Thanks for watching this video. If you'd like to learn more about how to inspire your ex to want to commit to you, check our playlist on Advanced Relational Skills over here: ua-cam.com/video/8pM1PxNaYBI/v-deo.html
Clay is spot on with this video. Nothing that you do or say will make an ex come back! He will only come back if he wants to on his own! Once a man has something stuck in his head, nothing that you do will change his mind! Either try NC or walk away for good!
Alot of this may be trye, but what if the past with your ex wasn't bad at all but you two had to break up because of unforseen circumstances and you still loved each other? We stayed best friends and kept in touch as much as we could. We lost contact and went on with our lives for 16 years. Then, out of the blue we ended up contacting each other even though we live in 2 different states. From there, we stayed connected, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. We also, sent messages multimedia style. Then lost connection for a year. I hit him up for his birthday with no response till the week of my birthday. We then did a video call which allowed him to see me after 20+ years and he got extremely excited and said I was fine as hell. We are still connected to this day. He's trying to find a way to move out here to where I'm at now. He looooooves remembering all the things we did as teenagers and what made him the most Happy about our relationship is that we almost NEVER argued about anything. We had to MAKE an argument just to make it seem normal. But we are so compatible STILL to this day. Not sure what will happen in the future but being reminded of the past has made our connection even stronger with how we interact today as we learn of the new versions of each other. Now that we have seen our new physical bodies, the desire to have sex is even stronger. I believe that is because we NEVER had sex in the past.
Hi Amy, Such a beautiful story of reconnection. Things that happened 16 years ago may bring a lot of changes at the present moment. Given how you both have matured and become more experienced in life. Just focus and continue building that positive connection and let things grow naturally. Maybe from that time that you both meet face to face, it will be the defining moment for both of you on what to do moving forward in the newfound connection. :-) All the best.
Hey Clay, I've been following your work and my ex came over for dinner and spent the night this week! It's not all sunshine and rainbows though, because I haven't heard from her since nor have I initiated contact with her myself (it's been 4 days). What should I do now? Thanks and keep up the good work!
Does sex with ex hurt chances? I thought it was a way to build a positive connection. I’ve tried all of these except grand gesture and ultimatum...I have nothing left to say to him. Maybe no contact is my best bet??? I’m on day 7 now.
Can you please do a video on why an ex after telling you that he has moved on etc does not come to collect his stuff from my home? It’s been like 10 months after breakup. When the last time he visited my home, I was packing his stuff but he didn’t let me. Now recently he told me that he has moved on and I should move on too. Has me blocked on phone for over a month but won’t pick his stuff.
To clay, my ex broke up with me because we argued and he said it became unhealthy and he was unhappy. We’ve broken up 2 times before for different reasons which we fixed both time using active no contact. I’m total we were together almost 3 years. He broke up with me over text. A few days later we are in contact because I felt I wasn’t there for him enough in the relationship and he told me when he was drunk that he’s doing badly at uni and needs me for support. I ask to meet to sort things out but he said to me we can’t get back together. I don’t know what to do. Do I meet with him and be honest or hide my intentions? Do I not meet him and go into no contact? I don’t know how to get him back. He is giving me mixed signals on missing me and wanting my support yet he doesn’t believe we will work and says we have tried 3 times.
All of this is absolutely true, or definitely works. I know because that's how I think my exes and I would get back together. Not that I'm not attracted to them, but the point right now is of confusion. If the emotional connection grew and I didn't feel pressured to get back together by them, I think eventually we would.. (with one of them, of course). The ex I still feel very much in love with, but still quite confused about, I think we are doing this.. Growing our connection. I am not sure if we will be back together or not (as we live in different countries), but I think we are happy being here at least in some sort of way, and it feels more authentic, like less 'I will love you just when we are in a relationship', and that, for some reason, makes our love feel stronger in some way.. If we get back together, great! Hopefully this time around there will be more tolerance (on my side! He is the kindest person). And if not, it is still very beautiful to be here for each other no mattering that.
