Complex Trauma - Part 1/8
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- Опубліковано 25 чер 2024
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Finding Tim Fletchers videos about complex trauma has truly saved my life. At 45 yrs old I've had many traumatic experiences since birth and he explains it so well. I'm working through his videos to help my understanding and healing of my toxic behaviours. Thankyou Tim
I agree!! Thanks Tim. God bless you🙌
🙏💚🤗
Same here! The videos are invaluable gifts.
Amen and Praise God! Gang Gang
I am two years late but I am also 45 and feel exactly the same way. I am so grateful to have found this incredible man and his way of explaining things
He is BY FAR, the best speaker of ALL youtube presenters on these topics. Someday, he will be recognized as the new Gabor Mate.
Gabor doesn’t quite get it, in my opinion. This guy is really, really, really good.
I heard Gabor saying similar things and his book mentioned all of that. I think the way in which he presented it is not as clear as Tim's who seems like a teacher by nature. I admire both of them.
@@sloth6247 what doesn't Gabor get? Where is he missing the point?
@@user-st7ob1xr9f I do too
@@marjol3in I think he understands trauma really well but when it comes to recovery, he gets to new age for my taste. He’s here and there and everywhere. I’ve never found a clinician that understands spirituality well enough to effectively incorporate into treatment, and spirituality is very important in recovery - spirituality in general and Christianity in particular, until I found these videos.
"nothing is fixing this. My pain has no solution"---This spoke loudly to me.
Nathan, have you heard of ACA suppport meetings? That has helped me so much...its a 12 step support group and it addresses PTSD and all that goes with being raised in not just alcoholic and addictive families, but mental health, etc. dysfunctions...its very helpful...
What r u saying
@@umargamer5550 adult children of alcoholics or dysfunctional families check them online
@@lauraleemoderndaysamaritan4137 I will check this out. Thank you
CRAPPY CHILDHOOD FAIRY-UTUBE. REAL TOOLS FOR HELP IN THE MOMENT.
decades of wasted "therapy" being told i had anxiety and depression and therapists focusing on this while these were just the superficial manifestations of CTPSD. Thank you Tim for smashing through such superficiality of depression so i can see it as a manifestation of my core issues
Therapy is rubbish
I was trying to discover and heal traumas with spiritual modalities with some success but wo understanding how to interact and judge the situation in healthy ways bcoz you never learned it one doesn't go far
Not all. One just needs to find the right therapist for them.
This man is the best psychiatrist and psychologist.
I wasn't particularly sensitive. But getting raged at and slapped every day is painful for anyone, especially a child!!
hugs
❤
Fully agree ❤
You ar not alone ❤ xoxo
Looking through comments on cptsd videos is like reading my own words.
I'm 44. Learning. Better late than never! What a treasure this man is.
55 here 😢
@@daveo9844 45 now. Lol
Same. Its a hard pill to swallow
I just found this gentleman in the last 6 weeks. I'm 59 and had given up hope I would ever feel good in this life. For the first time everything that has happened is making sense. I knew things were wrong yet I could not put my finger on the cause, it was very much like a chameleon. A shame based identity has answered EVERY question...... things are becoming clear for the first time. Thank you Pastor Tim.
I wish I could hug you. I feel the same. Things are finally starting to make sense 😢
Praise God! 🙌🏻✝️🙌🏻
Blessings.
I’ve had a lot of therapy but this is extra special.
Is Tim a Pastor????
Thank God and God bless him!!!!!
Your comment sounds familiar to my story I’m 58 and the understanding of what we experience in our early impressionable years are so powerful on our belief system sometimes,we are unaware of the disfuctional programming what a journey
I'm 60 and found him about the same time. Could have used him 40yrs ago. Take care and hope you find peace.
Very important! There is another "F". Fight, Flight, Freeze, and Fawn (to seek notice or favor by servile demeanor). See Complex PTSD: From Survival to Thriving, by Pete Walker.
Fawn, accepted.
Excelent book indeed Sir..
And faint..
And fake...which sounds a lot like NPD to me
Thank you for adding what i wanted to post too ♡♡
THANK YOU for bringing up infant adoption as trauma! We may not be able to have visual memories of the event, but the body and brain never forget that the first thing that happened to us was that the only person we know and love is gone. We scream for her and she doesn't come. We are then given to complete strangers. All trauma. Then, many of us are abused by are adopters in one way or another. This trauma is so severe that we adoptees are 4x more likely to attempt suicide, become addicts, among many other things. Many of us live in a state of denial that this hurts us at all, parroting the common narrative that we are "lucky and grateful" while never having the courage to touch the fact that there is nothing lucky or to be grateful about losing our entire family on the first days of our lives. This needs to be more widely known! Thank you for talking about it!
