My narc ex said: If you leave me you and your kids will starve on the streets. Well, he was wrong. My sons and I built a great family life and I started a new career path in teaching. He was so wrong. 😁
Teacher Susan mine did too. He convinced an entire court that I couldn’t take care of myself. I finished a college degree, worked for Chrysler for 21 years and own my own home. Our daughters are grown, relatively happy and have their own families. I heard from my ex every week while I owed him child support and for awhile when my youngest was on her own but not finished with college yet. As soon as the money dried up he was nonexistent. In a way it was a relief but still it was hard to wrap my mind around him using me that way. I was an object to him not a human being. At 59 I am worn out from it though. My mind is exhausted. I have PTSD and my mind seems to ruminate on it all instead of just letting it go. I don’t like the loneliness and the whole idea of being used for extra income.
Wow Doctor Carter, you look amazing. I take courage in the thought that I will get to the point where I thrive under any circumstances. I TRUST MYSELF. God bless you!
@@kellystrait1341 perhaps they felt you had been ignoring them for so long (I.E. minding your own business). One phone call that put you in the spotlight. I trust there was no harm done. That running around in circles feeling that makes you feel like nothing has been achieved. It could have been mild narcissism, then again some family members want to keep you on track, the straight and narrow, seeming to them they are being directly concerned about matters. Take charge and why not give them a few regular calls in series and see if it shuffles them up in their own zone? I suppose you know them well enough and let them take the lead. Invasive people.
@@kellystrait1341 Good analysis. Mild manner manipulatists, you give them the straight facts and they will alter them fitting to their own rights and intentions. Wish I could be the person to hang up on them (from time to time).
I had an argument yesterday with my Narcissist Ex that ended badly. When I said I wasn't going back to him he replied "I'm going to see someone else then". I said "Of Course you are". We both know you've been cheating on me". I walked away looking at him. But then something snapped and I couldn't control it. I went over to him and attacked him. All the time he was calling me 'Pathetic and crap in bed'. I eventually managed to walk away. I was shaking, and tears rolling down my face. How inhumane to throw another woman in my face. It nearly killed me. I wish I hadn't been like that, but I also think anyone in my situation emotionally abused would have done the same thing maybe. So for that I forgive myself. Today is a new beautiful sunny day and I intend to self care and live as good a life as I can, forgiving myself over and over whenever intrusive thoughts about the incident come into my head. 🍒
This shit is chronically everywhere!!! Society has been overrun by these disgusting sacks of fermented cat piss.. Goodluck Chuck! This culture encourages and enables assholes and their pathetic shitty behavior.... I have no confidence in our species anymore after dealing with so many of these soulless meatsuits....
It is the worst. It causes good people to question themselves, and it’s a dystopian nightmare. On a plus note there’s hope and also a even more appreciative life once healing begins. Dr C is a class act, and treating others with dignity and setting healthy boundaries, is a wonderful way to handle these folks. They are a mess, and while they try to put anger or frustration in your life, they suffer very much being who they are. Nothing to do for them but stand clear, as they always think they’re right, even when evidence after evidence proves them incorrect.
Indifference. Do not react and give them the fuel to play on. When there is no audience, they will take their show elsewhere to perform for others. Stay empowered and safe, dear survivors!
I don't know if there is a specific response or approach to any situation, barriers aside. Intercepting the narcissistic is always advantageous. Approaching the narcissist with a load of fuel on your hands might cause them some suspicion. 'Indifference' is certainly a midway point whereby usually alot of people care to operate from. Your opinion makes alot of sense Nel (if you don't mind me referring you that way), but Dr C cautions about bringing the game to the narcissist (yet we aren't all psychotherapists). Catch 'em at the right time and it could make for scintillating differences. Why not if it happens to be that they are regularly probing into you on-the-fly and of course if their problem is far worse than bad attitudes,,? Maybe even use an audience to bring it all home with...
And some days it feels near impossible to change our own self, let alone thinking for 25 yrs I could change a malignant Narcissist?! (In my naive defense, I did not have this info during those 25 yrs) Wow...young, altruistic and still believed in happily ever after. I'm my own hero now and day by day I try to be better than I was yesterday. That's all we can do.
@@pisces_chick2511 It's so true ! I'm nearly 30 !!! years was married to one ... Woke up ... Will live again I hear YOU 💓🙏 Be true to yourself and thrive again !
@PerceptionDeception Does it really matter if it's AI and not a stranger to you? If I am suspicious that I'm chatting to a bot, it doesn't bother me . If anything, I often prefer a bot over a stranger because AI knows my intentions are good and I don't feel any need to defend myself. I only mention this because you have the word deception in your name. I believe AI often mirrors people but with a positive twist and you don't have to worry about accidently hurting or offending AI, through not wording things well enough and being misconstrued. (Just my opinion) PS. I do realize that you didn't say that AI anon teaching you was a bad thing.
The wind changes when a narcissist comes. You can never change the direction of the wind, but you can adjust your sails. But if you are sick of changing sails all the time, find your peace in more tranquil waters.
Beautiful comment! I don’t think people realize that the NARC is only a vampire interested in their blood. Peace is a worthwhile goal, not glamorous or exciting, but relaxing and thought clearing.
I told my narcissist husband I am filing for divorce. Got endless hysterical personal attacks as he paced around the room about how, "Noone will marry you! You will get old and sag and noone will marry you," God bless Dr. C and his videos which I had been watching. I replied, "My future is my own to think about. You do not worry about me" Just like that, I felt all the control slip away from him, I felt whole again, no longer an anxious mess constantly burdened to defend myself. Dr. C, you have given me my narrative, my formerly happy self back. Thank you doesn't begin to cover it.
Dignity and self worth are the primary targets for destruction in the narcissist pathway. For to stand up for truth and honesty marks you for annihilation
I agree with him. While it’s true They are threatened by it a person with dignity and self worth which may I initially make you a target, it’s really the only safe route to go, consider the alternative: if you don’t have self worth and dignity they will be drawn to you anyway because they want someone around who has no self worth because they are easy to use and dump on
Survival Thinking Style: 1. I know we can handle this 2. I trust myself *superpower* 3. At some level, there are adjustments I can make to dealing with problems if we can dedicate ourselves to solutions and changes 4. I am resilient and can bounce back 5. I’m not perfect but I’m adequate 6. I’m able to manage my life quite nicely and if you don’t believe in me, I’m not going to melt How can we know we can trust ourselves when facing (distrustful/condescending/contemptuous/superior/dismissive/angry/dramatic/chaotic) narcissistic expressions about us? Core tenants to build your life upon: 1. You have inherent worth and dignity 2. You have basic competence 3. When you fail, you are capable of learning and moving forward from it 4. Contempt and disdain says more about the broken person expressing it 5. I’ll do as I choose knowing that I don’t require the narcissist’s blessing 5. I know the value of boundaries and consequences and the bully doesn’t have to have ultimate say over me 6. Truth has a way of rising to the surface and I won’t buckle to smear campaigns because being me isn’t risky 7. My decency and goodness I represent is soothing and speaks for itself, is honest, can be inspiring, and I don’t need to be someone else at the condescension of the narcissist Steadiness, goodness, and peace! Thank you Dr Carter ❤
If the poor narcissist is so unhappy with you & finds you such a bad person to be with then maybe you should leave in order to help them make their life better. "Yes I quite agree with you dear. You will be so much happier without me."
I said the same thing...."why would you want to be with me if I am so messed up and crazy?". That shut him up and had no reply.... I then walked out of his life!!!!
They can spot empaths a mile off who are usually caring, giving and have a conscience. It's like they feed off that "weakness". Alone time is vital to figure out if you're being manipulated by a narcissist.
Raised by narcissist mom; today she's a good godly woman. She surrendered to Jesus. I'm a magnet to Narcissist 🥺 I'm married to one now. I left the house when he teamed up with his daughter (my Stepdaughter) to humilate me, but has asked me to apologize to his daughter for my reaction. I seriously feel so drained and I was falling apart until I started listening to your videos. I been watching you videos for 3 days in a row non stop, literally! My husband is pretending his sorry, but I don't believe him anymore. He says I'm sorry, but still wants me to do what he feels is right. He is such a bully! But he acts like the good guy and blames me everything bad that happens. I do need counseling
“Im not perfect, but adequate.” Is a great quote of yours. ...especially when you are criticized and you know it’s true. It’s NOT about me, it’s about the narcissist that has the problem.
I have on one occasion told someone that I was not interested in their opinion of me. Then of course I thanked them politely for sharing their thoughts.
Amen sister. My husband has NPD and Mr. Wonderful, Dr Les has literally saved my marriage! We still have issues on a daily basis but, I now know how to respond and react to them. Yes, it’s possible to stay married to a Narcissist! 22 yrs now for me!
Watched this on the edge of my seat through to the end! When doc finished with the question. Do you trust yourself? I bawled my eyes out with relief, joy, validation. Thank you doc you're a good man. You're keeping us out of the lions den.✌❤
You are the most loving person I ever heard speaking, I mean extremely helpful, I am so thankful for your supporting the needy and the poor people like me.....
@@SurvivingNarcissism i am also a lifetime empath of my narcissistic mother and delivers for decades and became her primary supply. But now in 2021 i realized that she uses me for her own selfish needs and abuses myself many many times which i cant recognize so now i started grey rocking her and emotionally detached myself from this pshycopath.But by doing that verbal threats like dont giving me food, getting me out from home etc increases. But still i detached from her and started enjoying life and get back happiness which i dont have in my old years
To me, the hallmark of narcissism is their insistence on setting up a one-down-one -up relationship with you. Making you doubt yourself and your judgment is necessary to put and keep you "one down".
The number 1 Rule that can not be changed in a toxic narcissistic relationship...."The Narc is Better than you are"....all things said and done, fall under that rule.
You can't even imagine how much you have changed my life. I had a child with a narcissist 24 years ago. I felt useless, unattractive, and other emotions that I cannot even describe. Its like if I needed his approval to just live. I didnt know why I stayed with him even though he never said sorry for the many many things he did. A HUGE THANK YOU. Now I have the strength to walk away from him. He no longer has a hold on me. Now I have to work on feeling...because I dont find pleasure in anything. I think I am numb but not in a good way. But I know that time heals. Im giving myself time.