Many coaches warn you that when you allow yourself to be friends with your ex, it’s their way of slowly getting over you because they still have you there. So I have kept this in mind the entire time and every time my ex would be reaching out to me for a while, I would tell him that I cannot have just a friendship with him and he made the decision to break up which means he’s cutting me out of his life so he can’t have anything less than a relationship with me. I’ve had to tell him this 3 times thinking it will stop him reaching out just to be friends with me. How stupid can I be. He’s still messaging me. I don’t even think he’s trying to be my friend I think he’s looking for support. He told me he has lost all motivation to revise for his exams because he no longer has me to impress. I hope I haven’t ruined everything by my past mistakes (telling him over and over that I won’t be his friend)
Hi Sarah, We always tell this when it comes to being friends with our ex. There are two phases that you need to understand about being friends. #1. You can't be friends with your Ex --- when you haven't fully healed from the breakup because if you do not do active no contact and continue to reach out to your ex as a friend, you wouldn't be able to help for you to have an ulterior motive in getting your Ex back. Your Ex will notice this and might eventually go to reactance because your ex will see that you are still not over him. When you have done ANC and have regained emotional balance:#2. Being friends (AT THIS STAGE) with your Ex will help because it will help you to reach out with your Ex and be able to show your Ex how much you have changed. :-)
Clay Andrews thank you! This comment has actually helped lots. I reached out to him for the first time yesterday as he had told me he regrets the breakup days ago and that he is unsure what to do now. I only reached out because I never ever have before and we have increased emotional attraction for each other. Thank you so much for the reply. I would have thought it was wrong being in contact with him if you didn’t let me know x
Update: we are back together. We aren’t labelling things at the moment or telling anybody for now but we are together and only want each other. Eventually we will tell people and be “boyfriend girlfriend” when we are ready. Even though we are. I’m so happy! If I can do it, trust me, anybody can
hey clay thank you so much for your videos I am talking to my ex and we are seen each other twice a week but the sex is out of the question at this point he's getting a little bit I guess aggravated but I want to start building that emotional connection with him so I'm following your advice it's been already 3 weeks of talking with each other and also he calls every night and he texts me good morning everyday so I think I'm doing it well but he wants to up it up a bit with the sex I'm pretty sure what what do I do
Hey clay.. how r you?.... Clay on my 4 years relationship we had breakup after 2 years then we rebound our relationship. We had sex and do everything but he is not ready to commit me again so I am trying to convince for marriage him but he refused. Before one month I gave him deadline and stop conversation. So It's been 1 month of no contact period so I am afraid that he might forget me. Coach plzzz let me know till my deadline should I be with him or should be like now no contact period??? Plz reply...
I'm only just in contact with my ex again. Just worried we'll fall out again and treading on eggshells. Realise I still love him after 7 months breakup
My man bought up out of the blue Friday night that he has been thinking that he committed too soon and wants to do his own thing. We ended the night with him saying he needs time to think and process things. We have not talked since Friday. is there hope for this situation?
@@ClayAndrews i wish i knew, the only thing I could think of on my end is that I've been acting standoffish while in person because I had became insecure and not a happy person to be around.. reflecting, now I see my mistakes, but I do not know how to go further now bc I messed up No Contact by texting him today and he did not answer, I only did this because he sent me a text yesterday. I wish I knew what his needs were. I want to be able to meet them.
Clay thanks so much for ur vids, I have found them all to be incredibly useful and insightful and me and my ex are now on good terms again and chatting etc, it looks like things are going well but I have ur vids to thank for that cos I know if id tried to do this on my own i def wouldve fucked it up already haha. Love and best wishes from Ireland :)
Hi GG, You are very much welcome. We are glad that our videos have been helpful on your journey. Hope things will continue to grow better between you and your ex. :-)
We wouldn't generalize whether male or females as logical or emotional. In general, it may be true but we have to consider that each person has their own unique behavior and characteristic. So we have to get to know the person better to know whether they are logical or not, regardless as to whether they are male or female.
Thanks for watching this video. If you'd like to learn more about how to inspire your ex to want to commit to you, check our playlist on Advanced Relational Skills over here: ua-cam.com/video/8pM1PxNaYBI/v-deo.html
Clay is spot on with this video. Nothing that you do or say will make an ex come back! He will only come back if he wants to on
his own! Once a man has something stuck in his head, nothing that you do will change his mind! Either try NC or walk away for good!
So true. Let go n give that love and energy to someone who reciprocates
This isn't what Clay says in the video wtf
This isn't what Clay says in the video wtf
This channel deserves more subscribers!
Clay, thanks for the best advice I've seen on the Tube.
