Why Nice People Repel Us
Вставка
- Опубліковано 12 бер 2024
- Why might kindness be so hard to bear? Why should warmth prove - on occasion - comprehensively repulsive? Why might nausea descend in the face of emotional maturity?
Enjoying our UA-cam videos? Get full access to all our audio content, videos, and thousands of thought-provoking articles, conversation cards and more with The School of Life Subscription: 9qq0.short.gy/zqGz6G
Learn, heal and grow: get the best of The School of Life delivered straight to your inbox: 9qq0.short.gy/RaAZCl
FURTHER READING
You can read more on this and other subjects in our articles, here: 9qq0.short.gy/5EJiCJ
“There are many things that might disrupt the mood of a promising early date: a sudden discovery of a maddening political opinion, a grating laugh, poor dental hygiene, an unfortunate choice of top. But there is a far more perplexing and, superficially at least, paradoxical kind of distaste that might abruptly arise. One might want to take leave of a companion - and even rush outdoors to vomit - not because they are crude, dim or nasty but because they have revealed themselves to be undeniably and conspicuously nice…”
MORE SCHOOL OF LIFE
Watch more films on SELF in our playlist:
bit.ly/TSOLself
SOCIAL MEDIA
Feel free to follow us at the links below:
Facebook: / theschooloflifelondon
Twitter: / theschooloflife
Instagram: / theschooloflifelondon
LinkedIn: / the-school-of-life-for...
CREDITS
Produced in collaboration with:
Natalia Biegaj
www.nb-animation.com/
Title animation produced in collaboration with
Graeme Probert
www.gpmotion.co.uk
I grew up around people who not only offered me no kindness, but would go out of their way to bring me down & step on me. Kindness is my default position now because I don't want anyone else to feel the way I felt for the first half of my life.
"Through that storm, you shall reach your zenith."
Your storm has happened, but your zenith keeps getting better and better. Never stop being kind, for someone else will be kind back. Big hug!
Jesus is the way truth and life, we gotta get to know a person and be genuine. We shouldn't play with love, it's marriage or nothing, Otherwise we set ourselves or the other for heartbreak. When being genuine we can point out the traits we like about a person and in their genuines they can reflect it more often. See who they are and choose if they are a person you want to be with. Love you all and God bless you 🕊️✝️
Well.fair play to you for not using it as an excuse to be shitty to others. I respect that 🙏
Same here. I was abused and bullied growing up. My childhood was full of pain, anger, and sadness. As an adult, I now try to be the positivity I wish I had as a child, so it's really discouraging at times to be rejected by women because of my kindness. I'm not changing who I am.
Sounds like Narcissists- it’s good to get away from those ppl if you can and surround yourself w good ppl who aren’t toxic ^^
"Kindness begins with the understanding that we all struggle." - Charles Glassman ❤
Jesus is the way truth and life, we gotta get to know a person and be genuine. We shouldn't play with love, it's marriage or nothing, Otherwise we set ourselves or the other for heartbreak. When being genuine we can point out the traits we like about a person and in their genuines they can reflect it more often. See who they are and choose if they are a person you want to be with. Love you all and God bless you 🕊️✝️
Its sad that some people do not love themselves or feel they don't deserve a nice person. Nice and kind people are a gift. Nice does not automatically mean weak!
My husband is nice (with a touch of grouchiness). It's wonderful! ❤
It doesn't automatically mean kind, either. Believe me, I know. I was raised by a"nice" mother. If you want to complain about this, complain to your fellow "nice" folk. They're the ones harshing your mellow, not us.
It's the opposite of weak
It is sad - because those of us who suffer from this were abused as children. We don't know how to accept a certain kind of vulnerable love because - tho it's not logical in our minds, most of us know better - at our heart we were raised with a twisted sense of love, and that's not something that's easily undone. It's like an allergy. It's fucked up.
@@mosettastone Or our past makes us aware that there ARE people who pretend to be "nice" in order to manipulate others, and are very VERY good at it. They're called sociopaths, and if you don't believe they exist, you're pretty much guaranteed to be taken in by their tactics if/when you meet one.
what a sick society we have created
I think it has been this way for a long time, it did not just happen recently, but it doesn not necessarily talk about society as a whole.
The government and certain cultures have created**
Narcissists everywhere
@@Billbeauxwhich cultures are you referring to? Let's do this.
I like it when you pointed out the sickness in society, everyone is busy finding one to blame it on. 😂 I’m literally laughing right now. Ha ha
I remember as a young person being bullied at a new job. Someone told me I was getting picked on because there were people there who couldn't stand seeing anyone happy!
Isn't it crazy?! People want to tear you down because "how dare u be happy when I'm miserable!" Mind blowing and took me far to long to realize this behavior 😮
Jesus is the way truth and life, we gotta get to know a person and be genuine. We shouldn't play with love, it's marriage or nothing, Otherwise we set ourselves or the other for heartbreak. When being genuine we can point out the traits we like about a person and in their genuines they can reflect it more often. See who they are and choose if they are a person you want to be with. Love you all and God bless you 🕊️✝️
Sad, but unfortunately it's true in some environments.
That’s actually probably *exactly* what happened at my last job. That makes much more sense.
Best to be happy on the inside. Each time I exhibit happiness at work, a supervisor or manager thinks there’s something wrong or I could be working harder. If you look grim they relax
It's pretty sad that people get scared about being loved unconditionally or by the fact of being liked without any test to pass beforehand. And it's pretty sad for both sides. Usually who are nice are seen as fake or two-faced, while we expect nothing except for a nice chat and, if things go right, a friend.
The only relationship that might come close to unconditional love is that of parent and child. Otherwise, it's never truly unconditional.
The School of Life videos are typically great, but this one, unfortunately, conflates various mental/emotional issues. If someone is "testing" you in order to attempt to feel secure or rejecting you before you can reject them, you're probably dealing with someone with greater mental health problems, like Borderline Personality Disorder. Otherwise, the "repulsion" and discomfort that the video talks about tends to stem from distrust. If you grew up in a household (as I did) in which love and support always came at a price, you end up suspicious of people's motives. I have no problems with love and intimacy...if I think it is sincere.
What I meant by using the word 'test' was that, when some people decide to talk to you, they show that distrust and distance, as when one passes a finger through a flame, with fear of getting burnt, although there is no real danger here. Then again, there certainly are people with mental health problems that we don't know about, but some simply are hurt and have that hard shell on them and your kindness feels like water trying to get in for them, and that scares them away.
Because not many people found out love is finite, those who found out became cynic. emotion and relation are far too complex to be concluded, there’s no formula for that, never will.
