What’s the Difference Between Love and Lust? (w/ Kim Zember)
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- Опубліковано 28 вер 2020
- Kim Zember and Jackie Angel talk about the difference between love and lust.
Drawing directly from the Catechism (CCC 2345) and from Scripture, we can see that love is patient, kind, selfless, and-most importantly-something of God. God is love. And when we look at passages that describe love in the Bible, it should make us wonder, “Have I really, truly loved someone before?”
The classical definition of love is to “will the good of another.” As Christians, this should mean that we desire Heaven for whomever we love. Heaven is the highest good a person can strive for, so when we love someone, we desire Heaven for them.
However, lust is the exact opposite of this.
While love is wanting the good of another-and what’s best for them-lust is only wanting whatever you want. It’s about willing your own good: not in a heavenly way, but in a worldly way. Lust is the use of another person for your own pleasure, which is the direct opposite of what love is.
It’s important to note that even when lust is mutual-or within marriage-it’s still a disordered version of what love should be. Yes, God has given us the gift of desire, but that doesn’t mean we should seek to fulfill those desires in any way we choose. It’s important that we recognize these desires and how we choose to fulfill them, because if we aren’t striving for love, we aren’t striving for Heaven.
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I think the best quote I have ever heard is;
"When you like a flower, you just pluck it.
But when you love a flower, you water it daily..! The One, who understand this, understands Life"
Love that! Thank you for sharing.
Jose Castro you pluck it 😝
I got a question. Do Catholics view BDSM as a sin?
Just heard Jason Evert speak recently at an event in our Diocese and he said SO many great things but one thing that struck me was “Love can’t wait to give, lust can’t wait to get.”
Love that, thank you for sharing 💕🙏🏽
Amen I agree 100%.
Wow
wow, amazing! saving this to my life advice quotes. God bless 🙏🏽
6:40..... "Some of the deepest forms of intimacy are friendships" That one made me smile! So so so true!
Thank you Kim and Jackie, the world's view of intimacy/love is so twisted and disordered that everyone really needs to hear this.
Lust is accompanied by greed & jealousy, whereas Love is about giving & sharing.😇
“In to me see”= intimacy. I like that.
I would like to invite who ever reads this to join me in praying to OUR LADY OF FATIMA for judge Amy Coney Barrett.That Our Lord and Our Lady will grant her victory and protect her and her family in the days to come.Ave Maria ❤🌹🕊
🙏🙏🙏❤❤❤🙏🙏🙏
Amen
🙏🙏🙏❤❤❤🙏🙏🙏
Please do not put the almighty into politics.
@@RecoveringLiberal1984 😁👍
I'm in
@@jonathanwolff9213 😁👍
I believe it was Fr. Simon on Relevant Radio who said to replace the word “love” with “sacrifice”. If you love someone you are willing to sacrifice for them.
I have been married for 42 years and as the years go on the lust dwindles and the love grows, it's hard to describe. but those that are married will know when they get there.
Intimacy aka "In to me see!"
I love this; it brought tears to my eyes. Thank you.
Lust is the opposite of love. If I have catholic motivation, this helps me to love more.
I'm amazed because I have been thinking about how a lot of the ''accepted'' disorders from our time come from the idea of consent. You know ''if you want and the person wants it, it's okay! Neither of you are using each other because both want it''. I have received that advice!! And it's beautiful that both of you say out loud that ''mutual does not mean it's okay''! God calls all of us for something greater and I hope he keeps showing me how to love HIS way.
Thank you Jackie for using the Catechism in your videos, you inspired me to start reading it myself.
Thanks Kim and Jackie.
Thank you for aligning my thoughts into a clearer vision of perspectives. Always a pleasure watching. #3
I really like the spirit on you two. It is shown through the way you talk, so amazing!
This is such a great video, thank you!!! I struggle with SSA too and of course women in friendships are more “comfortable” with each other in certain ways so it is really difficult to see the line between whether I am lusting or loving. But this video really helps clear things up. Thank you so much.
love the videos with Kim, thank you for your work
I really needed to hear this, thank you.
