Conan the Barbarian (1982) - Nostalgia Critic
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- Опубліковано 7 вер 2024
- Conan baby! Nostalgia Critic takes a look at Conan the Barbarian.
Conan the Barbarian is a 1982 American epic sword and sorcery film directed by John Milius and written by Milius and Oliver Stone. Based on Robert E. Howard's Conan, the film stars Arnold Schwarzenegger and James Earl Jones and tells the story of a barbarian warrior named Conan (Schwarzenegger) who seeks vengeance for the death of his parents at the hands of Thulsa Doom (Jones), the leader of a snake cult.
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#arnoldschwarzenegger #nostalgiacritic #conanthebarbarian
I actually thought Arnold gave us a pretty good performance overall. A few weaker moments, but some very nuanced ones too. Underrated in this film, if you ask me.
STNeish Agreed! I'm a sucker for good B movie cheese, and this is one of my favorites.
Arnold and nuance....WOW
Cheese when properly aged and developed is good though.
Honestly, when I was younger, I was so caught up in the plot and story, that I really didn't notice how little he talked.
The scenery, music, and story carried it, but at the same time Conan was always at the center. This was his story, regardless of his physical silence.
Underrated is this film, if me you ask! But seriously, this is a great epic, great movie, like Predator and Terminator. I prefer to think things like THE Predator and Genahysis don't exist...
This film is a masterpiece.
@Mod Zilla Correct. I watch it once every couple of months. No other film instills such a sense of adventure as this does. Lord of the Rings maybe but that's it.
Truly it is but i still dont mind nc bitching about it.
I actually prefer the second one. Not a very shared opinion I know.
I grew up on this movie and always made my mom buy me to swords
at being really weird
In regards to the question, why was Conan turning the wheel as a slave:
"The Wheel of Pain was a large grain mill that was powered by
slaves. Their hands were shackled to the posts of the mill and they
would continuously rotate the mill throughout the day. They were only
freed from the wheel once they were bought, or once they gave up and
died from the physical demand of the mill."
This was provided from Conan wiki.
Only.. it never broke Conan.. all it did was make him a tank of muscle.
It’s also explained in the commentary and the novelization
Good enough I guess can’t explain everything
@@alexh3974 Everyone knows, you gain superhuman strength if one shackles you to the wheel of pain for a few years... It's an universal law.
at the end of the day, it doesn't really matter about the wheel in terms of the movie. it could have had some purpose...grinding something like grain or powering a drill screw or whatever. If this point of the movie is going to ruin the suspension of disbelief for you, then you weren't going to like the movie anyway most likely. not every movie is for everyone and most reviewers can't admit this point. If they don't like the movie, it must be the worst thing ever.
""To crush your enemies, to see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of their women."""
Still one of the BEST lines in Movie History!!!
Still shows he's never had good sex in his life up to that point.
BECAUSE THAT'S A QUOTE FROM GENGHIS KHAN COPIED AND PASTED WORD FOR WORD. YOU THINK IF THE WRITER OF THIS MOVIE WAS TALENTED ENOUGH TO COME UP WITH THIS LINE, THE SCRIPT WOULD HAVE BEEN LIKE THAT??? 🤣🤣
I've had sex muchly and still prefer to crush my enemies see them driven before and hear the lamentations of the womens and hang around till the babes throw pussy on me.
Hey Oliver Stone is a genius. I thought this flick was up there with platoon. I did have the sexiest female barbairian in history.
@@AtaurRahman-bs1lm damn, Oliver stone, bitche slapped!
Personally I always thought this movie was smarter than most people give it credit for. Like in the scene where Conan first breaks into Thulsa Doom's compound and is brought before him. Pretty much every movie would have the scene play out along the lines of:
Doom: "Ah yes, I remember you. I enjoyed killing your mother and father."
But instead Doom's reaction is more "I killed your parents? I don't remember. Must have been when I was younger."
"For you, the day Bison graced your village was the most important day of your life. But for me, it was Tuesday."
It is just like DOA the movie. It is a movie which does not seem to know what audience it is for. But it takes itself seriously, so the result is a movie that I enjoy.
Why do I enjoy it? Because it emulates these cheesy old chinese martial arts movies. You can see it is intentional, because when It wants to be a normal film it is, but there are these moments when you see intentional cheesy, and it takes the job of filming artistically seriously.
