First I want to thank you so much for your wisdom. I broke up with my Narc yesterday after 3 years.. and you helped me get to this decision. Thank you so much. I feel a relief and I get what you're saying completely about accepting that he wasn't who I thought he was. I don't find myself obsessing but I find myself worried about what he is going to tell his family and friends about me. I know I shouldn't , I know it doesn't make sense. But I seem to care about what others will think of me when he tells them his version and lies about me and my character. I never felt so devalued. And for the first time in my life I felt like I had to defend my beliefs, values and morals and who I am. My ex-husband who is one of my best friends (10 years of marriage and a person of character) knows me very well so he helped me tremendously reminding me of who I am. It kept me sane. Thank you again for your support. God bless.
"Its strange how one can be so compassionate with others yet so cruel and self critical of oneself, each time I was mistreatd in any relationship I persistently looked for blame in me, why was I unpopular in the group when I was kind, hard working,conscientious " Did you catch my video on "people pleaser syndrome and self assertiveness" on the streetfightsecrets channel? You just relayed 3 of the 15 major personality traits that cause people to attract abuse. I should do a video on this.
RICHARD GRANNON SPARTANLIFECOACH as always you have re-enforced what I knew to be true however did not want to face. THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME AND APPRECIATION. You inspire me to give more, in a healthy way. God bless you Richard. 🙂
This is a default way to "make sure" that YOU did everything possible and to remove ALL DOUBT within your mind. If you come to the conclusion that you did EVERYTHING you could to make it work, then the fault must be with THEM instead. You're a great person, you don't lie cheat and steal from them etc. So they must want someone who does these toxic things. Can't do that to folks, so best of luck to them then.. I assume it's a coping mechanism. U want to be fully honest and KNOW that you REALLY DID try and do everything you could to make it work. Afterwards I think acceptance kicks in then sorrow sadness maybe anger then hope leaves and done is done.
Bianca von Mühlendorf it's the one trait of Empaths and highly sensitive people (HSP) to project the best that they want to see in others. It is why we all have to be careful to be aware of this, and refrain from seeing everyone in this light. Some people are just twisted and it is our naivete and willingness to give the benefit of the doubt that often creates this mismatch between our perceptions and reality.
This is one if the best videos I've seen. I find that on my journey to healing I need to go back to videos like this and re-watch and again as I see them in a different light each time and as time moves on I get something more out of it each time. Still early out of my breakup with my covert narc / psychopath boyfriend (hard to even admit that) and videos like this speak directly to me. Thank you!!
You hit the nail on the head: the things that I continued to subject myself to and the years of living which I lost NOT because I thought he would change but because I hoped to find something -- anything--which would provide an alternative, human explanation for whom my husband must otherwise be. Its very hard for outsiders to understand how incredibly dismantling that truth is, and how hard we can fight in hopes of fending it off.
Brilliant video!!! I had this for 5 years after my first girlfriend broke up with me.. was chronically analysing for years. Neurotic. I even re-read a letter I sent her over a thousand times!
My narc was just about to give me the big gas light, when through a fluke I found out I had a brain aneurysm and would need surgery. He studied up and realizing that my brain would react to the surgery almost in the same manner as the sudden breakup, he waited. Convinced that my brain unable to do the double duty would collapse and I would certainly die he started telling people I would be gone soon. Thank god for great therapists and my healthy brain. That's about as evil as it gets!
My narc ex wife had a very rare tumor she was born with, lodged in the lining around her lungs. Size of a grapefruit. YES I was there for 21 days 18 hours a day, fighting with doctors and nurses and translating medical terminology. Afterwards when she healed half a year later, she took a solo trip missing our marriage ANNIVERSARY and lied even to country shes going to, then few months after that I went on hiking trip, came home EARLY to find she moved half her shit out, and I wouldve come home to an empty FN HOUSE WITH NO WIFE THAT DISSAPEARED!! GOOD GOD THESE NARCS ARE SICK!!! AND DEMENTED
Thanks for the information. Just getting over a narcissist relationship of 28 years. I'm trying to scrape my self esteem off the floor and find myself. I now realize he is what he did, not what he said. I feel like I had lived a life time of lies and he never loved me. I will let myself grieve and hopefully, this horrible feeling will pass.
29 years here. Feel the same about our whole life being a lie. No contact is the only way I can deal. I feel lost now. I left so he has our home, animals, etc. At least until the divorce is final.
Almost 5 years ago, I left a 28 year marriage with a narcissist. One of my son's, 19 at the time, stayed with him. He had hijacked my son with lies about me. My son at least now will write to me, but is distant and has problems to to the mental abuse he has experienced. My older son has no contact with him. I am writing this because seeing that other people have been in long term situations speaks to me
The video helped me a lot... I just have SUCH a hard time with him "winning".. He discarded me and the next day he's already out and about and onto new women. He has a great job, apartment, a good body, a lot of friends who adore him... It doesn't seem fair that I'M the one who suffers so much. This even took a toll on my health. I really don't know how I can ever recover and see life as fair again :(
CupNoodleKitty they don't adore him- there is no "him"--- watch Richards video where these freaks think they are outside their body, watching themselves in a movie where they are the star and the hero. It's an act, so anyone involved with them, had no F'n idea who that N is, it changes from person to person the movie they take them to.
CupNoodleKitty, I'm telling you now his friends who seem to love him do not and know what he is like under the surface. Play ground bullies are the same, I guarentee you that he is not seen as perfect as you think , people put up with him...xxx
mine moved straight into a relationship which he wouldn't allow me to have with him complete with buying her flowers and taking her to the ballet...none of which he ever did for me...he complained to me of lack of money but here he is spending int on her. they are arseholes. it hurts like a fucker. I am sorry you have to go through this. I know it feels so unfair.
Whenever I load your videos ...I laugh because I know im ready to get a wake up call ... and I leave your podcasts till last ...your to the point which is needed ...but I have to gently work up to you ...you have made me laugh out loud when I wanted to cry ...you are very real and refreshing...seatbelt on ...thankyou
Been watching you for months now, and I SO appreciate you! Thank you for helping me start the long road of healing from severe narc abuse and c-ptsd. You're a rare find!!! Keep on keeping on!
What you said about the narcissist not having compassion struck a chord. The narcissists I've had relationships with were very good at faking compassion, particularly towards me (which seemed very loving, caring, etc). However, as they feel no REAL compassion, they could not keep this up 100% of the time and would let their guard slip very occasionally TOWARDS OTHERS. The key is to notice it and then reject that person instantly. One ex-boyfriend hurt someone badly in a car accident when he was driving dangerously. That person was disabled for life. He showed no compassion. We argued over it, because I couldn't understand why he acted as if he didn't care. This should have been a massive red flag. He felt nothing because he was not capable of compassion and empty inside. It's how people treat others that is the key to their real personality, and an example of how they will treat you one day when they get bored of you and dispose of you. Then they will show their true colours.
This really helped me so very much. Thank you as I've been needing "to understand in a grab it by the horns but still be gentle kind a way" ....and some compassion on top thank you.... very refreshing.
