I love the support and caring that is being shared here Bless you All for being here for yourself and each other, none of us are alone in our experiences and how they have made us feel. 🙏Namaste Sweet Souls
Bless you Thank you I like to think of it as making suggestions, as all that I share comes from what has/is working for me. This may then appeal to you, there is a new book being published on 8th October Called "Gifts of Wisdom" 22 amazing authors, including me 🙂 links will be shared on my website listed in the info below the video if you are interested 🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
I am grateful for this message, for I am unlearning behavior that had no reward towards others and myself. As a loner it becomes easier to accept my boundaries towards others. Nameste
Bless you Sweet Soul my pleasure The first person you should feel comfortable to be alone with is Yourself. We are however not here to be alone all the time, we are meant to socialise with others, to connect, communicate and learn from each other and most importantly have fun, play, laugh. To step outside your comfort zone, step back into yourself, find your courage and let yourself find and connect with like minded people, you will find you'll have some amazing conversations and lots of laughter. 🙏Namaste
Hi Not sure what you are saying here Our story will always come from the perspective of our understanding of what happened and was said, and how it made us feel. My story doesn't change because as an adult I came to understand the circumstances that caused what happened. It is us an an adult that helps our inner child to heal, the story will never change, it is important not to live there, to grow from the healing and become the best you possible. Namaste Sweet Soul 🙏
100%, we just have to remember that they are projecting who/how they are on to us. as the quote from Jim Kwik says “Don't take criticism from someone you wouldn't take advice from.” Namaste Sweet Soul 🙏
@@oldcrone Stay true to you Sweet Soul We all have to learn to live our own lives and to work through the experiences that we have, others can support us but we have to help ourselves, no one can do it for us. 🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
I call it the "40's-f***-it's"-where you finally start thinking of yourself after four decades of thinking of everyone else first. It's not selfishness-it's finally burning out on society. 😂
Bless you Sweet Soul Too many of us go into people pleaser mode or are raised to believe that what we would like doesn't matter, that everyone else has to come first. You are correct, many will eventually burn out because they have never recharged their own batteries and have nothing left to give. When we take care of ourselves and out energy, we can bring so much more to others, in a much healthier way. Always be kind to yourself Namaste 🙏
Funny thing, upon waking up on my 40th birthday, I woke up with "why the heck am I so worried about what others think of me?" I really did feel as if a weight had been lifted from my shoulders...have no idea what happened Nevertheless, I still fall back into old routines 17 years later, but it's not happening as often as before Namaste to all of you! 🕊
@@louisa6948 Bless you Suggestion, add to the end of your comment "what the heck..." because they aren't thinking about me, they are thinking about all that is going on in their own life. That whole thought is what helped lift the weight off my shoulders. We still care, we will still help people but by taking care of us first, our support becomes more beneficial to everyone - remember No can be the biggest gift you give to someone. Namaste Sweet Soul
Bless you Sweet Soul, never regret being nice to others, it shows the world who you are. How others are is up to them and people will see through the fake eventually. Always be yourself. Kindness comes in many forms, remember that No can be the biggest gift we can hear (although it may not feel it as the time. 🙏Namaste
@@ВиталийСлонов-ч4ъ My pleasure We all require a little encouragement from time to time, especially to know that this is our life and we should live it guided by our heart and soul not other people's wants & needs. Light, Love & Peace 🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
“selfish” was my narcissistic mother’s pet name for me. she’s been dead for 6 years and I haven’t missed her for 1 minute. in a weird synchronistic way my narcissistic boyfriend left me not long after her death. (I was trained to serve narcissists, dad is one too) good riddance. now I’ve adopted what I call my NO CO lifestyle. NO COoperation, NO COmpliance, NO COmpromise, NO COmplaining.
Bless you Sweet Soul Sadly children believe that everything that comes from their parents has to be true and how it should be, they are learned behaviours. We can break them when we come to understand that we aren't who they say we are and we open to finding and being who we really are. Good for you to learn to say No to others and Yes to yourself and I hope that you are happy. Namaste
You have got that right. We don't have to explain ourselves, it is always our choice to say Yes or No. I love the saying "what part of No don't you understand" 🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
@@Banana_Split_Cream_Buns Yes I was in my 40's too It doesn't matter how old, what is most important, is that we got there and we are now honouring ourselves. Namaste Sweet Soul🙏
40? Good for you! I’m 62 and only just beginning to practice this. It’s not easy and I feel like a failure most days but hearing from others who are further along the path gives me so much courage… thank you… 🙏
@@p.moorewilson7917 Bless you Sweet Soul You can do it, this your life and it sounds like it is more than time that you started to live it the way you choose to - keep going There is a great saying, "what part of NO don't you understand" 🙏Namaste
Yes, you are right they do, because they cannot manipulate you any more. That however is their stuff not yours, let them deal with it while you get on with your own life. 🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
Back in the 1970’s I married a man who said many times how he fell in love with me because of my strength and independence as a single mother raising a 10 year old son, managing a home and having a career. Fast forward 4 years into the marriage he cheated on me. In the sometimes heated conversations on our marriage he somehow forgot his original feelings about who I was as a woman and what he had admired and loved about me. Suddenly, I had become a bitch and he couldn’t deal with it. The end of the marriage was reached despite him begging me to come back 3 weeks after I moved out. I have no regrets and at 82, I continue to have a full single life filled with happiness and joy🌺
Bless you, Thank you for sharing and congratulations on being true to yourself. I remember a conversation I had with a gentleman friend "why is it that we fall in love with someone the way they are and then try and change them? In some respects that is a rhetorical question but maybe something that should be given serious thought by us all when entering any sort of relationship. 🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
Thank you so much for sharing your story. Every person who rejected abuse and refused manipulation now feeds my own liberation. I am 86 and am just now realizing how bad preaching has distorted my thinking. And they have trashed God’s reputation by seeing Him as vindictive and nit picking. He’s a parent rescuing His kids - that’s it. My own family was too mentally sick to invest in me, but He, I now see, has kept me alive and seeking all my years. You know the power within. Thanks for letting it win!!
@@nancyanderson5310 Bless you Thank you for being part of the growing conversation and support here. So many beautiful souls all sharing and supporting each other in a way that only those who have had similar experiences can. Now is the time for each to take back the power they gave away and become true to themselves regardless of what others may think, say or do. 🙏Namaste
Bless you Sweet Soul, I am sure many have heard that said to them. I don't think that we have changed, we have grown out of putting up with "their stuff" and are ready to live our own life, to love ourselves enough to say no more. 🙏Namaste
There came a moment when I said exactly what I wanted to say. There are consequences and rewards for speaking your mind. Be prepared…I have no regrets. I have not deserted my soul.
100% Bless you Sweet Soul You may lose friends (but were they really friends) and family may not talk to you, that is their choice. Stick to what speaks to you, your heart choices, always be true to you. Namaste🙏
Interesting that this popped up in my feed tonight. I was raised in a violent narcissist home, physically abused, emotionally too, born in 1952. LOTS of us born in that time. Born to a 19 yr old abused mother, 22 yr old selfish father 'shotgun' style. My childhood was a war zone until he left when I was 11 yrs old. I left home at 16 yrs and by the grace of God, grew into a strong, independent woman. Now I'm 72 yrs old, married 45 years to my husband a good man but strong narc tendencies. These days I am a born again Christian woman and I hear Gods voice often. I'm one of the 'chosen', a warrior of sorts for this time at the End of this age. And no I am not selfish at all. Never was. Thank you for the clarifying definition of 'selfish' and self determination. God bless. 🙏✝️💕
Bless you Sweet Soul Being a people pleaser is a Trauma response, love yourself, be kind and understanding of yourself and you can grow into the amazing Being that you are. Forgive yourself for what you didn't know, we can only ever act on the information we have at the time. Now we know more and take back control of our own lives. 🙏Namaste
Well,you never can please everybody Don’t even think of,,justice “ or thank you I learned that lesson very hard way Trying not to take anything personally ….to stay positive,just and move on 💐
@@mirjanamilosavljevic4261 Bless you Sweet Soul I so get that it is hard not to take things personally, especially when you have felt so insecure, afraid of what others think. But understanding that it is their stuff, their insecurities , that they are projecting on to you and letting that really sink in, can be so liberating. Thank you for being part of the conversation here and I hope that knowing you aren't alone and can move on from all that has hurt you, supports you to live a happier more fulfilled life. Namaste 🙏
Bless you The biggest awareness for me was that, in the majority of cases they aren't thinking about anyone else than themselves and what is going on in their own life. So worry about what they are think about me, you, is a complete waste of energy🙂 Namaste Sweet Soul🙏
66 year old Grandma, I TOO WAS A PEOPLE PLEASER, I wanted to help everyone, but one day I realized that WHEN I Needed something, NO ONE WAS AVAILABLE TO HELP OR PAY BACK THE MONEY THEY BORROWED. I have Acquaintances NO FRIENDS & NO RELATIVES, Nor do I need them! I FEEL FREE & HAPPY & Life Is Good!
Bless you Sweet Soul When we "wake-up", that is when we realise how we have let ourselves be used. All the love and care we have given to others, we have failed to give ourselves and we deserve all that and more. Congratulations on becoming true to you and learning to love yourself and your life. Namaste
@@patriciaingles1452 Bless you, I hope that means you Were and have now learnt to be true to you, setting boundaries, learning to say No to others and putting you at the top of your list. 🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
@@margaretduffy1360 Bless you, so many of us spent too long caring for others and not considering ourselves. Our waking up is a shock to all those around us but a great relief to us, at long last we can spread our wings and fly. 🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
The "selfish" label was my mother's favorite stick to beat me with when I was growing up. It wasn't until I was in my mid thirties that I finally realized that SHE had been the selfish one all along, and inexcusably, monstrously selfish at that. Thirty years later, I'm still fighting my people-pleasing tendencies.
Mom was the same, with an enabling dad. I was such a huge people pleaser because I always believed more the words of others than my own. I kept doubting my gut feeling, my intuition (when I actually have a very good one) all because of the self doubt that grew inside me cause I tried to love and therefore, trust, people who didn’t know who I really was and what I truly needed (and didn’t care about it). I kept seeking reassurance in others, not only to fulfill my emotional needs my mother always invalidated but also to stop doubting myself. I have learned the past years to stop seeking people’s reassurance when I doubt myself. I stopped doubting my gut feelings, my intuition. Had to learn to talk to myself differently, like my own bestie, lover or parent I never had. Like growing a new family in myself that always know what to tell me in times of need, because they speak from my heart and only my heart knows what I am and what I need. Not my mom. Not anybody, ever. Sending you much love and courage on your journey to self love and self trust xxx
Somebody started to tell me how to do my tasks today, quite unnecessarily. Usually they do this each week and waste a lot of my time, causing stress as I catch up. Today I was silent, acted like they hadn’t said a thing. I didn’t acknowledge them at all. They didn’t persist, didn’t waste my time… wow that felt good!
Bless you Sweet Soul Maybe they are used to working with people who have to be told all the time. Suggestion, next week, smile, say something along the lines of Thank you for all your support, I think I 've got this but I will ask if I need to. You leave both of you feeling so much better and the job gets done quicker. 🙂 🙏Namaste
@@PropheticSoakingwithSarahJER I hope my suggestion speaks to you and if it does, it supports you and the other person to feel better about yourselves. Namaste Sweet Soul 🙏
Behaviorist Psychology has several principles. One is that ignored behavior stops occuring. One has to be careful about this one because behavior that is rarely rewarded gets firmly entrenched. Behavior that is always rewarded will stop when the rewards stop. Recorded behavior gradually decreases. Human attention is the strongest reward. A child will do anything to get a parents attention. It is possible that maybe people like you and wish your attention but don't know what topic might interest you. If you are willing to to converse with any of these people, you might change the topic on them to discover whether they will converse on the topic you suggest. I have noticed that most people will continue inna conversation as long as they are the topic. They will conversevfirvacwhilevon neutral topics. The fastest way to stop a conversation is to talk about oneself. Most people have very little interest in other people. It is interesting, therefore, that people want to talk to you about you.
@@BoatsArtsPolitics Thank you for sharing Story telling is very powerful and when we share our story it can support others to know they aren't alone. When that story shares the growing and moving on from the trauma and bad experiences to living a more fulfilled life, it can also support people to know they can also do it. It depends on the circumstances for each of these scenarios, some are just very uncomfortable with silence and will therefore just talk to fill it. We are all unique and where it is possible to generalise for many, not everyone fits into those boxes. The more we listen to understand, the better life will become 🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
Michael I do understand what you are saying and I had to accept that there were those that were no longer "right" to be in my life, that friends "left" and to a certain degree conflicts with family. However, for me it has all been worth it, my life has changed, I am my own person and so much happier for it. Family came around and I have an amazing group of friends. Never doubt there is better waiting for you when you have the courage to be true to you. Namaste Sweet Soul🙏
Say this..."Try to imagine how little I care" - Wayne Dyer If you can't say it at least say it in your head. It always keeps me on track and gives me a giggle.
@@letsbereal2445 Bless you, another way to look at it, is to become detached form outcomes and other people's stuff. Caring is good, the important thing is to not let it dictate to you, Easier said than done but so worth persevering with, it is very freeing. Namaste Sweet Soul 🙏
@@letsbereal2445 Thank you Sweet Soul Always remember, you are the most important person in your life. Take care of yourself and your energies first, then you will be able to bring so much more to others in the best way possible for everyone. Always be true to you Namaste Sweet Soul 🙏
Ironically, loving ourselves makes us less selfish. By loving ourselces first We can then help others find their own light. Authentically and not fakely.
When I could not stand the abuse at home any more, I bought myself a mobile home to live in. My narc mother called me selfish. She also told me if I 'fell flat on my face" that I wasn't to even THINK I could come crawling back home. I should have left sooner but couldn't afford it before.
