How You Can Manage Your Executive Dysfunction · ADHD/ Autism · The Sandwich Technique
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- Опубліковано 9 бер 2022
- Executive Dysfunction…two words that may not have any meaning to some of you reading this but can deeply impact and derail the lives of others. As I have grown more and more into an independent adult I’ve come to realize the intricate ways we are expected to function and hold our lives together. The system at which we are expected to thrive in can come so naturally to most people, but for those of us who struggle with executive dysfunction, it doesn’t come naturally at all. So depending on how effectively you can pick up on or force yourself into weaving your way through maintaining life, your well-being, and your relationships-can deeply affect your outlook on yourself and how worthy you deem yourself.
I’ve found that as I understand my ND self, ND friends, and ND clients more; that we have spent a lifetime teaching ourselves that getting tasks done, being responsible, and maintaining life can be very painful and even paralyzing. We begin to loathe responsibilities, hate mornings, despise school or work, and as a result we may overindulge ourselves in “unproductive” activities in hopes of soothing ourselves from the immense amount of anxiety we experience due to our executive dysfunction. But as we escape our responsibilities time and time again we not only begin to lose faith in ourselves, but we begin to disassociate our original pure enjoyment in our favorite activities as it is now a means to enabling the very behavior that makes us hate ourselves. As you can see, executive dysfunction is not just a cognitive skill set, it profoundly affects those who struggle with it. It can deepen anxiety and/or depression and it can be truly devastating.
I put a lot of love and awareness into consciously developing the Sandwich Technique in order to help myself with my executive dysfunction. After years of following this technique, I’ve effectively taught myself to detach anxiety and fears away from tasks & taught myself how to manage all of my responsibilities at a steady pace that leads to a significantly lower rate of burnout. Not saying we can avoid burnout completely, but at least you’re keeping it to a minimum. Life can and is maintained and you don’t have to beat yourself bloody in order to do it. Hopefully, as I make this technique accessible to you guys through the weekly digital template I created, it can also help some of you begin to reverse engineer your executive dysfunction as well & will allow some of you to regain some power and hope in your life and in yourself.🐝
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Am I the only one that can do things for others (shop, make apts ect) but it's such a fight to do it for myself?
Alot of us are like that. I have a friend who is the same and we often used to clean each others houses for this very reason.
That’s literally me, what???
if it's not something that keeps me alive, I won't even go outside unless it's to do something for or meet up with someone else :(
edit: making your house/room the cleanest it's ever been because someone's coming over :')
Yeah we dont get the same satisfaction thats felt after making someone else happy
After feeling usefull to others
Doing things for yourself
You often dont see the point
There’s no compliments no noticing by others
Me too 😂
feeling guilty while unwinding after an "unproductive" day is soo real
I learned a trick a while back (that I had kind of always known but didn't realize) to wear shoes when I have things to do around the house. No shoes feels like I have nothing to do. Feels like relaxing. Shoes feels like doing tasks. Maybe that's somewhat helpful?
Love this one 👍
That's a good idea. I'll have to come up with something else as I always wear my slippers in the house, but I'm sure the concept can be adapted! Thank you
@@kouranko maybe get the slippers with the hard bottoms they might feel more like shoes
Yes great idea
It’s true , and along those lines even dressing like for the gym , pull your hair back - put on music and get with it - set a timer and pretend you have an important guest due in an hour and challenge yourself to see what you can accomplish!😊
This is exactly what I needed. I have been spiralling into depression with constant comparison between who I was during high-school (the gifted girl) to who I am now, knowing that I can and SHOULD be able to do better. This video is a step towards self-acceptance, thank you.
Same
I am in the EXACT same situation rn. Constantly reminiscing about my high school days.. procrastinating and spiraling into depression.
Same, gifted ambitious art kid now a burnt out adult that has to pull out of their lifelong art job and can't get myself to draw or paint anything 😔
Sounds like we are in good company!
I pray to be better in every way but I just feel broken, hopeless in a way......
I noticed so quickly that I had lost something. The schedules and assignments kept us on track. We have to schedule and assign us now.
My executive dysfunction is to the point that I sometimes wonder if I'll ever be able to be an independent adult living on my own when I can barely micro-manage the small tasks in a day. I hope I can get something out of this video.
You only work 3 days a week? This doesn't work in the real world with a 50 hour week plus commute time, volunteering and potentially children.
@@allymcb2005 this is what I've been thinking. The work day didn't really look like a work day to me. I know it's some work creating these videos but it can't compare with working in a factory where I (with adhd) have to stay focused for 8h a day, not having the time to sit down, for 5 or 6 days a week. Two shifts. The only way for me to unwind is to be left alone, being in nature, music, a little exercise or a hike and meditation. That's still my best option to recharge more quickly and im not as annoyed and bitchy so it keeps me more positive.
I ask for a lot of help. We’re tribal, you don’t have to do adulting totally independent. I have a sibling who helps me plan my calendar, a friend who body mirrors while I clean and a friend who reads my emails and presses send when I’m too anxious or insecure. You don’t have to cold turkey independence. ✨
I think you may be the first person who has articulated my experience with Executive Dysfunction. It has taken a great deal of anxiety to even perform my stressful job reasonable well. One of the problems is that when the overwhelm goes on for years, or in my case, decades, you can eventually get blown out and steamrolled, and the anxiety gives way to an exhausted, dangerous apathy. I'm renewing my efforts to search for ways to manage my Executive Dysfunction, even though I'm exhausted.
Yesss! I feel the same way about her video on Autism vs adhd #1 intro. Omg I cried of relief hearing someone articulate what I've been trying to explain to my family so that they stop calling me rude, argumentative etc. I wish they would just understand.
I will so be buying this! I seriously didn’t know I needed this template and it fits my needs like a glove
Me too!!
I hate this, but this is exactly what I have right now and I’m even turning to the Internet and other places is overwhelming. I don’t trust any more anyone anymore. I don’t trust myself and I’m just when I take my ADD meds I’m a little bit excited but pretty much long-term apathetic. I mean there’s no way out of this except a miracle and it’s not like I was like this early on it’s gotten so much worse and I really hate it. I just want to say that I really hate it it’s really like a nightmare you can’t wake up from it’s like it’s like being inside your body paralyzed and no one can see that you’re paralyzed and they’re talking to you and they’re asking why you don’t move and you don’t even know either. I’m just tired of it I wish I wish we could all pray together and have this break free because honestly I don’t even know how to when I try to tackle it there’s so much trauma now and I don’t even know that it’s trauma. I don’t want anyone to tell me how to fix it because that just add stress.
@@lynnbilbrey8823 plot template. I can’t wait to see this because for the past two or three years aside from apathy in depresssion, I’ve been wondering if you could get injected with a sense that things would be OK and no one will expect or demand anything from you and that you’d have energy and you wouldn’t be non-functional so often and unpredictably but there be a template for doing things when faced with a choice Arabi pick one and both is OK or like you know something outside of yourself that will tell you what to do you know like I
Here are some timestamps, and my notes for those interested:
11:00 -description of sandwich technique
20:38 -building sandwich elements
24:48 -description of potato days and elements
27:30 -example week
This technique revolves around dedicating each day to one purpose, or one type of task, to avoid overwhelm and burnout.
A sandwich day:
-bread (morning): write down what to do that day, including the little things that pop into your head. Note: don't give in to anxiety about the rest of the day and divert to soothing behaviours. As you manage your days better the anxiety will fade.
-meat (day): do what you decided to do. Note: don't push yourself to do more than you planned if you have left over energy. The point is to NOT be exhausted all the time!
-cheese (day): unwind until bedtime. Note: stop and go to bed on time. Now that you are building your unwinding time into your day, you shouldn't have the same need to push off bedtime to soothe yourself.
-bread (night): get good sleep!
A potato day:
This is a day which does not have a specific purpose so you do whatever you like. Potato elements are things that you enjoy doing that are not necessarily relaxing (those would be cheese).
How to Use:
- identify your main task buckets (work, house chores, relationships, etc). These will be the types of sandwich days.
- identify meat cheese and potato elements: what tasks are associated with that sandwich, what you can do to unwind, and fun things to do for you.
- lay out our week with sandwich and potato days, identifying what type of sandwich (or main task) you will be tackling that day.
