My husband passed away 3 yrs ago. I am now 57 years old and I am in the same situation as you. I never thought when I was younger about what this would be like one day. When I get the flu or anything else, I have to get out of bed sick to go get food etc. I don't have anyone to run by the store for me or take me to the doc, etc. If I can't drive I am just here at the house on my own with no help. I simply cannot afford an uber on my limited income. I live in a rural area so there are no taxi's. I am not feeling sorry for myself. Just accepting the reality of my life and praying I stay healthy as I grow older.
Hang in there young lady. I've been sick for 9 days with a killer cold. Took a covid test and it said negative. Had a prior chest injury in past, so I get concerned. Nobody checks on me. And I have a niece that is a nurse less than 20 miles away! So, yeah, there are a lot of us that just go through the motions every day. Mowing the lawn, etc. Some stuff you can't do anything about. Some you can. Difficult to know the difference sometimes. We ain't dead yet! 😀
Trust me friend you are far better off not having nobody, now 71 loved living on my own now have son and his family living with me. I hate it thankfully it’s just shot term, hopefully.
When my dad unexpectedly passed away in 2020 from COVID, not only did I feel a huge loss, but I also realized dad was the only person in my life who had my back. The realization was jolting.
I went on my neighborhood Next Door and asked how seniors were dealing with life challenges, cost of living, housing, getting to appointments? Well the result was four of us senior women met for coffee. One never had children. Another, her daughter lived 60 miles away. My son travels for work and I don’t see him very often. The result is that we meet socially and we help each other with appointments. I recently took one to her colonoscopy, and helped her out of the hospital in case she was woozy. Next week I take another woman to her root canal. We are ages 72 through 77. All of us still drive and are engaged with different activities where we can discuss what is currently happening in our area, among other topics. I have often seen a group of retirees gather daily for walks or coffee, many of these being men who may have continued this bond for years. Maybe volunteering at a food bank or delivering meals on wheels is another way to be engaged with the world around you? Or form a support group for helping each other out.
My family are all dead. My friends have either died or live in other areas of the country. Self-reliance becomes tenuous as my body is slowly evolving. Not sure why I chose a life of isolation. I keep getting messages that we were not created to do things alone. Yet I value my solitude. I have a relationship with a Power greater than myself that sustains me, my books, movies, the internet and television. For the first time in life, I am truly content. Great video.
I could've written this myself. I am in exactly the same situation. I chose isolation, and for the reasons you mentioned, as well as my sweet dogs, I am truly content and at peace.
@@mgarcia2445 I am alone a lot - more than I really want at 69 with severe arthritis I am limited and used to be very active. My daughter has decided I am the problem in her life and she estranged me and my sister for close to 3 years. My sister forced the issue to try and heal the situation. We have seen each other recently, but she is starting with her manipulate degrading behavior and I don't want to deal with that. Life is not easy sometimes and we have to just try and deal with it. I do have strong beliefs in God and the afterlife which help. I have had a lot of dogs, 5 who have passed and now have another but he is difficult with behavior issues. Have to take life day by day.
@@fran-kittyayers5329 Thank you so much! I feel the same way, it's truly wonderful to have a family that understands and appreciates each other like this.
I've given so much of my personal time helping relatives throughout the years. Yet I still feel so alone and Isolated from the very same people I helped. Sadly I feel I can't trust any of them at this point.
Me too. My son is on the west coast of America. My two sisters are 80+, and brother is 70+, and none of them live close. I'm 65 and going on Medicare in a few weeks. I'm a widow, and retired. There have been times when I had to call on neighbors to drive me to the hospital, but they moved away. I'm isolated on a farm, but three years ago I met a man 8 years my junior. He helps me a great deal, and is there for me, but absolutely nobody likes the idea of us as a couple. The family wants him out of my house. The family never calls to check on me, nor do they visit. I have done so much for them over the years. And all they do is judge me. I will admit that I've had doubts about the boyfriend's fidelity. After he moved into my home, I discovered his ex-girlfriend is still very much in his life. He also asked me to leave the house to him in my will. Nobody else wants it. May as well.
No family,wife or kids. My few friends have passed on as have my wonderful pets. I am an old boomer living alone. I manage quite well being alone as I have hobbies. For any medical procedure that requires someone to pick me up will require me to hire a driver as i did a few months ago for an out patient procedure.When i die, hopefully in my home , no one will know or care. Sooner or later someone will find my remains.i have stated in my will leaving all my money to the local no kill animal shelter. I've always loved animals.
I have nobody also at my age. Everyone left or died. My daughter has her own family and is always too busy. I have learned to do everything myself. It’s just me and the dog. Sometimes having a dog is better than a relationship with another toxic person.
Yep 👍 I've grown up to be independent and I like to control My life , yes I have family, friends and a cat but over my 68 years sadly I've learnt you can't always rely on anyone but yourself ( except for my dogs ) 💜
Hey Phil, I think as we age we just can’t be bothered with too many people in our lives. We’ve learnt with people comes drama and I just can’t be asked. I enjoy my dogs much more. They never complain and with them I’m always right and gorgeous.
I've gone non-contact with my siblings and have been feeling so much better for it. They could start a fight in an empty room whereas I'm averse to conflict and confrontation. So as much as I wish we were on better terms, I can't be arsed. Can't be doing with drama anymore. God bless. Hail Mary! Kumbaya.
You're so right. I can no longer deal with people and their insanity. My senior rescue doggie and I are happy. I had a medical emergency recently but thankfully I had a lot of wee-wee pads set up and water out for my fur baby. I was in the hospital for a day and did my own medical release, against medical advice, to get back to her. Now, I'm super careful about my health and constantly watch my blood pressure and blood sugar. I'm connected to a Constant Glucose Monitor. My emergency hospital visit was diabetic ketoacidosis, blood sugar over 750. I'm a thin Type 1 Diabetic. Nothing is keeping me more mindfully healthy than my doggie ... and we go to parks or beaches everyday to exercise. Win win.
Hey Phil!!! I hear you. When I lived alone, I felt faint one day and went to bed and laid down. As I'm lying on the bed dizzy, I said to myself, "Shit, if I die right now it could be weeks before someone finds me here! Enjoy the weekend my friend!
You are not alone, there are so many of us out here! This reality makes me sad. We should all figure out a way to be in touch so we can help each other!
This is easy: volunteer. Help people. Could be through a church, but it doesn't have to be. Show up at a soup kitchen once a week, or fix up old bicycles for poor kids. Get involved in big brothers, or beach cleanups, whatever. After a while, people will notice, and you'll become a regular. Specifically, the kind of people who show up and help people.
I’m hearing you. I’ve been a single parent of two for 26 years. I was horrifically sick at the start of the year with cellulitis. I was septic and was hospitalised for a week. I had to get a taxi to the hospital and a taxi home a week later. My family lives two hours away. As for the “hardening” thing. I think that comes with age. I’m 50, I just want a simple life and I don’t have the time or energy for drama. I’m alone but not lonely. In fact, I’ve never been happier than right now. Cheers from Country Victoria, Australia 🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺
In the USA they won’t let you leave unless it is someone you know and if you don’t have someone to take and bring you they shrug and won’t schedule the procedure If you feel you are fine and leave against medical advice insurance won’t pay for the procedure
Here in the USA, I had to "hire" a person to take me, stay there at the facility, and then take me home from the procedure ( colonoscopy ). They would not let me use uber, or any taxi service. It's a racket. Cost me $200 out of pocket.
@@929cbr_rr yup My sister had that done on a week I was visiting her so I took her. They said she needed a ride to and from and it had to be someone she knew so I told her I was coming in a month so just schedule it while I was there. Then literally the day before the procedure they called to confirm and also now sprung it on her and you need someone to sign that they will supervise and stay with you the next 24 hours which wasn’t a problem but we were not happy at the additional rules at the last minute. Doctors and their front office just see us humans as their cash cow and if you are in a hardship they have no solutions (even if you don’t mind paying you might just need to know what is available since they see this regularly (we can’t be the only ones alone) and they just shrug and move onto the next person even if you end up dying from not being able to get service under their rules.
I’m 68 I have no one. I had to move back to the house I grew up in miles from where I had lived for 15 years. I have one neighbor I’ve asked for help he charge me $50.00 . I have another neighbor but I don’t trust her, I think someone she knows stole my lawnmower and other items from my storage shed. I have hard time trusting anyone. I’m having health issues and one to ask for help.
Volunteer volunteer volunteer. I joined a church, got involved and volunteer. When you look around with the mindset of how can I help, where can I help, who can I help, and how can I take care of myself, everything else falls into place. You can flip the script from worrying about yourself to feeling strong and capable. Even if you are already ill, inform or physically challenged you can still use this strategy. It is not as easy but it can be done.
I have had to go in for medical procedures with mild anesthesia, and I was told in advance I could not take a taxi home even if fully recovered from the anesthesia. I have had no one to come with me or pick me up. You are not alone. There are many others out there. I have always found a way to work this out--convince them to let a medical van service pick me up ($100), have a home health aide pick me up, find a volunteer through an agency. It is demeaning and degrading. They will say, you don't have a friend who can pick you up? The hospitals care only about liability and will do nothing to help you find a solution. They will deny you treatment, and you're basically on your own to figure something out. I don't let it get to me anymore, but something needs to be done about it.
I went through this ... had out-patient surgery and besides the staff ... even the surgeon was questioning my relationships. Thank you for saying the words "degrading" and "humiliating." I learned my lesson the first out-patient surgery, they made me stay overnight in the hospital because I didn't have a ride. My second out-patient surgery, I arranged for medical transport. Medical transport should be covered by your medical insurance. Mine was. And the hospital staff didn't question it or fight back. It was no cost.
Right, demeaning their attitude when you say you don't have anyone to call in an emergency. I started putting my deceased sister's name and phone number down just to avoid the demeaning situation.
I actually do, at least technically, have “people” (i.e., family members) who can pick me up from a surgical center, but getting any one of them to carve out the time for this inconvenience is almost not worth the hassle. I’d actually like to be officially and in actuality completely on my own. I’ve learned over my 66 years that I’m the only person I can trust to take care of me.
Sick, as in a cold or flu or food poisoning, etc.? It would never occur to me to need someone to "mother" me. Could be because my mother wasn't the mothering type so it has always been normal to just go through whatever and then go on. It's not like you can't walk or make a can of soup.
There are more of us like you than you think. A plus is that we don't have to worry about leaving anyone behind at that last moment. Good to see your video.
A woman with a similar channel (can't remember the name) was saying that there is an increasing phenomenon called 'elder orphans'. It applies to people over 50 with no partner, parents or children. I'm in that situation myself and the loss of each important person in my life felt like the ropes tethering me to all that was safe and familiar were being cut, one by one. It's an odd feeling and can be scary, but I have a small group of friends who help me feel that I still have a connection. To those truly going it alone please remember that there are people who care...and who understand. 🙏
My husband of 27 years abandoned our son and me. I need 2 tests and I have to be driven there. I have no one to drive me like you. I helped all my friends over the years but where are they now that I need them. They all used me like a doormat and now since they don't need me, too bad for me. Iwas just going to drive my car there and sit in my car until the stuff they give you wears off but now. My 15year old car died, done finished no car. I can't afford one. SoI I totally understand. Great video.
I have just been told that I am considered very mean by people in my life. I'm 65 and at the point where I wonder why even bother with people? They always have a selfish agenda and if you don't let yourself be used and abused they call you mean! I am really understanding why you stay away from people. I don't feel welcome with any one. Living a life of isolation would mean no more drama and I wouldn't have to put up with being called mean.
My neighbor in his mid 60's who has no one, asked me if I would drive him to, and pick him up, from his colonoscopy, I agreed. Had to take him in at 6:30AM. 3 weeks later I had a colonoscopy at a local facility and asked him if he could give me a ride home, he said 'NO' 😯
OK, then I tell him next time you need to be in the hospital or driven back from the dentist from a procedure or from vision or you can’t drive then I will say no also.
one good thing about living alone with no fake friends to help you out, is you take very good care of yourself and what you have, because you don't want to end up in the hospital with no one to help you out, but if you are on SS with medicare or some other insurance and end up in the hospital like I did they will send someone out to check your home and make sure everything is ok with your pets and stuff and if you make it home alive and need help with things they do send people out to help you. yes you are going to get a giant stack of bills in the mail, but at least you will be alive and your home and pets will be ok and if you can't afford to pay the giant stack of bills you will get in the mail they will work out a plan that you can afford. me myself I don't give a crap anymore, what ever is going to happen is going to happen and everyday is just another day I get to live. my days of worrying about anything are over. wishing everyone the best.