Bless you Sweet Soul Thank you for sharing and congratulations Remember everything she said was projection, her projecting on to you how she was and possibly learned behaviour from her own family upbringing. She only has power over you whilst you let her words and actions affect you. I know it isn't easy but try and let them wash over you, rather than settle in you disrupting your peace of mind. I wish you a wonderful life filled with all the love, caring, happiness and joy you bring to others, you are worthy of that and more. 🙏Namaste
My mother was a narcissist, and did horrible things to me from the ages of 3 to 15. Due to her abuse, I could only see myself as selfish and as a horrible person. I felt as if I didn't cater to her every want and whim, I would be a horrible child that deserved the abuse she inflicted on me. Ive been away from her for almost a year now (and im now 16), and through therapy and a fuck ton of working on myself, ive started to say no to others for my own health and wellbeing. Ive had to cut off/ go low contact with other family members, but the initial pain was worth it after I realized im now im less pain. I still have days where i feel like a horrible child for existing, but those days are lesser and further apart as i heal. My distress tolerance is also better, because i no longer have to bottle my emotions and pain just to help someone else. This video is the best way to explain it that ive seen :)
Bless you Sweet Soul I am so sorry to hear what you have been through and so proud of you for taking a stand, setting boundaries and becoming the most important person in your own life. You are meant to be the Love of your life. The more we open to love for ourselves, the more love we can bring to others. Self preservation is a priority for you at this stage and as your love and caring for you grows so will your strength stand up to disrespect and abusive behaviour. Also to be able to break the repeating patterns from previous generations. You are a very special, unique being, always trust and believe in the guidance of your heart. 🙏Namaste
YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, SMART, KIND, CARING & AWESOME GIRL, YOU DESERVE THE BEST OF EVERYTHING & YOU WILL GET IT!! CHANGE YOUR NAME FROM: FERAL COCKROACH TO: Blessed Girl of the world! or Happy Girl of the world! or "God's Daughter "
Bravo! Unlike most of us, you have realized your own worth early and have taken the reins! You, my dear, will be the star of your own show before you know it. The hardest step in that direction has already been taken. Save this video for future reference. Sometimes, we need a reminder of how special and strong we are. I'm cheering for you!❤
@@michellecobb8403 Bless you, Thank you for your supportive message, we all like to here that we are on the right tracks (although not everyone will agree with the track we are on but that is their stuff). You are a gem and I hope that you are also living a life that is true to you. 🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
Fly far baby girl/ Fly far into the stars and the light. Far away from the mother of darkness. Keep all of them far from from you. The universe has blessed you to see the evil at such a young age. Fly far angel. Never look back. Keep your painful story for you. Do not give it to people to use as ammunition. READ as much as books as possible. Fly.
Bless you From a place of love it is important to understand that for too many they are just repeating generational patterns, learned behaviours from what they witnessed and experienced in their homes as children, they way they believe life should be. Gratefully we are now in a time when so many are standing up and saying "no more" it stops with me. Many adults still hold childhood trauma inside and can only be supported to understand it and release it when they are ready. You bring your own way of expressing this and dealing with it and who and how you are will resonate with those that think and express as you do. 🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
The line "Then one day something happens that (whether quickly or over a period of time) opens your eyes and your heart to yourself," is so beautiful. Thank you for gracing my day with your eloquent words! ♥
Bless you Sweet Soul Thank you You are 100% right. Perhaps it is that our Heart eventually gets through to our head that we are also worthy of all the love we give to others. However it happens, the waken is the greatest gift we can bring to ourselves. 🙏Namaste
Oh. I didn't know someone had seen my soul today. I've been a chronic people pleaser, and slowly I've tried to set down boundaries. Thank you, I think I needed to hear someone say I'm allowed to say "no."
Bless you Sweet Soul 100% Remember when you say Yes to others you are usually saying No to yourself, this is meant to be your life to live as guided by your heart and soul, not other people's whims. Hearing a No can be the greatest gift we can receive (we may not think so at the time), it can support us to do things ourselves, to grow. Don't be afraid to give that gift to others. 🙏Namaste
Bless you For me, all our "hard" & "negative" experiences are a gift that helps us to find who we are and set boundaries beyond which we will no longer let people cross. How do we no light, if we don't no dark? How do we know heat, if we don't know cold? etc To learn what is right for us, we learn what isn't. It can be a tough lesson but as you say, worth it. Namaste Sweet Soul 🙏
Having massive guilt button, needing approval, not respecting myself all contributed to me being bullied, but also made me more compassionate and forgiving which are wonderful traits not all bad people.😊
Bless you Sweet Soul I 100% get it. Tap into forgiveness of self, that you have allowed others to do what they have done to you, to support you to clear any guilt for your part played in your life so far. You can do this and step into the person you are here to be, as you say "compassionate and forgiving", remember also of yourself. Your true you is a gift to the world and people like you are required in their thousands to support Humankind at this time and our Beautiful Planet, Mother Earth. 🙏Namaste
Just like in any Tribe, the young learn from the Elders.... and unskilled learn from the skilled. Thank you for taking the time to make such a profoundly TRUE statement !
Bless you and Thank you for contributing to the conversation and the support that it has bought to so many. "The more we share, the more we care, the more love there is in the world" I hope that all who visit here feel the caring and support that is out there for them. 🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
This came up at a rather serendipitous for me on my feed, it's something I've been facing with myself through therapy for the past year and a half. Being a chronic people pleaser/fawner is really hard to break when you convinced yourself that's 'who you are' ... This encouragement found me graciously, bless you!
Bless you Sweet Soul I am so pleased this has supported you I totally understand having been a people pleaser for nearly 40 years (from a very young age) Suggestion, connect with your Inner Child, help them feel loved, listened to and heard. It will support the you of today. This is how I have helped myself Namaste🙏
@@ritahemmerly4224 Bless you Sweet Soul It is important to know yourself and where that "kindness" is coming from. If you are being "kind" because you are a people pleaser (which is a trauma response), then perhaps your kindness is misplaced. It is important to be kind to yourself and not everything that is "kind" can feel it to the other person - a No, can be the greatest gift anyone can hear but may not feel it at the time. Never stop Being who you really are and maybe, just maybe, those that think that way are best to be removed from your life. Respect yourself enough to value who you are. 🙏Namaste
What a gift they gave you and good for you for saying No By saying Yes to yourself, you gave them the gift of having to do it themselves, to help them to grow, letting you follow your own path. Namaste Sweet Soul🙏
@@lifeslessons9889 Bless you, why do you question it? what are you questioning? Being true to who you are is why you are here having this life experience. Caring for ourselves doesn't preclude consideration for others, in fact it can enhance it. When we understand that for each of us we are here to live our own life and not live it for others or through others, our support is different, it is about self empowerment for them and us. We are no longer "doings" we become "Beings". 🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
Bless you Sweet Soul As hard as it is to accept, they only have control over us, because unwittingly we give them permission. As we grow older, we start to realise that we do have a voice and we can say No. It is in many cases the person calling you selfish that is the selfish one. Always be true to you Namaste 🙏
@@passaggioalivello Isn't "weak" just another word for a different type of strength? Isn't a man that won't hit a woman, however much he is provoked, really strong. Just like the word "selfish" and many others "weak" is misused by those who are trying to control us Namaste
It hasn't been a lightbulb moment for me but a light with dimmer switch slowly turning on coming to this realization. I loved this video. Thank you for the reminder. I need lots of reminders. Maybe someday, the light will fully turn on.
Bless you Sweet Soul Thank you for sharing and I am grateful to have added to turning the dimmer up a little. Remember you should be the leading roll in your own life story and are more than worthy of all the love & support you bring to others. As the saying goes "if respect is no longer being served at the table, it is time to leave the table". Always be true to you 🙏Namaste
Bless you Thank you and especially to the individual who wrote it in the first place, I wish I could find out who it was and acknowledge them Namaste Sweet Soul🙏
Bless you Sweet Soul My pleasure There are too many of us that have found ourselves sharing the same feelings of insecurity that have led us to be people pleasers, to say yes, when we wanted to say no. Making us vulnerable to be used and manipulated. It is wonderful how many are waking up to the fact that it doesn't have to be this way. That it is essential to love ourselves and be true to who we are. That saying and hearing no is OK and can be a gift to both the giver and receiver. So am I in your head 🙂, no I'm in mine, it is just that I understand from my own experiences and none of us are alone. 🙏Namaste
This resonates with me more than I can say. I was my mother’s full time caretaker for 25 years even though I have 4 other siblings. Right before my father died he asked me if I would look after my mother should anything happen to him which it did. I asked why he would want the youngest to do that and he said because he didn’t trust the others to do it, and sadly he was right. After my mother’s death. I decided I wanted to start a life where I put myself first, something I hadn’t done in such a long time. The anger I received from my siblings, friends and even my elderly Uncle because I didn’t want to take care of him and my Aunt broke my heart. The only one who took up for me was my Uncle’s doctor because he was my mothers doctor up to her death and saw how much I gave up taking care of her and he wasn’t going to sit back silently and say nothing about the way they were trying to make me feel guilty and selfish. I was desperate to leave my hometown after my mothers death, I wanted friends and to see and experience life, so I made the decision to go 2300 miles cross country with a person who I thought loved me but was surprised because it turned out to be a ploy to help him set up in a town where he would appear respectable. It wasn’t until the verbal and physical abuse started that I knew I was in trouble, I didn’t have friends except the dog and horses. I never even told anyone about the abuse until after the divorce because I didn’t want my family to worry about me, but little did I know that I was being smeared as a terrible, selfish person. When I returned home to my hometown I started to feel used again by my family and friends and knew I had to pulled away. They were intrusive, controlling, as well as abusive. The things I heard they said about me and did was devastating. I doubt I will ever get over it. I’ve been physically attacked by my brother numerous times and to this day I have no ideal why he has such hate for me. I’ve lost everyone by my own doing because I didn’t feel safe in their company. I have a sister who I speak with but I don’t trust her because I know she played into the horrible things that were said and done and my trust with her is limited to say the least. So when I saw your video and heard the title I knew that’s exactly what happened to me. I’ve been called selfish and it hurt so bad but now I know I’m not selfish, I just became harder to manipulate. Since losing my best friend ( my Dog ) it’s been a real struggle wanting to carry on, but I feel my savior will pull me through, so I remain. 😔 Thank you for your words of encouragement, it’s exactly what I needed to hear. Bless you Sara Jane 🙏🏼
Bless you Sweet Soul Thank you for sharing and I am so pleased the doctor stood up for you. Remember when people get like that, they are projecting on to you how they are, it has nothing to do with you, it is their guilt. The important thing to do is forgive yourself for allowing them to "get" to you, free yourself of the burden of their guilt. You are a beautiful Soul of Love & Light, Love your self, you are worthy of all the love and caring that you give to others and more, never doubt that. Always be true to you 🙏Namaste
ms. jane, thank you so much for this lovely video. i’ve been having a tough time recently with a very controlling person who’s in my life. by coincidence, this video was recommended to me by the algorithm, and i’m glad i had the opportunity to watch it and learn from it. wishing you the best, and hope you have a great day (:
Bless you Sweet Soul Thank you I am so pleased that my share has supported you and I hope that you will be able to stand up for the amazing being that you are, setting boundaries protecting you and supporting the authentic you. If the individual doesn't accept them, maybe it is time for change, for you both. Be strong, be committed to yourself, your worth, your growth, it is essential to love yourself enough to say "no more" And as the saying goes "If respect is no longer being served at the table, it is time to leave the table". Be true to you always 🙏Namaste
I didn't look for this video, but watched it anyway and I'm glad that I did. After being controlled by my narcissistic father during my teen years, I finally cut ties and moved out as soon as I was able. I felt hopeless and alone and became quite the people pleaser to feel a sense of security in my life. That is slowly but surely changing now, and I felt so touched by this video. Thank you Sara Jane, for imparting your bit of wisdom on the rest of the world. 🌱
Bless you Sweet Soul Thank you, I am so pleased for you that you have escaped the trauma of your teens and that you are now letting go of a trauma response that is people pleasing. I hope you have support to help you through and that you are able to come to realise that it is OK to Love yourself, to be true to you. Many who can't do what you are doing, project their insecurities and "jealousy" on to those who have the courage to take their life back. Always be true to you 🙏Namaste
When on the receiving end of this, it is so important to remember that it is their stuff and has nothing to do with you. Deep down inside they know they would say no and they are projecting on to you what is theirs. Never be bullied and "shamed" into something that feels wrong for you. Once they know they can no longer push your buttons, they will sadly move on to someone else, rather than learn the error of their ways. 🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
Bless you Sweet Soul I am so happy that this has supported you Remember you are meant to be the Love of your life, respect yourself and teach others how to treat you by not putting up the disrespect. 🙏Namaste
@@ambushed6053 Bless you Sweet Soul I am so pleased this has touched so many lives, including yours. Always be kind to you, you deserve all the love, thought and consideration you show to others and more. 🙏Namaste
I get it I really do and I love being single after 2 marriages, the last of which ended over 25 years ago. You should be the Love of your own life, the leading lady (or man) in your life. We teach people how to treat us by what we put up with and what we don't. Loving and caring for others doesn't mean we have to tolerate "bad" behaviour, disrespect and more. Learning to say No to others and Yes to yourself is the biggest gift we can give ourselves and others. 🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
Love the title and it is so accurate . Try getting a "friend" to finally return a favor and see how well that works. Saying No is sometimes the right thing to do.
Bless you Sweet Soul As we "wake up" and start being true to ourselves, we create boundaries and the only people who get upset with them, are those that don't respect them and used us. It is about learning to say Yes to ourselves and that will put noses out of joint. We will soon learn who our real friends are. 🙏Namaste
Yes! All true and valid. Act in your best interest. Never feel compelled to assist,intervene, or serve others. Put yourself first, and others will respect you instead of using you.