Thanks for the summary. Helpful.
Thank you. There was no way I was sitting through a 30 minute video with executive dysfunction... about executive dysfunction.
You're a star, thank you so much! This helps so much, now I won't have to miss out on using and understanding this technique. Otherwise, executive dysfunction would have prevented me (and others, I suspect) from listening to the entire long video
you are amazing
My executive dysfunction is so bad that I sat down and started designing a game to help me manage it, and I went ahead and started developing it as a full blown game where you set goals and unlock more story and funny characters as you accomplish things IRL. It's called Rival Goals and I hope it can be as helpful for others as it will be for me! Those mobile apps for game-ifying life are just never enough for me so I'm making something way more enticing.
That’s awesome!! I love that and will check it out!! Sometimes our neurodivergence allows for different creative opportunities and I’ve noticed too that my struggles sometimes end up with me creating something which is actually helpful and meaningful. So good on you!!
İs it on play I couldn't find it
@@hiiragi426 It's on Steam.
I found it on Steam, looks super cute and fun!
Bro galazy brained this problem
Thank you for talking about the ways that high-strung people with ADHD use anxiety to motivate ourselves. When I was younger, I looked like a model student - because I was driven to succeed by the crushing terror I felt about the thought of not living up to expectations. From the outside, my life looked so together, but I have never been more miserable.
It's a great reminder of why looking neurotypical should not be a measure of a neurodivergent person's success or "functioning", because the times when I've looked the most neurotypical have been the times when I've suffered the most profoundly. I have never hated life more than when I was a straight-A student. I'll gladly take my low-stress life with a mediocre job and mediocre grades, thanks.
MY LIFE!! I was told nothing was wrong with me because I got 100% on all my school things despite struggling so much :(
No you don't. I'm autistic and my job sucks. The pressure that comes with success is high, but success means more resources, which means more help. Shitty job means you're neuorodivergant and poor
So much....
Love this...task done doesn't have to be perfect ❤
As a neurotypical I can indeed confirm that we struggling out here 😅🥲
What helped me with mine
1. Understand Executive Disfunction
2. Write lists. One with everything important I want to work on and another with important things I need to get done (writing all these down helps reduce anxiety and stress and prevents forgetting about it. Also these can be continuously be added to as you think of things)
3. Chose 1 thing from the list of things you want to do and find a way to incorporate that into your week. For me I started with working out. At first I did an intense workout challenge but eventually that failed. Then I lowered the barrier to entry. I aimed to do some kind of exercise 3 times a week. Stretching for 3 min or 1 hr walk counted. Once that becomes easy I added to the difficulty but the key to actually starting is making it as nonthreatening as possible.
4. For the important things I need to get done I would order the list by priority then chose the most important one and break it down into steps. Example: Need to go to the doctor. Step 1 look up phone number Step 2 call doctor and make the appointment Step 3 make a list of what to bring up at the appointment. When it was really bad I would treat myself after each step. If i finish step 1 I can watch 1 UA-cam video. I would also go to the library to plan or work on things. Alternatively use a timer and tell yourself to work on the task for 5 min at a time. Whatever breaks the task at hand small enough to make it not threatening.
5. As you get better with starting and finishing or working towards goals you can add more work. But if you can at the start, be easy on yourself. Do 3-10% of what your ideal version of yourself would be doing. I wasn't super stoked with the slow small progress, but my anxiety and stress went down by 80% because at least I was doing something. I don't feel out of control anymore and after a while of actually working on myself I found some direction in my life.
5. You will fall off the wagon. You will mess up good streaks. Don't spend your energy getting mad at yourself for it. See if there's something you can learn about yourself from it and learn to jump back on the wagon quicker and faster. This was key for me.
Additional things that helped me:
*Tracking my daily habits and if i worked on productive things.
Also habit stacking (example:practicing Spanish while my pasta is cooking), verbally telling myself I did a good job when I completed a task, treating myself after completing a step, and celebrating small wins
Part of my frontal lobe brain damage has left me often being unable to see what takes priority over something else. 🥺
This is wonderful 😊 it's so funny in retrospect but this is an approach that really works! Break things into smaller and smaller steps until it's manageable. I find myself doing this more and more too.
i screenshotted this!
U basically described what I figured out for myself as well. Now at then end of this year I can actually say I've made progress in myself after years of feeling stuck. As I saw myself getting more familiar with the small starts, I was better able to take on more ajd more
This comment is so close to how I do things too, it’s uncanny. Especially breaking things down and down until it’s like, oh, all I have to do is go into this other room, that’s easy… And for me, every single day gets a new to-do list, with any items carried over but new priorities and notes and of course, dopamine-fueling check boxes.
I did 3 years of trauma therapy before finding out my parents hid from me that I was born with ADHD. When I found out about it, I realized after how well-adjusted I was; I had many coping strategies, understood boundary setting, practiced self-compassion (to an extent, bullying myself was how I managed to do normal tasks), created lists, and was very comfortable with being vulnerable and socializing. Once I discovered ADHD and began to centre my needs around myself, everything actually got much harder because I stopped bullying myself to do basic things 😭😭😭😭😭😭 my memory is worse, I'm spelling more things incorrectly, and now object permanence is stronger than its ever been!!! I have been laid off for over a year, healed a lot from not having to mask, and am about to start a new full-time remote job soon (v grateful they value mental wellbeing and neurodiversity). Currently in the stage of figuring out strategies to create work-life separation and get a gist of what trade-offs I'd have to make to show up at my job. Excited and scared at the same time
Wow sounds like me! My therapist still says all of my symptoms are due to attachment trauma - but seriously I behave like a typical inattentive ADD and doctors here treat women wanting to get diagnosed like ……so I don’t get the diagnosis. I am still trying to apply all the trauma therapy skills etc a and am becoming a professional in the field myself but I still feel I am way different and everything you just said applies to me. Also the job sounds great, I am burnt out after years in the social and teaching field and because I got fired all of a suddenin my last favourite social project because they didn’t receive any funds anymore, I couldn’t cope with the rejection dysphasia and since then am super low functioning and in a shutdown of apathy and only maintaining activities to basically survive. I need new hope and would love to work towards the goal of a ADD friendly remote job…but I am still so scared to get rejected again by mental health professionals…
All the very best for ur future ❤
@@nanasabiauh I really feel you. My psychiatrist tells me we have to get the depression sorted before even thinking about investigating adhd and it's really getting me down. I feel like I will never be healthy enough to get help. The depression, I believe, is because of the executive dysfunction but he thinks it's the other way around. And because I have had depressive episodes since childhood it's hard to say what's what. It sucks 🙃 Let's hope for a better 2024! 🌟
@bigbadleche what remote job do you have? My partner is struggling with adhd + autism + a terrible home environment and I want to help. I would give anything to help them feel better or lessen stressors such as financial stress (credit card debt).
This video at first made me cry, then relief. Thank you for validation. The cost of doing.. anything... the anxiety, the low self-worth.. The struggle!! I am not yet diagnosed. 40 y o..... my life went by while I was waiting for it to start.
Waiting for it to start...
I felt that
@@alfaisaac024 😌✨️ nothing is as it seems.
@@emilyeah the way I've often put it is running and clawing my way back into my own life. Just to feel normal
@@alfaisaac024 well put. EXACTLY
Yes. Exactly. My life went by while I was waiting for it to start. I completely relate. I'm 46. I've watched so many people pass me by on the climb upward while I continually fought to stay on the ladder - to simply be willing to put in the effort to try to stay on the ladder. It's still one day and one moment at a time.
One issue I always seem to run into with organizational systems is the planning out a week in advance. I can make the plan, but inevitably my day-to-day emotional/brain experience conflicts with it in that I may have one day designated for productive tasks but my brain is fully fogged, or a day meant for chilling and my brain wants to do all the productive tasks. Obviously, one might say "just be flexible and allow yourself to swap days around on the fly" or something - I have OCD too though which makes it difficult to allow myself to do that. And it's also difficult to even notice in the moment that I might need to swap. But even without that, if I am flexible then how do I not become *too* flexible? I feel like I'd start with small changes that grow and grow until eventually I'm not doing anything I need to do anymore.