I feel the same way. My narc wife controlled my emotions completely. Happy, sad, happy, sad, sad, happy sad etc. kept me completely off balance. If I tried to challenge her about various bad behaviour she would crush my emotions, starve me of happiness. I stayed for the kids and the illusion that I could fix whatever the problem was. She made me think it was me. Even tried convincing me I had bipolar or something. She is a very toxic person.
@@Peecup sad so sad I truly understand really I'm in a horrible situation myself I don't know who I am anymore I see no way out I need a roommate that will pull there weight but cannot trust anyone I can't make it alone paying my own bills it's crazy I don't have children w him mine are grown but still it's so hard he throws his weight w his money too thanks for sharing I feel I'm not alone just reading all of these posts God bless 🙏
Wanda I am with you I truly understand and feel same exact way it's pure misery he throws his weight I'm on disability I need a roommate I can trust but I cannot trust anyone I have no family only adult children that has no clue they don't understand i try to talk to them but he plays nice guy to them ya know it's hard I need put before something happens I'm miserable here God is my only way at this point I can only trust in him plus I need a few surgeries long ago past due it's so hard thanks for sharing with me it makes me not feel so alone when I hear others talk about it thanks again prayers my friend
It has nothing to do with me, their actions are a reflection of who they are. A narcissist is a toxic person, so run as far as you can from them and free yourself.
After 29 years of myself and my now grown children being used and abused by my wife I would always get emotional every time I would try to talk to her. She feed of of it like a leech. Last time I talked to her on the phone I satiated calm and showed no emotion and handled everything with no anger and it brought out every bit of hatred that she had. Every minute that went by she go more and more irate. It was like a bomb went off inside her when she realized she lost the control she carried over me.
Congratulations!! I've always been an angry, upset, tired, sad, whatever mood...CRYER!! I then would get so upset with myself because it's hard to communicate when you're pissed but bawling like a baby. Hard for people to take you seriously. I would love to conquer & master that in myself. Proud of you!
I'm trying to escape my current wife. She has kept me as her puppet for 12 years. I needed to hear this. I know I can do this. I'm frightened and alone but I have to get out. I can't do it anymore. I don't know if I'll ever be able to love again....but this gave me hope. Thank you!
When I was being destroyed I reached out for help. A therapist ,who saw me briefly and had published work on Narcissism ( a word that I had not even explored) told me to stand up and walk. She told me to stand up tall and in that moment, I knew that she meant show your own " agency". I like that word . I always gain so much from your videos. I wait in anticipation.
There are some who just ignore who you are and smother you with commands as if they need to show you the way step by step! What megalomania! Yes trust yourself. So true, Sir.
For real! I have 30 years experience in my field, and I am the person most likely to bring new/current ideas to our team, and my manager will insist on showing me step-by-step how to do entry level work as if I am brand new to the job. If I say anything other than "Ok.", he will turn it into an argument or an attack on my personality.
Absolutely. Trusting God with my 16 year old daughter NBPD. (Narcissistic borderline personality disorder). My terminology. I pray for her daily But not allowing abuse anymore. I have to take care of myself
@@ingridferg9779 ITs the media, it has sickened our minds, full of occult themes,which left unchecked by the WORD of God, we end up acting out destructive behaviors unconsciously by ritual.
@@FarmersAreCool There will always be those who want to use God's word THEIR WAY for nothing BUT controlling others, and the new attitude, "hate the sin/Love the sinner" no way do I like that, like no one has the guts to tell someone they are wrong anymore, hate what they did but love them and it comes across like ur not to tell them they were wrong? What kind of BS are they going to come up with in another 30 years?
@@raymondgarafano8604 We gotta sort Christendom out right now. We Don't have 30 years. 7 billion people are going to have to bend their knee all at once.
It boggles my mind why anyone would choose to remain in the presence of a narcissist. I was raised by one and the constant struggle against their narcissism was so great that I couldn't wait to get away from him. We never had a close relationship while I was growing up and we never had a close relationship after I left home at the age of 17. And, what I learned about narcissists through my experience is that no one can have a close relationship with a narcissist. Therefore, they just aren't worth the effort. Just get away from them as soon as possible and move on with your life. It's a whole lot easier than trying to figure out how to protect yourself from them while remaining in their company. They're never going to value you as anything other than a punching bag that makes them feel better. Read that last sentence as many times as it takes for it to sink in - then, run away from the narcissist as fast as you can and never look back.
You sound a little narcissistic. Better to ask how anyone gets into a relationship with a narcissist. Because once in, you often can’t leave without hurt innocent others. Oh those who only consider their own needs can hurt those in their way of “being happy”. But then, you have to wonder, who was really the narcissist?
To narc: “You are the only person who has ever accused me of being a liar or .... (fill in the blank). You are entitled to your opinion. But I have integrity, so as sad as I am about it, if you can’t see that in me then I guess this is goodbye.”
@@ritasachik3831, I agree. The less you say the better off you are when dealing with a narcissist. You are your own person and you have every right to your feelings. Be proud of who you are and be happy in the fact, thank the Lord that you are not a narcissist. Don't let the narcissist take that away from the lovely person you are. Narcissists are hell bent to destroy you, because you are the opposite of what they are. They feel empaths are weak, useless, and stupid. It is not just you, but narcs. think this way about everyone. They truly think they are the cream of the crop and people are beneath them, which is not true. Even when narcs. go into combat with their own kind, one will be the looser. Just like the king cobra. When a cobra fights one of their own kind the winner will eat the dead carcass of their challenger. Don't think you have to take control of the situation and argue with them. You don't owe them an explanation. When you rebuttal their remarks it just gives them more fuel and supply. If you try to explain, they will easily twist it around and triangulate, and manipulate you. Don't participate in their mind games. It takes way to much energy to do so. Don't allow them to rob you of your joy and happiness. The best way to get back at the narc. is to live without them. Live your own life the way you want to. Set your own barriers. Go no contact with them and gray rock them to death. This will drive them absolutely nuts and insane.
It is surreal to discover that my family is INDEED filled with evil. I had lied to myself for 40 years they were good people doing evil things. No, No, No! They are bad bad bad people who occasionally are nice. They are incapable of empathy, honesty, growth, and love. It is hard not to still be filled with hatred. Dr. Les has reminded me that I really should value myself just for fighting the good fight and surviving.
It's impossible to detach, which would be the only right thing to do, when you have a child with narc. But as less contact/communication as possible is definitely beneficial.
“I do hope that you have gained some inspiration.....” Dr. Carter, it is more that inspiration, your soothing words each day are the only calming force in my life right now. I take a phrase each day and make my mantra to get thru the day. Today “I trust myself”. Another favorite “I release you” to the narc.
Yes....absolutely...I have been doing exactly same...infact required to use, in a tough situation 'I release you' very soon after learning it from Dr. Carter.
Contempt and disdain. It was so very very hard to live with that - married for 14 years to that. I am a fun, happy, extrovert, assertive, energetic person. I was courted by my mirror - I married my opposite! Finding that out was horrendous. 14 years later - 30 June 2017 - freedom
Trusting your instincts can be especially difficult for codependents as the desire for approval and validation interferes with the simplicity of it all. If you feel you're codependent ask yourself this: if someone else whom you cared about was dealing with the same narcissist you are dealing with would you recommend they trust the narcissists opinion or their own? Exactly. Do the same for yourself. Validating, accepting and approving yourself is the first and last step you ever need to take. That is trust.
This is brilliant, I only ever fall into that codependant (usually dependant) mode because I was taught to be that way growing up.nthe criticism, negativity, punishments rages passive aggression and always fearful I was wrong.... only when im around my n.fam. its true if I saw someone else going through the same thing I'd say come over here, I will be there for you! SO I should trust myself more! How you've put it really resonates. I've often thought if I wasn't related to them would I want them in my life and the answer is no or only in tiny doses. Yet because I'm sick im not able to get away but least I can do is trust myself. Narcs never want you to feel good about yourself It's as if it's in their dna to make us feel less than. Strange to me as I like to validate others. Great comment, wishing you well, you seem to have a handle on things 👍👏✌
Stay Calm even though Uu know that they slander Uu to their mama friend s and anyone who is to listen!! But the truth Prevals,, and set u Free my lord Have mercy
I would like to add that my ultimate super power is God my maker, Jesus my savior and being filled with the Holy Spirit...the scriptures have also been carrying me through. Without them I do not think I would still be alive. Please do not stop posting on narcissism...Thank you...you are helping me and many others to navigate the rough waters.
If u have known a narcissist for a long time, and u bump into that person, u simply kill him with kindness. They will be nice back, in a fake way. U know their character, so u play the game.
Your advice has been instrumental in amazing personal growth after years of not "trusting myself". In the midst of conflict, I hear your calm, firm voice coaching me. Thanks Dr Les, your big heart comes through in all you do. Gus is a great example of being calm! Cheers
I’ve been married to a narcissistic sociopath for 24 years. I am not who I used to be. My joy and soul has been stolen by my emotionally bankrupt husband, but now I have hope. I trust myself!!!
It made my narc sister so angry when I told her I don't trust her. Once they know the spell is broken they will drop you. Once they know you trust yourself and love yourself, you are of no use to them. My narc sister turned into a little four year old victim when I got myself back. Poison growing up with her.
I had a narc living below me in an apartment complex, and he took a dislike to me, and made my life hell in a bunch of ways. One was that he ended up formally complaining to the board for noise complaints. If I was simply cleaning, he would accuse me of moving furniture, if I was bundling up recyclables, he'd accuse me of making a racket, etc. All exaggerated, no complaint reflecting reality, and all daytime, normal hours, me doing normal everyday things. I kept every text and email, and I responded to his formal complaint by noting every complaint he made and what I was actually doing during that complaint, and what time it was. The board completely sided with me. Despite all of this, part of me always felt awful, and it was very difficult to stay strong, and remind myself that this was totally on him. I think for women, especially, we tend to feel guilt and shame when there is absolutely no grounds for it, b/c we were socialized to be that way. Also, if you have that personality type, the narc senses it and knows you are a good target. I moved out, but if I so much as drop something on the floor I still feel my heart start to beat faster because of him, as if I am making too much noise. Anyway, the "trust yourself" sounds simple, but for so many of us, it really is a tough one. But it is the path through. May we all absorb a few drops of the arrogance these jerks are overflowing with.
