Thats an American mentality because in America there is really not much more to do than work. The happiest guys i met are the old American expats in Asia who are retired and spend their days drinking at the beach with their many girlfriends
@@boston312 I mean some people are happy being lazy too but it's not working for this guy obviously. But yeah many Americans love working because everyone is striving for a very high standard of living unlike most of the world.
@@zachjones2346 Europeans, Australians and other Western countries have a high standard of living but they know there is more to life than just working (family, travel, passions, hobbies, etc)
@@boston312 I thought Europeans don't have air-conditioning? I have all of those things you mentioned and my wife and I work a lot. You are creating a false dilemma.
Sounds like the man could be depressed. Maybe he doesn’t recognize it. This happened to my brother years ago when he went through a period of joblessness. He wound up sitting in his recliner day after day, not getting dressed, and not even trying to get a job. We could see the depression in his demeanor. I think it was my mother who talked to him about it and encouraged him to do something positive about his life. He did. He got up, got dressed, went job hunting, and found a new job. After several jobs, he landed in a career that he really loved until he retired just a month ago. Now he’s the pastor of a church, which he has been doing, also, for a few years. Speaking from the voice of experience, I myself have struggled with being overwhelmed about getting a job. The competition these days can be FIERCE, especially having to apply online and find a way to get yourself noticed among 100’s or perhaps 1000’s of other applicants. It’s easier said than done.
I was overwhelmed at first too, and was so angry that all the fun had to stop. 10 years later all the frugal things we do is what I cherish most in my life, I love them! Still having fun, but also have the pride and joy of financial independence.
“Overwhelmed” is code for “I’m comfortable where I’m at and I don’t want to make any change.” Change can only happen when you are uncomfortable. Prayers to you. 🙏
@@jimmymcgill6778 I’m referring to situational comfort. I agree with you. But in this case if they NEED to make a change. That’s what I’m trying to convey.
Depending on your upbringing, your relationships, your shame...Talking about money can be overwhelming for many. That's no excuse to avoid facing your fears. You should be MORE overwhelmed by abandoning your wife
Just to be clear, it’s ok to be overwhelmed sometimes. It happens to all of us! But you must also work to ameliorate your family’s financial situation.
This is getting more common. I've seen this mentality before. The guy has been avoiding doing hard things, and now buckling down and overcoming is seen as not an option.
@benmyers9030 Don't give that drizzle drizzle crap. If he has a legitimate problem, he needs counseling. His wife said nothing wrong. The guy is only protecting his own comfortability. He is no real man if he is not at least willing to work. Yes, there can be different circumstances; but this guy just sounds lazy and unwilling to do uncomfortable things for the betterment of his whole family.
@BrotherJLG sounds like you need counseling. Someone has to raise the children. It is a full time job. This woman can't take accountability for being too broke to pay the bills. She could have thought of that before getting pregnant twice. A real man supports strong independent stay at home dads. Drizzle drizzle
@benmyers9030 You are obviously single. They are married. It is no longer "mine", everything is "ours." Yes, a woman should be supportive of her husband, but that doesn't negate his responsibility. THEY are married. THEY had children. It takes a ridiculous narcissist or a selfish person to not care about the betterment of their family just because he wants to hide at home, probably playing video games, and you want to defend that garbage? Wow. If he didn't want responsibility, he never should've got married, or had kids, or moved out of his parents' house. She didn't say anything wrong. She has correct expectations of her husband. If they agreed that he could be a stay at home dad that would be different. But it is obviously not the case. And her only concern is the financial well-being of THEIR family. What the heck is wrong with you dude?
What my daughter moved back into our house because a dramatic event and my husband finally had to demand she get a job. It was the best thing that ever happened to me. She has thanked him several times.
It depends. I have some friends in my friends group who married guys who have a job and are equal partners in the group. They are doing great and I'm really jealous of them in general. When they're sick their husband is there for them and they pool their finances together and everything is easier. No ones perfect but anyone I know who married a good guy is doing miles better than myself and my other single friends. I guess though I need to be grateful because I'm doing better than my friends who married horrible partners.
Single here as well, and I agree. BUT, what the husband is going through can happen to anyone else. If I happen to lose my job or fall into a mental hole and don't have the will to climb out. I sure wish I had a wife like this to have my back and fight for me.
Sounds like her husband is checked out. When someone shows zero interest in doing daily life things, it usually points to depression. Keep a close eye on him before turning catastrophic.
@@barbthegreat586 It depends how the person was previously that's the only way to tell. If he was more capable before and things have change I would guess depression. If he's always sort of been this way it could also be laziness. I agree that people are too quick to assume the only reason someone acts this way is depression, adult laziness and entitlement is a real thing.
My husband used to say the same thing and he turned up being that he was just being unfaithful and so many different ways and used depression as a cover-up. I can’t say I trust this completely when people say they are depressed.
John would tell her: you need to go home and tell your husband tonight that you’re scared to death for your marriage and he needs to get a job immediately
She'd better be careful. He will get primary custody, alimony and child support. He takes care of the kids full time, she works full time. The court will try to maintain the status quo
Let’s just jump to divorce. Why work at a marriage covenant? I mean it’s too hard. Let’s make our financial situation worse and get a divorce. Let’s ruin the family and kids’ lives. This is what is wrong with this nation.
My wife and I agreed that one parent should stay home with the kids. It was not worth it to us to pay someone else to raise them. She got to stay home and see their first steps and hear their first words. No amount of money could replace those moments. Paying for child care is expensive, not only financially but also in the family's well-being. There is also the fact that there are two sides to the story. We only heard one side. We have no idea what this trauma was. It may take a few years to deal with it. Adding counselling fees to the baby steps may not fix anything either. Intentionally created problems in the home is not sound advice without knowing both people.
I know. I'm clinically depressed, just had electro-convulsive therapy which helped some but the insurance company only approved half of what the psychiatrist recommended. I'm writing as John types; yeah I'm scared a lot. Covid left me with an alcohol problem and a fear of leaving the house. But I see my therapist online. My church sends a person to give me communion once a month. (I mail in my offerings.) I see a psych about every 3 months. I have an "assistant" once a week who does mostly my bills and life's paperwork and cleans up the kitchen. A cleaner comes once a month. Oh, and I've been free of alcohol for 3 months. (I tell people 13 is my lucky number; I quit alcohol 13 times and then it stuck.) Oh and I just found Ramsey so now all my debts are paid and I'm working on savings. I need to get out of the house. Blessings to all of you. Fear is crippling.
Sounds like you made great progress and are using everything you have available. That’s honestly impressive, you’re crushing it! I wish you good luck in your next steps. I have a perfectly happy life without alcohol, you can do it too!
Working in the banking industry, you see these exact situations far more often than it should. Money confuses people and the average person is not ready for any financial emergency even of $100. Please financially educate yourself and those you love so that you are never in this situation of being scared or nervous even trying to make money, much less take on debt and spend the money you make.
The problem we have is because Most people always taught that " you only need a good job to become rich " . These billionaires are operating on a whole other playbook that many don't even know exists.
It is remarkable how much long term advantage people like us have gotten by trying to be consistently not stupid, instead of trying to be very intelligent.
The wisest thing that should be on everyone mind currently should be to invest in different streams of income that doesn't depend on government paycheck, especially with the current economic crisis around the world. This is still a time to invest in Stocks, Forex and Digital currencies.
Many individuals report success in investing in stocks, forex, and cryptocurrency (Bitcoin), yet I continue to struggle. Can somebody help me out or advise me on what to do?
Even with the right technique and assets some investors would still make more than others. As an investor, you should've known that by now that nothing beats experience and that's final. Personally I had to reach out to a stock expert for guidance which is how I was able to grow my account close to $35k, withdraw my profit right before the correction and now I'm buying again.
I don’t ever recall problems like this when families had 8 to 12 kids in the family. For some reason today with one kid they have all kinds of problems.