Potato days can be super helpful instead of strictly set "rest" days imo.. bc you can still be productive during the potato day, it's just out of your own will instead of the "I have to" feeling. But I do understand, some days your brain will just refuse to work with you and you'll be forced to stop doing your tasks. I personally don't have OCD and I don't know your specific symptoms, so I'm not sure how to cater to that, but I wanna point out that you deserve to rest when you need it. Yes, life can't just be put on hold, but your wellbeing is so much more important than any chore. Maybe try to set "rules" around letting yourself take it easy or taking a potato, so you don't end up feeling bad about resting? Like planning a rule that if you feel like shit, then you have to take a potato day, only do things that you are capable of and want to do. Not sure if that made any sense to you like it did in my head. I also strongly suggest trying to work with ur ocd in therapy if that's possible in ur current situation.
I'm rooting for you!
I go thru this EXACT same dilemma although I don’t know if it’s OCD i think it’s just plain GAD for me I get triggered all the time and go down a self deprecating rabbit hole when I don’t stick to my plans 100% the way I planned or write it down especially when I fail at it multiple times in a short time frame. I’ve been living this absolute HELL since my early 20s 😭😭😭
I have the exact same problem.. still no solution
Yep I hope someone can help us with this’ll
I’ve been trying books counselors medication’s for years and now that I’m not working and I’m not in school. It’s even worse it’s actually like torture and there’s no hope for me except in God and I’m just gonna ask if we can all of these pray for
It’s also hard because our brains and behaviors and questions drive others crazy too and yeah I feel like we need others to be able to work and be engaged but after working with others or for them I just don’t wanna deal with that whole driving them crazy it’s sad because you feel like after a while the depth of your relationships you’re working your everything is slowly cut off because you’re overwhelmed and discouraged by all the trials of working in teams, working with others doing government things trying to understand asking for others health not asking for help obsessively organizing letting it all go being misunderstood. It just gets a point where you have so little to hope for like all the doors are close because you try them all how do you say I want to get out of this place I’m taking so many antidepressants and stuff for years since I’ve had a job for years why I cared. I keep on a plane to school and dropping out before the classes start because I’ve had enough bad experiences. Mind you I went to Ivy League school called interprofessional schools like masters in English Lit, MD, some Psycjology programs, sorry I’m dictating because I’m exhausted so if spelling or punctuation is wrong, that’s why but basically, how it just gets soft at the part where you had to handle mass amounts of information and a similar death and meanwhile, the jobs you can do without graduate school are so unstructured, and require networking and constant monitoring of things, and setting your own prices, and being a business person all skills that were the worst and hardest for someone and even if the subject matter is great without the guide or the confidence or are you just having easier to be like when you’re in school when you’re plugged into some thing you could do and do well and got accolades and helped people I don’t know I just it’s not even that I feel useless. It’s not about me being sad or feeling even it’s just it’s more than that. It just is I’m so angry and so tired and I used to pray about that I’m even getting sad and angry at the type of God I believe in now that I’m done with myself and therapist in school and parents and everyone now I’m just I can’t be angry at it but I’m sad and desperate and screaming at the Lord, the universe, the unknown I don’t even know my thing every day is just to watch Iran a year ago, but something happened to my back at least physical movements and then when I’m depressed, I can’t do it but I need to take stimulants or antidepressants, but just some aspect of movement if I can run and do yoga in one day, I almost feel like a normal person for a couple hours, but then there’s never any time to do those other things without guidance. It’s like I’ve got a bit of an emotional calibration may be a bit of a focusing groundedness, but there is anxiety about choice will I be able to sustain things while I care and it’s not even anxiety that you can say for sure is that it’s just what I sense and no one guiding me through it so it’s just like it’s like I’m falling through thin air there is nothing and there’s everything and nothing happens and I can’t just flip a coin Joker style like I used to or used to just say do some thing apply to this job or do that one. I can’t now I don’t know why I just can’t like there’s so much wrong and just doing it like that but I can’t and I can’t just dismantle my thoughts under it I know they’re fear-based but I just like there’s no desire I feel like a fraud like I randomly pick something and then fell out and it’s not just sabotage and I’ve been desperate for people to help me since Covid now Anthem still hasn’t health and so I’ve taken relief and kind of giving up now just like I live in my parents I live day-to-day I can barely cook at barely go to the grocery store. If I can walk for a couple hours the day is over and then I go to my bed and I sit and I try to solve this and watch UA-cam for hours and sleep at 2 AM and get up at 10 or 11 and tell myself it’ll be different tomorrow or one day it’s gonna be different because I’ve tried to make it different and hopefully then I can join some of the rest of society, even the few like my boyfriend or family that I used to join. I can hopefully maybe someday there’s a hope there’s some modicum of intentionality or one of the rare cases where something is planned and happens especially if it involves another human being. All of a sudden I have life but this is how often so rarely I just I don’t want to say poor me but I’m really angry about this I really I want it to be easier for us. I don’t know what to do. I am really tired of doing this alone. I’m not in the facility with hands on steps and I’m tired of looking at messages of information like a weed analysis of information and steps, and things, and pathology is a normal season the past and the present in the future in all of this and self-awareness in my head and not knowing what to do who do listen to what’s up how to do it any of that anymore I’m tired of it. It’s like the worst kind of scary attention and there’s no getting away. Did you know not even so much of my sleep I listen to UA-cam when I sleep and I can’t sleep without it and I am I’m begging the divine to have mercy on us. Something to have mercy on us. I am at a loss I’m just like I’m gonna be straight up honest I think they did mine that I have an end in my life but that’s because I’m not proactive enough about anything sometimes I think I don’t even know why I think him that I’m not ending my life and I don’t really want to end it but it’s like I’ve kind of made a deal that something needs to change like this is this is not OK every day for the rest of your life. This is not OK and I I don’t want this. I don’t want it every day for the rest of my life and I do want life and I like it somewhere in my being when I’m strike on and there’s hope I love it more than anyone, but I don’t want to continue like this I just I don’t even know why am saying all this but I just want to send a quick prayer if there’s possible for us to set us free that will be set free. Somehow we will be set free from wrestling with a terrible awful demon.
I haven't been able to maintain anything- I used to have 5 different planners for all areas of my life. I used to be able to maintain school, a job, have a clean home (never got the thriving relationships part) but I can't do it anymore. I've tried to go back to having my life together but it leads to burnout and meltdowns. When I try to tell my therapist about this, she always says "Does this mean you're not going to try then?" and no- I'm not saying that! I'm saying I struggle to maintain all areas of life I'm expected to, and actually need maintained so I function well. When I was extremely anxious I used to have everything together, never skipped a clean my home day, laundry or budget planning. In fact, everyone used to ask me how I manage! I'm trying to get work, and start studying again but I can't maintain my home then simultaneously I dislike a messy home. But I don't know how to manage it all. The only time I remember to wash my dishes or clean up after myself is when I'm forced to go to bed cause I can't keep my eyes open.
I don't function well, and no one see's how much I struggle with things I'm expected to do. I force myself to clean and then the next day I'm fucking crying and depressed. I live life in this shit cycle, and I want ways to manage without it being that I'm forced to do it all. I want to learn coding but I'm afraid my brain is going to fail me, and I won't focus. I'm going to try this method and see how it goes.
💜
Coding is awesome, u will like it I bet
Are you liking your therapist?
@@heedmydemands yes I appreciate my therapist a lot. We’ve finished now but she helped me a lot. She made me realise I don’t need to function how I was before or do what I see others doing. Just find my own way- so that’s what I’m trying to do now. I think she was asking me if I have the desire to try at all, I’ve been reading unmasking autism and making space for my specific needs. It’s been helpful, it’s hard however to let go of trying to control everything so much and just doing what I can. I think I am noticing the space between masked me and unmasked me.
@@heedmydemands thanks I actually gave it a go! And found I didn’t like it the more I learnt about it. With unmasking and allowing myself to be separate I realised I was just picking random jobs, and not what I want.
This is so true. I had narcissistic parents and they didn't help me at all as a child or as a young adult. I'm now a mother of a child with autism and I can't tell you how hard all of it is. Balancing my son's needs, my own and my spouse's. I feel like this last decade, my life has fallen apart and unmanageable....
Update: doing much better! Lol
@@Chick4Biden2024 yay! Glad to hear it!