You are absolutely right, I wish you so much strength ♥️
Exactly 💯
peace be with you
Yes. You are absolutely 1000% right. I was adopted at 5 months old. I am so happy to see somebody else talk about this serious issue. I also had to deal with a mentally, emotionally disabled schizophrenic adopted brother growing up. A very traumatic life. No doubt. I had a histrionic for a parent and only loving parent, Dad, died when I was 7. But one thing is true. We have a strength that did come from somewhere. And It's a miracle we grew to be adults. My adopted mother hid food in her room to test me. Mr. Fletcher is a God send in these matters. I can't believe I found him. Glad you did too. I thank him for finally showing the Real reason for so many human issues. We do live a time of shame. And this wave of knowledge I hope is a Renaissance of awareness that stops this evil from continuing.
Thank you for sharing I attended a recovery group and it's unleashed some deep trauma but I don't know what is happening- I've dealt with depression that moved to anxiety now all of this deep anger is surfacing and I am not equipped to handle it. Your depiction about being adopted & how the world views it so simply, never taking into account the perspective of the baby is so clear and is helping me open up about past trauma.
Thank you 🙏
THANK GOD you have videoed this work!- Bless you for putting it up for FREE..xxxx You could so easily have packaged it up and sold it online..instead the utter kindness in you for 'giving ' it to us all , you truly are a blessing to us all...xxxx
It is so helpful I am passing to on to many people xxxx
Complex trauma= inconsistent, conditional love=trying to fill the emptiness=addiction.
At 7:10 the definition of trauma
9:59 the event and YOUR PERCEPTION of the Event
15:08 good preface about parents
17:13 what causes complex Trauma
22:25 12 needs 💗
31:15 an interesting explanation of Fight, Flight, Freeze 🥶
36:55 Freeze 🥶
38:03 some people pretend to not care to not care about anything;
some people numb themselves
38:52 memory loss bc of severe abuse or trauma
39:47 how the brain 🧠 stores memory
Thank you ❤
Where’s part 2/8????
This is the absolute best explanation of Cptsd that I've ever heard!!!! I can now stop searching magnitudes of books and papers for a concise answer.
Thank you sooooo much 😁
Excellent and understandable lecture! Many thanks dr!
So we're all trying to heal from our childhood ❤❤❤
to redo it better, we see one picture like v.r., repeated, for. ev er.., it can be re edited
This guy. Man.... I wish every family member and most importantly my husband had the knowledge of this lovely and very smart and understanding man.
One man at a time, I already lost one love and I am trying to fix myself for the better of others and my own well being.
Kayla French We need more people like whom, who unselfishly want to help. Most people differ because they can’t afford mental health care.
Wow! I grew up with all these conditions. It's been a long time coming, but I am beginning to learn how to navigate my world. We disconnect from ourselves to survive and learn unproductive behaviors and blame ourselves. Keep learning to sort things out. You have to retrain your brain and connect with your heart, learning self-compassion. There is truth here.
This is so amazing! After hearing this information, I can totally understand myself for the first time ever. Thank you so much for making this available to all. May God continue to bless you as you bless others.
Me too
It does resonate with me as well.
Every doctor should have this video in his practice many think a traumatised person who suffered life long abuse is mad
they are stupid, not smart enough to get this
lots of therapist Idiots and selfish
Both my parents were narcs ....I have a big problem feeling safe ....whatever happens in my life causes me to feel unsafe and sometimes I have panic attacks ..thank you for your help ..your videos help me to understand that a lot of people have my issues and also I can feel safe some day at least I can be better gradually...thank you
You should. The world is EXTREMELY violent.
What a joy that someone could cover every aspect of CT; explaining and affirming those of us that are so hurt! thank you for your understanding and compassion.
jndevries2 Many people are ashamed to admit that they endured complex trauma
The havening technique can sure you.
Thank you for helping me see me and my loved ones.
You explained this so well. I can never relax, I can never be silly it laid back or without worry. I grew up with a mom on meth and a dad always gone on the road as a truck driver. Belittled, mocked, parents didn’t act like parents, the house was putrid . Cat feces filling up litter boxes all over the house that my mom never cleaned. She was always ugly and mean. Called me a cunt, a heartless bitch when I was just a kid. I was fat. Had psoriasis on my firearms that I couldn’t easily hide. My clothes never fit. My parents didn’t buy me deodorant, or a bra. Everything was filthy . Zero consistent boundaries, zero consistency period. Hitting and fighting my siblings. Screaming fits. Cops coming by. Getting evicted and my parents telling us it was all our fault that we were getting evicted, that we destroying the house and that we never helped them do anything. 7 of us in a single wide trailer that smelled like shit and mold... my early life wasn’t as bad as others but it’s something I have worked very hard to reject, I work very hard to progress and to sort myself out. I still don’t love myself and I feel like I’m a liar, fraud, loser, incapable of making friends. I’m still trying though
That IS a kat of trauma, and if you acted out as a kid, thats a natural reaction for any child. I’m so sorry you suffered all of that. I pray this series helps you on your healing journey. You’re not worthless at all.
