Top Surgery Uncertainty and Femininity
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- Опубліковано 18 чер 2024
- I got top surgery last July! This video shows my results and talks about how I knew I wanted top surgery.
✨ My Things!
Pronouns: they/them/theirs
Instagram and Twitter: @genderthrash
Facebook: / genderthrash
Want to support my content? Join my Patreon: / genderdeceiverclub
Want to tip me for my work? here's my ko-fi: ko-fi.com/milostewart
✨Video Sections
00:00-04:00 intro
04:00-12:56 how i knew i wanted top surgery
12:56-14:20 info about my surgery
14:20-18:39 anxiety about regret
18:39-26:23 analyzing predictions that I will detransition
26:23-31:48 how I feel about my femininity
31:48-33:35 announcements
✨I believe all citations have the full title and authors in the video except for the article by Talia Mae Bettcher. That's titled "Trapped in the Wrong Theory: Rethinking Trans Oppression and Resistance."
✨ The song at the beginning is "Guyliner" by Dorian Electra
I LOVE that black lacy top, I have so many corsets and lace tops in my depop basket for after surgery
That's such a good aesthetic and I'm excited for you to feel like you can dress in that way in the future!
There’s a difference between non-emergency surgery and elective surgery.
I look at nearly all trans surgeries as non-emergency rather than elective. I would put it on the same level as when I got back surgery 12 years ago. It wasn’t an emergency, but certainly wasn’t elective as it raised my quality of life. Any trans surgery that alleviates dysphoria is totally non-elective.
I got a nose job to improve mt body dysmorphia, is that still non elective? These people. Getting plastic surgery improved my quality of life due to my BDD telling my mind I didn’t wNt to leave the house before my rhinoplasty, but it was definitely an elective surgery.
@@TotallyxKatiee it’s only elective if you look at it that way.
I said non emergency. It’s obviously necessary if it affects your quality of life. I would have lived without my back surgery, but it was necessary. Trans affirming surgeries are just as necessary in my opinion.
@@SmanthaTendra I would agree they are, but insurance shouldn’t pay for it unless it’s actually medically necessary. I do feel I needed my rhinoplasty to elevate my body dysmorphia, which I think is similar to gender dysphoria (although, I know gender dysphoria is worse), however, I do not think insurance should pay for it.
No, it is elective surgery and takes away services and personnel from people who really need surgery. Cosmetic surgery does NOT change sex. Ask a doctor when the sex actually changes. TRANS IS A LIE. Sex cannot be changed. She can have all the surgery and hormones she wants and Milo will be still be female. She will never be male.
Serious question here from an outsider. If you’re born a woman and have this dysphoria , why take OPPOSITE hormones based off how you’re feeling while simultaneously also suffering from a condition?
If I was drunk and was insisting on getting a tattoo. My friends would strongly recommend that I wait till tomorrow when I’m not drunk and my judgement is not impaired.
So why is it that doctors are not recommending the correct hormone treatment? Has anyone ever tried that? Maybe a shot of estrogen would absolutely cure the ailments? Rather than enable it? 🤷🏻♂️ I have no idea. I just wondered what other ppl who are in these situations think about that or have they ever actually thought about that. I’m looking for some feedback here is all
I'm so happy for you 💛⚪️💜🖤
(Just pretend that the white circle is a white heart)
There is a white heart it's just new and doesn't show up for some people (like me, it's just a box lol): 🤍
@@coolreader18 one time I wanted to make the trans flag in hearts, but I was annoyed to discover that there's no white heart emoji... 😂
I hope that I can use it soon...
Aw love the pride flag emojis!
@@MiloStewart I'm constantly typing hearts in pride flag colours, even in private texts and I feel like my straight friends are getting kinda annoyed by it, but I don't care, I love it😂
❤️🧡💛💚💙💜
As a fellow nb, I very much love your aesthetic and appreciate your willingness to share your experiences!
Unrelated: Your background is giving me major Ash Hardell vibes, and I'm SO here for it! Lol
I resonate with a great deal of what you said here. I'm 34 and currently planning top surgery. It's really taken a long time to understand what I want my body to look like, and why, and I was trapped in the identity narrative for a long time. Afraid to make the "wrong" changes, afraid to become "unattractive," whatever. I'm finally taking some agency in this process.