Yes. Like stay at home moms. Somehow Dave supports that 999% when it’s a woman but if a man tries to do the same then there must be a big problem with him lol
@GC-kk4et men don't endure physical gestation, labor, delivery, post party and breast feeding. Unless they are disabled there is no physical condition that ties them to the infant, unlike with women.
My daughter is autistic and is horribly overwhelmed by almost everything. These people need help and it they don't get help, then they need to get out and feel uncomfortable enough to make a change. It's so hard to motivate these people to change and adapt
@@laundrygoddess4 what religion is that? Most "conservative" religions start with the man supporting & protecting his wife & family. Not sitting around being overwhelmed.
Many people really do have autism New York state has a Business making T-shirts that only up hires people with autism look into that in your state and see if there's any such Company or Program
I'm sorry if I was depressed and felt lifeless but had a family and kids... I don't care how I feel even if it's walking death. I'd find something and support my wife and kids. Weak excuse of a man
@jamesof7seven no to people woth mental disabilities I'd say to cut out the sugar fix ur diet, take some medicine and try to minimize symptoms. Hard life
Major depression can make it impossible to get out of bed. Some people can't stay alive and kill themselves. If you can't imagine things getting that bad, be grateful you've never been there. Someone that low can't hold down a job. They gotta get patched up and then get back out there.
If she has a great job and he is a busy functional adult doing a great job as a stay at home parent then great. But it sounds like he is struggling with the functional and busy part as well working with his wife to solve problems, like lack of money.
I suffer from anxiety and depression yet work a full-time job that pays well, recently bought a townhome, and own a 1979 El Camino. If I can do it despite all of my mental struggles then anyone can.
I have had depression amd anxiety since childhood, worked three jobs to get through college and even did job interviews while having anxiety atracks (without knowing it) and graduated at the top of my class. I work my own consulting business and support a disabled relative. I still have mental health issues, anxiety atracks and at times need to seek INTENSIVE interventions. I have missed days from work after having breakdowns and still bounce back. And I still work and take care of myself. It's not easy but I NEED to take care of myself because no one else will and my family is depending on me.
Here's the kicker there might be different levels of depression and social anxiety. You might be a 3 out of 10 on both where someone else might be a 8 out of 10(10 being the worst). Simply saying if you can do it doesn't mean anyone can. You got Dave and his cast on here that's probably never experienced(or rarely) a 2 out of 10. So it's easy to just say get over it.
@@SnipesXxXI understand it's different for everyone: I like to think that if I: have an ACE score of 10. Experienced SA starting at age 4. Went to 18 schools because my family routinely got evicted and was homeless/I grew up bouncing around relatives homes can work and function ...I hope people who didn't go through all that stuff can.
@jamesof7seven my college has a workload on par with MIT's in relattion to the hours required in class/studio. I went to design school in New England and had a job as an R.A., a T.A., a campus tour fuide and in the library. All P/T jobs. I worked over the summers and jobs all year round. I was always in class and graduated with my department's prize. I didn't have friends growing up because my family moved often so I didn't party, drink, etc? I just worked, did school, and spent time with my church. I felt BLESSED to be able to do it and wasn't whining about "struggling" because the college is VERY selecrive (3% admission rate) and I felt lucky ro be able to be there at all, much less get a job pf any sort.
If he’s depressed, which could be what’s going on, withholding sex will brew resentment and she will walk into the house one day while hes having sex with another woman. If he’s just being lazy, withholding sex could be an ok play, but rewarding him going to a real job interview with something fun he really likes could also work in her favor. But using sex as a weapon against men is never a good play and how you convince your husband or boyfriend to start cheating on you.
Put hubby in an IT bootcamp, let him get a job at an IT helpdesk to build his confidence back up. It’s what turned my life completely around. I’m a six figure earner as an IT manager and doing great after launching from that small confidence boost.
“It bootcamp” is like 20,000 bucks minimum and very intensive and this guy can’t even handle the idea of getting a part time job at lowe’s. Not the smartest investment.
There is a lot of language used to describe this, while avoiding the most direct terms "immature" and "lazy". He must step up as a man, a husband, and a father. Otherwise, his wife, who probably works around relatively mature, responsible, productive, and successful men, will understandably stray. Even voluntary stay-at-home-dad situations rarely work out for the simple reason that the wife loses respect for her little boy at home. I was once fired while in my forties. I was scared. We had just moved into a new home that I had designed, with a large mortgage. I took a job with a 20% pay cut and lesser benefits, and ascended from there. Act like a man.
It's sickening how many people are so heartless, narcissistic and judgmental. The solution is not: just suck it up and be a man. People deal with real emotional and mental struggles. Why don't we start helping each other and stop pointing the finger? It is the sole purpose of humanity for those who are stronger to lend a helping hand to the weak. Part of the main problem with today's society is the amount of neglect, narcissism, and hate.
Our family has spent 12 tortured years and 10s of thousands of dollars supporting and encouraging a family member much like the callers husband. Our family member refuses professional help and prefers to "self medicate." So, are compassion and justice only served when everyone is equally miserable?
If he is depressed, hes not the person to care for the kids. A checked out primary caregiver is the very worst thi g for kids' mental and emotional development.
Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy. - Dale Carnegie
It may be the husband is depressed OR he could be Oppositional/Defiant. That was my husband. Make him go to counseling. Make it a mandatory requirement for the marriage to remain intact that he go to AND PARTICIPATE IN counseling. These people will go, but choose to not learn, grow and move forward, if he’s O/D. In those cases, your only recourse is to tell the manchild he’s not allowed to continue on his present course AND continue to have a wife and children in his life. If he refuses, take notes, document everything he “refuses” to do so you can present it to the court. Most judges will despise men who are afraid to live and care for their families. Paint him the bleakest word picture you can and if he still says no, there’s nothing you can do but leave with the children. You’re living alone now, what’s to change if you live without this guy? A marriage is a man, taking the lead (as per God’s Word) and you joyfully following. What you presented was nothing like that.
My 25 year old son has had a few part time jobs but suffers from severe anxiety. He panics when he has to reacts with other people. He is on medication and it dose help. He could have chemical imbalance in his brain. It is a form of depression.
This guy is quite comfortable being a stay at home dad, he doesn't care less about providing for his family. She needs to toughen up and tell him some home truths.. have a job within 24 Hrs or take your bags and leave. She doesn't need another child to care for. I did this with my ex, I ended up walking away. He thought he had won the lottery with me working 4 jobs to keep head above water.
"A big event", but not naming it. It sounds like this caller is very uncomfortable with identifying the problem outloud even though she called in for help. Being able to do that is the first step, so congrats. She is going to need courage going forward because I suspect hubby is comfortably uncomfortable with the status quo. Best of luck to you!
My guess is that he was fired because the big event caused him to think about the next job he wants (or whatever she said). That he's scared to get another job for fear of failure and rejection again.
I had a husband liker that, except he did work but hated it. We went to counseling and when our counselor told me there wasn't any reason for me to come to therapy until my husband dealt with the problems with his mother. She was a monster-in-law. He never dealt with it to the day she died. I lasted 13 years with him and it was awful the emotional abuse I had to live with. Sometimes they just need to go.
I suspect Dave would want both partners to work together no matter who it is. At their marriage and at their finances. At least that has been his counsel in the past.
So when a husband sits home with the kids it’s doing nothing but when the wife does it’s a great and noble job . Can’t be both ways Dave , the problem with that is the wife always looses respect for a man that stays home with children then she cheats
If he is depressed, please, please get help before is too late. I didn’t recognize my husband’s depression 😞 I came from a country that when you’re sad or don’t feel like doing anything, your mom makes you get up and have you do house work or read a book or do crafts until your “laziness” goes away. Some people don’t want to face it, recognize it nor they’re educated on this subject. So please try to find help for him if that’s the case. Not an easy subject for men to talk about.