Ive known this for years. Therapists and people around me retraumatized me by telling me it wasnt true. I wound up on mental health disability.
Glad psychologists are catching up.
This man is a gift. His content is helping so many people. Blessed to have found this channel and pass along my findings to anyone that will listen!
Went no contact a few days ago with narcissist father. I see he had my two siblings hunch backed, hating ourselves and hating eacother by the age of 10. The straigher my spine gets ( I discovered yoga, and am 1000 classes deep ) - the more they all hate me. No contact is bliss. Over the next few weeks I'll be shifting social media, phone, email and address 😊
Wishing you well
This guy makes a lot of sense that many Counsellors do not know.
I'm so sorry for everyone here and hurting.
This is the first time I've heard what has caused all the issues, all these long years. I intend to soak up every single resource you provide so I can finally start to make changes. Thank God for you.
Amen sister
CRAPPY CHILDHOOD FAIRY. REAL HELP
Amen
How are you now?
This is the best most easy simplest explanation ive ever heard on Trauma Complex Trauma
No confusion no over complicated explanations here just strait out explains it correctly 👏
You have just given me the answers I have been looking for for 46 year broken relationship and fighting drug addiction. Finally I can maybe be free !
Every word of this hits home and it's wonderful to hear someone who gets it. It gives me hope that CPTSD can be overcome. Like all other children, I thought it was just me. And then repeated toxic patterns in adulthood.
His definition of CPTSD Described my childhood to an absolute T!! My goodness! He's describing my whole life until I launched!! Never felt safe, no boundaries, no wonder I hate myself! I am noticing healing from God since He saved me.
Sounds like we’ve all experienced complex trauma!
Pretty much
Not really.i was very happy till age 5 with my grandparents n was fully aware off how great things are.then things went souer with my parents but it wasn't until too much of that was added that something changed n depression was irreversible till I eventually quit too
I'm going to have to watch this over, I feel like every box was ticked but I have stuff from the military and childhood to deal with.. I wanted answers on having ptsd and being a parent and how I have effected my kids and wife. We are currently living apart but we all want to get back together under the same roof and it makes me really anxious, I'm in my first year of therapy and I'm struggling to explain how a life full of trauma has effected me..
My advice to anyone with Cptsd is not to soldier on in denial and tackle your issues before it explodes like it has for me..
Peace love and respect, God bless all here
I wish you all the best. Never give up
❤ Sending Love to all who are hurting ❤
Thank you so very much for the kindness of these messages. There have been so few times that I have been validated in my suffering.
I have laboured long and hard, looking for my responsibility to co-operate with Christ toward healing my damaged heart and soul. But I have
also recognized that there are other elements involved, and that I am not in control of them.
There is so very little mercy and compassion----and so much judgement.
you are not alone...Philippians 1:6 is one of my fav verses
True
My life a ten thousand piece puzzle that first I had to search for all pieces first !!
8 full years never give up and complete .amen
8 years for me as well! I wonder if that's the average time...
For me the start was 18 years ago, and i still put the pieces together. But i come from an environment where i was the only one going against the stream. Nowadays this CPSTD is more mainstream, but still unheard of in many countries.
So sad being the abused child then hearing you speak know I have caused trauma indirectly to my own children
its a vicious cycle... as someone with c-ptsd and a mother with untreated complex trauma please be honest with your children. In my situation the lies and lack of communication led to unnecessary confusion and pain.
Everyone is human and makes mistakes, the important thing is now you can recognize it and not only change your life for the better but also your kids! I am sure you are a great mom and will only continue to get better!
I hear you...try as I did to parent different, it was inevitable that they, too, would suffer...I love ACA support groups...it helps to forgive oneself when one grasps this CPTSD and generational trauma...
Even wartime PTSD is experienced secondary in the next generation, for example not just children of holocaust survivors but families of everyone deeply affected by traumas of war.
The author of *The Body Keeps The Score* recalls how his father was deeply affected by the Nazi occupation he had been protesting in the Netherlands.
And I now see how my own father was affected as a grade school child in Nazi Germany witnessing families and kids being taken away and firebombs destroying the downtown area. That is too much to process. My father was a very decent man but he never quite found inner peace and was always a bit tense; this in turn shaped how I react to life coming to them as an adoptee already adversely stressed for years.
Mind blown. What a good feeling to have someone explain the causes and not diminish the little traumas.