I think you handled this situation like a BOSS! You DID trust yourself and took very specific measures to combat his craziness. If you didn’t “trust yourself,” you would have been wracked with guilt and doubt and bowing down to his demands. We don’t WANT to have to fight, to defend ourselves (particularly when it gets legal) but we are forced to at times bc the aggressor sets the rules of engagement, not the peacemaker. And if you CANT leave right away, sometimes you must engage in the battle. But you were SO prepared!
My narc mother would sneak over to the neighbour's property and get their dogs barking, then run home and call bylaw officers to complain about the barking dogs. Another neighbour was building a new house- did she take cookies over and congratulate them? Nope. She claimed rare and endangered plants were being destroyed so there had to be a whole environmental assessment, and there were no endangered plants. They are nuts and really should be branded. BTW, I jumped out of my skin when a bird flitted past my window yesterday...I don't think you ever really get over it.
It sounds like an extremely stressful place to live. It’s always some thing, one neighbor, without ever meeting me decided that she didn’t like me & Caused trouble. Another neighbor, across the street, we’d chat a couple times a year, till evidently his wife told him that he couldn’t talk to me anymore. Weird.
See that's how they work, they make all their problems yours. The fact that you even question your self awareness or perhaps lack thereof is not something I think a narc is capable of.
sitting in tears after yet another episode with my husband and oh boy has he managed to make me look like the unstable one. I wish I had the courage to leave... he knows i am in therapy for ptsd due to a sexual assault yet he belittles me still
Wow! This is so helpful to me trying to end a narcissistic relationship with my disabled husband! My counselor for the last 10 months has been trying to guide me in understanding me to trust myself and that I’m not crazy! Thank you for your time!!!!!
Being aware of their personality disorder tendencies, the ways that the disorder manifests, and thus not absorbing their control tactics, their devaluation, their projections helps me take back personal control and stability. Realizing, as you said, that their behaviors communicate more about who they are than who I am keeps their tactics from grounding my personhood into powder. What I am most concerned about now is learning how to connect with healthier people. A lifetime of withdrawal and keeping so much to myself as a means of psychological survival makes it hard to know how to open up and connect. Dr. Carter, your videos have been extremely helpful. Thank you. I think that I would benefit, and probably others here would as well, from a video about healing from long-term narcissistic abuse and learning how to connect with people when secure attachment has been a rarity.
@@susanturner139, It's such a difficult situation, isn't it. So toxic! Psalm 27:10 "Even if my father and mother abandon me, the LORD will hold me close." A relationship with the Creator was definitely my lifeline. However, some survival strategies - withdrawal, dissociation, etc.- turn out not to be as beneficial in the end. BTW: Occasionally I still feel "invisible." Awful, hollow feeling. Thankfully, kids today can at least find sites like this one and begin unraveling the tentacles sooner.
catnc1 Thank you, having always been a Christian definitely helped me as I grew up in a toxic environment. The Lord doesn’t change even though my MANY church groups did... my mother didn’t believe in ANY kind of stability, so constant change was the name of the game!!! The good part was she taught me how to NOT raise my own child and my husband and I are rewarded with a delightful, mature and loving adult daughter!! I want to cry for the children who were raised like I was!!! As an elementary school teacher I tried to make each and every student feel important, cared for and full of dreams and possibilities! Maybe I have my mother to thank for that!!! “Her Legacy!” Hhm! ????? I love the Bible verse you quoted! I will write it in my journal and keep it in my heart! ❤️❤️❤️. Amen to that
Thank you for this. My mother was a narcissist and my life was a living hell for so long. I am in therapy and now feel I'm ready to break the chains of that relationship for good and work toward a happy life.
I gave so much of my time and resources to narcassistic individuals in my extended famly. I owe them nothing and my life is so wonderfully fulfilling without them muddying the waters daily . I trust myself. That's my secret weapon!
i wish i'd had a therapist like you instead of the one i had... mine encouraged me to put all of my trust, faith, and energy into my narcissist and gaslit me when i was starting to realize that the relationship was unhealthy. i felt incredibly guilty for feeling that way, so i kept letting him take more and more from me. :( a few months ago i finally told him i can't take this behavior and the way he treats my friends anymore. i talked about it to my counselor and she defended him saying he can change back to his "real" self for like one session but that was it (she works at my college and knows this person)... she was more interested in talking about my sexuality (i'm gay) than helping me. i don't see her anymore. watching videos like this on youtube has helped me more than she ever cared to. thank you for what you do. :)
I had never thought about how important self trust is! Thinking of it, narcs usually target vulnerable persons and, often, when you're in you're a vulnerable state, your self trust is not at its top. Thanks, Dr.C, for these eye-opening videos.
I just read a chat that was about my story 5 years ago. Well I am still alive and HAPPY! and RID of the pathetic sick human. I have lost my son and grandchildren. He will not talk to me. I have reached out many times and get nothing. That has been worse than the divorce. I should write a bestseller book. I do not blame my son totally. I say my x and I have taught him well. We have handed down our childhood crap to him. Please anyone reading this you need to heal yourself before you can make any kind of difference for yourself or your kids. God and I have become very close and he by far has gotten me through this ugly mess. My therapy says he may never return. I have to let him make the moves for it to work. My door is wide open to him and I pray he comes back. It's only been 5 years. :( :( :( You have been a great help to me. Thank you
My super power has been prayer 🛐, and fasting. All things are possible with God. Even if the narc is not relaxing their attacks, the Lord is my defense, and place of my refuge. There will be a day of reckoning coming, and I pray everyday for the souls of these people who willingly choose to live their lives outside of Gods authority. For their life lived apart from the name of Jesus Christ and His gospel, is going to end in an horrific eternity. May God bless them with His salvation...
Co-parenting with a narc is a disaster for me and mental and emotional harm to a child because there is Not such a thing as co-parenting with narc... Looking forward to this live video with a hope to learn valuable lesson.
If you can, make a plan. Start looking for work in another state and move. It will take time. But do it. It’s what I told my nephew to do once he gets sole custody of his daughter. Sell the house once you get another job far away in another state because co parenting is NOT WORKING. He is looking for a transfer in the Navy. So that’s helpful. The Navy is everywhere.
Its awful to be tied to a narc for life. I have 3 children with him and feel stuck. Left twice and went to my mom's knowing it wouldnt go well. Now, Im back in his home and his mask fell off in 3 weeks. Sick of bouncing back and forth between an abusive narc and an emotionally distant mom and sick of letting him break me down so that I am unable to focus on what I need to do to finally stand on my own. I try to follow all the advice from Dr. Les and other experts on narcissism but its so hard when you are a peaceful, loving person that WANTS to be that person all the time. I feel like I have to shut down my emotions or hold onto the anger to get through it sometimes and then I realize my kids are the only ones that notice mommy isnt OK. They're not getting the best of me, the happy mom they need and deserve and meanwhile, he's whistling dixie from the minute he gets home. This video is exactly what I needed because i will be fine all day and then about an hour before he's getting off work the anxiety kicks in and last night as soon as he got here my PTSD hit me so bad I was locked in the bathroom shaking and crying and kept thinking "I cant do this." Now, I am going to try telling myself I CAN handle him and whether he is nice, or mean, or acting like I dont exist... I will try my best to keep doing me and moving forward.
@@BeatnikDesigns Act like he does not exist, it can be a good way of coping. Mine insisted that there was something wrong with me and insisted that I go to therapy, I went and the therapist insisted that she see him separately. He kept threatening to leave and I would just say that was his prerogative in the hope that he would go, he was violent as well as emotionally and financially abusive and I had no chance of leaving as he would lock me in all day. Firstly the therapist persuaded him to stop locking me in and then she told me that there would be no way that he would leave unless he thought that he could hurt me in doing so. She explored that with him and it turned out that he had been having an affair so he left to be with her. It didn't work out for him and he was a pain in the arse throughout the divorce and afterwards because the stupid judge let him have unsupervised contact, which he used to further abuse me. I secretly recorded the abuse and then moved miles away. He took me back to court saying that I had moved to stop his contact, but I just said that I had moved because of the abuse and that the move meant that my parents could handle the contact handovers, I showed the secret recordings to the CAFCASS woman and hey presto further contact was denied. His marriage to wife number 2 a foreign lady ended when he put her in hospital for 3 weeks, he was remanded in prison but got out because she walked into the police station and rescinded her statement and then went AWOL so the Crown Prosecution Service dropped the case against him.
Love This!!! there are many vids about narcissist... I don't care about the "Narcissist" (thats what they want anyway) ... but this is about how to change yourself! How to get away from these lunatics! Great therapist.. always enjoy his vids! Thanks doc - if you read these!
GOD BLESS YOU for showing me how to understand my sister of 66 years of playing with my head and all the hurt she did to me ,and i never understood why i was the asshole and she the best of the best the family hero ,replacing me in the family with a friend so she's the baby ,with this understanding i can look at the under tone and think its O.K. and have peace in my heart i still love her ,THANK YOU.
I would say knowing very clearly who you are (boundaries, etc.) and not being afraid to communicate that clearly to everyone. Also: total indifference to their competitive attempts to outdo you 🤔🤷♀️🌚
The very clever narcissist will take the time to make you think he believes in your superpower and he wants YOU to believe in your superpower- that is, until you USE it. That’s how he sets you up in his little T-ball stand to knock you down with “what do you think you’re doing trying to stand up for yourself?!” And because he lacks true integrity, he would never attempt to stand for a direct pitch. That’s just too much work. He’d rather take the easy way out and simply convince you and others that he believes in you and in your super powers. Deception is his superpower. And sometimes he even uses it on himself.
Yes. After the usual desparate collapse of her narc attempts to frame and control, she comes back with talk of my freedom, gifts and being supportive of potentials. I see now it's just another nut and bolt in the supply trap.
To me they are curious creatures. They live such complicated intricate dramas, and there's so many of them. When you step back and look at it, the world seems encourage narcissism. I got their number.
I've just discovered my 27 yr old is a true narcissist. I'm tired of arguing with him and feeling less than. This one saying... Trust yourself truly helps. Thank you for your video. Ill keep looking at the rest and hopefully be able to feel more than less than. My bipolar makes it difficult but I need a new way to deal with him. Blessings and light to you.
