I did the same thing. Whenever someone in a store was nice to me I cried and cried. That spoke volumes to me at how poorly I was treated by my husband of 25 years. Praise God that I left. It had reached the point that I was more afraid of staying than I was of leaving.
This one hit me hard. Turns out I am a good person, I am a good cook, I am not a waste of space, and people do like to hear my stories. The rediscovery of myself has been one of the most joyful times of my entire life!
May I please add...If you have been raised in this, you more than likely have chosen friends (or they have chosen you) who have narcissistic tendencies. And once you realize that and begin to get free and heal, life my begin to feel and look bleak and lonely. The temptation will be to run back, be quiet and assume the old role for the sole purpose of companionship. But can I say in all tenderness - Don’t do it. Please take the time to see it through. What awaits on the other side is a peace you have never experienced and a sense of knowing that you are a good person. Thank you, Dr, Carter, for this video today. It is perfect timing and another confirmation that I am TRULY on a good and right path to wholeness❣️
If you really love yourself and you have a full cup of internal self validation, you will be contented being on your own. If your cup is deficient of internal self validation, you will be susceptible to looking to outside sources for you validation. It is better to be alone than go back to the narc to try and get validation. You already know the narc will devalue rather than validate you.
So true. I realized - all my friends were just like my mom. When I shared that my mom is a covert narc, they're just ignoring me, avoiding me or changing the topic. My bestie was my mom's flying monkey. She just ghosted when I shared. But, I have moved on. I'm making new friends. And as my mom has passed away on 5th July and world is undegoing covid, things are shifting. I had lived a life alone so it's nothing new. But as my mom had destroyed me enough that I'm free - this is challenging. There is rattle. But the biggest rattle is silent.
Almost 30 years with a covert narc. Had no idea what I was dealing with. The longer we have been together, the worse he has gotten. Easy to anger, judgemental, know it all, critical, grudge holding, silent treatment, denial, projection, lacks empathy and accountability. So heartbreaking.
You’re so strong for surviving that long . I’ve been going through it for 7 months and it was literally destroying me ...until I came across videos like these !
@@lc-bb6bd With hindsight I wish that my ex covert narc had walked out on me. Instead we stayed together and I ran.. That was 2 years ago after 35 years together. Look at it as a blessing...
I can relate to this. The lack of trust with yourself. I'm personally choosing to stay single and educate myself. I've accepted that it'll take some time. Considering that I'm 34 and so many people in my family are pushing me to get married, it can be difficult sometimes to be patient. But it's worth putting in the work and having patience if it leads to finally finding the person that will give you the love you deserve and vice versa.
I have tried to put all trust in God (I am not a religious fanatic). My present circumstances in the midst of separation, have left me a blank map. I refuse to lash out in spite or vengeance. I just heard "love wins, love always wins!"......i will be that person. Thank-you Dr. Carter, you are God sent.
agreed, and He will lead you out of narcisstic relationships if asked and will give you clarity when/if you doubt you are doing the right thing. (At least that's what I've found) He wants us to love people, but that doesn't mean having them in your life sometimes!
I have responded poorly at times, but I think about my responses and may have regrets. I think about the things I do. I see no indication that the narcissist EVER regrets any behavior no matter how inappropriate.
Meg Gallucci That’s how normal people respond. I did all the self-reflection in our marriage. Now I know the only mistake I made was ever letting him bully me a second time.
Same here. I end up apologizing for things that actually sound ridiculous coming out of my mouth. I really miss the string and independent and respectful person I was before him. I have zero hope left. I'm so exhausted that I've given in. He will control me whether married or divorced. There is no escaping it and I am now too mentally weak to leave.
@@hurricaneking7420 The narsisstic person feeds on the engagement of arguing. Don't engage. Starve them! Tell them that "YOU are not responsible for their anger." Those words actually shut them up for a while or throw them off. It is empowering, and when that worked, I began my search for more ways to take back control of who I am. Recognize the controlling behaviours, and hear that this channel has excellent advice on what to do. Keep listening to the channel and use the very words of advice it offers. Another absolutely HUGE turning point for me was that I started taking "Ashwagandha." I HIGHLY recommend it. Wow does it help put balance back in your body. It also helps immensely with experiencing quality sleep. So much that the "stressful person" in my life was curious about it, and now takes it too. There is so much less rage now directed at me and the kids. Ashwagandha helps balance hormones. No side effects. Cortisol levels are stabilized along with other hormones. It is even an anti-inflammatory! Educate yourself on Ashwagandha and check with your doctor to make sure it's right for you. You have a special place in my heart because your words sounded just like my words about a month ago. I will keep you in my prayers. You got this! I refuse to feed the narsisstic/psychopathic people in my life anymore!
Here's my personal favorite: they never help you make an important decision, you have to make them by yourself. So, when things go wrong they can blame you!
Dr. C, your kindness and genuine caring for us is apparent, especially when you get a little emotional. Thank you letting me/us see that a good man is so much more than I'm/we're accustomed too. I say us and we because I believe that even though our circumstances are unique, the effects we live with are known to all survivors of psychological abuse. I praise GOD for you. Crying healing tears, again.
Really he is such a blessing in this world.. Such a kind and nice and good hearted person.. With a lot of positivity shining from him, Really i wish if i am living near to his place. God bless him🌹❤️
I agree I feel grateful to have Dr Les Carter enlighten me to the pshcologicol affects of Narcissism and I feel so much healing from listening to his videos.
I went no contact eight months ago! I was on a pink cloud for two weeks. Then all those feelings and questions started to emerge and I was devastated! I’m on a course of getting better and healthier, that’s for sure! I’m 65 and I really don’t believe I am lovable. That’s why I’ve been single my whole life. My narcissist rob me of my entire life! I’m taking a 21 day codependent course and I’m really learning a lot about me! 🦋SURVIVOR🦋 Yay Team Healthy 👏 Dignity, Respect and Civility.
Being with a covert narc. is like trying to paddle upstream...with no oars! Yes, Dr. C., I lost myself for awhile in the abuse & madness, but I'm back, thanks to you. I can not leave soon enough. I "like me" and know that I am kind and caring. He is not. I do not wish to spend any more ti.e or energy on this sad creature. It is sad that most people won't know the truth, but so be it. I'm fighting for me & won't waste time trying to sway opinion. Thank you for so selflessly giving. You are a gift. Kudos.
@@juliecopen2438 - hi Julie! All of us here in Dr. Carter's community know how overwhelming it can be when you first start understanding the abuse you've endured. But knowledge is truth & very powerful, it is the key to be able to heal. Some videos might be tough to listen to but think of it this way: you've already lived through some really tough, horrific stuff & now it's your turn to reclaim the person you were. Once you understand their twisted, sick, cruel games - the Love Bombing, the Silent Treatment, their Projection, the Gaslighting, the keeping info from you, the Rages, etc., etc., they will No Longer have power over you & his moods will stop affecting you!!! How wonderful is that. So glad you found Dr. Carter, he is so smart & kind. Good luck & stay strong.
How does one love oneself? I began to call myself sweet names, like sweetheart. I stopped feeling pressured to do anything I didn’t feel like doing. I got nasty sometimes when I knew I was being mistreated, and they could just deal with it. NO Guilt for taking care of myself. I went to a workshop that demanded we practiced saying “NO”, without guilt. I took care of nourishment with good for me foods. I stopped telling white lies to make someone feel better about themselves, and became very honest without being hurtful. I carefully watched that I stayed honest with myself, and would walk away when a “Red Flag” appeared, and stopped making excuses for someone’s behavior. I got closer and closer to ME. I stayed away from relationships that did not make me feel comfortable inside, just dropped them. It all took TIME.
Good for you Leopard! I've heard "no" is a complete sentence! I know it's very important for me to take care of myself. I still have lots to learn. But with Dr Carter's help. I'll learn, one day at a time.
They poke and poke until you react, then they say you have an anger problem...I started to believe that, although my inner voice said that was not true. Narcs can bring the worst out of you and then sit back and watch with a grin how you struggle to find your inner peace again.
This comment is very accurate. I literally just experienced this. Poked and poked until I responded with verbal frustration then he got quiet and started smiling. I am just tired.
Les, I need to give you these words, as you have given us so many. I know it is time consuming reading comments, but I really hope you hear this one. You are such an amazing and caring person, every single video of yours that comes up in my news feed comes up with the exact words my mind needs for confirmation on at that point in my process, but one impacted me far more than any of the others. At the end of the video you got personal, it was no longer "advice", you wished from the bottom of your heart to the viewer that they found Peace and happiness and freedom within their life as they dealt with their individual narcissistic issue. That hit me like a train as I have not had any support throughout leaving and no contact with a whole family, and the fallout of that since March. I really felt that message go deep inside me and such a simple thing was so empowering. You injected me with love and strength with those few sentences, as well as confirmation of my decision. If you ever wondered if your words are making a difference, they did for me and they continue to. THANK YOU. On a side note: I am from Canada, I love your accent, it is enchanting listening to you
Colleen, Thanks so much for these encouraging words. Lessons such as this are hollow if not communicated from the soul. I'm so pleased you got the soul connection. So pleased. Dr. C
I am terrified! 40 years, waiting for a couple things to sell so I'm not totally destitute. These last few months have been a test. I feel brave then weak. I have nobody now already. It is so scary!
@Lynnette Scroggie.. ..... I feel for you. I have to say that even when I pulled away from God He was always there for me. If you know Him He hears you and will provide. Believe in the God of Abraham for what you can’t believe for yourself. You are loved.
Lynnette, many prayers. It's never easy to strike out on your own, but I believe it's even harder in the current environment. The world is going through difficult times and even further altering what was a familiar lifestyle is so challenging.
@@kesmarn oh yes, it is so much more difficult to do anything right now. I pray as this has set up many challenges it will also grant me opportunities. All the kind words are so appreciated 💛 I am praying for all who have been in this sad situation also. The hurt is something nobody deserves. Thank you so much 😔
I've been free for 3 years now, and have come to realize that I can still be a happy, kind, generous person. Although these are the traits that make prime supply for the EX, I can still be myself! I am going to be good to people anyhow, but set very strict boundaries. If you have been targeted by a narcissist it may be because you are a great person.