I so much relate to wt your saying, when my narc bf left me, my mind when crazy trying to figure out why. my pain and confusion was unbareable. I began searching as to why this happen to me. I discovered ' narcissist on youtube. I never heard of this term before. I began to understand my "why". my "why" took me all the way back to my childhood. I was always told, by my mother, that how much of a hateful person I was, all the way back to before my birth, bcuz I "kicked" her in her stomach when she was caring me. looking back, when I told her I was sorry for "kicking" her all I got was a smirky evil grin. so my abuseive narc mother hated me even before I was born. the hatred continued till the day she died, even on her death bed, I saw nothing in her eyes but hatred for me. I am now healing and becoming stronger ever day thx to videos like yours, thank you so much richard
I can't tell you enough how intuitive you are. I've watched many of your videos, and you speak to the very core of my being. I was with a narcissist for 15 years, and the effects will be with me for a long time. He didn't mean to be hurtful; I see that now; but he was in so many ways. He will continue to hurt others, which I can't help. You have a gift, which I'm sure you know; I just wanted to tell you how I felt, as we can never -especially if you are a narcissist, lol - tire of getting reinforcement of the positive effects of our efforts to help others. THANK YOU.
Thank you so much Richard! I think I watched nearly all your videos the last days, sometimes just listening while driving etc.! I am finally free from a 16 year relationship with a full on covert narcissist .... and the way to see the person as it is - forget the words , and look for the actions- really really helped me a lot on the way of healing and making peace with a lot of what has happened. I still can´t go full on no contact as we have kids, but I did draw my boundaries so so clear as I haven´t done for as long as I can think! Your work and some of others here on youtube made it possible for me to fully understand what I was in and what is "wrong" with me that I stayed so long! Will always be grateful and I wish I could join your sessions but sadly I do not live in the UK
You really are quite articulate, brilliant, & compassionate. I've learned so much from studying via Internet about narcissism. Until a few months ago, I was quite ignorant/blind about them. That's because I had a narcissistic/borderline father and, consequently, a dysfunctional family. About a year ago I was involved in a relationship w a narcissist & experienced family trauma. I feel so much more aware of the patterns that have been driving my life. To the point of being able to make healthy choices now. I'm not out of the woods yet, but I'm resting in a beautiful clearing for now. You are truly a gift, so mahalo nui loa! (Big thanks).
The following 'negative' daily affirmations might be of help to some of you: "He/ she never loved me." "He/ she is a very sick individual." He/ she can love no one." "He/ she is a malignant cancer upon the soul." "I was only an object to be manipulated and discarded." "This is only an addiction I am overcoming." "He/ she will age and go nowhere and be embittered." Yes, of course do the usual positive affirmations as well, so it's not all doom and gloom. But what Richard says about us facing the very stark reality of the Narc's true nature is most crucial in getting over the "dick'.
Yeah, ok. But this sounds like “splitting” where someone is all good or all bad. I do, however, accept this as the needed antidote to idealizing the narc, and being blinded to the reality that they have some very negative qualiities.
I won't help myself if I think bad things about hurt people who hurt me. There is a more mature and holehearted way. I wish them healing, so as I do for myself. 😯
"These are skills, not pills" Great maxim! You've basically helped me to understand why I went into overdrive analyzing dating and 'games women play'. I agree that resentment and prejudice is often form of unconscious protection, and a 'perversion' due to unprocessed trauma/suffering. Thanks for the vid.
What a powerful video! Thank you, so timely. Richard, you're incredible. I just discovered your channel a few weeks ago. I'm so grateful for your generosity in sharing this information.
Hello Dr Richard Grannon in Portugal in lockdown due to the virus in a fortunate area without any. Grateful indeed! Then I find you and I am truly happy to be watching all your videos from now on. What a great insight and So on...Love ya
This was a very enlightening explanation of the complicated post break-up process I am still going through. Your videos are very informative and helped me to shed the light on the endless contradictions of - not only of the person I thought I knew and loved but also all the contradictions inside my "brain". There is a constant war going on and I had been fighting with myself for a good while. What I could not understand for over a year now is finally starting to make sense. Analyzing dust - spot on. Thank you!
Thank you for this. I am very well versed in narcisstic abuse, and I am very upset with myself for falling for the cunning tricks of Covert narcissism. I appreciate you being so open and saying you have also fallen for it. It makes me feel better knowing they can, have and will try to dupe anybody. I really needed every explanation of this video today. Thank you for all of your insight, always!
I’m so grateful! I’m normal! I have been driving myself crazy. Maybe this is gonna be okay, eventually. This is the best thing I’ve ever heard regarding this horrific topic and painful ordeal.thank you Richard Grannon! I’m so grateful!
Thanks you! What a powerful message. I found humor in the truth you presented. I laughed for the first time since I finally walked out (two days ago) on the Narcissist (after 3 years and continuous breakups) to avoid any more trauma, especially the newly added physically abuse and threat of more. It's difficult, but I am beginning to understand why. Now, I will work on accepting that person is not the person I thought he was and follow this logical direction of healing and going on with my life. Again, thanks!
WOW!!! This was so awesome to hear!!! I haven't ever seen or heard you until now but I have to post this on my "What is a Narcissist?" page!!! :) I have recently been making all of my decisions by going thru each choice completely in my mind and paying attention to whether it feels positive/light or negative/heavy and feel that is my Higher Self telling me which decision to make. I've also been asking "Who does this belong to?" with every thought and feeling I get in my mind and if it belongs to someone else i send it back with consciousness and it literally goes away. I believe that we are all so naturally empathic that 95% of our thoughts and feelings do not actually belong to us so I feel I am now doing my part to help others be more conscious as well.
Excellent perspective - negotiating with your brain and making a list of things we learned in the failed relationship that will keep us safe next time. Brilliant.
Thank you so much! I am a therapist in private practice and deal primarily with victims of Narc abuse and of course, "it takes one who knew one to know one". Which means my ex was and subsequently an ex boyfriend (3 months) was and now im helping others. Your insight has been beyond helpful! I have shared your links and it has been particularly helpful to the few "tough guys" that are experiencing Narc/BPD abuse! Keep up the good work! I would love to come to a training if you have any!! Kathleen
Thank you for your videos, particularly this one and the information on narcissistic personalities. These have helped me understand what I went through and the type of person I was dealing with. Very appreciative that you take the time to do this to help others.
I am so grateful I watched this today, I can let go of the shame of how I ended up in this current relationship. I was DRIVEN to find some kind of safety. I have had a roof over my head and there have been benefits to this experience, YES for the bigger good and I am safe and I am a smidge away from graduating and I am packing to leave this relationship and am in day 3 of no contact.
Theresa Brewer please dont wish pain onto any human being dear, these people are psychologically wounded and are unaware. May god shed some light on them.
