So far, being a baker is the best job I’ve ever had. Little social interaction, no customer interaction, strict routine and a new special interest are some of the highlights,
@@brownbrujita Serious advice: The "requirements" on job applications are a wishlist, not true requirements. Everything says you need a year of experience? Apply anyways! There's a good chance they'll end up picking up someone who doesn't have any if they don't find anyone with experience they actually want. That goes for pretty much every job.
@@colbyboucher6391I need input like this as I’m inclined to take the statement so literally that I will not apply because I feel like I’m wasting not just my time but theirs too
Your teaching job story really underlines the thing that really annoys me being ND in a NT world: it's not enough that we don't get the support systems we need, _we_ have to accommodate NT people and their feelings so they don't get uncomfortable by us just neutrally existing without masking...
It’s so exhausting and sad…. By nature of your very existence, it feels like all of life is gaslighting- explaining your truth to people who make you think it’s crazy, you’re selfish, lazy, etc. And you understand why they would think it and get confused yourself. What per cent of me is really lazy or selfish/ because I’m still human and what is be cause of ASD- burnout , just trying to survive
Yup, people get pissed & offended so easily by all these unwritten & inconsistent rules. You can do 10 things right, but just do 1 thing wrong to get targeted & blacklisted. It's draining having to be conscious of everything, when every single action can be scrutinised as an act of incompetence or malice.
I've had customers complain to the manager where I work that I don't talk enough or seem disinterested. When really I'm just overwhelmed by the constant interaction. Thankfully a lot of younger people understand and are super nice.
@@cheekybrnze Sorry to hear that. I think that maybe females on the spectrum do create automatic scripts that they can run when dealing with customers.
I was only diagnosed with ASD last year at 23, and I’ve never had a job where I DONT eventually have that dread of going in every day and fighting a strong urge to just stay home. It’s really disheartening, because sometimes it feels like I’ll never find a career I genuinely enjoy most days and that I will always be doomed to dread whatever job I have. I’ve never considered before that this was in part autistic burnout, but it makes a lot of sense now.
Wow I've been afraid of the same thing for so long. I still have yet to be diagnosed but these videos have made me almost certain I'm on the spectrum. I've had burnout at every job I've worked at because I work in customer service and deal with other people a lot. I desperately want to find a job I don't dread. The one I'm at isn't as bad, but it's still a lot more than is healthy for me. I'm sorry someone else feels this way, but am also glad I'm not alone haha.
I unexpectedly foud a job that I really enjoy. I had a mental health crisis, however, and it took a little while to recover from that. When I did it, though, I thought I had managed to master a skill (customer service phone calls are a part of what we do). Then I got pulled into the office for making a couple of mistakes and written up. I was taken off the phones entirely. Maybe they had good intentions but this made me very fearful of making mistakes. It didn't actually teach me anything but to be scared. Then I started losing executive function and becoming more fearful. It's become a vicious cycle. I had a meltdown at work this week because I love this job and don't want to lose it but the harder I try to do better at it, the worse I seem to perform. My last mistake I made today was a pretty serious one and I have no doubt I'll be pulled into the office again on Monday. It'll be three write-ups in two months and that really bothers me. I really don't know why I suddenly suck at a job I've been doing for almost 2 years now. It's very frustrating.
Yeah because it is tough because I always get the optimistic hope that eventually I will find people who like me, or learn how to be like able. But yes, every job I end up feeling very hated and disliked.
Oh you’re definitely not alone in that feeling, I dread going to work every day without needing to be autistic, most of the people I’ve worked with throughout the years also dread going in to work. I unfortunately studied something I thought would bring in money and it doesn’t really. So I’m stuck doing chemistry jobs now.
I hated being a promoter the most. I literally had to walk on strangers, pretend to be a happy and bubbly person and sell them something they probably weren't interested on in the first place. UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH! My soul dies at the thought. I would love to work in a museum, a book or vintage shop, a laboratory or in a park. Silence, blessed silence!
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh to work in a video store again. That was my paradise. A bookstore would also be good but not a corporate one like Barnes & Noble. Unfortunately the good ones don't pay well enough to work there. On the few occasions I had to "sell" people on things I used to imitate Bill Murray a lot (growing up on his movies gave me quite a lot to absorb). It didn't do much for my selling, but I got a lot of compliments from customers for making their day. Unfortunately, when they complimented me to my bosses, my boss would always come down on me for ruining things because making their day wasn't the same as making a sale. You can't win even by doing something right.
I know how you feel sometimes, I work in administration and being around people can be anxiety inducing. In a way, I have gained more confidence when talking to others but sometimes I need those moments to recharge as I can get overwhelmed very easily.
I am licensed as a ASCP MLT, be careful about working in the lab. You might have to multitask, making phone calls, and work under migraine inducing fluorescent lights.
this is why i loved being a barista too - i was doing the same exact things over and over again, when i got good at it i could do everything automatically, i had scripts ready for talking to the customers, the roles were clearly defined, i got to info dump about coffee. it ended up being such an easy and safe way to socialise.
Yes!! I loved being one, I ended up taking another job that was in my interest but it's way heavier in customer service, even though it pays better I'm considering going back after a year, it's extremely draining.
This is exactly why I’m training to be a barista currently. I have been feeling unsure because I’m afraid of rush hours and overstimulating cafes/ environment though I suppose I have a say in which environment I would like to be in. So reading this comment is basically encouraging me to just try it out and see if it works for lil ol autistic me. Thank you!
This made me cry. I got in so much trouble as a kid from my step mom bc my tone was so flat and i wasnt as upbeat and chipper and my face was serious. I never knew i was doing it and it was endless torture until i moved out
Mine was not understanding things intuitively. My dad couldn't understand how I couldn't understand things so he thought I was "playing dumb" even though I genuinely had no idea WTF he was talking about. So he got angry with me in the way you do when someone is deliberately provoking you, but I wasn't. So that didn't help things between us.
Oh me too ;( "don't talk back" "are you retarded?!" "Idk idk idk .. that's all u say """" ugh lol glad I wasn't the only one with a horrid step mom story 😂 my dad didn't care my step mom n step sister were basically bullies to me my whole life n I didn't have a maternal mother so things got hard without any support
I can relate to this. I hated working customer service jobs. I used to tell my friends, by the end of the shift I’d be completely brain dead. Exhausted, drained. WFH is no better. Getting slammed with calls back to back for 8hrs 5 days a week. In retrospect, I’m not even sure how I survived. Lol I eventually got out of customer service and landed a job as a Lab Assistant in a small laboratory at a hospital. I love it. Everyone is like “introverted” in a sense. We chat occasionally and then we go back to working. When work slows down a bit, some of us chit chat with each other. Some pull out books/kindles and read. It’s a cool, calm, relaxed environment. They only time I have to take calls is when the nurses or doctors have a question about testing. The conversation is brief, I answer to the best of my knowledge. If it’s more complex questions I hand the call off to one of the Technologists.
Hi, if you don’t mind answering, I was wondering what qualifications you needed to have to get said laboratory job. Was it a certification, what college experience prior to starting any of it, etc. I am looking and failing to find jobs and I have student loan payments that will start soon and I want to find a job that’s not in customer service.
@@PandaHopeful where I work, you don’t need any certifications/licenses to work as a Lab Assistant. How I got in was because I used to work in a Lab at a plasma donation center. Even at the plasma center I didn’t need any certifications/licenses or a degree. Simply because you’re not doing any kind of clinical laboratory procedures. Thats the medical technologist job. What I do is, handle all the shipment of products, specimens, answer phones, machine/equipment maintenance, order products for the lab, enter doctors orders for patients into the system. They will train you. Now if you’re wanting to become a Medical Technologist, then you have to go to school for that, majoring in clinical lab sciences or Medical technologist programs. Just apply for the Lab assistant jobs and see what happens. Best of luck!! 😊
Omg this is actually me. I’m currently working as a Lab Technician and though I do get tired it’s not to the extent of when I was a teacher. I don’t 100% dread going into work because not everybody is extroverted and there is no customer service aspect to the job.
As a currently unemployed, self-diagnosed autistic person who's looking for jobs and having a lot of feelings about it, this is exactly what I needed to watch
Same. 😢But Especially the realization that you can’t know what accommodations you need to ask for or could ask for if you can’t get anyone to keep their expectations up front or access a diagnosis. All you have is a life of similarly lived experience with this person, but none of the “solution “ side yet
Job descriptions freak me out. It’s like they researched everything that would cause autistic burnout and use it to make sure WE don’t apply for the job. The ads might as well read ‘are you a sadist? Would you like us to break your will to live?’
What gets me is people get upset when you don’t mask and then you mask to the level you did in your example and then people STILL form a negative opinion of you. I feel like every day I go into work and lose battle after battle trying to socialize correctly while maintaining my mental battery and I get absolutely no where. I find myself hiding from my coworkers a lot and it sucks
Eventually some people will like you for being you! I’ve seen all kinds of unlikely friendships, I’m maybe in no position to speak but maybe overly masking is making you come off as disingenuous/fake and people will notice that. Also it’s unfortunate but more often than not we work with people who are just difficult since we’re all there because we have to be not because we want to.
This! It took me so long to form genuine friends in my job… turns out that those friends are also neurodivergent 😂 and with the others I couldn’t please with my masking I stopped masking altogether to them so they still think I’m scary but hey at least they leave me be now lol
People be bitchin. Even if its personal, dont take it too personal. At the end of the day, you are there to do your job and get paid, not to make friends. It sucks, I know; but trust me, you'll be better off trying to socialize elsewhere than trying to feel accepted and cared for at a workplace.
@@Ab3ndcgi it’s been a while since this comment was posted. In that time, they started treating me worse and worse (me just minding my business not really interacting much anymore). It got so bad that one day I came in after using some PTO to go on a two day trip to find that they had disassembled my desk and replace it with a wooden table. My personal belongings got damaged and they lost or through away a lot of my stuff. When I asked what happened, my manager was livid that I would question her judgement as she’s the one that orchestrated the plan. Needless to say, I quit and found a different job. Maybe next time will be better lol. This time around I’m not going to talk to anyone and do my best to stay away from my coworkers
i somehow survived 19 years as a substitute teacher but looking back through the lens of autism i can better understand why i was chronically fatigued and disregulated. Going into a new classroom every day where the kids didn’t know me and I didn’t know their routine and having to sort out lesson plans on the spot was awful. I never made the leap to full-time teacher, the thought of all the paperwork and meetings sounded like my worst nightmare. Now I work part time at a doggy daycare, part time as a caretaker for people with disabilities and i’m much happier although still broke 😂❤😢😅❤
Your imitation of what it feels like to mask as a woman had me dying, it was so spot on. It also breaks my heart to hear anyone would say you put off a cold or mean vibe. To me, your warm personality comes through so strong in your videos!
I deal with this every day as a waiter. I've worked in the restaurant industry for 5 years now, and although I make good money, it is ruining my life. Every single day I am REQUIRED to mask highly - all day. I ran into a rough burnout a little while ago, and I was written up for it because I "stopped being present". I told my management that I was perfectly fine, just a little tired. Wasn't mad or upset and was still performing well. I raised that I showed up and did my job, and was given "but mentally you were elsewhere." AKA I became monotonous, brief, resting face, and task focused rather than my usual forcing conversations, forcing excitement and personality, forcing enthusiasm that drove me to monthly meltdowns/shutdowns. This was received as "losing interest in the job and mentally resigning" and essentially I was punished for just being myself. Since then, I've stopped pushing inauthenticity and have been unmasking. I get told to smile at least once every shift from coworkers or guests, I've been told I'm scary and rude for being honest and normal, I've been asked what or why I am doing "that" (stim). It is a painful transition, but I don't live to make everyone else comfortable. I know this job isn't a good fit for me, I have nightmares about being at work, I think my experiences have genuinely traumatized me. Waiting to be fired so I can be free.
@@axXemoassassinXxa Don't get fired, just find a new job despite the difficulty. Remote work is probably the way to go for many people on the spectrum, maybe not all. Perhaps you need to change industries?
as a trans woman this is super helpful and insightful to me because it makes me realize that it would seem like most women are kinda just trying to embody femininity thru their tone of voice and whatnot and im like...................... wow. this doesn't apply to butches because they're much more masc usually and talk more monotone and low-frequency.
Man... I'm resonating with quite a few things here. I find it *very* hard to hold down a job; there have been jobs in which I've lasted less than a week because I've become so intensely anxious and burned out from trying to live up to other people's standards and being confused about rules that are talked about but never implemented. All customer service jobs. I can't wait to become a therapist.
It's so trippy how everyone has a "customer service voice" but for me that is excruciating and it takes me hours of not talking to remember who my true self is. Sometimes she's still there pretending halfway into the weekend I think my "customer service voice" is a whole different person who takes the wheel when the real me can't cope. Ageing out of night clubs sucks because dancing non stop in such an all-consuming sensory experience was the only way I was able to let all the overwhelm I'd been bottling up seep out of my skin. Everyone is stimming in the same building and jealous of my high energy. It's too loud for conversation but you can be around people without them being exhausting.
That relation with the different types of voices you have is eerily similar to my own; I feel like I don’t know how to talk in a “low, regular tone” anymore: retail taught me how to squeeze as many words into one breath as I could and now I speak so light and high pitched compared to how I used to speak before retail. I actually kind of miss that voice a lot because my “normal” voice now just makes me sound like I’m 14 years younger than I actually am >_>
@@Luc_ienn it's really sad. "resting bitch face" became a well known phenomenon and we were taught it's ok not to smile just to be more palatable for randoms. But I feel like we need a "normalize resting bitch voice" movement. Problem is you can easily figure out how to not smile when you're at home, because you sit with yourself in different emotional states and know how it feels to not be smiling. But I don't believe most of us practice how it feels to speak honestly out loud when we are completely alone. We forget how our speech even sounds because we are conditioned to be "polite". For some stupid reason that means your accent has to be like two octaves higher than how you're actually feeling or it's rude.
Same here, I adapt a customer service voice when communicating with colleagues or clients face-to-face (or over the phone). I'm more myself around close friends/family.
Maybe you need to look into raves or EDM or techno or clubs like that, plenty of people and not so young who go there just to dance. And yes, you can be in that scene without drugs. Although they are there you can choose not to use.
As a fellow autistic with a love for socializing, this was really relatable! I also find that my lack of understanding social cues is less about being awkward so much as being inappropriate. I'm quite brazen, and honest to a fault, and really don't like keeping up all the little white lies and saving face that society finds normal.
Small talk is terrifying, yet inane. I could never understand my anxiety over it. I over shared so much in my teens and twenties, because I thought it was stupid and exhausting wearing masks.
@@CrystalRose1111 tbh this entire comment is very not autistic. One of the main traits of aspergerz / autism is inability to socialize. If you're able to socialize and geto the truth of things and skip over the small talk then that's considering excellent communication, not being "inappropriate" because you're simply removing social barriers, which is something autistic people aren't supposed to be aware of in the first place...
I'm not diagnosed but highly suspect that I am autistic. I really relate to everything you said about your teacher job. I'm a Special Ed teacher who works with young people on the spectrum but levels 2 and 3... among other comorbidities. It is a good school and I love my colleagues but the masking is very real. It is required. I put on quite the performance. I'm so fucking tired. I had a couple of meltdowns followed by a shutdown this week and took a couple of days off. Best thing I could have done. Your former teacher colleague sounds like an asshole to be honest. Her feelings are her problem. She sounds insecure. Again... not your problem. Great video. Thank you 😊
This is me to a T. I burned out teaching after seven years. I was depressed. I eventually found a job that I'm happy at. I miss working with kids, so I might find something teaching-adjacent one of these years.
One of the few people I get along with as an autistic woman is a friend of mine who has bipolar 2, she just GETS me and we don’t have to mask around each other. She doesn’t have to worry about expectations from me and she just understands my blunt and straightforward nature. Neurodiverse friends are way better than neurotypical friends in my experience.
13:17-16:49 is literally my life working in retail. All the retail jobs I’ve had, I’m surrounded by neurotypical women and it’s EXHAUSTING. Even more so because they don’t know I’m AUDHD and I feel I can’t tell them bc I have no diagnosis, don’t want them or think I’m lying etc. The specific retail job I have now they tell us all the time to “physically and mentally clock in” and they tell us all the girls who work there have to be bubbly and excited to be there and over socialize with guests. It doesn’t help that they change my schedule without telling me and there have been SEVERAL times when I think I have a day off and I wake up to texts like “Where are you? You were supposed to be here two hours ago.” I’m completely exhausted but all the jobs I’m trained for involve customer service. I love helping people but forcing my tone of voice and facial expressions everyday is burning me out. I wish I could take several months off and volunteer and figure out alternative career options
Being an electrician on construction sites has been so friendly to my flavor of autism. I get to wear gloves, hearing protection, and work in dim settings so I don't have a lot of sensory issues. Also, everyone in construction is a bit weird so I don't even need to try to mask at work. Plus, my job is basically just solving puzzles all day! It really works for me. I've gone 6 years now without crashing and burning when 5 months used to be my maximum.