I trust myself but more importantly I trust God to lead me through the mess that is the narcissist. The more I trust God, the more I trust myself. We know who wins in the end of this battle. 💎🕊💙🔱🔥 God bless you Dr. Carter! I know He sent you into my life as a blessing and an inspiration. 💫 Have a wonderful day
My father used to say, 'you are your best friend'. Trust yourself. All the answers are inside you. Trust your gut feelings, your intuition, because they are the right answers for you. Thanks Dr. C. Say hi to Gus.
That's right. I really felt a sense of loss, UNTIL I realized that I was mourning the mask. Missing what could have been, NOT what Was. After a while, I was able to emotionally believe that the "person" I was in love with, DID NOT EXIST. I knew it but my emotions didn't for the longest time.
@@251omega That sums it up so completely! I have been in mourning for 6 months. Shared friends make it hard but the person he is showing is not someone I can trust or respect. Contact is painful so I have cut contact any way I can. Empathy can be a weakness unless balanced with empathy for myself.
@@lilianfowler7988 That's the hard part. We're so used to sacrificing for everybody else, but we always put ourselves last. Of course WE are so much more able to take the hardship than whoever we're helping. WRONG. We've been taking it and it takes it's toll, but we ignore THAT. Until we get that monthly, weekly, or sometimes, daily betrayal. That's when we start thinking about how unfair it is that we do everything for them, but when it's THEIR turn to return the favor, they're not just gone, they are oblivious. That's the worst part... they don't even know. And when we tried to remind them, there's something wrong with us! ---> I'm 2 1/3 years NO CONTACT and She only crosses my mind every two or three weeks, now! Everytime I do, I make myself remember specific times when she went out of her way to make me cry! I give that memory-good-time-bias a run for it's money! I'm almost to the point where I either don't think of her at all, or when I do, it's no longer with longing for 'what could have been'! ---> I strongly recommend that you find as many times during the week or during the day, as you can, to sit by yourself quietly and listen to (my favorite) music of "Dr. SaxLove", here's a link to today's Live show. ua-cam.com/video/c6POVhj7iaw/v-deo.html&ab_channel=Dr.SaxLove To describe how much good it does for me, would be an impossible task. At least give it a try and let me know if you find the same truth in the music. Bill
Awhile back my narc wanted me to redo his bathroom and while he was hoping to scramble my brains on the deal by making a trade. I told him I would take a look at it and let him know. The job was going to cost about $600 and the trade was for a work van that had more problems than it was worth. So I knew he doubled down on the price and gave him a reply of him giving me the $600 and the van, and I would take care of it all. Of course he thinks he is on the losing end and came up with this, he says his brother said it will only cost $50 in material and they have most of it anyway, and instead of him giving me the money for getting the right material, we use the stuff laying around and he helps. I said that is to be reconsidered and I would get back with him. After a week he cornered me and I asked what he wanted to offer, he said he would cut and furnish and carry it for me that all I would do is the thinking part, and I said great I'll do it for the van and $2000. He said what for? I said by the time it would take telling you and having to do it myself and trying to match old plumbing material. I don't have to think about it, it will cost me that much.
This is possibly the best advice I've ever herd. I'm really tired of not being true to myself to try and please the narcissist in my life. From this point forward, I'm going to be who I truly am. Thank-you.
I love this. “Trust yourself”. It’s like what Jesus Christ said to the lame man at the pools, “Pick up thy bed and walk”. I’ve said that to myself a few times to get me through the bad bits! Wonderful video! Thank you, Dr C! x
This reminds me of the 1st epistle of John, "I tell you these things not because you don't know them but because you do know them", or something very close to that
They also try to make you doubt yourself and that's what my narcissist did when I was with him gaslighting me make me doubt myself that was a really good one
My father has been telling me I’m too prideful, and he’s been a tyrannical narcissist in my life the entire time. This video helped me realize I am capable without his approval
This is so true. Because when I started becoming aware, in the last couple years of my 36 year marriage. I began to hear when he was lying. I could hear the real truth in the lie. Liars always tell on themselves. And I know it’s because I began trusting myself.
Would love someone to dedicate a narc video to when the narcs are your parents. One or both. Not as easy to walk away. You can clearly walk away and cut ties with narc "friends" or partners. But when you were raised by them, have horrific health issues and are disabled, not so easy. The narcs don't even know I'm disabled. That would ruin their image so it and any medical issues are totally ignored. As a child, I was convinced they were going to leave in the middle of the night. As an almost 50 year old adult, I see why. But nothing makes any of this easier. Pain on top of pain on top of pain.
I'm sorry. I remember my friends daughter counting the days till her 18th birthday. She escaped that day. I didn't understand or even see the problems. The abuse was well hidden. I wish you could escape, too.
That all 'sounds' quite agonizing. It's bad enough to be raised by a Narcissist (to depend on them, for so much); I can't imagine how it feels to experience the added vulnerabilities of illness and disability. I sincerely hope that you heal.
@@l.5832 I'm over 1000.miles away..The ability for these people to hurt me knows no no bounds. We really aren't in contact that much. I don't have long to live. I've let go as much as possible but it's still painful as hell. They brought me here and they abandoned me. But not my younger siblings. I am the scapegoat and I will be in the ground soon enough.
Appreciate this man. Dr. Carter, thanks you for your, well to me, Minstry. After being psychologically abused by my mother, and then suffering the same at the hands of my now, ex-husband, due to trauma-bonding.......your wealth of education in narcissism, and empowering words are monumental in my road to healing. At the same time as my divorce last year, God blessed my daughter and I with our first home. I believe there is hope, I believe I can forgive myself, I believe I can be FREE. Thank you for what you do 🙏🏾
My experience with the mental health system (I had no other support to turn to) had managed to negatively effect my self trust. I protect myself from them. They have added to my struggle/battle exponentially.
My narc ex said: If you leave me you and your kids will starve on the streets. Well, he was wrong. My sons and I built a great family life and I started a new career path in teaching. He was so wrong. 😁
May God bless you and your children
Teacher Susan mine did too. He convinced an entire court that I couldn’t take care of myself. I finished a college degree, worked for Chrysler for 21 years and own my own home. Our daughters are grown, relatively happy and have their own families. I heard from my ex every week while I owed him child support and for awhile when my youngest was on her own but not finished with college yet. As soon as the money dried up he was nonexistent. In a way it was a relief but still it was hard to wrap my mind around him using me that way. I was an object to him not a human being. At 59 I am worn out from it though. My mind is exhausted. I have PTSD and my mind seems to ruminate on it all instead of just letting it go. I don’t like the loneliness and the whole idea of being used for extra income.
@@guylamullins3602 neurofeedback sessions helped me to get out of the ptsd looo.
What a great testimony!!😊 God bless you and your son!
This sounds very familiar
Having emotional maturity & self control is your superpower. It's the very essence of what they lack.
Thanks ,I appreciate that. Emotional maturity & self control are super powers.
Trusting yourself is a deterrent to gaslighting.
Amen to that!
Wow Doctor Carter, you look amazing. I take courage in the thought that I will get to the point where I thrive under any circumstances. I TRUST MYSELF. God bless you!
@@kellystrait1341 perhaps they felt you had been ignoring them for so long (I.E. minding your own business).
One phone call that put you in the spotlight.
I trust there was no harm done. That running around in circles feeling that makes you feel like nothing has been achieved.
It could have been mild narcissism, then again some family members want to keep you on track, the straight and narrow, seeming to them they are being directly concerned about matters.
Take charge and why not give them a few regular calls in series and see if it shuffles them up in their own zone?
I suppose you know them well enough and let them take the lead.
Invasive people.
@@kellystrait1341 Good analysis. Mild manner manipulatists, you give them the straight facts and they will alter them fitting to their own rights and intentions.
Wish I could be the person to hang up on them (from time to time).
@@kellystrait1341 Oh, a blind date in the pipeline, your ex's? 😳🤣
I had an argument yesterday with my Narcissist Ex that ended badly. When I said I wasn't going back to him he replied "I'm going to see someone else then". I said "Of Course you are". We both know you've been cheating on me". I walked away looking at him. But then something snapped and I couldn't control it. I went over to him and attacked him. All the time he was calling me 'Pathetic and crap in bed'. I eventually managed to walk away. I was shaking, and tears rolling down my face. How inhumane to throw another woman in my face. It nearly killed me. I wish I hadn't been like that, but I also think anyone in my situation emotionally abused would have done the same thing maybe. So for that I forgive myself. Today is a new beautiful sunny day and I intend to self care and live as good a life as I can, forgiving myself over and over whenever intrusive thoughts about the incident come into my head. 🍒
Repeat after me.. what someone thinks off me is not my business!
Why should anyone else care?
But when from nowhere they start using your poxy childhood nickname, you know you're dealing with 'the narc'...👌
*of
Sun Flower lol
A book by Terry Cole-Whitiker...
Thank you
It amazes me just how real this personality disorder really is.
This shit is chronically everywhere!!! Society has been overrun by these disgusting sacks of fermented cat piss.. Goodluck Chuck! This culture encourages and enables assholes and their pathetic shitty behavior.... I have no confidence in our species anymore after dealing with so many of these soulless meatsuits....
@@SunkenButterfly I feel yah.. 😞
It is the worst. It causes good people to question themselves, and it’s a dystopian nightmare. On a plus note there’s hope and also a even more appreciative life once healing begins. Dr C is a class act, and treating others with dignity and setting healthy boundaries, is a wonderful way to handle these folks. They are a mess, and while they try to put anger or frustration in your life, they suffer very much being who they are. Nothing to do for them but stand clear, as they always think they’re right, even when evidence after evidence proves them incorrect.
it is REAL- pervasive and insidious, too
Yes. It's terrifying.
Indifference. Do not react and give them the fuel to play on. When there is no audience, they will take their show elsewhere to perform for others. Stay empowered and safe, dear survivors!
Just like you would allow a toddler to throw their tantrum and wear themselves out.
Betsy Hood, exactly! Been practising this and it works like a charm!
I like that 👍👍👍👍👍
Give them no audience...YES!
It makes them so angry as they try more tactics in their
‘useless bag of tricks,’lol
I don't know if there is a specific response or approach to any situation, barriers aside.
Intercepting the narcissistic is always advantageous. Approaching the narcissist with a load of fuel on your hands might cause them some suspicion.
'Indifference' is certainly a midway point whereby usually alot of people care to operate from.