Truth is easier to deal with, at least you can process it. Living with a lie obvious or not turns anyone in to a detective.These videos have shown me that my angry ,crazy, sad , last year has been so textbook My body was screaming at me. Things were never ok with my mate . He truly a complex person . I will never give up on people even though people scare me more than bears haha . I'm a strong person with great core values they were instilled by a great mom and a great grandma. So blessed now my daughter has become the best version of all these ladies . She takes no shit hasn't since she was 2. Her first incident of narc abuse from my dad she knew at 2 years old my father was wrong to threaten and swat her . She stood up in her chair and growled at his ugly angry mug. I raised her right and am thankful every day as she helps me heal .The days seem so long when you suffer from cpts but it gives you allot of time to think.When you start to heal your brain let's go and you start to live laugh and see the world thru new eyes . Never give up on love but love yourself first.Snowflake out
You have helped me so much to see what is really going on in my long distance relationship. He is very controlling and has narcissistic tendencies. I'm on the verge of finishing it and realize that my people pleasing nature has enabled him to dominate me. You have helped me see that if I was 'normal' I would see what a plonker he really is. I'm learning so much here. Thank you
Wow this is the most informative thing I have ever listened too! I was really lost when I left what I now believe to be a covert narcissist and I went really really crazy, even felt like stalking him myself as was in full detective mode. I had to hunt down ALL the lies even though by now I had already figured out he lied at times. I didn't stalk him though because I have common sense but it was a crazy feeling of a need to. I am thankful for this bit of wisdom. The worse part is that you go into over analyse and you kind of know it is normal too but you have confirmed this, thank you, but the Narc keeps telling you to stop causing drama and over analysing! They make you feel like it's not ok to be normal and go through this to heal. ugh. I will always remember now that it is completely normal, i did not go insane and my brain is normally weird and that is ok.
WOW!... ... .. wow... For once I am completely speechless... Wish I saw this video two years ago... or for that matter 20 years ago.... Amazing work SLC!
I found myself nodding in agreement throughout this entire video. Thank you for being so straight forward with your messages. I can take so much from this and it is very empowering. Most people scoff when I tell them I look to UA-cam life coach videos for support and answers but it is the one thing I know I can turn to that will set me in the right direction and that way I don't have to make my mess the responsibility of anyone around me by over talking1over analyzing about it.
I can't stop watching your videos. I am working to get past the hurt from a narcissistic (second one) relationship This last one was less obtrusive, but damaging more because I really believed we could weather the storm. Looking back, it was all there. I hadn't done the work from the first, but believe me, I am armed now and appreciate your insights. Especially that we need to listen to our minds (hearts as you will) that what we are feeling is real, and to work towards never letting this happen to us again. God bless!
You are great! Every since I determined the exact nature of my ex's psychological abuse as narcissistic abuse I have watched many youtube videos on the subject. You and Sam are the most informative. You are also the most charming! Thank you so much for your help!
Thank goodness for you....yep analysing to death who I didn't understand but I think I have just woken up thanks to your video. I'm training my brain from today, I won't ever ignore red flags like no compassion, selfishness, manipulative mind games ever again. I'm giving some of my empathy and understanding to me....no one deserves to be deliberately hurt....seeing the truth finally. Thanks
Thank you for this video really helpful as a survivor of a 14 years Narcisstic relationship. The relationship has now been over 18 months but still getting problems as lots of financial stuff still being negotiated and a son together. So the tapes are constantly going on in my head and this has been very encouraging and helpful. :)
I watch your videos often and I find them quite helpful. When you said in this video, that persons that watch these are actually trying to make a difference in themselves shocked me. Every breakup I have ever experienced she said that I was the one that needed help. And that was that! No matter how I cajoled or insisted or pleaded that we need professional advice, their answer was always negative. In truth, because of my own personal relationship failures ( tied to my own childhood abuse), I tried for pre relationship counseling in several relationships. I went but they did not. Of course I didn't listen to the therapist because the LOVE HOOK was set in my heart. My brain is still reeling from years of self evaluative analysis over personal failures. Thanks Mom and Dad for the instruction manual it works great. Sorry for the rant.
This helped me so so much. He left me for someone else after five years of relationship two months ago. I still love him, but I need to learn this lesson...
I heard the expression when the student is ready the teacher will come and here you are Richard. Only two months since my breakup and I'm not using either and or chemicals or men, YAY!!!!! I am running the risk of transference because I think i have a crush on you but that's ok. Will be getting Connie's book!!!!! I especially love the negotiation piece, finally the warring factions will have a mediatior, bout feckin time too! I was training to be a psychotherapist whilst still drinking great fun that was........... NOT!!! Am on the path to real recovery albeit at 46 but better late than never!! I just love your humour and no bullshit approach. So refreshing! Cheers R :)
Thank you so much for this. This helped today. I am obsessive anyway, and this nasty time with this person has been draining all my thoughts and energy and everything away. I had a bad reminder of that relationship today. But I decided, for once in my life, that I was not going to let it get to me. I never thought it was possible to decide how I feel, but at this point - today anyway - I am thinking I am in control. "Grieve for the dream" is good advice. The ex was no good. and not worth regretting. The dream is a sad loss though.
My narc husband left me after 18 years together. He had a series of losses including his parents death that seemed to push him into full NPD. It's taken about 9 months of devaluing, push and pull game, for me to finally realize that he is not and never was the man I thought he was. It was an illusion. This is seriously painful to face. But I must face the pain. Thank you Richard for all of your videos.
So glad I found you. I'm just out of this. I call it an awakening and that helps me to get through things and learn the lessons needed for me to move forward and have belief in myself. I'm on a new path now as I want to help others spiritually who are struggling, which in turn will assist me also in growing and learning, so hopefully a win win situation for all. I'm learning to say no and I'm stronger now than ever, though I don't think we can ever stop learning to better ourselves and work on our own self destructive personality traits. I would like to go forward mixing both spirituality psychology and life coaching as all similar ways of looking at things and teaching that the ways in which we act in relationships can bring out tendencies or narcissism in our partners if it's already there, plus as you mentioned in a previous video, as I am a recovering people pleaser lol, being in the wrong relationships you can also pick up little parts of narcism as well that gets interwoven without us being conscious of it. Did that make sense? Lol. Anyway you have a new fan.
Excellent video I will watch over and over. Thank you!!! I will work on my brain I have a note I look at constantly 2 things written down He was NOT who I thought he was and..... I will NEVER do this again I will train my brain that I will never do this Again.
I do this in every relationship, not just men. Isn't amazing how you just know the truth when you hear it. I'm so grateful to hear a valid point as to why I do this and not to just be told I'm obsessing. I try to make it my fault, ask everyone I know their opinion(validation) then decide it was the other person, realize I can't change them and they don't want to talk about it ever. So the last three years I'm paralyzed in fear. I've been using this time to work on me, I'm falling in love w/me.
I just want to thank you for creating and sharing these videos. I have listened for hours, and have found your words soothing and healing. Thank you so much 🙏❤🙏
thank you Soo very much for breaking down what happens in the human brain. it is like a language that we can't understand till explained and it means a lot to know that the person one is has nothing to do with the pain he/she is suffering.