Yep, I know it tries to show body parts like the videogame, but aside of that I feel it is a movie with cool moments and a story that is simple but coherent.
I think it is an underrated underdog.
Long ago in a distant land. I, Aku, the shape-shifting master of darkness, unleashed an unspeakable evil... Wait, wrong Mako monologue...
+Robert Jay Crash Bandicoot?
+Diego Ruiz No, no. Aku Aku's like this: ""It is I, Aku Aku. My duty is to protect you. You may summon me by breaking these crates. Call me three times, and I shall grant you special powers."
Then a foolish samurai warrior stepped forward to oppose me.
+Robert Jay Before the final blow was struck, I tore open a portal in time and flung him into the future , where my evil is law! Now the fool seeks to return to the past, and undo the future that is Aku!
+Robert Jay Aku was voiced by Mako? God damn.
I kind of miss the old sword-n-sorcery movie era. Enough with guns and explosions and portals in the sky. We need to get back to old fashioned slashings and beheadings.
There is a new underground series called "Game of Thrones" that might have what you are looking for ;-) (albeit minus the wimsical fantasy part)
beggar1015 Conan had a good balance of realism and fantasy in it, most modern fantasies are too unrealistic and fantastical, to the point of silliness. Can't relate to these people who live in this inhuman universe.
@@silentlamb21 nah, vastly overrated. It's a decent series, but precisely for the lack of fantasy (Martin is no fan of that, as he himself admits), it is not as satisfying. And we all NOW know how that series turned out...
Bahahahahaha. You really think that will go over good in a world where "words hurt" and "you dont know my gender" is a thing?
@@silentlamb21 Jon Snow would last about 30 seconds in Conan's world lol
Even today I am amazed how much that litttle kid in the intro of the first Conan movie actually looked like Arnold.
Fun fact, that kid was actually a Spanish kid named Jorge Sanz. Who's actually a pretty famous overseas.
"Guys, I told you to watch the place while I was a snake! Can't a guy, just be a snake, for five minutes without something going wrong?"
Best part, one of the best sayings ever
Its so fuckin funny.
Im not joking i rewound this part 50 times and it never gets old lol
Doug seems to have little appreciation for non-verbal storytelling of the original. Holding up Thulsa Doom's head proved to his followers that he was not a god, just another sorcerer.
Not to mention the love scenes with Valeria. You rarely see a couple like that bonding in movies and he just glosses completely over it.
There's a lot in the movie that goes over his head.
AlucardsQuest
Doug kind of sucked back then.
Conan was made to be throw in the faces of people like Doug.
Or the scene where Thulsa beheads Conan's mother. That look in James Earl Jones eyes still haunts me.
Conan the barbarian is an epic masterpiece. That score is one of the best ever made for any visual medium.
Destroyer is a piece of shit.
+Dizzy Blu I totally agree.
+Ítalo Sgalla I mean cmon 02:03-02:10 gives you chills
absolute masterpiece, music was epic, James Earl Jones. when I was a kid this movie made Arnold Schwarzenegger one of my childhood Heroes haha
Agreed, but a piece of shit with an amazing soundtrack
Dizzy Blue, that just goes to show how strongly a director can influence a soundtrack. In "Conan the Barbarian," John Milius worked very closely with Basil Poledouris to establish the sort of emotional and dramatic cues he wanted throughout the film -- Milius felt he was creating a sort of cinematic opera, where music and action propelled the story, rather than extensive dialogue (this is from statements made by Milius himself, it's not just a theory of mine). Richard Fleischer, on the other hand, made "Conan the Destroyer" with an entirely different tone and feel to it, clearly not taking the story as seriously as Milius did "The Barbarian," and failed to provide the same sort of input for Poledouris in regard to the soundtrack. While Poledouris could never just "mail it in" when he composed a soundtrack, it's quite evident that he didn't try anywhere near as hard on the second film as he did the first. And, of course, the result was that the last two "Conan" films (there were to be at least four -- it's a matter of record that Schwartenegger signed a contract committing him to four "Conan" films) never got made because the second failed to clear the cinematic bar set by the first.