Thank you for informing me I wondered about that. I have never been married and have no kids or family nearby and even if I had friends they aren’t going to take a day off for me as they have to save their time for their own lives so I wondered if I need to get a caregiver for a day (I’m younger) but then I wonder if they show up if it isn’t a long assignment
@@lootiecruss 65 I think, I don't even know what day or month it is most of the time, I retired at 49 and have not worked in so long that every day is just another day, no need to be concerned what day it is anymore, or how old I am, all I know is if I wake up. I am still alive and breathing. wishing you the best. semper fi.🦾
Great attitude. There is no light at the end of the tunnel. Maybe the spiritual light you develop yourself. Most of our worries never come to pass and in the time of dire need providence provides. Everything happens harmoniously and all we have to do is relax and let it be. The only Rumi quote I like is "The one who brought me here is the one who takes me home."
The best company is your own, and as an example healthcare worker, there are many people in the same boat. Your independence is precious, so enjoy it while you're able.
@@EL-gu8fv But then what, after you can't be independent anymore? Who takes care of you then if you didn't marry or have kids or your family is all dead, etc etc
Im the same no one, 63 One thing I have become more disciplined with everything I do. and I analyze everything I do .Im a christian so I dont worry about dying alone...I have been bedside with many relatives that have passed on in front of me...they are alone to....its that time between you and God regardless of how many are in the room.
I'm not going to lie this scares me shitless. My parents are in their late 70's. I rely on them a ton. I have a husband, no kids. I have very few friends, by choice. I have a brother but we aren't the closest. This does worry me for sure. sending lots of love your way ❤
@@RosettaStoned462 seriously my advice as I did start now!!! Preparing for a possible single life 1st figure out what you want and where you’re going in life at least the general direction good
I'm scared shitless, too! I'm kinda similar to you. I don't know how old you are, but I'm almost 62. The ONLY person I have is my husband and he isn't in the greatest of health. (I'm also financially dependent on him, so that would be a huge worry if something were to happen to him). No kids. My parents are now both gone. I have a brother but we have nothing to do with each other. No other family. I have no friends. I live in the UK now, moved here when I was 41 (where I met my husband). We still don't own a house which worries me and I don't drive either. Very hard to be in this situation getting older.
@@Philipbuono77 thank you. I have a good job, a health 401k and I'm very fortunate that my parents have an expensive home so I'll be OK financially. I love animals and we have 4 shelter dogs so I know I'll always have animals but they can't drive or talk lol. I do think that what scarss me most is losing my parents, and of course husband. I have hobbies but I'll probably have to rely on them a lot more. My dream would be to run an animal rescue but not sure how that will work out.
@@Bluebird19-ll8su it's hard isn't it. I'm in my mid 40s. I'm fortunate that I'm financially sound but that's one only piece of the pie. 💕 Do you have any animals?
@@RosettaStoned462 Yes, it is hard and just so worrisome when thinking about the future. You're very fortunate that finances won't be a problem; unfortunately, that is my biggest worry. I don't have any pieces of the pie, lol. Well, maybe fortunate that I don't have any major health problems (although a number of little ones). I do have three cats; they are all strays. One is completely tame, the other two not so much, but they show up every day for meals and my husband built them a shelter. To be honest, I wish we didn't have them. (Don't get me wrong, I'm a huge animal lover), but I worry if something were to happen to my husband and I'm on my own, I would have to move out of here and I couldn't take them with me. (They would need someone to professionally trap them- no way would I be able to get them in a cat carrier.) I sometimes just feel sad that my life has turned out this way. My few former friends from back home are all doing well. Set financially, living in nice homes, family, retired or almost retired. I cut ties with everyone and have nothing to do with Facebook anymore because it's too depressing and makes me feel like such a loser. Pathetic, isn't it!
Mate I hear you. Its a gift from the holy spirit. Its a calling. He is isolating you so you hear him. Going through it right now and its tough but its ultimately a huge shift for those who hear the calling. It truly is a hard emotionally but its not about the physical. This is a spiritual calling. Its a blessing in disguise. God bless.
I too live a solo existence. First apartment at age 32 before that always friends and roommates a few relationships. Wow! Had not realized I would enjoy quiet time as I would discover over next 36 years. Lots of ups and downs and the ongoing mini dramas of chronic fatigue I began experiencing as a child. Over time friendships just start going away. This surprised me as I had enjoyed my time spent with others. Gradually I came to see the brevity of our lives and the diffidence from others a reflection of the self absorption in our culture few acknowledge as such. Collective effort and caring about others it is limited. And the demands that can be made by others in positions of authority..often reflect a generalized insensitivity. So some of us find solace and frankly peace and relief in the time we have to ourselves. We get an ambient existence we know to be thankfully less complicated. Decisions you make in moments to watch favorite movies you can stream on a loop and old books and news items to opt in and out of. Creative pursuits. A favorite snack or meal. Picture puzzles that are of lovely scenes..places you don’t have to book a flight to..no waiting at the interminable gate. To sleep at night..it might be your last or the beginning by morning to experience again. Yes there is a higher power a certain order you know is tranquility a reassuring gesture this is you your time in space. A place you really do have. 🌷✨🦋✅
Self absorption seems to be at an all time high, everyone wants help yet not giving it. Mememe. Even my "friends" I only hear from nowadays when they need to vent about their family...who they give all the time & energy to, stealing from me, the person with no help. I make myself left apt to be stolen from these days, yet it took years for me to realize what I thought was building friendships and people to help that one day I needed something... wasn't going to happen. I'm also the family scapegoat. I helped them all the time! Yet was never part of the "tribe". They can't name anything wrong I've done... I'm just not INCLUDED. But wow, they sure do call/text when they want something! Now that my father is ill, it's been especially tough. I want to see him "through" to death, yet after being excluded for decades and now to be used as a caregiving tool, I'm in a bind. My mom died in a car accident 26 years ago and I wanted his death to end differently for us all...yet he and my sister (bad life choice making golden child) are in power, don't have the cognitive ability to see his care through...yet still treat me as a potential enemy...all while calling me to "do favors" almost daily. A club I was never part of wants my help, tough situation with ailing parent.
Man, Phil, can I relate to you! Right off the bat before you said the words, I KNEW your topic. No, I do not have anyone to pick me up from the doctors or hospital. Over the past year I've had a major surgery and two upper endoscopys requiring sedation. All of those required help. I had to beg co-workers. What happens in 2 years when I retire? All of my relatives are dead except for my three siblings. My siblings are difficult at best. They are secretive, judgmental, and uncooperative. Just last night after a bad episode I blocked all three of them from my cellphone. It was a hard call, but the reality is they haven't been here for me in my hour of need, so really what's the loss? They just serve to make me feel bad about myself. And if you're wondering, yes all three siblings live within a half hour of me. Thanks for letting me vent again!
So how did you solve the problem because my experience is the front desk will just badger you and leave you to figure it out or won’t do the procedure and move on to the next patient. I was wondering if you could pay for a day caregiver but then you wonder if they show up
One of my coworkers had to have surgery, and I didn't think she had anyone to help her , so I offered. She rebuffed me, so I let it go. A few days before her surgery, she asked if I was willing to help. Of course, was my answer . She had a ride to and from lined up. But they wouldn't do the surgery unless someone stayed during the surgery. She tried her best to wriggle around that, but it was a no-go. I took her , stayed, and took her home .Went and got her medication and some food. Oddly, when she came back to work, she avoided me and was unfriendly. I'm guessing she was embarrassed, feeling like I saw her at her lowest. I'm happily married, so no weird stuff going on.
@@stanleyhape8427 Stanley, thank you for your kindness to her! From your description it seems she greatly needed the help. Pride and shame could be the reason. But rest assured, I bet you my bottom dollar that she was thankful for you! You are a good person!
@929cbr_rr I never said she was rude. Nor did I think she was rude. It's ok to help people and let them have their own feelings , especially when they are going through something scary and no one by their side except a coworker they met a month or so ago.
Excellent video. Thank you 🙏 I ve decided to move to a country that’s more community oriented. Here in San Diego I wonder who will find my body if I collapse. Perhaps 🤔 the pet sitter. I didn’t plan to be this way. I didn’t expect all my family and husband to be gone before my 50’s. However, USA 🇺🇸 and its individualistic society makes everything worse. Please keep posting, it’s really reassuring.
@@ahermitslife3684 good question. I've thought about it but it's so scary to think about, especially when it seems like most of the world hates the USA.
It's sad that so many people have no one that they can count on when they need a helping hand. I remember someone asking me if I had someone that could pick me up from an appointment and I said that I have no one. Her reply was that everyone has at least one person that they can call upon. That's so untrue. I keep saying that I need to get better prepared for if things go wrong, whatever those things may be. I'd like to live off grid be self sufficient but not alone.
I traded drama in for a real life full of interesting and challenging experiences. I am confident I can rely on myself. I really do try not to put my emotional well being in the hands of anybody else - it is not their responsibility to regulate those emotions for me. It isn't fair to them, either. I respect your situation and empathize with your situation. I do have a bestie and we have some shared interests and we spend a lot of time together; strictly platonic. He's a supportive green flag guy. I am fortunate. We don't enable each other - we just support each other. We have each other's unconditional love. That said, sometimes I still feel so incredibly sad and alone because of my own challenges. All of my best to you and your supporters through these hard times.
My family are all dead. My friends from where I lived and worked have died. I've been back in my childhood home, alone, since 2011. I have an ex-husband that has married again living 2 hrs. away and he recently came up and drove me to my cataract surgeries. Now, my challenge is to have my 5 yr. colonoscopy follow-up. I'm 74 and smoke cigarettes. I was chatting with the clerk in my cig. store and she offered to take me for my colonoscopy if/when I schedule it. The prep is too much for me right now, but I have a paid ride if I do. She's 64 and realizes how hard aging in place tends to get.
I understand, man. I'm about your age and live alone and wonder every day how this happened. Honestly, I think we are both following our human instincts. Taking care of our interests and surviving as best as we can. The problems arise because our instincts dont fit the isolation of modern cities. We evolved for village life where we would have no choice but to be with people constantly. No privacy. No freedom. No loneliness. I guess it's a trade off. I'm thinking of trying to find a local group on facebook to help with the loneliness. Good luck to you, man, really. You help me, too, in seeing that others are dealing with this issue.
Even if we have friends to pick us up, everyone is busy with work or whatever. I think it’s easier and more private to just hire a driver. The doctor’s office can arrange for transportation if you need help. Life is different- we don’t even like staying at peoples houses when we visit from out of town. We’d rather stay in hotels after getting together, whether at their home or a restaurant.
Vey true. I do not like overnight guests any longer.🤮Some people are too much work. I love guests that are self reliant.💁🏽💯You just point and they will take it from there…
I’m in that situation. Where I live we something called a “medical taxi” - it’s very expensive, but it’s for people who don’t have friends/family to take them home from same day surgery, etc. Contact the discharge people at your local hospital and ask who they use for this kind of situation and keep that number handy.
Thank you for the intel I wondered about that and like you said it is expensive but so is going out with friends and buying gifts for all the family members (if you have family and friends) so I guess if you are smart you can think of the savings and use that to prepare
This has not been good enough for the two surgeries I've had this year. The problem was that I would need someone to escort me out of the hospital AND into my apartment building. A 'free to me' Medicaid taxi or Uber does not offer that. And the hospitals' transport companies only offer it when patients need stretcher service, I was ambulatory. At the last minute, one hospital agreed to let my apartment manager vouch for me that I'd been safely delivered home... but the appendectomy was botched so I was kept overnight. And a surgery 3 days ago was always planned as an overnight stay simply due to the escort problem. Otherwise, I would have been discharged the same day. The nurses kept asking who was picking me up and the hospital's social worker called me with a hard sell to take the cab they were offering.