STOP. I am ruminating. I will allow myself time later on to reflect and come to a conclusion about my thinking. If these thoughts persist, I will remind myself of the conclusion and set aside time at the end of the day to reflect. I will then be able to alter my conclusion and ongoing hypothesis but it is beneficial for me to be disciplined like this so I don't allow uncontrolled thoughts to bring me down, again and again.
3:24 "put the blame in the brain" 😁 16:17 "analysis paralysis" 17:04 "these aren't pills these are skills" 18:34 "what you resist persists" I can see that the rap version of this would work.
This was very helpfull I realized (being the girl you were pretending to be) that I too saw all men as bad and so my escape was self isolation, what I realize now is that after years of self medicating in this way has actually caused me more mind damage as now I am recluse which was not how I wanted to see my life go, and now Im sort of stuck dealing with breaking out of my own shell and home.
Once the sympathetic nervous system had stopped it's acrobatics with cognitive dissonance, the oxytocin crash and adrenalin saturation levelled out, assessing the head-fuckery from the ex Narc was nicely ironed out, mainly thanks to your coaching (thank you!) , but what about working with people who clearly are in the throes of PTSD, would you recommend them to PA therapy first before undertaking NLP coaching or have you worked with severe PTSD clients? If so how did they respond to your approach?
I am working with one client with severe PTSD right now. Its working well, but she has a high level of self awareness, is exceptionally cooperative, intuitive and can construct her own solutions from time to time if needed. I would have always said PTSD is not my forte, but nowadays I think everyone with problems has some kind of PTSD. If they didnt they wouldnt need help. Good question. For more in depth work I would always recommend trying to find a good counsellor locally, preferably someone with experience in what you need. Skype is ok for coaching, but has its limits for therapy work.
Thanks for your reply. I agree with your thoughts that most people have variations of PTSD, the Psychocracy wouldn't be doing their job if we were free of it. I have a number of friends and members in my support groups who certainly exhibit severe PTSD given their experiences with PD exes and the F.C system to boot, NLP along with CBT imo seems the most effective way to combat anxiety and destructive subconscious patterns and believe this would be more helpful to them than the usual PA route where as you said in another vid, is potentially affirmations of despair if not met with positive behaviour changes. There's certainly a gap where people need NLP coaching for dealing with the macro-psycho family courts!
Thank you so much for this. It came right on time, when I have been in the analysis-paralysis mode. This helped and I am applying it as I write this. Yes. Be strong be firm, be cunning admit accept cry and allow it to flow through me and hopefully out and away soon
thank you again your saving me and i appreciate your information and working to apply it ,,,, I cried at 14 minutes in what you said i was thinking ,,, my relief of validation that hes pushing me away and then I react - all twisted - a text terror of truth comes out ,,, then i get severely pissed at my self for reacting and now its all my fault ,,,,working on this ,,, yuck
100 percent spot on! I also see they dont smile, or it is forced. I've noticed whilst having conversations with them, that they do a very fake, forced, laugh almost mocking in nature. Their behaviors are quite peculiar. I often find a true smile or laugh only emerges while making fun of me or others.
Thank you, your videos are to the point, and your understanding, is why you have helped so many people including me to move on in life. Thank you, I look forward to your future videos.
My god ! So that explains WHY I fixate on the bad shit, especially when on the surface I’m glad we’d split ... I NEED answers. Thank you!! ....& breathe 🥰 Thanks for the video @richardgrannon!! The ‘movie’ analogy has made me understand that THAT is why, I steer clear of dates ! I always figured what’s the point in changing one Narc for another ?! now I can ‘see’ I’m a psychology student 👩🎓... obsessed after trying to figure WHAT was wrong with my parents and my then boyfriend. It’s not school it’s therapy
Richard, thank you very much for this enlightening video! I was just feeling me so bad about going all the time back to my experience with my last girl friend! Thank you a lot! Greetings from Mendoza, ARGENTINA!
Its been 3 months since my breakup and I thought i was ok...watching this video, I got very anxious, then I cried, I know I have much more work to do, I will get the book you recommended...Thanks!
Interestingly I have been watching you for about a month. Thank goddess I found you I have been on this roller coaster for the last year and thought I was going crazy. This man for the last year has tore my soul apart. Withholding affection, criticizing making me believe he's nothing short of Jesus. When I started watching the videos I thought oh my god this answers all my questions!!! The stronger I got with him now he just went no contact for the last 5 days I know this is his way to punish me. I know I have to continue no contact but it's killing me. Even though I know he's insane I can't help myself. It makes no sense to me why I want this abuse. I have to keep telling myself do not text him or call him NO!! I'm trying not to think of the good and remember all the bad who he really is. His actions!! Thank you you may have saved me from a life of suffering!!!
First I want to thank you so much for your wisdom. I broke up with my Narc yesterday after 3 years.. and you helped me get to this decision. Thank you so much. I feel a relief and I get what you're saying completely about accepting that he wasn't who I thought he was. I don't find myself obsessing but I find myself worried about what he is going to tell his family and friends about me. I know I shouldn't , I know it doesn't make sense. But I seem to care about what others will think of me when he tells them his version and lies about me and my character. I never felt so devalued. And for the first time in my life I felt like I had to defend my beliefs, values and morals and who I am. My ex-husband who is one of my best friends (10 years of marriage and a person of character) knows me very well so he helped me tremendously reminding me of who I am. It kept me sane. Thank you again for your support. God bless.
"Its strange how one can be so compassionate with others yet so cruel and self critical of oneself, each time I was mistreatd in any relationship I persistently looked for blame in me, why was I unpopular in the group when I was kind, hard working,conscientious " Did you catch my video on "people pleaser syndrome and self assertiveness" on the streetfightsecrets channel? You just relayed 3 of the 15 major personality traits that cause people to attract abuse. I should do a video on this.
RICHARD GRANNON SPARTANLIFECOACH as always you have re-enforced what I knew to be true however did not want to face. THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME AND APPRECIATION. You inspire me to give more, in a healthy way. God bless you Richard. 🙂
RICHARD GRANNON what is the book title?
This is a default way to "make sure" that YOU did everything possible and to remove ALL DOUBT within your mind. If you come to the conclusion that you did EVERYTHING you could to make it work, then the fault must be with THEM instead.
You're a great person, you don't lie cheat and steal from them etc. So they must want someone who does these toxic things. Can't do that to folks, so best of luck to them then..
I assume it's a coping mechanism. U want to be fully honest and KNOW that you REALLY DID try and do everything you could to make it work. Afterwards I think acceptance kicks in then sorrow sadness maybe anger then hope leaves and done is done.
"Don´t project your values"-the most important sentence here.
Bianca von Mühlendorf it's the one trait of Empaths and highly sensitive people (HSP) to project the best that they want to see in others. It is why we all have to be careful to be aware of this, and refrain from seeing everyone in this light. Some people are just twisted and it is our naivete and willingness to give the benefit of the doubt that often creates this mismatch between our perceptions and reality.
Agreed!
