcism, bipolar and addiction to all drugs? Unwilling to change or accept God's love and continues to feed off adrenaline and spew emotionally at the family.over anything and EVERYTHING.
I'm struggling for my life with horrendous health issues, disabled trapped in a home with the person. Trapped with a low income with no way out of the house. How do you deal with being spewed on and neglected all the time? On edge waiting for the next spew. No matter how much I try to prevent him from affecting me, it still does and leaves me exhausted. Even when I feel detached from him, it's as if the natural biological responses of being around him affect me.
I’m so very sorry. What a horrible situation to be in. My heart goes out to you, brother. I’m also currently disabled. Mark, I’d be very curious to how you would answer Brandon’s question.
Can you move in with other family or a friend?
Parents? You expect them to do all that? Thats unrealistic for 1 or 2 people to do that
How to know your kids have emotionally immature parents? *You blame your parents for what’s wrong in your life*
It's true, that, at the end-of-the-day, as we all will individually stand before GOD and give account for our own lives without being able to point the blame to another for our sins/choices/mistakes, etc. But, that does not mean that poor parenting did not influence how (poorly) one turns out. And, although that may seem contradictory, it is not. Parents should be way more responsible for raising children than has happened. We're not animals. GOD did not instill us with "animal instincts". True love and true Godly sexuality, for example, must be both spoken about and modeled.
@@gdg1963 Sure, the working mum and institutionalisation of children has a lot to do with that. The thing is, even in an ideal world your parents still wouldn’t be perfect and the only mature thing to do is take accountability for yourself and show gratitude towards your parents anyway. You don’t have to agree with them, but you don’t have to fight or disrespect them either. If they’re wrong then acknowledge that yourself and do something differently. Wasting your energy on self loathing temper tantrums isn’t going to achieve anything.
@@domhamai , Rebellion, pride, disrespect of parents, sexual whoredom, adultery, the anger that results from these sinful attitudes and actions play more into the poor raising of children than just the simple "working mum and the "institutionalization of children". GOD designed the family to where the children need, actually need, both a loving mommy and daddy. In order to raise children properly Parents need to be parents. Period.
I think it is important to acknowledge the dysfunctional mechanisms one develops during childhood as a result of imperfect parenting. Only by accepting these mechanisms as products of one's childhood can one begin the process of replacing them with functional, healthy mechanisms.
In a way, it is important to blame one's parents (instead of oneself) for the creation of these mechanisms before one can move on and take accountability for one's life.
@@kk-fo3zx depends on how you play that out. If you are identifying something for your own self betterment then that is positive. If you are just going to hate on your parents as an excuse for your own failings then it is negative. And don’t forget that even the worse parents made some level of sacrifice for their children and those children still owe them gratitude at the end of the day, for their own benefit if for nothing else.