I love the support and caring that is being shared here Bless you All for being here for yourself and each other, none of us are alone in our experiences and how they have made us feel. 🙏Namaste Sweet Souls
There came a moment when I said exactly what I wanted to say. There are consequences and rewards for speaking your mind. Be prepared…I have no regrets. I have not deserted my soul.
100% Bless you Sweet Soul You may lose friends (but were they really friends) and family may not talk to you, that is their choice. Stick to what speaks to you, your heart choices, always be true to you. Namaste🙏
Thank you so much for this. I've been slowly realizing this over time, but this video has definitely helped with it. I will continue to be kinder to myself, and try not to just please others, but please myself as well
Bless you Thank you I like to think of it as making suggestions, as all that I share comes from what has/is working for me. This may then appeal to you, there is a new book being published on 8th October Called "Gifts of Wisdom" 22 amazing authors, including me 🙂 links will be shared on my website listed in the info below the video if you are interested 🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
@@AnnaRobertson-f1h Bless you Sweet Soul Thank you. We have a lot of wisdom to share from the experiences we have had. We also understand that the younger generations have experiences of their own to have. It is important that we all listen to each other to understand 🙏Namaste
@SaraJane-Vocal-Reiki It's a challenging and fast-evolving world we live in today so with not many experiences of my own, it's difficult to imagine where I'll be 30, even 10 years from now so hearing your own is very encouraging. Thank you ✨️❤️
@@_Verde Bless you Sweet Soul Thank you I share an article every month, most of which have a video so that you can listen: vocalreiki.com/blog/ I hope that you find support to help you through these challenging times and all the changes that are taking place 🙏Namaste
100%, we just have to remember that they are projecting who/how they are on to us. as the quote from Jim Kwik says “Don't take criticism from someone you wouldn't take advice from.” Namaste Sweet Soul 🙏
@@oldcrone Stay true to you Sweet Soul We all have to learn to live our own lives and to work through the experiences that we have, others can support us but we have to help ourselves, no one can do it for us. 🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
Bless you From a place of love it is important to understand that for too many they are just repeating generational patterns, learned behaviours from what they witnessed and experienced in their homes as children, they way they believe life should be. Gratefully we are now in a time when so many are standing up and saying "no more" it stops with me. Many adults still hold childhood trauma inside and can only be supported to understand it and release it when they are ready. You bring your own way of expressing this and dealing with it and who and how you are will resonate with those that think and express as you do. 🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
I was made to feel like a bad, selfish person for refusing to have the Covid vaccine when it was mandated in Australia. But I knew I was right not to. My health had been compromised by having to take antipsychotics from the age of 23 (I weaned myself off them at age 42, but the damage is done. I will never forgive or forget).
@@sharonjensen3016 Bless you sorry to hear of the damage done by pharmaceuticals and so proud of you for being one of the millions who refused to have the covid jabs and that includes me. Even when my mother, who had been a nurse many years ago, started having a go at me, I said "If is means I can never see a member of the family again, so be it" I've just had a weekend seeing a good chunk of them, so all the scare mongering hasn't been proved right. Keep strong and true to you. 🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
Bless you Sweet Soul, I am sure many have heard that said to them. I don't think that we have changed, we have grown out of putting up with "their stuff" and are ready to live our own life, to love ourselves enough to say no more. 🙏Namaste
@@abbieliz396 Bless you Manipulators can be very subtle and sometimes when we talk about it, it seems unreal that it got as bad as it did. They are all different but with the same outcome. Personally the most important aspect of sharing here is for support for those who are finding the strength to say "NO, it stops here" Also for people to know they are not alone and there are others out there who understand. Namaste Sweet Soul 🙏
Interesting that this popped up in my feed tonight. I was raised in a violent narcissist home, physically abused, emotionally too, born in 1952. LOTS of us born in that time. Born to a 19 yr old abused mother, 22 yr old selfish father 'shotgun' style. My childhood was a war zone until he left when I was 11 yrs old. I left home at 16 yrs and by the grace of God, grew into a strong, independent woman. Now I'm 72 yrs old, married 45 years to my husband a good man but strong narc tendencies. These days I am a born again Christian woman and I hear Gods voice often. I'm one of the 'chosen', a warrior of sorts for this time at the End of this age. And no I am not selfish at all. Never was. Thank you for the clarifying definition of 'selfish' and self determination. God bless. 🙏✝️💕
You have got that right. We don't have to explain ourselves, it is always our choice to say Yes or No. I love the saying "what part of No don't you understand" 🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
@@Banana_Split_Cream_Buns Yes I was in my 40's too It doesn't matter how old, what is most important, is that we got there and we are now honouring ourselves. Namaste Sweet Soul🙏
40? Good for you! I’m 62 and only just beginning to practice this. It’s not easy and I feel like a failure most days but hearing from others who are further along the path gives me so much courage… thank you… 🙏
@@p.moorewilson7917 Bless you Sweet Soul You can do it, this your life and it sounds like it is more than time that you started to live it the way you choose to - keep going There is a great saying, "what part of NO don't you understand" 🙏Namaste
“selfish” was my narcissistic mother’s pet name for me. she’s been dead for 6 years and I haven’t missed her for 1 minute. in a weird synchronistic way my narcissistic boyfriend left me not long after her death. (I was trained to serve narcissists, dad is one too) good riddance. now I’ve adopted what I call my NO CO lifestyle. NO COoperation, NO COmpliance, NO COmpromise, NO COmplaining.
Bless you Sweet Soul Sadly children believe that everything that comes from their parents has to be true and how it should be, they are learned behaviours. We can break them when we come to understand that we aren't who they say we are and we open to finding and being who we really are. Good for you to learn to say No to others and Yes to yourself and I hope that you are happy. Namaste
Back in the 1970’s I married a man who said many times how he fell in love with me because of my strength and independence as a single mother raising a 10 year old son, managing a home and having a career. Fast forward 4 years into the marriage he cheated on me. In the sometimes heated conversations on our marriage he somehow forgot his original feelings about who I was as a woman and what he had admired and loved about me. Suddenly, I had become a bitch and he couldn’t deal with it. The end of the marriage was reached despite him begging me to come back 3 weeks after I moved out. I have no regrets and at 82, I continue to have a full single life filled with happiness and joy🌺
Bless you, Thank you for sharing and congratulations on being true to yourself. I remember a conversation I had with a gentleman friend "why is it that we fall in love with someone the way they are and then try and change them? In some respects that is a rhetorical question but maybe something that should be given serious thought by us all when entering any sort of relationship. 🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
Thank you so much for sharing your story. Every person who rejected abuse and refused manipulation now feeds my own liberation. I am 86 and am just now realizing how bad preaching has distorted my thinking. And they have trashed God’s reputation by seeing Him as vindictive and nit picking. He’s a parent rescuing His kids - that’s it. My own family was too mentally sick to invest in me, but He, I now see, has kept me alive and seeking all my years. You know the power within. Thanks for letting it win!!
@@nancyanderson5310 Bless you Thank you for being part of the growing conversation and support here. So many beautiful souls all sharing and supporting each other in a way that only those who have had similar experiences can. Now is the time for each to take back the power they gave away and become true to themselves regardless of what others may think, say or do. 🙏Namaste
Bless you Sweet Soul, never regret being nice to others, it shows the world who you are. How others are is up to them and people will see through the fake eventually. Always be yourself. Kindness comes in many forms, remember that No can be the biggest gift we can hear (although it may not feel it as the time. 🙏Namaste
@@ВиталийСлонов-ч4ъ My pleasure We all require a little encouragement from time to time, especially to know that this is our life and we should live it guided by our heart and soul not other people's wants & needs. Light, Love & Peace 🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
Bless you Sweet Soul As hard as it is to accept, they only have control over us, because unwittingly we give them permission. As we grow older, we start to realise that we do have a voice and we can say No. It is in many cases the person calling you selfish that is the selfish one. Always be true to you Namaste 🙏
@@passaggioalivello Isn't "weak" just another word for a different type of strength? Isn't a man that won't hit a woman, however much he is provoked, really strong. Just like the word "selfish" and many others "weak" is misused by those who are trying to control us Namaste
I call it the "40's-f***-it's"-where you finally start thinking of yourself after four decades of thinking of everyone else first. It's not selfishness-it's finally burning out on society. 😂
Bless you Sweet Soul Too many of us go into people pleaser mode or are raised to believe that what we would like doesn't matter, that everyone else has to come first. You are correct, many will eventually burn out because they have never recharged their own batteries and have nothing left to give. When we take care of ourselves and out energy, we can bring so much more to others, in a much healthier way. Always be kind to yourself Namaste 🙏
Funny thing, upon waking up on my 40th birthday, I woke up with "why the heck am I so worried about what others think of me?" I really did feel as if a weight had been lifted from my shoulders...have no idea what happened Nevertheless, I still fall back into old routines 17 years later, but it's not happening as often as before Namaste to all of you! 🕊
@@louisa6948 Bless you Suggestion, add to the end of your comment "what the heck..." because they aren't thinking about me, they are thinking about all that is going on in their own life. That whole thought is what helped lift the weight off my shoulders. We still care, we will still help people but by taking care of us first, our support becomes more beneficial to everyone - remember No can be the biggest gift you give to someone. Namaste Sweet Soul
No, it is quite literally selfishness. It is most definitely NOT selfLESSness. If that’s your stance then that’s your stance but don’t try to change definitions of words to make yourself feel better about your choices. Be proud of your selfishness and wear the title with pride if it is important to you. Don’t hide your true self. Stop people pleasing!
@@abbieliz396 The dictionary definition of selfish is "`caring too much about oneself and not enough about others" or "concerned chiefly or only with ones own pleasure or advantage, without regard for the wellbeing of others" As much as I hear what you are saying, it is important for us to think of ourselves, to consider ourselves, to care for ourselves, what I believe we are all sharing here, is taking back control of our lives from people who embody the definitions above. Truly loving and caring about your own welfare, is to be able to bring more caring to others, in a health way. Namaste Sweet Soul 🙏
Michael I do understand what you are saying and I had to accept that there were those that were no longer "right" to be in my life, that friends "left" and to a certain degree conflicts with family. However, for me it has all been worth it, my life has changed, I am my own person and so much happier for it. Family came around and I have an amazing group of friends. Never doubt there is better waiting for you when you have the courage to be true to you. Namaste Sweet Soul🙏
Say this..."Try to imagine how little I care" - Wayne Dyer If you can't say it at least say it in your head. It always keeps me on track and gives me a giggle.
@@letsbereal2445 Bless you, another way to look at it, is to become detached form outcomes and other people's stuff. Caring is good, the important thing is to not let it dictate to you, Easier said than done but so worth persevering with, it is very freeing. Namaste Sweet Soul 🙏
@@letsbereal2445 Thank you Sweet Soul Always remember, you are the most important person in your life. Take care of yourself and your energies first, then you will be able to bring so much more to others in the best way possible for everyone. Always be true to you Namaste Sweet Soul 🙏
Yes, you are right they do, because they cannot manipulate you any more. That however is their stuff not yours, let them deal with it while you get on with your own life. 🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
Something I said to an ex friend before cutting ties with them: "I'm realizing I'm sacrificing my own happiness for someone who genuinely would never give me this much thought."
66 year old Grandma, I TOO WAS A PEOPLE PLEASER, I wanted to help everyone, but one day I realized that WHEN I Needed something, NO ONE WAS AVAILABLE TO HELP OR PAY BACK THE MONEY THEY BORROWED. I have Acquaintances NO FRIENDS & NO RELATIVES, Nor do I need them! I FEEL FREE & HAPPY & Life Is Good!
Bless you Sweet Soul When we "wake-up", that is when we realise how we have let ourselves be used. All the love and care we have given to others, we have failed to give ourselves and we deserve all that and more. Congratulations on becoming true to you and learning to love yourself and your life. Namaste
@@patriciaingles1452 Bless you, I hope that means you Were and have now learnt to be true to you, setting boundaries, learning to say No to others and putting you at the top of your list. 🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
@@margaretduffy1360 Bless you, so many of us spent too long caring for others and not considering ourselves. Our waking up is a shock to all those around us but a great relief to us, at long last we can spread our wings and fly. 🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
Bless you Sweet Soul Being a people pleaser is a Trauma response, love yourself, be kind and understanding of yourself and you can grow into the amazing Being that you are. Forgive yourself for what you didn't know, we can only ever act on the information we have at the time. Now we know more and take back control of our own lives. 🙏Namaste
Well,you never can please everybody Don’t even think of,,justice “ or thank you I learned that lesson very hard way Trying not to take anything personally ….to stay positive,just and move on 💐
@@mirjanamilosavljevic4261 Bless you Sweet Soul I so get that it is hard not to take things personally, especially when you have felt so insecure, afraid of what others think. But understanding that it is their stuff, their insecurities , that they are projecting on to you and letting that really sink in, can be so liberating. Thank you for being part of the conversation here and I hope that knowing you aren't alone and can move on from all that has hurt you, supports you to live a happier more fulfilled life. Namaste 🙏
Bless you 100% It is up to each and every one of us to become aware of what is going on in our lives and how people are treating us. If someone "gets off" on bad mouthing you to others, do you really want them in your life? Come to that if those others listen and believe what is said, do you really wish to be around them? We all have choices, I hope you choose to leave them behind and be true to who you are and what fulfils you in your life 🙏 Namaste Sweet Soul
Somebody started to tell me how to do my tasks today, quite unnecessarily. Usually they do this each week and waste a lot of my time, causing stress as I catch up. Today I was silent, acted like they hadn’t said a thing. I didn’t acknowledge them at all. They didn’t persist, didn’t waste my time… wow that felt good!
Bless you Sweet Soul Maybe they are used to working with people who have to be told all the time. Suggestion, next week, smile, say something along the lines of Thank you for all your support, I think I 've got this but I will ask if I need to. You leave both of you feeling so much better and the job gets done quicker. 🙂 🙏Namaste
@@PropheticSoakingwithSarahJER I hope my suggestion speaks to you and if it does, it supports you and the other person to feel better about yourselves. Namaste Sweet Soul 🙏
Behaviorist Psychology has several principles. One is that ignored behavior stops occuring. One has to be careful about this one because behavior that is rarely rewarded gets firmly entrenched. Behavior that is always rewarded will stop when the rewards stop. Recorded behavior gradually decreases. Human attention is the strongest reward. A child will do anything to get a parents attention. It is possible that maybe people like you and wish your attention but don't know what topic might interest you. If you are willing to to converse with any of these people, you might change the topic on them to discover whether they will converse on the topic you suggest. I have noticed that most people will continue inna conversation as long as they are the topic. They will conversevfirvacwhilevon neutral topics. The fastest way to stop a conversation is to talk about oneself. Most people have very little interest in other people. It is interesting, therefore, that people want to talk to you about you.
@@BoatsArtsPolitics Thank you for sharing Story telling is very powerful and when we share our story it can support others to know they aren't alone. When that story shares the growing and moving on from the trauma and bad experiences to living a more fulfilled life, it can also support people to know they can also do it. It depends on the circumstances for each of these scenarios, some are just very uncomfortable with silence and will therefore just talk to fill it. We are all unique and where it is possible to generalise for many, not everyone fits into those boxes. The more we listen to understand, the better life will become 🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
Bless you The biggest awareness for me was that, in the majority of cases they aren't thinking about anyone else than themselves and what is going on in their own life. So worry about what they are think about me, you, is a complete waste of energy🙂 Namaste Sweet Soul🙏
The "selfish" label was my mother's favorite stick to beat me with when I was growing up. It wasn't until I was in my mid thirties that I finally realized that SHE had been the selfish one all along, and inexcusably, monstrously selfish at that. Thirty years later, I'm still fighting my people-pleasing tendencies.