I’m so glad to hear that. I’m praying for you because I have such a hard time with this. Just living with myself like I just I feel like I’m not even alive and that I’m in some sort of sleeping nightmare I can’t imagine but I’m so grateful that you’re doing it and will continue praying for you.
@@Chick4Biden2024 how did you do it?
@@m.l.7558 I started taking better care of myself. My diet, sleep and not pushing so much.
4:12
My therapist said that's called a cognitive distortion, and you're very much right, a belief can severly limit how much you can actually do by how you see yourself.
Any techniques you can share on how to "correct" the distortion? I realize that this is something that plagues my husband, and thank you for the term that I can now do research on
@@rubyb7252becoming aware and naming the distortion helps. You can then reframe the thought into a more helpful one.
@@rubyb7252Not sure if this will help but I came up with this method during therapy, which is inspired by CBT. I call it the “Why Method” where you continue to ask yourself why you feel and think certain things enough times until you get to the root cause. Over time, you’ll notice you come to the same few core beliefs, which you can then deconstruct. The most common cause comes from low-self esteem during childhood from a parent who was toxic or abusive/neglectful in some way.
I’m a “night owl” all my life. My best time is afternoon/evening. It’s why I worked nights for 25 years. I simply could not function in the mornings I never became functional until late mornings & early afternoon. This applied no matter what hours I worked. I couldn’t be on time for a daytime job to save me. Even when I allowed hours. I still get up 3.5 hours before a early morning appointments.
Some of the things she said resonated & I will see if they help.
I don’t function properly until 3 pm more or less and then can work. Same thing as you.
Look up sleep phenotypes. Everuone is hard wired to to eotjer sleepcand wake up
I've been in the Self Help community for YEARS. They are always saying, go out into nature or do something you enjoy (mine is/was playing guitar & singing) or go be with friends (what friends?! Lol) they always claim that you will feel better!
I NEVER did. I noticed it took SO much precious energy to do what they suggested for NO results! So I realized, why bother. I'd rather conserve my energy.
Now I understand why.
Yeeeeees.
You're making me realize that I think this way as well!
I relate. 'Depressed but weirdly relieved that the day is over'. One of those days today, thanks for this video!
Hey I bought your sandwich pdf! I was doing something similar-- but I love your visual and analogy. I was procrastinating all day and therefore finishing my 'meat' right before bed. Then I'd stay up too late watching tv-- and not get enough rest. Basically, I had no time for 'cheese' or 'the bottom bread'. Now I see relaxation activities and bedtime routines are essential... everyday. Nice job!
This is so awesome to hear! I’ve been there too staying up late to “unwind” but then waking up way late the next day, which messes with your “meat” of the day. Hope it helps!
SAME. I've paused this video three times already for the past 4 days.
This is helping me realize the problem I have that I still don't really know how to fix. I'm in college rn. My schedule is I wake up, go to class, then get back to my dorm starving around 3:00 since my classes go through lunchtime.
I'm exhausted and hungry at that point, so I get food and start watching youtube. I always have piles of homework to do, but once I start watching something, I don't stop. I eat slowly, then eventually move from one video to the next until it's 5-6:00.
At that point I'm tired and want to lay down, but to not be "lazy", I continue sitting at my desk watching videos because I'm too tired to work. Or I'll start playing games to keep myself “busy” so I don't feel like I'm wasting time.
Then it comes to 8 or 9:00 and I try to start some homework. I eventually convince myself that I'm too tired and will wake up in the morning to do it. Every morning I snooze alarms because I'm so tired and then didn't get any work done.
It's a repeating cycle that all stems from not being able to get started on work after I eat. I just don't really know how to fix it.. The only time I'm really able to get work done is when I'm around friends and we're all working together at the same time, but they’re often not available to study after class.
This was a really long explanation, but thanks to anyone who took the time to read. If you have any suggestions of ways I could try and work on fixing these issues, please let me know!
This made me cry. You explained the nightmare of my sadness more precisely than anyone ever has. More perfectly than I could even explain to myself. Thank you for your eloquent explanation
You’re not alone. Keep swimming, you got this!!💕
One of my greatest fears, is that this could lead me into homelessness. I'm a traumatic brain injury survivor. The accident happened when I was a teenager. Now that I'm in my mid-40's, I know I'm getting more forgetful every day. Trust me, I'm trying to keep my head up, but I would be lying if I said that this doesn't bother me greatly. I love my family and I am so thankful to have them in my life! Personally, I'm less than zero. I'm going to keep trying...
Take care everyone
If you're not already being seen by a Neurologist, please try to be seen by one!
Hope things get better with you!
@@htspencer9084 Thank you kindly. I totally agree with you. One issue is that I have to find a new doctor/psychiatrist soon. The doctor I was seeing retired. After many years of trial and error, I'm on 3 medications that keep me as stable as I can be. There is only one month of medicine left before I run out. I really liked my last doctor, and he offered a discount for uninsured patients. I know it does not make any sense for a grown man to feel this way, but I just feel overwhelmed. I don't even know where to start. It's hard enough just keeping my job and feeding myself. Hopefully there is a somebody that can help people like myself navigate these type of thing's I can get in touch with. Wishing you all the best, and thanks again for the information.🙂
Find a job where you direct people where to go
Doesn’t seem to require much memory
I understand the sandwich days, i just can't figure out how to fit any potato days into my week without things getting out of control. Maybe it's easier for people who freelance or have a lot of flexibility in their schedule, but that's not me.
Monday through Friday are all work days. I get up between 5:45 and 6:00, depending on whether or not I hit snooze, start the coffee, use the bathroom and change into my yoga clothes, take my pills with a yogurt cup, pour the coffee, do 20 minutes of yoga, drink the coffee, pack my lunch bag, and put that and my backpack by the door. This takes about an hour. Then take a shower, get dressed, do my hair and makeup, and brush my teeth - which takes about half an hour.
I leave for work at 7:30 in the morning and get home 10 hours later. I have about half an hour to chill before I start making dinner. (I wish cooking was something that i enjoyed, but it's not. I've found ways to make it quicker, and less work, but it's always a chore.) Then I eat with my partner (who gets home around 7), and he washes up while I unwind for a bit.
At 8:30 I start my bedtime routine, which involves getting everything ready that I need for the next day - clothes set out, bag packed, lunch prepared and in containers in the fridge (lunch bag on the counter so I don't forget about it), coffee prepped (so I just have to press a button in the morning), pills set out, etc. It also involves things like filling the humidifier water tank and making sure the floor is clear so our robot vacuum won't get stuck anywhere. And, of course, getting into my PJs, washing my face, and brushing my teeth. On a good day, I'm in bed early enough to read for a little bit before I fall asleep. I don't have energy on weekdays to do at-home chores, though I will sometimes do a bit of grocery shopping on the way home from work (which means I have to start making dinner right away).
Saturday and Sunday are the only days we have to clean our home, run the bulk of our errands, and hang out with friends and family. I sometimes try to squeeze all of this into a single day so I can have one totally lazy, no obligations day. But it always ends up being a mistake because I completely exhaust myself on the do-everything day and then mentally beat myself up for taking the day off - or I don't do everything in that one day and then get totally overwhelmed when I have double the stuff to deal with the next weekend.
I can't even figure out how to work in one "potato day" a week, let alone two!
It seems like you’re spending an hour every night cooking - 5 hours of your week! - and all the other chores are getting pushed to the weekend. You could definitely work with this and free up a weekend day.
Yeah! I was wondering this too! This template was extremely helpful but she only had 3 days of work, most people don’t have 4 days for the extra stuff.
Same here 😭😭😭😭 this has been such a big issue for me, not being able to fit in those extra days. It’s such a good technique though, I wonder if theres a way to make it work somehow.
Have you considered making one of your weekend days a true “potato” day (which might include hanging out with friends and family) while making another day of your weekend an “errand” sandwich day that includes all cleaning, errands, and maybe hanging out with friends and family if you have plans? I think one thing i resonated with in the video is that she said potato activities can be things that take up your energy, so for me i consider hanging with friends and my partner + doing my hobbies (which can still be rather intense) to be “potato” activities even though they are not necessarily relaxing?
When you said we tend to get all our things done at once, I had a sudden realization. This may also be a reason as to why even after getting things done we still feel like nothing is done. Yes it's also cause we see all the things to do, but because we are used to plowing through all our to dos when we DO have the energy, if we still have things to do it feels like a failure. Then add how we worry about not having energy later, it's like realizing "Oh I failed to finish, so now all of these things will still need to be done and I won't have the energy to do them."