When a person has been in a narcissistic relationship, and they think, "Will anyone ever love me again?", isn't that really the wrong question? Because that narcissist that they were in a relationship with didn't really love them, now did they? Shouldn't the question be, "Will anyone ever love me for me?", or, "Will I be able to heal and find a healthy relationship?"? Thank you so much for these videos, Dr. Carter!! Thank you!
Going through this right now. I really like the "jabbing you with a stick" analogy. It's spot on. I used to try to tell Hollow Man how he was affecting me. I described it as being lightly punched in the same spot over and over. I told him one punch doesn't hurt, but when you keep doing it over and over it is going to leave a bruise. I used to think he just didn't understand what I was saying, but now I think he understood fine, and just didn't care. Thanks again for your videos, they have definitely helped me, and many others!
Recovery time from each jab gets longer and never to the same height. Until one day there s that wake up jab and you realize you need to leave. Now any jab at all is a wake-up. That is why I never jab, it is not helpful. Heh good combo, the helpful in a team with those who steal.
I agree with you, and I told the narcissist in my life something similar. Our last conversation was in March and he ripped into me, and I was equally as aggressive. It was a horrible conversation, but when I tried to explain it to him, I said it was like he kept punching me in the face, so I started punching back because I didn't have time to process everything. And just for the record, we didn't even have an argument, but he was bringing up something from two years ago that all of a sudden had him angry. I never saw it coming...
Raised by a Narcissist, sister a N, married to one and a lot of close friends. When I'm finally free of this one I need to beware and learn how to see these monsters coming. And they have been monsters.
Doctor Carter is beyond wonderful. He is here helping so many of us. Self doubt after him, was huge. But I was so abused that at that point, all I knew was God did not want me treated like that.
That 'jabbing' scenario is the very best analogy for what the narcissist does, that I've ever heard!!!! Thank you! ...and yes! I'm learning to love myself, and am well on my way! Going no-contact with my three siblings and others was necessary, and difficult, but has been the best for my welfare in the long run. Thank you for your wise words.
Thru educating myself on narcissism, I've realized that I have had many of these people in my life. No wonder I've suffered depression and severe anxiety. However, I never knew what narcissist meant. Now I know what it is and I can observe and get away much more quickly. Thank you for helping educate us.
I felt my soul shaking … LOVE yourself ….I love you for sharing what needs to be heard …. So many broken lost souls … nobody has that right to take you away from you!! You are saving lives. I needed this more than I can say in words. I’m lost and for the first time I just felt my heart and soul shake …. Not from fear .. of living 12 years with a man who stripped me down to the bones and left me in a pile for dead ….but from a man , you doctor, who is committed to saving souls and bringing them back from the dead. THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART.
My aunt and mother did this constant jab at me and blamed me for reacting because they basically abused me and put me in foster care from 5-15 right after my dad and brother passed away,… all they did is tell me in bad
The “does everyone else interpret me the same way as everyone else?” THAT IS SO TRUE! I have many good close friends and we all love each other so so much and I was so confused why THIS specific relationship seemed to make me always confused and anxiety filled.
Dr Carter is right, they never loved us, he never loved me. finally enough time has passed in pain and dissonance that I am slowly coming out of the terrible place i have been inside for almost a year. Dr Carter has been a great help in this with his clear compassion and care that comes through so strongly in these videos. He manages to talk about the abuse we suffer from these personality disordered people in a way that is not dark and scary like the abuse itself, but still conveys all the knowledge and very real truth about these individuals. The other person that has helped me tremendously is Richard Grannon. His mental health fortress channel on youtube has finally helped me have some hope about how I can help myself on a day to day basis to recover, in concrete ways. I do not know where I would be now without Dr Carter and Richard Grannon's videos. I can't thank them enough.
Same here. UA-cam has been invaluable in helping me understand what I'm going thru and helping me work thru it. As I try to leave my narc I come here for reassurance and kindness. Richard Grannon has been helpful, as well as Dr Ramani and Dr Carter.
I too turned to this medium in my lowest, drained of all I thought was good in me. Dr. C. in his way of describing the terminology of what I knew allowed me to wrap my mind around the subject of narcissism. Having been raised a scapegoat, then a four decade long relationship to my ex let me know the words to describe my entire life. A year and half later I have gained so much knowledge, a lot about my own self. Introspection isn't easy but Dr. C. explained that too. Once I forgave myself it's easier and I'm back better everyday. Dr. Vaknin, Dr. Ramani, Dr. Grande and too many others to mention, along with other people in similar situations sharing their stories, their sympathy and love offer hope to others afflicted by this mind manipulation. I'm thankful to have been set free and grateful for all the support from the entire community. They're all wearing Halo's not mask's. This gaslighting entire populations is what causes me fear
Without going into the details of my 31 years ( and counting) of marriage with a covert Narc, I just wanted to say how much I appreciate your work... you come across as a consummate professional and a really decent and kind human being... you restore my faith in humanity. Thank you.
Kindness makes tears come. Your words touched me. Thank you.I finally left N parents in my late 50's. I have been lucky to find a good therapist to let me release the clutter and start liking myself.
Dr Carter, your message couldn't have arrived at a better time. I love you for the decency, compassion, and empathy that you extend to all of your listeners. I can't thank you enough 💛
So strange that I needed to hear this exact thing. I am trying to get the courage to leave so that I can find my place of peace . Thank you Dr C! I will listen to this video every day til I do it ! God bless you
Thank you Dr. C. All I can say is WOW... As you finished this I could not help but cry. I was told by someone I was once very close to that I was a victim of Stockholm Syndrome. I can see now, that person was right.
Tthis is just a guess, because I heard it often in my childhood.... How can you be such an ungrateful brat?! It was whenever I dissented and tried to express my voice. There was only one way to please the N.. Now that I have raised my own family, I know there are many fine, different ways for each unique child to discover on their own opinions and what matters to them.
Thank you Susan, in behalf of children. I have observed many, after being raised by a narc or two, who have a resolve to never be like that . The storm came to their door and they would not let it pass. And then sadly others are so damaged by the storm they devote the rest of their lives to making others suffer. The difference between wise old souls and reactive egotistical ones, I guess.
@@heidigummel1459 Interesting question. The one thing that a narsisstic person can not take from you is who you really are. Beneath all the mental damage to both yourself and to your relationships, find the goodness in yourself. Be that person always. Start with that, and strive to be the person you hope to be. Don't let the narsisstic person take that from you. It belongs to you.
Listening to you I can`t stop my tears... If only I had known you a long time ago....My life could have been different....I was brought up by Mother who wanted me to see her as final authority and if she didn`t like something about me , well, we had a situation...Now I can see how much damage she has done to me...Thank you ,Doctor, you are a life-changer :)
I left my narcissistic about 2 weeks ago. Some days I am ok then other days I’m so upset and hurt by the way he treated me. I was in love with a mean man. Thanks for your advice. I’m learning a lot.
You're grieving...on more than one front. It will get better, even if it doesn't happen overnight. Stay strong, and keep learning. BTW, see if you can find the video, Recovering Your Worth After Leaving A Narcissist. It's one of my favorites. Best wishes to you!! Dr. C
The hardest rattling question for me was, How can I leave a 4 decade-long life of the loving family commitment? ( obviously only on my part) Did all the love and joined life sharing, the hard work and the relationships with family, mean nothing? It was shattering to the core, that this was happening.
I know how you feel. I've been married to my narcissistic husband for 33 years. I only found out that he was a narcissist 2 years ago. The worst and utterly crushing discovery was the idea that he doesn't love me at all, and that if I left, he wouldn't care, he'd just go and find someone else to provide him with his narcissistic feed. I, on the other hand, would be totally heartbroken.
Yes, and it’s on the level of investment with out reward for all your work and sufforing..so it becomes an endless supply for them because they make u feel that way. So it keeps cycling. Not until you are willing to loose the years of investment...and invest in new things..and more likely gain very quick results of return for your commitments....if it’s your father and u live separately, just make up so many reasons you don’t have time...your rushing...out phone down and enjoy doing absolutely nothing...and laugh about it..watch all the statements u tell yourself that are lies about you IE: your selfish blah blah...list them out...and call out those lies...burn the list and do it next time cycles of that will break your conditioning...it’s all lies you tell yourself...
FJ Last often they become a collapsed narsisist..look it up! It’s only if they leave u for supply first that they do well. And your left in a heap...wondering how to start again.