AND I think it's very important to have eloquent nonbinary voices like yours in public places to help all of us come to deeper understandings of ourselves and others.
“I thought I had more social dysphoria than body dysphoria because in a social setting I was forced to become aware of how people perceived my body and what my body actually looks like”
Ahhhhhh I really feel that. Being pretty isolated during COVID has in some ways made me more comfortable with my body and my identity, but in other ways I think it has also made me a little delusional(?) about my appearance. I have a pretty small chest and I go around my house without a binder/sports bra most of the time. I’m glad that i feel comfortable enough in my home and my body to do that but I also feel like it’s made me forget how people see me. I’m going to college next year and I’m worried that I’m going to get there and be overwhelmed by being misgendered/perceived by others differently than I see myself.
tldr; narcissist
I used to self harm by looking at TERF websites and my
Mom and dad are both spouting TERF shit so when you mentioned worrying about making a mistake and “mutilation” I felt that so deeply. Those ideas rushed to my head so fast and I had to really take a lot of time post surgery to unpack that. I am so so much happier now though.
@blue billiard lmaooooo I’m happier now than I have ever been. If top surgery is mutilation so is getting your appendix out. Also I got help for 10 years before transitioning and am still going to therapy. Leave trans ppl alone.
@Eszra Falcontail so your ok with kids harming themselves? Noted
Except we do not take the appendix out of anyone unless they are suffering appendicitis, that's the worst false equivalence I've read in a long time.
Ilysm, Milo~ as a fellow gender deceiving enby, the "wrong body" narrative has always fell flat for my experience. I just want people to be confused as to what I am. I still love my long hair but balance it out with more masculine clothing to hide my very obvious curves. I'm still unsure if I would ever physically transition but have started to contemplate hrt in low dosage. Anyway, love your stuff, been a fan/supporter since I guess 2014? I just hope the hateful trolls find another bridge to crawl under and leave you alone.
This video pretty much sums up my experience being an enby. I'm so incredibly happy for you. Watching you feel euphoric in your expression is amazing
hi milo i'm really glad to hear about your experience and even more glad to hear about how happy you are! i'm a binary trans man and when i was getting top surgery/beginning the process of medical transition, i was dealing with a lot of uncertainty. but it wasn't because i was worried about how i would feel, it was more because my family was hammering the idea of 'you're not really trans' and 'you haven't experienced the real world yet so you don't know if this is right for you' into my head. before coming out to them i had never once questioned my identity as a trans man. their doubts weighed me down a lot and led to lots of tears on my part and worry that they were right and that someday im going to suddenly regret my transition. i'm beyond happy i didn't listen to their narrative and that i went through with the decisions that i know would make me happy, even if it ended up being momentary happiness. i also agree heavily with your point about bringing about more informed consent processes. i think autonomy was really important to my transition and helped me feel more like i was making the right decision - and, ultimately, i don't want a cis person (medical professional or not) to pick apart my identity and try to tell me what's right for me from their very narrow perspective. i don't necessarily think it's right that cis people are given the power to decide whether or not a trans person is authentic
idk if this makes sense but i adore the way you talk about transness
The "ruined bodies" framing of detransition was always such an insidious example of transphobia to me, because it's contempt hiding behind care. The same people making that statement tend to be the ones diminishing the experiences of trans people because they're "such a small percentage of the population", but then base their assessment of trans care and trans issues around the tiny fraction of that small percentage that detransition (and a tinier population still that do so out of regret.) I've just started asking why they think of trans bodies as ruined cis bodies and whether that's thinking they're working to correct. This is not meant to minimize the pain of people who experience regret, but to highlight the fact that their pain would probably at least be lessened if trans bodies weren't constantly framed as compromises at best, and damaged at worst.
All of this rambling to say, wonderful video as always. It's strange that the current popular thinking renders trans self-love as an act of rebellion, but if that's where things sit, then keep rebelling, because you're killing it.
Definitely, it's no needed to question why trans bodies are framed as damaged. I especially enjoy comparisons between trans and cis healthcare that point out that cis people often receive the same synthetic hormones and surgeries with so much less stigma.