I'm not used to James Earl Jones looking this young
You haven't seen Dr. Strangelove then 😂
This is one of my all time favourite movies and the Basil Poledouris score is a masterpiece.
I like to think they just followed Arnold around one weekend with a camera to make this movie.
Especially the part about working out for a couple decades straight lol.
At least they included the dog armor with the movie, instead of selling it as DLC.
I get the reference.
Age of Conan?
This is back when they were expansion packs, and you got the dog armor, the funny hat collection, an entire extra game's worth of level packs, and bighead mode.
He didn't break any spell, just that they believed he was some kind of god, but he proved that he was only a mortal that can be defeated easily. Thus the cult had no more reason to exist, why follow a simple person? Easy as this.
And they where probably all thinking they'd be the next one to get decapitated and presented to the congregation like that if they tried anything other than soiling their robes and running for the hills. A six foot Austrian barbarian bearing down on you is a good reason to do that.
Still the best fantasy-themed movie made.
Wound't say the best, but pretty darn good, anyway. Waay better than the shit they make these days. Very low hopes for Doctor Strange (not a true fantasy movie, but probably the best we're gonna get for quite some time... shudder)
hm.. Lord of the Rings? ;-)
I mean LOTR is basically the Bible of fantasy movies. I put Conan: the Barbarian on the level of "the Canterbury Tales" (not perfect, but still a timeless classic)
So true. I was excited with LOTR when it came out but it is ridden with lame Ghimli "comic relief" jokes and the forced Aragorn romance. The first Conan is epic from the first scene to the end. LOTR was weak in many departments, because it tried to satisfy every kind of audiences.
silentlamb21 what about Lord of the Rings?
Laugh at the movie all you want, this film helped launch Arnold's career as an actor.
Actually kind of says a lot, now that i think about it...
It's no Hercules in New York, though. THAT'S a classic.
Actually, I think this is one of the best Arnold movies and certainly much better (Conan-wise) as the remake, which was trash (again, Conan-wise... no scratch that, it was trash on all counts).
Bini Farmer This movie is underrated as hell, thematically its a masterpiece.
Not one. Not one! You've done it Critic you have disappointed your viewers! Dozens of scenes with James Earl Jones as a bad guy, one of them calling Arnold his son, and you never made a single Star Wars joke!
Totally wasted oportunity!!!
its to obvious of a joke.
Sometimes, the more obvious the joke, the more it has to be adressed ;-)
Curtic Carmichael in fairness, James Earl Jones has damn near made a career out of call people his children
Curtic Carmichael but where would he have made the joke at, hm?
This movie is awesome and so is the ending. He's shows how powerful he is and how vulnerable their king was by easily defeating him.
I like Nostalgia Critic. And, I liked Conan The Barbarian. I think Doug was not a Conan comic reading geek that would understand and appreciate this particular movie. It was done in much the way a fantasy book would be done. The magic was subtle and rare. He used the snake as a arrow because it would not miss and would be a sure kill when it hit. It might have even been one of the reasons she could not be brought back. Crom was a harsh god. You were given the tools to live and fight for your life. Crom was not going to help you. It was up to you to help yourself and prove yourself worthy to sit with him at the table in the afterlife.
The cult was no different than cults you see today except that magic helped lured the participants. And, if you think real people are smarter than these movie or comic book people just Google 'cult tragedies.'
This wasn't going to be a elaborate thinking hero. He's a guy with a sword. His philosophy is to kill it, steal it, fuck it or run from it. That's what kept you alive back then. Magic was rare and usually evil, and you definitely ran away from it whenever possible.
IMO , He-Man was influenced by Conan
Dough doesn't read comics. All his comic book movie reviews suck in relation to the story/characters. And if you're looking for non-biased reviews, go look somewhere else, because NC just makes senseless fun of movies. He's no better than Cinema Sins.
He play a character who spit on everything. And I'm sure on stuff he like too in real life
Don’t cut yourself on that edge.
Conan sounds like just another edgy power fantasy for 13-year old boys.
@@Zelink108 opposite what? Real 13 yo power fantasy like Zelda?
3:30 in regards to why kill the parents and take the kids when the adults would be stronger. Grown men and women are also prone to plot escape or rebellion, already have strong culture and mindset that makes compliance difficult. Kids are easy to brain wash and can be raised to be fanatically loyal and absorbed into the tribe that kidnapped them.
