We've Changed Since Leaving the United States
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- Опубліковано 11 вер 2024
- AMERICANS REFLECT ON THEMSELVES! THIS IS HOW LIVING ABROAD HAS CHANGED US! Who has been watching our UA-cam videos since 2021?! If that's you, then you've likely noticed quite the changes over the time as we've grown, matured (hopefully lol), and really expanded our view on the world.
It's been 3.5 years since we moved abroad and it's been no surprise how much we've loved experiencing live outside of the US. Don't get us wrong, we still love America, but at this point in our lives, we feel like living abroad has been the right fit for our family. This week's video features us sitting outside and talking about many different topics and things that we've been going through over the last few years and months. Reflecting on our lives now compared to 2021, when we were living in the US, is intriguing and healing to see so much growth and maturity in ourselves.
We'd love to hear from you all! Share with us an experience in your life that made significant changes to your beliefs, perspective, etc. We've found that sharing our struggles helps us make sense of what we're experiencing and maybe it can help you too!
As always, thanks for watching! Please subscribe to keep following along :).
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Lots of love,
Tanner, Risa, Willa + Noa! :)
二人の娘さんの両親として、夫婦として精一杯の愛とエネルギーを注いでそれぞれが前向きに生きているのが感じられます❤まだまだ先は長いですが、これからも更なる夫婦としての絆、娘さん達との絆を深めていけますように！
Aww we love that!! Having kids requires a lot, but that’s the beauty of it too!! There’s so much love involved! 💖
German here 60+, you two appear to me as the "ideal" couple there is. My mom told me about my dad pushing the stroller with me when most husbands apparently didn't do.
Tanner and Rissa, please domn't loose keeping in touch with each other, I see that your day- to-day life has changed since you moved to Japan, Keep it up, communicating with each other on the struggles you're meeting.
Guys, i'm always looking forward to the stories you have to tell.
Wow thank you! 💗🫶 We love that your dad was hands on during a time period where that was not the norm!
One thing we love about our relationship is how much we communicate with each other. Your message is a great reminder to continue to make that a priority! Truly, thanks for the support and love. We feel it! 🫶
Hello beautiful people, finding the right balance is something every generation goes through . You guys are so amazing, you both seem so considerate of each other and your family needs. I’m not surprised you sometimes feel the pressure of living in foreign countries, learning and adjusting to new cultures, working, raising a family, nurturing your relationship, finding the energy and enthusiasm to run a UA-cam channel.
I have so much respect !
Sending love and hugs 🤗
Wow thank you! 🫶 It can be a lot. This season of life with littles is such a special and a unique time where we don’t have as much time to work on our other goals and side hustles, but we feel like we’re doing a pretty good at finding the balance.. at least lately haha! 🤣😊 Thanks for being here with us for the highs and lows!! It means a lot!
As always, thank you for sharing your thoughts. What really makes this special is you’re going to have these videos for your girls to look back on and realize what both of you were like as people and not just parents. So absolutely priceless.
Awww now that makes us emotional. We always think of our travel videos together, but we do now love the fact that we put this video out there too for them to see! 🥹 Thanks for bringing that to our attention. 💗
We had a baby, and I worked a full-time job. Plus, at home, I cooked, cleaned, did laundry, etc, all doctor's appointments, homework with our daughter, and tucked her in every night. I literally had one hour a week for myself, a ballet workout class. I finally had to tell my spouse that I couldn't have two full-time jobs, while Jamie had one. We agreed I could go to 25 hours per week instead of 40. After 2 1/2 years of that, my company was bought out and I lost my job. I was never so happy because now we both have one full-time job, mine managing our home and daughter and my spouse working full time and then enjoying hobbies, family, and relaxing at night. I agree that as a whole America has it wrong. Oftentimes, with the woman working way more than the man. We had a serious talk because I couldn't take it anymore. Jamie would come home after we both worked a full day and do hobbies and watch TV, while I arrived home and did housework till bedtime. I think this is a problem with lots of couples!! Communication is key. I still have to defend myself sometimes and explain that I am not getting a second job while our child is still at home. The mindset is ingrained in the U.S.A.
Thanks for sharing part of your story! It's painful to hear that so much of the emotional labor was, by default, your responsibility, even though you were also working full time. Glad to hear that you've found a better balance and are standing up for yourself! We do agree mostly with that notion, but we have been seeing more and more couples talking about the emotional labor and trying to break the "tradition" and cycle of the inequality.