100% Also by putting yourself first, you give others permission to do the same (put themselves first) and the love, care, compassion, understanding you show yourself, becomes how to treat others. Making it a better world for us all. Namaste Sweet Soul 🙏
For most of my life, love was something to earn, not have. Because of this, I clung onto people that shouldn’t be around me, and it really messed me up. Years later though, I have realized that I am happier who I am than who I ever was before. I love my hair, my clothes, my hobbies…i am happier impressing myself than impressing others. I believe that’s something we need to do more, let ourselves be impressed by who we are rather than wait for someone to tell us such. And I hope to every commenter and the person that uploaded this insightful piece of media have an amazing future ahead. You are all wonderfully you, don’t forget it.
Bless you Sweet Soul Thank you I am so pleased you have found yourself and that you are being true to who you are. It is so important to be the love of our own life, enabling us to set boundaries and not accept disrespect from anyone. I hope that people read the comments, so that they know they aren't alone and that they too can improve their life by taking control of it, after all we should be the leading lady or man in our own life. (A line from the film The Holiday) 🙏Namaste
I needed this today. Just dealt with another one of my moms mini meltdowns over my fashion choice. I was starting to feel guilty, but this is what I needed.
Bless you Sweet Soul I am so pleased this has supported you ~ Thank you for sharing Remember this is your life to live as feels right for you. You are not here to live your life through others or for them to live their lives through you. Always be true to you 🙏Namaste
Bless you Sweet Soul I am so pleased that my words are supporting you, that is why I share them. Their is beauty in us all, we just have to find it within ourselves so that we can honour who we are and teach others how to treat us by not putting up with manipulating behaviour. 🙏Namaste
❤i needed to hear this today. Im the youngest in my household and i do all the house keeping, child rearing all while going to university and working my job as a student aid. My older siblings dont do any housework, the children i take care of are theirs. Im expected to feed them, make sure they're clean, do thier homework with them and im not allowed to go out without asking them a week in advance although im 21. I was also responsible for taking careof my sick father until he passed recently all while doing everything else. Yet im told im selfish and lazy.
Bless you Sweet Soul Can you leave, find a place of your own, go into student digs, seek help with support to do this from the university, students union or another body that is meant to be there for students. This is your life and your No will make your family get on with theirs, while you get on with yours. I hope you are able to do this for yourself and if you can without giving them warning so that you don't have to listen to their selfish tirade at you, that is their stuff, let them get on with it and don't take it on board as your truth. 🙏Namaste
A beautiful piece of writing. I've often felt guilty for being "selfish" in the eyes of an abuser - it's always nice to be reminded that I simply have personal boundaries and a desire to be respected. Thank you for sharing!
Bless you, The most important person to respect you is you. The saying goes "If respect is no longer being served at the table it is time to leave" There is nothing selfish in protecting your energies. 🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
Came here after this showed up as the first suggested video on my home page. As a 37 yo male in India, thank you for your presence and holding space. You have a very calming voice and seem a compassionate soul. Namaste. Love and light to you!
Bless you Sweet Soul Thank you and I am so pleased that it has spoken to you and hopefully supports you to live your best and fullest life. Loving yourself is the greatest gift you can bring to this world because when you truly do, you can support others in many different ways, including tough love. 🙏Namaste
A year younger than me 🙂 I do care about others, it is just that now My choices and feelings are more important to me. It is also understanding that a NO can be a gift to both the giver and the receiver. Namaste Sweet Soul 🙏
Bless you Thank you for sharing I am so pleased that you are taking back your life from the things people said and did when you were younger, shaping you into someone you aren't here to be and allowing yourself to become the amazing being you are here to be. 🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
I always tried to care about others first, because I didnt want to be selfish. But then i realized: isn't that already a selfish choice? Even when i think that my opinion is not worth anything -regardless of how much I'm told otherwise-, I'm choosing. So why not choose the least painful thing? And the one that actually allows me to help others: to care about myself first. Like, it's subjectively and objectively better, right?
Bless you I believe you have hit the nail on the head, it is an aspect of thought about the people pleaser thing that I have also had. I suppose it depends a little on where you are coming from. If you are feeling bullied into doing something, the selfishness is the other party not you. But the constant offering and trying to second guess what others want, in some respects, without us realising what we are doing, is trying to control a situation and the people participating in it. Don't get me wrong, we do this out of a misguided belief that we aren't good enough and we just wish to make people happy. I sit in no judgement here, I spent far too many years a people pleaser. Thank you for sharing this perspective and I agree we should consider ourselves first, after all we can't poor from an empty pot. 🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
I absolutely agree. I was a people pleaser, rarely say no to people but i started to learn to love myself. So, i set boundaries with new people i met. This one person played "the victim" as i said no. I feel like i discovered self liberation for not being manipulated again. Love your video
Bless you Thank you Sweet Soul and Congratulations I hope you have also learned to say No to those closest to you. I know from experience that it doesn't go down well but in my family, what I found was that it gave other members permission to do the same, freeing them as well. 🙏Namaste
I’ve lived most of my life as a people pleaser, we know how to please people best, so why don’t we please ourselves? I’m sure we even know exactly what that is (what we want) because we’re good figuring that out. But how do you become immune against the people who hurt you even more when they notice you’re standing up for yourself. I often back down because I’m so emotionally invested that I’m about to explode and say things I’d regret later on. Sadly they always see it as a weakness. I don’t know what to do
Bless you Sweet Soul It is time to make an emotional investment in yourself Am I right in think there is trauma in your younger years, possibly feelings of being unwanted, unloved, not listened to or heard? How you are is a classic trauma response, are you ready to help heal the younger you, so that the you of today has the confidence to be true to you and not worry about what others think and say about you? Also remember that individual is disrespectful of you, not you of them, they don't like you setting boundaries because it means they can't manipulate you anymore. Be true to you and when you are ready find someone who can support you along your healing journey in a way that resonates with you - there are a number of us out there. 🙏Namaste
@@SaraJane-Vocal-Reiki you are correct, totally amazes me how you can figure that out and others, friends or family doesn’t. I am ready and im trying so hard, maybe I tried it too hard and pressured myself too much till the point where I felt like when I was a child. Maybe the first step is giving yourself a safe environment to grow and accept yourself as you are. I know that I’m way more confident than I was a few years ago but I tend to downplay my efforts & I don’t know exactly why but therapy and self reflection is making a huge difference for me. Thank you for your reply, Namaste
@@aesthetic_vi4631 Bless you Sweet Soul The people that can support you best are those that have been through similar and experienced the same feelings. We understand, we can now see it from the outside in and until family and friends can take themselves outside of the situation and look at it as if watching a play or video, it is unlikely that they will understand. Congratulations for "waking up" for realising that you are the lead role in your own life, for giving yourself space and asking support. Be gentle with yourself, you went through this for years and it will take time , allow as long as is required for you. 🙏Namaste
Bless you Sweet Soul I love the way the Universe works bring support to people at just the right time and unexpected ways. I am so pleased you feel supported by what I have shared and I hope that everything shared in the comments also supports you. Always be true to you, as the saying goes "If respect is no longer being served at the table, it is time to leave the table" I hope things resolve themselves for you as quickly and easily as possible. 🙏Namaste
I gave up people pleasing. As I got older, my interests evolved and my life became full of hobbies and other involvements, and I didn't need to worry about these people. I don't like pushy critical people and so am careful. My church group is lovely. I find myself saying yes to volunteer things there and No to people who want to manipulate and take up times doing exactly what they want to so.
Bless you Sweet Soul The most important thing is that you are happy and doing the things that you choose to do, living your life, experiencing It is important we live our own lives, not for or through others but for ourselves. Stay true to you 🙏Namaste
Bless you Sweet Soul I am so pleased for you Congratulations. You will Thank yourself for your courage when you come out the other side of this and remember all the stuff they spout to you for saying NO is their stuff and has nothing to do with who you are. 🙏Namaste
I was so taken with the title of this blog when you were talking about it yesterday that I had to listen to it. It resonates on so many levels and is so helpful in understanding a little bit more about the effects of trauma in early life. I have found that these early traumas seem to lay dormant and then in later life they start resurfacing. Thank you Sara Jane
Bless you Sandy Thank you It was great to see you yesterday and I am so grateful that this has touched your life and understanding. There are many of us who have experienced trauma in many different ways and on different levels. The younger we are when it happens, the less we have an understanding of the feelings engendered within us, so we bury them deep inside. They will make them selves known in a myriad of different ways until we acknowledge them, help heal them and let them fly free. 🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
Good for you. A thought to ponder When we are always saying Yes to others, we are holding 2 people back, ourselves and them. We can all only learn and grow when we do things for ourselves, constantly doing for others, stops them from learning and grow and you from doing the things you would like to, that support you to learn and grow. Sometimes the greatest gift we can hear is NO (It may not feel it at the time), if something is really important to us, we will find a way to make it happen. 🙏Namaste Sweet Souls
Bless you Sweet Soul Thank you I am so pleased they have touched your life in a positive way. May you always be true to yourself and live from the love in your heart that is the purest energy of who you are 🙏Namaste
That's so true! Branded stubborn, lacking empathy, selfish as a child just because I didn't follow the criwds and scrutinized my teachers and, yes, my parents and friends. Now, in my 60s it acceptable... Didn't make my life easier, especially in workplaces but am now able to on account of after 40 years found the idea employers with a great, independent mindset. 🤟l
Bless you Sweet Soul Independent thinkers aren't appreciated by those that want to stay inside the boxes created by the rule makers and those that think they can control us. The box doesn't exist and when we wake up to that life can become so much more interesting and free flowing. 🙏Namaste
I've been shamed by this older woman who physiologically manipulates people into doing what she wants. She calls them "requests" when they're orders since saying no isn't an option. She has OCPD and has shamed me for using my anxiety and depression as an "excuse" but her mental struggles are real in her eyes.
Bless you Sweet Soul Can you detach yourself from her, for your greatest wellbeing. It doesn't matter what she says or others think, you and your health should be the priority of your life. I appreciate there are people out there struggling but we all have to help ourselves and if you don't take care of you, who is then going to care for you when your pot is empty - not that individual. Keep your pot filled so that you can be there for those who truly require a little support to help themselves. 🙏Namaste
I really needed to hear this. Ive just recently gone no-contact with a long time friend because I realized that I've just been their emotional support teddy bear for our whole friendship. I became codependent on them, because well, they were kind to me and would listen to me sometimes. But they could never offer me any support back. I finally said enough was enough after explaining to them multiple times that I'm going through a rough patch, and they hardly budged at all. It's my fault for enabling them and always pleasing them and assuring them that I was never upset and they could do no wrong in my eyes. Now I'm trying to unlearn my insecurities and my people-pleasing habits, and it is so, so painful and difficult because I feel so horrible. Like I've betrayed everyone by suddenly being "selfish" and putting my foot down. But I am trying my best. Thank you for this.
Bless you Sweet Soul and Congratulations I'm not convinced we ever completely stop being a people pleaser but we become more discerning and able to listen to the heart voice inside of us, that supports us to be truer to ourselves. Don't feel guilty, your NO could be the best gift they ever receive (even if they don't think so at the time). Trust that what is right for you, is right for those around you ~ always be true to yourself. 🙏Namaste
No, it IS selfishness- but it’s the good kind of selfishness that a manipulative society taught us to villainize so that we could be made to do things that went against our best interests.
Bless you, I 100% get what you are saying, the sad part is that it's truest meaning of being thoughtless of others, is the overriding use of the word and yes very manipulative. When we are being more caring and loving of ourselves, the truth is we can bring more of that into the world in a much healthier and more supportive way that benefits all. 🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
I had a grandmother who abused my mother her whole life. It wasn't until I was older that she turned on me. I didn't understand at the time, but it was because I was making my own decisions. She never loved anyone, she just liked owning pets (us). She became cruel in the extreme when our lives weren't about her. It was hard to realize that she never loved us, she just liked power. There is freedom eventually, hang in there.
Bless you Sweet Soul It sounds to me as if you and hopefully your mother, have managed to break a generational behaviour. I hope that your Mother was loving and caring with you, supporting you with how life should be from mother to daughter and that your experience doesn't taint any relationship you have with your children and grandchildren. You are a beautiful being of light and love and sometimes people teach us how not to be. 🙏Namaste
My inner monologue is constantly telling me that I'm selfish, because that's what I heard from my mother growing up. All the time. She herself grew up in an environment where women were not supposed to have their own personhood. She tried to break away from this, but ultimately it was just too much for her. I fully believe that she internalized the abuses heaped upon her, and ultimately passed that abuse on to me. I remember having a mental breakdown where I was crying in front of her, when I was 19, and her only response was to tell me how selfish I was for crying. (My brother was allowed to cry all he wanted, of course.) Someone must have done something horrible to her, for her to believe that this was a good thing to say. I hope I can honor the life she's given me by escaping these backwards ideas.
Bless you Thank you for sharing The voice you are hearing is hers and your ego mind trying to keep you safe. As I say to mine when it goes off on one "your role is to keep me safe, yet the only one hurting me is you" I'm surmising from al that you have written that your mother was bullied and manipulated into not being true to herself and what she went through is what she put you through and that it went back several generations. You are not selfish unless you are expecting others to do something for you that isn't right for them. Be true to yourself, set your boundaries, say No when it feels right to say NO and stick to it. I know it isn't easy but be the "black sheep" of family and stop the generational abuse of the women family. You are one of many who are helping to heal past generations, you are a gift to your family and to the world. Remember you are special, that no one is more or less special than you 🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
Wonderful post. I will share something too. It took struggling with cancer and still having people in my life expect me to be there at their for them emotionally, financially, and in service to them for me to liberate myself and become selfish !