Exactly, lot of cultures did that, the janisaries in Ottoman empire are a good example.
Really disgusting parts of history
Mongols killed anyone who could not pass beneath the tongue of an ox-cart, kept the rest
Jon Erlwanger: This has been proven by today's "educational system", which is nothing more than socialist indoctrination intended to produce "sheeple" who are incapable of thinking for themselves. Antifa, the current version of the Nazi Sturmabteilung, is a perfect example. Every dictator in history has known that, if you want unquestioning followers willing to do ANYTHING you want, you start "educating" children as soon as possible
I keep expecting Samurai Jack to show up or something.
GREAT FLAMING EYEBROWS
tommy wiseau was in samurai cop 2
Do you like your pizza EXTRA THICK?
Riders of Doom man, such an epic piece of music.
Actually, Doug; the deity's name is pronounced Crom, with an ah sound to it.
But trust me, Crom is anything but stupid. He, Mitra, Jhebbal Sag (master of all beasts,) Set, Ishtar and even Ymir from Norse mythology are all worshiped by the people of Conan's world.
Each one is a force to be reckoned with, especially Crom
+sadlobster1 I guess it makes sense to have Ishtar, seeing how she was a Babylonian Goddess, but Ymir? Are the books any good?
Michael Sanford
From what I've heard, they're awesome. But alas, they are unavailable in any bookstore near me and I'm unsure if Amazon has any
+Michael Sanford I can vouch for Robert's entire bibliography, just don't read anything from any other author, they range from garbage to feces.
+sadlobster1 Amazon has a Conan omnibus.
Tyler Weston
But I'm talking about Robert E. Howard's stuff. Not any poorly done revamps by people like Liefeld
I always laugh every time he pays homage to Mako with that worried smile of his 😂
The wheel was symbolic man :) movie is not as stupid as you think.
Uh... feel free to call me stupid for asking, but how is the breaking wheel symbolic? It's supposed to break someone's will through the monotony and strengthen their body through labor. At least that's what I got from making Thralls in Exiles.
@@kismethappel7811 it is endless pointless pain, after enough time you are reduce to a single thought "push" from there the mind can be controlled with offers of food and shelter.
@@miguellopez3392 beyond that it's likely they used it to make flour, while it was certainly designed to break there spirt, it's also very easily used to be productive for you as well
@@calebbarnhouse496 I mean if there is no river available I guess that's how you make flour, seen a village use wind.
@@miguellopez3392 Not just that. The quote at the beginning. All the others pushing it died, only Conan remained and he became stronger from that which did not kill him.
9:40: That Goofy scream. My sides are still hurting. Had to watch that several times.
"Sit here"
"Push wheel?"
"SIT HERE!"
"Push wheel? Look, all I understand is wheels. Please, do you have a wheel? May I push it?"
Apparently the wheel of pain and torture is supposed to warp your mind into believing a life of servitude and loyalty to your master, even if you became free, so much subconciously would be a slave.
So... what's the bad part of the movie? Because all I see and hear is you poking fun at little things here and there but nothing substantial. That must mean you cannot find anything that bad.
Nostalgia Critic is more about comedy than criticism.
I watched this movie for the first time when I was 5 with my dad. I've watched it countless times since. I never get sick of it or the epic sound track.
It's bad because it's messy/incoherent, meandering, boring and forgettable. Arnold is basically a robot. Not to mention all the terrible voice dubs. This is why when people talk about Schwarzenegger movies that this one is almost never brought up.
"It's bad because it's messy/incoherent, meandering, boring and forgettable. Arnold is basically a robot. Not to mention all the terrible voice dubs. This is why when people talk about Schwarzenegger movies that this one is almost never brought up."
That is your opinion. Millions of men who grew up watching this movie would disagree with you. Like myself. The sound track alone is epic.
edstar83 The soundtrack had its moments I suppose. There were other little things that bothered me about it, such as the use of Loon sounds in the middle of a desert. Ya, the movie really didn't click for me at all. I even enjoyed the Jason Momoa Conan movie more than this.
Best DVD commentary ever. "Oh ya, here is where I punch da camel".
:Looking back on this movie. What WAS the initial point of that giant wheel Conon was pushing?