I don’t want to be loved “unconditionally”. That sounds like someone who lacks boundaries. Someone without boundaries is actually filling their emotional needs through you while disregarding what you really need or want.
Absolutely. Or like me I become victim to other damaged people who subconsciously are drawn to me who will continue to recreate the same type of abusive dynamic. It sucks. But I know there's a way through. At least, I belive there is. I hope to figure it out. I hope you do too. @@dragonwitch27 ♥
Someone once said to me, "no one can be that happy without drugs"
They couldnt grasp genuine joy
Sad. I can relate, strange that nice and happy is so alien and provocative to some people. 😮
I know someone like that
I am that person
caffeine rush is genuine joy, thank you very much
Some people were raised not to know true joy. Its very sad
I like nice people. It’s the rude, arrogant and passive aggressive people that nauseate me.
Same here.
True but do u deserve their hand of marriage.
No worries. It's mutual.
Nauseating yes, but you guys make perfect punching bags.@stoneymcmechan3210
@@tzadik. tzadiks make perfect lampshades
“Being a nice person is about courtesy: you’re friendly, polite, agreeable, and accommodating. When people believe they have to be nice in order to give, they fail to set boundaries, rarely say no, and become pushovers, letting others walk all over them.”
- Adam Grant
Amen to that quote
" in order to give" ?
Felt nothing, but regret just being nice for sake. I do not always that, but I still feel sick doing so. I especially feel sick being nice to people who being mean to me for the moment.
Only in the west is this question asked. What an unenlightened group of people
Did you watch this?
This clip was made for avoidants. As a secure, I say give me boring, give me mature, give me NICE! 🥰
Jesus is the way truth and life, we gotta get to know a person and be genuine.We shouldn't play with love, it's marriage or nothing, Otherwise we set ourselves or the other for heartbreak. When being genuine we can point out the traits we like about a person and in their genuines they can reflect it more often. See who they are and choose if they are a person you want to be with. Love you all and God bless you 🕊️✝️
Because they see what they lack. For a second, they are forced to accept the inner turmoil, the trauma that they have within themselves. Therefore, they are disgusted that there can be people out in such a cruel world that hasn’t lost their hearts, nor given up hope.
Jesus is the way truth and life, we gotta get to know a person and be genuine. We shouldn't play with love, it's marriage or nothing, Otherwise we set ourselves or the other for heartbreak. When being genuine we can point out the traits we like about a person and in their genuines they can reflect it more often. See who they are and choose if they are a person you want to be with. Love you all and God bless you 🕊️✝️
Not always. I just don't believe you, I can't quite grasp how is it to feel genuine desire to be kind to someone or how it feels to be generally happy. Therefore I expect that you're faking it, wanting something from me, or are acting on the instincts burned into your brain by others. Or you can just be following your grounded beliefs, like I do, then I just don't want to spend your energy and make you uncomfortable. Actually, I suspect you don't know much about the theme like the author, you sound arrogant and unconvincing.
I actually really like nice people.
Same. 😂
Absolutely! It's simple...easy!
They are the only ones that I like.
Congratulations! You had a secure enough childhood to do that. Many of us were tragically not so lucky. I can accept and give love from & towards friends, but when it comes to romantic relationships it's like my heart has been crushed so many times that a certain kindness from others is terrifying for me. Cause "kindness" has been used to bait me into a devastation that nearly killed me many times.
@@mosettastone Thanks for sharing your experience. It's so hard to trust again after betrayal. It sounds like you've experienced narcissistic abuse? I know a couple of people who have healed from it, one from finding a good person to build a relationship with (slowly), and the other from EMDR (although any good trauma therapist should be able to help). Hope I"m not overstepping by saying this, but I genuinely want you, a random person on the internet, to find healing and be able to feel safe enough to show vulnerability in a romantic relationship.
It is utterly absurd that so many people think they can assess the motives of nice people. It's clearly an attempt to justify being repelled by them - stop putting the onus on nice people and just acknowledge that you want chaos in your life or you'll succumb to boredom.
Personally, I'd much rather be surrounded by inauthentic niceties than authentic cruelties. Perhaps I've been lucky but by severing contact with nasty people and only allowing pleasant people into my life has bode very well for me in all relationships subsequent to my teen years.
This guy gets it!
Jesus is the way truth and life, we gotta get to know a person and be genuine. We shouldn't play with love, it's marriage or nothing, Otherwise we set ourselves or the other for heartbreak. When being genuine we can point out the traits we like about a person and in their genuines they can reflect it more often. See who they are and choose if they are a person you want to be with. Love you all and God bless you 🕊️✝️
You're saying it's utterly absurd to think you can assess the motives of nice people, however you immediately go to assessing the motives of those people who are repelled by it. This seems a bit 'utterly absurd' to me and you're making a huge general assumption about these people which is going to be wrong a large amount of the time.
@@Legitimate123 This whole discourse has me lost… Do y’all want people to be mean to you? What point are you trying to make fr? I personally don’t care if you hate my guts and are only talking to me to sell me something and steal my girl, TREAT ME NICE lol 😂 All of y’all are tripping… People pick the silliest hills to die on these days…
@@renardbennett75
No I don't want people to be mean to me or other people. It's not an 'Us vs Them' thing to me. My response was particularly to this assumption he said "Just acknowledge that you want chaos in your life or you'll succumb to boredom." - Why is he assuming this is why mean people are mean? It's an erroneous assumption. There's lots of reasons people are mean, and no I'm not defending them, I'm making a point because the truth is important. You can't sum up all people that behave in a mean way in that way. Well, you could, but it won't be true and it's an extremely surface level way of looking at things.
Similarly "It's clearly an attempt to justify being repelled by them" - based on what.
Fuck this society. Don't take my kindness for weakness.
Completely agree
Jesus is the way truth and life, we gotta get to know a person and be genuine.We shouldn't play with love, it's marriage or nothing, Otherwise we set ourselves or the other for heartbreak. When being genuine we can point out the traits we like about a person and in their genuines they can reflect it more often. See who they are and choose if they are a person you want to be with. Love you all and God bless you 🕊️✝️
“Never be nice, be kind”
Right! 👏🏾
What Is the difference?
@@aldelgado9343niceness is superficial, a mask; kindness is true, from the heart
Kind people are often not very nice and nice people are rarely kind. One is internal the other is external. Be kind. ❤
@@kalosopia3313 can you tell me examples of being nice and being kind?
The key is not to find the right person, but to become the right person. When you embody the qualities of the right person, you naturally attract the right people. If there isn't internal readiness to appreciate someone who is good for you, they won't find a place in your life.
I wish that were true. Dating over the decades has led me to a different conclusion.