Your opinion makes alot of sense Nel (if you don't mind me referring you that way), but Dr C cautions about bringing the game to the narcissist (yet we aren't all psychotherapists). Catch 'em at the right time and it could make for scintillating differences. Why not if it happens to be that they are regularly probing into you on-the-fly and of course if their problem is far worse than bad attitudes,,?
Maybe even use an audience to bring it all home with...
"I cannot change others, and so I change myself."
And some days it feels near impossible to change our own self, let alone thinking for 25 yrs I could change a malignant Narcissist?! (In my naive defense, I did not have this info during those 25 yrs) Wow...young, altruistic and still believed in happily ever after. I'm my own hero now and day by day I try to be better than I was yesterday. That's all we can do.
It is so freeing ... especially when we allow ourselves to set limits and are gentle with ourselves 😀
@@pisces_chick2511 It's so true !
I'm nearly 30 !!! years was married to one ...
Woke up ...
Will live again
I hear YOU 💓🙏
Be true to yourself and thrive again !
@PerceptionDeception Does it really matter if it's AI and not a stranger to you? If I am suspicious that I'm chatting to a bot, it doesn't bother me . If anything, I often prefer a bot over a stranger because AI knows my intentions are good and I don't feel any need to defend myself.
I only mention this because you have the word deception in your name. I believe AI often mirrors people but with a positive twist and you don't have to worry about accidently hurting or offending AI, through not wording things well enough and being misconstrued. (Just my opinion)
PS. I do realize that you didn't say that AI anon teaching you was a bad thing.
Pisces _Chick , as Piscies myself I happened to find some answers in compatibility sections of zodiacs.
If you are being repeatedly targetted, there is often a real reason behind it. Jealousy.
The wind changes when a narcissist comes. You can never change the direction of the wind, but you can adjust your sails. But if you are sick of changing sails all the time, find your peace in more tranquil waters.
Love this!!
Beautiful comment! I don’t think people realize that the NARC is only a vampire interested in their blood. Peace is a worthwhile goal, not glamorous or exciting, but relaxing and thought clearing.
very poetic!
Or find your peace within, regardless of what is happening in your surrounds.
"I release you" by dr les Carter. Get the protective shield around you and never get hurt again ❤❤❤❤
I told my narcissist husband I am filing for divorce. Got endless hysterical personal attacks as he paced around the room about how, "Noone will marry you! You will get old and sag and noone will marry you,"
God bless Dr. C and his videos which I had been watching.
I replied, "My future is my own to think about. You do not worry about me"
Just like that, I felt all the control slip away from him, I felt whole again, no longer an anxious mess constantly burdened to defend myself.
Dr. C, you have given me my narrative, my formerly happy self back. Thank you doesn't begin to cover it.
❤️ What a great response 😊
@@RippleDrop. thank you :)
Thank you. Narcissists are so lying and deceiving.
Dignity and self worth are the primary targets for destruction in the narcissist pathway. For to stand up for truth and honesty marks you for annihilation
I agree with him. While it’s true They are threatened by it a person with dignity and self worth which may I initially make you a target, it’s really the only safe route to go, consider the alternative: if you don’t have self worth and dignity they will be drawn to you anyway because they want someone around who has no self worth because they are easy to use and dump on
Survival Thinking Style:
1. I know we can handle this
2. I trust myself *superpower*
3. At some level, there are adjustments I can make to dealing with problems if we can dedicate ourselves to solutions and changes
4. I am resilient and can bounce back
5. I’m not perfect but I’m adequate
6. I’m able to manage my life quite nicely and if you don’t believe in me, I’m not going to melt
How can we know we can trust ourselves when facing (distrustful/condescending/contemptuous/superior/dismissive/angry/dramatic/chaotic) narcissistic expressions about us?
Core tenants to build your life upon:
1. You have inherent worth and dignity
2. You have basic competence
3. When you fail, you are capable of learning and moving forward from it
4. Contempt and disdain says more about the broken person expressing it
5. I’ll do as I choose knowing that I don’t require the narcissist’s blessing
5. I know the value of boundaries and consequences and the bully doesn’t have to have ultimate say over me
6. Truth has a way of rising to the surface and I won’t buckle to smear campaigns because being me isn’t risky
7. My decency and goodness I represent is soothing and speaks for itself, is honest, can be inspiring, and I don’t need to be someone else at the condescension of the narcissist
Steadiness, goodness, and peace!
Thank you Dr Carter ❤
Well done! Thank you for that accurate and helpfull summary 😊
@@rolandberendonck3900 ditto, he did a good job.
If the poor narcissist is so unhappy with you & finds you such a bad person to be with then maybe you should leave in order to help them make their life better. "Yes I quite agree with you dear. You will be so much happier without me."
Sarah Strong I love this and I've mentioned that I don't know how some people can even talk to me if they hate me as much as they seem to. 😂
I said the same thing...."why would you want to be with me if I am so messed up and crazy?". That shut him up and had no reply.... I then walked out of his life!!!!
I told. My wife she would be better off without me.
I can't figure out the logic of her response, " then you get to be the big hero".
@@fmbmrtjdpcmrtb8030 Good idea. All the best.
Yes, trust yourself and go no contact. That is what I did. No one can take the constant manipulation forever.
They can spot empaths a mile off who are usually caring, giving and have a conscience. It's like they feed off that "weakness". Alone time is vital to figure out if you're being manipulated by a narcissist.
Staying calm and focusing on self.
Very close! Dr. C
@@SurvivingNarcissism thank you for your dedication 🙂
One rewarding summary or opinion Liz, let's do it!
@@SurvivingNarcissism heartbeat raises by tailgaiters. Where I am in Indonesia they drive like a swarm of flies.
Love and success, persued by compassion. The results can be one big pile-up when nothing gets changed.
Trust the one who's earned it. Yourself.
Laura Radar,I admire your lovely smile
“I’m good at being me.” Duuude you just blew my mind
Raised by narcissist mom; today she's a good godly woman. She surrendered to Jesus. I'm a magnet to Narcissist 🥺 I'm married to one now. I left the house when he teamed up with his daughter (my Stepdaughter) to humilate me, but has asked me to apologize to his daughter for my reaction. I seriously feel so drained and I was falling apart until I started listening to your videos. I been watching you videos for 3 days in a row non stop, literally! My husband is pretending his sorry, but I don't believe him anymore. He says I'm sorry, but still wants me to do what he feels is right. He is such a bully! But he acts like the good guy and blames me everything bad that happens. I do need counseling
“Im not perfect, but adequate.” Is a great quote of yours. ...especially when you are criticized and you know it’s true. It’s NOT about me, it’s about the narcissist that has the problem.
hi, here to help, you mean*" you know "that its not true"..
Wendi Watson I don’t get it. What is not true? Be clear.
I have on one occasion told someone that I was not interested in their opinion of me. Then of course I thanked them politely for sharing their thoughts.
Amen sister. My husband has NPD and Mr. Wonderful, Dr Les has literally saved my marriage! We still have issues on a daily basis but, I now know how to respond and react to them. Yes, it’s possible to stay married to a Narcissist! 22 yrs now for me!
Surround my self with nice POSITIVE PEOPLE.
Watched this on the edge of my seat through to the end! When doc finished with the question. Do you trust yourself? I bawled my eyes out with relief, joy, validation. Thank you doc you're a good man. You're keeping us out of the lions den.✌❤
You are the most loving person I ever heard speaking, I mean extremely helpful, I am so thankful for your supporting the needy and the poor people like me.....
So pleased. Thanks again, vita, for your encouraging words. Dr. C
Yeah, looks like he really loves his work and teaches good things (at least by human measure).
@@ГянджаТойс A wonderful UA-cam mentor. Do you ever wonder if he used to be married to one?
I agree whole heartedly... Doctor Carter is awesome!
@@SurvivingNarcissism i am also a lifetime empath of my narcissistic mother and delivers for decades and became her primary supply. But now in 2021 i realized that she uses me for her own selfish needs and abuses myself many many times which i cant recognize so now i started grey rocking her and emotionally detached myself from this pshycopath.But by doing that verbal threats like dont giving me food, getting me out from home etc increases. But still i detached from her and started enjoying life and get back happiness which i dont have in my old years
To me, the hallmark of narcissism is their insistence on setting up a one-down-one -up relationship with you. Making you doubt yourself and your judgment is necessary to put and keep you "one down".
That tactic is spotted from a mile away..like Crab 🦀 in barrel mentality.
Basically the imbalance
The number 1 Rule that can not be changed in a toxic narcissistic relationship...."The Narc is Better than you are"....all things said and done, fall under that rule.
You can't even imagine how much you have changed my life. I had a child with a narcissist 24 years ago. I felt useless, unattractive, and other emotions that I cannot even describe. Its like if I needed his approval to just live. I didnt know why I stayed with him even though he never said sorry for the many many things he did. A HUGE THANK YOU. Now I have the strength to walk away from him. He no longer has a hold on me. Now I have to work on feeling...because I dont find pleasure in anything. I think I am numb but not in a good way. But I know that time heals. Im giving myself time.
Yes, be patient with yourself, and lean forward! Dr. C
Cheer up ,move one 🦵 and move another one and dancing 💃 Christmas is coming .
I feel the same way. My narc wife controlled my emotions completely. Happy, sad, happy, sad, sad, happy sad etc. kept me completely off balance. If I tried to challenge her about various bad behaviour she would crush my emotions, starve me of happiness. I stayed for the kids and the illusion that I could fix whatever the problem was. She made me think it was me. Even tried convincing me I had bipolar or something. She is a very toxic person.
@@Peecup sad so sad I truly understand really I'm in a horrible situation myself I don't know who I am anymore I see no way out I need a roommate that will pull there weight but cannot trust anyone I can't make it alone paying my own bills it's crazy I don't have children w him mine are grown but still it's so hard he throws his weight w his money too thanks for sharing I feel I'm not alone just reading all of these posts God bless 🙏
Wanda I am with you I truly understand and feel same exact way it's pure misery he throws his weight I'm on disability I need a roommate I can trust but I cannot trust anyone I have no family only adult children that has no clue they don't understand i try to talk to them but he plays nice guy to them ya know it's hard I need put before something happens I'm miserable here God is my only way at this point I can only trust in him plus I need a few surgeries long ago past due it's so hard thanks for sharing with me it makes me not feel so alone when I hear others talk about it thanks again prayers my friend
It has nothing to do with me, their actions are a reflection of who they are. A narcissist is a toxic person, so run as far as you can from them and free yourself.