Was it a turning mechanism for a door, a device or something?
my only guess is maybe a granary
+sadlobster1 the wheel actually was powering the cameras.
It powered the island from Lost. To bad Conan stopped pushing...I really liked Lost^^
Vincent Vega we all did. We all did.
+Thomas Jackson LATER BITCHES!!!
*starts digging hole in backyard*
I loved the snake arrow idea back then, and I still love it now. Pretty cool magic.
Great plot, stunning cinematography and amazing score... Conan the Barbarian was a masterpiece!
BTW what exactly IS an 8 letter word beginning with B for an uncouth person in the dark ages?
Baldrick?
Barbaric.
Stu Saville blaggard?
Love the Blackadder reference.
So the basis for all of the jokes here is intentional mispronunciation of words or flat out ignoring plot details laid out in the film to force "this film is dumb" humor ....yeah that works.
That's why it's a satirical review.
@@poptigre So true. He's not even remotely funny.
@@stephenfox8685 This is not a satire, and this is not even funny - its dumb.
Satire - the use of humour, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people's stupidity or vices...
That is not a wheel of torture but an ancient version of mill. It also can be salt refiner or clay mixer for potteries. It existed for centuries, even at the medieval ages, but they usually used, mules or oxes to operate it. Although I can imagine that at some places they also powered it by men as some sort of punishment.
Huh, looks like the filmmakers were smarter than we thought.
You might like Dave the Barbarian. :)
+Willie Wonker Ba ba-barian! Ba-ba ba-barian!
+Jahn Jahn DAAAVE THE BARBARIAAAAN HUGE BUTA WIMP!
+Crono Or Ronal the Barbarian.
dont even joke about that
God, i loved that cartoon!
Say anything you'd like about Conan the Destroyer, but Conan the Barbarian was a good film. It has far more depth than most people seem to give it credit for.
I understand you have 15 minutes to fill, but there's very deliberate misunderstanding about some parts of the review. For example, did you *really* not realize that "Crom!" is used as an oath? He uses it as an oath throughout the whole film. The dead king/chief/whatever with the sword is just a dead guy with a sword. That is not Crom. He is not grave robbing Crom. I first saw this when i was around 10 years old and that was crystal clear to me even then. It's a bit surprising that it was not to you. I actually had to stop the video because I was feeling embarrassed, for you. It's entertaining to poke fun at old movies, but making fun of your own lack of comprehension is cringeworthy. And there's more falmpalms that I won't even get into.
Also, it's pronounced crom with an 'ah', not an 'uh'', like crumb. The movie is far from the greatness of the books, but I agree that it is an underrated film. Also, agree with others that the music is phenomenal. I was sad to hear that Basil Poledouris past.
The review is definitely crap. And if you do not listen then to hell with you!
> The dead king/chief/whatever with the sword is just a dead guy with a sword. That is not Crom.
I did not realize that either to be honest.
Can't say it enough: the wheel fills the same function as a wind mill. It grinds wheat into flour for bread.
He still ate, slept, etcetera.
Wheel! Of! Torture!
Fun Fact: The actress who plays Valeria also plays the Evil Queen in Red Sonja!
Sandahl Bergman.... Great body
wasnt she also the evil queen in Conan the Destroyer?
@@UltimateGamerCC That was Ursa (Sarah Douglas).
Getren? Queen Getren?
this movie still holds up today.
the others a garbage, but this one is wonderful.
You cant pray to Crom like you do to any other god because Crom doenst care. If you pray it has to be with strenght and power. But he still doenst care. He rather send you Doom.
Not a single reference or joke about the Riddle Of Steel?
The movie had plenty of flaws but it was a solid piece because it has a clear theme to work on: Strength comes from the will and those who know weakness will recognize strength, from that it was a smooth sailing riding the waves of testosterone
Also, that snake arrow was pretty awesome
The first film is smarter, more philosophical, and more thematically coherent than most movies released today.
"The movie had plenty of flaws" WHAT FLAWS.
Plenty of flaws: NAME ONE
Thagomizer hipster
Joel Baldwin it was too short
"Alright, what's an 8-letter word for an uncouth person in the Dark Ages? Begins with B."
But...Barbarian is a 9-letter word, not 8. :P
Barbaric?
I think he means b*stard
@@timebandits1026 that's seven letters.