Thanks for the support and wishing you the best moving forward!
wow, this is pretty cool. My friend was telling me about her frustrations in her marriage and I touched on the invisibility of lots of her husbands tasks he does, she is not really thinking about and taking for granted. And he he probably felt the same towards her . I will recommend her the cards you mentioned here. You two are amazing, to be honest. Just the fact you are able to have such honest discussions and will to work on it is a winning formula. I really like you both and your little family. You always seem to be pushing your boubdries and comfort zone and are just amazing parents. Your kids are such testament to you both, you can just see how great they are doing and how adaptable they are and mainly how happy and well adjusted. I am sure none of it comes without super hard work and dedication, but seriously, you are totally great and all this will make your family bond even stronger. Thank you so much for sharing yourself and showing us the beuaty of Japan and your family lives. xx
Wow, first off we are sending so much love to you! Your comment really touched us! 🫶 Thank you. We definitely recommend those cards, or even watching the documentary as a place to start. It’s crazy how much labor can be unnoticed. It’s definitely been helpful to determine who is in charge of what. Not only does gratitude seem to be given more, but it frees up head space for the other person to focus more on the tasks they’re in charge of! Win win! We hope the best for your friend.
Thanks again! Love the conversation 💗
FWIW, 'best friends' DO have disagreements and even arguments but are willing to LISTEN to each other even when they don't necessary agree with or want to hear the other bestie's argument. IMO, it's healthy and refreshing that the two of you aren't hesitating to address what others might consider room elephants re your mutual bond. Yes, it's far better to work to improve things with each other NOW instead of putting it off for 'later' (or even worse, as happens to untold numbers of UA-camrs- fake that everything's hunky dory not just to the viewers but to yourselves). 'Later' and 'faking it' won't improve anything AND can often cause the worst explosions( and implosions) when one least expects it.
Granted I only know you via what you put out in your channel (and I fully respect your privacy) but,AFIAC, I think you two have each grown and become more well-rounded from the time you two left the States with the infant Willa for Germany and now are parents of two growing daughters each making their individual marks. Progress HAS been made and should be acknowledged to be used to inspire each other but it's good to recognize that there's still room for MORE progress and doing one's best to work on said future progress. Complacency isn't that far removed from outright denial.
I hope you two don't mind my attempt at cheerleading/coaching from 'the stands'.
Thanks for being honest with the viewers- and, more importantly, with each other!
We love your coaching and cheerleading from the sides! Thank you for taking the time to comment! 😊 It means a lot that you appreciate our openness because it does put us in a vulnerable position online. Things we say can been taken different ways then we mean them, but, based on your comment, it seems it was received as we hoped!
It’s so fun for us to see how much our family has grown since last leaving the states! We really are so proud of ourselves for the growth and changes! And we are happy we have the motivation to take our relationship & individual self’s to new heights! 😊
We have moved away from Germany in 1999 with 2 little kids to Mexico, to Bavaria, to the US…Texas and lastly North Carolina! Meanwhile we became a family of 5! Through kids sicknesses, new schools, tears and of course marriage problems we needed to figure it out a long day how to manage it all without the help of extended family members! And, you are right, in Germany there is way better balance between work and life for the one who is working! I missed my parents when I was sick with three kids and a husband needed to go to work! I missed them even more for my kids to have them constant and not just for vacations in their lives!
But, because of such a lifestyle we grew very close as a family and as a couple! There are ups and downs ALL THE TIME, but that is life! You two do everything the right way! You work on your marriage, communication and parenting! Just try to keep thinking positive, since you give your kids a very meaningful life by showing them different countries, different cultures and the best: different languages!
There will come a time, where you might have to settle down more, because of school systems/consistent education and your kids’ age! Then You should look for a country where you have a good work life balance! But, until then keep doing what you are doing! You make very valuable memories! Our kids are now 30, 26 and 18 years old and thank us now for what we have given them. They are very open minded when it comes to people from other countries, have multicultural friends, speak different languages and are very active environmentalists! I see in your videos that you are teaching your kids exactly that! You raise them to become open minded and smart women! 🙌🏼!
Wow!! Even though our circumstances have been and are different, there are SO MANY similarities & we feel like we relate in just so many ways! 💗 We wonder what life would be like near family, but are soo grateful for how close we are as a family. Thank you for sharing your experience! It’s awesome to hear that your kids have positive memories growing up the way they did. 😊 Amazing!
