15 Signs You are Hitting Bottom in Codependency
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- Опубліковано 4 чер 2024
- Dr. Dawn-Elise Snipes is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Qualified Clinical Supervisor. She received her PhD in Mental Health Counseling from the University of Florida in 2002. In addition to being a practicing clinician, she has provided training to counselors, social workers, nurses and case managers internationally since 2006 through AllCEUs.com 💲 AllCEUs.com Unlimited continuing education AllCEUs.com/Cod-CEUs
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TIMELINES
00:00 Hitting Bottom in Codependency
00:25 What Does Hitting Bottom Mean
03:35 Codependency and cPTSD
05:55 Hitting Bottom in Codependency (Physical & Affective)
09:00 Hitting Bottom in Codependency (Cognitive & Environmental)
13:25 Hitting Bottom in Codependency (Relational)
15:10 Letting Go
17:55 Support Doc Snipes
18:20 Grief and Hitting Bottom
20:30 Grief and Hitting Bottom (Acceptance)
21:15 Raising the Bottom
23:35 Final Thoughts
👌More videos can be found on this topic at
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Hitting Bottom in Codependency taught me to not be such a doormatt. I had to look at my own behaviours and the toxic people I allowed around me.
I appreciate you watching!
I’m in the process of hitting bottom in co-dependency right now. I got to a point where I realized that “look, healing can’t be any worse, what do I really have to lose”. The truth is, I only have everything to gain.
I appreciate you watching. If you’re interested in codependency, you can find other videos on it at: ua-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=codependency
Ive become codependant from illness disability
Thank you dr. This is 100 percent what im going through.... Ive now hit my rock bottom. The various ab, eork suffering, family alienated, lack of sleep, anger outbursts, anxiety, abandonment issues, ended it last night... 3 years of hell, with an antisocial narcissist... Lies, cheating, ab, verbal, physical, mental, emotional, the disrespect, hyper vigilant... Exhausted. Thanks for not judging.
I am sorry that happened to you. I appreciate you watching.
Perhaps that antisocial narcissist is an introvert person maybe !!! I don't mean do be rude , vulgar at all I'm just being honest with you or Perhaps he is giving you silence treatment etc.....sorry to hear that you have been through all this !!! As for I love Cherish and love being alone frankly speaking I love people though is just that I'm in love with myself I enjoyed being in solitude etc....
@@elhadjdiallo633 absolutely rude comment. You have no basis for assuming "the best" of the person OP states she broke it off from. Gross attempt at devil's advocacy on your part.
It was rude, although it’s hard to even read it due to the many grammatical errors. She is trying her best. No matter what he’s doing to her, even the silent treatment, is abusive
Me too unfortunately still in it need help I don't know what to say this is so bad God bless us all give us a strength courage motivation healing thank God for your doctor and all the comments it helps me it does it really does help to know someone really does care and knows what you're going to or been through while still going through I will we will beat this with God's help
You’re like the self aware mom I’ve always wanted, just knowing there are parents/people out here who are this self aware makes my heart hurt (considering my family dynamic) but I’m forever grateful for your presence and positivity!! It brings me joy. I feel understood. You make me happy. I’m 22. 😊
I appreciate you watching. If you’re interested in codependency, you can find other videos on it at: ua-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=codependency
Thank you for this discussion; it describes my life. I am in the process of grief currently. It isn't going to happen. I have abandonment/addiction issues all my life. Change is hard, but there is no other way. I have made mistakes, apologized and recognized what I have done to hurt others when I was mentally unwell, but didn't realize that all my life I was trying to please others and feel accepted in my own dysfunctional family that I didn't even know who I was. When I began to change my life, others still saw or expected me to be the unhealthy way I was. It just isn't going to happen. I had to move on to save myself and keep the people who 'expects' the next shoe to drop at a distance. I have worked through and recognized my own resentments; but I cannot expect others to do the same. Sometimes I think that people like the feeling of resentment. There is nothing I can do to change someone's perspective of me (even when they were incorrect in their assessment). That's when the grief comes in and I am allowing myself to go through my grief but every day it becomes less and less. It is not always my fault and I am learning to not apologize for my recovery. Thank you, again. It was very timely for me to see this video. My higher power is in charge because my life became unmanageable. Blessings 🙏
I appreciate you watching! If you are interested in videos on coping with grief, those can be found at: ua-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=grief
It sounds like me, but I am Asperger (Mild Autisim).
I cannot describe how much I understand this discussion… there truly aren’t words to express the impact of all that you discuss here on my life so far. Thank you, Doc Snipes! Working toward healing one day at a time… 🙏🏻
So welcome! Wishing you peace, health, and happiness
@@DocSnipes Thank you! I wish you the very same 😊
Same here!
Please dear god i can’t hold it anymore. This “relationship” is going to make me go crazy!!’ Please GOD GIVE ME STRENGHT I BEG YOU I NEED TO SURVIVE MYSELF 😭😭😭😭😭
I am so sorry you are going through such distress. Please tell me what tips from the video you will use to raise the bottom in codependency?