Mom was the same, with an enabling dad. I was such a huge people pleaser because I always believed more the words of others than my own. I kept doubting my gut feeling, my intuition (when I actually have a very good one) all because of the self doubt that grew inside me cause I tried to love and therefore, trust, people who didn’t know who I really was and what I truly needed (and didn’t care about it). I kept seeking reassurance in others, not only to fulfill my emotional needs my mother always invalidated but also to stop doubting myself. I have learned the past years to stop seeking people’s reassurance when I doubt myself. I stopped doubting my gut feelings, my intuition. Had to learn to talk to myself differently, like my own bestie, lover or parent I never had. Like growing a new family in myself that always know what to tell me in times of need, because they speak from my heart and only my heart knows what I am and what I need. Not my mom. Not anybody, ever. Sending you much love and courage on your journey to self love and self trust xxx
My father believed I was selfish for not wanting to spend time with his mother or even go to her funeral when she died. Not the case. I saw for myself what she was like (a mean, selfish old woman who never accepted me because I am autistic), and being around her was too stressful. As for not attending her funeral, I didn't want to sit there listening to all the lies about how wonderful she was. Not to me, she wasn't.
@@sharonjensen3016 I don't blame you one bit. You have a right to say no to someone if obeying them would mean anguish and emotional torment to you, whereas disobeying them would mean only inconvenience or embarrassment to them. TRULY selfish people can't tell the difference.
What a gift they gave you and good for you for saying No By saying Yes to yourself, you gave them the gift of having to do it themselves, to help them to grow, letting you follow your own path. Namaste Sweet Soul🙏
Bless you Thank you and I am so pleased that this supports you. Remember this is your life and you are here to live it from your heart and soul, not from the dictates of others, providing we aren't hurting others (their perception of what hurts them and what really hurts them are most likely 2 different thing), it is as it is meant to be for us to be ourselves. 🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
This came up at a rather serendipitous for me on my feed, it's something I've been facing with myself through therapy for the past year and a half. Being a chronic people pleaser/fawner is really hard to break when you convinced yourself that's 'who you are' ... This encouragement found me graciously, bless you!
Bless you Sweet Soul I am so pleased this has supported you I totally understand having been a people pleaser for nearly 40 years (from a very young age) Suggestion, connect with your Inner Child, help them feel loved, listened to and heard. It will support the you of today. This is how I have helped myself Namaste🙏
@@ritahemmerly4224 Bless you Sweet Soul It is important to know yourself and where that "kindness" is coming from. If you are being "kind" because you are a people pleaser (which is a trauma response), then perhaps your kindness is misplaced. It is important to be kind to yourself and not everything that is "kind" can feel it to the other person - a No, can be the greatest gift anyone can hear but may not feel it at the time. Never stop Being who you really are and maybe, just maybe, those that think that way are best to be removed from your life. Respect yourself enough to value who you are. 🙏Namaste
Ironically, loving ourselves makes us less selfish. By loving ourselces first We can then help others find their own light. Authentically and not fakely.
When I could not stand the abuse at home any more, I bought myself a mobile home to live in. My narc mother called me selfish. She also told me if I 'fell flat on my face" that I wasn't to even THINK I could come crawling back home. I should have left sooner but couldn't afford it before.
Bless you Sweet Soul Thank you for sharing and congratulations Remember everything she said was projection, her projecting on to you how she was and possibly learned behaviour from her own family upbringing. She only has power over you whilst you let her words and actions affect you. I know it isn't easy but try and let them wash over you, rather than settle in you disrupting your peace of mind. I wish you a wonderful life filled with all the love, caring, happiness and joy you bring to others, you are worthy of that and more. 🙏Namaste
Having massive guilt button, needing approval, not respecting myself all contributed to me being bullied, but also made me more compassionate and forgiving which are wonderful traits not all bad people.😊
Bless you Sweet Soul I 100% get it. Tap into forgiveness of self, that you have allowed others to do what they have done to you, to support you to clear any guilt for your part played in your life so far. You can do this and step into the person you are here to be, as you say "compassionate and forgiving", remember also of yourself. Your true you is a gift to the world and people like you are required in their thousands to support Humankind at this time and our Beautiful Planet, Mother Earth. 🙏Namaste
A beautiful piece of writing. I've often felt guilty for being "selfish" in the eyes of an abuser - it's always nice to be reminded that I simply have personal boundaries and a desire to be respected. Thank you for sharing!
Bless you, The most important person to respect you is you. The saying goes "If respect is no longer being served at the table it is time to leave" There is nothing selfish in protecting your energies. 🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
Bless you For me, all our "hard" & "negative" experiences are a gift that helps us to find who we are and set boundaries beyond which we will no longer let people cross. How do we no light, if we don't no dark? How do we know heat, if we don't know cold? etc To learn what is right for us, we learn what isn't. It can be a tough lesson but as you say, worth it. Namaste Sweet Soul 🙏
The line "Then one day something happens that (whether quickly or over a period of time) opens your eyes and your heart to yourself," is so beautiful. Thank you for gracing my day with your eloquent words! ♥
Bless you Sweet Soul Thank you You are 100% right. Perhaps it is that our Heart eventually gets through to our head that we are also worthy of all the love we give to others. However it happens, the waken is the greatest gift we can bring to ourselves. 🙏Namaste
Bless you Thank you and especially to the individual who wrote it in the first place, I wish I could find out who it was and acknowledge them Namaste Sweet Soul🙏
My mother is like this. She's tried to control me most of my life. Throughly convinced I'll meet a horrible fate without her. She has an anxiety condition and can't help it, and I don't blame her for worrying about me. But I have little in the way of life skills because of her fear. Trying to change has been hard. But I'm not gonna let myself stagnate.
Bless you Sweet Soul I hope your mother finds peace with her condition. For you, you can do this, you have got this. Every step you take listening to you intuition, gut instinct, being open to inspiration from many different sources, will take you closer to a happier, more fulfilled life. Trust in yourself, your innocence and empathy, they are a real gift in the world today. Trust your feelings, if it feels wrong for you, don't do it, if it feels right, go for it. We all have to unlearn who others told us we should be and learn who we are. Life skills will come, learn to set your boundaries, to say No. Suggestion, find a group of like minded people and join it, there is support for you out there, to help you on this journey we call life. 🙏Namaste
@@lifeslessons9889 Bless you, why do you question it? what are you questioning? Being true to who you are is why you are here having this life experience. Caring for ourselves doesn't preclude consideration for others, in fact it can enhance it. When we understand that for each of us we are here to live our own life and not live it for others or through others, our support is different, it is about self empowerment for them and us. We are no longer "doings" we become "Beings". 🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
My mother was a narcissist, and did horrible things to me from the ages of 3 to 15. Due to her abuse, I could only see myself as selfish and as a horrible person. I felt as if I didn't cater to her every want and whim, I would be a horrible child that deserved the abuse she inflicted on me. Ive been away from her for almost a year now (and im now 16), and through therapy and a fuck ton of working on myself, ive started to say no to others for my own health and wellbeing. Ive had to cut off/ go low contact with other family members, but the initial pain was worth it after I realized im now im less pain. I still have days where i feel like a horrible child for existing, but those days are lesser and further apart as i heal. My distress tolerance is also better, because i no longer have to bottle my emotions and pain just to help someone else. This video is the best way to explain it that ive seen :)
Bless you Sweet Soul I am so sorry to hear what you have been through and so proud of you for taking a stand, setting boundaries and becoming the most important person in your own life. You are meant to be the Love of your life. The more we open to love for ourselves, the more love we can bring to others. Self preservation is a priority for you at this stage and as your love and caring for you grows so will your strength stand up to disrespect and abusive behaviour. Also to be able to break the repeating patterns from previous generations. You are a very special, unique being, always trust and believe in the guidance of your heart. 🙏Namaste
YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, SMART, KIND, CARING & AWESOME GIRL, YOU DESERVE THE BEST OF EVERYTHING & YOU WILL GET IT!! CHANGE YOUR NAME FROM: FERAL COCKROACH TO: Blessed Girl of the world! or Happy Girl of the world! or "God's Daughter "
Bravo! Unlike most of us, you have realized your own worth early and have taken the reins! You, my dear, will be the star of your own show before you know it. The hardest step in that direction has already been taken. Save this video for future reference. Sometimes, we need a reminder of how special and strong we are. I'm cheering for you!❤
@@michellecobb8403 Bless you, Thank you for your supportive message, we all like to here that we are on the right tracks (although not everyone will agree with the track we are on but that is their stuff). You are a gem and I hope that you are also living a life that is true to you. 🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
Fly far baby girl/ Fly far into the stars and the light. Far away from the mother of darkness. Keep all of them far from from you. The universe has blessed you to see the evil at such a young age. Fly far angel. Never look back. Keep your painful story for you. Do not give it to people to use as ammunition. READ as much as books as possible. Fly.
Just like in any Tribe, the young learn from the Elders.... and unskilled learn from the skilled. Thank you for taking the time to make such a profoundly TRUE statement !
Bless you and Thank you for contributing to the conversation and the support that it has bought to so many. "The more we share, the more we care, the more love there is in the world" I hope that all who visit here feel the caring and support that is out there for them. 🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
It feels so audacious to be called selfish for protecting my peace. No one ever bothers to understand where you come from and what you have had to deal with. Some people feel so entitled to your time, body and overall existence. To make you define yourself within their boundaries and terms, always to their benefit. It can feel scary breaking out of the cycle, because the consequence of the unknown can be so overwhelming. For anyone reading this comment suffering through the same, just know that even though you still may encounter problems in life after leaving your abuser(s), you have found strength and tenacity in your experience. Use that to find comfort in the fact that you have more control over your life than you’ve ever had before.
Bless you Sweet Soul Thank you for sharing All I will add to this, is the ride to yourself may not be comfortable but it is oh so worth it and I wish I had had the courage to do it sooner than I did. Go for it and you will grow from it. Don't be afraid to seek support in the process. 🙏Namaste
@@sharonjensen3016 100%, that is why it is so important to stay strong in honouring who you are and your choices. Always be true to you 🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
Came here after this showed up as the first suggested video on my home page. As a 37 yo male in India, thank you for your presence and holding space. You have a very calming voice and seem a compassionate soul. Namaste. Love and light to you!
It hasn't been a lightbulb moment for me but a light with dimmer switch slowly turning on coming to this realization. I loved this video. Thank you for the reminder. I need lots of reminders. Maybe someday, the light will fully turn on.
Bless you Sweet Soul Thank you for sharing and I am grateful to have added to turning the dimmer up a little. Remember you should be the leading roll in your own life story and are more than worthy of all the love & support you bring to others. As the saying goes "if respect is no longer being served at the table, it is time to leave the table". Always be true to you 🙏Namaste
100% Freedom Freedom to be yourself, Freedom to follow your heart and do the things you choose to do without worry what others think. Freedom to love, respect, honour who you are. Freedom to be 🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
For most of my life, love was something to earn, not have. Because of this, I clung onto people that shouldn’t be around me, and it really messed me up. Years later though, I have realized that I am happier who I am than who I ever was before. I love my hair, my clothes, my hobbies…i am happier impressing myself than impressing others. I believe that’s something we need to do more, let ourselves be impressed by who we are rather than wait for someone to tell us such. And I hope to every commenter and the person that uploaded this insightful piece of media have an amazing future ahead. You are all wonderfully you, don’t forget it.
Bless you Sweet Soul Thank you I am so pleased you have found yourself and that you are being true to who you are. It is so important to be the love of our own life, enabling us to set boundaries and not accept disrespect from anyone. I hope that people read the comments, so that they know they aren't alone and that they too can improve their life by taking control of it, after all we should be the leading lady or man in our own life. (A line from the film The Holiday) 🙏Namaste
Love the title and it is so accurate . Try getting a "friend" to finally return a favor and see how well that works. Saying No is sometimes the right thing to do.
Bless you Sweet Soul As we "wake up" and start being true to ourselves, we create boundaries and the only people who get upset with them, are those that don't respect them and used us. It is about learning to say Yes to ourselves and that will put noses out of joint. We will soon learn who our real friends are. 🙏Namaste
I needed this today. Just dealt with another one of my moms mini meltdowns over my fashion choice. I was starting to feel guilty, but this is what I needed.
Bless you Sweet Soul I am so pleased this has supported you ~ Thank you for sharing Remember this is your life to live as feels right for you. You are not here to live your life through others or for them to live their lives through you. Always be true to you 🙏Namaste
thank you for saying this. people walk all over me when i was younger because i was told to always be nice and cater to others. and it came to a point where it was at my own expense. so when i start respecting my self and put healthy boundaries, the ones who are respectable understood, but the ones who are narcissistic starts throwing names like im the one who is the problem.
Bless you Sweet Soul I am so pleased that you had those who respected your boundaries. As for the others, that was their stuff, they were projecting on to you how they are. I absolutely get that it is difficult to have those things said to you and not feel hurt by them but understanding that they are just describing themselves and having the courage to not only not take it on board but walk away, will bring you so much more peace in your life. The only one who should be in control of your life is you. 🙏Namaste
Bless you thank you 100% agree about common sense, there appears to be a decided lack of it in the world at present, it seems to be being, how do I put this, extracted from those who are following the "fear" messages being used to control us. 🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
Bless you Thank you for sharing I am so pleased that you are taking back your life from the things people said and did when you were younger, shaping you into someone you aren't here to be and allowing yourself to become the amazing being you are here to be. 🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
Yes! All true and valid. Act in your best interest. Never feel compelled to assist,intervene, or serve others. Put yourself first, and others will respect you instead of using you.
100% Also by putting yourself first, you give others permission to do the same (put themselves first) and the love, care, compassion, understanding you show yourself, becomes how to treat others. Making it a better world for us all. Namaste Sweet Soul 🙏
❤i needed to hear this today. Im the youngest in my household and i do all the house keeping, child rearing all while going to university and working my job as a student aid. My older siblings dont do any housework, the children i take care of are theirs. Im expected to feed them, make sure they're clean, do thier homework with them and im not allowed to go out without asking them a week in advance although im 21. I was also responsible for taking careof my sick father until he passed recently all while doing everything else. Yet im told im selfish and lazy.