This is one of the most important things for us to remember. They are empowered by our self doubt.
After 29 years of myself and my now grown children being used and abused by my wife I would always get emotional every time I would try to talk to her. She feed of of it like a leech. Last time I talked to her on the phone I satiated calm and showed no emotion and handled everything with no anger and it brought out every bit of hatred that she had. Every minute that went by she go more and more irate. It was like a bomb went off inside her when she realized she lost the control she carried over me.
You did great! Congratulations!
How did it feel after??
Nice job!!!
Congratulations!! I've always been an angry, upset, tired, sad, whatever mood...CRYER!! I then would get so upset with myself because it's hard to communicate when you're pissed but bawling like a baby. Hard for people to take you seriously. I would love to conquer & master that in myself. Proud of you!
Thanks for sharing your victory story with us! It shows it's not too late
I can relate. Same thing with me and my ex. He lost control of me but found ways to still destroy me.
I'm trying to escape my current wife. She has kept me as her puppet for 12 years. I needed to hear this. I know I can do this. I'm frightened and alone but I have to get out. I can't do it anymore. I don't know if I'll ever be able to love again....but this gave me hope. Thank you!
If you leave, you at least have a chance to love again. Staying won't give you the opportunity.
🤗Being me is so free! Enjoying this life while I trust in the God within me!🙏
🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
I trust in God and myself all glory to God God is great Amen 🙏
👍🙏❤️
Just agree with them and don't get sucked in to the chaos. Remember they are sick and needy.
When I was being destroyed I reached out for help. A therapist ,who saw me briefly and had published work on Narcissism ( a word that I had not even explored) told me to stand up and walk. She told me to stand up tall and in that moment, I knew that she meant show your own " agency". I like that word . I always gain so much from your videos. I wait in anticipation.
Marie Rose I love that ....STAND UP AND WALK”. That’s perfect! Thank you 💜💜
Yes, trust yourself, have
your ‘own agency’!!!!
Yes!
I am doing that now!
No more abuse...
They are sinking ships and karma will get them...😀
Ann Schurman Amen to that, Ann! Right there with you Sister! On my way out of this abuse!
YUP
@@LynnT6904 I like that as well I'm going to try it with my narcissist.
There are some who just ignore who you are and smother you with commands as if they need to show you the way step by step! What megalomania! Yes trust yourself. So true, Sir.
For real! I have 30 years experience in my field, and I am the person most likely to bring new/current ideas to our team, and my manager will insist on showing me step-by-step how to do entry level work as if I am brand new to the job. If I say anything other than "Ok.", he will turn it into an argument or an attack on my personality.
Yup, trusting and believing in myself and a deep faith in God.
Absolutely. Trusting God with my 16 year old daughter NBPD. (Narcissistic borderline personality disorder). My terminology. I pray for her daily But not allowing abuse anymore. I have to take care of myself
@@ingridferg9779 ITs the media, it has sickened our minds, full of occult themes,which left unchecked by the WORD of God, we end up acting out destructive behaviors unconsciously by ritual.
Spot on!
@@FarmersAreCool There will always be those who want to use God's word THEIR WAY for nothing BUT controlling others, and the new attitude, "hate the sin/Love
the sinner" no way do I like that, like no one has the guts to tell someone they are wrong anymore, hate what they did but love them and it comes across like ur not to
tell them they were wrong? What kind of BS are they going to come up with in
another 30 years?
@@raymondgarafano8604 We gotta sort Christendom out right now. We Don't have 30 years. 7 billion people are going to have to bend their knee all at once.
It boggles my mind why anyone would choose to remain in the presence of a narcissist. I was raised by one and the constant struggle against their narcissism was so great that I couldn't wait to get away from him. We never had a close relationship while I was growing up and we never had a close relationship after I left home at the age of 17. And, what I learned about narcissists through my experience is that no one can have a close relationship with a narcissist. Therefore, they just aren't worth the effort. Just get away from them as soon as possible and move on with your life. It's a whole lot easier than trying to figure out how to protect yourself from them while remaining in their company. They're never going to value you as anything other than a punching bag that makes them feel better. Read that last sentence as many times as it takes for it to sink in - then, run away from the narcissist as fast as you can and never look back.
I agree 100%
Punching bag is the right word !!!
You sound a little narcissistic. Better to ask how anyone gets into a relationship with a narcissist. Because once in, you often can’t leave without hurt innocent others. Oh those who only consider their own needs can hurt those in their way of “being happy”. But then, you have to wonder, who was really the narcissist?
@@iamjustsaying4787 You don't really know what a narcissist is, do you?
@@richardowens9061 from your unnecessary condescending commit, I wager that you are
To narc: “You are the only person who has ever accused me of being a liar or .... (fill in the blank). You are entitled to your opinion. But I have integrity, so as sad as I am about it, if you can’t see that in me then I guess this is goodbye.”
Beautiful! 👏🏼
Too much explanation, in my opinion. They don't deserve it. Simple "goodbye" would do just fine.
@@ritasachik3831, I agree. The less you say the better off you are when dealing with a narcissist. You are your own person and you have every right to your feelings. Be proud of who you are and be happy in the fact, thank the Lord that you are not a narcissist. Don't let the narcissist take that away from the lovely person you are. Narcissists are hell bent to destroy you, because you are the opposite of what they are. They feel empaths are weak, useless, and stupid. It is not just you, but narcs. think this way about everyone. They truly think they are the cream of the crop and people are beneath them, which is not true. Even when narcs. go into combat with their own kind, one will be the looser. Just like the king cobra. When a cobra fights one of their own kind the winner will eat the dead carcass of their challenger. Don't think you have to take control of the situation and argue with them. You don't owe them an explanation. When you rebuttal their remarks it just gives them more fuel and supply. If you try to explain, they will easily twist it around and triangulate, and manipulate you. Don't participate in their mind games. It takes way to much energy to do so. Don't allow them to rob you of your joy and happiness. The best way to get back at the narc. is to live without them. Live your own life the way you want to. Set your own barriers. Go no contact with them and gray rock them to death. This will drive them absolutely nuts and insane.
on lockdown, it's not so easy...
@@prometheuspredator7971I could never express and describe it in a more perfect way as you just did! Beautifully worded! ❤️
It is surreal to discover that my family is INDEED filled with evil. I had lied to myself for 40 years they were good people doing evil things. No, No, No! They are bad bad bad people who occasionally are nice. They are incapable of empathy, honesty, growth, and love. It is hard not to still be filled with hatred. Dr. Les has reminded me that I really should value myself just for fighting the good fight and surviving.
Detach and letting it go.
It's impossible to detach, which would be the only right thing to do, when you have a child with narc. But as less contact/communication as possible is definitely beneficial.
The "being me..." should be a children's book, it's a great lesson.
“I do hope that you have gained some inspiration.....” Dr. Carter, it is more that inspiration, your soothing words each day are the only calming force in my life right now. I take a phrase each day and make my mantra to get thru the day. Today “I trust myself”. Another favorite “I release you” to the narc.
Yes....absolutely...I have been doing exactly same...infact required to use, in a tough situation 'I release you' very soon after learning it from Dr. Carter.
This Dr is right on the money - like he knows your personal story God bless you as you help those ( us , me) in need
Amen. Good for you @Star Dust
Amen !!
THIS HAS BEEN THE BEST VIDEO FOR ME TO 'MARCH ON IN MY DIVORCE', HEAD HELD HIGH AND HEART STRENGTHENED. I DO TRUST AND LOVE MYSELF.
Good luck, Terry! Dr. C
I trust myself, being me is easy. 😍
Contempt and disdain. It was so very very hard to live with that - married for 14 years to that. I am a fun, happy, extrovert, assertive, energetic person. I was courted by my mirror - I married my opposite! Finding that out was horrendous. 14 years later - 30 June 2017 - freedom
Trusting your instincts can be especially difficult for codependents as the desire for approval and validation interferes with the simplicity of it all. If you feel you're codependent ask yourself this: if someone else whom you cared about was dealing with the same narcissist you are dealing with would you recommend they trust the narcissists opinion or their own? Exactly. Do the same for yourself. Validating, accepting and approving yourself is the first and last step you ever need to take. That is trust.
This is brilliant, I only ever fall into that codependant (usually dependant) mode because I was taught to be that way growing up.nthe criticism, negativity, punishments rages passive aggression and always fearful I was wrong.... only when im around my n.fam. its true if I saw someone else going through the same thing I'd say come over here, I will be there for you! SO I should trust myself more! How you've put it really resonates. I've often thought if I wasn't related to them would I want them in my life and the answer is no or only in tiny doses. Yet because I'm sick im not able to get away but least I can do is trust myself. Narcs never want you to feel good about yourself It's as if it's in their dna to make us feel less than. Strange to me as I like to validate others. Great comment, wishing you well, you seem to have a handle on things 👍👏✌
Stay Calm even though Uu know that they slander Uu to their mama friend s and anyone who is to listen!! But the truth Prevals,, and set u Free my lord Have mercy
I would like to add that my ultimate super power is God my maker, Jesus my savior and being filled with the Holy Spirit...the scriptures have also been carrying me through. Without them I do not think I would still be alive.
Please do not stop posting on narcissism...Thank you...you are helping me and many others to navigate the rough waters.
If u have known a narcissist for a long time, and u bump into that person, u simply kill him with kindness. They will be nice back, in a fake way. U know their character, so u play the game.
Your advice has been instrumental in amazing personal growth after years of not "trusting myself". In the midst of conflict, I hear your calm, firm voice coaching me. Thanks Dr Les, your big heart comes through in all you do. Gus is a great example of being calm! Cheers
Same goes for me. X
This talk is one of the best you’ve done!
Thank you!
I’ve been married to a narcissistic sociopath for 24 years. I am not who I used to be. My joy and soul has been stolen by my emotionally bankrupt husband, but now I have hope. I trust myself!!!
It made my narc sister so angry when I told her I don't trust her. Once they know the spell is broken they will drop you. Once they know you trust yourself and love yourself, you are of no use to them. My narc sister turned into a little four year old victim when I got myself back. Poison growing up with her.