I have always struggled to maintain relationships with friends. Having more than like three friends feels like I’m stretching myself so thin that I’m gonna snap. Starting in 2019 I took some time off of work- which turned into a whole year off for obvious reasons- and it made me realize exactly how much I relied on my job to interact socially. The pressure of trying to find social interaction with no context was so stressful that I just sort of….. opted out. Not so great for the mental health. Very, very bad in fact.
IDK how you all can live without a meaningful relationship with other people. There are people out there who can respect your needs of loneliness, less texting, being not so much "present" all the time 😐👍🏻
@@ellygatta81 there are but they are difficult to find. And I empathize with OP here, it can be extremely bad for our mental health. I started posting videos on my channel just to feel like I'm regularly sharing with my family/not SO isolated. But it's tough.
I have to work consciously to have my face open and « nice » because if I don’t smile, I look angry, but it’s my normal face. Even at home in front of my partner I have to maintain this face, if not he says things like « why are you upset all the time ? » and he knows I have autism. It hurts my cheeks to have to smile unintentionally. Intentional smiles don’t hurt. It built this belief in me that I am ugly when I don’t smile, I can’t stand to see my face without a smile. When I found out I had autism, I realized that most of my masking is actually smiling... Also, I totally relate to what you say about socializing through work to fulfill my social needs but being incapable to keep up with a friendship (I too feel that writing textos is too much and I feel very uncomfortable whenever someone wants to see me outside of work or become my friend). I am a teacher working in different schools and the schools where I feel most nervous and drained afterwards are those where I am pressured to have lunch with the other teachers or to have a coffee with them and where my colleagues are very neurotypical and I have to mask a lot. It looks bad to be in your corner just preparing for your class and being quiet. You are labelled snobby or asocial, and you risk getting less classes the next semester.
I got the same criticisms about not smiling - it's also led to me having a bit of a complex about smiling naturally, because people... for whatever bizarre reason... feel the need to point out I'm smiling, which makes me feel self conscious and of course breaks the good mood I was experiencing. It sucks, but thankfully doesn't happen so much now.
This made me cry, I am currently reclaiming my career after a burnout, I had trauma from years of abuse where I was working that just reading anything about my profession or career related was triggering, I felt exhausted with no confidence in my skill and hopeless, didn't know what to do, It's infuriating the amount of damage manipulative people cause with little to no remorse
That critical teacher was targeting you for gaslighting to unconsciously get back at you because she couldn't control you. Passive aggressive behavior due to great insecurities in her.
Exactly. Constantly moving the goal posts and gaslighting. That would exhaust anyone. Obviously the teacher had some grudge or resentment against her and chose to act on it the narcissistic way.
I'm 40 and was diagnosed 10 years ago (back when it was still "asperger syndrome"). Before my diagnosis, I always felt physically tired and mentally exhausted after 8 hours a day at my office job. People would constantly tell me I had an "easy" job so I shouldn't be complaining. (I even like my career!) But I was existing in a state of being perpetually burnt out as an adult. The pandemic was actually a blessing for me-- being able to finally work from home/remotely improved my mental health SO much. To a point where I quit my last job bc they wanted us to be "hybrid" instead of fully remote. I never truly knew how much the daily stressful traffic commuting, masking, dealing with office politics, forced socializing, and uncomfortable working conditions [lights, sounds, smells] -- on TOP of the actual work!-- was burning me out. However... if I try to do too much while working remotely (like if I'm traveling while working) I can still get easily burnt out and my work performance suffers. It sucks sometimes, but I have to simply admit that I don't have as much mental energy as other people, and I simply need more 'down' time to feel recharged.
I wish I could find a job I could do remote but all the available jobs are customer service and I hate that. It would be so perfect as the things you described in the office are the same things I can't stand.
Im 34 and not diagnosed yet but yeah working from home was a big game changer. Unfortunately my job is full of chaos and unpredictable stuff and that is enough to burn me out plus finding out about an auto immune disease that causes chronic pain. But yeah its an office job and i identifyied with your description so so so much.
@@Kamitubeyeah when i did customer service sometimes clients tought i was pissing them off on purpose just by what i tought was being calm and listening 😂😂😂
Also had customer service jobs. I have a love/hate relationship with people. I desperately want to to connect but there is a consequence for me, and as I get older my resilience has reduced. Being diagnosed with ASD/ADHD at 45 (last year) is changing my perpective on everything.
Yes!! Other than the occasional loneliness I love delivery driving. Little to no anxiety, and if I do feel some, I can self-regulate easily without having to worry about masking. Any type of marketing/sales job... Ugh. Having to talk to people all day is one thing but the when those people DO NOT want to talk to you?? Horrible.
I work in real estate marketing and have to drive to homes and while I don’t like the marketing part much I realized I loove driving cause I get paid to sit by myself for an hour and listen to music 😂 I could be a truck driver if I wasn’t such a routine oriented homebody
As someone who's on the spectrum myself it's blatantly obvious Neurotypicals run the world, but the world is going to shit. So I find myself wondering how much credit neurotypicals really deserve for being exemplars of functionality and normalcy. There is a piece that is missing here. Great video. Autism burnout sucks 😩
Yes we could go into a whole spiel about what neurotypicals are NOT good at. Only nd people’s struggles are highlighted since were the minority. But each have strengths and weaknesses
This isn’t a good look. Neurotypicals are not to blame for your issues. Your life struggles and all the rejection you’ve suffered is a direct result of YOU. Who you are and the way you make people feel. That is what is to blame for all that ails you. It is not anyone else’s responsibility to give you a chance or cater to you or accommodate you. You are the one in the room that makes everyone uncomfortable. Very odd for you to blame someone else.
@@NormaJean951 IMHE, growing up in any culture you pick a set of morals and rules for social interaction that look one way "on paper", and never translate to reality. Autistic people struggle trying to make good on those assumptions and expectations, while wondering why the 1+1=2 rules is it not working out for them. Sure, we are socially impaired at picking cues, and no one is to blame for that. But we also are not at fault for people acting hypocritically, or beign dishonest about their wants, feels and expectations; or dismissive of others. Nor are we to blame for people feeling uncomfortable around us, or having misconceptions about us. Sure our steming, sensitivities or "quirks" may look odd and cause rejection. But many times people are bothered not by us, but by what our behaviour and way of comunicating says about them. If following unspoken social norms you see no point in, for the sake of fitting in, did make neurotypical people happier and healthier; sure, we'de be the ones at fault. If having lots of sensory stimuly around did wonders for your mental health and stress levels, sure, we'd be flawed for not beign able to extract benefits from it. If beign unclear when comunicating did help understanding each oher and solving problems; sure, our pressence may hinder other groups of people and be disruptive in a work environment. But as it is, it seems like the rejection we experience is many times the direct result of merely pointing out these issues. In a very "let's kill the messenger and carry on" kinda way.
This is spot on! Many people don't understand that we have social needs too, and the last thing I want is a job where I just stare at a computer all day in a basement (actually did that). So I became a journalist. It's purpose-driven human interaction with a clear goal and cut off point, and it also gives me insight into how neurotypicals operate. Minimal interaction with coworkers too. Anxiety will always be there, but I've learned to deal with it.
Staring at a computer in a basement is my dream job 😭. I had a digitization internship at a university and it was perfect. Totally valid that it's not everyone's jam though.
Yes--many neurotypical women seem to require a high level of masking and will resent you if you can't bring an unrelenting mask. I used to think that many were sinister in their insane emotional neediness. Now I get that I need to protect myself from toxic work climates and that these "insane" women really just don't get the spectrum. TY for sharing your experience to help me understand mine!
@@LHeth They basically expect you to understand and adapt to their emotional behavior even if they're being vague and ambiguous, not to mention you should be able to navigate through that just to avoid upsetting them, and even that upsetting tends to be implicit, and it's not like you can always prevent it, since they can either not talk to you, or still be verbal while talking in riddles (sarcasm, "joking", everything that could avoid proper adressing of an issue). Or at least that's what I understood, since it kind of resonates with my own personal experiences
Hazel, while I appreciate you trying to be so tolerant of others, the narrative that NT women are insane should largely be considered. Ultimately, we speak two different languages and they seemingly refuse to understand ours while demanding that we just “know” theirs. Myself and so many other ND women have been harmed by NT women in friendships, not to mention demanding clients. And especially in high volume… Avoiding toxic work environments is crucial, but we also need to understand it’s not the happiest pairing for a friendship either. I wish I was this nice lol I’m so tired of people.
I find it hard to address issues too because confrontation is scary af and I don’t wanna start anything but I still see things that need to be addressed but today when a known kleptomaniac by the others had store food in her hand I said “everyone make sure to pay for what you’re eating, cuz our 50% discount is already generous. And then don’t forget to put your receipts in the receipt cup” and then the reciepts in the receipt cup got thrown away (by a ghost? Like bro ur not slick 😂) anyways this wasn’t an emotional thing … well they could have felt like I “put them on blast” but also … it seemed purely work related and I tried to address the issue but I think we’re gonna have to let her go cuz I literally said “make sure you pay for all your food” so it was not vague or anything, just that I talked to everyone (4 ppl) not just to her. Yes many many things to think about trying to navigate the social work environment and it’s tiring af. Glad we’re all here to help each other tho
I’m going through burnout right now and I don’t even know how to get out but this video was so relatable that I at least don’t feel alone and I’m so grateful. I’m a personal trainer, and there are parts about this job I love but the constant masking and having to talk to clients for an hour each is so draining. I love them all and appreciate them immensely and I feel this sense of guilt that our connection is draining me so much. I finally feel like I have a career but I don’t know how stable this is. All I want to do is sleep when I’m not at work and every few months I start job searching again. Hearing you talk about needing to fill your social battery at work was spot on for me. I like customer service because I can socialize and build a connection but in a controlled environment. I can not hold a friendship on my own to save my life so I like seeing people regularly at work. I just wish I could find that balance and not feel like I’m losing my mind every few months. 😢
I am an anesthesia care provider. It provides me with the perfect balance of people time vs non-talking time. Hope this helps others who are looking for the right career path.
@@Miamia-nl6ij Helping someone be free of pain and free of anxiety as they undergo a procedure makes me feel happy. If you make small talk, and they seem very receptive, their feel-good hormones will help them when they wake up. They wake up calmer, and also grateful that the procedure went “so quick”. 🌞
Thanks for sharing ❤️. I am recently diagnosed as well. I have been experiencing “depressive episodes” about every 2-3 years since middle school. As im learning about myself and my autism I am realizing these were situations of autistic burnout. I really appreciate hearing stories like mine that help me feel more accepted in the community.
Yes, this is my story too. I should have known when I got depressed while eating antidepressants. That's not logical. And I'm diagnosed as autistic already. But it's so easy to just hand out pills instead.
i've had (and probably still have) burnout for many years. the first time i recognized it, i called it senioritis... as a junior. then i linked it to my depression. but now i'm thinking part of that might have been related to this too. it's caused me to reach breaking points, affecting my school career and jobs. it felt like i couldn't cope with the stress and my ability to do things that i could do before got worse/disappeared.
I had this too and it got confused with Bipolsr2 symptoms- I guess mixed manic… There would be a time of anxiety , poor boundaries and poor time management and spiraling anxiety, depression and then hopelessness and burnout..
The exact same thing happened to me… ironically Covid saved my college career, taking a three month break from everything and then coming back to everything being online restored me to 100%. I think online classes work REALLY well for those of us who get completely burned out from the endless interactions. I always thought online school would be too unstructured, but it turned out it didn’t matter because the socialization aspects were so easy and non-taxing that I had more than enough energy to organize myself! Truly that was an amazing time. Online school ftw
When I was 14 I got so stressed out I went into psychosis for a whole year.......it lead to huge depression and burnout. And depression and burnout is apart of my life now . I'm 25 now and I cant keep living like that and i feel bad for anyone older than me that's been going through that longer than I have. It's not right and I fight anyone who tells me to suck it up BECAUSE we don't have to live like that. We shouldn't have to.
You weren't confused because you were autistic, you were because she was gaslighting and targeting you. I'm not sure about being autistic myself, but I've worked long periods with people like that teacher and they're often narcs. You were too impressive for her she had to humble you in a way of another.
Yes. Had a manager like that. She treated everyone badly but seemed to really have it in for me. Probably because I got a higher score than her on the test to get hired in the first place. But I didn't want her job or stress or hours. I tried to help her and she was threatened by me.
I'm a self diagnosed autistic person at the age of 26! I relate to you soo much and I'm happy to finally have a label that helps me make more sense of myself.
Hi, I think I commented on one of your other posts. I am a member of a few other autism groups. We have found a correlation in ASD+ADHD and a later diagnosis in adulthood. Just a friendly PSA for someone seeking answers.
wow..the teaching job section spoke to me so deeply. I was an assistant preschool teacher for 5 months and while I loved it so so much, it was horribly draining. I love working with kids. I liked the routine of the school day, and feeling like I’m in a closed, controlled environment. Same kids, same parents, same coworkers. But social interactions get so exhausting. There’s days where I don’t want to speak or interact at all, but obviously my job didn’t allow that. The contradicting rules and instructions confused me and left me unsure of what to do a lot of the time. One day a certain tactic would work and be okay, and the next I was told to do it differently despite the situation being the same. I got to the stage of dreading going to work. Two breakdowns at work and an unscheduled call off later, I was fired. I am most definitely in a burnout right no. I’m not sure I want to go back into childcare, but the thought of a job in any other field terrifies me.
Your experience with your co-teacher is exactly why I don't recommend ABA programs to parents. The same weight you felt in having to mask for her, shouldn't be imposes on kids. And for already traumatized, vulnerable and/or sensitive kids, ABA strategies can be extremely traumatic.
came to the comment section looking for this comment! It's already draining for an adult to deal with ableist people, the fact that she's a teacher for autistic children AND CAN'T RESPECT SOMEONE'S BOUNDARIES IS WILD and just shows how much ABA specialists are full of shit and don't really care for autistic people wellbeing imagine what is like for little children who don't know yet how to mask or advocate for themselves to deal with these grown ups expectations being heavily thrown on them 🙃
This is so relatable! When I was working full-time I would go home, crash for a few hours, and have to order takeout bc I just had no energy to cook. I still had energy problems even when I was eating better and exercising, so now autistic burnout makes so much sense to me! My doctor and I thought I had anxiety, depression, and eating disorders, the more I learn about autism the more I'm like "omg this is ME! I'm not lazy or uncaring, I'm just burnt out". I am not working now, and I am scared employment/money to live will always be a struggle for me. Luckily I am able to live with family and I am taking this time to learn about how to manage my autism and learn self-compassion and self-care that will actually rejuvenate my energy levels. I see an Occupational Therapist and she has been the most helpful professional so far on my physical-mental health journey. The OT just gets me, it feels so good!
This was all so so so validating! Like you, I have tended to scripted customer service jobs. I like to help people. My parents made it clear I was useless…not an asset to the family in any way…so I like to be useful and actually be an asset to people. I tend to work at happy places…ice cream shop, coffee shop, candy shop…small ones so I don’t deal with crowds. People are so happy when I hand them their favorite ice cream cone or latte or candy! I get immediate feedback by their smile that I made them happy. I really NEED that!!!!
SAME I literally just quit my office job because other people picked up on my autism and decided to demonize me for it. It’s so frustrating going into a working environment and expecting to just work but then having to deal with the social expectations of others, ESPECIALLY when im on my period and my hormones cycle throughout the month
@@Pastelsnek yeah they could have accepted my social akwardness. But the amount of work was to much for me too. Its hard to find a Job where I don't have to do many things on the same time 😅
I’m on the lines of Audhd but my best job so far is being a disability employment consultant. It’s basically case management and I get to actively be breaking down barriers in the workplace and engaging with my clients about what’s happening with them and how to help them with what they need
I felt this like crazy! My mom has her own business and I strive to do it as well! My mother I have been realizing she is autistic as well and we have both have had issues in the workplace. So much so she start her own daycare. I hope one day I can do my own company. Workplace issues are amplified for us.
I knew you were going to say teaching was a job ready-made for autistic burnout. I've always thought being a professor at a teaching college was going to kill me, but it is such a great job, and it is intellectually up my alley as someone who obsesses over words. But I feel hated by some of my students and colleagues, more so each day and year. They think I'm neurotypical. They're pissed that I'm not a go getter any more, and that now I'm chronically ill. I'm pissed at their pissiness. Yet because I get breaks and summers off, I collapse at the end of every day, and again at the end of each semester. Last summer I was in bed for 3 months too and never fully recovered. I feel like I could be fired at every moment, yet it's very hard for me to know what to do--I follow scripts all the time, but I can't sustain those for a whole semester any more. I hate making changes as an ASD, so I'll be starting year 31 in the fall. I'm supposed to be a writer, not a teacher, but we all know how that goes. Artists don't make money.