Sandra Harrill 39yrs marriage here. I am 59 soon. I am sorry to hear that. You must be a fighter to even survive this long? You may be underestimating yourself due to that consistency the narc has going. And in my case, a whole family ready to defend him, martyred him. I came out to my 40yr daughter on severe abuse, and she abuse the crap out of me. I collapsed and couldn’t walk for a week...I am recovery myself, but I am definitely not allowing any relationship that would do that ever again. I served them, and became invisible too long. My mother was a sociopath..just got the funeral with white doves! I am the only one that took the abuse from her..she crushed any thing she could...I have been walking away for two years from any member that attacks me...I followed Ross Rosenberg: the stages of breaking codependency with narcs...and I had a o know to free myself every trick in the book is thrown at you. It truly is a hero’s journey to escape ...but when u look back...it’s all a psychological war...we are afraid of being alone, yet you could not be lonelier than trapped in these abusive family’s/ relationships.while people in war run with the shirts on their back from bombs dropping...we cook and clean and serve those people daily, and stand still to be bombed? I imagine when they bury us...only tears of ‘ who can we abuse now, omg, I am nothing with out my source of abuse’? Not a tear for the life you leave with out feeling the sun on your cheeks!? Find a way...plan your out...don’t feel one bit of doubt...ask your body and mind to respond...your precious...but only you can admit it. They can not hurt you physically...tell them u will put them in jail...they can only try to make demands...and you can ‘you know what guys, none of this working for me, and I am certainly not asking your opinion...what ever this is , it’s finished, and I am simply in life for me’ and when they say...selfish...you say you better betcha! That thing u call relationship..is a lie..now I am doing me! And if it appeals to me, I may take a seconds notice to see if I can allow myself to feel anything but pity for who u are...and let that force me to know one person in this life: Me ! I am deaf to you..am blind to you...I don’t see you...I see a pitiful nothing in you for me! So , my energy is on me now. No arguments cause u can’t tell me anything now...only I can tell me something worthwhile. You know, just change every pattern one by one. If we eat at 5pm...feed yourself at 4 and go for a long walk. Come back in..when approached...’ you’ll sort it guys, I am off to my own bedroom to read. ‘ start your leaving, right where you are! Go ‘grey rock’ when approached. Ignore the phone ringing...spend time at library’s or parks...get used to your own aura...you can do this...there game is to keep you in destructive patterns..don’t play the game...ignore the vulnerability..responcability guilt trip...imagine if you had even five years that’s yours, or ten or fifteen etc...it’s still yours!? Please get separate rooms...you need to sleep in your own aura..everything changes from there. 8 hours every night..you feel your own feelings, your own dreams, breath your own air...it’s such a great start..takes about a week or two to know that joy..give it time and let me know how it goes. Do not tell yourself there is nothing you can do...that’s the lie they convince you of! Sending you a little light to turn on...give yourself a hug for me and start TODAY! 💖 alvena💖
Be authentic and be bad ass about your beliefs and convictions. Again and again I go back use my truth and my authenticity. I’m now standing tall with others who truly believe me for who I’m 💕💕Thank you Dr.C❤️🙏🙏
I now realize that everyone else in my life, other than my father and brother, accepted me and valued me. And a judge just agreed - my brother must give up the keys to locks he changed on joint property, and granted restraining order.
This video ....best ever!!! I live with that heaviness on my heart every day. Being alone has healed me a lot but its still there....anyone that's lived through this feels that pain and understands. Thank you doc! Needed that validation . Time heals . So we can love ourselves again and cope with that ptsd a little better every day.....why do I hurt and miss someone so evil!? THATS the most confusing feeling EVER!!
The main question im left with at this point is, "are my parents trying to kill me?". I'm 43 and live far away and have mostly cut off all contact but am a suicide risk, and they will do anything they can to push me over the edge, understanding all this has just made them scarier
Jabbers! Exactly....my family always says I'm too sensitive. They also nicked named the dragon because I wont put up with thier gaslighting. They (not my whole family, but a select couple) lie like there is no tomorrow and expect me to swallow it time and time again, then after a hundred times or a time that thier lies really affect my life and I lose it they go...... see....you have anger issues.
I decided to go no contact with my mom and brother. These are great questions. I was surprised the other day when my 13 year old daughter said she can’t believe I still speak to my mother. She has seen my mother’s behavior since she was a young child and even she has figured it out.
mine is a workplace relationship. Questions that rattled me were "what did I do wrong?", "Am I really this way?", "maybe I do deserve this?", "I lack empathy?""I do not practice active listening?" In the end, it was my fault, my blame, everything on me. It was not my manager fault at all. And he almost successfully fired me over this.
Oh my days, sane here but my senior is very clever to treat only two of us with sly hateful behaviour and hide it well with others, they are friends with higher up so bullying continues unhindered and supported because you won't be listened to
I faced this kind of situation at work 10 years ago. I was fired, which was the best thing that happened to me. Sometimes this kind of breach is good. Thank the narc for setting you free. You don't need the approval of a selfish bully, ever.
Heck NO you do not deserve this, misbehavior of others is like Carter states "is on them" I have to repeat this 20 times a day. PS I have had narc bosses, and eventually you draw the line in the sand to stay or go. Bad drives out the good every time at work. And keep quiet but cordial, you would be surprised WHO feeds the boss info.
The most shocking part for for me was when my tutor told me over the phone that I was normal. For months the narc and flying monkeys in my life had told me I wasn't normal and didn't think like everyone else which of course thinking like "normal people" aligned exactly with the narc's ideals.
One thing I know is it withdrawn from the narcissist is very painful it's like coming off a drug and all I know it's a process to go through recovery sometimes I'm getting impatient I wish it was over but I know it's going to take a long time for me to get over this thank you so much for this video
This is a powerful analogy. For years I felt like I was going through withdrawal symptoms " after doing the work of putting distance between myself and my abusers. Sometimes I "relapsed" because those abusers had quite a few flying monkies. But my body has adjusted now and I'm going through a period of adding to the database of survivors while continuing to heal. Currently at the point of not viewing my abusers as "enemies." Just ready to really let go of all of the darkness that they tried to fill me with.
You just described my relationship with my dad in his disfunctional family business. Didn't know life could be so good until I got away from it. Abuse continued until he finally died.
Thank you, Doctor. I have every one of these questions and thoughts running through my mind daily. Your delivery is so gentle and caring, which is desperately needed after the harshness of daily life with a Narcissistic husband.
8:45 “Their angle” Yes. I just figured that out not too long ago. He is that manipulative. 10:00 characteristics: dominance, withhold affirmation, lack of acceptance, gaslight, blameshift, triangulate, stonewall, refuse to be accountable for you. Those are my experiences with him. Emotional abuse. I see. Thank you for the explanation.
He actually pokes our dogs with his walking stick on our walks. I even tell him no one likes to be pokes... but laughs and continues. wow he pokes me all the time with his comments. Great analogy.
These video is God's urgent sent medical treatment for me, I am so grateful to you Dr. C, may you be blessed forever.....for you have great Spirit of wisdom, I love your kindness....
I am married to someone I think is a narcissist for 32 years now. I was just on the verge of leaving when the pandemic hit. We are seniors and have been locked down since March. This has been the most unbearable time of my relationship... being locked in with someone who seems to disdain me and not being able to be with my friends and loved ones who are enormous support. Right now, I am being given the silent treatment yet again. I think a video talking about being locked in with a narcissist would be most interesting. Could you maybe talk about this please? Your videos are my lifeline at the moment.
That's the toughest pill to swallow knowing that my narcissist mother and mother-in-law really don't love us! Thank you, Dr. Carter, for helping both my husband and I get through this and find our place of peace!
Force ur self to be busy to avoid temptation. Walks, reading, visiting with someone (covid makes it hard). If u crack and let him contact you he will turn on the hoover, the love bombing...but it doesn't last more than a bit and you are back to the painful behaviours and stuck again. They don't change. Hang in!
Please don't, just keep going. It will only start all over again, you deserve better. I'm only a week no contact but previously went 2 years no contact and now wish I'd continued. They make you forget what evil beings they are and suck you back in. I have wasted a lifetime of love on a father and brother who are literally evil. All they think about is themselves and what they can get out of others.
The stick being constantly jabbed into the ribs analogy is an excellent one. I haven't responded with anger, but I have struggled with some depression, feeling hollow or invisible inside, and lots of tears. When I pull away, I'm seen as cold and callus. I am so weary of this narcissist's games. In the beginning I thought maybe I could be loving and respectful and eventually make a difference. Six years later I find that this relationship is tearing me apart inside. This video came at a good time for me. There's more than one narcissist in my life, but it is my daughter in law who is presently causing me the most pain. I have to let go and lose my only child and grandchildren.... It is tough!
Will you be giving a baby step list on exactly how to leave, because I need to very soon, one way or another. I have no money, nowhere to go, no family or friends, no transportation and no I.D. They take everything from us. It would be kinder to simply kill us, but 'kind' is not in their vocabulary.
YWCA has help and resources and exit plans. It's how I left but I suggest not giving signals you're leaving because I ended up on the side of the road he took my phone and tried to get me arrested. In looking back I should have prepared better financially and not given him an idea by doing gray rock. 3 years free!
I thought I was alone, financially stuck and unable to take care of myself. I didn’t know the level of support that was out there for me. My friends and family went way beyond what I could ever have expected. I AM capable of managing myself. I still have some little bumps but my family and friends help with emotional support and information. It really is better being alone than rotting in that sick relationship. Almost three years out now.
I left. It hasn’t been easy. I had most of ducks in a row and relied heavily on the providence of God. Stay in the light my friend and don’t give pleading demons second chances.
I also want to know. Please note NO friends NO family NO money (as mentioned by writer) Also cannot take the route of getting government assistance, because that would mean exposing him. How did people leave if they had no support network or job? Please understand that exposing him is not an option. Therefore I cannot get government social help. How did people leave knowing they face homelessness
Yes, my heart, mind, individuality, self confidence, freedom, talents and at times even my soul. Has been destroyed by him. 39 years and I just left him, but still wonder if it’s me 😭
I had a lot of questions, looking for answers after I left my covert narcissist ex partner: 1) Where did I miss the 'signals' or 'red flags' that made me step into this relationship 2) Why does she not see that it is not me who is only to blame 3) Why did she turn all in a sudden from miss Nice to miss Terror 4) What did I do wrong to deserve this 5) How has this gone so wrong in such a short period 6) Will I ever have honest answers to close this page in my life and continu 7) How can somebody be this way... and so on..
As I read your questions, I can't help but to think that the lack of empathy on the part of the narc, and dare I say, 'too much' empathy shown by you, toward the narc.... seem to be the core answer to your questions.
We victims need to remember that Narcissists are masters at the game. In the beginning they show you exactly what they know you want to see; they mirror you, so you think they are a perfect match for you.... They do these things to "get you"--to win the prize they want--, because that is their goal. As with people who are shopoholics, the joy is in the "getting", not in the "having". Once they "have" you, the game is over, the thrill is gone, and they devalue you.
@@cymbolichuman433 I think they do. I realized after decades of being a loving loyal friend to a sibling that they were just using me for narc supply and supported my tormentors -parents- secretly behind my back. There were red flags but I just chalked them up to their weakness. All along they were a covert narc pretending the whole time. It has devastated me to almost death. For a long time I fantasied about them coming to me and begging forgiveness, but realized after months of self reflection that they think Im in the wrong propped up by our parents agreement and that they have no intention of apologizing. I question my sanity daily and have been mostly no contact since fall 2019 except to discuss aging parents' problems. I will probably never get over it. The CoVId actually probably helped in a weird way.