This is me and it all started with an overly critical mother who pushed me into marriage at 18 years old. I grew up feeling loved, appreciated, and had a lot of confidence. However, being Southeast Asian, at the time you were considered a spinster for staying single after 16 years old. God forbid you actually graduated high school before getting married. Anyways, this pushed me into a marriage with an immature guy who wasn't ready for marriage, himself. I only knew him for a week over the phone. He was only 23 years old. Of course, nobody really expected him to be an adult but they expected me - the wife - to be everything. Not only was I expected to work for my inlaws, but to love them even more than my own family despite them disrespecting me and couldn't care less if I was a second class citizen in their home. After finally escaping that prison, things improved a bit. At least I didn't have to live under my inlaws' whim and made to feel like a bad daughter-in-law. However, when it was obvious that my ex was just not living up to marriage material, my mother gaslit me. I had to try harder to make up for his slack. I had to make things right and perfect. I chose this marriage, after all. Yeah right.
This describes my life so perfectly right now. It’s like logically I know the bad habits and all but my mind will not allow me to do anything but obsess right now.
I am sorry about that and I appreciate you watching.
Well, I tried to avoid watching this one because the title made me feel a bit anxious. It kept popping up 3 days in a row, so I took the hint. Wow, you hit the nail square on the head with this one and it wasn’t too difficult to watch after all. Thank you Dr S for another good one. 💖
So welcome! Thanks for watching!
Author of Human Magnet Syndrome, Ross Rosenberg said that codependency does not exist - it is misleading label. He proposed to be called Lack of Self Love. Codependency itself it part of interdependence - diplomacy and empathy are not wrong per se. What is wrong is addiction to other person due to toxic shame (deep core belief we are inept - due to trauma programming conditioned hypnosis), what is also wrong is fawning as survival mechanisms - yet fawning enabled us to survive punishments, so it is not something that is evil, it was necessary evil to counter evil people. Also there is trauma bonding - which is natural effect of toxic shame internalized inside us.
The one and only problem is internalized toxic shame - deep core belief we are not able to manage life due to inferiority complex. And another critical component are toxic people and toxic ambient which needs to be cut off with secure and safe plan.
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“Because feeling needed is mistaken for being loved, they experience a wealth of distorted “love” in relationships with narcissists.”
― Ross Rosenberg, The Human Magnet Syndrome: The Codependent Narcissist Trap
“Codependents confuse caretaking and sacrifice with loyalty and love. Although they are proud of their unwavering dedication to the person they love, they end up feeling unappreciated and used. Codependents yearn to be loved, but because of their choice of dance partner, find their dreams unrealized. With the heartbreak of unfulfilled dreams, codependents silently and bitterly swallow their unhappiness. Codependents are essentially stuck in a pattern of giving and sacrificing, without the possibility of ever receiving the same from their partner. They pretend to enjoy the dance, but secretly harbor feelings of anger, bitterness, and sadness for not taking a more active role in their dance experience. They are convinced they will never find a dance partner who will love them for who they are, as opposed to what they can do for them. Their low self-esteem and pessimism manifests as a form of learned helplessness that ultimately keeps them on the dance floor with their narcissistic partner.”
― Ross Rosenberg, The Human Magnet Syndrome: The Codependent Narcissist Trap
“Due to unconscious, trauma-based psychological forces, codependents and pathological narcissists are almost always attracted to each other. The resulting relationship is mostly breakup resistant. Narcissists benefit the most from this situation.”
― Ross Rosenberg, The Human Magnet Syndrome: The Codependent Narcissist Trap
“Most codependents are selfless and deferential to the needs and desires of others over themselves. They are pathologically caring, responsible, and sacrificing people whose altruism and good deeds are rarely reciprocated.”
― Ross Rosenberg, The Human Magnet Syndrome: The Codependent Narcissist Trap
“Codependents are drawn to pathological narcissists because they feel comfortable and familiar with a person who knows how to direct, control, and lead. The narcissistic dancer is simply the yin to their yang. Their giving, sacrificial, and passive codependence matches up perfectly with their partners entitled, demanding, and self-centered nature.”
― Ross Rosenberg, The Human Magnet Syndrome: The Codependent Narcissist Trap
“They cannot leave their narcissistic partner because their lack of self-esteem and self-respect makes them feel like they can do no better. Being alone is the equivalent of feeling lonely, and loneliness is too painful to bear.”
― Ross Rosenberg, The Human Magnet Syndrome: The Codependent Narcissist Trap
“To varying degrees, all pathological narcissists are selfish, self-consumed, demanding, entitled, and controlling. They are exploitative people who rarely or selectively reciprocate any form of generosity. Pathological narcissists are only empathetic or sensitive to others when doing so results in a tangible reward for themselves and/or when it makes them feel valued, important, and appreciated. Because narcissists are deeply impacted by their personal shame and loneliness, but consciously unaware of it, they do not end their relationships. Positive treatment results are rare for narcissists.”
― Ross Rosenberg, The Human Magnet Syndrome: The Codependent Narcissist Trap
“This is because pathological narcissists lack the psychological resources, ability, and insight to stay focused on what is wrong with themselves.”
― Ross Rosenberg, The Human Magnet Syndrome: The Codependent Narcissist Trap
“A self-orientation is defined as the manner in which we love, care for and respect ourselves and others while in a relationship.”
― Ross Rosenberg, The Human Magnet Syndrome: Why We Love People Who Hurt Us
Thanks for watching!
I'm at rock bottom. Helping my grandma to recover from a surgery turned into 8 years of 24/7 caregiving. No help. This situation has become co-dependent as I spent my life savings to float the needs of survival unable to be met by my grandma's fixed income. We're dealing with some vulnerable narcissism, depression, and anxiety. She can't stand minutes alone without coming to find me, than I'm the bad person for needing space.
I'm tired in my bones and coming to face the reality that I can't help someone that refuses to help herself. This while facing that to leave is to start my life over from scratch in addition to the guilt associated with abandoning her (which I'm regularly reminded to feel).