@@Me97202 I agree. I internalised and learnt a lot about myself. I got to know my patterns and healed myself. I thought I had attracted the right person. After 4 years, I get to know that though I am a right person, that person is not ready for being the right person to me. I wish I had attracted the right person for me. Maybe the Universe is protecting and preparing me for something else .
Jesus is the way truth and life, we gotta get to know a person and be genuine. We shouldn't play with love, it's marriage or nothing, Otherwise we set ourselves or the other for heartbreak. When being genuine we can point out the traits we like about a person and in their genuines they can reflect it more often. See who they are and choose if they are a person you want to be with. Love you all and God bless you 🕊️✝️
I just treat the people the way I would like to be treated. It has been infuriating when people see ulterior motives to that, but I will continue to do so as long as I can, to the end of my days.... at least I hope so.
Jesus is the way truth and life, we gotta get to know a person and be genuine. We shouldn't play with love, it's marriage or nothing, Otherwise we set ourselves or the other for heartbreak. When being genuine we can point out the traits we like about a person and in their genuines they can reflect it more often. See who they are and choose if they are a person you want to be with. Love you all and God bless you 🕊️✝️
This is a complex subject. I think one of the main causes is our distrust and disdain for ourselves. It causes us to question why anyone would be nice to us.
Once you put in the work on yourself, you will gravitate towards nice and kind people ❤
True.
Funny how so many "nice" people refuse to consider how false such "niceness" can be. "I'M sincere, so everyone else must be, as well." No. Just no. You may want to live in a flower garden, but the rest of us have to live in the real world.
@@Serai3 Some people live in a flower garden, because they cultivated it with time & effort.
No-one lives in the whole world, we only have so much time in this life to see a fraction of it, why not fill that short life with more of what we do like & less of what we don't.
Jesus is the way truth and life, we gotta get to know a person and be genuine. We shouldn't play with love, it's marriage or nothing, Otherwise we set ourselves or the other for heartbreak. When being genuine we can point out the traits we like about a person and in their genuines they can reflect it more often. See who they are and choose if they are a person you want to be with. Love you all and God bless you 🕊️✝️
@@Gonz-z14 FLAGGED for spam. What you're doing is against the rules at YT.
My distrust of niceness is from the fact that I've realized it's often not genuine - they don't actually care, they just want to pass this moment nicely and face-save. Time always reveals the truth.
Even if it was as you said "to pass this moment nicely", what exactly is the problem in that?
@@yuzan3607 she’s high on expectation of human behaviour. Such cliché because, don’t she wants to pass this moment nicely, too?
@@yuzan3607 What MsSamareh meant is that some people never tap into their authentic selves in social situations, so to avoid vulnerability while remaining socially acceptable, they present what they think looks like their authentic selves, but is often just a kind-looking hard shell lacking in real humanity but appearing to have it, leading one to feel minorly distrusted and even manipulated in the moment, despite those well-meaning people acting unconsciously from a place of reactive fear.
Those people just need to wake up to the idea that they want to grow and be vulnerable and real in spite of the stuggles of their pasts, and us being empathetic and authentic in every moment is the best we can do to help them. 💙
@@yuzan3607 they dont show their true selves. then a year or two go by and you finally see them for who they are. if they had shown this earlier, it would've saved both of us some time. True self image is by far better than showing a fake face.
@@KevlarKoat I disagree. Sometimes "shielding" people from your vulnerability is a form of kindness. Not everyone needs to see that part of you, nor deal with it. That's when the kind-looking shell, is actually good. Of course you shouldn't use that with the people who are closest to you, but people in the street, a supermarket cashier or a taxi driver don't need to know that you're having a bad day, so being "fake" nice and just "passing the moment nicely" becomes very powerful.
I personally experienced living in two cities with the two extremes, Tokyo and Berlin. In Tokyo, people are VERY "fake" nice and extra polite while in Berlin people are very blunt, if they're having a bad day they WILL let you know. In my opinion when it comes to the relationship with strangers and service workers Tokyo was way more comfortable because even though people were "fake" nice, the vibes were always nice and positive. While in Berlin, a simple task like going to the Bank becomes very stressful because you'll have to deal with angry people, annoyed people, rude people who won't even try to be "nice" even a "fake" nice. I don't know but to me it feels selfish to priorities expressing your authentic feelings over maintaining a relatively "positive" vibe in shared spaces.
Again, I'm not at all talking about very close relationships, there you can show your real self as much as you want.
I personally think it's fake niceness that puts us off not when it's genuine. I love genuine niceness just haven't come across it often
Exactly. Some can, some can't sense authentic niceness - sometimes it's misplaced and sometimes not. Authentic niceness is usually met with caution and rightly so... Sometimes people use niceness to win you round, miss-sell you something (products, services, relationships, etc.), exploit you, or use you in some way in a manipulative and/or deceptive manner.
@bq4416 exactly and that's manipulation not actual niceness. Like even the kiss-ass people, you know we've all worked with a few of them over the years, they're only nice cos they want the kudos, they want the reputation, it's what they want people to believe as opposed to genuine niceness which is when someone is nice because it's their core nature or they feel it right there in the moment and it's not about any of the above. A bit like doing something good because it's the right thing to do as opposed to doing it for the kudos BS that's all over YT and other platforms. Sorry, went off on a tangent then 😄 i just hate seeing videos of people doing nice things when their motive is all wrong. It's about sodding likes and not about doing it because it's the right thing to do (obviously there are educational vodeos which are good but you knowwhat i mean). People should keep good deeds to themselves for that very reason. /aaaaaand inhale 😅
I suspect you've come across far more genuine kindness than you realize. Many people have demons inside them, and are fighting them to be kind. It does not mean they are the demon.
Jesus is the way truth and life, we gotta get to know a person and be genuine. We shouldn't play with love, it's marriage or nothing, Otherwise we set ourselves or the other for heartbreak. When being genuine we can point out the traits we like about a person and in their genuines they can reflect it more often. See who they are and choose if they are a person you want to be with. Love you all and God bless you 🕊️✝️
What’s the difference? I personally don’t care why someone chooses to do right by me, as long as they are. It’s when that stops is when I openly have a problem, personally.
It's honestly sad how niceness is looked down upon nowadays. Every time someone is nice, people always assume it's fake, the person is hiding something much more sinister or they have an ulterior motive. While there are definitely people like that, I think people always assume the worst of nice people. And it's also sad how nice people get taken advantage of sometimes. Their kindness is used against them to the point where they learn that being nice is not a good thing to do, leading them to stop being nice and distrusting other nice people as a result.
There are not enough nice people on this earth.