Why, you may learn smthg
This is one if the best videos I've seen. I find that on my journey to healing I need to go back to videos like this and re-watch and again as I see them in a different light each time and as time moves on I get something more out of it each time. Still early out of my breakup with my covert narc / psychopath boyfriend (hard to even admit that) and videos like this speak directly to me. Thank you!!
You hit the nail on the head: the things that I continued to subject myself to and the years of living which I lost NOT because I thought he would change but because I hoped to find something -- anything--which would provide an alternative, human explanation for whom my husband must otherwise be. Its very hard for outsiders to understand how incredibly dismantling that truth is, and how hard we can fight in hopes of fending it off.
I could not get out of this mode for a LONG time. Just now getting out. This is a GREAT video.... a narc is a narc is a narc, so accurate.
He hit me in public.. that was when I decided to leave... later I realised that I had ignored so many red flags
£|
Brilliant video!!! I had this for 5 years after my first girlfriend broke up with me.. was chronically analysing for years. Neurotic. I even re-read a letter I sent her over a thousand times!
My narc was just about to give me the big gas light, when through a fluke I found out I had a brain aneurysm and would need surgery. He studied up and realizing that my brain would react to the surgery almost in the same manner as the sudden breakup, he waited. Convinced that my brain unable to do the double duty would collapse and I would certainly die he started telling people I would be gone soon. Thank god for great therapists and my healthy brain. That's about as evil as it gets!
My narc ex wife had a very rare tumor she was born with, lodged in the lining around her lungs. Size of a grapefruit.
YES I was there for 21 days 18 hours a day, fighting with doctors and nurses and translating medical terminology.
Afterwards when she healed half a year later, she took a solo trip missing our marriage ANNIVERSARY and lied even to country shes going to, then few months after that I went on hiking trip, came home EARLY to find she moved half her shit out, and I wouldve come home to an empty FN HOUSE WITH NO WIFE THAT DISSAPEARED!!
GOOD GOD THESE NARCS ARE SICK!!! AND DEMENTED
@@rvz77 my narc
Thanks for the information. Just getting over a narcissist relationship of 28 years. I'm trying to scrape my self esteem off the floor and find myself. I now realize he is what he did, not what he said. I feel like I had lived a life time of lies and he never loved me. I will let myself grieve and hopefully, this horrible feeling will pass.
29 years here. Feel the same about our whole life being a lie. No contact is the only way I can deal. I feel lost now. I left so he has our home, animals, etc. At least until the divorce is final.
Almost 5 years ago, I left a 28 year marriage with a narcissist. One of my son's, 19 at the time, stayed with him. He had hijacked my son with lies about me. My son at least now will write to me, but is distant and has problems to to the mental abuse he has experienced. My older son has no contact with him. I am writing this because seeing that other people have been in long term situations speaks to me
Yes, I really appreciated that statement too. Its talk vs actions. Great message to hear and apply to our lives.
He is what he did NOT what he said 👏👏👏👏 Thankyou so much for sharing this 👍
The video helped me a lot... I just have SUCH a hard time with him "winning".. He discarded me and the next day he's already out and about and onto new women. He has a great job, apartment, a good body, a lot of friends who adore him... It doesn't seem fair that I'M the one who suffers so much. This even took a toll on my health. I really don't know how I can ever recover and see life as fair again :(
***** Thank you so much, it helps me :) Yes, we will get through this. Much strength to you!!
CupNoodleKitty they don't adore him- there is no "him"--- watch Richards video where these freaks think they are outside their body, watching themselves in a movie where they are the star and the hero. It's an act, so anyone involved with them, had no F'n idea who that N is, it changes from person to person the movie they take them to.
Life isn't fair
CupNoodleKitty, I'm telling you now his friends who seem to love him do not and know what he is like under the surface. Play ground bullies are the same, I guarentee you that he is not seen as perfect as you think , people put up with him...xxx
mine moved straight into a relationship which he wouldn't allow me to have with him complete with buying her flowers and taking her to the ballet...none of which he ever did for me...he complained to me of lack of money but here he is spending int on her. they are arseholes. it hurts like a fucker. I am sorry you have to go through this. I know it feels so unfair.
Whenever I load your videos ...I laugh because I know im ready to get a wake up call ... and I leave your podcasts till last ...your to the point which is needed ...but I have to gently work up to you ...you have made me laugh out loud when I wanted to cry ...you are very real and refreshing...seatbelt on ...thankyou
Been watching you for months now, and I SO appreciate you! Thank you for helping me start the long road of healing from severe narc abuse and c-ptsd. You're a rare find!!! Keep on keeping on!
"Your ex was a dick." ha ha ha Never heard anything more healing in my life!
they are cruel beings...
+lomias nah man they're just dicks
+lomias you know they're just daft and need not have any power in your life
What you said about the narcissist not having compassion struck a chord. The narcissists I've had relationships with were very good at faking compassion, particularly towards me (which seemed very loving, caring, etc). However, as they feel no REAL compassion, they could not keep this up 100% of the time and would let their guard slip very occasionally TOWARDS OTHERS. The key is to notice it and then reject that person instantly. One ex-boyfriend hurt someone badly in a car accident when he was driving dangerously. That person was disabled for life. He showed no compassion. We argued over it, because I couldn't understand why he acted as if he didn't care. This should have been a massive red flag. He felt nothing because he was not capable of compassion and empty inside. It's how people treat others that is the key to their real personality, and an example of how they will treat you one day when they get bored of you and dispose of you. Then they will show their true colours.
This really helped me so very much. Thank you as I've been needing "to understand in a grab it by the horns but still be gentle kind a way" ....and some compassion on top thank you.... very refreshing.
Thank you for explaning this. Just going through all these phases.
I have never imagined how painful this would be.
I keep coming back to watch this video. 😊
This video clicked the switch. It literally changed my recovery trajectory.
Thankyou for doing the work. February 2020
I so much relate to wt your saying, when my narc bf left me, my mind when crazy trying to figure out why. my pain and confusion was unbareable. I began searching as to why this happen to me. I discovered ' narcissist on youtube. I never heard of this term before. I began to understand my "why". my "why" took me all the way back to my childhood. I was always told, by my mother, that how much of a hateful person I was, all the way back to before my birth, bcuz I "kicked" her in her stomach when she was caring me. looking back, when I told her I was sorry for "kicking" her all I got was a smirky evil grin. so my abuseive narc mother hated me even before I was born. the hatred continued till the day she died, even on her death bed, I saw nothing in her eyes but hatred for me. I am now healing and becoming stronger ever day thx to videos like yours, thank you so much richard
I can't tell you enough how intuitive you are. I've watched many of your videos, and you speak to the very core of my being. I was with a narcissist for 15 years, and the effects will be with me for a long time. He didn't mean to be hurtful; I see that now; but he was in so many ways. He will continue to hurt others, which I can't help. You have a gift, which I'm sure you know; I just wanted to tell you how I felt, as we can never -especially if you are a narcissist, lol - tire of getting reinforcement of the positive effects of our efforts to help others. THANK YOU.
