UN-HOOK from Difficult Emotions with Dr. Susan David | Being Well Podcast
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- Опубліковано 30 тра 2024
- It's easy to get trapped by our difficult thoughts, feelings, and emotions, so one of the most powerful skills we can learn is Emotional Agility: the ability to navigate our complex emotions, disentangle from old stories, make choices aligned with our values, and ultimately lead more authentic and fulfilling lives.
On this episode of Being Well, @RickHanson and I sit down with Dr. Susan David, the creator of the concept of Emotional Agility. We begin by discussing the four parts of emotional agility and distinguishing it from related concepts like emotional intelligence before exploring how we can “unhook” from our painful or problematic thoughts, feelings, and stories. We then explore how we can identify what really matters to us, act from those values, and find our footing in an ever-changing world.
About our Guest: Susan David, Ph.D. is an award-winning Harvard Medical School psychologist and the author of the #1 Bestseller Emotional Agility. She is a frequent contributor to the New York Times, Washington Post, and Wall Street Journal, and her TED Talk on the topic of emotional agility has been seen by more than 10 million people.
Key Topics:
0:00 Introduction
1:45 Distinguishing emotional agility from emotional intelligence
5:00 The four parts of emotional agility
10:45 The value of seeing yourself and feeling seen by others
17:00 Continuity of self, and considering your future self
22:40 Ways to recognize our unhelpful patterns or ‘hooks’
27:50 Maintaining context for the full scope of our values
33:15 Defining the concept of values
36:15 Learning from discomfort, boredom, and anxiety
41:10 When you struggle to identify your values in the first place
46:55 Compassion and groundedness amidst constant change
54:00 Accurately labeling your stressors
59:55 Love and the wisdom in surrender
1:01:25 Recap
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Who Am I: I'm Forrest, the co-author of Resilient (amzn.to/3iXLerD) and host of the Being Well Podcast (apple.co/38ufGG0). I'm making videos focused on simplifying psychology, mental health, and personal growth.
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"You cant build a city under bombarding"...so much depth in this
I am 5 months away from a toxic now ex-husband who displays mental illness, probably NPD. I've learned everything I can about NPD, now I need to shift my healing journey to my emotions, particularly my anger but not exclusively . I woke up from a dream last night . I was lashing out with intense anger. I realized it's time to put my energy into understanding me now as I'm done trying to understand him💙
I'm sending you much love and compassion .
I want to recommend you the work of kristin neff about self-compassion ❤❤❤
"... discomfort is the price of admission to a meaningful life... Move with courage and discomfort to the things that matter..."
Discomfort holds the silver lining... sitting with the discomfort can be formative. It can shape you not break you. You can live with it & through it... and find meaning 😊
This is the best Susan David interview I have seen. I have watched quite a few interviews, you guys asked very intelligent & insightful questions & brought out the best of her thinking. Very clear.
Forrest you are the caring brother I always wanted and Rick you are the dad 😂❤❤.
I come from family dysfunction (mother, father and my only sibling my sister) and am healing CPTSD.
Whenever I start dissociating and getting too triggered, this is my safe space.
Just grateful you exist. 🕉️
This interview was profound and so incredibly enriching. I’ll be coming back to it time and time again to soak in all the wisdom shared. Thank you all for putting this together and sharing it with the world.
I have been listening to Atlas Shrugged for 14 hours and it's like listening to the news. I had to return the book and get back to listening to you guys
She’s brilliant She explains the soul and essence of being with laser logic and compassion. Love this wonderful wonderful podcast that is Well Being ❤️.
The respect of the range of our emotions as she describes, as well as their use and understanding and relationship to our core values and needs seems like a fundamental shift in what humanity can be If parents and families were given the resources and the time necessary in order to model and teach understanding of self at home. For understanding of the self is the foundation of having empathy and understanding for others. But parents who are working three jobs and not at home Putting babies in factory driven daycares in which they are treated exactly according to the schedule and almost never according to their emotions is one of the foundations of a psychological unwellness of entire generations
Great Questions Rick & Forrests. Agility for 'walking our WHY', 'SHOWING UP' our ticket for a Life Adventure (gulp) ...
I really enjoyed reading Dr. David 's book.
What an incredibly rich and helpful conversation! 👍🏻 I relate strongly to noticing our own use of language when referring to ourselves and emotions that arise. Just adding "I'm noticing" feels powerfully transformative.😁 I'm grateful for the growth that you help bring forth with your rich offerings. Thank you so much!🙏🏻
Called decentering originally by Beck, now defusion within ACT
Thank you for watching. I so enjoyed the conversation and am glad it was helpful to you.
This conversation was wonderful.
❤I completely agree
Thank you for listening.
Wow. Such valuable information. Thank you. ❤
Such beautiful material to be wrapped in tonight. Thank you from my heart to your’s.
I’ve had many friends who chronically play devils advocate… more and more I’m drawing boundaries… thank you for this content and gentle delivery ❤
I find y'all so inspiring and comforting at the same time. ❤
Very lovely as always
Keep dissecting a flower and there is nothing left.🌸
Excellrant...was so surprised when I saw Rick...!! definately gonna watch now for sure. then I heard Forrest say , "Dad"...wow, another surprise...super...my take on all this is just affirmation of the way I understand life at this point...the weather of our minds is in contsant change, at least for most of us. So instead of complaining and feeling out of sorts about our reaction to whatever...such as , ...crap it is raining...to hey where is that new umbrella! But most importantly, at least for me is knowing that what is before me is a step on the path. this step is leading me on to other steps which can be incredible but without this one I cannot arrive at that place....ie...the me, the ego suffers and as we can understand this the easire it is...Happy Journey People and remember we are all on the path and we run into each other from time to time and able to help each other....