@@MiloStewart Very much so. People certainly have some interesting reactions when they find out that puberty blockers were originally invented for cis kids.
all of the fits in this video were excellent! top surgery made me so much more comfortable wearing more "feminine" clothing and i love seeing other non-binary people experience this too. you look great!
That’s so awesome! And thank you!
Ahhh I’m so happy for you, this is awesome news! Thanks for taking the time to share your experience with us 🌸💕
Honestly seeing you so happy with your top surgery results and wearing clothes that make you euphoric is amazing.
Thank you for this video. I’m so happy for you. It’s so great to hear your perspective of having top surgery be like tattoos or hair color-making you look how you want. I had a lot of gender abuse by my mom around being forced to wear make up and jewelry when being raised as a girl. So when I think of wearing make up, jewelry, and dresses as a guy that actually feels much healthier and free for me personally than wearing those things as a girl when it was oppressive, controlling, and not optional. Anyway, I’m glad you posted this and I look forward to more videos.
The way you talk about trans issues is amazing! You can really tell how much work and time you put into your research and word choice, even as a trans person I learn so much!! Thank you for your hard work and congrats on your top surgery!
Aw thanks for saying so!
Ahh this resonated so much with my experience as an enby and felt really validating, thank you for making the video! Huge congrats on the top surgery and that you found all these ways to have gender euphoria! Gonna check out that Patreon 💚
Aw thank you!
you gave me a lot to think about, also a lot that resonated with me but I didn't know how to put into words before this. thank you
that's awesome to hear!
Hey milo! Loved this video! I’m in the process of getting top surgery and I’ve gone back and forth for many years about it, until I realized there was a middle ground surgery between completely flat and a breast reduction. I mean I’m still concerned about recovery/pain but many of my uncertainties were taken away when I realized there were more options out there for me then just completely flat. Also I really resonated with what you said about being nonbinary
Thank you for commenting this! I didn't even realize this either until you said it.
That's so neat that you're finding ways to make surgery work for your needs!
@@MiloStewart yeah! I kind of just stumbled on it. I was under the impression that top surgery could only be completely flat and that stopped me for a long time, from fully pursuing anything even though I'd be unhappy with my chest as it is now
@@SoularSlothesk yeah, same tbh! I kind of just stumbled on it by looking through top surgery websites and photos. there aren't really any videos of people sharing experiences/many threads. I am excited it's an option tho! it fits how I see myself and it really just clicked for me when I realized it was an option. The uncertainty/ fogginess I had around how I'd feel lessened. I still have concerns but it's more focused on the specifics of recovery and working with the surgeons/cost etc.
Your content is AMAZING. Thanks for everything, Milo!
Got so excited when i saw this notification. I love your videos, you are awesome Milo
Thanks for sharing! I'm 4 days post op currently and it's so encouraging to see how mobile and joyful you seem in your body now that you're this healed 🧡
That's so exciting! Congrats on getting surgery!
Honestly I'm so looking forward to being comfortable enough in my gender (Non-Binary but wanting a more masc appearance) to dress femme because why not? It'll be a real confirmation for me.
Refreshingly honest and informative as always Milo. Love, strength, and solidarity to you 🥰
This is such an excellent video, very informative, and I love that you are willing to open up and deliver that information in such a personable way. I have no doubt that you are helping and inspiring others, because you are certainly helping and inspiring me!
thank you for saying so!
This was such a wonderful and affirming video to watch, and I'm so happy for you!! And hope one day that I can get top surgery myself!!
That's so good to hear! Good luck on your journey to getting top surgery!
great video milo!!! i'm so glad that you're feeling in such a good place with your body and your presentation, you seem so happy and radiant!!!
Thank you so much!! I am!
I appreciate you making videos likw this so much. Hearing people outside of the binary talk about their experiences has helped me figure out my own identity.
I'm really proud of you Milo! also you're great and as a trans guy who's trying to figure out how I want to present myself, you are the exact person what I needed to see when I was a kid. thank you for being you!