I am getting to that angry, bitter, and resentful stage. I'm like a wolf caught in a trap and ready to chew off my own paw if it will free me.
Every day is terror that if something happens to her...I'm left with nothing... no savings...no job...no friends...no family. And I want to build that. So, I beg her to at least try to become more self sufficient only to be told she's "old" and I'm picking on an old woman.
Meanwhile, there's barely a shred of me left in a life that she consumes wholly...a life I've allowed her to consume as I'm forced to face that I'm choosing this and it gets harder and harder to keep making this choice... even if it means living in my car.
24/7. 8 years. No help (only child of only child). And she's only become more needy and clingy while I feel like I'm losing my sanity in a life of non-stop tasks performed in 10 minute allotments as I'm only allowed 10 minutes out of her sight.
Oh, my God.
How old are you ? Where is your mom/dad (whichever parent of yours she's the mother of) , is there anyway you can contact your local DCF and possibly get a care taker ? Who pays the bills, how did she manage before her surgery?
I'm so so sorry. I'm 30 years old and really feel for you. I guess we all have sticky situations we're entangled in, with no easy answers to be found
@@lanamontana1669 I was 38 when this began. I'm 46 now. My mom is a grandiose narcissist. Neither myself or my grandma has seen or heard from in 12 years. My grandma has 2 sisters. I called one for my own personal needs of help for the first time in 8 years last Spring. She regular talks to my grandma (on the phone) and has known the deal this whole time. I just needed someone to talk to, and she basically told me: "Don't call me. Call the veterans." At least she answered the phone. My mom don't answer.
My grandma's other sister (the younger one my mom's age) is a drug addict and alcoholic currently having an affair with the drug addict and alcoholic son (her own nephew) of my grandma's middle sister...you know...the one that told me to call the veterans.
Just writing this, as I am now, giving such voice to something I never give voice to is when I realize just how insane this whole situation truly is.
Next time you go to a doctor's appointment speak to the doctor about support services. You need a break mentally ,physically and spiritualy
@@popcultureperspectives164 I’m in a similar boat, I reached the burnt out stage, where now I have to deal with chronic health issues including vertigo, the psychological and emotional pain, depression, I don’t know who I am anymore and have struggled to feel good about myself - my situation is terrible too, I just want yu to know that even tho you may feel alone - you are not alone in what yu are feeling, there will come answers - you will get thru this, I promise
Omg I’m in a similar situation. I’m terrified of being homeless. I’m mid aged no friends, family I’m taking care of my mother who has Alzheimer’s and was my only person there for me😢in this family even though abandonment issues are alive and well. I’m a wreck
Codependency is an addiction
Thanks for watching!
Excellent. This has been my life with my daughter. Since I started therapy in 2015, things have got so much worse. The lowest point was her keeping my granddaughter away from me. However, if it happens again, so be it. I don't think, feel and act the same way anymore. I love being alone and I know I'm enough.
I am sorry about that and I appreciate you watching the video. What did you find most useful from it? Other videos you might be interested in can be found at ua-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=codependency
I am alone like you and learning to embrace it. There are worse situations. If friends and family want my company they know where they can find me. I will always be loving and kind. So be it.
I'm in the resentment stage of trying to let go completely. It's definitely an addiction. When I'm there, in that moment of feeling triggered and going 100 miles an hour emotionally omg it's an overwhelming slow death taking over the whole being. It's grieving anger.
Thanks for watching! Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.
I have shut down after 7 years and the last a of extra sheer madness-in addition silent treatment to constant criticism -too fat then too skinny too messy too slow to flighty drive too fast too slow answer to quickly too slow on and on and he just sent me a text today saying he loves the old me ....the one that said yes to everything he wanted . Ughhhh
I’m in a codependent relationship with my daughter who is now 32. She has mental health and addiction issues. My nervous system was stuck in “fight or flight” so long that I developed fibromyalgia. I am permanently fatigued and in physical pain. It’s been one crisis after another for almost 20 years. I’ve finally reached my bottom. I need to focus on myself and what is left of my marriage. I have used all my energy worrying about her safety for so long I am a shell of the person I used to be. I’m glad I came across your channel. Thank you for all you do 🙏❤️
Honestly you don't sound like a "shell of a person". You sound strong and in control of your mind and heart. You are wisely pulling back for the sake of yourself and your marriage. You have done so much to try and help your daughter. It really is her turn to grow up and survive on her own.
@@celticfiddle7605Thank you for your words of encouragement. Since I wrote this, yet another mental health crisis ensued and I have been pulled back in for the past few months. It seems as though whenever I decide to step back something big happens. Whenever I say I will finally focus on myself and healing and live in peace something happens out of left field. Sometimes I feel live moving to the other side of the world lol
Thank you so much. I finally reached this point too ❤ good luck everyone! We’ve got this🌀
I think I am transitioning from depression to acceptance. I realized last week that if I didn't have kids depending on me I would have left this relationship a long time ago.
Thank you for your service to the community through UA-cam ❤ I have been in Co dependents Anonymous (CODA) for 4 years. During the past 12 months I found the coda 12 step meetings “online” and attend 3-4 meetings a day. This volume of meetings daily has accelerated my healing. ❤
I am glad you are on the right path and I appreciate you watching the video. How have you / would you tell someone who wants to raise bottom in codependency?
Really? I may try this!!!
You carry so much knowledge, Doc. Snipes- it’s unbelievable
Thank Dr. You nailed it I'm recovering codependent with 10yrs. Recovery now.