This is absolutely spot on!
Watching this while being frustrated that I can’t get my brain going. How very ADHD of me. :)
Ahhh yes! I realized a big part of my depression in high school was not being able to get my work done. It made me dread waking up everyday and living cuz I had to face the consequences of not doing my work.
45 years old and highly disorganised in most aspects of my life, I find myself craving a parent who can help me sort things out.
Me too!
The difficulty with this template is that for people who work a job in which they are on someone else's schedule, 5+ days a week are ALL work days. It's a great video though. I'd have to adapt the technique somewhat to my ADHD so I don't get bored and feel too regimented by it. Always a struggle with any routine or practice. :/
Omg I hate doing the same thing everyday I love spontaneity
but I know the responsibilities of life require a routine
I am 53 years old and I can’t tell you how long it’s been since I’ve had hope, dreams or anything to look forward to at all. I have PTSD from childhood abuse which carried over into adulthood. I didn’t know executive dysfunction even exists. My ADHD is off the charts. I haven’t worked a regular job since 2010, the year I got sober. Because unless I was high I couldn’t do everything I needed to do. When I looked like I was thriving it was because I was self medicating to be able to function in society. Now that I know I’m not the most worthless person in the world it has changed my whole mindset. Now I know why I couldn’t figure out what to do. Now I know why I would stay in bed for months because I beat myself up any time I was awake. Thank you so much for this video. This makes me feel understood for the first time in my life. ❤
I'm a neurotypical, I'm not diagnosed with ADHD or autism, but I'm diagnosed with OCD, depression, anxiety, chronic bad sleep habits & Hypothyroidism.
I've been struggling so much with this issue you put everything into words.
I didn't even know that it had a name & a diagnosis.
I thought I was just being insufficient & lazy and kept blaming myself.
But unfortunately this issue isn't being discussed much outside ADHD/Autism spaces.
I'm going to integrate this technique, I really hope it works for me.
hey! just so you know, OCD, depression and anxiety are also part of the neurodivergent spectrum ☺🌈
@@chiara.cattaneo
I honestly didn't know that. I thought it only referred to ADHD / Autism spectrum.. Thank you for your comment 💛
@@gem2148 It was at first but these days the term has expanded to include most mental health diagnoses. As they are all nuro-divergence.
@@chiara.cattaneooh interesting to know!
@@sidneyn1366then who is neurotypical then?! Very few I do usuals left if all mental health issues are included..as far as I know ADD, ADHD, Autism and HSP are belong to the neuro divergent spectrum also psychopaths have a total different brain structure and that would be considered a neuro divergency. The important fact that makes neuro divergent people different from neuro typical sis that they are born that way. Doesn’t count for depression, anxiety OCD usually.
I have a theory that our ADHD symptoms are actually protecting us from our ADHD brains. If it were left to our brains, we would literally never sleep or rest and would spend all our time zipping between hyperfocuses and starting and/or completing tasks until we dropped into hibernation from burn out. I've started thinking like this and it has given me so much more compassion for myself and appreciation for my symptoms. Im not getting "stuck in ADHD paralysis", my body is forcing me to rest, because it obviously needs it. Im not always just "procrastinating", my body and/or brain doesn't have the energy needed to take on that particular task right now. It might not have the energy to do anything right now, or it might only be able to take on tasks that give me dopamine from the fun, novelty or interest side of things. After some rest or some cup-filling or a bit more free time, I'll have the energy to complete the other task. Im not a cow, i cant milk myself of energy, i can only produce so much per day and i need to refuel to have a chance of continuing
Also food, food fills the cup
Thank you for sharing your perspective with your comments. Very helpful mindset! Yes to making sure we are properly nourished! I often forget that I need to eat bc I typically do not perceive hunger.
OMG, i feel this so hard. not diagnosed until my late 40's, struggling as an attorney, where I have to make seemingly endless decisions in free form free fall....
When I was halfway through the video I finally figured "Oh, this is one of those well thought out, articulate, detailed, informative, long videos we used to have back then that I vaguely remember enjoy watching, before every video became just people reacting to something else and rambling for 10 minutes and then saying 'like, comment, share and subscribe'. I completely forgot that could still exist"
Finally…not only a video that describes the executive dysfunction experience so perfectly but also a video that provides tips that have so far ACTUALLY been working as i try to implement them😭 my last two weeks haven’t been perfect but i am really experiencing a change using the sandwich methods
i think i probably struggle with executive dysfunction, your description of it really resonates with my experience these past few years. i am 18 now and it’s been around 4 years since i’ve truly started struggling getting things done. this happens especially with school: idk how else to describe it but i cannot physically being myself to get stuff done, study for tests, even if it’s easy and technically requires little time. the anxiety and panic of a project being due/test being in 4 hours used to help, but now it feels like i’ve just given up on myself. not even that last minute stress motivates me to start very important tasks anymore. it’s honestly resulted in me feeling absolute shit about myself, soon i’ll be studying in uni and i just cannot imagine a future where i won’t be an absolute failure at anything i do.
i often feel like i’m making it up, since i don’t necessarily resonate with adhd or autism, it feels like im just lying to myself and everyone else and i should just get up and do my job. i just can’t tho
i feel you. my first year of college went something like that and hell, i still come back to this feeling sometimes. i don't know you or what you're doing in life, but please don't think of yourself as shit. you're probably not :D acknowledge the fact that you think of yourself that way because its just been so long since you were able to get something done just how you wanted to get this done. I'm trying to say that you're not bad, stupid, unable to do things, or whatevers bothering you and you will be able to prove it to yourself once you let yourself be. What helped me was understanding that there's no bad or good people, there are people, who are able to do bad or good (or in-between) things. So yeah, maybe my year was bad. Maybe i felt like a complete disappointment, good for nothing, like a waste of space. It was pretty bad. But it doesn't mean that i'm a bad person myself, so that doesn't mean i should give up on myself. Once at a time, little by little, its great if i get something done, even i get a C for it, its better than if i keep running away from tasks or hiding at home and making things worse for my future self. Gotta take the L now and continue struggling but trying to do stuff cause there is a brighter day for myself that i can make with my own hands.
Sorry if its had to understand what i wrote or it wasn't necessary or if i was all over the place. Your comment just spoke to me so i thought i should say something.
I hope thing get better for you my bro
@@siv929 thank you for your reply, I truly appreciate it :) i’m sorry to hear you’ve been through something similar, but i’m very happy to hear it’s gotten somewhat better. i should probably think more about what you said, that it’s not me who’s a bad person. very often i just feel like there’s something intrinsically wrong with myself and it feels like it’s not even worth it to keep betting on myself. ig i should really rethink all that.
also i think i get pretty impatient trying to take it one step at a time and embrace the little successes i achieve, it feels like it will never get better/not fast enough and by the time it will, i will have wasted away my life. i really need to try to gather all my strengths and keep trying, ty for the encouragement
Same here 🤝🏻 I'm neither autistic nor have ADHD, it's not even THAT bad, my life still isn't like complete piece of whatever, I can do something sometimes... but this "something" is so not enough and I keep wasting and wasting my life, even now, when it's the most responsible moment of them all...
@@Sha-1 i totally get that, hopefully we'll find the way to slowly get better and make that 'something' bigger and bigger. something i try to remember is that just being alive, existing is enough and not a waste. i'm proud of us for fighting through it even tho it feels like we're not going forward. i'm cheering you on!
about the last part, it could be due to your age too so it can get better with time! it could be other things too but the point is that the way you feel is completely valid you can still use the tips, you aren't making things up, brains are really complicated sometimes
This is the most underrated executive dysfunction video on UA-cam. ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
I was a high school English teacher for 23 years. I could usually stick to daily and weekly plans but following my quarterly plans were out of the question! I chalked it up to responding to the changing needs of my students but admin and other teachers put so much pressure on me to STICK TO THE PLAN and I always felt so guilty and inept. In the end, I was one of the most well-liked and effective English teachers in the school.
I always had a disgusting, rotten refrigerator filled with ancient matter.
I used to beat myself up about it all the time, getting frustrated at the spiral of doom.