I worked at a university for 20 yrs as senior staff support to one great boss in my own office. Saw many individuals on the spectrum in all engineering departments. Most weren't identified with ASD but being a parent & advocate of many on the spectrum I recognized outward symptoms. Many years later as a senior individual, I finally recognized that I am an aspie, on the autism spectrum too. Took 65 yrs to recognize my own signs and symptoms but relieved. Hope to help others that are slso elderly on the Autism spectrum now.
I relate to your experience. Artists don't make money until they have an audience! I would read your work. A piece of advice I saw was create everyday. Whether a thought, sentence, or page. Your community will inevitably grow 🌟
Blessing of all blessings, RETIREMENT !!! Turned 62 and get a small SS check and no longer have to torture myself trying to work. I kept getting denied Disability, I applied many times. I absolutely can not sustain a job, just can’t do it. I worked very little and was mostly a housewife. My SS is mostly from my ExHusband. My life is simple and peaceful. Hallelujah !!
Something a teacher told me was "every job is customer service" because any job you have will be a service to others in some way shape or form. I feel like I never looked at work the same again.
Your self awareness and eloquent way of describing your experience as a ND inspires me to dig deeper into my own inner mechanisms. Your videos are so enlightening!
I’m not sure if I’m autistic or not but I do relate in a lot of ways. I’ve always been “shy” and dealt with a ton of mental health issues that started around 13 and it really altered my identity it feels like. I’ve always felt uncomfortable in social situations.. I was once told it sounded like I was interviewing someone I was just trying to get to know when we were hanging out. I’ve never been confident enough or bubbly enough in any job I’ve had whether it’s customer service or a full time 9-5. I’m someone that has a lot of acquaintances and not a lot of close friends.. it’s just hard to get super close to people?
Oh my gosh, the stuff at 17:14 about being given very specific and conflicting instructions happened to me too! The person made it impossible to do my job. It literally made me feel crazy, I was crying all the time and tired all the time. The inconsistency was sabotaging me and even speaking with HR no one cared.
Thank you for sharing. I can relate to much of what you said here. I still haven't found a stable occupation and I am 41... crap that happened SO fast.
As a man, I totally get the face expression thing and people thinking I'm angry and intimidating. And I'm just having a blah day and not paying attention to my mannerisms and voice inflection or non voice inflection. I know what you mean by no consistency and not knowing what I can or can't do. When I know what I can do and be right and have license to expand and do what needs to be done and be creative with it, I thrive in this situation and have the routine and creativity to express my skills and abilities in the work place. But where I don't have a routine and know what I'm expected to do and be to the company. This is the nightmare job.
Thank you for this! I am in job limbo currently and just rot at home every day after work. 😅 Obviously, I'm burnt out. I definitely needed some encouragement to keep looking for the right thing!
I had a teaching job and my boss was horrible. She was a narcissist and constantly searched for my weaknesses. I have adhd so I don’t have quite the same traits but I do relate SO much to work being a super stressful place for ND folks. There’s often at least one toxic person in every workplace. And if you have a disability you’ll usually become a target to that person. I’m in a burnout phase right now. I appreciate your discussion of this….it’s so tough and you’ve described it so well.
Aaaaahhh. I've had bad job experiences in the past, too, but more than that, I realize now why I've always had a long period of unemployment after one work contract came to an end. Although I was able to take care of myself (food, hygiene, etc.), looking for jobs and applying to them felt nearly impossible, and I'd end up applying only to about 3 positions within five months, etc. Each application took so much energy. I think it was a transition phase burnout. And I'm going to have one coming up again after spring (I'm substituting as a uni teacher and there's no chance of continuing in my current position). How to prepare for that?
My husband does the exact same. He’s in software engineering and over the last 7-8 years, its been all contract work. Some lasting less than 6 months. I don’t know how to help him since I am also self diagnosed and just trying to keep our heads above water on my salary. If or when you figure it out, please let me know so I can help him.
I've noticed quite high unemployment rates for autistic people myself; my case is slightly different as I have kept jobs for over a year (right now I am 2+ years in my current administration job). I do understand the stress of finding employment; right now I am trying to switch jobs as the pay in my current job isn't the best (despite having a supportive workplace); I find it difficult to do interviews though as I get very nervous easily and feel my autism is a part of that. If I can physically show my capabilities I know I'll be fine but explaining examples of my skillset can be hard 😅
Oh gosh I relate so much I'm literally a year into unemployment 😵💫🤧. My dad probably just thinks I'm lazy but I had severe burnout working my retail cashier job and I just want to find a more quiet job that's not hard on my knees and body
Like Me! This is a very difficult combo because you like and need variation and people to stay energized and thrive but also a strong framework you can count on while experiencing that new-- and a predictability and structure. An example: traveling - the best-new place, scenery, etc… but at least give me my whole foods, equinox or outdoor jog, time to get ready and maybe one or two outings at the end of the day.
the job i hated the most was being a leasing agent because it was constant phone calls and emails. kind of similarly to your ABA job, the rules were always changing! and that was so hard to keep track of. not sure i've had a favorite job, if being a student counts, then being a student is my answer haha
Absolutely. That’s exactly what I recently thought about. I graduated cum laude in Dutch law, masters degree at university. It all went very well and it was relatively easy since I was in control over my own study structure and routine. Now I’ve been working as a paralegal for 5 years and big parts of my job require meetings, calls and emails with colleagues. I have a burn out every few months and the fact that I’m so dependent on other colleagues and I have to work with them is absolutely sucking the life out of me. The unclear communication is keeping me up at night and I hate it. I wish I could study forever instead of actually having to do something with my knowledge in an office. Before this job I had a temporary job at customer service with very clear scripts and even though I would see and speak to more than 80 people a day it was way easier for me to cope. Especially the fact that the job ended at the end of the day. Now I worry a lot after work hours about the words I choose in meetings etc. and I’m always scared to open my mailbox because maybe something went wrong or something has to change last minute. I can not deal with it. I’m so glad Im starting my diagnosis journey, I hope to find peace in knowing why I struggle instead of feeling like something is wrong with me and I’m failing at ‘easy’ things. Thank you so much for your videos. ❤
@@thethoughtspot222 i'm glad i'm not the only one who shudders at the thought of phone calls. especially if they're made without any notice or organisation beforehand
oh my gosh I appreciate this video so much. I did ABA therapy as well and it was the worst job ever for me. I loved the kids, but I was so tired at the end of the day that I had no free time I had no motivation to do anything, and then I got a job working as a counselor with adults in mental health crisis, and despite that job being much more mentally straining, it was significantly less physically exhausting and was so much more enjoyable for me because i was for the first time able to scratch that brain itch of really helping people and connecting with them on a very deep level and loved it!
I really, really appreciate you sharing your experience, Irene! I worked as a nurse in the hospital for just over five years. During those years (and the four years of nursing school that preceded them) I constantly struggled with my mental health. I reached out for help and was diagnosed and medicated for anxiety and depression. I started going to therapy as well but the progress I made was exceedingly slow. I had meltdowns at work when things became too unpredictable for me to tolerate... and those times were pretty frequent. I felt even worse because I was afraid my emotional instability was interfering with my ability to take care of my patients. In some ways, it was. Meanwhile, already having had a poor self image all my life, it was easy to place the blame for my poor functioning onto myself - *I* was the reason I was struggling because I was too weak and I wasn't trying hard enough. Knowing what I know now, it's all too obvious that I was almost never not in burnout mode. I'm incredibly fortunate that I was able to take an indefinite hiatus from nursing. If I ever decide that I want to return to the workforce, I think I'll be much better prepared to choose a job with my needs in mind so that my career doesn't hinder my quality of life.
Amazing! I’m sure there’s many jobs that are in need of nurses where the environment is slower and a bit more predictable. I hope you can find one that’s better suited for your needs so you can thrive at your job!
I’m dealing with the same issue… I’m just totally depleted after a shift. It’s the sensory overload from all the sounds and smells, people in crisis, and absolutely dreading going in because I know I’m going to get shit on… last shift I worked I had 6 patients while everyone else had 3. I quit my job today… don’t know what’s next, but THAT AIN’T IT! What do you do for work now?
i’ve been diagnosed with autism my entire life, and I have always preferred customer service jobs, but at the end of each job, they had one thing in common and that was the company was never true to THEIR script. I always try to present the quality of the company, but when it’s their turn to provide they fall short and ruin the job for me because i know i cant promise what i service. getting gaslit for things that was their responsibility is what draws the line for me. i have more self respect for myself than to put up with that now but the transition phases between jobs is TOUGH! i work uber eats now and enjoy doing that waaaaaaay more than dealing with management. i also actively go to yoga classes to meet people in my community to help with my social needs (and to practice talking to strangers 😭) thank you for the content it truly helps ❤️
I cried watching this video because this is me right now. You put my thoughts to paper so perfectly. As an adult with ADHD I am now self advocating to get my psychiatrist to take my suspicions of being also autistic seriously as he shut me down when I brought this up. Thank you for making these videos, as I can't imagine how much energy you are sacrificing for the sake of the community benefitting from our journey.
I'm at least a year late but I wanted to say: this video gave me the final push to set up an appointment with an autism specialist. I've been pretty sure that I'm on the spectrum for years, but people don't really seem to be willing to take my atypical needs into consideration with a self diagnosis. It would probably help explain some negative habits and behaviors that I've developed as coping mechanisms. Here's to feeling better and finding the support I need! Thank you.
I've been struggling to get a diagnosis. I know I'm autistic. I have all the traits and my parents and my past teachers told me I've always been a rather peculiar kid. But I live in a small town, and it's hard having access to specialized professionals here. This video really resonated with me. I'm 24, and I have always struggled keeping a job. It always feels like everybody else is handling these "simple" things so much better. I work hard and can learn pretty much anything if needed, but when it comes to dealing with people, it's like I shut down. It's too much. My dream has always been to be an author. I've been trying to make this work, because if I have to go back to an office, I'm not sure I'll last.
I know I am seeing this a year later, but at 32 I just got diagnosed after leaving my 8 year career with extreme burnout and ptsd. I struggled in every job yet I was told I am smart and good at it. Constantly tired, constantly confused, and was constantly bullied. I feel so seen and valid, so thank you!!
Hi Irene & everyone here, I really love your channel as you explain what it's really like to be autistic with examples of your experiences and you go deep below the surface. All the comments are so interesting too. I've had problems with work all of my life. In my first ever job, I had a meltdown when I had to answer the phone. I ran to the ladies room and stayed there 20 minutes. It was a lawyers office so I had no choice but to get used to phone work, but that side of it always drained me & made me anxious. I can relate when you talk about work meeting your social needs. That first job in London turned out to be the best for that, and drinks, theatre and cinema after work was great, but I didn't want to hang out with workmates at the weekend or go round their house after work. Luckily they didn't want that either! I had one work friend at another job who who kept texting Saturday morning inviting me to a BBQ that afternoon. I don't need to explain here how stressful that was & how awkward it was having to keep saying no. I ran away from teacher training in my early 20's after 3 weeks because the interactions with people were too much, socially & in class. Ditto nurse training, but that lasted longer a whole 9 months. I had no choice but to go back to the legal office work after I had got over both of those, it was more predictable and I worked with only 1 or 2 others which suited me. I'm in my late 50's now and due to restructuring, find myself working in a large open plan office. Pre-Covid it was hell. I couldn't keep up the energy to mask all day and I know my face fluctuated. I often looked permanently sour and they thought I was a humourless old witch. It's tons better now because I work from home 3 days and go into the office 2 days and there's only 6 ppl there. You're right, working life can be very difficult to navigate, but we have to do it and your advice to find work that is comfortable for you is spot on.
Hi Helena, I really resonate with so much of what you’ve said. I received my diagnosis just a couple of weeks ago at 27 years old and although it’s been such a relief, I am still struggling with the reality of trying to find a stable job that is also comfortable for me to remain in long term. I haven’t been able to stay in a job for more than a few months at a time since leaving college. It has left me each time feeling burnt out and depressed. I’m so glad you acknowledged the struggle of not wanting to engage with coworkers socially outside of work - it is something I find incredibly draining, I really need to have my own space to decompress after being surrounded by people all day. I am so happy to hear that you now have a working environment that you can thrive in, I wish you all the best 😊🌼
@@katiebrennan1571 thank you so much, you're very kind. Good luck to you too in finding work you can settle into, try not to beat yourself up if it takes a while. You'll get there 🤗
This video has come to me at a perfect time. I just finished a 7 and a half year jo that has left me with so much burnout i dont even know what to do about it. Being autistic in a world that isnt built for us is exhausting especially when it comes with having a hard time saying no and putting up boundaries that i need. the job tookk so much out of me, honestly it helps so much to hear someone describing it so perfectly like this. thank you
Thank you so much for all of your content. I was recently diagnosed with autism. I’ve always felt like an outsider, an alien, always alone, and the diagnosis made me feel more alone than ever. I found your videos and read these comments and it’s like wow. I’m not alone at all. I’m not a monster. Thank you, thank you for making me feel “normal” and not like an alien anymore. I have hope again I can take care of myself. Not a ton, but more than before.
I started crying when you mentioned sleeping all the time. I've been burned out at this TD job for so long and learning that it's just been a belt sander to my brain and I'm hurting a lot
U described my entire life (mostly with jobs but also my experiences with grade school and college… even with dating apps!) since I was 17 I worked customer service jobs: fast food, barista, bartender, college resident assistant (the last one gave me the worse burnout that lasted almost 4-6 months) but I didn’t know how to explain it other than just feeling like a crushing depression that made me feel worse! I told myself I was a quitter or lazy and just feeling worthless so it made it even more discouraging to get back out there… this was around the time I suspected I might be on the spectrum with just minimal research bc whenever I brought it up to a close friend or family they couldn’t identify me with any of the traits that I saw were so obvious to me! I hadn’t realized how thick my masking was layered on and how well I hid my stims even with people I lived with… anything awkward or out of the ordinary was justified as a silly personal “quirk” of mind… or me just having a “bad day” (when in reality I was just so exhausted that I couldn’t keep up the mask)… burnout has been affecting my relationships with family and friendships since I was very little even tho I do crave social interaction but I’d go through these increments of time as a loner and that would put people off or make them think I was standoffish or even hated them so it tended to push people away… I am currently on my path for a diagnosis but it is expensive and actually difficult to find a professional that can diagnose so all I have r my online tests and videos from women like u that have quietly helped with my depression and social anxiety in the past year bc it is helping me not feel like a total outlier and build a better understanding for myself and my brain! Thank you!
This video just appeared on my homepage on a day where I am feeling completely burntout and unsure where to turn in life, I just want to sleep, but I can't. I've only recently been diagnosed as ADHD but have also questioned if I am also autistic. Your experiences you've shared in this video are just so relateable to my life and the trijectory it seems to have taken, I have never heard someone else explain their experience in such a relatable way before, it felt like I was looking into a mirror of such. Thank you for sharing this, this was my first video of yours, I've subscribed and can't wait to hear more.
I loved being a dog walker mostly. I took groups of dogs into nature and hiked.. I think being in nature, being with dogs (which have lowkey always been a special interest of mine), and having forced activity was naturally very good for my mental well being.. and I liked the amount of human interaction I got because it was mostly professional and in passing. But ultimately, the part of the job I struggled with the most was the human interaction. There's a fine line in pet care between being caring and also being professional and so many people who own dogs view you as family when you're caring for their dog.. which has its perks until these same people aren't paying you on time and then acting like that's normal and everything should be fine.
Oh...so what I am going through right now and in my previous jobs is an autistic burnout, the last job I had was so exhausting that I was out of commission for 7 months before I had to get up and try to find a job. My current job is in customer service, like you said, there is no clear rules and it feels like I have to mask more so then usual, no matter what I do its not correct which leads to me constantly feeling lethargic, depressed and like I want to curl up in a ball, never talk to anyone. Personally, I hate socializing, I am very much an introverted Autistic person, silence is blissful, dealing with people is not fun and much like you, I can go days, weeks, months or even years without texting someone cus I have to think of a whole equation while feeling like I am bothering the other person. Thank you for this vid and all that you do for us!
Thank you for covering this topic. I'm currently supposed to be looking for a job and it's completely overwhelming to me. I've been a stay at home mom for over a decade now and way out of touch with work culture, which I love! Retail jobs I worked in the past always burned the crap out of me and I would spend my weekends in silence, just sleeping and reading to recover. I can't even imagine how I'm supposed to be a mom and work... it just boggles my mind -- plus I'm solely responsible for my kids. Life is tough enough already.