Bless you Sweet Soul By the sounds of it the only ones who were selfish, was them. I am so pleased you stepped into yourself, set boundaries and started to live your own life, making them lives theirs. It sounds like in a strange way the cancer was a gift and I hope you are fully recovered. Namaste 🙏
Bless you Sweet Soul my pleasure and I hope that all that has been shared here supports you to be true to yourself and know that you are worthy of all the thought, care & consideration you bring to others and more. 🙏Namaste
Thankyou. Ineeded this as a people pleaser. What got me most was that quote, what others are thinking of me is none of my business. I loved all of this poem, though!
Bless you Thank you for sharing and I am so pleased this has touched your life when you have needed it. It is essential to love yourself, to be true to how you are and let others get on with their own stuff. You are special, no one is more or less special than you, always remember that 🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
I've been made to feel bad about myself by my siblings and friends for being able to say no. It used to bother me a lot until I accepted who I was and stopped making excuses for it. Well written article Sara Jane! I hope people read it who feel guilty because others don't accept them for not doing what THEY want to do.
Bless you Sweet Soul The most important thing for me is that people like us who have gone through experiences that have made them feel less than they are and have come out the other side stronger and true to themselves, read this, feel validated in taking their power back. All that have shared here are supporting those at the beginning of their journey or struggling. None of us are alone in how experiences make us feel but we are worthy of all the love and care that we give to others and more. The most important person for each of us to love is our self. If those who are perceived as being the perpetrators read this and realise the part they have played in hurting others and grow in to a better person, that is a real bonus. 🙏Namaste
This is a situation I am learning to know to separate: I am so grateful for what i have, yet I also know time is different I know there are good people out there but there are those who only appear to be good and seem to want to dominate others. Please everyone be careful.
Bless you You are right there are those out there who appear to be caring, helpful, supportive but really aren't. A good way of thinking about it is the story of the robin who was flying across the Arctic and eventually got so cold he fell to the earth and into the snow. A Polar bear came along and shit on him, slowly he started to warm up and was struggling to get out of the shit when a fox came along and helped pull him out, then eat him. Not everyone who appears to be against you is and not everyone who appears to be helping you is. 🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
I am doing this but it is oh so hard at each step. That need for validation by putting others first is deep and wide. Its hard to overcome at every stage. Thanks for that simple and briliant video. I really needed to hear these words right now. Thanks.
Bless you Sweet Soul, firstly congratulations on taking the first steps, keep going Sweet one. The most important person to be proud of you, is YOU. Be proud of yourself, your achievements however small you may consider them to be. As the saying goes "the journey of a thousand miles begins with 1 step". The journey you are on is the journey back to yourself, with every step you take you are getting closer to the you, you are meant to be. 🙏Namaste
My ‘freind’: “you need to start standing up for yourself” same person when I wanna do my own thing instead of always doing that they wanna do: “tHaTs nOt sTaNdInG uP fOr yOuRsELf uR jUsT bEiNg mEaN”
And that is the perfect example of a selfish individual, one who blames you for their own selfishness. Always be true to you and when you say No to others you do not have to explain yourself. No can also be the greatest gift anyone can hear, helping them to do things for themselves rather than always relying on others. It is the gift of growth to both the giver and the receiver. 🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
Yes! And I don't even try to do anything in response to manipulative people except remove them from my life. If I cant do that straight away I set boundaries until I can.
Bless you. The stronger we become in being true to yourselves, the harder we are to manipulate. Good for you for protecting your energies 🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
"There's always a story. It's all stories, really. The sun coming up every day is a story. Everything's got a story in it. Change the story, change the world". - Sir Terry Pratchett 👒
I just found you and I'm in love 🥰 your soothing calm voice, your wisdom, i just love everything about you. Gratitude for what you do we sincerely need you 🙏🏾❤🎉❤🙏🏾
Bless you Thank you Sweet Soul I am so grateful to hear that what I share touches lives and supports people to step into their own power, their own beautiful gifts, that they are here to share. We are all a gift to the world in our own unique way and the greatest gift we can bring is being true to who we are and loving ourselves enough that we teach others to love themselves. 🙏Namaste
Thank you. So timely to come across this, this morning. So grateful. I am consciously aware that I am in an * unpicking* time in my life. Like somebody who has to un-pick stitches... that is what I am doing. Cheers! May we ALL unpick those stitches that have done us harm, and fly free.. like the beauty full beings.. souls.. that we ARE. Nicole x
Bless you Nicole Thank you for sharing and I am so pleased this has touched your life. Yes, it is about unlearning everything we thought we knew about ourselves from what others have said and done. Like having stiches out, it can be painful but so worth it in the end. Keep going Beautiful Soul 🙏Namaste
Bless you Thank you Sweet Soul It is so important to open our eyes, along with our minds and our Hearts to what is going on in our life and around us. If we wish change, then it is up to us to grow into the change we wish to see, it all starts with us. Change/growth can be messy but so worth it in the long run, the sooner we start the soon life will get better 🙏Namaste
You are 100% correct and for many it is a learned behaviour from what they witnessed around them as a child. For all of us, our understanding and perceptions come from our family homes, parents, grandparents, teachers etc that shape our lives before we can "think" for ourselves. Many are waking up to the fact that there other ways of being and we don't have to follow the family line - we have choices. 🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
Being tramatized a bit, im finding alot of my self worth, EVEN BEFORE i got close to the wrong man, was lacking. Nobodys fault. Nonjudgementally working towards my own well being is wayyyy worth it. I have therapy help and i am trying to stop attending to limiting briefs and "if they wanted to, they would" is helpful to regain perspective! Love n hugs :) thx for the talk you know u are lovely right!!!! You are lovely. Take care!!!
Bless you Sweet Soul, I totally understand and I am so pleased you are involved in your own healing journey with support. Please feel free to check out my website vocalreiki.com/ there are free videos, Sound Baths and more for you to enjoy and I hope support you. Namaste
@@MizrahiChick Bless you Thank you Sweet Soul Whenever we care enough to share our learned wisdom, we offer a big hug to those who choose to receive the gift we offer. Namaste 🙏
Thank you for sharing this wisdom. I am 86 and am just now strong enough and wise enough to hear you. At ten years of age after years of trauma and abuse, I cried aloud “I want to die! I want to die!” At that moment, in my being, a powerful Voice said, “say it once more and you’ve got it!” This was a gift that got me through the next 70 years. I knew I could leave any time I wanted. I had only to ask. More abuse, more horrors, failed to break my spirit. Survival meant being controlled, but no one ever ruled my spirit. One by one my haters have abandoned me and are now all dead. My children love me and make sure I lack for nothing. Years of being cherished are now bearing fruit. I can now comprehend and act on all you are saying. The Voice that freed me to choose life, has been with me all my life. Darkness drive me to light. I trust my own being. And I love life BIG TIME!!
Bless you Sweet Soul I am so pleased that your children have shown you the love and caring that others should have. It also sounds as if you had the strength to say "this stops with me" and didn't continue what I am guessing were the learned behaviours of the preceding generations. Congratulations for your strength, caring and loving. The voice knew there was better to come for you and you deserve all the love and care you have given to others and more. Never doubt that you are an amazing being of light and that spark has never gone out in you throughout all that you have experienced. 🙏Namaste
@@SaraJane-Vocal-Reiki thank you for answering my sharing. You invested in me and now you are a sweetness in my soul, an eternal ingredient in my being. Bless you. BIG HUGS!
@@nancyanderson5310 My pleasure Sweet Soul For too many of us, one of the things that has hurt us most is feeling that no one is listening to us, or hearing, I know that is part of my story. That is why I have replied to everyone who has left a share here. We are all hearing and supporting each other. Thank you for being a part of this 🙏Namaste
@@SaraJane-Vocal-Reiki for 86 years I thought I was alone in seeking to nourish every soul God put in my life. I dreamed last night that I was telling a despairing young man about Micaela Mabinty de Prince and her mom. He sobbed with joy and I held him close, amazed at this RESPONSE! And now YOU! Now I see how I can continue with my vocation- my dance! - for eternity!! Joy! Rapture! In Kansas or out, walk up to the door and watch it open!!
@@nancyanderson5310 Bless you Sweet Soul, I am so grateful to be part of your journey, however brief it may be and I am so pleased it is supporting you to share your wonderful gifts with others, for whom you will be a beacon of hope and light. 🙏Namaste
Just the title in itself is eye opening, this whole video is going into my journal of quotes and wisdoms Edit: the difference is between the selfish and the self loving person is the latter is enjoying life by their own means without taking away from others, understanding everyone's need to freedom and to express themselves without privilege. Expecting others to treat you with the same respect isn't in itself selfish
Bless you Thank you The word Selfish can be very emotive, in too many cases used by a selfish person to describe the individual who has said No to them. Loving yourself is essentially, trust and believe, respect yourself, all of these support you to teach people how to treat you, your boundaries. As the saying goes "be the change you wish to see in the world", when we treat ourselves with those energies, we bring more of the same to others. 🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
One does not become anything when older, which one was not all your life. Old gits were young gits etc.etc. I think we simply have less need to comply with the hypocritical rules and morals society supposedly demands. {Gallic shrug}
Thank you for sharing. We all have the right to our own opinion from our own experiences and understanding. I share from mine and I am so happy that my sharing has touched and supported so many people to be true to themselves. 🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
I love the support and caring that is being shared here
Bless you All for being here for yourself and each other, none of us are alone in our experiences and how they have made us feel. 🙏Namaste Sweet Souls
💚💚💚
@@doughill4237 Bless you Thank you Sweet Soul
🙏Namaste
My favorite genre on UA-cam will always be older people giving sound advice
Bless you Thank you
I like to think of it as making suggestions, as all that I share comes from what has/is working for me.
This may then appeal to you, there is a new book being published on 8th October Called "Gifts of Wisdom" 22 amazing authors, including me 🙂 links will be shared on my website listed in the info below the video if you are interested
🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
I am grateful for this message, for I am unlearning behavior that had no reward towards others and myself. As a loner it becomes easier to accept my boundaries towards others.
Nameste
Bless you Sweet Soul my pleasure
The first person you should feel comfortable to be alone with is Yourself.
We are however not here to be alone all the time, we are meant to socialise with others, to connect, communicate and learn from each other and most importantly have fun, play, laugh.
To step outside your comfort zone, step back into yourself, find your courage and let yourself find and connect with like minded people, you will find you'll have some amazing conversations and lots of laughter.
🙏Namaste
It’s my story and I’m sticking to it!
Hi
Not sure what you are saying here
Our story will always come from the perspective of our understanding of what happened and was said, and how it made us feel.
My story doesn't change because as an adult I came to understand the circumstances that caused what happened.
It is us an an adult that helps our inner child to heal, the story will never change, it is important not to live there, to grow from the healing and become the best you possible.
Namaste Sweet Soul 🙏
Yes. ❤ 🙏 Namaste.
Bless you Sweet Soul Thank you for listening and commenting
Namaste 🙏
Great title. !
Bless you Sweet Soul
I wish I could say those words were mine but as they aren't I wish I knew who said them so that I could acknowledge them
Namaste🙏
Moral: You are always the villain in someone else's story; while they are opportunists and selfish themselves but claim to be victims 🤷♂️
100%, we just have to remember that they are projecting who/how they are on to us.
as the quote from Jim Kwik says “Don't take criticism from someone you wouldn't take advice from.”
Namaste Sweet Soul 🙏
My sister expect me to sell my condo and pay off her mortgage.
She is nuts!
@@oldcrone Stay true to you Sweet Soul
We all have to learn to live our own lives and to work through the experiences that we have, others can support us but we have to help ourselves, no one can do it for us.
🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
Wow, mic drop!!!
🤗😂❤️
I’ve noticed this! Very convenient for them, always the victim!😮
I call it the "40's-f***-it's"-where you finally start thinking of yourself after four decades of thinking of everyone else first. It's not selfishness-it's finally burning out on society. 😂
Bless you Sweet Soul
Too many of us go into people pleaser mode or are raised to believe that what we would like doesn't matter, that everyone else has to come first.
You are correct, many will eventually burn out because they have never recharged their own batteries and have nothing left to give.
When we take care of ourselves and out energy, we can bring so much more to others, in a much healthier way.
Always be kind to yourself
Namaste 🙏
Funny thing, upon waking up on my 40th birthday, I woke up with "why the heck am I so worried about what others think of me?" I really did feel as if a weight had been lifted from my shoulders...have no idea what happened Nevertheless, I still fall back into old routines 17 years later, but it's not happening as often as before
Namaste to all of you!
🕊
@@louisa6948 Bless you
Suggestion, add to the end of your comment "what the heck..." because they aren't thinking about me, they are thinking about all that is going on in their own life.
That whole thought is what helped lift the weight off my shoulders.
We still care, we will still help people but by taking care of us first, our support becomes more beneficial to everyone - remember No can be the biggest gift you give to someone.
Namaste Sweet Soul
Being nice has ruined my life.
Appreciate your content.
Bless you Sweet Soul, never regret being nice to others, it shows the world who you are.
How others are is up to them and people will see through the fake eventually.
Always be yourself.
Kindness comes in many forms, remember that No can be the biggest gift we can hear (although it may not feel it as the time.
🙏Namaste
@@SaraJane-Vocal-Reiki Thank you for the kind words. Much appreciated. It means a lot.
@@ВиталийСлонов-ч4ъ My pleasure
We all require a little encouragement from time to time, especially to know that this is our life and we should live it guided by our heart and soul not other people's wants & needs.
Light, Love & Peace
🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
you said that right
@@Marv-kp9vz Bless you
Always be true to you and never let anyone dictate to you how you should be or what you should do.
🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
“selfish” was my narcissistic mother’s pet name for me. she’s been dead for 6 years and I haven’t missed her for 1 minute. in a weird synchronistic way my narcissistic boyfriend left me not long after her death. (I was trained to serve narcissists, dad is one too) good riddance. now I’ve adopted what I call my NO CO lifestyle. NO COoperation, NO COmpliance, NO COmpromise, NO COmplaining.