@@timebandits1026
Wait is bastard isn't pc anymore or why the actual fuck did you censor that for?
@@timebandits1026
Back than bastard meant, as still does mean, an illegitamate child. As an insukt it is similar to Son of a Bitch, insulting someone through insukting his mother.
I always wondered about that as well. What exactly does this wheel do? Is it a water pump? Are they milling grain? What?
Maybe it's just a metaphore for labor, it doesn't have to be shown in it's entirety but if it's a short summary of his slave life.
+Shawnee Longbow The Director of the movie John Milius said the purpose of the wheel was indeed to grind grain.
Ok.
The point of the wheel is to show how cruel they were to, and how Conan overcomes through his will to survive, whatever their purpose within the ficticious world was is irrelevant to the purpose of the story, assume it is wheat processing, does it change where the story is going or Conan's arc in anyway? No. So, does the story teller need to explain it?
I hope Nostalgia Critic has learned that one does not fuck with Mako.
+MediaGold He sure learned that no one fucks with Mara Wilson :-)
+MediaGold He makes even more fun of him now. Everytime Mako appears he uses the same joke. If anything, people gave him way more tools to work with.
+Dean Strickson He feels what we feel since the vlogs...
The 2011 remake is weirdly lacking compared to the Ahnold one.
If the remake had wanted to stay truer to R.E. Howard's Conan, then why did they even bother with a revenge origin story, which he never had? In this movie, you at least get the sense that Conan suffered, and fought hard for everything he had. In fact, this is the unequivocal theme of the movie. The Jason Mamoa film is just confused in the way that it introduces Conan's father knocks him off, and then completely glosses over Conan's journey into manhood.
HAHAHAHA he didn't grave rob Crom. He uses Crom as an exclamation like JESUS CHRIST YOU BONEHEADED MONGREL
@3:30 it actually makes sense to take the children over the men and women because they are easier to handle and can be conditioned as needed. Taking the men would not be smart because they might rebel later, and while usually women are taken as slaves/servants they may have been too warrior-like to be worth the trouble. Child capture happens all the time in the ancient world.
I really like this film, however, as a pedantic Robert E. Howard fan I have to point out that this story is NOT about Conan.
It's a bit rewritten, but it's clearly the origin story for King Kull.
They are both Robert E Howard characters, and their lives share many similarities, they both are at different points in time orphans, pirates, thiefs, mercenaries and kings and are both considered as the greatest swordsmen of their age.
It's even implied in the novels that Conan is King Kull reborn.
But Conan was never a slave, nor a gladiator.
But to be fair, it does have some elements of Conan, such as sleeping around with a lot of women and having Crom as his god, while King Kull have a Pantheon of gods, where his favourites seem to be Hotath, the god of war, and Valka, the god of sea and land (and also fertility).
Conan is King Kull reborn ? Is he though ? I really saw them as very distinct when I read the stories so that detail might have eluded me.
But yeah, Milius kinda mishmashed a lot of stuff from Howard stories and it does work. While I like the film , I feel the best thing about it is the Basil Poldouris soundtrack, that is divine !
And, personally, I did not find the Momoa one that bad a movie. It is 30 minutes too long indeed but I found Jason's Conan highly entertaining . The Arnold version is not stupid by any means, but he's more of a domesticated warrior turning back to savagery. He does develop schemes in the matter part to take out James Earl Jones. Momoa at least got the wild and mirthful bastard side of the character properly; he's a party dude in some scenes , a sadistic killer in others. That movie does have running time issues and should have been just about Conan's lighthearted and violent shenanigans (the way he dispatches the captain of the guards and sends a message ? Classic ! Those are the antics of Howard's Conan !) rather than a tired revenge story.
@@saidi7975 I have to disagree with something you said. Conan is NEVER a Sadist! He may be a slayer, but his kills are never gratuitous or prolonged. He does NOT kill without REASON, and, sometimes, doesn't kill even when he HAS a reason. He almost never ENJOYS killing; it's just something that HAS to be done, even if it's for revenge!