Wow!! Even though our circumstances have been and are different, there are SO MANY similarities & we feel like we relate in just so many ways! 💗 We wonder what life would be like near family, but are soo grateful for how close we are as a family. Thank you for sharing your experience! It’s awesome to hear that your kids have positive memories growing up the way they did. 😊 Amazing!
Everything you guys are doing to make stuff better sounds really great! I live in Norway and travel every year to the United States and just from a personal view I find it way more relaxing in europe. As advice just respect eachothers values, Personal space and equality like you guys already talked about. Love the videos ❤❤❤
Hey thanks for your comment! We love the advice and also agree with you that life feels more relaxed in Europe! That was one thing we absolutely loved about it!
Have a great day and a great life, too ! In my mind Willa and Noah will take more of your time until they get grown up a bit (aged 12+). If possible, make perfectly edited YT videos, but as this one, don't hesitate to adapt YT to your time abilities.
What has changed: you were a couple of 2, now you're a family of 4. That's different but both sides are great !
Thank y'all for all the upcoming videos and all the previous which were such a great journey you shared with us 🙂
PS: Somewhere in Bayern or Germany you'll find a house for living (if you want to) 🥨
Thanks for the thoughtful comment! We find that our balance changes with each week and thankfully we've settled into a pretty good rhythm that we feel is sustainable for us at this stage of life.
Ah, we frequently think about and miss Bayern and where we lived. Especially since we are not so close to nature and agriculture as we have been in the past. Maybe one day? :)
you guys doing everything right!!! I love your authentic reports and seeing the girls growing up happily!!!
Thank you so much!
Life is hard and no book or person can tell you how to make it easy. It's just being open to each other. Prioritize each other! Your relationship with each other is what will make your family. James (husband) gave me breaks from time to time with the kids and stepped up when help with the house was in a quick need. 2 boys made life "interesting". 37 years of marriage is a journey. A "stay at home" mom is hard work! I held 2 part time jobs, took care of all the senior family members as a stay at home mom with a college degree. Hang in there!! True, at points you can film or be there in the moment. Be there! Heat is tough and adds to tension. All the work involved is why I try to thank y'all for sharing. Having littles and dealing with life is just hard. Bless y'all for sharing...
Wow!! You really took on a lot it sounds like during those busy years! That’s nice to hear your husband helped out too. 😊 We love your advice of being open with each other and prioritizing each other. So amazing coming from someone who has been married 37 years! Wow 👏 love that!!
It's funny that you mention the invisible labor issue. There is an invisible labor coach on Instagram that shows up on my feed every so often, and he makes complete sense. It opened up my eyes about how much invisible labor us women do, and it's totally ignored or taken for granted. Guys, this is why we get so frustrated sometimes.
I think I've seen him come up a few times on our feed as well! It's impossible to not see what invisible labor looks like once it's pointed out.
I really admire your ability to combine youtube and family life while also keeping it somewhat reasonably seperate. I always imagine it's hard being a youtuber, not falling into the trap of thinking of your life as 'content'.
And yes, summer in Japan is _brutal!_ When even the inhabitants of a country tell you _not to come_ in a certain timeframe you know something's up. 😂
The pressure is intense within the content creation community! Thankfully, we've kept the mindset that our purpose of the YT channel is to make memories and act as a digital journal for our family.
Summer heat and humidity is next level! We've become more like the Japanese and will carry umbrellas with us to protect from the sun! I don't remember many/anyone in Europe or the US who would carry an umbrella (for the sun) while walking down the streets. Maybe it was there and I didn't realize it?
@@OurStorytoTell The way youtube used to be and i'm glad you guys are sticking to your principles. And no, your memory doesn't deceive you, no Umbrellas in the European sun. 😆My first time in Japan I thought the japanese were a bit over the top with their Umbrellas, sleeves, hats, hoodies and ponchos (I still think they overreact to _bad_ weather and a slight drizzle), but after an afternoon out in the palace grounds in Nara I bought some sleeves myself 😄
Love your channel. Please keep on going 👍💯♥️🙋🇺🇸
Thanks for the support 💛
What I really admire about you is the way you manage both: Creating a very entertaining YT channel with impressions of the places you are living at, and those you visit from there - and on the other hand opening up your personal thoughts and bit of your privacy for your viewers.
The latter shows the high ammount of self reflection, which is what lots of people are lacking from today.
What you said about the conservative roles in family life gave me a new thought: I guess the problem about these roles is not that "men work for the living and women stay at home, caring for the childen and the household". The real problem with these role models in the past (and sometimes even today) was that women's actions were not really recognized. People didn't see what an achievement it is to coordinate, keep the house clean and take full care of the “mental well-being” of the family. Whereas the man's work stress was definitely appreciated.