Bless you Sweet Soul Can you leave, find a place of your own, go into student digs, seek help with support to do this from the university, students union or another body that is meant to be there for students. This is your life and your No will make your family get on with theirs, while you get on with yours. I hope you are able to do this for yourself and if you can without giving them warning so that you don't have to listen to their selfish tirade at you, that is their stuff, let them get on with it and don't take it on board as your truth. 🙏Namaste
Bless you 100% If we don't take care of ourselves, physically, emotionally and Mentally, our energies just keep being drained until we have nothing left to give to ourselves or anyone else. When we consider oursleves and keep our batteries charged, then we can bring more to others. 🙏 Namaste Sweet Soul
This resonates with me more than I can say. I was my mother’s full time caretaker for 25 years even though I have 4 other siblings. Right before my father died he asked me if I would look after my mother should anything happen to him which it did. I asked why he would want the youngest to do that and he said because he didn’t trust the others to do it, and sadly he was right. After my mother’s death. I decided I wanted to start a life where I put myself first, something I hadn’t done in such a long time. The anger I received from my siblings, friends and even my elderly Uncle because I didn’t want to take care of him and my Aunt broke my heart. The only one who took up for me was my Uncle’s doctor because he was my mothers doctor up to her death and saw how much I gave up taking care of her and he wasn’t going to sit back silently and say nothing about the way they were trying to make me feel guilty and selfish. I was desperate to leave my hometown after my mothers death, I wanted friends and to see and experience life, so I made the decision to go 2300 miles cross country with a person who I thought loved me but was surprised because it turned out to be a ploy to help him set up in a town where he would appear respectable. It wasn’t until the verbal and physical abuse started that I knew I was in trouble, I didn’t have friends except the dog and horses. I never even told anyone about the abuse until after the divorce because I didn’t want my family to worry about me, but little did I know that I was being smeared as a terrible, selfish person. When I returned home to my hometown I started to feel used again by my family and friends and knew I had to pulled away. They were intrusive, controlling, as well as abusive. The things I heard they said about me and did was devastating. I doubt I will ever get over it. I’ve been physically attacked by my brother numerous times and to this day I have no ideal why he has such hate for me. I’ve lost everyone by my own doing because I didn’t feel safe in their company. I have a sister who I speak with but I don’t trust her because I know she played into the horrible things that were said and done and my trust with her is limited to say the least. So when I saw your video and heard the title I knew that’s exactly what happened to me. I’ve been called selfish and it hurt so bad but now I know I’m not selfish, I just became harder to manipulate. Since losing my best friend ( my Dog ) it’s been a real struggle wanting to carry on, but I feel my savior will pull me through, so I remain. 😔 Thank you for your words of encouragement, it’s exactly what I needed to hear. Bless you Sara Jane 🙏🏼
Bless you Sweet Soul Thank you for sharing and I am so pleased the doctor stood up for you. Remember when people get like that, they are projecting on to you how they are, it has nothing to do with you, it is their guilt. The important thing to do is forgive yourself for allowing them to "get" to you, free yourself of the burden of their guilt. You are a beautiful Soul of Love & Light, Love your self, you are worthy of all the love and caring that you give to others and more, never doubt that. Always be true to you 🙏Namaste
@@SaraJane-Vocal-ReikiThank you for your kind words. I’m a work in progress, some days good, others not so much. I wish I could dry up the tears, but then again, maybe it’s a good cleanse of all the tears I have had to hold in for so long.
@@justice8563 Bless you Sweet Soul Let those tears flow and wash the windows of your soul to help you see more clearly. Yes it is a challenge to let go of so many years living with these learned behaviours of pleasing others and not yourself. Now is your time, you are entitled to that, as this is meant to be your life. 🙏Namaste
When on the receiving end of this, it is so important to remember that it is their stuff and has nothing to do with you. Deep down inside they know they would say no and they are projecting on to you what is theirs. Never be bullied and "shamed" into something that feels wrong for you. Once they know they can no longer push your buttons, they will sadly move on to someone else, rather than learn the error of their ways. 🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
I didn't look for this video, but watched it anyway and I'm glad that I did. After being controlled by my narcissistic father during my teen years, I finally cut ties and moved out as soon as I was able. I felt hopeless and alone and became quite the people pleaser to feel a sense of security in my life. That is slowly but surely changing now, and I felt so touched by this video. Thank you Sara Jane, for imparting your bit of wisdom on the rest of the world. 🌱
Bless you Sweet Soul Thank you, I am so pleased for you that you have escaped the trauma of your teens and that you are now letting go of a trauma response that is people pleasing. I hope you have support to help you through and that you are able to come to realise that it is OK to Love yourself, to be true to you. Many who can't do what you are doing, project their insecurities and "jealousy" on to those who have the courage to take their life back. Always be true to you 🙏Namaste
Bless you Thank you for sharing and joining in here. I love that those who have gone through the process of becoming true to themselves and learning to say No share to encourage those waking up to the fact that they can change their life and they aren't alone. 🙏Namaste Sweet soul
Thank you for sharing this wisdom. I am 86 and am just now strong enough and wise enough to hear you. At ten years of age after years of trauma and abuse, I cried aloud “I want to die! I want to die!” At that moment, in my being, a powerful Voice said, “say it once more and you’ve got it!” This was a gift that got me through the next 70 years. I knew I could leave any time I wanted. I had only to ask. More abuse, more horrors, failed to break my spirit. Survival meant being controlled, but no one ever ruled my spirit. One by one my haters have abandoned me and are now all dead. My children love me and make sure I lack for nothing. Years of being cherished are now bearing fruit. I can now comprehend and act on all you are saying. The Voice that freed me to choose life, has been with me all my life. Darkness drive me to light. I trust my own being. And I love life BIG TIME!!
Bless you Sweet Soul I am so pleased that your children have shown you the love and caring that others should have. It also sounds as if you had the strength to say "this stops with me" and didn't continue what I am guessing were the learned behaviours of the preceding generations. Congratulations for your strength, caring and loving. The voice knew there was better to come for you and you deserve all the love and care you have given to others and more. Never doubt that you are an amazing being of light and that spark has never gone out in you throughout all that you have experienced. 🙏Namaste
@@SaraJane-Vocal-Reiki thank you for answering my sharing. You invested in me and now you are a sweetness in my soul, an eternal ingredient in my being. Bless you. BIG HUGS!
@@nancyanderson5310 My pleasure Sweet Soul For too many of us, one of the things that has hurt us most is feeling that no one is listening to us, or hearing, I know that is part of my story. That is why I have replied to everyone who has left a share here. We are all hearing and supporting each other. Thank you for being a part of this 🙏Namaste
@@SaraJane-Vocal-Reiki for 86 years I thought I was alone in seeking to nourish every soul God put in my life. I dreamed last night that I was telling a despairing young man about Micaela Mabinty de Prince and her mom. He sobbed with joy and I held him close, amazed at this RESPONSE! And now YOU! Now I see how I can continue with my vocation- my dance! - for eternity!! Joy! Rapture! In Kansas or out, walk up to the door and watch it open!!
@@nancyanderson5310 Bless you Sweet Soul, I am so grateful to be part of your journey, however brief it may be and I am so pleased it is supporting you to share your wonderful gifts with others, for whom you will be a beacon of hope and light. 🙏Namaste
I was recently rejected and shunned from a group of friends whom I once trusted with my life, simply because I was starting to act in favor of my own likes and of my personal beliefs. I wanted to hang out with other people, I wanted to give myself priority, and I was tossed out like yesterday's rubbish. This video brought back some of the hard feelings I was dealing with from being torn away from something so important to me. Thank you, Sara Jane, for showing me that I am not a bad person for being me.
Bless you I am so pleased this has supported you to realise that their behaviour was a projection of how they are and had nothing to do with you (other than the fact that you triggered it in them to show you their true colours). It is so important for you to be true to you - it doesn't mean we don't support others anymore, It just means that we take ourselves into consideration when making choices. This is your life to live and experience in the way that is best for you, not to let others live their life through you. Congratulations for standing up for yourself and not being bullied into giving in to their selfishness. 🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
I am grateful for this message, for I am unlearning behavior that had no reward towards others and myself. As a loner it becomes easier to accept my boundaries towards others. Nameste
Bless you Sweet Soul my pleasure The first person you should feel comfortable to be alone with is Yourself. We are however not here to be alone all the time, we are meant to socialise with others, to connect, communicate and learn from each other and most importantly have fun, play, laugh. To step outside your comfort zone, step back into yourself, find your courage and let yourself find and connect with like minded people, you will find you'll have some amazing conversations and lots of laughter. 🙏Namaste
Bless you I'm not sure I would call it a rant but then that depends in what you understand to be the meaning of that word 🙂 100% correct, they place we have to start is with loving ourselves. 🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
Bless you Sweet Soul My pleasure There are too many of us that have found ourselves sharing the same feelings of insecurity that have led us to be people pleasers, to say yes, when we wanted to say no. Making us vulnerable to be used and manipulated. It is wonderful how many are waking up to the fact that it doesn't have to be this way. That it is essential to love ourselves and be true to who we are. That saying and hearing no is OK and can be a gift to both the giver and receiver. So am I in your head 🙂, no I'm in mine, it is just that I understand from my own experiences and none of us are alone. 🙏Namaste
My former mother in law. She painted me as the devil as I cared for her dying son, working full time,I called to tell her he was going into hospice, to which I got a letter from her lawyer telling me not to contact her. But then told everyone I was keeping him away from her. Even sent TWO people to harass me. She tried suing him while he was dying, and failed. But when my husband passed she went on a campaign of telling everyone I was uncaring and mean to him. Anyone who knew only her believed her. Anyone who knew both of us cut her off because of her behavior. She took me to court to wrest control of my husbands estate from me, to which the judge reprimanded her. This happened this past year and Zi truly do not feel I will ever get over it.
Bless you The people who really matter know you and haven't listened, hold on to that. They know what a good person you are and what you have been through and have stood by you. Please don't let this one person's bitterness and poisoned tongue takeaway from who you are, that is there stuff. I am not in anyway condoning or excusing their behaviour, it is reprehensible. However have you ever seen the film "Monster-in-Law" with Jennifer Lopez and Jane Fonda?, If you have or choose to watch it, bear with it till the end, it has an amazing point to share that I hope will help and support you with some understanding. Allowing you to move forward and embrace life again. You deserve to 🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
I get it I really do and I love being single after 2 marriages, the last of which ended over 25 years ago. You should be the Love of your own life, the leading lady (or man) in your life. We teach people how to treat us by what we put up with and what we don't. Loving and caring for others doesn't mean we have to tolerate "bad" behaviour, disrespect and more. Learning to say No to others and Yes to yourself is the biggest gift we can give ourselves and others. 🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
At this current moment in my life even just the title is something I needed to hear. Im going through one of the worst situations ive ever been in. I became the villain to many people all because for the first time in my 24 years of life I decided to stand up for myself. I had thought for a moment that maybe I am the bad guy, but this video has come in the perfect time, thank you.
Bless you Sweet Soul Keep true to you, it will be so worth it in the long term. Stay strong, you can do it and yes you may lose people along the way but it will free the space for new and better people to come into your life. Trust and believe in yourself, give yourself the thought, care, consideration and love you have always given to others. 🙏Namaste
I absolutely agree. I was a people pleaser, rarely say no to people but i started to learn to love myself. So, i set boundaries with new people i met. This one person played "the victim" as i said no. I feel like i discovered self liberation for not being manipulated again. Love your video
Bless you Thank you Sweet Soul and Congratulations I hope you have also learned to say No to those closest to you. I know from experience that it doesn't go down well but in my family, what I found was that it gave other members permission to do the same, freeing them as well. 🙏Namaste
Bless you Sweet Soul Thank you And Thank you for recognising that we are all Love, Love is who we are, it is just that too many have forgotten that. The most important person for you to love is yourself, completely and unconditionally, when we can do that all our actions towards others will come from a place of love, even if that does mean tough love. 🙏Namaste Precious one
I pray for you, this video has helped so many find clarity on how it is okay to establish boundaries on those trying to manipulate you. Beautiful words, God bless you ❤
Many times, I have stewed in silent rage at others. Because of this, I feel like it is only natural for people to feel the same way about me. This is why I am in constant fear that everyone around me hates me.
Bless you Your anger at people who "use" you and don't listen is understandable and unless that is how you treat others, if they are angry at you, then it is their stuff, they are projecting on to you how they are. Our learned behaviours of always saying yes and people pleasing aren't easy to let go of but we can do it, you can do it and also let go of worrying what they are thinking about you, when most of the time they aren't. You can do this, you can free yourself and start to live your life a s works best for you. 🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
Good for you and it really doesn't matter what others think about you, that is their stuff. The person it is important to love and respect you, is YOU Let go of those holding you back for their purely selfish reasons. Namaste Sweet Soul 🙏
I had a grandmother who abused my mother her whole life. It wasn't until I was older that she turned on me. I didn't understand at the time, but it was because I was making my own decisions. She never loved anyone, she just liked owning pets (us). She became cruel in the extreme when our lives weren't about her. It was hard to realize that she never loved us, she just liked power. There is freedom eventually, hang in there.
Bless you Sweet Soul It sounds to me as if you and hopefully your mother, have managed to break a generational behaviour. I hope that your Mother was loving and caring with you, supporting you with how life should be from mother to daughter and that your experience doesn't taint any relationship you have with your children and grandchildren. You are a beautiful being of light and love and sometimes people teach us how not to be. 🙏Namaste
Being tramatized a bit, im finding alot of my self worth, EVEN BEFORE i got close to the wrong man, was lacking. Nobodys fault. Nonjudgementally working towards my own well being is wayyyy worth it. I have therapy help and i am trying to stop attending to limiting briefs and "if they wanted to, they would" is helpful to regain perspective! Love n hugs :) thx for the talk you know u are lovely right!!!! You are lovely. Take care!!!
Bless you Sweet Soul, I totally understand and I am so pleased you are involved in your own healing journey with support. Please feel free to check out my website vocalreiki.com/ there are free videos, Sound Baths and more for you to enjoy and I hope support you. Namaste
@@MizrahiChick Bless you Thank you Sweet Soul Whenever we care enough to share our learned wisdom, we offer a big hug to those who choose to receive the gift we offer. Namaste 🙏
My pleasure and Bless you, I hope they have supported you and that you are able to move past those experiences. Suggestion, your younger self is likely to still be hurting from those experiences, when you feel able find a way to reconnect with them and support them to feel loved, listened to and heard. As your younger self builds in confidence (something only you can help them find) so will you. There are many people out there who can help you to reconnect with your Inner Child. You can do it, I know, I have and it has made a huge difference in my life. 🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
Oh. I didn't know someone had seen my soul today. I've been a chronic people pleaser, and slowly I've tried to set down boundaries. Thank you, I think I needed to hear someone say I'm allowed to say "no."
Bless you Sweet Soul 100% Remember when you say Yes to others you are usually saying No to yourself, this is meant to be your life to live as guided by your heart and soul, not other people's whims. Hearing a No can be the greatest gift we can receive (we may not think so at the time), it can support us to do things ourselves, to grow. Don't be afraid to give that gift to others. 🙏Namaste
it isn't always easy to say no. you fear upsetting whoever you're saying no to, because you fear they'll leave you and you'll be alone. but if all they do is control you, you're alone anyway.
Bless you, it is about coming to that understanding that you are being used, Whether you say yes out of kindness or insecurities, someone who always relies on you, is most likely using you. The question I suggest we ask ourselves, is, would they do the same for us? Not that we do for an exchange of energy but if they really cared, they would be there for us if we needed their support. 🙏Namaste Sweet Souls
I'm in an toxic relationship, he used to cuss me, say horrible things to me, threaten me, my life was his, i was dependent on that man and i couldn't ask for help, everytime i told him what he was doing hurted me, he would call me a disgusting person, telling me i didn't deserve to live, and call me manipulative. Nowadays, i gave up on his change, i don't care what he has to say, and i don't talk to him that much, although he is still my boyfriend, i believe that's the first step to regaining my self-esteem and control under my own life thank you jane, this video made me genuinely cry, i needed to hear this, a lot, i'm 16 years old, i needed that help, again thank you!!
Bless you Sweet Soul Where is your family, can you not go back to them? I am pleased you are learning to ignore him and not take his stuff on board because it is him and has nothing to do with you. Verbal and emotional abuse can be worse than physical abuse, are you in a position that you could report him? No one should have to put up with this type of treatment, however young or old you may be. I hope you find the strength to seek help and get away from him, you are worthy of so much more - trust and believe that 🙏Namaste
@@SaraJane-Vocal-Reiki thank you so much jane, the words on this video and this comment mean more to me than you think, i can't report him for now, and my family can't know about this for now, but your video has helped me to value myself more, i feel like i can distance myself from him more, you help others more than you think, thank you very, very much
Take care of yourself, dear. If you ever feel unsafe with him, make sure to call for help, even if it may seem “dramatic.” Your safety is important, and you deserve better than to face all your demons alone. Take care, be safe.