@@myoldvhstapes Oh, I’m sorry to hear about how things worked out… it’s awful how people who don’t have someone to come pick us up are penalized by “the system”. If the Medical Taxi options in your area aren’t an option, perhaps you could check apps like “Next Door” to find people (individuals, not Uber) who drive people to/from the airport, drs appts, etc, if there’s an Assisted Living place near you, they may be aware of people who drive their residents, I see ads posted on Next Door by retired nurses who drive seniors to pick up extra $$ (FYI, I live in a metro area, I realize these suggestions may not work for people who live in extremely rural areas). Your comment about the nurses asking you hit me very close to the heart. I especially hate it when they keep asking “Are you sure there’s NOBODY? Maybe a neighbor? Someone you work with? Somebody?” I would love to respond with “Ummm, do you seriously think I’d put myself through this never-ending, demeaning little verbal dance with you IF I HAD SOMEONE to drive me?!?” but I think we’ve all learned that now isn’t the time to burn any bridges. Wishing you a speedy recovery!
I hear you, I don't either. You're just unlucky. I had a hospital admission recently and an old school friend turned up to give a hand so miracles do happen.
God bless your old school friend. I'm sure you'll re pay your old friend. Old friend ships can be renewed. Most of them can turn into the best friendships ever.
The social contract of mutual support has been broken for some time now. I pay for services, but fewer people want to work . I am retired and not looking to waste money . This has been brewing for a while.
Yup I feel you. There’s no community anymore. You could know so many people but no friends. Friendships just went down the toilet. Being alone is better sometimes at least you don’t have to deal with others dramas lol..
As American Men we are bred to be tough and at heart, loners. Unfortunately, single older men have some of the highest rates of suicidal ideation. Sad.
Two 👍 up !! I have a son with a family and a demanding job but I would rather rely on myself than rob him of any time he can find for himself...76 years old and doing ok! God love and bless you.
I have a wife of 20 years and I have her family and I have my brother and sister. I am not alone. However I feel the same as you. The only real difference is I would be able to get a ride if I needed. I feel no real connection to anyone even though I get along fine with everyone. I can’t seem to enjoy anything that I do. It’s like I’m fulfilling my obligations but nothing is pleasurable anymore. Safe, but that’s it. I’m 75 years old and I wonder if that’s just what it feels like to be 75. I like being alone more than anything. I used to enjoy socializing a lot. I don’t get what’s happening to me.
I’m not depressed but I often feel that way as well. I’m wondering if it’s just part of the ageing stages. I’m on my own but then I remember that there are always people who I can connect with if I want to but I’ve become lazy. It takes effort to really connect with people….
I am.78, husband 80...he has dementia. No family. Siblings dead. Nephews in Oz, Scotland and NZ..niece is a stressed NHS consultant, 3 teenagers, lives hundreds of miles away. I am alone with it all, everything. Recently needed to get to A&E..... nobody to get me there, I couldn't walk. 111 NHS service useless. Passed me up the chain 10.30 to 4.30, promising help. Eventually they referred me to.....our locaI GP! It is frightening not hvng support in older years. Friends and neighbours are our age or older. Many don't drive. Being alone as one ages is scary. If my health goes......we will be in a nightmare of a pickle. So I feel for you. Margaret B
If I were anywhere remotely close to you (I'm in Georgia) I would love to give you rides. Would be my privilege. There are others like me. Blessings upon you, brother.
As an older veteran I live in a rural mobile home park. I live alone but have the VA pick me up if I can’t drive to my appointments. I’m financially comfortable and live below my means. Some of the residents think I’m a loner, but that’s my preference and at my age I no longer care what others think. I’m contented with my lifestyle and not harming others.
No friends, no family. Over the years many people have offered to help me. Just ask, they say. Difficult for me. When I finally did a couple of times, both times they said they were too busy. Then I went into hospital for major surgery. I was gone for 5 days and none of neighbors even noticed I was gone. Another neighbor two houses from me (known her for 25 years) was surprised one day when she saw me. She thought I had died. She had tears in her eyes. Asked me for my phone number so she could text me to "check up on me." It's been two years. She has never texted me. I am probably going to die alone at home. I'm wondering how long it will take for people to figure out that I died. Maybe my mailman will figure it out when I don't pick up my mail? Oh well, I'd rather die alone than surrounded by people who don't care about me. Doctors don't believe me when I say I have no emergency contact. I hired a fiduciary company to settle my estate and to be my POA. Expensive, but at least I know they will be there for me . . . at a price.
I understand..I had sepsis and was in the hospital for 3 weeks. 2 of my sisters said if I got sick again I would be on my own.like it was my fault..My so called best friend said no to emergency contact also ..Forget my neighbors. They could care less.. The only person that would be there is my sister in Texas....She actually did show up and didn't have a problem...One of my sisters didn't even visit me in the ICU. Pretty tragic...
@kathrynkathryn4836 Kathryn, is there a church or senior center you may be interested to join? If nothing else, perhaps you'd meet others in your situation? GOD bless you.
❤ I like your videos and your honesty. I enjoy reading the comments. I have my loyal outdoor dogs and an indoor cat. My dogs where with me when I was injured while hiking summer 2020. The dogs stayed by my side while I was unconscious until paramedic found me and took me to emergency room/ICU. If anyone wants a loyal friend go to the animal shelter, they are vaccinated/spayed or neutered 😊❤.
Same- no one- but I'm determined to take care for myself. A reliable mechanic, Uber or taxi when needed = Like you said, self- sufficient. I'm planning on retirement, thinking about how to get more involved in the community with volunteer work and other clubs.
Hey Phil I am in the exact same situation. No kids, partner died, no parents. I am waiting on surgery, no one to help me when I get home, waiting to sell my parents property “and start the next chapter of my life” but I have no one to rely on, which is scary.
In your 20s you have friends and family everywhere. I’m in my mid 50s and friends are really thin. My mother is in assisted living. Those people in there are dropped off and forgotten. Very sad
I can relate. I’m in same similar situation. Trying to make the best of it. From the number of views and comments on this video, there are lots of us in the same situation. I have solar lanterns charging on my windowsill too. I use them at night and charge them the next day. Like 962 👍
That prep thing, I say to the kids "A good life takes effort, a better life takes more effort. Being able to settle down on a Saturday night knowing the house is clean and well maintained, and you have things in place for when the unexpected happens. Knowing you are having a real nice Sunday dinner because you work it so you never have to shop on a Sunday". All of these are a better life, because when you want to you can properly relax. But I think it is separate to being alone, because those are the things anyone can benefit from. I am guessing we are a similar age, when we were growing up and early years in work, there were lots of choices for socialising. For me where I live that was bars and social/sports clubs. That too took effort, if you wanted people to talk to you went regular nights and sat talking to the same people. Unfortunately when we need that social stuff now that we are older, our bars are all restaurants, and they are not really social places anymore. The clubs are pretty much gone too. So I think that is why I personally am alone, the social things I could have used have gone.
It is not a gender issue. Most people serve there own interests. It is a evolutionary trait. Both moms and dads have a instinct to protect there kids. At the end of the day, you are the most important person, and you act accordingly.
Phil don’t take it personally about your nephew only wanting to text, it’s the way most young people communicate these days, it’s perfectly normal to them, they don’t know a time when cellphones didn’t exist. That’s how I communicate with my siblings, nieces & nephews, my mother( even though we talk on the phone equally as much) and my daughters( especially my youngest)my oldest face times much more and we talk directly like that. Anyway i frankly think it’s a positive sign that your nephew reaches out to you, I don’t know how old he is but by you mentioning that he may be the one you could call for help. Just a gut feeling.
I am in the same situation and recently had to get a colonoscopy. I hired a medical transport company to take me and pick me up. It was so easy and not that expensive.
Same here - colonoscopy and nobody to drive me , so medical transport it was . I had a heart attack in 2017 in Baltimore , and wound up enmeshed in the medical system , so I stayed . I've been in hospital a lot , and have driven myself to every appointment and operation . For a short while I maybe craved people being around to give a darn , but I quickly deduced that I didn't like people seeing me ill and laid out . The doctors and staff were enough , and it's their job . Those "visitors" are mostly just glad it isn't happening to THEM
I just had this experience, I'm 58. I've been a single parent for 16 years, my son is two hours away at university. My 90-year-old mother has dementia and is in assisted living, my two brothers died and my two cats don't drive. I needed cataract surgery and a driver that was REQUIRED to wait for me in their waiting area and drive me home. Luckily, I have a work friend who just retired and offered to be my driver. It was very kind of her and I felt comfortable since it was a very brief amount of time and not a very personal procedure. However, when my son completes graduate school in a couple of years, he'll 99.5% move out of the country due to his soon-to-be occupation. Ugh....this is an issue that many people currently face, but I suspect the number is going to grow in the years to come!
Single gay man here. Have a daughter but cant expect her to be my babysitter when I grow old. I love her and am raising her. Her mother abandoned her. I would love to meet someone like you, but of course, tgere's many differences. I hope you meet who you deserve. You seem like a wonderful soul.
I feel you. There are lots of people in the same situation. We have never been so connected and so lonely. I wish my married friends realised how lonely I am.
I am on my own too. I love it too. My bff died in the pandemic. I was very sad for a time, but now I am trying to accept it. Life is a gift. I am very self-sufficient and self-reliant and like a good deal of solitude. I also like to be prepared and minimalist. Good video. DM if you want a friend. Reach out anytime!
Hey, good morning. Watching from SoCal and I do consider myself a prepper but not to the extreme. So from one 'miserable SOB' to another, I get it and totally understand. Self reliance is a good thing, though at times can be tough. Good day sir.
New sub here everything you said struck home. Live alone without water bring in bottled water can't afford a new well. My Big goal has been to not be a burden to others. Survive the hurricane alone and it was scary in a mobile home. I have to drive to laundromats drive to take my garbage off and now my car is having problems. My one daughter is 2 hours away with a small child and they still have no power. There is no support system for me. I was a single mom who worked hard for everything. The doctors are hardly for me too. Haven't gotten new glasses because they want me to get my eyes dilated, can't drive myself that far in home with dilated eyes. All my friends were work friends and when I retired 6 years ago..... I have a belief in God, he has seen me through so much. But with no car this is scary.
@@patriciarussell756 I admire you and you are a person not many are anymore , if I was nearby I would be there to help as I do for my next door neighbours who are not deserving , that's typical of life the wrong people with the right people 💜
I live alone in a Campervan with a cat, disabled, retired, widowed 9 years in December. I'm definitely prepared. I have my routines, chores, hobbies. Huge windstorm last couple days. I had all my solar charged up, plenty of fuel, water, food. I'm good. Told my son, freshman in college, if his power went out he could come get warm in the van 😂 I made him his first 72 hour kit this year. He should be good
@@diy5729 I'm in a lot better position than many other disabled, seniors, veterans. I have a roof over my head and the wherewithal to keep doing so for sometime. Thank you for your kind thoughts.
@@Shantelle6253 you must have a steady income. What happens to a woman when her husband dies and the SSI (disability) check they've been living on goes away?
@@lootiecruss I think you have some assumptions but I'll address them. I'm on disability. I have no pension and no social security from my husband. No life insurance. Just. ME. To be honest...I didn't have a choice. I was out on my own and joined the Army at 17. I then pursued an education obtained a Master's degree, completed an internship and passed 2 board exams. All while raising my son, losing my spouse at the age of 37, and becoming paralyzed from the neck down at 42. Learned to walk again, learned to tie my own shoes again and how to write my name again. So I am not really sure how to answer the question for someone who hasn't had to be in charge of making sure their existence is covered on their own. It's not a judgement as many of my fellow widows never had to support themselves and are completely unprepared for this life of self support. You...just...HAVE TO. One step at a time. One dollar at a time. I save HALF of every check once a month for medical bills. Because let's be honest medicare pays shit. I eat beans and rice and rice and beans because that's what $20 a week for groceries gets you.. I'm happy to answer any other questions that don't come with assumptions.
@@Shantelle6253 Hi, I wasn't making assumptions about you. I just suddenly felt overwhelmed by all the comments, by all the people in the same similar boat... I was referring to my own situation. This video and and all the comments has really gotten to me.
We cannot be ready for everything. I rely on Jesus Christ who is my strength. He was there when I had nobody and nothing, and he is still with me and always will be.
If you don't have a pet you should get one. I know it sounds crazy, but somehow they fill the void of being alone. After a while they can tell when you need just a little companionship.
Go with a cat for sure. They’re piling up in shelters everywhere. Not as high maintenance as a dog, and pretty independent for all the independent-minded folks out there. You just have to sort out ahead of time what happens to them should anything happen to you…
I agree. When my wife passed 3 years ago I pretty much lost it. My Psychiatrist told me to get a dog. Got 2 rescue dogs, helped bring me back to being ok.