Even today we still hear “oh, she's ONLY a housewife, she doesn't do anything!”
Modern society should not commit itself to a specific role model, but neither should it condemn any of them. Every couple has to decide which life suits their own family. It shouldn't matter which role model is considered “outdated” or even “condemnable”. Because if we revise the “old role model” in such a way that we recognize the work and effort, the stress and the endeavour of the “pure housewife” for what it is, if it does not lead to the man regarding himself as “better, more valuable or more important”. So if we take the negative aspects of the old model out of the equation, then both models can coexist on an equal footing in today's world. And in my eyes, that is both fair and true freedom.
This is what you are actually doing, and that makes you even more adorable than "just showing places" in your videos.
Last not least you are a good example for the importance of "keeping up talking about our daily life with each other". Couples who stop talking and by doing so, expecting a relationship to just be and stay fine without all the time reflecting it and working on it, must be prepared to bury it sooner or later.
Not filming the moments when your kids are weak is good and important. And be assured - each and every of your viewers who remembers the own childhood or has children theirselves will be absolutely aware that these moments exist! Filming them in those situations would be closer to "sensationalis peeping Toms" and "catastrophy tourism" than everything else. I am proud you protect them from having to cope with that sort of memories and "being totally undressed" in the sense of "mental nudity" later on when they are teens or adults!
I am still a big fan of yours. Even though I do not often comment or feedback like I did as long as you were living in Germany. This is just because it is easier to comment about something one knows than something one never experienced. (The countries and their society in this case). Thank you for all the awesome content you share with us!
Wahre Worte! 👍🏼🙂
@@barbarafrings9231 Danke!
This comment is spot on and well articulated! We find ourselves constantly communicating about so many different topics and it takes a lot of effort, but is well worth it because we get to know each others' thoughts and opinions. We're hoping we can continue to find the balance between YT and enjoying our everyday lives.
Thanks for the support! We enjoyed hearing your perspective on these topics and at a further time I'm sure we'll pick back up on this conversation :). Best wishes!
@@OurStorytoTell Thanks a bunch, Dears! I would have had so much more to say but a wall of text is only readable up to a certain ammount, LOL. I didn't want to "overdo" it *grins
Since the first time I came across your channels, I have continued to update my fascination with you guys✨ Thank you for allowing me to be one of your friends in your lives.
UA-cam is not the center of your life, but only a part of it.
Please take it easy, be natural, and enjoy these precious moments to the fullest.
My childhood was one of illness and recuperation. In my twenties, I was on fire with my work and enjoyed a variety of activities in my thirties.
I ran around as a staff member of music events, film productions, and non-profit organizations for children's culture, etc. In my 40s, I was busy caring for my parents and working.
I love my life with my husband so much now !
I am honored to have met you all on your journey🍀
Thank you for being a part of my journey as well !!
Wow thank you so much! It’s so cool
Hearing a little bit about your work, activites and involvement. So awesome
You participated in charitable work! We love that! And you’re exactly right… UA-cam is just a part of our lives, definitely not the center!
Hello everyone, it's good that we prepared you in Germany for the Japanese heat with all the rain. Greetings from my vacation in Chalkidiki!
Okay just googled where that is!! Oh my you’re in Greece!! Amazing 😊💖 Thanks for including us in your travels-wow! Hope it’s been amazing!
Thank you very much for this video! I love all of your travel experiences, your videos with the girls, your food tasting etc.. But watching you, just talking about some of your thoughts is very interesting, too. Enjoy your life with your wonderful girls, wherever you are! Liebe Grüße aus Deutschland!
Aww we are so happy you enjoyed it! Being vulnerable online can be a bit daunting so thanks for this comment!!
Oh wow, that was interesting to hear. I applaud your honesty! I think I know what you're hinting at in the first part of the video re religion and I wish I could help you with that ... Always had a feeling that this was your background, and yes, of course this shapes your way of thinking a lot! Well, I really hope you can sort things out and find a way of living that fits your marriage and your family, and most of all, find a way to leave behind anything that's not healthy. Talking and wanting to change for the better is always good, even if the conversations are difficult! Difficult conversations are an important part of marriage and will make your relationship stronger if you don't dodge the difficult parts. You two are great together and I'm sure you'll find a good balance eventually! And yes, experiencing other cultures and living in different countries and different "bubbles" does change you! I'm convinced it's usually for the better as it broadens our horizon and makes us more understanding and more gracious towards others but also towards ourselves. But that's also a matter of growing older and more mature, as well in your personality as in your faith. Wishing you very, very well on your maturing journey. Be blessed, and be free!