The way you explain the topic, the examples, you're a God send, to me. I m a 45yr old woman that went undiagnosed until last year. To hear you so precisely tell my struggles, my feelings, my life, and finally not feel like some alien or oddity, but know this is a real thing, and other people feel much of the same, is so freeing. It feels like a great weight is lifted after listening to one of your videos. I'm a relatively new listener, about 3wks. Just wanted to express genuine gratitude for what you are giving ❤
I literally relate to all of this video. I definitely need to get seen for a diagnosis. I’ve been asked many times if I’m autistic and also people say they’re surprised I’m nice because I seem intimidating. I literally had a similar experience as your teaching job, I had a job that was so traumatic that I had 4 months off after I left it, and I was exhausted and just trying to find myself.
I’ve never been diagnosed with autism but I feel you so bad on the texting and seeing friends. As bad as I want to be more social and have fun, when someone invites me out I make excuses to stay home. I feel like I only have enough energy to go to work and go to my appointments, sometimes even that is too much. It’s overwhelming and I know I’m going to be anxious so I avoid all the my friends. I’ve also been told so many times by people I knew when I was younger they were like “I used to think you were a bitch but you’re actually really nice” I’ve been called intimidating by a lot of women which is crazy to me because IM extremely intimated by women especially if they’re my age. My anxiety makes me seem like I hate everyone when it’s the opposite I feel like I’m not good enough for anyone. I’m so exhausted all the time I can’t put in the energy to be bubbly and talkative, I don’t have any to spare I sleep 10 hours a day and still feel tired and sleep through important events or wake up late for work. I used to be sooooooo much more energetic when i didn’t have a job, I actually hung out with friends, was way more active and kept up with my appearance better. But I need to make money, I’m 21 and I still don’t know how to be independent I’m worried my mom will make me leave if I don’t figure it out soon. It’s feels so impossible idk
For me, I think I could just about handle the interaction part (it deffo would take some energy though) it’s the planning and getting to places/ not knowing how the place works that makes it difficult to even attempt. I don’t drive and am broke as well, so it’s even harder to have the flexibility required to just go and meet someone when you have to budget from somewhere/go without to do it which adds to the stress of the scenario tremendously.
When I worked as a camp counselor for kids with disabilities, I was so drained at the end of the day that I fell asleep as soon as I got home. The masking I had to do to be as engaging as the staff needed me to be, watching other counselors interacting poorly with the campers and being unable to do anything, and being paired one-to-one with a camper thus requiring I devote all my energy to watching, directing, and redirecting this one girl (who was great but apparently didn’t want to do a lot of camp activities, so I had to coax/force her to do them, which I didn’t want to do), all took so much out of me. I was supposed to work there all summer and I barely made it to Friday. I don’t know why I didn’t realize being a camp counselor requires so much out of you but as an autistic adhder and as an introvert, it wasn’t the place for me, personally.
Hey Irene, I know this comment is a year late but I just found this video today - everything you said resonated with me so much that I could have said it all myself, word for word. I am 29 and having being misdiagnosed with several mental illnesses over the years, only to finally find out now that I am Autistic and most of the symptoms I have, are actually traits of autism that I experience. I thought I could not be autistic as I always long for connection with others. I never knew until recently that you can still be autistic and want to be sociable - I have the exact same reason for choosing my jobs, and I also find it incredibly energy consuming to try to maintain even the connections I really want in my life with people I love. I am currently working as a learning mentor and drama teacher in a school for neurodivergent children, and children with histories of abuse and trauma. I get the exact same set of conflicted instructions and difficult, draining interactions daily and am consistently interpreted as being negative, one co-worker even called me “toxic”. I was so heartbroken as I actually liked her and have never once said a bad word or thought negatively of her, but that’s how I was coming across while confused or exhausted, or masking and seeming insincere. Thank you so much for this video, I feel a sense of great relief and know that my decision to leave my job this summer is the right one. Best wishes to you and everyone watching your videos 💜
Your videos are a literal life-saver!!! I have severe, untreated depression, anxiety, and burnout, and I’ve been so frustrated at my inability to do remote work or customer service work for longer than 1-2 years without completely melting down because I need both isolation and meaningful connection with other people. I haven’t been diagnosed with autism, but I have never related to anything more than I do your videos!!! Thank you so much for helping me make sense of what I’ve been feeling my entire life and helping me out of this latest spiral. 🙏🏽❤
I haven’t been diagnosed with Autism but I do however have childhood trauma related CPTSD which has some symptoms that cross over with ADHD. Everything that you’ve said in the video resonates with me. I have worked in customer facing retail for 5 years and I am now a manager. I have always noticed that I seem to be a more ‘socially acceptable’ and ‘socially desirable’ when I’m at work. On my days off I have no social skills and no social energy. I sometimes can’t even form a sentence in front of people because of anxiety. I’m also always feeling drained and tired on my days off.
What you said about putting on a mask is something that I do as well. I have been doing it for so long and so well that i am known as the most bubbly person at my work place. I feel like there’s always an inner me and an outer me. The CPTSD means I experience dissociation and depersonalisation daily. Sometimes the outer me and smiling for too long and when the inner me catches up to that my whole face starts twitching like I’m having a seizure. I normally try to turn around and hide my face at this point but I would always go into a panic right after. Thank you so much for being brave enough to make this video. It makes me feel much less lonely.
Thank you so much for this video!!! ❤ I've been in a dark place recently. What your content and my own research made me realize is that with the way I've been living and working, a combination of caregiver burnout, autistic burnout and regular, vanilla burnout is inevitable. Before seeing your videos I felt extremely close to a full mental breakdown. Now I see the steps I can take to prevent that and that I am within my right to ask for the the expectations that have been placed on me be dialed down a little bit. We all need accomodations one way or the other and it is reasonable to take care of myself and ask for the ones that I need.
OMG I work in education as a para and know exactly what you mean about the changing rules. It caused me so much confusion and frustration and conflict at first. Like I was called into meetings where I was crying and I never cry in front of other people. And it happened multiple times...lol This year, I straight up started telling everyone to just communicate with me like I was autistic and I needed the same clear and consistent expectations they would give a student. It kinda worked. I can't wait until I'm a teacher though so I can make the expectations/rules myself. They will be so frickin consistent, man.
I really admire your willingness to share something so vulnerable in the hopes of helping others who may be going through the same thing. It takes a lot of courage to open up about personal struggles, and I commend you for your bravery and honesty. Your story serves as a reminder that we're all in this together and that it's okay to ask for help when we need it.
Very useful video - currently on month 2 of burnout, and it's validating that other people have had to deal with this too. The adhd (am diagnosed) and asd (not diagnosed yet) combo is some grade A bs. I want to socialise, do so impulsively, then realise that I don't have the capacity for it. Working on unmasking, and who it is that's behind the mask
I worked in an office where I tried my best to get along with people around me and keep to myself at other times, and thought I fulfilled myself socially, made good impressions on others. Yet the moment I got home and felt safe and alone, all I could do was just collapse into bed exhausted, socially exhausted and feeling like I could finally be myself. I have not sought diagnosis on autism, and am a mix of lazy, scared and embarrassed to pursue it - but your experiences really resonate with me. These days I'm trying to build a following with art on social media, and find myself frustrated at the inconsistencies in rewards and my own inconsistency as an artist. Sometimes a piece I think should do well does pathetically, a piece I've put less effort into gets praise.. Restarting my following after a long hiatus, and now moving to a new platform in the fall of twitter, has only put this so much more in focus. I know art is more subjective and social media algorithms only compound this randomness, but with a fragile ego and passion struggling to get used to drawing art for myself, it's just all very confusing and disheartening.
This video has been so useful! Please excuse my little job self-reflection here, I've been between waitress/server jobs for years, and though I appreciate the 'scripted' nature and enjoy my colleagues (they all have very lovely personalities to absorb/bounce energy from), I've been finding myself having SO MUCH burnout. Whether it's from the crazy hours (sometimes you do a late then an early and then a 12 hr shift all over the place), whether it's switching departments and roles and figuring out the new dynamics, or just the exhaustion of "damn, its another table". Before this I trained in theatre and that was (obviously) EVEN MORE masking. When not doing script-work, just being in the ensemble for 9 hours everyday, and needing to be expressive, emotionally flexible, bubbly, with fresh ideas 24/7, it was exhausting. I would emotionally shut down every rehearsal (which made me a bad actor too), and would go home trembling and collapsing on the sofa thinking I was a freak. It was heart-breaking cuz I committed to it for years, slowly realising it wasn't for me. I'm not diagnosed, but I'm highly suspicious for various reasons if I'm autistic - cuz if I am, SO much of myself and my life would make sense.
Working in customer service taught me most of the social skills I have. I've worked in bars, restaurants and a call centre, and I'm really good at it but after 2 years I burn out dramatically. The best and most sustainable job I had was in a warehouse, picking and packing customer orders, and operating a forklift truck, managing stock etc. No customers! That business went under and I was made redundant, which was devastating (cue another 11 month long burnout/shutdown). I need a task based job, not a customer based one. Sadly I'm still in the call centre taking a boatload of calls, talking to people for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, and I can't sustain it. The burnout is coming but I'm too scared of change to make a pre-emptive change. The job has great insurance that will cover my pursuit of ASD/ADHD diagnosis as well as aupport from a psychologists, so I'm trying to take advantage of that before I leave, but every day is a struggle.
been diagnosed since I was 4 years old, people always tell me I don't look autistic too. I am currently unemployed because every time I look for one, the interviews are hard and always never call me back after an interview. I'm currently doing volunteer work at my old primary school which I really enjoy
I find your subtle facial expressions and your lowish voice is soothing. It makes me feel calm when people are obviously being themselves. The high pitch/frenetic excited vibe makes me feel so disconcerted.
My first job was a community service work study through my university; I volunteered at a local children's museum. It was rocky at first since I got overwhelmed with how busy, loud, and crowded it got, but eventually, I was able to work behind the scenes on various prep work, help out as an assistant for the field trips (retired teachers taught structured programs about stuff like government, economics through the "village," and art), as well as an assistant for their summer camps (which mainly took place in the classrooms). I liked working with the kids and retired teachers (children and the elderly always seem to love me yet people my age always seem to have issue with me), and I felt very accomplished for being able to give back to the community. After college, I had a variety of jobs in schools (before/after care, teacher's assistant, preschool after care director, etc.). I loved working with the children and most of my coworkers seemed to love me. Leadership always had issues with me, though; they always started off so kind and acted like they were on staff's side, willing to work with them. Time and time again, leadership would take advantage of me, using me until I was dry, start acting cruel to me (like major gas lighting), and then kick me to the curb because I "wasn't what they were looking for." One of the principals told me that they didn't need me any longer "because of my degree" (it was in art education). I'm still burnt out from those jobs--I had to work 12+ hour days between the various jobs in attempt to pay off student loan debt, but I was never paid much. Trying to start up my own independent things right now, but it's been a struggle. Working babysitting/tutoring and pet sitting gigs to bring in some sort of financial stability, but it's pretty minimal. I'm just so tired all the time, but it feels impossible to rest because I don't have a sound foundation and way to support myself. I'm not officially diagnosed, but this year and all of my research has been very illuminated, explaining so much of my 30+ years on this Earth. Life as a neurodivergent in a neurotypical-run society is so challenging.
I feel like I’m just now starting to come out of a 5 year burnout from working full time, home schooling my kids and taking care of a household. Yes, I said 5 years. Burnout is real and we need to make sure we don’t end up there. 🖤 please take care of yourselves 🖤
I am currently in the middle of burn-out in my job of eight years. After 20 yrs of customer service I took to unloading trucks on a retail freight moving team. I am also currently in a medical evaluation process for being diagnosed as autistic. Accommodations are being made for me in the form of allowing my movement to another department. This is after I witnessed one of my supervisors mocking me in front of other fellow associates. It was after getting home from speaking with my store manger, this morning, when I saw this video in my UA-cam feed. I have liked and I have subscribed. Thank you for reminding me about the positives to be had in customer service interactions. Your sharing helped my shedding of some anxieties around the sudden-ish changes to come.
i"m very burnt out but we can't afford for me to not be working... stayed home today and yesterday thanks to meltdowns. my job is in a box store merchandizing plants and plants are one of my favorite things and i love when i get to talk about them with people... but now i've accepted i'm dealing with ASD, i've realized i mask almost every second i'm there. even when i'm alone late in the day when it's quiet, i feel the need to stay conscious of how i'm doing everything, from the way that i sweep the floor to how i react when i drop something to how i pinch dead leaves off houseplants. it's kind of ridiculous. i have no other employees from my company working at the store anymore so i have no idea what i'm even doing as i receive no direction beyond vauge emails that often dont even apply to my store...... i always always always am waiting for someone to come up and tell me i'm doing the wrong thing, even as i'm desperately wishing for someone to tell me the RIGHT thing that i'm supposed to be doing.
This situation describes me to a tea in previous jobs, a manager would totally blast it at me, but be so soo kind to other staff doing the exact same thing… consistency is needed 💯 thanks for this video. Was very helpful 😊
Hi there. As a fellow autistic creator (I do art stuff) I'm glad to hear this stuff. I often refer to myself as the daywalker in my social circle of fellow autistics. I'm very obviously not neurotypical when you get to know me, but I definitely don't seem typical for autistic. Unless my battery is low I am very good socializing with people. I'm in the middle of a career crossroads right now as well, after decades of customer service work that was for me often traumatizing. But I love to teach people, hence my channel here. I too, had some genuine connections in social workplaces I wasn't getting in my personal life. Thank you for this and your videos and keep up the good work.
So far, being a baker is the best job I’ve ever had. Little social interaction, no customer interaction, strict routine and a new special interest are some of the highlights,
I love this! I’ve been looking for baking positions but so far they are required 1 year experience, or cake decorating too
@@brownbrujita Serious advice:
The "requirements" on job applications are a wishlist, not true requirements. Everything says you need a year of experience? Apply anyways! There's a good chance they'll end up picking up someone who doesn't have any if they don't find anyone with experience they actually want. That goes for pretty much every job.
@@colbyboucher6391I need input like this as I’m inclined to take the statement so literally that I will not apply because I feel like I’m wasting not just my time but theirs too
crying because I just got hired at a bakery after struggling since 15 to not burnout within eight months of each new job. Needed to hear this.
For me it's been a Maid job. Hits all the same points, plus I can put in my earbuds the entire time
Your teaching job story really underlines the thing that really annoys me being ND in a NT world: it's not enough that we don't get the support systems we need, _we_ have to accommodate NT people and their feelings so they don't get uncomfortable by us just neutrally existing without masking...
It’s so exhausting and sad…. By nature of your very existence, it feels like all of life is gaslighting- explaining your truth to people who make you think it’s crazy, you’re selfish, lazy, etc.
And you understand why they would think it and get confused yourself.
What per cent of me is really lazy or selfish/ because I’m still human and what is be cause of ASD- burnout , just trying to survive
Yup, people get pissed & offended so easily by all these unwritten & inconsistent rules. You can do 10 things right, but just do 1 thing wrong to get targeted & blacklisted. It's draining having to be conscious of everything, when every single action can be scrutinised as an act of incompetence or malice.
@@visionvixxenThis - You understand why they would think it and get confused yourself - exactly this
I've had customers complain to the manager where I work that I don't talk enough or seem disinterested. When really I'm just overwhelmed by the constant interaction. Thankfully a lot of younger people understand and are super nice.
@@cheekybrnze Sorry to hear that. I think that maybe females on the spectrum do create automatic scripts that they can run when dealing with customers.
I was only diagnosed with ASD last year at 23, and I’ve never had a job where I DONT eventually have that dread of going in every day and fighting a strong urge to just stay home. It’s really disheartening, because sometimes it feels like I’ll never find a career I genuinely enjoy most days and that I will always be doomed to dread whatever job I have. I’ve never considered before that this was in part autistic burnout, but it makes a lot of sense now.
Wow I've been afraid of the same thing for so long. I still have yet to be diagnosed but these videos have made me almost certain I'm on the spectrum. I've had burnout at every job I've worked at because I work in customer service and deal with other people a lot. I desperately want to find a job I don't dread. The one I'm at isn't as bad, but it's still a lot more than is healthy for me. I'm sorry someone else feels this way, but am also glad I'm not alone haha.