I cried. I cannot hold my emotions this time listening to the questions that were lingering in my head, and realization of how he didn't really love me in the past years.
I want to thank you so much. Everything you say is spot on as to what I have gone thru over the last 25 years. Your words give me great healing. You are wonderful. I needed to hear all the things you are saying. God bless you.
My mother is a narcissist. To this day she tries to be better, smarter, than me and tries to remind me every week when we talk on the phone. I'm learning finally how to control conversations better. I love listening to this gentleman and learning more of what I indured during my childhood with her. Thank you
I appreciate the reminders. Dr. Carter. I have a history with these poor fools. Currently, my BPD and/or NPD sister. After 2.5 years of being patient with her because she may have BPD, I've started allowing her to push my buttons and react to her selfish, condescending comments while she refuses to pay me $100/month rent ($0 utilities) for a bedroom and full house privileges. Later, I'll catch my negative reactions and reign myself in. Before, she'd just say I was "too sensitive." Now she's aiming at my having a mood disorder. She acts as if I'm the one with no control over my emotions when the real issue is that SHE can't control my emotions. Gosh how I love you, your presence and your words of wisdom.
Oh the madness of the maze of doubt and confusion that they sow and would have you believe. I'm so grateful I found your videos. You have clarified so much for me and showed me the 'exit sign'. Thank you for addressing the kaleidoscope of questions they have you raise about yourself.. Another valuable video. Thanks Dr C 😚
Thanks Dr. Carter, for helping us learn and cope and move beyond the heartbreak, mental damage, and confusion from the experiences of being in narcissist relationships.
Dr Carter, this video really hit home with me! I've been asking myself those questions so frequently that it's becoming excruciating. Loving yourself is indeed an essential way to move on -- and we have to be reminded all the time until we can actually do it and heal ourselves from the emotional abuse. Thank you so much for your much-needed support, advice, and goodness! ❤️
Thank you, Dr C. I felt so flawed, so woefully inadequate after being around a raging narcissist who’s been described by a few MHC professionals as also being a classic psychopath, that I felt like a non being, and wanted to die. He’s charmed various mutual friends and described me as a narcissist to them. I’ve doubted myself to the nth degree, yet find a great deal of love and satisfaction in caring for others and being with animals. There are some souls on this planet that you can’t fool and animals and the elderly tend to see through the BS. I’m so grateful to you for making these videos and being here for us all.
I feel so much pain. Although he never told me I was unattractive, his rejection has made me feel very unattractive. I was in love all in but all he could do is just drop me on my head without an ounce of remorse
I stayed for longer than I should have. I stayed for economic reasons. At the time, I was unemployed. Finally, I decided . . . I didn't care how much my lifestyle would change. I wasn't going to continue to take his abuse. I believe the decision triggered the opportunity. Within 30 days I got a job offer in another city. That was seven months ago. Since then, the house has sold, the divorce is nearly final, I've settled into my job, and I have a lovely new apartment. Now, I have time to reflect on what happened. Sometimes, I worry that I think about it too much. I think, "I'm not going to give him anything else, not even my thoughts." But I do believe I need time and space to process what has happened. I'm not sure why I had to go through the psychological torture that was Bill Canavan. In some ways, it was rather fascinating.I had absolutely no idea another human being could be so lacking in empathy. I remember well the day I figured out that he didn't even see me as another sentient being. I'm proud of the fact that he tried--but failed--to destroy me. I'm horrified at the ugliness he brought out in me. I have found myself spending too much watching videos about narcissism. This morning, I believe the Holy Spirit was saying that perhaps the person I need to get to know is Jesus. As Dr. Carter was saying, learn to love.
Dr C, you are such a blessing to me, your kindness, compassion, warmth, and true understanding of narcissistic abuse has helped me more than you can ever know! 🙏 Thank you for this video today, I needed reminders of these things. Those self-doubting voices do come into my head sometimes, and your words give me the strength to know that I am doing the best thing for myself by letting my mother go, once and for all.
I just moved Sat. Moved out of state. It took me awhile. Your video helped me along with my therapist to leave after 23 yrs married. I am starting a new life. He said he wanted me to understand that he was making me leave, not me. Got to have the last word. Covert narc. Thinks cheating is not a big deal. Glad I could finally leave! Thank you for your help.
I dont know what to believe about myself I have been so gaslit and lied to and manipulated and still am by my mother. She subotages my reputation with extended family and friends by plane betrayal, unsupportiveness, literally laughing at me being in pain which is kind of sadistic, etc. I tried to break free from her but it seems impossible to do. If I block her she finds me thru other media sources and then pleads with me to unblock. As soon as I do that, she hurts again really bad.
They have spent years with you trying to convince you that everybody else believes their convenient false narrative of you🤦🏾♀️ You wonder if they will believe you , who do you run too? etc .. once you get to the point of it doesn't matter who believes or not because you know your truth things get easier
Yeah, "and soandso thinks so too" they put a lot of effort into trying to make you think that everybody in your circle thinks you are impossible. That's when you find out who your friends are.
I let myself have that reaction yesterday. Just one of those days. Happens to the best of us survivors:) Don't beat yourself up about it. You may be a grey rock, but you are not made of stone. It is a process, and slip-ups happen. This too shall pass.
I finally let my slight irritation show last week, for the first time in 30 years. What a mistake! My bad! You can rest assured I'll never do THAT again!!!
don't be harsh on yourself, it happens to anyone and thats how abuse works - now you know, you can protect yourself in future if anyone else turns up and tries the old narcy tricks
My older brother had such a negative impact on my self esteem. Since my parents were immigrants and he was able to make a lot of money, he had a very inappropriate amount of control in our home. I have gone no contact with him. The peace and relief I feel now is so wonderful!
When you pull away from the narcs after a little while without them you realise how much life is improved and you find a peace ... it takes a little while so you just have to understand and be patient with yourself and give yourself time to heal...
On the 19th of this month, in two days, I will have been married to a Covert Narcissist for 20 years. I have recently learned that I, personally, have work through BPD. My head is spinning and that my world is crushed and keeps getting crushed the more I realize as I look back over my life. I’m living a nightmare.
I've actually cried in relief when a clerk has been kind to me at the store.
i can empathize. my god the abuse we have endured is unreal. be well now friend
It took me a while to notice that's why I cried when a guy friend was really nice to me, basic nice... it's heartbreaking.
Yes been there
I know this feeling as well. Kindness from total strangers, showing us more love than our partners have in months if not years.
I did the same thing. Whenever someone in a store was nice to me I cried and cried. That spoke volumes to me at how poorly I was treated by my husband of 25 years. Praise God that I left. It had reached the point that I was more afraid of staying than I was of leaving.
I needed this.
The disorientation from being gaslit and verbally pummeled is REAL.
That has happened 2 me
Verbally pummeled is a perfect description. He would never get tired of what I call throwing poison arrows at me from all angles.
Real and long lasting even after he’s gone and divorce is complete.
The confusion is terrible .you really wonder if you are the horrible individual in the this miserable game
This one hit me hard. Turns out I am a good person, I am a good cook, I am not a waste of space, and people do like to hear my stories. The rediscovery of myself has been one of the most joyful times of my entire life!
May I please add...If you have been raised in this, you more than likely have chosen friends (or they have chosen you) who have narcissistic tendencies. And once you realize that and begin to get free and heal, life my begin to feel and look bleak and lonely. The temptation will be to run back, be quiet and assume the old role for the sole purpose of companionship. But can I say in all tenderness - Don’t do it. Please take the time to see it through. What awaits on the other side is a peace you have never experienced and a sense of knowing that you are a good person.
Thank you, Dr, Carter, for this video today. It is perfect timing and another confirmation that I am TRULY on a good and right path to wholeness❣️
If you really love yourself and you have a full cup of internal self validation, you will be contented being on your own. If your cup is deficient of internal self validation, you will be susceptible to looking to outside sources for you validation. It is better to be alone than go back to the narc to try and get validation. You already know the narc will devalue rather than validate you.
@@raccuia1 Wow, well learned, and very well said! Take that lesson and move on! Thanks for sharing bro!
This is so true! I'm 57 and I'm not even sure if I will recognize a healthy friendship. I've been burned really bad 😞
Narcissists seek out victims.
So true. I realized - all my friends were just like my mom. When I shared that my mom is a covert narc, they're just ignoring me, avoiding me or changing the topic. My bestie was my mom's flying monkey. She just ghosted when I shared. But, I have moved on. I'm making new friends. And as my mom has passed away on 5th July and world is undegoing covid, things are shifting. I had lived a life alone so it's nothing new. But as my mom had destroyed me enough that I'm free - this is challenging. There is rattle. But the biggest rattle is silent.
Almost 30 years with a covert narc. Had no idea what I was dealing with. The longer we have been together, the worse he has gotten. Easy to anger, judgemental, know it all, critical, grudge holding, silent treatment, denial, projection, lacks empathy and accountability. So heartbreaking.
I was with mine 35 years. Separated now thank God!!
35 years too, 2 years no contact.
You’re so strong for surviving that long . I’ve been going through it for 7 months and it was literally destroying me ...until I came across videos like these !
Mine just walked out in November after 24 years
@@lc-bb6bd With hindsight I wish that my ex covert narc had walked out on me. Instead we stayed together and I ran.. That was 2 years ago after 35 years together. Look at it as a blessing...
Please Lord Jesus, help me to NEVER be in a dysfunctional and toxic relationship ever AGAIN. Help me to trust myself. AMEN
That is my pray as well...
Awesome prayer! 💜
I can relate to this. The lack of trust with yourself. I'm personally choosing to stay single and educate myself. I've accepted that it'll take some time. Considering that I'm 34 and so many people in my family are pushing me to get married, it can be difficult sometimes to be patient. But it's worth putting in the work and having patience if it leads to finally finding the person that will give you the love you deserve and vice versa.