Thank you so much! It is a lot to unpack, but reading your words is encouraging that we are doing a good thing for us and our relationship! 😊 Thanks for the support and love!
(Aunt Michele here) I’m so proud of you both. Growing up is hard. Adulting is really hard. You’re doing amazing. Give me a call if you want to talk about stuff. I love you ❤️
Michele!! 🥹💖 We love you!! Thank you for being there for us!!
7:00 What a cute idea to read the same book by the both of you! Kind of like school when you talk about an assignment. I think this is nice bonding element in a marriage. In contrast to where one person goes into the workshop to dabble on projects and the other does knitting in front of the tv.
We think so too! Although we have our different preferences of hobbies at times, bonding over reading articles and books with each other is incredibly connecting.
When you mentioned “deconstructing” I also thought of religious beliefs. It’s fascinating to learn how expanding world view and experience allows religious beliefs to evolve. Not sure if that’s the case for you both and I understand it’s super personal but I’d love to hear one day if that’s been the case and you’re willing to share.
You're exactly right to think that! Religious beliefs have been at the center of some of our deepest moments of reflection. Maybe we will open up more about that one day, but for now, we're still navigating that space amongst ourselves. Feel free to send us an email with any specific questions :)
Thanks for the support!
i come from a family of 7 children. Every Sunday my parents would ask us not to disturb them after dinner as they will have few hours together, listening to music , having nits/olives/cheese with drinks in bar at home. Once a month my parent go out on a date
That's awesome to hear that they set aside the time for themselves, when they easily could have filled that time spending more time with all the kids! Not a bad idea to implement when our kids get older :).
I think it's fair to say that the way you've grown as a couple despite your education is amazing and admirable.
Hi thank you!! 💗 We did both graduate from college and hold multiple accredited certificates, but we haven’t really talked about our profession too much so we understand if you didn’t know. Either way, thank you for the kindness. 💗
@@OurStorytoTell Oh no, I know that you both have a college education - if I remember correctly one of you is a nutritionist and the other an engineer, right? I just happened to talk to (ex-)LDS lately and something you said let me to believe you were raised in the church. Maybe the journaling?
If you did not go to those youth programs please accept my sincere apologies, I assumed, I know it was wrong of me. I'm sorry. (edited for more explanations and such)
Great video! I love the way you reflect and are ready to go deep into your own growing possibilities. My personal most important observation is that when things become difficult or stiff that I sit down and relax with it. Giving it its room of expansion and just breathe. The mind always tries to kick in but actually when I just breathe things start to flow again slowly and solutions do come up I would have never thought about it.
Wow we love that advice of just sitting with it and breathing!! You really sound like someone who has learned to be in tune with yourself and emotions. Thanks for sharing 💗
I am still learning 🙂🙃 we often think that solutions are on the outside but actually everyone comes fully equiped to planet earth. 😇 Life is ment to be light and simple. Society and education makes it dense and complicated. I think your family is doing a great development being close to nature as much as possible. Growing is a natural process. It happens automatically by relaxing into the unknown.
A lot has changed in remember.my dad worked full time. Mum had a part time job that fitted in with primary school
Times so she was home for us 😊. Once my older brothers and my self went to High school mum went to full time
But again she was back home at 5 we were brought up to help in and around the house we all had our chores todo .
Told at a young age “ money didn’t grow on trees “ we had to Earn it.
Coming from the uk and moving to Europe.getting married have a family of our own,just seeing the difference of upbringing / house houding etc in different countries was very interesting 🤔. .
Great video lovely to hear how you are all doing 🫶.
Your experience does sound so interesting! Thank you for sharing it with us!! Sending hugs!
I watch your videos every week and to me you seem such a great family! What stands out is that you both seem to be very open minded. It's so great that you re-evaluate situations and talk about it. Communication is so important and it seems to me that you are doing an awesome job in that respect. Family life is never easy and keeping a good balance is very difficult. One thing I can say about myself is, that as a woman I always thought I should keep everything going. Our society is still stuck on the woman handling more family oriented chores. When I was young and had two kids I often was overwhelmed but I NEVER asked for help. I just did it all and I just thought it was supposed to be that way. There was NO self care. I had a full-time job, had moved from Germany to the States so there was no help from my family and my husband was an only child and his mom was the only relative close by. She was working and did not like hanging out with her grandkids so it was all on me. I feel that you guys are doing an amazing job doing things together and most importantly you communicate and you seem to enjoy each other's company. You are doing fine and you are growing! All the best to you and thank you for sharing your story!