When I realised this, my dad went from being a supervillain to being a sad man I laugh at. The only times he can control my behaviour is because his tolerance for normal behaviour is inverted. Thank you for spreading wisdom, the world could really use it right now. ❤ ✨️
Bless you. Do you know what your Father's up bringing was like? Did his Father treat him the way he is treating you? The reason I ask is because this could be a learned behaviour that goes back generations and they really don't understand that this isn't the way it should be. Too many have watched how it had been in their family home growing up and think that is how husband and wife treat each other and parents treat children and they really don't know any better until something happens that makes them re-evaluate. I am NOT condoning this behaviour but if we can at least understand, it helps us to be stronger and to stop the rot from continuing down the generations from us. You are a gift to your family, you can do this, you got it 🙏 Namaste Sweet Soul
wow, well said Ms Sara Jane. i’ve been trying to be a better person for myself, rather than for others. as i’ve learnt many times in life now, the kinder people always finish last.
Bless you Sweet Soul It isn't easy to go from being a people pleaser and "guided" by others to being your own guide and true to yourself but it is worth it. Remember kindness comes in many forms, I am sure you have heard the term "tough love", never doubt that a "No" can be an amazing gift to hear. Namaste
Bless you and I love that this little share of mine has touched lives around the world. You can do it and there is support out there for you, stay strong 🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
What I've found is being selfish and assertive made me better at helping people when they really need it. Back when I was "nice" I was so exhausted and afraid I could only watch someone struggle or try to tide things over with apology. Now that I'm just doing my own thing and being confrontational, I don't apologize; I step right into bullying and hijack the conversation to protect the bullied-victim. The bully is upset that I'm standing between them; the victim is relieved that someone is backing them up; and everyone else who's not following the subtext is wondering why the bully is so mad at me when I didn't "do" anything. With a smile be like "I see what you're doing here, and I'm not leaving till you back off and let the little one live their life" Don't be "nice", be kind. Even when being kind makes an ass of yourself.
Bless you Sweet Soul, I hear what you are saying but personally would change the terminology. You aren't selfish when you are true to yourself, the selfish ones are those who expect you to do what they want you to do regardless of whether it is right for you. Assertive, how about confident in yourself, accepting of who you are and not prepared to take other people's stuff on board. Nice is people pleaser stuff, we think we are helping when in fact we are holding 2 people back from growing into their lives. Kind/caring is being able to use tough love, having the strength to say No. It is wonderful that you stand up for others, the most important thing is that they learn to stand up for themselves. Congratulations for "waking up", I get how exhausting it is, which is in the end one of the reasons I stopped. 🙏Namaste
I might've had that by accident, I was so scared to say "no" when I was younger, nowadays, I'm still scared to make people upset, but I know how to stand my ground, I feel better this way
Bless you, good for you and stay strong in your boundaries. This is your life to live as feels right for you. You aren't here to live anyone else's for them or for others to live your life for you. Stay true to you 🙏 Namaste Sweet Soul
the most freeing thing i ever did, was exactly this: realize that my autism is more of other people's problem than mine. As long as i hold my own end of the bargain in the social exchange, if they dont like me, is none of my business. If im too loud, unless im being obnoxious, if they dont tell me, its on them. If im rude, and they dont tell me, its none of my business, especially since im usually kind, but im also blunt, and some people call it rude. I dont mind, I dont care. I grew up with this deficit, which i made up with by being very perceptive to instructions, because i would fuck up very often. I was born bold and loud, became reserved and shy by 'education', and only now im getting back to that
Good for you. I'm autistic too, and I'm no longer afraid to say so. For years I was made to feel ashamed, but why should I? It's only a problem because others (including family members) have made it so.
Bless you Several years ago I wrote an article "What is Normal and who's definition is it anyway?" I spent a number of years working with adults with learning difficulties and the truth is, who and how they are, is their normal. We are all our own normal, we don't have to fit in with others and they don't have to fit in with us. Our life experience, what we heard and witnessed as children, has shaped us and our perspectives on life. If we don't like who that has "made", we have the right to change it and grow beyond it and it is our choice. 🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
I'm not sure how this got on my UA-cam recommended, but it's exactly what I needed. I've been going through a really tough time, and I really needed to hear this. So thank you.
Bless you Sweet Soul I bet that was a bolt out of the blue. Has she changed or was her opening gambit what you would expect? People can change, after all you have grown beyond where you were 5 years ago. Go with your heart. All I would say is she is your mother and there is a strong possibility she has learned behaviours from watching her own mother, you could give her a chance, knowing you can always walk away again having given her that chance and you won't leave yourself with wondering if things could have been different. When we love ourselves, trust and believe in ourselves, what others say and think can wash over us without them affecting us. It also means we can bring greater love, understanding and caring to others, including tough love. 🙏Namaste
Bless you Miss. I found this during a great moment in my life right after coming to the realization that me and my wishes DO matter, and I couldn't help but admire your insights. Thank you and have a nice day
Bless you Sweet Soul I am so pleased that my words are supporting you, that is why I share them. Their is beauty in us all, we just have to find it within ourselves so that we can honour who we are and teach others how to treat us by not putting up with manipulating behaviour. 🙏Namaste
in middle school, i used to have a so called friend who would shame me with my consent. i couldn't say anything because she would say something even worse every time i tried to stand up for myself. in a messed up kinda way, i thank her for opening my eyes, for making me see how damaged and easily damageable i was. it took me a long time to realise what 'selfish' means and i'm glad i realised it thanks to people like you.
Bless you sweet Soul Sometimes the worst of things can be an amazing gift in what they teach us and help us to understand. It sounds like that individual was feeding of your insecurities and thriving on them, I am so pleased you managed to break free and came to understand that it was her and not you. You deserve to give yourself all the love and care that you give to others and more. Set boundaries and honour them, this is your life as Kate Winslet's character said in the film "The Holiday", "You are meant to be the leading lady (or man) in your own life". The more care you have for yourself the more care you will bring to others, in a much healthier way. 🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
Bless you Sweet Soul I am so happy that this has supported you Remember you are meant to be the Love of your life, respect yourself and teach others how to treat you by not putting up the disrespect. 🙏Namaste
@@ambushed6053 Bless you Sweet Soul I am so pleased this has touched so many lives, including yours. Always be kind to you, you deserve all the love, thought and consideration you show to others and more. 🙏Namaste
Hi Not sure what you are saying here Our story will always come from the perspective of our understanding of what happened and was said, and how it made us feel. My story doesn't change because as an adult I came to understand the circumstances that caused what happened. It is us an an adult that helps our inner child to heal, the story will never change, it is important not to live there, to grow from the healing and become the best you possible. Namaste Sweet Soul 🙏
Thank you so much for writing this. It really spoke to me. As a people pleaser, I've ignored my own wants and needs for other people, and it lead to me disrespecting myself, my boundaries, and my values. It never feels good. When I first stood up for myself against a manipulative person... I never regretted it. I felt proud of myself for doing so. The things I did regret were the times where I didn't enforce my boundaries. I'm hoping that I can gradually change to be a stronger person for myself. Again, thank you for writing this.
Bless you Thank you for sharing and Congratulations, you deserve to feel proud of yourself. Keep up the great work for yourself, you can do it 🙏 Namaste Sweet Soul
I've been made to feel bad about myself by my siblings and friends for being able to say no. It used to bother me a lot until I accepted who I was and stopped making excuses for it. Well written article Sara Jane! I hope people read it who feel guilty because others don't accept them for not doing what THEY want to do.
Bless you Sweet Soul The most important thing for me is that people like us who have gone through experiences that have made them feel less than they are and have come out the other side stronger and true to themselves, read this, feel validated in taking their power back. All that have shared here are supporting those at the beginning of their journey or struggling. None of us are alone in how experiences make us feel but we are worthy of all the love and care that we give to others and more. The most important person for each of us to love is our self. If those who are perceived as being the perpetrators read this and realise the part they have played in hurting others and grow in to a better person, that is a real bonus. 🙏Namaste
Touché! I remember that book from back in the 80’s! The title has been a Godsend. I also remember the moment my father said I was selfish. I decided in that moment to go ahead & be selfish then. It was a pivotal moment, because like u said, HE was the one trying to control things. I’ve never looked back. Sadly, it’s been 25 years since he stopped speaking to me… It SUCKS but I’m SO MUCH BETTER as a result. This piece is appreciated. Blessings to U!
Bless you Sweet Soul It is hard when it should be someone you love and loves you in return but they seem incapable of showing love in the way we require it as a child. Just a thought, that could have been the way his father was with him and it is a learned behaviour. I am in no way condoning this sort of behaviour but here is usually a route cause and it is up to him to choose to growth through it and let it go. Always stay true to yourself 🙏Namaste
Bless you - When we stand up for ourselves we trigger the manipulator because they know they are losing control over us. So sadly they can become worse to try and regain control. They will play on your insecurities, be strong, you are worth so much more than you are getting from what sounds like a lopsided relationship. Can you kick them out or leave? If not, can you seek support to help you through this and out the other side to a better life for you? Stay strong, you can do this and it will be worth it in the long term. 🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
Wonderful post. I will share something too. It took struggling with cancer and still having people in my life expect me to be there at their for them emotionally, financially, and in service to them for me to liberate myself and become selfish !
Bless you Sweet Soul By the sounds of it the only ones who were selfish, was them. I am so pleased you stepped into yourself, set boundaries and started to live your own life, making them lives theirs. It sounds like in a strange way the cancer was a gift and I hope you are fully recovered. Namaste 🙏
Thank you Sara, I'm in a couple of therapy groups and they accuse me of having a selfish attitude and I keep telling them this, "I'm not selfish and unsympathetic y'all! I just don't let bad people control me like they used to. I know them now and I have lots of new boundaries." They still argue with me though.. Annoying. They're not changing my mind though.
Bless you Sweet Soul stay strong. What I would question is are these groups right for you? You have had a tough enough time challenging your own learned behaviours and un learning them to find the true you, without your therapy group telling you your manipulators were right to call you selfish. I hope you are finding encouragement here to keep you strong and true to you. 🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
@@SaraJane-Vocal-Reiki Yes, I AM questioning them. I got no choice at the moment but to stay in them for my addiction and I can't afford therapy too at the moment. Thank you so much for your kind words.
@@Mattamillion-vk2pf Bless you, I understand And I really hope that you receive the support you require from them and can let go of the nagging aspect they continue to project. You have got this, you can do it, including taking back control of your life from your addiction, which for many is another response, like people pleaser, to a trauma, there is always a cause. Wishing you all the very best 🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
I love the support and caring that is being shared here
Bless you All for being here for yourself and each other, none of us are alone in our experiences and how they have made us feel. 🙏Namaste Sweet Souls
💚💚💚
@@doughill4237 Bless you Thank you Sweet Soul
🙏Namaste
There came a moment when I said exactly what I wanted to say. There are consequences and rewards for speaking your mind. Be prepared…I have no regrets. I have not deserted my soul.
100% Bless you Sweet Soul
You may lose friends (but were they really friends) and family may not talk to you, that is their choice.
Stick to what speaks to you, your heart choices, always be true to you.
Namaste🙏
“I have not deserted my soul”. How powerful is that!! Thank you.
Thank you so much for this. I've been slowly realizing this over time, but this video has definitely helped with it. I will continue to be kinder to myself, and try not to just please others, but please myself as well
This is poetic!
My favorite genre on UA-cam will always be older people giving sound advice
Bless you Thank you
I like to think of it as making suggestions, as all that I share comes from what has/is working for me.
This may then appeal to you, there is a new book being published on 8th October Called "Gifts of Wisdom" 22 amazing authors, including me 🙂 links will be shared on my website listed in the info below the video if you are interested
🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
I love older people. They are the best
@@AnnaRobertson-f1h Bless you Sweet Soul Thank you.
We have a lot of wisdom to share from the experiences we have had.
We also understand that the younger generations have experiences of their own to have.
It is important that we all listen to each other to understand
🙏Namaste
@SaraJane-Vocal-Reiki It's a challenging and fast-evolving world we live in today so with not many experiences of my own, it's difficult to imagine where I'll be 30, even 10 years from now so hearing your own is very encouraging. Thank you ✨️❤️
@@_Verde Bless you Sweet Soul Thank you
I share an article every month, most of which have a video so that you can listen: vocalreiki.com/blog/
I hope that you find support to help you through these challenging times and all the changes that are taking place
🙏Namaste
Moral: You are always the villain in someone else's story; while they are opportunists and selfish themselves but claim to be victims 🤷♂️
100%, we just have to remember that they are projecting who/how they are on to us.
as the quote from Jim Kwik says “Don't take criticism from someone you wouldn't take advice from.”
Namaste Sweet Soul 🙏
My sister expect me to sell my condo and pay off her mortgage.
She is nuts!
@@oldcrone Stay true to you Sweet Soul
We all have to learn to live our own lives and to work through the experiences that we have, others can support us but we have to help ourselves, no one can do it for us.
🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
Wow, mic drop!!!
🤗😂❤️
I’ve noticed this! Very convenient for them, always the victim!😮
Yeah I’m selfish and mean, when I say No and standing up for myself! Thank you for validation
Bless you
Saying No to others and Yes to yourself can be the best gift you give to both of you and is not selfish
Namaste Sweet Soul 🙏
@@SaraJane-Vocal-Reiki indeed, thank you Sara.
I just say, "if im a bad person, im terrified of what you are."
Bless you
From a place of love it is important to understand that for too many they are just repeating generational patterns, learned behaviours from what they witnessed and experienced in their homes as children, they way they believe life should be.
Gratefully we are now in a time when so many are standing up and saying "no more" it stops with me.
Many adults still hold childhood trauma inside and can only be supported to understand it and release it when they are ready.
You bring your own way of expressing this and dealing with it and who and how you are will resonate with those that think and express as you do.
🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
I was made to feel like a bad, selfish person for refusing to have the Covid vaccine when it was mandated in Australia. But I knew I was right not to. My health had been compromised by having to take antipsychotics from the age of 23 (I weaned myself off them at age 42, but the damage is done. I will never forgive or forget).
@@sharonjensen3016 sorry youre less intelligent than the majority. Youre scared of good medicine because youre weak minded. Grow up.
@@sharonjensen3016 Bless you sorry to hear of the damage done by pharmaceuticals and so proud of you for being one of the millions who refused to have the covid jabs and that includes me.
Even when my mother, who had been a nurse many years ago, started having a go at me, I said "If is means I can never see a member of the family again, so be it"
I've just had a weekend seeing a good chunk of them, so all the scare mongering hasn't been proved right.
Keep strong and true to you.
🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
I like this
It's so true. My boyfriend when he was devaluing said "you changed". I never understood until later. He meant "I can't control you anymore".
Bless you Sweet Soul, I am sure many have heard that said to them.
I don't think that we have changed, we have grown out of putting up with "their stuff" and are ready to live our own life, to love ourselves enough to say no more.
🙏Namaste
Same! Gone 🏃🏾♀️
@@sagenosnibor9173 Good for you for being true to you
🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
How was controlling over you? What did he do if i may ask?
@@abbieliz396 Bless you
Manipulators can be very subtle and sometimes when we talk about it, it seems unreal that it got as bad as it did.
They are all different but with the same outcome.
Personally the most important aspect of sharing here is for support for those who are finding the strength to say "NO, it stops here"
Also for people to know they are not alone and there are others out there who understand.