Uugghh this is almost making me cry 😢
It’s so true.
Right!!!
I am crying reading the comments.
This is amazing. My 68 yr old sister still tells me I'm too sensitive and there was no trauma in my childhood.
I understand that.
I understand that too
She is in denial because the truth is too hard for some people. Been there! Dont listen to gaslighting.
Ah, denial. She's a chicken, you're dealing. Its hard to deal with chickens.
Finally! someone I can agree with, I've been to 4 shrinks in the last 3 months no one understood me they just put me in the category of PTSD or Manic depression or possibly being Bi polar in which I'm none of them watching this video will help me explain my condition a little easier to a new doctor "hopefully" my only issue now is finding a "Good Energized Doctor" who really wants to do this work with me I live in Delaware and it seems like all these doctors here are already programmed with the basic common diagnosis they've been giving people for years and won't listen to me they tell me what's wrong with me! instead of hearing me! and they just wanna give me physc med's! which is completely a waste of my time and there time! I just hope some doctors out here are "up to date" with they're education on Complex Trauma.Thank you for this video it gave me a little peace knowing alot of us now can pinpoint what's wrong with us and receive the proper help to continue to live somewhat of a decent healthy life ☺️✌️
I’ve been looking for the right help since 21 years old. Psychologist NEVER picked up on narcissistic abuse and trauma….even when I began to figure it out myself and brought it up to “professionals” I was dismissed. Thank you for your work!!!!
Life is really terrible when nobody loves you. You know they don't love you when they hurt you and or ditch you . So then they get a eugenic label to ensure nobody ever loves them . Thats why . Power
I went through all the comments before I found someone who asked who is this speaker. TIM FLETCHER
It's in the drop down description info for the video. =?}
It's the name of the channel
I wanted to know what his credentials were . What qualifications has he ? He is not a psychiatrist yet bandies the word narcissist around when anyone who did the research would know you have to diagnosed by a QUALIFUED DOCTOR A Psychiatrist as being so.and few people actually are clinically diagnosed
Also, how's our drug addled culture doing after years of "diagnoses" by licensed "professionals" and a crap ton of unnecessary and extremely damaging pharmaceuticals? Not good at all. Truth is exactly that, regardless of who presents it
Much Love 🙏🏻💕
It is Christmas day today, and I was writing in my gratitude journal earlier. And I just wanted to say how grateful I am for Tim and Kim, and all they've done for me. Words cannot express my sincere gratitude for these people and their ministry. Thank you for your compassion, and speaking truth. I know they don't know me, but please tell them thanks from Amy Scott.
Baton Rouge, LA
USA
Pete Walker has done excellent research on CPTSD, flashback management and emotional neglect. Also, bessel Van derKolk has a video the body keeps the score.
I W ~ Yes. I'm going to have to put Van der Kolk's video on an external speaker since I have partial hearing loss and he has such a strong accent. Have you seen Dr. Gabor Mate's video - "When the body says no"? It's very good, too. He is also specializes in addiction. Another great therapist is Dr. Diane Langberg. She has about 45 years of experience in dealing with trauma of all kinds, and has done so globally. There are several videos of her here, has her website and several books at Amazon.
@IW...yes he is good except Bessel does not recognize or state chronic childhood school bullying as part of cptsd
@@Soaptivated Dr Langberg is excellent!! I've been binge watching her today
Dr Kim Sage on yt has an excellent understanding of C-PTSD.
Thanks there is also Jon Uhler on UA-cam with great vids about .boundaries. when loving them hurts you. DID .he treats victims of ritualistic abuse
Counseling the traumatized is especially tricky because they rely on their maladaptations. So they are faced with giving up what seemingly works for them, for a system of trust.
EMDR, Brain Spotting, EFT are all effective therapies to speed the process.
Your presentation is very clear and easy to understand, not overwhelming at all. This also one of the most helpful videos (if not the most helpful) that I have had the good fortune to discover to date. Thank you, thank you very much.
Couldn't agree more!
so many things make sense now...
For me too ... I just dont understand why my diagnosis was not even PTSD as they assessed me and many things have traumatised me in my life and they have never even swung that way , just said I have bipolar& after hearing this chap tall and explain as he has done ,very well!! It really does make sense crazy world we live in ay xx
I know, right?!
A lot of this is pretty well spot on.
I lost my family several times from about age zero to seven, they were often flaky and careless. From then my emotionally immature adoptive home was often abusive and traumatic.
Perversely I blamed myself and blocked things out, until well into my adulthood. There are still people in my life that try to enforce the old patrons if abuse, but they are worse off for it.
These are the best videos I’ve seen on CPTSD
Wow.....This video series on C-PTSD is so very important! UA-cam should make these videos mandatory for everyone to watch!