Wow, that would be extremely difficult living so close to family and then not wanting to support or spend time with the kids… Hopefully things improved with time?
Thanks for the kind comment! We definitely are still working through many kinks to get the balance right, but we’re on the right path.
I might be wrong, but reading between the many many lines, I believe you guys miss Europe and its lifestyle. I don't know, but I'm getting vibes of depression (or emotional labor as you call it) but refusing to give up. Japan is a wonderful country, but the workload and pressure is notorious.
I only hope you do not feel you need to prove anything to anyone because you don't. I cannot speak for your international audience but I guarantee you, everyone just wants you to be happy - wherever that may be. And you are always welcome back home to Germany :)
더운날씨에 건강 잘 챙기세요 행복한 일본생활 되시길 바랍니다
Aww thank you! We are happy here! Even amidst the heat 🤣😅
Adding chapters to indicate the topic timestamps would be great
Ooh this is a great idea!! Thank you for the suggestion!
Love you guys. To grow hurts in that moment for a while, but not to grow hurts later for a much longer time. Live is Development. That`s why we are here, to make all this Experiences :-) Nice to see that you both have a good mindet loving perosn at your side and that you can go through life together. Greetings to Japan from good old Germany 🙂
Love love this message!! Thanks for taking the time to write it. We totally agree with you back in good ole Germany 😉🫶
That was a very interesting video.
And kind of “cathartic” for me too😉
I think you two are doing a great job, allowing your kids and yourself to grow, with each other.
Haha we could not for the life of us think of the word! lol CATHARTIC 🤣 Thanks so much 💗😊
While we don't love the core summer heat, we strangely appreciate the extremes of Japan's four seasons from snow to tropics. Hopefully with your busy schedules you'll be able to check out some classic summer heat breaks, like a ferry to the Tokyo island chain, Chiba, Okutama, and such. Or a little further away anywhere in the Alps like Takayama and Shirakawago, or Hokkaido 🙂
We can totally see that because we have loved experiencing the seasons too! The summer is so hot but doesn’t seem as bad when we know what the winter and spring have been like. We are excited to experience Fall. 😊
Thank you so much so sharing some of your inner thoughts and feelings with us. It is interesting to know how it is being in another foreign country and how you feel. As always, you guys are amazing and thank you!!!! Not all things can be easy , glad you are open to adjust. YOU got this. Love your vids thank you for always sharing !!!!!
Wow thank you!! We are happy our videos resonate with you! 💖
@@OurStorytoTell 🤗
One of your best videos. - I enjoy your authenticity. ❤
Thank you 🤍
25:25 The hottest temperature in the UK this year was 34.8°C in Cambridge about a week ago. Sleeping at night was very difficult. A powerful room fan is essential, as not many domestic houses have air conditioning.
I found your earliest videos from Utah and Asia! Very interesting! You haven't changed much, apart from Willa of course.
Experiencing the heat in Japan you might see why AC is seen as a luxury item in Germany. But with climate change that might be looked at in a totally different way in the future. As it has been in cars. I even bought a car which had AC (simplest version) in it. During the three years I owned it I actually used it for about 10 days in total! But then I am not traveling by car much. My other car, the main one, is nearing the 50.000km mark after 26 years I owned it.
The grass is always greener. 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Is does appear to be that way, right? lol
If you're looking for fairness I think that's a losing game. Sometimes you do the heavy lifting and sometimes your partner does, regardless of whether one, or both of you go to a job during the week. I imagine it's an extra challenge if one is staying home with children, but that's essentially a full time job + overtime and should get treated that way. We have a more European style relationship where both have careers and that probably leads more naturally to more equal distribution of things since you have no choice! Those early years are tough though since Dad doesn't have all the equipment baby needs and Mom takes on waaay more of the load. Thanks to all the Moms out there for all you do!
We agree that fairness can be largely a losing game when comparing task for task, but it’s the intent and efforts made to make it more equal that we are working towards. It’s definitely not meant to be a tally count, but to recognize that there are many tasks that go unseen to me (Tanner) because I’m at work for such long times during the day.