Bless you Sweet Soul
Sadly children believe that everything that comes from their parents has to be true and how it should be, they are learned behaviours.
We can break them when we come to understand that we aren't who they say we are and we open to finding and being who we really are.
Good for you to learn to say No to others and Yes to yourself and I hope that you are happy.
Namaste
@@SaraJane-Vocal-Reiki happiest I have ever been.😁
💕Good Job! ✔️
❤
@@acanarynamedrobyn4543 I am so pleased for you, waking up to ourselves is the greatest gift we give to ourselves and the world
Namaste
No. It's a complete sentence. Took me until i was 40 to learn that.
You have got that right.
We don't have to explain ourselves, it is always our choice to say Yes or No.
I love the saying "what part of No don't you understand"
🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
What? 40? Me too!
@@Banana_Split_Cream_Buns Yes I was in my 40's too
It doesn't matter how old, what is most important, is that we got there and we are now honouring ourselves.
Namaste Sweet Soul🙏
40? Good for you! I’m 62 and only just beginning to practice this. It’s not easy and I feel like a failure most days but hearing from others who are further along the path gives me so much courage… thank you… 🙏
@@p.moorewilson7917 Bless you Sweet Soul
You can do it, this your life and it sounds like it is more than time that you started to live it the way you choose to - keep going
There is a great saying, "what part of NO don't you understand"
🙏Namaste
Preach. People just get mad when you get wise to their ways and stop getting taken advantage of.
Yes, you are right they do, because they cannot manipulate you any more.
That however is their stuff not yours, let them deal with it while you get on with your own life.
🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
Yeah I’m selfish and mean, when I say No and standing up for myself! Thank you for validation
Bless you
Saying No to others and Yes to yourself can be the best gift you give to both of you and is not selfish
Namaste Sweet Soul 🙏
@@SaraJane-Vocal-Reiki indeed, thank you Sara.
Back in the 1970’s I married a man who said many times how he fell in love with me because of my strength and independence as a single mother raising a 10 year old son, managing a home and having a career. Fast forward 4 years into the marriage he cheated on me. In the sometimes heated conversations on our marriage he somehow forgot his original feelings about who I was as a woman and what he had admired and loved about me. Suddenly, I had become a bitch and he couldn’t deal with it. The end of the marriage was reached despite him begging me to come back 3 weeks after I moved out. I have no regrets and at 82, I continue to have a full single life filled with happiness and joy🌺
Bless you, Thank you for sharing and congratulations on being true to yourself.
I remember a conversation I had with a gentleman friend "why is it that we fall in love with someone the way they are and then try and change them?
In some respects that is a rhetorical question but maybe something that should be given serious thought by us all when entering any sort of relationship.
🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
Thank you so much for sharing your story. Every person who rejected abuse and refused manipulation now feeds my own liberation. I am 86 and am just now realizing how bad preaching has distorted my thinking. And they have trashed God’s reputation by seeing Him as vindictive and nit picking. He’s a parent rescuing His kids - that’s it. My own family was too mentally sick to invest in me, but He, I now see, has kept me alive and seeking all my years. You know the power within. Thanks for letting it win!!
@@nancyanderson5310 Bless you Thank you for being part of the growing conversation and support here.
So many beautiful souls all sharing and supporting each other in a way that only those who have had similar experiences can.
Now is the time for each to take back the power they gave away and become true to themselves regardless of what others may think, say or do.
🙏Namaste
If a man calls you a "bitch", take it as a compliment. It means you are way out of their league and can't deal with you.
@@haruk2312 That is a thought, it is always good to find a positive in everything and I like your perspective.
🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
It's so true. My boyfriend when he was devaluing said "you changed". I never understood until later. He meant "I can't control you anymore".
Bless you Sweet Soul, I am sure many have heard that said to them.
I don't think that we have changed, we have grown out of putting up with "their stuff" and are ready to live our own life, to love ourselves enough to say no more.
🙏Namaste
Same! Gone 🏃🏾♀️
@@sagenosnibor9173 Good for you for being true to you
🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
There came a moment when I said exactly what I wanted to say. There are consequences and rewards for speaking your mind. Be prepared…I have no regrets. I have not deserted my soul.
100% Bless you Sweet Soul
You may lose friends (but were they really friends) and family may not talk to you, that is their choice.
Stick to what speaks to you, your heart choices, always be true to you.
Namaste🙏
“I have not deserted my soul”. How powerful is that!! Thank you.
Ms. Jane - not sure how you came up in my feed, but I’m liking; if for nothing but the title alone.
I love the way the Universe works
So pleased this has touched a cord in you
Namaste
yea, great title. sending this to my wife.
@@Icemario87 Bless you Sweet Soul
I love that these words have touched so many lives
Namaste
@@SaraJane-Vocal-Reiki👍🏽
Interesting that this popped up in my feed tonight. I was raised in a violent narcissist home, physically abused, emotionally too, born in 1952. LOTS of us born in that time. Born to a 19 yr old abused mother, 22 yr old selfish father 'shotgun' style. My childhood was a war zone until he left when I was 11 yrs old. I left home at 16 yrs and by the grace of God, grew into a strong, independent woman. Now I'm 72 yrs old, married 45 years to my husband a good man but strong narc tendencies. These days I am a born again Christian woman and I hear Gods voice often. I'm one of the 'chosen', a warrior of sorts for this time at the End of this age. And no I am not selfish at all. Never was. Thank you for the clarifying definition of 'selfish' and self determination. God bless. 🙏✝️💕
people pleaser for decades. did me NO justice. So many manipulators out here now a days. Thank you Sara.
Bless you Sweet Soul
Being a people pleaser is a Trauma response, love yourself, be kind and understanding of yourself and you can grow into the amazing Being that you are.
Forgive yourself for what you didn't know, we can only ever act on the information we have at the time.
Now we know more and take back control of our own lives.
🙏Namaste
me too.
@@Marv-kp9vz Bless you
Thank you for your interaction here, it is so much appreciated
Namaste Sweet Soul🙏
Well,you never can please everybody
Don’t even think of,,justice “ or thank you
I learned that lesson very hard way
Trying not to take anything personally ….to stay positive,just and move on 💐
@@mirjanamilosavljevic4261 Bless you Sweet Soul
I so get that it is hard not to take things personally, especially when you have felt so insecure, afraid of what others think.
But understanding that it is their stuff, their insecurities , that they are projecting on to you and letting that really sink in, can be so liberating.
Thank you for being part of the conversation here and I hope that knowing you aren't alone and can move on from all that has hurt you, supports you to live a happier more fulfilled life.
Namaste
🙏
What other people think about me is non of my business. Godamm yes!!!
Bless you
The biggest awareness for me was that, in the majority of cases they aren't thinking about anyone else than themselves and what is going on in their own life.
So worry about what they are think about me, you, is a complete waste of energy🙂
Namaste Sweet Soul🙏
66 year old Grandma, I TOO WAS A PEOPLE PLEASER, I wanted to help everyone, but one day I realized that WHEN I Needed something, NO ONE WAS AVAILABLE TO HELP OR PAY BACK THE MONEY THEY BORROWED.
I have Acquaintances NO FRIENDS & NO RELATIVES, Nor do I need them! I FEEL FREE & HAPPY & Life Is Good!
Bless you Sweet Soul
When we "wake-up", that is when we realise how we have let ourselves be used. All the love and care we have given to others, we have failed to give ourselves and we deserve all that and more.
Congratulations on becoming true to you and learning to love yourself and your life.
Namaste
❤ me too
@@patriciaingles1452 Bless you, I hope that means you Were and have now learnt to be true to you, setting boundaries, learning to say No to others and putting you at the top of your list.
🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
Me too 😢
@@margaretduffy1360 Bless you, so many of us spent too long caring for others and not considering ourselves. Our waking up is a shock to all those around us but a great relief to us, at long last we can spread our wings and fly.
🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
The "selfish" label was my mother's favorite stick to beat me with when I was growing up. It wasn't until I was in my mid thirties that I finally realized that SHE had been the selfish one all along, and inexcusably, monstrously selfish at that. Thirty years later, I'm still fighting my people-pleasing tendencies.
Same here, that and “apologize right now! Stop being so inconsiderate!”
She was the selfish monster the whole time
All these garbage things we were taught are both hard to change and hard to discover!✌️🫂🙏🙏🙏
Mom was the same, with an enabling dad. I was such a huge people pleaser because I always believed more the words of others than my own. I kept doubting my gut feeling, my intuition (when I actually have a very good one) all because of the self doubt that grew inside me cause I tried to love and therefore, trust, people who didn’t know who I really was and what I truly needed (and didn’t care about it). I kept seeking reassurance in others, not only to fulfill my emotional needs my mother always invalidated but also to stop doubting myself. I have learned the past years to stop seeking people’s reassurance when I doubt myself. I stopped doubting my gut feelings, my intuition. Had to learn to talk to myself differently, like my own bestie, lover or parent I never had. Like growing a new family in myself that always know what to tell me in times of need, because they speak from my heart and only my heart knows what I am and what I need. Not my mom. Not anybody, ever.
Sending you much love and courage on your journey to self love and self trust xxx
Somebody started to tell me how to do my tasks today, quite unnecessarily. Usually they do this each week and waste a lot of my time, causing stress as I catch up. Today I was silent, acted like they hadn’t said a thing. I didn’t acknowledge them at all. They didn’t persist, didn’t waste my time… wow that felt good!
Bless you Sweet Soul
Maybe they are used to working with people who have to be told all the time.
Suggestion, next week, smile, say something along the lines of Thank you for all your support, I think I 've got this but I will ask if I need to.
You leave both of you feeling so much better and the job gets done quicker. 🙂
🙏Namaste
@@SaraJane-Vocal-Reiki that’s lovely advice thank you
@@PropheticSoakingwithSarahJER I hope my suggestion speaks to you and if it does, it supports you and the other person to feel better about yourselves.
Namaste Sweet Soul 🙏
Behaviorist Psychology has several principles. One is that ignored behavior stops occuring.
One has to be careful about this one because behavior that is rarely rewarded gets firmly entrenched.
Behavior that is always rewarded will stop when the rewards stop.
Recorded behavior gradually decreases.
Human attention is the strongest reward.
A child will do anything to get a parents attention.
It is possible that maybe people like you and wish your attention but don't know what topic might interest you. If you are willing to to converse with any of these people, you might change the topic on them to discover whether they will converse on the topic you suggest.
I have noticed that most people will continue inna conversation as long as they are the topic. They will conversevfirvacwhilevon neutral topics. The fastest way to stop a conversation is to talk about oneself. Most people have very little interest in other people.
It is interesting, therefore, that people want to talk to you about you.
@@BoatsArtsPolitics Thank you for sharing
Story telling is very powerful and when we share our story it can support others to know they aren't alone. When that story shares the growing and moving on from the trauma and bad experiences to living a more fulfilled life, it can also support people to know they can also do it.
It depends on the circumstances for each of these scenarios, some are just very uncomfortable with silence and will therefore just talk to fill it.
We are all unique and where it is possible to generalise for many, not everyone fits into those boxes.
The more we listen to understand, the better life will become
🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
And fighting for yourself can lead to a lot of pushback, as I’ve discovered in my 50’s. Sometimes it feels like a life of death struggle.
Michael I do understand what you are saying and I had to accept that there were those that were no longer "right" to be in my life, that friends "left" and to a certain degree conflicts with family.
However, for me it has all been worth it, my life has changed, I am my own person and so much happier for it.
Family came around and I have an amazing group of friends.
Never doubt there is better waiting for you when you have the courage to be true to you.
Namaste Sweet Soul🙏
Say this..."Try to imagine how little I care" - Wayne Dyer If you can't say it at least say it in your head. It always keeps me on track and gives me a giggle.
@@letsbereal2445 Bless you, another way to look at it, is to become detached form outcomes and other people's stuff.
Caring is good, the important thing is to not let it dictate to you, Easier said than done but so worth persevering with, it is very freeing.
Namaste Sweet Soul 🙏
@@SaraJane-Vocal-Reiki It really does take effort to do that but you're right. It gets so much easier the more you you practice. Stay blessed.
@@letsbereal2445 Thank you Sweet Soul
Always remember, you are the most important person in your life. Take care of yourself and your energies first, then you will be able to bring so much more to others in the best way possible for everyone.
Always be true to you
Namaste Sweet Soul 🙏
Ironically, loving ourselves makes us less selfish. By loving ourselces first We can then help others find their own light. Authentically and not fakely.
100%, you have hit the nail on the head
🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
When I could not stand the abuse at home any more, I bought myself a mobile home to live in. My narc mother called me selfish. She also told me if I 'fell flat on my face" that I wasn't to even THINK I could come crawling back home. I should have left sooner but couldn't afford it before.
Bless you Sweet Soul Thank you for sharing and congratulations
Remember everything she said was projection, her projecting on to you how she was and possibly learned behaviour from her own family upbringing.
She only has power over you whilst you let her words and actions affect you. I know it isn't easy but try and let them wash over you, rather than settle in you disrupting your peace of mind.
I wish you a wonderful life filled with all the love, caring, happiness and joy you bring to others, you are worthy of that and more.
🙏Namaste
My mother was a narcissist, and did horrible things to me from the ages of 3 to 15. Due to her abuse, I could only see myself as selfish and as a horrible person. I felt as if I didn't cater to her every want and whim, I would be a horrible child that deserved the abuse she inflicted on me. Ive been away from her for almost a year now (and im now 16), and through therapy and a fuck ton of working on myself, ive started to say no to others for my own health and wellbeing. Ive had to cut off/ go low contact with other family members, but the initial pain was worth it after I realized im now im less pain. I still have days where i feel like a horrible child for existing, but those days are lesser and further apart as i heal. My distress tolerance is also better, because i no longer have to bottle my emotions and pain just to help someone else. This video is the best way to explain it that ive seen :)
Bless you Sweet Soul
I am so sorry to hear what you have been through and so proud of you for taking a stand, setting boundaries and becoming the most important person in your own life. You are meant to be the Love of your life.