@@lootiecruss You see a lot of people in long marriages that only talk to one another when needed and are just together for convenience and other minor perks and never wanted to go through the hassle of a divorce. These people might as well be by themselves. I think that's it.
Our circle of friends and family as we get older typically shrinks. People die, they move away or their lives take a different path than yours. Very few young people today stay in the area they were raised. Making new friends is challenging but not impossible. I found getting a dog, which forced me out of the house for walks provided me with an opportunity to meet people in my neighborhood. Finding a meaningful past time like joining a gym, church, a social club or a senior center or local recreational center provides another opportunity to be with people. Volunteering for a local charity is also an option or a part time job whether you need the money or not. It is important not to isolate yourself. Find a reason to get up in the morning, keep yourself well groomed, go out to dinner at least once a week by yourself if you have to. Staying home alone all the time can lead to depression and some bad habits like drinking, eating too much or sleeping too much. Get involved in local politics as a volunteer. Regardless if you find a partner, new friend or not, the social stimulation is great for your mental and emotional health. If you still can't get a move on then see a therapist to help you with this. You do have options besides isolating at home.
I am so sorry. My wife of 53 years passed away 3 years ago. It is hard to meet people, but I think I really don't want to either. But there are lot's of widows, I know they would love to meet you. At least that's what I believe. God Bless.
No worries regarding the friends thing.....As time passes, people develop different commitments (like family, job, other things). It is not you, it is just normalcy. Regarding not asking your family to pick you up, maybe you can just try it and offer to reciprocate on something else. Then you get double the visits. If the nephew likes video games, offer to go to Gamestop to pick up a vid after he picks you up.
The hardest period of my life was when I was betrayed and my mother passed away .....u dont get second chances .no one's showing up other than my brother fior my avm( no u can't let the children walk home society has changed a lot ) I'm a jaded ex child hood counselor .
I have zero family and friends. And I mean zero. It's my own doing, I did so much for other people that I burned out. I rely exclusively on paying people, like contractors. I am very self sufficient. And I budget for it.
I understand. I was medically retired at 46 and then moved my folks into my house to help them because of their health. Dad died 5 years into it and then Mom died 5 years after Dad. 10 years as a caregiver (dementia) has left me isolated and alone. My brothers would stop by once every couple of years for a 1 day visit aside from that everything was on me. Sometimes, I would get a "happy birthday" email. How charming. Now, I am alone. My house has been paid off for years and I have a limited set income. I know what I can afford. What is worse is I have an invisible physical disability. I "look" fit and healthy and when people see me, it's at the time that I am at my best...but people assume that it is my baseline and not my extreme. Now, that I am not tied to my house by caring for my folks, I have been able to go to church. That is my big event and human interaction for the week.
I can SO relate to this. MANY of us can, we inadvertently find ourselves this way, without quite understanding why, or how, it happened. Bad decisions and poor choices on my end, I believe. 😞
In my case, I consider it to be good choices. I've eliminated most people from my personal life because I found many just wanted to use me for what I could do for them. I enjoy my alone time, just my dog and me.
Yup! I know EXACTLY what you mean. I've got no family either. I do have one family member that lives out of state so that's not a resource I can depend on if I ever really needed help. I had to drive myself to the hospital to get my gallbladder out when it was a raging four-alarm fire inside my gut. After surgery, I drove myself home! Luckily I don't live too far from the hospital. Yeah, I do have a few friends but they're all busy. So when I see and hear people talking about their parents, siblings, etc., I basically don't have any of that. It's just me and when I'm gone, that's it. I've had shitty luck with women my whole life watching them pair off with men who wind up treating them like garbage. So I've had to get by on my own. And now that I'm in my fifties, some of those women in my age bracket are divorced and now suddenly willing to give a shot to those men they might have thumbed their noses at when they were in their prime. No thank you. I've made it this far on my own. I'll go the rest of the way on my own. In the "plus" column, I am financially stable with no debt so I don't want to screw that up with a potential divorce/break-up at this point in my life.
I'm all alone. I was in the hospital and could have died and nobody cared. My nephew and nieces are just wanting me to die thinking they will be inheritors in my will. They are not. My best friend died during Covid and we were each other's support system. My brother stole all he could so he has to be out of my life. I don't trust anyone much. I think about finding someone to share my life with but it just takes to much effort and I'm not willing to go the mile. I enjoy the benefits of living alone but people don't understand why anyone wants to do that. I have a chance to live with a dear friend in a beautiful home but it's her home and she is young and I will feel like a live in housemaid and no longer a friend. She doesn't understand that and I end up feeling inconsiderate and unworthy of her friendship. There are no easy answers right now in my life. My other plan is to pack up and just travel anyplace I want to go and find happiness again.
I definitely hardened over the years, especially after my divorce in 2019. It’s either toughen up or fall off that cliff of depression, and I can’t afford to do the latter with two teenage sons left to raise.
I once had to go to the hospital to have a procedure done. I was told I would be given anesthesia, and because of that I was required to have someone pick me up. Since I didn't have anyone to pick me up, I had the procedure done without anesthesia.
I have the same problem about being picked up for procedures at the hospital. I have to use a pay service and pay by the hour to get things happening in those circumstances.
You're not the only one alone. The dr ordered an MRI scan on my prostate and it showed a large cancer mass on the backside of it. So he makes an appointment with the urologist to see about getting a biopsy on it. I go in for some prelim tests and get a date for it, I never even get to see the Dr , just a nurse, and he tells me to have someone drive me over and then pick me up. I said will a cab be alright? He said no, it needs to be a friend or family member. I don't have either one around me so I canceled the biopsy. And made an apt to actually meet the Dr before she works on me..😅And I will be taking a cab.
No time for the surface stuff here either. I can relate to having to plan, prepare and hanndle things on my own too. I have a "mini snow leopard" and a German Shepherd, so I have to fend for them as well. People ask if Im' going to retire - and the answer is 'no.'
@@Philipbuono77 I don't have children and have never been married. So it's just me against the world. I honestly am not good at asking for help since I've done everything on my own for so long. I go to concerts alone. Go out to eat alone. I'm so used doing things by myself that it would feel almost foreign if that were to change. And it either takes you down or makes you stronger like you said earlier. Nothings broken me yet. So I guess I'm doing ok. Would just be nice to have someone to hang out with as opposed to being alone. But that's the hand I was dealt. Just trying to play it the heat way I can.
Having a true spiritual connection and communicating with Source is the best source of comfort. I find people today place such emphasis on getting all these medical tests and surgeries when they appear to be very unhappy and lonely in their life with no hope for their future. Our ancestors accepted the course of life much more readily - it did not come with guarantees like is expected today. If you can find it, watch the movie "The Ballad of Cable Hogue" with Jason Robards - I think from the late 60s-early 70s. Will give you a different perspective on living - and accepting - a solitary life. Good luck - to all.
Well … I’ve loaned my car to my neighbor\ handyman twice because I trust him-I’m 84 and still running the small house that I own thanks to him, he’s 61, and his truck rusted to pieces and he just let it go. I would ask him. I would give him my car and have him drive me to the doctor or whatever and then, make the appointment for him to come and get me. All my other friends are working and my two married children who would do it are each 60 miles away in different directions.
65 years of age and living abroad due to the cost of living in the USA and I couldn't afford to live on my own. One adult child and one adult grandson both in the states. My best friend is in the states as well. I hear what you're saying. 👏🏼 As for schools, I'm always amazed how a dusting of snow equals closing schools for the day. 😅
In my area if the school bus can't get up into the mountains to pick up those kids then they had to cancel for the entire school down in the valley. They might have just a dusting in the valley or even no snow at all but the mountains can still get a lot of snow due to higher elevations and colder temps. Weird but true.
Some advice for all those who live alone. Do moderate physical/breathing exercises. Reduce weight. Fast once a week (skip dinner). Ensure there are no slippery floors anywhere. Get rid of all unwanted things lying around. Take magnesium and multivitamin tablets. Have proper and extra eyeglasses. Always carry a charged mobile phone. Learn to do video calls. Have internet cctv in your home that your children can view. And any other precautions required for the place you stay.
You know Phil here is a the opposite of your situation, I am 57 and still take care of everyone, they all call me to pick them up, and my house is full. Sometimes I want to be alone. Take care of yourself Phil.
I agree. Many acquaintances but very few truly close. I ask neighbors if something comes up and I need a ride. Ahead of time I do whatever presents itself to help neighbors on a day-to-day basis but I’m very careful to only ask for favors when truly needed. Works for me! Generally I do everything for myself and I feel I’m always on top of things so I rarely get surprised! And I don’t expect anything from anybody so nobody disappoints me. In the meantime I’m very busy with all my stuff (hobbies, house and cabin chores, taking care of my dogs, doing a little traveling, and a little motorcycling).
I also live independently and I have done so my entire adult life. I completely understand what you have shared in this video. It requires being very realistic about changes in life as you grow older and being proactive about these things. I think I understand what you say about getting hard inside. When you are the only one to look after yourself, you are forced to “get on with it” and shoulder the full load of whatever is going on, because there is no-one to take up any slack. I do see other people who may be going through something I have, and there is a lot of fluttering of others around them to support them - whereas I went through it independently and kept the rest of my life going without any fuss. If i help, it will be done in a very practical and immediate way (because that is what I have learnt to do). In those moments I realise that I have built a fair amount of grit within myself and I think that may make me come across as practically minded but also a bit “hardened”.
You would be surprised to know there’s many people in the same situation.
💯
My husband passed away 3 yrs ago. I am now 57 years old and I am in the same situation as you. I never thought when I was younger about what this would be like one day. When I get the flu or anything else, I have to get out of bed sick to go get food etc. I don't have anyone to run by the store for me or take me to the doc, etc. If I can't drive I am just here at the house on my own with no help. I simply cannot afford an uber on my limited income. I live in a rural area so there are no taxi's. I am not feeling sorry for myself. Just accepting the reality of my life and praying I stay healthy as I grow older.
Many of us are reciting the same prayer. Try to prepare for the road ahead.
Same here.
Hang in there young lady. I've been sick for 9 days with a killer cold. Took a covid test and it said negative. Had a prior chest injury in past, so I get concerned. Nobody checks on me. And I have a niece that is a nurse less than 20 miles away! So, yeah, there are a lot of us that just go through the motions every day. Mowing the lawn, etc.
Some stuff you can't do anything about.
Some you can. Difficult to know the difference sometimes. We ain't dead yet! 😀
GOD bless you, Lynn. I pray with these words that you stay healthy.
I feel you! I'm 57 also. Lost my husband of 31 years in Jan 2021!
I've got nobody. I've never had anyone. Yep, I'm sad in my heart but I think that has made me a more caring and compassionate person.
Trust me friend you are far better off not having nobody, now 71 loved living on my own now have son and his family living with me. I hate it thankfully it’s just shot term, hopefully.
When my dad unexpectedly passed away in 2020 from COVID, not only did I feel a huge loss, but I also realized dad was the only person in my life who had my back. The realization was jolting.
I know.
At least I had a good relationship with him in his latter years.
Made his loss worse, probably.
Yes. I know!
Same thing happened to my mom except she died of cirrhosis in 2022. I have Noone now really. I'm 42 years old.
I went on my neighborhood Next Door and asked how seniors were dealing with life challenges, cost of living, housing, getting to appointments? Well the result was four of us senior women met for coffee. One never had children. Another, her daughter lived 60 miles away. My son travels for work and I don’t see him very often. The result is that we meet socially and we help each other with appointments. I recently took one to her colonoscopy, and helped her out of the hospital in case she was woozy. Next week I take another woman to her root canal. We are ages 72 through 77. All of us still drive and are engaged with different activities where we can discuss what is currently happening in our area, among other topics. I have often seen a group of retirees gather daily for walks or coffee, many of these being men who may have continued this bond for years. Maybe volunteering at a food bank or delivering meals on wheels is another way to be engaged with the world around you? Or form a support group for helping each other out.
Your solution is about the best I've heard.
That's a great idea...
That's a great example!
@JaJ,
Excellent ideals. You can establish a family from “love” not just blood.🫶🏾💯
I love this! Create the community/support you want and need!!
My family are all dead. My friends have either died or live in other areas of the country. Self-reliance becomes tenuous as my body is slowly evolving. Not sure why I chose a life of isolation. I keep getting messages that we were not created to do things alone. Yet I value my solitude. I have a relationship with a Power greater than myself that sustains me, my books, movies, the internet and television. For the first time in life, I am truly content. Great video.