With his current attitude, this guy is not doing his kids any favors by being a stay-at-home dad. He is doing damage to the kids whether he intends to do so or not. There are situations where it is fine if the wife is the breadwinner and dad is the homemaker, but this isn't one of those. If this woman won't get her husband to shape up for her, she should definitely do it for their kids. My siblings and I grew up in the 50s and 60s. My mom worked part-time and temporary jobs for a few years in the 50s. Later, she stayed home because my dad was making a good income. My mom was NEVER overwhelmed. She ran every aspect of the household, so my dad didn't have to worry about it. He knew when he came home from work that everything would be in order.
He needs to get a Job in the evenings after she comes home when i was a baby my dad worked Days and my mom was a nurse and worked nights i asked her 11 when did she sleep and she said whenever you napped but it could also be done part time basis
One of my sisters stayed in a marriage with a mentally ill man who would not take responsibility for his own mental health despite support from her and their close community. In fact, I feel like that support became enabling as he was horribly manipulative and she was the “submissive wife!” It still breaks my heart.
She never said he was sitting home doing nothing. Without actually knowing their finances, it might be perfectly ok if he wants to be a stay at home Dad, so long as he is taking care of the kids, and the household needs. Dave can be so sexist and loves to infer that a stay at home Mom is working and her husband just needs to do more, while a stay at home Dad is just being lazy
I am in this right now...I realize that our journey together has come to an end, and I need to cultivate a life, and move forward WITHOUT my spouse...he literally does not want to do anything except do for himself, and his desires....I wish him well.....he wants a single life, and refuses to address it, and blames us(wife, and kids) for the failing family unit....go figure...our refusal to accept the abuse and basic abandonment of HIM from the family unit is our fault we cannot convince him to want to be a father and spouse. NOPE!!
"Overwhelmed" is quite normal, stepping back is normal. He doesn't want to go the counseling because he doesn't want to face his problem, or he does not think he has a problem. The other think is that he feels trapped with getting back into the work force. This in itself is daunting.
This call needed John. You can’t just punish someone because they’re aren’t doing what you want them to do. Love is commitment. We are so selfish in this life, it’s ridiculous. Clearly her husband is moving through a hard trial in his life. My advice to the caller, throw yourself before God in earnest prayer. Through tears, anger, whatever. Know that God is your provider. Not you or your husband. He will see you through this in ways us common people won’t be able to foresee. May it be a testimony for you. Keep your faith.
Another man who wants to stay at home, not work, and let his wife take care of him like his mother did. Yikes. This woman had 2 kids with this dude. Now she is stuck with this lazy dude. He gets overwhelmed at the thought of working. I wonder how overwhelmed he would be when she moves out and lets him face homelessness. I am sure by then he will figure out how to not be so overwhelmed by working.
@@GC-kk4et the stay at home wife/mom is NOT doing nothing. She is providing care giving services, cleaning, cooking services 24/7. Research shows men who stay at home still do minimal work in the home. The woman after her work shift, STILL ends up providing childcare and home care services. The man is lazy.
Jade should have stopped when she said she's not a counselor. Many of these callers don't share their complete story, any advice given will be based on partial information. Many women make their male counterpart out to always be the bad partner, never mentioning their failures/roles in the relationship.
He'll soon be a divorced man with an ex wife and owe child support. If he's this off balance already it wouldn't surprise he if he "checks himself out" physically when that's the case - if you catch my drift.
There are not enough facts here to say this guy needs help. Maybe it is the wife who needs mental help more. Her approach to money could be overwhelming (symptom). They are sometimes too quick to side with the person who calls. They didn't ask about income or debt. They just said he didn't want to work. They didn't ask the age of the kids. Maybe it is cheaper in their area for one parent to stay home. There is too much not said and too much guessing. If that house is organized, clean, and spotless when she walks in and the kids are fed, happy, healthy, and food it cooked then he has been working all day and isn't depressed. It can sometimes be hard for wives to admit that their husbands are better homemakers than they are.
I would be curious of what if any his skill sets are. Has he worked before? Was he working when they met? If he is having mental issues, some counseling could help. He could start with any part-time job no matter what it pays or whatever it is. Even stocking groceries at night when she gets home. If he is brining in $15-17 bucks an hour, he may realize he can do better than that. If they are "making it work" right now, an extra $1000 or $1200 towards debt each month or a nest egg would certainly help until they sort these issues out. I would recommend any job that gets him out of the house for a bit each day. He is hiding and it may take some "baby steps" as it relates to work to get him back to full time productivity. He will need to adopt the concept of "All work has dignity" especially if it is contributing to his family's future and wellbeing.
Most people define their worth through their ability to provide for their family. So when someone loses a job for whatever reason, depression is a very normal thing to run into. My guess is that’s what’s going on here. Counseling won’t do well because he won’t want to go. He needs to find work to pull out of this funk.
If he were a woman, we'd call him a stay at home mother. Since he's a man, his wife expects him to take care of the kids AND work a full-time job. He'd have to get a job good enough to cover more than the childcare cost for it to make sense. I'd be depressed if I were in an unfair situation like this as well. When she leaves, she better be timely with her alimony checks.
“I got a PHD in dumb…” jeez. Lmao! I’m recovering from major stomach surgery listening to his UA-cam channel at the hospital. The hilarity of his statement is not helping my recovery.
By the sound of it, it seems as if I was in a similar situation to this man. What caused me to transform was Michael A. Singer's book "Living Untethered".
My 2 cents , to whoever are bosses , supervisor, leaders...be nice or at least fair to your workers ...some cases , many employees get F by them and don't want to go to work!🤒💞
Unless he does something, this isn’t going to end well. They are moving onto different paths and it doesn’t seem as though she’s going to hold herself back for him when it gets to a certain point.
I don’t believe the intention or motivation is to throw their spouse under the bus. I’ve listened to many of Dave’s shows and many times these are very desperate people who need genuine help. Please don’t be so quick to judge people’s motives.
Someone needs to take care of home and children. However, MAN needs to be head of household providing, protecting, and spiritually leading family. Woman as "provider" or "head of household" always becomes super messed up. Gets worse and worse as years go on, and messes up the children. Stores for days on this topic.
@today7518 I'm not sure we're in agreement. I'm saying it's stupid to think that a man can't be a homemaker. The whole point of marriage is to lean into your strengths and weaknesses as the "whole" you have now become.If the chick makes more money, why the heck would she quit to stay home - especially if the DAD wants to do it? That would be dumb and kind of defeat the purpose of coming together as a unit in marriage. God did give us a brain.
Yeah, I know what you're saying and what society has told us over past 20 years. In theory it sounds like perfect plan for husband to stay home with babies. Only thing is husbands do NOT go through pregnancies, labor, nursing, and recovery. Women who are household providers work stressful full-time jobs while body goes through a lot. Ones I know have health issues from doing too much, and remorse for time lost with babies and children...which goes by so fast. Used to think same thing as you, until seeing that theory play out over time. Now I'm not sure if it's practical or wise. I know of a number of couples who did this, and each story is messed up. Children become resentful and angry at being abandoned by mom working all the time. Mom gets brunt of strong anger, while husband is the passive, funnish guy. They all learn to live without the mom who was always working. In each case, mother taught children for 20ish years, by her actions, that she is irrelevant in their lives...except as a paycheck. Bottom line, structure that works all the way around is husband's role as head of household, provider, protecter, and spiritual leader. Wife's role as supporting working husband, raising babies, creating happy home, and perhaps work once children are in school. It sounds cool to blow past this structure, but it usually ends up imploding in some form and impacting marriage and children. As for this situation, don't think she says husband views taking care of home and family as his life calling and something he enjoys doing. Just suggests he's hiding out?
@@saltyolbroad2962 What happened to old fashioned, common sense and wisdom? Source of Biblical perspective is Pastor Tony Evan's series "The Kingdom Family" which does GREAT job of presenting family and relationships from Biblical perspective. Worth time to listen to or read "Kingdom Man", "Kingdom Woman", and more. Think everyone, and especially young people NEED to listen to this series.