I have tried to put all trust in God (I am not a religious fanatic). My present circumstances in the midst of separation, have left me a blank map. I refuse to lash out in spite or vengeance. I just heard "love wins, love always wins!"......i will be that person.
Thank-you Dr. Carter, you are God sent.
We all fall short.. Just keep truckin'"
Afterwards, I was able to reconnect with God and that made all the difference in the world toward healing.
agreed, and He will lead you out of narcisstic relationships if asked and will give you clarity when/if you doubt you are doing the right thing. (At least that's what I've found) He wants us to love people, but that doesn't mean having them in your life sometimes!
So true .
Me too
My wish
Rise Above, Amen
I have responded poorly at times, but I think about my responses and may have regrets. I think about the things I do. I see no indication that the narcissist EVER regrets any behavior no matter how inappropriate.
Meg Gallucci That’s how normal people respond. I did all the self-reflection in our marriage. Now I know the only mistake I made was ever letting him bully me a second time.
Same here. I end up apologizing for things that actually sound ridiculous coming out of my mouth. I really miss the string and independent and respectful person I was before him. I have zero hope left. I'm so exhausted that I've given in. He will control me whether married or divorced. There is no escaping it and I am now too mentally weak to leave.
Hurricane King I am so sorry.
@@hurricaneking7420 leave...
@@hurricaneking7420 The narsisstic person feeds on the engagement of arguing. Don't engage. Starve them! Tell them that "YOU are not responsible for their anger." Those words actually shut them up for a while or throw them off. It is empowering, and when that worked, I began my search for more ways to take back control of who I am. Recognize the controlling behaviours, and hear that this channel has excellent advice on what to do. Keep listening to the channel and use the very words of advice it offers.
Another absolutely HUGE turning point for me was that I started taking "Ashwagandha." I HIGHLY recommend it. Wow does it help put balance back in your body. It also helps immensely with experiencing quality sleep. So much that the "stressful person" in my life was curious about it, and now takes it too. There is so much less rage now directed at me and the kids. Ashwagandha helps balance hormones. No side effects. Cortisol levels are stabilized along with other hormones. It is even an anti-inflammatory! Educate yourself on Ashwagandha and check with your doctor to make sure it's right for you.
You have a special place in my heart because your words sounded just like my words about a month ago. I will keep you in my prayers. You got this! I refuse to feed the narsisstic/psychopathic people in my life anymore!
Here's my personal favorite: they never help you make an important decision, you have to make them by yourself. So, when things go wrong they can blame you!
Dr. C, your kindness and genuine caring for us is apparent, especially when you get a little emotional. Thank you letting me/us see that a good man is so much more than I'm/we're accustomed too. I say us and we because I believe that even though our circumstances are unique, the effects we live with are known to all survivors of psychological abuse. I praise GOD for you. Crying healing tears, again.
This vid, seeing Dr. be a little emotional just makes me feel my worth more. He's such a help 😭
Really he is such a blessing in this world.. Such a kind and nice and good hearted person.. With a lot of positivity shining from him, Really i wish if i am living near to his place. God bless him🌹❤️
Amen. Dr C shows us that wonderful people are real and do exist
He is such a blessing and such a precious person
I agree I feel grateful to have Dr Les Carter enlighten me to the pshcologicol affects of Narcissism and I feel so much healing from listening to his videos.
I went no contact eight months ago! I was on a pink cloud for two weeks. Then all those feelings and questions started to emerge and I was devastated! I’m on a course of getting better and healthier, that’s for sure! I’m 65 and I really don’t believe I am lovable. That’s why I’ve been single my whole life. My narcissist rob me of my entire life!
I’m taking a 21 day codependent course and I’m really learning a lot about me!
🦋SURVIVOR🦋
Yay Team Healthy 👏 Dignity,
Respect and Civility.
Being with a covert narc. is like trying to paddle upstream...with no oars! Yes, Dr. C., I lost myself for awhile in the abuse & madness, but I'm back, thanks to you. I can not leave soon enough. I "like me" and know that I am kind and caring. He is not. I do not wish to spend any more ti.e or energy on this sad creature. It is sad that most people won't know the truth, but so be it. I'm fighting for me & won't waste time trying to sway opinion.
Thank you for so selflessly giving. You are a gift. Kudos.
Yup. One of the first things I learned was energy wasted on defending myself. I think Jesus said something about that.
I’m there, just figuring out what I’ve lived has a name, a label and is real.
Idk what to do.
@@juliecopen2438 - hi Julie! All of us here in Dr. Carter's community know how overwhelming it can be when you first start understanding the abuse you've endured. But knowledge is truth & very powerful, it is the key to be able to heal. Some videos might be tough to listen to but think of it this way: you've already lived through some really tough, horrific stuff & now it's your turn to reclaim the person you were. Once you understand their twisted, sick, cruel games - the Love Bombing, the Silent Treatment, their Projection, the Gaslighting, the keeping info from you, the Rages, etc., etc., they will No Longer have power over you & his moods will stop affecting you!!! How wonderful is that. So glad you found Dr. Carter, he is so smart & kind. Good luck & stay strong.
How does one love oneself? I began to call myself sweet names, like sweetheart. I stopped feeling pressured to do anything I didn’t feel like doing. I got nasty sometimes when I knew I was being mistreated, and they could just deal with it. NO Guilt for taking care of myself. I went to a workshop that demanded we practiced saying “NO”, without guilt. I took care of nourishment with good for me foods. I stopped telling white lies to make someone feel better about themselves, and became very honest without being hurtful. I carefully watched that I stayed honest with myself, and would walk away when a “Red Flag” appeared, and stopped making excuses for someone’s behavior. I got closer and closer to ME. I stayed away from relationships that did not make me feel comfortable inside, just dropped them. It all took TIME.
Good for you Leopard! I've heard "no" is a complete sentence! I know it's very important for me to take care of myself.
I still have lots to learn. But with Dr Carter's help. I'll learn, one day at a time.
They poke and poke until you react, then they say you have an anger problem...I started to believe that, although my inner voice said that was not true. Narcs can bring the worst out of you and then sit back and watch with a grin how you struggle to find your inner peace again.
This comment really got to me. They poke and poke to get you to do something wrong and have someone to blame but themselves.
THIS 🙌🏽
This comment is very accurate. I literally just experienced this. Poked and poked until I responded with verbal frustration then he got quiet and started smiling. I am just tired.
Les, I need to give you these words, as you have given us so many. I know it is time consuming reading comments, but I really hope you hear this one. You are such an amazing and caring person, every single video of yours that comes up in my news feed comes up with the exact words my mind needs for confirmation on at that point in my process, but one impacted me far more than any of the others. At the end of the video you got personal, it was no longer "advice", you wished from the bottom of your heart to the viewer that they found Peace and happiness and freedom within their life as they dealt with their individual narcissistic issue. That hit me like a train as I have not had any support throughout leaving and no contact with a whole family, and the fallout of that since March. I really felt that message go deep inside me and such a simple thing was so empowering. You injected me with love and strength with those few sentences, as well as confirmation of my decision. If you ever wondered if your words are making a difference, they did for me and they continue to.
THANK YOU. On a side note: I am from Canada, I love your accent, it is enchanting listening to you
Colleen, Thanks so much for these encouraging words. Lessons such as this are hollow if not communicated from the soul. I'm so pleased you got the soul connection. So pleased. Dr. C
Wonderfull words!
It occurs to me that we could use a Survivors of Narcissistic abuse forum to share loving kindness with one another.
My sentiments exactly. This video hit me like a train today as well, and it was so very much needed today. Thank you, Dr. C!
I am terrified! 40 years, waiting for a couple things to sell so I'm not totally destitute. These last few months have been a test. I feel brave then weak. I have nobody now already. It is so scary!
@Lynnette Scroggie.. ..... I feel for you. I have to say that even when I pulled away from God He was always there for me. If you know Him He hears you and will provide. Believe in the God of Abraham for what you can’t believe for yourself. You are loved.
Thank you Connie. I am praying so much💛
Lynnette Scroggie .... I will pray with you.
Lynnette, many prayers. It's never easy to strike out on your own, but I believe it's even harder in the current environment. The world is going through difficult times and even further altering what was a familiar lifestyle is so challenging.
@@kesmarn oh yes, it is so much more difficult to do anything right now. I pray as this has set up many challenges it will also grant me opportunities. All the kind words are so appreciated 💛 I am praying for all who have been in this sad situation also. The hurt is something nobody deserves. Thank you so much 😔
I've been free for 3 years now, and have come to realize that I can still be a happy, kind, generous person. Although these are the traits that make prime supply for the EX, I can still be myself!
I am going to be good to people anyhow, but set very strict boundaries.
If you have been targeted by a narcissist it may be because you are a great person.
When a person has been in a narcissistic relationship, and they think, "Will anyone ever love me again?", isn't that really the wrong question? Because that narcissist that they were in a relationship with didn't really love them, now did they? Shouldn't the question be, "Will anyone ever love me for me?", or, "Will I be able to heal and find a healthy relationship?"?
Thank you so much for these videos, Dr. Carter!! Thank you!
It's like Dr. C knows exactly what kind of topic we really want to hear and learn. Thanks for all these excellent videos.
Sadiya: I know how you feel.
Going through this right now. I really like the "jabbing you with a stick" analogy. It's spot on. I used to try to tell Hollow Man how he was affecting me. I described it as being lightly punched in the same spot over and over. I told him one punch doesn't hurt, but when you keep doing it over and over it is going to leave a bruise. I used to think he just didn't understand what I was saying, but now I think he understood fine, and just didn't care. Thanks again for your videos, they have definitely helped me, and many others!
Recovery time from each jab gets longer and never to the same height. Until one day there s that wake up jab and you realize you need to leave.
Now any jab at all is a wake-up. That is why I never jab, it is not helpful.
Heh good combo, the helpful in a team with those who steal.