I'll translate these videos in my native language in future and post in my blog,so people are informed about "trauma".
No you tube should not mandate anything. Wow. Freedom of speech is almost gone but that idea is insane.
This makes so much sense to me. ALL of it. Thank you because it's so impossible for me to put these things into words xx
Thank you so much for the work you've done and bringing this series to you tube , you have helped me so much in understanding the confusion and pain that has haunted me all my life , as a 54yr woman that has struggled to survive 19 yrs of living in an extremely neglectful and abusive situation, you have given me hope that I can indeed heal my brain , I have already begun my healing process and have found that forgiveness sets me free from my torment ,especially to forgive myself , even though at times it is extremely hard . Again thank you so much ,
Bless you x
I'm 55 and finally I have an answer for so many things in my life! Now I begin my journey to healing! GOD Bless you on your healing journey!
This was so triggering...... tears started almost immediately... I love the content... Thank You!
I pray that the world listens to you Tim. A true God voice coming through. X
I can not thank you enough for standing there and delivering this crucial topic, technically taking all these pieces of debris and bringing it all under one roof. You are so right sir. I have worked in addiction field, social work fields and DV and with mental health issues.......I know what you are saying is right......as a society we just so so so need this to become mainstream. I have been saying 'are we asking the right questions about this mental health epidemic??!!' - for over 5 years now. Thank you again and keep up the momentum. I have circulated this as widely as I can. All social, DAT, DV, Criminal Justice and mental health, educational professionals need to be compelled by their managers to undertake your lectures as mandatory CPD update and discuss about applied practice in each field.
I'm glad to see that the science has developed and continues to develop to help people.
This is probably the best and most in-depth explanation of the causes of C-PTSD that i have ever found. You also state things in terms that tie into the various disorders that often result from the trauma's (personality disorders, dissociation disorders, attachment disorders). Wish i had found this 3 years ago it would had helped trememdously as i worked through memories of my own C-PTSD and Dissociation disorder, and you can be sure i will be passing the series on to people i know can best use this information to understand their own issues.
My father never abused his power, my mother was my abuser, i was her scapegoat, i was neglected and placed in harms way because her narcissistic self would not accept that i was in any danger. by the time i was 10 i had been neglected, verbally/psychologically/ mentally abused, was sexually assaulted by a baby sitter for 2 years. and in all these cases she was told and her answer was always "you must be imagining things, i know these people, they are good people and you are just trying to make trouble for me.
Thank you for such a clear and comprehensive presentation! I've watched many videos on cPTSD and this one explains it the clearest.
I've never felt so understood
This just blew my mind. I've been doing EMDR therapy and now I have another layer of healing to add..I want to experience love with out all my other stuff
Thank you sir. It helps, to have this nightmare sorted out, aired out...to feel understood. How I wish people knew these things years ago. To all who read this, bless you. We're blessed to be survivors. I've learned to find beauty in my pain, if that makes any sense. 🌹
Awesome. Been working in addictions and mental health over 10 years and so much of this resonates with me, in both a professional and personal level.
I was fortunate to not be physicially abused, but the emotional/psychological/mental abuse was and has been too much to bear.
CPTSD: Being born, growing up in this world, society.
That was so clear and compassionate. I promise myself now that I will listen to the whole series. Thank you!
Thank you for explaining about complex trauma so clearly. Now, I might see my problems and be able to sort out those.
Every step you take in that direction will build momentum for your healing. Keep on learning. You will be much stronger than most people dare to be.💞
I can't thank you enough for sharing the truth with us! Truly a God send !
❤❤❤❤❤
This was a very informative and relatable lecture Thank you for presenting it and posting it.
Something I wrote to my deceased parents a few weeks ago -
'Thank you for the rage,
Thank you for the fear,
Thank you for the praise that I would never hear.
Thank you for put-downs,
Thank you for the smacks,
Thank you for weariness of never being able to relax.
Thank you for the smoke,
That I breathed before my birth,
Thank you for the good advice,
That I never heard.
Thank you for the support,
For the investment and respect,
Thank you for the caring moments,
That I would never get.
I was your masterpiece.
Your art lives on beyond you.
Thank you for dying before you made it worse!`'
shit that hit me hard
@@despicabledavidshort3806 Don't underestimate the malignant burden they have given you to carry. Get therapy. You have no idea who you really are. 🙏
Amazing truth and explanation. Perfectly worded. Explains my life exactly in a nut shell. This is the truth that I personally sought to heal both myself and my parents all of my life. So well stated I can kiss you. God Bless your soul.