I love how you're always wearing earrings with character! Happy to see another video from you.
yes, this is exactly how I feel. I 100% know I should have a flat chest, but my chest "isn't that big" and top surgery seemed so impossibly far away that I convinced myself I don't really need it, "maybe eventually but it's not urgent", it's not really worth the pain, I'm just vain, etc etc. But then i changed health insurance and suddenly it was covered and accessible so I called up to just /casually/ find out what the process is, no big deal, but once I made the first phone call it hit me just how badly I want this. And then I saw the photos of how obviously I am slouching All The Time.
Isolation has given me so much certainty and clarity somehow. Away from people gendering and questioning me I've formed a solid sense of self and I no longer feel like I have to justify anything to anybody or myself. I think that's what self-determination should be about. Just stfu and give people space to work it out.
HRT and surgery really don't feel different to me from dyeing my hair and getting piercings. People who don't know what I mean will take that the wrong way but like, it's self determination and expression and autonomy. No psychological assessment or barriers are ever going to accurately determine whether I should get a piercing or not
thank you for this video!! i loved hearing about your experience 💗
I'm so glad!
I knew it was gonna be a great video the second i heard guyliner in the beginning xD. But seriously, I really resonated with this. I wouldn't describe myself as feminine, but that is how others see me. However, I know I want top surgery, and you're sorta my transition goals chest-wise.
“Perfect” is the only way I can describe this video. Thank you, Milo ♥️ and sorry I can’t think of better words. Signed, a fellow enby.
Wow, thank you!
You look so good in those clothes!
It's amazing to see you being happy with your transition, it's really reassuring and kinda inspiring.
really great video, thank you for sharing your experience and thoughts! i'm a nonbinary person whose hoping to get a flat chest (but am not interested in any other medical transition) and it's helpful to see someone discussing top surgery in such a non-pathologized, specifically nonbinary way
I'm late but congratulations on your top surgery!! I love your style and just your vibe in general, hope you're doing well
You're so inspiring 💜💜💜💜 enby pride!!! Thank you for never letting the world stop you from smiling.
THIS. THIS IS WHAT I'VE NEEDED. THIS VIDEO, THIS DISCUSSION, THIS REPRESENTATION IS WHAT I NEED. 😭😭💖💖 thank you so much for this. You really opened my eyes
aw, that's awesome!
I'm still figuring out what my gender is after years of repressing my feelings because of hate. I identified as nonbinary in middle school for a while until I came to the (wrong) conclusion that I'm cis. I also had a lot of internalized transphobia, and brushed off any thoughts about being trans because I'm feminine. However, since around October last year, I've been trying out many different labels for myself. I've also been questioning what parts of me I want to change medically.
I don't experience a lot of dysphoria, which is probably one of the main reasons I didn't realize I wasn't cis until later on, but I do get a lot of euphoria. I only have a little bit of discomfort with my voice, but imagining myself having a deep voice makes me feel really euphoric. I've also had plenty of thoughts about having a flat chest, and seeing other people with flat chests gives me a sense of envy, but in a good way. Not in a "I hate having boobs" kind of way, but in a "I would be so happy if my chest was like that" kind of way, so seeing your chest in the video made me really happy. I already know I don't want bottom surgery, but I definitely feel like top surgery is the right choice for me!
Great video! I don't like the "born in the wrong body" narrative, either. It's fine if some people feel that way, but I don't think it should be the standard that people need to meet to be considered trans. I like feminine styles on more masculine bodies, too. I feel that I look that way, but I realize that some people don't necessarily see that. I feel like they're wrong, though, not me. People attach meaning to things that don't inherently have that meaning.
Ooh I'm really loving the idea that your perception of yourself is more honest than others' perception of your gender!
I'm not really sure what I identify with. I was AMAB, and I want to present as feminine. I actually agree with pretty much every opinion about euphoria and dysphoria you laid out here. Especially the part about your body always being nonbinary. I've been feeling more and more lately that bottom surgery just isn't something I want to pursue. I have a lot more chest dysphoria than literally anything else. The spironolactone I take is doing really well for me, and I want to move on to estrogen soon. My chest is already growing, likely due to high estrogen content in my body already, but that extra push might totally alleviate my chest dysphoria, which is an absolutely wonderful concept.
I love your videos, and I'm glad you feel more happy after you chest procedure! This video is informative and thought provoking as always!