Jesus is the way truth and life, we gotta get to know a person and be genuine.We shouldn't play with love, it's marriage or nothing, Otherwise we set ourselves or the other for heartbreak. When being genuine we can point out the traits we like about a person and in their genuines they can reflect it more often. See who they are and choose if they are a person you want to be with. Love you all and God bless you 🕊️✝️
I’ve never experienced nausea or repulsion from someone being kind???
I definitely have
it can get scary when someone starts to do TOO many nice things for you in a short time period for seemingly no reason
Seems like you are not the target audience of the video then.
@@de_rby That's your gut talking--the fact is, most people AREN'T that nice and have ulterior motives if they're acting that way.
People who have been too nice “repel” me because they don’t understand boundaries. Sometimes I don’t want all the gifts, daily check ins, unprompted home visits. Sometimes I just want space. This is just my understanding from what I’ve Benny through.
10 years of therapy later, all I want is kind, lovely, self-aware people around me ❤
Jesus is the way truth and life, we gotta get to know a person and be genuine. We shouldn't play with love, it's marriage or nothing, Otherwise we set ourselves or the other for heartbreak. When being genuine we can point out the traits we like about a person and in their genuines they can reflect it more often. See who they are and choose if they are a person you want to be with. Love you all and God bless you 🕊️✝️
Imagine being married to someone who was scared of kindness😢
Jesus is the way truth and life, we gotta get to know a person and be genuine. We shouldn't play with love, it's marriage or nothing, Otherwise we set ourselves or the other for heartbreak. When being genuine we can point out the traits we like about a person and in their genuines they can reflect it more often. See who they are and choose if they are a person you want to be with. Love you all and God bless you 🕊️✝️
When someone is genuinely nice, it wakes in me a desire to be nice to them. I don't get the same urge around people that are faking it. I'm neurodivergent so my body mirrors other people's energy without me actively thinking about it. Nice people should be protected at all costs, there's not a lot of them out there, maybe they're hiding lol
That reaction is understandable if it is inauthentic and/or coming from a place of desperation, such as a suckup.
Jesus is the way truth and life, we gotta get to know a person and be genuine. We shouldn't play with love, it's marriage or nothing, Otherwise we set ourselves or the other for heartbreak. When being genuine we can point out the traits we like about a person and in their genuines they can reflect it more often. See who they are and choose if they are a person you want to be with. Love you all and God bless you 🕊️✝️
Only if it’s not genuine! Otherwise it’s good to deal with kind and considerate ppl ❤
Jesus is the way truth and life, we gotta get to know a person and be genuine.We shouldn't play with love, it's marriage or nothing, Otherwise we set ourselves or the other for heartbreak. When being genuine we can point out the traits we like about a person and in their genuines they can reflect it more often. See who they are and choose if they are a person you want to be with. Love you all and God bless you 🕊️✝️
Nice people like myself repel:
Narcissist
Manipulator
Sociopath
Psychopath
Victimizers
People pleaser
Low key we just stayed home and don't socialize outside.
Exactly!
The bubble-boy analogy springs to mind here. Accepting vulnerability exposes you to the risks of being hurt, but offers so much more of what makes our lives wonderful. Try it!
Damn right, that’s our superpower
Nice people attract such bad people
I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. I get it, honestly. But there are tons of awesome people out there feeling just as wary about running into those toxic personalities. I've been there myself. At some point, I realized I just had to draw the line with those who were being downright mean or unreasonable. If you shut yourself off, you're gonna miss out on meeting some really great people!
That's a problem I just don't have. The nicer the hotter.
Living in a dog eat dog society it has come to my attention that a lot of people take Kindness for Weakness. I believe the contrary; Kindness is Strength
Jesus is the way truth and life, we gotta get to know a person and be genuine.We shouldn't play with love, it's marriage or nothing, Otherwise we set ourselves or the other for heartbreak. When being genuine we can point out the traits we like about a person and in their genuines they can reflect it more often. See who they are and choose if they are a person you want to be with. Love you all and God bless you 🕊️✝️
nice people repel us because we have perverted the meaning of what it means to be a nice human.
Jesus is the way truth and life, we gotta get to know a person and be genuine. We shouldn't play with love, it's marriage or nothing, Otherwise we set ourselves or the other for heartbreak. When being genuine we can point out the traits we like about a person and in their genuines they can reflect it more often. See who they are and choose if they are a person you want to be with. Love you all and God bless you 🕊️✝️
so, if you are not religious you cannot be a good person?@@Gonz-z14
I've shared this with a lot of my friends. A lot of them have been surprised by the realisation that they were guilty of this. Thank you so much for this. It's been informative and helpful.
Jesus is the way truth and life, we gotta get to know a person and be genuine.We shouldn't play with love, it's marriage or nothing, Otherwise we set ourselves or the other for heartbreak. When being genuine we can point out the traits we like about a person and in their genuines they can reflect it more often. See who they are and choose if they are a person you want to be with. Love you all and God bless you 🕊️✝️
What a hell we're living in, insecurities and mental issues reject positivity and look and expect trouble
Jesus is the way truth and life, we gotta get to know a person and be genuine.We shouldn't play with love, it's marriage or nothing, Otherwise we set ourselves or the other for heartbreak. When being genuine we can point out the traits we like about a person and in their genuines they can reflect it more often. See who they are and choose if they are a person you want to be with. Love you all and God bless you 🕊️✝️
What happens if you’re not nice AND you still repel people?
@@ekram1v135what is that 6
it means you're surrounded by mentally healthy people.
....i mean did people watch the video or what.
Jesus is the way truth and life, we gotta get to know a person and be genuine. We shouldn't play with love, it's marriage or nothing, Otherwise we set ourselves or the other for heartbreak. When being genuine we can point out the traits we like about a person and in their genuines they can reflect it more often. See who they are and choose if they are a person you want to be with. Love you all and God bless you 🕊️✝️
Perfectly sums up what I have been feeling lately, that life may not be as "cold, isolated or frightening" is scary if the opposite of that has been your only reality for a significant period of time. It is a sudden invalidation of past sufferings, re-mourning the things that have been lost and living with the knowledge that perhaps they didn't need to be lost...that life was simple and easy all along...
Jesus is the way truth and life, we gotta get to know a person and be genuine.We shouldn't play with love, it's marriage or nothing, Otherwise we set ourselves or the other for heartbreak. When being genuine we can point out the traits we like about a person and in their genuines they can reflect it more often. See who they are and choose if they are a person you want to be with. Love you all and God bless you 🕊️✝️
A recent girlfriend used to _badmouth_ some of the nice guys she’d dated in the past. She had _contempt_ for their niceness. It was my first clue something was wrong with her.