ETA🌹
Thank you, Tim..where were you when I was 16? These are an answer to prayer for me and God bless you 10 fold
Wow you hit the nail on the head. I remember when I was n the 3rd. Grade, a 6th grade held a knife at me, its inmy head as if it just now happened 4 my lunch money , school bell ranged just in time, he said you're lucky. See I've been researcher why I'm different from other people. I was born a highly sensitive person, also INFJ. I remember to much like a Kodak moment I have had traumaMy youngestson died 12yrs ago, and next mo. Is his birthday gonna be a sad month.
Omg thank you for addressing fat shaming as a form of trauma. ❤
It helps nobody. It only makes things worse.
I was always trying to fix what was wrong, trying to understand why this was happening to me. This started when I was a kid, my first thoughts. It only got worse. When I was 10 I was fully abandoned by my mother. She never came back and she never asked me anything about myself. I grew up with a fake mom, she fake loved me, and blamed me if I complained that my needs were not being met. My brothers and sister don't understand any of this. That is Denial.
Same😢
One issue I see is that there's often times when the balanced individual doesn't have peers or people available to interact with that aren't so traumatized that they are properly emotionally regulated. That's my life. I look around and can't find anyone that isn't an emotional mess or an addict or runs away when they are given acceptance and love.
I feel like half my life was wasted trying different meds and treatments for severe anxiety and major depressive disorder. So did my poor mother, who suffered horrific abuse and neglect as a child. I want so badly to stop this generational trauma, and setting an example for my adult daughters to work to that end. I don't even know how to start from this angle.
If you're interested, we're starting a 12 Basic Needs course April 1. It's introductory level, but will help with getting some vocabulary and agency (words and tools) to help you as you begin the journey of Complex Trauma recovery. It will be hosted by one of my facilitators, Morag Clark - who shares her own recovery journey which you might find helpful. The link to her video is here: ua-cam.com/video/DPrSDytSetQ/v-deo.html . The course is on our website: timfletcher.ca
@@TimFletcher Thanks so much, I will check it out!
OMG, this was SO validating. Not to mention the clarity it brought : ) Thank you.
Cptsd oughta take the puzzle piece logo from the Autistics. They don't like it anyway. Tbh, I'm not entirely convinced that ASD isn't related to trauma, too. When I was a child, I was mute, couldn't make eye contact, stimmed to self soothe, essentially shut down and disconnected and got stuck in that freeze response. My family was toxic and dysfunctional, and I was highly highly sensitive and felt all of their fear and stress and anger from the start. And my twin bossed me around and got me in trouble all the time. I wasn't allowed to have boundaries. There was no safety and it set me up for hell. Thank God I lived through it, and at 45 I finally found my voice. I finally said "NO".
When I was 18 I was told by a psychiatrist that I had a terrible childhood. I responded that it was the only one I knew
I have learned so much since then .thank you
It's actually Fight, Flight, Freeze, or Please. Freeze or Please is very common with sexual abuse but is also common with other forms of abuse and even with triggers/flashbacks.
Can you 'please' explain what please phase is? interested to know if im like that. thanks
Ryan C think "people-pleaser". It is when, in a desperate attempt to get something over with faster or to alleviate tension or to make peace (even if it is more painful or traumatizing for you in the short-term) you do whatever it takes to please the individual who is or individuals who are traumatizing or abusing you. I could explain further but it would be highly triggering to many readers if I gave examples.
Ryan C also known as the “fawn” response.
I have never heard it called the please response, only as the fawn response , but it means the same thing though so doesnt really matter.
the 5 F's..
1. Freeze(hesitation to comprehend what is happening)...
2. Fight...
3. Flight...
4. Faint(dissociation or shutdown due to sensory overwhelm)or..
5. Fawn(doing as told in hopes the abuse stops, even momentarily)..
Peter Levine discusses this in his book waking the tiger... Levine discusses somatic experiencing and how in nature animals discharge the fear response energy, however humans can recall, relive the past and imagine, try to control, the future, so the energy can remain unresolved... and when it's in the subconscious mind it is basically on autopilot.. awareness is important and recognizing
Alert and on-guard- very true- hyper-vigilence is my second by second reality- even in the safety of my own home.
I still hold my breath and have startle response after years of trying to heal...i have had lots of healing, but still have a ways to go...
This can be a good thing and I believe God allowed this and woke us up so the hyper vigilance is just discernment and awareness. Jesus says be on alert the enemy prowls around looking for whom he may devour.
Nervous system overload = hyper vigilance
I came straight here after listening to your podcast with Theo Von. I thought I understood my CPTSD and you have unlocked a whole other mind blowing part. Thank you! I am so happy to have found you!
C-Ptsd is what gave me fibromyalgia , I’m 100% sure.
Same here. Absolutely.