I wish that you will post more contents like this. It helps us the younger generations so much
Thank you Kim and Jackie..you nailed it again..i wish i learned this before when i was younger. Ans thank u for the prayer
Beautifully explained...
Thank you🙂
I think vulnerability and intimacy is more difficult than taking your clothes off. The wrong person can easily hurt you when you are vulnerable and transparent. I know of people who are comfortable with short-lived sexual relationships and they flee from any form of deep intimacy in romantic or platonic relationships. It seems easier to lead a "shallow" lifestyle but what does it cost in the end.
@@lumina5 Why do you say that? I think some people may genuinely be afraid of feeling vulnerable around anyone because of things that they have witnessed or experienced. Some people are probably just selfish and calloused.
Wow that was crazy!! You both said 'right' at the exact same time twice!!!
3:42
Wow ladies smoke was coming out of my ears watching this. but I got. Great job!
What a Gem of a video!
Thank you very much ❤
I’v seen this before. Just binge watching.
Thank you. God bless you.
the lady Kim makes great sense and it was helpful to hear her a little. it would have been nice ho hear more from her but it didn’t seem possible with Jackie cutting in non stop.
This is very helpful for building good relationships
Thank You!!!
Please make more videos about how ordered, healthy sexuality looks like in practice, especially for single people! We have overwhelmingly many examples of the opposite, but we have so little practical advice from a Catholic perspective - and most often what we get is about how NOT to have premarital sex, how NOT to lust, how not to sin basically, but rarely about how we should DO live out the virtues.
I wish we could get more specific about desire vs lust. Otherwise I’ll feel guilty about appreciating how attractive my wife is.
@Vercingetorix Yes, thank you for the clarification 👌
Lumina i agree.. God gave the man and woman to be husband and wife, and to give themselves to each other, so i dont get why lots are saying dont admire or fantasise your spouse, its like what? Are people bitter? The couple should have prayer time and time for adoring God, esp during Sunday mass.. but the rest of the day focus on your spouse.. if u forget about your spouse and focus mainly towards God, then they should have lived a life of celibacy, or become a priest or nun instead.. im confused with all these different comments.. 😤
@@williamjohnhoward9516 love is without lust like at old age when apparent beauty dies off and inner beauty like couple's love for each other, care for each other,responsibility for each other
That's the love GOD wants us to look for ,a connection between two persons of opposite sex , I'm not against lust its natural but we have to learn to control it
rohail john ive seen old couples still wanting each other, my granpa still was so affectionate with my gRandma... i know lust is empty snd the absence of love.. and lovee has attractions but its not lustful because its not empty And has pure intentions and its only inside marriage, but the girls didnt explain it well, many were confused.. feeling guilty and bad for wanting their spouse..
@@williamjohnhoward9516 agreed, but usually at old age physical attraction ceases
GOD bless
Beautiful video ❤️❤️
Thank you
Great Topic - if only Church that in Catequesis & other important topics. Many can’t give their 100% for the other.
To love someone is to "will the good of the other" and to see someone like "God sees them".
Lust is the opposite of the greatest of all virtues!
Thank you. 😇🙏
Great video 👏👏👏
love is a simpathic understanding
YOU ~ ROCK ! !
Great video! ☺️
hello how are you doing today
Mutual does not mean its O.K. We don't see it as using. I have this desire. But God wants them fulfilled in his order.
Dear Kim this is either genius or inspired or probably both. I'm fascinated by what sin is and I think it does come down to a disordered use of good things, i.e. not ordered towards God. It's a hard sell to an atheist but I cant tell you how good it is to hear this.
Hi there,
I thought this was truly a wonderful video. I would have appreciated it if you guys went into more depth about what the ordered way is to love - the specific ways in which God has ordered us to love one another. How can we truly love as God as loved us? How can we love in an orderly fashion?