I agree with you, and I told the narcissist in my life something similar. Our last conversation was in March and he ripped into me, and I was equally as aggressive. It was a horrible conversation, but when I tried to explain it to him, I said it was like he kept punching me in the face, so I started punching back because I didn't have time to process everything. And just for the record, we didn't even have an argument, but he was bringing up something from two years ago that all of a sudden had him angry. I never saw it coming...
Oh my GOD! That example of the stick jabbing me is right-on!
I know, right?! So spot-on that when you take it for years and then show irritation just one time--BOOM!!!--you are "SOOOOOO INSECURE"!!!
Yup it's called 'baiting'
It’s a shaming tactic. Your explosion will be documented and used, forever.
Raised by a Narcissist, sister a N, married to one and a lot of close friends. When I'm finally free of this one I need to beware and learn how to see these monsters coming. And they have been monsters.
Doctor Carter is beyond wonderful. He is here helping so many of us.
Self doubt after him, was huge. But I was so abused that at that point, all I knew was God did not want me treated like that.
Exactly. Jabbed in the ribs over and over until I'm crippled on the floor. Now I just want to be held.
don't. A narc will come holding you. Hold yourself..
🙏
You were used by another person. They took their pain, and gave it to you. Now receive love. And kindness. YOU DESERVE IT.
@@Noemie291 I don't trust anyone now. Thank you for the heads up. I appreciate it.
@@gking407 From who though? Where can I find that kindness and love?
As they say, "No sailor learns to sail on a calm sea", same with life and being with other people.
Being abused does not teach you how to have a great relationship. It’s different in other life experiences... challenges are good for us. Abuse is not
That is a priceless saying. Thanks.
Thank you I appreciate you
That 'jabbing' scenario is the very best analogy for what the narcissist does, that I've ever heard!!!! Thank you!
...and yes! I'm learning to love myself, and am well on my way! Going no-contact with my three siblings and others was necessary, and difficult, but has been the best for my welfare in the long run. Thank you for your wise words.
Just wanted to leave a message of support and strength for you Lynda. You are looking after yourself and that is fantastic.
Thru educating myself on narcissism, I've realized that I have had many of these people in my life. No wonder I've suffered depression and severe anxiety.
However, I never knew what narcissist meant. Now I know what it is and I can observe and get away much more quickly.
Thank you for helping educate us.
I felt my soul shaking … LOVE yourself ….I love you for sharing what needs to be heard …. So many broken lost souls … nobody has that right to take you away from you!!
You are saving lives. I needed this more than I can say in words. I’m lost and for the first time I just felt my heart and soul shake …. Not from fear .. of living 12 years with a man who stripped me down to the bones and left me in a pile for dead ….but from a man , you doctor, who is committed to saving souls and bringing them back from the dead. THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART.
You have no idea how much I needed this thank you 💖 You are an angel sir. You save lives with these videos 🙏
My aunt and mother did this constant jab at me and blamed me for reacting because they basically abused me and put me in foster care from 5-15 right after my dad and brother passed away,… all they did is tell me in bad
The “does everyone else interpret me the same way as everyone else?” THAT IS SO TRUE! I have many good close friends and we all love each other so so much and I was so confused why THIS specific relationship seemed to make me always confused and anxiety filled.
Same!
Dr Carter is right, they never loved us, he never loved me. finally enough time has passed in pain and dissonance that I am slowly coming out of the terrible place i have been inside for almost a year. Dr Carter has been a great help in this with his clear compassion and care that comes through so strongly in these videos. He manages to talk about the abuse we suffer from these personality disordered people in a way that is not dark and scary like the abuse itself, but still conveys all the knowledge and very real truth about these individuals. The other person that has helped me tremendously is Richard Grannon. His mental health fortress channel on youtube has finally helped me have some hope about how I can help myself on a day to day basis to recover, in concrete ways. I do not know where I would be now without Dr Carter and Richard Grannon's videos. I can't thank them enough.
Same here. UA-cam has been invaluable in helping me understand what I'm going thru and helping me work thru it. As I try to leave my narc I come here for reassurance and kindness. Richard Grannon has been helpful, as well as Dr Ramani and Dr Carter.
I too turned to this medium in my lowest, drained of all I thought was good in me.
Dr. C. in his way of describing the terminology of what I knew allowed me to wrap my mind around the subject of narcissism. Having been raised a scapegoat, then a four decade long relationship to my ex let me know the words to describe my entire life.
A year and half later I have gained so much knowledge, a lot about my own self. Introspection isn't easy but Dr. C. explained that too.
Once I forgave myself it's easier and I'm back better everyday.
Dr. Vaknin, Dr. Ramani,
Dr. Grande and too many others to mention, along with other people in similar situations sharing their stories, their sympathy and love offer hope to others afflicted by this mind manipulation.
I'm thankful to have been set free and grateful for all the support from the entire community.
They're all wearing Halo's not mask's.
This gaslighting entire populations is what causes me fear
Without going into the details of my 31 years ( and counting) of marriage with a covert Narc, I just wanted to say how much I appreciate your work... you come across as a consummate professional and a really decent and kind human being... you restore my faith in humanity. Thank you.
Kindness makes tears come. Your words touched me. Thank you.I finally left N parents in my late 50's. I have been lucky to find a good therapist to let me release the clutter and start liking myself.
Dr Carter, your message couldn't have arrived at a better time. I love you for the decency, compassion, and empathy that you extend to all of your listeners. I can't thank you enough 💛
Thank you for this
So strange that I needed to hear this exact thing. I am trying to get the courage to leave so that I can find my place of peace . Thank you Dr C! I will listen to this video every day til I do it ! God bless you
im also planning on exit a 10year with a hardcore narccist and i hope i get through it safely
Thank you Dr. C. All I can say is WOW... As you finished this I could not help but cry. I was told by someone I was once very close to that I was a victim of Stockholm Syndrome. I can see now, that person was right.
Tthis is just a guess, because I heard it often in my childhood.... How can you be such an ungrateful brat?! It was whenever I dissented and tried to express my voice. There was only one way to please the N.. Now that I have raised my own family, I know there are many fine, different ways for each unique child to discover on their own opinions and what matters to them.
My mom still says about me and my sister "I gave up my whole life for you girls." Yeah like we asked her to!
Thank you Susan, in behalf of children. I have observed many, after being raised by a narc or two, who have a resolve to never be like that . The storm came to their door and they would not let it pass. And then sadly others are so damaged by the storm they devote the rest of their lives to making others suffer.
The difference between wise old souls and reactive egotistical ones, I guess.
If I had a dollar for every time I was called ungrateful for receiving the very thing I did not ask for...I'd be wealthy!!
How do we, those raised by or in a relationship with, when breaking free, not become a narcissist ourselves?
@@heidigummel1459 Interesting question. The one thing that a narsisstic person can not take from you is who you really are. Beneath all the mental damage to both yourself and to your relationships, find the goodness in yourself. Be that person always. Start with that, and strive to be the person you hope to be. Don't let the narsisstic person take that from you. It belongs to you.
Listening to you I can`t stop my tears... If only I had known you a long time ago....My life could have been different....I was brought up by Mother who wanted me to see her as final authority and if she didn`t like something about me , well, we had a situation...Now I can see how much damage she has done to me...Thank you ,Doctor, you are a life-changer :)
I so want healing for you. Thanks for allowing me to be on your journey with you, Maria. Dr. C
I left my narcissistic about 2 weeks ago. Some days I am ok then other days I’m so upset and hurt by the way he treated me. I was in love with a mean man. Thanks for your advice. I’m learning a lot.
You're grieving...on more than one front. It will get better, even if it doesn't happen overnight. Stay strong, and keep learning. BTW, see if you can find the video, Recovering Your Worth After Leaving A Narcissist. It's one of my favorites. Best wishes to you!! Dr. C
@@SurvivingNarcissism Thank you Dr C. I will look for that video.
The hardest rattling question for me was, How can I leave a 4 decade-long life of the loving family commitment? ( obviously only on my part) Did all the love and joined life sharing, the hard work and the relationships with family, mean nothing? It was shattering to the core, that this was happening.
I know how you feel. I've been married to my narcissistic husband for 33 years. I only found out that he was a narcissist 2 years ago. The worst and utterly crushing discovery was the idea that he doesn't love me at all, and that if I left, he wouldn't care, he'd just go and find someone else to provide him with his narcissistic feed. I, on the other hand, would be totally heartbroken.
Yes, and it’s on the level of investment with out reward for all your work and sufforing..so it becomes an endless supply for them because they make u feel that way. So it keeps cycling. Not until you are willing to loose the years of investment...and invest in new things..and more likely gain very quick results of return for your commitments....if it’s your father and u live separately, just make up so many reasons you don’t have time...your rushing...out phone down and enjoy doing absolutely nothing...and laugh about it..watch all the statements u tell yourself that are lies about you IE: your selfish blah blah...list them out...and call out those lies...burn the list and do it next time cycles of that will break your conditioning...it’s all lies you tell yourself...
FJ Last often they become a collapsed narsisist..look it up! It’s only if they leave u for supply first that they do well. And your left in a heap...wondering how to start again.
I know the feeling.