Then I realized that the downward spiral of the fridge begins when I forget what is in there and how long those things have been there.
My solution was to buy two glass doored bar refrigerators and stack them on top of each other. It looks pretty good and I can see inside the fridge every time I pass it.
This subtle change has allowed me to be free from fridge chaos for over six months so far!
That little bit of extra mental prompting was all I needed.
This really opened my eyes. I used to be the high strung person and everything HAD to be perfect or I was a failure. I was this way for most of my life. Living in that much anxiety and stress has wrecked my body. I am now learning to find balance and giving myself the space to rest. I'm learning perfect is an illusion. I wobble between that sudden burst to do things and no motivation because I feel the brick wall in front of me for the tasks I need to do.
Thanks for this video!
17:10 The sandwich metaphore is sooo good!
Your sandwich doesn't need too much meat. "Productivity doesn't have to equil pain!"
"A task doesn't have to be something you loathe, a task can be something you genuinely want to do, and therefore you can enjoy doing a task."
"Integrate the cheese of the day into the day." (Self sooth throughout the day so you can go to sleep easier.)
Have potato days. Unscheduled days when you can do ANYTHING. "You can enjoy doing things outside of expectations. Taking expectations away from your day could return the power to your desire to do things, to live life."
I’m a vegetarian, there’s a metaphor in there for me somewhere😂
Oh, I'm so happy to have found your lovely channel on my path to getting an autism assessment :) You have such a warm vibe and I can't wait to follow your journey on here
Good luck! Keep us updated!
Great explanation there. Everything related to EF is so foggy for me, I agree it’s probably the biggest issue to address since it influences SO MANY aspects of our lives.
I didn’t know how much I needed to hear this. Thank you, Irene, for getting to know yourself and then sharing that with the community.
I’m a 36 y/o cis woman diagnosed w ADHD at 20, dropped out of college at 24, but only now getting focused treatment… turns out I’m also high masking ASD and have PMDD which comes with a host of physical and mental symptoms: rage, suicidal ideation, fatigue, migraines, chills, depression, hopelessness, and renders my adhd meds ineffective for 10 days.
Tracking the PMDD has revealed I have 4 days per 28 day cycle when I enjoy less turbulent days.
I share this for any person who may have hormones playing a part in their executive dysfunction as well. I’ve color coded my calendars based on my anticipated capacity throughout the cycle and while it is hard to see the number of potentially tough days ahead, I have found that when I accomplish anything on one of those days - or I am just kind to my self - I get to think “ok. Today wasn’t horrible and was actually more ok than I expected.”
Still in the phase of reducing shame and guilt about my reality. It’s seeming to be the most worthwhile work. I hope this can help someone who has been searching for answers.
Lastly - my ASD diagnoses has come from self screening on embrace-autism.com (it is free, and this is not an Ad) at the recommendation of my therapist after seeing her for several months who specializes in treating autism/ADHD. For anyone who is waiting to be assessed or doesn’t have the funds to have an assessment; these screenings have really helped. I’ve taken them multiple times and discuss what I find with my therapist.
Thank you for sharing, I also have adhd and PMDD and I’ve self studied a lot and now I enjoy helping others but it is still a struggle some days.
I cried within minutes of clicking on this video. I’ve never heard anyone describe the struggle of executive dysfunction so articulately. Thank you
Thankyou. Your videos have been so helpful for me. Like someone who can really explain exactly how I feel and how I experience life when I’ve never been able to do so myself. I’m in my 40s now and have been told there’s a year long wait for a appt and diagnosis of high functioning asd for adults. And coming out of a serious meltdown your vids are helping me to get back to living.❤❤
I'm a licensed therapist who works with neurodiverse clients, and I really love this video and will share it with my clients as a lovely resource for finding another potential strategy for helping manage their day!
Having ADHD and trying to organize your day is like trying to overcome your anxiety via exposure therapy. It works most of the time, but it needs to be consistent and god damn it is hard.
I can't believe I got this information for free. Thank you so much for making this video and explaining this so clearly.
Wow, I’m 43, recently diagnosed with ADHD and you articulated the challenges of executive dysfunction SO well and helped me understand it better than I ever have. Thank you.
I think I understand the metaphor.
Bread: The structure of the sandwich AKA morning and night routines.
Meat: The bulk of the sandwich AKA the day's tasks and activities.
Cheese: The treat and soul-satisfying part of the sandwich AKA soothing, unwinding, relaxing, interesting activities.
(heads up, strongly worded self-degradation in this comment) Learning the word “executive dysfunction” helped me to word so many issues I struggled my whole life with.
Previously I would feel like a sack of shit when trying to do anything. I always had to procrastinate by making a plan. And that plan was always way too grandiose and downright delusional. And when I actually had to follow the plan, I was so absent-minded that I couldn’t do one bit of it properly, and too lazy to stick to it.
But once I could frame it with executive dysfunction, I could recognise my shortcomings as well as my accomplishments.
I am not that great working without a plan, as it stresses me out. But if I absolutely have to, I can gather together structure and organisation when thrown into a hectic environment, even if it’s very taxing.
I am useful part of a team when formatting plans as I have a keen eye for details, but because of my executive dysfunction I usually need someone to double-check my work so I don’t get lost in those details. The shared plan should probably feel too vague for my own liking, but that’s something I need to deal with privately.
I can get so much done when I’m hyper focused, but because of my ADHD and executive dysfunction, I have a hard time starting to work. I get easily distracted and lost in the details, so I need specific methods to reinforce my executive functions.
If I have clear goals and work in a group, it is pretty clear I am everything but lazy. If I use the corrent methods, it’s clear my focus can be extremely sharp, and I can juggle huge amounts of connected details and complexity when analysing cituations.
I just have excutive dysfunction as one of my neurodivergent traits. And it is extremely important that I address it.
I love accepting a few simple tasks as a goal for a day. But what if there’s a lot of hard school work with a lot of due dates? If one task is exhausting, but two things are due on that day, It can completely stop me from doing anything at all sometimes. I’d be curious to hear if anyone has any thoughts on this.
Especially as a student with 2 jobs. I am a opera major, which requires daily practice. I love practice but often forget to complete it for days at a time.
Difficult to manage such high expectations.
@@rebeccarock4918 I was wondering the same thing, one of my professors said to schedule more things for the days I have less classes/work, and schedule less for when I have more classes/longer work hours, but I’ve still found that system is too draining for me so I’m curious for advice on this as well
@Bigheartoneggshells that could help, I’ll give that a try. Thank u!
That’s what I was thinking
i'm 8 mins in and everything you say and describe is SO spot on it's unreal... i've become aware of how deeply executive dysfunction affects my life and by extension my physical and mental wellbeing in the past few months and it's honestly so extremely discouraging...
sometimes I get motivated at night, but I hate sacrificing my sleep. it's a balancing act
I’m just sick of adjusting. By adjusting we will never be free and healthy. I feel a deep need to live according to the way my brain works and everything being just a desperate attempt to force a lifestyle upon myself that I’m will never fit into.
If you're open to constructive criticism, try to remember your audience is other people with ADHD or autism, and watching a video of someone standing in front of the camera talking the whole time is extremely hard to maintain focus on. If you added in things like key words or related images, even stick doodles, I think it would really help deliver your information.
I cried as you listed all the things i struggle with every day... Everything you've described has hit home for me... Thank you for your time guidance and all the information... ADHD has been the defining factor in my entire life and I i didn't even know until a year ago I had it at 30 years old...
Shout out to everyone else who is watching this video while they're supposed to be getting on with some work instead
Thank you for doing this video. I've only begun digging into what has been "wrong" with me for years. I've always felt like I was different and lazy but doing research into ADHD, I feel I have had this my whole life. I have been treated for anxiety, depression and panic attacks. I've always struggled with cleaning my house, grocery shopping and paying bills, you name it, I had difficult doing it. I constantly feel mentally and physically exhausted from even the smallest task. I usually end up in tears because I get so overwhelmed with even the most basic task. I have found that decluttering my house when I moved, by throwing a lot away, I have an easier time cleaning my house and staying organized; something I have always struggled with. I struggle daily with even starting a task, and usually end up exhausted just from hyping myself up just to do that task and don't end up doing it from overthinking it.