You're welcome. :-)
Alot of this may be trye, but what if the past with your ex wasn't bad at all but you two had to break up because of unforseen circumstances and you still loved each other? We stayed best friends and kept in touch as much as we could. We lost contact and went on with our lives for 16 years. Then, out of the blue we ended up contacting each other even though we live in 2 different states. From there, we stayed connected, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. We also, sent messages multimedia style. Then lost connection for a year. I hit him up for his birthday with no response till the week of my birthday. We then did a video call which allowed him to see me after 20+ years and he got extremely excited and said I was fine as hell. We are still connected to this day. He's trying to find a way to move out here to where I'm at now. He looooooves remembering all the things we did as teenagers and what made him the most Happy about our relationship is that we almost NEVER argued about anything. We had to MAKE an argument just to make it seem normal. But we are so compatible STILL to this day. Not sure what will happen in the future but being reminded of the past has made our connection even stronger with how we interact today as we learn of the new versions of each other. Now that we have seen our new physical bodies, the desire to have sex is even stronger. I believe that is because we NEVER had sex in the past.
Hi Amy, Such a beautiful story of reconnection. Things that happened 16 years ago may bring a lot of changes at the present moment. Given how you both have matured and become more experienced in life. Just focus and continue building that positive connection and let things grow naturally. Maybe from that time that you both meet face to face, it will be the defining moment for both of you on what to do moving forward in the newfound connection. :-) All the best.
Hey Clay, I've been following your work and my ex came over for dinner and spent the night this week! It's not all sunshine and rainbows though, because I haven't heard from her since nor have I initiated contact with her myself (it's been 4 days). What should I do now? Thanks and keep up the good work!
Does sex with ex hurt chances? I thought it was a way to build a positive connection. I’ve tried all of these except grand gesture and ultimatum...I have nothing left to say to him. Maybe no contact is my best bet??? I’m on day 7 now.
Great video! The last half really spoke to me ... Real shit is what that was!
Hey Anthony, Happy to hear that our video had resonated with you. :-)
I do think your advice is spot on Clay. Thank you. #tryingtorockthesinglelifestyle
You're welcome, Rebekah. :-)
EXCELLENT VIDEO
Can you please do a video on why an ex after telling you that he has moved on etc does not come to collect his stuff from my home? It’s been like 10 months after breakup. When the last time he visited my home, I was packing his stuff but he didn’t let me. Now recently he told me that he has moved on and I should move on too. Has me blocked on phone for over a month but won’t pick his stuff.
Throw them in the trash lmao
To clay,
my ex broke up with me because we argued and he said it became unhealthy and he was unhappy. We’ve broken up 2 times before for different reasons which we fixed both time using active no contact. I’m total we were together almost 3 years. He broke up with me over text. A few days later we are in contact because I felt I wasn’t there for him enough in the relationship and he told me when he was drunk that he’s doing badly at uni and needs me for support. I ask to meet to sort things out but he said to me we can’t get back together. I don’t know what to do. Do I meet with him and be honest or hide my intentions? Do I not meet him and go into no contact? I don’t know how to get him back. He is giving me mixed signals on missing me and wanting my support yet he doesn’t believe we will work and says we have tried 3 times.
All of this is absolutely true, or definitely works. I know because that's how I think my exes and I would get back together. Not that I'm not attracted to them, but the point right now is of confusion. If the emotional connection grew and I didn't feel pressured to get back together by them, I think eventually we would.. (with one of them, of course).
The ex I still feel very much in love with, but still quite confused about, I think we are doing this.. Growing our connection. I am not sure if we will be back together or not (as we live in different countries), but I think we are happy being here at least in some sort of way, and it feels more authentic, like less 'I will love you just when we are in a relationship', and that, for some reason, makes our love feel stronger in some way..
If we get back together, great! Hopefully this time around there will be more tolerance (on my side! He is the kindest person). And if not, it is still very beautiful to be here for each other no mattering that.
Did you get back together ?