Namaste Sweet Soul 🙏
Ms. Jane - not sure how you came up in my feed, but I’m liking; if for nothing but the title alone.
I love the way the Universe works
So pleased this has touched a cord in you
Namaste
yea, great title. sending this to my wife.
@@Icemario87 Bless you Sweet Soul
I love that these words have touched so many lives
Namaste
@@SaraJane-Vocal-Reiki👍🏽
Interesting that this popped up in my feed tonight. I was raised in a violent narcissist home, physically abused, emotionally too, born in 1952. LOTS of us born in that time. Born to a 19 yr old abused mother, 22 yr old selfish father 'shotgun' style. My childhood was a war zone until he left when I was 11 yrs old. I left home at 16 yrs and by the grace of God, grew into a strong, independent woman. Now I'm 72 yrs old, married 45 years to my husband a good man but strong narc tendencies. These days I am a born again Christian woman and I hear Gods voice often. I'm one of the 'chosen', a warrior of sorts for this time at the End of this age. And no I am not selfish at all. Never was. Thank you for the clarifying definition of 'selfish' and self determination. God bless. 🙏✝️💕
No. It's a complete sentence. Took me until i was 40 to learn that.
You have got that right.
We don't have to explain ourselves, it is always our choice to say Yes or No.
I love the saying "what part of No don't you understand"
🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
What? 40? Me too!
@@Banana_Split_Cream_Buns Yes I was in my 40's too
It doesn't matter how old, what is most important, is that we got there and we are now honouring ourselves.
Namaste Sweet Soul🙏
40? Good for you! I’m 62 and only just beginning to practice this. It’s not easy and I feel like a failure most days but hearing from others who are further along the path gives me so much courage… thank you… 🙏
@@p.moorewilson7917 Bless you Sweet Soul
You can do it, this your life and it sounds like it is more than time that you started to live it the way you choose to - keep going
There is a great saying, "what part of NO don't you understand"
🙏Namaste
“selfish” was my narcissistic mother’s pet name for me. she’s been dead for 6 years and I haven’t missed her for 1 minute. in a weird synchronistic way my narcissistic boyfriend left me not long after her death. (I was trained to serve narcissists, dad is one too) good riddance. now I’ve adopted what I call my NO CO lifestyle. NO COoperation, NO COmpliance, NO COmpromise, NO COmplaining.
Bless you Sweet Soul
Sadly children believe that everything that comes from their parents has to be true and how it should be, they are learned behaviours.
We can break them when we come to understand that we aren't who they say we are and we open to finding and being who we really are.
Good for you to learn to say No to others and Yes to yourself and I hope that you are happy.
Namaste
@@SaraJane-Vocal-Reiki happiest I have ever been.😁
💕Good Job! ✔️
❤
@@acanarynamedrobyn4543 I am so pleased for you, waking up to ourselves is the greatest gift we give to ourselves and the world
Namaste
Back in the 1970’s I married a man who said many times how he fell in love with me because of my strength and independence as a single mother raising a 10 year old son, managing a home and having a career. Fast forward 4 years into the marriage he cheated on me. In the sometimes heated conversations on our marriage he somehow forgot his original feelings about who I was as a woman and what he had admired and loved about me. Suddenly, I had become a bitch and he couldn’t deal with it. The end of the marriage was reached despite him begging me to come back 3 weeks after I moved out. I have no regrets and at 82, I continue to have a full single life filled with happiness and joy🌺
Bless you, Thank you for sharing and congratulations on being true to yourself.
I remember a conversation I had with a gentleman friend "why is it that we fall in love with someone the way they are and then try and change them?
In some respects that is a rhetorical question but maybe something that should be given serious thought by us all when entering any sort of relationship.
🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
Thank you so much for sharing your story. Every person who rejected abuse and refused manipulation now feeds my own liberation. I am 86 and am just now realizing how bad preaching has distorted my thinking. And they have trashed God’s reputation by seeing Him as vindictive and nit picking. He’s a parent rescuing His kids - that’s it. My own family was too mentally sick to invest in me, but He, I now see, has kept me alive and seeking all my years. You know the power within. Thanks for letting it win!!
@@nancyanderson5310 Bless you Thank you for being part of the growing conversation and support here.
So many beautiful souls all sharing and supporting each other in a way that only those who have had similar experiences can.
Now is the time for each to take back the power they gave away and become true to themselves regardless of what others may think, say or do.
🙏Namaste
If a man calls you a "bitch", take it as a compliment. It means you are way out of their league and can't deal with you.
@@haruk2312 That is a thought, it is always good to find a positive in everything and I like your perspective.
🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
Being nice has ruined my life.
Appreciate your content.
Bless you Sweet Soul, never regret being nice to others, it shows the world who you are.
How others are is up to them and people will see through the fake eventually.
Always be yourself.
Kindness comes in many forms, remember that No can be the biggest gift we can hear (although it may not feel it as the time.
🙏Namaste
@@SaraJane-Vocal-Reiki Thank you for the kind words. Much appreciated. It means a lot.
@@ВиталийСлонов-ч4ъ My pleasure
We all require a little encouragement from time to time, especially to know that this is our life and we should live it guided by our heart and soul not other people's wants & needs.
Light, Love & Peace
🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
you said that right
@@Marv-kp9vz Bless you
Always be true to you and never let anyone dictate to you how you should be or what you should do.
🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
Thank you, "selfish" is the last word from narcissistic people.
Bless you Sweet Soul
As hard as it is to accept, they only have control over us, because unwittingly we give them permission. As we grow older, we start to realise that we do have a voice and we can say No.
It is in many cases the person calling you selfish that is the selfish one.
Always be true to you
Namaste 🙏
@@SaraJane-Vocal-Reiki Unfortunately, the right to be weak isn't recognized yet. Being weak doesn't authorize anyone to take advantage of us.
@@passaggioalivello Isn't "weak" just another word for a different type of strength? Isn't a man that won't hit a woman, however much he is provoked, really strong.
Just like the word "selfish" and many others "weak" is misused by those who are trying to control us
Namaste
I call it the "40's-f***-it's"-where you finally start thinking of yourself after four decades of thinking of everyone else first. It's not selfishness-it's finally burning out on society. 😂
Bless you Sweet Soul
Too many of us go into people pleaser mode or are raised to believe that what we would like doesn't matter, that everyone else has to come first.
You are correct, many will eventually burn out because they have never recharged their own batteries and have nothing left to give.
When we take care of ourselves and out energy, we can bring so much more to others, in a much healthier way.
Always be kind to yourself
Namaste 🙏
Funny thing, upon waking up on my 40th birthday, I woke up with "why the heck am I so worried about what others think of me?" I really did feel as if a weight had been lifted from my shoulders...have no idea what happened Nevertheless, I still fall back into old routines 17 years later, but it's not happening as often as before
Namaste to all of you!
🕊
@@louisa6948 Bless you
Suggestion, add to the end of your comment "what the heck..." because they aren't thinking about me, they are thinking about all that is going on in their own life.
That whole thought is what helped lift the weight off my shoulders.
We still care, we will still help people but by taking care of us first, our support becomes more beneficial to everyone - remember No can be the biggest gift you give to someone.
Namaste Sweet Soul
No, it is quite literally selfishness. It is most definitely NOT selfLESSness.
If that’s your stance then that’s your stance but don’t try to change definitions of words to make yourself feel better about your choices. Be proud of your selfishness and wear the title with pride if it is important to you. Don’t hide your true self. Stop people pleasing!
@@abbieliz396 The dictionary definition of selfish is "`caring too much about oneself and not enough about others" or "concerned chiefly or only with ones own pleasure or advantage, without regard for the wellbeing of others"
As much as I hear what you are saying, it is important for us to think of ourselves, to consider ourselves, to care for ourselves, what I believe we are all sharing here, is taking back control of our lives from people who embody the definitions above.
Truly loving and caring about your own welfare, is to be able to bring more caring to others, in a health way.
Namaste Sweet Soul 🙏
And fighting for yourself can lead to a lot of pushback, as I’ve discovered in my 50’s. Sometimes it feels like a life of death struggle.
Michael I do understand what you are saying and I had to accept that there were those that were no longer "right" to be in my life, that friends "left" and to a certain degree conflicts with family.
However, for me it has all been worth it, my life has changed, I am my own person and so much happier for it.
Family came around and I have an amazing group of friends.
Never doubt there is better waiting for you when you have the courage to be true to you.
Namaste Sweet Soul🙏
Say this..."Try to imagine how little I care" - Wayne Dyer If you can't say it at least say it in your head. It always keeps me on track and gives me a giggle.
@@letsbereal2445 Bless you, another way to look at it, is to become detached form outcomes and other people's stuff.
Caring is good, the important thing is to not let it dictate to you, Easier said than done but so worth persevering with, it is very freeing.
Namaste Sweet Soul 🙏
@@SaraJane-Vocal-Reiki It really does take effort to do that but you're right. It gets so much easier the more you you practice. Stay blessed.
@@letsbereal2445 Thank you Sweet Soul
Always remember, you are the most important person in your life. Take care of yourself and your energies first, then you will be able to bring so much more to others in the best way possible for everyone.
Always be true to you
Namaste Sweet Soul 🙏
Preach. People just get mad when you get wise to their ways and stop getting taken advantage of.
Yes, you are right they do, because they cannot manipulate you any more.
That however is their stuff not yours, let them deal with it while you get on with your own life.
🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
Something I said to an ex friend before cutting ties with them:
"I'm realizing I'm sacrificing my own happiness for someone who genuinely would never give me this much thought."
Bless you, brilliantly said
🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
66 year old Grandma, I TOO WAS A PEOPLE PLEASER, I wanted to help everyone, but one day I realized that WHEN I Needed something, NO ONE WAS AVAILABLE TO HELP OR PAY BACK THE MONEY THEY BORROWED.
I have Acquaintances NO FRIENDS & NO RELATIVES, Nor do I need them! I FEEL FREE & HAPPY & Life Is Good!
Bless you Sweet Soul
When we "wake-up", that is when we realise how we have let ourselves be used. All the love and care we have given to others, we have failed to give ourselves and we deserve all that and more.
Congratulations on becoming true to you and learning to love yourself and your life.
Namaste
❤ me too
@@patriciaingles1452 Bless you, I hope that means you Were and have now learnt to be true to you, setting boundaries, learning to say No to others and putting you at the top of your list.
🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
Me too 😢
@@margaretduffy1360 Bless you, so many of us spent too long caring for others and not considering ourselves. Our waking up is a shock to all those around us but a great relief to us, at long last we can spread our wings and fly.
🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
people pleaser for decades. did me NO justice. So many manipulators out here now a days. Thank you Sara.
Bless you Sweet Soul
Being a people pleaser is a Trauma response, love yourself, be kind and understanding of yourself and you can grow into the amazing Being that you are.
Forgive yourself for what you didn't know, we can only ever act on the information we have at the time.
Now we know more and take back control of our own lives.
🙏Namaste
me too.
@@Marv-kp9vz Bless you
Thank you for your interaction here, it is so much appreciated
Namaste Sweet Soul🙏
Well,you never can please everybody
Don’t even think of,,justice “ or thank you
I learned that lesson very hard way
Trying not to take anything personally ….to stay positive,just and move on 💐
@@mirjanamilosavljevic4261 Bless you Sweet Soul
I so get that it is hard not to take things personally, especially when you have felt so insecure, afraid of what others think.
But understanding that it is their stuff, their insecurities , that they are projecting on to you and letting that really sink in, can be so liberating.
Thank you for being part of the conversation here and I hope that knowing you aren't alone and can move on from all that has hurt you, supports you to live a happier more fulfilled life.
Namaste
🙏
Controlling individuals will shame you as controlling in order to control you.
Bless you 100%
It is up to each and every one of us to become aware of what is going on in our lives and how people are treating us.
If someone "gets off" on bad mouthing you to others, do you really want them in your life? Come to that if those others listen and believe what is said, do you really wish to be around them?
We all have choices, I hope you choose to leave them behind and be true to who you are and what fulfils you in your life
🙏 Namaste Sweet Soul
Somebody started to tell me how to do my tasks today, quite unnecessarily. Usually they do this each week and waste a lot of my time, causing stress as I catch up. Today I was silent, acted like they hadn’t said a thing. I didn’t acknowledge them at all. They didn’t persist, didn’t waste my time… wow that felt good!
Bless you Sweet Soul
Maybe they are used to working with people who have to be told all the time.
Suggestion, next week, smile, say something along the lines of Thank you for all your support, I think I 've got this but I will ask if I need to.
You leave both of you feeling so much better and the job gets done quicker. 🙂
🙏Namaste
@@SaraJane-Vocal-Reiki that’s lovely advice thank you
@@PropheticSoakingwithSarahJER I hope my suggestion speaks to you and if it does, it supports you and the other person to feel better about yourselves.
Namaste Sweet Soul 🙏
Behaviorist Psychology has several principles. One is that ignored behavior stops occuring.
One has to be careful about this one because behavior that is rarely rewarded gets firmly entrenched.
Behavior that is always rewarded will stop when the rewards stop.
Recorded behavior gradually decreases.
Human attention is the strongest reward.
A child will do anything to get a parents attention.
It is possible that maybe people like you and wish your attention but don't know what topic might interest you. If you are willing to to converse with any of these people, you might change the topic on them to discover whether they will converse on the topic you suggest.
I have noticed that most people will continue inna conversation as long as they are the topic. They will conversevfirvacwhilevon neutral topics. The fastest way to stop a conversation is to talk about oneself. Most people have very little interest in other people.
It is interesting, therefore, that people want to talk to you about you.
@@BoatsArtsPolitics Thank you for sharing
Story telling is very powerful and when we share our story it can support others to know they aren't alone. When that story shares the growing and moving on from the trauma and bad experiences to living a more fulfilled life, it can also support people to know they can also do it.
It depends on the circumstances for each of these scenarios, some are just very uncomfortable with silence and will therefore just talk to fill it.
We are all unique and where it is possible to generalise for many, not everyone fits into those boxes.
The more we listen to understand, the better life will become
🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
What other people think about me is non of my business. Godamm yes!!!
Bless you
The biggest awareness for me was that, in the majority of cases they aren't thinking about anyone else than themselves and what is going on in their own life.
So worry about what they are think about me, you, is a complete waste of energy🙂
Namaste Sweet Soul🙏
The "selfish" label was my mother's favorite stick to beat me with when I was growing up. It wasn't until I was in my mid thirties that I finally realized that SHE had been the selfish one all along, and inexcusably, monstrously selfish at that. Thirty years later, I'm still fighting my people-pleasing tendencies.
Same here, that and “apologize right now! Stop being so inconsiderate!”
She was the selfish monster the whole time
All these garbage things we were taught are both hard to change and hard to discover!✌️🫂🙏🙏🙏
Mom was the same, with an enabling dad. I was such a huge people pleaser because I always believed more the words of others than my own. I kept doubting my gut feeling, my intuition (when I actually have a very good one) all because of the self doubt that grew inside me cause I tried to love and therefore, trust, people who didn’t know who I really was and what I truly needed (and didn’t care about it). I kept seeking reassurance in others, not only to fulfill my emotional needs my mother always invalidated but also to stop doubting myself. I have learned the past years to stop seeking people’s reassurance when I doubt myself. I stopped doubting my gut feelings, my intuition. Had to learn to talk to myself differently, like my own bestie, lover or parent I never had. Like growing a new family in myself that always know what to tell me in times of need, because they speak from my heart and only my heart knows what I am and what I need. Not my mom. Not anybody, ever.