I had a narc living below me in an apartment complex, and he took a dislike to me, and made my life hell in a bunch of ways. One was that he ended up formally complaining to the board for noise complaints. If I was simply cleaning, he would accuse me of moving furniture, if I was bundling up recyclables, he'd accuse me of making a racket, etc. All exaggerated, no complaint reflecting reality, and all daytime, normal hours, me doing normal everyday things. I kept every text and email, and I responded to his formal complaint by noting every complaint he made and what I was actually doing during that complaint, and what time it was. The board completely sided with me. Despite all of this, part of me always felt awful, and it was very difficult to stay strong, and remind myself that this was totally on him. I think for women, especially, we tend to feel guilt and shame when there is absolutely no grounds for it, b/c we were socialized to be that way. Also, if you have that personality type, the narc senses it and knows you are a good target. I moved out, but if I so much as drop something on the floor I still feel my heart start to beat faster because of him, as if I am making too much noise. Anyway, the "trust yourself" sounds simple, but for so many of us, it really is a tough one. But it is the path through. May we all absorb a few drops of the arrogance these jerks are overflowing with.
I think you handled this situation like a BOSS! You DID trust yourself and took very specific measures to combat his craziness. If you didn’t “trust yourself,” you would have been wracked with guilt and doubt and bowing down to his demands. We don’t WANT to have to fight, to defend ourselves (particularly when it gets legal) but we are forced to at times bc the aggressor sets the rules of engagement, not the peacemaker. And if you CANT leave right away, sometimes you must engage in the battle. But you were SO prepared!
the same situation I have here Perth Australia
He might be schizophrenic.
My narc mother would sneak over to the neighbour's property and get their dogs barking, then run home and call bylaw officers to complain about the barking dogs.
Another neighbour was building a new house- did she take cookies over and congratulate them? Nope. She claimed rare and endangered plants were being destroyed so there had to be a whole environmental assessment, and there were no endangered plants.
They are nuts and really should be branded.
BTW, I jumped out of my skin when a bird flitted past my window yesterday...I don't think you ever really get over it.
It sounds like an extremely stressful place to live. It’s always some thing, one neighbor, without ever meeting me decided that she didn’t like me & Caused trouble. Another neighbor, across the street, we’d chat a couple times a year, till evidently his wife told him that he couldn’t talk to me anymore. Weird.
My cryptonite was..i let him know " I know my value and its much higher than yours "
I trust myself. I can handle it. Thank you dr Carter ❤😊
You are a true admirable good human being. I feel so much kindness from you. Keep up the great work. Thank you for your content🙏🏽
That means a lot to me...thank you.
I have been gaslighted so thoroughly and for so long that I legitimately don’t know whether the narcissist is me or her.
definitely not you. I felt same way. Was gaslighted for 5 years.
See that's how they work, they make all their problems yours. The fact that you even question your self awareness or perhaps lack thereof is not something I think a narc is capable of.
If you are wondering if your are the narcissist you aren't they never think that
sitting in tears after yet another episode with my husband and oh boy has he managed to make me look like the unstable one. I wish I had the courage to leave... he knows i am in therapy for ptsd due to a sexual assault yet he belittles me still
That's so true!
Wow! This is so helpful to me trying to end a narcissistic relationship with my disabled husband! My counselor for the last 10 months has been trying to guide me in understanding me to trust myself and that I’m not crazy! Thank you for your time!!!!!
Linda Ratzel,I admire your lovely smile!
Linda Ratzel,You are beautiful 🌹🌹🌷,hope you are not with a narc 😈!!
Being aware of their personality disorder tendencies, the ways that the disorder manifests, and thus not absorbing their control tactics, their devaluation, their projections helps me take back personal control and stability.
Realizing, as you said, that their behaviors communicate more about who they are than who I am keeps their tactics from grounding my personhood into powder.
What I am most concerned about now is learning how to connect with healthier people. A lifetime of withdrawal and keeping so much to myself as a means of psychological survival makes it hard to know how to open up and connect.
Dr. Carter, your videos have been extremely helpful. Thank you. I think that I would benefit, and probably others here would as well, from a video about healing from long-term narcissistic abuse and learning how to connect with people when secure attachment has been a rarity.
I add my concern for youngsters who live with a narcissistic parent and grow up feeling invisible!!! What options do children have?
Susan Turner stay invisible or cut the narcissist throat metaphorically give them a Shakespearean death.
@@susanturner139, It's such a difficult situation, isn't it. So toxic!
Psalm 27:10 "Even if my father and mother abandon me, the LORD will hold me close."
A relationship with the Creator was definitely my lifeline. However, some survival strategies - withdrawal, dissociation, etc.- turn out not to be as beneficial in the end.
BTW: Occasionally I still feel "invisible." Awful, hollow feeling.
Thankfully, kids today can at least find sites like this one and begin unraveling the tentacles sooner.
Amen
catnc1 Thank you, having always been a Christian definitely helped me as I grew up in a toxic environment. The Lord doesn’t change even though my MANY church groups did... my mother didn’t believe in ANY kind of stability, so constant change was the name of the game!!! The good part was she taught me how to NOT raise my own child and my husband and I are rewarded with a delightful, mature and loving adult daughter!! I want to cry for the children who were raised like I was!!! As an elementary school teacher I tried to make each and every student feel important, cared for and full of dreams and possibilities! Maybe I have my mother to thank for that!!! “Her Legacy!” Hhm! ????? I love the Bible verse you quoted! I will write it in my journal and keep it in my heart! ❤️❤️❤️. Amen to that
Thank you for this. My mother was a narcissist and my life was a living hell for so long. I am in therapy and now feel I'm ready to break the chains of that relationship for good and work toward a happy life.
I gave so much of my time and resources to narcassistic individuals in my extended famly. I owe them nothing and my life is so wonderfully fulfilling without them muddying the waters daily . I trust myself. That's my secret weapon!
i wish i'd had a therapist like you instead of the one i had... mine encouraged me to put all of my trust, faith, and energy into my narcissist and gaslit me when i was starting to realize that the relationship was unhealthy. i felt incredibly guilty for feeling that way, so i kept letting him take more and more from me. :( a few months ago i finally told him i can't take this behavior and the way he treats my friends anymore. i talked about it to my counselor and she defended him saying he can change back to his "real" self for like one session but that was it (she works at my college and knows this person)... she was more interested in talking about my sexuality (i'm gay) than helping me. i don't see her anymore. watching videos like this on youtube has helped me more than she ever cared to. thank you for what you do. :)
There are many bad therapists out there. Be discerning.
I had never thought about how important self trust is! Thinking of it, narcs usually target vulnerable persons and, often, when you're in you're a vulnerable state, your self trust is not at its top. Thanks, Dr.C, for these eye-opening videos.
I just read a chat that was about my story 5 years ago. Well I am still alive and HAPPY! and RID of the pathetic sick human. I have lost my son and grandchildren. He will not talk to me. I have reached out many times and get nothing. That has been worse than the divorce. I should write a bestseller book. I do not blame my son totally. I say my x and I have taught him well. We have handed down our childhood crap to him. Please anyone reading this you need to heal yourself before you can make any kind of difference for yourself or your kids. God and I have become very close and he by far has gotten me through this ugly mess. My therapy says he may never return. I have to let him make the moves for it to work. My door is wide open to him and I pray he comes back. It's only been 5 years. :( :( :( You have been a great help to me. Thank you
My super power has been prayer 🛐, and fasting. All things are possible with God. Even if the narc is not relaxing their attacks, the Lord is my defense, and place of my refuge.
There will be a day of reckoning coming, and I pray everyday for the souls of these people who willingly choose to live their lives outside of Gods authority. For their life lived apart from the name of Jesus Christ and His gospel, is going to end in an horrific eternity. May God bless them with His salvation...
Amen. I forgive because I've been forgiven. All our losses will be recouped in heaven. Justice will come from God.
Thank you for your inspirational video, Dr. Carter. Living inside of my self trust, the only way to survive. I trust myself. Thank you.
You are very welcome. This is one of my favorite videos. Glad it resonated!
Co-parenting with a narc is a disaster for me and mental and emotional harm to a child because there is Not such a thing as co-parenting with narc... Looking forward to this live video with a hope to learn valuable lesson.
A video on co parenting with a narcissist would be GOOD!?
If you can, make a plan. Start looking for work in another state and move. It will take time. But do it. It’s what I told my nephew to do once he gets sole custody of his daughter. Sell the house once you get another job far away in another state because co parenting is NOT WORKING. He is looking for a transfer in the Navy. So that’s helpful. The Navy is everywhere.
Completely agree, very difficult been there and got the t shirt, unfortunately.
Its awful to be tied to a narc for life. I have 3 children with him and feel stuck. Left twice and went to my mom's knowing it wouldnt go well. Now, Im back in his home and his mask fell off in 3 weeks. Sick of bouncing back and forth between an abusive narc and an emotionally distant mom and sick of letting him break me down so that I am unable to focus on what I need to do to finally stand on my own. I try to follow all the advice from Dr. Les and other experts on narcissism but its so hard when you are a peaceful, loving person that WANTS to be that person all the time. I feel like I have to shut down my emotions or hold onto the anger to get through it sometimes and then I realize my kids are the only ones that notice mommy isnt OK. They're not getting the best of me, the happy mom they need and deserve and meanwhile, he's whistling dixie from the minute he gets home. This video is exactly what I needed because i will be fine all day and then about an hour before he's getting off work the anxiety kicks in and last night as soon as he got here my PTSD hit me so bad I was locked in the bathroom shaking and crying and kept thinking "I cant do this." Now, I am going to try telling myself I CAN handle him and whether he is nice, or mean, or acting like I dont exist... I will try my best to keep doing me and moving forward.
@@BeatnikDesigns Act like he does not exist, it can be a good way of coping. Mine insisted that there was something wrong with me and insisted that I go to therapy, I went and the therapist insisted that she see him separately. He kept threatening to leave and I would just say that was his prerogative in the hope that he would go, he was violent as well as emotionally and financially abusive and I had no chance of leaving as he would lock me in all day. Firstly the therapist persuaded him to stop locking me in and then she told me that there would be no way that he would leave unless he thought that he could hurt me in doing so. She explored that with him and it turned out that he had been having an affair so he left to be with her.
It didn't work out for him and he was a pain in the arse throughout the divorce and afterwards because the stupid judge let him have unsupervised contact, which he used to further abuse me. I secretly recorded the abuse and then moved miles away. He took me back to court saying that I had moved to stop his contact, but I just said that I had moved because of the abuse and that the move meant that my parents could handle the contact handovers, I showed the secret recordings to the CAFCASS woman and hey presto further contact was denied.