Hi there, thank you for the wonderful video!
It was mentioned that when a couple comes together in union and intimacy without procreating, it is considered as lust. And because of this, it doesn't serve the order of love in God's eyes. Is it then considered as lust if a couple comes together in union and wants to wholly give themselves to each other, without procreating?
Can you do a video on fear of intimacy, love and marriage and how to overcome it?
Great
Love is a very dangerous thing . Anyone who doesn't know how to turn it on or off is in for a real bad emotional disaster, If your partner is in lust with someone hiding in the shadows you must turn off get out and move on as fast as you can. Lust is selfish . Love is kind. These days it's hard to find.
🔥🥰🔥 WOW, thank you for this perspective. It has saved my life. 🌹
Amen
Jo taluq kisi bhi communication se shoro ho wahan love zror hota ha
Communication like zuban se, ankhon se, isharon se,
But without communication jo taluk ho ga wohi lust kahlaye ga
So communicate others to beautify your relationship ❤😊
I want the salvation of my two boys and willing to sacrifice my own life or marriage desires. I have always wanted what you are describing! Never had that!!!! So hurtful.
Jesus is the Bridegroom and we are the Bride. That is the TRUE wedding and it will not disappoint. Weddings on earth are only to demonstrate the GRAND wedding of Heaven! The True Wedding is still awaiting you. Keep your chin up my sister in Christ!
I got to work on this it’s hard
I appreciate it, but what about kisses? How can you know if they are out of lust and out of love?
I like bishop barrons definition of love (and Jackie said it here too) “to will the good of the other”
Lust as we all know is the darker and more selfish desire which should always be avoided
Lumina i think you misunderstood what i said. The video perfectly addressed both differences and said the same thing. I’m not saying human beings can’t be sexual. We wouldn’t exist without it. Lust is a desire for purely the action and without the intimacy
@@lumina5 yes you misunderstood Nicholas she said Lust is a part in marriage life but only in marriage not on bf/gf relationship because we all know Fornication is a sin against God.
Lust is part in marriage to procreate but it shouldn't be the priority, purpose why do you want to be married it is part but not the highest when it comes to Love In marriage. Love is the most highest above all why do you want to get married for the good of another in order for the person you love to get to heaven you help each other through the Grace of God to get to heaven. In marriage You help each other to do the Will of God first.
How do I talk properly about god to my partner because every time I do it doesn’t go well.
What about a marriage is beyond the age of pregnancy or if a couple can't conceive a child?
3:42 RIGHT
I think I had that.... but not accepted by my mother. She is still Pushing for a completely disordered and abusive past relationship. Trying to please my mother to gain her love for once
I used to do that. Took care of my mother several years as she declined mentally and then passed this year. I came to see her (and my father too, who had died of strokes) as brothers and sisters in Christ. Our former ordered relationship had reversed. Just seek to please God. My grown daughter was always told to “just please God and you will be pleasing me.”
Love: 1 Corinthians 13: 4-5.
❤❤❤
Thank you both so much. Can you make a video speaking about sexual trauma survivors unconsciously or unknowingly using sex as a way to connect?
I got a question, as someone who is attracted to the same sex. What if Im in an only emotional relationship and not have sex with that person. Is it still lust? Like we date but all emotional. Sorry for this weird question. Sorry if the video explained it, Im taking RCIA classes and have tried to find this answer for days. Thank you for the video, love yall!
Have you seen this videos
ua-cam.com/video/fWZ171V0wEQ/v-deo.html
ua-cam.com/video/bLrRfwpvERU/v-deo.html
Hi Hunter.. technically that is not a sin.. being attracted to someone, opposite or same, is not a sin in itself.. but if it leads to sex or thoughts about it then it becomes a sin..
for opposite sex relationship.. for the time being, you need to guard your self with regards to your attraction not to lead to sex or sin.. until the relationship reach the desired conclusion which is marriage..