Sending you much love and courage on your journey to self love and self trust xxx
My father believed I was selfish for not wanting to spend time with his mother or even go to her funeral when she died. Not the case. I saw for myself what she was like (a mean, selfish old woman who never accepted me because I am autistic), and being around her was too stressful. As for not attending her funeral, I didn't want to sit there listening to all the lies about how wonderful she was. Not to me, she wasn't.
@@sharonjensen3016 I don't blame you one bit. You have a right to say no to someone if obeying them would mean anguish and emotional torment to you, whereas disobeying them would mean only inconvenience or embarrassment to them. TRULY selfish people can't tell the difference.
Ive been dropped by two friends in my life through daring to say "no". In their opinion im too selfish to be their friend
What a gift they gave you and good for you for saying No
By saying Yes to yourself, you gave them the gift of having to do it themselves, to help them to grow, letting you follow your own path.
Namaste Sweet Soul🙏
@@SaraJane-Vocal-Reiki thank you so much for your lovely healing reply.
@@TimelordUK Bless you Sweet Soul my pleasure
Namaste 🙏
It's nice to know who your real friends are.
i don't think i can put into words the power of being told we're not selfish by someone so kind holds, thank you so much.
Bless you Thank you and I am so pleased that this supports you.
Remember this is your life and you are here to live it from your heart and soul, not from the dictates of others, providing we aren't hurting others (their perception of what hurts them and what really hurts them are most likely 2 different thing), it is as it is meant to be for us to be ourselves.
🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
Thank you kind stranger
Bless you Sweet Soul
For me it is so important that having learnt from my own experiences I share what will hopefully support others
Namaste🙏
This came up at a rather serendipitous for me on my feed, it's something I've been facing with myself through therapy for the past year and a half. Being a chronic people pleaser/fawner is really hard to break when you convinced yourself that's 'who you are' ... This encouragement found me graciously, bless you!
Bless you Sweet Soul
I am so pleased this has supported you
I totally understand having been a people pleaser for nearly 40 years (from a very young age)
Suggestion, connect with your Inner Child, help them feel loved, listened to and heard. It will support the you of today.
This is how I have helped myself
Namaste🙏
When others see your kindness as a weakness not your strength.
@@ritahemmerly4224 Bless you Sweet Soul It is important to know yourself and where that "kindness" is coming from.
If you are being "kind" because you are a people pleaser (which is a trauma response), then perhaps your kindness is misplaced.
It is important to be kind to yourself and not everything that is "kind" can feel it to the other person - a No, can be the greatest gift anyone can hear but may not feel it at the time.
Never stop Being who you really are and maybe, just maybe, those that think that way are best to be removed from your life.
Respect yourself enough to value who you are.
🙏Namaste
Ironically, loving ourselves makes us less selfish. By loving ourselces first We can then help others find their own light. Authentically and not fakely.
100%, you have hit the nail on the head
🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
When I could not stand the abuse at home any more, I bought myself a mobile home to live in. My narc mother called me selfish. She also told me if I 'fell flat on my face" that I wasn't to even THINK I could come crawling back home. I should have left sooner but couldn't afford it before.
Bless you Sweet Soul Thank you for sharing and congratulations
Remember everything she said was projection, her projecting on to you how she was and possibly learned behaviour from her own family upbringing.
She only has power over you whilst you let her words and actions affect you. I know it isn't easy but try and let them wash over you, rather than settle in you disrupting your peace of mind.
I wish you a wonderful life filled with all the love, caring, happiness and joy you bring to others, you are worthy of that and more.
🙏Namaste
Having massive guilt button, needing approval, not respecting myself all contributed to me being bullied, but also made me more compassionate and forgiving which are wonderful traits not all bad people.😊
Bless you Sweet Soul
I 100% get it.
Tap into forgiveness of self, that you have allowed others to do what they have done to you, to support you to clear any guilt for your part played in your life so far.
You can do this and step into the person you are here to be, as you say "compassionate and forgiving", remember also of yourself.
Your true you is a gift to the world and people like you are required in their thousands to support Humankind at this time and our Beautiful Planet, Mother Earth.
🙏Namaste
A beautiful piece of writing. I've often felt guilty for being "selfish" in the eyes of an abuser - it's always nice to be reminded that I simply have personal boundaries and a desire to be respected. Thank you for sharing!
Bless you, The most important person to respect you is you.
The saying goes "If respect is no longer being served at the table it is time to leave"
There is nothing selfish in protecting your energies.
🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
Associating with inflexible, manipulative people is the cost you have to pay to get on the path to liking yourself, but it is definitely worth it.
Bless you
For me, all our "hard" & "negative" experiences are a gift that helps us to find who we are and set boundaries beyond which we will no longer let people cross.
How do we no light, if we don't no dark? How do we know heat, if we don't know cold? etc
To learn what is right for us, we learn what isn't. It can be a tough lesson but as you say, worth it.
Namaste Sweet Soul 🙏
The line "Then one day something happens that (whether quickly or over a period of time) opens your eyes and your heart to yourself," is so beautiful. Thank you for gracing my day with your eloquent words! ♥
Bless you Sweet Soul Thank you
You are 100% right. Perhaps it is that our Heart eventually gets through to our head that we are also worthy of all the love we give to others. However it happens, the waken is the greatest gift we can bring to ourselves.
🙏Namaste
The title alone is what drew me. ☝🏻.
Bless you Thank you
and especially to the individual who wrote it in the first place, I wish I could find out who it was and acknowledge them
Namaste Sweet Soul🙏
My mother is like this. She's tried to control me most of my life. Throughly convinced I'll meet a horrible fate without her. She has an anxiety condition and can't help it, and I don't blame her for worrying about me. But I have little in the way of life skills because of her fear. Trying to change has been hard. But I'm not gonna let myself stagnate.
Bless you Sweet Soul
I hope your mother finds peace with her condition.
For you, you can do this, you have got this. Every step you take listening to you intuition, gut instinct, being open to inspiration from many different sources, will take you closer to a happier, more fulfilled life.
Trust in yourself, your innocence and empathy, they are a real gift in the world today.
Trust your feelings, if it feels wrong for you, don't do it, if it feels right, go for it.
We all have to unlearn who others told us we should be and learn who we are.
Life skills will come, learn to set your boundaries, to say No.
Suggestion, find a group of like minded people and join it, there is support for you out there, to help you on this journey we call life.
🙏Namaste
It’s taken me 77 years to realise this ,no more !!!!!!!!
Bless you Good for you
I hope you are now up for experiencing the best days of your life, after all age is just a number
Namaste Sweet Soul 🙏
Taken me 63 ..and still I question that slightly
@@lifeslessons9889 Bless you, why do you question it? what are you questioning?
Being true to who you are is why you are here having this life experience.
Caring for ourselves doesn't preclude consideration for others, in fact it can enhance it.
When we understand that for each of us we are here to live our own life and not live it for others or through others, our support is different, it is about self empowerment for them and us.
We are no longer "doings" we become "Beings".
🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
My mother was a narcissist, and did horrible things to me from the ages of 3 to 15. Due to her abuse, I could only see myself as selfish and as a horrible person. I felt as if I didn't cater to her every want and whim, I would be a horrible child that deserved the abuse she inflicted on me. Ive been away from her for almost a year now (and im now 16), and through therapy and a fuck ton of working on myself, ive started to say no to others for my own health and wellbeing. Ive had to cut off/ go low contact with other family members, but the initial pain was worth it after I realized im now im less pain. I still have days where i feel like a horrible child for existing, but those days are lesser and further apart as i heal. My distress tolerance is also better, because i no longer have to bottle my emotions and pain just to help someone else. This video is the best way to explain it that ive seen :)
Bless you Sweet Soul
I am so sorry to hear what you have been through and so proud of you for taking a stand, setting boundaries and becoming the most important person in your own life. You are meant to be the Love of your life.
The more we open to love for ourselves, the more love we can bring to others.
Self preservation is a priority for you at this stage and as your love and caring for you grows so will your strength stand up to disrespect and abusive behaviour. Also to be able to break the repeating patterns from previous generations.
You are a very special, unique being, always trust and believe in the guidance of your heart.
🙏Namaste
YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, SMART, KIND, CARING & AWESOME GIRL, YOU DESERVE THE BEST OF EVERYTHING & YOU WILL GET IT!! CHANGE YOUR NAME FROM: FERAL COCKROACH TO: Blessed Girl of the world! or Happy Girl of the world! or "God's Daughter "
Bravo! Unlike most of us, you have realized your own worth early and have taken the reins! You, my dear, will be the star of your own show before you know it. The hardest step in that direction has already been taken. Save this video for future reference. Sometimes, we need a reminder of how special and strong we are. I'm cheering for you!❤
@@michellecobb8403 Bless you, Thank you for your supportive message, we all like to here that we are on the right tracks (although not everyone will agree with the track we are on but that is their stuff).
You are a gem and I hope that you are also living a life that is true to you.
🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
Fly far baby girl/ Fly far into the stars and the light. Far away from the mother of darkness. Keep all of them far from from you. The universe has blessed you to see the evil at such a young age. Fly far angel. Never look back. Keep your painful story for you. Do not give it to people to use as ammunition. READ as much as books as possible. Fly.
Just like in any Tribe, the young learn from the Elders.... and unskilled learn from the skilled.
Thank you for taking the time to make such a profoundly TRUE statement !
Bless you and Thank you for contributing to the conversation and the support that it has bought to so many.
"The more we share, the more we care, the more love there is in the world"
I hope that all who visit here feel the caring and support that is out there for them.
🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
It feels so audacious to be called selfish for protecting my peace. No one ever bothers to understand where you come from and what you have had to deal with. Some people feel so entitled to your time, body and overall existence. To make you define yourself within their boundaries and terms, always to their benefit. It can feel scary breaking out of the cycle, because the consequence of the unknown can be so overwhelming. For anyone reading this comment suffering through the same, just know that even though you still may encounter problems in life after leaving your abuser(s), you have found strength and tenacity in your experience. Use that to find comfort in the fact that you have more control over your life than you’ve ever had before.
Bless you Sweet Soul Thank you for sharing
All I will add to this, is the ride to yourself may not be comfortable but it is oh so worth it and I wish I had had the courage to do it sooner than I did.
Go for it and you will grow from it. Don't be afraid to seek support in the process.
🙏Namaste
If they want you to do something, it's for their benefit, not yours.
@@sharonjensen3016 100%, that is why it is so important to stay strong in honouring who you are and your choices.
Always be true to you
🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
I Couldn't have said it better
Ms. Jane ! 😉👍
Bless you Sweet Soul Thank you
The words struck a cord in me and it felt to right to share them and my thoughts.
Namaste
Came here after this showed up as the first suggested video on my home page.
As a 37 yo male in India, thank you for your presence and holding space.
You have a very calming voice and seem a compassionate soul.
Namaste. Love and light to you!
Bless you Sweet Soul Thank you so much
I love that this is touching lives all over the world
Light, Love & Peace
Namaste 🙏
It hasn't been a lightbulb moment for me but a light with dimmer switch slowly turning on coming to this realization. I loved this video. Thank you for the reminder. I need lots of reminders. Maybe someday, the light will fully turn on.
Bless you Sweet Soul Thank you for sharing and I am grateful to have added to turning the dimmer up a little.
Remember you should be the leading roll in your own life story and are more than worthy of all the love & support you bring to others.
As the saying goes "if respect is no longer being served at the table, it is time to leave the table".
Always be true to you
🙏Namaste
…became harder to manipulate… Yes, FREEDOM!
100% Freedom
Freedom to be yourself, Freedom to follow your heart and do the things you choose to do without worry what others think.
Freedom to love, respect, honour who you are.
Freedom to be
🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
For most of my life, love was something to earn, not have. Because of this, I clung onto people that shouldn’t be around me, and it really messed me up.
Years later though, I have realized that I am happier who I am than who I ever was before. I love my hair, my clothes, my hobbies…i am happier impressing myself than impressing others.
I believe that’s something we need to do more, let ourselves be impressed by who we are rather than wait for someone to tell us such.
And I hope to every commenter and the person that uploaded this insightful piece of media have an amazing future ahead. You are all wonderfully you, don’t forget it.
Bless you Sweet Soul Thank you
I am so pleased you have found yourself and that you are being true to who you are.
It is so important to be the love of our own life, enabling us to set boundaries and not accept disrespect from anyone.
I hope that people read the comments, so that they know they aren't alone and that they too can improve their life by taking control of it, after all we should be the leading lady or man in our own life. (A line from the film The Holiday)
🙏Namaste
Love the title and it is so accurate . Try getting a "friend" to finally return a favor and see how well that works. Saying No is sometimes the right thing to do.
Bless you Sweet Soul
As we "wake up" and start being true to ourselves, we create boundaries and the only people who get upset with them, are those that don't respect them and used us.
It is about learning to say Yes to ourselves and that will put noses out of joint. We will soon learn who our real friends are.
🙏Namaste
I needed this today. Just dealt with another one of my moms mini meltdowns over my fashion choice. I was starting to feel guilty, but this is what I needed.
Bless you Sweet Soul
I am so pleased this has supported you ~ Thank you for sharing
Remember this is your life to live as feels right for you.
You are not here to live your life through others or for them to live their lives through you.
Always be true to you
🙏Namaste
thank you for saying this. people walk all over me when i was younger because i was told to always be nice and cater to others. and it came to a point where it was at my own expense. so when i start respecting my self and put healthy boundaries, the ones who are respectable understood, but the ones who are narcissistic starts throwing names like im the one who is the problem.
Bless you Sweet Soul
I am so pleased that you had those who respected your boundaries.
As for the others, that was their stuff, they were projecting on to you how they are.
I absolutely get that it is difficult to have those things said to you and not feel hurt by them but understanding that they are just describing themselves and having the courage to not only not take it on board but walk away, will bring you so much more peace in your life.
The only one who should be in control of your life is you.
🙏Namaste
I've been saying lately that common sense is not common enough, but that lady that just served up the message she knows exactly what's up
Bless you thank you
100% agree about common sense, there appears to be a decided lack of it in the world at present, it seems to be being, how do I put this, extracted from those who are following the "fear" messages being used to control us.
🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
This is a phrase I keep hearing and appreciate more and more as I lean into and take control of my life
Bless you Thank you for sharing
I am so pleased that you are taking back your life from the things people said and did when you were younger, shaping you into someone you aren't here to be and allowing yourself to become the amazing being you are here to be.
🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
Yes! All true and valid. Act in your best interest. Never feel compelled to assist,intervene, or serve others. Put yourself first, and others will respect you instead of using you.
100% Also by putting yourself first, you give others permission to do the same (put themselves first) and the love, care, compassion, understanding you show yourself, becomes how to treat others. Making it a better world for us all.
Namaste Sweet Soul 🙏
❤i needed to hear this today. Im the youngest in my household and i do all the house keeping, child rearing all while going to university and working my job as a student aid. My older siblings dont do any housework, the children i take care of are theirs. Im expected to feed them, make sure they're clean, do thier homework with them and im not allowed to go out without asking them a week in advance although im 21. I was also responsible for taking careof my sick father until he passed recently all while doing everything else. Yet im told im selfish and lazy.
Bless you Sweet Soul
Can you leave, find a place of your own, go into student digs, seek help with support to do this from the university, students union or another body that is meant to be there for students.
This is your life and your No will make your family get on with theirs, while you get on with yours.
I hope you are able to do this for yourself and if you can without giving them warning so that you don't have to listen to their selfish tirade at you, that is their stuff, let them get on with it and don't take it on board as your truth.