Jesus is the way truth and life, we gotta get to know a person and be genuine. We shouldn't play with love, it's marriage or nothing, Otherwise we set ourselves or the other for heartbreak. When being genuine we can point out the traits we like about a person and in their genuines they can reflect it more often.See who they are and choose if they are a person you want to be with. Love you all and God bless you 🕊️✝️
It's weird to get scared of people being too nice. Like, what if they're actually just good people?
Jesus is the way truth and life, we gotta get to know a person and be genuine. We shouldn't play with love, it's marriage or nothing, Otherwise we set ourselves or the other for heartbreak. When being genuine we can point out the traits we like about a person and in their genuines they can reflect it more often. See who they are and choose if they are a person you want to be with. Love you all and God bless you 🕊️✝️
For real, though!
Ask women. I have heard it more than a dozen times. "He is too nice!" 😅 Then few years later: "why do I attract only the toxic guys? Where are the good guys?". They never change. Mid 30's and story repeats itself "He is too nice to me" 😅
@@HCforLife1 Might be about trust issues. Genuine kindness may seem too good to be true
I was abused and neglected in my childhood and beyond, yet I´ve never once met anyone who was repulsed and nauseated by seeing or experiencing an act of kindness. I had so few moments of kindness in life, I can count each one and consider them blessings in my life. I love kind people because we all know it takes effort to stay calm, patient and considerate with ourselves and others. #TheGoldenRule
Jesus is the way truth and life, we gotta get to know a person and be genuine.We shouldn't play with love, it's marriage or nothing, Otherwise we set ourselves or the other for heartbreak. When being genuine we can point out the traits we like about a person and in their genuines they can reflect it more often. See who they are and choose if they are a person you want to be with. Love you all and God bless you 🕊️✝️
I’m a southern Spaniard living in south east England and I sometimes feel people can’t trust my cultural warmth, or that it is perceived as a weakness of character (being naive, etc)
"He is too nice!" Every woman on the planet 😂😂😂😅
I'll take the presence of a kind & alive human than a loud & closed off human anytime
Kind people are often not very nice and nice people are rarely kind. One is internal the other is external. Be kind. ❤
I do not think that is the point of the video, but depends on the definition of the words.
What? Nice and kind are synonyms? What I personally noticed is that most people who are nice, are simply nice.
The people y'all considered nice, were never nice to begin with.
What do you mean kind people are not often very nice? It’s sad to think someone did something to you that wasn’t very nice and just labeled it as “an act of kindness.” Now, that is unkind!
Jesus is the way truth and life, we gotta get to know a person and be genuine. We shouldn't play with love, it's marriage or nothing, Otherwise we set ourselves or the other for heartbreak. When being genuine we can point out the traits we like about a person and in their genuines they can reflect it more often. See who they are and choose if they are a person you want to be with. Love you all and God bless you 🕊️✝️
@@Dotsetcnice and kind are not synonyms. Kindness has always meant what it means. Etymologically related to words like kin and kindred. Nice used to mean docile and dumb.
I never thought I'd see the day Alain de Botton used the word ick.
Jesus is the way truth and life, we gotta get to know a person and be genuine. We shouldn't play with love, it's marriage or nothing, Otherwise we set ourselves or the other for heartbreak. When being genuine we can point out the traits we like about a person and in their genuines they can reflect it more often. See who they are and choose if they are a person you want to be with. Love you all and God bless you 🕊️✝️
Yup, thats my sister, all the nice boys were stupid and boring, and she ended up with the alcoholic.
Very sad that nice people are rejected..so few of them around😢
Videos like this make me feel so depressed. I only watch out of curiosity and then find myself feeling low. 😑
This is the way how we can relive the loneliness of our childhood over and over again haha
I also think that niceness (in contrast to kindness) comes across as disingenuous, because the nice person is essentially saying that "I will cater to you to win your approval so that your approval will give me the self-worth I so blatantly lack". And this, unfortunately, does not invite respect. What we advertise as our self-worth determines how much others will value us.
Normal people like nice people they do not dislike them. This video is about people with mental problems.
This.
Normal people tends to put themselves into the spotlight😅
yes. well done. you watched the video. It's literallty 4 minutes of explaining why a neglectful childhood is making you feel like that and solutions to the problem.
Jesus is the way truth and life, we gotta get to know a person and be genuine. We shouldn't play with love, it's marriage or nothing, Otherwise we set ourselves or the other for heartbreak. When being genuine we can point out the traits we like about a person and in their genuines they can reflect it more often. See who they are and choose if they are a person you want to be with. Love you all and God bless you 🕊️✝️
It's to do with nurture and childhood. Normal people aren't suspicious of nice people because they had a healthy upbringing. People that are repelled by niceness have possibly encountered a person that gained their trust with niceness then used it against them.
So yeah, mental problem. If 'niceness' is suspicious to a person, that person needs to go to therapy.
I will continue to be nice, it is about where I stand as a person and being true to myself not others.
Jesus is the way truth and life, we gotta get to know a person and be genuine.We shouldn't play with love, it's marriage or nothing, Otherwise we set ourselves or the other for heartbreak. When being genuine we can point out the traits we like about a person and in their genuines they can reflect it more often. See who they are and choose if they are a person you want to be with. Love you all and God bless you 🕊️✝️
As a young man, constantly hearing the phrase "nice guys finish last" has filled me with insecurities, always feeling like maybe my ideals and values are naive and childish.
Quote from "Road House" (1989) "Be nice until it's time not to be nice." Using the wrong virtue at the wrong time sets you up for failure. Yet take that advice along with the proverb "You need to take life as it comes, and you must also make life the way you want to take it." Respect to you.
Jesus is the way truth and life, we gotta get to know a person and be genuine. We shouldn't play with love, it's marriage or nothing, Otherwise we set ourselves or the other for heartbreak. When being genuine we can point out the traits we like about a person and in their genuines they can reflect it more often. See who they are and choose if they are a person you want to be with. Love you all and God bless you 🕊️✝️
i think you can be genuinely kind and still act nice, like honesty doesn't not necessarily mean to be said brutally
Jesus is the way truth and life, we gotta get to know a person and be genuine.We shouldn't play with love, it's marriage or nothing, Otherwise we set ourselves or the other for heartbreak. When being genuine we can point out the traits we like about a person and in their genuines they can reflect it more often. See who they are and choose if they are a person you want to be with. Love you all and God bless you 🕊️✝️
Insecure people with low self esteem don’t like “nice people”, especially if they were raised by angry or abusive parents. They don’t trust “nice” because they don’t think they deserve it.
It is a very interesting point you bring up. I have been confronted with nasty reactions and called a number of horrible names for being kind to other people and I am always perplexed by this reaction from other people. I refuse to behave in any other way because that is just the way I was brought up.
I relate to this, but it seems like a curse though, however much i want to be someone who’s cruel, i can’t get myself to be that person.