For the same sex relationship.. you need guard your self ALL the time.. because there is no marriage conclusion to it where sex becomes okay in the eyes of God.. being intimate with the same sex is like placing your self in temptation all the time.. you may love the person that you're in a same sex relationship with.. BUT i think you need to let go of that relationship to love God more..
Prayed for you.. God bless you..
Talk to a priest. You may be placing yourself into temptation.
Hi, it's best to speak with a priest about this. You may be putting yourself into temptation.
❤❤❤😊👍
Do you think that it is mere lust when a married couple after menopause (or other medical reason for sterility) still has sex? Well, the procreative reason is gone by then..... or is the pursuing of unity sufficient?
Before the fall, Adam and Eve experienced non disordered sexual love; they were not even capable of lust. In other words, each act of copulation was a complete act of giving, of true love, and fully sinless. I don't know if in our fallen state married couples can experience that same purity of unity. I would guess there is always some degree of disordered desire. But not with our first parents, originally.
While we're on topic of love, I'd like to ask the following:
Nation a and nation b are at war, and a soldie6 of nation a have developed a romantic feeling for a soldier on nation b. Is this soldier automatically a traitor to nation a?
Why I'm asking this is because I'm trying to think of understand what love is in it's truest form. To be able to see love even in the most unlikely place. The question might not make sense to you. But trust me when I say. It might give me the prespective I needed.
What about sexless marriage? Or when a spouse lacks or loses desire?
👍🏼❤️
🤗🤗🙏🙏👍👍
Is it bad to be in a relationship when you aren’t old enough to get married? I like a boy in my class, and he likes me, and we’re in eighth grade. We aren’t even dating or anything like that yet, but it might lead to that eventually. We are both Catholic and he is so nice to me! We always try to support each other!
Thank you to everyone here, I feel like Ascension Presents videos have a nice little community in the comments. 😊 God Bless!
@Lumina Thank you!
There is nothing wrong with having a friendship first. I know married couples who met when they were younger (9th grade), however, they didn't start a relationship until they were older (20s.) Instead, they had a great friendship first. Sometimes, having a bf/gf relationship before having a long, established friendship can lead to hurt because you are both still learning about yourselves and may grow apart ex. if you go to a different high school or university/college, or if someone moves away, etc.
Whether you start a relationship earlier or later in life doesn't guarantee that you will end up together. If you don't end up together, not ending up together may cause wounds that may affect other relationships. That is why friendships are so important: you get to know the person and they get to know you without jumping into physical intimacy (ex. kissing, sex, etc.) You will also learn some things about the other person that you may not like and will have to accept about them if you do end up in a relationship. Also, you will be treating the person with the love, respect and dignity they deserve. Remember: they are not your spouse, meaning, they might be someone else's spouse.
My advice: pray for your future spouse daily, God will reveal him to you when the time is right. Foster good friendships with others and find an inner circle of friends who love you. The right man will come.
@ phoebe0a Thanks for all your advice! I really appreciate it! Yes, I will definitely not go into any kind of serious relationship until much later in my life. I do not want to go into more than friendship right now. : - ) I will pray!! 😊
phoebe0a amen!
the rish can take advantage of the oor
this is a nice video and i like this, but i also think we shouldn’t judge other people for their decisions in their sexual lives. live your own life and follow the rules you believe in because they’re great for YOU, but if other people want to sleep with people just for enjoyment, we should let each other be happy in their own way and their own life. telling people that they’re “twisted” for using it for pleasure and telling them they HAVE to have a baby, is really doing more harm then good. who are us humans to say what God wanted? I think he wanted us to be happy and do what we feel comfortable with.
Does anyone know where I can find the painting on their mantel?
It's cool that your last name is Angel and your speaking for Christianity. There are some people with the last name Bible who are not even Christians. It seems ironic.