I unexpectedly foud a job that I really enjoy. I had a mental health crisis, however, and it took a little while to recover from that. When I did it, though, I thought I had managed to master a skill (customer service phone calls are a part of what we do). Then I got pulled into the office for making a couple of mistakes and written up. I was taken off the phones entirely. Maybe they had good intentions but this made me very fearful of making mistakes. It didn't actually teach me anything but to be scared. Then I started losing executive function and becoming more fearful. It's become a vicious cycle. I had a meltdown at work this week because I love this job and don't want to lose it but the harder I try to do better at it, the worse I seem to perform. My last mistake I made today was a pretty serious one and I have no doubt I'll be pulled into the office again on Monday. It'll be three write-ups in two months and that really bothers me. I really don't know why I suddenly suck at a job I've been doing for almost 2 years now. It's very frustrating.
Yeah because it is tough because I always get the optimistic hope that eventually I will find people who like me, or learn how to be like able. But yes, every job I end up feeling very hated and disliked.
Oh you’re definitely not alone in that feeling, I dread going to work every day without needing to be autistic, most of the people I’ve worked with throughout the years also dread going in to work. I unfortunately studied something I thought would bring in money and it doesn’t really. So I’m stuck doing chemistry jobs now.
i know this feeling so bad. i was exactly at this place last year.
I hated being a promoter the most. I literally had to walk on strangers, pretend to be a happy and bubbly person and sell them something they probably weren't interested on in the first place. UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH! My soul dies at the thought.
I would love to work in a museum, a book or vintage shop, a laboratory or in a park. Silence, blessed silence!
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh to work in a video store again. That was my paradise. A bookstore would also be good but not a corporate one like Barnes & Noble. Unfortunately the good ones don't pay well enough to work there.
On the few occasions I had to "sell" people on things I used to imitate Bill Murray a lot (growing up on his movies gave me quite a lot to absorb). It didn't do much for my selling, but I got a lot of compliments from customers for making their day. Unfortunately, when they complimented me to my bosses, my boss would always come down on me for ruining things because making their day wasn't the same as making a sale. You can't win even by doing something right.
@@Theomite Yeah, capitalism ruins everything :/
Dude I wanna work at a library soooo bad.
I know how you feel sometimes, I work in administration and being around people can be anxiety inducing. In a way, I have gained more confidence when talking to others but sometimes I need those moments to recharge as I can get overwhelmed very easily.
I am licensed as a ASCP MLT, be careful about working in the lab. You might have to multitask, making phone calls, and work under migraine inducing fluorescent lights.
this is why i loved being a barista too - i was doing the same exact things over and over again, when i got good at it i could do everything automatically, i had scripts ready for talking to the customers, the roles were clearly defined, i got to info dump about coffee. it ended up being such an easy and safe way to socialise.
I loved being a barista, too. Too damn bad it was just a Dunkin' that overworked and abused all its employees hahaa
Ah this is something I’ve been thinking about doing- I want something easy
Yes!! I loved being one, I ended up taking another job that was in my interest but it's way heavier in customer service, even though it pays better I'm considering going back after a year, it's extremely draining.
This is exactly why I’m training to be a barista currently. I have been feeling unsure because I’m afraid of rush hours and overstimulating cafes/ environment though I suppose I have a say in which environment I would like to be in. So reading this comment is basically encouraging me to just try it out and see if it works for lil ol autistic me. Thank you!
I have wanted to try out being a barista for a while now…Best of Luck on your job!!^____^
This made me cry. I got in so much trouble as a kid from my step mom bc my tone was so flat and i wasnt as upbeat and chipper and my face was serious. I never knew i was doing it and it was endless torture until i moved out
Aw…. That is so hard and I wish that more NT and ASD understood each other
❤ my dad hates that I don't want him to touch me and takes it really personally, so I kind of get it... 😢
Mine was not understanding things intuitively. My dad couldn't understand how I couldn't understand things so he thought I was "playing dumb" even though I genuinely had no idea WTF he was talking about. So he got angry with me in the way you do when someone is deliberately provoking you, but I wasn't. So that didn't help things between us.
Aww this makes me so sad . This is how my son is but I just always be goofy to get him to laugh etc . I am so sorry this happened to you
Oh me too ;( "don't talk back" "are you retarded?!" "Idk idk idk .. that's all u say """" ugh lol glad I wasn't the only one with a horrid step mom story 😂 my dad didn't care my step mom n step sister were basically bullies to me my whole life n I didn't have a maternal mother so things got hard without any support
I've always felt ashamed of my burn-outs. I am trying to be kinder to myself. Now I know what's going on with me.
I can relate to this. I hated working customer service jobs. I used to tell my friends, by the end of the shift I’d be completely brain dead. Exhausted, drained. WFH is no better. Getting slammed with calls back to back for 8hrs 5 days a week. In retrospect, I’m not even sure how I survived. Lol I eventually got out of customer service and landed a job as a Lab Assistant in a small laboratory at a hospital. I love it. Everyone is like “introverted” in a sense. We chat occasionally and then we go back to working. When work slows down a bit, some of us chit chat with each other. Some pull out books/kindles and read. It’s a cool, calm, relaxed environment. They only time I have to take calls is when the nurses or doctors have a question about testing. The conversation is brief, I answer to the best of my knowledge. If it’s more complex questions I hand the call off to one of the Technologists.
Hi, if you don’t mind answering, I was wondering what qualifications you needed to have to get said laboratory job. Was it a certification, what college experience prior to starting any of it, etc. I am looking and failing to find jobs and I have student loan payments that will start soon and I want to find a job that’s not in customer service.
@@PandaHopeful where I work, you don’t need any certifications/licenses to work as a Lab Assistant. How I got in was because I used to work in a Lab at a plasma donation center. Even at the plasma center I didn’t need any certifications/licenses or a degree. Simply because you’re not doing any kind of clinical laboratory procedures. Thats the medical technologist job. What I do is, handle all the shipment of products, specimens, answer phones, machine/equipment maintenance, order products for the lab, enter doctors orders for patients into the system. They will train you. Now if you’re wanting to become a Medical Technologist, then you have to go to school for that, majoring in clinical lab sciences or Medical technologist programs. Just apply for the Lab assistant jobs and see what happens. Best of luck!! 😊
@@mewdyjewdy9759 Thank you so much! I will definitely look into this.
@@PandaHopeful No problem! Look into the hospitals, clinics, doctors offices, blood banks, plasma centers blood donation centers in your areas.
Omg this is actually me. I’m currently working as a Lab Technician and though I do get tired it’s not to the extent of when I was a teacher. I don’t 100% dread going into work because not everybody is extroverted and there is no customer service aspect to the job.
As a currently unemployed, self-diagnosed autistic person who's looking for jobs and having a lot of feelings about it, this is exactly what I needed to watch
My feeling exactly! Very grateful for this. I feel seen and heard💜
Lol same!
Same.
😢But Especially the realization that you can’t know what accommodations you need to ask for or could ask for if you can’t get anyone to keep their expectations up front or access a diagnosis.
All you have is a life of similarly lived experience with this person, but none of the “solution “ side yet
Job descriptions freak me out. It’s like they researched everything that would cause autistic burnout and use it to make sure WE don’t apply for the job. The ads might as well read ‘are you a sadist? Would you like us to break your will to live?’
SAME.
What gets me is people get upset when you don’t mask and then you mask to the level you did in your example and then people STILL form a negative opinion of you. I feel like every day I go into work and lose battle after battle trying to socialize correctly while maintaining my mental battery and I get absolutely no where. I find myself hiding from my coworkers a lot and it sucks
Eventually some people will like you for being you! I’ve seen all kinds of unlikely friendships, I’m maybe in no position to speak but maybe overly masking is making you come off as disingenuous/fake and people will notice that. Also it’s unfortunate but more often than not we work with people who are just difficult since we’re all there because we have to be not because we want to.
This! It took me so long to form genuine friends in my job… turns out that those friends are also neurodivergent 😂 and with the others I couldn’t please with my masking I stopped masking altogether to them so they still think I’m scary but hey at least they leave me be now lol
People be bitchin. Even if its personal, dont take it too personal. At the end of the day, you are there to do your job and get paid, not to make friends. It sucks, I know; but trust me, you'll be better off trying to socialize elsewhere than trying to feel accepted and cared for at a workplace.
@@Ab3ndcgi it’s been a while since this comment was posted. In that time, they started treating me worse and worse (me just minding my business not really interacting much anymore). It got so bad that one day I came in after using some PTO to go on a two day trip to find that they had disassembled my desk and replace it with a wooden table. My personal belongings got damaged and they lost or through away a lot of my stuff. When I asked what happened, my manager was livid that I would question her judgement as she’s the one that orchestrated the plan. Needless to say, I quit and found a different job. Maybe next time will be better lol. This time around I’m not going to talk to anyone and do my best to stay away from my coworkers
i somehow survived 19 years as a substitute teacher but looking back through the lens of autism i can better understand why i was chronically fatigued and disregulated. Going into a new classroom every day where the kids didn’t know me and I didn’t know their routine and having to sort out lesson plans on the spot was awful. I never made the leap to full-time teacher, the thought of all the paperwork and meetings sounded like my worst nightmare. Now I work part time at a doggy daycare, part time as a caretaker for people with disabilities and i’m much happier although still broke 😂❤😢😅❤
Your imitation of what it feels like to mask as a woman had me dying, it was so spot on.
It also breaks my heart to hear anyone would say you put off a cold or mean vibe. To me, your warm personality comes through so strong in your videos!
I deal with this every day as a waiter. I've worked in the restaurant industry for 5 years now, and although I make good money, it is ruining my life. Every single day I am REQUIRED to mask highly - all day. I ran into a rough burnout a little while ago, and I was written up for it because I "stopped being present". I told my management that I was perfectly fine, just a little tired. Wasn't mad or upset and was still performing well. I raised that I showed up and did my job, and was given "but mentally you were elsewhere." AKA I became monotonous, brief, resting face, and task focused rather than my usual forcing conversations, forcing excitement and personality, forcing enthusiasm that drove me to monthly meltdowns/shutdowns. This was received as "losing interest in the job and mentally resigning" and essentially I was punished for just being myself.
Since then, I've stopped pushing inauthenticity and have been unmasking. I get told to smile at least once every shift from coworkers or guests, I've been told I'm scary and rude for being honest and normal, I've been asked what or why I am doing "that" (stim). It is a painful transition, but I don't live to make everyone else comfortable. I know this job isn't a good fit for me, I have nightmares about being at work, I think my experiences have genuinely traumatized me. Waiting to be fired so I can be free.
@@axXemoassassinXxa Don't get fired, just find a new job despite the difficulty. Remote work is probably the way to go for many people on the spectrum, maybe not all. Perhaps you need to change industries?
This is why I can't go back to an in office work setting. I got lucky with the pandemic and now work from home full time.
I'm a cashier and man I felt it in my soul when she started masking. I also can't believe anyone would say she is intimidating. She has good vibes.
as a trans woman this is super helpful and insightful to me because it makes me realize that it would seem like most women are kinda just trying to embody femininity thru their tone of voice and whatnot and im like...................... wow.
this doesn't apply to butches because they're much more masc usually and talk more monotone and low-frequency.
Man... I'm resonating with quite a few things here. I find it *very* hard to hold down a job; there have been jobs in which I've lasted less than a week because I've become so intensely anxious and burned out from trying to live up to other people's standards and being confused about rules that are talked about but never implemented. All customer service jobs. I can't wait to become a therapist.
It's so trippy how everyone has a "customer service voice" but for me that is excruciating and it takes me hours of not talking to remember who my true self is.
Sometimes she's still there pretending halfway into the weekend
I think my "customer service voice" is a whole different person who takes the wheel when the real me can't cope.
Ageing out of night clubs sucks because dancing non stop in such an all-consuming sensory experience was the only way I was able to let all the overwhelm I'd been bottling up seep out of my skin.
Everyone is stimming in the same building and jealous of my high energy. It's too loud for conversation but you can be around people without them being exhausting.
Dance clubs!!! I miss that… Needs to be a part of daily life. Ecstatic Dance or dance circles are great but hard to find where I live.
That relation with the different types of voices you have is eerily similar to my own; I feel like I don’t know how to talk in a “low, regular tone” anymore: retail taught me how to squeeze as many words into one breath as I could and now I speak so light and high pitched compared to how I used to speak before retail. I actually kind of miss that voice a lot because my “normal” voice now just makes me sound like I’m 14 years younger than I actually am >_>
@@Luc_ienn it's really sad.
"resting bitch face" became a well known phenomenon and we were taught it's ok not to smile just to be more palatable for randoms.
But I feel like we need a "normalize resting bitch voice" movement.
Problem is you can easily figure out how to not smile when you're at home, because you sit with yourself in different emotional states and know how it feels to not be smiling.
But I don't believe most of us practice how it feels to speak honestly out loud when we are completely alone. We forget how our speech even sounds because we are conditioned to be "polite".
For some stupid reason that means your accent has to be like two octaves higher than how you're actually feeling or it's rude.
Same here, I adapt a customer service voice when communicating with colleagues or clients face-to-face (or over the phone). I'm more myself around close friends/family.
Maybe you need to look into raves or EDM or techno or clubs like that, plenty of people and not so young who go there just to dance. And yes, you can be in that scene without drugs. Although they are there you can choose not to use.
As a fellow autistic with a love for socializing, this was really relatable! I also find that my lack of understanding social cues is less about being awkward so much as being inappropriate. I'm quite brazen, and honest to a fault, and really don't like keeping up all the little white lies and saving face that society finds normal.
This doesn't sound like autism, it sounds like you value honesty. Idk.
Same for me.
@@azurescenss It’s definitely an autistic trait. I personally don’t like bs and will say something if I feel like bs is being said.
Small talk is terrifying, yet inane. I could never understand my anxiety over it. I over shared so much in my teens and twenties, because I thought it was stupid and exhausting wearing masks.
@@CrystalRose1111 tbh this entire comment is very not autistic. One of the main traits of aspergerz / autism is inability to socialize. If you're able to socialize and geto the truth of things and skip over the small talk then that's considering excellent communication, not being "inappropriate" because you're simply removing social barriers, which is something autistic people aren't supposed to be aware of in the first place...
I'm not diagnosed but highly suspect that I am autistic. I really relate to everything you said about your teacher job. I'm a Special Ed teacher who works with young people on the spectrum but levels 2 and 3... among other comorbidities. It is a good school and I love my colleagues but the masking is very real. It is required. I put on quite the performance. I'm so fucking tired.
I had a couple of meltdowns followed by a shutdown this week and took a couple of days off. Best thing I could have done.
Your former teacher colleague sounds like an asshole to be honest. Her feelings are her problem. She sounds insecure. Again... not your problem.
Great video. Thank you 😊
My UA-cam channel name can help u out with shrooms,LSD,dmt, and other psychedelic stuffs which helps with depresssion and anxiety even autism
This is me to a T. I burned out teaching after seven years. I was depressed. I eventually found a job that I'm happy at. I miss working with kids, so I might find something teaching-adjacent one of these years.
Something in you said you needed to help other ND people and I'm so happy that you are working with them
One of the few people I get along with as an autistic woman is a friend of mine who has bipolar 2, she just GETS me and we don’t have to mask around each other. She doesn’t have to worry about expectations from me and she just understands my blunt and straightforward nature. Neurodiverse friends are way better than neurotypical friends in my experience.
13:17-16:49 is literally my life working in retail. All the retail jobs I’ve had, I’m surrounded by neurotypical women and it’s EXHAUSTING. Even more so because they don’t know I’m AUDHD and I feel I can’t tell them bc I have no diagnosis, don’t want them or think I’m lying etc. The specific retail job I have now they tell us all the time to “physically and mentally clock in” and they tell us all the girls who work there have to be bubbly and excited to be there and over socialize with guests. It doesn’t help that they change my schedule without telling me and there have been SEVERAL times when I think I have a day off and I wake up to texts like “Where are you? You were supposed to be here two hours ago.” I’m completely exhausted but all the jobs I’m trained for involve customer service. I love helping people but forcing my tone of voice and facial expressions everyday is burning me out. I wish I could take several months off and volunteer and figure out alternative career options
Being an electrician on construction sites has been so friendly to my flavor of autism. I get to wear gloves, hearing protection, and work in dim settings so I don't have a lot of sensory issues. Also, everyone in construction is a bit weird so I don't even need to try to mask at work. Plus, my job is basically just solving puzzles all day! It really works for me. I've gone 6 years now without crashing and burning when 5 months used to be my maximum.
How did you go about landing that job? Do you have to be good at math? Thanks!
I have always struggled to maintain relationships with friends. Having more than like three friends feels like I’m stretching myself so thin that I’m gonna snap. Starting in 2019 I took some time off of work- which turned into a whole year off for obvious reasons- and it made me realize exactly how much I relied on my job to interact socially. The pressure of trying to find social interaction with no context was so stressful that I just sort of….. opted out. Not so great for the mental health. Very, very bad in fact.