I would love to hear how this conversation would have panned out if a man had called in and explained the same situation but with the roles reversed. Somehow, I don't believe that Jade would be speaking about ultimatums and Dave wouldn't be telling him how unacceptable her behaviour is. I don't have a solution to this problem, but I can guarantee you that this fellow is not well. And I can guarantee you that he's hiding symptoms and every day when he gets out of bed, he's just hoping that he can buy more time. This doesn't end well.
@@aweisen1 Which quite frankly amazes me, in this day and age. Perhaps I'm unlucky, but I have had a lot of experience with depression and associated conditions. I won't bore you with the details but when listening to that call, I could see him on the couch. I could see him making a cup of coffee and probably smoking a cigarette. I can see how he moves, I can see his eyes and I can put several faces on him. Not everyone that I've known is still with us. This is a potentially deadly disease that simply telling someone to pull their socks up doesn't cure.
We never hear the whole story. Is he just laying around playing video games or is he shopping, cooking and cleaning because it is a big difference. He is home working his but off and like men who work they think the wife just sits on the couch all day. They don't see how the dishes and house is clean. They think it just stays that whay like magic.
I recently became a stay at home mom to my elderly mother. Most of my adult life has been as a working husband/father and then working divorced man. This single homemaking caregiver gig is so much more than I imagined. Working a job away from home now looks like a piece of cake.
If this husband happens to be a narcissist, there will be no healing or fixing... Narcissists will never change. My spouse is narcissistic. He cannot cope with talking about finances. He too has emotional baggage. But, a narcissist will never address their emotional baggage. So, if this husband tends to be narcissistic, he will never change and this wife will be emotionally alone as long as she stays with him.
Sounds like whatever "big event" happened caused him to possibly lose his job. Now he doesn't wanna get another one but she can't float the home expenses and get out of debt by herself. He needs to SUCK IT UP AND WORK!!
She needs to figure out how to pay the bills. He already works as a homemaker which is the most important job in a family. She needs to learn how to respect the sacrifices he makes and step up to provide for the family she chose to have. Drizzity drizzle
Sounds like my dad. It’s definitely not all men’s goal to provide and protect I’ll tell you that and those men are almost always bad news. Choose wisely ladies
Am I the only one that feels like she made this call completely useless by not revealing what happened? They could have really gotten into it if they did. Like what if she did something that betrayed him or made him check out? Or what if someone close to him made him not want to fight anymore?
She said "he had a major life event", not "they had a major life event". Also "she sold her car", not "they sold one of their cars". Also she said nothing about how having a dysfunctional father is affecting the kids. I wonder is the kids are his by a previous marriage. I wonder if the " major life event" has do do with his previous family. That would account for the caller being so closed mouthed here. He's still wrapped up with his previous family and she's a bystander in this marriage.
That dude is lazy! He doesn’t want to talk about the finances because he knows the solution is him getting a job and he doesn’t want to work. He doesn’t care how stressed out his wife is he’s selfish.
He’s happy living off her because he sounds depressed, as I can only assume he had a job before they got married. He’s in denial to what is wrong with HIM. Until he wants to move forward, his wife is going to have to struggle on. Maybe speak to someone he is close to, to get him to realise the damage he is doing to his family and himself. This is a tough one, because if it is depression the poor sod is ill. Definitely needs medical/therapy intervention but he has to want it and see that he’s ill. I hope it is medical for their sake’s and not just a lazy, comfortable hubby that just doesn’t want to work anymore. Good luck to her, hopefully there’s a way forward.
I’d love for roles to be reversed and have Ramsey say staying at home with the kids is ‘doing nothing’ for the mother that’s staying at home. Lmfao the comments would go absolutely insane with the pathetic woke feminist 304’s😂😂😂
For God's sake, don't have another child with him until you resolve this with him.
Your giving marriage advice too ?
Sounds like he regrets the 1 already...
She will.
Getting a job would probably help with the depression. Having a sense of purpose is huge!
Thats an American mentality because in America there is really not much more to do than work. The happiest guys i met are the old American expats in Asia who are retired and spend their days drinking at the beach with their many girlfriends
@@boston312 I mean some people are happy being lazy too but it's not working for this guy obviously. But yeah many Americans love working because everyone is striving for a very high standard of living unlike most of the world.
@@zachjones2346 Europeans, Australians and other Western countries have a high standard of living but they know there is more to life than just working (family, travel, passions, hobbies, etc)
@@boston312 I thought Europeans don't have air-conditioning? I have all of those things you mentioned and my wife and I work a lot. You are creating a false dilemma.
@boston312 but those guys worked until they retired. This guy would need to be one of their girlfriends.
"Money problems are not the problem, they're the symptom"
Sounds like the man could be depressed. Maybe he doesn’t recognize it. This happened to my brother years ago when he went through a period of joblessness. He wound up sitting in his recliner day after day, not getting dressed, and not even trying to get a job. We could see the depression in his demeanor. I think it was my mother who talked to him about it and encouraged him to do something positive about his life. He did. He got up, got dressed, went job hunting, and found a new job. After several jobs, he landed in a career that he really loved until he retired just a month ago. Now he’s the pastor of a church, which he has been doing, also, for a few years.
Speaking from the voice of experience, I myself have struggled with being overwhelmed about getting a job. The competition these days can be FIERCE, especially having to apply online and find a way to get yourself noticed among 100’s or perhaps 1000’s of other applicants. It’s easier said than done.
So the husband is the delicate flower in the marriage... Good luck.
Ha yup
Lol
Men can have difficulty too
... so women should be the delicate flowers and so deserve the same lack of respect?
@@BelenAntonia1004more or less
I was overwhelmed at first too, and was so angry that all the fun had to stop. 10 years later all the frugal things we do is what I cherish most in my life, I love them! Still having fun, but also have the pride and joy of financial independence.
“Overwhelmed” is code for “I’m comfortable where I’m at and I don’t want to make any change.” Change can only happen when you are uncomfortable. Prayers to you. 🙏
There's nothing wrong with being comfortable. We don't know if they go any debt of not.
@@jimmymcgill6778 I’m referring to situational comfort. I agree with you. But in this case if they NEED to make a change. That’s what I’m trying to convey.
It can also mean "severe mental illness." I hope this guy gets the help he may need.
@@kimberlym610 💯
@@Health4Thought And she really said nothing about what's really going on.
If simply talking about money "overwhelms" him then I hope he never has any real problems, He wants to stay home and eat burritos.
Listen to the end. She say's he's OK with some stuff, but not everything.
Some people go to far.
Eating burritos downing Doritos
Depending on your upbringing, your relationships, your shame...Talking about money can be overwhelming for many.
That's no excuse to avoid facing your fears. You should be MORE overwhelmed by abandoning your wife
Well, talking about "finances" can be overwhelming but it needs to be discussed to face this head on.
And cry Mama!
Just to be clear, it’s ok to be overwhelmed sometimes. It happens to all of us! But you must also work to ameliorate your family’s financial situation.
This is getting more common. I've seen this mentality before. The guy has been avoiding doing hard things, and now buckling down and overcoming is seen as not an option.
Overcome what? He is a homemaker. She needs another job or two if she's too broke to afford a family. Drizzle drizzle
@benmyers9030 Don't give that drizzle drizzle crap. If he has a legitimate problem, he needs counseling. His wife said nothing wrong. The guy is only protecting his own comfortability. He is no real man if he is not at least willing to work. Yes, there can be different circumstances; but this guy just sounds lazy and unwilling to do uncomfortable things for the betterment of his whole family.
@BrotherJLG sounds like you need counseling. Someone has to raise the children. It is a full time job. This woman can't take accountability for being too broke to pay the bills. She could have thought of that before getting pregnant twice. A real man supports strong independent stay at home dads. Drizzle drizzle
@benmyers9030 You are obviously single. They are married. It is no longer "mine", everything is "ours." Yes, a woman should be supportive of her husband, but that doesn't negate his responsibility. THEY are married. THEY had children. It takes a ridiculous narcissist or a selfish person to not care about the betterment of their family just because he wants to hide at home, probably playing video games, and you want to defend that garbage? Wow. If he didn't want responsibility, he never should've got married, or had kids, or moved out of his parents' house. She didn't say anything wrong. She has correct expectations of her husband. If they agreed that he could be a stay at home dad that would be different. But it is obviously not the case. And her only concern is the financial well-being of THEIR family. What the heck is wrong with you dude?