The more we open to love for ourselves, the more love we can bring to others.
Self preservation is a priority for you at this stage and as your love and caring for you grows so will your strength stand up to disrespect and abusive behaviour. Also to be able to break the repeating patterns from previous generations.
You are a very special, unique being, always trust and believe in the guidance of your heart.
🙏Namaste
YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, SMART, KIND, CARING & AWESOME GIRL, YOU DESERVE THE BEST OF EVERYTHING & YOU WILL GET IT!! CHANGE YOUR NAME FROM: FERAL COCKROACH TO: Blessed Girl of the world! or Happy Girl of the world! or "God's Daughter "
Bravo! Unlike most of us, you have realized your own worth early and have taken the reins! You, my dear, will be the star of your own show before you know it. The hardest step in that direction has already been taken. Save this video for future reference. Sometimes, we need a reminder of how special and strong we are. I'm cheering for you!❤
@@michellecobb8403 Bless you, Thank you for your supportive message, we all like to here that we are on the right tracks (although not everyone will agree with the track we are on but that is their stuff).
You are a gem and I hope that you are also living a life that is true to you.
🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
Fly far baby girl/ Fly far into the stars and the light. Far away from the mother of darkness. Keep all of them far from from you. The universe has blessed you to see the evil at such a young age. Fly far angel. Never look back. Keep your painful story for you. Do not give it to people to use as ammunition. READ as much as books as possible. Fly.
I just say, "if im a bad person, im terrified of what you are."
Bless you
From a place of love it is important to understand that for too many they are just repeating generational patterns, learned behaviours from what they witnessed and experienced in their homes as children, they way they believe life should be.
Gratefully we are now in a time when so many are standing up and saying "no more" it stops with me.
Many adults still hold childhood trauma inside and can only be supported to understand it and release it when they are ready.
You bring your own way of expressing this and dealing with it and who and how you are will resonate with those that think and express as you do.
🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
The line "Then one day something happens that (whether quickly or over a period of time) opens your eyes and your heart to yourself," is so beautiful. Thank you for gracing my day with your eloquent words! ♥
Bless you Sweet Soul Thank you
You are 100% right. Perhaps it is that our Heart eventually gets through to our head that we are also worthy of all the love we give to others. However it happens, the waken is the greatest gift we can bring to ourselves.
🙏Namaste
Oh. I didn't know someone had seen my soul today. I've been a chronic people pleaser, and slowly I've tried to set down boundaries. Thank you, I think I needed to hear someone say I'm allowed to say "no."
Bless you Sweet Soul 100%
Remember when you say Yes to others you are usually saying No to yourself, this is meant to be your life to live as guided by your heart and soul, not other people's whims.
Hearing a No can be the greatest gift we can receive (we may not think so at the time), it can support us to do things ourselves, to grow. Don't be afraid to give that gift to others.
🙏Namaste
Associating with inflexible, manipulative people is the cost you have to pay to get on the path to liking yourself, but it is definitely worth it.
Bless you
For me, all our "hard" & "negative" experiences are a gift that helps us to find who we are and set boundaries beyond which we will no longer let people cross.
How do we no light, if we don't no dark? How do we know heat, if we don't know cold? etc
To learn what is right for us, we learn what isn't. It can be a tough lesson but as you say, worth it.
Namaste Sweet Soul 🙏
Having massive guilt button, needing approval, not respecting myself all contributed to me being bullied, but also made me more compassionate and forgiving which are wonderful traits not all bad people.😊
Bless you Sweet Soul
I 100% get it.
Tap into forgiveness of self, that you have allowed others to do what they have done to you, to support you to clear any guilt for your part played in your life so far.
You can do this and step into the person you are here to be, as you say "compassionate and forgiving", remember also of yourself.
Your true you is a gift to the world and people like you are required in their thousands to support Humankind at this time and our Beautiful Planet, Mother Earth.
🙏Namaste
Just like in any Tribe, the young learn from the Elders.... and unskilled learn from the skilled.
Thank you for taking the time to make such a profoundly TRUE statement !
Bless you and Thank you for contributing to the conversation and the support that it has bought to so many.
"The more we share, the more we care, the more love there is in the world"
I hope that all who visit here feel the caring and support that is out there for them.
🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
This came up at a rather serendipitous for me on my feed, it's something I've been facing with myself through therapy for the past year and a half. Being a chronic people pleaser/fawner is really hard to break when you convinced yourself that's 'who you are' ... This encouragement found me graciously, bless you!
Bless you Sweet Soul
I am so pleased this has supported you
I totally understand having been a people pleaser for nearly 40 years (from a very young age)
Suggestion, connect with your Inner Child, help them feel loved, listened to and heard. It will support the you of today.
This is how I have helped myself
Namaste🙏
When others see your kindness as a weakness not your strength.
@@ritahemmerly4224 Bless you Sweet Soul It is important to know yourself and where that "kindness" is coming from.
If you are being "kind" because you are a people pleaser (which is a trauma response), then perhaps your kindness is misplaced.
It is important to be kind to yourself and not everything that is "kind" can feel it to the other person - a No, can be the greatest gift anyone can hear but may not feel it at the time.
Never stop Being who you really are and maybe, just maybe, those that think that way are best to be removed from your life.
Respect yourself enough to value who you are.
🙏Namaste
Ive been dropped by two friends in my life through daring to say "no". In their opinion im too selfish to be their friend
What a gift they gave you and good for you for saying No
By saying Yes to yourself, you gave them the gift of having to do it themselves, to help them to grow, letting you follow your own path.
Namaste Sweet Soul🙏
@@SaraJane-Vocal-Reiki thank you so much for your lovely healing reply.
@@TimelordUK Bless you Sweet Soul my pleasure
Namaste 🙏
It’s taken me 77 years to realise this ,no more !!!!!!!!
Bless you Good for you
I hope you are now up for experiencing the best days of your life, after all age is just a number
Namaste Sweet Soul 🙏
Taken me 63 ..and still I question that slightly
@@lifeslessons9889 Bless you, why do you question it? what are you questioning?
Being true to who you are is why you are here having this life experience.
Caring for ourselves doesn't preclude consideration for others, in fact it can enhance it.
When we understand that for each of us we are here to live our own life and not live it for others or through others, our support is different, it is about self empowerment for them and us.
We are no longer "doings" we become "Beings".
🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
Thank you, "selfish" is the last word from narcissistic people.
Bless you Sweet Soul
As hard as it is to accept, they only have control over us, because unwittingly we give them permission. As we grow older, we start to realise that we do have a voice and we can say No.
It is in many cases the person calling you selfish that is the selfish one.
Always be true to you
Namaste 🙏
@@SaraJane-Vocal-Reiki Unfortunately, the right to be weak isn't recognized yet. Being weak doesn't authorize anyone to take advantage of us.
@@passaggioalivello Isn't "weak" just another word for a different type of strength? Isn't a man that won't hit a woman, however much he is provoked, really strong.
Just like the word "selfish" and many others "weak" is misused by those who are trying to control us
Namaste
It hasn't been a lightbulb moment for me but a light with dimmer switch slowly turning on coming to this realization. I loved this video. Thank you for the reminder. I need lots of reminders. Maybe someday, the light will fully turn on.
Bless you Sweet Soul Thank you for sharing and I am grateful to have added to turning the dimmer up a little.
Remember you should be the leading roll in your own life story and are more than worthy of all the love & support you bring to others.
As the saying goes "if respect is no longer being served at the table, it is time to leave the table".
Always be true to you
🙏Namaste
The title alone is what drew me. ☝🏻.
Bless you Thank you
and especially to the individual who wrote it in the first place, I wish I could find out who it was and acknowledge them
Namaste Sweet Soul🙏
How did you get in my head? Get out of there!
This hits hard. Thanks, Sara
Bless you Sweet Soul My pleasure
There are too many of us that have found ourselves sharing the same feelings of insecurity that have led us to be people pleasers, to say yes, when we wanted to say no. Making us vulnerable to be used and manipulated.
It is wonderful how many are waking up to the fact that it doesn't have to be this way.
That it is essential to love ourselves and be true to who we are. That saying and hearing no is OK and can be a gift to both the giver and receiver.
So am I in your head 🙂, no I'm in mine, it is just that I understand from my own experiences and none of us are alone.
🙏Namaste
This resonates with me more than I can say.
I was my mother’s full time caretaker for 25 years even though I have 4 other siblings. Right before my father died he asked me if I would look after my mother should anything happen to him which it did. I asked why he would want the youngest to do that and he said because he didn’t trust the others to do it, and sadly he was right.
After my mother’s death. I decided I wanted to start a life where I put myself first, something I hadn’t done in such a long time. The anger I received from my siblings, friends and even my elderly Uncle because I didn’t want to take care of him and my Aunt broke my heart. The only one who took up for me was my Uncle’s doctor because he was my mothers doctor up to her death and saw how much I gave up taking care of her and he wasn’t going to sit back silently and say nothing about the way they were trying to make me feel guilty and selfish.
I was desperate to leave my hometown after my mothers death, I wanted friends and to see and experience life, so I made the decision to go 2300 miles cross country with a person who I thought loved me but was surprised because it turned out to be a ploy to help him set up in a town where he would appear respectable. It wasn’t until the verbal and physical abuse started that I knew I was in trouble, I didn’t have friends except the dog and horses. I never even told anyone about the abuse until after the divorce because I didn’t want my family to worry about me, but little did I know that I was being smeared as a terrible, selfish person.
When I returned home to my hometown I started to feel used again by my family and friends and knew I had to pulled away. They were intrusive, controlling, as well as abusive. The things I heard they said about me and did was devastating. I doubt I will ever get over it.
I’ve been physically attacked by my brother numerous times and to this day I have no ideal why he has such hate for me. I’ve lost everyone by my own doing because I didn’t feel safe in their company. I have a sister who I speak with but I don’t trust her because I know she played into the horrible things that were said and done and my trust with her is limited to say the least.
So when I saw your video and heard the title I knew that’s exactly what happened to me. I’ve been called selfish and it hurt so bad but now I know I’m not selfish, I just became harder to manipulate. Since losing my best friend ( my Dog ) it’s been a real struggle wanting to carry on, but I feel my savior will pull me through, so I remain. 😔
Thank you for your words of encouragement, it’s exactly what I needed to hear.
Bless you Sara Jane 🙏🏼
Bless you Sweet Soul
Thank you for sharing and I am so pleased the doctor stood up for you.
Remember when people get like that, they are projecting on to you how they are, it has nothing to do with you, it is their guilt.
The important thing to do is forgive yourself for allowing them to "get" to you, free yourself of the burden of their guilt.
You are a beautiful Soul of Love & Light, Love your self, you are worthy of all the love and caring that you give to others and more, never doubt that.
Always be true to you
🙏Namaste
Thank you kind stranger
Bless you Sweet Soul
For me it is so important that having learnt from my own experiences I share what will hopefully support others
Namaste🙏
ms. jane, thank you so much for this lovely video. i’ve been having a tough time recently with a very controlling person who’s in my life. by coincidence, this video was recommended to me by the algorithm, and i’m glad i had the opportunity to watch it and learn from it. wishing you the best, and hope you have a great day (:
Bless you Sweet Soul Thank you
I am so pleased that my share has supported you and I hope that you will be able to stand up for the amazing being that you are, setting boundaries protecting you and supporting the authentic you.
If the individual doesn't accept them, maybe it is time for change, for you both.
Be strong, be committed to yourself, your worth, your growth, it is essential to love yourself enough to say "no more"
And as the saying goes "If respect is no longer being served at the table, it is time to leave the table".
Be true to you always
🙏Namaste
I didn't look for this video, but watched it anyway and I'm glad that I did. After being controlled by my narcissistic father during my teen years, I finally cut ties and moved out as soon as I was able. I felt hopeless and alone and became quite the people pleaser to feel a sense of security in my life. That is slowly but surely changing now, and I felt so touched by this video. Thank you Sara Jane, for imparting your bit of wisdom on the rest of the world. 🌱
Bless you Sweet Soul Thank you, I am so pleased for you that you have escaped the trauma of your teens and that you are now letting go of a trauma response that is people pleasing.
I hope you have support to help you through and that you are able to come to realise that it is OK to Love yourself, to be true to you.
Many who can't do what you are doing, project their insecurities and "jealousy" on to those who have the courage to take their life back.
Always be true to you
🙏Namaste
The narcissist's favorite saying, especially when it comes to money. No remorse, just name calling.
When on the receiving end of this, it is so important to remember that it is their stuff and has nothing to do with you. Deep down inside they know they would say no and they are projecting on to you what is theirs.
Never be bullied and "shamed" into something that feels wrong for you.
Once they know they can no longer push your buttons, they will sadly move on to someone else, rather than learn the error of their ways.
🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
I Couldn't have said it better
Ms. Jane ! 😉👍
Bless you Sweet Soul Thank you
The words struck a cord in me and it felt to right to share them and my thoughts.
Namaste
thank you. You don’t know how much I needed to hear this :) im glad this video found me
Bless you Sweet Soul I am so happy that this has supported you
Remember you are meant to be the Love of your life, respect yourself and teach others how to treat you by not putting up the disrespect.
🙏Namaste
ME TOO
@@ambushed6053 Bless you Sweet Soul
I am so pleased this has touched so many lives, including yours.
Always be kind to you, you deserve all the love, thought and consideration you show to others and more.