Being nonbinary is really fun, best thing thats ever happened to me
Thank you for sharing this Milo. You’re so eloquent I love hearing your thoughts.
I also adore the thinking of Mackinnon et all, thank you so much for sharing that.
The like to dislike ratio makes me so happy. You seem to finally be free and happy, I'm so proud of you, and your top surgery results look amazing!
omg love the little try-on clips. you look so happy
Everything you said here resonated so deeply with me, thank you so much for sharing your experience! Having these resources available now is so exciting for the trans and non-binary youth… at times makes me wish these sources were more readily available when I was younger. Thank you and love you!! 💜💜💜
It’s so lovely seeing all the comments of people feeling affirmed and supported by this video! Thanks for sharing your experience! I’m cis so I’m mostly watch just to learn more, but I am also really inspired by your resilience through all the trash the internet threw at you years ago (and probably still does). I mean I can’t imagine what it was like but it really means a lot to see another lgbt+ flourishing and/or living their life despite the backlash.
I had almost the exact same feelings after top surgery! I really resonated with not having "exclusively positive" feelings over it and processing the drains and stitches and such. It's nice to know other people have had that experience as well.
I relate to so much of this! Especially the part about trying to ignore how your body looked because medical transition just wasn’t possible for you at the time. In high school, I felt so invalid in my identity that I couldn’t even call myself trans, let alone seriously think about surgery. I thought about top surgery a lot, but felt like I would never be able to have it. So I would just wear shirts that made my chest look like it wasn’t there that much when I looked in the mirror, and if I had a shirt that didn’t accomplish that, it would gradually become a shirt I didn’t ever wear. When I got a binder, I tried on the shirts I stopped wearing before and I realized that it wasn’t that I didn’t like the shirts or didn’t like feminine expression, it was just that it gave me dysphoria. Dysphoria that was usually relatively small and manageable in the moment, but over the test of time, outweighed how much I liked the shirt. I don’t really see people talking about this, so it feels great to come across someone whose experiences I truly feel like I share
i was so much happier dressing femme after top surgery so i really resonate with a lot of what you're saying! i identify as a nonbinary guy but being a young trans person online i really felt the need to prove my transness, and to access medical transition (even informed consent) i felt like i had to go "all the way" to masculine gender expression to be taken seriously. now i wear skirts and have pink hair with my hairy flat chest and it feels really good
The lil dress twirl out of the camera frame was so cute lol
TBH you are actually my transition goals. The tone of your voice is what I want and it seems we have similar fashion and gender expressions. I am not on T and will never be on T, but I have had top surgery. I was worried about "regret" especially since my transition wasn't typical of transmasculine people. So I did look up detransition experiences, only to find out that I really couldn't relate to them because I couldn't relate to their struggles. I'm glad you and other nonbinary people talk about their experiences to show that there are more ways to be trans. I thought the only way to be a "real trans(tm)" was to get on HRT, top surgery, and maybe bottom surgery. But you had to be 100% sure you wanted those things as a young child, before you even knew what trans was in order to be a "real trans(tm)". But those were not my experiences. I was scared that I was imposing into a space I shouldn't impose in, until I finally looked up nonbinary videos and found that I didn't HAVE to be on HRT to be trans. If I only wanted top surgery, thats okay, I was still trans and wasn't imposing into the community. I even went to an HRT consultation to ask questions, but I decided against it because I wasn't satisfied with the effects. I was definitely scared that my insurance wasn't going to cover my top surgery since my transition wasn't typical, but thankfully they did. After a year and a half post top, I DEFINITELY do not regret getting top surgery and do not regret not going on T. I knew HRT wasn't for me, but top surgery was for me. Ever since getting top surgery, I felt more comfortable presenting myself as more feminine. Even wearing more feminine shirts without being self conscious about my binder showing. So thank you Milo for sharing your experiences. Your experiences helped me and I'm sure it helped other people be more comfortable with themselves.
lowkey rlly needed a video like this. thank u for sharing!!
aw that's super great to hear! glad i could make it for you!
Waw. Thank you so much for this video. I resonate with a lot of things you share. Thank you to take this risk to expose on YT the way you are/feel/live/experience your gender. Take care.