Sandra Harrill 39yrs marriage here. I am 59 soon. I am sorry to hear that. You must be a fighter to even survive this long? You may be underestimating yourself due to that consistency the narc has going. And in my case, a whole family ready to defend him, martyred him. I came out to my 40yr daughter on severe abuse, and she abuse the crap out of me. I collapsed and couldn’t walk for a week...I am recovery myself, but I am definitely not allowing any relationship that would do that ever again. I served them, and became invisible too long. My mother was a sociopath..just got the funeral with white doves! I am the only one that took the abuse from her..she crushed any thing she could...I have been walking away for two years from any member that attacks me...I followed Ross Rosenberg: the stages of breaking codependency with narcs...and I had a o know to free myself every trick in the book is thrown at you. It truly is a hero’s journey to escape ...but when u look back...it’s all a psychological war...we are afraid of being alone, yet you could not be lonelier than trapped in these abusive family’s/ relationships.while people in war run with the shirts on their back from bombs dropping...we cook and clean and serve those people daily, and stand still to be bombed? I imagine when they bury us...only tears of ‘ who can we abuse now, omg, I am nothing with out my source of abuse’? Not a tear for the life you leave with out feeling the sun on your cheeks!? Find a way...plan your out...don’t feel one bit of doubt...ask your body and mind to respond...your precious...but only you can admit it. They can not hurt you physically...tell them u will put them in jail...they can only try to make demands...and you can ‘you know what guys, none of this working for me, and I am certainly not asking your opinion...what ever this is , it’s finished, and I am simply in life for me’ and when they say...selfish...you say you better betcha! That thing u call relationship..is a lie..now I am doing me! And if it appeals to me, I may take a seconds notice to see if I can allow myself to feel anything but pity for who u are...and let that force me to know one person in this life: Me ! I am deaf to you..am blind to you...I don’t see you...I see a pitiful nothing in you for me! So , my energy is on me now. No arguments cause u can’t tell me anything now...only I can tell me something worthwhile. You know, just change every pattern one by one. If we eat at 5pm...feed yourself at 4 and go for a long walk. Come back in..when approached...’ you’ll sort it guys, I am off to my own bedroom to read. ‘ start your leaving, right where you are! Go ‘grey rock’ when approached. Ignore the phone ringing...spend time at library’s or parks...get used to your own aura...you can do this...there game is to keep you in destructive patterns..don’t play the game...ignore the vulnerability..responcability guilt trip...imagine if you had even five years that’s yours, or ten or fifteen etc...it’s still yours!? Please get separate rooms...you need to sleep in your own aura..everything changes from there. 8 hours every night..you feel your own feelings, your own dreams, breath your own air...it’s such a great start..takes about a week or two to know that joy..give it time and let me know how it goes. Do not tell yourself there is nothing you can do...that’s the lie they convince you of! Sending you a little light to turn on...give yourself a hug for me and start TODAY! 💖 alvena💖
Be authentic and be bad ass about your beliefs and convictions. Again and again I go back use my truth and my authenticity. I’m now standing tall with others who truly believe me for who I’m 💕💕Thank you Dr.C❤️🙏🙏
fowsia musse Xactly! Absolutely have to trust ourselves and stand strong.
I now realize that everyone else in my life, other than my father and brother, accepted me and valued me. And a judge just agreed - my brother must give up the keys to locks he changed on joint property, and granted restraining order.
Thank you Dr.C. I broke away now I'm trying to heal.
Glad to be on the path with you.
Your compassion and kind words at the end brought tears to my eyes. You are a true gift to our world. Thank you for your service. Blessings.
This video ....best ever!!! I live with that heaviness on my heart every day. Being alone has healed me a lot but its still there....anyone that's lived through this feels that pain and understands. Thank you doc! Needed that validation . Time heals . So we can love ourselves again and cope with that ptsd a little better every day.....why do I hurt and miss someone so evil!? THATS the most confusing feeling EVER!!
julie hartzog,You look stunning 🌹🌷🌷 dear
Starting at 12:00 you sound like a good father, a good shepherd. :-) Well, the rest is good too. Thank you.
The main question im left with at this point is, "are my parents trying to kill me?". I'm 43 and live far away and have mostly cut off all contact but am a suicide risk, and they will do anything they can to push me over the edge, understanding all this has just made them scarier
Jabbers! Exactly....my family always says I'm too sensitive. They also nicked named the dragon because I wont put up with thier gaslighting. They (not my whole family, but a select couple) lie like there is no tomorrow and expect me to swallow it time and time again, then after a hundred times or a time that thier lies really affect my life and I lose it they go...... see....you have anger issues.
I stopped and told a person that I was not used to having eye contact when I was speaking and I felt so cared about and respected for a change.
I decided to go no contact with my mom and brother. These are great questions. I was surprised the other day when my 13 year old daughter said she can’t believe I still speak to my mother. She has seen my mother’s behavior since she was a young child and even she has figured it out.
Bekki Buenviaje,You are beautiful 🌹🌹🌷,hope you are not with a narc 😈!!
Dr. Carter you are amazing. You are beyond helpful. It is so refreshing and empowering to hear peaceful, reassuring words. Thank you.
mine is a workplace relationship. Questions that rattled me were "what did I do wrong?", "Am I really this way?", "maybe I do deserve this?", "I lack empathy?""I do not practice active listening?" In the end, it was my fault, my blame, everything on me. It was not my manager fault at all. And he almost successfully fired me over this.
Oh my days, sane here but my senior is very clever to treat only two of us with sly hateful behaviour and hide it well with others, they are friends with higher up so bullying continues unhindered and supported because you won't be listened to
I faced this kind of situation at work 10 years ago. I was fired, which was the best thing that happened to me. Sometimes this kind of breach is good. Thank the narc for setting you free. You don't need the approval of a selfish bully, ever.
Heck NO you do not deserve this, misbehavior of others is like Carter states "is on them" I have to repeat this 20 times a day. PS I have had narc bosses, and eventually you draw the line in the sand to stay or go. Bad drives out the good every time at work. And keep quiet but cordial, you would be surprised WHO feeds the boss info.
The most shocking part for for me was when my tutor told me over the phone that I was normal. For months the narc and flying monkeys in my life had told me I wasn't normal and didn't think like everyone else which of course thinking like "normal people" aligned exactly with the narc's ideals.
That " intermittent reinforcement" really had me stuck. I am unstuck now. Thank you so DEARLY DR C
One thing I know is it withdrawn from the narcissist is very painful it's like coming off a drug and all I know it's a process to go through recovery sometimes I'm getting impatient I wish it was over but I know it's going to take a long time for me to get over this thank you so much for this video
This is a powerful analogy. For years I felt like I was going through withdrawal symptoms " after doing the work of putting distance between myself and my abusers. Sometimes I "relapsed" because those abusers had quite a few flying monkies. But my body has adjusted now and I'm going through a period of adding to the database of survivors while continuing to heal. Currently at the point of not viewing my abusers as "enemies." Just ready to really let go of all of the darkness that they tried to fill me with.
Thank you from Stockholm! You really stood behind those words!
Ulla P,You are absolutely gorgeous 🌹🌹🌷,hope you are not with a narc 😈!!
You just described my relationship with my dad in his disfunctional family business. Didn't know life could be so good until I got away from it. Abuse continued until he finally died.
Thank you, Doctor. I have every one of these questions and thoughts running through my mind daily. Your delivery is so gentle and caring, which is desperately needed after the harshness of daily life with a Narcissistic husband.
8:45 “Their angle” Yes. I just figured that out not too long ago. He is that manipulative.
10:00 characteristics: dominance, withhold affirmation, lack of acceptance, gaslight, blameshift, triangulate, stonewall, refuse to be accountable for you. Those are my experiences with him.
Emotional abuse. I see. Thank you for the explanation.
He actually pokes our dogs with his walking stick on our walks. I even tell him no one likes to be pokes... but laughs and continues. wow he pokes me all the time with his comments. Great analogy.
These video is God's urgent sent medical treatment for me, I am so grateful to you Dr. C, may you be blessed forever.....for you have great Spirit of wisdom, I love your kindness....
I am married to someone I think is a narcissist for 32 years now. I was just on the verge of leaving when the pandemic hit. We are seniors and have been locked down since March. This has been the most unbearable time of my relationship... being locked in with someone who seems to disdain me and not being able to be with my friends and loved ones who are enormous support. Right now, I am being given the silent treatment yet again. I think a video talking about being locked in with a narcissist would be most interesting. Could you maybe talk about this please? Your videos are my lifeline at the moment.
Marian H,You deserve better 🙏🙏🙏
Thank you for caring, Dr. C, blessings from California. 🦮
I do. Thank you.
That's the toughest pill to swallow knowing that my narcissist mother and mother-in-law really don't love us! Thank you, Dr. Carter, for helping both my husband and I get through this and find our place of peace!
It's been a few days since no contact and I really miss him😔😔😔. I'm really tempted to unblock him and send him a message. But I have to keep going
Force ur self to be busy to avoid temptation. Walks, reading, visiting with someone (covid makes it hard). If u crack and let him contact you he will turn on the hoover, the love bombing...but it doesn't last more than a bit and you are back to the painful behaviours and stuck again. They don't change. Hang in!
@@cheriefrench6956 you are right💔. It always ends that way. Thank you cherie
Please don't, just keep going. It will only start all over again, you deserve better. I'm only a week no contact but previously went 2 years no contact and now wish I'd continued. They make you forget what evil beings they are and suck you back in. I have wasted a lifetime of love on a father and brother who are literally evil. All they think about is themselves and what they can get out of others.
Think of all the times he mistreated and abused you. Don't get pull back in
I hope you’re still keeping up with it! 🙏🏻
The stick being constantly jabbed into the ribs analogy is an excellent one. I haven't responded with anger, but I have struggled with some depression, feeling hollow or invisible inside, and lots of tears. When I pull away, I'm seen as cold and callus. I am so weary of this narcissist's games. In the beginning I thought maybe I could be loving and respectful and eventually make a difference. Six years later I find that this relationship is tearing me apart inside.
This video came at a good time for me. There's more than one narcissist in my life, but it is my daughter in law who is presently causing me the most pain. I have to let go and lose my only child and grandchildren.... It is tough!
They make you question your reality and challenge in challenge you in a real degrading way
Will you be giving a baby step list on exactly how to leave, because I need to very soon, one way or another. I have no money, nowhere to go, no family or friends, no transportation and no I.D. They take everything from us. It would be kinder to simply kill us, but 'kind' is not in their vocabulary.
YWCA has help and resources and exit plans. It's how I left but I suggest not giving signals you're leaving because I ended up on the side of the road he took my phone and tried to get me arrested. In looking back I should have prepared better financially and not given him an idea by doing gray rock. 3 years free!
I thought I was alone, financially stuck and unable to take care of myself. I didn’t know the level of support that was out there for me. My friends and family went way beyond what I could ever have expected. I AM capable of managing myself. I still have some little bumps but my family and friends help with emotional support and information. It really is better being alone than rotting in that sick relationship. Almost three years out now.