I had a "prince on a white horse" he was a super co-dependent. He caught me in a moment of vulnerability. but he really didn't know what he was getting into! I have recently gone from being an active, independent "hot shot" to having a severe seizure disorder, I'm disabled and can't leave home alone. He took it upon himself to fix me and then, according to him we would have this amazing relationship. He cancelled his life and went to work on mine. it wasn't just my health that was a project it was also my flat, my terrace, and my freezer! I am not someone who can handle substantial insecurity and neediness. His charming and caring warmth quickly became annoying, fussy pandering. I noticed problems and mentioned them, at first gently and kindly. His boundary-pushing was too much and destroyed us on its own. I also have CPTSD and if someone pushes my boundaries the castle walls, moat and guards are up so the pusher will hurt themselves. There was this unattractive whingey, neediness that repelled me and so caused more of it. It was so sad because at first, I did think he was the love of my life. I wanted a relationship with him, not a carer. I wanted him to honour himself. I needed him to advocate for himself, I wanted a bf I respect as an equal not a subserviant and I lost all respect for him. He became angry, abusive and irrational and I became cold and hard. It was an intense four months. Now I am trying to hold together this messy disentanglement and it is very hard as he fluctuates from trying to work his way into my life to being abusive and angry all while taking longer to disentangle, of course, it's exhausting and I have seizures daily!. He has been latching onto my friends which really pisses me off. I've worked years for my support network and he has been putting them in the middle of us! He wants to "be friends" even though I am very clear there is no way and I am not treating him well, not bad just very firm and direct. He misreads me and thinks I am being malicious. tells me how awful I've been and how it's my fault he did the awful things he did like drive at 45 in a 20 zone out of anger as well as insult my character and override my no. He also whinges about a sexual incident where I changed my mind and went to sleep he makes out like it was a problem. I have seizures and need to sleep! I did have to threaten him to get the personal images that I need for medical reasons! Btw I found a cure independently for my seizure disorder so I am getting better all by myself.
I appreciate you watching.
Can you imagine if you would have married him? I hate to say it but with your illness and his Manipulative ways, it's a blessing in disguise that it came out now opposed to a couple of kids down the line...The infiltration of the friends is ashame, Collateral damage. May I suggest you make some new ones independent of him? Good luck.
Beautiful and all your teachings, Doctor Dawn Elise Snipes. 😘❤️ I am grateful for your content. You are healing generations one word at a time. It’s mesmerizing.
Jayla💚
I listen to alot of videos on this topic, yours is the deepest and most clear. It is helping me sooo much. Thank you.
So welcome. I appreciate you watching. If you’re interested in codependency, you can find other videos on it at: ua-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=codependency
I needed to hear your message today.
This is deliberately me !😢 and I just had a truth bomb ! Hit me hard…
I don’t want to continue being this way described in this video
It’s tearing my life apart.
I’m pretty stable in the outside I’m a woman in my early 30s, and I have a good job a nice home well kept and clean BUT I can’t seem to nurture any relationships (family, friends, co workers, pets) in my life. I don’t want to continue tumbling down on this detrimental loop hole 🕳 behavior I’ve tried so many different avenues to change including natural Native American medicines 🍃🌳! And I feel stuck. I want to change but I stumble every time.
Dr. Snipes, I stumbled upon your channel today by coincidence. Can you please help me ?
Thank you for your message. I appreciate you watching. If you’re interested in codependency, you can find other videos on it at: ua-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=codependency (there’s also a video on Creating Healthy Relationships in the list, ua-cam.com/video/g4i5Li9sDgA/v-deo.html , among others)
Your words from your knowledge are magic. Thank you for this message when I needed it so badly.
You’re so welcome. I appreciate you watching
Thankyou this hit me way harder than i ever thought it would. Bless your soul
So welcome. I appreciate you watching. Other videos you might be interested in can be found at: ua-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=codependency
Thank you ! very powerful and impactful information
So welcome. I appreciate you watching. If you’re interested in codependency, you can find other videos on it at: ua-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=codependency
Oh my gosh this was SO eye opening. Thank you. I feel a massive life change coming. Thank you so much!
You are so welcome
Awesome knowledge thanks a ton doctor for saving lives through your work..
I cannot describe how much I appreciate your content and insight. Ty for your work.
you are reliably not misinformation
You’re so welcome. Thanks for watching!
This sure does resonate with me. Thank you for putting this video out there.
Glad it was helpful!
Thank you for sharing this is the best educational channel, i am one of the examples of leaving the code pendent toxic relationship. I have experienced many of the consequences you have mentioned in this video but also raised above the torture i was being dragged by the other. Now learning about it and looking forward to my future . What i found after all the destructive behaviour, patterns , repetetive abuse , the only was was to end the nightmare . It was scary , i was very much alone , but i found my way and now looking forward to my best life . For those women thinking there is no way out please do work on your self esteem . Get busy with work , talk to psychologist, take a look at yourself and shine your light ! Leaving the past opens the doors to brighter future as long as you learn from past mistakes , recognise the problem , and not reepeat the past mistakes of allowing people and addiction take control of you . Ask for help if you are weak , i was , but now i am healed . Knowing whats good , whats acceptable, what is right and what is rock bottom , is one step towards rebuilding your life .