I'm recovering from top surgery right now (had surgery on may 10) and I definitely feel the internalized TERF rhetoric. eventhough I was never a part of those communities, hearing that people have that idea about trans people made me worry that I was doing something really wrong when I had my stitches taken out this past wednesday for the covering of the graft. The physical pain and also the nips not looking so hot (bc duh im like 1 week post op of course theyre not doing to look pretty) I felt for a little while like "oh shit, maybe I have mutilated myself" but then the first time I felt a shirt on my bare chest without the bandages on I had this overwhelming wave of euphoria and since then I've known with 100% certainty that I did the right thing.
congrats on surgery! i hope your recovery is going well!
Thank you oh my god, i just got top surgery 3 weeks ago and I almost never wore a binder before. I liked how it looked but wearing a binder at work in a kitchen for 8+ hours was unrealistic not to mention that they're just plain uncomfortable. It also made me sad that i couldnt wear thinner shirts or muscle tees without some complication. I know its hard for some people to understand right away, but binders don't work for everyone.
I also had a lot of internalized shit come up in the days and weeks before surgery, tho im really lucky that I didn't get post op depression 😩
Congratulations, Milo!!!! The pure euphoria on your face during your reveal is just so fucking radiant.
Thank you!
AAAAAAA so much fun!
And like, wonderful to hear about your perspective and experience in regards to trans nonbinary physicality, gender identity, and gender expression.
But also yea omg so much fun! Thanks for the reminder that clothes can be about smiling and feeling good and sexy and playful! 🤘😊
The chapter "How I knew..." you say things/thoughts that I can relate to.
The only problem is I'm MAAB. If only I could have my surgery done in my early 20's I would be happy.
Thank you for this video! I'm non binary as well and I have my top surgery scheduled for July 30th. I have so many anxieties going into surgery because I don't fit the typical trans narrative either. I also don't relate to the "born in the wrong body" narrative. Seeing other enbies with similar experiences really helps reassure me that top surgery will be the right decision for me. I remember seeing your "how to be a gender confusion" video was one of the first things that started my gender exploration. Thank you for still being here. :)
Congrats on scheduling top surgery! That’s so exciting!
You look so gosh darn happy! You look euphoric!
you are a ray of sunshine
omg
You mentioned that you had more social dysphoria than actual body-related dysphoria in regards to your chest, and I'm wondering how chest sizes factor into that.
I have a D cup, literally can't even see my feet unless I wear a binder and even then my chest is still noticeable even though significantly reduced, and while social dysphoria is very present, I get quite a lot of it even on my own. It's kind of hard to forget that I have a large chest in a similar way to the one you described for yourself.
Anyway I really like the content you're putting out, keep up the good work, we need as many positive non binary voices as we can!
Your chest looks amazing, Milo!
Thank you!!
fantastic video milo! thank you! im a nonbinary trans guy and i have had a lot of similar experiences especially with dysphoria.
Woah, super awesome to hear this resonates with you!
I have a question. If you’re non-binary how are you also a trans guy? I don’t understand.
Hey! My name is Dabney and I'm Nonbinary (AFAB). I go by they/them pronouns.
I'm more on the feminine and androgynous side and I like to dress as such. I'm planning on getting top surgery later on. Your video was very informative and I subscribed! ❤
That's awesome! Thanks for subscribing! Good luck on your journey to getting top surgery!
”How I imagine myself navigating a gendered world” YES!!! THIS!!!
As a fellow nonbinary person this resonated so much with me. Nb dysphoria is definitely weird to me, as in I can’t always pinpoint or rationalize exactly where my dysphoria comes from or why it’s there when I have such a fluid view of gender anyway.
But aside from how I feel like it’s my brain’s innate map of my body, that quote is a wonderful way to put it into words.
Like, living and looking and being like this is the only way for me to navigate a gendered world in a way that feels authentic and not forced.
(Havent finished the vid but had to comment on that lol)
oooh I'm really loving the phrasing "my brain’s innate map of my body"
im so proud of you!
