So brave and authentic. You’ve explained so well the experiences many women have in a male-dominated college (and field). I had similar experiences in engineering school over 25 years ago, and it makes me sad to see that hasn’t changed as much as I’d hoped. You have so much character and you ARE cut out for CS.
I just transfered to njit, it is interesting to hear your experience with cs classes and the whole stem field in general. I can definitely see how making friends is disheartening in an environment where 70 or more percent of people want something else. Although, if you look at the bright side, you are able to automatically filter out 70% of people from being a terrible friend. Given that toxic friends are often people's downfall, some might consider what you have to be a superpower.
As a male, im really sorry for what you've had to go through and really hope things are better for you, never change yourself for anyone since those people are not worth your energy anyways
Hi Hope! This video was posted 11 months ago, I hope you are doing better and have found a community at NJIT where you feel like you belong. If not, don't worry, everyone feels this way. I graduated from NJIT in 2020. Although we do not have the same experiences, I have been through similar circumstances as well. NJIT men, especially YWCC/GITC men, had a reputation for having no social skills. (sometimes Incel vibes) So, it is not you. It's them. IMO, as a woman, making platonic male friends can sometimes be difficult. Especially, if you are in STEM. I have been fortunate to make good male friends but I've also had numerous instances where men were friendly to me in the beginning only because they were expecting something other than pure friendship and afterwards turned vicious. Some were also demeaning towards me and would claim "pretty privilege and female privilege" because I am smarter than them. So, again, It is not you. Please do not change yourself for anyone. If you are feminine and want to dress cute, do it. Don't be ashamed of your femininity. Being a STEM major is about your capabilities and not how you present yourself or how people choose to perceive you. As for the catcalling, I have had several unsafe experiences despite avoiding certain neighborhoods. If you need to use a street to get to somewhere, maybe carry a pepper spray or safety alarm just in case. Also seek for a mentors on campus. Preferably a woman in STEM and STEM Alumna who is currently working in the industry. This will give you a better understanding of the Tech culture for women. There are several groups you can join for women in STEM to seek mentors. Having conversations with women in Tech helped me tremendously. What you are going through is what every woman goes through as she is growing up and figuring out who she is. So don't put too much pressure on yourself. It all works out in the end. Know that you are not alone and millions of women have been through this and they would be more than happy to guide you through your journey. Please feel free to send me an email via the njit email or a LinkedIn request if you would like to reach out for more info or just to say hi :). Wishing you the best!
I hope you're doing better in regards to finding real friendships. I believe that in your future career in computer science, men won't act that way because they have already settled down. I doubt many men will be chasing women when they have a wife who they have to stay loyal too. As a man who has been in mainly male friend groups, I really can't imagine what it must feel like to be fetishized like that. All I can say is that I hope you hang in there too.
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So brave and authentic. You’ve explained so well the experiences many women have in a male-dominated college (and field). I had similar experiences in engineering school over 25 years ago, and it makes me sad to see that hasn’t changed as much as I’d hoped. You have so much character and you ARE cut out for CS.
I just transfered to njit, it is interesting to hear your experience with cs classes and the whole stem field in general. I can definitely see how making friends is disheartening in an environment where 70 or more percent of people want something else. Although, if you look at the bright side, you are able to automatically filter out 70% of people from being a terrible friend. Given that toxic friends are often people's downfall, some might consider what you have to be a superpower.
As a male, im really sorry for what you've had to go through and really hope things are better for you, never change yourself for anyone since those people are not worth your energy anyways
Hi Hope! This video was posted 11 months ago, I hope you are doing better and have found a community at NJIT where you feel like you belong. If not, don't worry, everyone feels this way. I graduated from NJIT in 2020. Although we do not have the same experiences, I have been through similar circumstances as well. NJIT men, especially YWCC/GITC men, had a reputation for having no social skills. (sometimes Incel vibes) So, it is not you. It's them.
IMO, as a woman, making platonic male friends can sometimes be difficult. Especially, if you are in STEM. I have been fortunate to make good male friends but I've also had numerous instances where men were friendly to me in the beginning only because they were expecting something other than pure friendship and afterwards turned vicious. Some were also demeaning towards me and would claim "pretty privilege and female privilege" because I am smarter than them. So, again, It is not you.
Please do not change yourself for anyone. If you are feminine and want to dress cute, do it. Don't be ashamed of your femininity. Being a STEM major is about your capabilities and not how you present yourself or how people choose to perceive you.
As for the catcalling, I have had several unsafe experiences despite avoiding certain neighborhoods. If you need to use a street to get to somewhere, maybe carry a pepper spray or safety alarm just in case.
Also seek for a mentors on campus. Preferably a woman in STEM and STEM Alumna who is currently working in the industry. This will give you a better understanding of the Tech culture for women. There are several groups you can join for women in STEM to seek mentors.
Having conversations with women in Tech helped me tremendously.
What you are going through is what every woman goes through as she is growing up and figuring out who she is. So don't put too much pressure on yourself. It all works out in the end. Know that you are not alone and millions of women have been through this and they would be more than happy to guide you through your journey.
Please feel free to send me an email via the njit email or a LinkedIn request if you would like to reach out for more info or just to say hi :).
Wishing you the best!
I hope you're doing better in regards to finding real friendships. I believe that in your future career in computer science, men won't act that way because they have already settled down. I doubt many men will be chasing women when they have a wife who they have to stay loyal too. As a man who has been in mainly male friend groups, I really can't imagine what it must feel like to be fetishized like that. All I can say is that I hope you hang in there too.