@BrotherJLG He's a stay at home dad. He has 2 full-time jobs technically. Stop being a sexiest
What my daughter moved back into our house because a dramatic event and my husband finally had to demand she get a job. It was the best thing that ever happened to me. She has thanked him several times.
Traumatic event?
I know they say it's better together. But sometimes I am glad I am single. I can build wealth for myself.
I agree lol. Ain't nobody bringing me down.
It depends. I have some friends in my friends group who married guys who have a job and are equal partners in the group. They are doing great and I'm really jealous of them in general. When they're sick their husband is there for them and they pool their finances together and everything is easier. No ones perfect but anyone I know who married a good guy is doing miles better than myself and my other single friends. I guess though I need to be grateful because I'm doing better than my friends who married horrible partners.
@@littleripper312 Excellent point!
Single here as well, and I agree. BUT, what the husband is going through can happen to anyone else. If I happen to lose my job or fall into a mental hole and don't have the will to climb out. I sure wish I had a wife like this to have my back and fight for me.
Fr fr
Sounds like her husband is checked out. When someone shows zero interest in doing daily life things, it usually points to depression. Keep a close eye on him before turning catastrophic.
Or laziness. Everything isn't depression.
Well it could be a sign of being discouraged/overwhelmed with finances (is common)
@@barbthegreat586 It depends how the person was previously that's the only way to tell. If he was more capable before and things have change I would guess depression. If he's always sort of been this way it could also be laziness. I agree that people are too quick to assume the only reason someone acts this way is depression, adult laziness and entitlement is a real thing.
My husband used to say the same thing and he turned up being that he was just being unfaithful and so many different ways and used depression as a cover-up. I can’t say I trust this completely when people say they are depressed.
This sounds like one they need to get her in touch with John.
Why? So he can ask if she's safe?
😂
John would tell her: you need to go home and tell your husband tonight that you’re scared to death for your marriage and he needs to get a job immediately
Don't see them making it to 8 years of marriage at this rate
She'd better be careful. He will get primary custody, alimony and child support. He takes care of the kids full time, she works full time. The court will try to maintain the status quo
Good, who needs marriage
then why did she get married...
Let’s just jump to divorce. Why work at a marriage covenant? I mean it’s too hard. Let’s make our financial situation worse and get a divorce. Let’s ruin the family and kids’ lives. This is what is wrong with this nation.
@happyappy19931 her vow was actually: "to have and to hold, as long as it's convenient"!
My wife and I agreed that one parent should stay home with the kids. It was not worth it to us to pay someone else to raise them. She got to stay home and see their first steps and hear their first words. No amount of money could replace those moments.
Paying for child care is expensive, not only financially but also in the family's well-being.
There is also the fact that there are two sides to the story. We only heard one side. We have no idea what this trauma was. It may take a few years to deal with it. Adding counselling fees to the baby steps may not fix anything either. Intentionally created problems in the home is not sound advice without knowing both people.
we dont have enough details to make an assessment. this is the kind of story where details and specifics matter.
I like how Dave rephrased it - baby steps is not the issue
It’s the same thing. Dave doesn’t like when people blame him due to his huge ego.
@@katemiller7874no it’s not. It would still be the same problem in their marriage and communication regardless of which financial method they used.
I know. I'm clinically depressed, just had electro-convulsive therapy which helped some but the insurance company only approved half of what the psychiatrist recommended. I'm writing as John types; yeah I'm scared a lot. Covid left me with an alcohol problem and a fear of leaving the house.
But I see my therapist online. My church sends a person to give me communion once a month. (I mail in my offerings.) I see a psych about every 3 months. I have an "assistant" once a week who does mostly my bills and life's paperwork and cleans up the kitchen. A cleaner comes once a month. Oh, and I've been free of alcohol for 3 months. (I tell people 13 is my lucky number; I quit alcohol 13 times and then it stuck.)
Oh and I just found Ramsey so now all my debts are paid and I'm working on savings.
I need to get out of the house. Blessings to all of you. Fear is crippling.
Blessings to you.
Sounds like you made great progress and are using everything you have available. That’s honestly impressive, you’re crushing it! I wish you good luck in your next steps. I have a perfectly happy life without alcohol, you can do it too!
Drag yourself to an AA meeting, start there and the rest will follow
Yikes, that’s tough. I hope you keep going forward. As you try to get o7t of the house more, maybe start going to church. Best of luck.
Please read The power of intention by Dr. Wayne Dyer. It helped so much with anxiety and depression.
Working in the banking industry, you see these exact situations far more often than it should. Money confuses people and the average person is not ready for any financial emergency even of $100. Please financially educate yourself and those you love so that you are never in this situation of being scared or nervous even trying to make money, much less take on debt and spend the money you make.
The problem we have is because Most people always taught that " you only need a good job to become rich " . These billionaires are operating on a whole other playbook that many don't even know exists.
Money invested is far better than money saved , when you invest it gives you the opportunity to increase your financial worth.
It is remarkable how much long term
advantage people like us have gotten by trying to be consistently not stupid,
instead of trying to be very intelligent.
The wisest thing that should be on everyone mind currently should be to invest in different streams of income that doesn't depend on government paycheck, especially with the current economic crisis around the world. This is still a time to invest in Stocks, Forex and Digital currencies.
Many individuals report success in investing in stocks, forex, and cryptocurrency (Bitcoin), yet I continue to struggle. Can somebody help me out or advise me on what to do?
Even with the right technique and assets some investors would still make more than others. As an investor, you should've known that by now that nothing beats experience and that's final. Personally I had to reach out to a stock expert for guidance which is how I was able to grow my account close to $35k, withdraw my profit right before the correction and now I'm buying again.
Good episode. Pandemic shifted a large number of us off track.
yes
I love when Dave talks about Sharon. She sounds like such a wise strong woman.
Don’t know the full situation at all and the caller was pretty vague. Sounds like buddy got too comfortable and is using his trauma as an excuse to
100%
Too*^
I don’t ever recall problems like this when families had 8 to 12 kids in the family. For some reason today with one kid they have all kinds of problems.
I love Dave’s flawless articulation and verbal acrobatic moves to put responsibility where it belongs! Thank you, fine sir. 🎩
He has no intention of working, saving . He just wants to sit at home, spend money , contribute nothing.
Is that what you think SAHMs do?
Yes. Like stay at home moms. Somehow Dave supports that 999% when it’s a woman but if a man tries to do the same then there must be a big problem with him lol
but when a women oes it is a perfect marriage she is a stay at home mom ...
@@janise01 no they actually contribute and do something unlike this dead beat.
@GC-kk4et men don't endure physical gestation, labor, delivery, post party and breast feeding. Unless they are disabled there is no physical condition that ties them to the infant, unlike with women.
Dave’s face, he doesn’t want to work 😆
My daughter is autistic and is horribly overwhelmed by almost everything. These people need help and it they don't get help, then they need to get out and feel uncomfortable enough to make a change. It's so hard to motivate these people to change and adapt
I'm surprised she had two kids with this guy. One maybe, but two is not a mistake.
@@stephengamber7000 their religion and upbringing really make it hard for a woman to deny her husband. A shame really.
@@laundrygoddess4 what religion is that? Most "conservative" religions start with the man supporting & protecting his wife & family. Not sitting around being overwhelmed.
How much is "autism," and how much is just plain old manipulative?
Many people really do have autism New York state has a Business making T-shirts that only up hires people with autism look into that in your state and see if there's any such Company or Program
His wife is not his mommy. Dude! Get a job and take care of your family.
Jade a real one
This is one of the most compassionate reactions I've seen him have to something. America's Dad.