I'm so excited to wear crop tops and mesh shirts after top surgery like aaaaaaaaa
I'm a binary trans guy but I had a kinda funny experience with the doctor who prescribed hrt, I think maybe where I live it's a kind of "rule" that you should want some kind of surgery, but when my doctor asked me whether I wanted top surgery I said "no, because there is nothing to remove" (I pretty much have no boob and my chest looks almost completely flat standing in front of a mirror naked). The doctor was really confused and kept asking if I was binding (I wasn't - nothing to bind) and eventually they got it and prescribed me hrt lol
Our current system of medical gatekeeping creates detransition, & milo is advocating a better system. I've seen TERF detransitioners argue that they were "encouraged to transition" by doctors. Really, they are describing gatekeeping. They, usually as kids, felt forced to conform to a medical narrative in order to access care. If they, along with all young questioning people, felt comfortable in expressing their doubts, they could more easily have realized what was best for them. We need to give room for young trans & questioning people to air their doubts without having their identities scrutinized.
So enjoyed this video and all your outfits! I really like your style and would love a video about it, if that was something you wanted to do. Also, it's funny, most of the trans folks I know who have had top surgery or want it are nonbinary. Maybe it's the generation of trans folks I am friends with? I just find it interesting. I will definitely check out your Patreon as well.
Thank you! I don't really think about my style much other than colors that I enjoy lol. And yeah, it's super interesting how the communities we're in shape what type of trans experiences we see!
Honestly uhm thank you for this video. I’m transgender but ftm and I’ve always felt that I am a boy but I’ve been trying to look at the pros and cons of surgically changing my body to align with how my mind is. This did help a bit I guess
I feel euphoric wearing my binder and a dress. So honestly I relate so much to this video. Idk if id want top surgery but hay
Update: I want top surgery xD
Does your insurance pay for all your treatments and procedures or do you have to pay out of pocket? Just curious.
i'm a binary trans man but i related so much with your experience 😭 growing up, the trans narrative was very focused on dysphoria and how you "needed" to hate your body and hate yourself to be trans but that was not my experience at all.
most of my dysphoria was social, i hated how people treated me (my native language is a very gendered language so it's more than just pronouns) and how Other people saw my body because the body i have in my mind is not the body i currently have.
starting T helped a bit, i still don't fully pass but i'm guessing that's because i'm very androgynous? i like looking visibly queer and that's also why i can't wait to have top surgery and show off my scars!!
i love my body but i know i'll love it even more when my chest is flat and that's okay! the trans narrative should be one of loving yourself and not hate so i'm glad the conversation is shifting towards that!
(oh also guyliner is my life motto, discovering dorian electra changed my life)
Thank you Milo! everything makes sense now. adding that our bodys are not wrong, they are just nonbinary like us.
You look so good in all of those outfits!
0:01 Yes. Dorian Electra is one of my favorite singers.
It’s funny, but my experience is very similar in youth, except, Unfortunately I didn’t have the words or resources until I was in my 20’s. It was just a whole childhood of ‘oh you’re going to be a woman someday:))))’ and me being like ‘ew no’ but not knowing what to do about that.
I’ve kinda figured out what I want and need from a transition but I haven’t taken the step of speaking to a mental health care provider. It’s a little intimidating as I live in the Bible Belt area and I’m worried of getting told it’s just some other mental health problem.
Of wasting my time and money to be told I’m not trans enough. It’s scary. But I think after I’m done with my classes I’ve found a therapist that works with trans and nonbinary folks and is trans themselves that I’m going to book an appointment with.
But I also wanted to add, same name! *waves* I liked the name Milo too
This video was something I didn't know I needed to watch. Being an enby who wants to make radical decisions with my body can be really scary especially when you're surrounded by binary people.
Thank you Milo ❤
Not me being gay for and gender envious @ Milo xD
ok but those outfits are so cute tho
anyway yeah, thank you for being so open about all the anxiety about detransitioning and how being nonbinary can be so confusing. it's very scary to admit that it is because it feels like terfs and transphobes are just waiting for us to show any ounce of doubt to jump up and try to shove their discourse down our throats. I definitely have also internalised some of that self-mutilation crap that they spout.
about my experience with surgery, I had a breast reduction years ago and I was so scared of regretting it that I only reduced them to a C cup (I was a G at the time I got surgery). at first the difference in size (and weight holy shit) was enough that my dysphoria was gone (and it really made me question if I was nonbinary at all or just had body image issues because I still had breasts. turns out I also have a bunch of bullshit internalised about nonbinary bodies and androniny having to be as masc as possible). then it slowly crept back in and kept growing. didn't help that my boobs decided to keep growing too, the little shits (seriously, I was 22 when I got surgery, they should have been done growing. they've grown slowly over the past 4 years, only about a cup more, but it pisses me off that they're still pulling this shit lol). so now I'm saving up money to get them done again and this time I'm not going to let myself be swayed by that fear, I'm chopping them off to an A cup, which is what I wanted but was too scared to do last time.