I left. It hasn’t been easy. I had most of ducks in a row and relied heavily on the providence of God. Stay in the light my friend and don’t give pleading demons second chances.
Try talking to friends and family you were able to trust before the "n" made its way in your life.
I also want to know. Please note NO friends NO family NO money (as mentioned by writer) Also cannot take the route of getting government assistance, because that would mean exposing him. How did people leave if they had no support network or job? Please understand that exposing him is not an option. Therefore I cannot get government social help. How did people leave knowing they face homelessness
I appreciate your calling it psychological abuse. People seems to be afraid to call it that. But that is what exactly what it is. Cruel abuse
Thanks again Dr. Les Cater for having a heart for us folk, God bless you.
Omg! I responded poorly so many times! I snapped and exploded from being jabbed and pushed. I needed to work on my reactions.
Dr Les Carver, your a beautiful man. Thank you for the help you give the world with these videos.
Marie-Claude Giroux,You are beautiful 🌹🌹🥀,hope you are not with a narc 😈!!
Yes, my heart, mind, individuality, self confidence, freedom, talents and at times even my soul. Has been destroyed by him. 39 years and I just left him, but still wonder if it’s me 😭
I had a lot of questions, looking for answers after I left my covert narcissist ex partner:
1) Where did I miss the 'signals' or 'red flags' that made me step into this relationship
2) Why does she not see that it is not me who is only to blame
3) Why did she turn all in a sudden from miss Nice to miss Terror
4) What did I do wrong to deserve this
5) How has this gone so wrong in such a short period
6) Will I ever have honest answers to close this page in my life and continu
7) How can somebody be this way... and so on..
As I read your questions, I can't help but to think that the lack of empathy on the part of the narc, and dare I say, 'too much' empathy shown by you, toward the narc.... seem to be the core answer to your questions.
I often wonder... Is this all on purpose or do they actually spend time planning to hurt me?
Fun Lovin Bloke you did nothing to deserve it. You were used.
We victims need to remember that Narcissists are masters at the game. In the beginning they show you exactly what they know you want to see; they mirror you, so you think they are a perfect match for you.... They do these things to "get you"--to win the prize they want--, because that is their goal. As with people who are shopoholics, the joy is in the "getting", not in the "having". Once they "have" you, the game is over, the thrill is gone, and they devalue you.
@@cymbolichuman433 I think they do. I realized after decades of being a loving loyal friend to a sibling that they were just using me for narc supply and supported my tormentors -parents- secretly behind my back. There were red flags but I just chalked them up to their weakness. All along they were a covert narc pretending the whole time.
It has devastated me to almost death. For a long time I fantasied about them coming to me and begging forgiveness, but realized after months of self reflection that they think Im in the wrong propped up by our parents agreement and that they have no intention of apologizing. I question my sanity daily and have been mostly no contact since fall 2019 except to discuss aging parents' problems. I will probably never get over it. The CoVId actually probably helped in a weird way.
I cried. I cannot hold my emotions this time listening to the questions that were lingering in my head, and realization of how he didn't really love me in the past years.
I want to thank you so much. Everything you say is spot on as to what I have gone thru over the last 25 years. Your words give me great healing. You are wonderful. I needed to hear all the things you are saying. God bless you.
My mother is a narcissist. To this day she tries to be better, smarter, than me and tries to remind me every week when we talk on the phone. I'm learning finally how to control conversations better. I love listening to this gentleman and learning more of what I indured during my childhood with her. Thank you
Dr. C, You touched the very core of my heart and soul. I feel your passion for this subject and I can't thank you enough for your guidance!!😘💞
Beach Bunny,You got a lovely smile 😊!!
I appreciate the reminders. Dr. Carter. I have a history with these poor fools. Currently, my BPD and/or NPD sister.
After 2.5 years of being patient with her because she may have BPD, I've started allowing her to push my buttons and react to her selfish, condescending comments while she refuses to pay me $100/month rent ($0 utilities) for a bedroom and full house privileges.
Later, I'll catch my negative reactions and reign myself in. Before, she'd just say I was "too sensitive." Now she's aiming at my having a mood disorder.
She acts as if I'm the one with no control over my emotions when the real issue is that SHE can't control my emotions.
Gosh how I love you, your presence and your words of wisdom.
Oh the madness of the maze of doubt and confusion that they sow and would have you believe. I'm so grateful I found your videos. You have clarified
so much for me and showed me the 'exit sign'. Thank you for addressing the kaleidoscope of questions they have you raise about yourself.. Another
valuable video. Thanks Dr C 😚
Thank you so much for that video and your kind words of support 💕
Thanks Dr. Carter, for helping us learn and cope and move beyond the heartbreak, mental damage, and confusion from the experiences of being in narcissist relationships.
Christa Clament,You look stunning 🌹🌷 dear
Thank you, Dr. Carter
Dr Carter, this video really hit home with me! I've been asking myself those questions so frequently that it's becoming excruciating. Loving yourself is indeed an essential way to move on -- and we have to be reminded all the time until we can actually do it and heal ourselves from the emotional abuse.
Thank you so much for your much-needed support, advice, and goodness! ❤️
Thank you, Dr C. I felt so flawed, so woefully inadequate after being around a raging narcissist who’s been described by a few MHC professionals as also being a classic psychopath, that I felt like a non being, and wanted to die. He’s charmed various mutual friends and described me as a narcissist to them. I’ve doubted myself to the nth degree, yet find a great deal of love and satisfaction in caring for others and being with animals. There are some souls on this planet that you can’t fool and animals and the elderly tend to see through the BS. I’m so grateful to you for making these videos and being here for us all.
I'm glad we're on the journey together. Dr. C
I feel so much pain. Although he never told me I was unattractive, his rejection has made me feel very unattractive. I was in love all in but all he could do is just drop me on my head without an ounce of remorse
ezsandoo7,You got a lovely smile 😊!!
I stayed for longer than I should have. I stayed for economic reasons. At the time, I was unemployed. Finally, I decided . . . I didn't care how much my lifestyle would change. I wasn't going to continue to take his abuse. I believe the decision triggered the opportunity. Within 30 days I got a job offer in another city. That was seven months ago. Since then, the house has sold, the divorce is nearly final, I've settled into my job, and I have a lovely new apartment. Now, I have time to reflect on what happened. Sometimes, I worry that I think about it too much. I think, "I'm not going to give him anything else, not even my thoughts." But I do believe I need time and space to process what has happened. I'm not sure why I had to go through the psychological torture that was Bill Canavan. In some ways, it was rather fascinating.I had absolutely no idea another human being could be so lacking in empathy. I remember well the day I figured out that he didn't even see me as another sentient being. I'm proud of the fact that he tried--but failed--to destroy me. I'm horrified at the ugliness he brought out in me. I have found myself spending too much watching videos about narcissism. This morning, I believe the Holy Spirit was saying that perhaps the person I need to get to know is Jesus. As Dr. Carter was saying, learn to love.
Dr C, you are such a blessing to me, your kindness, compassion, warmth, and true understanding of narcissistic abuse has helped me more than you can ever know! 🙏 Thank you for this video today, I needed reminders of these things. Those self-doubting voices do come into my head sometimes, and your words give me the strength to know that I am doing the best thing for myself by letting my mother go, once and for all.
I just moved Sat. Moved out of state. It took me awhile. Your video helped me along with my therapist to leave after 23 yrs married. I am starting a new life. He said he wanted me to understand that he was making me leave, not me. Got to have the last word. Covert narc. Thinks cheating is not a big deal. Glad I could finally leave! Thank you for your help.
This touched my heart so deeply, Dr. Carter!! Thank you!! You are such a blessing, brother!!
I dont know what to believe about myself I have been so gaslit and lied to and manipulated and still am by my mother. She subotages my reputation with extended family and friends by plane betrayal, unsupportiveness, literally laughing at me being in pain which is kind of sadistic, etc. I tried to break free from her but it seems impossible to do. If I block her she finds me thru other media sources and then pleads with me to unblock. As soon as I do that, she hurts again really bad.
They have spent years with you trying to convince you that everybody else believes their convenient false narrative of you🤦🏾♀️ You wonder if they will believe you , who do you run too? etc .. once you get to the point of it doesn't matter who believes or not because you know your truth things get easier
Yeah, "and soandso thinks so too" they put a lot of effort into trying to make you think that everybody in your circle thinks you are impossible. That's when you find out who your friends are.
"Love yourself" What a beautiful ending quote!🌺
Reactive Abuse. I just had that reaction. So disappointed in myself.
I let myself have that reaction yesterday. Just one of those days. Happens to the best of us survivors:) Don't beat yourself up about it. You may be a grey rock, but you are not made of stone. It is a process, and slip-ups happen. This too shall pass.
I finally let my slight irritation show last week, for the first time in 30 years. What a mistake! My bad! You can rest assured I'll never do THAT again!!!
don't be harsh on yourself, it happens to anyone and thats how abuse works - now you know, you can protect yourself in future if anyone else turns up and tries the old narcy tricks
@@TheTerrylwg Mine was a 30 year build up also, reaction triggered by his confession of having an affair one month into the marriage.
My older brother had such a negative impact on my self esteem. Since my parents were immigrants and he was able to make a lot of money, he had a very inappropriate amount of control in our home. I have gone no contact with him. The peace and relief I feel now is so wonderful!
So many of these videos are helpful, but this one really hit me hard. Thank you.
Another Amy,You got a lovely smile 😊!!
When you pull away from the narcs after a little while without them you realise how much life is improved and you find a peace ... it takes a little while so you just have to understand and be patient with yourself and give yourself time to heal...
This is one of your best videos yet. Thank you for this validation. I could really feel your heart. Love your work and you Dr. Carter!
Sandy Hansen,You are beautiful 🌹🌹🌺, hope you are not with a narc 😈!!
On the 19th of this month, in two days, I will have been married to a Covert Narcissist for 20 years. I have recently learned that I, personally, have work through BPD.
My head is spinning and that my world is crushed and keeps getting crushed the more I realize as I look back over my life. I’m living a nightmare.