🙏Namaste
I feel like at 51 after all the disappointments I’ve become jaded.. totally content with being on my own
I get it I really do and I love being single after 2 marriages, the last of which ended over 25 years ago.
You should be the Love of your own life, the leading lady (or man) in your life.
We teach people how to treat us by what we put up with and what we don't.
Loving and caring for others doesn't mean we have to tolerate "bad" behaviour, disrespect and more.
Learning to say No to others and Yes to yourself is the biggest gift we can give ourselves and others.
🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
Love the title and it is so accurate . Try getting a "friend" to finally return a favor and see how well that works. Saying No is sometimes the right thing to do.
Bless you Sweet Soul
As we "wake up" and start being true to ourselves, we create boundaries and the only people who get upset with them, are those that don't respect them and used us.
It is about learning to say Yes to ourselves and that will put noses out of joint. We will soon learn who our real friends are.
🙏Namaste
Yes! All true and valid. Act in your best interest. Never feel compelled to assist,intervene, or serve others. Put yourself first, and others will respect you instead of using you.
100% Also by putting yourself first, you give others permission to do the same (put themselves first) and the love, care, compassion, understanding you show yourself, becomes how to treat others. Making it a better world for us all.
Namaste Sweet Soul 🙏
For most of my life, love was something to earn, not have. Because of this, I clung onto people that shouldn’t be around me, and it really messed me up.
Years later though, I have realized that I am happier who I am than who I ever was before. I love my hair, my clothes, my hobbies…i am happier impressing myself than impressing others.
I believe that’s something we need to do more, let ourselves be impressed by who we are rather than wait for someone to tell us such.
And I hope to every commenter and the person that uploaded this insightful piece of media have an amazing future ahead. You are all wonderfully you, don’t forget it.
Bless you Sweet Soul Thank you
I am so pleased you have found yourself and that you are being true to who you are.
It is so important to be the love of our own life, enabling us to set boundaries and not accept disrespect from anyone.
I hope that people read the comments, so that they know they aren't alone and that they too can improve their life by taking control of it, after all we should be the leading lady or man in our own life. (A line from the film The Holiday)
🙏Namaste
I needed this today. Just dealt with another one of my moms mini meltdowns over my fashion choice. I was starting to feel guilty, but this is what I needed.
Bless you Sweet Soul
I am so pleased this has supported you ~ Thank you for sharing
Remember this is your life to live as feels right for you.
You are not here to live your life through others or for them to live their lives through you.
Always be true to you
🙏Namaste
I listened to your video. I Subscribed. I need this message. I am redirecting my attitude from your kind words. Thank you.
Bless you Sweet Soul
I am so pleased that my words are supporting you, that is why I share them.
Their is beauty in us all, we just have to find it within ourselves so that we can honour who we are and teach others how to treat us by not putting up with manipulating behaviour.
🙏Namaste
❤i needed to hear this today. Im the youngest in my household and i do all the house keeping, child rearing all while going to university and working my job as a student aid. My older siblings dont do any housework, the children i take care of are theirs. Im expected to feed them, make sure they're clean, do thier homework with them and im not allowed to go out without asking them a week in advance although im 21. I was also responsible for taking careof my sick father until he passed recently all while doing everything else. Yet im told im selfish and lazy.
Bless you Sweet Soul
Can you leave, find a place of your own, go into student digs, seek help with support to do this from the university, students union or another body that is meant to be there for students.
This is your life and your No will make your family get on with theirs, while you get on with yours.
I hope you are able to do this for yourself and if you can without giving them warning so that you don't have to listen to their selfish tirade at you, that is their stuff, let them get on with it and don't take it on board as your truth.
🙏Namaste
A beautiful piece of writing. I've often felt guilty for being "selfish" in the eyes of an abuser - it's always nice to be reminded that I simply have personal boundaries and a desire to be respected. Thank you for sharing!
Bless you, The most important person to respect you is you.
The saying goes "If respect is no longer being served at the table it is time to leave"
There is nothing selfish in protecting your energies.
🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
Love this. Thank you for putting this message out there.
My pleasure Sweet Soul
I am so pleased it has touched your life
Namaste🙏
Came here after this showed up as the first suggested video on my home page.
As a 37 yo male in India, thank you for your presence and holding space.
You have a very calming voice and seem a compassionate soul.
Namaste. Love and light to you!
Bless you Sweet Soul Thank you so much
I love that this is touching lives all over the world
Light, Love & Peace
Namaste 🙏
Thank you so much for sharing this. I needed to hear this. I sobbed before it was over.
I just subscribed. I think I'm going to learn a lot.
Bless you Sweet Soul Thank you and I am so pleased that it has spoken to you and hopefully supports you to live your best and fullest life.
Loving yourself is the greatest gift you can bring to this world because when you truly do, you can support others in many different ways, including tough love.
🙏Namaste
I'm already 65, I don't give a stuff about their feeling
A year younger than me 🙂
I do care about others, it is just that now My choices and feelings are more important to me.
It is also understanding that a NO can be a gift to both the giver and the receiver.
Namaste Sweet Soul 🙏
This is a phrase I keep hearing and appreciate more and more as I lean into and take control of my life
Bless you Thank you for sharing
I am so pleased that you are taking back your life from the things people said and did when you were younger, shaping you into someone you aren't here to be and allowing yourself to become the amazing being you are here to be.
🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
I always tried to care about others first, because I didnt want to be selfish. But then i realized: isn't that already a selfish choice?
Even when i think that my opinion is not worth anything -regardless of how much I'm told otherwise-, I'm choosing. So why not choose the least painful thing? And the one that actually allows me to help others: to care about myself first. Like, it's subjectively and objectively better, right?
Bless you
I believe you have hit the nail on the head, it is an aspect of thought about the people pleaser thing that I have also had.
I suppose it depends a little on where you are coming from.
If you are feeling bullied into doing something, the selfishness is the other party not you.
But the constant offering and trying to second guess what others want, in some respects, without us realising what we are doing, is trying to control a situation and the people participating in it.
Don't get me wrong, we do this out of a misguided belief that we aren't good enough and we just wish to make people happy.
I sit in no judgement here, I spent far too many years a people pleaser.
Thank you for sharing this perspective and I agree we should consider ourselves first, after all we can't poor from an empty pot.
🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
I absolutely agree. I was a people pleaser, rarely say no to people but i started to learn to love myself. So, i set boundaries with new people i met. This one person played "the victim" as i said no. I feel like i discovered self liberation for not being manipulated again. Love your video
Bless you Thank you Sweet Soul and Congratulations
I hope you have also learned to say No to those closest to you. I know from experience that it doesn't go down well but in my family, what I found was that it gave other members permission to do the same, freeing them as well.
🙏Namaste
I’ve lived most of my life as a people pleaser, we know how to please people best, so why don’t we please ourselves? I’m sure we even know exactly what that is (what we want) because we’re good figuring that out. But how do you become immune against the people who hurt you even more when they notice you’re standing up for yourself. I often back down because I’m so emotionally invested that I’m about to explode and say things I’d regret later on. Sadly they always see it as a weakness. I don’t know what to do
Bless you Sweet Soul
It is time to make an emotional investment in yourself
Am I right in think there is trauma in your younger years, possibly feelings of being unwanted, unloved, not listened to or heard?
How you are is a classic trauma response, are you ready to help heal the younger you, so that the you of today has the confidence to be true to you and not worry about what others think and say about you?
Also remember that individual is disrespectful of you, not you of them, they don't like you setting boundaries because it means they can't manipulate you anymore.
Be true to you and when you are ready find someone who can support you along your healing journey in a way that resonates with you - there are a number of us out there.
🙏Namaste
@@SaraJane-Vocal-Reiki you are correct, totally amazes me how you can figure that out and others, friends or family doesn’t. I am ready and im trying so hard, maybe I tried it too hard and pressured myself too much till the point where I felt like when I was a child. Maybe the first step is giving yourself a safe environment to grow and accept yourself as you are. I know that I’m way more confident than I was a few years ago but I tend to downplay my efforts & I don’t know exactly why but therapy and self reflection is making a huge difference for me. Thank you for your reply, Namaste
@@aesthetic_vi4631 Bless you Sweet Soul
The people that can support you best are those that have been through similar and experienced the same feelings. We understand, we can now see it from the outside in and until family and friends can take themselves outside of the situation and look at it as if watching a play or video, it is unlikely that they will understand.
Congratulations for "waking up" for realising that you are the lead role in your own life, for giving yourself space and asking support.
Be gentle with yourself, you went through this for years and it will take time , allow as long as is required for you.
🙏Namaste
@@SaraJane-Vocal-Reiki thank you for your kind words, all the best to you. Namaste
@@aesthetic_vi4631 My pleasure Sweet Soul
🙏Namaste
This is a beautiful video ❤ you articulate yourself so beautifuly and spoke to my heart.
Bless you Thank you
I am so pleased that it spoke to your heart, which is your connection to your Soul
Namaste Sweet Soul 🙏
Absolutely wonderful message! As someone whose going through a bit of an emotional rough patch right now, I think I needed to hear it, thank you
Bless you Sweet Soul
I love the way the Universe works bring support to people at just the right time and unexpected ways.
I am so pleased you feel supported by what I have shared and I hope that everything shared in the comments also supports you.
Always be true to you, as the saying goes "If respect is no longer being served at the table, it is time to leave the table"
I hope things resolve themselves for you as quickly and easily as possible.
🙏Namaste
this is so beautiful, thank you for sharing this lovely piece sarah
Bless you Sweet Soul my pleasure and I hope it supports you
🙏Namaste
I gave up people pleasing. As I got older, my interests evolved and my life became full of hobbies and other involvements, and I didn't need to worry about these people. I don't like pushy critical people and so am careful. My church group is lovely. I find myself saying yes to volunteer things there and No to people who want to manipulate and take up times doing exactly what they want to so.
Bless you Sweet Soul
The most important thing is that you are happy and doing the things that you choose to do, living your life, experiencing
It is important we live our own lives, not for or through others but for ourselves.
Stay true to you
🙏Namaste
I needed this today. I'm finally saying no to someone I never said no to and it's scary but, I know it will be worth it.
Bless you Sweet Soul
I am so pleased for you Congratulations.
You will Thank yourself for your courage when you come out the other side of this and remember all the stuff they spout to you for saying NO is their stuff and has nothing to do with who you are.
🙏Namaste
I was so taken with the title of this blog when you were talking about it yesterday that I had to listen to it. It resonates on so many levels and is so helpful in understanding a little bit more about the effects of trauma in early life. I have found that these early traumas seem to lay dormant and then in later life they start resurfacing. Thank you Sara Jane
Bless you Sandy Thank you
It was great to see you yesterday and I am so grateful that this has touched your life and understanding.
There are many of us who have experienced trauma in many different ways and on different levels. The younger we are when it happens, the less we have an understanding of the feelings engendered within us, so we bury them deep inside.
They will make them selves known in a myriad of different ways until we acknowledge them, help heal them and let them fly free.
🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
Wonderful words! So true, my husband and I find this over and over again but we are learning that we can’t always say yes to people and it’s ok. 😊
Good for you.
A thought to ponder
When we are always saying Yes to others, we are holding 2 people back, ourselves and them.
We can all only learn and grow when we do things for ourselves, constantly doing for others, stops them from learning and grow and you from doing the things you would like to, that support you to learn and grow.
Sometimes the greatest gift we can hear is NO (It may not feel it at the time), if something is really important to us, we will find a way to make it happen.
🙏Namaste Sweet Souls
🙏🏼 namaste, sweet soul. Have a beautiful day. I’m so glad I found your channel!🌈🌱🪺
Bless you Thank you
I hope you enjoy all that I share
Namaste Sweet Soul
❤❤ 22 ❤❤ NO MANIPULATION ANYMORE 😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅
I love to here that people are finding themselves and being true to who they are
Namaste Sweet Soul🙏
A Beautiful message ❤️
Stay blessed and happy
Bless you Thank you, I am so pleased this touched your life
🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
HalleluYAH May YaHuWaH Elohiym Most High bless you dear sister. Thank you for these brilliantly written words.
Bless you Sweet Soul Thank you
I am so pleased they have touched your life in a positive way.
May you always be true to yourself and live from the love in your heart that is the purest energy of who you are
🙏Namaste
That's so true!
Branded stubborn, lacking empathy, selfish as a child just because I didn't follow the criwds and scrutinized my teachers and, yes, my parents and friends.
Now, in my 60s it acceptable...
Didn't make my life easier, especially in workplaces but am now able to on account of after 40 years found the idea employers with a great, independent mindset.
🤟l
Bless you Sweet Soul
Independent thinkers aren't appreciated by those that want to stay inside the boxes created by the rule makers and those that think they can control us.
The box doesn't exist and when we wake up to that life can become so much more interesting and free flowing.
🙏Namaste
I've been shamed by this older woman who physiologically manipulates people into doing what she wants. She calls them "requests" when they're orders since saying no isn't an option. She has OCPD and has shamed me for using my anxiety and depression as an "excuse" but her mental struggles are real in her eyes.
Bless you Sweet Soul
Can you detach yourself from her, for your greatest wellbeing.
It doesn't matter what she says or others think, you and your health should be the priority of your life.
I appreciate there are people out there struggling but we all have to help ourselves and if you don't take care of you, who is then going to care for you when your pot is empty - not that individual.
Keep your pot filled so that you can be there for those who truly require a little support to help themselves.
🙏Namaste
Your title ATE❤️🔥
Bless you Thank you, although I did have to look up the meaning of ATE 🙂
🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
@@SaraJane-Vocal-Reiki 😂 Bless you as well and you're so welcome 💖😂 Namaste 🙏🏾
I really needed to hear this. Ive just recently gone no-contact with a long time friend because I realized that I've just been their emotional support teddy bear for our whole friendship. I became codependent on them, because well, they were kind to me and would listen to me sometimes. But they could never offer me any support back.