So welcome. I appreciate you watching. If you’re interested in codependency, you can find other videos on it at: ua-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=codependency
Wow. Everything you say here is so correct. When my spouse leaves the house I feel exhausted
I appreciate you watching. If you’re interested in codependency, you can find other videos on it at: ua-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=codependency
Also, if you want to know how inflammation and autoimmune issues impact mental health, you can watch:
www.docsnipes.com/InflammationA
Wow, thank you for such a thorough list. Anything related to insecure attachment and developmental trauma is really valuable for recovering addicts. I'm featuring your channel on mine immediately!
I appreciate you watching. Other videos you might be interested in can be found at: ua-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=trauma
Thank you. You have helped me for years. ❤️
You are so welcome. Thanks for watching!
This video is excellent for me. I am getting in touch with the feeling of not being in control of my emotions, and subsequently my life, and not knowing AT ALL what could bring them into control. I needed a good father, and I can feel how that would have worked. I can somehow use a combination of a discussion with someone who could provide focus for me in ways that work, along with their love and support, along with my own other choices internally and externally to get what I need in a kind of "enriched environment" to pull in confidence that I can create within .
I'm learning a lot. This explained exactly what I been through for nearly 2 years.
I appreciate you watching. Other videos that might help can be found at: ua-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=codependency
THANK YOU SOOOOO MUCH! This video helped me to connect ALL the dots !
You’re so welcome! Thank you so much for watching. What tips from the video will you use to raise the bottom?
@@DocSnipes,basically everything. I have been trying for years to help my mother "see the light" so to speak. I've come to realize that she (Rose) shows signs of several different narcissistic personality types and I'm beginning to understand how this has effected my ENTIRE life. For years I have been asking myself, what's wrong with me, and wondering what I needed to change. I never thought to look at codependency. I didn't know that it was one of the many tools in the narcissist tool box. I'm almost one month in on the "no contact" approach and I keep feeling like I'm being mean to her. This video helped strengthen my resolve to keep my own mental health as my first priority. Once the codependency "light bulb" went off, I felt so much relief that it brought me to tears. I think I have a good starting point now. Thank you for that, and thank you for replying, it really means a lot!
You hear all of these terms thrown out without truly understanding them. I appreciate you for the amazing explanations you provide. They are solid and amazing! I couldn’t say I understood the terms you present here truly before your videos. Thank you 🙏🏼
You’re so welcome. Thanks for watching!
Thank you doc snipes for this excellent presentation
So welcome. I appreciate you watching. If you’re interested in codependency, you can find other videos on it at: ua-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=codependency
wow this is spot on exactly where I am at. every single detail you explained times ten.
Thank you for watching. I am truly sorry about that. How will you raise the bottom?
great video! i am so glad i stumbled upon your channel!
So welcome. I appreciate you watching. Other videos on codependency that might help you can be found at: ua-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=codependency
God Bless you Doc!! 🙏
Thank you, Tristine. God bless you, too.
Perfect timing. I needed this
I appreciate you watching. Other videos you might be interested in can be found at ua-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=codependency
Thank you doc! Your videos are so hard to watch (they hit close too often) but i really appreciate you putting these out. Thank you again!
So welcome. I appreciate you watching. If you’re interested in this topic, you can find other videos on codependency at ua-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=codependency
@@DocSnipes thank you!! 🧡
Thank you your videos are very good and really explains things.
So welcome. I appreciate you watching. Other videos on codependency that might help you can be found at: ua-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=codependency
Thanks Doc Snipes. Your content is so appreciated.
So welcome. I appreciate you watching. If you’re interested in codependency, you can find other videos on it at: ua-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=codependency
@@DocSnipes thank you. It is so interesting. A year and a half relationship is over and now I find out how she was thinking. Sad, but so thankful to know. 😎
such a good video... thanks so much, i need this SO much
So welcome! I appreciate you watching. Other videos on codependency that might help you can be found at: ua-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=codependency
Yay a clean , tidy organised house with more closet space for me and no bs.
I appreciate you watching. If you’re interested in codependency, you can find other videos on it at: ua-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=codependency
Constantly telling a person, no matter what they do that they need to change is a form of gaslighting and a form of physiological abuse. Continually labeling them with new form of constant state of negativity that creates confusion
yep my wife likes to keep me isolated and confused... i find my self always in a state of survival. and she has explosive anger and she is very BINARY in just about everything.
Thanks for watching!
At 2yo I survived a frontal lobe collapse it was not my fault for becoming a Primary Psychopath Hypersensitive INFJ-T. The Universal Law of Attraction has Jokes for me. I have zero needs and no wants. I have lived 30/42 years in solitude and celibate. I do not care about anything people think, say, or feel about me. I do whatever I want whenever I want. Humanity is far better off without my genetics being continued in life. I experience Nothingness in the place of 28+ Primary Emotions and the rest are all deactivated by a single switch. I operate in the consciousness and the subconscious. I have an active Soul that I can distort Reality with and honestly can you really miss something that you have never experienced? I never belonged here anyway so I patiently wait until my final moment alive to go back home where I belong. I will brutally reject everyone opting for Self Abandonment as the best way for me to experience life. Enjoy your journey and understand that I have no executive functions, olny 6 learned behaviors. I choose Virtues over Sin. And I help others without expecting anything in return for my time and effort. This is why I refuse to accept anyone into my inner world. Good luck with your life.
Thanks for watching!
You so nice dr.snipes very very thankful to you so helpful videos great work 🌹🥰
Thanks for watching!
I've learned so much from your channel, thank you so much.