Adults move past overwhelmed. If he can’t get past it, send HIM to a therapist.
I'm sorry if I was depressed and felt lifeless but had a family and kids... I don't care how I feel even if it's walking death. I'd find something and support my wife and kids. Weak excuse of a man
Agree. I would delivering for Amazon, scrubbing toilets at Walmart, working night shift at gas station convenience store...whatever
He's a strong, independent stay at home dad! Drizzle drizzle
@jamesof7seven no to people woth mental disabilities I'd say to cut out the sugar fix ur diet, take some medicine and try to minimize symptoms. Hard life
Major depression can make it impossible to get out of bed. Some people can't stay alive and kill themselves. If you can't imagine things getting that bad, be grateful you've never been there. Someone that low can't hold down a job. They gotta get patched up and then get back out there.
@@thestorybehindthat5236 100%
If she has a great job and he is a busy functional adult doing a great job as a stay at home parent then great. But it sounds like he is struggling with the functional and busy part as well working with his wife to solve problems, like lack of money.
I suffer from anxiety and depression yet work a full-time job that pays well, recently bought a townhome, and own a 1979 El Camino. If I can do it despite all of my mental struggles then anyone can.
I have had depression amd anxiety since childhood, worked three jobs to get through college and even did job interviews while having anxiety atracks (without knowing it) and graduated at the top of my class. I work my own consulting business and support a disabled relative. I still have mental health issues, anxiety atracks and at times need to seek INTENSIVE interventions. I have missed days from work after having breakdowns and still bounce back. And I still work and take care of myself. It's not easy but I NEED to take care of myself because no one else will and my family is depending on me.
Here's the kicker there might be different levels of depression and social anxiety. You might be a 3 out of 10 on both where someone else might be a 8 out of 10(10 being the worst). Simply saying if you can do it doesn't mean anyone can.
You got Dave and his cast on here that's probably never experienced(or rarely) a 2 out of 10. So it's easy to just say get over it.
@jamesof7seven I worked 3 jobs all year round and got scholarhsips, and my church was praying for me THE WHOLE TIME.
@@SnipesXxXI understand it's different for everyone: I like to think that if I: have an ACE score of 10. Experienced SA starting at age 4. Went to 18 schools because my family routinely got evicted and was homeless/I grew up bouncing around relatives homes can work and function
...I hope people who didn't go through all that stuff can.
@jamesof7seven my college has a workload on par with MIT's in relattion to the hours required in class/studio. I went to design school in New England and had a job as an R.A., a T.A., a campus tour fuide and in the library. All P/T jobs. I worked over the summers and jobs all year round. I was always in class and graduated with my department's prize. I didn't have friends growing up because my family moved often so I didn't party, drink, etc? I just worked, did school, and spent time with my church. I felt BLESSED to be able to do it and wasn't whining about "struggling" because the college is VERY selecrive (3% admission rate) and I felt lucky ro be able to be there at all, much less get a job pf any sort.
Let me interpret Jade's statement at the end for inexperienced young men: If her husband behaved like that he wouldn't get laid until he smartened up.
Yep
He probably doesn’t even want to if he’s depressed. Punishment isn’t always the answer.
If he’s depressed, which could be what’s going on, withholding sex will brew resentment and she will walk into the house one day while hes having sex with another woman.
If he’s just being lazy, withholding sex could be an ok play, but rewarding him going to a real job interview with something fun he really likes could also work in her favor.
But using sex as a weapon against men is never a good play and how you convince your husband or boyfriend to start cheating on you.
@@barnabusdoyle4930 Another woman? What other woman would want him?
In addition, she can cancel all the entertainment subscriptions he likes because they are not within the new budget.
People go through things. Without all the details it’s one cannot come to a conclusion
Dave’s face looked like he heard a weird sound in the middle of the night 😂
"And judge my actions... you twerp" LOL I know he wanted to be meaner but that was funny lol
Jade looking guuuud with the glow! Glow on girl!!!!
Right! Looking beautiful.
Put hubby in an IT bootcamp, let him get a job at an IT helpdesk to build his confidence back up. It’s what turned my life completely around. I’m a six figure earner as an IT manager and doing great after launching from that small confidence boost.
Don't you know that the IT/tech market is completely screwed up right now?
@@oldmoney1022no it’s not lmao.
Great job providing a solution. There's a lot of ignorance in the chat.
@@oldmoney1022what do you mean?
“It bootcamp” is like 20,000 bucks minimum and very intensive and this guy can’t even handle the idea of getting a part time job at lowe’s. Not the smartest investment.
Sounds like a depression issue...but the guy doesn't sound like he wants help which is the scary part for her and family.
There is a lot of language used to describe this, while avoiding the most direct terms "immature" and "lazy". He must step up as a man, a husband, and a father. Otherwise, his wife, who probably works around relatively mature, responsible, productive, and successful men, will understandably stray. Even voluntary stay-at-home-dad situations rarely work out for the simple reason that the wife loses respect for her little boy at home. I was once fired while in my forties. I was scared. We had just moved into a new home that I had designed, with a large mortgage. I took a job with a 20% pay cut and lesser benefits, and ascended from there. Act like a man.
Double standard. Many men support and admire SAHMs who create their homes and raise their children. Women rarely see men that way.
It's sickening how many people are so heartless, narcissistic and judgmental.
The solution is not: just suck it up and be a man.
People deal with real emotional and mental struggles.
Why don't we start helping each other and stop pointing the finger? It is the sole purpose of humanity for those who are stronger to lend a helping hand to the weak.
Part of the main problem with today's society is the amount of neglect, narcissism, and hate.
Not what they said, did you even listen?
Our family has spent 12 tortured years and 10s of thousands of dollars supporting and encouraging a family member much like the callers husband.
Our family member refuses professional help and prefers to "self medicate."
So, are compassion and justice only served when everyone is equally miserable?
If he is depressed, hes not the person to care for the kids. A checked out primary caregiver is the very worst thi g for kids' mental and emotional development.
Inaction breeds doubt and fear.
Action breeds confidence and
courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.
- Dale Carnegie
Make your bed.
- Jordán Peterson
It may be the husband is depressed OR he could be Oppositional/Defiant. That was my husband. Make him go to counseling. Make it a mandatory requirement for the marriage to remain intact that he go to AND PARTICIPATE IN counseling. These people will go, but choose to not learn, grow and move forward, if he’s O/D. In those cases, your only recourse is to tell the manchild he’s not allowed to continue on his present course AND continue to have a wife and children in his life. If he refuses, take notes, document everything he “refuses” to do so you can present it to the court. Most judges will despise men who are afraid to live and care for their families. Paint him the bleakest word picture you can and if he still says no, there’s nothing you can do but leave with the children. You’re living alone now, what’s to change if you live without this guy? A marriage is a man, taking the lead (as per God’s Word) and you joyfully following. What you presented was nothing like that.
My 25 year old son has had a few part time jobs but suffers from severe anxiety. He panics when he has to reacts with other people. He is on medication and it dose help. He could have chemical imbalance in his brain. It is a form of depression.
Yep
Just give society depression medication in these depressing times
, that’ll help 😂
@jamesof7seven Well said.
@jamesof7seven Literally how capitalism works. You must mould in to it for their gain or you suffer. Disgusting system.
The military would snap him out of that. It’s black & white what is your job & how & when it’s time to speak.
This guy is quite comfortable being a stay at home dad, he doesn't care less about providing for his family. She needs to toughen up and tell him some home truths.. have a job within 24 Hrs or take your bags and leave. She doesn't need another child to care for. I did this with my ex, I ended up walking away. He thought he had won the lottery with me working 4 jobs to keep head above water.
Dave is the best counselor!
"A big event", but not naming it. It sounds like this caller is very uncomfortable with identifying the problem outloud even though she called in for help. Being able to do that is the first step, so congrats. She is going to need courage going forward because I suspect hubby is comfortably uncomfortable with the status quo. Best of luck to you!