🙏Namaste
Great message. Looking after yourself is not being selfish.
Bless you 100%
If we don't take care of ourselves, physically, emotionally and Mentally, our energies just keep being drained until we have nothing left to give to ourselves or anyone else.
When we consider oursleves and keep our batteries charged, then we can bring more to others.
🙏 Namaste Sweet Soul
This resonates with me more than I can say.
I was my mother’s full time caretaker for 25 years even though I have 4 other siblings. Right before my father died he asked me if I would look after my mother should anything happen to him which it did. I asked why he would want the youngest to do that and he said because he didn’t trust the others to do it, and sadly he was right.
After my mother’s death. I decided I wanted to start a life where I put myself first, something I hadn’t done in such a long time. The anger I received from my siblings, friends and even my elderly Uncle because I didn’t want to take care of him and my Aunt broke my heart. The only one who took up for me was my Uncle’s doctor because he was my mothers doctor up to her death and saw how much I gave up taking care of her and he wasn’t going to sit back silently and say nothing about the way they were trying to make me feel guilty and selfish.
I was desperate to leave my hometown after my mothers death, I wanted friends and to see and experience life, so I made the decision to go 2300 miles cross country with a person who I thought loved me but was surprised because it turned out to be a ploy to help him set up in a town where he would appear respectable. It wasn’t until the verbal and physical abuse started that I knew I was in trouble, I didn’t have friends except the dog and horses. I never even told anyone about the abuse until after the divorce because I didn’t want my family to worry about me, but little did I know that I was being smeared as a terrible, selfish person.
When I returned home to my hometown I started to feel used again by my family and friends and knew I had to pulled away. They were intrusive, controlling, as well as abusive. The things I heard they said about me and did was devastating. I doubt I will ever get over it.
I’ve been physically attacked by my brother numerous times and to this day I have no ideal why he has such hate for me. I’ve lost everyone by my own doing because I didn’t feel safe in their company. I have a sister who I speak with but I don’t trust her because I know she played into the horrible things that were said and done and my trust with her is limited to say the least.
So when I saw your video and heard the title I knew that’s exactly what happened to me. I’ve been called selfish and it hurt so bad but now I know I’m not selfish, I just became harder to manipulate. Since losing my best friend ( my Dog ) it’s been a real struggle wanting to carry on, but I feel my savior will pull me through, so I remain. 😔
Thank you for your words of encouragement, it’s exactly what I needed to hear.
Bless you Sara Jane 🙏🏼
Bless you Sweet Soul
Thank you for sharing and I am so pleased the doctor stood up for you.
Remember when people get like that, they are projecting on to you how they are, it has nothing to do with you, it is their guilt.
The important thing to do is forgive yourself for allowing them to "get" to you, free yourself of the burden of their guilt.
You are a beautiful Soul of Love & Light, Love your self, you are worthy of all the love and caring that you give to others and more, never doubt that.
Always be true to you
🙏Namaste
@@SaraJane-Vocal-ReikiThank you for your kind words. I’m a work in progress, some days good, others not so much. I wish I could dry up the tears, but then again, maybe it’s a good cleanse of all the tears I have had to hold in for so long.
@@justice8563 Bless you Sweet Soul
Let those tears flow and wash the windows of your soul to help you see more clearly.
Yes it is a challenge to let go of so many years living with these learned behaviours of pleasing others and not yourself.
Now is your time, you are entitled to that, as this is meant to be your life.
🙏Namaste
The narcissist's favorite saying, especially when it comes to money. No remorse, just name calling.
When on the receiving end of this, it is so important to remember that it is their stuff and has nothing to do with you. Deep down inside they know they would say no and they are projecting on to you what is theirs.
Never be bullied and "shamed" into something that feels wrong for you.
Once they know they can no longer push your buttons, they will sadly move on to someone else, rather than learn the error of their ways.
🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
I didn't look for this video, but watched it anyway and I'm glad that I did. After being controlled by my narcissistic father during my teen years, I finally cut ties and moved out as soon as I was able. I felt hopeless and alone and became quite the people pleaser to feel a sense of security in my life. That is slowly but surely changing now, and I felt so touched by this video. Thank you Sara Jane, for imparting your bit of wisdom on the rest of the world. 🌱
Bless you Sweet Soul Thank you, I am so pleased for you that you have escaped the trauma of your teens and that you are now letting go of a trauma response that is people pleasing.
I hope you have support to help you through and that you are able to come to realise that it is OK to Love yourself, to be true to you.
Many who can't do what you are doing, project their insecurities and "jealousy" on to those who have the courage to take their life back.
Always be true to you
🙏Namaste
I went through this exact process, this is gold. It's not selfish to honor your own needs and stand up for yourself.
Bless you Thank you for sharing and joining in here.
I love that those who have gone through the process of becoming true to themselves and learning to say No share to encourage those waking up to the fact that they can change their life and they aren't alone.
🙏Namaste Sweet soul
@@SaraJane-Vocal-Reiki Namaste 🙏
Thank you for sharing this wisdom. I am 86 and am just now strong enough and wise enough to hear you. At ten years of age after years of trauma and abuse, I cried aloud “I want to die! I want to die!” At that moment, in my being, a powerful Voice said, “say it once more and you’ve got it!” This was a gift that got me through the next 70 years. I knew I could leave any time I wanted. I had only to ask. More abuse, more horrors, failed to break my spirit. Survival meant being controlled, but no one ever ruled my spirit. One by one my haters have abandoned me and are now all dead. My children love me and make sure I lack for nothing. Years of being cherished are now bearing fruit. I can now comprehend and act on all you are saying. The Voice that freed me to choose life, has been with me all my life. Darkness drive me to light. I trust my own being. And I love life BIG TIME!!
Bless you Sweet Soul
I am so pleased that your children have shown you the love and caring that others should have.
It also sounds as if you had the strength to say "this stops with me" and didn't continue what I am guessing were the learned behaviours of the preceding generations. Congratulations for your strength, caring and loving.
The voice knew there was better to come for you and you deserve all the love and care you have given to others and more.
Never doubt that you are an amazing being of light and that spark has never gone out in you throughout all that you have experienced.
🙏Namaste
@@SaraJane-Vocal-Reiki thank you for answering my sharing. You invested in me and now you are a sweetness in my soul, an eternal ingredient in my being. Bless you. BIG HUGS!
@@nancyanderson5310 My pleasure Sweet Soul
For too many of us, one of the things that has hurt us most is feeling that no one is listening to us, or hearing, I know that is part of my story.
That is why I have replied to everyone who has left a share here. We are all hearing and supporting each other.
Thank you for being a part of this
🙏Namaste
@@SaraJane-Vocal-Reiki for 86 years I thought I was alone in seeking to nourish every soul God put in my life. I dreamed last night that I was telling a despairing young man about Micaela Mabinty de Prince and her mom. He sobbed with joy and I held him close, amazed at this RESPONSE! And now YOU! Now I see how I can continue with my vocation- my dance! - for eternity!! Joy! Rapture! In Kansas or out, walk up to the door and watch it open!!
@@nancyanderson5310 Bless you Sweet Soul, I am so grateful to be part of your journey, however brief it may be and I am so pleased it is supporting you to share your wonderful gifts with others, for whom you will be a beacon of hope and light.
🙏Namaste
I was recently rejected and shunned from a group of friends whom I once trusted with my life, simply because I was starting to act in favor of my own likes and of my personal beliefs. I wanted to hang out with other people, I wanted to give myself priority, and I was tossed out like yesterday's rubbish. This video brought back some of the hard feelings I was dealing with from being torn away from something so important to me. Thank you, Sara Jane, for showing me that I am not a bad person for being me.
Bless you
I am so pleased this has supported you to realise that their behaviour was a projection of how they are and had nothing to do with you (other than the fact that you triggered it in them to show you their true colours).
It is so important for you to be true to you - it doesn't mean we don't support others anymore, It just means that we take ourselves into consideration when making choices.
This is your life to live and experience in the way that is best for you, not to let others live their life through you.
Congratulations for standing up for yourself and not being bullied into giving in to their selfishness.
🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
I am grateful for this message, for I am unlearning behavior that had no reward towards others and myself. As a loner it becomes easier to accept my boundaries towards others.
Nameste
Bless you Sweet Soul my pleasure
The first person you should feel comfortable to be alone with is Yourself.
We are however not here to be alone all the time, we are meant to socialise with others, to connect, communicate and learn from each other and most importantly have fun, play, laugh.
To step outside your comfort zone, step back into yourself, find your courage and let yourself find and connect with like minded people, you will find you'll have some amazing conversations and lots of laughter.
🙏Namaste
We become too soon old and too late smart. I loved your rant. No one can love anyone properly until they learn that loving yourself is Job 1.
Bless you
I'm not sure I would call it a rant but then that depends in what you understand to be the meaning of that word
🙂
100% correct, they place we have to start is with loving ourselves.
🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
How did you get in my head? Get out of there!
This hits hard. Thanks, Sara
Bless you Sweet Soul My pleasure
There are too many of us that have found ourselves sharing the same feelings of insecurity that have led us to be people pleasers, to say yes, when we wanted to say no. Making us vulnerable to be used and manipulated.
It is wonderful how many are waking up to the fact that it doesn't have to be this way.
That it is essential to love ourselves and be true to who we are. That saying and hearing no is OK and can be a gift to both the giver and receiver.
So am I in your head 🙂, no I'm in mine, it is just that I understand from my own experiences and none of us are alone.
🙏Namaste
My former mother in law. She painted me as the devil as I cared for her dying son, working full time,I called to tell her he was going into hospice, to which I got a letter from her lawyer telling me not to contact her. But then told everyone I was keeping him away from her. Even sent TWO people to harass me. She tried suing him while he was dying, and failed. But when my husband passed she went on a campaign of telling everyone I was uncaring and mean to him. Anyone who knew only her believed her. Anyone who knew both of us cut her off because of her behavior. She took me to court to wrest control of my husbands estate from me, to which the judge reprimanded her. This happened this past year and Zi truly do not feel I will ever get over it.
Bless you The people who really matter know you and haven't listened, hold on to that.
They know what a good person you are and what you have been through and have stood by you.
Please don't let this one person's bitterness and poisoned tongue takeaway from who you are, that is there stuff.
I am not in anyway condoning or excusing their behaviour, it is reprehensible.
However have you ever seen the film "Monster-in-Law" with Jennifer Lopez and Jane Fonda?, If you have or choose to watch it, bear with it till the end, it has an amazing point to share that I hope will help and support you with some understanding.
Allowing you to move forward and embrace life again. You deserve to
🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
I am so sorry to hear about your story. I may not know you, but I stand with you. Please be kind to yourself, and stay close to your true friends.
I feel like at 51 after all the disappointments I’ve become jaded.. totally content with being on my own
I get it I really do and I love being single after 2 marriages, the last of which ended over 25 years ago.
You should be the Love of your own life, the leading lady (or man) in your life.
We teach people how to treat us by what we put up with and what we don't.
Loving and caring for others doesn't mean we have to tolerate "bad" behaviour, disrespect and more.
Learning to say No to others and Yes to yourself is the biggest gift we can give ourselves and others.
🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
At this current moment in my life even just the title is something I needed to hear. Im going through one of the worst situations ive ever been in. I became the villain to many people all because for the first time in my 24 years of life I decided to stand up for myself.
I had thought for a moment that maybe I am the bad guy, but this video has come in the perfect time, thank you.
Bless you Sweet Soul
Keep true to you, it will be so worth it in the long term. Stay strong, you can do it and yes you may lose people along the way but it will free the space for new and better people to come into your life.
Trust and believe in yourself, give yourself the thought, care, consideration and love you have always given to others.
🙏Namaste
I absolutely agree. I was a people pleaser, rarely say no to people but i started to learn to love myself. So, i set boundaries with new people i met. This one person played "the victim" as i said no. I feel like i discovered self liberation for not being manipulated again. Love your video
Bless you Thank you Sweet Soul and Congratulations
I hope you have also learned to say No to those closest to you. I know from experience that it doesn't go down well but in my family, what I found was that it gave other members permission to do the same, freeing them as well.
🙏Namaste
Love this. Thank you for putting this message out there.
My pleasure Sweet Soul
I am so pleased it has touched your life
Namaste🙏
You also randomly showed up in my feed, Ms. Jane, but thank you very much for your wise words. Greetings from South-America.
Bless you Thank you
And happy to connect with you in South America
Namaste Sweet Soul🙏
As one human being to another, I love you. Thank you for your work, getting so much valuable wisdom out there. Namaste.
Bless you Sweet Soul Thank you
And Thank you for recognising that we are all Love, Love is who we are, it is just that too many have forgotten that.
The most important person for you to love is yourself, completely and unconditionally, when we can do that all our actions towards others will come from a place of love, even if that does mean tough love.
🙏Namaste Precious one
🙏🏼 namaste, sweet soul. Have a beautiful day. I’m so glad I found your channel!🌈🌱🪺
Bless you Thank you
I hope you enjoy all that I share
Namaste Sweet Soul
This perfectly describes what I’ve been going through these past couple of years. Thank you so much Ms. Jane ❤
My pleasure and I hope it supports you to take back control of your life and live it to the fullest, being true to you
🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
I pray for you, this video has helped so many find clarity on how it is okay to establish boundaries on those trying to manipulate you. Beautiful words, God bless you ❤
Bless you Thank you for your kind words and for being part of this growing community of people taking back control of their lives
🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
Many times, I have stewed in silent rage at others. Because of this, I feel like it is only natural for people to feel the same way about me. This is why I am in constant fear that everyone around me hates me.
Bless you
Your anger at people who "use" you and don't listen is understandable and unless that is how you treat others, if they are angry at you, then it is their stuff, they are projecting on to you how they are.
Our learned behaviours of always saying yes and people pleasing aren't easy to let go of but we can do it, you can do it and also let go of worrying what they are thinking about you, when most of the time they aren't.
You can do this, you can free yourself and start to live your life a s works best for you.
🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
Also if they're gonna call me selfish regardless of what I do, why shouldn't I finally do more to look after myself! Am done not being appreciated.
Good for you and it really doesn't matter what others think about you, that is their stuff. The person it is important to love and respect you, is YOU
Let go of those holding you back for their purely selfish reasons.
Namaste Sweet Soul 🙏
I had a grandmother who abused my mother her whole life. It wasn't until I was older that she turned on me. I didn't understand at the time, but it was because I was making my own decisions. She never loved anyone, she just liked owning pets (us). She became cruel in the extreme when our lives weren't about her. It was hard to realize that she never loved us, she just liked power. There is freedom eventually, hang in there.
Bless you Sweet Soul
It sounds to me as if you and hopefully your mother, have managed to break a generational behaviour.
I hope that your Mother was loving and caring with you, supporting you with how life should be from mother to daughter and that your experience doesn't taint any relationship you have with your children and grandchildren.
You are a beautiful being of light and love and sometimes people teach us how not to be.
🙏Namaste
Being tramatized a bit, im finding alot of my self worth, EVEN BEFORE i got close to the wrong man, was lacking. Nobodys fault. Nonjudgementally working towards my own well being is wayyyy worth it. I have therapy help and i am trying to stop attending to limiting briefs and "if they wanted to, they would" is helpful to regain perspective! Love n hugs :) thx for the talk you know u are lovely right!!!! You are lovely. Take care!!!
Bless you Sweet Soul, I totally understand and I am so pleased you are involved in your own healing journey with support.