You’re so welcome! Thank you for watching the video. Here are more videos on codependency: ua-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=codependency
Thank u4 revealing the ques I had in my mind...I am at the stage of acceptance & it's been a long journey 3yrs because I didn't know I needed therapy .however I decided on therapy just B4 I saw your video...which confirms my decision
So welcome. I appreciate you watching. Other videos on codependency that might help you can be found at: ua-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=codependency
When the "other" doesn't have need to be "helped"...that's where the bottom is for me. It produces a great deal of ANGER.
I am sorry that happened to you and I appreciate you watching
Wow! This was the video I needed to see. I couldn’t understand why I’ve been struggling so much since going NC with my partner 3 weeks ago. Now I do! Thank you so much I can’t wait to watch more and learn.
So welcome. I appreciate you watching. If you’re interested in codependency, you can find other videos on it at: ua-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=codependency
You are a wonderful person Dr Snipes thank you ❤
You’re so welcome. I appreciate you watching
Another psych counsellor suggested FORGET. Under stress, blanking out, forgetting the itinerary of the day, forgetting names, forgetting words- and not when a stressor is not present.
Fight, flight, freeze, fawn, forget. Forget could also be fog. The brain itself is malfunctioning or hiccuping in stressful situations- anything can be stress.
Thanks for watching and for sharing your thoughts. Other videos you might be interested in can be found at ua-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=codependency
Glad to hear information from u its been a while.i have a friend who is a counselor at a treatment facility. And n rmnd
I appreciate you watching. If you’re interested in codependency, you can find other videos on it at: ua-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=codependency
Best. Video. Ever.
Thank you! 🙏
So welcome. I appreciate you watching. Other videos on codependency that might help you can be found at: ua-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=codependency
Thank u so much I needed to hear this
You’re so welcome. What tools from the video would you use to raise the bottom?
love this!
Thanks for watching!
Wow thank you so much for these videos doctor
You’re so welcome. I feel blessed to be of help and I am grateful for you watching. What have you found most helpful from the video?
This is so good. God bless u doc snipes
I am grateful to be of help and I appreciate you watching the video. What did you find most helpful from it?
Other videos you might be interested in can be found at ua-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=codependency
Thank you Doc Snipes 🙌🏻☀️
So welcome! Thank you for watching. If you’re interested in codependency, you can find other videos on it at: ua-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=codependency
Thank you Doc Snipes so much hallelujah 🙌🏻🕊☺️
Very factual, straight to the point, and an exact description of what I’m going through right now. I’m a codependent hitting rock bottom, ending a four year relationship & I’ve completely lost myself, I forget who I am and have been struggling in many areas including taking care of myself and work. I’m still trying to hang on but I know the relationships over.
I am sorry you are struggling with codependency. What tips will you use to raise the bottom line
This is absolutely 💯 💯💯💯💯💯true. Change is what we make it and to love yourself means way more then tolerating anyone childish behavior and disrespect,cheating, mailipulation. You know you GO🎯🎯🎯
So welcome. I appreciate you watching. If you’re interested in codependency, you can find other videos on it at: ua-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=codependency
This is sooo honest and true.
Thank you for watching the video. What did you find most helpful from it?
Hello doctor. Do you have a transcript of this video? Is there a way of accessing your PowerPoint presentation? You are most helpful …thank you very much indeed. Grateful 😇 🙏😊
This video is a keeper, thank you.🌻
You’re so welcome. I appreciate you watching the video. What did you find most useful from it?
@@DocSnipes I watched it this morning and nearly bedtime now but will watch again tomorrow take a few notes and get back to you on that one. Enjoy the rest of your day.🙂
I use your videos for CRS purposes and will talk about my bottom. I hit my bottom in addiction and in several relationships. I left on my own terms which felt good...ghosting was happening. I choose me today and hated myself deeply then late '17 I broke free. It's been a ride. Addiction comes in many forms...today I choose me.
Thank you for watching the video and congratulations for choosing yourself! You can find videos on addiction at: ua-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=addiction
Great information 👍♥️
So welcome. I appreciate you watching. If you’re interested in codependency, you can find other videos on it at: ua-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=codependency
Thanks for this very helpful video. For me, I notice that I need to employ radical acceptance of my friend the way he is in the present, even though it's obvious he's miserable and alienating people. I seem to live in the future imagining how much more joyful our friendship can be after he goes through recovery, connects with God, and heals from his issues. I need to accept reality in the present which mostly requires no contact, since bringing up issues only triggers him. Yes, it goes back to my mom who had a case of covert narcissism and was very defended against reality (which is the only way out). Similar pattern. So frustrating! It's just that since I've gone through many years of recovery myself, and have a relationship with Jesus I'm so much happier than I ever imagined was possible before. I just want that for my loved ones who are still stuck in miserable patterns, but I need to remind myself to let go and let God, and for me to butt out.
Thanks for mentioning abandonment trauma + Cptsd connection relative to co-dependecy.
You’re so welcome. I appreciate you watching the video. Other videos you might be interested in can be found at ua-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=codependency
So comprehensive ….to the word spot on
Thanks!
Thanks so much for the support! It is greatly appreciated. 😀😀
Thank you for breaking 🎉my use to be behavior down ? 🙏
You’re so welcome. I appreciate you watching the video. What tips will you use first to raise bottom? Other videos you might be interested in can be found at ua-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=codependency
Thank you.
You’re so welcome. I appreciate you watching the video.
Other videos you might be interested in can be found at ua-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=codependency
Hitting Bottom in ANYWHERE is a GIFT. Take it and run with it. If I got this, ANYONE got this.
Thank you so much for watching. Thank you for your encouraging words. What tips would you use first to raise the bottom?