Ong really ... I believe I have fibro too but gp doesnt seem to think a.ything can do to determine it and I've been diagnosed bipolar for 6 years and I believe I have from violence and things happened in my life that I have this as it is me to a tee but I darent say it to my GP as not good relationship at all and I think they will just think I'm a hypocondriact ( however u spell it ! ), The mental health system is not great where I live unfortunately , The same as most areas really x
I have fibromylagia too!
It can definitely be caused by trauma
@@darcyhope8342 may I ask how old when it occured? I am unsure what else I need to get ahead of.
YES! I was diagnosed with this and you confirmed what I was told by my doctor after finding out about narcissistic abuse I suffered from my mother since childhood and my ex husband. There was a study that actually came out that they found fibromyalgia was linked to sexual and or some type of abuse in childhood or at some point were badly abused.
I come from a toxic and psychologically abusive relationship with my father who was a covert narcissist and had robbed me of my sense of worthiness, I was homeless with him for a very long time during my upbringing, I escaped that and went to go be with extended family that found me on the internet, I genuinely felt that I would belong with them and I thought they felt same way, but unfortunately what seemed like a gift from god just turned into something that only just contributed to my mental and emotional wounds, I was only with them for 3 months because of how difficult they were to live with, and how conditional their love and regard was towards me, it’s just bloody unfair to me how my fully related brother got to have what they called a ‘privileged life’ while my upbringing pretty much got robbed by my narcissist father and that it’s something no kid should ever have to have gone through. Yet, people on the internet tell me “who are you and why should you be loved and cared for” and even an ex friend tells me “well they raised your brother and not you why do you think you deserve everything your brother always gotten.” …but to me it’s just really unfair, and it has put me in a constant endless loop of rumination.
SO nice and clearly presented...Much appreciated.
I had a severe case of this. After two years of getting out of daily trauma I am not so affected but I still am not right. There is something in me that is very big that looks at adults and thinks that they have no hearts. I love kids. They give me positive energy that lights me up. I find myself feeling happy when they are around. I also like the elderly. They do the same thing for me. But the people in between. They are just competing. Judging. Hoping you will fail. Wanting to be better than you. Rejecting you. They don't need you. They have their spouses and their buddies and they don't need you. Their hearts are dead. That is how I see them. Sometimes I see someone and I can see the heart in them. And they stick out like a beacon in the dark. I remember for a long time I didn't leave the house because I truly felt that there was nothing out there. Like the world was an empty barren wasteland. Very hard. Very confusing. I am always waiting for the next bomb to drop on my head. For people to turn and the monster to come out and they stab you in the back or abandon you......bury you to save their own skins or use you to hurt so that they can have a laugh. Sigh. I wonder will I ever come out of this. And ANXIETY. Some days I am full of it, and I am always anxious on some level. Only for you people here talking about this and helping me understand it and giving me the KNOW that there are those out there who understand and CARE....I would be dead now. Thank you.
pets bring comfort, I get out in nature as much as possible, I am more or less done with humans, take care
I understand this. 🙏
An excellent talk! Very easy to follow and very thorough.
I have a few small critiques to share:
1. The presenter often says “that IS complex trauma” whereas “that can lead to complex trauma” would be more accurate, as the event is more or less damaging depending on the support system in place to help the child cope.
2. Our emotions originate in our bodies, not our minds. Fear is felt in the body before we even label it as fear. Emotions that bubble up but are them pushed down end up being stored in the body/nervous system, not merely the brain. The issues that result are not all about thinking, they are primarily about our ability to manage uncomfortable feelings / sensations on a somatic level.
3. In regards to a parent that shames a child’s when the parent is unable to meet their needs, the parent’s poor boundaries and inability to accept their own shortcomings will result in them trying to avoid their own painful feelings, so they unload it into their children in an unconscious effort to make themselves feel better, and that is how and why the trauma is passed down from generation to generation.