Nice vs Kind is a distinction without a difference.
Yikes! I definitely don't want to be around people that are so damaged that being nice or pleasant is a bad thing.
Once I started setting boundaries, I became less nice, but more kind...is something that I think Brene Braun said. That image of the woman vomiting continuously though! 😅
Jesus is the way truth and life, we gotta get to know a person and be genuine.We shouldn't play with love, it's marriage or nothing, Otherwise we set ourselves or the other for heartbreak. When being genuine we can point out the traits we like about a person and in their genuines they can reflect it more often. See who they are and choose if they are a person you want to be with. Love you all and God bless you 🕊️✝️
I had to listen to this so many times to unpack the wisdom that is condensed into 4 mins.
Jesus is the way truth and life, we gotta get to know a person and be genuine. We shouldn't play with love, it's marriage or nothing, Otherwise we set ourselves or the other for heartbreak. When being genuine we can point out the traits we like about a person and in their genuines they can reflect it more often.See who they are and choose if they are a person you want to be with. Love you all and God bless you 🕊️✝️
People that are constantly only nice I find deeply inauthentic and shallow.
First of all, nobody is constantly nice and if you think someone is constantly nice, you have not spent enough time with them to make that judgment. Then, your comment underscores the whole point of the video: you have clearly been hurt deeply enough in your life to not only over-generalise those you label as ‘constantly nice’, but to, sadly, instead of recognising and acknowledging your trauma-filtered point of view about them as the true cause of your discomfort, you name-call them with terms that are not only profoundly hurtful to the other party, but, in fact, likely the complete opposite of the character that they are presenting to you. You need to redo your assignment.
@@peteroo31
First of all, no one was aware there was an assignment from you; triggered nothwithstanding
Trauma indeed...
Exhale...
You're not that important.
LOL
If people are repulsed by kindness then so be it. I don't care.
Being a nice person is Diamond. Not everyone deserves them. Never surrender your niceness with people's bad choices. Staying solo is better than being with mentally ill person.
I think that's the first time I chuckled through an intro to a SoL video. Thank you, Alain.
On a serious note, better a horrendous first date that to discover this was a significant contributor to 30 yrs of relationship discontent and resultant resentment. Once again, thank you, Alain...
Jesus is the way truth and life, we gotta get to know a person and be genuine. We shouldn't play with love, it's marriage or nothing, Otherwise we set ourselves or the other for heartbreak. When being genuine we can point out the traits we like about a person and in their genuines they can reflect it more often.See who they are and choose if they are a person you want to be with. Love you all and God bless you 🕊️✝️
Many people are out for themselves and are fake and shady and when we meet someone who is genuine and real we get suspicious because it’s not the norm. The song “Head Over Feet” by Alanis Morisette has a lyric that speaks to this: “You treat me like I'm a princess I’m not used to liking that”. This lyric is clear that unfortunately most people aren’t used to good partners 💔. The song goes onto sing that she’s never felt this healthy before and has never wanted something rational. She then asks herself what took her so long to realize her best friend was the love of her life. Her kind best guy friend was standing in front of her all this time and only now has she realized he’s always been perfect for her. Some women take good men for granted and friend zone them because they want the bad boy.
I also think some people dislike kind partners because they get jealous of them because they know deep down they’re cunts and don’t deserve a kind person. This person needs to work on themselves in therapy.
Also, some people have a penchant for always pursuing assholes. When this person stops pursuing and lets themselves be pursued they might attract a kind person. Since they’re used to being in control as the pursuer and since they pursue assholes, they’re not used to sitting back and being pursued by a nice person and, in turn, may reject the nice person because that person doesn’t possess the shitty personality they’re used to dating.
Jesus is the way truth and life, we gotta get to know a person and be genuine.We shouldn't play with love, it's marriage or nothing, Otherwise we set ourselves or the other for heartbreak. When being genuine we can point out the traits we like about a person and in their genuines they can reflect it more often. See who they are and choose if they are a person you want to be with. Love you all and God bless you 🕊️✝️
I always believe in being kind to everyone, regardless. And that's makes me sad because I cannot accept the same from anyone else. And I am moved when when someone is helping me.
0:24 worst she can say is No
Lmaoooo
Jesus is the way truth and life, we gotta get to know a person and be genuine. We shouldn't play with love, it's marriage or nothing, Otherwise we set ourselves or the other for heartbreak. When being genuine we can point out the traits we like about a person and in their genuines they can reflect it more often.See who they are and choose if they are a person you want to be with. Love you all and God bless you 🕊️✝️
I remember when I made genuinely warm and emotionally mature friends and I felt this feeling. But rationally I knew it was ridiculous. But after much self-development, self-acceptance, and certainly their influence, it is now a wonderful gift I am grateful for.
they were good looking or not compared to peoples that used to be around you before them ? please answer, its for a theory
To everyone thinking this is unusual, its not. Nobody in the world is 'just nice'. Choosing a 'just nice' person for a partner has been dangerous for our race in the past, because when we found out how they really feel, it was already too late. When a partner does not try to attract us on purpose, yet you somehow see yourself wanting to keep them around. You know there is nothing to be afraid of here, they didnt trick you, they didnt play games, they just existed and you liked that.
Think of the last nice person you just couldnt feel anything for, no matter how hard you tried. They were always nice, but they only did that, because they thought you would like them more. But what ended up happening is that their relationship with you progressed much faster than your relationship with them, because they saw all sides of you, but you only saw one of them.
Jesus is the way truth and life, we gotta get to know a person and be genuine.We shouldn't play with love, it's marriage or nothing, Otherwise we set ourselves or the other for heartbreak. When being genuine we can point out the traits we like about a person and in their genuines they can reflect it more often. See who they are and choose if they are a person you want to be with. Love you all and God bless you 🕊️✝️
@@Gonz-z14 calm down. Not everything should end in marriage. But I agree that at the start of a relationship, it should at least be a possible outcome.
Great content! Your explanations are so clear, and I learned a lot from this video.
Jesus is the way truth and life, we gotta get to know a person and be genuine. We shouldn't play with love, it's marriage or nothing, Otherwise we set ourselves or the other for heartbreak. When being genuine we can point out the traits we like about a person and in their genuines they can reflect it more often.See who they are and choose if they are a person you want to be with. Love you all and God bless you 🕊️✝️
I’ve always been known as a pure soul and a kind person. I’ve always wondered why people ghost me when I thought things were going so well. Then after a couple months they try to come back and apologize saying how no one’s treated them the way I have. I’m someone who moves on fast bc life waits for no one but I just wish someone would just stay for once. I don’t want to get hurt then be left with a decision to take someone back or not all the time
It requires us knowing and accepting ourselves well, to let in love and set boundaries.