It could be a legal issue that she can't mention, e.g.. if the husband is in the early stages of PTSD after the event.
My guess is that he was fired because the big event caused him to think about the next job he wants (or whatever she said). That he's scared to get another job for fear of failure and rejection again.
I had a husband liker that, except he did work but hated it. We went to counseling and when our counselor told me there wasn't any reason for me to come to therapy until my husband dealt with the problems with his mother. She was a monster-in-law. He never dealt with it to the day she died. I lasted 13 years with him and it was awful the emotional abuse I had to live with. Sometimes they just need to go.
I lol how Dave words his responses so the caller is always pushed against a wall to answer how Dave wants. It’s epic comedy
If this was reverse and the woman wanted to be stay at home mom & not be involved in $$ issues.. wouldn't even be an issue or need therapy
Yeah cause men and women are different.
@bethanyboothe4817 if the guy wants the same then it shouldn't be a mental issue, just he isn't comfortable with it.
I suspect Dave would want both partners to work together no matter who it is. At their marriage and at their finances. At least that has been his counsel in the past.
So when a husband sits home with the kids it’s doing nothing but when the wife does it’s a great and noble job . Can’t be both ways Dave , the problem with that is the wife always looses respect for a man that stays home with children then she cheats
If he is depressed, please, please get help before is too late.
I didn’t recognize my husband’s depression 😞 I came from a country that when you’re sad or don’t feel like doing anything, your mom makes you get up and have you do house work or read a book or do crafts until your “laziness” goes away. Some people don’t want to face it, recognize it nor they’re educated on this subject.
So please try to find help for him if that’s the case.
Not an easy subject for men to talk about.
With his current attitude, this guy is not doing his kids any favors by being a stay-at-home dad. He is doing damage to the kids whether he intends to do so or not. There are situations where it is fine if the wife is the breadwinner and dad is the homemaker, but this isn't one of those. If this woman won't get her husband to shape up for her, she should definitely do it for their kids. My siblings and I grew up in the 50s and 60s. My mom worked part-time and temporary jobs for a few years in the 50s. Later, she stayed home because my dad was making a good income. My mom was NEVER overwhelmed. She ran every aspect of the household, so my dad didn't have to worry about it. He knew when he came home from work that everything would be in order.
He needs to get a Job in the evenings after she comes home when i was a baby my dad worked Days and my mom was a nurse and worked nights i asked her 11 when did she sleep and she said whenever you napped but it could also be done part time basis
One of my sisters stayed in a marriage with a mentally ill man who would not take responsibility for his own mental health despite support from her and their close community. In fact, I feel like that support became enabling as he was horribly manipulative and she was the “submissive wife!” It still breaks my heart.
She never said he was sitting home doing nothing. Without actually knowing their finances, it might be perfectly ok if he wants to be a stay at home Dad, so long as he is taking care of the kids, and the household needs. Dave can be so sexist and loves to infer that a stay at home Mom is working and her husband just needs to do more, while a stay at home Dad is just being lazy
I am in this right now...I realize that our journey together has come to an end, and I need to cultivate a life, and move forward WITHOUT my spouse...he literally does not want to do anything except do for himself, and his desires....I wish him well.....he wants a single life, and refuses to address it, and blames us(wife, and kids) for the failing family unit....go figure...our refusal to accept the abuse and basic abandonment of HIM from the family unit is our fault we cannot convince him to want to be a father and spouse. NOPE!!
"Overwhelmed" is quite normal, stepping back is normal. He doesn't want to go the counseling because he doesn't want to face his problem, or he does not think he has a problem. The other think is that he feels trapped with getting back into the work force. This in itself is daunting.
This call needed John. You can’t just punish someone because they’re aren’t doing what you want them to do. Love is commitment. We are so selfish in this life, it’s ridiculous. Clearly her husband is moving through a hard trial in his life.
My advice to the caller, throw yourself before God in earnest prayer. Through tears, anger, whatever.
Know that God is your provider. Not you or your husband. He will see you through this in ways us common people won’t be able to foresee. May it be a testimony for you. Keep your faith.
Another man who wants to stay at home, not work, and let his wife take care of him like his mother did. Yikes. This woman had 2 kids with this dude. Now she is stuck with this lazy dude. He gets overwhelmed at the thought of working. I wonder how overwhelmed he would be when she moves out and lets him face homelessness. I am sure by then he will figure out how to not be so overwhelmed by working.
How is it not ok for a husband to do this but totally ok for a wife to stay at home doing nothing while the husband takes all the financial load?
@@GC-kk4et the stay at home wife/mom is NOT doing nothing. She is providing care giving services, cleaning, cooking services 24/7. Research shows men who stay at home still do minimal work in the home. The woman after her work shift, STILL ends up providing childcare and home care services. The man is lazy.
Jade should have stopped when she said she's not a counselor. Many of these callers don't share their complete story, any advice given will be based on partial information. Many women make their male counterpart out to always be the bad partner, never mentioning their failures/roles in the relationship.
Grown man with a family overwhelmed to get a job to support his wife and kids 💀💀💀💀💀
No one would suggest counseling to a woman who wanted to stay home with the kids. Welcome to 2024.
@@johannesswillery7855 I've heard them tell women that they can't stay home with that much debt
How did he even woo a woman into mating with him and having children in the first place lol
He'll soon be a divorced man with an ex wife and owe child support. If he's this off balance already it wouldn't surprise he if he "checks himself out" physically when that's the case - if you catch my drift.
She did avoid telling what bad thing that had happened to him thought... Could be everything... from super valid to not.
There are not enough facts here to say this guy needs help. Maybe it is the wife who needs mental help more. Her approach to money could be overwhelming (symptom). They are sometimes too quick to side with the person who calls. They didn't ask about income or debt. They just said he didn't want to work. They didn't ask the age of the kids. Maybe it is cheaper in their area for one parent to stay home. There is too much not said and too much guessing. If that house is organized, clean, and spotless when she walks in and the kids are fed, happy, healthy, and food it cooked then he has been working all day and isn't depressed. It can sometimes be hard for wives to admit that their husbands are better homemakers than they are.
He could still work part time or weekends
I would be curious of what if any his skill sets are. Has he worked before? Was he working when they met? If he is having mental issues, some counseling could help. He could start with any part-time job no matter what it pays or whatever it is. Even stocking groceries at night when she gets home. If he is brining in $15-17 bucks an hour, he may realize he can do better than that. If they are "making it work" right now, an extra $1000 or $1200 towards debt each month or a nest egg would certainly help until they sort these issues out. I would recommend any job that gets him out of the house for a bit each day. He is hiding and it may take some "baby steps" as it relates to work to get him back to full time productivity. He will need to adopt the concept of "All work has dignity" especially if it is contributing to his family's future and wellbeing.
Throw in a divorce attorney. That should stimulate him!
Most people define their worth through their ability to provide for their family. So when someone loses a job for whatever reason, depression is a very normal thing to run into. My guess is that’s what’s going on here. Counseling won’t do well because he won’t want to go. He needs to find work to pull out of this funk.
Men have a high level of testosterone. This makes them get out and fight to for a new job to provide for their family.
If he were a woman, we'd call him a stay at home mother. Since he's a man, his wife expects him to take care of the kids AND work a full-time job. He'd have to get a job good enough to cover more than the childcare cost for it to make sense.
I'd be depressed if I were in an unfair situation like this as well.
When she leaves, she better be timely with her alimony checks.
Pulling a wagon is hard. It’s even harder when someone is sitting in the wagon instead of helping to pull it.
Nice work
How old are the kids? Where were the kids before this? Was she home with the kids and not working? Were they in daycare and now he's watching them?
“I got a PHD in dumb…” jeez. Lmao! I’m recovering from major stomach surgery listening to his UA-cam channel at the hospital. The hilarity of his statement is not helping my recovery.
By the sound of it, it seems as if I was in a similar situation to this man. What caused me to transform was Michael A. Singer's book "Living Untethered".