You have great courage, power, and love of your self to value your solitude.
🪴🗾🦋✨🌷
I could've written this myself. I am in exactly the same situation. I chose isolation, and for the reasons you mentioned, as well as my sweet dogs, I am truly content and at peace.
@@mgarcia2445 I am alone a lot - more than I really want at 69 with severe arthritis I am limited and used to be very active. My daughter has decided I am the problem in her life and she estranged me and my sister for close to 3 years. My sister forced the issue to try and heal the situation. We have seen each other recently, but she is starting with her manipulate degrading behavior and I don't want to deal with that. Life is not easy sometimes and we have to just try and deal with it. I do have strong beliefs in God and the afterlife which help. I have had a lot of dogs, 5 who have passed and now have another but he is difficult with behavior issues. Have to take life day by day.
@@mgarcia2445 Wuff Wuff kiddo...I am in same situation. Contentment and peace are priceless.
Everyone who reads this, we don't know each other and probably never will but I wish you all the best in life and all the luck in the world
And the same to you dear heart.
@@GoldenTimelines you also
😊
We are like a big family we understand each other, I prefer this family ❤❤❤❤
@@fran-kittyayers5329 Thank you so much! I feel the same way, it's truly wonderful to have a family that understands and appreciates each other like this.
I've given so much of my personal time helping relatives throughout the years. Yet I still feel so alone and Isolated from the very same people I helped. Sadly I feel I can't trust any of them at this point.
Me too. My son is on the west coast of America. My two sisters are 80+, and brother is 70+, and none of them live close. I'm 65 and going on Medicare in a few weeks. I'm a widow, and retired. There have been times when I had to call on neighbors to drive me to the hospital, but they moved away. I'm isolated on a farm, but three years ago I met a man 8 years my junior. He helps me a great deal, and is there for me, but absolutely nobody likes the idea of us as a couple. The family wants him out of my house. The family never calls to check on me, nor do they visit. I have done so much for them over the years. And all they do is judge me. I will admit that I've had doubts about the boyfriend's fidelity. After he moved into my home, I discovered his ex-girlfriend is still very much in his life. He also asked me to leave the house to him in my will. Nobody else wants it. May as well.
From another UA-cam commenter: Don’t cross an ocean for somebody who won’t cross the street for you.
No family,wife or kids. My few friends have passed on as have my wonderful pets. I am an old boomer living alone. I manage quite well being alone as
I have hobbies. For any medical procedure that requires someone to pick me up will require me to hire a driver as i did a few months ago for an out patient procedure.When i die, hopefully in my home , no one will know or care. Sooner or later someone will find my remains.i have stated in my will leaving all my money to the local no kill animal shelter. I've always loved animals.
I have nobody also at my age. Everyone left or died. My daughter has her own family and is always too busy. I have learned to do everything myself. It’s just me and the dog. Sometimes having a dog is better than a relationship with another toxic person.
Yep 👍 I've grown up to be independent and I like to control My life , yes I have family, friends and a cat but over my 68 years sadly I've learnt you can't always rely on anyone but yourself ( except for my dogs ) 💜
Hey Phil, I think as we age we just can’t be bothered with too many people in our lives. We’ve learnt with people comes drama and I just can’t be asked. I enjoy my dogs much more. They never complain and with them I’m always right and gorgeous.
If you can't get up from bed your dog will help you, also cook your food, take you to the doctor and...🙄
@@irisnunez5741 I have family in my life. I just meant socially.
@lovelyskull3483, I agree to much drama, lol. I'll stay with my pets as well. I've always been a longer all my life even in school, I'm 63 now.
I've gone non-contact with my siblings and have been feeling so much better for it. They could start a fight in an empty room whereas I'm averse to conflict and confrontation. So as much as I wish we were on better terms, I can't be arsed. Can't be doing with drama anymore.
God bless. Hail Mary! Kumbaya.
You're so right. I can no longer deal with people and their insanity. My senior rescue doggie and I are happy.
I had a medical emergency recently but thankfully I had a lot of wee-wee pads set up and water out for my fur baby. I was in the hospital for a day and did my own medical release, against medical advice, to get back to her.
Now, I'm super careful about my health and constantly watch my blood pressure and blood sugar. I'm connected to a Constant Glucose Monitor. My emergency hospital visit was diabetic ketoacidosis, blood sugar over 750. I'm a thin Type 1 Diabetic.
Nothing is keeping me more mindfully healthy than my doggie ... and we go to parks or beaches everyday to exercise. Win win.
Hey Phil!!! I hear you. When I lived alone, I felt faint one day and went to bed and laid down. As I'm lying on the bed dizzy, I said to myself, "Shit, if I die right now it could be weeks before someone finds me here! Enjoy the weekend my friend!
I feel the same.
@@Brad1237202 Yep. Me too. I just worry about my cats running out of water...
Me too.
Ditto. 🎡
@@loyalUSguy - this is what has stopped me getting a pet.
You are not alone, there are so many of us out here! This reality makes me sad. We should all figure out a way to be in touch so we can help each other!
i agree
I’m in the same boat as you. You’re brave to talk about these topics - I relate 100%
@@lindasimko480 I am in aw too, so much support and caring from everyone it touches me really I’m privileged to continue doing these videos
This is easy: volunteer. Help people. Could be through a church, but it doesn't have to be. Show up at a soup kitchen once a week, or fix up old bicycles for poor kids. Get involved in big brothers, or beach cleanups, whatever. After a while, people will notice, and you'll become a regular. Specifically, the kind of people who show up and help people.
I’m hearing you. I’ve been a single parent of two for 26 years. I was horrifically sick at the start of the year with cellulitis. I was septic and was hospitalised for a week. I had to get a taxi to the hospital and a taxi home a week later. My family lives two hours away. As for the “hardening” thing. I think that comes with age. I’m 50, I just want a simple life and I don’t have the time or energy for drama. I’m alone but not lonely. In fact, I’ve never been happier than right now. Cheers from Country Victoria, Australia 🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺
In the USA they won’t let you leave unless it is someone you know and if you don’t have someone to take and bring you they shrug and won’t schedule the procedure
If you feel you are fine and leave against medical advice insurance won’t pay for the procedure
Here in the USA, I had to "hire" a person to take me, stay there at the facility, and then take me home from the procedure ( colonoscopy ). They would not let me use uber, or any taxi service. It's a racket. Cost me $200 out of pocket.
@@929cbr_rr yup
My sister had that done on a week I was visiting her so I took her. They said she needed a ride to and from and it had to be someone she knew so I told her I was coming in a month so just schedule it while I was there. Then literally the day before the procedure they called to confirm and also now sprung it on her and you need someone to sign that they will supervise and stay with you the next 24 hours which wasn’t a problem but we were not happy at the additional rules at the last minute.
Doctors and their front office just see us humans as their cash cow and if you are in a hardship they have no solutions (even if you don’t mind paying you might just need to know what is available since they see this regularly (we can’t be the only ones alone) and they just shrug and move onto the next person even if you end up dying from not being able to get service under their rules.
Same in australia
I’m 68 I have no one. I had to move back to the house I grew up in miles from where I had lived for 15 years. I have one neighbor I’ve asked for help he charge me $50.00 . I have another neighbor but I don’t trust her, I think someone she knows stole my lawnmower and other items from my storage shed. I have hard time trusting anyone. I’m having health issues and one to ask for help.
I hear you, you are not alone. Is very hard to trust.
Sounds like you are surrounded by crappy people.
Volunteer volunteer volunteer. I joined a church, got involved and volunteer. When you look around with the mindset of how can I help, where can I help, who can I help, and how can I take care of myself, everything else falls into place. You can flip the script from worrying about yourself to feeling strong and capable. Even if you are already ill, inform or physically challenged you can still use this strategy. It is not as easy but it can be done.
I have had to go in for medical procedures with mild anesthesia, and I was told in advance I could not take a taxi home even if fully recovered from the anesthesia. I have had no one to come with me or pick me up. You are not alone. There are many others out there. I have always found a way to work this out--convince them to let a medical van service pick me up ($100), have a home health aide pick me up, find a volunteer through an agency. It is demeaning and degrading. They will say, you don't have a friend who can pick you up? The hospitals care only about liability and will do nothing to help you find a solution. They will deny you treatment, and you're basically on your own to figure something out. I don't let it get to me anymore, but something needs to be done about it.
I went through this ... had out-patient surgery and besides the staff ... even the surgeon was questioning my relationships. Thank you for saying the words "degrading" and "humiliating." I learned my lesson the first out-patient surgery, they made me stay overnight in the hospital because I didn't have a ride. My second out-patient surgery, I arranged for medical transport.
Medical transport should be covered by your medical insurance. Mine was. And the hospital staff didn't question it or fight back. It was no cost.
@@paulaoh5306 If the surgeon is doing their job they'll insist you stay overnight in hospital after a general anaesthetic.
Right, demeaning their attitude when you say you don't have anyone to call in an emergency. I started putting my deceased sister's name and phone number down just to avoid the demeaning situation.
I actually do, at least technically, have “people” (i.e., family members) who can pick me up from a surgical center, but getting any one of them to carve out the time for this inconvenience is almost not worth the hassle. I’d actually like to be officially and in actuality completely on my own. I’ve learned over my 66 years that I’m the only person I can trust to take care of me.
This is what’s wrong with the United States or wherever you’re coming from
My first apartment, age 18, and had to mother myself when sick...that was when reality set in: self-reliance.
It didn't faze me when I was younger but now at 74, whoa boy. Things do change.
Sick, as in a cold or flu or food poisoning, etc.? It would never occur to me to need someone to "mother" me. Could be because my mother wasn't the mothering type so it has always been normal to just go through whatever and then go on. It's not like you can't walk or make a can of soup.
There are more of us like you than you think. A plus is that we don't have to worry about leaving anyone behind at that last moment. Good to see your video.
A woman with a similar channel (can't remember the name) was saying that there is an increasing phenomenon called 'elder orphans'. It applies to people over 50 with no partner, parents or children. I'm in that situation myself and the loss of each important person in my life felt like the ropes tethering me to all that was safe and familiar were being cut, one by one. It's an odd feeling and can be scary, but I have a small group of friends who help me feel that I still have a connection. To those truly going it alone please remember that there are people who care...and who understand. 🙏
@@janethammond5925 I watch her good videos
My husband of 27 years abandoned our son and me. I need 2 tests and I have to be driven there. I have no one to drive me like you. I helped all my friends over the years but where are they now that I need them. They all used me like a doormat and now since they don't need me, too bad for me. Iwas just going to drive my car there and sit in my car until the stuff they give you wears off but now. My 15year old car died, done finished no car. I can't afford one. SoI I totally understand. Great video.
I have just been told that I am considered very mean by people in my life. I'm 65 and at the point where I wonder why even bother with people? They always have a selfish agenda and if you don't let yourself be used and abused they call you mean! I am really understanding why you stay away from people. I don't feel welcome with any one. Living a life of isolation would mean no more drama and I wouldn't have to put up with being called mean.
My neighbor tells people that nobody likes me. This is why I don't bother with my neighbor. People are just assholes.
My neighbor in his mid 60's who has no one, asked me if I would drive him to, and pick him up, from his colonoscopy, I agreed. Had to take him in at 6:30AM. 3 weeks later I had a colonoscopy at a local facility and asked him if he could give me a ride home, he said 'NO' 😯
OK, then I tell him next time you need to be in the hospital or driven back from the dentist from a procedure or from vision or you can’t drive then I will say no also.
Oh my, did you ask him why?
@@lootiecruss boomers are takers
Cold
one good thing about living alone with no fake friends to help you out, is you take very good care of yourself and what you have, because you don't want to end up in the hospital with no one to help you out, but if you are on SS with medicare or some other insurance and end up in the hospital like I did they will send someone out to check your home and make sure everything is ok with your pets and stuff and if you make it home alive and need help with things they do send people out to help you. yes you are going to get a giant stack of bills in the mail, but at least you will be alive and your home and pets will be ok and if you can't afford to pay the giant stack of bills you will get in the mail they will work out a plan that you can afford. me myself I don't give a crap anymore, what ever is going to happen is going to happen and everyday is just another day I get to live. my days of worrying about anything are over. wishing everyone the best.
Thank you for informing me
I wondered about that. I have never been married and have no kids or family nearby and even if I had friends they aren’t going to take a day off for me as they have to save their time for their own lives so I wondered if I need to get a caregiver for a day (I’m younger) but then I wonder if they show up if it isn’t a long assignment
Love your attitude.