@@mikegrossberg8624 Yeah, but no. I have the Howard stories and in some sections, Conan can totally relish the slaying (not as much as the adventure or the ladies though, that I concede). True, most those he enjoyed killing are complete dirtbags, but the Cimmerian does appreciate a fitting punishment here and there, in "The Man eaters of Zamboula " , he made sure the dude who sold his hosts to cannibals would get the same treatment after cutting his tongue and blocking his mouth. In the end of " A witch shall be born" , he crucifies the dude who crucified him beforehand and left him to die in the desert.
While it is true that Conan is way more laid-back and measured than people let on and that most of his kills are on the spot, the guy does have a sadistic streak that shows when the occasion rises. Part of why I dug Momoa's portrayal...
@@saidi7975 As I said, he ALMOST(emphasis here) never enjoys killing. Then again, in the instances you mention, Conan doesn't actually do the killing HIMSELF; he just sets the bad guy up, and lets someone/something ELSE do the job FOR him! He DOES, after all, have a sense of JUSTICE
I've heard the wheel joke so many times from a lot of critics. If someone bothered to actually make some research, it is obvious;
that is a millstone. Usually they were powered by cattle, horses or slaves. It's a great inclusion in the movie, but it seems that
most watchers are too stupid to figure it out.
it's like not even difficult to imagine what it would do, never seen the movie and I could come up with, probably makes flour in a heart beat
This cocky guy is obviously a prize dick/a. hole
When it's so obvious a critic hates a film (because of their superior logic, so much) it begs the question, WHY! do they even bother to review it, wasting their time and the public's.
it was probably being used to grind corn
the sense of survival & why you would still want to live is well put across here revenge & hate keep Con'an alive more so after the death of Valeria
the overall sense of revenge is very similar in- GLADIATOR & ROBOCOP, Con'an continues roaming the land, adventure know being his inspiration, instead of vengeance. I also liked the philosophy that the more you learn in life the better your chance of survival, as it is in the real world, knowledge is your best weapon, along with experience
"Look ledy, I vanted to ahsk forr derections, not erections. Vy cant anyvan anderrstan me?"
conan as a kid looks like sarah connor
"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger" I hope that's true for the poor bastards who worked for you...
9:45 it would have been more impressive if she actually survived the fall
11:08 I knew the world was run by reptile people. Also, "You look like a snake", "Yesssssss"
10:28 Holy Crap, Arnold looks like Thanos, the Krull and Darkseid put together.
3:03 Black Helmet from Space balls : *FOOOOLHHHH YUUUUU!!*
This is one of my favourite movies of all time. Every once in a while I watch it again and again.
James Earl Jones is revealed to be someone's unlikely father...
M. Night Shyamalan: What a TWIST!!!
Crom laughs at the Nostalgia Critic, laughs from his mountain...
no "i am your father" joke?
No Mufasa joke either?
Lame.
ok, the knights who say NEE!! joke got me. XD that was awesome.
So after watching this does anyone else think that Malcom looks like a young James Earl Jones
This movie was intellegent in touch on brutality and the wheel that breaks the childrens spirit forslavery a factual history
3:39 YAY! A Fairly Odd Parents reference.
This movie connects to the source material in an.......interesting way. Instead of ignoring it, it takes a lot of small pieces and blends it together, like the crucifixion, which is a thing in a story, but with no magic involved. Also, the serpent symbol is probably a reference to Set, a malign deity, whose priest are potent sorcerers.
I love this movies when I was a kid and I will love them forever. Destroyer was weaker than the first one but I love it.
That Mako impression though... I was hoping the Critic would say "That... is... Akuuuu...."
This is one of your much weaker reviews...
Don't sugar coat it. It sucked. And he had such great material to work with.
The problem is, this is a film about the barbaric connection of man and pre history legend that formed our deeper understanding of the world.
And it's being reviewed by a soybean in glasses.
This has to be the worst Nostalgia Critic video Iv'e seen. Doug doesn't even get basic facts about the movie correct.
Thank You! You literally took the words out of my mouth. So I think this is only the third worst video that he's done!
I KNOW that this is meant to be over the top humour on movies' expense... but daym, tell him humour is best delivered when you understand the subject...
Just that thing about Conan's father telling his son that his sword doesn't break and is what to be trusted - and soon afterwards in the movie we see that the sword couldn't keep him alive. It's so obvious and intentional by the movie creators that we, at this point, get to know his father was wrong (or at least get the notion that it isn't so cut and dry)... and that's the point with that sword in the snow. It's picked up and used by one of Doom's henchemen and later in the movie once again the sword fails... and even breaks. At this point Conan realizes something about the Riddle of steel seeing his fathers sword broken.