I relate to everything you said so so much. Glad I’m not alone. I wish there was an easy fix for this.
Thank you for typing this out. I'm very much the same and then some. 🫂 ❤
It sucks, and it’s hard to explain to everyone you meet when I kinda don’t know what’s going on with me myself, just that i’m always tired and overwhelmed. Knowing others live like this too gives me a bit of hope
Not everyone has good parents. Experiencing child abuse/neglect is higher amongst neurodiverse people. Imagine having no support or help in childhood. Instead being abused/neglected plus neurodiverse. Then dumped into adulthood without any skills plus being ASD and cptsd. If you have good parents, you're already leaps and bounds ahead of those who did not. Traumatized autism is just now starting to be talked about. All ages. So many adults 18 to 100 coming to these realizations thanks to psychology starting to leave the dark ages. Unreal how much we struggle while healthcare stays stuck in the past. At least in the US.
This one is hard. I feel like if I work Monday-Friday, when can I even have time for other sandwich days or potato days? I think it’s why my work week is so unproductive feeling. I need to negotiate some better days.
This is my problem too. I work M-F and it's hard to get additional tasks done on those days. I need Sat/Sun for chores, so I burn out all the time. This vid doesn't really help with that
This is manifested in classroom everyday. It's noticeable in a lot of children and it does lead them to drop out of school. It's very prevalent in young children. A parent has to be in tuned to this in order to support them. A lot of times they are labeled lazy but it's a crippling condition.
...what if the parent has adhd too? Which is quite a common situation because this crap is inherited. I'll never label my child as lazy but I just don't have the resourses to help and assist him as he deserves....
Reminder to self; actually wait for her to get to the first step before clicking on something else.
I don’t even know what to say but listening to the beginning of this made me cry and every single word you said was exactly my life. Thank you for doing this. It helps me understand a little more -and feel less bad about my life even though I still feel frustrated and like I’m failing at it.
I want you to know that this video gave me a little hope as I'm getting out of a really difficult depression episode over my executive dysfunction. Thank you so much for sharing it with us.
I feel like crying. You just described my life. I never knew this is what was wrong with me. It's such a relief to hear someone talk about this, recognize it and know there is help.
What if nearly every day has to be a work day? I'm struggling to see how this strategy can function when the majority of days are the "soft forced labor" of the modern dystopia.
Like, maybe I get one day off per week - there are many more concerns that warrant a whole day's focus per week than one, and sacrificing any of them will break that "thinnest of threads" holding the whole ****show together.
I feel like I could handle my week a lot better if I was able to schedule it the way yours is. But I have a standard 9 to 5 job, 5 days a week, so if I were to take two days out for chores, I would have zero potato days. If I take my weekends as potato days, none of my chores get done. If I try to cram my chores into work days I end up getting trapped in exhaustion. I'm currently up at 11: 45 p.m. trying to finish a project for work because I haven't been able to focus all week. I've been fighting my own brain and getting nothing done. I'm cramming Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday worth of work into just Thursday. I don't know how my boss hasn't caught on yet, maybe I'm better at this than I think I am and that evens out with the not actually doing anything half the time? But anyway, I got off the topic, I have no idea how to fit in potato days. I'm just always tired and don't have free time. It's not like work days and chore days are optional, but if I don't take out potato days my brain forces me to anyway, and instead of relaxing I just simmer in anxiety and end up having to take another with the exact same result over and over again until there's a pressing deadline that kicks me into full gear and I rush to get a ton of stuff done all at once. Most nights I get maybe 4 hours of sleep, if I get to sleep. Or I'll just completely go off the rail once or twice a month and sleep for 14 hours straight. Everyday I'm so exhausted that I can barely carry my body around or keep my eyes open and I'm always on the verge of tears. I keep drifting off at the wheel, so I just avoid driving whenever possible. I'm too exhausted to cook for myself or exercise impulse control, so my budget suffers from too much eating out and fast food and impulse purchases. My health suffers from it too. I'm at least 30 minutes late to everything, it doesn't matter how much I care about it, and even the most patient of my friends is clearly getting sick of it. I can't maintain personal hygiene, so I just panic shower before going out once or twice a week, I'm lucky if I remember to brush my teeth more than twice a month and I go through deodorant and body spray faster than anything else. I don't even qualify for most kinds of help because I've been able to hold it together so far, so I can't prove that I can't handle this until it all comes tumbling down and I lose my job or something. Like I tried to apply for an assistance program, and the dude on the other end of the phone just straight up told me that there was no way I was going to be approved and I should come back after I lose my job. I can't afford to quit and get something part-time though, especially not knowing if I would be approved. And I can't afford to be fired either, even with unemployment, my bills are too high. Fortunately I work remotely from home, otherwise it would have all come tumbling down ages ago. It's not sustainable and I don't know how to work your system into it. What do I do? I feel so lost and overwhelmed.
Man I am the same way. The further into this video I got the more confused I was about how the sandwich was going to fit together. Then she said she only works 3 days a week and it all made sense. I guess the real cure for Executive Dysfunction is to be lucky/privileged and the rest of us just have to suffer.
Is it possible for you to have a day where only half the day is for chores and you can relax the rest of the day?
@@GlamGoddes101 unfortunately, I can't fit even half days of rest in. I have no time. I managed to save up a bunch of PTO and took this whole week off and I STILL haven't had a relaxation day; I've been spending the time catching up on everything instead.
Your introduction was the story of my childhood and young adult life. I was diagnosed with a learning disability as a kid and had accommodations to help, but once I got to college I really struggled to get my school work done and keep up with my health.
I ended up in deep depression, not being able to keep a job and ended up hospitalized twice.
After multiple different diagnosis and and treatments, I finally got diagnosed with ADHD at 33. Started Adderall and my life greatly improved!
A big part was also seeing the struggles I had with executive function not as a moral failure. I spend so much time mentality beating myself up because I just couldn't do what I needed to do, and even what I wanted to do.
Its still a struggle even with the right medication but I have such better tools and mindset to not fall into crippling depression.
literally watching this video at 4 am, 8 hours before an important deadline
I’m ten minutes into the video and I am still procrastinating eating the food in the microwave. However, I did vacuum my apartment and empty and refill the dishwasher.
I never paused the video but because of these distractions I had to listen the first five minutes multiple times, so it has actually been like 20 minutes I put that food in the microwave. All this procrastination happened because I suspected the food was still too hot to eat.
I don’t think lazy or messy people start cleaning their home to avoid the miniscule discomfort of having to sit and wait your food to cool down.
very very honestly, thank you ; literally everything you said in this video was so incredibly relatable for me and i feel that's the first i genuinely feel that from a productivity video. I'm very interested by the sandwich method and will try it out!
I just ran across executive dysfunction and I’m almost 100% that’s what I have. This is the first video I’ve seen that seems like it will actually help! I cannot wait to try the sandwich. Thanks for sharing!
You just taught me within 30 minutes that what I have been struggling with my whole life is a real thing with a name. I recently got my ADHD diagnosis at 23 years old, and I finally am beginning to understand why I couldn’t get things done like others around me, or why I have emotional meltdowns every week. Just discovered your channel and I’m such a fan. Thanks for all of the work that you do. 🤟🏻
I relate to this too much. I am so glad that you're talking about this as it is so hard to talk about and understand. And the bravery it takes to fight stigmas and biases. You are a great speaker for it ❤❤ Thank you for the templates!!!
This is so much more than chores. Even those are some nice easy things we can do and we do obsessively, but when it comes to knowing yourself having cold schedules plans commitment, fear of working with others mood motivation basically sometimes it feels like I have Alzheimer’s and it’s scary like I don’t even exist.
This Is wonderful, thank you so much! I have recently realized I'm likely on the spectrum, but wasn't diagnosed as a child (parents refused to take us to see therapists). Learning about this stuff and particularly hearing you articulate your experience with executive dysfunction is so helpful. All this time I thought I was a problem. I naturally fell into some aspects of your "sandwich" technique, but did too much of the "everything NOW or nothing" approach you're talking about. I'm excited to give your full technique a try!
Wow! You are absolutely incredible. The depth in which you speak about this is amazing and so appreciated! I wish your channel so much success.