@calvin May I ask how old you are?
@@lootiecruss 65 I think, I don't even know what day or month it is most of the time, I retired at 49 and have not worked in so long that every day is just another day, no need to be concerned what day it is anymore, or how old I am, all I know is if I wake up. I am still alive and breathing. wishing you the best. semper fi.🦾
Great attitude. There is no light at the end of the tunnel. Maybe the spiritual light you develop yourself. Most of our worries never come to pass and in the time of dire need providence provides. Everything happens harmoniously and all we have to do is relax and let it be. The only Rumi quote I like is "The one who brought me here is the one who takes me home."
The best company is your own, and as an example healthcare worker, there are many people in the same boat. Your independence is precious, so enjoy it while you're able.
This!❤
@@EL-gu8fv But then what, after you can't be independent anymore? Who takes care of you then if you didn't marry or have kids or your family is all dead, etc etc
Im the same no one, 63 One thing I have become more disciplined with everything I do. and I analyze everything I do .Im a christian so I dont worry about dying alone...I have been bedside with many relatives that have passed on in front of me...they are alone to....its that time between you and God regardless of how many are in the room.
I'm not going to lie this scares me shitless. My parents are in their late 70's. I rely on them a ton. I have a husband, no kids. I have very few friends, by choice. I have a brother but we aren't the closest. This does worry me for sure. sending lots of love your way ❤
@@RosettaStoned462 seriously my advice as I did start now!!! Preparing for a possible single life 1st figure out what you want and where you’re going in life at least the general direction good
I'm scared shitless, too! I'm kinda similar to you. I don't know how old you are, but I'm almost 62. The ONLY person I have is my husband and he isn't in the greatest of health. (I'm also financially dependent on him, so that would be a huge worry if something were to happen to him). No kids. My parents are now both gone. I have a brother but we have nothing to do with each other. No other family. I have no friends.
I live in the UK now, moved here when I was 41 (where I met my husband). We still don't own a house which worries me and I don't drive either.
Very hard to be in this situation getting older.
@@Philipbuono77 thank you. I have a good job, a health 401k and I'm very fortunate that my parents have an expensive home so I'll be OK financially. I love animals and we have 4 shelter dogs so I know I'll always have animals but they can't drive or talk lol. I do think that what scarss me most is losing my parents, and of course husband. I have hobbies but I'll probably have to rely on them a lot more. My dream would be to run an animal rescue but not sure how that will work out.
@@Bluebird19-ll8su it's hard isn't it. I'm in my mid 40s. I'm fortunate that I'm financially sound but that's one only piece of the pie. 💕 Do you have any animals?
@@RosettaStoned462 Yes, it is hard and just so worrisome when thinking about the future. You're very fortunate that finances won't be a problem; unfortunately, that is my biggest worry. I don't have any pieces of the pie, lol. Well, maybe fortunate that I don't have any major health problems (although a number of little ones).
I do have three cats; they are all strays. One is completely tame, the other two not so much, but they show up every day for meals and my husband built them a shelter. To be honest, I wish we didn't have them. (Don't get me wrong, I'm a huge animal lover), but I worry if something were to happen to my husband and I'm on my own, I would have to move out of here and I couldn't take them with me. (They would need someone to professionally trap them- no way would I be able to get them in a cat carrier.)
I sometimes just feel sad that my life has turned out this way. My few former friends from back home are all doing well. Set financially, living in nice homes, family, retired or almost retired. I cut ties with everyone and have nothing to do with Facebook anymore because it's too depressing and makes me feel like such a loser. Pathetic, isn't it!
Mate I hear you. Its a gift from the holy spirit. Its a calling. He is isolating you so you hear him. Going through it right now and its tough but its ultimately a huge shift for those who hear the calling. It truly is a hard emotionally but its not about the physical. This is a spiritual calling. Its a blessing in disguise. God bless.
I too live a solo existence. First apartment at age 32 before that always friends and roommates a few relationships. Wow! Had not realized I would enjoy quiet time as I would discover over next 36 years. Lots of ups and downs and the ongoing mini dramas of chronic fatigue I began experiencing as a child.
Over time friendships just start going away. This surprised me as I had enjoyed my time spent with others. Gradually I came to see the brevity of our lives and the diffidence from others a reflection of the self absorption in our culture few acknowledge as such. Collective effort and caring about others it is limited. And the demands that can be made by others in positions of authority..often reflect a generalized insensitivity.
So some of us find solace and frankly peace and relief in the time we have to ourselves. We get an ambient existence we know to be thankfully less complicated. Decisions you make in moments to watch favorite movies you can stream on a loop and old books and news items to opt in and out of. Creative pursuits. A favorite snack or meal. Picture puzzles that are of lovely scenes..places you don’t have to book a flight to..no waiting at the interminable gate.
To sleep at night..it might be your last or the beginning by morning to experience again. Yes there is a higher power a certain order you know is tranquility a reassuring gesture this is you your time in space. A place you really do have. 🌷✨🦋✅
I really enjoyed your comment. I love the way you write. "Interminable gate" brought a big smile to my face.
Self absorption seems to be at an all time high, everyone wants help yet not giving it. Mememe. Even my "friends" I only hear from nowadays when they need to vent about their family...who they give all the time & energy to, stealing from me, the person with no help. I make myself left apt to be stolen from these days, yet it took years for me to realize what I thought was building friendships and people to help that one day I needed something... wasn't going to happen.
I'm also the family scapegoat. I helped them all the time! Yet was never part of the "tribe". They can't name anything wrong I've done... I'm just not INCLUDED. But wow, they sure do call/text when they want something! Now that my father is ill, it's been especially tough. I want to see him "through" to death, yet after being excluded for decades and now to be used as a caregiving tool, I'm in a bind. My mom died in a car accident 26 years ago and I wanted his death to end differently for us all...yet he and my sister (bad life choice making golden child) are in power, don't have the cognitive ability to see his care through...yet still treat me as a potential enemy...all while calling me to "do favors" almost daily. A club I was never part of wants my help, tough situation with ailing parent.
Man, Phil, can I relate to you! Right off the bat before you said the words, I KNEW your topic. No, I do not have anyone to pick me up from the doctors or hospital. Over the past year I've had a major surgery and two upper endoscopys requiring sedation. All of those required help. I had to beg co-workers. What happens in 2 years when I retire? All of my relatives are dead except for my three siblings. My siblings are difficult at best. They are secretive, judgmental, and uncooperative. Just last night after a bad episode I blocked all three of them from my cellphone. It was a hard call, but the reality is they haven't been here for me in my hour of need, so really what's the loss? They just serve to make me feel bad about myself. And if you're wondering, yes all three siblings live within a half hour of me. Thanks for letting me vent again!
So how did you solve the problem because my experience is the front desk will just badger you and leave you to figure it out or won’t do the procedure and move on to the next patient.
I was wondering if you could pay for a day caregiver but then you wonder if they show up
One of my coworkers had to have surgery, and I didn't think she had anyone to help her , so I offered. She rebuffed me, so I let it go. A few days before her surgery, she asked if I was willing to help. Of course, was my answer .
She had a ride to and from lined up. But they wouldn't do the surgery unless someone stayed during the surgery. She tried her best to wriggle around that, but it was a no-go.
I took her , stayed, and took her home .Went and got her medication and some food.
Oddly, when she came back to work, she avoided me and was unfriendly.
I'm guessing she was embarrassed, feeling like I saw her at her lowest.
I'm happily married, so no weird stuff going on.
@@stanleyhape8427 Stanley, thank you for your kindness to her! From your description it seems she greatly needed the help. Pride and shame could be the reason. But rest assured, I bet you my bottom dollar that she was thankful for you! You are a good person!
@@stanleyhape8427 Yikes, she sounds very rude indeed.
@929cbr_rr
I never said she was rude. Nor did I think she was rude.
It's ok to help people and let them have their own feelings , especially when they are going through something scary and no one by their side except a coworker they met a month or so ago.
I know the feeling. Same thing here. I'm 66 in December.
Excellent video. Thank you 🙏 I ve decided to move to a country that’s more community oriented. Here in San Diego I wonder who will find my body if I collapse. Perhaps 🤔 the pet sitter. I didn’t plan to be this way. I didn’t expect all my family and husband to be gone before my 50’s. However, USA 🇺🇸 and its individualistic society makes everything worse. Please keep posting, it’s really reassuring.
Please share what country! I think about leaving the US almost daily.
@@ahermitslife3684 good question. I've thought about it but it's so scary to think about, especially when it seems like most of the world hates the USA.
It's sad that so many people have no one that they can count on when they need a helping hand. I remember someone asking me if I had someone that could pick me up from an appointment and I said that I have no one. Her reply was that everyone has at least one person that they can call upon. That's so untrue.
I keep saying that I need to get better prepared for if things go wrong, whatever those things may be. I'd like to live off grid be self sufficient but not alone.
@@ElleT-v3y That was a cruel thing for her to say! ❤️
I traded drama in for a real life full of interesting and challenging experiences. I am confident I can rely on myself. I really do try not to put my emotional well being in the hands of anybody else - it is not their responsibility to regulate those emotions for me. It isn't fair to them, either. I respect your situation and empathize with your situation. I do have a bestie and we have some shared interests and we spend a lot of time together; strictly platonic. He's a supportive green flag guy. I am fortunate. We don't enable each other - we just support each other. We have each other's unconditional love.
That said, sometimes I still feel so incredibly sad and alone because of my own challenges.
All of my best to you and your supporters through these hard times.
My family are all dead. My friends from where I lived and worked have died. I've been back in my childhood home, alone, since 2011. I have an ex-husband that has married again living 2 hrs. away and he recently came up and drove me to my cataract surgeries. Now, my challenge is to have my 5 yr. colonoscopy follow-up. I'm 74 and smoke cigarettes. I was chatting with the clerk in my cig. store and she offered to take me for my colonoscopy if/when I schedule it. The prep is too much for me right now, but I have a paid ride if I do. She's 64 and realizes how hard aging in place tends to get.
I understand, man. I'm about your age and live alone and wonder every day how this happened.
Honestly, I think we are both following our human instincts. Taking care of our interests and surviving as best as we can.
The problems arise because our instincts dont fit the isolation of modern cities.
We evolved for village life where we would have no choice but to be with people constantly. No privacy. No freedom. No loneliness.
I guess it's a trade off. I'm thinking of trying to find a local group on facebook to help with the loneliness.
Good luck to you, man, really. You help me, too, in seeing that others are dealing with this issue.
Even if we have friends to pick us up, everyone is busy with work or whatever. I think it’s easier and more private to just hire a driver. The doctor’s office can arrange for transportation if you need help. Life is different- we don’t even like staying at peoples houses when we visit from out of town. We’d rather stay in hotels after getting together, whether at their home or a restaurant.
Vey true. I do not like overnight guests any longer.🤮Some people are too much work. I love guests that are self reliant.💁🏽💯You just point and they will take it from there…
I’m in that situation.
Where I live we something called a “medical taxi” - it’s very expensive, but it’s for people who don’t have friends/family to take them home from same day surgery, etc. Contact the discharge people at your local hospital and ask who they use for this kind of situation and keep that number handy.
Thank you for the intel
I wondered about that and like you said it is expensive but so is going out with friends and buying gifts for all the family members (if you have family and friends) so I guess if you are smart you can think of the savings and use that to prepare
This has not been good enough for the two surgeries I've had this year. The problem was that I would need someone to escort me out of the hospital AND into my apartment building. A 'free to me' Medicaid taxi or Uber does not offer that. And the hospitals' transport companies only offer it when patients need stretcher service, I was ambulatory. At the last minute, one hospital agreed to let my apartment manager vouch for me that I'd been safely delivered home... but the appendectomy was botched so I was kept overnight.
And a surgery 3 days ago was always planned as an overnight stay simply due to the escort problem. Otherwise, I would have been discharged the same day. The nurses kept asking who was picking me up and the hospital's social worker called me with a hard sell to take the cab they were offering.
@@myoldvhstapes Oh, I’m sorry to hear about how things worked out… it’s awful how people who don’t have someone to come pick us up are penalized by “the system”. If the Medical Taxi options in your area aren’t an option, perhaps you could check apps like “Next Door” to find people (individuals, not Uber) who drive people to/from the airport, drs appts, etc, if there’s an Assisted Living place near you, they may be aware of people who drive their residents, I see ads posted on Next Door by retired nurses who drive seniors to pick up extra $$ (FYI, I live in a metro area, I realize these suggestions may not work for people who live in extremely rural areas).