Please feel free to check out my website vocalreiki.com/ there are free videos, Sound Baths and more for you to enjoy and I hope support you.
Namaste
@@SaraJane-Vocal-Reikiwow, that looks cool
@@Icemario87 Bless you Enjoy
I share to support people along their own life path
Namaste
Big hugs !
@@MizrahiChick Bless you Thank you Sweet Soul
Whenever we care enough to share our learned wisdom, we offer a big hug to those who choose to receive the gift we offer.
Namaste 🙏
Thank you for putting concise words to something I've been thinking about, and struggling with throughout my younger years.
My pleasure and Bless you, I hope they have supported you and that you are able to move past those experiences.
Suggestion, your younger self is likely to still be hurting from those experiences, when you feel able find a way to reconnect with them and support them to feel loved, listened to and heard. As your younger self builds in confidence (something only you can help them find) so will you. There are many people out there who can help you to reconnect with your Inner Child.
You can do it, I know, I have and it has made a huge difference in my life.
🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
Oh. I didn't know someone had seen my soul today. I've been a chronic people pleaser, and slowly I've tried to set down boundaries. Thank you, I think I needed to hear someone say I'm allowed to say "no."
Bless you Sweet Soul 100%
Remember when you say Yes to others you are usually saying No to yourself, this is meant to be your life to live as guided by your heart and soul, not other people's whims.
Hearing a No can be the greatest gift we can receive (we may not think so at the time), it can support us to do things ourselves, to grow. Don't be afraid to give that gift to others.
🙏Namaste
it isn't always easy to say no. you fear upsetting whoever you're saying no to, because you fear they'll leave you and you'll be alone. but if all they do is control you, you're alone anyway.
Bless you, it is about coming to that understanding that you are being used, Whether you say yes out of kindness or insecurities, someone who always relies on you, is most likely using you.
The question I suggest we ask ourselves, is, would they do the same for us?
Not that we do for an exchange of energy but if they really cared, they would be there for us if we needed their support.
🙏Namaste Sweet Souls
I'm in an toxic relationship, he used to cuss me, say horrible things to me, threaten me, my life was his, i was dependent on that man and i couldn't ask for help, everytime i told him what he was doing hurted me, he would call me a disgusting person, telling me i didn't deserve to live, and call me manipulative. Nowadays, i gave up on his change, i don't care what he has to say, and i don't talk to him that much, although he is still my boyfriend, i believe that's the first step to regaining my self-esteem and control under my own life
thank you jane, this video made me genuinely cry, i needed to hear this, a lot, i'm 16 years old, i needed that help, again thank you!!
Bless you Sweet Soul
Where is your family, can you not go back to them?
I am pleased you are learning to ignore him and not take his stuff on board because it is him and has nothing to do with you.
Verbal and emotional abuse can be worse than physical abuse, are you in a position that you could report him?
No one should have to put up with this type of treatment, however young or old you may be.
I hope you find the strength to seek help and get away from him, you are worthy of so much more - trust and believe that
🙏Namaste
@@SaraJane-Vocal-Reiki thank you so much jane, the words on this video and this comment mean more to me than you think, i can't report him for now, and my family can't know about this for now, but your video has helped me to value myself more, i feel like i can distance myself from him more, you help others more than you think, thank you very, very much
@@Alwxuwu Bless you Sweet Soul Thank you
I hope all works out for you sooner rather than later
🙏Namaste
Take care of yourself, dear. If you ever feel unsafe with him, make sure to call for help, even if it may seem “dramatic.” Your safety is important, and you deserve better than to face all your demons alone.
Take care, be safe.
@@ellotheregovna401 Bless you Sweet Soul for your caring and support of others
🙏Namaste
When I realised this, my dad went from being a supervillain to being a sad man I laugh at.
The only times he can control my behaviour is because his tolerance for normal behaviour is inverted.
Thank you for spreading wisdom, the world could really use it right now. ❤ ✨️
Bless you. Do you know what your Father's up bringing was like? Did his Father treat him the way he is treating you?
The reason I ask is because this could be a learned behaviour that goes back generations and they really don't understand that this isn't the way it should be.
Too many have watched how it had been in their family home growing up and think that is how husband and wife treat each other and parents treat children and they really don't know any better until something happens that makes them re-evaluate.
I am NOT condoning this behaviour but if we can at least understand, it helps us to be stronger and to stop the rot from continuing down the generations from us.
You are a gift to your family, you can do this, you got it
🙏 Namaste Sweet Soul
wow, well said Ms Sara Jane. i’ve been trying to be a better person for myself, rather than for others. as i’ve learnt many times in life now, the kinder people always finish last.
Bless you Sweet Soul
It isn't easy to go from being a people pleaser and "guided" by others to being your own guide and true to yourself but it is worth it.
Remember kindness comes in many forms, I am sure you have heard the term "tough love", never doubt that a "No" can be an amazing gift to hear.
Namaste
Thank you, Sara Jane. I’m still learning. Thank you for this. Much love from New York.
Bless you and I love that this little share of mine has touched lives around the world.
You can do it and there is support out there for you, stay strong
🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
What I've found is being selfish and assertive made me better at helping people when they really need it. Back when I was "nice" I was so exhausted and afraid I could only watch someone struggle or try to tide things over with apology.
Now that I'm just doing my own thing and being confrontational, I don't apologize; I step right into bullying and hijack the conversation to protect the bullied-victim. The bully is upset that I'm standing between them; the victim is relieved that someone is backing them up; and everyone else who's not following the subtext is wondering why the bully is so mad at me when I didn't "do" anything. With a smile be like "I see what you're doing here, and I'm not leaving till you back off and let the little one live their life"
Don't be "nice", be kind. Even when being kind makes an ass of yourself.
Bless you Sweet Soul, I hear what you are saying but personally would change the terminology.
You aren't selfish when you are true to yourself, the selfish ones are those who expect you to do what they want you to do regardless of whether it is right for you.
Assertive, how about confident in yourself, accepting of who you are and not prepared to take other people's stuff on board.
Nice is people pleaser stuff, we think we are helping when in fact we are holding 2 people back from growing into their lives.
Kind/caring is being able to use tough love, having the strength to say No.
It is wonderful that you stand up for others, the most important thing is that they learn to stand up for themselves.
Congratulations for "waking up", I get how exhausting it is, which is in the end one of the reasons I stopped.
🙏Namaste
I might've had that by accident, I was so scared to say "no" when I was younger, nowadays, I'm still scared to make people upset, but I know how to stand my ground, I feel better this way
Bless you, good for you and stay strong in your boundaries.
This is your life to live as feels right for you.
You aren't here to live anyone else's for them or for others to live your life for you.
Stay true to you
🙏 Namaste Sweet Soul
the most freeing thing i ever did, was exactly this: realize that my autism is more of other people's problem than mine. As long as i hold my own end of the bargain in the social exchange, if they dont like me, is none of my business. If im too loud, unless im being obnoxious, if they dont tell me, its on them. If im rude, and they dont tell me, its none of my business, especially since im usually kind, but im also blunt, and some people call it rude.
I dont mind, I dont care.
I grew up with this deficit, which i made up with by being very perceptive to instructions, because i would fuck up very often.
I was born bold and loud, became reserved and shy by 'education', and only now im getting back to that
Good for you. I'm autistic too, and I'm no longer afraid to say so. For years I was made to feel ashamed, but why should I? It's only a problem because others (including family members) have made it so.
Bless you
Several years ago I wrote an article "What is Normal and who's definition is it anyway?"
I spent a number of years working with adults with learning difficulties and the truth is, who and how they are, is their normal.
We are all our own normal, we don't have to fit in with others and they don't have to fit in with us.
Our life experience, what we heard and witnessed as children, has shaped us and our perspectives on life. If we don't like who that has "made", we have the right to change it and grow beyond it and it is our choice.
🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
I'm not sure how this got on my UA-cam recommended, but it's exactly what I needed. I've been going through a really tough time, and I really needed to hear this. So thank you.
Bless you, I am so pleased this has touched your life at the time you required it most
Stay true to you, you can do it
🙏Namaste Sweet Souls
Thank you! I went no contact with my narcissistic mother four of five years ago, and...she called today. I needed this reminder! Thank you so much!
Bless you Sweet Soul
I bet that was a bolt out of the blue.
Has she changed or was her opening gambit what you would expect?
People can change, after all you have grown beyond where you were 5 years ago.
Go with your heart.
All I would say is she is your mother and there is a strong possibility she has learned behaviours from watching her own mother, you could give her a chance, knowing you can always walk away again having given her that chance and you won't leave yourself with wondering if things could have been different.
When we love ourselves, trust and believe in ourselves, what others say and think can wash over us without them affecting us.
It also means we can bring greater love, understanding and caring to others, including tough love.
🙏Namaste
Bless you Miss. I found this during a great moment in my life right after coming to the realization that me and my wishes DO matter, and I couldn't help but admire your insights. Thank you and have a nice day
Bless you Thank you and Congratulations on waking up to yourself
Yes you do matter, so do the choices you make for yourself.
🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
I listened to your video. I Subscribed. I need this message. I am redirecting my attitude from your kind words. Thank you.
Bless you Sweet Soul
I am so pleased that my words are supporting you, that is why I share them.
Their is beauty in us all, we just have to find it within ourselves so that we can honour who we are and teach others how to treat us by not putting up with manipulating behaviour.
🙏Namaste
in middle school, i used to have a so called friend who would shame me with my consent. i couldn't say anything because she would say something even worse every time i tried to stand up for myself. in a messed up kinda way, i thank her for opening my eyes, for making me see how damaged and easily damageable i was. it took me a long time to realise what 'selfish' means and i'm glad i realised it thanks to people like you.
Bless you sweet Soul
Sometimes the worst of things can be an amazing gift in what they teach us and help us to understand.
It sounds like that individual was feeding of your insecurities and thriving on them, I am so pleased you managed to break free and came to understand that it was her and not you.
You deserve to give yourself all the love and care that you give to others and more. Set boundaries and honour them, this is your life as Kate Winslet's character said in the film "The Holiday", "You are meant to be the leading lady (or man) in your own life".
The more care you have for yourself the more care you will bring to others, in a much healthier way.
🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
thank you. You don’t know how much I needed to hear this :) im glad this video found me
Bless you Sweet Soul I am so happy that this has supported you
Remember you are meant to be the Love of your life, respect yourself and teach others how to treat you by not putting up the disrespect.
🙏Namaste
ME TOO
@@ambushed6053 Bless you Sweet Soul
I am so pleased this has touched so many lives, including yours.
Always be kind to you, you deserve all the love, thought and consideration you show to others and more.
🙏Namaste
Your voice, your face, your style. Everything about you is comforting. Watching this felt like listening to a family member.
Bless you Thank you so very much
I hope it supports you with whatever you are going through, that drew you to listen
🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
It’s my story and I’m sticking to it!
Hi
Not sure what you are saying here
Our story will always come from the perspective of our understanding of what happened and was said, and how it made us feel.
My story doesn't change because as an adult I came to understand the circumstances that caused what happened.
It is us an an adult that helps our inner child to heal, the story will never change, it is important not to live there, to grow from the healing and become the best you possible.
Namaste Sweet Soul 🙏
Thank you so much for writing this. It really spoke to me. As a people pleaser, I've ignored my own wants and needs for other people, and it lead to me disrespecting myself, my boundaries, and my values. It never feels good. When I first stood up for myself against a manipulative person... I never regretted it. I felt proud of myself for doing so. The things I did regret were the times where I didn't enforce my boundaries. I'm hoping that I can gradually change to be a stronger person for myself. Again, thank you for writing this.
Bless you Thank you for sharing and Congratulations, you deserve to feel proud of yourself.
Keep up the great work for yourself, you can do it
🙏 Namaste Sweet Soul
I've been made to feel bad about myself by my siblings and friends for being able to say no. It used to bother me a lot until I accepted who I was and stopped making excuses for it. Well written article Sara Jane! I hope people read it who feel guilty because others don't accept them for not doing what THEY want to do.
Bless you Sweet Soul
The most important thing for me is that people like us who have gone through experiences that have made them feel less than they are and have come out the other side stronger and true to themselves, read this, feel validated in taking their power back.
All that have shared here are supporting those at the beginning of their journey or struggling.
None of us are alone in how experiences make us feel but we are worthy of all the love and care that we give to others and more.
The most important person for each of us to love is our self.
If those who are perceived as being the perpetrators read this and realise the part they have played in hurting others and grow in to a better person, that is a real bonus.
🙏Namaste
That headline spoke to my soul. As a recovering people pleaser, i appreciate your words.
Bless you Congratulations, stay with it, you won't regret it
🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
Touché! I remember that book from back in the 80’s! The title has been a Godsend.
I also remember the moment my father said I was selfish. I decided in that moment to go ahead & be selfish then. It was a pivotal moment, because like u said, HE was the one trying to control things. I’ve never looked back. Sadly, it’s been 25 years since he stopped speaking to me… It SUCKS but I’m SO MUCH BETTER as a result. This piece is appreciated. Blessings to U!
Bless you Sweet Soul
It is hard when it should be someone you love and loves you in return but they seem incapable of showing love in the way we require it as a child.
Just a thought, that could have been the way his father was with him and it is a learned behaviour.
I am in no way condoning this sort of behaviour but here is usually a route cause and it is up to him to choose to growth through it and let it go.
Always stay true to yourself
🙏Namaste
Every time when I stand up for myself, things take a turn for the worse. Expect the unexpected.
Bless you - When we stand up for ourselves we trigger the manipulator because they know they are losing control over us. So sadly they can become worse to try and regain control. They will play on your insecurities, be strong, you are worth so much more than you are getting from what sounds like a lopsided relationship.
Can you kick them out or leave? If not, can you seek support to help you through this and out the other side to a better life for you?
Stay strong, you can do this and it will be worth it in the long term.
🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
Wonderful post. I will share something too. It took struggling with cancer and still having people in my life expect me to be there at their for them emotionally, financially, and in service to them for me to liberate myself and become selfish !
Bless you Sweet Soul
By the sounds of it the only ones who were selfish, was them.
I am so pleased you stepped into yourself, set boundaries and started to live your own life, making them lives theirs.
It sounds like in a strange way the cancer was a gift and I hope you are fully recovered.
Namaste 🙏
@@SaraJane-Vocal-Reiki doing very well thank you 🙏
@@coopart1 That is the most important thing
Namaste Sweet Soul🙏
@@SaraJane-Vocal-Reiki namaste 🙏 thank you 😊
Thank you Sara, I'm in a couple of therapy groups and they accuse me of having a selfish attitude and I keep telling them this, "I'm not selfish and unsympathetic y'all! I just don't let bad people control me like they used to. I know them now and I have lots of new boundaries." They still argue with me though.. Annoying. They're not changing my mind though.
Bless you Sweet Soul stay strong.
What I would question is are these groups right for you? You have had a tough enough time challenging your own learned behaviours and un learning them to find the true you, without your therapy group telling you your manipulators were right to call you selfish.
I hope you are finding encouragement here to keep you strong and true to you.
🙏Namaste Sweet Soul
@@SaraJane-Vocal-Reiki Yes, I AM questioning them. I got no choice at the moment but to stay in them for my addiction and I can't afford therapy too at the moment. Thank you so much for your kind words.
@@Mattamillion-vk2pf Bless you, I understand And I really hope that you receive the support you require from them and can let go of the nagging aspect they continue to project.
You have got this, you can do it, including taking back control of your life from your addiction, which for many is another response, like people pleaser, to a trauma, there is always a cause.
Wishing you all the very best
🙏Namaste Sweet Soul