@@DocSnipes What helped me was write down what is actually happening and what others are saying about what is happening VERSUS how I really felt about it. For example, as a blended family, one of our mantras to allow financial abuse and psychological abuse to occur is that ‘we’re one family’ when in fact there are two different families and one is more financially secure than the other due to ill-gotten wealth (younger second wife who has a money perversion, controlling all of my father’s financials and giving only to select favourites and sometimes only to do so to be contemptuous to others who ‘disobey’ her or acts outside family rules). I am a birthchild of that mother and although it appears I have gotten perks, it was only to enforce hierarchy’s rules and invoke obedience. Any sense of self-expression was abolished, ESPECIALLY when I showed my own prowess and financial independence from that family. Sadly and unfairly my half-and-full-siblings project their hate towards me because they never once believed I got successful on my own two feet and abhor the idea I can say no to my birth mother.
When I began to accept the feelings that come from being betrayed, used, and abused, that’s when I hit my bottom. There’s no effin way I am anything but myself and it’s okay that they never liked me nor loved me. I was born 7 years later and am an accident. Here’s the clue: how can a 9 year old deserve contemptuous faced of half siblings in their late 20’s for simply giving my own opinion about who gives a fuck really, I’m 9 you assholes.
Now that I’m in my 40’s and have shown all of them, time and time again, that I am NOT the kid they wished I was and how it hurts their ego to see me express any feeling I feel, doing my own thing, and succeeding in life on my own terms.
I’d like to add that I am no accident, since we are all miracles. A child is a miracle to a healthy parent, a burden to an unkind mother and father.
How my older siblings think they can treat me the way they did and still do to each other is beyond the issue of morality, it’s abuse and the obvious diminishment of the human spirit. Nothing can be more evil.
Keep talking, I'm understanding myself now!!!!!
I appreciate you watching. Other videos that might help can be found at: ua-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=codependency
Where was this video years ago? I don’t think I would’ve been ready anyway.
It’s like I’ve woken up from a long slumber. When you said “resentment” it broke me. I’ve been so resentful. I also want to fix this, but can no longer allow things to be the way they are and have been and I am at least half the problem in this situation.
I took care of my mother then everyone else around me while neglecting my own wants and needs. Now at 35 I don’t know where to turn and I’ve also become resentful of who I’ve become, with multiple health issues and chronic inflammation and illness. I truly feel like I’ve changed and continue to evolve while everything else remains the same. I also have a sense of flight, I want to run away and start over new a lot lately.
I am sorry you are going through that and I appreciate you watching the video. What tips will you use first to raise the bottom in codependency?
@@DocSnipes Hi there, I plan to join a support group. I’ve already started by putting myself first, exercise, nutrition, somatic therapy (10 years of CBT didn’t do much for me.). I’ve already reached out to my somatic therapist and actually sent her your video with it being my Ah Ha moment.
Fantastic video.
I appreciate you watching. If you’re interested in codependency, you can find other videos on it at: ua-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=codependency
That is why we need to work on ourselves first. And on all levels.
I understood myself and others better when I learned about codependency, emotions and, boundaries on a whole new level from Andrew Kenneth Fretwell's book, Emotional Alchemy: The Love & Freedom Hidden In Painful Feelings
Here is a quote that stayed with me:
"Do you ever find yourself saying "yes" to things you don't really want to do, or feeling guilty about saying "no" to others? This can be a sign of an Earth imbalance within you.
The Earth Phase also has a lot to do with our sense of boundaries - our ability to confidently say "no" and "yes" in a balanced way. When we can calmly decline things that don't serve us, or embrace things that do, we're embodying the qualities of a strong Earth. When boundaries are not clear it is easy to experience disappointment and manipulation."
Very comprehensive video.
Thank you!
Thanks for watching the video. What did you find most useful from it? Other videos you might be interested in can be found at ua-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=codependency
@@DocSnipes Thank you! Will check that link.
I loved that you explained in very practical way and also by giving examples, so that people can make a connection. They can understand in what situation they are or were.
Dr Snipes. I enjoy your videos. Do you offer ceu’s for Psychologists? Please let me know. Is there a link?
Yes, I do. Please email me at support@allceus.com. Thank you!
I’ve been on both sides of this coin. My ex and I were both BPD with codependency going back and forth. I have always tried to do and set healthy limits and boundaries, I was further along in my education. My ex though saw me as a project to fix, and wouldn’t stop pursuing me until she got me, before I was ready to be committed. Cheating and flirting and paranoia and all those things started happening on both sides. I dissociated with reality many times. She finally caused me to feel the relationship was ending and when I approached that topic we fought I packed up and left thinking she would realize it’s time we focus on the relationship finally or it’s done. And she chose to be done and find a new person. I believe it’s a rebound, and unhealthy, as it was literally the next day she had her new guy overnight; and he hasn’t left this entire last week except for work. He’s around more than o was able to be based on my job life and responsibilities. Our schedules didn’t match for work. So all those things make me realize, I wasn’t ever who she wanted to be with, I served a purpose. She was who I wanted to be with, despite what we went through I developed real, love and care for her. I wanted to make her happy and when I couldn’t I bottomed out entirely. My BPD took over and I had an episode like no other. Now, I am still numb from losing this toxic painful relationship. But the upside is if it was ever to come back, it has to be completely different. I love her, she said she loved me so often and so hard I am just shook at how easily I was replaced.
I am sorry have experienced that and I am grateful for you watching the video. It seems to me like you did your best with the tools you had at the time. What tools from the video will you use to raise the bottom in codependency?