Your comment about the nurses asking you hit me very close to the heart. I especially hate it when they keep asking “Are you sure there’s NOBODY? Maybe a neighbor? Someone you work with? Somebody?” I would love to respond with “Ummm, do you seriously think I’d put myself through this never-ending, demeaning little verbal dance with you IF I HAD SOMEONE to drive me?!?” but I think we’ve all learned that now isn’t the time to burn any bridges.
Wishing you a speedy recovery!
I hear you, I don't either. You're just unlucky. I had a hospital admission recently and an old school friend turned up to give a hand so miracles do happen.
God bless your old school friend. I'm sure you'll re pay your old friend. Old friend ships can be renewed. Most of them can turn into the best friendships ever.
@@Jean-ni6of yes very true
The social contract of mutual support has been broken for some time now. I pay for services, but fewer people want to work .
I am retired and not looking to waste money . This has been brewing for a while.
I like listening to you. A lot of people are in the same boat.
Yup I feel you. There’s no community anymore. You could know so many people but no friends. Friendships just went down the toilet. Being alone is better sometimes at least you don’t have to deal with others dramas lol..
As American Men we are bred to be tough and at heart, loners. Unfortunately, single older men have some of the highest rates of suicidal ideation. Sad.
Two 👍 up !! I have a son with a family and a demanding job but I would rather rely on myself than rob him of any time he can find for himself...76 years old and doing ok! God love and bless you.
I have a wife of 20 years and I have her family and I have my brother and sister. I am not alone. However I feel the same as you. The only real difference is I would be able to get a ride if I needed. I feel no real connection to anyone even though I get along fine with everyone. I can’t seem to enjoy anything that I do. It’s like I’m fulfilling my obligations but nothing is pleasurable anymore. Safe, but that’s it. I’m 75 years old and I wonder if that’s just what it feels like to be 75. I like being alone more than anything. I used to enjoy socializing a lot. I don’t get what’s happening to me.
Hi it sounds like you may have low grade depression. Might be worth getting checked out by your Dr. Best wishes to you.
@@sandydouglas3799 and the Dr will prescribe anti depressants that #1 don't work and #2 have terrible side effects.
I’m not depressed but I often feel that way as well. I’m wondering if it’s just part of the ageing stages. I’m on my own but then I remember that there are always people who I can connect with if I want to but I’ve become lazy. It takes effort to really connect with people….
I am.78, husband 80...he has dementia. No family. Siblings dead. Nephews in Oz, Scotland and NZ..niece is a stressed NHS consultant, 3 teenagers, lives hundreds of miles away.
I am alone with it all, everything. Recently needed to get to A&E..... nobody to get me there, I couldn't walk. 111 NHS service useless. Passed me up the chain 10.30 to 4.30, promising help. Eventually they referred me to.....our locaI GP! It is frightening not hvng support in older years. Friends and neighbours are our age or older. Many don't drive. Being alone as one ages is scary. If my health goes......we will be in a nightmare of a pickle. So I feel for you. Margaret B
Awe sweetheart you have so much to contend with❤️ I always thought I'd have daughters, but I didn't. I don't know what will happen.
If I were anywhere remotely close to you (I'm in Georgia) I would love to give you rides. Would be my privilege. There are others like me. Blessings upon you, brother.
@@nancybryson5488 thanks for the thoughts
As an older veteran I live in a rural mobile home park. I live alone but have the VA pick me up if I can’t drive to my appointments. I’m financially comfortable and live below my means. Some of the residents think I’m a loner, but that’s my preference and at my age I no longer care what others think. I’m contented with my lifestyle and not harming others.
No friends, no family. Over the years many people have offered to help me. Just ask, they say. Difficult for me. When I finally did a couple of times, both times they said they were too busy. Then I went into hospital for major surgery. I was gone for 5 days and none of neighbors even noticed I was gone. Another neighbor two houses from me (known her for 25 years) was surprised one day when she saw me. She thought I had died. She had tears in her eyes. Asked me for my phone number so she could text me to "check up on me." It's been two years. She has never texted me. I am probably going to die alone at home. I'm wondering how long it will take for people to figure out that I died. Maybe my mailman will figure it out when I don't pick up my mail? Oh well, I'd rather die alone than surrounded by people who don't care about me. Doctors don't believe me when I say I have no emergency contact. I hired a fiduciary company to settle my estate and to be my POA. Expensive, but at least I know they will be there for me . . . at a price.
Well said.
I understand..I had sepsis and was in the hospital for 3 weeks. 2 of my sisters said if I got sick again I would be on my own.like it was my fault..My so called best friend said no to emergency contact also ..Forget my neighbors. They could care less.. The only person that would be there is my sister in Texas....She actually did show up and didn't have a problem...One of my sisters didn't even visit me in the ICU. Pretty tragic...
@kathrynkathryn4836 Kathryn, is there a church or senior center you may be interested to join? If nothing else, perhaps you'd meet others in your situation? GOD bless you.
@@suzycatipiller821so sorrry to hear that! I guess even if you have family doesn t mean someone will be there for you in times of need....
❤ I like your videos and your honesty. I enjoy reading the comments.
I have my loyal outdoor dogs and an indoor cat. My dogs where with me when I was injured while hiking summer 2020. The dogs stayed by my side while I was unconscious until paramedic found me and took me to emergency room/ICU. If anyone wants a loyal friend go to the animal shelter, they are vaccinated/spayed or neutered 😊❤.
Same- no one- but I'm determined to take care for myself. A reliable mechanic, Uber or taxi when needed = Like you said, self- sufficient. I'm planning on retirement, thinking about how to get more involved in the community with volunteer work and other clubs.
"Has the world changed or have I changed?"
both, but mostly the world....and we can't change fast enough to accommodate it.
@@mrbenn1489 I ask that all the time
Hey Phil I am in the exact same situation. No kids, partner died, no parents. I am waiting on surgery, no one to help me when I get home, waiting to sell my parents property “and start the next chapter of my life” but I have no one to rely on, which is scary.
It's hard isn't it.
Yes it sure is
In your 20s you have friends and family everywhere. I’m in my mid 50s and friends are really thin. My mother is in assisted living. Those people in there are dropped off and forgotten. Very sad
Like you am in the same position ,Sad your not closer
I can relate. I’m in same similar situation. Trying to make the best of it. From the number of views and comments on this video, there are lots of us in the same situation. I have solar lanterns charging on my windowsill too. I use them at night and charge them the next day. Like 962 👍
That prep thing, I say to the kids "A good life takes effort, a better life takes more effort. Being able to settle down on a Saturday night knowing the house is clean and well maintained, and you have things in place for when the unexpected happens. Knowing you are having a real nice Sunday dinner because you work it so you never have to shop on a Sunday". All of these are a better life, because when you want to you can properly relax.
But I think it is separate to being alone, because those are the things anyone can benefit from.
I am guessing we are a similar age, when we were growing up and early years in work, there were lots of choices for socialising. For me where I live that was bars and social/sports clubs. That too took effort, if you wanted people to talk to you went regular nights and sat talking to the same people.
Unfortunately when we need that social stuff now that we are older, our bars are all restaurants, and they are not really social places anymore. The clubs are pretty much gone too. So I think that is why I personally am alone, the social things I could have used have gone.
My brother in laws dad got a girlfriend when his wife needed a nursing home. A man’s loyalty is zero. Better to rely on a complete stranger.
It is not a gender issue. Most people serve there own interests. It is a evolutionary trait. Both moms and dads have a instinct to protect there kids. At the end of the day, you are the most important person, and you act accordingly.
@@Danny-bd1ch this is a crock of bullsh*t
Phil don’t take it personally about your nephew only wanting to text, it’s the way most young people communicate these days, it’s perfectly normal to them, they don’t know a time when cellphones didn’t exist. That’s how I communicate with my siblings, nieces & nephews, my mother( even though we talk on the phone equally as much) and my daughters( especially my youngest)my oldest face times much more and we talk directly like that. Anyway i frankly think it’s a positive sign that your nephew reaches out to you, I don’t know how old he is but by you mentioning that he may be the one you could call for help. Just a gut feeling.
@@tracymorgan5386 I no I don’t Just wishing life was different
I'm 64. All alone as well.
sorry...it is so hard I know...sending hugs.
@@kalki0273 stay strong we will make it we can help each other
I am in the same situation and recently had to get a colonoscopy. I hired a medical transport company to take me and pick me up. It was so easy and not that expensive.
Same here - colonoscopy and nobody to drive me , so medical transport it was . I had a heart attack in 2017 in Baltimore , and wound up enmeshed in the medical system , so I stayed . I've been in hospital a lot , and have driven myself to every appointment and operation . For a short while I maybe craved people being around to give a darn , but I quickly deduced that I didn't like people seeing me ill and laid out . The doctors and staff were enough , and it's their job . Those "visitors" are mostly just glad it isn't happening to THEM
no one to pick me up...I took UBER home from ER....I do not have relatives...
I just had this experience, I'm 58. I've been a single parent for 16 years, my son is two hours away at university. My 90-year-old mother has dementia and is in assisted living, my two brothers died and my two cats don't drive. I needed cataract surgery and a driver that was REQUIRED to wait for me in their waiting area and drive me home. Luckily, I have a work friend who just retired and offered to be my driver. It was very kind of her and I felt comfortable since it was a very brief amount of time and not a very personal procedure. However, when my son completes graduate school in a couple of years, he'll 99.5% move out of the country due to his soon-to-be occupation. Ugh....this is an issue that many people currently face, but I suspect the number is going to grow in the years to come!
Phil, you really should get a colonoscopy and prostrate exam. Ignoring those 2 tests could get you big trouble down the line.
yup
Been there! 1:29 or if something happens in surgery in case of emergency or you fall it’s humbling to say the least!🇨🇦❤️
Single gay man here. Have a daughter but cant expect her to be my babysitter when I grow old. I love her and am raising her. Her mother abandoned her. I would love to meet someone like you, but of course, tgere's many differences. I hope you meet who you deserve. You seem like a wonderful soul.
I feel you. There are lots of people in the same situation. We have never been so connected and so lonely. I wish my married friends realised how lonely I am.
I am on my own too. I love it too. My bff died in the pandemic. I was very sad for a time, but now I am trying to accept it. Life is a gift. I am very self-sufficient and self-reliant and like a good deal of solitude. I also like to be prepared and minimalist. Good video. DM if you want a friend. Reach out anytime!
Hey, good morning. Watching from SoCal and I do consider myself a prepper but not to the extreme. So from one 'miserable SOB' to another, I get it and totally understand. Self reliance is a good thing, though at times can be tough. Good day sir.
@@behindenemylines9033 thanks for making me laugh 😂
New sub here everything you said struck home. Live alone without water bring in bottled water can't afford a new well. My Big goal has been to not be a burden to others. Survive the hurricane alone and it was scary in a mobile home. I have to drive to laundromats drive to take my garbage off and now my car is having problems. My one daughter is 2 hours away with a small child and they still have no power. There is no support system for me. I was a single mom who worked hard for everything. The doctors are hardly for me too. Haven't gotten new glasses because they want me to get my eyes dilated, can't drive myself that far in home with dilated eyes. All my friends were work friends and when I retired 6 years ago..... I have a belief in God, he has seen me through so much. But with no car this is scary.
@@patriciarussell756 I admire you and you are a person not many are anymore , if I was nearby I would be there to help as I do for my next door neighbours who are not deserving , that's typical of life the wrong people with the right people 💜
@@janbasterfield8200 Thank you! Yes people like you also are not ever near me!💕
Hi Patricia! All my friends are "work friends" too. I'm 60. Working remotely has kept me in touch with the outside world.
I live alone in a Campervan with a cat, disabled, retired, widowed 9 years in December. I'm definitely prepared. I have my routines, chores, hobbies. Huge windstorm last couple days. I had all my solar charged up, plenty of fuel, water, food. I'm good. Told my son, freshman in college, if his power went out he could come get warm in the van 😂 I made him his first 72 hour kit this year. He should be good
Awww, ill be thinking of you and your cat in the van. I hope you are both safe 😢
@@diy5729 I'm in a lot better position than many other disabled, seniors, veterans. I have a roof over my head and the wherewithal to keep doing so for sometime. Thank you for your kind thoughts.