Thank you so much Richard! I think I watched nearly all your videos the last days, sometimes just listening while driving etc.! I am finally free from a 16 year relationship with a full on covert narcissist .... and the way to see the person as it is - forget the words , and look for the actions- really really helped me a lot on the way of healing and making peace with a lot of what has happened. I still can´t go full on no contact as we have kids, but I did draw my boundaries so so clear as I haven´t done for as long as I can think! Your work and some of others here on youtube made it possible for me to fully understand what I was in and what is "wrong" with me that I stayed so long! Will always be grateful and I wish I could join your sessions but sadly I do not live in the UK
You really are quite articulate, brilliant, & compassionate. I've learned so much from studying via Internet about narcissism. Until a few months ago, I was quite ignorant/blind about them. That's because I had a narcissistic/borderline father and, consequently, a dysfunctional family. About a year ago I was involved in a relationship w a narcissist & experienced family trauma. I feel so much more aware of the patterns that have been driving my life. To the point of being able to make healthy choices now. I'm not out of the woods yet, but I'm resting in a beautiful clearing for now.
You are truly a gift, so mahalo nui loa! (Big thanks).
This video was one of the most powerful ones you’ve ever done, if not the most powerful. Especially the last 10 minutes. Thank you.
The following 'negative' daily affirmations might be of help to some of you:
"He/ she never loved me."
"He/ she is a very sick individual."
He/ she can love no one."
"He/ she is a malignant cancer upon the soul."
"I was only an object to be manipulated and discarded."
"This is only an addiction I am overcoming."
"He/ she will age and go nowhere and be embittered."
Yes, of course do the usual positive affirmations as well, so it's not all doom and gloom. But what Richard says about us facing the very stark reality of the Narc's true nature is most crucial in getting over the "dick'.
great list! thank you
Yeah, ok. But this sounds like “splitting” where someone is all good or all bad. I do, however, accept this as the needed antidote to idealizing the narc, and being blinded to the reality that they have some very negative qualiities.
I won't help myself if I think bad things about hurt people who hurt me. There is a more mature and holehearted way. I wish them healing, so as I do for myself. 😯
"These are skills, not pills" Great maxim! You've basically helped me to understand why I went into overdrive analyzing dating and 'games women play'. I agree that resentment and prejudice is often form of unconscious protection, and a 'perversion' due to unprocessed trauma/suffering. Thanks for the vid.
What a powerful video! Thank you, so timely. Richard, you're incredible. I just discovered your channel a few weeks ago. I'm so grateful for your generosity in sharing this information.
I really needed to watch this--as painful as it was allowing the truth to settle in--I'm deeply grateful.
Hello Dr Richard Grannon in Portugal in lockdown due to the virus in a fortunate area without any. Grateful indeed! Then I find you and I am truly happy to be watching all your videos from now on. What a great insight and So on...Love ya
This was a very enlightening explanation of the complicated post break-up process I am still going through. Your videos are very informative and helped me to shed the light on the endless contradictions of - not only of the person I thought I knew and loved but also all the contradictions inside my "brain". There is a constant war going on and I had been fighting with myself for a good while. What I could not understand for over a year now is finally starting to make sense. Analyzing dust - spot on. Thank you!
I must watch this video at least once a day! It straightens me out and sets me back on the right track every time. Thank you x
Thank you for this. I am very well versed in narcisstic abuse, and I am very upset with myself for falling for the cunning tricks of Covert narcissism. I appreciate you being so open and saying you have also fallen for it. It makes me feel better knowing they can, have and will try to dupe anybody. I really needed every explanation of this video today. Thank you for all of your insight, always!
I’m so grateful! I’m normal! I have been driving myself crazy. Maybe this is gonna be okay, eventually. This is the best thing I’ve ever heard regarding this horrific topic and painful ordeal.thank you Richard Grannon! I’m so grateful!
Thanks you! What a powerful message. I found humor in the truth you presented. I laughed for the first time since I finally walked out (two days ago) on the Narcissist (after 3 years and continuous breakups) to avoid any more trauma, especially the newly added physically abuse and threat of more. It's difficult, but I am beginning to understand why. Now, I will work on accepting that person is not the person I thought he was and follow this logical direction of healing and going on with my life. Again, thanks!
WOW!!! This was so awesome to hear!!! I haven't ever seen or heard you until now but I have to post this on my "What is a Narcissist?" page!!! :) I have recently been making all of my decisions by going thru each choice completely in my mind and paying attention to whether it feels positive/light or negative/heavy and feel that is my Higher Self telling me which decision to make. I've also been asking "Who does this belong to?" with every thought and feeling I get in my mind and if it belongs to someone else i send it back with consciousness and it literally goes away. I believe that we are all so naturally empathic that 95% of our thoughts and feelings do not actually belong to us so I feel I am now doing my part to help others be more conscious as well.
Turns out she was extremely damaged. I want to move on now. I feel compassion.
Thanks for the help.
Thank you sir, much appreciated. Power to you, and to all tuning in. We got this.
Excellent perspective - negotiating with your brain and making a list of things we learned in the failed relationship that will keep us safe next time. Brilliant.
Thank you so much! I am a therapist in private practice and deal primarily with victims of Narc abuse and of course, "it takes one who knew one to know one". Which means my ex was and subsequently an ex boyfriend (3 months) was and now im helping others. Your insight has been beyond helpful! I have shared your links and it has been particularly helpful to the few "tough guys" that are experiencing Narc/BPD abuse! Keep up the good work! I would love to come to a training if you have any!!
Kathleen
Thank you for your videos, particularly this one and the information on narcissistic personalities. These have helped me understand what I went through and the type of person I was dealing with. Very appreciative that you take the time to do this to help others.
I am so grateful I watched this today, I can let go of the shame of how I ended up in this current relationship. I was DRIVEN to find some kind of safety. I have had a roof over my head and there have been benefits to this experience, YES for the bigger good and I am safe and I am a smidge away from graduating and I am packing to leave this relationship and am in day 3 of no contact.
It makes me feel better when I think of the breakdown they have around midlife
to old age when they are alone with themselves.
Theresa Brewer please dont wish pain onto any human being dear, these people are psychologically wounded and are unaware. May god shed some light on them.
End The Fed
They are aware, but as Richard says "they just don't give a shit".
Theresa Brewer. Wish him as much pain as u need to if it helps u thru a breakup. Breakups suck Every man for himself.