His marriage to wife number 2 a foreign lady ended when he put her in hospital for 3 weeks, he was remanded in prison but got out because she walked into the police station and rescinded her statement and then went AWOL so the Crown Prosecution Service dropped the case against him.
Love This!!! there are many vids about narcissist... I don't care about the "Narcissist" (thats what they want anyway) ... but this is about how to change yourself! How to get away from these lunatics! Great therapist.. always enjoy his vids! Thanks doc - if you read these!
There's Gus, popping his head up. He must be the sweetest angel to be around. Thanks, for everything.
GOD BLESS YOU for showing me how to understand my sister of 66 years of playing with my head and all the hurt she did to me ,and i never understood why i was the asshole and she the best of the best the family hero ,replacing me in the family with a friend so she's the baby ,with this understanding i can look at the under tone and think its O.K. and have peace in my heart i still love her ,THANK YOU.
TY! I’m adding “I trust myself” to my morning mantra along with “I forgive myself”
So glad there's someone like you in the world as well as those pesky narcissists. They make you crazy. You make us feel sane!
I would say knowing very clearly who you are (boundaries, etc.) and not being afraid to communicate that clearly to everyone. Also: total indifference to their competitive attempts to outdo you 🤔🤷♀️🌚
Another pearl of wisdom! Thank you Dr Carter! 🤍✨
The very clever narcissist will take the time to make you think he believes in your superpower and he wants YOU to believe in your superpower- that is, until you USE it. That’s how he sets you up in his little T-ball stand to knock you down with “what do you think you’re doing trying to stand up for yourself?!” And because he lacks true integrity, he would never attempt to stand for a direct pitch. That’s just too much work. He’d rather take the easy way out and simply convince you and others that he believes in you and in your super powers. Deception is his superpower. And sometimes he even uses it on himself.
Yes. After the usual desparate collapse of her narc attempts to frame and control, she comes back with talk of my freedom, gifts and being supportive of potentials. I see now it's just another nut and bolt in the supply trap.
Deception IS their super power.
exactly.
To me they are curious creatures. They live such complicated intricate dramas, and there's so many of them. When you step back and look at it, the world seems encourage narcissism. I got their number.
I've just discovered my 27 yr old is a true narcissist. I'm tired of arguing with him and feeling less than. This one saying... Trust yourself truly helps. Thank you for your video. Ill keep looking at the rest and hopefully be able to feel more than less than. My bipolar makes it difficult but I need a new way to deal with him. Blessings and light to you.
Even though this vid is three years old....it still as relevant today and will be ever relevant 3 years from now :-) eternal wisdom :-)
I trust myself but more importantly I trust God to lead me through the mess that is the narcissist. The more I trust God, the more I trust myself. We know who wins in the end of this battle. 💎🕊💙🔱🔥 God bless you Dr. Carter! I know He sent you into my life as a blessing and an inspiration. 💫 Have a wonderful day
Daphne GLORY TO GOD!!!!!!!! Just waiting for the sky to open !!!!!!
My father used to say, 'you are your best friend'. Trust yourself. All the answers are inside you. Trust your gut feelings, your intuition, because they are the right answers for you. Thanks Dr. C. Say hi to Gus.
Although I still love the character my ex narc played, eventually I would have hated the true person he was and my heart is not meant to hate.
That's right. I really felt a sense of loss, UNTIL I realized that I was mourning the mask. Missing what could have been, NOT what Was. After a while, I was able to emotionally believe that the "person" I was in love with, DID NOT EXIST. I knew it but my emotions didn't for the longest time.
You are one of a kind person. You have a heart of gold.
@@251omega That sums it up so completely! I have been in mourning for 6 months. Shared friends make it hard but the person he is showing is not someone I can trust or respect. Contact is painful so I have cut contact any way I can. Empathy can be a weakness unless balanced with empathy for myself.
@@lilianfowler7988 That's the hard part. We're so used to sacrificing for everybody else, but we always put ourselves last. Of course WE are so much more able to take the hardship than whoever we're helping. WRONG. We've been taking it and it takes it's toll, but we ignore THAT. Until we get that monthly, weekly, or sometimes, daily betrayal. That's when we start thinking about how unfair it is that we do everything for them, but when it's THEIR turn to return the favor, they're not just gone, they are oblivious. That's the worst part... they don't even know. And when we tried to remind them, there's something wrong with us!
---> I'm 2 1/3 years NO CONTACT and She only crosses my mind every two or three weeks, now! Everytime I do, I make myself remember specific times when she went out of her way to make me cry! I give that memory-good-time-bias a run for it's money! I'm almost to the point where I either don't think of her at all, or when I do, it's no longer with longing for 'what could have been'!
---> I strongly recommend that you find as many times during the week or during the day, as you can, to sit by yourself quietly and listen to (my favorite) music of "Dr. SaxLove", here's a link to today's Live show. ua-cam.com/video/c6POVhj7iaw/v-deo.html&ab_channel=Dr.SaxLove
To describe how much good it does for me, would be an impossible task. At least give it a try and let me know if you find the same truth in the music. Bill
Awhile back my narc wanted me to redo his bathroom and while he was hoping to scramble my brains on the deal by making a trade. I told him I would take a look at it and let him know. The job was going to cost about $600 and the trade was for a work van that had more problems than it was worth. So I knew he doubled down on the price and gave him a reply of him giving me the $600 and the van, and I would take care of it all. Of course he thinks he is on the losing end and came up with this, he says his brother said it will only cost $50 in material and they have most of it anyway, and instead of him giving me the money for getting the right material, we use the stuff laying around and he helps. I said that is to be reconsidered and I would get back with him. After a week he cornered me and I asked what he wanted to offer, he said he would cut and furnish and carry it for me that all I would do is the thinking part, and I said great I'll do it for the van and $2000. He said what for? I said by the time it would take telling you and having to do it myself and trying to match old plumbing material. I don't have to think about it, it will cost me that much.
This is possibly the best advice I've ever herd. I'm really tired of not being true to myself to try and please the narcissist in my life. From this point forward, I'm going to be who I truly am. Thank-you.
I thank God for finding you and for you doing what you do. My life is better because of it. Thank you.
The BEST advice ever. The narcissist is a great teacher about ones own self belief. Thank you for helping thousands of people in need xx
Truth has a remarkable power of rising to the surface. ❤❤❤
I was watching another UA-cam show and they recommended you for anyone who needed help with narcissism! I thought that was so cool.🥰
That's good to hear! Dr. C
Swamped instantly by a million calls.
Mearly I assume, narcissists pretending they need help ☺
@Gordon Fornow Those are MY TWO also.... i like them both. Equally. Dr. Carter is calm. Dr. Ramani is passionate.
He has kept me so Busy taking care of him, I barely have time for myself
I love this. “Trust yourself”. It’s like what Jesus Christ said to the lame man at the pools, “Pick up thy bed and walk”. I’ve said that to myself a few times to get me through the bad bits! Wonderful video! Thank you, Dr C! x
Thank you. I was just asking myself how this squares with my faith and you reminded me of an important truth. God bless you!
This reminds me of the 1st epistle of John, "I tell you these things not because you don't know them but because you do know them", or something very close to that
They also try to make you doubt yourself and that's what my narcissist did when I was with him gaslighting me make me doubt myself that was a really good one
My father has been telling me I’m too prideful, and he’s been a tyrannical narcissist in my life the entire time. This video helped me realize I am capable without his approval
You have been a coach for me for years. Thank you so much, Dr C
So pleased! Dr. C
This is so true. Because when I started becoming aware, in the last couple years of my 36 year marriage. I began to hear when he was lying. I could hear the real truth in the lie. Liars always tell on themselves. And I know it’s because I began trusting myself.
Why did you stay with a narcissist for 36 years?
Would love someone to dedicate a narc video to when the narcs are your parents. One or both. Not as easy to walk away. You can clearly walk away and cut ties with narc "friends" or partners. But when you were raised by them, have horrific health issues and are disabled, not so easy. The narcs don't even know I'm disabled. That would ruin their image so it and any medical issues are totally ignored. As a child, I was convinced they were going to leave in the middle of the night. As an almost 50 year old adult, I see why. But nothing makes any of this easier. Pain on top of pain on top of pain.
I'm sorry. I remember my friends daughter counting the days till her 18th birthday. She escaped that day. I didn't understand or even see the problems. The abuse was well hidden. I wish you could escape, too.
That all 'sounds' quite agonizing. It's bad enough to be raised by a Narcissist (to depend on them, for so much); I can't imagine how it feels to experience the added vulnerabilities of illness and disability. I sincerely hope that you heal.
Have you considered your health may IMPROVE if you were away from them??
@@l.5832 I'm over 1000.miles away..The ability for these people to hurt me knows no no bounds. We really aren't in contact that much. I don't have long to live. I've let go as much as possible but it's still painful as hell. They brought me here and they abandoned me. But not my younger siblings. I am the scapegoat and I will be in the ground soon enough.
@@dawnwinkler8905 no you won't. You will get better. Unless you continue thinking this way then zero chance.
I used to live in fear everyday due to my husband being narcissistic. Thank you thank you THANK YOU for your kind words of direction.
Keep learning! Dr. C
@@SurvivingNarcissism You have literally saved my marriage Dr.C
Selftrust was the beginning, off self-destruction with the narc. Hard road to climb back to reality.
"Being me . . ." is very powerful language . . .
Sometimes if the narc accuses me of being or doing something, I agree. It totally throws him off and he accuses me of trying to manipulate him😂.
He berates the way I drive constantly when he and I go somewhere together
Appreciate this man. Dr. Carter, thanks you for your, well to me, Minstry. After being psychologically abused by my mother, and then suffering the same at the hands of my now, ex-husband, due to trauma-bonding.......your wealth of education in narcissism, and empowering words are monumental in my road to healing. At the same time as my divorce last year, God blessed my daughter and I with our first home. I believe there is hope, I believe I can forgive myself, I believe I can be FREE. Thank you for what you do 🙏🏾
Yes there is hope, Sherese. Keep leaning forward, and thanks for letting me be on your journey with you. Dr. C
My experience with the mental health system (I had no other support to turn to) had managed to negatively effect my self trust. I protect myself from them. They have added to my struggle/battle exponentially.