How interesting! I remember after a rant from my ex partner about how boring I was as part of a list of the reasons why he was so unhappy with me I asked him if there was something good about me he could come up with...well you're "nice" he said with a look of utter disgust and contempt on his face. This video, six years on has explained it all! Maybe needless to say we are not together anymore and also I have ended up not trusting anyone. My relationship is in my head, I make no moves towards anyone, it's safer to just have an imaginary lover, they can't turn on you. Everyone I look at I think will turn on me eventually.
This resonated with me deeply. Whenever I meet someone new, I’m not excited and giddy. I think about how long and in what way they will betray my trust, or just walk away.
In these modern times with the world wide web there's too much choice, some people can't relax and "work" with what they've got. If it's any consolation they're no happier than we are, they're always thinking there's something better around the corner or just look on the screen at the apparent choice available!
Jesus is the way truth and life, we gotta get to know a person and be genuine. We shouldn't play with love, it's marriage or nothing, Otherwise we set ourselves or the other for heartbreak. When being genuine we can point out the traits we like about a person and in their genuines they can reflect it more often.See who they are and choose if they are a person you want to be with. Love you all and God bless you 🕊️✝️
School of life, providing just what I am needing to hear... As always
“There’s no end of fun to be had turning minor disasters into dark wit.” Kachunk! Another puzzle piece falls into place.
Jesus is the way truth and life, we gotta get to know a person and be genuine.We shouldn't play with love, it's marriage or nothing, Otherwise we set ourselves or the other for heartbreak. When being genuine we can point out the traits we like about a person and in their genuines they can reflect it more often. See who they are and choose if they are a person you want to be with. Love you all and God bless you 🕊️✝️
In attachment theory, this might explain the avoidant attachment style it seems.
I know a couple people that appear to be nice at first but it is only a device to get you on their side and once their over niceness is rejected they turn nasty.
Yes, i’ve had that too.
Jesus is the way truth and life, we gotta get to know a person and be genuine.We shouldn't play with love, it's marriage or nothing, Otherwise we set ourselves or the other for heartbreak. When being genuine we can point out the traits we like about a person and in their genuines they can reflect it more often. See who they are and choose if they are a person you want to be with. Love you all and God bless you 🕊️✝️
That there is no scarcity of popular videos here on YT telling people "not to be a nice guy" or "nice people finish last" tells me there are a lot of people who had childhoods where love was lacking.
I can very much relate to the content of this video which just confirms what I have suspected for a while.
Kind people are more fun... Toxic people are a chore
It's actually hard being a kind person for this reason. People write you off as boring all the time no matter who you are or what you've seen. They see all kindness as "niceness", and no matter how much you genuinely care, they avoid you. The secret of actually caring about people is to seek their good no matter how it concerns you. Then you can surrender the results.
Thanks for that, I thought it was going to be another vid against nice people, but it turned out to be a very interesting view. ❤
Remember that the connotations between "nice" and "kind" are different. A good person and a nice person may also be different.
Jesus is the way truth and life, we gotta get to know a person and be genuine.We shouldn't play with love, it's marriage or nothing, Otherwise we set ourselves or the other for heartbreak. When being genuine we can point out the traits we like about a person and in their genuines they can reflect it more often. See who they are and choose if they are a person you want to be with. Love you all and God bless you 🕊️✝️
I've never felt this way about kindness but more so I'm scared of failing someone I love. which stops me from falling in love. I like this video though it sheds light on to people who might be purely nice by nature and how they're displayed to people who think of nice people like this.
Jesus is the way truth and life, we gotta get to know a person and be genuine. We shouldn't play with love, it's marriage or nothing, Otherwise we set ourselves or the other for heartbreak. When being genuine we can point out the traits we like about a person and in their genuines they can reflect it more often.See who they are and choose if they are a person you want to be with. Love you all and God bless you 🕊️✝️
It depends on the type of nice
Jesus is the way truth and life, we gotta get to know a person and be genuine.We shouldn't play with love, it's marriage or nothing, Otherwise we set ourselves or the other for heartbreak. When being genuine we can point out the traits we like about a person and in their genuines they can reflect it more often. See who they are and choose if they are a person you want to be with. Love you all and God bless you 🕊️✝️
Survived over a decade in retail due to mostly enjoying being in the company of people and helping them. I am highly agreeable, jovial/ playful, positive, make a special effort to be a great listener and greet every customer at the door like your dog does. People HATE me.
I understand you man, for the past 18 years i have been nothing but kind to almost everyone, and people seem to resent me, or look down on me atleast. I think there’s something quite malicious about people if it’s regarding nice people. It’s a cruel world, but perhaps we reflect parts of people’s personality that they lack
@@Forit26 I hear ya brother. There’s probably a perfectly valid evolutionary theory to explain it. For most of our history, humans lived in tribes of between 50-200 people with 50% being female. Where does a ‘nice’ Male fit in? He doesn’t. He’d be useless for fighting off other tribes or protecting against predators. He wouldn’t be competing in the hierarchy for status so women wouldn’t desire them. I’m surprised people like ourselves exist at all.
Or maybe it’s the Ned Flanders effect. All of our resentment is hidden behind a smile. I guess that makes us dangerous. 😂
I am a kind person...I have worked hard on my security and emotional maturity. I practice DBT and the skills now are ingrained in me. But it doesn't matter if everyone around me is suspicious of that or unwilling to also learn some skills for right relationship. I am mostly alone because of this, even with my friends and family. I think my optimism and solution focused nature (as opposed to learned helplessness) is off-putting and even annoying at times. I'm trying not to become too avoidant myself now from so many failed attempts at genuine connection. I will try to keep going ♡ Thank-you for the video, much appreciated!
I’m in this position. So strange how off-putting kindness can be. This just blew me away. 😧I’ve seriously been shocked into a real reality check with this video. So much of my life is now making sense.
It’s kind of creeping me out, knowing how sad people really are, as I’m walking around town, being my smiling, friendly self.
Jesus is the way truth and life, we gotta get to know a person and be genuine. We shouldn't play with love, it's marriage or nothing, Otherwise we set ourselves or the other for heartbreak. When being genuine we can point out the traits we like about a person and in their genuines they can reflect it more often.See who they are and choose if they are a person you want to be with. Love you all and God bless you 🕊️✝️
be very careful to call someone naive. Maybe they are still following dreams you gave up.