“The modern use of Matthew 5:28 is to regard human beings as robots who are presumed to be able switch off certain aspects of their bodies and minds at will, and reactivate them at the moment they utter the words “I do.” Arguments that ‘lust’ objectifies women and treats them as sex objects abound in their condemnation of the most essential of all human instincts, leaving an endless trail of trauma, guilt and hadephobia in their wake. In reality, they are using a passage which endorses the worst forms of female objectification, misogyny and loveless slavery; their erroneous arguments enabled through religion’s ultimate foundations: the lust for power and control - and the blatant refusal to think.”
-Tanya Simmonds
Lust is a deprivation of fulfilment.
But purpose of sex is not only for procreation!!! There are couples that cant have children? And still love each other and make love or sex I believe!
THANK YOU.
Love is gentle and lust is abusive bdsm.
Just ran across your video. I'm a cradle Catholic who turned my back on Jesus for a period of time to lead a promiscuous lifestyle. In fact, I met my wife in 1982 while we were both living that sinful lifestyle. She is now in a nursing home and I truly believe that she received Alzheimer's as a cross that we both can share. I was her caregiver for 4 1/2 years. Talk about intimacy.
But you girls need to address the gray areas between the cracks. For one, without foreplay there is no intercourse, and obviously without intercourse, as you say, the human race would end. If you take lust out of the public square and into the privacy of the bedroom, then as long as intimacy is the foundation upon which a marriage is built, within limits lust can certainly serve as a playful tool in the arsenal of sexual foreplay.
What's great is that only in such a marital situation can a husband and wife lust after each other without it being adultery in their hearts, as Jesus said. If you're lusting after someone at Wal-Mart, then that is where impurity has a chance to enter the mind. However, why should it be wrong that the one place that a man or woman are "safe" with each other's sexuality is the marriage bed? Then what constitutes lust? A sexual craving for each other. A sin is only a sin when the mind is consciously pushing the thought. As Paul said, before the law nothing was a sin because we didn't know what a sin was.
Of course, we know what a sin is. But can you honestly tell me that when you see a "Hunk" in the mall or at a restaurant that there isn't at least a fraction of a moment when for whatever reason - even if you are trying to resist it - a stray impure thought pops into your head? But you did not consciously think it with your heart, and in fact didn't even know where the thought came from. It comes from our culture, and our lives before we began to lead a renewed spiritual life. My mind is so used to getting a sexual buzz from my past that I seriously cannot help but see women sexually if I don't look away. I have a set of blinders like a horse when I go out in public. Not really. Maybe I should.
What is different from simply lusting after a stranger and lusting after your spouse is that chemicals are released on the skin in foreplay which act as a kind of a love potion. This is why it's so dangerous for young people to have extra marital sex because they often mistake sex for love. But why would God add that little feature if He did not want to "jump start" the festivities. Catholics definitely have a stricter moral code to follow, but if a married couple are open to procreation then I don't think that God or Mary object too much on method of foreplay. Whips and leather? Well, maybe so. That's rather Satanic.
I knew a guy where his wife dressed up as a cheerleader. Fantasy is a part of our sexual make-up, and to be consciously thinking as you're having sex "is this wrong or is that wrong" breaks that sexual tension that again, as you said, is all a part of our human make-up. I knew another guy who stated that it gets boring going down the same road. If that road is preventing a couple from getting the job done, so-to-speak, then then there's nothing wrong with variety being the spice of life.
I am 70 and my wife is 74, and we have always been very sexually inventive right up to when she got Alzheimer's, which effectively put an end to our sex life. But I saw it as a gift from God because the sexual drive is so powerful that even in marriage it can distract a person from leading a more full spiritual life. My wife was gorgeous 45 years ago and yes, we gave in to lust. Sin can be awfully fun, but you have to pay the debt eventually, which also makes it so dangerous for the soul. Sex is a perfect tool for Satan. God used sin to save our souls, which is a whole other story.
One last thought. When an older couple is past the point of being able to have children, the mandate to be open for procreation does not exist any longer. Given that fact, it isn't very fair that such couples, just because of their age, cannot be allowed to express their sexual passion in other ways.