Truth is easier to deal with, at least you can process it. Living with a lie obvious or not turns anyone in to a detective.These videos have shown me that my angry ,crazy, sad , last year has been so textbook My body was screaming at me. Things were never ok with my mate . He truly a complex person . I will never give up on people even though people scare me more than bears haha . I'm a strong person with great core values they were instilled by a great mom and a great grandma. So blessed now my daughter has become the best version of all these ladies . She takes no shit hasn't since she was 2. Her first incident of narc abuse from my dad she knew at 2 years old my father was wrong to threaten and swat her . She stood up in her chair and growled at his ugly angry mug. I raised her right and am thankful every day as she helps me heal .The days seem so long when you suffer from cpts but it gives you allot of time to think.When you start to heal your brain let's go and you start to live laugh and see the world thru new eyes . Never give up on love but love yourself first.Snowflake out
You have helped me so much to see what is really going on in my long distance relationship. He is very controlling and has narcissistic tendencies. I'm on the verge of finishing it and realize that my people pleasing nature has enabled him to dominate me. You have helped me see that if I was 'normal' I would see what a plonker he really is. I'm learning so much here. Thank you
Wow this is the most informative thing I have ever listened too! I was really lost when I left what I now believe to be a covert narcissist and I went really really crazy, even felt like stalking him myself as was in full detective mode. I had to hunt down ALL the lies even though by now I had already figured out he lied at times. I didn't stalk him though because I have common sense but it was a crazy feeling of a need to. I am thankful for this bit of wisdom. The worse part is that you go into over analyse and you kind of know it is normal too but you have confirmed this, thank you, but the Narc keeps telling you to stop causing drama and over analysing! They make you feel like it's not ok to be normal and go through this to heal. ugh. I will always remember now that it is completely normal, i did not go insane and my brain is normally weird and that is ok.
WOW!...
...
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wow... For once I am completely speechless... Wish I saw this video two years ago... or for that matter 20 years ago.... Amazing work SLC!
I found myself nodding in agreement throughout this entire video. Thank you for being so straight forward with your messages. I can take so much from this and it is very empowering. Most people scoff when I tell them I look to UA-cam life coach videos for support and answers but it is the one thing I know I can turn to that will set me in the right direction and that way I don't have to make my mess the responsibility of anyone around me by over talking1over analyzing about it.
You've said things here that I really needed to hear. Thank you.
This was one of the best relationship videos I’ve ever seen!!!! Thank you SO much!!!
ex narc hated psychologists......he always argued they have the worst relationships and are busy telling others what is wrong with them.
I can't stop watching your videos. I am working to get past the hurt from a narcissistic (second one) relationship This last one was less obtrusive, but damaging more because I really believed we could weather the storm. Looking back, it was all there. I hadn't done the work from the first, but believe me, I am armed now and appreciate your insights. Especially that we need to listen to our minds (hearts as you will) that what we are feeling is real, and to work towards never letting this happen to us again. God bless!
You are great! Every since I determined the exact nature of my ex's psychological abuse as narcissistic abuse I have watched many youtube videos on the subject. You and Sam are the most informative. You are also the most charming! Thank you so much for your help!
Thank goodness for you....yep analysing to death who I didn't understand but I think I have just woken up thanks to your video. I'm training my brain from today, I won't ever ignore red flags like no compassion, selfishness, manipulative mind games ever again. I'm giving some of my empathy and understanding to me....no one deserves to be deliberately hurt....seeing the truth finally. Thanks
Thank you for this video really helpful as a survivor of a 14 years Narcisstic relationship. The relationship has now been over 18 months but still getting problems as lots of financial stuff still being negotiated and a son together. So the tapes are constantly going on in my head and this has been very encouraging and helpful. :)
I watch your videos often and I find them quite helpful. When you said in this video, that persons that watch these are actually trying to make a difference in themselves shocked me. Every breakup I have ever experienced she said that I was the one that needed help. And that was that! No matter how I cajoled or insisted or pleaded that we need professional advice, their answer was always negative.
In truth, because of my own personal relationship failures ( tied to my own childhood abuse), I tried for pre relationship counseling in several relationships. I went but they did not. Of course I didn't listen to the therapist because the LOVE HOOK was set in my heart. My brain is still reeling from years of self evaluative analysis over personal failures. Thanks Mom and Dad for the instruction manual it works great. Sorry for the rant.
Tracy, its like dealing with aliens sometimes isnt it? I find myself sitting back and saying "how can they do this? and live with it?!"
This helped me so so much. He left me for someone else after five years of relationship two months ago. I still love him, but I need to learn this lesson...
I heard the expression when the student is ready the teacher will come and here you are Richard. Only two months since my breakup and I'm not using either and or chemicals or men, YAY!!!!! I am running the risk of transference because I think i have a crush on you but that's ok. Will be getting Connie's book!!!!! I especially love the negotiation piece, finally the warring factions will have a mediatior, bout feckin time too!
I was training to be a psychotherapist whilst still drinking great fun that was........... NOT!!! Am on the path to real recovery albeit at 46 but better late than never!! I just love your humour and no bullshit approach. So refreshing! Cheers R :)
Thank you so much for this. This helped today. I am obsessive anyway, and this nasty time with this person has been draining all my thoughts and energy and everything away. I had a bad reminder of that relationship today. But I decided, for once in my life, that I was not going to let it get to me. I never thought it was possible to decide how I feel, but at this point - today anyway - I am thinking I am in control. "Grieve for the dream" is good advice. The ex was no good. and not worth regretting. The dream is a sad loss though.
My narc husband left me after 18 years together. He had a series of losses including his parents death that seemed to push him into full NPD. It's taken about 9 months of devaluing, push and pull game, for me to finally realize that he is not and never was the man I thought he was. It was an illusion. This is seriously painful to face. But I must face the pain. Thank you Richard for all of your videos.
So glad I found you. I'm just out of this. I call it an awakening and that helps me to get through things and learn the lessons needed for me to move forward and have belief in myself.
I'm on a new path now as I want to help others spiritually who are struggling, which in turn will assist me also in growing and learning, so hopefully a win win situation for all.
I'm learning to say no and I'm stronger now than ever, though I don't think we can ever stop learning to better ourselves and work on our own self destructive personality traits.
I would like to go forward mixing both spirituality psychology and life coaching as all similar ways of looking at things and teaching that the ways in which we act in relationships can bring out tendencies or narcissism in our partners if it's already there, plus as you mentioned in a previous video, as I am a recovering people pleaser lol, being in the wrong relationships you can also pick up little parts of narcism as well that gets interwoven without us being conscious of it.
Did that make sense? Lol. Anyway you have a new fan.
This is what I have been looking for. I think I can get better faster because of this video. Thank you so much
I've watched many of your videos;it's marvelous work, well done.Education is the key to empowerment.
Thank you so much for all these videos. They've helped me in so many ways I cannot explain.. all I can say is thank you for saving my life xxxxxxxxx
Excellent video I will watch over and over. Thank you!!! I will work on my brain I have a note I look at constantly 2 things written down
He was NOT who I thought he was and.....
I will NEVER do this again I will train my brain that I will never do this Again.
I do this in every relationship, not just men. Isn't amazing how you just know the truth when you hear it. I'm so grateful to hear a valid point as to why I do this and not to just be told I'm obsessing. I try to make it my fault, ask everyone I know their opinion(validation) then decide it was the other person, realize I can't change them and they don't want to talk about it ever. So the last three years I'm paralyzed in fear. I've been using this time to work on me, I'm falling in love w/me.
Thank you, Richard. I needed this, down to earth, intelligent, clear and enormously helpful advise.
I just want to thank you for creating and sharing these videos. I have listened for hours, and have found your words soothing and healing. Thank you so much 🙏❤🙏
Thank you Richard for all your helpful tips! I learn so much from you! Thanks for being you and thank you for your generous spirit!