Just discovered your podcasts, wonderful work, can't wait to hear this one.
What an insightful interview
❤
Unhooked..wow
At this point, after needing to review so many of your casts a couple of times, I know if you are doing an interview, I NEED to read the interviewee's book FIRST, or I will never get it all unpacked.
When I started this journey to discover human natures, the book Emotional Intellegence(EI) first came out, I could find only briefs mentions of the word narcissism. This vague concept and the book, EI, were at the time, the only thing explaining all the questionable behaviors, decisions and silent demands, that I had to grow-up with in that generation, prior to the social upheaval caused by the Vietnam war.
I found Dr. David's book so profound in moving this first book, EI, forward. I fnished her book completely before 'first' watching your interview with her, to be sure.
It was breath-taking in how much more the work of her's could be expounded upon. So after my several reviews of both her book and this cast, I hope you can collaborate again on the concept of 'will'. I know that was approached in the book too as well in this cast.
As for now, in gratitude to you both, let me show you the result I came to here, where I have arrived today after the cast.....
Looking for greater definition, and always going to your casts first to do so, I was in need of better understanding the concept of "mindfullness" during meditation.
In meditation, I fully understand the need for focusing on SPACE, and the importance of dropping the material, analytical, often "chatterbox" mechanics of the brain during this time. Yet, something more was needed to grasp more understaning for a better outcome. (-and yet again here, I found your cast spot on).
It is Dr. David's idea of non-judgemental acceptance, especially of self, and in the time(rewording and effort) she took in the book to fully flush that out. This effort of her's made everything come full circle to the beginning of the journey(at EI) I started so many years ago.
In mindfullness meditation, you must accept your thoughts intruding in this our time of SPACE devotion. and let them go. Forcing a stop to their occurance is futile, here. Within Dr. David's concept of 'gentle acceptance' we then train in acceptance of all during our mindfulness meditation. (Who knows where our thought come from.)
Once this gentlemess settles into your meditation then, as she says, we can "rebuild our cities." In rebuilding our mental city, the mental SPACE rewiring of the brain developed during meditation can be more easily placed between emotion-thought and decisions to action or not, while separating thought and thinker.
Dr. Joe Dispensa's work referes to this SPACE in our minds as well. He sees it as an 'alpha-theta' state achieved during sleep and best accessed first thing in the morning before all our 'material' thoughts bombard the mind. He recommends just thinking of space to calm the mind when needed. Prior to this cast, this was very helpful. However, I still needed to move forward. The answer given in this cast.
SPACE, "the final frontier" S.Trek, right?
Today, after reading Dr. David's book and thinking I had the answer I was looking for to meditating, (practice accepting in this space) my meditation today says, no, there's more.
(As an engineer, several courses in Physics were required. Quantum Mechanics at the time was in it's infancy. As a hobby I have tried to keep aware of the huge developments.....)
It's in the combination in physics, of SPACE -time -gravity(core magnetism) within this single moment,
that places this whole planet into it's motion, it's responding action.
Is, to know this action, the mindfulness behind this action then, the "final frontier"?
and
How much more important are the values we hold in the light if living as part of this response?
This, the magnitude upon which we could never fully understand, leave us, yet in honor in gratitude toward the aspect of this life's action in response.
I suppose it's important to be powerful in this world. What else is there?
What I'm hearing is, grasping at the "diamond" out of self obsession and fear instead of simply orbiting that diamond and enjoying each facet as it comes and goes enslaves us to whatever aspect shows itself first.
Simple concept, hard shift. 🤭
Paranoia paranoia paranoia. Do paranoia !!
Folks - so much of this is and has already been part of Acceptance and Commitment therapy. You know the word "Hooked" was, I am sure, originated by Russ Harris. The whole ACT movement was initiated by Hayes, Wilson and Kirk Stosdal. So much of what Susan states is drawn from ACT (not all, - but so, so much) that 3 issues I have an issue with 1 ) Just OWN it, Susan, this has not all sprung from your own originality, and yet the impression you give - is that it is. Is it because you want to fulfil an ego desire to create your very own "brand"?. 2) You even used the term "dead man's goal" in your Tedtalk...which YOU KNOW full well is an ACT term - but basked in the applause. Yet, not once did you mention ACT at all. Why? Could you please explain that to me AND others who have read this post....3) Emotional agility - read psychological flexibility. It is great to disseminate ACT with your own embellishments. It really is, but just please, just maybe - cite more where much of your approach originates?👍 😉❤
I was unable to listen to this because her voice was very jarring. I skipped to Forrest’s summary.
It’s not like that the whole time. She kind of changes the way she’s talking throughout the interview. It gets warmer. Unless it’s just overall that’s bothering you, then nevermind.
@avakennedy3519 I found her voice enjoyable and interesting, but neither of our opinions are relevant. Negative feedback that's not constructive or fixable is unkind to the individual and creates a polluted atmosphere for everyone who reads it. I'm grateful to Dr. David for sharing her insights.
I rather enjoyed her voice 💗 such a lovely smart woman and I appreciate her wisdom
isn't it interesting that a clean, clear, gorgeous and interesting voice can be heard as unpleasant. have you wondered why it triggers you? Dr. Davids voice sounds like music to my ears.
I especially loved her voice. It was a trio to the ears for me. It’s so interesting to find out how different we all are. Paper or plastic?