So glad you added "-most kids" to that statement at the beginning. I was that kid. "Most kids" have parents and teachers that help them. I didn't have either. I got told I was lazty, I was stupid, I "could do so much more if I just applied myself..." But my parents were also neurodivergent. Extremely so. I _was_ smart, and I was mostly expected to handle things on my own. I had pretty much zero support through school. The school assumed I was failing _despite_ help, except that help didn't exist. And I had no way of knowing that my homelife was so much different from successful kids.
Thank you so much
Thank you for this articulate explanation. That is correct about the cost of doing things. To do well often I try to structure everything to be. So it seemed that I was perfect, but then started getting pressured without being allowed to live, to see family, to see animals, to get out in nature, to have personal time, to have decent renu,elation, to have own schedule, etc. Began to be pressured in a way that is not realistic, it all falls and fell apart. Similar experience about the weight of the pressure and going over it before getting up in bed, or maybe loosing a day.
Don’t feel worthless though although feel extremely frustrated and in some despair at the loss of whole life and my value and care for others or share and contribute, often people do not realise that when they backed out on what I took seriously and had made decisions based on and taken actions based on what they said, it was devastating. So much energy was put into it.
Energy fluctuates a lot and people cannot understand why some days I cannot get anything done and think I don’t give a shit, when actually I give a lot of shits, but supervisor cutting me down for years and not communicating well is eventually having an effect on how much I can care.
Sorry to say that to avoid feeling worthless, I’ve developed the strategy of internally in my mind cutting those down who cut me or others down for their differences. Everyone’s value should be recognised. Just because one cannot cook, doesn’t mean they cannot repair a vehicle. Just because somebody cannot do data entry well does not mean computer programming isn’t their forte. People make assumptions about what is easy or difficult in a certain order that is annoying and extremely harmful to a person’s value for society and self worth.
Then feeling of hopelessness and anxiety enter and it’s hard focus, and sometimes hard to function at all. Having a structure and outline helps.
Thanks for the free resources that were shared here. Thank you so very very very much!
just added this to my favourites, thank you!!! i'm so glad i found your channel 💗
intro was insanely empathetic
this kind of empathy and vulnerability builds community
😮❤🎉omgosh! You are putting words and giving me language to explain my life! I'm an RN and 55! Who knew?! Wow thank you! Your such a help to many ❤
irene ! this video made me feel so seen. once again thank you for ur work, ure truly paving a way for nd folk to better understand, love and accept themselves xxxx
I wanted so badly for this video to work for me… but I work full time (5 days a week) so I have no ability to stick with hobbies if I take two potato days because doing “what I want” is always a shiny, new thing and not the hobbies I’ve tried to maintain for years… Having a job straight up doesn’t work for people who struggle with executive dysfunction.
Three years of combing through Mental Health Tube, and yet the algorithm never put you on my screen. How, I have no idea, because this is exactly what I needed. I'm spiraling, have been for years, and every day feels like a tightrope walk just to stay motivated. Thank you much for this, though. It stimulated my thoughts and emotions in a way that actually motivated me to be a little optimistic and hopeful today.
I think you're definitely onto something here. I'm autistic and have always had difficulty with executive function. Unfortunately, a couple of years ago, I hit my head and broke my orbital. It left me with a traumatic brain injury and my executive function has been out the window completely since the injury. I even quit my job that I loved a few months after my injury. I have 3 kids to take care of, including a toddler. It's been HARD.
Stay strong. God has you👊🏽🙏🏽❤️
What a lovely video! I was searching around, trying to find some coaching videos because my step daughter has ADHD. Not coaching necessarily for her, but coaching for me as her parent. I love your sandwich idea because I have been thinking of creating some visualizations to help keep her on track, or to accomplish tasks. I really like how you talked about not piling everything onto your plate, but delegating all the things you need to do and when, including rest and doing nothing at all. This actually made me reflect on myself, too. I have never formally been diagnosed with ADHD but I feel like there’s always been something there. The part where you were talking about being high functioning, but having extreme anxiety to go with it…that is textbook me. This was the first video of yours I’ve watched and I’m hooked. Thank you for creating this kind of content. ❤
Thank you so much for putting this out there and sharing it with the world. Having ADHD as a medical student is a challenge, we're forced to be independent and self-sufficient, given an insane amount of information and work to complete without instruction. I was having one of those frozen days where I knew what I should be doing/studying but could not start anywhere. I was crying on and off for hours I felt so overwhelmed. In a desperate attempt searching for help I googled some phrase like "ADHD friendly schedule" and was brought to your video. Just watching this video and hearing you talk about Executive Dysfunction immediately took some weight off my shoulders knowing I'm not alone in these struggles. It's not our fault we work differently than the way society does.
It's amazing to finally have a technique supported by someone who experiences and understands these difficulties. I immediately am more open to attempting this schedule just knowing it has worked before for people like me. Thank you so much for all your hard work
this is great… and the way you talk sort of makes me feel like i’m getting advice from a friend that’s so good i’m not even interrupting her once
My fellow ND friend and I call that anxiety stasis "blobbing." When ya just can't get unstuck from your damn bed.
Thank you for speaking to this 💜
Thank you very much for this precious video. It helped me understand and forgive myself for my executive disfunction. I am 50 years old and recently diagnosed with aspernger.I will follow your advices ❤
Having a name for what i am experiencing really alleviated a lot of self hate that came from the inability to take action on even the most basic stuff. Patience and self forgiveness are important tools. Your brain isn't normal and that's okay. The tools are not one step away.
How great is it, that you can connect with people, who understand, who have similar experiences. This video makes me feel really seen and heard, which has rarely happened with my close people in life ❤😢❤
13:56 timestamp for the explanation of the “Sandwich Technique”
Apologies in advance, long read ahead...
Due to my dyslexia, I completely swore off the comment section eons ago as a 90s kid. But I'm compelled to jump in and share my feelings regardless of what my anxiety is telling me. When you started speaking, similar to others, you were somehow telling my life story as If you've walked every day in my shoes, I've never felt so immediately understood, connected, and at home instantaneously. It's remarkable how you speak your truth and mine simultaneously. It's as if you're talking directly to me and seemingly so many others. So, thank you. Thank you for seeing my raw truth and beautiful light as the Ying and Yang they are, my equivalent eternal cross to bear.
For once, I have to stop to thank the algorithm gods specifically because the recent days that have passed have been darker than I care to admit. As cliché as it sounds, you are exactly who… saying what… exactly when and I'm incredibly thankful.
After a quick glance in your comment section, my intuition about the kind of person you Are is spot on. You are an angel on earth. I'm not sure if you truly grasp the extent of how much of a lifesaver you really are. I immediately subscribed and left a comment, something I rarely do, honestly if ever. Headed straight to Etsy so I can be prepared with the guiding hand as you walk me through it. Quite frankly, you had me hooked even before you got to the meat and completely addicted to the potatoes.
Let me wrap it up because I know the internet isn't fond of long-winded sentiments. However, I had to express my gratitude for the gift presented to me today by the algorithm gods. Lastly, to anyone who made it this far, firstly, thank you. Secondly, for those feeling less than (as Bey🐝 it) feeling themself, know that you're a bold, brave, and beautiful. That trouble that doesn't last always...and most importantly… I love you just the way you are. Keep swimming, you've got this!
I apologize for my lengthy expression, but you truly are a lifesaver. The world needs more people like you. Keep slaying, Queen!
Nothing But Love
💕 ~Q~ 💕
This video resonates way too perfectly. And I was just recently realizing the slow process of growing my executive function. Thank you.
Thank you for talking about executive function so eloquently.. Learning about executive function is one of the most important aspects of getting a neurodiverse diagnosis. I got a very late diagnosis of autism last year at the age of 65, and that has helped me forgive myself for a life of missed potentiall. I was laid off a month ago, and it was the first time in my life (I've been laid off about 10-12 times over the nearly 5 decades of my working life) that I have not blamed myself, thinking there was something wrong with me or something I did wrong and beating myself up for at least six months afterwards. I was able to give myself the grace to mourn the loss of the job without thinking I was broken or less or that there was something inherently wrong with me. I was able to separate the business decision of the layoff from my feelings of self-worth for the first time in my entire life. Understanding the way my mind is wired and my challenges with executive function has allowed me to give myself grace. This week I have had five phone screens for jobs and the possibility of interviews coming up. I know I will get the next job because I have always been able to do so before.