IDK how you all can live without a meaningful relationship with other people. There are people out there who can respect your needs of loneliness, less texting, being not so much "present" all the time 😐👍🏻
@@ellygatta81 there are but they are difficult to find. And I empathize with OP here, it can be extremely bad for our mental health. I started posting videos on my channel just to feel like I'm regularly sharing with my family/not SO isolated. But it's tough.
@@ellygatta81 A lot of people take it so personally if you don’t want to stay in touch on a near-daily basis.
@@r0zugorudo yep I know.. I'm on the other side of the spectrum as far as this :( that's equally dysregulated etc
I have to work consciously to have my face open and « nice » because if I don’t smile, I look angry, but it’s my normal face. Even at home in front of my partner I have to maintain this face, if not he says things like « why are you upset all the time ? » and he knows I have autism. It hurts my cheeks to have to smile unintentionally. Intentional smiles don’t hurt. It built this belief in me that I am ugly when I don’t smile, I can’t stand to see my face without a smile. When I found out I had autism, I realized that most of my masking is actually smiling...
Also, I totally relate to what you say about socializing through work to fulfill my social needs but being incapable to keep up with a friendship (I too feel that writing textos is too much and I feel very uncomfortable whenever someone wants to see me outside of work or become my friend). I am a teacher working in different schools and the schools where I feel most nervous and drained afterwards are those where I am pressured to have lunch with the other teachers or to have a coffee with them and where my colleagues are very neurotypical and I have to mask a lot. It looks bad to be in your corner just preparing for your class and being quiet. You are labelled snobby or asocial, and you risk getting less classes the next semester.
As a teacher, I feel you, sis.
I got the same criticisms about not smiling - it's also led to me having a bit of a complex about smiling naturally, because people... for whatever bizarre reason... feel the need to point out I'm smiling, which makes me feel self conscious and of course breaks the good mood I was experiencing. It sucks, but thankfully doesn't happen so much now.
This made me cry, I am currently reclaiming my career after a burnout, I had trauma from years of abuse where I was working that just reading anything about my profession or career related was triggering, I felt exhausted with no confidence in my skill and hopeless, didn't know what to do, It's infuriating the amount of damage manipulative people cause with little to no remorse
Wow, really relate. It wasn't even involving manipulative most of the time, just being forced into something that was killing me.
@@disorganizedclutter5513 ugh sadly some of us learn by messing these things up to really value our time and selves
loved ur little masking act.. it shows so well how different we have to be to feel accepted
That critical teacher was targeting you for gaslighting to unconsciously get back at you because she couldn't control you. Passive aggressive behavior due to great insecurities in her.
this
I was looking for this comment. For real, the critical teacher was messing with her.
Agree. People like that teacher target neurodiverse people and those with trauma.
Yes. Teacher was acting like a covert narcissist would. She must have been so stressed 😢
Exactly. Constantly moving the goal posts and gaslighting. That would exhaust anyone. Obviously the teacher had some grudge or resentment against her and chose to act on it the narcissistic way.
I'm 40 and was diagnosed 10 years ago (back when it was still "asperger syndrome"). Before my diagnosis, I always felt physically tired and mentally exhausted after 8 hours a day at my office job. People would constantly tell me I had an "easy" job so I shouldn't be complaining. (I even like my career!) But I was existing in a state of being perpetually burnt out as an adult. The pandemic was actually a blessing for me-- being able to finally work from home/remotely improved my mental health SO much. To a point where I quit my last job bc they wanted us to be "hybrid" instead of fully remote. I never truly knew how much the daily stressful traffic commuting, masking, dealing with office politics, forced socializing, and uncomfortable working conditions [lights, sounds, smells] -- on TOP of the actual work!-- was burning me out. However... if I try to do too much while working remotely (like if I'm traveling while working) I can still get easily burnt out and my work performance suffers. It sucks sometimes, but I have to simply admit that I don't have as much mental energy as other people, and I simply need more 'down' time to feel recharged.
I wish I could find a job I could do remote but all the available jobs are customer service and I hate that. It would be so perfect as the things you described in the office are the same things I can't stand.
Im 34 and not diagnosed yet but yeah working from home was a big game changer. Unfortunately my job is full of chaos and unpredictable stuff and that is enough to burn me out plus finding out about an auto immune disease that causes chronic pain. But yeah its an office job and i identifyied with your description so so so much.
@@Kamitubeyeah when i did customer service sometimes clients tought i was pissing them off on purpose just by what i tought was being calm and listening 😂😂😂
Also had customer service jobs. I have a love/hate relationship with people. I desperately want to to connect but there is a consequence for me, and as I get older my resilience has reduced. Being diagnosed with ASD/ADHD at 45 (last year) is changing my perpective on everything.
Worst job ever: Telemarketing. Best job: Delivery Driving
Yes!! Other than the occasional loneliness I love delivery driving. Little to no anxiety, and if I do feel some, I can self-regulate easily without having to worry about masking. Any type of marketing/sales job... Ugh. Having to talk to people all day is one thing but the when those people DO NOT want to talk to you?? Horrible.
Yessss!!
The masking is what’s soo draining ..
I work in real estate marketing and have to drive to homes and while I don’t like the marketing part much I realized I loove driving cause I get paid to sit by myself for an hour and listen to music 😂 I could be a truck driver if I wasn’t such a routine oriented homebody
YES THANK YOU sick of being looked down upon for loving my delivery job where I get to be with myself and move around and get tips.
As someone who's on the spectrum myself it's blatantly obvious Neurotypicals run the world, but the world is going to shit. So I find myself wondering how much credit neurotypicals really deserve for being exemplars of functionality and normalcy. There is a piece that is missing here. Great video. Autism burnout sucks 😩
Yes we could go into a whole spiel about what neurotypicals are NOT good at. Only nd people’s struggles are highlighted since were the minority. But each have strengths and weaknesses
We need to take over!!
Lmao, too true
This isn’t a good look. Neurotypicals are not to blame for your issues. Your life struggles and all the rejection you’ve suffered is a direct result of YOU. Who you are and the way you make people feel. That is what is to blame for all that ails you. It is not anyone else’s responsibility to give you a chance or cater to you or accommodate you. You are the one in the room that makes everyone uncomfortable. Very odd for you to blame someone else.
@@NormaJean951
IMHE, growing up in any culture you pick a set of morals and rules for social interaction that look one way "on paper", and never translate to reality. Autistic people struggle trying to make good on those assumptions and expectations, while wondering why the 1+1=2 rules is it not working out for them.
Sure, we are socially impaired at picking cues, and no one is to blame for that. But we also are not at fault for people acting hypocritically, or beign dishonest about their wants, feels and expectations; or dismissive of others. Nor are we to blame for people feeling uncomfortable around us, or having misconceptions about us. Sure our steming, sensitivities or "quirks" may look odd and cause rejection. But many times people are bothered not by us, but by what our behaviour and way of comunicating says about them.
If following unspoken social norms you see no point in, for the sake of fitting in, did make neurotypical people happier and healthier; sure, we'de be the ones at fault. If having lots of sensory stimuly around did wonders for your mental health and stress levels, sure, we'd be flawed for not beign able to extract benefits from it. If beign unclear when comunicating did help understanding each oher and solving problems; sure, our pressence may hinder other groups of people and be disruptive in a work environment. But as it is, it seems like the rejection we experience is many times the direct result of merely pointing out these issues. In a very "let's kill the messenger and carry on" kinda way.
This is spot on! Many people don't understand that we have social needs too, and the last thing I want is a job where I just stare at a computer all day in a basement (actually did that). So I became a journalist. It's purpose-driven human interaction with a clear goal and cut off point, and it also gives me insight into how neurotypicals operate. Minimal interaction with coworkers too. Anxiety will always be there, but I've learned to deal with it.
Staring at a computer in a basement is my dream job 😭. I had a digitization internship at a university and it was perfect. Totally valid that it's not everyone's jam though.
@@waterflower4458 As a freelancer I am at home with my dog at a computer. There is no other way for me to work.
@deinovore Can I ask how you became a journalist, this is a career I am trying to get into
Yes--many neurotypical women seem to require a high level of masking and will resent you if you can't bring an unrelenting mask. I used to think that many were sinister in their insane emotional neediness. Now I get that I need to protect myself from toxic work climates and that these "insane" women really just don't get the spectrum. TY for sharing your experience to help me understand mine!
no, all well off people are naturally sadistic and do cruel things just to feel good.
Can you further explain what u mean by emotional neediness?
@@LHeth They basically expect you to understand and adapt to their emotional behavior even if they're being vague and ambiguous, not to mention you should be able to navigate through that just to avoid upsetting them, and even that upsetting tends to be implicit, and it's not like you can always prevent it, since they can either not talk to you, or still be verbal while talking in riddles (sarcasm, "joking", everything that could avoid proper adressing of an issue). Or at least that's what I understood, since it kind of resonates with my own personal experiences
Hazel, while I appreciate you trying to be so tolerant of others, the narrative that NT women are insane should largely be considered. Ultimately, we speak two different languages and they seemingly refuse to understand ours while demanding that we just “know” theirs. Myself and so many other ND women have been harmed by NT women in friendships, not to mention demanding clients. And especially in high volume… Avoiding toxic work environments is crucial, but we also need to understand it’s not the happiest pairing for a friendship either. I wish I was this nice lol I’m so tired of people.
I find it hard to address issues too because confrontation is scary af and I don’t wanna start anything but I still see things that need to be addressed but today when a known kleptomaniac by the others had store food in her hand I said “everyone make sure to pay for what you’re eating, cuz our 50% discount is already generous. And then don’t forget to put your receipts in the receipt cup” and then the reciepts in the receipt cup got thrown away (by a ghost? Like bro ur not slick 😂) anyways this wasn’t an emotional thing … well they could have felt like I “put them on blast” but also … it seemed purely work related and I tried to address the issue but I think we’re gonna have to let her go cuz I literally said “make sure you pay for all your food” so it was not vague or anything, just that I talked to everyone (4 ppl) not just to her. Yes many many things to think about trying to navigate the social work environment and it’s tiring af. Glad we’re all here to help each other tho
I’m going through burnout right now and I don’t even know how to get out but this video was so relatable that I at least don’t feel alone and I’m so grateful. I’m a personal trainer, and there are parts about this job I love but the constant masking and having to talk to clients for an hour each is so draining. I love them all and appreciate them immensely and I feel this sense of guilt that our connection is draining me so much. I finally feel like I have a career but I don’t know how stable this is. All I want to do is sleep when I’m not at work and every few months I start job searching again. Hearing you talk about needing to fill your social battery at work was spot on for me. I like customer service because I can socialize and build a connection but in a controlled environment. I can not hold a friendship on my own to save my life so I like seeing people regularly at work. I just wish I could find that balance and not feel like I’m losing my mind every few months. 😢
Try meditation
I am an anesthesia care provider. It provides me with the perfect balance of people time vs non-talking time. Hope this helps others who are looking for the right career path.
Are you a anesthesiologist? CRNA?
@@peacefreedom4930 yes, CRNA
As someone not in healthcare, it is so funny to imagine you just talk to a person as they pass and out and get comfortable silence in like 5 secs
@@Miamia-nl6ij Helping someone be free of pain and free of anxiety as they undergo a procedure makes me feel happy. If you make small talk, and they seem very receptive, their feel-good hormones will help them when they wake up. They wake up calmer, and also grateful that the procedure went “so quick”. 🌞
Thanks for sharing ❤️. I am recently diagnosed as well. I have been experiencing “depressive episodes” about every 2-3 years since middle school. As im learning about myself and my autism I am realizing these were situations of autistic burnout. I really appreciate hearing stories like mine that help me feel more accepted in the community.
Yes, this is my story too. I should have known when I got depressed while eating antidepressants. That's not logical. And I'm diagnosed as autistic already. But it's so easy to just hand out pills instead.
i've had (and probably still have) burnout for many years. the first time i recognized it, i called it senioritis... as a junior. then i linked it to my depression. but now i'm thinking part of that might have been related to this too. it's caused me to reach breaking points, affecting my school career and jobs. it felt like i couldn't cope with the stress and my ability to do things that i could do before got worse/disappeared.
I had this too and it got confused with Bipolsr2 symptoms- I guess mixed manic…
There would be a time of anxiety , poor boundaries and poor time management and spiraling anxiety, depression and then hopelessness and burnout..
The exact same thing happened to me… ironically Covid saved my college career, taking a three month break from everything and then coming back to everything being online restored me to 100%. I think online classes work REALLY well for those of us who get completely burned out from the endless interactions. I always thought online school would be too unstructured, but it turned out it didn’t matter because the socialization aspects were so easy and non-taxing that I had more than enough energy to organize myself! Truly that was an amazing time. Online school ftw
When I was 14 I got so stressed out I went into psychosis for a whole year.......it lead to huge depression and burnout. And depression and burnout is apart of my life now .
I'm 25 now and I cant keep living like that and i feel bad for anyone older than me that's been going through that longer than I have. It's not right and I fight anyone who tells me to suck it up BECAUSE we don't have to live like that. We shouldn't have to.
You weren't confused because you were autistic, you were because she was gaslighting and targeting you. I'm not sure about being autistic myself, but I've worked long periods with people like that teacher and they're often narcs. You were too impressive for her she had to humble you in a way of another.
Yup
Seriously, it sounds like Irene was blaming herself, but that other teacher just sounds like an asshole.
This. I was bullied at work before. The key point is the inconsistency that teacher showed. That’s gaslighting bullshit.
I kind of wonder if being autistic gets us targeted more, though. I’ve had exactly this happen at 2 jobs and I’m not even 30.
Yes. Had a manager like that. She treated everyone badly but seemed to really have it in for me. Probably because I got a higher score than her on the test to get hired in the first place. But I didn't want her job or stress or hours. I tried to help her and she was threatened by me.
I never even considered my nightmares about previous jobs/ school/ people were because of trauma until I watched this video
I'm a self diagnosed autistic person at the age of 26! I relate to you soo much and I'm happy to finally have a label that helps me make more sense of myself.
Hi, I think I commented on one of your other posts. I am a member of a few other autism groups. We have found a correlation in ASD+ADHD and a later diagnosis in adulthood. Just a friendly PSA for someone seeking answers.
@@m780dfflmao you don’t know their life
We know enough you should probably get real proof otherwise you sound like a poser looking to fit in
wow..the teaching job section spoke to me so deeply. I was an assistant preschool teacher for 5 months and while I loved it so so much, it was horribly draining. I love working with kids. I liked the routine of the school day, and feeling like I’m in a closed, controlled environment. Same kids, same parents, same coworkers.
But social interactions get so exhausting. There’s days where I don’t want to speak or interact at all, but obviously my job didn’t allow that. The contradicting rules and instructions confused me and left me unsure of what to do a lot of the time. One day a certain tactic would work and be okay, and the next I was told to do it differently despite the situation being the same.
I got to the stage of dreading going to work. Two breakdowns at work and an unscheduled call off later, I was fired. I am most definitely in a burnout right no. I’m not sure I want to go back into childcare, but the thought of a job in any other field terrifies me.
Your experience with your co-teacher is exactly why I don't recommend ABA programs to parents.
The same weight you felt in having to mask for her, shouldn't be imposes on kids.
And for already traumatized, vulnerable and/or sensitive kids, ABA strategies can be extremely traumatic.
Thank you for saying this. ABA is toxic and harmful to kids.
came to the comment section looking for this comment! It's already draining for an adult to deal with ableist people, the fact that she's a teacher for autistic children AND CAN'T RESPECT SOMEONE'S BOUNDARIES IS WILD and just shows how much ABA specialists are full of shit and don't really care for autistic people wellbeing
imagine what is like for little children who don't know yet how to mask or advocate for themselves to deal with these grown ups expectations being heavily thrown on them 🙃
This is so relatable! When I was working full-time I would go home, crash for a few hours, and have to order takeout bc I just had no energy to cook. I still had energy problems even when I was eating better and exercising, so now autistic burnout makes so much sense to me! My doctor and I thought I had anxiety, depression, and eating disorders, the more I learn about autism the more I'm like "omg this is ME! I'm not lazy or uncaring, I'm just burnt out". I am not working now, and I am scared employment/money to live will always be a struggle for me. Luckily I am able to live with family and I am taking this time to learn about how to manage my autism and learn self-compassion and self-care that will actually rejuvenate my energy levels. I see an Occupational Therapist and she has been the most helpful professional so far on my physical-mental health journey. The OT just gets me, it feels so good!
I’m recently diagnosed and straight up crying watching your videos. Thank you. I relate to every word in this one.