Many coaches warn you that when you allow yourself to be friends with your ex, it’s their way of slowly getting over you because they still have you there. So I have kept this in mind the entire time and every time my ex would be reaching out to me for a while, I would tell him that I cannot have just a friendship with him and he made the decision to break up which means he’s cutting me out of his life so he can’t have anything less than a relationship with me. I’ve had to tell him this 3 times thinking it will stop him reaching out just to be friends with me. How stupid can I be. He’s still messaging me. I don’t even think he’s trying to be my friend I think he’s looking for support. He told me he has lost all motivation to revise for his exams because he no longer has me to impress. I hope I haven’t ruined everything by my past mistakes (telling him over and over that I won’t be his friend)
Hi Sarah, We always tell this when it comes to being friends with our ex. There are two phases that you need to understand about being friends. #1. You can't be friends with your Ex --- when you haven't fully healed from the breakup because if you do not do active no contact and continue to reach out to your ex as a friend, you wouldn't be able to help for you to have an ulterior motive in getting your Ex back. Your Ex will notice this and might eventually go to reactance because your ex will see that you are still not over him.
When you have done ANC and have regained emotional balance:#2. Being friends (AT THIS STAGE) with your Ex will help because it will help you to reach out with your Ex and be able to show your Ex how much you have changed.
:-)
Clay Andrews thank you! This comment has actually helped lots. I reached out to him for the first time yesterday as he had told me he regrets the breakup days ago and that he is unsure what to do now. I only reached out because I never ever have before and we have increased emotional attraction for each other. Thank you so much for the reply. I would have thought it was wrong being in contact with him if you didn’t let me know x
Update: we are back together. We aren’t labelling things at the moment or telling anybody for now but we are together and only want each other. Eventually we will tell people and be “boyfriend girlfriend” when we are ready. Even though we are. I’m so happy! If I can do it, trust me, anybody can
That's truly great news, Sarah. :-) Congratulations to both of you.
hey clay thank you so much for your videos I am talking to my ex and we are seen each other twice a week but the sex is out of the question at this point he's getting a little bit I guess aggravated but I want to start building that emotional connection with him so I'm following your advice it's been already 3 weeks of talking with each other and also he calls every night and he texts me good morning everyday so I think I'm doing it well but he wants to up it up a bit with the sex I'm pretty sure what what do I do
I love this chanel
Thank you, Isabel. Hope you will share our channel to your friends as well :-)
Hey clay.. how r you?.... Clay on my 4 years relationship we had breakup after 2 years then we rebound our relationship. We had sex and do everything but he is not ready to commit me again so I am trying to convince for marriage him but he refused. Before one month I gave him deadline and stop conversation. So It's been 1 month of no contact period so I am afraid that he might forget me. Coach plzzz let me know till my deadline should I be with him or should be like now no contact period??? Plz reply...
I'm only just in contact with my ex again. Just worried we'll fall out again and treading on eggshells. Realise I still love him after 7 months breakup
My man bought up out of the blue Friday night that he has been thinking that he committed too soon and wants to do his own thing. We ended the night with him saying he needs time to think and process things. We have not talked since Friday. is there hope for this situation?
Yeah, there is hope. But you have to understand exactly what's going on. Do you know why he brought up that he believes he committed too soon?
@@ClayAndrews i wish i knew, the only thing I could think of on my end is that I've been acting standoffish while in person because I had became insecure and not a happy person to be around.. reflecting, now I see my mistakes, but I do not know how to go further now bc I messed up No Contact by texting him today and he did not answer, I only did this because he sent me a text yesterday. I wish I knew what his needs were. I want to be able to meet them.
Found this video 11 months later and guilty to all 7 steps of trying to get them to recommit 😭🤦🏻♀️ lort help me.
It's never to late to make better choices, Julien. :-)
Always choose urself
Clay thanks so much for ur vids, I have found them all to be incredibly useful and insightful and me and my ex are now on good terms again and chatting etc, it looks like things are going well but I have ur vids to thank for that cos I know if id tried to do this on my own i def wouldve fucked it up already haha. Love and best wishes from Ireland :)
Hi GG, You are very much welcome. We are glad that our videos have been helpful on your journey. Hope things will continue to grow better between you and your ex. :-)
Some of my exes have used me for sex. But sex with an ex can lead into a Friends With Benefits situation.
I am guilty of doing number 3
God is between us
Who are you haha 😂😜 Clay you're sensible
first comment!
I disagree. Guys are logical and women are emotional. With guys logic could work. With women no.
We wouldn't generalize whether male or females as logical or emotional. In general, it may be true but we have to consider that each person has their own unique behavior and characteristic. So we have to get to know the person better to know whether they are logical or not, regardless as to whether they are male or female.
A lot of women are logical so this is definitely false.
Why do you always have the worst takes on these videos lmao