Actions speak louder than words... That is true but so hard to understand. Great video!
ProtecSirius You r solo right. Especially when ur own blood &flesh do that and he's ur father
Thank you for all your good work for everyone watching your channel. Masterful communication skills
thank you Soo very much for breaking down what happens in the human brain. it is like a language that we can't understand till explained and it means a lot to know that the person one is has nothing to do with the pain he/she is suffering.
You are brilliant! My ex was/is a dick! He never gave a shit for our 14 year relationship. 2 years out and healing everyday! Great video! Thank you!
As always Richard thank you for your wisdom and insight. You are really helping me make it through. It's not a small thing you are doing. Respect.
You are truly helpful, Richard. Thank you, sincerely.
This is such a great pep talk of a video. Skills, not pills. Very good stuff.
STOP. I am ruminating. I will allow myself time later on to reflect and come to a conclusion about my thinking. If these thoughts persist, I will remind myself of the conclusion and set aside time at the end of the day to reflect. I will then be able to alter my conclusion and ongoing hypothesis but it is beneficial for me to be disciplined like this so I don't allow uncontrolled thoughts to bring me down, again and again.
3:24 "put the blame in the brain" 😁
16:17 "analysis paralysis"
17:04 "these aren't pills these are skills"
18:34 "what you resist persists"
I can see that the rap version of this would work.
Thank YOU... I need to hear you and live what you are saying!!
You have no idea how much I needed to hear that, Thankyou
Very informative - thank you again! Love it "they don't give a shit and never will" YES - you are so "spot on".
This was very helpfull I realized (being the girl you were pretending to be) that I too saw all men as bad and so my escape was self isolation, what I realize now is that after years of self medicating in this way has actually caused me more mind damage as now I am recluse which was not how I wanted to see my life go, and now Im sort of stuck dealing with breaking out of my own shell and home.
I think your theory is spot on. Analyze, understand, be better prepared next time....hopefully ☺
Once the sympathetic nervous system had stopped it's acrobatics with cognitive dissonance, the oxytocin crash and adrenalin saturation levelled out, assessing the head-fuckery from the ex Narc was nicely ironed out, mainly thanks to your coaching (thank you!) , but what about working with people who clearly are in the throes of PTSD, would you recommend them to PA therapy first before undertaking NLP coaching or have you worked with severe PTSD clients? If so how did they respond to your approach?
I am working with one client with severe PTSD right now. Its working well, but she has a high level of self awareness, is exceptionally cooperative, intuitive and can construct her own solutions from time to time if needed.
I would have always said PTSD is not my forte, but nowadays I think everyone with problems has some kind of PTSD. If they didnt they wouldnt need help.
Good question.
For more in depth work I would always recommend trying to find a good counsellor locally, preferably someone with experience in what you need. Skype is ok for coaching, but has its limits for therapy work.
Thanks for your reply. I agree with your thoughts that most people have variations of PTSD, the Psychocracy wouldn't be doing their job if we were free of it. I have a number of friends and members in my support groups who certainly exhibit severe PTSD given their experiences with PD exes and the F.C system to boot, NLP along with CBT imo seems the most effective way to combat anxiety and destructive subconscious patterns and believe this would be more helpful to them than the usual PA route where as you said in another vid, is potentially affirmations of despair if not met with positive behaviour changes. There's certainly a gap where people need NLP coaching for dealing with the macro-psycho family courts!
SPARTANLIFECOACH Very helpful!
Thank you so much for this. It came right on time, when I have been in the analysis-paralysis mode. This helped and I am applying it as I write this. Yes. Be strong be firm, be cunning admit accept cry and allow it to flow through me and hopefully out and away soon
thank you again your saving me and i appreciate your information and working to apply it ,,,, I cried at 14 minutes in what you said i was thinking ,,, my relief of validation that hes pushing me away and then I react - all twisted - a text terror of truth comes out ,,, then i get severely pissed at my self for reacting and now its all my fault ,,,,working on this ,,, yuck
Brilliant video, your compassion really shined in this one...
If you need help figuring out who exactly you dated, look at old pictures. Everything looks different and you can tell in their eyes.
Yeah, no genuine smiles at all! The resting scowl face reminds me of somebody I use to date haha! Happy healing :)
I don't have any pictures
Yes its true. Heartbreaking
100 percent spot on! I also see they dont smile, or it is forced. I've noticed whilst having conversations with them, that they do a very fake, forced, laugh almost mocking in nature. Their behaviors are quite peculiar. I often find a true smile or laugh only emerges while making fun of me or others.
Thank you, your videos are to the point, and your understanding, is why you have helped so many people including me to move on in life. Thank you, I look forward to your future videos.
Thanks for sharing your wisdom!! It's scary how accurate you can be in your video's!!
I have no idea where I would be if it wasn't for your knowledge and sharing!!! Thank you
My god ! So that explains WHY I fixate on the bad shit, especially when on the surface I’m glad we’d split ... I NEED answers. Thank you!! ....& breathe 🥰
Thanks for the video @richardgrannon!!
The ‘movie’ analogy has made me understand that THAT is why, I steer clear of dates !
I always figured what’s the point in changing one Narc for another ?! now I can ‘see’
I’m a psychology student 👩🎓... obsessed after trying to figure WHAT was wrong with my parents and my then boyfriend. It’s not school it’s therapy
Richard, thank you very much for this enlightening video! I was just feeling me so bad about going all the time back to my experience with my last girl friend! Thank you a lot! Greetings from Mendoza, ARGENTINA!
Its been 3 months since my breakup and I thought i was ok...watching this video, I got very anxious, then I cried, I know I have much more work to do, I will get the book you recommended...Thanks!
Great video. What you say about being compassionate resonates with me very much.
Amazing video. Richard, your honest, straight talking approach really helped me. Thank you so much :) x
Interestingly I have been watching you for about a month. Thank goddess I found you I have been on this roller coaster for the last year and thought I was going crazy. This man for the last year has tore my soul apart. Withholding affection, criticizing making me believe he's nothing short of Jesus. When I started watching the videos I thought oh my god this answers all my questions!!! The stronger I got with him now he just went no contact for the last 5 days I know this is his way to punish me. I know I have to continue no contact but it's killing me. Even though I know he's insane I can't help myself. It makes no sense to me why I want this abuse. I have to keep telling myself do not text him or call him NO!! I'm trying not to think of the good and remember all the bad who he really is. His actions!!
Thank you you may have saved me from a life of suffering!!!
this is an incredible eye-opener, thank you
Most enlightening and helpful. Very useful. Thank you for a superb video.👍🏻👏🏻💝
Hi Richard. I can't find the book by Connirae Andreas called Parts Therapy on the net. Has it been released under a new name?
Did you ever find that book? I am looking for it also.
I think this is it... www.amazon.com/gp/product/0911226338/ref=ox_sc_act_title_1?smid=A2BZJ3OE7RA6B&psc=1
Best video on You Tube in regards to phychology, amazing!