I finally said enough was enough after explaining to them multiple times that I'm going through a rough patch, and they hardly budged at all. It's my fault for enabling them and always pleasing them and assuring them that I was never upset and they could do no wrong in my eyes. Now I'm trying to unlearn my insecurities and my people-pleasing habits, and it is so, so painful and difficult because I feel so horrible. Like I've betrayed everyone by suddenly being "selfish" and putting my foot down. But I am trying my best. Thank you for this.
Bless you Sweet Soul and Congratulations
I'm not convinced we ever completely stop being a people pleaser but we become more discerning and able to listen to the heart voice inside of us, that supports us to be truer to ourselves.
Don't feel guilty, your NO could be the best gift they ever receive (even if they don't think so at the time).
Trust that what is right for you, is right for those around you ~ always be true to yourself.
🙏Namaste
Only selfish in the eyes of a narcissit who think I live to serve them, sacrifice for them.
No, it IS selfishness- but it’s the good kind of selfishness that a manipulative society taught us to villainize so that we could be made to do things that went against our best interests.
Bless you, I 100% get what you are saying, the sad part is that it's truest meaning of being thoughtless of others, is the overriding use of the word and yes very manipulative.
When we are being more caring and loving of ourselves, the truth is we can bring more of that into the world in a much healthier and more supportive way that benefits all.
🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
I had a grandmother who abused my mother her whole life. It wasn't until I was older that she turned on me. I didn't understand at the time, but it was because I was making my own decisions. She never loved anyone, she just liked owning pets (us). She became cruel in the extreme when our lives weren't about her. It was hard to realize that she never loved us, she just liked power. There is freedom eventually, hang in there.
Bless you Sweet Soul
It sounds to me as if you and hopefully your mother, have managed to break a generational behaviour.
I hope that your Mother was loving and caring with you, supporting you with how life should be from mother to daughter and that your experience doesn't taint any relationship you have with your children and grandchildren.
You are a beautiful being of light and love and sometimes people teach us how not to be.
🙏Namaste
My inner monologue is constantly telling me that I'm selfish, because that's what I heard from my mother growing up. All the time.
She herself grew up in an environment where women were not supposed to have their own personhood. She tried to break away from this, but ultimately it was just too much for her. I fully believe that she internalized the abuses heaped upon her, and ultimately passed that abuse on to me.
I remember having a mental breakdown where I was crying in front of her, when I was 19, and her only response was to tell me how selfish I was for crying. (My brother was allowed to cry all he wanted, of course.) Someone must have done something horrible to her, for her to believe that this was a good thing to say.
I hope I can honor the life she's given me by escaping these backwards ideas.
Bless you Thank you for sharing
The voice you are hearing is hers and your ego mind trying to keep you safe.
As I say to mine when it goes off on one "your role is to keep me safe, yet the only one hurting me is you"
I'm surmising from al that you have written that your mother was bullied and manipulated into not being true to herself and what she went through is what she put you through and that it went back several generations.
You are not selfish unless you are expecting others to do something for you that isn't right for them.
Be true to yourself, set your boundaries, say No when it feels right to say NO and stick to it.
I know it isn't easy but be the "black sheep" of family and stop the generational abuse of the women family.
You are one of many who are helping to heal past generations, you are a gift to your family and to the world.
Remember you are special, that no one is more or less special than you
🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
Wonderful post. I will share something too. It took struggling with cancer and still having people in my life expect me to be there at their for them emotionally, financially, and in service to them for me to liberate myself and become selfish !
Bless you Sweet Soul
By the sounds of it the only ones who were selfish, was them.
I am so pleased you stepped into yourself, set boundaries and started to live your own life, making them lives theirs.
It sounds like in a strange way the cancer was a gift and I hope you are fully recovered.
Namaste 🙏
@@SaraJane-Vocal-Reiki doing very well thank you 🙏
@@coopart1 That is the most important thing
Namaste Sweet Soul🙏
@@SaraJane-Vocal-Reiki namaste 🙏 thank you 😊
tysm for helping us maam 🙂
Bless you Sweet Soul my pleasure and I hope that all that has been shared here supports you to be true to yourself and know that you are worthy of all the thought, care & consideration you bring to others and more.
🙏Namaste
Thankyou. Ineeded this as a people pleaser. What got me most was that quote, what others are thinking of me is none of my business. I loved all of this poem, though!
Bless you Thank you for sharing and I am so pleased this has touched your life when you have needed it.
It is essential to love yourself, to be true to how you are and let others get on with their own stuff.
You are special, no one is more or less special than you, always remember that
🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
Thank you for this. You have a wonderful reading voice too
Bless you Thank you and I hope this has supported you on your next step of this beautiful journey we call life
🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
I've been made to feel bad about myself by my siblings and friends for being able to say no. It used to bother me a lot until I accepted who I was and stopped making excuses for it. Well written article Sara Jane! I hope people read it who feel guilty because others don't accept them for not doing what THEY want to do.
Bless you Sweet Soul
The most important thing for me is that people like us who have gone through experiences that have made them feel less than they are and have come out the other side stronger and true to themselves, read this, feel validated in taking their power back.
All that have shared here are supporting those at the beginning of their journey or struggling.
None of us are alone in how experiences make us feel but we are worthy of all the love and care that we give to others and more.
The most important person for each of us to love is our self.
If those who are perceived as being the perpetrators read this and realise the part they have played in hurting others and grow in to a better person, that is a real bonus.
🙏Namaste
This is a situation I am learning to know to separate: I am so grateful for what i have, yet I also know time is different I know there are good people out there but there are those who only appear to be good and seem to want to dominate others. Please everyone be careful.
Bless you
You are right there are those out there who appear to be caring, helpful, supportive but really aren't.
A good way of thinking about it is the story of the robin who was flying across the Arctic and eventually got so cold he fell to the earth and into the snow.
A Polar bear came along and shit on him, slowly he started to warm up and was struggling to get out of the shit when a fox came along and helped pull him out, then eat him.
Not everyone who appears to be against you is and not everyone who appears to be helping you is.
🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
I am doing this but it is oh so hard at each step. That need for validation by putting others first is deep and wide. Its hard to overcome at every stage.
Thanks for that simple and briliant video. I really needed to hear these words right now. Thanks.
Bless you Sweet Soul, firstly congratulations on taking the first steps, keep going Sweet one.
The most important person to be proud of you, is YOU. Be proud of yourself, your achievements however small you may consider them to be.
As the saying goes "the journey of a thousand miles begins with 1 step".
The journey you are on is the journey back to yourself, with every step you take you are getting closer to the you, you are meant to be.
🙏Namaste
My ‘freind’: “you need to start standing up for yourself” same person when I wanna do my own thing instead of always doing that they wanna do: “tHaTs nOt sTaNdInG uP fOr yOuRsELf uR jUsT bEiNg mEaN”
And that is the perfect example of a selfish individual, one who blames you for their own selfishness.
Always be true to you and when you say No to others you do not have to explain yourself.
No can also be the greatest gift anyone can hear, helping them to do things for themselves rather than always relying on others. It is the gift of growth to both the giver and the receiver.
🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
Yes! And I don't even try to do anything in response to manipulative people except remove them from my life. If I cant do that straight away I set boundaries until I can.
Bless you. The stronger we become in being true to yourselves, the harder we are to manipulate.
Good for you for protecting your energies
🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
Thank you. Timely and Heartfelt.
Bless you Thank you
I am so grateful that this has touched you life when you required it.
Always be true to yourself
🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
"There's always a story. It's all stories, really. The sun coming up every day is a story. Everything's got a story in it. Change the story, change the world". - Sir Terry Pratchett 👒
I just found you and I'm in love 🥰 your soothing calm voice, your wisdom, i just love everything about you. Gratitude for what you do we sincerely need you 🙏🏾❤🎉❤🙏🏾
Bless you Thank you Sweet Soul
I am so grateful to hear that what I share touches lives and supports people to step into their own power, their own beautiful gifts, that they are here to share.
We are all a gift to the world in our own unique way and the greatest gift we can bring is being true to who we are and loving ourselves enough that we teach others to love themselves.
🙏Namaste
Thank you. So timely to come across this, this morning. So grateful. I am consciously aware that I am in an * unpicking* time in my life. Like somebody who has to un-pick stitches... that is what I am doing. Cheers! May we ALL unpick those stitches that have done us harm, and fly free.. like the beauty full beings.. souls.. that we ARE. Nicole x
Bless you Nicole Thank you for sharing and I am so pleased this has touched your life.
Yes, it is about unlearning everything we thought we knew about ourselves from what others have said and done.
Like having stiches out, it can be painful but so worth it in the end.
Keep going Beautiful Soul
🙏Namaste
So grateful to you for composing and creating this *very relatable and accurate* presentation.
*open your eyes to yourself* ❤
Bless you Thank you Sweet Soul
It is so important to open our eyes, along with our minds and our Hearts to what is going on in our life and around us.
If we wish change, then it is up to us to grow into the change we wish to see, it all starts with us.
Change/growth can be messy but so worth it in the long run, the sooner we start the soon life will get better
🙏Namaste
Abusers think enmeshment is "love" and boundaries and accountability are abuse. It's completely twisted and backwards
You are 100% correct and for many it is a learned behaviour from what they witnessed around them as a child.
For all of us, our understanding and perceptions come from our family homes, parents, grandparents, teachers etc that shape our lives before we can "think" for ourselves.
Many are waking up to the fact that there other ways of being and we don't have to follow the family line - we have choices.
🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
Being tramatized a bit, im finding alot of my self worth, EVEN BEFORE i got close to the wrong man, was lacking. Nobodys fault. Nonjudgementally working towards my own well being is wayyyy worth it. I have therapy help and i am trying to stop attending to limiting briefs and "if they wanted to, they would" is helpful to regain perspective! Love n hugs :) thx for the talk you know u are lovely right!!!! You are lovely. Take care!!!
Bless you Sweet Soul, I totally understand and I am so pleased you are involved in your own healing journey with support.
Please feel free to check out my website vocalreiki.com/ there are free videos, Sound Baths and more for you to enjoy and I hope support you.
Namaste
@@SaraJane-Vocal-Reikiwow, that looks cool
@@Icemario87 Bless you Enjoy
I share to support people along their own life path
Namaste
Big hugs !
@@MizrahiChick Bless you Thank you Sweet Soul
Whenever we care enough to share our learned wisdom, we offer a big hug to those who choose to receive the gift we offer.
Namaste 🙏
Thank you for sharing this wisdom. I am 86 and am just now strong enough and wise enough to hear you. At ten years of age after years of trauma and abuse, I cried aloud “I want to die! I want to die!” At that moment, in my being, a powerful Voice said, “say it once more and you’ve got it!” This was a gift that got me through the next 70 years. I knew I could leave any time I wanted. I had only to ask. More abuse, more horrors, failed to break my spirit. Survival meant being controlled, but no one ever ruled my spirit. One by one my haters have abandoned me and are now all dead. My children love me and make sure I lack for nothing. Years of being cherished are now bearing fruit. I can now comprehend and act on all you are saying. The Voice that freed me to choose life, has been with me all my life. Darkness drive me to light. I trust my own being. And I love life BIG TIME!!
Bless you Sweet Soul
I am so pleased that your children have shown you the love and caring that others should have.
It also sounds as if you had the strength to say "this stops with me" and didn't continue what I am guessing were the learned behaviours of the preceding generations. Congratulations for your strength, caring and loving.
The voice knew there was better to come for you and you deserve all the love and care you have given to others and more.
Never doubt that you are an amazing being of light and that spark has never gone out in you throughout all that you have experienced.
🙏Namaste
@@SaraJane-Vocal-Reiki thank you for answering my sharing. You invested in me and now you are a sweetness in my soul, an eternal ingredient in my being. Bless you. BIG HUGS!
@@nancyanderson5310 My pleasure Sweet Soul
For too many of us, one of the things that has hurt us most is feeling that no one is listening to us, or hearing, I know that is part of my story.
That is why I have replied to everyone who has left a share here. We are all hearing and supporting each other.
Thank you for being a part of this
🙏Namaste
@@SaraJane-Vocal-Reiki for 86 years I thought I was alone in seeking to nourish every soul God put in my life. I dreamed last night that I was telling a despairing young man about Micaela Mabinty de Prince and her mom. He sobbed with joy and I held him close, amazed at this RESPONSE! And now YOU! Now I see how I can continue with my vocation- my dance! - for eternity!! Joy! Rapture! In Kansas or out, walk up to the door and watch it open!!
@@nancyanderson5310 Bless you Sweet Soul, I am so grateful to be part of your journey, however brief it may be and I am so pleased it is supporting you to share your wonderful gifts with others, for whom you will be a beacon of hope and light.
🙏Namaste
Just the title in itself is eye opening, this whole video is going into my journal of quotes and wisdoms
Edit: the difference is between the selfish and the self loving person is the latter is enjoying life by their own means without taking away from others, understanding everyone's need to freedom and to express themselves without privilege. Expecting others to treat you with the same respect isn't in itself selfish
Bless you Thank you
The word Selfish can be very emotive, in too many cases used by a selfish person to describe the individual who has said No to them.
Loving yourself is essentially, trust and believe, respect yourself, all of these support you to teach people how to treat you, your boundaries.
As the saying goes "be the change you wish to see in the world", when we treat ourselves with those energies, we bring more of the same to others.
🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
One does not become anything when older, which one was not all your life.
Old gits were young gits etc.etc.
I think we simply have less need to comply with the hypocritical rules and morals society supposedly demands.
{Gallic shrug}
Thank you for sharing.
We all have the right to our own opinion from our own experiences and understanding.
I share from mine and I am so happy that my sharing has touched and supported so many people to be true to themselves.
🙏Namaste Sweet Soul