I am sharing this video on healing after a breakup with you and I hope it helps: ua-cam.com/video/8OZdTwfb2Mk/v-deo.html
Please let me know what you think about it.
My mother in law used to say we all have a "love bank" with each other. We make deposits and withdrawals. If over time the love is injured and too many "withdrawals" have occurred, one person may stop loving because the love bank is empty. My MIL was such a wise woman. I miss her so. She was the mother I never had. Lucky me!
I’m trying to read thru the comments in case my question is already answered… but what do I do next? When I’m hitting bottom and pretty much paralyzed from the pain of being like this or fear of the potential pain from change? There’s so much info on this channel and in your videos, which I am very grateful for, but it overwhelms me trying to sort thru everything for what would be the best first step to getting help.
I am sorry you are going through that and I appreciate you watching the video.
Maybe videos on distress tolerance and on cPTSD might help:
ua-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=distress
ua-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=cptsd
"Learned helplessness" is a new term I just learned for the first time. So insightful. I am determined to be more independent.
Glad to be of help. Thanks for watching.
Great stuff. Quite a perspective, though, the information was gathered in a manner that avoid some aspects of the reality but not the other, particularly there is only one true motivation in this world, pain, motivation to run from something toward something other, something else.
In other words this is good perspective to have to be able to reflect on yourself more rapidly more clearly, but it is impossible to avoid co dependency all together!
When do psychologist start to project positive scenarios of a beautiful relationships that would exist without negative.
Overall, great stuff. But little information to how to resolve the issue. I liked the idea of making a literal road map of all your activities that are tainted by co-depended other.
How to deal with exclusive aggression? How to produce individuality within mutually beneficial reliable relationships? How to react to misfortunes and obstacles of your significant other in a way that would not be classified as co dependency?
So welcome. I appreciate you watching. If you’re interested in codependency, you can find other videos on it at: ua-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=codependency
Excellent video . Great topic . Any topics on Parentification , Workaholism, adultifying children would be interesting. Why do parents adultify and parentify their children? Is that codependency or something else ?
my wife does that... her daughters..... i mean even her 1st grader is damm dear an adult. my boys are not like that at all... witch means i am a bad parent... i think moms that adultify children are lazy. sorry :( i call it how i see it. just don't tell my wife i said that.
Lion... all of those videos are already around...
Weren't people(kids) parentified in many of the wars?! Or in oldworld cultures?!
Thanks for watching!
Addition to comment
I think this isolation is a result of not trusting myself to be around other people because of my need to avoid my hurtful way I auto-attach. Is my mind protecting me? Being homebound is not a healthy way to stop a unhealthy codependent mindset. I'm feeling stuck.
I am sorry you are feeling stuck. Today’s video, “5 Reasons We Resist Change and Ways to Move Forward” will cover fear of failure and will help embrace change. It’s at 10AM EST. Here’s the link: DocSnipes.com/change-5
I recognize the cPTSD in me but I also recognize that I have been in abusive situations for way too long. Infact I am still learning what abuse is.
My bottom.. 9/2008 I would have been 36. I went into a family business and I was evicted out of the business rather than bought out of the business 11/2013. Looking back at it I would say that my bottom was getting into the business. Deep down I knew what I was getting into. I could blame all I want but I knew. Then it was more of letting outside forced do what they were going to do than what you are talking about in this video of making the change myself. Hopefully I will talk about the change later on in this video but I really do not want to forget that bottom.. I think that bottom will hopefully prevent me from repeating that pattern.. I do hope that you talk about that..
I can see how having unhealthy relationships pushed healthy relationships away. Running a motel, I really could tell the people that would trash the place and the people that would respect the place. I would take appropriate measures. My parents would constantly put me with people that would threaten me and trash the place. It would scare off the actual respectful people that I would want staying at the motel.
I appreciate you watching. Other videos you might be interested in can be found at: ua-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=CPTSD
@@DocSnipes Thank you
Very good video
You’re so welcome. Thank you for watching. Other videos you might be interested in can be found at ua-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=codependency
Also, we are having a codependency series and posting a video each Thursday at 12PM EDT. The 6th video of the series will be premiering tomorrow.
Dr. Dawn, you are so beautiful and it makes me blush when I watch your videos!!
I appreciate you watching.
BRILLIANT ❤️
Thanks for watching. Other videos on codependency that might help you can be found at: ua-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=codependency
Very good breakdown of hitting bottom with codependency. It is incredible what people will put up with ( including abuse) before they will make a change. What looks like it ought be the bottom to an outsider looking in at the situation isn't the bottom at all for the codependent. Astonishment is a condition an observer most often experiences. You just shake your head in disbelief and walk away. What should be the bottom isn't.
Thank you. I appreciate you watching the video. Other videos you might be interested in can be found at ua-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=codependency
Also, you can find classes on codependency and worksheets at docsnipes.com
I would like to konw what are the differences between codependency and anxious attachment style because I see that they are so similar, so can you make a video about it, please ?
I appreciate you watching
hi dr.dawn do you do one on one consultation
My codependency is my daughter and mom both narcissistic. You've called all the rest right. Auto immune check mdd check, bad sleep check, resent check, anger check, uncontrolled anger check, mind reader check lol. But yet we all live 10 min from each other, yet they don't come by my place, but found out they visit each other. If I don't see people, I went get out of bed, to the point of having to stay in the hosp, dka, dehydration. And they know that and still don't visit
I am sorry about that and I appreciate you watching the video.