🧡🧡🧡
Was it the social needs part? Because me too 😂
@thethoughtspot222 hey i sent a private message about getting diagnosed
This was all so so so validating! Like you, I have tended to scripted customer service jobs. I like to help people. My parents made it clear I was useless…not an asset to the family in any way…so I like to be useful and actually be an asset to people. I tend to work at happy places…ice cream shop, coffee shop, candy shop…small ones so I don’t deal with crowds. People are so happy when I hand them their favorite ice cream cone or latte or candy! I get immediate feedback by their smile that I made them happy. I really NEED that!!!!
when I had my "normal" office job I felt super tired as well ... interesting video! :)
SAME I literally just quit my office job because other people picked up on my autism and decided to demonize me for it. It’s so frustrating going into a working environment and expecting to just work but then having to deal with the social expectations of others, ESPECIALLY when im on my period and my hormones cycle throughout the month
@@Pastelsnek yeah they could have accepted my social akwardness. But the amount of work was to much for me too. Its hard to find a Job where I don't have to do many things on the same time 😅
That teacher was passive-aggressively gaslighting and targeting you.
Absolutely! Wasn't just a clash of ND vs. NT. That teacher playing games.
I came here to say this exact thing.
this absolutely
Not surprising since it was an ABA teacher. Those poor kids
For real. What was her problem? 😒
I’m on the lines of Audhd but my best job so far is being a disability employment consultant. It’s basically case management and I get to actively be breaking down barriers in the workplace and engaging with my clients about what’s happening with them and how to help them with what they need
I felt this like crazy! My mom has her own business and I strive to do it as well! My mother I have been realizing she is autistic as well and we have both have had issues in the workplace. So much so she start her own daycare. I hope one day I can do my own company. Workplace issues are amplified for us.
I knew you were going to say teaching was a job ready-made for autistic burnout. I've always thought being a professor at a teaching college was going to kill me, but it is such a great job, and it is intellectually up my alley as someone who obsesses over words. But I feel hated by some of my students and colleagues, more so each day and year. They think I'm neurotypical. They're pissed that I'm not a go getter any more, and that now I'm chronically ill. I'm pissed at their pissiness. Yet because I get breaks and summers off, I collapse at the end of every day, and again at the end of each semester. Last summer I was in bed for 3 months too and never fully recovered. I feel like I could be fired at every moment, yet it's very hard for me to know what to do--I follow scripts all the time, but I can't sustain those for a whole semester any more. I hate making changes as an ASD, so I'll be starting year 31 in the fall. I'm supposed to be a writer, not a teacher, but we all know how that goes. Artists don't make money.
I worked at a university for 20 yrs as senior staff support to one great boss in my own office. Saw many individuals on the spectrum in all engineering departments. Most weren't identified with ASD but being a parent & advocate of many on the spectrum I recognized outward symptoms. Many years later as a senior individual, I finally recognized that I am an aspie, on the autism spectrum too. Took 65 yrs to recognize my own signs and symptoms but relieved. Hope to help others that are slso elderly on the Autism spectrum now.
I relate to your experience. Artists don't make money until they have an audience! I would read your work. A piece of advice I saw was create everyday. Whether a thought, sentence, or page. Your community will inevitably grow 🌟
Blessing of all blessings, RETIREMENT !!! Turned 62 and get a small SS check and no longer have to torture myself trying to work. I kept getting denied Disability, I applied many times. I absolutely can not sustain a job, just can’t do it. I worked very little and was mostly a housewife. My SS is mostly from my ExHusband. My life is simple and peaceful. Hallelujah !!
Something a teacher told me was "every job is customer service" because any job you have will be a service to others in some way shape or form. I feel like I never looked at work the same again.
Your self awareness and eloquent way of describing your experience as a ND inspires me to dig deeper into my own inner mechanisms. Your videos are so enlightening!
I’m not sure if I’m autistic or not but I do relate in a lot of ways. I’ve always been “shy” and dealt with a ton of mental health issues that started around 13 and it really altered my identity it feels like. I’ve always felt uncomfortable in social situations.. I was once told it sounded like I was interviewing someone I was just trying to get to know when we were hanging out. I’ve never been confident enough or bubbly enough in any job I’ve had whether it’s customer service or a full time 9-5. I’m someone that has a lot of acquaintances and not a lot of close friends.. it’s just hard to get super close to people?
Lol I do this, the interviewing thing. I don’t know how else to get to know someone 🙈
Oh my gosh, the stuff at 17:14 about being given very specific and conflicting instructions happened to me too! The person made it impossible to do my job. It literally made me feel crazy, I was crying all the time and tired all the time. The inconsistency was sabotaging me and even speaking with HR no one cared.
Thank you for sharing. I can relate to much of what you said here. I still haven't found a stable occupation and I am 41... crap that happened SO fast.
As a man, I totally get the face expression thing and people thinking I'm angry and intimidating.
And I'm just having a blah day and not paying attention to my mannerisms and voice inflection or non voice inflection.
I know what you mean by no consistency and not knowing what I can or can't do.
When I know what I can do and be right and have license to expand and do what needs to be done and be creative with it, I thrive in this situation and have the routine and creativity to express my skills and abilities in the work place.
But where I don't have a routine and know what I'm expected to do and be to the company.
This is the nightmare job.
Thank you for this! I am in job limbo currently and just rot at home every day after work. 😅 Obviously, I'm burnt out. I definitely needed some encouragement to keep looking for the right thing!
I had a teaching job and my boss was horrible. She was a narcissist and constantly searched for my weaknesses. I have adhd so I don’t have quite the same traits but I do relate SO much to work being a super stressful place for ND folks. There’s often at least one toxic person in every workplace. And if you have a disability you’ll usually become a target to that person.
I’m in a burnout phase right now. I appreciate your discussion of this….it’s so tough and you’ve described it so well.
Aaaaahhh. I've had bad job experiences in the past, too, but more than that, I realize now why I've always had a long period of unemployment after one work contract came to an end. Although I was able to take care of myself (food, hygiene, etc.), looking for jobs and applying to them felt nearly impossible, and I'd end up applying only to about 3 positions within five months, etc. Each application took so much energy. I think it was a transition phase burnout. And I'm going to have one coming up again after spring (I'm substituting as a uni teacher and there's no chance of continuing in my current position). How to prepare for that?
My husband does the exact same. He’s in software engineering and over the last 7-8 years, its been all contract work. Some lasting less than 6 months. I don’t know how to help him since I am also self diagnosed and just trying to keep our heads above water on my salary. If or when you figure it out, please let me know so I can help him.
I've noticed quite high unemployment rates for autistic people myself; my case is slightly different as I have kept jobs for over a year (right now I am 2+ years in my current administration job).
I do understand the stress of finding employment; right now I am trying to switch jobs as the pay in my current job isn't the best (despite having a supportive workplace); I find it difficult to do interviews though as I get very nervous easily and feel my autism is a part of that. If I can physically show my capabilities I know I'll be fine but explaining examples of my skillset can be hard 😅
Oh gosh I relate so much I'm literally a year into unemployment 😵💫🤧. My dad probably just thinks I'm lazy but I had severe burnout working my retail cashier job and I just want to find a more quiet job that's not hard on my knees and body
I’m autistic and I have ADHD, and I want to be a high school social studies teacher. This video was very helpful because I feel a little less alone
Like Me! This is a very difficult combo because you like and need variation and people to stay energized and thrive but also a strong framework you can count on while experiencing that new-- and a predictability and structure.
An example: traveling - the best-new place, scenery, etc… but at least give me my whole foods, equinox or outdoor jog, time to get ready and maybe one or two outings at the end of the day.
the job i hated the most was being a leasing agent because it was constant phone calls and emails. kind of similarly to your ABA job, the rules were always changing! and that was so hard to keep track of. not sure i've had a favorite job, if being a student counts, then being a student is my answer haha
Oh my god…phone calls😱 they’re the worst
Being a student was the best. The structure of education always stayed the same and I knew my “job”. I miss those days. So simple.
Absolutely. That’s exactly what I recently thought about. I graduated cum laude in Dutch law, masters degree at university. It all went very well and it was relatively easy since I was in control over my own study structure and routine. Now I’ve been working as a paralegal for 5 years and big parts of my job require meetings, calls and emails with colleagues. I have a burn out every few months and the fact that I’m so dependent on other colleagues and I have to work with them is absolutely sucking the life out of me. The unclear communication is keeping me up at night and I hate it. I wish I could study forever instead of actually having to do something with my knowledge in an office. Before this job I had a temporary job at customer service with very clear scripts and even though I would see and speak to more than 80 people a day it was way easier for me to cope. Especially the fact that the job ended at the end of the day. Now I worry a lot after work hours about the words I choose in meetings etc. and I’m always scared to open my mailbox because maybe something went wrong or something has to change last minute. I can not deal with it. I’m so glad Im starting my diagnosis journey, I hope to find peace in knowing why I struggle instead of feeling like something is wrong with me and I’m failing at ‘easy’ things. Thank you so much for your videos. ❤
@@jahbrianawilliams7326don't become a Phd student... absolutely no structure! 😫
@@thethoughtspot222 i'm glad i'm not the only one who shudders at the thought of phone calls. especially if they're made without any notice or organisation beforehand
oh my gosh I appreciate this video so much. I did ABA therapy as well and it was the worst job ever for me. I loved the kids, but I was so tired at the end of the day that I had no free time I had no motivation to do anything, and then I got a job working as a counselor with adults in mental health crisis, and despite that job being much more mentally straining, it was significantly less physically exhausting and
was so much more enjoyable for me because i was for the first time able to scratch that brain itch of really helping people and connecting with them on a very deep level and loved it!
I really, really appreciate you sharing your experience, Irene!
I worked as a nurse in the hospital for just over five years. During those years (and the four years of nursing school that preceded them) I constantly struggled with my mental health. I reached out for help and was diagnosed and medicated for anxiety and depression. I started going to therapy as well but the progress I made was exceedingly slow. I had meltdowns at work when things became too unpredictable for me to tolerate... and those times were pretty frequent. I felt even worse because I was afraid my emotional instability was interfering with my ability to take care of my patients. In some ways, it was. Meanwhile, already having had a poor self image all my life, it was easy to place the blame for my poor functioning onto myself - *I* was the reason I was struggling because I was too weak and I wasn't trying hard enough.
Knowing what I know now, it's all too obvious that I was almost never not in burnout mode. I'm incredibly fortunate that I was able to take an indefinite hiatus from nursing. If I ever decide that I want to return to the workforce, I think I'll be much better prepared to choose a job with my needs in mind so that my career doesn't hinder my quality of life.
Amazing! I’m sure there’s many jobs that are in need of nurses where the environment is slower and a bit more predictable. I hope you can find one that’s better suited for your needs so you can thrive at your job!
Nurse here. I've been dealing with a lot of burnout also. I wish you the best and hope you come back when the time is right.
I’m dealing with the same issue… I’m just totally depleted after a shift. It’s the sensory overload from all the sounds and smells, people in crisis, and absolutely dreading going in because I know I’m going to get shit on… last shift I worked I had 6 patients while everyone else had 3. I quit my job today… don’t know what’s next, but THAT AIN’T IT! What do you do for work now?
i’ve been diagnosed with autism my entire life, and I have always preferred customer service jobs, but at the end of each job, they had one thing in common and that was the company was never true to THEIR script. I always try to present the quality of the company, but when it’s their turn to provide they fall short and ruin the job for me because i know i cant promise what i service. getting gaslit for things that was their responsibility is what draws the line for me. i have more self respect for myself than to put up with that now but the transition phases between jobs is TOUGH! i work uber eats now and enjoy doing that waaaaaaay more than dealing with management. i also actively go to yoga classes to meet people in my community to help with my social needs (and to practice talking to strangers 😭) thank you for the content it truly helps ❤️
I cried watching this video because this is me right now. You put my thoughts to paper so perfectly. As an adult with ADHD I am now self advocating to get my psychiatrist to take my suspicions of being also autistic seriously as he shut me down when I brought this up. Thank you for making these videos, as I can't imagine how much energy you are sacrificing for the sake of the community benefitting from our journey.
I'm at least a year late but I wanted to say: this video gave me the final push to set up an appointment with an autism specialist. I've been pretty sure that I'm on the spectrum for years, but people don't really seem to be willing to take my atypical needs into consideration with a self diagnosis. It would probably help explain some negative habits and behaviors that I've developed as coping mechanisms. Here's to feeling better and finding the support I need! Thank you.
I've been struggling to get a diagnosis. I know I'm autistic. I have all the traits and my parents and my past teachers told me I've always been a rather peculiar kid. But I live in a small town, and it's hard having access to specialized professionals here. This video really resonated with me. I'm 24, and I have always struggled keeping a job. It always feels like everybody else is handling these "simple" things so much better. I work hard and can learn pretty much anything if needed, but when it comes to dealing with people, it's like I shut down. It's too much. My dream has always been to be an author. I've been trying to make this work, because if I have to go back to an office, I'm not sure I'll last.
"Never feel like you're not worth those accommodations", struck a chord 💪💕
I know I am seeing this a year later, but at 32 I just got diagnosed after leaving my 8 year career with extreme burnout and ptsd. I struggled in every job yet I was told I am smart and good at it. Constantly tired, constantly confused, and was constantly bullied. I feel so seen and valid, so thank you!!
Hi Irene & everyone here, I really love your channel as you explain what it's really like to be autistic with examples of your experiences and you go deep below the surface. All the comments are so interesting too. I've had problems with work all of my life. In my first ever job, I had a meltdown when I had to answer the phone. I ran to the ladies room and stayed there 20 minutes. It was a lawyers office so I had no choice but to get used to phone work, but that side of it always drained me & made me anxious. I can relate when you talk about work meeting your social needs. That first job in London turned out to be the best for that, and drinks, theatre and cinema after work was great, but I didn't want to hang out with workmates at the weekend or go round their house after work. Luckily they didn't want that either! I had one work friend at another job who who kept texting Saturday morning inviting me to a BBQ that afternoon. I don't need to explain here how stressful that was & how awkward it was having to keep saying no. I ran away from teacher training in my early 20's after 3 weeks because the interactions with people were too much, socially & in class. Ditto nurse training, but that lasted longer a whole 9 months. I had no choice but to go back to the legal office work after I had got over both of those, it was more predictable and I worked with only 1 or 2 others which suited me. I'm in my late 50's now and due to restructuring, find myself working in a large open plan office. Pre-Covid it was hell. I couldn't keep up the energy to mask all day and I know my face fluctuated. I often looked permanently sour and they thought I was a humourless old witch. It's tons better now because I work from home 3 days and go into the office 2 days and there's only 6 ppl there. You're right, working life can be very difficult to navigate, but we have to do it and your advice to find work that is comfortable for you is spot on.
Hi Helena, I really resonate with so much of what you’ve said. I received my diagnosis just a couple of weeks ago at 27 years old and although it’s been such a relief, I am still struggling with the reality of trying to find a stable job that is also comfortable for me to remain in long term. I haven’t been able to stay in a job for more than a few months at a time since leaving college. It has left me each time feeling burnt out and depressed. I’m so glad you acknowledged the struggle of not wanting to engage with coworkers socially outside of work - it is something I find incredibly draining, I really need to have my own space to decompress after being surrounded by people all day. I am so happy to hear that you now have a working environment that you can thrive in, I wish you all the best 😊🌼
@@katiebrennan1571 thank you so much, you're very kind. Good luck to you too in finding work you can settle into, try not to beat yourself up if it takes a while. You'll get there 🤗
This video has come to me at a perfect time. I just finished a 7 and a half year jo that has left me with so much burnout i dont even know what to do about it. Being autistic in a world that isnt built for us is exhausting especially when it comes with having a hard time saying no and putting up boundaries that i need. the job tookk so much out of me, honestly it helps so much to hear someone describing it so perfectly like this. thank you
Thank you so much for all of your content. I was recently diagnosed with autism. I’ve always felt like an outsider, an alien, always alone, and the diagnosis made me feel more alone than ever. I found your videos and read these comments and it’s like wow. I’m not alone at all. I’m not a monster. Thank you, thank you for making me feel “normal” and not like an alien anymore. I have hope again I can take care of myself. Not a ton, but more than before.
I started crying when you mentioned sleeping all the time. I've been burned out at this TD job for so long and learning that it's just been a belt sander to my brain and I'm hurting a lot
U described my entire life (mostly with jobs but also my experiences with grade school and college… even with dating apps!) since I was 17 I worked customer service jobs: fast food, barista, bartender, college resident assistant (the last one gave me the worse burnout that lasted almost 4-6 months) but I didn’t know how to explain it other than just feeling like a crushing depression that made me feel worse! I told myself I was a quitter or lazy and just feeling worthless so it made it even more discouraging to get back out there… this was around the time I suspected I might be on the spectrum with just minimal research bc whenever I brought it up to a close friend or family they couldn’t identify me with any of the traits that I saw were so obvious to me! I hadn’t realized how thick my masking was layered on and how well I hid my stims even with people I lived with… anything awkward or out of the ordinary was justified as a silly personal “quirk” of mind… or me just having a “bad day” (when in reality I was just so exhausted that I couldn’t keep up the mask)… burnout has been affecting my relationships with family and friendships since I was very little even tho I do crave social interaction but I’d go through these increments of time as a loner and that would put people off or make them think I was standoffish or even hated them so it tended to push people away…
I am currently on my path for a diagnosis but it is expensive and actually difficult to find a professional that can diagnose so all I have r my online tests and videos from women like u that have quietly helped with my depression and social anxiety in the past year bc it is helping me not feel like a total outlier and build a better understanding for myself and my brain! Thank you!