Really interesting vid and helped me to understand my non-binary kid and sibling much better.
SORRY BUT IM SO HAPPY TO HAVE HEARD GUYLINER AT THE START KSHDSJHS
I've been so confused by my desire to look like a twink in feminine clothing... how can I be trans and also feminine? See you existing in your gender joy makes me feel like my feelings could be valid. I wish I didn't have to see it on somebody else to see it as legitimate but... it is what it is. Thank you for bravely sharing your experiences on this internet hellscape.
OMG, you're so strong
hear dorian, like immediately
The Dorian bop tho 💗💗💗💗
good on you, don't know you but wishing you best of luck and happiness
How did you pay for the surgery? Did you pay yourself?
That Photo of you in that maroon mesh shirt i need it 0_0 i need the shiiirt
It was from American Apparel!
@@MiloStewart Thankyou!
dorian electra in the intro? instant like.
honest question: what if young males who have have a higher voice than most males, or don't have as much body hair or moustache as most males, or are a bit large and have so called man-boobs... if those things makes them insecure and uncomfortable in their own body, and if they wished they could change their body to what they feel is male, would you encourage them to try do physically changes their bodies to fit what they feel is more accurate according to their perception of being a male?
such a big fan of facial hair and lip gloss and i cant wait to have more of a stache to pull it off au naturel (well, halfway)
also, gender deceivers is a dope name
hell yeah!!! love it!!
I had someone who I used to be very close to who considered top surgery as mutilation. That person is no longer my friend 😝 because f*** that.
When I think about my own fears of having 'transition regret', it's basically been 'what if 10 years after [some aspect of transition] my gender changes and i want my body without that change again'
And it just seems like... I can transition and have a body that makes me really happy for 10 years, and then if, for whatever reason, I do start wanting something different, I can just transition again and have a body that makes me really happy for the next 10 years'. If a trans guy can transition from having a 'woman's body' to a 'man's body' and be really happy with the results, there's really no reason to think I won't be able to transition from a 'nonbinary body' back to a 'man's body' if that's what I need.
idk I just think reframing transition as 'something you do to make yourself happier' makes 'detransition' not make any sense. It's simply a better way of thinking about transition.
"I regret buying that super cool pair of jeans because they're not my style any more" just isn't a sentiment that makes any sense in my brain.
Some people do regret transitioning, obviously, but yeah
Exactly how I feel! That you for sharing your perspective!
caboose, I feel if there was a change in my 'identity' that I wouldn't change much about myself. I would embrace everything that makes me who I am, and part of that to me would be what I was born with physically. I was born a man, but if I become a person who likes wearing dresses and high heels or panties, then I'd just be a man who likes those things. BUT, if my internal identity shifted to female, (I felt like a woman/female internally and psychologically), I don't feel I would get breast augmentation or hormones or any other gender reassignment, because I worry about maiming the body, because that is often permanent. I feel I would remain myself but would proudly tell people, "My identity is female and my pronoun is 'she'". Honestly I am not even sure I'd worry about the pronoun. I am a fairly average typical man, so it's hard to mistake me for a female, but if someone pointed and me and said 'what's she doing here', I probably wouldn't even care. I tend to not care about what people say about me externally and only worry about what I think and feel about myself. That would be my biggest worry as a person thinking of doing ANYTHING to alter the body...what if you do something permanent and later feel it was a mistake. That feeling of mistake is the line you walk between a)changing your body to match your identity and feel safe and whole and happy or b)realizing you mutilated your body and there is no going back
@@freespeechisdead1565 👏👏👏 very well said.
love ur earrings