That is funny. Some days ago I ( German) had a discussion with my husband ( Italian) about that. But It was impossible for me to let him see that there is still not a real balance between us. I guess both of the partner have to be enough open mind to want to see the extra work that women's do. I love to see that tanner is working on it !!! Wish the Best ! Send u greetings from bavaria❤
We have tried to have conversations about this before reading the book, but unfortunately they weren’t too productive. So we totally understand how that is. Reading the book really helped! If you guys are into watching shows together we would recommend the documentary called FairPlay! It’s a great conversation starter as well. Also even just listening to the introduction of Fed Up on audiobook would potentially be a game changer! It really puts everything into perspective. Sending love to you in Bavaria!! 💗 One of the prettiest places in the world!!
Feel a hug @@OurStorytoTell
Do you know that Tokyo is the biggest city in the world?
According to Google it’s the largest city in the world due to being the most populated!
Why don't you get a Nanny (Granny)? I have been a Nanny and an Au Pair in the USA and Canada and I am from Hamburg. I believe it could be very helpful to have some time for yourself!
That’s is such a great question! We think it would be huge for us as well!! We have just never considered it… until now 🧐 Kind of love that idea! Thanks for sharing it!
Also so cool you have had experience doing this!!
19:10 Have you got any video of backpacking in India? It would be interesting to watch now.
Yes we do!! we should share it huh lol!! 😂
You are wonderful people doing wonderful things. However, I can only wonder: as young marrieds, how can you afford this? Not many young couples are backstopped by a major fortune. I do give you credit for spending it wisely - instead of wasting it on jewelry, mansions, fancy cars, etc.
I miss your German videos
We love the honesty! We miss them too, but we will be back in Europe sometime! We’re sure of it :)
Did you guys grow up being mormon?
If so, does I still play a role in your life?
Yes, both of us were born and raised Mormon. It truly has had a HUGE role in our lives, identity & beliefs. One unique thing about growing up and dedicating so much of our lives to the religion, is that it will always have a role in our lives, even if we chose to completely step away from practicing it. I'm sure at some point we will open up a bit about this topic in the future, but for now, we are navigating this space mostly between the four of us :). Great question, so thank you for bringing it up! It definitely plays a part in the things we talked about in this video.
@@OurStorytoTellkeep Religion to yourself, you dont want to open pandoras box. Its a difficult and private topic.
Love from Pakistan ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
Thank you! Sending the love right back to you!! 💖💖
If the husband already works full-time, then the wife can be expected to run the entire household. That is equality.
@@maxbarko8717 Such nonsense. That's called equality, but you haven't heard of it. If you think a man should work full-time and also do all the housework, what should the woman do? Nothing, just laze around all day and play the princess or something. You seem very submissive to me, don't you? 🤡
We think equality in a relationship is going to look different for every scenario and relationship. In our situation, Risa is working too. Not full time, but definitely more than part time. We believe it should not be expected for her, or any other working partner, to be the full time default parent for all the childcare, house cleaning, meal planning, appointment setting, planning children’s activities, travel planning, etc., basically all of the unpaid work and invisible labor that is involved with running the entire household. Acknowledging that those things requires a lot of time and emotional labor has been very important to us, and has been a game changer to our partnership.
@johnny a chauvinistic approach you have. Have you considered her working full time and him to do the entire household and raising of the children and shopping the groceries and cooking?!
@@laracroft5351 You obviously don't understand anything what I told. In my opinion, the man can cook and run the whole household as long as the woman is the one who works full-time and he isn't. But it can't be the case that the man works full-time and also has to run the whole household. If both work full-time, then of course the burden has to be shared. That was my criticism, nothing more and nothing less. It's not that difficult to copy, right?😉
Wow.. in Japan!.. YT stopped popping your channel up or is this a new channel?!.. I need to catch up on everything.
I totally understand how you feel..
BUT...German families fo NOT have a better balance... Germany is so 1950s!!.. women are still expected to do everything with kids and homes, and loose their careers for the family... but also work a bit for money.
I am British.. living in Germany (since 27yrs years!). I had an amazing career I loved.... then made the mistake of marry and having kids in Germany..was pregnant when I suddenly became aware of how the whole system is designed around women giving up their life and independence and becoming "homemaker slaves." I lost my career (which was a men Domain).. the child care is crap here.. school until 12-1400. At least in the German academics in my field they hate women. I am also a prisoner of divorce law in Germany.. unable to move home to the UK becausemy now ex refuses to give up hus 50% child rights to keep me here although he has the kids only every 2 weeks on weekendsand parts of the school holidays..Germany also has the sickest kids in Europe.. they have 12+ infections a year.. as a single working mum of 2, isolated working abroad in German it has been a living hell and nightmare.. it has caused me burnout, depression, insomnia and now, sometimes anxiety since kids!... if I had know that having kids would ruin my life here, I would have not had them or moved back to the UK before having kids.