This video just appeared on my homepage on a day where I am feeling completely burntout and unsure where to turn in life, I just want to sleep, but I can't. I've only recently been diagnosed as ADHD but have also questioned if I am also autistic. Your experiences you've shared in this video are just so relateable to my life and the trijectory it seems to have taken, I have never heard someone else explain their experience in such a relatable way before, it felt like I was looking into a mirror of such. Thank you for sharing this, this was my first video of yours, I've subscribed and can't wait to hear more.
I loved being a dog walker mostly. I took groups of dogs into nature and hiked.. I think being in nature, being with dogs (which have lowkey always been a special interest of mine), and having forced activity was naturally very good for my mental well being.. and I liked the amount of human interaction I got because it was mostly professional and in passing. But ultimately, the part of the job I struggled with the most was the human interaction. There's a fine line in pet care between being caring and also being professional and so many people who own dogs view you as family when you're caring for their dog.. which has its perks until these same people aren't paying you on time and then acting like that's normal and everything should be fine.
Oh...so what I am going through right now and in my previous jobs is an autistic burnout, the last job I had was so exhausting that I was out of commission for 7 months before I had to get up and try to find a job. My current job is in customer service, like you said, there is no clear rules and it feels like I have to mask more so then usual, no matter what I do its not correct which leads to me constantly feeling lethargic, depressed and like I want to curl up in a ball, never talk to anyone.
Personally, I hate socializing, I am very much an introverted Autistic person, silence is blissful, dealing with people is not fun and much like you, I can go days, weeks, months or even years without texting someone cus I have to think of a whole equation while feeling like I am bothering the other person.
Thank you for this vid and all that you do for us!
Thank you for covering this topic. I'm currently supposed to be looking for a job and it's completely overwhelming to me. I've been a stay at home mom for over a decade now and way out of touch with work culture, which I love! Retail jobs I worked in the past always burned the crap out of me and I would spend my weekends in silence, just sleeping and reading to recover. I can't even imagine how I'm supposed to be a mom and work... it just boggles my mind -- plus I'm solely responsible for my kids. Life is tough enough already.
You are a warrior for doing what you are already doing and so not alone🙏
@@visionvixxen Thank you ❤️
The way you explain the topic, the examples, you're a God send, to me. I m a 45yr old woman that went undiagnosed until last year. To hear you so precisely tell my struggles, my feelings, my life, and finally not feel like some alien or oddity, but know this is a real thing, and other people feel much of the same, is so freeing.
It feels like a great weight is lifted after listening to one of your videos. I'm a relatively new listener, about 3wks.
Just wanted to express genuine gratitude for what you are giving ❤
I literally relate to all of this video. I definitely need to get seen for a diagnosis. I’ve been asked many times if I’m autistic and also people say they’re surprised I’m nice because I seem intimidating. I literally had a similar experience as your teaching job, I had a job that was so traumatic that I had 4 months off after I left it, and I was exhausted and just trying to find myself.
"i had no concept of what was right and what was wrong because i was perpetually getting corrected" -- painfully relatable.
I’ve never been diagnosed with autism but I feel you so bad on the texting and seeing friends. As bad as I want to be more social and have fun, when someone invites me out I make excuses to stay home. I feel like I only have enough energy to go to work and go to my appointments, sometimes even that is too much. It’s overwhelming and I know I’m going to be anxious so I avoid all the my friends. I’ve also been told so many times by people I knew when I was younger they were like “I used to think you were a bitch but you’re actually really nice” I’ve been called intimidating by a lot of women which is crazy to me because IM extremely intimated by women especially if they’re my age. My anxiety makes me seem like I hate everyone when it’s the opposite I feel like I’m not good enough for anyone. I’m so exhausted all the time I can’t put in the energy to be bubbly and talkative, I don’t have any to spare I sleep 10 hours a day and still feel tired and sleep through important events or wake up late for work. I used to be sooooooo much more energetic when i didn’t have a job, I actually hung out with friends, was way more active and kept up with my appearance better. But I need to make money, I’m 21 and I still don’t know how to be independent I’m worried my mom will make me leave if I don’t figure it out soon. It’s feels so impossible idk
For me, I think I could just about handle the interaction part (it deffo would take some energy though) it’s the planning and getting to places/ not knowing how the place works that makes it difficult to even attempt. I don’t drive and am broke as well, so it’s even harder to have the flexibility required to just go and meet someone when you have to budget from somewhere/go without to do it which adds to the stress of the scenario tremendously.
When I worked as a camp counselor for kids with disabilities, I was so drained at the end of the day that I fell asleep as soon as I got home. The masking I had to do to be as engaging as the staff needed me to be, watching other counselors interacting poorly with the campers and being unable to do anything, and being paired one-to-one with a camper thus requiring I devote all my energy to watching, directing, and redirecting this one girl (who was great but apparently didn’t want to do a lot of camp activities, so I had to coax/force her to do them, which I didn’t want to do), all took so much out of me. I was supposed to work there all summer and I barely made it to Friday. I don’t know why I didn’t realize being a camp counselor requires so much out of you but as an autistic adhder and as an introvert, it wasn’t the place for me, personally.
Hey Irene, I know this comment is a year late but I just found this video today - everything you said resonated with me so much that I could have said it all myself, word for word.
I am 29 and having being misdiagnosed with several mental illnesses over the years, only to finally find out now that I am Autistic and most of the symptoms I have, are actually traits of autism that I experience.
I thought I could not be autistic as I always long for connection with others. I never knew until recently that you can still be autistic and want to be sociable - I have the exact same reason for choosing my jobs, and I also find it incredibly energy consuming to try to maintain even the connections I really want in my life with people I love.
I am currently working as a learning mentor and drama teacher in a school for neurodivergent children, and children with histories of abuse and trauma. I get the exact same set of conflicted instructions and difficult, draining interactions daily and am consistently interpreted as being negative, one co-worker even called me “toxic”. I was so heartbroken as I actually liked her and have never once said a bad word or thought negatively of her, but that’s how I was coming across while confused or exhausted, or masking and seeming insincere.
Thank you so much for this video, I feel a sense of great relief and know that my decision to leave my job this summer is the right one. Best wishes to you and everyone watching your videos 💜
Your videos are a literal life-saver!!! I have severe, untreated depression, anxiety, and burnout, and I’ve been so frustrated at my inability to do remote work or customer service work for longer than 1-2 years without completely melting down because I need both isolation and meaningful connection with other people. I haven’t been diagnosed with autism, but I have never related to anything more than I do your videos!!! Thank you so much for helping me make sense of what I’ve been feeling my entire life and helping me out of this latest spiral. 🙏🏽❤
I haven’t been diagnosed with Autism but I do however have childhood trauma related CPTSD which has some symptoms that cross over with ADHD. Everything that you’ve said in the video resonates with me. I have worked in customer facing retail for 5 years and I am now a manager. I have always noticed that I seem to be a more ‘socially acceptable’ and ‘socially desirable’ when I’m at work. On my days off I have no social skills and no social energy. I sometimes can’t even form a sentence in front of people because of anxiety. I’m also always feeling drained and tired on my days off.
What you said about putting on a mask is something that I do as well. I have been doing it for so long and so well that i am known as the most bubbly person at my work place. I feel like there’s always an inner me and an outer me. The CPTSD means I experience dissociation and depersonalisation daily. Sometimes the outer me and smiling for too long and when the inner me catches up to that my whole face starts twitching like I’m having a seizure. I normally try to turn around and hide my face at this point but I would always go into a panic right after. Thank you so much for being brave enough to make this video. It makes me feel much less lonely.
Thank you so much for this video!!! ❤
I've been in a dark place recently. What your content and my own research made me realize is that with the way I've been living and working, a combination of caregiver burnout, autistic burnout and regular, vanilla burnout is inevitable.
Before seeing your videos I felt extremely close to a full mental breakdown. Now I see the steps I can take to prevent that and that I am within my right to ask for the the expectations that have been placed on me be dialed down a little bit. We all need accomodations one way or the other and it is reasonable to take care of myself and ask for the ones that I need.
OMG I work in education as a para and know exactly what you mean about the changing rules. It caused me so much confusion and frustration and conflict at first. Like I was called into meetings where I was crying and I never cry in front of other people. And it happened multiple times...lol This year, I straight up started telling everyone to just communicate with me like I was autistic and I needed the same clear and consistent expectations they would give a student. It kinda worked. I can't wait until I'm a teacher though so I can make the expectations/rules myself. They will be so frickin consistent, man.
I really admire your willingness to share something so vulnerable in the hopes of helping others who may be going through the same thing. It takes a lot of courage to open up about personal struggles, and I commend you for your bravery and honesty. Your story serves as a reminder that we're all in this together and that it's okay to ask for help when we need it.
Very useful video - currently on month 2 of burnout, and it's validating that other people have had to deal with this too.
The adhd (am diagnosed) and asd (not diagnosed yet) combo is some grade A bs. I want to socialise, do so impulsively, then realise that I don't have the capacity for it.
Working on unmasking, and who it is that's behind the mask
I worked in an office where I tried my best to get along with people around me and keep to myself at other times, and thought I fulfilled myself socially, made good impressions on others. Yet the moment I got home and felt safe and alone, all I could do was just collapse into bed exhausted, socially exhausted and feeling like I could finally be myself. I have not sought diagnosis on autism, and am a mix of lazy, scared and embarrassed to pursue it - but your experiences really resonate with me.
These days I'm trying to build a following with art on social media, and find myself frustrated at the inconsistencies in rewards and my own inconsistency as an artist. Sometimes a piece I think should do well does pathetically, a piece I've put less effort into gets praise.. Restarting my following after a long hiatus, and now moving to a new platform in the fall of twitter, has only put this so much more in focus. I know art is more subjective and social media algorithms only compound this randomness, but with a fragile ego and passion struggling to get used to drawing art for myself, it's just all very confusing and disheartening.
This video has been so useful! Please excuse my little job self-reflection here,
I've been between waitress/server jobs for years, and though I appreciate the 'scripted' nature and enjoy my colleagues (they all have very lovely personalities to absorb/bounce energy from), I've been finding myself having SO MUCH burnout. Whether it's from the crazy hours (sometimes you do a late then an early and then a 12 hr shift all over the place), whether it's switching departments and roles and figuring out the new dynamics, or just the exhaustion of "damn, its another table".
Before this I trained in theatre and that was (obviously) EVEN MORE masking. When not doing script-work, just being in the ensemble for 9 hours everyday, and needing to be expressive, emotionally flexible, bubbly, with fresh ideas 24/7, it was exhausting. I would emotionally shut down every rehearsal (which made me a bad actor too), and would go home trembling and collapsing on the sofa thinking I was a freak. It was heart-breaking cuz I committed to it for years, slowly realising it wasn't for me.
I'm not diagnosed, but I'm highly suspicious for various reasons if I'm autistic - cuz if I am, SO much of myself and my life would make sense.
That last sentence. Cause if I am, everything would make so much sense. I’m in the same boat of suspecting too.
Working in customer service taught me most of the social skills I have.
I've worked in bars, restaurants and a call centre, and I'm really good at it but after 2 years I burn out dramatically.
The best and most sustainable job I had was in a warehouse, picking and packing customer orders, and operating a forklift truck, managing stock etc. No customers! That business went under and I was made redundant, which was devastating (cue another 11 month long burnout/shutdown). I need a task based job, not a customer based one. Sadly I'm still in the call centre taking a boatload of calls, talking to people for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, and I can't sustain it. The burnout is coming but I'm too scared of change to make a pre-emptive change. The job has great insurance that will cover my pursuit of ASD/ADHD diagnosis as well as aupport from a psychologists, so I'm trying to take advantage of that before I leave, but every day is a struggle.
been diagnosed since I was 4 years old, people always tell me I don't look autistic too. I am currently unemployed because every time I look for one, the interviews are hard and always never call me back after an interview. I'm currently doing volunteer work at my old primary school which I really enjoy
I find your subtle facial expressions and your lowish voice is soothing. It makes me feel calm when people are obviously being themselves. The high pitch/frenetic excited vibe makes me feel so disconcerted.
Me too because I'm similar in certain moods when I'm not masking.
So much of what you say deeply resonates. Nice to see some validation, especially when I get episodes of imposter syndrome
My first job was a community service work study through my university; I volunteered at a local children's museum. It was rocky at first since I got overwhelmed with how busy, loud, and crowded it got, but eventually, I was able to work behind the scenes on various prep work, help out as an assistant for the field trips (retired teachers taught structured programs about stuff like government, economics through the "village," and art), as well as an assistant for their summer camps (which mainly took place in the classrooms). I liked working with the kids and retired teachers (children and the elderly always seem to love me yet people my age always seem to have issue with me), and I felt very accomplished for being able to give back to the community.
After college, I had a variety of jobs in schools (before/after care, teacher's assistant, preschool after care director, etc.). I loved working with the children and most of my coworkers seemed to love me. Leadership always had issues with me, though; they always started off so kind and acted like they were on staff's side, willing to work with them. Time and time again, leadership would take advantage of me, using me until I was dry, start acting cruel to me (like major gas lighting), and then kick me to the curb because I "wasn't what they were looking for." One of the principals told me that they didn't need me any longer "because of my degree" (it was in art education). I'm still burnt out from those jobs--I had to work 12+ hour days between the various jobs in attempt to pay off student loan debt, but I was never paid much.
Trying to start up my own independent things right now, but it's been a struggle. Working babysitting/tutoring and pet sitting gigs to bring in some sort of financial stability, but it's pretty minimal. I'm just so tired all the time, but it feels impossible to rest because I don't have a sound foundation and way to support myself. I'm not officially diagnosed, but this year and all of my research has been very illuminated, explaining so much of my 30+ years on this Earth. Life as a neurodivergent in a neurotypical-run society is so challenging.
I feel like I’m just now starting to come out of a 5 year burnout from working full time, home schooling my kids and taking care of a household. Yes, I said 5 years. Burnout is real and we need to make sure we don’t end up there. 🖤 please take care of yourselves 🖤
I am currently in the middle of burn-out in my job of eight years. After 20 yrs of customer service I took to unloading trucks on a retail freight moving team. I am also currently in a medical evaluation process for being diagnosed as autistic. Accommodations are being made for me in the form of allowing my movement to another department. This is after I witnessed one of my supervisors mocking me in front of other fellow associates. It was after getting home from speaking with my store manger, this morning, when I saw this video in my UA-cam feed. I have liked and I have subscribed. Thank you for reminding me about the positives to be had in customer service interactions. Your sharing helped my shedding of some anxieties around the sudden-ish changes to come.
i"m very burnt out but we can't afford for me to not be working... stayed home today and yesterday thanks to meltdowns. my job is in a box store merchandizing plants and plants are one of my favorite things and i love when i get to talk about them with people... but now i've accepted i'm dealing with ASD, i've realized i mask almost every second i'm there. even when i'm alone late in the day when it's quiet, i feel the need to stay conscious of how i'm doing everything, from the way that i sweep the floor to how i react when i drop something to how i pinch dead leaves off houseplants. it's kind of ridiculous. i have no other employees from my company working at the store anymore so i have no idea what i'm even doing as i receive no direction beyond vauge emails that often dont even apply to my store...... i always always always am waiting for someone to come up and tell me i'm doing the wrong thing, even as i'm desperately wishing for someone to tell me the RIGHT thing that i'm supposed to be doing.
This situation describes me to a tea in previous jobs, a manager would totally blast it at me, but be so soo kind to other staff doing the exact same thing… consistency is needed 💯 thanks for this video. Was very helpful 😊
Hi there. As a fellow autistic creator (I do art stuff) I'm glad to hear this stuff. I often refer to myself as the daywalker in my social circle of fellow autistics. I'm very obviously not neurotypical when you get to know me, but I definitely don't seem typical for autistic. Unless my battery is low I am very good socializing with people. I'm in the middle of a career crossroads right now as well, after decades of customer service work that was for me often traumatizing. But I love to teach people, hence my channel here. I too, had some genuine connections in social workplaces I wasn't getting in my personal life. Thank you for this and your videos and keep up the good work.