Jesus is the way truth and life, we gotta get to know a person and be genuine. We shouldn't play with love, it's marriage or nothing, Otherwise we set ourselves or the other for heartbreak. When being genuine we can point out the traits we like about a person and in their genuines they can reflect it more often. See who they are and choose if they are a person you want to be with.Love you all and God bless you 🕊️✝️
I’ve been thinking about this a lot because the guy I just walked away from shared how he still was a bit heartbroken over a girl who he described as “super cold” and “never acknowledged my effort or when I showed I cared”, but he showed very little interest in me or passion towards our connection, when I was so sweet/nurturing/understanding to him. Definitely made me feel like, damn so maybe we do need to play it cool to get someone to like us. But I think the truth is we both got the same shit going on. He’s stuck on that girl because she didn’t give him love freely, and I was chasing him because he wasn’t giving it to me freely. Sadly, when someone genuinely gives me the love and attention I desire, it makes me nervous and I lose interest. I’ve been like that since I was a kid. I’ll have a big crush on a guy and as soon as he likes me back, I run.
Have you spoken to a therapist about that? It's a serious question because if your constantly chasing a guy who doesn't give the attention your giving him, it'll never work.
Jesus is the way truth and life, we gotta get to know a person and be genuine. We shouldn't play with love, it's marriage or nothing, Otherwise we set ourselves or the other for heartbreak. When being genuine we can point out the traits we like about a person and in their genuines they can reflect it more often.See who they are and choose if they are a person you want to be with. Love you all and God bless you 🕊️✝️
Truly resonating .
Jesus is the way truth and life, we gotta get to know a person and be genuine. We shouldn't play with love, it's marriage or nothing, Otherwise we set ourselves or the other for heartbreak. When being genuine we can point out the traits we like about a person and in their genuines they can reflect it more often.See who they are and choose if they are a person you want to be with. Love you all and God bless you 🕊️✝️
can't relate to nausea from experiencing kindness , didn't grew up this way
It’s interesting. I see talks regarding this. Funny, it never makes me uncomfortable when someone is nice
I was always the nice person. I had to learn to not people please because there’s a difference.
As always ❤ I appreciate the video
They help so many of us.
Jesus is the way truth and life, we gotta get to know a person and be genuine. We shouldn't play with love, it's marriage or nothing, Otherwise we set ourselves or the other for heartbreak. When being genuine we can point out the traits we like about a person and in their genuines they can reflect it more often.See who they are and choose if they are a person you want to be with. Love you all and God bless you 🕊️✝️
Superficial niceness to fit in, mask, hide, manipulate... encourages the genuinely nice people to metaphorically put their arm on the shoulder of the superficial ones and say "hey, it's ok [now drop the superficiality so I can see you and lift your spirits]." ☺
Beautifully said!
I'm a straight woman. Nice and kind men are what I'm attracted to. If they're not kind, that's a deal breaker.
Thank you!
I'm just going to keep being nice. I don't mind if it leads to being alone. When you try to be something you're not, it will just lead to unhappiness. I just feel like you should be honest, whether you're nice or not. If they don't appreciate the kindness then it's not a match, and that's ok. If I tried to be something that I'm not, that would just make me either a psychopath or desperate, not necessarily mutually exclusive. Being something that you're not seems like a lot of work. If the other person is so embittered that they don't appreciate kindness, that may not be somebody you want to put a lot of effort into. It will be more of an uphill battle than what it's worth. Be yourself and be honest. A lot of it has to do with your physical attractiveness anyway. You have a little bit of control over that, but not a lot. In other words if you're attractive and nice, they will be more receptive to you. If you are unattractive and nice then they will be repulsed by you. If you are attractive and not so nice, they will find you interesting. It's not as complicated as we all make it out to be. We just need to look in the mirror and be honest with our level of attractiveness. Luckily, studies show that if you are a man, you are more honest about your level of attractiveness than women are. Smile, and be yourself. You only have one skin to live in.
People are initially suspicious of overly nice people. Then find a way to take advantage of a pure heart. This world is predatory by nature, I suggest being kind to only those who deserve it.
Or, nice people are just nice. I'd rather be with someone who is nice than someone who isnt x100.
If you have an issue with someone being nice, it should say something about yourself that it makes you uncomfortable.
Jesus is the way truth and life, we gotta get to know a person and be genuine.We shouldn't play with love, it's marriage or nothing, Otherwise we set ourselves or the other for heartbreak. When being genuine we can point out the traits we like about a person and in their genuines they can reflect it more often. See who they are and choose if they are a person you want to be with. Love you all and God bless you 🕊️✝️
Even worse when the ones mistreating those who are kind had love and those who are kind are kind precisely bc they didn't have that and don't want to treat others the way they have been treated
Not what you said... but it sounds like a fascinating dynamic to have 2 hurt people, one who reacted to that trauma by becoming your latter "nice" person, and the other who reacted to the trauma by distrusting nice people (as the video portrays). How would they find common ground, what would that look like; And would a relationship with each-other change them or could it just work successfully as they are?
There's probably a ton of love stories like this (there's gotta be, right?), but i'm having a mind-blank 🤷🏻♀.
Oh, maybe a lot of "Taming of the shrew" stories are like that.
Jesus is the way truth and life, we gotta get to know a person and be genuine. We shouldn't play with love, it's marriage or nothing, Otherwise we set ourselves or the other for heartbreak. When being genuine we can point out the traits we like about a person and in their genuines they can reflect it more often.See who they are and choose if they are a person you want to be with. Love you all and God bless you 🕊️✝️
If people are repelled by those that are genuinely nice and not fake "nice", then it's a very sick and dysfunctional society indeed. That and people who believe deep down they don't deserve love and respect and are therefore turned away from it, preferring people who will treat them badly because it's what they know.
We only accept the treatment we think we deserve and we think its easier to have never loved at all instead of risking heartbreak. These are both self sabotage. These perspectives, resulting behaviour changes and therefore resulting life changes are possible in anyone who bravely and vulnerably seeks them. Therapy is where i would start. Goodluck to all
Jesus is the way truth and life, we gotta get to know a person and be genuine. We shouldn't play with love, it's marriage or nothing, Otherwise we set ourselves or the other for heartbreak. When being genuine we can point out the traits we like about a person and in their genuines they can reflect it more often.See who they are and choose if they are a person you want to be with. Love you all and God bless you 🕊️✝️
Now this is a reaction I've never had: I feel you can (eventually) tell when someone is being genuinely nice or manipulative (it basically boils down to whether they're trying to get you to do something or not). It doesn't make sense to react negatively to a positive thing, unless you judge you're being deceived (or unless you judge yourself not worthy of it).
Jesus is the way truth and life, we gotta get to know a person and be genuine. We shouldn't play with love, it's marriage or nothing, Otherwise we set ourselves or the other for heartbreak. When being genuine we can point out the traits we like about a person and in their genuines they can reflect it more often.See who they are and choose if they are a person you want to be with. Love you all and God bless you 🕊️✝️