I notice it is getting better ... but so so slowly... equality is definately not in western societies and definitely behind in Germany.
That's a whole lot of BS. Just because you are bitter about your life doesn't mean this is what women of a whole country experience and feel about it the same way. The seconds you came up with "homemaker slaves" you lost all credibility in my book. YOU moved countries, YOU had kids, YOU gave up the life you maybe dreamt about. And that you blame a father who want to have access to his kids and want to weaponize it is just disgusting.
I continued to work full time, even with two children. People shamed me for it, but I didn't care because my kids enjoy daycare and I enjoy my job. It's your life and it's your decisions.
All women I personally know in Germany are working or retired. Where exactly are you?
@@thepurplesmurf 1. I didn't say the whole country... I even specified in my branch of work. Although I know from friends experience, it is not only in my branch. 2) "we" ie my German husband and I, chose to have kids, live in Germany etc (not me alone!!)... but on the condition we did 50:50 with childcare because I was the bread winner and had a career that I loved and was only 1 down from the top of the ladder. He agreed because I said I wouldn't give that up to stay home, but he went back on his word once I was pregnant. Then I looked for alternatives and discovered the German childcare system was not geared up for mums/parents to go back to work or work full time once the baby/kids are 3mth old or other older ages (which is the case in many other countries). 3) "homemaker slaves" was refering to how the German system makes it very hard for women to keep their jobs as well as have kids due to the lack of childcare and the mentality in many career branches, especially where it is 95% men (including my area of work). "Homemaker" is defined as: a person who spends their time looking after a home and doing housework, rather than being employed outside the home. "Slave"= a person who is excessively dependent upon or controlled by something or someone. ... the terms "house slave,"
" a slave to housework/ the home" etc are all synonymous with "homemaker slave" in the English language. It is purely a descriptive term that describes when "one person is staying at home, looking after housework and kids and not being paid/earning a wage outside the house." I chose not to write "stay-at-home mum" because it refers to the person (rather than the job/roll) and has negative connotations nowadays. 4) you obviously didn't read what I wrote. My ex "the father" does not take his kids 50% of the time... he only takes them some weekends and holidays.. he is not interested in "bring them up", he is not interested in and refuses to helping with ..their schooling, doctors appointments, hobbies, sports, friends, health, wellbeing or safety or anything else for that matter. He is just interested in "him keeping our money" and narcissistic control of me! And not giving up his 50% rights to the kids, so that I can move with them to be nearer my family for support and so I can get my career back on track and earn more money to support our kids and give us a better life (which I can only do in my profession if i move away), is his way of stabbing the knife in further. I have NOTHING against the idea of 50:50 childcare, if both parents actually do their 50% share. But in my case, I am forced to stay even though I have our kids most of the time... that is a flaw in the system.
There is a reason why every year, the Government statistics show that single mums are "the poorest group in Germany" and then the main group of "poorest retirees."
You are the one being very judgement and making huge assumptions based on no information!... I am not willing to write the extent of my situation here!.which to date has been a 7yr divorce battle with no immediate end in sight.. but if you know anything about "narcissists and gas-lighters" you may be able to imagine what that encompasses! If not, do some research.
Ps. Maybe reread what I ACTUALLY wrote instead of making misinterpretions and assumptions.
@@allys8801 No it was not my decision..I was forced out of my career after kids. As were other friends in other branches.
An American academic from Berlin, wrote an article for "Der Spiegel" several years ago which was basically titled "Killer Babies"... because once you have kids in German academics you are basically dead if you have to take any time off at all. Now things have improved "slightly" but not in all fields, and especially not in fields which are predominantly male domains.
Having visited Japan, as a German, i really liked it, but i don't think i could live there. (i'd kill for good takoyaki though)
Do you have any plans on traveling throughout Japan and experiencing more of it like you did with Germany?
Takoyaki is really nice, right? It's been a long time since we've had some and it sounds so delicious!
Yes, we've been exploring several areas over the last few months. Be sure to take a look at some of our past videos, especially the one where we explore the Izu Peninsula. Also, keep an eye out for several other videos to come out!
maybe you have been searching for "...nostalgic..." ? 🫣🥰 love your channel ❤ greetings from Munich 🇩🇪
Could be! Servus!