Often times, my adoptive mother would pair her beatings on me (fists, sticks, knives, rocks - whatever she could immediately reach) with horrifying statements such as, "We never should have adopted you, we should send you back, you should be grateful, you're the reason our family has problems, it's your fault if you get beaten with welts, cuts, bruises, and bloody face from being slapped and beaten about your head because you are bad and have no worth, etc.) She was evil. She forced me to eat food i had thrown up. For example, i don't like mushrooms. Knowing this, she opened a can of slimy mushrooms into a cereal bowl with nothing else. That was my dinner. I swallowed it down as fast as i could, but it grossed me out and a few seconds later I had to eat the slimy slop of mushrooms i had just thrown up. It was a bad night leaving me wondering when this might happen again because there was never any warning she would do this shit to me. Another example: I was a very active girl with the appetite of a larger teenage boy, so I wanted breakfast, lunch dinner, and snacks to keep me going anf feeling well...but I was never allowed to have breakfast even though i would beg and beg. Sbe always said i didnt need it and that i was a whining, ungrateful crybaby. One morning, when i was 7, i asked and was shocked when she said, "Okay, but this will make you late for school", and she poured me a bowl of cereal. I didnt like the taste of the cereal, but the fact that it made my tummy feel better was worth it. I finished it and thought at one point, why would this make me late for school? She asked me if i wanted another bowl of cereal and said sbe would drive me to school instead of me walking the few blocks i always did. She then poured me another full bowl of cereal. I was shocked at her generosity and ate the cereal though i was no longer hungry and the taste of the cereal was even less appealing. I was getting confused and scared when she poured the third bowl wihout asking me and I tried telling her i was ready to go to school. She forced me to eat 7 bowls of cereal. My point is, where there is physical abuse, there is also almost always blatant emotional / psychological abuse - its all part and parcel of an evil package. I will agree though that the physical scars are easier to deal with. The most intense pain i have ever experienced is watching a loved one getting beaten, or beaten to death: my adoptive father beat my twin sister (he was 6", my twin and i are barely 5", and at the time we were only 11-12) in the basement of our maternal grandparents' house on Christmas eve. Everyone else upstairs was laughing having a good time and didnt hear her screaming. I just remember feeling helpless and terrified for her while screaming, "NO! STOP! NOOOOOOOOOO!" It seemed to take a long time for him to stop. I could hear his large fists landing on her body. Afterwards, he marched back upstairs to join the party like nothing had happened. He is also a convicted pedophile and denies his father ever molested us. I also had to watch my maniacal and bipolar crazy adoptive mother beat my dog, Corky, a cocker spaniel to death with a hammer. Her excuse? "Emergency vets dont exist at 5am, we have to kill him." She had to strike him many, many times. Us girls screamed and screamed amidst the horrifying crying of my dog, my best friend, getting beaten to death. Those scars never heal. They told everyone we were unstable and made up stories. We were trapped. Now, my adoptive father is slowly dying of cancer and part of me doesnt care and another part of me is horrified that i could feel that way. I didnt completely renounce the adoptive family change my name and move away. Thats why i havent seen or heard from my twin in 10 years. In her heart of hearts, i betrayed her by staying and attempting to forgive and reconcile with them. Our mother adoptive mother recently told me that we were never mistreated. Only a few years ago, she offered some semblence of an apology saying, "We did the best we could." Not exactly an apology, but at least acknowledging that we may have experienced pain during our childhood, but stopping short of accepting any responsibility. Since theyve been divorced over 20 years now, they each blame the other for the horrors we had to endure. Fake Christians who adopt only to elevate their standing in the community are the worst and thats exactly what they did. And now, they dont seem to appreciate my company as an adult so much as they just *expect* it. They say children who dont honor their parents go to hell. At my grandfathers funeral, my dad gave him the highest honor knowing full well theyre both wife beating, child beating pedophiles (who tithed *every* week to their local Christian cult church -4 square- so corrupt!). Im a bible believing Jesus believer who never goes to church. Fake Christians like my adoptive parents look normal, so back in the 80s and 90s, before internet and social media, we were truly trapped in hell with fake Christians.
I am so sorry. How can you stand her after what she did? And him too?
I know. Me too.
Validation! Much needed. Thank you!
Thank you so much for bringing light to our hearts. Finding Freedom is exactly real FREEDOM. To know who we are at this point in life and to know that is not real us is real FREEDOM. I knew deep inside me that I'm not who they told me to be BUT I didn't know how to explain it so you made it CLEAR and I am watching every video you have on your UA-cam channel so I can learn more and shear it with people who like Realistic Recovery and real change. I thank you again from my heart:-)
At 71 yrs old, you make so much sense. Your information is so very much help in understanding and healing. I hope that many people listen to you and it helps them to heal better. Especially younger people. Feel i had ADHD, maybe dyslexia, or ADD. Its hard to find someone to test me. Although i've taken free tests online and i fit into there someplace.
Also eating disorders are part of it and also food addiction that has to do with trauma as well not just drugs and alcohol and yes media can be an addiction to as well as in distraction
I was always on guard concerning the bullying from my cousin. And so much more. 24/7.
It breaks my heart that I don't know one person in my life who is not only aware of this stuff (trauma & dysfunction) about themselves or others, and is aware and wanted to fix/address said issues. I am trying to heal myself, all alone, with no Therapist or anyone to relate and or discuss this stuff with. Makes me feel completely alone in this life. 😢
brilliant, 10 out of 10, very impressed.
causes- abuse, neglect , dictator/bully, abandonment, failure to basic human needs, never accepting the child as it is
OMG when he described the flight behaviour I got chills, that's me in a nutshell!
Amazing understanding how all these life situations cause trauma. ..thank you!