Sorry for using up so much space.
P.S.
I think you're both very cute. (in a wholesome way!)
Superficial, and I'm exaggerating.
One of the way to combat lust. Turn the TV off
I know that you’re trying to share Christ’s love and I 100% agree with chastity and marriage. But I am 100% not allowed to not use contraception with my spouse due to lifelong medical conditions and medication I have to take - which causes fetal death.
These types of videos are hurtful because as Christians who desperately want children but would not have an abortion or carelessly cause a child’s death - it’s saying be abstinent until menopause 🤷🏻♀️🥺 “or else”?
This is something you will have to speak to your priest about. There are exceptions. This is an 8-minute video. Don't make assumptions just because of this video you have a special situation, unlike everyone else. God bless.
Luke Brasting - That was way too harsh.
Maybe I missed it but I don't think the video said anything about being abstinent. There is an alternative to contraception called NFP so you are slightly wrong in saying you 100% have to use it.
Luke Brasting I’m well aware of the theological differences thank you. My grandparents are Italian Roman Catholic and my husband and I ultimately were married through a Lutheran church. I also know the different btwn protestant sects, the Anglican Church, LDS Church, 7th Adventist’s, etc.
Thomas Hambleton I am aware of the in’s and out’s of NFP. I meant that I am not allowed by my doctor to use that as an “effective” means of preventing pregnancy. I refuse to use hormones and I get lectured every appointment as it is.
Contraception is also for reproductive health.. to avoid sexually transmitted diseases. please give your view on this
I experience lust, but I seriously doubt I'll ever experience love.
Be patient my friend. We'll get there
Awesome insights. I'd love to know more about celebrity crushes and what they mean. I could write a book about the topic, and would love your feedback. God bless. -Blaise Francis 💞
Kids have crushes. They’re normal parts of life.
Love is work lust is fun...the end.
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First comment
The difference between lust and love is rather obvious and not the problem...
It's the deception of the vice of lust because it only serves to take in order to satisfy an insatiable desire. It's basically an emotional and physical addiction which needs addressing just like any other addiction. It becomes like a cancer within the soul and will always eventually ruin a healthy relationship.
Lust for your partner doesn’t ruin a relationship.
@@sproductionsinc Lust in a relationship is no longer a relationship, but rather a bondage which merely becomes an exercise in feasting on the flesh. So lust will only serve to strengthen the bondage.
@@roccocarlino067 I only lust when I love the person.
Religious/spiritual types always come up with cut and dried answers where there aren't any. Welcome to the real world.
"god is love." That tells me nothing.
There are types of love. Agape, storge, phila eros.
We dont love a parent like God. Or God like a Spouse.
People who say God is love broadly are usually needlessly confusing people.
How does it tell you nothing?
I totaly understand what you mean. When I hear "God is love" I freak out. That really tells me nothing about either God nor what love between People should be ...
Lust or sexual attraction/arousal is biological. Love is a social construct imagined by humans to explain lust.
?
Lust isn't always bad.
Love is a myth.
@@lumina5 Seems like you already got this diagnosed, so why pay an arm and a leg to see a shrink.
@@nategraham6946 Because love does exist. And if you can't see that then you need help.
@@Tom-kk1zu Whats the point of asking a question, much less paying an arm and a leg to ask it, for someone to tell me something that is apparently already known? Other than to be facetious.
@@nategraham6946 The point would be to get help so you realize that love is real. Not so they can answer a question.
@@Tom-kk1zu Shrinks don't help.
Sexuality and God don't really mix well.
For two women speaking about chastity and love they sure are wearing an awfully large amount of makeup.
Sometimes I feel like everything in America is a cryptic joke that I'm not in on.
Matthew Montoya 1+1 = ice cream. 🙄 zero correlation. Zero. Null.
Wearing makeup does not equal wanting people to lust after you. Sheesh.
Lust makes babies not love. Lust is better than love, Lust creates life.
Not true at all.