I wonder how many good, responsible men she pushed aside to attach herself to this waste of space.
My 2 cents , to whoever are bosses , supervisor, leaders...be nice or at least fair to your workers ...some cases , many employees get F by them and don't want to go to work!🤒💞
Unless he does something, this isn’t going to end well. They are moving onto different paths and it doesn’t seem as though she’s going to hold herself back for him when it gets to a certain point.
100% they will get divorced in the future.
Yep...I'd be talking to a divorce attorney after hanging up with Dave.
The husband seems like he’s either delusional or depressed. I bet he goes around telling people he has a job when in reality, he doesn’t.
I bet he's depressed. I've been there.
I bet he might like another man
His job is homemaker. It is a full time position
@@benmyers9030 if women can do it so can men
@@benmyers9030Yeah, women want equality until they lose the option to stay home.
"Staying at home with the kids" isn't hiding, it's part of being a family
Always be skeptical of people who call a national radio show to throw their spouses under the bus.
They don’t know what to do with their spouse anymore. Frustration.
This is anonymous. So it is perfectly fine. He spouse needs to shape up or ship out.
I don’t believe the intention or motivation is to throw their spouse under the bus. I’ve listened to many of Dave’s shows and many times these are very desperate people who need genuine help. Please don’t be so quick to judge people’s motives.
I'd like to know if it's something he's going thru and come out the other side, or is it a new normal?
Someone needs to take care of home and children. However, MAN needs to be head of household providing, protecting, and spiritually leading family. Woman as "provider" or "head of household" always becomes super messed up. Gets worse and worse as years go on, and messes up the children. Stores for days on this topic.
He can't be the head and take care of the kids? That's ridiculous.
@today7518 I'm not sure we're in agreement. I'm saying it's stupid to think that a man can't be a homemaker. The whole point of marriage is to lean into your strengths and weaknesses as the "whole" you have now become.If the chick makes more money, why the heck would she quit to stay home - especially if the DAD wants to do it? That would be dumb and kind of defeat the purpose of coming together as a unit in marriage. God did give us a brain.
Yeah, I know what you're saying and what society has told us over past 20 years. In theory it sounds like perfect plan for husband to stay home with babies. Only thing is husbands do NOT go through pregnancies, labor, nursing, and recovery. Women who are household providers work stressful full-time jobs while body goes through a lot. Ones I know have health issues from doing too much, and remorse for time lost with babies and children...which goes by so fast.
Used to think same thing as you, until seeing that theory play out over time. Now I'm not sure if it's practical or wise. I know of a number of couples who did this, and each story is messed up. Children become resentful and angry at being abandoned by mom working all the time. Mom gets brunt of strong anger, while husband is the passive, funnish guy. They all learn to live without the mom who was always working. In each case, mother taught children for 20ish years, by her actions, that she is irrelevant in their lives...except as a paycheck.
Bottom line, structure that works all the way around is husband's role as head of household, provider, protecter, and spiritual leader. Wife's role as supporting working husband, raising babies, creating happy home, and perhaps work once children are in school. It sounds cool to blow past this structure, but it usually ends up imploding in some form and impacting marriage and children.
As for this situation, don't think she says husband views taking care of home and family as his life calling and something he enjoys doing. Just suggests he's hiding out?
@today7518 the question was/is where does it say that women "stay home" with the kids? In the Bible.
@@saltyolbroad2962 What happened to old fashioned, common sense and wisdom? Source of Biblical perspective is Pastor Tony Evan's series "The Kingdom Family" which does GREAT job of presenting family and relationships from Biblical perspective. Worth time to listen to or read "Kingdom Man", "Kingdom Woman", and more. Think everyone, and especially young people NEED to listen to this series.
I would love to hear how this conversation would have panned out if a man had called in and explained the same situation but with the roles reversed. Somehow, I don't believe that Jade would be speaking about ultimatums and Dave wouldn't be telling him how unacceptable her behaviour is.
I don't have a solution to this problem, but I can guarantee you that this fellow is not well. And I can guarantee you that he's hiding symptoms and every day when he gets out of bed, he's just hoping that he can buy more time. This doesn't end well.
That’s my fear too, he could be a ticking time bomb. Either way intervention is needed.
You can really tell how many people in this comments section have absolutely no clue what it's like having major depression.
@@Bees-knees99 Absolutely. How, I don't know.
@@aweisen1 Which quite frankly amazes me, in this day and age. Perhaps I'm unlucky, but I have had a lot of experience with depression and associated conditions.
I won't bore you with the details but when listening to that call, I could see him on the couch. I could see him making a cup of coffee and probably smoking a cigarette.
I can see how he moves, I can see his eyes
and I can put several faces on him.
Not everyone that I've known is still with us.
This is a potentially deadly disease that simply telling someone to pull their socks up doesn't cure.
We never hear the whole story. Is he just laying around playing video games or is he shopping, cooking and cleaning because it is a big difference. He is home working his but off and like men who work they think the wife just sits on the couch all day. They don't see how the dishes and house is clean. They think it just stays that whay like magic.
I recently became a stay at home mom to my elderly mother.
Most of my adult life has been as a working husband/father and then working divorced man.
This single homemaking caregiver gig is so much more than I imagined.
Working a job away from home now looks like a piece of cake.
If this husband happens to be a narcissist, there will be no healing or fixing...
Narcissists will never change.
My spouse is narcissistic.
He cannot cope with talking about finances.
He too has emotional baggage.
But, a narcissist will never address their emotional baggage.
So, if this husband tends to be narcissistic, he will never change and this wife will be emotionally alone as long as she stays with him.
Sounds like whatever "big event" happened caused him to possibly lose his job. Now he doesn't wanna get another one but she can't float the home expenses and get out of debt by herself. He needs to SUCK IT UP AND WORK!!
She needs to figure out how to pay the bills. He already works as a homemaker which is the most important job in a family. She needs to learn how to respect the sacrifices he makes and step up to provide for the family she chose to have.
Drizzity drizzle
Sounds like my dad. It’s definitely not all men’s goal to provide and protect I’ll tell you that and those men are almost always bad news. Choose wisely ladies
Delaney would ask “are you safe?”
If she makes enough to support the family what’s the issue?
He doesn't comunicate and make plans with his wife.
Dude better start trying or hes going to tank his marriage fast.
Am I the only one that feels like she made this call completely useless by not revealing what happened? They could have really gotten into it if they did. Like what if she did something that betrayed him or made him check out? Or what if someone close to him made him not want to fight anymore?
Nothing like a man to "overwhelmed" to get a job😅😅
She said "he had a major life event", not "they had a major life event". Also "she sold her car", not "they sold one of their cars". Also she said nothing about how having a dysfunctional father is affecting the kids. I wonder is the kids are his by a previous marriage. I wonder if the " major life event" has do do with his previous family. That would account for the caller being so closed mouthed here. He's still wrapped up with his previous family and she's a bystander in this marriage.
Maybe she's works for only fans? But you're right, the words she uses are telling.
How is he dysfunctional?
That dude is lazy! He doesn’t want to talk about the finances because he knows the solution is him getting a job and he doesn’t want to work. He doesn’t care how stressed out his wife is he’s selfish.
Workplaces are the worst.
He’s happy living off her because he sounds depressed, as I can only assume he had a job before they got married. He’s in denial to what is wrong with HIM. Until he wants to move forward, his wife is going to have to struggle on. Maybe speak to someone he is close to, to get him to realise the damage he is doing to his family and himself. This is a tough one, because if it is depression the poor sod is ill. Definitely needs medical/therapy intervention but he has to want it and see that he’s ill. I hope it is medical for their sake’s and not just a lazy, comfortable hubby that just doesn’t want to work anymore. Good luck to her, hopefully there’s a way forward.
I’d love for roles to be reversed and have Ramsey say staying at home with the kids is ‘doing nothing’ for the mother that’s staying at home. Lmfao the comments would go absolutely insane with the pathetic woke feminist 304’s😂😂😂