@@Shantelle6253 you must have a steady income. What happens to a woman when her husband dies and the SSI (disability) check they've been living on goes away?
@@lootiecruss I think you have some assumptions but I'll address them. I'm on disability. I have no pension and no social security from my husband. No life insurance. Just. ME.
To be honest...I didn't have a choice. I was out on my own and joined the Army at 17. I then pursued an education obtained a Master's degree, completed an internship and passed 2 board exams. All while raising my son, losing my spouse at the age of 37, and becoming paralyzed from the neck down at 42. Learned to walk again, learned to tie my own shoes again and how to write my name again.
So I am not really sure how to answer the question for someone who hasn't had to be in charge of making sure their existence is covered on their own. It's not a judgement as many of my fellow widows never had to support themselves and are completely unprepared for this life of self support.
You...just...HAVE TO. One step at a time. One dollar at a time. I save HALF of every check once a month for medical bills. Because let's be honest medicare pays shit. I eat beans and rice and rice and beans because that's what $20 a week for groceries gets you.. I'm happy to answer any other questions that don't come with assumptions.
@@Shantelle6253 Hi, I wasn't making assumptions about you. I just suddenly felt overwhelmed by all the comments, by all the people in the same similar boat... I was referring to my own situation. This video and and all the comments has really gotten to me.
We cannot be ready for everything. I rely on Jesus Christ who is my strength. He was there when I had nobody and nothing, and he is still with me and always will be.
If you don't have a pet you should get one. I know it sounds crazy, but somehow they fill the void of being alone. After a while they can tell when you need just a little companionship.
Go with a cat for sure. They’re piling up in shelters everywhere. Not as high maintenance as a dog, and pretty independent for all the independent-minded folks out there. You just have to sort out ahead of time what happens to them should anything happen to you…
Agreed, I can't imagine my life without my dog. Dogs and cats are truly gifts to us who life alone.
I agree. When my wife passed 3 years ago I pretty much lost it. My Psychiatrist told me to get a dog. Got 2 rescue dogs, helped bring me back to being ok.
@@jenniferward6909your last sentence is very important. Don’t get a pet until contingency plans are in place.
Alone. Most married men are alone. Get a good group of friends and neighbors.
What do you even mean?
@@lootiecruss
You see a lot of people in long marriages that only talk to one another when needed and are just together for convenience and other minor perks and never wanted to go through the hassle of a divorce. These people might as well be by themselves. I think that's it.
Our circle of friends and family as we get older typically shrinks. People die, they move away or their lives take a different path than yours. Very few young people today stay in the area they were raised. Making new friends is challenging but not impossible. I found getting a dog, which forced me out of the house for walks provided me with an opportunity to meet people in my neighborhood. Finding a meaningful past time like joining a gym, church, a social club or a senior center or local recreational center provides another opportunity to be with people. Volunteering for a local charity is also an option or a part time job whether you need the money or not. It is important not to isolate yourself. Find a reason to get up in the morning, keep yourself well groomed, go out to dinner at least once a week by yourself if you have to. Staying home alone all the time can lead to depression and some bad habits like drinking, eating too much or sleeping too much. Get involved in local politics as a volunteer. Regardless if you find a partner, new friend or not, the social stimulation is great for your mental and emotional health. If you still can't get a move on then see a therapist to help you with this. You do have options besides isolating at home.
not everyone does, i’m afraid.
I'm 54. 2 years ago my husband died. It is so hard meeting people.
I am so sorry. My wife of 53 years passed away 3 years ago. It is hard to meet people, but I think I really don't want to either. But there are lot's of widows, I know they would love to meet you. At least that's what I believe. God Bless.
No worries regarding the friends thing.....As time passes, people develop different commitments (like family, job, other things). It is not you, it is just normalcy. Regarding not asking your family to pick you up, maybe you can just try it and offer to reciprocate on something else. Then you get double the visits. If the nephew likes video games, offer to go to Gamestop to pick up a vid after he picks you up.
The hardest period of my life was when I was betrayed and my mother passed away .....u dont get second chances .no one's showing up other than my brother fior my avm( no u can't let the children walk home society has changed a lot ) I'm a jaded ex child hood counselor .
I have zero family and friends. And I mean zero. It's my own doing, I did so much for other people that I burned out. I rely exclusively on paying people, like contractors. I am very self sufficient. And I budget for it.
I understand. I was medically retired at 46 and then moved my folks into my house to help them because of their health. Dad died 5 years into it and then Mom died 5 years after Dad. 10 years as a caregiver (dementia) has left me isolated and alone.
My brothers would stop by once every couple of years for a 1 day visit aside from that everything was on me. Sometimes, I would get a "happy birthday" email. How charming.
Now, I am alone. My house has been paid off for years and I have a limited set income. I know what I can afford. What is worse is I have an invisible physical disability. I "look" fit and healthy and when people see me, it's at the time that I am at my best...but people assume that it is my baseline and not my extreme.
Now, that I am not tied to my house by caring for my folks, I have been able to go to church. That is my big event and human interaction for the week.
I can SO relate to this. MANY of us can, we inadvertently find ourselves this way, without quite understanding why, or how, it happened. Bad decisions and poor choices on my end, I believe. 😞
Me too...I hear ya...
Yes! Bad choices in my case also....
In my case, I consider it to be good choices. I've eliminated most people from my personal life because I found many just wanted to use me for what I could do for them. I enjoy my alone time, just my dog and me.
I've noticed it's usually the daughter that helps aging parents. I thought I would have daughters but didn't. So yeah, that's one way it happens.
Yup! I know EXACTLY what you mean. I've got no family either. I do have one family member that lives out of state so that's not a resource I can depend on if I ever really needed help. I had to drive myself to the hospital to get my gallbladder out when it was a raging four-alarm fire inside my gut. After surgery, I drove myself home! Luckily I don't live too far from the hospital. Yeah, I do have a few friends but they're all busy. So when I see and hear people talking about their parents, siblings, etc., I basically don't have any of that. It's just me and when I'm gone, that's it. I've had shitty luck with women my whole life watching them pair off with men who wind up treating them like garbage. So I've had to get by on my own. And now that I'm in my fifties, some of those women in my age bracket are divorced and now suddenly willing to give a shot to those men they might have thumbed their noses at when they were in their prime. No thank you. I've made it this far on my own. I'll go the rest of the way on my own. In the "plus" column, I am financially stable with no debt so I don't want to screw that up with a potential divorce/break-up at this point in my life.
I'm all alone. I was in the hospital and could have died and nobody cared. My nephew and nieces are just wanting me to die thinking they will be inheritors in my will. They are not. My best friend died during Covid and we were each other's support system. My brother stole all he could so he has to be out of my life. I don't trust anyone much. I think about finding someone to share my life with but it just takes to much effort and I'm not willing to go the mile. I enjoy the benefits of living alone but people don't understand why anyone wants to do that. I have a chance to live with a dear friend in a beautiful home but it's her home and she is young and I will feel like a live in housemaid and no longer a friend. She doesn't understand that and I end up feeling inconsiderate and unworthy of her friendship. There are no easy answers right now in my life. My other plan is to pack up and just travel anyplace I want to go and find happiness again.
That's the tough part. Knowing who to trust. I was somewhat paranoid during the pandemic. Lost a couple friends just prior to that. Hang in there!
I definitely hardened over the years, especially after my divorce in 2019.
It’s either toughen up or fall off that cliff of depression, and I can’t afford to do the latter with two teenage sons left to raise.
please don't turn too vodka for help like I did, it aways turns out bad. trust me.
I once had to go to the hospital to have a procedure done. I was told I would be given anesthesia, and because of that I was required to have someone pick me up. Since I didn't have anyone to pick me up, I had the procedure done without anesthesia.
I have the same problem about being picked up for procedures at the hospital. I have to use a pay service and pay by the hour to get things happening in those circumstances.
You're not the only one alone. The dr ordered an MRI scan on my prostate and it showed a large cancer mass on the backside of it. So he makes an appointment with the urologist to see about getting a biopsy on it. I go in for some prelim tests and get a date for it, I never even get to see the Dr , just a nurse, and he tells me to have someone drive me over and then pick me up. I said will a cab be alright? He said no, it needs to be a friend or family member. I don't have either one around me so I canceled the biopsy. And made an apt to actually meet the Dr before she works on me..😅And I will be taking a cab.
Yes, been there done that. Stuck with the very expensive uber and lyft.
Those solar lamps was cool, I’ve never seen those before.
@@lindak1768 lots of great products out there
Same!
No time for the surface stuff here either. I can relate to having to plan, prepare and hanndle things on my own too. I have a "mini snow leopard" and a German Shepherd, so I have to fend for them as well. People ask if Im' going to retire - and the answer is 'no.'
I don't have anyone to pick me up either. I do everything and go everywhere alone.
@@peacemusiclove8693 but in ways it makes you stronger in life
@@Philipbuono77 it definitely has. I have no other choice than to be self sufficient. It is what it is.
@@Philipbuono77 I don't have children and have never been married. So it's just me against the world. I honestly am not good at asking for help since I've done everything on my own for so long. I go to concerts alone. Go out to eat alone. I'm so used doing things by myself that it would feel almost foreign if that were to change. And it either takes you down or makes you stronger like you said earlier. Nothings broken me yet. So I guess I'm doing ok. Would just be nice to have someone to hang out with as opposed to being alone. But that's the hand I was dealt. Just trying to play it the heat way I can.
Having a true spiritual connection and communicating with Source is the best source of comfort. I find people today place such emphasis on getting all these medical tests and surgeries when they appear to be very unhappy and lonely in their life with no hope for their future. Our ancestors accepted the course of life much more readily - it did not come with guarantees like is expected today. If you can find it, watch the movie "The Ballad of Cable Hogue" with Jason Robards - I think from the late 60s-early 70s. Will give you a different perspective on living - and accepting - a solitary life.
Good luck - to all.
Well … I’ve loaned my car to my neighbor\ handyman twice because I trust him-I’m 84 and still running the small house that I own thanks to him, he’s 61, and his truck rusted to pieces and he just let it go. I would ask him. I would give him my car and have him drive me to the doctor or whatever and then, make the appointment for him to come and get me. All my other friends are working and my two married children who would do it are each 60 miles away in different directions.
65 years of age and living abroad due to the cost of living in the USA and I couldn't afford to live on my own. One adult child and one adult grandson both in the states. My best friend is in the states as well. I hear what you're saying. 👏🏼 As for schools, I'm always amazed how a dusting of snow equals closing schools for the day. 😅
Where did you move to?
In my area if the school bus can't get up into the mountains to pick up those kids then they had to cancel for the entire school down in the valley. They might have just a dusting in the valley or even no snow at all but the mountains can still get a lot of snow due to higher elevations and colder temps. Weird but true.
Some advice for all those who live alone. Do moderate physical/breathing exercises. Reduce weight. Fast once a week (skip dinner). Ensure there are no slippery floors anywhere. Get rid of all unwanted things lying around. Take magnesium and multivitamin tablets. Have proper and extra eyeglasses. Always carry a charged mobile phone. Learn to do video calls. Have internet cctv in your home that your children can view. And any other precautions required for the place you stay.
You know Phil here is a the opposite of your situation, I am 57 and still take care of everyone, they all call me to pick them up, and my house is full. Sometimes I want to be alone. Take care of yourself Phil.
I agree. Many acquaintances but very few truly close. I ask neighbors if something comes up and I need a ride. Ahead of time I do whatever presents itself to help neighbors on a day-to-day basis but I’m very careful to only ask for favors when truly needed. Works for me! Generally I do everything for myself and I feel I’m always on top of things so I rarely get surprised! And I don’t expect anything from anybody so nobody disappoints me. In the meantime I’m very busy with all my stuff (hobbies, house and cabin chores, taking care of my dogs, doing a little traveling, and a little motorcycling).
I also live independently and I have done so my entire adult life. I completely understand what you have shared in this video. It requires being very realistic about changes in life as you grow older and being proactive about these things. I think I understand what you say about getting hard inside. When you are the only one to look after yourself, you are forced to “get on with it” and shoulder the full load of whatever is going on, because there is no-one to take up any slack. I do see other people who may be going through something I have, and there is a lot of fluttering of others around them to support them - whereas I went through it independently and kept the rest of my life going without any fuss. If i help, it will be done in a very practical and immediate way (because that is what I have learnt to do). In those moments I realise that I have built a fair amount of grit within myself and I think that may make me come across as practically minded but also a bit “hardened”.