Doom has his theory regarding the riddle of steel in which he ridicule the trusted steel - which he tells Conan about 9:23 . Both men are wrong but within these two wrongs lays the answer.
Either Doug plays dumb in order to joke about it or he thinks this movie is a run of the mill actionflick (that he's unable to detect subtle storytelling in)... because he his a shallow movie watcher?
But really: no mention of the guy fucking a lama!?
Valeria coming back from the dead is a shout out to Queen of the Black Coast's Bélit - Conan's only known GF
0:03 Holy Crap! Why Didn’t Genndy Tartakovsky get *DOUG* to do AKU’s voice?! *IT’S PERFECT!!!*
I lost it with the knights of nee reference! ;-)
Crom, not crumb.
He was brought East to be put out to stud, with his owner getting rich breeding him.
At the point he was set free, the demand had been slated, maybe enough Mini Conan's had been born successfully. It's amazing that nobody has made a Netflix series about that -- "Seeds of Conan".
I'm a big fan critic but this was not just a bad review it was lazy too.
I love how he uses the Goofy scream every time someone falls off a cliff or out a window or into a deep hole.
Epic!
the wheel is not pointless, its an ancient form of mill. they used to use mills like that to grind salt, refine clay and to mill grains
Ok... two questions: 1) How did 1982 gave us a better Conan movie than 2011 ?! 2) How DARE YOU put the LOTR music into this ?!
"Look, all I know is wheels. Do you have a wheel, may I push it." I love that line!
"Does he do this often? Is thursday night just snake night?"
"This you can trust!"
But only for rugs, only for rugs and shit srsly
Jon Tron is the real Conan.
JonTron is the real CENA!!!1!!
+Fab Falcon jontron is better than the nostalgia critic.
+chris succee NC actually uploads videos
Jackie Walter
Tho most of them are reuploads or discussions. =P
+Fab Falcon You can't see him
In Howard's original story Conan was a never slave, that was from another Howard character Kull. while Kull was a slave, he never pushed a gigantic wheel as showed in the movie; he did, however, row ships and was also a gladiator. what other elements did this "Conan" movie steal from Kull, Thulsa Doom and his snake cult. what's worse is that the closest we've gotten to a Kull movie was 1997's Kull The Conqueror starting wooden actor Kevin Sorbo.
RE: Kull; if they had just made a sword & sorcery film, without invoking Howard's character, it would have been a middling-good movie.
I think they fed him too much all those years when he pushed that wheel.
never make your slaves live off steroids and protien shakes
+colt grisham Constantly ejaculating from all that working out must have been messy too.
+LT Gen Klink I think he just ate the other children.
i think he would have been like that fat guy from blade
5:33 Conan the Librarian
He lost the chance to start saying "I am the Critic of Nostalgia, I shall remember so thou do not have to"
as a gamer, i resonate strongly with Conan's take on what's best in life.
Now I really want Doug to do the 2011 version with Jason Momoa.
But what I want more, is a TV series of Conan just like the Witcher.
There were two Conan tv shows. 1 animated and 1 “live action”
Don’t get your hopes up they were even more poorly written and off the source material than “Connan The Destroyer.”
I watched a few episodes on UA-cam in 2019.
I swear Jones is giving his fucking A game when playing in this
13:08 And from what I know of Crom, he would have granted Conan's request simply for the sheer balls of that blasphemy.
That part with Eric Idle made me laugh so hard! xD
"Chrom is the stupidest name for a god ever." If you value your life, Doug, don't say that near any Fire Emblem fans.
Unless you said Crum. But in that case, don't say that near any Harry Potter fans.
The wheel is not just some random wheel, its a primitive type of grist mill.
Valeria in the movie was a mashup of Robert Howard characters. Valeria was a mercenary, not a thief. Be'lit and not Valeria, was the great love of Conan.
why did it sound like I was watching Samurai Jack whenever that narration was played ...
I really hope you're joking.
Jame Earl Jones/Megatron: Who would you be without me, Prime? Conan/Optimus Prime: Let's find out...